Fifty Shades Unwritten
by SD130413
Summary: The miscarriage Ana suffered at the hands of Jack Hyde was just one other hurdle they had to cross. However as Anastasia grows as a business woman so does her power and influence. How does the couple handle it when it all goes out of control? Especially when there are a few people who would be more than happy to see this power couple fail! NO CHEATING!
1. Chapter 1

**What if Ana had suffered a miscarriage at the hands of Jack Hyde? Here's the future… without the kiddies (at least for a little while!) A story with Kinky Fuckery thrown in for fun. **

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Ok so fair warning – I have written 30 Law and Order SVU fanfics on this website, all but one in 3****rd**** person and past tense. I am going to be as true to E L James style as I can but I apologise in advance for any mistakes … I am personally not a fan of BETA's and so this is all my own work (I must add I am not a fan of proof reading either!) I hope you all enjoy!**

It has been over three months since I shot Jack Hyde for kidnapping my Sister in Law. Three months. It feels like longer sometimes. Other times it feels like no time at all has gone by. But I guess that's just how life is. Thanks to Doctor Flynn, Grace, Carrick, Mrs Jones and Taylor and of course my Fifty I am somehow back on track.

Losing our baby came as a shock. It was hard for both of us and Doctor Flynn helped us through most of the talking, helping us answer our own questions. Sometimes we went together and other times we went alone depending if the topic had come up and if we both felt the need at once to see the great Doctor.

Today is the day I have been most excited for. Today is the day that Christian has been most dreading. Because Today is the day I go back to work. Or technically go back to work.

I won't be going back to my Editor's job, or my Editor's office. Oh no. Christian in all his fifty shades has bought me SIP which is now adequately named Grey's Publishing. Technically I own it. Everything that is anything to do with Grey's Publishing is in my name. It's strange. I never found that I could ever run a business but according to Christian it's pretty easy once you know what you're doing.

I however do not know what I am doing. Christian is going to help me until I can stand on my own two feet, he's good with business, me, I'm good with literature and that is a whole other kettle of fish.

Mrs Anastasia Grey. President of Grey's Publishing.

Christian has this idea that once I can run Grey's Publishing here in Seattle that I should expand and somehow end up with one in all fifty states. He forgets sometimes that one should walk before one can run. But for now, I am quite happy in knowing that I am going to be running my own little empire for a while, even though technically Christian is still my boss as Grey's Publishing is owned under Grey's Enterprising.

I arrive the building in good time but I hesitate outside. The sign Christian and I designed hangs perfectly above the door and I still feel like all this is a dream even though Christian drove me past and briefly pulled over so I could see when the sign had first been put up. He's been running the place while I was taking some time. A miscarriage isn't something you can get over quickly and I really did need the time to find my feet and possibly my purpose once again. Since the miscarriage I haven't minded Christian helping in my career, sure I wanted to get to this position alone but now I don't care… or not as much at least. I now have my own business, my own affairs, something Christian has promised not to interfere in unless I ask him to.

"Good Morning Mrs Grey." Charlene one of the editor's smile as she arrives beside me.

"Good Morning Charlene." I replied politely though I would have preferred another minute of solitude to reflect on what I was actually doing stood outside my mini empire.

"So are you looking forward to taking control?" Charlene asks with quite a mischievous grin which I find myself, oddly, returning.

"Oh Charlene." I say the smile still spread on my face. "I absolutely am."

Once I've made it to the top floor which has the glass wall with its view that reaches so I can even see Escala I feel already overwhelmed. The 'Good Morning Mrs Grey' by ever member of staff was quite amusing for the first ten floors but by the time I reached my office on the twenty second it was quite annoying.

I waved at Hannah my chosen assistant before I entered my office. Just as a quick greeting. I'm sure she understands I want a moment or two to get settled into my newly refurbished office. Maybe I need a moment or two to get settled into my newly refurbished life but that for now can be put on hold.

I notice the large weaved basket of roses on my desk and I instantly know who they're from before I even reach for the card.

_Enjoy! The power is now in your hands Mrs Grey_

_All my love _

_Christian_

_Xx_

I grin. My subconscious smiles. My inner goddess performs a triple pirouette. I quickly slip into the large black leather chair and fire up my computer to send Christian an email.

* * *

_**To:**__ Christian Grey_

_**Subject:**__ Flowers_

_**From:**__ Anastasia Grey_

_Mr Grey_

_Thank you for the flowers, they look beautiful on my desk. _

_I missed you this morning. _

_Do I need to use my BlackBerry or is this safe now?_

_Your Wife_

_Anastasia Grey _

_President of Grey's Publishing _

After sending the email I was going to get up and go and collect my messages and begin working out what the hell I'm supposed to do but a reply comes all too quickly.

* * *

_**To:**__ Anastasia Grey_

_**Subject:**__ Glad you liked them_

_**From:**__ Christian Grey _

_I missed you too but I had a breakfast meeting and didn't want to wake you. _

_No you don't need to use your BlackBerry, I've combined both email accounts so that you operate only from one, easier to get your work messages on the move and now that you own the company no one will be monitoring your emails, your staff on the other hand…_

_Your Husband_

_Christian Grey_

_CEO Grey's Enterprise Holdings_

No need to use my BlackBerry at work… now that's going to be nice not to hear.

* * *

_**To:**__ Christian Grey_

_**Subject:**__ Your Staff…_

_**From:**__ Anastasia Grey_

… _I believe it's going to take me a while to get used to hearing that Mr Grey!_

_Now I am going to get some work done, I am yet to check my morning messages, discuss the day with Hannah or do any work at all for that matter. _

_A x_

_Anastasia Grey_

_In over her head President of Grey's Publishing _

After clicking send I switch to the BlackBerry and make it out of the office before I am alerted to an email.

* * *

_**To:**__ Anastasia Grey_

_**Subject:**__ Have faith_

_**From:**__ Christian Grey_

_You're not in over your head, I assure you that there is no one I would rather have owning Grey's Publishing than you. You'll do a better job than I ever would. Believe in yourself Anastasia!_

_Christian Grey_

_Twitchy Palmed CEO Grey's Enterprise Holdings_

Oh Fifty! How does the man manage to make me weak at the knees because of an email.

"Hannah." I say finally walking into the front desk area of my office (technically Hannah's office!)

"Mrs Grey." She replies jumping to her feet and my inner goddess smirks, oh yes, she's loving this.

"Hannah do you have my messages?" I ask. "Please?" I add not wanting to sound as off with my staff as Christian does with his.

"Of course. Quick Summary?"

"Please." I nod as I begin to look over the pile in my hands.

"Ok Mr Grey called wishing you luck, a Mrs Swanson called asking to speak with you to discuss her sequel which apparently no one downstairs seems to be taking an interest in and apparently you took on her first manuscript, The editors have all rang up to ask about the monthly quota meeting and a Mrs Lincoln called just saying you'd know what it was about and asking if you would call her." Hannah explains.

"Thank you Hannah." I say trying to ignore the hammering my heart is doing inside my chest. "Would you schedule a meeting with myself and all the editors for after lunch to discuss the monthly quotas and then hold all calls until I have dealt with these."

Somehow I manage to be at ease with my position.

"Of course Ma'am, would you like some tea or coffee while you work?" Hannah asks and for the first time all morning I laugh. Hannah looks confused but of course she wouldn't understand that the last time I'd been in this building I had been the one to fetch and carry tea and coffee.

"Yes, tea please, I believe Mr Grey made sure that the privet area on this floor was fully stocked with my favourite brand." I remember him telling me he'd made sure it was stocked.

Hannah blushes and nods.

"He made sure of it Mrs Grey." She says and I return her smile before hurrying into my office.

I first call Christian seeing as he had called me and it would save replying to his emails.

"Grey's Enterprising."

Of course! I would get his assistant.

"It's Mrs Grey speaking may I please be put through to Mr Grey?" I ask politely though it is not a request, whether he is in a meeting or not his assistant will put me through and I find myself enjoying this little power trip of mine.

"Of course Mrs Grey one moment please."

I hear the call being put through and it is answered on the second ring.

"Grey." He barks and I supress a chuckle.

"Mr Grey?"

"Ana baby, sorry, I wasn't told who was on the line."

I can hear him relax at once.

"I just wanted to return your call seeing as you left a message with Hannah this morning."

He chuckles lightly into the phone and I grin, oh my fifty, I love it when he's in this playful mood.

"I just wanted to make sure you had some message waiting for you, did anyone else call before you arrived?"

"Yes, a few of the editors, one of the authors I pushed to have her book published when I was a lowly assistant and the most surprising a phone call off one Mrs Lincoln…"

"Oh Ana I'll deal with it."

"No Christian. I was actually going to return her call." I brace myself for an explosion.

"Why?" He asks, no explosion, he sounds taken aback.

"Well I will never like the woman Christian but she gave you some good advice before everything with Jack and she also did a lot to help…" I don't want to think about it right now but I have to give an explanation. "Maybe just a thank you for the flowers she sent every other day for two weeks even when I was home from the hospital?"

I can hear him thinking through the phone and expect him to argue with me. Of course, as always he surprises me.

"You do what you think is best Ana, if you want me to deal with her I will."

"I will deal with it Mr Grey." I say with a flirtatious hint in my voice. "Now if you don't mind I have a business to run and unlike some that doesn't give us the pleasure of long leisurely talks on the phone with our spouse."

"Mrs Grey I am working." He says playfully.

"Whatever." I tease.

"I am currently sitting in the board room with fifteen people enjoying one half of our phone call."

I blush. Shit!

"Ok then!" I say quickly. "I love you and will see you at home."

"I love you too."

"Hang up!" I laugh and luckily there's no argument from him for this time.

Hannah returns with the tea while I debate whether to call Mrs Lincoln back or call Mrs Swanson back first.

"Thank you Hannah." I mutter as she heads for the door, she definitely is experienced when it comes to working as an assistant.

"You're welcome Mrs Grey." She smiles, it's obvious to Ana that she isn't used to hearing a word of thanks for her services even if it is simply making tea.

Deciding to call Elena Lincoln back first I try to figure out what to say to the woman. Inside I still have a strong distaste for her but if it wasn't for her guidance the news of the pregnancy may have been even harder for Christian to take than it was. She guided him back to me when I needed him most and while I was ill, withdrawn and in a deep state of depression she kept him from falling apart and somehow I am more than grateful to her. Deciding I'd figure it out when I hear her voice I dial the number into the office phone.

"Elena Lincoln." Her voice echoes in my ear, I can't help but roll my eyes knowing that she has caller ID.

"Elena its Anastasia Grey." I say trying to sound as happy as I possibly can,

"Anastasia, I wasn't sure if I'd gotten the day right about you coming back to work when I called this morning." She says a hint of excitement in her voice that I have never heard or expected to hear from her.

"Oh no you got it right." I reply trying to hide the uncertainty from my own voice, why didn't I just let Christian handle this?

"I just wanted to wish you luck and let you know that I'm here if you need to talk about anything, it's not just Christian who can speak with me and if you need some help with running that place and don't want to turn to Christian I'll help in any way I can." Elena continued.

I didn't know how to act. She'd been a big help to Christian when I found out I was pregnant and he couldn't get hold of Flynn and the flowers she'd sent had somehow made things look a little brighter when my world was anything but bright.

"Well thank you Mrs Lincoln, and thank you for the flowers too they were lovely." I say politely. "Actually, there is something I would like to talk to you about…" I say carefully, not even knowing why on earth I am saying it.

"Oh there is?"

"Yes but… I don't feel comfortable talking about it on the phone." I reply, it's not something I want to discuss at all but when it comes to it if anyone can answer my questions without doctor patient privilege getting in the way it's Elena.

"Are you free for Lunch Anastasia?" Elena asks and I guess she knows I'm awkward enough about this whole situation anyway.

"I am." I reply and my subconscious glares at me, she knows that this can't possibly be good. "Can we meet in the café just opposite my office?"

"Of course. Is one o'clock ok?"

"Fine."

I don't know why I want to see her. After everything I should still hate her but now my emotions are more of a strong dislike towards her. I am not planning on having a friendship with her or plan on meeting with her after this lunch but some form of understanding from this woman is necessary if just for my husband.

Ready to settle into doing some real work for the rest of the morning I get ready to call Mrs Swanson back over her manuscript when my computer informs me of another email.

* * *

_**To:**__ Anastasia Grey_

_**Subject:**__ Lunch?_

_**From:**__ Christian Grey _

_You're meeting Elena for lunch? _

_Christian Grey_

_CEO Grey's Enterprise Holdings_

She must have called him as soon as she hung up the phone. I will be mentioning that when I see her later but until then I have to email back my husband and make sure he's not angry over it.

* * *

_**To:**__ Christian Grey_

_**Subject:**__ Is there a problem?_

_**From:**__ Anastasia Grey_

_I have made plans to meet with her for lunch._

_Anastasia Grey_

_President of Grey's Publishing _

Once I hit the send button I sit back and wait, his replies are almost always instantaneous so there is no point even beginning something that I am not going to get a chance to begin properly because of emails.

* * *

_**To:**__ Anastasia Grey_

_**Subject:**__ You're a big girl_

_**From:**__ Christian Grey _

_There's no problem, but you could have told me that was the plan on the phone._

_Christian Grey_

_CEO Grey's Enterprise Holdings_

Oh as controlling as ever. I supress the desire to roll my eyes at the computer screen as I hammer out a reply.

* * *

_**To:**__ Christian Grey_

_**Subject:**__ It wasn't the plan_

_**From:**__ Anastasia Grey_

_I didn't set out to meet her for lunch, it just happened. Like you said, I'm a big girl. _

_Now if you don't mind, I've got things to do._

_Anastasia Grey_

_President of Grey's Publishing _

I turn away from the computer finally able to call back Mrs Swanson.


	2. Chapter 2

**What if Ana had suffered a miscarriage at the hands of Jack Hyde? Here's the future… without the kiddies (at least for a little while!) A story with Kinky Fuckery thrown in for fun. **

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Thank you for all the reviews and alerts and favourites. I know I am taking a very different route with Elena in this story in comparison to the book and many other fan fics but I always wondered 'what if Ana met up with her and talked to her?' so this is my take on them trying just that. **

At five to one I nervously stand in the bathroom at Grey's Publishing. I am glad I went all out on my outfit this morning now, I didn't want to but having remembered that this was now my company I thought I needed to dress as I owned the place.

I smooth my hands down my golden beige satin Ralph Lauren shirt which is tucked into chiffon knee high crinkled skirt also Ralph Lauren. I look good. I feel good. My calves look amazing in my brown Wallis Patent Louis Boutin's which match the belt on my skirt. I came into work with my hair lose around my shoulders but now I've pulled it back into a French twist, much more sophisticated, it's about time I stopped looking like a teenager and look like the spouse of a multi-billionaire anyway. I know everyone thinks that when they see me, everyone but Christian himself who would just prefer to see me nude or in silk or satin. I gather my clutch purse from the sink and with one last scrape of the lipstick on the corner of my mouth I leave knowing that Elena would arrive before me, just as I had hoped.

I cross the street quickly and when I enter the café I make sure to walk as calmly as I can with my head held high. My inner goddess is purring at the looks I'm getting from some of the men in the room but I pretend not to notice any of them as my eyes scan the tables for Elena. I spot her sitting at a booth in the furthest corner with a glass of white wine. She has her head down, eyes scanning the menu which gives me a slight advantage.

I saunter over to her, a sway in my hips that I don't normally pay attention too.

"Elena." I say curtly when I arrive at the foot of the table.

"Anastasia." She smiles getting to her feet.

She leans over and air kisses my cheek, which I return more out of habit than anything else, air kissing is something every woman does in Christian's world.

"Please sit." She says signalling the booth in front of her.

"Have you ordered?" I ask calmly as I see the menu lying on the table.

"Not yet, I suspect we will be eating?" She asks curtly and it's so difficult not to just roll my eyes at this woman.

"I shouldn't see why not." I reply with a flick of my eyebrows instead, not understanding her question.

"I know Christian has an issue with food Anastasia, I wouldn't like him to call me asking why I didn't make sure you ate." She says passing a menu over.

It's so tempting to growl at this woman, she's like the female version of Christian in some ways.

"Would you like something to drink Ma'am?" A waiter asked having approached the table where I know tension is radiating from us like heat from the sun.

"Yes, I will have a glass of white wine please." I reply my eyes not leaving the menu in front of me.

"Any one in particular?" He asks awkwardly.

"No thank you, just a white wine." I say not wanting to waste my time on what I'm going to drink and just get down to the talking.

The young man hurries off leaving the two of us once again.

"You've obviously not caught on to Christian's wine particulars then."

I lower my menu and glare at the platinum blonde bombshell in front of me. It's tempting to let loose my tongue on her but I won't, I owe this woman some sense of respect for what she did for me those months ago.

"I have actually, I am just not in position where I care what wine I have with my meal." I say with a slight air of annoyance.

"Fair enough." Elena shrugs, she knows she didn't get one over on me this time.

My wine is served and we both quickly order. Elena, she orders a small plain salad, no meat, no fish, just vegetables. Me, I don't care about watching what I eat and what affect food will have on my body so I ordered a tomato and herb pasta with chicken and spinach. Elena turns her nose up as soon as I mention the word pasta.

"So Elena." I say before taking a small sip of my wine. "I guess I should start by thanking you for what you said to Christian when he came to see you."

"It was my pleasure." She replies with a sickly sweet smile that makes me want to knock her teeth out.

I just smile back and curse my inner goddess who is now in her boxing gloves. 'Pleasure' was the wrong word to be used in our situation but of course I don't voice that to her.

"At first I was angry to hear he had been to see you." I say my eyes watching her carefully, I want to gage her reaction but only a small flicker of surprise passes her brow before she returns to being completely stoic. "I mean, the last time we saw you was at Christian's birthday party then all of a sudden I tell him I'm pregnant and he runs off to see you."

"Anastasia…"

"Let me finish." I reply. My voice is firm and my hand is up stopping her from saying what she wanted to say because she sounded like she was about to defend Christian's corner and that is not what I want her to do right now. She doesn't say anymore just sip at her wine allowing me to continue. "I know that Christian didn't tell you that I was pregnant. I know he didn't tell you that I'd dropped that bomb on him before he came seeking you out. He didn't tell me what you did discuss and quite frankly I don't want to know, but whatever it was, you helped him realise that little blip wasn't such a horror after all. It's just a shame that … that circumstance took it away from the two of us."

She's watching me as I speak. Her beady eyes scanning every inch of my face watching my pain appear when I mention little blip.

"He would have made a great father Anastasia."

"He will make a great father." I snap, we haven't given up the hope of becoming parents just because I miscarried.

"He will." Elena nods realising what she has said that has caused my turn in attitude.

"When he walked out… I thought that was it for us Elena. I thought I'd really lost him and I have wondered had it not been for you then he would never have come around to the idea of our little blip but whatever the circumstance he came back to me Elena. He wanted the two of us." I tell her firmly.

"He loves you Anastasia." Elena says as the food is served and for a moment conversation is halted.

Once the waiter left us again and we both started to dig into our food but still I watch her and I know she is watching me.

"Thank you for being someone Christian could go to." I say my eyes on my half empty plate. "When we lost little blip…" I let out a sigh because it hurts to think about that place we were three months ago. "… he started losing me too, and if he didn't have you to talk to and he didn't have Doctor Flynn, I don't think he'd have come back from this."

"He would have." She says kindly. "It just would have taken him longer."

My eyes flicker up to meet hers and smile, her smile actually reaches her eyes though I can't be sure, it's clear she's had botox on her face.

After lunch I make my way back to my office after having to promise to meet with Elena to go shopping. Maybe, there's a chance I'll make a friend of her yet but then I don't know if I'll ever be able to stomach what she did to Christian. He may not see it as abuse but I definitely do.

I step into my office ready to get to work and am surprised when I see Christian sitting in my chair.

"Why Mr Grey don't you have your own office to go to?" I tease as I walk towards my desk.

"I do but I thought I'd come hang at yours, it's far cosier." He shrugs getting out of my seat.

I smile as he walks around the desk to meet me and he captures my lips in a sweet and tender kiss.

"So how was lunch?" He asks.

I laugh as I walk around to my chair. I should have known there was a reason he was here and it happened to be that he wanted to know how my lunch date with the wicked witch of Seattle went.

"It was fine. We're going shopping next week." I say as I flick open my appointment book to see when I'm free.

"Excuse me?" Christian asks as he sinks into one of the two chairs opposite the desk.

"What?" I ask frowning.

"You're going shopping? With Elena?" He asks me and I shrug.

"She made me promise and I couldn't think on my toes quick enough how I was going to get out of it." I reply, he should be happy, he wanted me to know Elena once upon a time.

"Ok." He shrugs. "I'm guessing Lunch went well then."

"It did. We talked. About you so I'm guessing your ears have been burning for the past hour and a half." I smirk and he grins like a Cheshire cat.

"I suspected you would be talking about me. All good things I hope." He says with a devilish twinkle in his grey eyes.

"Oh well… that would be telling." He tease, flirty Christian always makes me flirty Ana, he definitely makes my inner goddess dominate my subconscious.

"Well as long as you're happy baby." He says with a wink.

"Ecstatic." I reply sarcastically with a roll of my eyes which I immediately regret as I see his eyes darken and glare at me.

"Did you just roll your eyes at me?" He asks, his voice caked in seduction.

"So what if I did?" I ask playfully my teeth grasping at my bottom lip to stop my laughter.

He walks around to me and I turn my chair to face him.

"What have I told you about that lip Mrs Grey?" He asks his hand on my chin, his thumb gently pulling my lips from between my teeth. "I am going to have to punish you Mrs Grey."

"What? Here?" I ask glancing at the closed door of my office.

"Right here." He whispers into my ear sending shivers down my spine.

"Now?" I ask my voice just a squeak.

"Right now. I told Hannah not to disturb us." He replies pulling me gently onto my feet. "This office needs to be christened."

It's like he has a hotline straight to my groin as I feel the wetness pooling between my legs. He sits in my chair and pulls me between his legs.

"Bend over." He whispers and I am quick to comply.

He traps me between his legs and I glance up at him to see him removing his tie. I groan in anticipation knowing what he's going to do. My hands go to my back automatically and he's quick to tie them up rendering me completely at his power, which I am anyway never mind the use of my hands.

"So should we say five for the eye roll and five for the lip?" He asks as he slowly pulls my skirt up to my waist revealing my white thong panties.

"Yes sir." I whisper, I'm to flustered to find my voice.

"I want you to count Ana." He says as his hand begins to stroke my behind.

"Ok."

"Ok what?" He asks and before I answer his hand slaps down on my bare behind.

"Ah!" I gasp. "Ok Sir."

"So how much was that Ana?" He asks as his hand rubs the area which he hit.

"One Sir." I reply as I brace myself for the next one.

"Good girl." He says and I feel his hand lifting.

Another slap and I gasp and bit down on my bottom lips to stop myself from calling out loudly.

"Two." I manage to say as he smooth's his hand once again.

After five he peels my panties down my legs before continuing his assault. Even though it stings a little he knows that it turns me on just as much as it turns him on.

"Ten." I gasp after the last one.

"Good girl." Christian murmurs. "You will do well to obey me in the future Ana."

I whimper, if defying him makes me feel this good then hell I'm going to be breaking his rules all over the shop.

I feel his fingers slide lower down my thigh and I moan just in anticipation of what he's about to do to me. It's only seconds before I feel one finger finding my sex.

"God Christian." I moan my hips bucking up a little to meet him though his leg has mine completely trapped so my bucking is barely more than a twitch.

"You like that Ana?" He asks his speed slow and determined.

"Yes." I say.

"Do you want more?" He asks picking up speed.

"Yes." I reply and he adds another finger.

I'm so close it's unreal and I know it's going to be hard not to scream out in my ecstasy due to Hannah being only a few feet away.

"Come for me Ana." He says and I do, just like that.

"Christian." I moan.

"Now the couch Mrs Grey." He says allowing me to stand.

"Oh Mr Grey you are incorrigible." I chuckle as he takes my hand and pulls me away from the desk to the small two seater leather couch.

"Well I try to be." He chuckles and I grin, he is my undoing no matter how much control I think I have on a situation he likes to prove that he has more.


	3. Chapter 3

**What if Ana had suffered a miscarriage at the hands of Jack Hyde? Here's the future… without the kiddies (at least for a little while!) A story with Kinky Fuckery thrown in for fun. **

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Thank you for all the reviews and alerts and favourites. I know I am taking a very different route with Elena in this story in comparison to the book and many other fan fics but I always wondered 'what if Ana met up with her and talked to her?' so this is my take on them trying just that. **

After Christian left I had my meeting with the editors, they all seemed happy which was good and I seemed to have taken being in charge in my stride. Maybe being in control in work will allow me to be more submissive at home… we'll see.

After work I drive home looking forward to seeing Christian. I may have had some kinky sex with him in my office today but being home with him is completely different. I walk in to the apartment and the smell from the kitchen hits me. Mrs Jones is obviously cooking away which is a nice thing to come home too.

"Hello Mrs Grey would you like something to drink?" She asks as soon as I step into the kitchen peeling my coat off as I walk.

"Oh I think a glass of wine would be nice thank you Gail." I smile even though I want to correct her about my name again I stop myself, she'll get used to it at some point.

Mrs Jones pours me a glass of wine as I climb onto one of the stools by the breakfast bar.

"I take it Christian's not home?" I ask before taking a long swig of the cold white liquid.

"Not yet, he said to have dinner ready by seven this morning." She replies.

I glance to the clock above the cooker and see it's only quarter after six. This means Christian is yet to have left the office leaving me with some time to sit around.

"Did you have a good day?" I ask just because I want someone to talk to and Mrs Jones has been a lovely and wonderful person to Christian and I throughout the last three months.

"It was productive." She replies with a smile and I laugh. "The two of you make quite a mess of this place when I'm not here so my Monday's are always busy."

"I try to tell Christian to pick up after himself." I say with a shake of my head, Christian seems to think it's ok to leave everything for Mrs Jones to do when she comes in on a Monday, me, I prefer to make sure there is little for her to do on a Monday morning.

"I don't mind Ana, I enjoy it." She replies from the cooker where she is stirring some sauce.

"What are you making?" I ask trying to peer over her shoulder.

"Beef stroganoff." She replies and I can't help but lick my lips at the mere thought of the meal, Mrs Jones is the best cook I've ever known and I much prefer her food to any five star restaurant.

"So Ana did you have a good day?" She asks kindly and I can't help but snort with laughter. "That good huh?" She asks turning to me with a smile.

"Oh it was fine, boring morning just returning calls, then I met with Elena Lincoln for lunch."

The last sentiment has Mrs Jones turning to look at me in surprise, she and Taylor have been the only people to hear my thoughts on Christian's Mrs Robinson.

"You did?" She asks.

I nod and take another generous sip of the wine.

"I did. Gail, you can say if you don't want to answer but what was Christian like with her when she would come over during the week before we met?" I ask carefully, I know that Gail and Taylor both are weary about talking about Christian with me.

"Well, if you can say it won't get back to Mr Grey…"

"My lips are sealed, I'm just intrigued, he's reluctant to talk about her and I know why I mean I did make it clear what I think of the woman but I can't help but wonder what they were like as friends…" I look expectantly at Mrs Jones knowing she's the only one who can dampen my curiosity.

"Ok well she would come around in the week, they'd eat and talk while drinking wine. A little like you and Miss Kavanagh without the girly giggling." Mrs Jones replied honestly. "She was the only person he would relax around until he met you Anastasia."

She's smiling at me and I can't help returning that smile, it's hard to think of a relaxed Christian sitting on the couch with a glass of wine talking to Mrs Lincoln. I was too hard on him. I should have been a little more understanding about his relationship with her. But then again, she did abuse him, he was fifteen and that thought reminds me that I am in every right to dislike the woman.

"Thank you Gail." I smile giving her hand a squeeze. "Now I am going to get rid of my shoes and coat before Christian arrives home."

She gives me a smile and a nod as I climb off the breakfast bar. She knows that I know if I kicked my shoes off when I walked in the door and left my coat wherever they would make their way back to their rightful place curtsey of her housekeeping skills but I am not one to add more work to her lit if I can help it.

Once in Christian and my bedroom I am quick to get rid of my shoes and hang up my coat. It's been a long day and I am in actual fact exhausted. Other than reading manuscripts and taking business lessons from Christian I have barely left Escala since I arrived home from hospital, it's done me a lot of good to get out I think, but I can't be sure of course, I can never be sure of these things.

"Ana!" I hear Christian's voice coming from the art gallery that is his living room.

I smile happily as I jump from the bed to go and greet him.

"Hey baby." He smiles when he sees me walking towards him.

He's quick to wrap me up in his arms and plant a tender kiss to my lips.

"I must say I have missed you." I say even though I only saw him a few hours ago due to his unexpected visit to my office.

"I missed you too. How was your meeting?" He asks as one of his fingers loosens his tie.

"Good, they all agree that another editor would lighten the load some, especially as Grey's publishing is about to branch out to children's authors." I reply sinking into the couch as Gail brings Christian a glass of wine.

"Thanks Gail." He says as she takes his jacket. "So Children's books?" He asks sitting back into the couch beside me so I can cuddle up into his side.

"Yup children's books."

"What made you think of that?" He asks one of his hands running through my loose locks.

"I don't know what made me think of it but I know why I did it." I say with a hint of playfulness in my voice.

"Why did you do it Ana?" He asks with rapt attention.

"Because I could." I reply my voice laden with the smile on my face.

"That's a very good reason to." He says with a smile of his own and my subconscious relaxes with a smile knowing that this is one thing we both agree about.

"I like being in charge." I whisper but I know he hears me by how his hand stops frozen half way through my hair.

"Oh you do?" He asks after a few beats of silence has passed between us. I just nod in reply as I'm too relaxed to find my voice. "Well don't go getting any ideas." He whispers right into my ear and it's like he dialled speed dial to my groin and I moan softly.

"Sorry to disturb." Gail says entering the room. "But dinner's served."

"Come on Ana." Christian grins jumping to her feet. "Food."

After a lovely and relaxing meal Christian disappears into his study while I go to the library slash my office. We both know we have a lot of work to do to catch up with the time we missed and now we are both running a business (ok he's running an empire but that is so not the point!) we understand each other's needs to do a little more work during the evening.

I am quick to log into my email and see one from Elena Lincoln.

* * *

_**To:**__ Anastasia Grey_

_**Subject:**__ Shopping_

_**From:**__ Elena Lincoln_

_Hello Anastasia, _

_Thank you for lunch, you really didn't have to pick up the tab but I am grateful anyhow. I hope you haven't changed your mind about meeting me for an afternoon of shopping. I really loved your outfit today and I'm sure we could both use some new and up to date business attire. I am free both Wednesday and Thursday afternoon so if you can skip out of the office early we can have a late lunch followed by some shopping and maybe even get some 'girl-time' thrown in. _

_Let me know as soon as you've cleared it with Christian. _

_Elena Lincoln_

The audacity in some people is unreal. 'as soon as you've cleared it with Christian' like I need his permission to meet her… well actually I do need his permission because if he doesn't like it or think I am hiding it from him he isn't going to be pleased and since the miscarriage everything has been wonderful, Christian's been a lot less fifty shades and I don't want his anger returning, not because of something I have done anyhow.

Rather than replying at once to Elena I am quick to pull up another empty email box and send one to my husband.

* * *

_**To:**__ Christian Grey_

_**Subject:**__ Mrs Robinson_

_**From:**__ Anastasia Grey_

_Apparently, according to Elena, I need to seek your approval before I make a date to meet her either Wednesday or Thursday of this week. So Mr Grey, do I have your blessing to meet her for a late lunch, some shopping and possibly some pampering?_

_Anastasia Grey_

_President of Grey's Publishing_

After hitting the send button I quickly go back to my sent messages and re-read my email. Jesus, my tone is clipped so I hope he doesn't think I'm in a bad mood with him. As soon as I exit the email I am alerted to a new one in my inbox.

* * *

_**To:**__ Anastasia Grey_

_**Subject:**__ Lunch, shopping and pampering_

_**From:**__ Christian Grey_

_Mrs Lincoln has already forward the email she sent you to me. I feel we should discuss this before you reply. _

_Christian Grey_

_CEO Grey's Enterprise Holdings_

My eyes bulge as I read the email. Discuss this? She sent him the email too? What is this woman playing at? I am trying to make the effort to like her some for the sake of my husband as he doesn't have many friends and even Mrs Jones says that Elena used to relax Christian. He says he hasn't been her submissive for years and I believe him when he say they're just friends now but I can't help but wonder if she still want's more. Is she testing him? Pushing him to want more? I shudder at the thought as I click the reply button.

* * *

_**To:**__ Christian Grey_

_**Subject:**__ Discussion?_

_**From:**__ Anastasia Grey_

_I don't know what it is you think we need to discuss. I'm going to bed, I'm exhausted. _

_Good night_

_Anastasia Grey_

_President of Grey's Publishing_

I don't even bother exiting the email programme before shutting off my mac. I grab my BlackBerry and quickly exit the library heading for the bedroom. I'm barely through the door when I hear the door of the study closing in the distance and I groan knowing that means this discussion is happening now. Well sooner rather than later I suppose.

I pretend that I am not waiting for him by going into the closet to get myself one of many satin night gowns. Back in the bedroom I see Christian sitting on his side of the bed just watching me. I say nothing. Instead I strip down from my clothes, removing my bra in front of him knowing that his eyes are roaming over what he sees as his possession.

I pull the night gown over my head and it quickly slides down my body covering everything he was looking at up. I avoid smirking because I know he wants a reaction and as soon as I run a brush through my hair I vanish into the bathroom pulling the door shut behind me.

I half expect him to follow me in but as I begin to wash my teeth I see that isn't happening and I can relax while I finish up. Once I've pulled off all my makeup and finished using the bathroom I go back into the bedroom to see that Christian hasn't moved.

His eyes meet mine but I only stop for a moment before I climb into bed ignoring him still. I hear his sigh bounce off the walls but I still give no reaction, I don't think there is anything that we need to discuss, I don't need his permission to meet with Elena even though I would like it so he didn't feel like I was betraying him by meeting with her.

I feel the weight of the bed change and I know he's gotten up. I don't know if he is but I feel like he's watching me so I keep my eyes closed.

When I hear the bathroom door close I let out a breath I wasn't even aware of holding. I know I'll be asleep before he comes back because of the nightmares that woke me the previous night and a near ten hour work day I am emotionally and physically exhausted.

"Don't touch me… get away from me… please don't hurt my baby…"

"Ana!" I shoot upright with a scream echoing from my lungs. "Ana your safe. It was just a dream."

I feel Christian's arms wrap around my shivering, sweat filled body and I finally let the tears come. This has become too much like a routine now.

"Shh." He whispers running his hand through my hair having found that it brings me comfort.

"I'm sorry." I hiccup.

"You should take the pills Flynn gave you." He says.

"I don't want to." I reply shaking my head frantically, I don't like the idea of being dependant on sleeping pills just to get my eight hours.

"You can't go on like this Ana." He replies rocking me softly.

"I've just had a stressful day." I tell him calmly, my heart rate returning to normal.

Christian says no more just continues to hold me and rock me till once again sleep takes me under.

The next time I bolt upright I do it without making a single noise. The dream wasn't half as bad or half as real as the previous one and as I glance at the clock I see it's nearly four thirty am and I know I'm not sleeping anymore tonight. I look to my side and see Christian sleeping with a frown on his face. My fifty. He's not been getting enough sleep recently either. Maybe I should consider the sleeping pills just for his sake.

I climb out of bed knowing that I'm just going to lay there tossing and turning if I don't move. I make my way out into the kitchen and pour myself a small glass of wine from the half empty bottle left from dinner time. This isn't a habit. Having a glass of wine when I wake up from a nightmare but right now it's what I fancy and I don't care what opinions Mr Grey would have about it either.

I take my wine to the art gallery and sink into the large U shaped couch. I want to relax but it doesn't happen as my mind replays both nightmares that had me awake. My subconscious is yelling at me once again because she knows I need to start thinking of the people who are being affected by my disturbed sleeping habits.

"Ana?"

"Christian." I say turning around to see my half asleep husband.

"Why are you out here?" He asks walking towards my while running his hand through his copper locks.

"I woke up." I reply with a shrug before turning back to face the wall I had been staring at.

"Another dream?" He asks knowing the answer already as he sits beside me, slowly slipping the wine glass from between my fingers.

"Yeah, another dream." I reply dropping my head onto his shoulder.

"You need to go see Doctor Flynn again." His voice is short and I just nod my head because I know I do, I've avoided him for far too long.

"I'll call him tomorrow." I finally whisper. "I'm sorry Christian."

"Don't apologise." He snaps.

I know he's angry but right now I don't know exactly why. There's a list of reasons why he's angry with me so I apologised but he doesn't want to hear it. Probably because I don't know what I'm apologising for.

"You're angry with me." I state the obvious and I feel him tense beside me.

"I'm furious with you." He replies but his voice is slightly more relaxed.

"Why?" I ask turning to look at him. "Why are you furious?"

"Your little stunt with Elena that's why."

It's my turn to tense up. Of course. My little stunt with being short with him about my meeting Elena has pissed him right off.

"Well?" He says and I guess that means we're talking about this now.

"Well what?" I ask and I know I'm winding him up further but I'm half asleep and don't know what he is expecting from me.

"Elena's up to something Ana can't you see that?" He asks.

"Up to something? Like what? What would be her reason?" I ask my own anger fuelling the fire now.

"I don't know Ana but she's nothing like herself with you in those emails."

"You only know her as your dominant Christian." I snarl.

"I know her as a woman Ana and she isn't one for late lunch and shopping, she's a business woman." Christian replies his own anger betraying the calmness he's trying to portray.

"You really think she's up to something?" I ask wearily.

"Yes." Christian sighs. "But I don't know what it is. I don't like it that you wouldn't let me deal with her in the first place."

"If you'd told me you thought she was up to something in the first place then I would have let you deal with her! How long have you suspected she's up to something?" I yell not caring that Taylor and Mrs Jones are above us and could wake to hear everything.

"The whole thing with the flowers and the letters… she's my friend Ana but she's also a vindictive bitch and I don't trust her around you." He tells me while stroking my face with one of his large hands.

"Why? You're happy enough to spend time with her!" I snap, I really don't understand his point here.

"Because I can look after myself! Ana I know her! I know what she's like and I don't want her getting her claws into you…"

"I can look after myself too Christian!" I snap jumping to my feet. "I am not some china doll that needs you to make sure I don't break! I am a woman with some self-respect left and I would like to keep it that way! Now I'm going to bed!"

"This isn't over Ana!" He yells as I march away with fury running rampage through my blood. I know it isn't over but I am damn sure going to make sure that the next time we discuss this I have some ammo to make sure I win.


	4. Chapter 4

**What if Ana had suffered a miscarriage at the hands of Jack Hyde? Here's the future… without the kiddies (at least for a little while!) A story with Kinky Fuckery thrown in for fun. **

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Thank you TO ALL OF YOU for your reviews, faves and alerts. As always your continued support is my inspiration.**

He was right in saying it wasn't over. The next morning he's just as angry with me and to be honest I am just as angry with him. It's not like I've forgiven Elena for what she did to him. I'll never been able to forgive her for what she did to Christian. I just don't like him trying to control every aspect of my life. I can't handle it! My ever controlling Fifty!

I wake up and he's already dressed but watching me from the chair beside the amoir. I glance at him and his eyes meet mine. I can't see what he's thinking.

"Good morning." I say casually.

"Morning." Is his short sharp reply.

I push back the duvet and try to glide out of the bed and not fumble like I often do. I know he's watching me as I disappear into the wardrobe only to reappear moments later with my outfit for the day draped over my arm.

"Did you want something?" I ask making sure my annoyance in him is audible in my voice.

"Not particularly. I just wanted to make sure you were ok." He replies with a shrug.

I want to scream at him, lash out somehow but I don't. I just grunt extremely un-me like before walking into the bathroom kicking the door shut behind me.

Of course, I don't make it to the sink before the door opens and Christian walks inside.

"Are you going to tell me what's wrong with you this morning?" He asks looking at me via the mirror.

"You're actually asking?" I ask trying to hide the smirk that threatens to play on my lips.

"Is this about last night?"

"Technically it was this morning." I quip before I begin my typical morning routine.

"Ana…" He sighs running his hand through his hair. "I just don't trust her."

"Neither do I!" I snap. "I am just grateful to her and I'm trying to show her that! Do you really think I want to go shopping with her? Have some 'girl time'?" I hiss and he just stares at me blankly, he really doesn't get it. "I would have lost you!"

"What?" Christian's mouth falls wide open in complete surprise.

"I would have lost you had it not been for her the night I told you I was pregnant!" I yell, this is it, I'm finally letting it all out.

"Anastasia…"

Oh I'm Anastasia now? He infuriates me.

"Don't Christian! I know you didn't want that baby at first and when I told you I was pregnant you freaked out and you left… I promised never to leave you yet when the going got tough, you left!"

I crumble and the tears begin to fall down my face. I didn't want to break and I didn't want to cry but these are things I have been keeping inside me for three months. It takes three strides from my husband before he can wrap me up in his arms and allow me to completely break. He sinks to the floor still holding me tight and I even punch his chest with the side of my fist and groan in frustration.

"I promised and you left." I say through my wail.

"I know. I'm so sorry." He whispers into my ear but he can't be sure that I heard him.

"If I have to go to meet Elena and go shopping to thank her for sending you home to me then I will because I lost you!" I scream but it's muffled by the fabric of his suit jacket.

"I know. It was unforgivable."

"You're damn right it was unforgivable, but you're my husband, my fifty and I love you and I am trying to forgive you." I tell him because it's the truth. He wanted this, he wanted me to open up and be honest with him and I know it's hurting him to see me like this and hear me speak like this but it's about damn time.

When I first arrived home from the hospital he was grieving as much as I was for the loss of little blip. He recovered faster than me and of course with his support I slowly found myself again but in that process I didn't get the chance to speak to him like I wanted to. Now I'm breaking. I'm spiralling down and I have absolutely no control over anything and it's slowly killing me.

"Don't go to work today." Christian mumbles into my hair brining my thoughts back into the present.

"I have to." It's not like I've been running the company more than a day.

"Ana you don't."

"I want to." I snap getting to my feet and just like that I'm pushing him away again.

"Then promise me you'll call Flynn?" He asks coming to stand behind me and run a hand through my hair.

"I will." I reply relaxing into his touch.

"Good. I love you Ana."

"I love you too Christian." I reply turning to look at him.

He looks so lost. I see that lost dirty little boy again and it breaks my heart. He rubs his hand across my cheek softly and I rub my cheek back into his hand revelling in his touch.

"Now get ready for work and make sure you eat." He says playfully before kissing my cheek.

"Yes sir." I reply just as playfully.

"I have to go. Call me if you need anything ok?" Oh Fifty! My ever mercurial fifty!

"See you later." I say softly.

"Are you taking your car?" He asks as he's heading for the door.

"My R8." I reply with a smirk at him through the mirror.

"Drive safe." He says with a nod, with Jack Hyde far enough away security has been down a little and I'm trusted now to drive myself.

"I will." I tell him even though I always like to play around when I'm driving my very own R8 that he bought me for my birthday, I am never going to get the thrill of the car chase out of my mind when I was driving his car.

After he leaves I can finally let out the breath I've been holding all morning. The man is so frustrating. As I begin to pull on my black Versace mid-thigh dress with lace above the breast and down the three quarter length sleeve and I pull the black belt tight around my waist. I can't help but think of little blip. I would be nearly five months along with a bump to show and I can't help but run my hand down my very flat abdomen.

Sighing I walk back into the bedroom and into the closet where shelves of my shoes lie. I choose a pair of black and tan four inch buckle Jimmy Choo's and a matching black and tan handbag. Pulling my hair back into a simple French twist I can't help but see how I've changed in the past three months.

I'm not the same person. Far from it. I've aged ten years in the space of three months. I've seen the pains of life, I've lived more than I ever thought I would have by the age of twenty two. This is not what I had planned for my life, I hadn't even imagined life being anything like this. I was happy enough wearing Wal-Mart coats and now I'm standing in my walk in closet wearing nearly three thousand dollars' worth of clothing.

I sigh before going back into my bedroom. I am happy. Happy with the love of my life. Happy with my job even if I did only get it because my husband bought me the business. Happy with everything in general I'm just stressed. That's all.

Going through to the kitchen Mrs Jones is already hard at work.

"Good Morning Mrs Grey." She smiles happily.

"Good Morning Gail and please it's Ana." I tell her with a smile, she will get used to it soon.

"Ana what would you like for breakfast?" She asks knowing that I would never skip breakfast.

"Just a slice of toast with butter please." I reply as she pulls out the orange juice and pours me a glass.

"Is that all?" She asks looking at me closely knowing as well as I do that Christian wouldn't be pleased with my light snack instead of a meal.

"Yes please." I smile taking the glass of orange juice and enjoying a long sip. "Christian left already?" I ask going over to the couch where my purse from yesterday is sitting so I can empty it into my purse for today.

"Yes he has." Mrs Jones replies watching me, I know she's worried about the state of my and Christian's mental health and marriage. We've done more fighting the past few weeks than we have anything else and she and Taylor have been subjected to hearing it.

After I eat my toast I grab my car keys and bid good day to Mrs Jones before leaving. As soon as I leave Escala's garage I feel like I'm being followed. I groan and glance in the rear-view mirror and as I suspected a black Audi SUV is tailing me from a distance.

I put my foot down a little. I know who it is and I have my suspicions as to why but it does nothing to calm me down. Christian never talks me about these things. I see a parking lot and I make it very obvious that I am going to turn there by slowing right down and indicating. I also look directly in my rear-view mirror at the driver of the Audi and flash my lights.

The Audi must have understood as they followed me into the parking lot and park directly beside me. I jump out of the car and march around to the driver's side of the Audi.

A sheepish Luke Sawyer opens the window and looks at me. I know my face is showing the fury that's bubbling inside me.

"When did Mr Grey order this?" I ask angrily.

"First thing this morning Ma'am." He replies.

"What's the task?" I continue and I'm being snappy on purpose.

"To follow you as he thinks you're in danger."

"In danger from what?" I ask almost yelling.

"Who Ma'am. A Mrs Elena Lincoln…"

"Get my husband on the phone. Now." I hiss and he's quick to knock the speed dial for Christian on the hands free car phone.

"Grey." He answers.

"Christian it's your wife." I hiss and I can almost see him sighing and rubbing his forehead in his office.

"Why are you calling from the Audi?" He asks.

"Do you want to explain why the Audi is tailing me?" I reply with a question of my own because it's not I who has done anything wrong.

"Ana…"

"I know you think Elena is up to something and I agree with you but I don't need an escort or a detail! You have got to learn to trust me Christian!" I yell. "Now I am going to work and Sawyer is coming back to the office and this isn't a request if I find anyone else of the security team following me I'll sleep in one of the guestrooms for the foreseeable future. Do I make myself clear?"

I know he wants to argue with me. The silence on the other side of the phone is deafening and I know he's trying to figure out a way of getting me to compromise but there is no compromising on this.

"Sawyer report back. Ana go to work." He says before the phone line goes dead.

Ugh! He's the most frustrating man on the planet.

"Right well… I'll see you later." I say to Sawyer before walking back round to my car.

He waits and follows me out but when I turn to go to Grey's publishing he goes in the opposite direction to go to Grey's House or Escala. Either way I don't care but if Christian wants me to take security he has to tell me before hand and explain to me exactly why or I'll fight him on it, it's not like I'm asking much just some explanation and understanding from my husband.

Once at Grey's Publishing I take the time to let out a deep breath. I sit back in my seat and try to let go of some of the tension that has been building all morning and something in the back of my head tells me to just go get a massage, it's not like I can't afford it with the money Christian inputs into my personal bank account every week that I transfer into the joint account as soon as I notice it's there. I like going to the bank account and seeing just money I've earned in there. I remember when I went to my account on Christian's birthday and there was fifty thousand dollars more than there should have been and I was angry but I never mentioned it to him how I hated seeing that obscene amount in my account.

It's been about thirty minutes and I am yet to leave my car. It's not like it matters. Grey's House is mine and no one is going to fire me because I've decided not to turn up or in my case turn up late because I will make it inside. Once I'm relaxed enough I'll make it inside.

It takes nearly an hour for me to gather myself together enough to exit the vehicle and make my way inside. The building is already alive with people working and I ignore every call of 'good morning Mrs Grey' as I travel up to my office.

"My messages Hannah?" I ask standing in front of her desk.

"Here you go and uh… Mr Grey is in your office." She whispers the last part and I groan.

"Thank you. Could you uh… make yourself scarce until he leaves?" I ask knowing there is going to be shouting and I don't want her to over hear.

"Of course Mrs Grey no problem." She says and as soon as I walk to my office door she's gone to the elevator.

"Where have you been?" Christian growls as soon as I step inside.

"Good Morning Mr Grey." I reply with a shake of my head.

He's sitting on the edge of my desk as if he's been watching the door carefully for my arrival.

"Where have you been?" He asks again as I walk around to my side of the desk and put down my purse.

"Anastasia!" He yells and I just close my eyes, I will tell him, I'm not being difficult on purpose I just don't like the tone of voice he is taking with me and I shouldn't have to take it, I am not one of his staff.

"Sit down Christian." I say coolly and he looks at me like I've just hit him. "Sit down and calm the fuck down." I say before sinking into my own chair and trying to relax a little.

Guessing I'm not going to entertain his argument he sighs and sits down in one of the chairs opposite my desk but then looks at me expectantly.

"I was in my car, downstairs in the parking lot the entire time." I tell him my voice almost threatening. "After talking to you earlier I wasn't in the mood to come in here and act like nothing had happened so I stayed in the car and calmed down. Now. Do you want to start explaining to me why I have a security detail? And I want the truth Christian, not your tip toe around it version."

He smirks at me and it infuriates me further, this isn't a time to be smirking.

"You're quite demanding this morning Mrs Grey." He says in such a seductive manner I know exactly what he's doing and I close my eyes not wanting to let it work but knowing it will.

"Don't Christian." I plead but he's already walking around the desk.

"Don't what?" He asks grabbing hold of the arms of my chair and turning it around to face him.

I tremble in anticipation because I know what he's doing and as much as I want to push him away I can't. My subconscious glares at me over her half-moon spectacles but I don't care, this is my seductive fifty and he drives me completely wild.

"Don't kiss you?" He asks before planting his lips on mine in a tender kiss.

My eyes flutter closed at the touch and the usual sparks is there between us. The anger melts from me but I can't let him win so I turn my head away from him before he kisses me again.

"Ana?" He asks stepping back and glaring at me. I know he's not used to me acting this way.

"No." I say shaking my head. "Not this time."

"Not this time what Ana?" He asks running a hand across my cheek making me tremble from my core.

"Christian, you can't just come here and seduce me and think I'm going to forget what we were arguing about." I tell him my eyes still closed.

"Why is it working?" I know he's smirking at me knowing the answer without me saying it.

"Yes." I say and my voice is just a breath.

"Then come here." He says his hand turning my head again and he clasps his lips to mine once again.

"Christian." I moan but he isn't listening as he runs a hand up the skirt of my dress.

"I wished I'd seen you dressed this morning, you look fucking amazing." He says his hand getting closer to my sex.

"Christian." I whimper this time, this man does things to my body that no other human being could ever do.

"You've been a bad girl Mrs Grey." He whispers right into my ear and that's all he needs to do to turn me to mush. "Have you been a bad girl Mrs Grey?"

"Yes." I reply my core throbbing with need now.

"Yes what?" He asks one finger just skimming over the centre of my panties.

"Yes sir." I reply and he pulls me gently from my chair.

He wraps me up in his arms and begins to slow dance with me though there is no music and I feel myself wanting to scream again. I pull away and walk to the door of my office. I lean against it and sink down it with my head in my hands.

"Ana."

"Don't Christian." I snap my voice quiet and threatening.

"You confuse me." He says.

"I confuse you?" I ask looking up at him and he nods softly and I see the confusion on his face.

"You confuse me." He says again.

"And what do you think you do to me Christian. I want an argument with you but you seduce me instead! I want an explanation, I'm not asking for much but I am your wife! Not one of your subs and not one of your staff who might I add knows more about what is going on in our lives than me!" I can't stop the tears from coming and I know he feels a little guilty as well as confused.

"Ana…" He says coming to lean down in front of me. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry isn't good enough Christian." I tell him.

"I know. Tell me what I can do to make it better." He pleads and I let my eyes meet his and I can see he's being genuine.

"Talk to me." I say my hand reaching up to cup his cheek. "That's all I ask Christian, is for you to talk to me."

"About what?" He asks looking so lost once again.

"You could have talked to me about putting security on me this morning, explain your reasoning then maybe I wouldn't have even taken my car and let Sawyer drive me _if_ I agreed with your reasoning." I try to be calm with him and he sinks down in front of me and I can't help but climb into his lap. "Just talk to me Christian." I whisper.

He kisses the top of my head and rubs his nose into my hair as if it's his own comfort blanket.

"I'll try." He replies.

"That's all I ask. Now Christian…"

He looks down and meets my gaze.

"Take me home?"

"Of course. I love you Ana." He says quietly.

"I love you too Christian, more than you will ever know." I reply as we get to our feet.


	5. Chapter 5

**What if Ana had suffered a miscarriage at the hands of Jack Hyde? Here's the future… without the kiddies (at least for a little while!) A story with Kinky Fuckery thrown in for fun. **

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Thank you TO ALL OF YOU for your reviews, faves and alerts. As always your continued support is my inspiration.**

**So many people following this story but not so many reviews per chapter! Please let me know what you think of it so if you're not liking something I can do something about it! Steff ox**

"How are you feeling Ana?"

Why does every shrink start with the same damn question? I've been sitting in front of John Flynn for nearly ten minutes in complete silence and this is how he decides to break the ice.

"I'm fine." I sigh even though fine is far from the truth.

"Is that all you're going to give me to work with? Fine?" He asks with a small smirk and I just shrug, I mean what is he expecting from me really? "Christian told me you've been far more tearful these past few days."

This time I roll my eyes. Of course Christian would have told him because I'm sure John Flynn sees as much of my husband as I do these past few weeks. It's so frustrating. I play with my nails and just glare at the Doctor trying to figure out what to say but once again I am saved by him deciding to prompt me again.

"Have you been more tearful?" He asks as softly as is possible without breaking eye contact with me. I don't know why that is. Possibly because it's supposed to relax me some but if anything it intimidates me more.

"Possibly." I reply and he smirks at me knowing that possibly is me putting it lightly. What exactly am I supposed to say? That I can't seem to do anything but cry? That I feel so low that hell doesn't even begin to explain it?

"Do you want to talk about that?" He asks and again I roll my eyes, I don't need to be prompted. I am not a child! My subconscious glares at me though because she knows I do need to be prompted because in actual fact I already know what is wrong with me.

"I'm depressed." I finally say but it's just a whisper so unlike me that I'm not sure if John even heard me.

"Yes you are." He replies softly.

I glare at him. Is this man serious? I mean, I knew I was and if he knew I was then why hasn't he done anything about it yet. I snarl at him.

"You needed to see that for yourself Ana, before I could even begin to offer you some treatment options." He explains the answer to the question I didn't even ask.

"So what are the options?" I ask carefully.

"Well, Christian also says you're not sleeping so I would like to start a round of anti-depressants and a sleeping aid." Flynn says casually, it feels like he's offering me candy not drugs.

"Ok." I shrug. The truth is I'd do anything to get back to where I was right now.

"Good. But I'll still want to see you Ana, we need to get to the route of this problem." He tells me quite firmly and I nod softly in agreement before I look him dead in the eye.

"I had a miscarriage John, that is the route of the problem." My voice is so unlike my own with a hint of conviction behind the fear.

"I know that Ana, but I'm not so sure if the miscarriage is what is stemming the depression. I know that losing your child was hard on both you and Christian but so much more happened that we haven't addressed, we addressed the miscarriage but what about the rest of what happened? The fear of having to leave Christian? Facing possibly being killed? Shooting a gun and trying to save your sister in law? There is so much more going on that needs to be addressed that hasn't been that could be more of an explanation to why you're depressed."

My subconscious nods her head in complete agreement, but she would. Me, I am not so sure because what's hurting me the most in the fact that there should be a baby snug inside of me, growing daily, but there isn't fate or some other cruel hand was played and my first chance at being a mother was taken from me.

"Ok." I whisper.

"Good. I'll get you your prescriptions and for now you'll be good to go. Just call to make your next appointment." John smiles and I manage to give him a small thin lipped smile in return.

After leaving the office Christian is waiting for me outside. He slips his hand into mine and leads me to the Audi without saying a word. I don't think he's mad. If anything, he looks more relaxed today than he has done in days.

Once in the car I snuggle into his side and he strokes my arm softly. I realise almost at once we're not heading in the direction of Escala.

"Christian?" I ask quietly.

"What baby?" He asks looking down at me with a soft smile in his eyes.

"Where are we going?" I ask my voice is shaking but I don't know if it's fear or fatigue or what causing it, I'm too drained to think it through right now.

"Sea-Tac." He replies and I glare at him, he's up to something and somehow I know that he's not going to let me in on it, so I don't even bother asking.

His hand strokes my bicep softly as the drive continues. I must have fallen asleep because suddenly I'm awakened by a slight jerk of my body.

"Shh, go back to sleep Ana." Christian whispers and I know at once he's carrying me.

"Where are we?" I ask groggily.

"Sea-Tac. Go back to sleep baby." He whispers and being too tired to argue I comply.

The next time I wake up I'm seated in a very comfortable leather chair being unbuckled.

"We're in the air?" I ask and Christian smiles his hundred megawatt smile and nods. "Where are we going?"

"It's a surprise." He replies. "Are you hungry? You barely touched your breakfast and it's nearly three."

It's not news to Christian that I'm not hungry. Getting me to eat lately has been more than a challenge, food in itself is just not appealing.

"Please eat something Ana, you know I hate it when you don't eat." He pleads quietly to me and I manage a small nod, we're supposed to be trying for each other and if he's trying for me then I have to return the favour. "Good, now what do you fancy?"

"Anything. I'm hungry." I reply even though in actual fact I couldn't be any less hungry.

Within a few minutes we're served a buffet of cold meats and cheese with crackers and fruit. Christian seeing me eyeing the food with distaste makes a very small plate for me with a little bit of everything.

"It's not much Ana." He tells me even though I can see that there isn't much on the plate, it's like he knows that eating just small portions is hard for me right now.

"I know." I whisper and he gives me a confident smile as I begin to nibble on the corner of a cracker.

After the food is cleared away and I have managed to eat about three quarters of what Christian had placed on my plate we buckle up once again for the decent into wherever on earth we are.

"Why are we going wherever?" I ask softly, I just want to know what he's got up his sleeve.

"I think, and so does John, that we need some time to reconnect. Remember our honeymoon Ana? How we were in our own bubble?" He asks me with a glimmer in his eyes at the memory of our near three week vacation in Europe.

"Our bubble." I smile as I remember being on the yacht and pretending most of the time there was only us and no outside world to worry about.

"Exactly. I think we need our bubble back." He smiles just as we hit the tarmac.

"Christian?" I ask and he looks at me knowing exactly what I'm going to ask. "Where are we?"

"Aspen." He replies. "A week, maybe two if we need it. Ana right now I don't care about GEH or Grey's Publishing or anything but I do care about my wife. We need this." He tells me and I can see the pain I've been inflicting on him in the past few months in his features, oh my Fifty.

"Thank you." I tell him with a wide smile, I know we need this before we hit rock bottom with a possibility of not coming back.

"My parents are hoping to come and join us at the weekend if you're up for it." He says as we finally come to a stop.

"Of course." I smile, I love seeing Grace and Carrick and if this week doesn't go as planned then a face other than my husbands will be nice to see.

"Good. Come on Ana, Aspen awaits." He extends his hand to me and I happily take it. Oh my Fifty.


	6. Chapter 6

**What if Ana had suffered a miscarriage at the hands of Jack Hyde? Here's the future… without the kiddies (at least for a little while!) A story with Kinky Fuckery thrown in for fun. **

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**I know the other chapter was a bit of a jump but it was just to move the story along some, this one does to a little!**

**Thank you TO ALL OF YOU for your reviews, faves and alerts. As always your continued support is my inspiration.**

It's cold. Very cold. Being in Aspen in the middle of August with Kate, Elliot, Ethan and Mia was nice because it was warmer but now it's snowing and it's cold. The only thing good is that I've managed to persuade Christian to take me skiing. I know he doesn't want to. The fear that I'll fall and break my neck is strong but when I remind him how well I did riding the jet ski and how much better I'll be driving the snow mobile (which he hasn't yet agreed to!) he was quick to relent.

Last night was perfect. We ate and we bathed and we slept. Now it's early morning and I can see the sun just peaking over Aspen Mountain through the window. Christian is wrapped around me like a rag doll so I'm trying not to move because he hasn't been sleeping much lately and that is my fault. Best thing is, I didn't wake up once due to a nightmare. Not once. It's sad to say I'm particularly proud of myself that I've had a full night's sleep and I can't wait for Christian to realise it because I know he'll be just as proud of me too.

I'm still in awe of the surprise visit to 'our' house in Aspen with the hopes of reliving the bubble we had on our honeymoon. Taylor is with us of course but there is no Philippe or Gaston which is a shame, I actually kind of liked them. They didn't seem as bad as Sawyer or Prescott but that's probably because they were as dressed down as us during the vacation.

Christian stirs beside me and within a few seconds his beautiful grey eyes are smiling up at me.

"Good morning Mrs Grey." He says sleepily and I just grin, oh he can make me smile with the simplest of gestures.

"Good morning Mr Grey." I reply.

"How long have you been awake?" He asks and I know it's his more subtle way of asking if I had a nightmare.

"Around five minutes, maybe ten. I didn't want to wake you." I explain and my smile is still transfixed to my face.

"No nightmare?" His eyebrow arches with the question as if he's expecting me to lie to him or something.

"No nightmare." I reply and at once he relaxes as if he can read from my face that I was absolutely telling the truth.

"Come here." He says pulling me snug into him before clasping his lips onto mine.

God how I have missed him and I know that I have only myself to blame… or Jack Hyde but I don't want to think about that. I want vanilla sex with my husband.

His hand strokes up and down my naked thigh getting closer to my sex with each stroke. I moan into his mouth as a hint without words that I want more. I can feel him smile against my lips before his tongue darts into my mouth. I return the fight, licking, caressing, nipping, but as always he dominates me.

"I think we can get rid of this." He says pulling at his t-shirt that I'm wearing with absolutely nothing else.

That's my cue to move so that the top can be removed. He rises above me, peeling the t-shirt as he goes and my arms automatically come up to help him. Once he discards the tee on the floor he rolls so he's straddling me. Bare chested in pyjama pants I get quite the view.

"You're on so beautiful Ana." He says breathily as he strokes his hands down the side of my chest avoiding the two prominent mounds of my breasts which are screaming for attention. I blush at his compliment. "You are Ana, you must believe it." He whispers when he sees.

I don't know if anyone but Christian thinks I'm beautiful but hearing it from his lips when I'm lying as naked as the day I was born always sends tingles down my spine.

As his hands slip into the apex of my thighs he begins to kiss down my neck softly. Every inch of my skin is like live wire leaving tingles in the wake of his touch. Slowly he works his way down until his lips latch onto my already hardened nipples. He sucks, nips and rolls his tongue over the hard bud and I whimper.

"I want you to come like this Ana." He tells me, his hands still stroking my thighs, avoiding the sensual heat echoing from my sex.

"Christian, Please." I moan as his mouth moves to the other breast once again sucking, nipping and rolling his tongue.

I can feel myself begin to tremble and I know I won't be able to hold it off.

"Look at me Ana, I want to see you come, you're so beautiful when you come."

I come undone as soon as my blue eyes find the pools of his grey ones. My back arches as if in spasm and the calls that echo from my throat are high pitched and echoing.

"That's it Ana." He whispers as I begin to come down from the orgasm.

"Christian." I manage to whimper as his fingers finally find the slick centre of my sex.

He penetrates me with one finger first followed quickly by a second and I know exactly what he is doing. As soon as I come this way he's going to penetrate me and drive us both to an orgasm, his first and it will be my third, Christian Grey, my undoing.

His thumb finds my throbbing clitoris and in between the pumping of his fingers he swipes and circles the nerves making me gasp and moan deeply.

"Christian please…" I plead, the sensation is just too much to bear.

"That's it Ana." He drives me on with his words and soon I come undone once again.

The orgasm hasn't even passed when he thrusts hard into me. I yelp in complete surprise but am quickly forgetting the shock when pleasure once again overtakes my body. It's hard at first, as if he's trying to get out some form of frustration but then he slows and gathers me in his arms, each thrust as slow and sensual as the next.

"You're amazing Ana, so beautiful, so sexy, you're loved Ana." He whispers into my ear and I find tears prickling at the corner of my eyes as I thrust my hips slowly to meet his movements.

As my next climax begins to coarse its way through my body Christian delivers another hard thrust into me and I know it was his undoing. I call his name softly, and he calls mine as if it's a prayer, his arms around me, his head back as if calling to the Gods.

He collapses in a heap beside me and I am quick to cuddle up into his side with my head on his shoulder. I can feel him smiling as he kisses my head and runs a hand through my now perspiration filled locks.

"We need a shower." He says but neither one of us makes an attempt to move from this position.

"Are you going to teach me to ski?" I ask hopeful and he chuckles causing my head to vibrate and bounce on his chest.

"Yes Ana, I will take you skiing today." He says and I grin widely, I can't wait to have some quality time with my fifty.

Our shower is quick even though we're together, morning sex with fifty calmed both of out libido's down for the time being. At breakfast Mrs Bentley serves them both their preferred breakfast, Christian or Taylor must have mentioned something beforehand as the last time Ana had been in Aspen she'd just taken coffee and eggs like everyone else.

"I thought we could go skiing after lunch." Christian says poignantly.

"Sure." I shrug even though inside I'm smiling, I've always wanted to learn how to ski and now I share a house in Aspen with my husband I should definitely learn how.

The rest of breakfast passed in near silence, neither one of us with anything to say.

"I'm going to check on how things are going at GEH, can you entertain yourself till lunch?" He asks almost playfully.

"I'm sure there are enough emails in my inbox from Grey's Publishing to keep me busy, go ahead and do some work Mr Grey." I reply with a smile of my own.

He kisses my head as he walks past and I watch him go almost sadly. I know that there will never be a single holiday where he doesn't have to attend to some form of business, that's something I can easily accept but it still hurts when he's brought me all the way out here for some TLC time and after our first breakfast he's rushing off to the study. It's probably something to do with the fact this holiday was all last minute.

"Are you done Mrs Grey?" Mrs Bentley asks seeing me playing with my mug.

"Yes, and please it's Ana." I tell her, she's just as nice as Mrs Jones and I want to treat her with the same respect I treat Mrs Jones, almost like she's family.

"Ana." Mrs Bentley smiles taking the empty mug. "Pretty name for a pretty girl." She says and I just chuckle.

I fetch my laptop and BlackBerry and bring it into the kitchen to work. I don't mind if Mrs Bentley is too busy to chat but I just want to be around someone. When I walk into the kitchen Mrs Bentley, Mr Bentley and Taylor are all stood around the breakfast bar with a coffee.

"Sorry Mrs Grey we'll get out of your way." Taylor says hurriedly.

"No Taylor, please, carry on." I reply and it's almost as if he can see the plea in my eye, I really would like them to hang around.

"Would you like something to drink Ana?" Mrs Bentley asks softly and I smile.

"Tea would be lovely Mrs Bentley, thank you." I reply as I begin to set up the laptop.

Within minutes I'm sat down with a steaming mug of tea and the laptop open on my email account. I scan through them quickly knowing that most of them ware work related but then one catches my eye. As soon as I open it I'm reading it through making sure I understand every word before I even consider replying.

* * *

_**To:**__ Anastasia Grey_

_**Subject:**__ Thursday_

_**From:**__ Elena Lincoln_

_Ana, _

_Are we still on for Thursday? If so I'll meet you at the café across from Grey's Publishing at noon. _

_Elena_

Well the simple answer is no, I am not still on for Thursday because I'll still be here, in the freezing cold of Aspen with my beautiful husband.

* * *

_**To:**__ Elena Lincoln_

_**Subject:**__ Apologies_

_**From:**__ Anastasia Grey_

_Elena, _

_I'm afraid I will not be able to make it on Thursday, impromptu holiday to Aspen with Christian. I hope we can reschedule soon._

_Anastasia Grey _

_President, Grey's Publishing, Inc. _

Simple and to the point. Can't say I beat around the bush and I'm not exactly lying to her. As soon as I sit back in my chair my email pings again.

* * *

_**To:**__ Anastasia Grey_

_**Subject:**__ Elena Lincoln_

_**From:**__ Christian Grey_

_Mrs Grey_

_We need to discuss your plans to meet with Elena Lincoln soon before you reschedule. _

_I love you baby_

_Christian Grey_

_CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc._

"Son of a bitch!" I gasp in shock horror.

I suddenly remember I'm not alone in the room and look up to see the shocked faces of Taylor, Mr and Mrs Bentley.

"Sorry." I mumble as I get to my feet.

Leaving my laptop open on the email and on the table I hurry out of the room. I barely make it to the bottom of the stairs before yelling.

"Christian Grey!" I am almost screaming.

As I march up the stairs, each foot hitting the wood with a thud I try and imagine what I am going to say. I am so angry that words seem to fail but I know they'll return when I arrive at the study. My biggest surprise is when he is stood at the top of the stairs meeting my gaze when I finally look up.

"You yelled?" He asked with an amused smile on his face and a twinkle in his eye that I would find completely adorable if I wasn't wound up like a top.

"Too right I yelled!"

Christian just looks at me expectantly as I stare him down the fury obvious to him in my eyes.

"You're monitoring my emails!" I shout not caring that there are three people in the house who shouldn't be hearing this argument.

After a moment he raises his eyebrows.

"Are you done?" and I can see the anger in his features.

"No! No I am not done!" I snap. "You are… Christian… Ugh!" I drop my head into my hands in frustration and though I hear the stairs creak I don't move to meet his eyes again.

I don't move at all until two large hands wrap around my wrists and gently prise my hands from my face.

"Can we discuss this now?" He asks and I glare at him, he has to be out of his damn mind.

"When I send an email, it comes straight into your inbox doesn't it?" I ask though I already know the answer. "Doesn't it?" My voice is much harsher than I wanted it to be surprising my husband.

"Yes it does Ana." He replies with a nod.

"Why? Do I get no privacy? You're so controlling Christian! This is… this has gone too far!"

"Too far?" He snaps right back at me and there he is, my Mr. Mercurial.

"Yes! Too far Christian! My emails?" I snap, I'm furious with him and it's obvious he's just as furious with me right now.

"Come." He says holding out his hand to me.

I look at it as if he's offering me something foul but he shakes his hand a little and something in me snaps to the point I slap my hand into his and allow him to lead me downstairs.

The fire is roaring in the living room and he sits on the couch pulling me into him and for a moment I wonder what is going through his mind, sex isn't going to cure this argument.

"I should have told you this three months ago." He whispers running his hand through my hair.

I freeze, completely in shock that he's about to open up to me about something that he apparently should have told me sometime after I miscarried.

"When I went to see Elena…" His voice is stiff and I say nothing, just hold my breath and hope for the best. "She made a pass at me, one I didn't return Ana ok? I pulled away from her and then I realised something."

"What did you realise?" I ask my voice just a dry whisper because I'm so convinced he's going to tell me he missed her or missed his subs.

"Something you told me once, after I had told you about her. You said 'what if that was your son?' and that's when I realised Ana, that was she and I did was vile and it was wrong and if that was my son… I'd do whatever I possibly could to make her pay for what she had done to him." He tells me.

My stomach is in my throat. He realised it! He realised that what Elena did to him was a crime and that it was wrong morally too.

"I don't want you going anywhere near her Ana. I want her out of our lives. Gone."

"Ok." I answer and I feel him relax behind me.

"That easy?"

"Absolutely. She hurt you Christian, God why didn't you tell me this before? I am going to have to deal with her now until she gets the message…"

"No you won't. I'll deal with her Ana, she won't contact you again ok?"

My fifty! Just like that he's loving and calm again whereas a few minutes ago we were screaming bloody murder at each other.

"Ok but Christian?"

"What?" He stiffens again and I supress the eye roll I'm desperate to do.

"Stop tracking my emails please."

"Consider it done as long as you promise not to email Elena Lincoln ever again."

"I promise!"


	7. Chapter 7

**What if Ana had suffered a miscarriage at the hands of Jack Hyde? Here's the future… without the kiddies (at least for a little while!) A story with Kinky Fuckery thrown in for fun. **

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**I know the other chapter was a bit of a jump but it was just to move the story along some, this one does to a little!**

**Thank you TO ALL OF YOU for your reviews, faves and alerts. As always your continued support is my inspiration.**

I'm dressed in the skiing gear that Taylor has been out buying. It makes me look so huge but I don't care, its keeping me warm.

"Ok?" Christian asks from beside me.

I look over to him and smile. We've both been a little more relaxed since he told me his problem with Elena. He looks great in his ski wear. So hot.

"I'm good." I smile.

We pull up at the bottom of the mountain and someone waves to us. Also dressed in ski clothes I guess it's someone Christian knows but from this distance I can't even tell if they're male or female.

We climb out of the SUV and Taylor helps us pull the ski's out of the back. The person walks towards us and Christian steps forward to greet them wrapping an arm around me as he does.

"Christian good to see you again." I realise they are a he.

"Thomas long time." Christian smiles shaking his hand. "Ana this is Thomas Campbell he's going to teach you how to ski properly. Thomas this is my wife Anastasia Grey."

"Ah lovely to meet you." Thomas smiles extending a gloved hand.

I quickly shake his hand and wonder why Christian has got a ski instructor instead of teaching me himself.

"Right then are we ready to get started?"

Turns out I'm quite a natural on slopes.

"You look good Ana!" Christian smiles as he comes to stop beside me.

"This is so much Fun!" I laugh.

"Come on my turn with you." He says nodding his head towards Thomas.

I grin and together we move just a little up the mountain where Thomas has been taking me up and down so I can learn how to use the skis.

"Ready?" Christian asks wrapping his arms around my waist.

"I guess." I reply knowing he's going to hang onto me for the ride and if I fall so will he.

"Then go!" He chuckles.

I quickly push off and we begin our decent. His feet match mine as we work our way down and as I come to where we want to stop he reaches his hands out and wraps them around mine.

We skid to the side before we both fall crash into the snow.

"Christian!" I yell and laugh simultaneously, he made us fall on purpose.

"What?" He asks with his Christian smirk.

I smile as I stay sat in the snow. It's cold but not too cold to the point I'll worry about frost bite.

"Right ready to head back?" He asks pushing himself to standing.

"One problem." I reply and he looks at me and I know I have a gleam in my eye. "I can't get up!"

Less than an hour later we're back at the house sat on the fur rug by the fire with the stew that Mrs Bentley has prepared for us.

"This is wonderful." I smile before putting another spoonful in my mouth.

"Yeah, nothing nicer than some stew after an afternoon on the slopes." Christian agrees having just finished his bowl.

He pulls the throw from behind the couch and wraps it around his shoulders as I finish my bowl and put it down on the side.

"Come here." He says his arms open for me.

I snuggle into his chest and he wraps his arms around me firmly. The iPod is playing something classical, possibly Bach, quietly in the background and the fire in front of us is roaring.

"We need to talk." He whispers into my ear from where his chin is resting on my shoulder.

"I know." I reply, we've got a heck of a lot to talk about but I don't want to spoil this moment.

"We can wait till later or tomorrow." He whispers before kissing me cheek softly sending warm shivers down my spine.

"Thank you." I say and even though I mean for waiting till we have to talk we both realise there's much more behind the two words.

Christian snuggles his nose into my hair and I smile and completely relax into him no I know I'm not going to have to open up to him.

"I love you Ana, so much." He whispers into my ear.

"I love you too." I reply. "More than you'll ever know."

I feel him give me a squeeze and his kisses behind my ear. My breath catches as his kiss slowly moves down my neck and I tremble with anticipation in his arms. His hands which were resting on my stomach slowly move to my thighs. He strokes up and down slowly as he nips and sucks at my shoulder and I hope he doesn't leave another love bite on me.

His hands move again so he's at my shoulders. I feel his hands wrap around the edge of my camisole and as he begins to pull it off I move my own arms so it will come off easily. My cheek rests against his head where he's kissing me softly. Through the corner of my eye I see my cami dropped and his hands are quick to find the edge of my tank top.

Again I move to make it easier for him to take it off and his lips briefly leave my skin so that he can take it off.

"So beautiful Ana." He whispers as his hands stroke up and down my shoulders, his breath is warm against my cheek making me tremble with anticipation once again.

"God Christian." I whisper as he unhooks my bra straps one at a time.

"I've wanted to take you slowly on this rug in front of a hot burning fire for so long." He tells me and my inner goddess dances around, he wasn't the only one who had that image in his head.

I turn my head to him and see his grey eyes almost black with lust. His lips brush against mine and I gasp in want.

"Lie down." He says and even though they're just two simple words they're hot wired into my groin.

Gently he lowers me down onto the plush rug and it's soft against my back.

"So beautiful Ana." He breathes rubbing his noes against mine. "So beautiful."

His hands slip behind the arch of my back and I pick myself up enough so that he can unclip my bra. As soon as I lower myself back the thin material disappears from my skin.

"Christian." I moan as he strokes his hands up just beside the mounds of my breasts.

"Shh, I want to take my time with you Ana, I want to savour you." He whispers and all I manage is a whimper in return.

His lips land right in between my breasts and it's soft and slow, sensual, not rushed. My eyes glaze over as I enjoy the feel of his lips and hands on my skin. I'm tingling, I'm hot and it's not from the fire that is inches away from me.

After paying great attention to my breasts his hands follow his lips down to the top of my jeans. I feel the button come undone and I watch the top of his head as he pulls of my jeans making sure his fingers glide down the skin of my legs following the offending fabric to the tip of my toes.

He's sitting on his heels looking at me as he unbuttons his shirt. I smile up at him and he grins back, I'm sure I look high but I don't care. Once his shirt slips over his shoulders he unbuckles his trousers paying no attention to what he's doing just trying to get them off quickly. He's in his boxers and I'm in my panties when he leans back over me, the blanket that had been around him is now somewhere near his toes.

"So beautiful Ana." He breathes again like he's willing me to believe the words he's saying.

He teases the string of my panties before finally rolling them down her hips. Once they're of completely I watch how his eyes roam over my body and I realise I do believe him, he thinks I'm beautiful, to him I am beautiful.

He pulls his boxers off allowing his raging erection to spring free. I almost want to ravage him, I'm hungry for him but before I get the chance to move he lowers himself down and slowly and sensually spreads my legs and lowers himself to me.

"Always so ready Anastasia." He smiles as he enters me, inch by inch fills me.

"Always, just for you." I reply and I see the light shine behind his eyes at my words.

Once he's completely inside me he relaxes down onto me for a minute. I run my hand through his hair and as much as I want to rush this I also want to enjoy the sensual slow act he wants to perform.

"My favourite place in the world." He mumbles making my stomach vibrate. "Inside my wife."

I grin as he picks himself up and takes one of my hands into his own and holds it between our chests. His other arm is somewhere by my head, holding him up enough and help him move.

Each thrust is slow and for some reason he feels bigger, I feel fuller.

"Christian." I moan because I'm so close to the edge.

"Let go Ana, I'll be right behind you." He whispers into my ear.

"Ah." I moan as my climax begins to take over.

He pulls back enough to watch me, as I tremble. I didn't expect to ever feel this good but not only that I realise I feel so loved too, we didn't have sex, we made love, real love. He thrusts into me again and I gasp because I'm so sensitive but I can feel that it was his undoing as he calls my name like a prayer before collapsing in a heap on my chest.

I run my hand through his hair before kissing his head softly. I feel light and care free and that's all because of the man whose head lies on my naked chest.

He rolls to the side of me then pulls me to him. My head now rests on his chest and I can feel him mumble and move awkwardly. I wonder what he's doing and I realise as soft fabric covers my bare behind that he's picked the blanket off the floor and laid it over me.

We don't need to speak. As his hand runs through my hair and my head rises and falls with every breath he takes I realise how everything that happened with Jack Hyde doesn't matter. Yes, it's done something to my psyche that's going to take time to recover but it doesn't affect my relationship with Christian, he loves me, he loves me regardless and that's all that matters.

"That was nice." He says softly.

I peer up at him and see his eyes are closed and he's revelling in the feel of my hair.

"Yes it was, but I miss our kinky fuckery."

"You do?" His eyes spring open and I smile.

"It's been a while since we did anything extremely kinky."

"You're right Mrs Grey, I think we'll have to do something about that." He chuckles making my head bounce on his chest.

"When?"

"Tomorrow maybe."

"Your parents arrive in the morning."

"I forgot about that."

I can sense him tensing beneath me so once again I turn my head to look at him.

"What's wrong?" I ask seeing his brow furrowed.

"Nothing." He replies but I know he's lying to me.

"Ok." I shrug, maybe we're not quite at the point where we can tell each other everything yet.

"Go to sleep Ana." He whispers.

"Here?" I ask wondering if he remembers we're on the living room floor.

"Right here." He replies.

As soon as the words leave his mouth I close my eyes and listen to his each and every breath waiting for sleep to come, sleep that I've been deprived of for over three months.


	8. Chapter 8

**What if Ana had suffered a miscarriage at the hands of Jack Hyde? Here's the future… without the kiddies (at least for a little while!) A story with Kinky Fuckery thrown in for fun. **

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Thank you TO ALL OF YOU for your reviews, faves and alerts. As always your continued support is my inspiration.**

"Mr and Mrs Grey?" Taylor entered the living room where we were both sat quietly just listening to music.

"What is it Taylor?" Christian asks and I just look up from the hospital programme that I'm not at all interested in.

"Mr and Mrs Grey senior are at the gate." He explains.

Christian is quick to stand and offer me his hand. I take it and he almost yanks me out of my seat, ouch! I have no time to chastise him for it as he walks briskly out to the large hallway where he grabs my coat from the banister where I left it yesterday and pulls it over my shoulders.

"We wouldn't want you getting sick." He smiles before opening the door.

What about you! I want to ask but I say nothing and step out onto the top steps just as Mr Bentley pulls to a stop at the bottom.

Taylor is quick to open the door and Carrick steps out before offering his hand to his wife so she can step out.

"Christian! Ana!" She beams as she walks up the five stone steps to meet us.

First she wraps Christian up in a hug and then me.

"Oh it's good to see you both." She smiles.

"Anastasia." Carrick smiles before leaning in and kissing my cheek.

"Let's get inside, Mrs Bentley has the kettle going." Christian says slipping an arm around me again and we follow the Senior Grey's inside back into the warmth while Taylor and Mr Bentley sort out the luggage.

We walk briskly straight through to the kitchen and in actual face Mrs Bentley is already pouring everyone their hot drink of choice. She obviously knows the senior Grey's as well as she knows me and Christian. Of course she does, they've been at this house more than you have Ana! My subconscious is glaring at me, like I have never thought dumb things before! I almost shake my head in disgust at myself but manage to just smile sweetly at my husband instead.

"I love Aspen in the winter." Grace smiles as she looks out the window with her mug in hand.

"I was thinking maybe Ana and I could spend Christmas out here." Christian says.

My eyes widen, we haven't discussed this, he hasn't even mentioned it to me before now and to be honest I'd rather spend Christmas in Seattle where we can visit family and friends.

"Don't even think about it Christian." Grace warns. "You and Ana are coming to ours for Christmas."

It's obvious to me that Grace isn't asking but telling her son that he doesn't have an option.

"Mother…"

"Christian, it has been an extraordinary year for us all and for once I would like one day with all my family together, dinner at ours this Christmas." She says and I sense there's some pleading going on behind her eyes and Christian relaxes by my side at once.

"Is that ok with you Ana?"

I want to ask him if he's seriously asking me because he's not often asked for my input before.

"Of course." I smile, Christmas is a time for family and right now I'm one person who has a lot of family to be grateful for.

"It's thanksgiving in a week, will you be here or in Seattle?" Carrick asks and I gulp, I hadn't even realised we were so close to thanksgiving.

"I don't know Dad." Christian shrugs and my mind begins to wander, I can't believe it's nearly Thanksgiving but then of course I remember we attended the Make a Wish charity gala for Halloween this year.

"Well you're always welcome to come home for Thanksgiving too Christian, Kate and Elliot and Mia and Ethan are coming as well as Mr and Mrs Kavanagh." Grace informs us and I am surprised at myself for hoping we could go, I haven't seen Kate's parents since Christian and I married.

"What would you like to do Baby?" Christian asks me softly and I look up at him unsure what to say.

"Uh, well thanksgiving is a time for family too Christian, I think we should go to your parents, give Taylor and Gail a night together and stuff. But I don't mind whatever either way."

He looks at me with a smile on his face and I can sense that his brain is working quietly behind his eyes.

"How would you like a family Thanksgiving Mrs Grey?" He asks me and I can't help but think that he's really up to something.

"I don't mind Christian I told you." I reply with a smile of my own, this man has a hot wire straight through to my libido and so I need him to stop flirting with me and fast.

"Then call your Mom and Bob and call Ray, we'll fly them in too. Would that be ok Mom?"

I am in shock and don't even hear Grace's reply. A real family Thanksgiving with the Grey's, Kavanagh's and Steel's now that would be one great Thanksgiving.

"Of course that's ok! You know how important I think family is Christian and as soon as Kate and Elliot tie the knot we'll all be one very big happy family." Grace grins.

I glance at Carrick who is looking at me with uncertainty. I wonder briefly what he's thinking but shrug it off and just give him a soft smile instead.

My BlackBerry rings and I am quick to retrieve it. Someone's calling me from Grey's Publishing and I don't want to ignore it in case something serious has happened.

"Excuse me." I say to the elder Grey's before kissing my husband's cheek and rushing through to the hall way.

"Ana Grey." I say confidently.

"Mrs Grey it's Hannah, I'm sorry to disturb you but I've received numerous calls from Tabitha Riley about her book release, something about it being a day away and still no selected cover and bio."

Oh shit! Sometimes being in charge really sucks because I have to finalise everything.

"It's no problem Hannah, I'll call Miss Riley today and get on to finalising the bio and cover. I'll have it emailed through to the editor by the end of the day."

"Ok Mrs Grey, good day."

"Good day Hannah." I reply.

I groan inwardly and wonder how Christian will take this news. I know he's usually the one rushing off to deal with urgent business and that he should know what it's like but I don't know how he will feel about me doing it. Guessing the sooner I get it done the sooner I can relax I wonder idly into the kitchen where the group is discussing thanksgiving.

"Everything ok?" Christian asks seeing me looking a little tense.

"Uh yeah, I have to finalise a bio and cover, the book release is due in a week, everything's signed and sealed and I completely forgot about it but it needs to be done today." I tell him carefully watching his reaction.

"Ok." He says after a moment. "Use my study if you want."

"Thank you." I smile. "I shouldn't be too long."

"Take your time Ana." Carrick beams at me. "Christian should know what it's like to run a company."

"Thank you Mr Grey, I will." I smile before hurrying off with my laptop.

Once in the study I am quick to get to work. Luckily Grey's Publishing handled Tabitha Riley's first book so there is very little that needs to be done on the bio. The cover on the other hand isn't what I had in mind. I retrieve the manuscript saved on the laptop and read the first few pages again to remind myself what happens in the book before looking at the cover again.

I've always believed the cover should have something important from the book that will only make sense on reading when it comes to story novels which is exactly what this book is not doing.

I find my sketch book in my bag and even though I am not an artist of any kind am quick to put pencil to paper and begin to sketch out a possible cover.

I'm about half done when a knock on the study door has me jumping upright. The door begins to open and I glance at the clock. I've only been gone two hours so it can't be anything too important. It's Carrick who saunters inside and I fail to hide my curiosity, there's something about the man that always has me questioning my opinion of him. He reminds me so much of Christian in so many ways, he's secretive, not straight up and it unnerves me though I still believe him to be a good and kind man.

"Ana are you busy?" He asks.

"Not particularly." I smile. "I'm just sketching out a possible cover for this book, it seems the editor and I have differing ideas and I want to present an option to the author." I explain.

"May I?" He asks signalling to a chair opposite the desk.

"Of course." I smile putting down my pencil, now I am definitely intrigued. "Where's Christian and Grace?"

"I have no idea! I left them to my own devices while I went to collect some firewood with Taylor, I love the great outdoors." He explains with a boyish grin which I can't help but smile too. "So since I'm back and can't find them I thought I'd come and harass you instead." He adds and I find that my smile has turned into an impish grin.

"Well harass away Mr Grey." I say and it both dawns on us that I just rhymed and we burst out laughing. "I'll have to remember that one for Christian." I giggle.

"Yes you will and please to stop that happening again call me Carrick!" He says through his own laughter.

After the laughter dies away I wonder idly where this conversation is going to go, something tells me that Carrick Grey isn't a man to interrupt a person working just for the sake of it and that he has some motive of coming here to see me.

"How are you Ana?" He finally asks and I realise that is exactly what this is about, he wants to know how I am, how I am dealing with the loss of my child, being almost kidnapped, shooting a man, and everything else that happened a few months before.

"I'm well Carrick." I smile. "As well as can be expected anyhow." I reply knowing that no one would believe me if I said I was absolutely fine.

"Are you?" He asks and for the first time since I have known the man I see worry etched into his brow.

"Carrick." I smile and lean forward across the desk to cup his hand with my own. "I'm ok." I tell him softly. "Really. I'm not fine but I'm ok and I will be fine, soon." I explain and his brow relaxes some.

"I can't imagine how hard all of it was for you Ana, I can only say that Grace and I really struggled to come to terms with what happened to you and to Mia and that we understand that it has been much harder to you and to Christian." He tells me softly and I find myself getting teary at his words. "How are things between you and Christian?"

"Good." I tell him, I don't feel comfortable discussing the state of marriage with Carrick somehow.

"Are they Ana? Are you talking to him? Is he talking to you?" He asks me and I have a feeling somehow that this won't be the last time I am faced with these questions this weekend.

"It could be better Carrick I won't lie, but we'll get there. Neither one of us will give up or let what happened get in the way of our marriage." I say even though they're words I'm struggling to believe myself, thinks haven't exactly been a bed of roses in the past three months.

"Ok. I'll let you get back to work Ana but remember, I'm always here if you want to talk."

"Thank you." I reply in a near whisper and he gives me a last smile before he heads for the door allowing me to wonder what on earth made him come and speak to me and there is only one answer. Grace.

I look down at the sketch I've been doing and realise that it can wait till later, I feel myself getting hungry and I know that lunch won't be long.

The smell of food hits me at the top of the stairs and I smile as my belly rumbles, Christian will be pleased to see me eating better than I have in weeks. As I descend the wide staircase an unmistakable noise carries to my ear. I freeze and hold my breath, straining to hear more and I was right, my fifty is crying.

At first I want to run to him and make sure he's ok but a second voice hits my ears that stop me from even moving. It's Grace's voice.

As quietly as I possibly can I walk down some more steps till I can hear better. Grace and Christian are in the living room and the door is slightly open so I stop before I could be seen through the gap.

I strain my ears once more to listen though my subconscious is scowling at me because morally what I'm doing is wrong.

"I don't know what to do anymore Mom." Christian's voice is strained and I once again have to supress the urge to run to him and make sure he's ok. "I love her so much but she's pushing me away at every chance she gets."

"Christian, I know it's difficult." Grace's voice is soft and it relaxes me a little knowing that a woman who loves him unconditionally is trying to soothe his pain. "But she hasn't even told you yet what happened to her, what she really went through, the thoughts that went through her mind and until she does you won't be able to understand what she's feeling or why she's feeling it. The miscarriage alone was tough but that hurt you too, you were grieving right along with her and as the time elapsed telling you about everything else became all the more difficult."

Holy shit… they're talking about me.

"I thought she could tell me anything Mom. Ana is my world! I thought she'd be able to open up to me and talk to me about everything and yet this happens and she won't tell me anything… it hurts Mom, I never understood what real pain felt like until this and I die a thousand deaths every day as I wonder if this is the day she finally leaves me…"

"Oh Christian!" Grace scoffs. "If she was going to leave you she would have done it when you left her! Remember she's hurting too if not more than what you are and you just need to support her, try not to let her push you away and be her crutch."

I drop my head into my hands and realise that my cheeks are wet with tears that I hadn't even realised were falling. I don't know where to turn at this moment, towards the living room to comfort my husband or upstairs to comfort myself. A creak on the staircase behind me takes the decision out of my hands.

"You know, eavesdropping on your husband isn't a very nice thing to do." Carrick says but it isn't in a manner one would expect in this situation, his voice is soft and sensitive and caring.

"I didn't mean to, if I'd known they were talking I'd have stayed away but then…" My voice cracks and Carrick quickly comes to sit on the step beside me.

"It's ok Ana." He says pulling me into his shoulder, I feel his hand on my cheek and I finally begin to sob.

"I didn't know." I cry hard. "I didn't mean too."

"Shh it's ok Ana." Carrick whispers softly.

I don't know if he's realised that I wasn't talking about eavesdropping but talking about causing Christian so much pain.

"It's not ok." I hiccup. "I didn't mean to hurt him."

I don't hear the door of the living room opening or notice the presence of my husband until I am in his arms.

"Ana breathe baby." He tells me but I can't, everything is closing in around me and I can't breathe.

"Christian she's having a panic attack." That's Grace's voice I think but everything sounds off, echo like and distant.

My whole body feels heavy and I can't see anything as I squeeze my eyes shut.

"Christian." I whisper before everything stops.

I'm not sure where I am or what happened. I know I'm lying on something soft, possibly a bed or a couch. I know I'm warm, very warm and I know I don't want to open my eyes yet. Movement around me causes hairs on the back of my arms to stand on end and I know I'm panicking. It takes a few minutes but then I remember where I am… Aspen. I slowly remember being in my office and talking to Carrick, then the stairs and listening to Grace and Christian talking then Carrick again on the stairs and then Christian before nothing… how on earth did I end up here?

I moan because I feel so groggy.

"Ana?"

That's Christian and he's somewhere in front of me. I let my heavy eyes flicker open but close them again, the light of the room dazzles me too much.

"Baby open your eyes, you're ok." Christian says gently before I hear him move away.

_No! Don't go!_

"Mom she's awake!" I hear him call from the hallway.

_Awake? Was I sleeping? _Then I remember the panic attack. I groan again but this time it's out embarrassment, Carrick and Grace witnessed me having a panic attack, that's just great.

"Ana?" That's Grace's voice that greats my ears and slowly I open my eyes once again. "How are you feeling?"

"Groggy." I murmur and I push myself up to sitting.

"Yes well that often follows a panic attack." Grace says softly.

"I'm sorry." I whisper but she smiles tentatively at me.

"It's ok. You've been through something traumatic Ana, I'm surprised to hear you haven't had one this bad before thought." She says with one eyebrow arched questioningly, I wonder if Carrick has told her about me eavesdropping on her and Christian or if he covered for me? Somehow I think it's the former.

"Where's Christian?" I ask not wanting him to overhear anything he shouldn't like I did.

"With his father and Mr Bentley getting more wood for the fire, he was shocked when you passed out but no you're awake he needs a minute to understand everything in his own head, he'll be back in a little while."

Somehow, I instinctively know that it was a set up. As soon as I was awake Christian left and Grace came in so I know that it was planned and somehow I also know that Christian isn't too happy about it.

"Ok." I mumble.

"Here take a sip." Grace says picking up a glass of water from beside the bed and pressing it softly to my hand.

Once I take a sip I revel in how nice and cold it is in my throat but before I have a chance to take another sip Grace has slipped the cup from my hand and placed it back on the desk.

"Now Ana, we need to talk." Grace says and there I go, once again, I crumble.

"I didn't mean to hurt him." I say through my tears but Grace has already pulled me into her chest and wrapped her arms around me.

"I know Ana, he knows that too." Grace tells me. "But you need to start opening up and telling us what happened, Christian especially."

"I don't know how." I hiccup. "I don't want to hurt him anymore."

"Why do you think it will hurt him Ana?"

"Because … he left before and now… everything's good again…"

"Everything's not good sweetie or you wouldn't be crying like this." Grace replies and I realise she's right.

"I didn't want to hurt him." I cry. "But I had to… Mia…"

"Oh sweetie Christian knows that, you did what you had to do to save Mia." Grace coos.

"But everyone was so mad." I continue to sob almost hysterically. "Everyone, Christian and Ray and Carrick. They were all so mad at me."

"Oh Honey not in the way you think, they weren't mad at you, everyone was so grateful that you saved Mia and grateful that you weren't killed in the process."

"I told him I was leaving him… I promised Grace… I promised I would never ever leave him and I lied and said I was and he asked me… he asked me…" I can't finish the sentence, it hurts so much every time I think about what he asked me.

"What did he ask you Ana? Whatever it is you need to talk about it because it's eating away at you, I can see that much."

"He asked me… if it was about the money… he seriously asked me if I'd married him for his money…" I feel Grace tense up.

"Anastasia Grey, no one in this family believe that's true, not Christian, not me, not Carrick." She says her voice firm as if she's trying to force me to believe it.

"I love him Grace, so much, I can't believe he even asked me that!" I sob hard.

"I'm sure it's a question I would ask if someone was trying to take five million dollars from my account after telling me they were leaving me." She chuckles lightly but I fail to see the funny side. "He was scared Ana, terrified that he was losing the one person he's ever not only loved but allowed to be loved by. He knows that it was never about the money, if he had the slightest suspicion that it was there would be a very detailed pre-nup signed."

"It killed me Grace." I cry. "To tell him I was leaving him, it killed me."

"I know Ana." Grace replies just stroking her hand through my hair while still holding my head to her chest.

"I wanted to kill him." I say my voice a little stronger. "I was lying on the ground and I pulled out that gun and I wanted to… if I hadn't of been at the verge of losing consciousness I would have killed him… I wanted to kill him for making me hurt Christian."

Grace realised then that I was no longer talking about Christian and was now onto Jack Hyde. I cling to her sweater tightly as I finally admit something I've kept inside for months.

"Ana darling." Grace says and I can hear the tears in her voice. "No one would have blamed you had you shot him in the head and killed him. He had Mia, he forced you in so many ways to hurt Christian and he killed your child… he took a life and so no one blames you for wanting the same revenge even now. But you need to talk to Christian, he doesn't understand."

"I know but he hates guns and I don't want him to have to suffer too." I cry.

"I promise to love you faithfully, forsaking all others, through the good times and the bad, in sickness or in health, regardless of where life takes us." Grace coos softly in my ear. "I sat there helping you both write your vows without the words obey in them Ana, you both meant every word of what you said, Christian promised you that he would love you in the good times and the bad and he meant it, this is the bad Ana, it doesn't get much worse than this."

"You're right." I cry. "I just feel so lost Grace and so out of control."

"I know honey. Christian told me about the depression, have you been taking the pills?"

"Yes."

"Then you'll get better, but first things first you need to talk."


	9. Chapter 9

**What if Ana had suffered a miscarriage at the hands of Jack Hyde? Here's the future… without the kiddies (at least for a little while!) A story with Kinky Fuckery thrown in for fun. **

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**I know the other chapter was a bit of a jump but it was just to move the story along some, this one does to a little!**

**Thank you TO ALL OF YOU for your reviews, faves and alerts. As always your continued support is my inspiration.**

**The next chapter will jump hence why this one is so short and has no details whatsoever, it will all come out in the next chapter!**

After my talk with Grace I'm feeling much better. I'm yet to talk to Christian but thanks to Grace and Carrick we're going out to dinner so we can talk without raised voices in a public place.

"Are you ready?" Christian asks softly.

I'm sitting on the bed just looking at myself in the mirror. I'm dressed, my hair is done and makeup is perfect but I'm still just sitting.

"We don't have to go out if you want to stay in." Christian tells me softly as he sits down beside me.

"No I do." I reply turning to him with a sad smile. "I do I'm just… a little down this evening."

"Ok." Christian looks lost and it breaks my heart.

"I'm ok Christian." I tell him tentatively touching his face. "I really am. We're ok too."

"I know." He smiles then kisses my nose. "Come, we've got a table waiting."

I take his hand and allow him to lead me to the car waiting downstairs.

"No Taylor?" I ask when he opens the front passenger door.

"No I was thinking this was something we could do alone Ana." He replies with a gentle smile.

I reach out and cup his cheek.

"You can be so thoughtful." I tell him with a smile and he softly kisses my lips before I climb into the car.

The tension in the car is electric. We both know that tonight we'll open up to each other and be honest with each other and we're both worried but we don't voice it. In actual fact we don't voice anything and drive in actual silence.

My eyes are closed as we edge closer into town. I don't see the crossroad, I don't see the car. I just feel the connection.

I squeeze my eyes tight. I can't catch my breath. There's an awfully loud noise that sounds like a car horn reaching my ears and everything hurts. I smell gas fluid and smoke and my eyes shoot open.

I look around horrified and frozen in shock. We've had an accident. I look to Christian and find that he's slumped over the air bag that's deployed in front of him.

"Christian." I breathe. "Oh God Christian!" I cry and I somehow manage to cup his head and slowly move him back in his chair making sure not to move his neck in case it's broken. "Christ!" I cry as I fumble for my phone.

I don't know what to do. I'm terrified. I don't know if I should dial nine one one or something else and I'm panicking. I see other people calling from the street and believe one of them have called nine one one.

"Christian!" I yell but he's completely unconscious. "Please don't be dead?" I ask moving my fingers to his neck.

I find a pulse and I let out a sigh of relief, at least he's alive. I try and open the door but it won't open. I ram my shoulder into it but it just doesn't budge.

"Help!" I scream banging on the window. "Somebody help us!" I call.

Suddenly there's a figure in front of the window.

"Ma'am can you open the window?"

I fumble with the switch but nothing happens.

"No its stuck! Please! My husband?" I cry.

"Help is on its way Ma'am."

"Christian!" I scream but still nothing.

"Ma'am, cover yourself with a jacket or something and lean as far away from the window as you can, I'm going to break the window."

I grab my coat from the back and pull it over my head and Christian's. I kiss him and close my eyes tight as I hear banging on the window before a smash where the glass breaks.

"Christian wake up! Please wake up!" I plead but nothing happens.

"Ma'am can you climb out?"

I remove the coat off the top of my head.

"I don't want to leave him!" I sob. "Please! I can't leave him!"

"Ok, don't panic, the paramedics and fire service are on their way."

I can't breathe and clutch tight to Christian's hand.

"What's your name?" He asks kindly.

"Ana." I say. "Anastasia Grey. This is my husband Christian Grey."

"The Christian Grey?"

"Yes! I'm his wife! Please wake up Christian!" I yell at him and this time his eyes screw shut before popping wide open.

"Ana?" He asks. "Ana what happened?"

"We've been in an accident Christian."

"We need to get out." He says turning to his window.

"Mr Grey don't move you could have a spinal injury."

"I'm fine. Get my wife out please?"

"I won't leave you!" I shout but he glares at me.

"Anastasia don't argue with me now, get out through the window. I'll be right behind you."

"Promise?" I ask my voice barely a whisper.

"Oh Ana I promise, just get out now." He is pleading with me. Christian Grey is actually pleading.

"Mrs Grey, come on." The man beside me is offering his hands to help me.

"Ok." I nod nervously. "Come straight behind me baby please?" I ask as I fumble with my belt.

"I will be. Go Ana." He pleads.

It takes about three minutes for me to twist and turn in climbing out of the car. The man who's been helping me pulls me out more than I do climbing and as soon as my feet are on the floor he moves me to the side and wraps my coat around me before going to help Christian.

He's about half way out when he goes limp.

"Christian!" I scream just as the ambulance and fire service arrives.

"I've got him Mrs Grey." The man says and I pray to any God to let him live.

Slowly Christian's limp body exits the car and placed on the floor. I rush to his side, collapsing on my knees one the frozen floor. I kiss his head and wrap my hand around his and he feels so cold. An EMT arrives by my side and I know the need me to move but I can't.

"Christian!"

"Ma'am we just want to get him straight into the ambulance ok? You can stay with him." A female EMT tells me gently.

The man who's been helping us grabs my shoulders and moves me to one side while the EMT's tend to Christian. They place him on a spinal board and as soon as they lift him off the ground I am by his side and clasping his hand.

"What's his name?" The EMT asks as soon as the door is closed.

"Christian Grey."

"And yours?"

"Ana Grey, I'm his wife." I say my eyes not leaving his.

"Did he regain consciousness at all?"

"Yes, he began to climb out the window, he was unconscious and then came round but then lost consciousness again. Please tell me he won't die?" I ask with tears dripping freely down my cheeks.

"His vitals look good right now but I can't tell you more till we get to the ER."

"Ok." I squeak. "Just… I can't lose him."

Once we arrive at the hospital a team of doctors meet us. Christian's gurney is wheeled away quick and I try to keep up but a doctor takes me by the arm.

"No! Christian!" I scream.

"They're taking him to trauma, you can't go in there and we need to check you out."

"I'm fine! He needs me!" I sob.

"You're bleeding from two different area's on your head Ma'am you're not fine."

"No!" I pull away roughly.

"Ok let me take you to trauma waiting room." She says kindly.

"Ok." I nod even though I want to scream. "I need to call my parents in law and our security… they need to know."

"Ok, I'll wait with you." She smiles kindly as I fumble for my phone.

"Hello?"

"Mr Bentley it's Ana." I hiccup.

"Ana? Darling what's wrong?"

"There's been an accident… I need… Get Grace and Carrick and Taylor quickly!" I sob and I'm unsure whether or not she's heard me but the phone exchanges hands.

"Anastasia?"

"Grace?"

"Yes sweetie it's me what happened are you ok?"

"It's Christian! There was an accident, we're at the ER now."

"We're on our way. Be strong Ana, we're on our way."

The line goes dead and I drop to my knees unable to hold my own weight anymore. I feel someone kneel beside me but I can't lift my head to look who it is. I'm in pure agony but physically I don't feel anything.


	10. Chapter 10

**What if Ana had suffered a miscarriage at the hands of Jack Hyde? Here's the future… without the kiddies (at least for a little while!) A story with Kinky Fuckery thrown in for fun. **

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Thank you TO ALL OF YOU for your reviews, faves and alerts. As always your continued support is my inspiration.**

**Ok a small jump in time only because I'm no good at writing the anxious sitting and waiting bit!**

"Why hasn't he woken up?" I ask looking over the still body of my husband.

"His body's been through trauma Mrs Grey, he'll wake when he's good and ready." Doctor Blythe replies and I nod gingerly.

"Ana?" Grace says as she enters the room, her eyes are blood shot and her nose is red.

"Yes?" I ask.

"Will you please let them check you over? You need stitches and I think your wrist might be broken." She says softly.

I look down at my left arm and see it's swollen and black. It throbs but I haven't been able to leave Christian since he was wheeled into his room.

"I don't want to leave him. What if he wakes up?" I ask nervously.

"Carrick will be here, I'll stay with you." Grace says softly. "Christian won't be happy if you don't get yourself seen too."

The one thing she could say to get me out of the chair was that. Christian wouldn't be happy. I sigh and lean over his head so I can kiss him before allowing Grace to lead me out of his room. Carrick gives me a weak smile as he passes and I know he's going to take my seat while Grace makes sure everything is ok with me.

"I had my eyes closed." I say weakly. "We were just driving then… the crash."

"It's ok Ana."

"It's not ok!" I snap. "Christian could have died! He could still die! His brain is swollen, his leg is broken in three places…"

"Shh Ana." Grace coos. "Come on you need to keep calm sweetie, it won't do you any good to be worked up."

It turned out that I needed stiches on my forehead and had a broken wrist which required a cast. The abrasion in the back of my head was just a scalp wound which was cleaned and left alone.

On the way back to Christian's room we saw police officers hanging around outside.

"Excuse me can I help you?" I ask nervously.

"Mrs Grey?" One asks.

"The one in the car accident or the one that wasn't?" Grace asked hurriedly.

"Uh…"

"We're both Mrs Grey." Grace explains while I stand completely stoic.

"Oh well Mrs …. Ana Grey?" He reads my name from his notebook.

"That's me." I say softly. "Uh Grace do you want to go to Christian? I can handle this, send Taylor to me if he's still around."

"Ok." Grace says before kissing my head. "We'll be with Christian when you're done."

I watch Grace walk into Christian's room before sitting down in one of the waiting room chairs.

"So what can I do for you?" I ask.

"Mrs Grey, I am Sergeant Smith this is my partner Detective Cole."

"Nice to meet you." I say. "Under the circumstances." I add feeling foolish.

"It's ok. We just have a few questions for you."

"Why? It was an accident, they took Christian's blood and he wasn't drinking, the traffic cameras could tell you if he ran a red light which I can assure you he didn't…" The Sergeant's face makes me shut up at once, he looks like he has something very pressing to tell me.

"We have reasons to suspect that the accident wasn't an accident."

"What do you mean?" I ask hurriedly.

"Do you know a Mrs Elena Lincoln?"

I gasp. Is this man serious?

"I do. Why?"

"Have you any reason to believe that she would be out to get you or your husband?"

I close my eyes. There are plenty of reasons why she could be out to get me or Christian but things were fine the last time I spoke with her.

"I guess it's possible, my husband dealt with her a few days ago, asking her to leave me alone and not contact me again but I can't tell you what means he took to do that." I reply knowing that he probably would have threatened her in some way. "Why? How is Elena involved in all of this?"

"Mrs Grey, Elena Lincoln was driving the other car." The Sergeant replied and I gasp in complete shock.

Lucky for me Taylor arrived by my side just as this news was broken to me.

"Mrs Grey?" He asks and I clutch tight to his hand.

"Where is she now?"

"Here, both her legs are broken, it seems she ran a red light and drove on a diagonal into your husband crushing her legs in the process, she had to be cut out of the vehicle."

"Taylor, I want Ryan, Sawyer and Prescott flown out of Seattle as soon as possible, get me Welch on the phone too." I say quickly. "Thank you officers is there anything else you need?"

"No Ma'am, I must ask who are Ryan, Sawyer, Prescott and Welch?"

"Not that it's any of your business but Ryan, Sawyer and Prescott are Mr Grey and my security team along with Taylor here, Welch is a privet investigator who is contracted to Grey's Enterprises Inc." I tell him. "As you say Elena Lincoln is here I think added security is a necessity don't you?"

"Of course Ma'am. Just please stay on the right side of the law and let us deal with this?"

"Do you know who my husband is Sergeant Smith?"

"Christian Grey, CEO of Grey's Enterprise Holdings Inc."

"Exactly, now we will stay on the right side of the law and allow you to do your jobs but we will not stand by and do nothing. Now here is my number, please call if you need anything."

I take a business card from my purse and hand it over to the officer before walking off leaving the officers dumbfounded.

Arriving outside Christian's room I lean against the wall face on. My arm rests beneath my forehead as I process everything I've just learned and everything I've just done. I was in command with Taylor, and I can't help but smile thinking Christian would be proud of me but then I think of Elena and how she crashed into our car and almost killed Christian and I begin to tremble. How could she? I thought she loved him?

After taking a deep steady breath to calm myself I make my way through to Christian's room. He's still out cold and Grace and Carrick are sat in silence.

"Carrick I need some legal advice." I say softly so not to startle anyone.

"What about?" He asks weakly.

"I need a restraining order. The police… they know who crashed into us and they don't think it was an accident." I say trying to keep my composure.

"Who was it Ana?" Grace asks me, her voice a near whisper.

"Elena Lincoln and she's here at this hospital with two broken legs."

"I'll sort it Ana, leave it with me." Carrick smiles softly getting to his feet.

"I've asked Taylor to fly some more security out. We're going to be here a while and I want them here just to be safe. I also need to call Welch find out if he can find when Elena flew out." I say to Grace as Carrick has already left the room.

"Ok." Grace replies with a smile just as my cell phone begins to ring.

I look at the caller ID and see it's Welch calling me. I nod towards Grace before stepping out into the hallway.

"Ana Grey." I answer as calmly as I can.

"Mrs Grey, Welch, Taylor filled me on the details, what can I do for you?"

"I need to know anything and everything you can about her trip to Aspen. I'm getting a restraining order and flying in security." I tell him.

"Consider it done Mrs Grey, I'll email you everything as soon as I can."

"Thank you."

The line goes dead but I don't even get to return my phone to my pocket before it rings again. This time I see it's Christian's office calling me.

"Ana Grey." I answer again wondering who it would be calling me from Grey's house at this late hour.

"Mrs Grey, It's Amanda here from Grey's House PR. I tried calling Mr Grey but there was no answer. There are rumours floating around about a car accident."

"Yes Mr Grey is still unconscious. It may not have been an accident Amanda but I don't have all the details yet."

"Mrs Grey, I'm sorry to have to do this but you'll need to make a statement to the press as soon as you can to calm thousands of people's fears and stomp the rumours."

"I understand. I'm sure the press will be camped outside the hospital soon."

"They already are Ma'am, I will set up the conference and write out a speech for you and have it emailed. I have could fly out there if necessary."

"No Amanda, it's fine just email me the speech. I can handle it." I tell her softly knowing she's only trying to help.

"Ok Mrs Grey. I hope Mr Grey is well soon. We're all thinking about you both at this time."

"Thank you Amanda."

I hang up and groan inwardly, being married to a hot shot billionaire CEO has its ups and downs and right now I'm experiencing both.

Back in Christian's room Grace hasn't moved from her position. There are three steaming Styrofoam cups of coffee on the table from Taylor who is stood with his own at the end of the bed against the wall.

"They didn't have any tea." He tells me.

"Thank you." I reply taking a sip of the liquid not caring about it burning at all.

"Security will fly at o eight hundred, Kate, Elliot, Mia and Ethan will be on board also, they'll be using the company jet."

"That's fine. Thank you Taylor." I smile gratefully and he nods at me his understanding.

My phone pings to signal an email and I'm quick to check it. Surprisingly it's not from Welch but off Amanda with the speech and details of the press conference.

"Grace." I say softly and she looks from her son to me. "There's a press conference scheduled for five am here in the hospital. They want to make the morning papers before all the rumours do."

"That's good. I don't know how you're doing this Ana…Being so collected and in control."

"I learned from a great man." I say looking to the bed. "He taught me."

"He sure knows how to handle a situation." Grace smiles. "He's going to be ok Ana, his brain is just shut itself down so that it can rest and recover."

"I know." I say but it's more of an 'I hope' that I can't voice.

"Ana…" Carrick comes back into the room waiving a piece of paper.

"What's this?" I ask as he hands it to me.

"A restraining order against Elena Lincoln. She's in room 408 two floors above." He says and I grin at him.

"Thank you. Taylor?"

"Coming Mrs Grey." He smiles back at me.

Grace shakes her head but fails to hide her own smile knowing exactly what I'm going to do.

Taylor stays one step behind me as I walk. Though somehow I'd prefer it if he was right beside me, at least that way I would be able to have some comfort from a friend but it's also good to know his behaviour doesn't differ towards me because I'm not Christian.

In the elevator I look to Taylor. He gives me a reassuring smile and I return it the best I could.

"Taylor." I say and he steps beside me so to hear me better.

"Mrs Grey?"

"I'm scared." I tell him.

Slowly he slips an arm around me and gives me a reassuring squeeze. I can tell he feels uncomfortable but it makes me feel a little support and I'm grateful.

"Thank you." He just smiles at me before letting to.

"I'm right here Ana. If you need me, I'm here." He says.

I know he means every single word.


	11. Chapter 11

**What if Ana had suffered a miscarriage at the hands of Jack Hyde? Here's the future… without the kiddies (at least for a little while!) A story with Kinky Fuckery thrown in for fun. **

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Thank you TO ALL OF YOU for your reviews, faves and alerts. As always your continued support is my inspiration.**

**So a little shorter than I had originally thought it would be but still over 3,000 words!**

"You don't have to do this Mrs Grey." Taylor tells me awkwardly. I know he means well and even though he's speaking out of turn and would never do so with Christian I am very grateful to have him by my side.

"I know Taylor, but I need too." I reply with a soft smile. "I'm beginning to understand why Christian needs control. If I wasn't in control right now I couldn't function."

I arrive outside the door to Elena's room and I really don't know whether or not I'm doing the right thing in going to see her.

"Taylor." I say and I sense him turning to look at me. "Tell me honestly what you think Christian will say if he finds out about this?"

"I think he'll be furious Mrs Grey." He replies and I turn to look at him and see him beaming.

"You're right." I smirk gripping the door handle. "But we'll worry about that later."

I swing the door open and am instantly faced with Elena gazing at me.

"Oh Ana! I'm so glad to see you're alright! How's Christian? Why aren't you with him?"

I glare at her unable to speak for a moment. Taylor is right beside me and I know he's as angry as I am at the woman's audacity.

"Elena Lincoln. This is a restraining order barring you from coming within fifty feet of Mr Christian Grey and myself Anastasia Grey." I say my voice firm and stiff.

I walk to her bed keeping my eyes on her. I know they're radiating fury as she cowers away from me the closer I get.

"Ana? A restraining order?" She asks shaking her head as if in confusion.

"Yes Elena. You stay away from me and my husband or I will personally escort you to a prison cell do I make myself clear?" I hiss making sure she knows that my threat is a promise too.

"I thought you and I were friends?" She cries and I snap.

I push my hand into her face and cup her jaw rendering her completely speechless. Taylor is shifting awkwardly beside me, ready to stop me should I go too far.

"Friends? You are nothing more than a paedophile Elena! A pervert, to whom I was once grateful to for helping my husband when he needed someone to be there for them. Now that same husband is lying unconscious in a hospital bed with a swollen brain because you decided to drive your car into us. You could have killed him Elena, and I take no prisoners when it comes to the safety and well-being of the man I love. Now come near either one of us again and forget the prison cell, I'll kill you with my bare hands." My voice is low, threatening, a hiss and the fear is sparkling in Elena's eyes making me even angrier. "Do I make myself clear?"

"Clear." She manages to mumble through the grip I have on her jaw.

I throw the restraining order in her face before stepping away, Taylor close to my heel.

As soon as we're outside the door I exhale a breath I know I've been holding since the second I walked into the elevator to come to the room.

"Are you ok Ana?" Taylor asks me softly.

I turn to look at him and I can see the worry etched in his face.

"I'm good." I reply with a smile. "That felt good."

"Mrs Grey if I may, that was awesome." He says with a twinkle in his eye and I can't help but laugh.

We walk back to Christian's room in silence. It's obvious that the closer we get the more the adrenaline leaves my body. Arriving outside his door I finally crumble, all the emotions I've been keeping in check for the past couple of hours come tumbling out of me.

"Ana!" Grace calls exiting the room.

She wraps me up in an embrace and I hold onto her for dear life.

"What happened?"

"Nothing it was fine." I reply. "I just… why isn't he waking up?" I sob and I feel Grace's arms tighten around me.

"He will, soon Ana he will." She reassures me. "Come on, come sit with him a while."

I follow Grace into the room and she pushes me gently into the chair closest to his bed. My hands instantly find his and I wrap them around him, hoping that somehow he'll know I'm there. I lower my head so it's by his shoulder and I cry into him quietly. I don't care that Grace, Carrick and Taylor are watching, I just can't stop crying.

I must have cried myself asleep. Grace is shaking my shoulder softly and murmuring quietly to me.

"It's nearly four thirty Ana, the press conference is in half an hour."

At these words I jump upright ignoring the protests from the headache I have. It takes me a moment to steady myself but I look at Taylor who gives me a polite nod letting me know he's ready when I am.

"Christian baby, I won't be long. I love you." I whisper into his ear before kissing his cheek softly. I run my hand down his face a couple of times before I manage to tear myself away from him. It hurts to leave him knowing that the whole time I was in a coma he didn't leave my side but I can't just sit there when there are things to be done.

"You ready Mrs Grey?" Taylor asks me and I nod weakly, I don't know what to say but I know I look awful not that I care what type of pictures of me end up in the press.

"I haven't called my parents Taylor, could you, before anything airs?" I ask holding my phone gingerly.

"Of course Mrs Grey." He smiles reassuringly and I give him a firm nod before allowing him to show me the way to the room where the press conference will be held.

I enter the room to flashes from cameras. I walk to where a podium filled with microphones stand and Taylor stays just one step behind me

"At around seven thirty yesterday evening, Mr Christian Grey and I were on our way to dinner when a car collided with ours." I say reading from the script provided to me by Amanda from the PR team. "We were driving along East Cooper Ave when a car came into us from South Hunter Street. The car collided into the driver's side. Currently Christian is unconscious due to swelling on the brain and we hope that he will wake when he is good and ready." My voice cracks here and I feel Taylor's hand slip into mine, I give it a squeeze, grateful for the reassurance he's trying to provide me. "Other than that he has contusions to the arms and legs, two broken ribs on his left side and a badly bruised pelvis. We expect him to make a full recovery and would be grateful if at this difficult time you would allow our family some peace to take care of him. Thank you."

"Mrs Grey! Is it true that this may not have been an accident?"

"The collision is currently being investigated at this time by the police, we'll know when they have concluded their investigation." I reply as calmly as I can.

"Mrs Grey! Is it true that you and Mr Grey know the person involved in the collision."

"That is neither here nor there." I reply gripping Taylor's hand tighter as I begin to panic.

"Mrs Grey what injuries did you sustain in the accident?"

"I have a broken wrist and contusions only one of which required stitching."

"What plastic surgeon stitched you up Mrs Grey?"

"You have got to be kidding me." I mumble. "The best one here." I reply loudly with a look in my eyes that warn them to back off. "That's all for now, again please respect our family's privacy at this time."

Taylor lets go of my hand but then returns his hand to my back as he leads me out. I'm barely holding it together and as soon as I'm out of the room I gasp at air that I've been deprived of for the past few minutes.

"You ok Ana?" Taylor asks me softly.

"I'm good." I reply with a nod. "Let's go back."

I manage to hide my fear from Taylor but never do I want to have to give a press conference again. I didn't even have to do it with my engagement, the PR team sent a notice and the paparazzi captured pictures of the two of us whenever they could to splash across the tabloids.

Back in Christian's room Grace and Carrick were sat in a vigil beside the bed. Carrick's face snaps to meet mine and I give him a soft nod, I don't know what to say or how to act. He stands up and walks to me and I'm nervous, but when he wraps his arms around me I feel myself sagging into him.

"I'm sorry." I whisper trying to hold back my tears.

"You have nothing to apologise for Ana, I'm just glad that you're ok. This could have been much worse." He says and I nod into his shoulder in agreement, I know that it could have been much worse and I'm thankful so far that it wasn't but I am also praying that Christian wakes up soon.

"Come and sit." He says and I allow him to guide me to the chair he was occupying only moments ago.

I take hold of Christian's hand with one of my own while Carrick continues to hold my other. He reaches over the bed and takes his wife's hand and then we're sat in a circle, completely connected to one another.

Taylor walks in with steaming coffee. I didn't even notice him leave and I realise that I have done nothing but sit in silence with tears falling from my eyes since I spoke with Carrick. Which judging by the time on the clock was a good two hours before.

"Thank you Taylor." I whisper as he hands me my own Styrofoam cup.

He just gives me a nod of the head before he returns to standing at the end of the bed watching over the man who he works for and also a man he considers a friend.

Its heart wrenching but we watch and wait in silence. It's another hour and a half before Taylor looks at me and gives me a nod before leaving. I know what it means, the plane is about to descend into Aspen and he's going to meet Mr Bentley to pick up the security and the rest of our family.

"Wake up Christian." I whisper into our hands. "Please wake up for me baby." I'm pleading.

About half an hour passes and doctors come in and out, Grace talks to them but I don't. My tired eyes don't leave Christian's face as I will him mentally to just open his eyes and demand to know why I haven't eaten and then scowl at me for rolling my eyes at him. But it's just hope as he doesn't even move.

When the door opens Elliot, Mia, Kate and Ethan hurry inside followed by Taylor. He glances at me and I nod as if asking him to give me a minute. I know exactly what he's expecting from me but I need to be with my family for a moment.

"Oh Ana." Kate cries wrapping me up in her arms. "How are you? Are you hurt?"

"I'm ok, I'm ok I'll be fine once Christian's awake." I reply trying desperately not to cry again.

After greeting everyone I make my excuses to step outside where the security team have gathered.

"Mrs Grey, how are you?" Sawyer asks, other than Taylor he's always been my favourite, probably because he's the one that Christian hired to personally look out for me when everything happened with Jack Hyde.

"I'm hanging in there." I reply with a reassuring smile and I know they understand that I'm just being strong.

"Taylor, you will stay in the room with Mr Grey until he wakes and requests otherwise. Ryan you will guard this door at all time, other than myself the only people who are to enter are the Grey's, Kate and Ethan. All staff are to be ID'd. Sawyer and Prescott as much as it pains me to say this but you'll stick with me. If I'm in here you will be expected to wait out here unless I request otherwise, if I leave I expect you to follow without me having to say anything. Do you all understand?" My voice is stronger than what I expected it to feel. If anything it doesn't match the state of my dress and face.

After the group give an affirmative nod I smile thankfully at them, I knew they would listen and not question but I know they understand that I am weary about ordering Christian's Team around without his blessing.

"Good." I say before I stalk back into the room with Taylor close behind me.

"Ana we're going to go back to the house and rest." Carrick says as soon as my eyes meet his. Grace is leaning on him barely able to keep her eyes open. "I think everyone could do with getting settled too."

"That's fine. I'll call you if there is any change." I tell them. "Taylor I want Prescott to accompany the Grey's back to the house please." I tell him and with one nod of the head he's out the door.

"Ana come with us, Christian won't be pleased if you don't sleep and eat…"

"Grace I'm ok. I need to be here right now. I'll send Sawyer to find me something to eat in a little while but right now I can't even think of eating." I tell her and she nods.

"I'll bring some clothes back with us later." She tells me. "For the two of you."

"Thank you Grace I'd appreciate that." I reply and I lean in to give her a hug.

We both strain not to cry as we embrace but as soon as we break apart she's rushing out the door followed by Carrick and then the rest of the group. I sink into the chair by Christian's bed and curl my head up into the side of his chest. I'm quick to let sleep take over my body.

Familiar fingers running through my hair rouses me from my slumber. I think I'm dreaming though as the last time I checked the owner of those fingers was unconscious.

"Ana?"

I can't be dreaming because I'm half awake and that is definitely the voice of my man that is calling me.

"Christian?" I ask blinking my eyes open and lifting my head fearing that I'm hallucinating. "Oh my God you're awake!"

I lean over him and kiss him softly. He returns the kiss passionately and I feel his arms wrap around me. He doesn't realise he has broken ribs until he pulls me down to him and feels the pain.

"Take it easy baby you're hurt. Taylor fetch Doctor Michaels tell him Mr Grey's awake please?" I ask.

"Of course." Taylor says before hurrying out the door.

"What happened?" Christian asks clutching tight to my hand.

"We were in an accident, you've been unconscious for about eighteen hours." I tell him.

"An accident? In the car?"

"Yeah." I nod.

"How's the other driver."

"Suffering I hope." I spit and Christian glares at me.

"Baby it may not have been an accident, the police are investigating and I hand delivered a restraining order to the other driver who has two broken legs."

"Do I know the other driver?" He asks confused.

"Yeah baby. It was Elena."

He blinks at me but no emotions register on his face.

"Elena?" He says after a minute or two has passed and I nod. "I told you she was up to something."

"I know baby. I'm so sorry… if I'd only listened!" I begin to cry and he squeezes my hand tight.

"It doesn't matter Ana as long as you're alright. I need my phone. I need to organise security and I'm sure the press have already gotten wind of this so someone from PR will need to make a statement…"

My ever in control fifty… I grin at him and he glares at me.

"What?"

"I already did all that Christian. Prescott is with your parents, Ryan and Sawyer are outside this door and Taylor has been in here or with me the entire time. PR had me do a press conference this morning just to dispel any rumours."

"You did all that?" He asks in surprise.

"I know now why you need to feel in control Christian, it kept me going when I thought…" Tears fill my eyes and his hand is quick to cup my face and wipe away any stray tear. "I thought I might lose you."

"I'm going nowhere Ana." He warned and I nodded.

"I know."

As Doctor Michaels enters I make way to stand but Christian grips me tight.

"Mr Grey I need to check your ribs and your memory and such."

"I need to call your family anyway Christian, I'll be right outside the door. Doctor Michaels is the best in the state for head injuries. I wouldn't have just anyone tending to you."

"Come back?"

"As soon as I'm off the phone." I smile and he finally loosens his grip on me so I can stand. "I love you."

"You too." He smiles and I lean in to kiss him before making a haste exit.

As asked Sawyer follows me down the corridor. I fumble with my BlackBerry and call Grace to let her know that Christian is awake. They promise to come straight down and I relax some.


	12. Chapter 12

**What if Ana had suffered a miscarriage at the hands of Jack Hyde? Here's the future… without the kiddies (at least for a little while!) A story with Kinky Fuckery thrown in for fun. **

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Just a small chapter to kind of move the story along now. **

**Again THANK YOU for all your reviews, it keeps me going when I struggle with where to go next with this story. I had originally planned to kill Elena in the car accident but changed my mind so I could possibly use her again in future chapters…**

"Well Mr Grey you're perfectly healthy other than your broken ribs. Those will heal on their own but no strenuous activity that causes them to be aggravated."

I can't help but giggle. All Christian has done for the two days he's been awake is complain about the lack of sex especially kinky fuckery that there is going to be until his ribs heal.

"Mrs Grey are you giggling at me?" He asks with a twinkle in his eye that just melts my heart.

"No Sir." I say in mock seriousness before I burst out laughing.

The doctor is smiling but she doesn't get the joke so to embarrass my husband further I turn to her with a smile that spelt the word wicked.

"Mr Grey is wondering if sex comes under the strenuous activity that he needs to abstain from." I tell her and Christian glares at me and I know he's struggling to hide his embarrassment.

"Well I shouldn't think so. I mean there are plenty of positions in the karmasutra that would probably limit the strain on the ribs." The Doctor smiles sweetly as if she's heard the question a thousand times before. She confirms my suspicion. "That's a question many patients ask. Most actually." She says and through the corner of my eye I see Christian relaxing.

"Well then Mr Grey let's get you home." I smile.

"Home?" He asks and I know exactly what he means.

"Yes baby home, our flight is in two hours and we should be back in Esclala by dinner time." I tell him and I can see the light turn on his grey eyes, I know that all he's wanted is to go home to Escala. Having already sent everyone else home when he had been cleared for any serious injury he'd focused on getting himself better so that he could follow in their footsteps.

"I can't wait to eat Mrs Jones food." He says and I can see that his mouth is watering just at the thought.

"Why don't you give her a call and let her know what you fancy?" I say as Taylor and Sawyer comes in from taking the bags to the car.

"No, she can surprise me." Christian smiles, he'd eat anything right now that he doesn't even want to begin thinking about what he actually wants.

"Ok. Let's go home baby."

The drive from Aspen Valley Hospital to Sardy Field airport is in silent. I know Christian is brooding to be home at Escala and me, well I have had enough of Christian's company alone that I am willing to bet we've got nothing left to talk about really.

I told him everything about Elena, we gave our statements about the accident to the police and they assured us she was being charged with the crimes. From what I could gather from Christian's phone call to whomever, she would not be spending any jail time even though the police wanted to try her for attempted murder, instead she was pleading guilty to assault three which carried a probation period of just eighteen months and a hefty fine in which she had no problem in paying.

Once on the plane Christian relaxed into his seat. It's the first time since the crash I have seen him completely relaxed and I know it's because he's excited to go home. If I'm honest I cannot wait to arrive back in the comfort of Escala and Mrs Jones.

Once in the air Christian rolls his head where he spots a pile of newspapers on the chair.

"Ana could you pass me those?" He asks gently.

"Of course." I smile and I'm quick to handle the papers and magazines to him.

If only I'd checked them first.

"Ana making the front page of every tabloid newspaper in Seattle and most of the US I am impressed." Christian grins after flicking through all the front pages.

"What?" I gape in horror, I never ever want to be front page news especially not tabloids!

"Grey's grey day." He chuckled as he read a headline from one of the papers. "Listen to this Ana. A heartbroken Anastasia Grey, President of Grey's Publishing and wife of Christian Grey CEO of Grey's Enterprise Holdings gave a statement to the press regarding the so called accident that she and her husband was involved in. At the time Christian Grey was unavailable to comment. It's believed that the collision was caused by an aggrieved ex-employee who followed the Grey's on their early holiday getaway to their property in Aspen, Colorado and attacked as soon as the opportunity presented itself. No comment has yet been made by local law enforcement. It is also believed that Anastasia Grey ordered that security with the family be doubled and the team was seen arriving Aspen from GEH's jet in the early hours of yesterday morning, they arrived along with other family members."

"Where on earth do they get their information?" I ask completely flabbergasted at the thought that they were thinking the accident was caused by an ex-employee.

"Most of the time they make it up Ana. But I would now like the chance to tell you that I am so proud of you for taking control the way you did Ana. I know it must have been really difficult for you but you did everything you could and the way Taylor told me you handled Elena… I should be mad that you almost strangled her but I'm not. I'm very proud of you."

Jesus he sure knows how to make a girl like me feel loved! My Fifty is proud of me and I can't help but grin happily at him.

"I did what I thought you would do." I say timidly, I am used to compliments from Christian but this one is new and as much as it intrigues me it also makes me feel shy.

"You did more than I would Ana, I would have lashed out at the press and possibly killed Elena had the roles been reversed. You had so much self-control not to actually physically hurt her even though I know you wanted to." Christian smiles at me and I melt inside. "I'm also glad to see you getting along with Sawyer too."

"Well Sawyer to me is Taylor to you." I smile. "I need someone I trust to watch over me when you're not around Christian and Sawyer is that man, I trust him and I know better than to fight you on the security so I'm sure you're happier knowing that I trust the person who's watching me and am comfortable around them."

"Exactly. It's why I hired him Ana, I knew you and him would get along once you gave it a chance."

"This thing with Elena made me realise how much we really need Sawyer and Taylor around. I wouldn't have managed without either of them Christian. I was dying inside but I was fighting to be strong and having them there when you weren't was like a security blanket. I'd have crumbled at the press conference had it not been for Taylor."

"I'm pleased because until I know for sure Elena is out of our lives you're not to leave Escala without security. Neither one of us leaves Escala without security."

I smile at him because I completely agree.


	13. Chapter 13

**What if Ana had suffered a miscarriage at the hands of Jack Hyde? Here's the future… without the kiddies (at least for a little while!) A story with Kinky Fuckery thrown in for fun. **

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Again THANK YOU for all your reviews, it keeps me going when I struggle with where to go next with this story. I had originally planned to kill Elena in the car accident but changed my mind so I could possibly use her again in future chapters…**

I can't stop watching him. We've been home just over an hour and I can't take my eyes off of him in fear if I do he won't be there. Mrs Jones has cooked this fabulous bolognaise but I haven't put any in my mouth just let my fork play with it instead.

"Ana, will you please eat?" Christian asks staring right back at me. "You know how I feel about you eating."

"Sorry." I whisper allowing my eyes to drift shut. I'm trying to fight this feeling I have of just wanting to burst into tears but it's getting harder with each second.

"What's wrong Ana?" He asks and I hear his fork drop onto his plate before I feel his hand on my cheek.

"Nothing." I reply opening my eyes. "I'm just glad you're here."

"So am I. Come here." He takes my hand and pulls me to his lap.

I'm quick to curl up into his side. Just feeling him and smelling him is enough to calm me some. He moves my plate so it's right beside his and using his own fork he digs it into my plate and curls some spaghetti around it before bringing it to my mouth.

"Open Ana." His voice is firm and I know better than to argue.

"I can feed myself." I say as soon as I swallow the delicious tasting bolognaise and Spaghetti.

"Well if you had been I wouldn't be feeding you now." He says his voice still firm but this time I can hear the smile that must be playing on his lips.

"Give it here. Eat your own." I say with mock playfulness.

I take my own fork but make no move to leave his lap. His arm grips around me a little and I think Christian wants me to say where I am too.

We continue to eat in complete silence but every now and again I feel him give me a soft squeeze and I snuggle my shoulder into him a little.

"Are you done?" He asks seeing me now just playing with my food again.

"Yeah." I sigh dropping my fork.

"Ana you barely touched it. Do you want something else?" He asks and I know he is desperate to see me eat.

"No I'm just not hungry Christian. I'm sorry." I sigh.

"Fine, you can try something later."

I don't argue with him about it though I know the chances are I won't eat anything later.

"Come, let's go relax." He says tapping my side so I'll get off his lap.

He takes my hand and leads me to the couch. He sits down and guides me to sit beside him and then pulls me so that my head is in his lap and I'm lying down across the U shaped couch. I feel his hand running through my hair and I close my eyes, relaxing into the touch.

"Talk to me Ana." He whispers but I can hear the pleading behind the strength of the voice.

My eyes spring open and meet with his. His eyes are pleading too and it breaks my heart.

"I love you Christian." I whisper.

He smiles a million dollar smile and my heart warms some.

"I love you too Ana, so much. But you need to talk to me, before the accident we were going out to talk."

I squirm a little, I hadn't forgotten but had hoped we could forget about it.

"Ana please! I need you to talk to me!" He says his voice shaking and I know he's desperate. He wants to understand, he needs to be in control and my emotions are one thing he knows he can't have any control over.

"I'm just depressed Christian, I'm so depressed and nothings helping." I tell him closing my eyes so I don't see his face as I talk, I know he's just going to listen to me and talk to me when I'm finished.

"When everything happened with Jack… I was so sad when it was happening. You called and I had to lie to you and tell you I was leaving and Christian I meant every word of our wedding vows, I plan on never leaving you. Ever. Then you asked me if it was about the money. That hurt Christian, that really hurt because I'm not interested in your money. Never have been and quite frankly I never will be and I know that in the situation you would have asked, I was withdrawing five million dollars from your account and telling you that I was leaving you so I get it but it makes me wonder if ever crossed your mind before or if it has since."

"Ana…"

"Let me finish." I plead with tears falling through my closed eyelids.

"Ok." He whispers still running his hand through my hair.

"And then we lost little blip. At one point, when we came home I thought that… maybe… that losing little blip saved our marriage and it hurts Christian!" I begin sobbing into his stomach and I feel him shifting to pull me in and limit his pain. "I thought that if Little Blip survived we wouldn't have."

"Shh Ana. Baby that's not true. That's not true." He coos softly and I can hear that he's close to tears.

"I know now." I hiccup. "But that's how it felt Christian, you left, you called me stupid and asked me if I'd done it on purpose. I hadn't, I didn't want to be pregnant, I'm not ready to be a Mom."

"Shh baby." He whispers. "It wasn't meant to be, I wanted it. After I thought about it I realised that I did want Little Blip, yeah maybe the timing wasn't perfect but I was accepting it and I realised I had nine months near enough to mentally prepare myself to be a parent. That chance was taken from us Ana but we'll get a chance again."

He rubs my stomach with one hand while the other holds me close to him.

"I almost lost you." I stutter through my sobs. "She could have killed you."

"But she didn't Ana, she didn't." He reminds me. "I'm here, I'm healthy, and I'm alive."

I don't say anything else just hold him as tight as I possibly can.

"I need to touch you Ana." He whispers into my ear as he rubs his cheek into the side of my head. "Let me take you to bed and touch you."

I move my head and clasp my lips onto his as my answer.

"Take me to bed Mr Grey." I whisper.

He smiles as I shift off his lap and he stands first before taking my hand.

I know he's in pain with his ribs so I don't let him pull me to my feet making sure to hold much of my own weight. We walk in silence to the bedroom hand in hand. Once in the bedroom he sits down on the bed and pulls me so I'm stood in front of him.

"Promise me Ana, whenever something upsets you, that you'll talk to me about it. Tell me what's on your mind. Please? I need you to be open with me."

I nod. We both need the honesty but somehow I know that it will take a little longer before he becomes as open with me as I hope I can be with him.

"Touch me Christian." I whisper.

"Of course." He smiles and his hands instantly go to the hem of my tank top.

I bend and twist to help him remove it while he stays sitting and I stay standing. He drops it on the floor with one hand while the other cups the small of my back. His lips find my abdomen and he kisses it tenderly.

"My Ana." He whispers against my stomach and his breath tickles me. "My Ana." He breathes again before stroking up with his nose as he joins me standing.

He wipes my cheeks with his thumbs and then proceeds to tuck my hair behind my ears. My breath is caught in my chest.

His lips find mine and at first it's soft and tender but then he becomes quite rough and dominant, it's needy and desperate as his tongue evades my mouth. I find his hands have wrapped around my hair, holding me to him as I return the fight with my own tongue.

Using the grip he has on my hair he moves my head to the side, not roughly, it doesn't hurt and I whimper in anticipation as his mouth leaves mine and begins to travel down my neck.

He nips at my collarbone and his hands finally leave my hair and travel down my neck to my arms till he finds the lace of my bra.

"Touch me Ana." He says softly.

I don't need telling twice. As he begins to stroke the sides of my breasts with the tips of his fingers my hands find the buttons of his shirt. I fumble with each one as he begins to massage the mounds of my breasts and tease the nipple through the fabric.

I push his shirt from his shoulders making sure to touch his skin with my fingers as I do. His hands slip the straps of my bra from my shoulders and stroke down my back to unclasp it.

I let go of him so he can remove the offending fabric but before I get the chance to return my hands to his chest his sat back on the edge of the bed, his lips clasping onto my nipples.

My breath catches as the pleasure courses through my body I find his hair with my hands as he works one breast with his hand the other with his mouth, his other hand firmly on my back holding me to him. I moan as he nips the bud of nipple with his teeth, teasing me, it's tantalising. He switches sides, his mouth to the other breast, his hands switching easily, like a concert pianist on the piano masterfully following the music.

I run my hands through his hair as I enjoy the sensations he sends through from my breasts to my heated core. I'm more than ready for him but I say nothing knowing he's having as much pleasure from playing with my breasts as I am. When he's happy with the work he's performed on my breasts he kisses right in between them before sticking out his tongue and draws a trail down to the top of my jeans making sure to dip and suck at my belly button.

I'm vibrating with pleasure and anticipation as he works the button of my jeans undone in one easy fluid movement. There's no teasing as he pulls the fabric down my thighs. By the time it's arrived my knees I see he's struggling with the bending, I know his ribs are bothering him so I step back just a small tiny step to pull the fabric off myself. As soon as I step out of them I step back to him and his hand crawls back to the small of my back to hold me close. He finds the bone above my core and brushes his nose over it through the fabric of my lace panties. He pulls back a little and blows and my knees vibrate, threatening to buckle under the pleasure.

He teases the lace of my panties with his fingers before slipping his hand behind me and he begins to kneed the flesh of my behind. I moan almost breathlessly, enjoying the attention he's paying to certain areas of my body.

I know when he's happy with the attention he's paid to my bottom as he finds the lace once more and this time begins to tug at it. I let him pull them down until he can't any more before stepping back and letting them fall the rest of the way before stepping out of them.

When I step back to him he lays back pulling me down with it.

"You're going to have to be on top." He tells me, his voice breathy.

I'd already guessed that and he crawls away from me a little before I climb onto him, my legs either side of him. He's still wearing his jeans so this time I get to play. I rub my nose in between his pecks, before beginning my own teasing path down his chest. I blow, kiss and lick at the skin knowing once upon a time he would never have allowed me to do this, he barely stiffens these days enjoying the touch as much as I do.

I reach the top of his jeans and even though my inner goddess is screaming for me to just rip them from him I pay as much attention and take as much care with him as he had with me.

He withers beneath me as I begin to undo the button of his jeans and I know he's as wanting as I am. I continue to tease though, taking my time.

I crawl backwards as I pull the jeans. He lifts from the bed to accommodate me but his eyes never leave mine. The grey of his eyes are almost slate like with desire, I'm sure my own are navy in colour with my own desire.

Once his jeans are on the floor I don't waste any time in going after his boxers. As I pull them his firm and waiting erection springs free. I can't help but smile up at him and he smiles back at me. I drop the boxers onto the floor and he reaches his hand for me. I crawl back up to him and I see his lips calling to mine without words. I kiss him, allowing his tongue entrance without a fight.

I hover above his erection and suddenly I feel it teasing my already dripping core. I glance down at him and see him smirking at me and I know he's holding himself at my entrance. I take his free hand in my own and begin to lower myself to him. As soon as he's inside me just by the tip his hand leaves his shaft and finds my behind, he's pushing at me, wanting to fill me and I smirk right at him before taking the full plunge.

"Ah!" I call out as the intrusion sends shockwaves through me.

"Ana!" Christian moans his head flying back and his back arching up to me.

I take a moment to feel every inch of him.

"Move Ana." He tells me.

I adjust my knees beside him before I begin to lift myself as slowly as I possibly can from him. He lets out a long low moan until I know only the tip of him is still inside me and I drop myself again quickly.

"Ana!" He calls. "God don't stop!"

I smile, I love seeing my fifty coming undone in front of my eyes and no understand his obsession with having me look at him before my own orgasm overtakes my body.

I begin a steady rhythm but find him lifting his hips to meet mine as I move.

"Christian." I moan deeply as he hits everything.

One of his hands travel in between our bodies, finding the bundle of nerves that is throbbing with need. He begins to roll his fingers around and my speed increases with the increase in my need for a release.

"Oh God Ana!" He calls and I know he's just as close as I am.

His movements become messy, one minute he's trying to make circles on my clitoris the next he's flicking and rubbing with little control.

"Christian."

"Come for me Ana, look at me and come." He knows that I'm trying to hold it back but I can't.

My body begins to contort and vibrate as my orgasm takes over my body. My insides are squeezing at Christian and he calls out as I milk him. His own orgasm drives him to be a little rougher and I don't mind one bit. I feel him coming undone inside of me and it's the most erotic thing I have ever experienced.

He collapses back in a heap and I drop my chin to my chest making sure I don't fall forward onto him.

"Come here." He says breathlessly and I climb from him and rest into his left side curling my naked sweat filled body into his.

He kissed my forehead softly and strokes his fingers down the length of my bicep. I shiver as the cold air of the room hits my hot body. Christian feels me shake and he kisses me once again.

"We should get under the covers." He says softly.

I nod in agreement, I don't think I could say anything if I tried.

We shift quickly climbing off the bed on opposite sides and we pull the comforter back in unison. We climb in and Christian is quick to pull me to him again and have me snuggle into his side.

"I love you Ana."

"I love you too Christian." I smile happily, this is us, this is our relationship.

"Now sleep." He tells me and I chuckle lightly. My ever controlling fifty.


	14. Chapter 14

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Again THANK YOU for all your reviews, it keeps me going when I struggle with where to go next with this story. I had originally planned to kill Elena in the car accident but changed my mind so I could possibly use her again in future chapters…**

**So a near normal day for Ana? Maybe?**

When I wake up shivering with cold I find that the bed is empty. I've somehow tossed and turned enough that the comforter is twisted somewhere at my feet and there is no sign of my husband. I climb out of the bed and make my way to the bathroom door where my robe hangs. As I reach for it I hear the distant sounds of the piano being played. It's obvious that Christian has something on his mind as he plays a sweet melody that I'm not familiar with.

As I have done many times before I close my robe around me before making my way through to the great room where the piano sits. As soon as I enter I see that he has closed the lid in hoping not to disturb me, he can be so thoughtful when he wants to be. He's topless and I can see the muscles of his back ripple with every movement of his arms along the piano. It's an interesting sight.

I make my way over to him quietly, I don't want him to stop playing on my account, if anything I love listening to him when he plays, it's like he's using music to let out his feelings.

I slide onto the stool beside him and he shifts a little to make room for me. He looks at me and smiles but he doesn't stop playing. I smile back, this man, my fifty shades, makes me so happy. Now that we've talked I think things can only get better from here.

Suddenly the melody ends and he drops his hands down from keys and surprisingly he lower his head to my shoulder. I drop my cheek to his head and place my hand gently on his back, he sighs contently as I rubs soft circles.

"Everything ok?" I ask gently.

"Yeah." He replies though I can sense there is something on his mind.

"You know Christian, when I promised I'd talk to you, I was hoping you'd promise me the same thing." I say gently, I don't want him to snap at me or change shade, I like relaxed fifty.

"I know Ana, and I want to so much it's just not that easy." He sighs and I wrap my other arm around his front and am careful not to squeeze so that I won't hurt his ribs.

"I know Christian, believe me I know." I reply softly, me opening up to him took long enough.

"I almost lost you." He whispers and I know he's teary without even looking at him.

"You'll never lose me Christian." I tell him. "I promise you."

"I know, but I was so scared Ana, I was miles away and you were telling me you were leaving and you were taking money out of the account. If you weren't so clever I would never have found you."

"Well we should thank the Lord that I am clever then shouldn't we." I say playfully and I can feel him smiling though I can't see it.

"Yes we should Mrs Grey. Yes we should." He says.

"Mr Grey come to bed?" I ask feeing totally tired.

"Bed?" he asks eyeing me up.

"To sleep Christian, I'm completely wasted."

He grins and we both stand, maybe the morning will bring something better to us.

* * *

The next morning I wake just as Christian leaves the bathroom. I smile at my hunky Adonis with drips falling from his copper hair down to his shoulders, I still can't believe how lucky I am having snapped up the hottest man in Seattle… possibly the USA!

"Like what you see?" He asks with a twinkle in his eye.

"Oh you know it." I tease and he displays a shit eating million dollar grin and I melt, he is the only man who can make me melt with a smile.

"So what are your plans for today Mrs Grey?" He asks and I laugh at the rhyme but I know my face turns sour when I remember the last time a name was rhymed like that. "What is it?" he asks his own face falling at the sight of mine.

"Nothing." I say shaking my head.

"Ana I thought we agreed to be honest with each other and talk to one another, what's on your mind?"

"I just remembered something from Aspen. I was talking with your Dad."

"You spoke with Carrick?"

"Yes, he sabotaged me in the study , not long before I overheard you and Grace talking."

"Oh." He says as he himself remembers everything that followed that incident.

"It's nothing Christian, really." I say as he comes to sit beside me.

"What made you remember it now?"

"I rhymed." I say laughing and he grins at me.

"What did you and my Dad talk about then?"

"Do we have to do this now?"

"Yes."

I sigh and think back to the conversation I had with Carrick Grey in the Study at the house in Aspen.

"He just asked me how I was and how we were handling everything and suggested we talk that's all." I shrug. "I think he just wanted to make sure we were ok."

"Ok." He says content with my answer. "Right I need to get to work."

"You're going to work? Christian you have two broken ribs!"

"Yes Mrs Grey I know however I have an empire to run, I suspect you will also be going to work to."

"I guess." I shrug I had planned on working from home but if Christian is going to Grey's House then I am not staying in Escala alone.

"We need to visit the house this evening, how about we go to dinner afterwards?"

"Sure." I smile, I'm looking forward to seeing the house all finished but getting to see some of the work in process

He walks into the closet leaving me to head into the bathroom and start my own morning routine. It's not easy to do anything with my arm in a cast, luckily it's small and confided to my wrist giving me almost free use of my fingers. After I wash my hair I am quick into the closet just as Christian exits.

"Will you be at breakfast when I get there Mr Grey?" I call after him.

"Depends how long you take." He winks.

I just laugh, playful fifty is back and I am going to do everything I possibly can to keep him here for as long as is possible. Maybe I can take him for a stint in the playroom this evening, give him some of the control he lost out in Aspen back.

I choose a simple grey halter neck business dress with a navy single button jacket and a red pair of ankle strap pumps by Manolo Blahnik. I pull my hair back into a high sleek pony tail and put on some simple makeup. I love getting dressed for work. I feel sophisticated and feel like the wife of a multi-billionaire.

Once happy with my appearance I make my way into the kitchen where Christian is eating and Mrs Jones is busying herself.

"Oh my Mrs Grey." Christian says with a hint of teasing in his voice.

"You like what you see Mr Grey?" I ask back before giving him a slow twirl, I feel his eyes roaming over every inch of the outfit and my body.

"Very nice. You look like the next big CEO."

"I'll settle for President thank you." I reply knowing that on the date of our wedding anniversary I will be the CEO of Grey's Publishing and right now I don't want to think of the added stress that's going to come with that.

"What would you like to eat Ana?" Christian asks as soon as I sit down and there he is my controlling fifty.

"I'll just have some granola please Mrs Jones."

"Coming right up." She smiles at me as I lean my head on my hand and gaze at my husband.

"So what do you have to do today Mrs Grey?" He asks between bites of his omelette.

"Well I have to sort out the mess I made of Tabitha Riley's book release, it should have happened yesterday but unforeseen circumstances have pushed it back, now she's asking for more money or threatening to go with someone else."

"Ouch." He chuckles.

"Yes some authors think that just because they sold one book their sequel has rights, I'm going to make sure she knows otherwise." I tease as Mrs Jones deposits my breakfast in front of me, complete with my Twinings tea.

"See I knew you could handle being in charge."

"Tell me that after I have dealt with her." I say knowing that it could all go wrong. "I might even make it clear to her that if she pulls the plug on us because you and I were in a car accident I will make sure that not a single other publishing house in Seattle will sign her."

"You have that type of power?" He asks me with a raised eyebrow.

"Nope, but she doesn't know that." I laugh.

"Mrs Grey what have I turned you into?" He asks leaning into me.

"At least you acknowledge that you're the one to blame here Mr Grey." I laugh before his lips capture mine.

Through the corner of my eye I see Mrs Jones making herself scarce. I relax then into my husband's sweet kiss knowing that this will be it for at least 10 hours when I meet him to go to the house.

"Oh my Mother called asking about Thanksgiving, will you call your parents find out if they're interested in joining us? They can stay here at Escala or we can put them in a hotel but she needs to know so they can shop."

"Sure thing, I'll call them as soon as I'm in the office."

"Good. Call my Mother as soon as you know." He smiles. "I have to go now."

"Have a good day Mr Grey." I tease and he grins.

"You too and look after Sawyer, he's not going to be used to having you taking charge."

"Hey, he'll be fine. It's you I'm worried about."

"Why?"

"Your ribs."

"Are fine." He tells me sternly and I know not to mention it again. "Now I'll pick you up at six with Taylor, be ready to go."

"Yes Sir." I smile before kissing him one last time and watching him go.

As soon as he's gone I make my way to the bedroom to retrieve my BlackBerry, I have a feeling that I am going to need it on hand today as I am going to be busy until six and Christian comes to get me.

"Ready to go Sawyer?" I ask without looking up from my emails where I am going through everything that has been sent to me from the office that needs to be addressed today.

"Yes Mr Grey, should I bring the car round?"

"No I think we'll take the R8, I'll drive." I tell him again without lifting my head from my phone.

I know that Sawyer has no instructions from Christian to not allow me to drive so he doesn't do anything but fetch the keys.

"Thank you for breakfast Mrs Jones." I smile. "Have a good day."

"You too Ana." She says even though my eyes are still glued to my email, it's going to be a busy day.

We travel down the elevator in silence and still my eyes are glued to my BlackBerry, I should have continued to check this while we were out in Aspen but after everything I switched it off and left it be hoping nothing urgent would come up. It was a bad idea as now I have a hundred million things to do.

I climb into the driver's side of the car, exit my email and throw my phone onto the top. As we exit the parking lot the press take notice and begin snapping photos, I groan knowing that they're there because of everything that happened in Aspen but as Christian said we'd give a statement if and when necessary and otherwise we had to just ignore the vultures till they went away.

I put my foot down as soon as I exit the parking lot just until I'm away from the barrage of questions being shouted at the car, as if I could answer them anyway. I laugh when I see Sawyer adjusting himself, he's as nervous as Christian about my driving skills but if Wanda was as dangerous as Christian made her out to be they shouldn't worry, I never had an accident in her.

Outside the office more press are gathered and as I use my briefcase to cover myself Sawyer wraps himself almost over me in order to get me inside unharmed. Christian has warned me in the past about haters hanging out in press throwing things even though we're the victims in this case it could still happen.

Once inside the office I am barraged with questions from the editors about different situations, people need my signature, they need me to review things and I ignore it all as Sawyer gets me safely into the elevator, they can send anything they need me to sort to Hannah and I'll look over it as soon as I can, they know the drill yet they still choose to bombard me.

"Well that's what I call a thrilling start to the morning." I say as soon as Sawyer and I are alone in the elevator.

He just smiles briefly at me and I grin back at him, he's so shy it's unreal and he's very much weary of me too since the incident with Jack Hyde.

"Right then Sawyer here are the car keys, I trust I can leave you to your own devices while I work?" I tease handing the keys over.

"I'll be in the café across the street Ma'am. Message or call if you need me."

"Thank you Sawyer." I say stepping off the elevator and into the lobby outside my office.

I watch the doors close and then turn to Hannah where she is patiently waiting for me behind her desk.

"Ok so what mess has been made of this place while I have been gone Hannah?" I ask.

"You have about a gazillion messages Mrs Grey, they're all in your box on your desk waiting for you."

"Ok what appointments do I have today?" I ask walking towards my office and she quickly follows me.

"You have a meeting with Tabitha Riley at ten thirty, followed by a lunch time meeting with the board and then you have an appointment with Doctor Greene at three." Hannah says quickly, she has my daily planner memorised.

"Shit, I completely forgot about Doctor Greene. Call Sawyer, tell him to have the car out front for two thirty then I shouldn't be more than an hour so I will be back. Can you make sure the small conference room is set up for the meeting with Riley, make sure there are drinks and cakes we're about to lose her as a signed author and I wouldn't like that to happen. Then make sure there is lunch in the big conference room for everyone for the board. And I would kill for a tea."

"Sure thing Mrs Grey." She says scribbling in her notebook as she turns around and exits my office.

I sink into my chair and take a deep breath, I was right. Today is going to be a very long day.

I power up my computer and pick up the pile of phone messages from the in tray. As the computer loads I flick through them, piling them in three piles in order of importance. Urgent, Non-Urgent and somewhere in between. Hannah brings in my tea and I barely even notice as I fire up my email account. Of course there is one from my husband.

* * *

_**To:**__ Anastasia Grey_

_**Subject:**__ Good Morning_

_**From:**__ Christian Grey_

_Ana, _

_I already miss you, time goes by way to slowly when we are apart and a meeting with the Seattle shipment board is no fun either!_

_I look forward to six o'clock, don't forget we're visiting the house and then having a late dinner. _

_I love you baby_

_Christian Grey_

_Lonely CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc._

Jesus that man can be sweet when he wants to be. I quickly knock the reply button hoping that he won't consume to much of my time today as I am going to be a mess between everything that needs to be done.

* * *

_**To:**__ Christian Grey_

_**Subject:**__ Miss you too_

_**From:**__ Anastasia Grey_

_Looking forward to six too, I can't wait to see the house (Or you either!) However I don't think I am going to have as much time to brood as you are, I left Grey's Publishing in quite a bit of a mess when I turned off my BlackBerry after your accident. _

_I luckily have a lunch provided board meeting at noon so I will be eating. _

_I also have an appointment with Doctor Greene, nothing to worry about, just a check-up after … and my next shot. _

_A x_

_Anastasia Grey_

_Already wiped and it's not even ten President, Grey Publishing, Inc._

I click send then pick up the pile of urgent calls and sort through them. Many of them are disgruntled employees, mainly editors, who need me to go over some things before they're finalised and published. Hannah can deal with the apology phone calls and that will take a load off. I remember the little gadget Christian has on his desk that contacts his assistant with a click of the button and I realise I need one of those as I leave my office to ask her to do the work I should really do myself.

By the time I get back to my office there is another email from Christian.

* * *

_**To:**__ Anastasia Grey_

_**Subject:**__ Busy Day_

_**From:**__ Christian Grey_

_I would like to discuss your appointment with Doctor Greene, have you enough time for a phone conversation? _

_Christian Grey_

_CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc._

Uh-oh. This can't be good.

I quickly pick up the office phone and call his cell phone. I already know the number and I can't be bothered fetching the BlackBerry from my briefcase.

"Grey." He snaps.

"Hey baby." I say softly hoping he'll relax as soon as he realises it's me.

"Hey Ana." He replies and though he sounds a little more relaxed than on answering he still sounds uptight.

"So uh what is it you wanted to discuss about my relatively unimportant appointment with my OBGYN?" I ask trying to sound unflustered by his request to discuss this matter.

"Oh well, what is the appointment for?"

I rub my hand across my forehead and squeeze my eyes shut, this is hard enough as it is without having to explain it to Christian.

"It's just a scan to see if my body has returned properly to its pre-pregnancy state Christian and then I'll have my shot to make sure we have no more invaders." I add the last bit to try and humour into the situation but I know he heard my voice quiver at the words 'pre-pregnancy'.

"Ana." He says softly.

"What?"

"I don't want you to have the shot."

My eyes pop wide open and I almost drop the phone in my lap. I'm shocked into silence.

"Ana are you still there?"

"Yes… yes I'm still here." I manage as my mind begins going into overdrive.

"I don't want you to have the shot Ana."

"Christian…"

"I want to have children Ana, we're ready…"

"Christian stop it!" I snap and he is quick to shut up. "First of all, it's not advised to get pregnant until six months after a miscarriage, that means at least another two months, secondly I don't want to discuss this over the phone with you. We'll discuss it at home or dinner or in the car, anywhere but face to face."

"Do you not want to have my children Ana?" He asks and I can hear that he sounds hurt.

"Of course I do Christian." I sigh.

"Then what's the problem?"

"Christian… please not now?"

"Fine. But this conversation isn't over Anastasia. Call me if you need anything."

He hangs up without even saying goodbye. I sigh and return the phone to its holster. This is not a conversation I was expecting to have with Christian any time soon. How do I tell him that I'm not ready to be a mother, that the loss of Little Blip was a blessing in disguise? Yes we would have made great parents had Blip lived but it didn't and now I want to see the world and grow up some, I'm twenty two years old and the president of Grey's Publishing. I am not ready to be a Mom, not yet, not for a few years. He's going to be so angry when I tell him.

Knowing that I won't be able to relax for a while now thanks to that impromptu phone conversation I pick up the phone and call Sawyer.

"Can you meet me downstairs Sawyer please?"

He replies in the affirmative and I hang up before making my way out of the office.

"Hannah I'm taking a break. If it isn't urgent then I don't want to hear about it. If it is I'm on my BlackBerry." I tell her.

"Of course Mrs Grey." She replies without question and I step into the elevator.

The ride down is quiet with very few people coming or going. I rub my forehead again, a habit I think I've picked up to stop myself from rolling my eyes or biting my lip. Or it might be the fact that I have a headache coming on due to the stress I've been under.

I step out into the ground floor lobby and just as I'm about to turn for the door there is an almighty Crash!


	15. Chapter 15

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Again THANK YOU for all your reviews, it keeps me going when I struggle with where to go next with this story. I had originally planned to kill Elena in the car accident but changed my mind so I could possibly use her again in future chapters…**

**So a near normal day for Ana? Maybe?**

"Mrs Grey are you alright?"

I hear Sawyer before I see him. He's hovering above me and I realise I'm on the ground.

"I'm fine what on earth was that?" I ask as he helps me to my feet.

I see that one of the large glass walls at the front of the building has completely gone and I'm standing in a pool of glass shards.

"Mrs Grey you're bleeding." Sawyer says.

I lift my hand to my head and sure enough when I remove them the tips of my fingers are coated with my blood.

"I'm fine, what was that?" I ask seeing many of my employee's gather around me.

"Someone through that through the window. I didn't see the perp Ma'am as I was in here looking at the elevator waiting for you." Sawyer says with an apologetic look on his face.

"That's fine Sawyer you aren't in any trouble." I reassure him. "Who would through a brick through the window?"

I look at Sawyer who looks as bewildered as me.

"Sawyer I want to find out where Mrs Lincoln is, everywhere she's been, everyone she has called and I do not want Christian to hear a word of this." I tell him.

He looks at me nervously knowing Christian would be furious if he found out but Sawyer is my Taylor, he won't breathe without my consent anymore.

"Of course Ma'am."

"Thank you. Now someone clean this up and call someone to get this fixed." I call to the crowd.

"Mrs Grey I have a first aid kit." Some assistant editor says gently.

"Thank you." I smile.

"Come I'll clean you up, I have my first aid qualification."

I glance at Sawyer who is making phone calls and then turn back to the young woman standing before me. She can only be about eighteen years old, someone who has skipped collage obviously.

"Sure." I say.

I slip into the chair behind the lobby desk and allow myself to be cleaned up.

"So you're going to have to tell me your name." I say sheepishly, Christian knows the name of everyone in Grey's House but I have yet to learn half the people who work for me.

"Sophia." She says. "I am the assistant editor to Michael Hollow."

"Ah Horrors. Are you into those types of books Sophia?"

"Yes, my Mother wrote a few."

"Your Mother is?"

"Alicia Baxter." She says.

"I have read some of her work." I say though I don't tell her my opinion on them as I am sure she would be offended.

"There all done Mrs Grey just keep it clean." Sophia says after applying the last butterfly stitch to the gash on my forehead that I have no recollection of getting.

"Thank you Sophia." I smile.

"Would you like me to get you anything?"

"Would you mind running across the street and getting me a late, I think I need a caffeine kick." I say.

"You're in shock Mrs Grey, that will wear off shortly." She smiles. "I won't be long."

I watch her go and then glance over at Sawyer who has just come off the phone.

"Well?" I ask when he approaches me.

"Mrs Lincoln is still confined to her bed in Aspen Valley."

"And her calls? Contacts?"

"I'm waiting on those Mrs Grey, it's particularly harder doing this without notifying Mr Grey."

"Right now I don't want to worry him." I sigh. "Can you go down to security in the basement, there is CCTV aimed at the front of the building, we might be able to figure out who it was who threw the brick…" The ringing of my phone stops me. "I have to take this, can you do that Luke?"

"Sure thing Mrs Grey." He smiles knowing that I rarely use his first name.

"Ana Grey." I answer my eyes closed and braced for a fight.

"Ana what the hell is going on over there at Grey's Publishing?" Christian is almost yelling at me but I can hear the panic in his voice.

"We've had a brick through the window. No one is hurt Christian and I'm dealing with it." I say as strongly as I can, this is my business not his, I need him to trust me on this.

"What are you doing to deal with it Ana? Did you not notice the gang of press hanging around outside your office who have already begun to fabricate stories about what happened, some are even going as far as to say it was a bomb!"

"I have Sawyer checking the CCTV with security and I have someone getting the window fixed right now." I tell him.

"Do you have any idea who it could be Ana?" He asks his voice telling me not to skirt around the question.

"I have my suspicions who may be involved and I am dealing with it ok? Trust me Christian? If I need you I will call you."

"Ok. Ok Ana but please be careful and don't leave without Sawyer."

"I won't Christian. I promise." I tell him.

"Remember you have all sorts of technology at your disposal should you need them."

"I'm sure I'm already putting your stalking techniques to the test Christian." I say lightly and it's almost as if I sense him relaxing on the other side of the phone.

"Ok call me Ana if you need anything, please?"

"I will. I love you."

"I love you too." He replies before hanging up.

Sophia returns as I rub my forehead again being careful not to hit the cut on my head. I wonder how I did it because now I have a pair on each side, one from the car crash in Aspen and now one from this. I wonder what Christian will have to say when he sees my newest injury? I know it won't be good.

"Thank you Sophia. Could you please go to my office and tell Hannah that the meeting with Tabitha Riley will still go ahead as planned?" I ask politely knowing she may technically work for me but at the same time she is an assistant to someone else.

"Of course Mrs Grey."

"Then you may resume your normal duties, thank you again for your help Sophia." I smile at her and then note to myself to arrange a small bonus for her in her next pay packet to show her that I am grateful for her help.

Sawyer returns from the basement and he looks less than impressed, actually, he looks quite grave and I'm instantly worried.

"What is it Luke?" I ask without looking or sounding as panicked as I feel.

"There was an incident in the parking lot." He says. "We need to inspect the damage."

"Ok let's go." I sigh.

Sawyer and I walk out side by side. I know he is extra vigilant in looking out for someone who may want to jump from the shadows and attack me but I am wearier of the press screaming questions and snapping photos of me.

We walk to the underground parking lot which holds the cars of most Grey's Publishing's Staff. At once I look over to my personal parking space which is marked with my name and my breath catches in my throat.

My R8 has been demolished. It must have happened before the brick because demolished is the only word I can use to describe it. Every window has been smashed in and there are dents all over the doors, the tires have also been smashed and I feel myself getting teary eyed, Christian brought me the car for my birthday…

"I think this was what did it." I say running over to the weapon of choice.

"Don't touch it Mrs Grey!" Sawyer yells.

"I won't, I'm not that dumb." I chuckle. "Crowbar, ugh I'm going to call Christian before the press get a wind of this." I sigh walking away. "Keep me updated Sawyer I have a meeting disturb me if necessary!"

"Sure thing Mrs Grey." He calls after me and I wave my hand to acknowledge that I heard as I knock the speed dial for Christian.

"Ana?"

"Yeah it's me." I sigh.

"Everything ok?"

He sounds worried, not that I blame him, I would be if the roles were reversed.

"Yeah seems like our brick thrower got into the parking lot and uh… Christian my R8 is trashed."

"Trashed?" He asks as I stand by the exit of the parking lot.

"Trashed, demolished, killed, it's wrecked Christian." I say at the verge of tears.

"Oh baby, don't worry I'll get you another."

"The car doesn't bother me Christian!" I snap. "I still have the Saab so it's no big deal it's the sentimental value that matters."

"A car has sentimental value?"

"You bought me the car on my first birthday as your wife after I had joked about you buying me one, so yes Christian the car has sentimental value." I reply angrily before rolling my eyes.

"Don't roll your eyes Ana."

"I'm sorry it's been a long day." I reply. "It's only just gone ten am."

"Send me a photo of the car, I trust Sawyer is handling it?"

"Yes Sir." I reply.

"Good keep me informed Ana."

"I will, I have a meeting to get to Christian, I'll get you a picture of the car then I have to work."

"Stay safe Ana."

"I will, bye."

I hang up the phone and then walk back to the car armed with my BlackBerry. Sawyer is discussing something with security but I don't pay attention, he can fill me in afterwards.

"Sawyer?" I say as I send the picture to my husband.

"Yes Mrs Grey?"

"How long would it take for this much damage to be done to the car?"

"Ten maybe twenty minutes for someone maybe less with someone with enough rage."

"The security cameras, they go from one to the other in the parking lot alone on one screen, each one flicks and changes every five seconds. There are twelve cameras meaning three of which point at my car, twelve times five is sixty so that's a minute, so every fifteen seconds in a minute my car was on show, in ten minutes that's one hundred and fifty seconds out of ten minutes that my car would have been on screen. I want to see the person or people who was supposed to be watching the cameras in my office at eleven thirty."

With that I walk off. I'm even more pissed now that someone didn't see what was being done to my car while it was being done. Asses will be fired today.

I arrive at my meeting on time. Tabitha Riley is sat there with Cassie the editor. Hannah has made sure there is a tray of tea and coffee and a plate of cakes which Tabitha has already seen fit to help herself to.

"Ok let's get this sorted." I say and I can see the two women eyeing me wearily.

"Mrs Grey if I may, I saw the mess downstairs and you look like you haven't slept in a month. We could leave this a week or so. I mean, I can be reasonable." Tabitha says softly.

"Ms Riley, please, you've waited long enough. The reason however, that you had to wait was because my husband and I were in a car accident in Aspen. Now a broken window isn't going to stop me getting your book out in the next week."

"Ok." She nods meekly and I slip into a seat opposite her.

"Now the bio is done and the head shot is fine however I have two options for you on the cover. The first was done by the illustrator that Cassie chose the second is one I created. I won't be offended if you prefer the illustrators but I wasn't happy with it and wanted to give you the option." I pull the file Hannah left on the desk and take out the two options.

Cassie glances at them and then looks up at me. As soon as I meet her gaze she smiles and nods which means she likes my idea.

"They're both good and would go with the book, Mrs Grey could you tell me what made you think of this?"

"I like to have the cover of the book discovered within the book. No one should understand the cover until they're part way through the book. I also believe that simplicity works." I tell her. "In your book you have the heroine and hero as does every book but you keep going on about a key, the key, so I thought having a complex key on its own was the simplest yet alluring design for the cover. We make it sepia or black and white and it draws in attention."

"I love it." She smiles. "Your design is perfect, I also thought the illustrators was more complex than it needed to be."

"Ok then that's sorted." I smile. "We'll set up the press and bookstores and your book should be on the shelves by the end of next week. Cassie will sort you out through your agent."

"Thank you Mrs Grey, it was a pleasure to work directly with you and thank you for meeting with me personally."

"I never want one of our clients to suffer because of staff's personal lives. If I expect my staff to behave in a manner I should behave in same manner." I reply as I shake her hand. "Have a good day Tabitha and I hope we'll work with you again."

"Well you should, this book is second of five." She grins and I laugh softly, she's already signed the contract for five books.

"Well that was easy, I thought she was demanding more money for the delay." Cassie says as soon as the door is shut behind Tabitha.

"She was in her email, I had a suspicion that she was just more confident because she was typing and not stood in front of me."

"What made you think that?"

"I was the same once." I say remembering back to the emails I once shared with Christian at the very birth of our relationship. "Right Cassie I'm sure you can manage the rest of the deal alone. I have to go and see who on earth to fire for not doing their job."

As I walk away I know that Cassie is gawping at me and I love it. I head straight up to my office and as soon as I hit the floor of the lobby I see two of the security guards trembling nervously.

"We'll take this in my office." I tell them, my hand signalling the way. "Hannah?"

"Yes Mrs Grey?"

"No calls or disruptions while I deal with this. I should be done in time for the board meeting."

"Yes Mrs Grey." She says before I disappear into the glass room that is my office.

"Gentlemen." I say as I slip behind my desk.

They're both stood opposite me and I sit down taking in the power play.

"I believe you are the two who should have been watching the CCTV cameras when my car was vandalised?"

They don't answer but I take it as a yes.

"Do either one of you want to explain to me why you weren't watching the cameras?" I ask trying to remain calm and professional though my anger is verging on exploding.

Again neither one of them answers. I rub my forehead again, this time it's because I have a throbbing migraine and am too busy to do something about it. Maybe I should call down to Sophia and ask if it's something to do with being cut on the head twice in a matter of five days.

"Ok, you breached the grounds of the contracts you signed when this place became Grey's Publishing, it says clearly in that contract that a breach of it is a clear violation and grounds for instant dismissal. You're both fired. I'd like your ID's and for you to leave the premises at once."

The two men in front of me who I can't remember their names take off the ID's hanging around their necks.

"If I may Ma'am, I am sorry for what happened to your vehicle and am sorry that we weren't watching the monitors properly."

If I wasn't so damn angry with him I would feel guilty.

The two men leave my office and I groan. This day isn't even half over and I'm already wishing it was a new week. A knock on the door and the simultaneous ring of my phone make me groan.

"Come in!" I call just as I pick up the phone. "Ana Grey, Grey's Publishing." I say looking over at Hannah who has walked into the room.

"Ana hey baby are you ok?"

"Hey Christian." I smile, his voice has a quality in it that soothes me quick.

"You sound tired baby."

"I'm exhausted." I reply.

"How about tonight we skip seeing the house and dinner out and just come home, have dinner cooked by Mrs Jones and chill out?" He ask and I think a moment, I am dying to see the house but after the day I've had I just want to cuddle up to my husband and sleep, so much for the playroom session I'd planned on having with him, I don't think I would stay awake for a finale.

"Would you mind?"

"Not at all. As for the state of your car, it can't be fixed Ana I'm sorry."

"I guessed that when I saw it Christian, it's no big deal, I still have the Saab which hasn't been out of the garage for a while." I say with a hint of a smile on my face, the Saab was bought for me after Layla trashed the submissive special.

"Well if you want another car we can go shopping this weekend, you can have whatever you want within reason depending on safety figures."

"I don't need another car Christian, I'll use the Saab or have Sawyer drive me in one of the multiple black Audi's."

"Fine, whatever you want Ana. I'll pick you and Sawyer up at six then seeing as you have no car there."

"I'll see you at six."

"Call if you need anything and be careful Ana, I am trusting you to follow up on the brick and the car but one more thing and I will take over."

"Sure thing." I say rolling my eyes.

"Rolling your eyes again Mrs Grey? That's twice today alone."

"Get to work Christian." I laugh. "I have a meeting to get to and my lovely assistant has been stood in this room listening to this entire pointless conversation."

"Ok baby see you later."

I hang up and look at Hannah who has a soft smile on her face.

"The board are waiting for you." She says and I look at the clock and groan, time has really gotten away from me this morning.

"Thank you. If anyone calls…"

"BlackBerry if it's important, take a message if not." She smiles, she already knows me well. "If Sawyer comes up have him wait in my office."

"Sure thing Mrs Grey."

Once the elevator door closes behind me I close my eyes. I'm tired, angry and frustrated, three things I hadn't expected to be before lunch on a Monday.

Once in the conference room it's all systems go. I barely touch my pastrami on rye or orange juice as I discuss the monthly quotas and all the other stuff that's on my list. It's mad to think that everyone in this room works for me yet holds so much power of their own. There are twenty people in this room other than myself, each one runs their own department, some work up in HR others in PR and most with their own editing department. All of which work directly for me. Then on my anniversary when the paper work changes hands and Grey's Publishing becomes mine completely without Christian Grey I will own this place… that's a scary yet exciting thought.

Once back in my office after the meeting Sawyer is sat there waiting.

"Well?" I ask him without a greeting, I know he can see how stressed I am.

"I have a list of names Mrs Grey. All of which have been contacted by or have contacted Mrs Elena Lincoln. Either her cell phone, email or hospital room phone. We are currently trying to hack into her emails but at least we have the names." He says handing me a print out with a list of about thirty names.

"Oh this woman is a socialite who runs a business, of course she would have been on the phone a lot. I think I'm more intrigued in seeing her phone records. There may be a hint in there as to who our perp is from this list."

"Mrs Grey if I may?" He asks.

"Of course." I say.

"Are you sure that this is linked to Elena Lincoln? Is there anyone else you think it may be?"

"Sawyer." I say with a soft sigh. "I'm almost one hundred percent certain it's linked to Elena. Let me handle this for the time being and if by the end of the week I've exhorted all possibilities I will then ask Christian to handle it and think of others it may involve."

"That sounds like a good idea Ma'am." He smiles and I smile back.

"Mrs Grey?" Hannah asks coming into the office without knocking, she rarely does which I don't mind, I like her to think that she doesn't have to tip toe around me just because I'm her boss.

"What is it Hannah?" I ask.

"You have an appointment with Doctor Greene at three, I was just wondering seeing as you didn't have a car if you'd like me to arrange transport for you."

I look down at my watch and see it's already ten past two.

"Yes call us a cab Hannah please, thank you for being so thoughtful." I tell her with a smile.

"No problem Mrs Grey, is two thirty ok?"

"Perfect." I smile and she walks out leaving me to turn back to Sawyer.

"Can you get me the phone numbers so I can correspond these names to her calls?"

"Of course Ma'am, I'll get on it right away."

"Meet me downstairs at two thirty." I tell him and I know he gives a nod at me though I don't look at him to see it.

I stalk over to my computer and turn on my emails. I have about a dozen emails just since this morning. One is flagged as important.

* * *

_**To:**__ Anastasia Grey_

_**Subject:**__ Paparazzi_

_**From:**__ Charlene Logan_

_Mrs Grey, _

_We have already received numerous calls from members of the press asking about a press release about the incident to the window, some have also caught wind of the incident to your car. Could you please meet with me to discuss this or somehow contact me about which route you would like to take with this. _

_Thank you_

_Charlene Logan_

_Head of Public Relations, Grey's Publishing Inc. _

I really hadn't thought of that. Christian knew about the incident because of the press and I know there will be more and more rumours flying about if I don't address it soon.

* * *

_**To:**__ Charlene Logan_

_**Subject:**__ Paps_

_**From:**__ Anastasia Grey_

_Charlene, _

_Please release a statement to all members of the press stating that the incidents which occurred this morning to both the car and the window are being treated as one investigation and that we will be happy to release further information as and when we have it. As of yet we have no more than that to give and should keep the vultures at bay for the time being. _

_Anastasia Grey_

_President, Grey's Publishing Inc. _

After clicking the send button I see that I have an email from Christian that must have come in as I was typing the previous email.

* * *

_**To:**__ Anastasia Grey_

_**Subject:**__ Doctors_

_**From:**__ Christian Grey_

_Ana, _

_I hope all goes well at the doctors, wish I could be there but I have a phone conference with New York that I can't put off again. Stay with Sawyer please, I may be trusting you to handle the incidents at Grey's Publishing alone but that doesn't mean I don't worry. _

_Laters baby_

_Christian Grey_

_Worried CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc._

I can't help but smile, he does worry and the fact that he's trusting me to handle this incident on my own proves to me that he does trust me.

* * *

_**To:**__ Christian Grey_

_**Subject:**__ Love you baby_

_**From:**__ Anastasia Grey _

_Husband, _

_It's just a check-up, everything will be fine. I will however ease your worry by calling you when I'm done to let you know that everything is fine. Sawyer will be with me at all times except for when I am in the doctor's office, I don't think even you worry enough to want him there when I have a transvaginal ultrasound._

_I love you baby_

_Anastasia Grey_

_Trusted President, Grey's Publishing Inc. _

After I click send I switch the monitor off and grab my BlackBerry knowing it's time to go and that Christian will definitely reply to the previous email.


	16. Chapter 16

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Again THANK YOU for all your reviews, it keeps me going when I struggle with where to go next with this story. I had originally planned to kill Elena in the car accident but changed my mind so I could possibly use her again in future chapters…**

* * *

_**To:**__ Anastasia Grey_

_**Subject:**__ Don't even think things like that…_

_**From:**__ Christian Grey_

_I wouldn't be comfortable if Sawyer was to be with you while you were having a transvaginal ultrasound either. Ugh. The thought sickens me Mrs Grey, you're asking to be punished repeatedly. _

_Christian Grey_

_Sickened & Twichy Palmed CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc._

Oh Fifty! I squirm in my seat in the cab beside Sawyer. If only he could see or know why I'm squirming awkwardly. I have to email him back even though we're almost at Doctor Greene's office now.

* * *

_**To:**__ Christian Grey_

_**Subject:**__ Oddly Excited_

_**From:**__ Anastasia Grey_

_The mere thought of your punishments make me want to misbehave even more Mr Grey. _

_Anastasia Grey_

_Turned on and wet President, Grey's Publishing Inc._

"Mrs Grey we're here." Sawyer says handing the cab driver a twenty dollar bill, I'll have to remember to refund him when we're back at the office.

I step out of the cab while Sawyer makes arrangements to have it back there to pick us up in forty minutes. I slip my BlackBerry into my purse knowing that the reply I will receive off Christian will be a bigger turn on and the exam I'm about to go through is going to be an excruciating turn off.

"I shouldn't be long Sawyer." I tell him as we walk inside.

"I'll wait right here." He says signalling to the chairs though I know he won't be relaxing but watching out for anyone who seems suspicious.

"Sure." I smile before walking up to the receptionist.

"Anastasia Grey, I have an appointment with Doctor Greene at three." I say politely.

"Of course Mrs Grey, take a seat and I'll call you when she's ready for you." She smiles a bright million watt smile and I know it's because she knows who I am, or more importantly, who I'm married too.

I sit down beside Sawyer and stare out of the window. I don't want to look around because I know that all the posters display growing babies in the womb and changing pregnant bodies and the last thing I want to do right now is think of what my body should be like now if we hadn't lost Little Blip.

"Mrs Grey, Doctor Greene will see you now."

I stand and don't even acknowledge Sawyer as I slip towards the exam room that I'm familiar with. It has Doctor Greene's name on a gold plaque on the door anyway so I know it's the right room.

"Anastasia it's good to see you again." Doctor Greene smiles as I enter the room.

"You too Doctor Greene." I say.

"Right so if you want to slip off panties and climb on the table we'll get the examination over and done with quickly." She says and I'm suddenly relieved that I chose to wear a dress today.

I do as she asks and settle down on the table while she washes her hands and slips on some gloves. She scoots her stool over to me and I watch as she takes the Doppler from its holster and pulls a condom on it. Twice I've had this done now. Once when I first found out I was pregnant and then when they confirmed the loss of Little Blip. It still scares me though to see the probe being brought towards me, covered in lubricant and a condom.

"Ok just relax for me Ana and place your legs in the stirrups." Doctor Greene says gently.

I quickly part my legs and look up at the roof, anywhere but at the Doctor now probing my most privet area, a place before Christian no one had ever been before.

As I feel the probe moving inside me I can't help but let my head roll to the side where the screen is. Doctor Greene glances at me and I can tell she looks uncertain but as a professional she turns her attention back to the screen. The probe slides out from my body and I instantly close my legs hating feeling so exposed and vulnerable.

"Everything looks right on track Anastasia." She says softly and I nod my head unable to find the words to say. "You can pull your panties back on and we'll do the depo for you. Have you been bleeding at all?"

"Not since I last spoke to you." I reply and I know she understands that I haven't been bleeding since my body excavated the remains of Little Blip.

"Well it was the same last time with the Depo so we won't worry about it, it happens to many women." She smiles but then her smile fades. "Would you like a tissue Anastasia?" She asks.

My hand goes to my cheek and that's when I realise I'm crying.

"Please." I say and sniff softly, goodness I'm a wreck.

"Ana have you spoken to anyone other than your husband about this?" She asks.

"Yes." I reply knowing she means a professional. "I'm ok."

"Would you like some water before we do the shot?"

"Please." I reply again as I wipe at my cheeks, I don't want to get into a long winded explanation about how I'm feeling so I gratefully accept the water being offered.

"Here you go." She smiles handing a small plastic cup with about two mouthfuls of water inside it.

I take a small sip gingerly, this couldn't be any more awkward.

"So the shot." She says going over to a medical cabinet.

I say nothing and just do as I need to do so I can leave.

"If I may Ana." She says as she places the now empty needle in a needle waste bin.

"Of course." I reply.

"I think you should speak to someone about this experience today, someone other than your husband I mean. I understand that it can be traumatic."

"I will, probably, thank you Doctor Greene."

"Just make an appointment for your next shot and then it's up to you whether or not you cancel or decide to come and have it." She says knowing that after this shot the six months waiting period will be over and I'll be clear to try for another baby.

"Of course. Thank you."

I exit the office and go straight over to the front desk to make another appointment, it leaves me open with the option to come and take the injection depending on my conversation with Christian, I hope he sees my side of the debate.

"Ready to go Sawyer?" I ask when I'm done.

"Yes Ma'am." He replies.

"Good, I'd like to go to Grey's House." I tell him as we head to the waiting cab.

"Would you like me to call ahead?"

"No." I reply as he opens the door for me to climb inside.

Once the door shuts I turn to gaze out the window. I need to cry, have some release but I don't. Not here.

Sawyer seems to sense that I am not in the mood to talk and instead opts to keep an eye on things through the window and make casual conversation with the driver to take the attention away from me.

It takes a little longer to arrive Grey's House but as soon as the cab stops I'm jumping out leaving Sawyer to his own devices.

As soon as I am inside I receive multiple greetings but I just smile weakly and make my way to the elevator.

When I get out on Christian's floor Olivia and Andrea rush around to meet me.

"Is Mr Grey in his office?" I ask Andrea without slowing down my walk.

"Yes he is." She replies.

"Alone?"

"Yes Ma'am."

"Good I'll take it from here." I say warning them to leave me be without a threat.

They both stop while I carry on the short walk alone. I don't bother knocking on his office door, I just walk in.

He lifts his head from some papers on his desk and at first he's surprised to see me.

"Ana? Is everything ok?"

I shake my head and stand there completely paralysed. He rushes from behind the desk and his arms are barely around me before I begin to sob hysterically.

"Hey, shh, Ana what is it? What happened? Shh." He coos as he holds me tight to his chest, one hand running continuously through my hair.

"I… I thought… Then… empty…" I can only get a few words out I'm so worked up.

"Shh baby, come to the couch." He says and I manage to take small steps to the large black leather couch with him.

He sits down and I crawl into his lap, clutching tight to the lapels of his suit jacket I sob harder.

"Ana baby what's the matter?" He asks stroking my back softly.

"I went to see Doctor Greene." I say as slow as I can knowing that I'm crying so much words are barely strung together.

"Yes what happened?"

"I thought I'd be ok." I continue. "But I saw it and it was empty and I felt so…" I begin to hiccup again and snuggle my face into Christian's chest while he works out what it was I was trying to say.

"Ana I don't understand." He whispers as I begin to calm down.

"I had the scan Christian and I thought it was going to be fine but then I looked and there was nothing there and I felt so empty." I tell him hurriedly. "I thought I'd be fine but seeing it like that, in black and white…"

"Oh Ana." He says softly. "I'm sorry, I should have been there with you."

"No Christian I'm being silly." I say wiping at my cheeks.

"No you're not Ana." He sighs. "No you're not."

"I am! He's been gone so long now Christian."

"No Ana, this isn't something you can just get over, I should have known today was going to be upsetting. You know, I read online not long after you miscarried that people plant a tree as a symbol of what they lost and they watch that tree grow instead of the child they lost."

"Christian are you telling me we should plant a tree?" I ask calming down a little more now.

"I think we should. At the new house. So we can watch it grow. People often plant a fruit tree."

"You want to plant a fruit tree at the new house?" I ask.

"Yes. Somewhere in the meadow or maybe in the front of the house somewhere, a reminder of our little blip, like a grave for a live human."

I think about it for a moment. Could I live with a constant reminder of what we lost? Maybe it would be a good way of always remembering our little blip.

"I think we should plant a tree too." I smile.

"Ok, I'll talk to Elliot, get him to dig up a plot for us and then we can buy a small tree that we can watch grow when we move into the new house." He smiles and somehow I suspect this is something he's wanted to mention for a while but been unable to find the words to discuss it with me. "You feeling better now?"

"Much." I reply wiping at my cheeks again. "I'm sorry Christian, I just felt so lost."

"It's ok. Ana this is what I want from you, for you to talk to me when something hurts or upsets you."

"I love you." I smile.

"I love you too. Now I'm guessing you didn't read my email?" He says.

"No." I reply shaking my head.

"Well ignore it for today and I'll make good on it tomorrow because Mrs Grey you look completely spent."

"I feel it." I reply with a shake of my head. "I need caffeine."

"I'll get Andrea to get us some coffee." He smiles nudging me off his lap.

"As much as I'd love to sit around all day with you and have coffee Mr Grey there are two more hours left of the work day and I know that isn't nearly enough time for me to go through the pile of messages on my desk that is calling for my attention."

"You're going back to Grey's Publishing?" He asks looking a little hurt.

"Baby I have to work." I tell him. "You'll pick me up though? At six?"

"Of course Ana." He smiles. "Oh did you call your parents and my Mom?"

"Shit! I completely forgot. I'll do it on the way back to Grey's Publishing." I smack my head, I knew there was something I needed to do from my list this morning that I hadn't got around to.

"Take these." He says passing me the keys to his own R8.

"What? Why?"

"Because you don't have a car. There's an Audi always here for just in cases." He smiles.

"Thanks you. Sawyer or Taylor can drive it back when you pick me up then?"

"Absolutely." He smiles. "Now go to work."

* * *

It doesn't take long to get from Grey's House to Grey's Publishing an as soon as I give the date of my next appointment with Doctor Greene to Hannah and ask her to call Doctor Flynn for me and make an appointment I slip into my office to call everyone about thanksgiving.

I start by calling my Mom.

"Hello?"

"Hey Mom it's Ana."

"Oh hello baby how are you? How's Christian?"

"Wow slow down Mom, we're both fine. I'm sorry I didn't call you sooner, but with everything that happened I got a little caught up."

"Oh it's fine Ana, Taylor filled us in." She says and I know she's just saying that it's fine because she doesn't want to lay the guilt trip on me.

"Anyway Mom the reason I'm calling is to see if you can visit for Thanksgiving. We're having a family get together at Mr and Mrs Grey seniors with the Kavanaghs and I was hoping that we could add the Steel's to that list. Bob too of course."

"Oh Ana that's a lovely idea. Of course we'll come. I haven't seen you since that whole bother with that Hyde man!"

"Oh Mom I know it's been too long."

"Well we'll be there Ana."

"Good we'll arrange for the jet to pick you up, you can either stay with Christian and myself at Escala or at a hotel which of course we'll cover the cost for."

"Oh Ana, I would love to stay at your place, I haven't even been there yet."

"It's not my place Mom it's Christian's. My home with him is currently a building site." I laugh softly, I've been telling myself this for so long now. Escala is his place, the big house is ours, a home we're going to make together.

"Well whatever, I would love to stay with you."

"Ok that's no problem Mom. I'll call you again in the next week to finalise the details."

"Have a good day Ana, I love you."

"Love you too Mom."

I hang up and sigh a breath of relief, glad that she didn't have me on the phone for hours like she normally does. My next call goes to Ray and the conversation is pretty much the same with the same outcome, yes he'll come, he'd like to stay at Escala.

Then I call Grace.

"Ana sweetie, oh I'm glad to hear from you."

"Hi Grace. I'm just calling about the Thanksgiving plans, you can add three more to the list."

"Oh your parents are coming?"

"Yes." I smile, I can't wait to see them, the last time everyone was all together like this was at my wedding.

"That's fantastic." She smiles into the phone and I can hear it in her voice. "Oh Ana have you got a dress for Sunday yet?"

"Sunday?" I ask awkwardly.

"Yes the Seattle Grace Paediatrics Benefit. That was your chosen charity along with coping together to donate your wedding money from guests. You're also being given an honorary…"

I'd completely forgotten.

"I haven't chosen a dress yet, I'll make an appointment with Caroline Acton for later in the week."

"Good. The press are going to be here remember so you're going to need to be at your best."

"I'll do what I can." I laugh and remind myself that I will need to make an appointment to get my hair, nails and makeup done or have someone come to Escala to do it for me.

"Good, so we shall see you Sunday."

"See you Sunday Grace." I smile before hanging up the phone.

With that out of the way I can turn my attention to the messages piling on my desk for the last hour before Christian comes to collect me.


	17. Chapter 17

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Again THANK YOU for all your reviews, it keeps me going when I struggle with where to go next with this story. I had originally planned to kill Elena in the car accident but changed my mind so I could possibly use her again in future chapters…**

**So a near normal day for Ana? Maybe?**

"You're tired." Christian notes as we sit around the breakfast island eating the chicken chasseur that Mrs Jones prepared for our dinner.

"I'm exhausted Christian." I reply with a tired smile.

"You had a long and busy day." He notes.

"I did." For some reason I feel like he's watching me a little too closely than normal. "Your mother had to remind me about Sunday."

"The Seattle Grace thing?"

"Yes."

"I can't believe you forgot." He laughs softly.

"Neither can I. Do I have to make a speech?"

"Yes." He nods. "Do you want me to get Amanda in PR to write it?"

"I have my own PR team." I reply. "But no thank you, it's something I'd like to write myself, make personal."

"Good." He beams. "For once Ana you'll be the centre of attention."

"Don't remind me." I say shaking my head, that is not my idea of a good time.

"You'll be in ever newspaper on Monday."

"Please don't Christian." I plead, I really don't want to think about it.

"Ok." He nods. "Do you like surprises Ana?" He asks.

"Depends." I say suddenly suspicious of him.

"It's just a general question, you know if you were at a party and then suddenly you were announced to be the winner of some big competition or something would you hate that element of public surprise?"

"Probably." I shrug. "I don't know, I've never experienced it."

He just eyes me making me even more suspicious. We finish our meals almost in silence. Not because we have nothing to talk about but because we both have a lot on our minds. I place the dishes in the dishwasher when we're done and am about to talk to Christian when Sawyer enters.

"Sorry to Disturb Ma'am, Sir." He says apologetically.

"What is it Sawyer?" I ask hyper aware of the manila file in his hand.

"The documents you requested." He says signalling the file and I know at once what they are.

"Thank you Sawyer. Is that everything?" I ask taking the file from him and holding it to my chest.

"Yes Ma'am. Have a good evening."

"You too." I reply before going over to the couch.

"So what documents are those."

"You're supposed to trust me here Christian." I say as I open the file.

"I do."

"Then don't ask."

I know he's frowning but I don't acknowledge it as I begin to look through the file. The names of the people called are highlighted next to their phone number and I know at once this is exactly what I was after.

I pull out my BlackBerry and dial Sawyer at once not caring that Christian is watching my every move.

"Sawyer have you got a copy of these?"

"I do Ma'am."

"Can you get background checks on three five and eleven."

"Will do Ma'am."

"I can wait till the morning to get them." I say before hanging up and that's when I realise I have become as abrupt as Christian with the security.

"Mrs Grey I must say it's hot when you're in control like that." He says coming over to me with a glass of wine each for us.

"Hmm, I think I've been around you too long." I say but he can see that I'm teasing him.

"Well as long as you don't begin being like that with me I have no problem."

"Oh no Mr Grey, I don't think I could ever be like that with you, if anything I believe it may make me more submissive towards you." My voice is laced with playfulness that it's almost like purring.

"That is a theory I would like to put to the test Mrs Grey." Christian grins, his own voice is filled with seduction.

"Oh Mr Grey as much as I would love to, tonight is the night I'm worried about falling asleep on you so I think the test should wait until tomorrow."

"I am holding you to that Ana." He laughs before sipping his wine.

"I believe I have an unread email in my inbox which you have said you'll make good on tomorrow." I state as calmly as I could though I know there's a sparkle in my eye.

"Oh yes Ana, you were a very naughty girl today and I am planning on punishing you." He laughs.

"I look forward to it." I grin just as my phone rings. "Ugh doesn't a girl get a break around here. Ana Grey."

Christian watches me and I smile at him. That is until I receive the message from Sawyer on the other end of the line.

"What?" I snap angrily and I glare at my husband. "No, no I'll deal with it. Thank you Sawyer… ok get me files together by the morning."

I snap the phone shut and Christian leans away from me, almost like he can sense the frustration, tension and anger that is radiating from every pore.

"Ana?"

"I need a straight answer from you Christian, please don't lie to me."

"Ok." He says nodding.

"How are you involved with Patricia Sullivan, Lorena Costello and Samantha Bordeaux?"

He looks completely shell shocked. I already know the answer deep inside but I need to hear him tell me with his own mouth.

"They used to be my subs. Why are you asking?"

"No." I say shaking my head. "I need you to answer my questions first." I say reaching for the file.

"Melissa Sandersville?"

"Yes."

"Tabitha Travis?"

He just nods.

"Holly Manuel?"

Again a simple nod of the head.

"Katrina Powers? Rachel Hughes? Marissa Lowell? Georgina Williams? Casey Roberts? Lauren Cole?"

"Ana why are you doing this?" He asks desperately.

"It's not me who you should be asking." I tell him softly as I try to keep myself calm.

"Where did you get the names Ana? You never seemed interested in knowing before and if you'd have asked I'd have given you their personnel files from my office!"

"I'm going to need those files." I say and he glares at me. "Please Christian get me those files."

"Not till you tell me why." He replies with a hint of desperation in his voice that brings me to the edge of tears.

"Because Elena has called every single one of them!" I snap. "Why is Elena Lincoln calling your ex-subs?"

"How should I know?"

"I had a brick through my window and my car vandalised and the only lead I have is this. Please I need the files on Patricia, Lorena and Samantha as there are multiple calls from her cell and hospital rooms to them."

"Ana, you've done enough, if they're involved let me handle it…"

"No Christian." I say firmly. "No way, this is a war, me vs her, let me handle it. Please?"

"Ok. I'll get you those files, in the morning, until then you're going to bed and you're going to sleep."

"I'm too wired to sleep." I reply.

"Then a hot bath. Today hasn't been the most normal day."

"With you Christian, when is there every going to be a normal day?" I tease and he laughs in complete agreement.


	18. Chapter 18

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Again THANK YOU for all your reviews, it keeps me going when I struggle with where to go next with this story. I had originally planned to kill Elena in the car accident but changed my mind so I could possibly use her again in future chapters…**

I walk into the kitchen already dressed and ready to go with plenty of time to spare. I'm wearing a simple grey pencil skirt with white silk blouse and my hair loose at my shoulders, I've finished off the outfit with a pair of black pumps.

"Mrs Grey I do love seeing you in silk." Christian grins as I slid onto the stool beside him.

"I know." I tease with a wink. "I should tell you that I am still going to be expecting you to fulfil what you say in your email."

"Have you read it?"

"Not yet." I laugh. "I will when I need cheering up at the office."

"Ok. Well Ana here are the files you requested, all thirteen of them." Christian says, I hadn't noticed the pile of manila files on the breakfast bar before.

"Thank you for trusting me with this Christian." I smile pushing the files to one side, I'll pay attention to those later.

"If anything has changed I'm sure Sawyer will have up to date information for you." He smiles as Mrs Jones places eggs and bacon in front of him.

"What can I get you Mrs Grey?" She asks kindly.

"I'll have the same please." I tell her because Christian's breakfast looks so appetizing right now.

"So other than following the leads on the brick and car what else have you got lined up for today?"

"Well, I need to make an appointment with Caroline Acton to get a dress for Sunday, then I need to find someone who can come here early on Sunday and do my hair and makeup and nails as I think this is one event I really need to go all out on. Then I'll sit down with Sawyer and put a plan into action about how to take this."

"What time can you get off?"

"Why?"

"The tree will arrive the house today, and Elliot has already dug up a patch in the front for us to plant it." He says and I can see the grief in his eyes, grief I know is reflected in my own.

"I don't know, when do you think we should do it?" I ask my voice shaking.

"How does four sound? I'll pick you up?"

"Sure. I'll have Sawyer drive me in today." I say softly.

"Ok, it's arranged." He smiles reassuringly and takes my hand giving it a gentle squeeze.

We break apart when Mrs Jones comes with my breakfast which is just in time for Taylor to walk in.

"Sorry to disturb, the morning papers have arrived, I thought you might want to see them." He says walking over with a large pile of newspapers.

"Oh God." I laugh as they're placed on the table between me and Christian.

We both reach for one and on the front page of one is the wreck that is my R8 and on the other the shattered window with me on the ground, good shot if anyone was to ask my opinion.

"Is this how you got that second cut?" Christian asks pointing to my head.

"It's nothing Christian." I say smoothing my hair over the butterfly stitches.

"It's not nothing Ana, the brick could have hit you."

"They had no way of knowing I was stood there Christian, it was coincidence." I tell him and he sighs but turns to the page with the story.

"Grey's Publishing was the victim of vandalism yesterday when a brick was thrown through the window. Eye witnesses saw a small person dressed all in black flee the scene, no one in sure whether the perpetrator was male or female however many assumed the build meant female. Anastasia Grey, wife of hot shot CEO Christian Grey and President of Grey's Publishing also had her car vandalised, it is believed that the perpetrator is one in the same. Grey's Publishing released a statement saying that so far they had no leads but the incidents were being investigated independently." Christian read from the paper in his hand.

"Wow, this one says … hold on let me skim the boring bit… ah here we go… It is believed by many that the collision involving Mr and Mrs Grey in Aspen is linked to the vandalism caused at Grey's Publishing yesterday morning. However, no statement has been made by Grey's Enterprise Holdings as of yet or Mr and Mrs Grey."

"The press." Christian sighs shaking his head. "I'm sure the rest will be just the same."

"Yup, not one for the scrap book." I tease dropping the paper and turning back to my breakfast. "As long as nothing else happens today I will be pleased."

"Me too." Smiles Christian, I know he's feeling a little out of control with everything happening over at Grey's Publishing and I know I'm going to have to really make it up to him before he starts getting worked up and angry Christian makes a return.

"Oh Christian I was wondering what you were thinking if I was to hire a second in command at Grey's Publishing."

"I thought there already was one." He replies forgetting that when it was revealed he had bought SIP half the management team quit.

"Nope, she quit when it was still SIP."

"Ok, well if you want to, or just promote someone who already works for you and then hire someone for their job." He suggests and I think the idea over for a moment.

"That could work. Right baby I'm off." I smile getting to my feet and grabbing the pile of files that he has for me.

"Ok baby I'll see you at four." He smiles.

"See you at four." I reply leaning in for a kiss.

It's slow soft and tender and last only a few moments before I break it off and walk away knowing if I didn't we wouldn't make it anywhere but the bedroom.

Sawyer meets me down in the garage and opens the door to the waiting Audi SUV. I climb in giving him a small smile and as soon as I'm belted in I open the top most file.

_**Name** - Patricia Marie Sullivan_

_**Date of Birth** – 22/08/1988_

_**Bank Account Number** – 3476-987355-1232_

_**Social Security Number** – 10192602_

_**Method of Birth Control** – Oral Pill_

_**Sexual Orientation** – Bisexual_

_**Place of Employment** – Sander's Restaurant_

I turn the page over and find myself on the NDA she signed and flick it over, I have the copy I signed if I need to remind myself what it says even though mine means nothing. The next page is the contract and I can't help but feel a little sickened.

**Agreed Hard Limits**

I don't want to read any of that, I don't even want to think of what Christian and these women got up to, not when I know a few of the things on his soft limits were and still are in my hard limits.

I skip the contract and find nothing else of interest in the file. I hope Sawyer has more.

"We're here Mrs Grey." He says pulling up into a parking space.

"Thank you Sawyer." I smile as he opens the door and extends his hand so I can climb out gracefully with his support, he hands me another pile of files and gives me a curt nod knowing that they're what I asked off him. Without saying a word I walk away knowing I have a lot to think about.

I know this is going to be yet another busy day as soon as I step foot inside the building. Men are gathered around the shattered window pulling the frame out so they can replace it, the sooner the better as I can't imagine it being too warm down in this area for the staff.

I step into the elevator alone, Sawyer knows I'll call him if I need too.

"Good Morning Mrs Grey." Hannah smiles as soon as I step off the elevator.

"Good morning Hannah, messages?" I ask extending my hand.

"Not as many and none of great importance." She says handing me about a handful of notes.

"Good, I need you to draft up a job application for a second in command, it is a job offer to someone already here. Make a slot in two weeks time for interviews I have little time until then." I say remembering that the holiday is coming up and that I have my Mom and Ray and Bob coming to stay.

"Yes Mrs Grey, tea?"

"Please." I smile before entering the safety of my office.

I go straight around to my desk and drop the files that I have. Sawyer has given me his own ones too so I have double the amount now. I don't even know how I am going to proceed with it so for now I am going to put it all to one side and focus on everything else I need to do.

I log into my emails and at once see the one that Christian sent me yesterday.

* * *

_**To:**__ Anastasia Grey_

_**Subject:**__ Punishment_

_**From:**__ Christian Grey_

_You have a way with words Mrs Grey. I think the playroom has been missing us dearly and a night in there might remind you how to behave. I now can't stop thinking of butt plugs, nipple clamps, vibrators and shackles and how I would use them on you… _

_Christian Grey_

_Dominant CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc._

I laugh to myself. He says that I have a way with words yet he can make me come just with words alone.

* * *

_**To:**__ Christian Grey _

_**Subject:**__ Squirming in anticipation_

_**From:**__ Anastasia Grey_

_Sir,_

_I look forward to seeing the playroom this evening Mr Grey, I'm sure it misses us as much as we have missed it. I am holding you to the promise of being punished, I have been an extremely naught girl lately. _

_Anastasia Grey_

_Submissive President, Grey Publishing, Inc._

I click the send button just as Hannah comes into the office.

"Here is a print out of the proposed interoffice job offer." She smiles handing over a sheet of paper for me to look at and a cup of tea.

"Thank you Hannah, could you please make an appointment with Caroline Acton, I need a gown for a Charity Event on Sunday which requires me to make a speech so it needs to be perfect also find me someone who can come to my home on Sunday afternoon or maybe mid-morning to do hair, nails and makeup for said event."

"Will do Mrs Grey."

"Do I have any appointments today?"

"Nothing as of yet, Doctor Flynn has pencilled you in for seven tomorrow evening."

"That's great thank you Hannah." I smile and she knows that this is me dismissing her.

I quickly scan over the job application and pencil in some corrections and changes in phrasing, I don't want anyone to think that they could take over my job from this.

My email pings and I smirk knowing that it is my domineering husband replying.

* * *

_**To:**__ Anastasia Grey_

_**Subject:**__ Play time_

_**From:**__ Christian Grey_

_Ana, _

_Don't forget we are going to the house this evening to plant a tree, if you're still in the mood for a bit of fun we can visit the play room if not I'm sure we can lose ourselves in each other in the bedroom too._

_Christian Grey_

_CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc._

Well if that email hasn't put damp on my good mood. I hadn't exactly forgotten that we were going to plant a tree for Little Blip, I had just hoped that it would be no big deal. I should have thought of Christian's feelings towards this as it was his idea meaning that he is seeing it as a big deal.

I slip out of my office without replying to Christian and Hannah jumps to her feet at once.

"Can you mark out the end of the day from four, I have a personal engagement to attend." I tell her and she gives me a nod as I slip back into my office.

Now there are a hundred million things I could be doing with my time but I find myself drawn to just get on with my work. As I reply to emails, type up documents and wait for lunch time I oddly find my eyes constantly drifting to the files on my desk, files no one can ever get their hands on.

I open the large bottom drawer of my desk which has always been empty and shove them in. I have a key and lock it so that the files can't fall into the wrong hands, I guess I'll deal with it when I have some idea how to deal with it.


	19. Chapter 19

**The idea about the Tree – My Mother miscarried when I was about 8 or 9 years old. They planted a baby pear tree in the garden of our family home and she explained to me that she would be able to watch the tree grow in the way the baby would have should it have survived. Sadly we moved away before we got to see the first pears on the tree and the new owners cut the tree down. **

**Thank you so much for all your reviews guys! Please keep them coming because they are my guide and inspiration!**

**Steff ox**

"Sawyer." I say into my phone.

"Ma'am?" He asks.

"I would like you to accompany me to lunch, I have something I need to discuss with you." I say.

"Uh of course Ma'am." He hesitates and I can hear it, I'm sure he is confused that I am asking him to join me for lunch not tell him that I am going to lunch, I'll explain it all to him when we arrive.

"Have the car ready, we'll go to Saudy's on Columbia."

"Yes Ma'am."

I shut off the call and gather the things I need from my desk, six of the now twenty six files that I wish I would never have to lay eyes on. I head out of my office and as always Hannah jumps to her feet.

"I'm going to lunch, I don't want to be disturbed unless it is an emergency Hannah." I say firmly without even really looking in her direction as I walk to the elevator and hit the button.

"Of course Ma'am, enjoy your lunch." She says politely and I turn around and give her a small thankful smile, she is a good person.

On the ground floor Sawyer is waiting for me by the Audi. I hurry outside and he pulls the door open for me to climb in.

We drive in silence but I can sense Sawyer glancing at me at every stop in the rear view mirror. I know I've confounded the poor man but I'm sure he knows I'll explain everything to him over lunch.

Knowing that I'm a public figure and am about to have lunch in a public place with another man I quickly type out an email to Christian.

* * *

_**To:**__ Christian Grey _

_**Subject:**__ Lunch_

_**From:**__ Anastasia Grey_

_Going to be having lunch with Sawyer, I have something I need to discuss with him that requires us to be on equal terms. I'm letting you know in case someone from the Seattle Times happens to walk past and snap a picture! _

_Anastasia Grey_

_President, Grey Publishing, Inc._

I click the send button without hesitation. Christian trusts me and I trust him, I mean I know it's unprofessional to be taking my security out to lunch but it has to be done, I need him to be able to talk to me freely and give his opinion and by doing it at a restaurant it puts a barrier firmly in place for when we leave.

* * *

_**To:**__ Anastasia Grey _

_**Subject:**__ I don't know how I feel…_

_**From:**__ Christian Grey_

… _about that. I trust you however and am sure you'll explain to me in more detail when we are face to face. _

_Christian Grey_

_CEO, Grey's Enterprises Holdings, Inc_

I don't even bother replying to that. I will fill him in if it is necessary and it really doesn't matter what he thinks about it either, it's business not pleasure, or maybe business disguised as pleasure.

"We're here Mrs Grey." He says pulling into a parking lot and snapping me out of my thoughts.

I look at him in the rear view as he climbs out and I wait patiently for him to open my door.

As soon as I step out he keeps one step behind me and it bothers me and makes me wonder how hard it is going to be to get this man to be open and honest with me, for once in his career treat me like an equal and not his superior or employer.

We enter the restaurant and it's quiet for this time of day.

"Mrs Grey it's lovely to see you again."

I don't remember the name of the man calling to me but Christian and I have visited the restaurant a few times in the past.

"You too. A table for two please."

"Right this way Ma'am." He says eyeing Sawyer wearily.

Sawyer follows me awkwardly and I find it pretty cute that he looks so unsure. Normally he is so confident in himself even when he's rushing around doing my bidding.

We sit down and I'm handed a wine menu.

"A bottle of the Cristal Brut 1999 please." I say before handing it back.

"Of course Ma'am."

"Order something and then I'll talk, don't worry Christian knows we're having lunch." I tell him.

I see him relax slightly and I can't help but find it particularly amusing. Our wine arrives and a small amount is poured into my glass. I taste a sip as if I know what I'm doing and I already knew what to expect having enjoyed this wine once with Christian before. I nod my head over to the waiter who fills my glass and Sawyers who looks at it awkwardly.

"Enjoy it." I say before taking another small sip of my own wine.

He watches me as he reaches for his own wine and I manage not to laugh as we are presented with menus.

"I'll have the chicken pasta salad, heavy on the vignette." I say without even looking at the menu. "Order whatever you fancy Luke this is on me."

He smiles awkwardly and looks over the menu for a moment, his eyes scanning each item.

"The sirloin please, well done." He says closing the menu.

Once the waiter is out of ear shot I turn my full attention to Sawyer.

"Ok now I'll talk." I say and he relaxes even more right in front of me. "I need your help Luke and for you to do that I need you to be my equal, for the remainder of this lunch you are a dear friend and not my security guard and employee, I want your honest opinions on my thoughts without you fearing any sort of retaliation. Can you do that?"

"Yes Ma'am." He nods with a smile, I can tell he is now amused.

"Good, then you can start by calling me Ana."

"Ok Ana." He says and now I see he is completely relaxed like I've turned the nob that turns the security guard in him off.

"So, are you married Luke?" I ask and he looks at me surprised for a moment.

"No Ma'am… I mean Ana." He smiles shyly, I never thought I'd say Luke Sawyer was a shy man.

"Children?"

"No." He says again.

"Ok." I reply.

"I would ask you the same questions if I didn't already know the answers" He says and I can't help but laugh while he grins stupidly.

"Well we save some time on exchanging pleasantries there Luke." I reply and it's his turn to laugh, I must admit it feels great to be in the company of someone I could possibly call a friend. I've barely seen Kate in the past few weeks and Jose even longer.

The meal is set in front of us and we both dig in. I give Sawyer a moment to taste his food before I begin my explanation.

"Ok so, I need help about this situation with the car and the brick. First I need to know Luke how much do you know of the Christian Grey before me?"

"Not much Ma'am… uh Ana." He says.

"Please don't think you have to stick to the NDA right now Luke, I'm his wife and we have very few secrets." I tell him and he frowns for a moment.

"He called me this morning Ma'am."

Oh this is news to me.

"And?" I ask.

"He just wanted to see how the investigation was going and told me that the women in question were all people he was once involved in a relationship with."

Well that's not quite telling him they were his submissives but it's better than nothing I suppose.

"Ok well, that's good then, I don't want him to think I'm discussing his past with you without his knowledge or consent." I say before turning some of my attention back to my food. "I have a reason to believe that Elena and his … his exes are involved somehow in what happened to my car and to Grey's Publishing. The three she has called numerous times in particular."

"Ok."

"I want your opinion Luke."

"Ana, it's hard to say. It's a pretty decent idea, Elena Lincoln was your first suspect from the start and then … I have to ask Ana and please I apologise if I'm out of line, did you have your suspicions about what you would find in the phone records?"

"I did." I reply with a nod. "Christian and I have few enemies Luke, very few, and seeing that Elena tried to kill us by driving her car into us in Aspen I had reasons to believe that she would be behind this but with her being indisposed … well I wondered how else she would be able to be involved and once upon a time Christian confided everything in her."

"So she would have known about the exes."

"Yes she would." I reply with a tentative smile, I like equal Luke, I may have him be a little more like this with me every day as I would like someone I could confide in who is with me more often than Kate but not as often and isn't Christian.

"If I may Ana you have a smart head on your shoulders."

"And I thought Christian married me for my looks." I say teasingly and we both laugh though Luke's is a little more subtle. "Do you think I'm right in dealing with this matter without Christian's help?"

"I think … I think you know what's best and if you can't handle it then you will talk to Mr Grey." He replies and I know he's being completely honest with me.

"You're right. At least I hope. I have been tempted to just tell Christian to deal with it but our marriage … well our marriage is built on trust but it's also built on secrets. There was once a time Christian told me things only when and if I needed to know them and in one way I guess I'm giving him a taste of his own medicine. When everything with Jack Hyde happened… he kept me in the dark for a long time and though I have never blamed him for what happened you saw what the result was and I have wondered if we would have been more honest with each other much of that situation could have been avoided."

"Mrs Grey, Ana, don't dwell on that, it was a very dark time for both of you but it's in the past." He says gently and I smile thankfully at him, this man really is a great and trustworthy man who I am glad to have as my own security guard.

"Thank you Luke, Christian and I are actually putting that to rest tonight." I say but he doesn't ask me what I mean, which I am glad, it's really not something I want to discuss at this moment. "So what do I do now about the exes?"

"Well Mr Grey may have mentioned paying them a visit."

"Me?"

"No he himself…"

"Oh God." I groan. "I really thought he was going to let me do this alone Luke, who was I kidding?"

Sawyer says nothing to which I am relieved, I often have a loose tongue around my husband and I wouldn't like to see Sawyer get fired because of me and my big mouth. We eat the rest of the meal in near silence and after I pay the check we head back to Grey's Publishing.

"Thank you Sawyer." I smile when he opens the car door.

"No thank you Mrs Grey." He smiles back and my own turns into a grin, bless him, he really is a man I can consider a friend, though I don't know what Mr Grey would ever say if I was to mention that to him.


	20. Chapter 20

**KLEENEX ALERT**

**(A warning as promised to those of you who may find this chapter a tear jerker!)**

**Thank you so much for all your reviews guys! Please keep them coming because they are my guide and inspiration!**

**Steff ox**

The rest of the day passes in a near blur. I want to confront Christian about him interfering in my investigation but I think I may just relinquish the investigation to him as I don't know if I want to deal with the stress. I keep glancing at the clock knowing that every second is a second nearer to four o'clock and I don't know how I should feel about planting a tree in memory of Little Blip.

I know I feel sad, like I am going to Little Blips funeral or something but then again I feel hopeful, that somehow we can put the grief and sorrow and the past to rest and move on with our lives, I don't want the loss of Blip to be hanging over us for the rest of our lives. I know inside that we will never be able to forget what we lost I do believe we'll someday be able to look back and not be so disheartened by it.

At five to four Christian strolls into my office. I glance up from the memo I'm in the middle of writing to all staff then turn my eyes back to the computer.

"You're early." I say poignantly.

"Not by much." He shrugs coming around to my side of the desk. "What are you doing?"

"Interoffice memo." I sigh as I scan what I've already written.

"You're really good at this." He mutters parking his behind on the edge of my desk, so close that I can smell his body wash and aftershave.

"Good at what?" I ask still not giving him my full attention, I want to get this done before we leave.

"Running this place."

"I'm glad you think so." I say again reading the corrections and changes I have made.

"I see you had the window fixed." He says knowing he isn't going to get much of a conversation out of me yet.

"Yes, I went and got bullet proof glass so the next time someone decides to throw a brick at it hopefully it will bounce off and hit them." I say and Christian chuckles lightly, finally I smile and hit the send button. "There I'm done. We can go now." I say pushing back my chair.

"Ana are you really ok with us doing this?" He asks before I've even stood up.

Oh no! No, no, no I don't want him to begin asking those questions or I'm going get confused.

"I'm ok with us doing it." I reply but I know he can see that I've tensed up from his question.

"Are you doing this because you think it's a good idea or because you think I think it's a good idea?" He asks.

"Christian." I sigh falling back into my large leather chair so it swallows me. "A bit of both, I think it's a good idea on some level and I'm also doing it for you."

He kneels down in front of me and takes my hands. I've been at the verge of tears all day and having him being like this, all sentimental fifty, is bringing me to the brink.

"Ana, we don't have to if you don't want to." He says, his grey eyes bearing into my soul.

"I don't know Christian." I sigh. "I don't know what to make of it, I don't know how I feel about it."

"Talk to me Ana." He whispers. "Tell me what you've been thinking about all day."

"I've been thinking that I don't know how I'm going to be able to look at that tree everyday knowing why it's there."

"You don't want to remember Blip?" He asks.

"I don't want to remember why we lost blip." I say and I know that my eyes are shimmering with tears as they've pooled to the edge of my eyes.

Christian looks at me and I can see the grief and loss in his eyes. I know he's as upset about losing blip as I am, I knew that when he sobbed after we received the confirmation that Blip no longer had a heartbeat.

"That's understandable Ana." He whispers as he brings one hand to my cheek.

I realise he's wiping away a tear, one I wasn't aware had fallen.

"Is it?"

"Yes." He nods. "I've been thinking about it too, and I think by the time we've moved into that house we'll have properly moved on from Jack Hyde and we won't be as down trodden every time we think about Little Blip."

"I'm scared that we'll plant it and I'll hate it, hate the house and hate what the damn tree stands for." I say weakly.

"I don't think you'll hate what it stands for Ana, it stands for our baby, one that wasn't meant to be."

"A blessing in disguise." I whisper not actually realising I was saying it out loud.

"Is that what you think losing Little Blip was?" He asks and my eyes spring open and I see him looking like I've just hit him.

"Yes." I reply. "We weren't ready Christian."

"We would have been." He replies softly and I feel like a bitch for hurting him, telling him what I've been thinking.

"Would we?" I ask. "Even if we would have been now we don't have to be, we can see the world, concentrate on us, our marriage, our life, making our big house a home."

"You're right Ana, so right." He whispers tears pooling in his eyes making me feel so guilty. "We would have made great parents to Little Blip though."

"I know." I reply nodding more tears falling free from the hold I had on them.

"You don't want to try for more kids yet do you."

"Not for a while, couple of years maybe, when we're settled and ready, right now Christian I am trying to run a company, we're trying to get ready to move house, we have a busy life and one a child wouldn't fit into yet."

"Anastasia Grey, you always have a way of putting things into perspective." He sighs softly and I reach out to wipe one of his tears that has slid down his cheek. "A few years then." He smiles gently.

"Yes. Come on baby, we have a tree to plant." I say and as he stands I too climb out of my chair.

"Are you sure you want to?"

"Yes. I'll discuss the emotions and worries and thoughts with Doctor Flynn when I see him tomorrow." I say grabbing my purse.

"You're seeing Flynn?"

"I think I need to."

"Ok." He nods.

No more needs to be said on the matter. For now we are on the same page.

* * *

When we arrive at the house I see no construction vans like there has been every other time we visit.

"Where is everyone?" I ask clinging onto Christian's hand as the car turns into the driveway.

"I explained to Elliot this is something we need to do in privacy. He called it an early day and told the workers it was a gift from me, I will be paying everyone's wages for the hours they're missing because of this." He explains but I can see he's distant and I know it's because he's as nervous as I am about what we are about to do.

We come to a stop and as soon as we are out of the car Taylor drives back down to the end of the drive way. I'm guessing Christian asked him for the same privacy.

Christian takes my hand and leads me around the side of the house and that's when I see the tree beside a small pile of dirt.

"Ready to do this?" He asks giving my hand a gentle squeeze.

"I think so." I whisper because it's all I can manage.

He pulls me along by his side until we arrive the plot and I see there are also two white candles in glass jars.

"Elliot's idea." He mumbles. "He thought it would be something we could do too."

"It's a nice thought. I'll have to remember to thank him." I reply and I know as does Christian that I'm trying to pull myself away from the reality of what we're doing.

"Shall we plant this tree then?"

"What is it?" I ask and Christian looks at me in complete confusion. A small smile breaks free from my lips and even though I know it doesn't reach my eyes I see Christian smile a little too. "I mean the fruit of the tree, what fruit will grow on it."

"Apples." He says. "There won't be fruit on it for about five years though I suspect."

"Oh." I reply.

"Come Ana, hold around the trunk."

I wrap my hands gently around the thin trunk. It's only slightly thinner than my wrist which is an unnerving thing to notice but I know I'm just trying to dissociate from what is happening as much as I possibly can.

Christian wraps his hands around the trunk too. Both above mine he makes sure that the edge of his hand is touching mine, as a form of reassurance I guess, or intimacy.

"Ready, we'll lift it together and place it in the hole."

I just nod. My throat is tight and my mouth is dry and I don't think my mind is in a place where it can really formulate any words.

"One, two, three." Christian counts softly and together we lift the tree.

It's surprisingly very light and we are quick to transfer it from the pot into the hole.

"Keep it straight." He says gently before kneeling down beside me.

I keep a strong hold on the tree but keep my eyes on Christian. With his bare hands he pushes the pile of dirt that was once in the hole back into it so it surrounds the tree, engulfing it.

"Come." He says offering me his hand.

He slowly pulls me down to the ground and then his hand slips inside a bag that I didn't even realise he'd been holding. _Jeeze Steele, how preoccupied could you be?_

"Here." He says passing me the item he's pulled out from the bag.

It's a small plaque. About five inches by three with a gold plate.

In memory of Little Blip, Love Mom and Dad x

My heart clenches. Tears spring up in my eyes and I can't breathe.

"Just push this bit into the ground." He says pointing to the extension on the plaque.

I do it so it's quite centre and Christian pushes it back so it rests against the trunk.

"When the tree is stronger, we'll be able to nail it in place." He tells me and I can hear that his voice is thick with tears.

"We should light the candles." I manage to say and I see Christian nod beside me, I can't look at him right now thought, I know it will hurt and the tears I'm so desperate to keep at bay will come flooding out uncontrollably.

He places a candle on either side of the plaque and opens the small glass cage on each one.

"Here." He says passing me a large fluid lighter.

Slowly I place the end of the lighter inside the cage and click it on, holding it in place for a moment before pulling back and closing the small door. Christian then takes the lighter and does the same with the second.

Once that's done he drops the lighter to the side and his arm wraps around me. He pulls me into his side and drops his cheek onto the top of my head. I can feel him shaking and I know he's crying and I realise I can't hold back anymore. The floodgates open and I sob uncontrollably.


	21. Chapter 21

**Thank you so much for all your reviews guys! Please keep them coming because they are my guide and inspiration!**

**Steff ox**

Christian and I have barely spoken a word since we left the big house. We're back at Escala eating the Beef Stew that Mrs Jones has made us in complete silence. He looks relaxed, I wish I knew what he was thinking. Shockingly since leaving the big house I feel like a big weight has been lifted from my shoulders and I don't even know how to begin explaining it.

"Tell me what you're thinking." I tell Christian when he pushes his empty bowl away.

"Why?"

"Because I can see there's something on your mind and we promised to be more open with each other." I reply and I can see a glimmer of smile playing on his lips.

"Good point Mrs Grey." He says and then he does smile, I can't help but smile back. "I'm thinking that we did the right thing, that we can now move on with just the memory of Little Blip, stop thinking about the what if's and live our lives the way it is. What about you? What are you thinking?"

"Mr Grey it may surprise you to hear I'm thinking the same thing." I reply with a wide grin. "I feel freer that I have since we lost Blip, I feel at ease and relaxed and peaceful."

"I didn't think it would make us feel like this." He says and the smile has gone and his very thoughtful face is on again.

"Neither did I but let's not over think it and embrace it." I say reaching over and taking his hand.

"Ok." He smiles. "How do you suggest we do that?"

"Well I seem to recall an email and a promise." I say and I know he can see the mischievous twinkle I have in my eye.

"That's right Mrs Grey. I recall it too." He smiles and I see that his grey eyes have darkened with lust.

I squirm in my seat and bite my lip, I want this now, it's the next step in really moving on and right now I want to submit to my husband, give him that complete power over me that I know he so desperately wants.

"I'll be up in five minutes." He whispers and that is enough for me to feel the wetness pool between my legs.

I watch him stalk off towards our bedroom and I jump from my stool. I grab the glass of wine and make my way up to my old bedroom which now holds a lot of stuff that I haven't bothered unpacking from when I finally and completely moved out from Kate's house.

I strip down to my lacy boy shorts and pull on the robe that has been left hanging on the bathroom door. I know that I need this as much as Christian. Inside the robe pocket is a small key which will open the door of the playroom. I know Christian will be expecting me to be in position before he arrives and so I gulp down the rest of the wine and run to the playroom.

I'm all fingers and thumbs while I try and unlock the door. I'm excited and nervous to finally feel this light. As soon as the door swings open I kick it shut and remove the offending robe from my body. Quickly I hang it up on the hook behind the door and jump into my position. Legs spread apart, head down, hands on thighs.

I don't wait long. Christian enters the room and I almost shiver with anticipation. He walks straight past me and I know he's going to be setting up his tools for the session and I squirm a little, feeling the excitement building in my core.

I hear the opening of drawers from behind me and it takes a lot not to have a look at what fascinating objects my husband is pulling from the museum chest. I try and listen and hear the vibrations of different objects, or the same object with different speed settings. I quickly realise I know more than I ever wanted to about sex toys.

I hear him shuffle and then he's in front of me. I can see his bare sexy feet and I desire courses through my body, how can his feet do such things to me? It's a mystery.

"Anastasia, you have been defying me all over the place these past few days. Are you ready for your punishment?"

"Yes sir." I say clearly, this concept doesn't really scare me anymore, I know he will never hurt me or divorce me if I use the safe word.

"Good. Then stand."

I quickly and as gracefully as I can push myself to standing but keep my head bowed. I know the rules as if they're imprinted on my memory.

"Turn around." He says and I obey.

Obey. That word we cancelled out of our wedding vows because of our history and lifestyle. Short history as it happens but enough of one.

He braids my hair quickly and then uses it to pull me head back, rough enough that yelp in surprise but not enough to hurt.

"You will be severely punished Ana, then I'm going to fuck you, hard, for my pleasure only and then if you succeed in pleasing me I will let you come. Is that clear?"

My dominant. My fifty. His words alone make me want him.

"Yes Sir." I reply my voice quivering with nerves and excitement.

"Good. Go and stand in front of the couch. Facing away from the room."

I hurry over to the couch and stand so that I am facing away from the room. I know Christian is watching me but I keep my head bowed. He walks to me and my senses come alive, not that they haven't been since I walked into the room but with every fleeting minute the burn in my lower belly grows stronger.

"You have been a very naughty girl Ana." He whispers seductively as he holds onto my shoulders.

"Yes Sir."

"Bend over and grab the back of the couch." He growls at me and I comply quickly.

My knees hit against the seat of the couch as I move but it doesn't faze me.

"Spread your legs." He says pulling my head back by my hair.

He uses his foot to help me widen my legs. They're more than shoulder width apart when he's done and I am already desperate to be touched, desperate for a release.

"Ana, you will safe word if this gets too much?"

"Yes Sir." I reply, his voice was filled with so much sincerity that I needed to reaffirm him and quickly.

"Good. I am going to spank you Mrs Grey. With a ridding crop."

"Yes Sir." I manage to say, my mouth is now dry with anticipation.

He walks away from me and I know he's fetching the ridding crop. It only takes him seconds and I don't worry at all, not like I used to in this room.

"I want you to count the blows Mrs Grey."

"Yes Sir."

"How many do you think you deserve?"

"I don't know Sir." I reply quaking with anticipation.

"Hmm, you have defied me a lot."

"Yes Sir."

"You've taken so much control."

"Yes Sir."

"I think twenty should cover it. What do you think Ana?"

"Whatever Sir thinks." I reply and I know he's smirking behind me.

First he pulls off my panties. I don't see why I bother wearing them in this room because they're always pulled off quickly.

I feel the leather smooth over an area of my behind and my eyes close in anticipation of the blow. The leather leaves my skin and then bites down on me. My feet jump to the tips of the toes in reaction and I gasp. The sound is worse than the sting.

"One." I say meekly.

Each smack is slightly harder than the last. By the end I'm near tears but not from pain, oh no, Christian wouldn't hurt me and I'd safe word if it got too painful. I am in tears from need, I need a release and I know I'm not going to get one for a while.

"Turn around." He snarls and I do. "On your knees wench."

I stifle a smirk as I drop to my knees, I know what's coming, his pleasure, his release. He pulls on his tattered old jeans and they fall down to his thighs. I like that he's gone commando.

"Suck." He says holding his erection in his hand. "No hands."

I look at him and his eyes are glazed over with lust. I open my mouth and he guides himself inside me before letting go of his erection. His hands go to my head and I know that he is literally going to fuck my mouth.

He begins a punishing rhythm. He knows my limits, and my excellent lack of gag reflex. I suck and swirl my tongue as he punishes my mouth, relentlessly thrust in in and out until my mouth fills with his salty release.

"Swallow." He mouths to me as he pulls out.

I swallow no problem.

"Mrs Grey do you think you earned yourself a release?"

"I don't know Sir." I reply though inside I am screaming that I have. My inner goddess is on her knees, hands clasped together, pleading.

"On the bed." He hisses and I do as I'm told. "Sit here." He says tapping an area near centre. "Give me your leg." He says and I pass him my right leg which he instantly snaps into a leather cuff.

He doesn't need to ask for me to give him my left leg.

He walks over to the couch I was bent over and sits down. He pulls his trousers down again, just enough to pull out his only semi erect shaft. I am confused. He's over there while I am spread eagle, sat upright over here.

"I want you to have your release Ana. But I am not going to touch you." He smirks.

My mouth falls wide open. I know what he wants me to do. My mind remembers back to when he guided my hand down myself.

"I can see you're ready Ana, I want to watch you make yourself come."

My mouth is a perfectly shaped O. I quickly snap it shut and glare at my husband. He's serious. He really wants me to do this.

"Touch yourself Ana, or you won't come tonight."

I groan in frustration and I know if I do this then he's going to fuck me. And God do I want him to fuck me.

I raise an eyebrow and using my right hand I begin to stroke just around the curve of my right breast. I watch him completely. I see his breath catch in his throat. I know he expected me to fight him on this but I promised submission. In this room I would submit.

"Ana." He breathes as my hand travels passed my breast to my abdomen and back up.

I hold myself upright with abdominal strength alone and take both my hands to my breasts. I squeeze them softly, pinch my nipples, roll them between my thumb and finger till the nubs are hard. Then I take my left hand and place my forefinger in my mouth. I suck as to lubricate it and then I repeat the process with my right. My eyes don't leave Christian's face.

He's watching me in complete awe as I place my now glistening fingers on the centre of my pert nipples. I create small circles and a moan escapes my body. His mouth is now set in a firm O. He's hard again too and his hand is firmly wrapped around his erection. That has got to be the most erotic thing I have seen in a while. And that's when it hits me. If I find him touching himself so erotic then I understand how erotic the sight must be for him.

My hands leave my breasts and I place them on my thighs. I stroke up and down with the palm of my hand and another moan filters through my lips. I have been desperate to touch my hot and wet centre for so long but I won't, not yet.

His hand is moving slowly up and down along his erection and I can't help but wish it was my hand on him and his on me. I lose the fight against my own desire and drop my right hand to my core. I take one finger and pull it in an upward motion so it parts the flesh. I feel the wetness coating my finger and my inner goddess is daring me to go ahead with an idea that has suddenly popped into my head. I take my finger and slowly place it in my mouth.

Christian's jaw almost hits the floor, and I smirk without releasing my finger. I give him a moment to recover before pulling my finger out with a pop. Suddenly Christian bounces from the couch. I win. He dives over to me, pushing me back into the firm mattress of the bed. He steps back and pulls his jeans completely off before returning to me. He doesn't even bother to unshackle my ankles. He guides himself to my entrance quickly and then slams into me hard. I yelp in complete surprise as my first orgasm completely takes over. I vibrate and contort and I know that is only the first. Between the spanking and the touching my body was hanging on edge this whole time.

Christian grabs my wrists and pushes them above my head. He slams hard into my repeatedly. Each thrust as punishing yet exciting as the previous and I know I will be bruised in the morning but I really don't care.

"Ana!" He calls as he continues his harrowing punishment.

I want to wrap my legs around him but I can't with them bound. I want to hold him to me but with his relentless grip on my wrists I can't. I am completely at his mercy. Just the way he likes it and to be honest, how I like it to.

Suddenly he yanks me up to sitting again and he sits back on his heels. I'm still shackled and now I am sitting on him, with him inside me, completely spread eagle. I can't move and it's frustrating. I need some sort of movement, I am frustrated beyond belief. His hands find my hips and he begins to move. He's a little slower but not much and from this position he hits much deeper. It isn't long before I am coming undone yet again.

"Christian!" I scream as my second orgasm takes over. I'm not normally a screamer but this is too intense for words.

He thrusts hard into me again and I yelp this time he comes undone. I feel his seed spurting inside me and he calls my name out like a bird's song.

He pulls out of me and collapses on top of me. I lay back, holding him to me, my fingers running through his hair.

"Mrs Grey." He says breathlessly.

"Yes?"

"When I say touch yourself…"

"Yes?"

"I don't mean quiet like that."

"I guessed."

"Then why do it?"

"Because I wanted to give my pleasure to you." I reply remembering his words from months before.

He looks up at me. His grey eyes look almost dreamy. A look I don't often see from Christian Grey.

"Thank you." He smiles.

"No problem. Now how about you unshackle me, take me to our bed and make vanilla love to me?"

His grin widens.

"Of course Mrs Grey!" He beams and I giggle, oh he really makes me feel wanted and loved.


	22. Chapter 22

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**So I read other peoples fics as well as write my own, I have noticed everyone is either making Ana pregnant, following the epilogue or going through Elena/Jack Drama unless they completely take a different route from the book. I hope that you lovely readers and over 100 followers find this story unique, I plan on finishing the business with Elena soon and taking a completely different route but sticking to E L James structure. Her style or lack there of has really inspired me as a writer and I am enjoying writing this fan fic, I hope that's obvious with my constant updates. **

**I also hope the balance between smut/lemons and the story itself is right and that the last chapter wasn't too much, it was paticularly uncomfortable to write but I just felt it was needed after all the drama. **

**Thank you to you who take the time to review this story. Each review gives me a smile and those of you who take the time to really tell me your opinion thank you for making me gush at my laptop. It's becoming a familiar occurrence now!**

When I wake up I realise that Christian is no longer beside me. That's normal these days. He has to be in work before I do so he's usually up and dressed by the time I wake but today I am not even bothering with work. After our stint in the playroom Christian received a phone call which required him to disappear into the study. So instead of hanging around like normal waiting for him I decided to give Kate a ring. We decided that she would come with me to see Caroline Acton to get a dress for Sunday, with it being less than five days away now it's beginning to worry me. Of course in usual Kavanagh style Kate decided to ring Mia and make it a girls afternoon so we will all be meeting with Caroline Acton at eleven then hopefully make it to lunch before two followed by a trip to the Salon.

Normally when I get out of bed I shower and change. Today, as I have time to spare I go straight into the kitchen. Christian is dress in a black shirt with black pants and he looks like Christian the CEO. His eyes glaze over and scan my whole body. I'm wearing a baby blue silk night dress with the matching silk robe which is open and loose like a cami.

"Morning." He smiles.

"Morning." I reply leaning over to kiss him.

He meets my lips in a slow tender kiss, neither one of us caring that Mrs Jones is near us.

"You're not dressed." Christian points out as I climb onto stool beside him.

"I know, I'm not going into work today. I'm meeting Kate and Mia in town to get my dress for Sunday."

"Oh right." He says. "You didn't mention it."

"I planned it while you were in your study last night and I was asleep until you woke me coming into bed." I reply with a smile knowing he doesn't like thinking I was hiding something from him.

"Well come with me." He says pushing his breakfast away.

"Where?" I ask.

"Just down stairs."

"Downstairs? Christian I'm not dressed."

"You don't need to be." He smirks offering me his hand.

"You're up to something."

"Aren't I always?" He asks before I slip my hand into his.

He leads me to the elevator and I groan, I'm in my silk nightdress and robe, I don't even have anything on my feet yet he hits the button for the garage.

When the doors spring open and Christian pulls me out I'm quick to scan to see what's different, with some of the spaces belonging to other Escala residents I can't be sure what's changed.

"Here." He says handing me some keys.

"You bought me a new car?" I ask taking the keys.

"Well your R8 is ruined." He shrugged.

"And I have the Saab." I reply. "And enough money to buy a car if I want one."

"Ana…" He sighs. "Just take the damn car. Knock the button to find out which one it is."

I do as I'm told and my eyes clasp on the car that beeped. I should have noticed it, it's now sitting where my R8 once sat.

"Oh my God." I say in shock.

"Do you like it?"

"Uh-huh." I nod, I am completely speechless. "What is it?"

"An Audi TTS Roadster with five arm twin spoke alloy wheels."

"It's gold."

"Sahara silver if I recall correctly."

"Oh my God it's a convertible."

"Soft top."

"Wow." I am in awe.

"Come on, you can take me for a ride around the block, I haven't seen how it handles yet."

I jump up and clap my hands together, I'm like a child at Christmas.

"Thank you Christian it's beautiful. I love it." I wrap my arms around him and kiss him softly.

"If I'm going to get a reception like that every time I buy you a car I'm going to buy one every day."

To this I give him a scowl but he just laughs, I knew he was kidding but I just didn't like what he said.

"So are you going to give me a ride?"

"Yeah!" I smile before running to the driver's side.

Christian laughs behind me before walking to the passenger seat. It's just a two seater so I can't take Mia and Kate both in it but it's still amazing and beautiful especially seeing it's not white or silver, it looks light gold.

"So it's not that much different from the R8 in here."

"I can see that." I smile before turning the car on, I can't resist revving it a few times making the noise echo around the garage.

"Nice." Christian smirks. "Come on then, you might be taking a day off but I have to work."

I am quick to reverse out of my spot and make my way out of the garage. Remembering the first time I drove Christian's R8 I drive straight for the I-5.

"I thought I said around the block." He says.

"I want to put my foot down." I reply with a wide grin.

I see him grip the chair tighter as we hit the I-5 and I put my foot down. It knocks us back into our seat just like the R8 did and I love it.

"Ok come on Ana!" Christian laughs and I slow the car down.

"I love it."

"If I ever find you driving like that unless you're being chased by someone or followed I'll take the keys off you."

I pout but say nothing, I know I'll never drive like that unless I have to but I knew how much of a kick the R8 had so I had to know if this car was the same.

I drive back to Escala and Christian almost dives out of the car. I run over and jump on his back and even though I shock him he grasps my legs and holds them to it while I hold around his neck tight.

"I love the car Christian, thank you so much."

"Well I thought I should congratulate you on your award this Sunday. It wasn't supposed to arrive till Saturday but I must have screwed up the form somehow." He shrugs. "It arrived late last night."

"It's perfect."

"I hope so." He replies still carrying me into the elevator.

"Are you going to put me down?"

"Nope." He chuckles and I can't help but grin, considering the weeks we've had I'm glad we can still just be us like this.

The elevator doors open and Christian carries me straight through to the Kitchen. Mrs Jones is there and she grins up at us while Christian carries me into the room and deposits me on one of the bar stools. He turns to me with a wicked grin.

"What?" I ask him knowing there's a reason for that smile.

"Nothing." He shrugs. "I have to go to work so have a good day with Mia and Kate and use the joint account."

"Christian…"

"Don't argue with me about it Ana."

"I have enough in my account." I sigh.

"I know." He replies with a small nod of his head. "But the joint account is never used."

"Fine ok whatever, go to work." I laugh and he leans down and kisses me.

His lips are always so tender first thing in the morning.

"Have a good day." He whispers.

"You too and thank you for the car."

"Enjoy it." He grins again before walking off and I know there's something he's not telling me.

I watch him till he exits the room and in the silk spin myself to face the kitchen.

"What would you like for breakfast Ana?" Mrs Jones asks with a smile.

"Uh pancakes please." I smile.

"With Bacon?"

"Sure." I nod knowing that she is as fussy as Christian sometimes when it comes to food, especially breakfast.

"So are you going to have a busy day Ana?" Mrs Jones asks politely, she knows I like to have conversation with people and not sit there in silence.

"I don't think so, I'm meeting with Kate and Mia to go shopping for a dress for this charity thing on Sunday and then I have an appointment with Doctor Flynn this evening." I smile as she places a tea in front of me. "Thank you."

"Mr Grey is in a very good mood today."

"Yes." I frown and I know she's wondering what's on my mind. "He's hiding something from me."

"Something bad?"

"No I think it's something good. I mean, there was the car this morning but I know that's not it. It's like he has a secret but it's something I'll find out on his terms." I explain best as I can, I know his secretive smirk by heart and I know the difference between one where I will find out what it means and one that I won't.

Mrs Jones shrugs, she wouldn't pass judgement anyway even though somehow I wish she would. I miss Kate, she would be sitting here giving me all her theories about what it is Christian could be hiding and then tell me not to worry about it.

"Here you go." Mrs Jones smiles setting the breakfast out in front of me.

"Thanks Gail." I smile before tucking in, I am particularly hungry this morning.


	23. Chapter 23

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**I love those of you who try and guess what happens next … especially when you're far off the mark, it means the chapters will be far more surprising. **

I'm all dressed and ready to go to meet Mia and Kate. I am not one for paying too much attention to the label of what I'm wearing or how 'in style' it is but as I am meeting with the two most fashionable people I know I have taken great care in choosing my outfit.

I'm wearing a simple powder pink guipure dress by Dior with a thick black belt around the waist and black pantyhose. My shoes are by Louis Vuitton and are a pair of grey suede pumps embellished with a grosgrain bow in black and a black flap bag by Prada.

"Oh sorry Mrs Grey."

"Gail wait!" I'm guessing she thought I'd left already. "What do you think?"

"I think you look lovely." She smiles as I signal my outfit.

"Not too much?"

"No." She chuckles lightly. "You look like a very successful sophisticated young woman."

"Really?"

"Really." She smiles, I guess she can tell I'm really unsure.

"So not too much for shopping and lunch?"

"Not too much." She smiles.

"Ok then. Thank you Gail." I smile going over to my bed and grabbing my wallet, iPad, BlackBerry and keys. "I'm sure I'll see you later."

"Ok Ana, have fun." She smiles as I hurry out the door.

Sawyer is waiting for me in the lobby and it's hard not to growl. I know Christian doesn't want me alone until I have figured out what it is that happened to my car and window but I would like some alone time with my friends too.

"Good Morning Mrs Grey." He smiles knocking the button for the elevator.

"Good Morning Luke." I smile back, it's not his fault Christian won't let me give him the afternoon off. "I know this afternoon won't be your idea of a good time, so while we're in with Caroline Acton take some time for yourself, I'll text you when we're done."

"Ok Ma'am." He smiles and I know that he won't be too far away from us.

He opens the driver door of the TTS for me and I smile as I climb in quite gracefully. I know at once I can drive this in my heels which is an added bonus.

I start the engine and pull on my seat belt as Sawyer walks around to the passenger side. I wait for him to enter the car and pull on his belt before I put the car in drive.

"Luke did you think any more about what we talked about yesterday?" I ask as soon as we're on the road.

"I think you can handle this Mrs Grey, if you just go with your gut, it's not let you down so far." He says softly and I smile briefly at him without turning my eyes to as I know he's watching me.

The rest of the drive is in a comfortable silence except for the hum of the car. I use the chance to reflect on everything that's been going on. Christian is hiding something from me, but it's obviously something that has put him in a good mood but then he's also interfering with what happened to my car and to Grey's Publishing.

"There's a spot there Ma'am." Sawyer says seeing as I have slowed to look for a place to stop.

"Thanks Luke." I smile, he's obviously a little more comfortable around me now that I've been so open with me.

I notice at once that I'm pulling up in front of Kate's car and that she's sitting in the driver's seat with Mia in the passenger. I can't resist and knock the horn making the two jump. Kate takes a moment to spot it's me but when she does she knocks her own horn. Luke laughs and shakes his head as I pull the car into stop.

"I'll escort you to the door Ma'am." He says and I laugh softly, I didn't expect him to do anything else.

I don't get a chance to unbuckle my seatbelt before Kate pulls my car door open.

"Steele it's been too long!" She says in such an over dramatic fashion making me laugh again.

"Well Kavanagh married life takes up a lot of my time." I say handing her my purse so I can step out of the vehicle.

"What on earth possessed you to buy this car Ana? It's a beast!" Mia chirps from beside Kate.

"Well I'm sure you both heard about my R8 which I got for my birthday from Christian."

"Yeah we saw the papers do you have any idea who it is yet?" Kate asks hurriedly as we begin to walk across the street, I can almost sense Luke being in awe of us from one step behind us.

"I have my suspicions and I'm dealing with it." I reply. "Anyway, back to the car. Christian bought it to replace the R8 and a congratulations for the award on Sunday." I explain just as we arrive by the door to Caroline's place. "Luke I'll text when we're done." I smile.

"Sure thing Mrs Grey." He says giving me a half salute half wave before going back across the street.

"You seem comfortable around him now." Kate acknowledges and I roll my eyes, trust Kate to notice something like that.

"Well he is my bodyguard Kate, I might as well be friendly seeing as my husband trusts him with my life." I say with a shrug while Mia sniggers beside us.

"Fair enough, don't you get fed up of it though? Not being able to do anything without him watching."

"It gets tedious but he's an alright guy Kate, he's left us alone now hasn't he?"

"He's gone to the comic store across the street and he's stood in the window looking towards us with a magazine in his hand. He's still watching."

"Just forget about him Kavanagh and help me choose a dress." I sigh before stepping into the warmth of Caroline's store.

"Mrs Grey, it's good to see you again." She beams as soon as she lays eyes on me, it's so annoying, how many times do I have to tell these people to call me Ana?

"Caroline, Ana, Please." I smile and she grins like a cheshire cat back at me.

"Ana." She repeats before air kissing me once on each side. "So." She steps back and leads us through to where the dresses she has chosen are waiting for me to try. "I took what your assistant said and had a look at some pictures of dresses you've worn before and these are the dresses I thought would suit. Take your time, you can try them all or just choose the one."

"Thank you Caroline." I smile before stepping up to the rail with Kate and Mia.

"I don't want to wear black." I say at once dismissing three of the dresses at once.

"I'll move them to one side." Mia smiles taking the black dresses from the rack.

"So what exactly are you being presented with?" Kate asked as she scanned on end of the rack and I the other, I'm surprised she doesn't know already.

"I'm being made an honorary member or something or other to Seattle Grace Paediatrics Unit."

"And that's for donating your wedding gifts?"

"Yes and… never mind." I shrug.

"No and what Steele?"

Ugh I had forgotten what it was like to face the Katherine Kavanagh Inquisition.

"And I donated half the money that Christian deposited into my account when I said yes to marry him."

"What?" Mia and Kate gasp and stare at me.

"He told me, before we were engaged but after he'd asked, if I said yes then I would have to get used to being rich too. I went to my bank on his birthday and printed off a mini statement and he'd deposited fifty thousand dollars into my account without my knowing. So I donated twenty five thousand of it to Seattle Grace Peads." I reply.

"Does Christian know?"

"No!" I gasp. "He won't ever know either Mia, so don't tell him, I don't want him to think I wasn't grateful for the money because I was but I don't want his money, I want to make my own."

"Which from what I hear you are. Grey's Publishing is bringing in a hefty amount according to Elliot." Kate smiles changing the subject for me, she knows Mia and I could end up arguing and I'm very grateful that she's stopping that from happening.

"It's making more than I thought it was. Seems that our branch into Children's Literature is paying off." I reply with a smile. "I'm hoping to branch out again in the New Year, maybe go bigger, I don't know we'll see. Lots of people write over the holidays so I'm hoping we'll have a lot more requests, I hope they'll be good enough to be published and rather than going with four like normal we'll double it and go for eight, it would mean hiring a few more hands but I think it's a risk we can take." I smile, I'm so proud of how well Grey's Publishing has been doing since being in my control.

"Who'd have ever thought, little Ana Steele running a multimillion dollar company."

"We're not at the multimillions yet!" I laugh. "Maybe someday when Christian has persuaded me to branch out to other states!"

"Fair enough." Kate replies but Mia is quick to grab our attention.

"Ana if you don't try this on I will!" She says pulling a dress from the rack.

I look at it closely. It's beautiful, the fabric is soft, it looks light yet red carpet worthy which is exactly what I am after.

"I'll try it." I smile.

After spending nearly two hours choosing the dress and being measured we soon leave. We agree on going to Christian's Mile High Restaurant and putting lunch on his tab, it isn't like he can't afford it.

"We should do Cocktails after the salon." Mia suggests.

"We'd need to drop off the cars and pick up one of the Audi's." I say knowing that if we're hitting the cocktails we're really going to need Sawyer to drive us back.

Sawyer approaches us but he's on the phone.

"Aspen sir? Yes sir. No sir…" He looks at me like he's seen a ghost. "New York? Yes Sir. Ok."

"Was that my husband?"

"Yes."

"What did he say?" I ask completely intrigued.

"He has to go to New York on business, he won't be back till late tomorrow, he says he tried to call you but you didn't answer."

I quickly search in my purse for my BlackBerry and see three miss calls from Christian.

"Damn." I mutter before pressing call.

"Hey baby."

"You're going to New York?"

"Emergency can't be helped, you'll be ok won't you?"

"I'll be fine." I reply. "Just take care."

"I will I love you baby."

"Love you too." I reply before hanging up with a scowl on my face. "Sawyer why did you mention Aspen?"

"Uh…" He can't come up with a lie quick enough.

"Is Christian flying out to New York or is he going to Aspen and I swear if you lie to me you'll be out of a job."

"He's going to Aspen Ma'am but he doesn't want you to worry." He says while my anger builds.

I'm pleased that Kate and Mia have gone to the car. I'm seething with fury, I don't understand why Christian would need to lie to me.

"Come on we're going to lunch." I say with a plan forming in my mind.


	24. Chapter 24

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**I love those of you who try and guess what happens next … especially when you're far off the mark, it means the chapters will be far more surprising. **

**This is a really short chapter and there will be a jump to the next one! Steff ox**

At the restaurant I try to relax but it's just not possible. I know why Christian has gone to Aspen. I know he's going to see the Bitch Troll but I don't understand why. He promised that he was going to let me handle this then he lies to me, tells me he is going to New York on business when in actual fact he's going to visit her.

I've given Sawyer a set of instructions with a warning he isn't to say anything to Taylor or Christian. I don't like it, I really don't but I have to. It's the only way I can do this without driving myself stir crazy.

"Ana what's wrong you've been distracted since we've left Acton's." Kate is far more perspective to my moods and attitude than Mia.

"Nothing, just after we finish here I have to go." I say with a sigh that I hope looks like I'm disappointed.

"Why?" Mia asks. "I thought this was our girls day."

"It was supposed to be Mia but something's come up that can't be ignored. We'll do the salon and cocktails some other time I promise." I smile and she beams at me.

"Oh no you're promising Salon and a full girls night out." She says with a wicked smirk that I can't help but giggle to, how can I say no to that.

"If you can get Christian to agree to it I don't see why not." I reply. "Hey maybe we can make it a girls weekend and fly to New York, Christian's got an apartment out there we can stay at."

"That sounds like a plan." Mia grins picking up her wine glass.

Kate and I return the gesture picking up our glasses and we knock them lightly together before drinking.

After lunch Sawyer and I go back to Escala. I can tell he's not happy with what I'm up to but he knows better than to argue with me about it and has fulfilled my request.

"Mrs Grey I didn't think you were going to be out all day." Mrs Jones says visibly flustered at my early arrival.

"I'm going to be flying out of here later on Mrs Jones, I won't be eating." I say softly and she nods and smiles gently.

I walk straight into mine and Christian's bedroom and march into the closet. Christian is only going for one night so it's not like I need to pack much. I grab a bigger purse and then pull a pair of panties and a bra from a drawer to take. I then strip out of my dress and heels and pull on a pair of jeans, a funk lose tank top with my converse and a grey long baggy cami. For once this week I look my age and not my profession.

My subconscious is sitting on her perch and nodding her head in complete approval of what I'm doing. She would. I'm not so sure if I'm over reacting anymore and it's hard to convince myself I'm not. The last couple of days our relationship has been normal, up and down as always but at least normal, its life that's been the problem and not our marriage.

What bothers me the most is that he's been complaining that I don't talk to him? Sawyer is waiting for me in the lobby waiting for his next set of instructions.

"I'll get myself to the airport, is there a car booked to pick me up?"

"Yes Ma'am." He replies.

"I'm asking you, no warning you, not to call Christian or Taylor while I'm in the air."

"I won't." He replies and I know he's being honest.

"Thank you and I promise none of this will come back on you from Christian either." I smile gently before stepping into the waiting elevator.

"Safe trip Mrs Grey."

"I'll let you know I've arrived." I reply with a smile and he smiles back just as the doors of the lift closes.


	25. Chapter 25

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**I love those of you who try and guess what happens next … especially when you're far off the mark, it means the chapters will be far more surprising. **

"Mrs Grey! Mr Grey didn't mention that you were coming." Mrs Bentley says and I can see that she's visibly flustered about my unexpected arrival.

"Oh not to worry Mrs Bentley, Christian doesn't know. I thought I'd surprise him." I reply with a sickly sweet smile, I don't want to give her the impression that I'm here because my husband betrayed me, lied to me and really pissed me off.

"He's not here at the moment. He said he wouldn't be back till much later." She says having relaxed a little.

"That's fine. I'll just hang around till he gets here." I shrug glancing at the clock. It's not even dinner time yet. "Did he mention when he would be back?"

"He said to have dinner ready for six. Will you be joining him?"

"Yes but can you make it for seven, I think he'll be a little pre-occupied." I say giving the hint that it's in a good way and not a bad way that I'll be keeping him occupied. Mrs Bentley gets it and smirks at me. I flash her a wink as I take a seat at the breakfast bar.

"Apologies Mrs Grey would you like something to eat or drink?"

"I'd kill for a cup of tea Mrs Bentley, and please call me Ana." I smile, she's so lovely and caring just like Mrs Jones.

"Sure thing Ana." She beams back at me.

I pull out my BlackBerry and send a quick text to Sawyer.

**HAVE ARRIVED SAFE IN ASPEN, WILL BE IN TOUCH SOON**

Once that's sent I scroll through my emails and see that there is one from Christian. I can't help but smirk.

_**To:**__ Anastasia Grey_

_**Subject:**__ Missing you_

_**From:**__ Christian Grey_

_I've not been away four hours yet and already I wish I was home in bed with you. You're my world Ana, don't ever forget that. _

_I love you Always. _

_Christian Grey_

_CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc._

If I wasn't so mad at him I would find that email incredibly sweet. Being the bitch that I am right now I quickly hit reply.

_**To:**__ Christian Grey _

_**Subject:**__ Missing you too_

_**From:**__ Anastasia Grey_

_You are adorable Mr Grey! I miss you so much too, even though some girl time with Kate and Mia has been long overdue. How is New York? _

_Anastasia Grey_

_President, Grey Publishing, Inc._

"Thank you Mrs Bentley." I smile as she places the cup and saucer down in front of me.

"So you're surprising Mr Grey? He's only here for one night, missing him already?"

"Of course." I beam even though the real reason I've travelled for two hours on a plan is to kick his ass. "It was unplanned him flying out here, I was out with friends, had I been home I'm sure he would have invited me along." I say keeping up with my sickly sweet act.

My subconscious is still applauding me for taking this matter and doing something about it. Does he not understand that I have already got a plan to warn off his ex-subs? Does he really think I'm not competent enough to do this on my own? I want him to trust him, no, I need him to trust me more than I have needed anything from him before. What relationship can survive without trust? Not ours.

_**To:**__ Anastasia Grey_

_**Subject:**__ New York…_

_**From:**__ Christian Grey_

…_Sucks. _

_I'll be home some time tomorrow. I can't wait to have you naked Mrs Grey and I plan on doing very rude things to you too. Maybe a stint in the playroom will be necessary to reconnect ;)_

_Christian Grey_

_CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc._

I almost perform a spit take with my tea. I swallow quickly but before I have the chance to hit reply the front door opens and my eyes slip closed. He's back.

I sit as casually as I can. My attention is on the cup in my hands rather than the door which will reveal him when he walks through it. I know he's going to be shocked and possibly furious but I don't care, he has no right to be angry, he lied to me.

"Ana." He gasps.

I turn my head, raise my eyebrows and have a sickening smirk on my lips. He looks like he's seen a ghost and I can't help but be thrilled.

"Hey baby." I smile remembering that Mrs Bentley is in the room.

"What are you doing here?" He asks walking tentatively towards me.

"I should ask you the same question." I reply unable to mask my fury.

"Mrs Bentley could you please leave us?" Christian asks visibly uncomfortable.

"Sure Mr Grey." She replies before rushing out of the room, I'm not surprised, the room is thick with tension and even I wasn't to run out.

"You flew here?" He asks.

"Yes. So did you." I say keeping my voice firm as he stops about an arms length away.

"Ana…"

"Don't. You. Dare." I hiss. "You lied to me, you said you were going to New York on business and you come here and I know you have been visiting her."

"Did you track me?" He asks in complete shock.

"No! I heard Sawyer on the phone. He didn't think I heard but I did, he said Aspen and then when he stepped closer to me he said New York and I told him if he didn't tell me the truth I'd fire him. Why lie to me Christian? Why come here at all?" I'm yelling, my throat burns and my chest expands with every breath as I practically scream at him.

"Ana!" He yells back. "I had to ok? This was my fight with Elena and not yours!"

"She could have killed you!" I yell. "It's you she wants not me! She wants me hurting!"

"Ana." He says softly.

"You promised that you trusted me to handle this but you didn't you flew here and talked to her! I was handling it Christian! I had my next steps planned out but I just wanted to enjoy the next few days with you, the award on Sunday and so one and come Monday morning I would have dealt with it, before my parents arrived. How can you not trust me?"

"I do!"

"No you don't! You've done nothing but lie to me this past week Christian! Lie to me about letting me handle it! Lie about trusting me to handle it! Lie about going to New York when in actual fact you're here handling things I should be handling!"

"I'm sorry!"

"No you're not!" I continue as I'm on a roll. "No you're not sorry because if you were that would have been the first thing out of your mouth! Right now Christian I don't know what's worse the fact that you lied to me so much or the fact that you don't trust me!"

"It's not about trust!" He yells and lunges at me grabbing my biceps to the point I'm actually scared at me. "Don't you get it? It's not about trust." He repeats much softer and now I see the tears lining in his eyes. "I trust you Ana, I trust you more than I have ever trusted anyone in my entire life but this wasn't about trust."

"Then what is it about Christian?" I beg, my own tears surfacing.

"It's about my fear. My fear that she will drive you away, my fear that she'll hurt you or kill you. It's not about trust Anastasia it's about my fear of losing you, I can't lose you."

"Why didn't you just say you'd handle it?" I ask him desperately. "From the start?"

"Because I wanted you to know that I trusted you. I wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for you Ana, everything you uncovered on your own lead me here." He's crying and I feel guilty.

My subconscious snarls at me. It isn't my place to feel guilty but I can't help it that I do.

"I love you Ana." He whispers and I fall into his chest, my arms wrapping around him, holding him close to me.

"Why didn't you just tell me the truth?" I ask because I'm so confused right now.

"Because I was scared you'd react like this." He whispers as he runs his hands through my hair. "I didn't want a fight, I wanted to avoid one because I hate it when we fight."

"I hate it when we fight too." I whisper back. "I love you Christian."

"I love you too Ana." He replies. "Come on, stop this crying." He says softly and I cling onto him tighter.

"I just … I was scared…" I stumble through my tears. "I just thought if you're lying to me now and don't trust me now what are we going to be like a year from now, five or ten years from now. Don't ever lie to me again Christian!"

"I won't." He whispers. "I swear to you I won't ever lie to you again. It seemed the right thing to do at the time but I know now that it wasn't."

"Good." I reply snuggling into him even more.

"So you flew out here by yourself?"

"Yes."

"Oh."

I know he wants to say more on that matter but is refraining from doing so. It's quite funny to witness him not going off about my safety.

"Where's Sawyer?"

"At home. I text him to let him know I was safe, he organised a car to pick me up from the airport and bring me here." I explain. "I didn't want him here."

"I'm sure you didn't." He replies running his hand through my hair again and I relax into the feel.

"Christian."

"Yes?"

"I want to lose myself in you." I tell him.

"The feeling is mutual." He smiles before scooping me up in his arms and carrying me up stairs.


	26. Chapter 26

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**I love those of you who try and guess what happens next … especially when you're far off the mark, it means the chapters will be far more surprising. **

**Another short one because I'm regretting this Aspen twist a little even though it's good story line I believe it's boring to write. Next chapter jumps!**

It's bright in our room in our home in Aspen. The early morning light filters through the thin blue drapes casting an earth real glow. I lay in Christian's arms, my head on his chest, one of my hands holding one of his while his other runs through my hair. There's nothing better than make-up sex. There's nothing better than morning sex. Actually there's nothing better than sex with Christian full stop.

"So what did you do to Elena?" I ask.

He groans. I know it's not something he wants to discuss but it's something we need to discuss.

"I just asked which one it was."

"Which ex sub?"

"Yes." He replies and I know he's trying to get out of this conversation but it's not going to work, I need to know.

"Did she tell you?"

"Yes."

"Then who was it?" I ask turning my head to face him.

"Samantha." He replies.

"Will you let me handle it from here?" I ask cautiously, I don't want another fight.

"Do you want to handle it?"

"Yes." I reply firmly, it's not that I want to, I need to, it was me the attack was against, my building, my car.

"Ok." He sighs. "Will you tell me what you're going to do?"

I smirk mischievously and Christian's eyebrows raise in complete bewilderment.

"I may have to remind Samantha of the insurance policy you kept and how once something appears on the internet it's impossible to get rid of it." I say through my smile and Christian's eyes widen.

"Ana!"

"What? She's signed an NDA, she says anything about you and you can sue her. However I didn't sign anything."

"Good point well-made Mrs Grey." He laughs softly. "I knew there was a reason I kept you around."

"So not for my amazing ability to please you in the bedroom?" I ask rubbing my foot along his calf.

"Oh well there's that too." He smirks and I hit his chest with my hand.

"Did you just hit me?" He asks, his eyes turn dark and I know he's turned Dom on me.

"I might have." I squeak failing to hide my amusement.

He growls and flips me over.

"I may have to punish you Mrs Grey." He smirks and I melt inside, ready and willing to accept anything and everything he throws at me.

"So are you going to tell me what possessed you to chase after me?" Christian asks.

"I don't know Christian." I shrug honestly and gaze up at him. "I really don't. I guess you could call it blind rage."

"Blind rage?" He asks his eyes wide in shock.

"Yes." I nod. "I was so pissed Christian, I'm glad we talked though, don't ever do that to me again."

"I won't, I've already promised but I need you to promise you won't chase after me like that again, you were alone, other than Sawyer no one knew where you were Ana, anything could have happened!"

Oh Jeez he's pissed. I knew we'd get here eventually.

"I'm a big girl Christian." I snap.

"I know but I would die if anything ever happened to you Ana!" He looks panicked as he bends down rubbing his nose against mine.

"I told Sawyer where I was going and he knew to expect my message, had he not gotten it Christian he would have called you at once." I reply softly, my eyes closed as I revel in the feel of his skin on mine.

"Ana. It's not about my thinking you can't look after yourself, it's the fact that I need to know you're safe. I've given up so much of my control since I've been with you and I don't regret it at all but your safety is the one thing I don't ever think I'll be able to give up control over."

"I know." I reply with a sigh. "I think some of making Sawyer stay behind was for me to anger you the way you had angered me. Payback's a bitch Christian."

"You did not just say that." He looks amused so taking a chance I smile and wait mere seconds till the smile is returned. "I can't believe you just said that!"

"Well I did. It explains to you what I was doing now can we please drop it and enjoy ourselves? I can't wait to get you home Mr Grey."

"Oh and why's that?"

"I think I've been a particularly naughty girl Sir." I reply with a red blush on my cheek.

Christian just grins widely.


	27. Chapter 27

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

It's great being back at home in Escala. Aspen was fun once we talked but being home is better and we're back on full speaking terms. Today I am sorting out my little ex-sub problem. I've called Hannah and told her to manage the ropes while Sawyer escorts me to visit Samantha Bordeaux. I know it's going to be an experience and a half but I just hope it works.

Christian has already left for work and I'm up and dressed in a sophisticated kimono sleeve cashmere wrap by Ralph Lauren in sage, with Dolce and Gabbana white denim jeans and a suede, nude Mary Jane pumps. I have become a label whore.

Sawyer is waiting for me so I grab my black Prada purse from the previous day and make sure I have everything I need. Including the items Christian reluctantly gave me the previous evening after we arrived back from Aspen.

The drive over gives me time to think. I need to be cool, calm and collected when I face Samantha. I need her to see that I am not afraid of her nor has her petulant and childish actions fazed me in the slightest though in actual fact it has and it also put a rock in my marriage, though momentarily, it's enough to get on the wrong side of me.

Sawyer looks more nervous than me. His job is to make sure that while I'm there no harm comes to me. Christian gave him a stern warning that if Samantha lays a single finger on me that he would be out of a job. That's not true, I will make sure of that because Sawyer is the only member of the security team I actually feel comfortable around.

I pull up outside a small one story house on the outskirts of Seattle where Samantha is a stay at home Mom of one and is engaged to a Military man. I gaze up at the house and it seems normal, welcoming even. Sighing I turn the car off and gather the file and my purse.

"Are you ready Sawyer?" I ask even though it doesn't matter if he isn't, we're doing this.

"Yes Ma'am… are you?" He asks awkwardly.

"I don't want to be." I chuckle. "Let's get this show on the road." I smile swinging the door of my TTS open and stepping out of it.

I make sure to look calm and collected the whole time as well as graceful, just in case she's watching through the window.

I shrug my hand through my long lose hair and push the door of the Audi shut. Luke calmly walks to my side and gives me a reassuring nod. He can't see my eyes through the large sunglasses I'm wearing, it may be frighteningly cold here in Seattle in the middle of November but the sun is out today requiring the use of sunglasses for driving, I know that he senses my anxiety.

I take one graceful step in my Prada heels and Sawyer naturally falls in step behind me. I walk calmly to the door and don't hesitate in knocking the small door bell. I hear it chime from behind the double glazed wooden door and I hear the bark of a dog before I see a shadow through the glass.

The door swings open and before me stands a four year older than her picture Samantha Bordeaux. She recognises me and her face is a picture. I smirk and shift my sunglasses to the top of my head.

"Ms Bordeaux?"

"Mrs Grey." She exclaims in surprise.

"May I come in? Please?" I ask politely.

"Of course." She replies opening the door a little wider and stepping out of the way.

I step inside and keep my head held high, reminding myself the whole time that I am Anastasia Rose Grey, President of Grey's Publishing, wife of multi-billionaire CEO Christian Grey.

Sawyer steps in behind me and Samantha shuts the door before walking up to me.

"Please come through." She says her hand guiding the way down a dimly lit, windowless hallway.

I follow her through making sure not to look at the pictures gazing the wall. I know that what I'm about to do is harsh and I don't want anything making me feel guilty.

"Would you like something to drink? I have Diet Coke, Water, Coffee…" She's nervous. She should be.

"A Diet Coke would be most welcome, thank you." I say politely as she points to a seat at the breakfast bar which I happily slip into.

"And you…"

"No thank you Ma'am."

"Ms Bordeaux this is my security guard Luke Sawyer." I tell her and she raises an eyebrow but says nothing before making her way to the fridge.

The tension is thick as she pours us both a glass of diet coke with ice. I keep cool though I am worried that this will back fire. My inner goddess is parading around like she owns the place, that it's my God given right to be doing this, my subconscious is only a little weary, sitting back in her armchair watching carefully over the edge of her half moon glasses.

"So what can I do for you Mrs Grey?" She asks as soon as she's placed my drink down in front of me.

"First of all Ms Bordeaux…"

"Please call me Samantha." She says her eyes downcast.

"Samantha." I purr making sure she knows that I am in charge here right now. "I was wondering if you could explain to me your forty six phone calls with Elena Lincoln to her hospital room and cell phone in the space of three days." I say reaching for the manila file.

"Phone calls?" She squeaks.

"Yes Samantha, forty six of them." I reply taking out the phone records I have for both of them. "See they're highlighted just there."

She takes the documents and as soon as I let go I know she is terrified. The edge of the paper shivers and it's proof of her shaking hands.

"I uh… I don't know what to say." She says as I take a small sip of the coke. "I mean, Elena, Mrs Lincoln and I, well we stayed in touch after Christian and I …"

"Hold up." I say my hand stopping her in her tracks. "Christian never told any of his submissives about Elena Lincoln, you just know that there was once a relationship there and the only reason you know is because Elena told you. So please don't think I'm stupid and that you can lie to me."

She glares at me but more in fear than anger, she knows that I know and I also know that she isn't going to just give it all up and that we're going to have to continue this dance we're doing around the truth.

"Mrs Grey I don't know what to say." She says softly and she looks hurt.

"What has she got on you?" I ask my eyes narrowing and inquring.

"What do you mean?" She is instantly taken aback.

"Samantha, Elena told my husband that she asked you to throw the brick through my company's window and asked you to trash my car in promise that she would recommend Christian take you on as a submissive again. She didn't fulfil that promise to you, she has something on you…"

"No." Samantha shakes her head. "She has nothing on me."

"But you don't deny trashing my car or throwing the brick through my window." I say raising my eyebrows, she dropped herself straight into it.

Her expression of shock amuses me as I know she is in shock because of her own stupidity.

"Put it this way Samantha." I say reaching into the file again. "I do have something on you and I hope you understand that once something makes its way onto the internet it's there for life. Remember that the next time anyone asks you to mess with me or my husband." I throw the pictures I have down on the breakfast bar and stand up. "I'll leave you with that thought Ms Bordeaux. Have a good day." I march out with Sawyer at my heels. My inner goddess is bowing gracefully and my subconscious is clapping her hands completely impressed, I feel liberated and completely in control and I love it.


	28. Chapter 28

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

"So how have you been Ana?"

John Flynn really needs to come up with a better line. Luckily I was able to reschedule my appointment with him and now, twenty four hours later than planned I'm finally sitting in the office of the good doctor.

"In all honesty John I've been… everywhere." I sigh. "I'm great one minute and the next I want to curl up in a ball and sob, or I'm just angry."

He nods in acknowledgment that he's heard me and I watch as the cogs in the back of his head begin to work.

"I saw Christian this morning." He says gently, as we both signed consent forms that Flynn can discuss us with the other he has no problem in divulging.

"Oh." I say, I know that he didn't mention that he was visiting.

"He seems to think you're getting better."

I smirk for a moment.

"I've become better at hiding my true feelings from him." I explain, it's true, I've been hiding my true feelings from everyone since the first trip to Aspen.

"Do you think it's wise to hide how you're feeling from your husband Anastasia?" He asks and his eyes probe me.

"Probably not but it's necessary." I shrug. "I need him to know I'm alright."

"But you're not alright Ana, that's evident."

"How is it evident?" I ask unable to mask the frown that forms on my brow.

"Other than the deep bags beneath your eyes and the loss of weight you mean?" He asks and I give him a thin lipped smile in reply. "You're hiding how you're feeling from him because you think he needs to know you're alright, that Ana is absolute proof that you're not."

"I don't understand." I reply with a shake of my head. "He doesn't trust me John and I need him to trust me."

"Ana he knows you're not alright." John sighs. "He said you were better but he also said you're not alright, there's a difference, you're acting better but he also knows better. Have you ever thought that might be one of the reason he doesn't trust you?"

"I don't know." I shrug. "I just…" I break off unable to articulate how I really feel. How do I tell him I don't know who I am anymore? How do I tell him that Anastasia Rose Grey disappeared and every time I look in the mirror I see just the ghost of who I once was, especially as I have consented for him to share what I say with Christian.

"Christian mentioned something happened when you went to see Doctor Greene, do you want to talk about that?" John asks softly sensing my complete discomfort.

I shrug again, suddenly the urge to talk has gone.

"Ana I can't help you if you don't open up to me."

"I don't want to think about it." I say weakly as tears prickle at my eyes.

"Why not?"

"Because it hurts every time I do."

"So you'd rather just act like it didn't happen? That what you went through wasn't traumatic and hasn't affected you?"

"Yes."

"Then you'll never find yourself again." He says and I realise he's guessed what has been going through my mind, my eyes snapping up to meet his is a dead giveaway too.

"I just don't know what to do anymore." I shrug. "I thought I was ok, we planted the tree and I felt… lighter but every time I look in the mirror I see what should be not what is."

"What do you mean?"

"I'd be past the five month mark now John, I should have a bump, feel him or her moving inside of me and instead I'm empty… I was at the doctor's office and she needed to see if everything had returned to normal, that there weren't any complications from the miscarriage and I looked and saw the emptiness and I felt it too."

"Do you still feel empty?" John asks gently.

"Sometimes." I sigh. "Every now and again when it comes to the forefront of my mind I do. Losing the baby was a blessing John, I wasn't ready to be a parent and now I get to wait until I am and have a life first and…" My voice cracks.

"You feel guilty." John says and once again I allow my eyes to meet his, it's like he's read my mind.

I just nod, I can't find the words to admit it out loud.

"That's ok Ana." He says. "It's ok to think that it was a blessing in disguise, you're right maybe it was. Maybe you're not ready only you can decide that. Christian I know wants children soon but he also understands that you're not ready yet and it may take a while before you are, he also sees the plus side of not being a parent yet and that you're not pregnant, you have a chance at just having a life with each other for a while. He also has expressed feeling a little guilty for agreeing with you some that losing your child was a blessing but he has embraced it for what it is."

I'm completely shocked into silence.

"What do you want from your life Ana?"

"I don't know anymore." I shrug, it's the truth, once I wanted to be an editor, now I'm running my own publishing company.

"Ok tell me something you'd like to achieve." He suggests.

"I'd like to publish a novel." I reply sheepishly but John grins widely.

"There. See, that's something you can focus on, put some of your energy into, maybe that energy you're using to feel guilty can be put into writing a book." John smiles.

"I guess." I shrug.

"Why don't you begin writing idea's down, whenever you feel that pang of guilt pick up a pen and some paper and write possible ideas down for a novel and when you're completely happy with one begin writing, maybe structure for characters or bullet points for a chain of events that will happen in your novel."

"Ok." I nod, it's really not a bad idea.

"Good." John smiles. "Now Christian says you're sleeping better, have you been taking the pills?"

"No." I sigh. "I was going to but then we went to Aspen and I think the prescription is somewhere at the bottom of one of my purses."

"Do you want to try them?"

"No." I reply firmly. "I want to do this without drugs, I need to know that I'm still in control of myself."

"That's a good thing to want Ana." He smiles. "Come see me sometime next week ok?"

"I will do John, thank you for rescheduling on such short notice."

"It was no problem Ana, see you next week." He smiles as I stand.

I nod my head and hurry out. I know he's right, I need to put my energy into something other than the guilt I'm feeling inside and right now there is something else I feel the need to do.

I know Christian is expecting me straight home from this appointment but I can't shift this need. I turn off my phone so he can't track me and head to my car.

* * *

Stepping out of the car into the dark feels quite scary. I'm glad Christian has a compulsion with my safety, it means there is a torch in my glove compartment which will come in quite useful.

The path is already so familiar thought I've only walked it once. Around the corner of the big building that will one day be my family home I swallow hard, I don't know if this was such a good idea any more.

I find the tree easily. The candles are long gone out but the plaque reflects the light of the torch. I kneel down and bow my head in prayer, I haven't done this since Charlie Tango and Christian went missing but it's something I feel I need to do right now.

I know in fact that Christian and I would have made great parents to Little Blip. He or She wouldn't have wanted for nothing especially not our love. It gives me some hope to the future, our future children. I will want to have them, I still do in fact but just not now. Selfishly I want Christian to myself for a few more years before I have to share him, I don't ask for much just time with my husband, time to heal from the memory of Jack Hyde and Elena and Layla. Just time.

I've been sat here a while now but yet I make no plan to move. The lump in my throat hurts and my mouth is dry and aching but I still just can't leave.

"All but death can be adjusted."

"Who's that from?"

I jump so fast I nearly fall onto my face.

"Jesus Christian!" I snap.

"Hey." He says softly.

"How did you know I was here?" I ask as I catch my breath.

"Your car has a tracker." He shrugs, of course, my fifty and his stalker tendencies. "What are you doing here?"

"I needed to think."

"Oh."

We both look at each other in silence for a moment, trying to gauge how the other is feeling.

"Take me home Christian?" I ask.

"Of course." He replies with a nod.

I fall into his embrace and he holds me tight.

"Are you ok?"

"I am now." I reply enjoying his fingers running through my hair.

I'm not lying. Now I've been here and really thought I am ok. I understand now what Flynn meant with the guilt and moving on and I'll do what he suggests and maybe, hopefully, the guilt will subside but for now I'm just going to embrace the life Christian and I have… it's the least I can do.


	29. Chapter 29

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Apologies for my lack of updates last night. My darling boyfriend took me out for a meal and then we went to his pub for karaoke and I had a few to many to drink and was in no state to even try and write when I arrived home!**

It's Friday. And I must admit I like Fridays. There's something about the end of the week that has everyone going faster than normal, like it would have the day end sooner so the weekend can begin. Today I've ditched Sawyer and left him to his own devices as I go to work. Christian doesn't mind so much now that I've talked to Samantha and she'll probably be out of our lives. Though I know he doesn't like the risk he now knows should anything happen I will let him know and then also have Sawyer with me around the clock again. He trusts me.

The office seems busier today. Everyone trying to get things done so there is nothing that anyone has to worry about over the weekend. Even Hannah seems busier than normal.

"Your tea Mrs Grey." She smiles placing the cup on my desk.

"Thank you Hannah. Oh I was wondering if you fancied getting a drink in fifties after the shift." I smile hoping that she knows she can say no if she doesn't want to.

"Uh well, Clarissa has asked me to join them at fifties…"

"Well we can all hang together… unless you think it's really weird that the boss wants to join the assistants…"

"Not weird Mrs Grey." She smiles. "Just unusual."

"Well Hannah being the boss has its ups and downs but something tells me after the week I have had I need a Bud and to just chill. You don't think anyone else will have a problem with me tagging along?" I ask carefully, I know it's strange but all the assistants are around my age and I need friends, I need someone who I can talk to and I think Hannah and I would get on great if we can both get passed the boss/assistant professional barrier.

"I don't think anyone would have a problem with it Mrs Grey. I mean, I think everyone would love to see you let your hair down after the week you've had." Hannah beams, I'm guessing she thinks it's a good idea too.

"Ok Hannah. Well if it's ok with everyone I'd like to join you but if it's not … you know either way…" I feel completely awkward.

"Mrs Grey I promise you it won't be a problem."

"Ok, well let everyone know whatever happens off the clock happens off the clock." I smile, I want my employees comfortable around me, I don't want the same mantra as Christian has with his employees.

"Yes Mrs Grey." She smiles broadly and I feel welcomed.

"Oh and Hannah." I say just as she begins to leave.

"Yes Mrs Grey?"

"You could uh start by uh calling me Ana and I don't just mean off the clock I mean in here too." I say, it's something I've avoided asking of her but I hate the whole 'Mrs Grey' thing from her, she does everything I ask of her without questions and having her call me by my name is the least I could do as a small mark of appreciation, I mean there's less than a year between us in age.

"Sure thing Ana." She beams again before heading out, now I just have to tell Christian my plans.

* * *

_**To:**__ Christian Grey_

_**Subject:**__ Drinks with friends_

_**From:**__ Anastasia Grey_

_Hey baby, _

_Going to 50s for drinks after work, I'll have Sawyer pick me up unless you want to join me, won't be a late one._

_Love you_

_Anastasia Grey_

_President, Grey's Publishing, Inc._

That should do it. I hope at the least because the last thing I want from my husband right now is an argument.

* * *

_**To:**__ Anastasia Grey_

_**Subject:**__ Have fun_

_**From:**__ Christian Grey_

… _you deserve it baby. I won't join you, have things going on. Make sure you contact Sawyer and arrange and appropriate pick up time, though I would like you to consider having him hang around to make sure nothing happens. _

_Love you too, Laters baby_

_Christian Grey_

_CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc._

Well that was easier than I thought it would be. But in saying that he's been distant, he's hiding something and from the way he's been I think it's something good. I just can't wait to find out what it is good or bad because I hate Distant Fifty.

* * *

_**To:**__ Christian Grey_

_**Subject:**__ Your Request_

_**From:**__ Anastasia Grey_

… _is an amicable one, I'll call Sawyer have him pick up my car before hand and then meet us at the bar at the end of the shift. _

_Love you_

_Anastasia Grey_

_President, Grey's Publishing, Inc._

I know he won't email back so I grab my BlackBerry and text Luke Sawyer.

****CAN YOU PICK UP MY CAR FROM GREY'S PUBLISHING? I'M IN THE OFFICE FOR THE KEYS****

The reply is instantaneous.

****EN ROUTE FROM ESCALA ETA 15 MINUTES****

ETA – I'm glad now that Christian told me what that means, Estimated time of arrival, it makes so much more sense to write ETA than expect me or expected in saves time I guess especially in texting.

With fifteen minutes until Sawyer arrives for the keys I get on with some of the ever growing pile on my desk. The first document I pick up is the one I've been pretty excited to get. It's the details on the cash flow to and from Grey's Publishing in the past week. The first full week I've actually done and yet it still wasn't an actual full week with my escape to Aspen chasing after Christian.

It looks good. No, better than good. It seems that we've made more money this week than we have than the whole time I've been in charge. Christian will be pleased to hear seeing as I will have to fax a copy over to him at Grey's house. It seems that expenses are half of what has come in to the business. Someone is obviously doing their job right and bringing in the money.

I walk over to the fax machine and quickly fax a copy of the documents over to Christian's office before going to the filing cabinet and filling my copy. I have to admit that I am beside myself with glee that the week has gone so well, especially knowing that I helped make that happen, that I was a part of the cogs that brought that figure in profits into the company, a company that will one day be mine.

A knock on the office door brings my full attention back to the work day. Sawyer walks in quite casually and I grab my purse in search for the keys to my beloved TTS.

"I will need you at 50s around five. I'm going to be having drinks with friends so bring one of the SUV's, I'll need you to drive me back to Escala."

"Sure thing Mrs Grey." He smiles and I smile back as I hand him the keys, I know he's looking forward to having a lone drive in the TTS.

"Oh and Sawyer?" I ask as he heads for the door.

"Yes Ma'am?" He asks turning around to face me.

"Don't damage my baby." I say with a mischievous smile on my face.

"I won't." He laughs softly before exiting, I know he's going to have fun with the car as long as he doesn't damage it or himself I'm happy.

At five o'clock Hannah knocks on my door. I'm just finishing up a memo to be sent out first thing Monday morning and I hate leaving things till last minute.

"Are you ready Ana?" She asks and I can see she's pulled her hair down from the French bun it was in and applied new makeup, a little thicker than what she would wear during the work day.

"Yeah just one sec…" I say and Hannah saunters into the room happily taking my words 'what happens off the clock' seriously, to which I am pleased. "Done. Let's go have fun." I grin and Hannah laughs, it must be odd for her to see this side of me.

Over at 50s everyone is relaxed and enjoying themselves. I smile as Charlene hands me over a Bud with a smile.

"Thank you Charlene." I smile back at her, it's going to be nice just to kick back.

"No problem Mrs Grey, we're all pleased you could join us." She says and I know her words are genuine.

"Me too, please call me Ana. Mrs Grey makes me feel old before my time." I say with a laugh and Charlene laughs too.

I spot Sawyer sitting with a glass of water and I raise my bottle to him. He smiles and raises his glass back and I feel sorry that he has to hang around doing nothing so I wave my hand, beckoning him over to us.

"Ana who is that hotty?" Charlene asks, I'm surprised she has to ask seeing has he's been around Grey's publishing so much, but in saying that she works on the tenth floor and I don't think I've ever been on that floor for any reason.

"This is Luke Sawyer, my security personnel and friend." I say and he looks at me in surprised that I call him a friend.

"Hi I'm Charlene, Chief Editor in Mystery Novels." She says with a smile that shouts that she fancies him.

"Lovely to meet you Charlene." Sawyer smiles and shakes her hand politely but I can tell at once that he's not interested.

We stick around for about an hour, Luke meets a few of the people who work at Grey's Publishing though he has files on every single employee at his beck and call. He seems to have enjoyed himself and is almost reluctant to leave which is nice to see, it's always nice to see the staff relax some even in our company, though I don't think that Christian would agree.

Arriving at Escala I make quick work of going on the hunt for my husband. I find him in the kitchen with Mrs Jones who is cooking happily. They seemed to be having a deep discussion though one of which I am not allowed to hear by the way they both shut up on my arrival.

"Ana." Christian grins coming over to greet me, as soon as his lips find mine I completely forget about asking him what he and Gail were discussing.

"Hey baby." I smile.

"Hmm you taste of beer, how many did you have?" He asks inquiringly and it makes me laugh.

"Three." I reply. "And one glass of sparkling water, now if you don't mind I need the bathroom."

"I don't mind at all Mrs Grey." He smirks.

As I use the bathroom I can't help but really wonder what can Christian talk to Mrs Jones about but not me? I'm his wife, I'm the woman who should hold his secrets and yet he can have a deep looking conversation with her that he obviously can't discuss with me.


	30. Chapter 30

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**OK SOoooo this is a LEMONS/SMUT chapter. I had to do a lot of research for this because it's a playroom scene. I have very little knowledge about sex toys and BDSM so I hope for those of you that do know about that lifestyle that this isn't too 'out there' I've tried hard between reading the books and some random BDSM stories on the internet to get it right but again I have no idea if it will be up to scratch.**

**Please let me know by PM or Review if you want more kinky fuckery on this day in the story, that would mean in the next 2 or 3 chapters or would you like less sex and more story. There isn't much I can do with it until Sunday night when everything will slowly be revealed with a major twist!**

I wake up to my husband kissing my neck. There are worse ways to wake up and I roll to face him with a smile, not caring or even thinking about morning breath.

"Good Morning Mrs Grey." He grins his boyish-I'm-only-twenty-eight smile that makes me weak at the knees.

"Good Morning Mr Grey." I reply as he pulls me into him.

I can feel his erection pressing against my hip.

"Someone's happy this morning." I laugh knowing that at any moment he will roll me on my back and give himself to me, just how I want.

"I'm always happy when I wake up with you." He says cheekily. "It's just not often that I actually get to do anything about it because we have to go to work."

"But it's Saturday."

"Yes it is Mrs Grey, we won't have another Saturday to ourselves until the week after." He whispers and he makes those words sound so seductive when in fact there is nothing seductive about them.

"Why won't we have next Saturday to ourselves?" I ask completely bewildered.

"It may have something to do with your parents coming to stay with us." Christian chuckles while running his fingers up and down my bare abdomen leaving goose pimples in their wake.

"Oh I almost forgot about that." I laugh, in actual fact I've been so busy I haven't had a chance to think much past getting through this week.

"Yes well for now I want you to forget about everything and let me make love to you, then I'm going to feed you before we go upstairs."

"Playroom?" I ask unable mask the hope that has risen up inside of me.

"I think we should, the room isn't going to get a use once your parents get here." Christian replies sounding disheartened about the fact.

"Baby we can find a way, the room is soundproofed and I'd rather go in there than be in here where it isn't soundproofed and there's a chance of us being overheard."

"Good point well made Mrs Grey, I don't think I would want your parents over hearing us either." He laughs. "Now…" He rubs his nose into the crook of my neck. "Shut up and let me make love to you."

"Yes Sir." I smile rolling onto my back so he can loom over me.

I notice at once that there is an advantage to going to sleep naked after sex. Neither one of us have clothes that need to be removed. This morning there is no need for teasing or a build up to the act. I feel the tip of his shaft teasing at my entrance.

"Always so ready Ana." He whispers and I gasp and spasm as he fills me slowly.

Vanilla sex with Christian is the best sex but I also know I say that about all sex. He takes his time with me, showing me with actions rather than words how much he loves me. He takes the time to whisper sweet nothings into my ear, touch, caress, kiss and lick every inch of my body that he can.

I moan softly when he thrusts back into me, hitting deep inside me causing my back to arch and slowly come down as he pulls out before thrusting once again. Now vanilla sex is much more fun with my husband. I can return his kisses and touches along his chest without him feeling uncomfortable or scared. It's not fear I see in his eyes now when I touch him but desire for more of my touch.

"Ana. My Ana." He breaths as he edges closer to his nirvana.

"Yours." I reply. "Always yours."

"Mine." He mumbles into my jaw before he nips at the bone.

"Ah Christian." I gasp knowing that I'm there, just at the edge.

He pulls out and pushes harder into me, tipping me right over the edge so I'm moaning and contorting beneath him.

"Oh God I love to watch you come." He mumbles before pulling out and pushing into me once again. "Ana!" He calls his own climax taking over his body and I feel his seed released inside of me, it's so erotic I call out his name once a more like a prayer or a siren's call.

He falls onto my chest in a breathless heap. I wrap my arms around him, holding him tight to me as our breaths begin to steady and our pulses begin to slow.

"There's nothing better than vanilla." He mumbles into the ridge between my breasts.

"Hmm I agree." I reply running my fingers through his perspiration filled hair, scratching his scalp softly.

"Now I'm hungry." He mumbles and I laugh softly.

"What do you want for breakfast?" I ask knowing that I should cook something otherwise we'll be having cereal or toast.

"I don't know but feed me wench I'm wasting away." He teases.

"Then scoot." I say trying to buck him off my hips.

He groans and rolls to the side completely spent by the morning workout.

"I definitely need to feed you if we're going to have any hope of a good work out in the playroom."

"Yes Ma'am." He replies with a laugh of his own.

I giggle softly and climb out of bed. I know his eyes are watching me, roaming over my body as I move so I add a sway into my hips and sashay about making sure to lean in certain directions so he sees the best of my body. He groans when I reach up for my robe and moans when I disappear into the closet. When I reappear I pull my satin night gown over my head and pull the robe on my shoulders and look over at him to see him on his phone.

"Baby?" I ask.

"Yes?" He replies without looking from his phone, that's disheartening.

"What do you want for breakfast?" I ask deciding that if he's checking his phone and that engrossed in it then it must be important.

"Bacon and Egg?"

"Sure thing." I sigh before disappearing out of the room and going to the kitchen.

I try not to over think Christian's quick mood change as I make our breakfast and instead think of the day we can have together in the playroom. I know he wants to push the boundaries that we've had so far and I'm definitely willing. I mean, he once said he would fuck my breasts and I'm still clueless as to what that would entail. Then there's the anal training he's been given me. The butt plugs have slowly gotten bigger and I'm wondering how long it takes for him to lay his claim on that part of my body too, take my anal virginity if you will.

As I begin to lay the food on the plate Christian saunters in topless and already in his playroom jeans. I go weak at the knees just at the sight of him.

"Hey." I grin already excited with anticipation.

"Hey baby." He grins right back and I almost melt.

I blink and try to focus on what I'm doing. I can't have him distract me now, I need to eat so that I can have fun and not be disrupted by hunger.

We eat in near silence. The anticipation on both of our parts is great and the sexual tension between us is thick. I eat everything on plate knowing that there's a chance we'll skip lunch. Although there's also Christian's problem with food so unless we're too caught up in the action we will have to stop to eat.

"Are you done?" He asks as he ate much faster than me I know he is dying to get going.

"Let me just load the dishwasher." I reply.

"Mrs Jones is going to be here later she's going to cook and Taylor and herself will eat with us in the dining room." Christian says nonchalantly but I am taken aback by this revelation.

"You didn't think to tell me sooner?" I ask.

"Ana it's just dinner with our staff, Gail mentioned about wanting to do something nice for you to congratulate you on your award tomorrow evening and I thought we could all have a meal together, you said it yourself that you thought Jason and Gail were found of us, it's something nice that she wants to do, for you." He explains.

I have to admit I'm slightly taken aback. It's Christian who always has that mantra of his to stay distant from his staff. He is the one who doesn't allow them to call him by his first name, however, the thought of having a sit down meal with two people I'm fond of with my husband is a very nice gesture. I lean over and kiss Christian softly.

"Thank you."

"What for?" He asks with a raised eyebrow.

"For being so thoughtful, I think it's a wonderful idea." I explain and he grins that boyish smile of his again that has me weak at the knees. "Now if I remember rightly Sir, you and I have a date with a room upstairs." I say seductively.

"Oh Mrs Grey." He grins before standing. "I believe we do."

He scoops me up by the knees and hoists me over his shoulder. I squeal in surprise and he spanks my behind as a sort of warning of things to come.

"Christian!" I laugh just as Taylor and Mrs Jones enter the room and I get an upside down view of the two of them grinning. I just hope Christian is covering my bare behind with my nightgown as I blush a deep red in embarrassment, of course the two think it's hilarious and it isn't often they get to witness this side of Christian, actually, it's not often anyone not even me get to witness this side of him.

At the playroom door he holds me tight as he unlocks the door. I squirm in anticipation, excitement and nervous, the same feelings I always get when we enter the red room of pain, or maybe I should start calling it the red room of pleasure.

"You'll safe word if it gets too much?" He asks placing me down on my feet.

"I will." I reply with a nod but somehow I doubt that I'll need to use it.

"Good." He smiles pulling off my robe and throwing it to one side. "Arms up."

I am quick to follow and he slides up the gown making sure to brush it against my nipples causing them to harden some and elicit a moan from deep in my throat.

"Always so ready Ana." He whispers throwing the gown to one side.

I automatically go to lower my hands but he grabs them keeping them in place.

"Oh no." He says shaking his head with a wicked grin.

I squirm as I feel that ache coming from deep within me. How can basic actions such as these cause such a response from inside me? I feel something soft and cool against my right wrist and glance up to see him cuff it to a chain hanging from the ceiling.

"Suspension?" I ask begin to get scared.

"No baby. Your feet will be firmly on the ground at all times." He says rubbing his nose up and down mine softly.

"Ok." I whisper but my nerves have spiked and are now on high alert.

He cuffs the second wrist and I whimper in a combination of fear and excitement. He then walks over to the bed and tugs. I see a drawer revealed and I'm surprised I've never noticed it before. But in saying that it's completely hidden and I don't think Christian has ever used anything out of it before.

He pulls out what looks like a large black plank of wood. Then I notice two holes that makes me know they're stocks. I wonder as my arms are suspended above my head where he is planning on using those. It actually frightens me again but also causes that flitter of excitement from deep within me.

"These are Stocks Ana. I'm going to put them on your ankles." He answers my unasked questions giving me that creepy feeling that he can read my mind once again. "I won't be padlocking them. It's a hook lock, see?" He shows me what he means and I nod giving him permission to put them on me.

He goes on his knees in front of me and I watch him as he places one foot firmly in the stock and click it shut. Then I naturally extend the other leg to the correct width so he can place that one in to, making sure my other foot is planted firmly on the floor first. When he releases my foot to the ground I wriggle uncomfortably. My ankles are now about a foot apart and my arms are straight above me. I am restrained, completely helpless and at my husband's mercy.

I watch as he walks over to the museum chest and I am not surprised when he pulls out a blindfold. I love being able to look into Christian's eyes when we're having sex but there's something about being in the playroom, bound and completely helpless with no sight that is highly erotic.

"Well Mrs Grey, I think you've seen enough." He says with a smirk.

I bite my bottom lip as the blindfold is put into place. My sight vanishing and my world being claimed by the darkness.

"I'm going to put some music on." He tells me before pulling my bottom lip from my grasp and sucking it into his own.

I whimper in pleasure and he lets go before I sense him walking away. My ears are now adjusting to being the main sense that I have. I can hear the shuffling by the sound system and I wait for him to choose a musical interlude for him to perform to.

The music begins and it's a piano, it's beautiful and almost relaxing. The type of thing a person could listen to at the spa when receiving a massage which makes me wonder even more what it is he has in store for me. A voice comes in, a female voice with so much serenity. I'm not sure what language. Maybe Latin or Irish or something like that, it sounds … unique.

I can hear him now back at the museum chest and I squirm in anticipation. I can almost hear him smiling when the chains above my head rattle with my movements. I just want him to touch me already!

I hear his shuffling coming towards me and then I know he's stood right in front of me as I feel the warmth of his breath on my face.

"You will safe word if this gets too much?" He asks and I can hear the worry in his voice echoing around me.

"Yes." I breathe hoping my word will relax him, I don't want him to fear hurting me anymore. I want him to trust that should it get too much that I will tell him.

I feel his hands wrap around mine softly, just teasing my fingers with his touch. It's not enough to even begin to calm the desire that's running through me.

The song builds up a little, not much, but enough that his touch begins to move down my arms, tantalising light touches that spark the need for him to touch me more. His breath is hot on my face and I know if I lean forward I'd be able to kiss him but I can't with the stocks and restraints as I know I would trip and end up suspended or worse rip my shoulder from its socket or break my arm or something.

His hands continue to roam over my body making the little hairs stand on end. It's driving me wild because his touch is barely a touch, just the tips of his fingers dancing along my skin to the soft melody of the song in the background. I can't help but wonder if this is actually a dream of some kind and not real life. It's definitely a strange feeling that his fingers are causing with the music, one of calm serenity but also a need for a harder touch.

The voice has left the music now. Just the melody plays and his fingers stroke up and down my legs, dancing as if he's the one playing the piano. The music builds for a moment and then slows as does his touch. It builds once more and I wonder if this is where he's going to go harder but then it slows once more and I groan in complete frustration.

"Shh." He whispers but I'm sure he doesn't understand what he's done to my body, he hasn't even touched my breasts and my whole skin is alive needing more. I feel him step back as the music begins to build again and I wonder what he's going to do. Then I feel it against my skin, it's so light that it tickles more than anything else, increasing the sensitivity in my skin. I recognise the feel as a feather, it's so small and just glides along my skin. Again I wriggle wanting more and I hear the rattle of the chains and I know, instinctively, I know that Christian is smirking. The music slows again and he continues to just stroke my skin with the feather, he follows the line of my body but it's so light I question if it's actually there or if I'm just imagining it.

Then the feather is gone and the music slowly begins to build again but I know that the build this time isn't going to slow so soon. I feel something a little heavier against my skin and I hold my breath so I can figure out what it is.

It feels like a flogger except, it's harder, like beads. That's when I remember the small black flogger with the dazzling pink beads at the end of each string. They're plastic and I always hoped he wouldn't use it on me as it would look like it hurt.

I release my breath as he begins to tease my body with the flogger, again just having it bouncing softly off my skin. The music slowly begins ending and I know that Christian has it on repeat.

"I won't hurt you Ana." He whispers into my ear and I quiver in anticipation. "I'm going to bring the blood to the surface of the skin, and everything is going to be more intense."

That's when I feel the beads slap my stomach. At first I gasp in complete shock but then I realise it actually doesn't hurt. The sound is awful but it feels like heavy rain drops hammering down on my skin. As the music begins again I feel the beads hitting the side of my thigh. I think I understand what he's doing, at least I hope I do.

He hits everywhere but my arms, face, breast and the one place I want him to touch more than anything. When he hits my stomach for the third time I can't help but call out. It doesn't hurt but damn it feels like a strange and pleasure like pins and needles. It's a sensation I have never felt before in my life and it's good but it's also too much. I hope he isn't doing that orgasm denial thing again.

The flogger leaves my skin and I hear it drop to the floor. I instinctively know that Christian is right in front of me and I'm not surprised when his lips find mine. They're only there for a second or so and then I feel him move away. It's frustrating but exciting as I wonder what he'll do to me next.

That's when I feel him step back to me and his hot breath on my breasts. It's his nose he uses to touch me first, drawing along the valley of my breasts, his breath tickling me and teasing me. Then he goes up and over my nipple. Barley does he touch them but it's enough to have me whimpering. My skin is already over sensitised and I just need him to really touch me now.

At long last, his lips seal around one of my nipples. I let out a long appreciative moan and I feel him laughing softly. His tongue nips, licks and sucks at the nipple before he goes to the other side and repeats the actions. Then once again he steps away.

I know that I'm grimacing in response. I wonder if he can tell just by the shape of my mouth. He probably does, the man can tell when I roll my eyes from behind a computer around ten miles away from him, he knows me better than anyone ever will, better than I know myself.

I don't expect anything when suddenly there's a pinch on one nipple. I call out in surprise though it's not really painful, more surprising than anything. Christian blows on it, soothing it a little before he does the same to the second. The next thing I know my nipples are vibrating. Actually vibrating. I gasp and I hear Christian's chuckle. I know him well enough to know he was watching me closely to see what my reaction would be like. I moan deeply as he steps away from me again. My skin was already alive with his ministrations but now he's attached nipple clamps to me that vibrate! I'm in complete shock.

I feel him now behind me and I know what he's doing. His hands kneed the skin of my behind but I don't cower or tense like I had once. If anything I make sure I relax that part of my body as much as I possibly can.

"Good girl." I hear Christian whisper. "Won't be long before I can take this hole too."

How can him saying something like that make me a quivering wreck? My inner goddess is bent over her chair, legs apart, begging for that hole to be taken already, there's nothing more intimate or erotic my husband and I could do I don't think!

"Almost ready Ana." He says his finger stroking over the hole that no longer shrinks at his touch. "Almost."

I whimper and then he removes his hand. I know he's going to put something there, the question is what is it? I know whatever it is he's taking the time to lubricate it, I'm stood here with my behind pushed out as much as it can from the position I'm in beginning him to take me already.

I then feel something there, pushing softly at the entrance, slick with lubricant. It's almost like a pop. It goes inside but shrinks so small that I can barely feel anything at the hole itself. Then the pushing continues and there's another pop. My mind is imagining all sorts of things and then I remember one thing I found in the Butt drawer. Anal Beads.

I swallow instinctively and hope that Christian is being careful of what my body can take and what it can't. There are four pops in total before Christian steps back from me and I'm guessing he's still holding onto something down there.

I hear the sound of his zip and I get even more excited. Between the vibrating nipple clips and anal beads I don't know how much more I can take before I'm over the edge but I want more, I need more, I need him.

I feel his member rubbing my entrance, our fluids combining as a natural lubricant. He then pushes into me at a very slow speed. He fills me, as always but then he holds it. I feel him shifting awkwardly and I whimper, I need him, I need to come and soon. That's when I hear a small click and feel a vibration. Oh my God. I'm vibrating again and this time it's the Anal beads that are vibrating.

Still firmly inside me I feel the Anal Beads being pulled and pushed slowly and I moan and all the muscles inside me tighten.

"Yes." Christian hisses, his breath catching in his throat.

"Christian!" I whimper.

"Almost there baby." He reassures and then he pulls out of me slowly, not all the way, about half way before he slams up and into me again.

"Ahh Christian!" I scream as my climax completely takes over my body. I vibrate and contort and the orgasm just doesn't stop. The nipple clamps come off one at a time and I scream again, his name echoing around the room drowning everything else out. The second clip comes off as I barely hold myself standing. I moan and Christian's arm wraps around me, the other pulling at the anal beads while he still pumps in and out of me slowly. I can't stop coming and my whole body is singing with the climax. I hear his own gasp of air and my name echoing from his lips but it sounds so distant. It's like everything's happening in a dream.

I'm mildly aware of my arms being undone followed by the stock. I know the toys are all around me and I feel Christian's arms firmly around me too but I'm such a daze.

He moves me, or rather carries me to the bed and places me in the red sheets. I guess he pulled his jeans back on as he wraps me in the silk and then cradle me in his arms. I'm in oblivion, I'm sure this is what heaven feels like.

I hear the playroom door open and I know Christian is carrying me to bed. He knows I'll need to sleep for a while after that.

I'm mildly aware of the two people in the kitchen looking unfazed by the sight of us, or acting unfazed at the least.

Then I feel my head on the goose feather pillow and my body on the Egyptian sheets.

"Sleep baby." I hear and automatically my eyes close and I'm taken into the darkness.


	31. Chapter 31

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Well the votes are near tied so I'm trying to please both with this chapter… **

"Time to wake up baby." I hear but I don't want to open my eyes.

I feel completely sedated, the activities of the playroom have made me exhausted and completely happy and I don't want to move.

"Ana." He groans like a child.

I giggle and open my eyes so they meet the happy, content grey eyes of my husband. God he's gorgeous with his sex hair and I've-been-well-and-truly-fucked grin.

"Hey." I say eventually and he continues to smile down at me.

"Lunch time but first I want to play a game with you." He says.

My intrigue peaks at once. A game? Something tells me this could be fun.

"What game is that?" I ask with a raised eyebrow.

"Well if I told you that Ana it wouldn't be fun." He says peeling the red silk from my body and revealing my nakedness. "You're so fucking beautiful." He breaths as his hands stroke my legs softly.

"Christian." I giggle trying to pull away from him.

"Oh no." He says shaking his head. "Come here."

It sounds like an order even though I know for a fact I can say no.

"Sit up." I comply again and I feel his thumb tracing my lower lip. "Open."

I do as I'm told and he slips a pink bullet into my mouth. I know it's a sex toy from the time I did my research into them. It's not very big, about half the size of Christian at a full erection and a little thinner but not by much.

"Suck." He says and again I comply.

As I suck his hands stroke up and down my legs, teasing at the top of my thighs before slipping down again. He then removes the bullet and from his back pocket he removes a pair of black panties. I'm confused but I say nothing.

He carefully slips the bullet into the panties and I am definitely intrigued. My inner goddess is stood to attention watching attentively. Christian is then at my feet. My mouth falls wide open when I realise what he's doing. The panties slip onto my legs easily and once above the knee Christian pulls me by the hands to standing. He uses his foot against my own to part my legs before continuing to pull the panties up.

Once the pink plastic bullet hits my sex Christian puts his hand into the panties. I whimper with anticipation as he lines the object up at my entrance and then his other hand, on the outside of the panties slowly pushes the bullet inside of me. It takes a moment for me to adjust to it but then I realise it isn't actually hitting anything in particular and I'm desperate to push it in higher so it hits my sweet spot. Christian steps away from me and smiles almost evilly.

"Get dressed." He says normally and I frown, what is this man up to?

I take a step towards the closet when suddenly there's a vibration inside of me. I jump in surprise and turn towards my husband. He's grinning wildly and shaking a small pink remote control.

"You… you…"

"What?" He asks feigning innocence. "Come on Mrs Grey, lunch is waiting." He teases.

I growl before going into the closet. I reach for a bra and slip it on then grab a loose flowy maxi dress. I bend over to slip my legs into it when suddenly the vibration begins inside of me. I groan. This is going to be torturous.

I can almost hear Christian laughing from the bedroom and it takes a lot not to take the panties straight off but if he wants to play I'll play.

Back in the bedroom he's waiting for me with a smile plastered onto his face. I shake my head and feign disgust as he slips his hand into mine.

"Are you hungry Mrs Grey?" How can he make those five words sound so seductive?

"Starving." I reply trying to make it sound as seductive as he did and his laugh makes me think I succeeded.

We walk hand in hand to the kitchen where Gail is at the cooker. She's working hard, peering over recipe books almost not seeing that we've walked in.

"Mrs Jones is preparing dinner, it takes a while to cook and she needs to be in here watching and adding things while we eat." Christian says with that stupid grin on his face.

My jaw falls open. My subconscious jumps to her feet and plants her hands on her hips, shaking her head vigorously. He knew this when he came into the bedroom and put the panties on me and now he's going to torture me through lunch while Mrs Jones is in the room with us. I glare at him and he grins cheekily. Oh if he didn't look so good I'd hit him right now.

Our food and wine is waiting for us. I slip into the chair and as soon as I begin to relax Christian knocks the button. I gasp but that's about it and Mrs Jones seems to engrossed in her work to even notice us.

We begin to eat and with every bite I eye Christian wearily. His hand is in his pocket and I know that it's wrapped firmly around the control for the vibrating panties but I try to ignore it. I'm about half way through my food when he knocks it again. I gasp and call out simultaneously and Mrs Jones turns around almost in panic.

"Ana are you alright?" She asks.

"Uh yeah I uh… just knocked my knee on the counter." I say quickly.

She smiles softly and turns back to her work while I glare at Christian who's smiling the brightest I think I've ever seen him.

I take a deep breath and try my hardest not to scold him by taking a long sip of wine. Before I even get the chance to swallow the vibrating shocks me again and I perform a perfect spit take and begin coughing and spluttering. Christian laughs while Mrs Jones has spun around in even more panic.

"I hate you." I spit towards Christian but he just shrugs and laughs again.

I couldn't be really mad at him if I tried. Mrs Jones cleans up the mess while I apologise profusely. I can see Christian through the corner of my eye waiting for the right moment to strike again.

I get up from my chair and grasp him by the collar of his shirt not caring if Mrs Jones can see us.

"If you don't get into that bedroom right now and fuck me hard Christian I swear I will cut you off for a week." I hiss into his ear being very aware of the other pair of ears in the room.

In an instant he scoops me up in his arms and almost runs into the bedroom. I'm practically thrown onto the bed and my dress is pulled roughly over my head. The panties are pulled down and as the bullet is removed from inside me I moan deeply. I need to come and I need to come soon.

He pulls me roughly to my feet and spins me around so I'm facing away from him.

"Bend over. Elbows on the bed." He growls and that's when I realise he didn't like my threat. "Spread your legs… further… further… there."

I'm spread eagle with my elbows on the bed and my behind in the air. I hear Christian's zip but I have no chance to prepare myself before he slams into me sending a jolt through my body.

"Ah!" I call out and I know Christian is grinning.

He does it again, keeping the punishing tempo up but I have no complaints as this is what I asked for.

"Christian!" I yell as my climax overtakes my body.

"Ana!" He echoes as his own climax ruptures through him.

He pulls out of me and I collapse onto the bed. I hear his zip and I realise he didn't even take off his trousers.

"Hard enough for you Mrs Grey?" He asks.

"Oh yeah." I reply with a grin of my own.

"Good. Now I have to go to the office for a couple of hours, are you going to be able to entertain yourself for a few hours?"

"I need to go into town and pick up my dress for tomorrow, I am also in the mood to do some shopping." I tell him and I know he's eyeing me suspiciously, I hate shopping.

"Fine, will you be taking Sawyer?"

"Ugh?" I shift uncomfortably. "Do I have to?"

"I'd prefer it if you did." He replies honestly.

"Fine, he can come." I sigh, I have an idea in mind and it isn't one I want Luke Sawyer to be involved in.

"Thank you baby, I'm not asking much just that you take care." He smiles before leaning in and kissing me tenderly.

"Go to work Christian." I mumble into the kiss.

"Hmm yes Ma'am." He grins as he pulls away. "When I get home maybe we can play again." He says with a wink before leaving.

Jesus. That man knows how to hot wire my libido. I grab my dress and make my way into the closet. I only pulled the damn thing on because it was closest to me, it's the middle of winter and it's freezing outside and as I'm going shopping to stores I once only just knew existed I need to be dressed like I belong there.

I choose a pair of denim jeans by Armani Jeans in dark blue. They're skin tight and perfectly fitted in length. A flowery top by Emporio Armani and a tie at the waist knitted cardigan by Armani Collezioni and a pair of under the knee flat lace up boots by Prada with a matching purse also by Prada to finish the look. Definitely a label whore and dressed to shop.

I grab a coat I've not worn before and spotted a matching beret. It was definitely cold outside being winter in Seattle and I think they're cute too. It's a thigh high coat that ties around the middle in baby blue by Polo Ralph Lauren. It's beautiful and I feel more like my old self when I put it on with the beret, my hair down in waves past my shoulders. The only difference between this coat and ones I've worn before is the label and price.

Once I'm ready I make my way out to the lobby where Luke Sawyer is waiting patiently for me.

"Which car Ma'am?" He asks.

"We'll take the TTS, I fancy driving." I reply with a smile, I need to get out of Escala for a while.

Luke goes over to get the keys and I wait for him taking the time to check my phone. The only emails are from writers and they can wait until Monday. This weekend is mine to spend without the woes of work.

"Thanks Luke." I beam as he hands me the keys.

We get to the car in silence but I suspect there's something Luke wants to say. He seems awkward around me, something he's never really been even after that whole thing with Jack Hyde and me getting away from it we were quick on good terms again.

Once out of the garage and on the road I relax back in my chair and glance over at Luke.

"Everything ok Luke?" I ask hoping he'll see me using his first name as a sign he can talk to me.

"Yes Ma'am."

"Ana." I reply.

"Ana." He says with a smile and I guess that relaxes him some. "Uh Ana…" He says awkwardly and I know that my prompting him to use my first name has made him see he can talk to me.

"Yes Luke?" I reply keeping my eyes on the road.

"Uh, you know when we were at fifties yesterday?"

"Yes." I reply as a prompt for him to continue and a sign that I'm listening.

"Well your assistant, Hannah, she gave me her number. I slipped it into my pocket and originally thought nothing of it but uh…"

"Are you asking me if you can contact my assistant?" I ask with a grin on my face.

"Yes." He replies shifting uncomfortably in his seat.

"I should say no." I begin and I see through the corner of my eye that Luke's face drops. "I mean you both work closely with me and if things don't work out between you then it could get messy and make my job and yours much harder. I don't want to lose either one of you."

"I understand." He sighs looking out the window so he doesn't see me smile.

"Luke." I say getting him to turn back to face me.

"Yes?"

"Call her." I reply and he grins.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Text her something before I change my mind." I laugh.

"Yes Ma'am." He says cheerily and I smile, glad I can do something for him for once.

"Hey if you want I'll even put in a good word with her for you." I add and he laughs softly.

"Sure, that would be useful."

I just laugh and continue to drive.

Once I've found a place to park and made my way into the store to pick up my dress I'm feeling depressed from shopping. For a woman with almost unlimited amount of funds to play with you'd think I'd be able to just go wild in a store but I can't. I'm always conscious about the price and use or lack thereof the items are going to get.

After picking up the dress and paying the ridiculous bill that makes Sawyer's jaw hang open we go strolling down the street in search for the next store I want to stop by at. Sawyer is a gentleman and is carrying the large paper bag that holds the dress for tomorrow night even though I protested, he insisted. He's a sweet and caring man at heart, that much I can see and I'm glad I'm being given the chance to witness it.

"Ma'am." Sawyer says his arm on my shoulder.

"What?" I ask glancing up at him.

"Paparazzi at three o'clock." He says.

I turn my head to where three would be on a clock if I was the centre and see a man taking multiple pictures. I groan inwardly and wonder what it is they're after.

As I have stopped the man approaches me. Sawyer is quick to stand in front of me like a human shield.

"What can we do for you?" Sawyer asks as I wait patiently behind him, this isn't the first or last time that this happens.

"Lucas Robinson, fashion photographer for The Express." He explains handing Sawyer his ID.

"Ana do you want to talk to him?" Sawyer asks.

"Fine." I say, I don't want to earn myself a bad name with the press as Christian and many other have warned me is so easy to do.

"You have two minutes, walk and talk." Sawyer says and he stays one step behind as Lucas Robinson walks by my side with a notepad and pen in either hand.

"Mrs Grey that coat is beautiful what are you wearing?"

Luckily I know he's asking the label and not being dumb.

"Coat and beret are a set from Polo Ralph Lauren." I say with a sickly sweet smile and I can almost hear Sawyer sniggering behind me and it brings a real smile to my face.

"And your shoes?"

"Prada."

"Do you like wearing so many different labels?"

"I like clothes Mr Robinson. As long as I like them I'll wear them whether they're from Topshop or Louis Vuitton."

"Ok Thank you Mrs Grey, are you shopping for anything in particular?"

"I've just picked up my dress for a charity night tomorrow."

"Oh is that the one for Seattle Grace?"

"It is."

"Can I have some info on the dress?"

"Not till tomorrow when I wear it to the event." I laugh softly, I love the paps sometimes they can be so naive.

"Ok. Well thank you Mrs Grey for taking the time to talk to me, keep a look out for your picture in tomorrow's express." He beams before walking off.

"I need to learn to say no to them." I sigh as Sawyer walks more to my side now.

"I think they like it that you don't. You don't get harassed half as much from them because you will talk to them if there's a reason for it. You're not one of these the paps stalk hoping to get a scoop on because if there's a story you'll give it to them through the PR team."

"I guess you're right, I never thought about it like that before." I smile, he has a real way of making me feel relaxed. "I just don't think I'll ever get used to it."

"You don't have to get used to it Ana, just handle it which you do very well." He smiles.

I smile right back before walking into a store, Victoria Secret, this should have everything I need. I can't help but laugh at Sawyer who looks extremely uncomfortable by my side. I should really tell him to wait outside or by the entrance but I'm enjoying his discomfort too much.

"Hi welcome to Victoria Secret may I help you?" An assistant asked with a fake pasted on smile.

"Yes I'm actually looking for gems, like stick on pattern gems to put on the skin." I say nonchalantly even though I see Luke squirming by my side.

"Right this way Mrs…" She's obviously spotted my wedding ring.

"Grey." I reply and at once her eyes brighten and her smile becomes real.

"Mrs Grey." She beams and I follow her through the store. "Have you anything in particular in mind?" She asks looking awkwardly at Sawyer.

"Security, just act like he's not here." I tell her before looking at him and smirking.

He shakes his head and smiles uncomfortably. I'll apologise to him later but I am having too much fun.

"Something for the breast only, if they come in a set it doesn't matter I'll just use the breast ones but it's just a surprise for my husband." I say as if it's a conversation you can have anywhere any time.

"Ok well we have these three which are sets, these two which are for the breast only and then these are for the pubic area." She smiles pointing the gems out on a rack.

"I like this one." I say pointing out a patterned gem shape. "I wouldn't have to put each gem on individually would I?"

"No Ma'am. Here I'll show you." She smiles opening up one of the packets. "See here, you just peel it off, the area where your nipple would be has nothing, no stick pad or gems."

"Oh yes I see. Thank you. I'll take two of them." I smile before glancing at Sawyer who is looking anywhere but at me and the assistant.

"Anything else Mrs Grey?"

"Not today." I smile and together we walk to the cash register.


	32. Chapter 32

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Well the votes are near tied so I'm trying to please both with this chapter… **

When I arrive back the smell of Mrs Jones' cooking hits me in an instant. My mouth waters and my belly rumbles a little and I smile at the thought of dinner. Taylor is dressed in a different suit to normal, and he's cleanly shaven. I think it's adorable that he's making an effort.

"Is Christian back from Grey's House yet?" I ask.

Taylor blushes though I don't know why. It intrigues me.

"That is where he is right?" I ask trying to maintain the confidence I had arriving home while Sawyer walks past us with my shopping.

"I believe so Ma'am, he didn't tell me." He replies.

That's a lie. I scowl before walking into the living room wondering what the hell he's covering up and where the hell my husband is. It must be something important but my biggest worry is that Christian and I have made this deal not to lie to one another and yet I'm sure he's lying to me now.

"Ana you're back." Gail beams and I smile at her.

She's put in effort too. She's wearing a navy skirt suit and has pulled her hair back into an exquisite twist. I don't understand why they're putting so much effort in to dinner, it makes me feel like I should too.

"Yes, I got my dress, talked to someone from the express who wanted to know what I was wearing. Robinson I think his name was, fashion photography for the paper. Told me to look out for my picture in the Sunday Express." I smile, I have been in the paper a few times and according to Kate if I made the effort to go into town more often then my picture would grace the fashion section often with my new found style.

"That's good, we'll have to keep our eyes out for it." Gail smiles and I nod feeling a little bit exited to seeing the picture now, I hope he got a good one.

"Well I'm going to put these away and hang my dress up before dressing for dinner, what time are we eating?" I ask.

"Mr Grey said to have dinner around six thirty." Gail replies at once and I scowl glancing at the clock, it's only five now.

"Ok." I sigh. "Well I'll have a glass of wine then, I think a relaxing bath is in order." I beam and Gail nods going straight to the fridge for the bottle.

I take my wine, the iPod dock and iPod and my shopping through to mine and Christian's bedroom. I set the music up in the bathroom choosing to play Christian's playlist to me while I begin to run the bath and hang up my dress so any creases fall by tomorrow. I look forward in part to tomorrow, it's a big deal, it's something I've done without Christian's help and I look forward to being recognised for that as I know it's something that isn't going to happen often.

I slip out of my clothes making sure to put them in the hamper I went out and bought because I wanted to make Gail's job a little easier and putting dirty clothes in the hamper is a small thing to do though Christian still drops them next to or on the hamper and not in it at least Gail doesn't have to hunt around for our clothes, well, except when we tear them off each other and the end up in places no one would expect.

Once in the hot bath I instantly relax. My muscles are sore from the playroom and rough sex afterwards and the steaming water is at once soothing. I relax back as the iPod plays softly in the background and I sip away at my wine wondering what I can have done to my hair tomorrow. I have two people coming around to get me ready, one for my nails, the other for my hair and makeup. Natalie is coming to do my nails at ten and then Melissa is coming to do my hair and makeup at five.

When I told Christian the first thing he did was make sure I had copies of the NDA to have them sign. I understand why. The press are interested in us and our life and people could make a lot of money from selling a story part on what they heard especially if they have proof plus of course Christian ordered thorough background checks on both of them too before giving them the all clear.

"Ana…" I must have fallen asleep.

I drop my hand and there's a splash, shit, I fell asleep in the bath.

"Christian?" I ask and then he I see him walking into the bathroom with a large towel.

"Come on, you're all pruny." He says and I can't help but look at my fingers which are all covered in lines and grooves.

I stand up and he wraps the towel around me before helping me out of the bath. The water is actually cold so I must have been there a while.

"Can I dry your hair?" Christian asks gently as soon as I sit down on the edge of the bed.

"Sure." I smile.

Christian kneels behind me and takes a smaller towel before he begins to work his fingers through it. I automatically relax into his touch while he works his magic on my hair.

"What time is it?"

"Fifteen minutes to six." He replies. "You've got time before dinner, chill out."

"I saw Gail and Taylor had both made an effort. I don't know what to wear." I say, my eyes are closed in relaxation while my husband dries my hair.

"Ana not that I'd ever let you but you would look better than anyone even in a garbage bag." Christian says softly and the compliment makes me grin happily.

"Hmm I'm sure we have white garbage bags here, I'll go ask Gail." I tease but Christian just laughs and continues drying my hair.

"There, you'll do wench." He teases.

I stand up and he flicks the damp towel across my bare behind.

"Christian!" I growl walking into the closet but he just chuckles softly.

"Hey Ana do you want to wear your new panties to dinner?" He teases.

"Not going to happen!" I call back with a chuckle of my own.

I gaze at all my clothing and quickly decide to wear a dress. I find my work ones as they're more day wear but still classy and I quickly settle on a knee high nude coloured dress by Valentino and a pair of open toed pumps in nude with bronze spikes by Christian Louboutin. After applying some simple makeup and pulling most of my hair into a large bun at the back of my head leaving a few strands down and curling them loosely with a hot iron I'm ready.

Christian is in the bedroom when I enter, sitting on the bed with a red Cartier box, what on earth has this man been spending on now?

"I was going to wait till tomorrow to give you this, but I don't think it's really something to wear to that type of event."

"What do you mean?" I frown as I walk closer to him.

"Well this is the type of something you can wear every day."

I want to laugh. Wear something from Cartier every day? This man has to be insane! My subconscious giggles.

"Here." He says passing the box to me.

I'm all fingers and thumbs as I open it.

"Oh Christian it's beautiful."

Now I see exactly what he means by wearing it every day. It's just a simple gold necklace with a heart shaped pendant covered in small white diamonds.

"Put it on me?" I ask and he nods and beams visibly happy that I like it.

Christian is quick to put the necklace on for me and I begin to play with it at once. I have missed wearing a necklace but the only one I ever wore before was the necklace that my Mom bought me with my name on it but the more I began to prefer being called Ana the less I wore the necklace with Anastasia on it.

"So Mrs Grey are you ready for dinner?" Christian asks with a wide smile on his face.

I can't believe his smile! It can't be just because I like the necklace can it? Who knows with Christian Mr Mercurial but I don't know. I know I've been aware of him acting suspiciously happy over the past few days.

"Yes Mr Grey I am starving." I reply in a completely overdramatic fashion.

"Well then let me feed you!" He teases grabbing hold of my hand and pulling me towards the door.

We walk through the kitchen where Gail is seemingly finishing the preparations.

"Oh Ana you look lovely." She gushes completely unlike herself that I eye her suspiciously. Christian is grinning at her a smile that tells me the two of them have a secret that I know nothing about.

We walk towards the dinning room and Christian stops me in my tracks. He steps behind me and cups his hands over my eyes.

"Christian Grey what are you up to?" I ask before we start to move.

"All in good time Ana." He says and I can hear the joy in his voice.

I walk carefully, trusting Christian with guiding me so that I don't bump into anything. He then stops and I hear a door open, I hope it's the door to the dining room. I hear a lot of shuffling and it sends very nervous chills down my spine.

"You ready?" Christian whispers into my ears causing me to shiver.

"Uh-huh." I say with a nod of my head.

Christian pulls his hands away and I blink hard.

"Surprise!"

My mouth falls wide open, I look from those gathered around the dining room table up to my husband and then back again.

"Mom? Dad?" I ask in case I'm hallucinating.

"Hey Ana." Ray beams happily.

"Ana!" My Mom rushes over and wraps me up in an embrace, I'm still too shocked to speak.

"Hi Mom." I smile as I pull away.

Her hand rests on my cheek and her thumb strokes me softly, I think she's trying to work out my reaction but at this moment I'm in too much shock to react.

"Dear me Ana, marriage agrees with you." She beams. "You look fabulous darling."

"Thanks Mom, you too. Hey Bob!" I shout over her shoulder.

He waves uncomfortably at me and then my Mother releases me.

"That is your Dad too." She says nudging me towards Ray.

I rush to him and wrap my arms tight around his neck. I didn't realise how much I'd missed them all till I saw them again.

"Hey baby." He beams hugging me back, he's not the emotional type but I can tell he's missed me as much as I've missed him.

"Hey."

Christian comes over and wraps an arm around my shoulder.

"Good surprise?" He asks as Taylor walks into the room.

"Amazing surprise." I say tears of absolute joy brimming in my eyes.

"Good."

"How? When?" I ask stuttering slightly, I seem to have lost the ability to speak in complete sentences.

"I arranged it a while back, before the whole Thanksgiving thing with my Mom but they're here for a week, they arrived Friday evening that's why when you said you were going out to fifties it was making my life easier, they've been at a hotel until today and I didn't go into the office I went to see them and help get them ready to come here. Now all their things are in the guest rooms upstairs."

I'm in shock. I knew he was hiding something from me but this never crossed my mind.

"I wanted them here for your award tomorrow." He beams and I nod excitedly.

"This is why you wanted to know if I liked surprises?" I ask.

"Possibly." He replies with a frown and I know at once that the answer is no, there is something else he's still hiding from me but I can't dwell on it.

Christian sits me down and pops open a bottle of champagne, Taylor awkwardly sits down and Christian pours a glass for Mrs Jones too for when she comes to join us.

"I'll fetch her." Taylor chuckles knowing that Mrs Jones has been busy preparing for this dinner all day.

When Mrs Jones joins us she squeezes my shoulder softly before sitting down beside Jason Taylor.

"I would like to say, thank you all for coming. This means a lot to me and to Ana, the award she receives tomorrow is something she never expected or wanted, she's being recognised for just doing what she can to help and I know that it's the most well deserved award she could possibly get. I'm so pleased that you all can join us to celebrate that award not only tomorrow at the event itself but here, tonight as a family. To Ana."

I blush as everyone repeats the last sentiment and take a sip of the champagne. I'm still in awe of what Christian has done for me, it's made this whole palaver with the award so much more meaningful.

"Is dinner ready Gail?" Christian asks.

"Yes Mr Grey, it just needs to be served." She smiles getting to her feet.

"I'll come help Gail." I smile also getting to my feet but my Mom jumps up shaking her head.

"I'll help, you Ana sit back and relax." She says.

I do exactly as I'm told.

ILB

After dinner we enjoyed coffee and Christian played the piano until I sat next to him and began hitting random keys as he played making everyone in the room laugh. It was easy to relax because everyone else was relaxed even Gail and Jason who Christian had calling him by his first name for the evening telling them that they were eating together as friends and family.

Slowly everyone retired. My Mom and Gail had cleaned the kitchen and they were the two who felt tired first. Bob and Taylor automatically went with their women leaving Christian, Ray and I.

"I'll see you in bed." Christian smiles kissing the top of my head.

"I won't be too long." I reply knowing he's giving me some alone time to talk to Ray.

"Goodnight Ray." He says.

"Goodnight Christian and thank you for doing all of this."

"For my wife, anything." He replies before stalking off, Christian never ceases to amaze me.

"So how are you Annie?" He asks as I relax back into the couch and kick off my heels.

"I'm good Dad, really good." I smile, it's not a lie, things could be better but they're still good.

"I'm glad to hear it, Christian treating you right I hope?"

"Oh Dad have you and I been with the same Christian all night? He practically worships the ground I walk on and I the same to him, he loves me Dad and he treats me better than I ever expected anyone too."

"I'm glad to hear it Annie, so are we going to hear the pitter patter of tiny feet any time soon?" He asks and I don't know whether he looks sad or hopeful or what? My step-father isn't an easy man to read.

"No Dad, Christian and I are going to wait. After the miscarriage we realised we could have more time just to be man and wife and enjoy life and things first." I explain knowing he's looking forward to being a grandfather.

"That's a good idea, just you don't wait too long, I want to be around to see my grandchildren grow up."

"I won't Dad." I smile leaning over to him. "Thank you for coming."

"I don't think Christian would have let me say no even if I wanted to, he wasn't asking but demanding that I fly here on the company jet for this award."

"That's my husband." I laugh as does Ray, I'm glad he doesn't see Christian for the control freak he can be, I don't think Ray would settle for it somehow.

"Right Annie, I'm going to bed. Good night."

"Night Dad." I smile and I watch as he makes his way to the stairs.

I relax back into the couch and finish my wine. This evening has been perfect and my family are here for a whole week, what more could I ask for?


	33. Chapter 33

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Well the votes are near tied so I'm trying to please both with this chapter… **

"Ana." I hear whispered in my ear. I laugh softly giving away that I'm actually awake. "Morning baby."

"Morning." I smile turning to face my beautiful and very happy husband.

His hands begin stroking up and down my bare thigh and I moan with need. I find his lips though my eyes are closed and his tongue fights with mine as his fingers grip my leg a little harder.

"Baby stop." I moan pulling away, I hear a loud laugh coming from the kitchen and it's a turn off.

"What do you mean?" He's not heard me say no in a very long time.

"I just heard Ray laughing baby, that's a turn off." I say groaning.

"Ok, I get it I think." He chuckles. "I mean with how loud you can be they'll hear you."

"Exactly, I don't want my Dad to hear me making sweet love to my husband."

"He knows you're not a virgin Ana, you were pregnant once."

"Well really?" I say mockingly. "I thought I was the next Virgin Mary!"

He laughs and kisses the edge of my nose.

"If you're a virgin we have a serious problem baby." He says and those words alone are dripping with seduction.

"I'm going to breakfast, I suggest a cold shower to deal with your uh… problem."

He glares at me but I can see the smile playing on his lips as I grab the robe that matches my silk night gown and pull it on making sure to wrap it tight around me before trudging out of the bedroom leaving him very frustrated.

I walk into the kitchen to find Bob and Ray in deep conversation and Gail and my Mom chatting away. It seems normal and I'm instantly relaxed at the scene.

"Mrs Grey what would you like for breakfast?" Gail asks with a smile as soon as she spots me.

"Granola please." I smile kissing Ray on the top of the head as I pass and going to hug my Mom.

"With Greek yoghurt and blueberries?" She asks knowingly.

"Oh yes!" I beam before sliding on the stool beside my Mom. "Sleep well?" I ask her knowing that my Mom can be the fussiest person on the planet.

"Yeah I did. This place is huge Ana." She says excitedly. "I mean I still can't believe this is your home, this is your life."

"Neither can I Mom, I still pinch myself to see if I'm dreaming." I laugh softly as Gail places the granola in front of me.

As I begin to eat Christian emerges fully dressed. He looks hot but also flustered as he was so turned on this morning and I had to deny him.

"Morning baby." He says standing behind me.

I bend my head back and he kisses me softly, unashamedly considering that my parents are here.

"Morning everyone." He says as he slides onto the stool beside me.

"Egg white omelette Mr Grey?" Gail asks.

"No I'll see what my wife's obsession with this is." He says stealing my spoon.

"Coming up." She smiles.

I steal my spoon back from Christian and give him a mock angry glare. He laughs and wipes the side of my mouth with his finger, I must have had yoghurt there.

"So what have you planned for today Mr Grey?" I ask as my Mom begins to engaged Ray and Bob in small talk.

"Well I am going to take Ray and Bob to see The Grace, so you can spend some time with your Mom."

I gawp at him. Is he for real?

"You're taking them to The Grace? Just the three of you?"

"I thought we could fish." He explains. "I mean you have people coming over to help you get ready for tonight, the last thing you need is me in the way."

"Good point well made." I say repeating words he uses against me often.

"Exactly." He smiles as he tucks into his granola.

Once breakfast is cleaned away Christian makes the final preparations to go to The Grace while Mom and me go and get changed. It's quite strange to think Mom and I both went to breakfast in our nightwear while the men were dressed.

"So what are we doing today Ana?" My Mom asks as she sits on mine and Christian's unmade bed, even though it's a Sunday as we have guests Gail and Taylor are working this weekend, I'm sure they'll be getting a big bonus from Christian.

"Well I have Natalie coming to do my nails at ten. I'll need to speak to her in my office first but I'm sure she can do the both of us and then at three Melissa is coming to do my hair, again I'm sure she could do the two of us." I beam, I can't wait for this evening now that I have my family here and Christian's family will be there too.

"Ok, why do you have to take her to your office first?" My Mom asks, I know I have to explain it to her so I pull her with me into the closet. "This is your closet?" She gawps again.

"Yes Mom." I sigh, I'm a little more used to the extravagance of my life now and it's hard to see my Mom who has never really been from money react to the place, actually I'm sure her face is what mine did the first time I saw all of this. "Ok so the reason the girls have to come into the office first is because they have to sign a Non-Disclosure Agreement."

"Why?" My Mom asks in shock.

"To make sure they don't sell stories about us to the press. If Christian and I were to argue when they were here and they sell it to the press we can sue. It's just to make sure our private lives remain privet." I explain and I watch as my Mom considers everything.

"How come we haven't signed one?" She asks me.

"Come on, Mom you're family." I laugh. "I don't think anything happens here that you would sell to the press about us."

"Good point but Christian doesn't know that." She replies with a shrug, I love her more for when she's playing dumb, it really suits her.

"Well he knows me." I say with a shrug.

"Have you had to sign one?" She asks and I freeze, I have to be very careful what I say here now.

"I did." I say trying to add nonchalantly as I start choosing clothes for the day. "When Christian and I were first together, it was complicated Mom we had to be so careful and he had me sign one but then when we got engaged we tore it up so it's no longer legal or anything it was just to protect him and me."

"That's fair enough." And the subject is closed, I let out a breath that I wasn't even aware of holding. "Ana some of your clothes have never been worn." She says picking up a short dress with the price tag still on. "How much?!" She yells her eyes wide at the price tag.

"Don't Mom, seriously don't look at the price, Christian has told me when I shop not to even look at the price and hand my card over before they tell me how much so I don't know how much I'm spending." I laugh remembering the long conversation we had about me wanting one skirt because it was cheaper than the other though they were almost the exact same.

"But Ana, I don't even make this sort of money in a week!"

"Mom, since I've taken over Grey Publishing I have been making around that much a day. I have the money to spend like that now and it's money I've earned and not Christian's." I say and in one way I know I'm trying to make myself feel better as well as my Mom. "I mean Christian earns around that much every minute."

My Mom again is quick to drop the subject, she always knew Christian was wealthy but I think she just realised how wealthy he actually is.

At exactly ten o'clock there's a knock on my bedroom door.

"Come in." I call knowing only two people it could be.

"Ana." Sawyer smiles coming into the room.

"Hey Luke. Mom this is Luke Sawyer my security guard. Luke this is my Mom Carla."

"Carla." He says nodding his head.

"Hi Luke." She smiles.

"Ana, Natalie Saunders has arrived." He says.

"Oh ok, show her to the library and ask if she wants something to drink and let Mrs Jones know."

"Yes Ma'am, would you and Carla like anything to drink?" He asks politely as my Mom continues to gawp.

"Hmm it's early but I think a glass of white wine is in order. Mom?"

"Yeah sure thing." She says still gawping at Luke.

He looks at me and I can see the smile playing behind his eyes and I supress the urge to laugh loudly before he walks out.

"Ana he's HOT." She says.

"Nah, Christian is hot, Luke is merely good looking." I reply with a shrug, I've seen many a woman fawn over Luke Sawyer but I've never really noticed him, I have eyes only for my husband.

"Whatever, is he single?"

"Mom you're married!" I laugh.

"Hey a girl can look!" She replies with a laugh of her own and I can't help but roll my eyes at her.

"No Mom he's not single, he's dating my assistant." I say even though that's not exactly the truth it's not a lie either.

"Oh that's a shame." She says jokingly.

"Come on we have to get Natalie from my office."

Mom follows me through the apartment to the Library which is conveniently my office too. As I enter Natalie jumps to her feet and I instantly become Mrs Grey and not Ana. I don't know why I do it, I guess it's just Christian rubbing off on me.

"Mrs Grey." She says nodding her head.

"Natalie, before we start I have to ask you to sign a NDA." I explain slipping into the chair behind my desk and going into the top drawers.

"May I ask what for?" She asks meekly and I realise that she doesn't know what an NDA actually is.

"All it says is that whatever you hear or see in this apartment you won't repeat to anyone else, it is a legal document and it does mean should you break it myself and Mr Grey are entitled to take you to the courts. Here we go, read it first before you sign. If you don't want to sign then let me know and Sawyer my security will show you out." I say nodding my head to Sawyer who is stood by the door watching the exchange.

I watch as Natalie reads the document carefully and thoroughly. I remember when I just signed it and Christian criticised me for not reading it thoroughly.

"Can I have a pen please?" She asks a little more confident and I smile and happily pass one over to her.

My Mom and I watch as she signs the document and then hands it over to me. I place it in the top drawer and lock it with a small note to self to file it later.

"Ok so where do you think it would be easiest to do this?" I ask as Mrs Jones comes in with the drinks.

"Anywhere you're most comfortable Mrs Grey." She replies with a smile.

"We'll use the great room I think, Gail could you leave the drinks on the table in there?" I ask and she smiles and nods before leaving again.

Luke takes Natalie's bag and walks into the great room. Mom and I practically fall into the couch and Natalie tries not to look around in awe.

"Ok Mrs Grey a simple French manicure and pedicure? White tips?"

"Yes please." I smile and she gets to work.


	34. Chapter 34

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Just a small chapter before I go to bed to get you even more excited for the next … and because I forgot about the two major points of this chapter which I had been leading into from the previous ones. **

I'm sat in the great room basically just watching the clock tick by. I'm so nervous and excited for tonight I find the time to be passing at a ridiculously slow speed. My Mom is seated beside Christian reading the article in the Sunday Express which holds a very nice picture of me just after leaving Caroline Acton's with Sawyer behind me with my bag in hand.

"Anastasia Grey, President of Grey Publishing was yesterday seen collecting her gown for tonight's big charity event. Mrs Grey, 22, will be receiving an award from Seattle Grace Hospital for her generous donations and appeals. Having been out of the public eye for nearly three months and then suddenly re-appearing again many thought that there was trouble and strife between her and her husband Christian Grey CEO of Grey's Enterprise Holdings Inc however after the terrible ordeal she and her family suffered it's no surprise that she's just crash landed back in front of us as if she was never away. Here she is pictured wearing a baby blue coat and beret set by Polo Ralph Lauren which is a steal at $1489. Her shoes, from Prada suit the outfit and are $900. We look forward to seeing the dress Anastasia wears to the Charity event as well as bring you all the gossip!"

I roll my eyes as my Mom gushes. This is the first time since my engagement my Mom has seen me in the papers whereas for me and Christian it's nothing but a hindrance.

"You look relaxed in that photo baby." Christian whispers into my ear.

Relaxed is a good word to use. I personally thing I look a mess. The tip of my nose and cheeks have a blush on them from the cold, my hair is whipping into my face and my hand is reaching up to move it out of the way, I'm smiling but my eyes are half closed. I hate it.

"You look like you do in Jose's photos." He adds stroking his hand up and down my bicep.

I say nothing. I'm on edge as I try not to mess up my hair and makeup seeing as I spent so long getting it done.

"Well I think I'll head upstairs and begin getting ready." My Mom says jumping to her feet. "Ana baby maybe you should too."

"Mom I only need to put on my dress and jewellery and I don't want to do that until about half an hour before we leave, I'm going to be in the damn things all night and they're not the most comfortable." I reply, it's the truth, the dress is going to be killing me by the end of the night and the diamonds I have chosen to wear to go with them are heavy and my shoulders will ache from keeping my head upright all night.

"Ok baby. I'll see you later." She smiles before stalking off.

"Can I have that paper Carla, I'd really like to keep that photo of Ana." Christian says and it startles me, why on earth would he want to keep that. My Mom looks at the paper in her hand and looks disheartened.

"I hoped I could keep it." She replies a little saddened.

"Oh not to worry then, you keep it, I'll call the paper tomorrow and request the email me a copy." He says grinning like a Cheshire cat, of course, the power of Christian Grey knows no bounds.

"Thank you." My Mom smiles ecstatically before skipping towards the stairs. I don't know what to make of the situation and sigh.

"Ana would you like me to come read over your speech?" Christian asks softly.

"No." I say getting to my feet and that is all I have to say on the matter.

I don't even turn to look at Christian as I head for the library. I know he's going to be disheartened that I don't want to let him see the speech but I know it's either going to make him angry or extremely proud and I'd like to keep that reaction till we're in a public place.

After going into the library I walk to the desk and place the small sitting mirror straight in front of me. I then pull the speech out from the envelope I've put it in for safe keeping and un-fold it slowly. I'm more nervous than excited now.

"I'd like to start off by saying thank you so much for this warm reception…" I frown, I look like an immature teenager yet sound like a woman too old for my years.

"Thank you so much for this lovely and warm reception…" No again, Uh, it's only the beginning I'm not happy about, maybe I should skip straight to the speech… that could work.

"Many people stand and thank people for their generosity and kindness when they win an award as prestigious as this …" I grin, that is exactly how I want to sound and look when I'm up on that podium this evening, calm, confident, only twenty two Anastasia Grey.


	35. Chapter 35

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**If you want to see the dress I'm describing check out a picture on google of Mariska Hargitay at the 2010 academy awards!**

**And here's a random fact about me – JOHN FLYNN's Wife has the same name as my big sister Rhian. **

**Yeah this scene is over dramatic and it's not done yet! Party continues in the next chapter!**

"Stop bouncing your leg." Christian says gently as we edge closer to Bellevue.

I'm so nervous, terrified even. I'm sitting in a five thousand dollar dress and about fifty thousand dollars of jewellery and that doesn't even begin to add to the price of my shoes, hair, makeup, nails and everything else.

"Ana." Christian sighs putting his hand on my thigh, it instantly stops jiggling and I drop my hand above his.

"I'm sorry, I'm just nervous."

"Don't be Ana, this is your night."

"Exactly." I hiss.

As always the path to the back of the house is lined with cars and the path glows from lanterns all in baby blue, my favourite colour so it's no wonder Grace Trevelyan-Grey chose it for this evening.

In the car in front are my parents and Bob. My Mom is exited, Bob and Ray are obviously wishing they were back on The Grace fishing again and Christian and I are just Christian and I, he as relaxed as ever and me scared out of my wits.

"You'll do great." Christian whispers encouragingly.

I can only hope. He was quick to get over my telling him he couldn't see my speech when he saw me dressed. I'm wearing a floor length, chapel train, strapless satin gown in navy blue. It's tight around the middle of my waist with a large bow that's at the side and from my knees the dress ruffles out almost mermaid style. My neck is adjourned with Diamonds that Christian brought for me when we attended some important event or other, my earrings are platinum and diamonds which I bought for myself from Cartier for my wedding, I have a matching bracelet also adjourned with diamonds and then my wedding and engagement ring. My hair is scooped up into an up-do with two thick wavy strands falling on either side. I feel over done but according to Christian I look exquisite and breath-taking.

As our car pulls up I watch Sawyer open the door and my Mom stepping out the vehicle. They all stand off to one side to wait for us and as soon as Sawyer pulls away we roll forward to the same spot. Taylor climbs out and opens the door on Christian's side. He steps out and then extends his hand to me. As soon as I step out I take a deep breath.

"Stop frowning." He says before kissing the top of my forehead. "You need to relax."

"I know I'm just scared." I whisper as we begin to walk up the long baby blue carpet.

"No need to be Ana." He reassures giving my arm a gentle squeeze.

"Ana!"

"Mrs Grey!"

"Anastasia!"

The calls of the paparazzi echo into my ears. I manage not to groan and put on a face that says I'm enjoying myself as Christian puts his arm right around me and poses for a photograph.

"Can we get the rest of the family?!" One yells and Christian looks expectantly over to my Mom who steps to his side. Ray comes over to my side while Bob steps next to my Mom.

I start to relax and my smile is wide an natural as we look from one place to the other.

"Some of Ana alone?!" Another calls.

My family step back but Christian kisses the side of my head before he steps to one side and I feel self-conscious as he watches me having my photo taken.

"Give us a slow twirl!" One calls and I slowly show them the back of my dress and peek at them over my shoulder with a wide smile on my face, I must admit I'm relaxing more and I feel like a million dollars.

Christian takes hold of my bicep and slowly pulls me away but not before he captures my lips in a tender kiss.

We enter the first large tent which will later hold the dancing and we receive champagne flutes and I find myself clinging onto Christian's arm. I watch my parents who seem to be relaxed in such a foreign situation. Christian has done this millions of times, I've done it a few tens of times so I'm more than used to it now.

"Ana!" I turn quickly just in time to see a barrel of pink crash into me.

"Mia." I smile hugging her back.

"Oh Ana you look spectacular, I mean wow I knew that dress was stunning but wow you look just … wow!" She gushes excitedly.

"You look amazing, that dress is beautiful." I smile.

"Ah this old thing?" She shrugs making me laugh.

"Hey are Kate and Elliot here yet?" I ask wanting desperately to see my best friend.

"I haven't seen them but that doesn't mean they're not I mean I was helping Mom make sure everything was perfect in the dinner tent."

"But everything's always perfect at your Mom's events!" I laugh not being able to imagine Grace fussing over table decors and place settings.

"Yes well try telling her that!" Mia laughs.

Christian hugs Mia after very softly but he does it and it brings a glowing smile to the young woman's face.

"So have you finished your speech?" Mia asks taking a sip of her own champagne.

"I have.

"Have you heard it Christian?"

"No." He snaps and Mia looks oddly at the two of us.

"It's a surprise." I say a little hurt by Christian's reaction.

"Whatever."

"Does it really bother you that much?" I ask turning to him.

He looks at me and shrugs. His face is completely stoic but I know that some very luck members of the paparazzi have been invited to this event and they will be photographing all night, it would be easy for us to be caught in a photograph having an argument.

"I just don't want you to hate it." I explain my hand reaching up to his cheek.

"I'm sure I won't."

"Well you might." I shrug. "At least if you hear it the same time as everyone else you won't ask me to change anything about it."

"Do you think I'd do that?"

"Yes." I nod.

"Fine." He shrugs. "I guess I can live with not hearing it."

"Good, because you don't get a choice about it anyway." I smirk and he laughs softly before pulling me close to his side.

"You are incorrigible."

"I know." I reply as he rubs his nose into the side of my head. "I love you Christian."

"I love you too Ana."

"Kate!" Mia squeals from behind me.

I spin around in time to see Elliot lead Kate towards us. She looks amazing in her floor length red silk gown.

"Hey Mia. Ana!" She beams wrapping her arms around my neck. "Wow that dress…"

"Thanks, you look lovely."

"Eh." She brushes it off and the looks up at Christian. "Grey."

"Kavanagh."

Could they be any colder with each other? Doubt it. I wish they could get along maybe I would see more of Kate if they did.

"So Steele are you ready to do this?" She asks me and I know that's her not so subtle way of asking if I've written and practised my speech.

"Yes." I smile as brightly as I can knowing if she brings it up again it will cause another argument with Christian.

Kate moves on to speak with my parents while Christian and I go in search of Grace and Carrick. I received many smiles and 'Hellos' as I walk past knowing that they all know who I am even if I have no idea who they are.

"Christian, Ana."

"John." Christian smiles.

"Hey John, Rhian." I smile as his wife turns to face us.

"Oh Ana you look fantastic."

"Thank you, you too." I smile feeling suddenly shy again.

Christian begins to converse with Doctor Flynn so I do the same to Rhian knowing that their conversation would probably involve Layla and I don't want to think of her.

"So how are the children?" I ask knowing that would give Rhian something to talk about.

"Well kids are kids you know…" My ear however is trained to my husband's voice and I catch what he says.

"I don't know how she's going to react John, I had planned this for another time and I don't know about springing it on her in such a public place."

"I think you need to relax and trust that she'll be happy about it."

Holy Shit they're talking I suspect about me!

"They sound like a handful." I say to Rhian who was saying something the kids had done to almost delay their departure to the event this evening.

"Did you ask Carla?" John's voice hits my ear.

"I like to believe I know my wife better than her Mother these days." Christian replies and I really would like to know what they're talking about.

I continue to listen to Rhian talk about the children when Christian slips his arm around me. I relax into his touch and catch John grinning at us.

"They're about to serve dinner, want to make our way to the table?" Christian asks.

I nod and smile happily. I can't wait to sit back and relax over food with the family. John and Rhian walk with us to the other marquee. I keep close to Christian while we walk, relaxed with his arm around my waist keeping me just as relaxed.

We find that Christian, myself, Mom, Ray, Bob, Grace, Carrick and Mia are sitting together on a table at the front and almost centre. Kate, Elliot, Ethan, Mr and Mrs Grey and a couple of people I don't know are sat at the table beside us.

The food is served and the room is aloud with chatter. I gaze around as if I'm in a dream, as I always do at these events. The food is delicious, the wine is lovely even though I sip carefully and make sure to keep myself completely sober as not to worry about being drunk when I make my way up to make my speech.

I'm bored. Let's be honest about this. Doesn't matter how great the evening is normally Christian and I have made it exciting somehow but due to the fact I have to make a speech I wouldn't allow Christian to make it fun with the vibrator panties or the jiggle balls. However, I have a surprise for him and I wonder if I can tease him about it now.

I find an excuse to stretch, knowing it will pull my dress down a little and catch Christian's attention. As I glance at him I see his eyes do a double take to my breasts and I know it worked. I sit back in my seat making sure to adjust my dress as he leans over.

"Mrs Grey something you want to share?" He whispers into my ear and I can almost hear the smirk that's on his face.

"Maybe I have something for you for later." I reply as seductively as I can.

"Really?"

"It's a surprise." I whisper as I look at him and I see his eyes have glazed over and he's already aroused in thinking what it could possibly be that I'm hiding.

"Your breast was sparkling." He says and I giggle softly.

"Was it? I can't see why." I shake my head before turning my head as an older woman takes to the stage.

I lean into the arm Christian has placed around me as the whole room begins to silence to listen to the speech that will be made. I know that it means in the next few minutes people's attention will be brought to me and then I will have to go and accept the award I'm being presented.

"This time last year Seattle Grace Paediatric Unit was in danger of closure. The money was going out but none was coming in from any direction. An appeal was made to the public but no one came forward when suddenly and unexpectedly, a few months after the first appeal was made a check was delivered by post for the sum of twenty five thousand dollars. The check was signed from the personal account of at the time Miss Anastasia Steele. I personally contacted the then Miss Steele and asked to make sure that she knew of the check. I was assured that she wrote the check herself. Since then, we have received multiple donations from the now Mrs Anastasia Grey ranging in value, she herself, had one of her authors at Grey's Publishing who wanted some of the proceeds of their book to go to a children's charity have them consider and finally agree to the proceeds going to Seattle Grace Paediatrics and also had the guests at her wedding donate again to us rather than give them a gift. This evening we have gathered here to thank Anastasia Grey for her hard work and dedication in raising money for our Unit and to present her with the Alain Thompson award, which of course was created after Alain Thompson donated every single cent he ever made to the hospital on his death. In total Mrs Grey has secured over one point three million dollars and has single handedly saved Seattle Grace Paediatrics Unit. I would now like to present Doctor Hannah Riley to present this award."

"Gosh they overdramatize don't they?" I whisper to Christian who gives me a small laughing smile, yeah, he agrees with me.

"You have some questions to answer Mrs Grey." He whispers and I swallow hard, uh-oh, now I have to explain to him that I donated half of the money he deposited into my account the day I said yes.

The room's applause quietens as Doctor Riley stands in front of the room. She looks beautiful in a floor length beige gown shimmering in the spot light and I know I think that because I'm trying to distract myself from the thought that in moments I'll be walking up to the stage.

"Hi." Doctor Riley starts and she appears so out of her comfort zone it's adorable. "There's not much that I can add to what Doctor Lorraine has said, but I would like to take this opportunity to say thank you to Mrs Anastasia Grey. If it wasn't for her generosity then today there wouldn't have a Peads unit at Seattle Grace. I would also like to take a chance to show you this video that has been put together."

Doctor Riley turns to the big canvass screen behind her which had been playing colourful projections all night. Suddenly it changes and it says in bright white letters on a black background 'Thank you Ana Grey from everyone at Seattle Grace Paeds.'

It then shows video footage, from one child to the next each saying a different form of thank you. Some kids look so sick but each one of them is smiling. There's also some doctors and nurses in there too saying their thank you. I squeeze Christian's hand as a tear trickles down my cheek. I hadn't thought about it like this before. All these people, are grateful because I gave them money that I neither wanted nor needed. Their smiles are heart-warming and I realise that I made a difference in each of their lives.

"You ok?" Christian whispers as the video continues.

I just nod, my eyes are glued to the big screen in front of it as the last video comes up of everyone in the video all together shouting 'Thank you Ana!'

Grace passes over a napkin and I'm quick to dab my eyes hoping that my mascara is waterproof.

"It now gives me a great honour to introduce Anastasia Grey!"

I've barely composed myself as I stand up. Christian stands beside me and wraps me up in a hug and kisses my temple softly.

"Enjoy this Ana." He smiles and as I pull away I see him flash a wink towards Grace.

An escort takes my arm and leads me to the steps. While at the bottom I lift my dress to make sure I don't trip and carefully walk up. I first shake Doctor Lorraine's hand and then receive a hug and an air kiss with a whispered thank you before I step up to Doctor Riley. Her hug is a real bear hug and she kisses my actual cheek and I feel her tears on my cheek.

"Thank you Ana for everything." She smiles before passing me the large glass trophy, it seems pointless but as Christian showed me, everyone who has won this award has received one, me being the twenty fifth person to win it.

I walk up to the podium and I know I'm beaming and hiding my nerves. The room is still applauding so I just wait with a smile for it to calm down stealing glances at Kate and Mia who both flash thumbs up relaxing me some. As soon as the room calms I take a deep breath and look towards Christian who is smiling like a Cheshire Cat his eyes hooked on mine.

"I'd like to start by saying thank you so much for that warm reception." I say my voice shaking but warm and friendly. "A few months ago I heard of the trouble Seattle Grace Paediatrics Unit was in. I was told of the trouble that it was causing not only the hospital but each of the children who were patients there. I listened as I was told of the possibility of these children having to be transferred to other hospitals as it was becoming harder and harder to provide them with the best treatment, lifesaving treatment that they needed. I was deeply affected. Not only because of what I was being told but because of who was telling me. Doctor Grace Trevelyan transferred to Seattle Grace Hospital five years ago, her work is her passion and I have been blessed to see how her work has affected someone twenty five years down the line…" I steal a glance towards Christian who is listening intently, I take a slow breath before continuing. "Hearing how her work was being affected because of the hardship made me realise I had to do something, anything, to help. I didn't discuss it with anyone, I didn't even think twice before writing out that check. The money was there, I didn't need it but these children did, this hospital did. I never suspected I'd have to stand here and accept an award for doing something I'm sure many other people would do if they were in my situation. I can't say anything more. Just thank you so much for this award and I hope that Seattle Grace Paediatrics continues the work they have been doing, saving the lives of children. Thank you."

I go to step away from the podium when Doctor Riley steps beside me and grabs my arm stopping me in my tracks. I look over to Christian again who looks at me with a wide smile yet again yet I have no idea what's going on it seems he does.

"Anastasia mentioned the wonderful Doctor Trevelyan in her speech." She says though it's obvious she's been crying, did my speech do that? "I would now like to take this opportunity to introduce her to you. Doctor Trevelyan."

I see Grace rising from her seat and look at Doctor Riley in utter confusion. There's something going on that I wasn't aware of and it makes me even more nervous. I'm stood facing nearly three hundred people, most of whom look as confused as I feel.

As Grace steps and hugs Doctor Riley I wait patiently. I smile and hug her when it's my turn, she squeezes me tight and whispers "Be patient Ana." I laugh softly as she slips her hand in mine and steps to the podium while Doctor Riley walks back to Doctor Lorraine.

"It has already been said, how much the money Ana has donated and raised has helped Seattle Grace so far to some extent. However, the truth is it has gone much further. A few years ago a flood in the Unit destroyed one ward in its entirety. Since then, it has been out of commission until recently. The money has supported the re-build of the ward meaning we'll be able to take ten more patients on the unit, extending the work we provide to the Children of Seattle and surrounding areas. I have been asked to stand here with my beautiful daughter in law and tell her… Ana…" She turns so she's partly facing me. "We would be honoured if you would cut the ribbon of the new ward when the work is finished in late January."

I nod my head completely speechless, it's an honour to be asked and I can't even find the words to say that.

"Thank you." She smiles turning back to the audience. "We look forward to being able to announce the opening of the Anastasia Rose Ward at Seattle Paediatrics."

I'm sure my jaw just hit the floor. They're naming the ward after me?!

"We thank you Ana, for everything." She says with so much sincerity that more tears fall from my eyes.

She pulls me into a hug as the room bursts out in applause and she holds me tight as I try and recover from the shock. Christian knew. Grace knew. Who the hell else knew about this and didn't think to warn me?! Now I'm a blubbering mess.

Grace lets me go and holds my hand slowly guiding me to face the audience who are on their feet. I smile weakly and look towards Christian who is gazing at me proudly. Kate and Elliot both have their fingers in their mouths and are wolf whistling while Mia is 'woo-ing' at the top of her lungs.

I am pulled away from Grace and receive more hugs from Doctor Lorraine and Doctor Riley. I'm still lost for words as one of the escorts helps me down the stairs. I see Christian waiting for me at the bottom and I practically dive into his arms while Grace holds my trophy tight.

"You've made your own name Ana." He whispers proudly and I laugh, I never wanted anything that came with Christian Grey, the fame nor the money, now I have made it on my own, with his help but still on my own. "Now we go and dance." He beams taking my arm as Grace passes me the trophy earlier.

"Ana the press want more pictures!" Kate calls rushing over to me.

I look at Christian not knowing what to do. I know Kate is writing an article about this evening and she has a photographer of her own here.

"Oh I want you to answer some questions too Ana, give me the damn exclusive." She says pulling me by the hand away from Christian.

"Ok make it quick Kavanagh." I laugh.

"How do you feel?"

"I think I'm dreaming." I reply with a shrug.

"Is that all you're going to give me?" She asks feigning anger.

"Ok, I'm in shock Kate, I mean I didn't expect any of this. When I gave them that money I hoped Christian would never find out but because of all of this he did. The truth is if I'd have known a way to make the donation anonymous I would have." I reply before she pushes me in front of the photographers.

I pose for a couple of minutes with my award before Christian slips his arms around me and kisses me from behind, that's going to make a good one.

"Can we go now?" I ask.

"Home?"

"No, go and dance." I explain with a grin.

"Sure, do you want to give me your award I'll have Taylor put it in the car." He says and I nod, the damn thing is heavy and finally letting go of it properly my arm gets to rest.

"Let's dance!" Mia yells grabbing my arm and Christian laughs as I'm practically dragged away.


	36. Chapter 36

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**WOW! I didn't put a Kleenex alert on the last chapter because I didn't think it was necessary but it seems many of you needed the tissues!**

Getting to dance with Christian was much harder than it seemed. It took nearly half an hour just to make it to the dance floor with people stopping to congratulate me and make small talk. Christian is taking it all in his stride but I just want to get my husband on the dance floor and seduce him.

The music was up-beat when we entered but by the time we make it to the dance floor it has slowed down considerably and only a handful of people are still on the floor. Christian pulls me at once to his chest. One arm wrapped tightly around my waist while the other cups my hand in his own. We sway softly to the music that's playing and I rest my head on his shoulder. I'm exhausted.

"I'm so proud of you Ana." Christian whispers into my ear as we move. "So proud."

I beam. I know he's being sincere and to have him tell me he's proud of me makes my chest swell. The lighting in the marquee is dim, the music is being played by a string quartet, very classical yet for some reason it sounds modern. The pale blue flowers stand high on stands around the room and they're very beautiful. Grace normally takes them to patients in the hospital after events like these but I wonder if she'll let me take one of the orient displays back to Escala with me.

Ray is dancing with someone I have never seen before. He seems happy as does the woman he is with. I can't help but smile as I glance over to my Mom who seems so content in Bob's arms though he looks oddly uncomfortable. I'm sure my Mom dragged him onto the dance floor without giving him an option. I am happy. I am at peace. This feels so right and I haven't a care in the world at this moment.

"Your speech was perfect." Christian mumbles and I can hear the slight sadness in his voice.

"I'm sorry." I whisper knowing it must have hurt for him to have me mention him without saying his name, the family all knew who I was referring too.

"Don't apologise, is that the reason you didn't want me to hear it before hand?" He asks and I shrug though the answer is absolutely a yes.

"I thought you would want me to change it and I'd spent so long trying to word it right." I explain weakly, it's a really lacklustre excuse but it's all I can say as it's the truth.

"You made my Mom cry." He laughs softly. "She was in awe of what you were saying."

"I'm very lucky to have such a wonderful Mother in law." I shrug. "She really is a magnificent human being Christian."

"I know." He smiles before spinning me around and bringing an end to the conversation.

He pulls me back into his chest and holds me close. I love being here, in his arms, I feel safe here.

"I want to know what you're hiding beneath this dress Ana." He whispers as his finger strokes down the side of my rib cage, this man can melt me with his words.

"There's something I want you to do to me Christian, and I hope what I have done will inspire you to do that." I explain without moving my head from his shoulders. He comes to a complete stop and stares at me questioningly. I grin and step up closer to him before going onto my tip toes, even in my Prada heels I'm still shorter than him.

"I want you to fuck my breasts Christian." I whisper after cupping my hand around his ear.

When I step back he looks at me with a smile on his face yet he has shock in his eyes.

"Why do you say that Ana?" He asks pulling me back into his arms and continuing the dance.

"It's something you said once you would do but never have done, we've done all manner of kinky fucker Christian but that is something we haven't, I don't actually even know what it means but I know it will be pleasurable. It will be a first for me."

He looks down at me and I see the love and admiration in his eyes.

"I think we'll need to get into the playroom without your parents knowledge tonight as I plan to make you scream Ana." He laughs knowing that the playroom is soundproofed but the bedroom isn't.

"I look forward to it." I laugh before he spins me around because the music has picked up pace.

I barely see Taylor approaching until Christian pulls me to the side and our dancing comes to a halt.

"Mr Grey, Mrs Grey, we have a situation." Taylor says as Sawyer runs to us trying to look calm but miserably falling.

"Ana go with Sawyer…"

"No." I reply firmly. "Christian, no secrets remember?" I say glaring at him.

Christian looks at Taylor who gives nothing away.

"Fine, you and Sawyer come with us, seeing as you like being in control of something organise someone to bring the third SUV to pick up your parents?"

"Sure." I say snatching my BlackBerry from Sawyer.

I send a quick text to Ryan to which I receive one back saying that they will be at Bellevue in thirty minutes. My parents are having so much fun they probably don't notice the four of us rushing to the nearest fire exit.

Once in the cool air we stop and Taylor looks at the two of us nervously.

"It seems that there has been an accident of sorts." Taylor begins and I grasp Christian's hand knowing that this isn't going to be good.

"What is it Taylor?" I ask shaking a little.

"It seems that the JEH jet was in the process of taking off to go to pick up the president of Grey's Handling Taiwan when an electrical failure occurred."

I gasp and one of my hands flies to my mouth. I remember back to Charlie Tango's sabotage and how I almost lost Christian.

"Injuries?" Christian asks calmly, how he can be calm at a time like this I don't know.

"Three on board, three fatalities."

They're dead.

"Who?" Christian continues.

"Stephan, Beighley and Natalia."

I gasp again and close my eyes. Three people I know, three people I genuinely cared about, three members of Christian's trusted staff have been killed.

"Was it an accident or was it…" Christian's voice trailed off as he slips an arm around me and pulls me close.

"We don't know Sir, there will be an investigation of course."

"What are the chances this was an accident?" I ask looking from Christian to Taylor and back again.

"Slim." Taylor admits sheepishly and I feel lightheaded.

"We need to go home Ana, ok?" Christian says stroking my hair.

"No we need to go and see the families Christian." I say. "They've just lost people, they worked for you, it's your duty."

"Ok let Sawyer take you home." Christian says.

"Sir if I may…" Taylor interrupts awkwardly. "You're needed at Sea-Tac."

"Ok Sawyer take Ana home."

"No!" I yell. "I'm coming with you!"

Christian groans, I know he would prefer me to sit at home but if I'm with him I won't worry about something happening to him.

"Fine, let's go." He sighs grabbing my hand and pulling me towards the cars.

The press have caught wind of what has happened to GEH Jet and we are suddenly surround by press. I have tears running down my cheeks from the news that the crew who flew us to Aspen and two of the people on board who flew us to London have been killed. Taylor and Sawyer engulf us as we walk trying to block the press from getting pictures of us. My phone vibrates in my hand and I see it's Kate, no surprise there as I'm sure someone from her paper has contacted her and let her know and asked her to get the scoop.

We climb into the SUV and Christian pulls me to him, holding me tight and I can hear his breathing is a little erratic. I glance up at him and see that his eyes are pooled with tears too, my poor fifty.

"It's ok to be upset Christian." I whisper stroking his cheek softly.

"I'm in shock Ana."

"I know." I nod. "Me too."

"Stephan was a good friend, trusted pilot." His voice shakes even more.

"He was also a kind hearted and talented young man." I add and Christian nods. "It's ok to Cry Christian." I tell him my own voice breaking with unshed sobs.

He buries his face into my hair and lets go, taking me with him.


	37. Chapter 37

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**I really need to remember just because Chapters don't make me cry they make others cry and put a Kleenex warning on. **

**SO YOU MAY NEED KLEENEX HERE - who knows!**

We arrive at Sea-Tac to see the place alive. Fire services are battling with the flames coming from what we believe is GEH Jet while Police officers stop the press and public from entering the now abandoned airport. Christian turns to me, his face is full of anguish yet he's managed to wipe off the tear tracks.

"Ana, whatever happens now I want you to stay with Sawyer, we'll have to split up. I'll find out what happened, can you… would you mind finding out if anyone's family is here and talk to them?"

I nod softly, I know Christian wouldn't be able to say anything to them without sounding cold and I'm glad he finds the need to go and talk to the families if they have showed up.

"Stay with Sawyer, use your name to get information Ana Grey."

"I will, be careful Christian."

"Aren't I always?" He asks. "Look after my wife." He adds glaring at Sawyer.

"Yes Sir." Luke nods and I know he means it, he is as protective as Christian over me… well almost.

I walk towards a police woman who has been talking to someone from the public. She looks me up and down probably wondering what on earth I'm doing there.

"Excuse me?"

"I'm sorry Ma'am no flights will leave this airport for at least seventy two hours…"

"My name is Anastasia Grey. That Jet that's flaming over there partly belongs to me." I snap angrily and she looks at me again in complete shock. "The three people on board, fatalities, I need to know if you have any information for me regarding any family members who may have turned up here."

"I could find out for you Ma'am."

"Just point me in the right direction and I'll find out for myself." I reply being as cold as Christian would be if he were in my position.

"See over there." She points towards two men who look to be in deep discussion. "That is Captain Gonzales, I'm sure he would be able to answer your questions Mrs Grey."

"Thank you." I reply sencerily before heading off.

I stop suddenly and Sawyer almost crashes into me.

"I need you to help me." I tell him.

"Ok what do you need?" He asks quickly.

"Hold my dress up." I say and he hesitates before lifting the train. "Higher." I say and I wait until my feet are exposed.

I lift one foot and yank on my Prada shoe until it comes off then repeat with the second. I sink four inches and Sawyer can't suppress the small laugh that escapes him, I smile.

"You can let go now." I say sheepishly.

"Would you like me to hold your shoes?" He asks calmly.

I pass them to him then pull my train into my arms making it easier to shuffle over to the man still deep in conversation. When I arrive by his side he barely glances in my direction. I clear my throat and that makes him look at me.

"Yes?" He snaps.

"Excuse me. Mrs Anastasia Grey." I say and suddenly all his attention is on me.

"Mrs Grey, I'm very sorry for what has happened here." He says his hand signalling the still raging fire.

"I'm looking for information regarding the families of those on board, I need to know if any of them have come here."

"Right this way." He says at once and I follow him with Sawyer close behind. "A Mrs Holland is here with her son, she claims her husband was the pilot."

"Stephan." I say weakly and the Captain nods.

He walks me into the abandoned airport and points me to a weeping woman who is holding a toddler to her chest.

"Mrs Holland?" I ask and her head shoots up, green eyes meet mine and I see the anguish in them.

"Mrs Grey." She says softly.

"May I?" I ask signalling the seat opposite her.

"Of course." She nods and Sawyer discreetly steps back allowing some modicum of privacy.

"Mrs Holland…"

"Please, call me Louisa."

"Louisa." I repeat gently. "I'm very sorry for your loss, please trust that Christian and I will make sure we get to the bottom of what happened here, I know in the circumstances it isn't much…" I trail off when the little toddler looks up at me.

"Mommy." He whispers but I hear him as he glares at me, I don't know what emotion it is he's conveying, confusion maybe?

"Yes Tyler?" She ask running her hand through his blonde hair, he looks so much like Stephan it's sad and I fight not to let the tears brim in my eyes.

"Isn't she the lady from your magazine? The one Daddy works for?"

I'm surprised that the boy recognises me, even more that his mother pointed me out to him but of course those feelings are pushed aside when he speaks again.

"Are you a princess Lady?" He asks me and something tells me this child doesn't know about his father.

I smile softly at him as he climbs from his mother's lap and approaches me wearily.

"I'm not a princess, but I have just been to a ball." I tell him and his face instantly lights up. I catch a glance towards Louisa and see the ghost of a smile on her face.

"You should be a princess you're pretty like one." He says and my heart swells.

"Thank you very much. Does that mean you should be a prince because you're handsome like one." I smile as he stops right in front of me with his hands on my knees.

"You think I'm hand-some?" He says breaking the word.

"I do." I reply nodding and smiling enthusiastically knowing in a few hours this small child will have to face the reality that his father isn't coming home.

"I like your necklace, it's sparkly." He says pointing towards the large diamonds around my neck. "And the ones in your ears." He points out and I guess the child doesn't know what earrings are yet.

"Thank you."

"Can I see better?" He asks looking from his Mom to me.

I glance at Louisa nervously and she shrugs, of course she's not in a place where she can explain the inappropriate question to her son and at the end of the day the child is no more than five and I think he's adorable.

"I'd have to lift you onto my lap." I say not wanting to take the diamonds off in case he accidentally loses or breaks them.

He lifts his arms to me and I can't help but smile as I lift him onto my lap. He is comfortable around me which is always a nice thing and he begins to play with the diamonds watching them catch the light.

"I'm sorry." Louisa says nodding her head towards the boy.

"It's no problem Louisa, he's just a child."

"I don't know what I'm going to do now." She says tears falling freely down her face. "Mr Grey pays for his schooling on the condition Stephan is in his employment, I don't work because Stephan earns so much…"

"Louisa, Christian and I will continue to support you. Especially his schooling. This was a freak accident, your husband didn't quit his employment." I know I shouldn't say that without my husband's approval but even if Christian doesn't help them financially I'm sure I can figure something out with Grey Publishing.

"Thank you." She says.

"It's not a problem." I reply as Tyler begins to play with my earring, flicking and twisting very gently.

He yawns widely and I sense the boy's fatigue. I guess its way past his bedtime.

"Are you sleepy my little prince?" I ask him making him smile tiredly at me. "Then you try and sleep." I say rubbing my hand on his cheek softly, I know his Mom needs a break and the child will need sleep before dealing with the trauma of losing his father.

"But I don't have a blanky." He says sadly. My heart breaks for him and I try and think on my toes.

I pull up the top layer of my dress, luckily it has a silk underlining in navy followed by a heavy skirt.

"Here." I say draping the long dress over him.

He pulls it to his chin and snuggles into my shoulder happily.

"Night Princess." He says to me and I smile.

"Goodnight little prince." I whisper.

"Thank you." Louisa smiles weakly. "I don't know what to do with him right now."

"It's ok, it's not a problem, he's a sweet child, he doesn't need to worry tonight." I explain just as Sawyer taps my shoulder.

"Mr Grey needs to speak with you." He says.

I glance nervously down at the child in my arms, he's only just fallen asleep and I don't want to wake him.

"Louisa, I need to see Mr Grey, would you like me to continue to hold Tyler?" I ask and she looks at her sleeping son.

"You don't mind?" She asks her voice croaking.

"Not at all. Sawyer will you please stay with Louisa?"

"Of course Ana." He nods knowing I'm knackered too.

"Where's my husband?"

"Just by the door Ma'am, he was nervous about entering." He explains quietly.

I adjust Tyler in my arms before making my way over to Christian and Taylor. Taylor smiles as he sees my carrying a sleeping Tyler wrapped in my dress, Christian looks extremely uncomfortable.

"Who's that?" He asks.

"Stephan's Son." I say and a look of sadness passes fleetingly over Christian's face.

"Anyone else here?"

"Just his Mom." I reply knowing Christian is hurting.

"We need to get her home, we won't know anymore till the morning."

"I'll talk to Sawyer now." I explain before walking off still holding Tyler, I know that Christian is in a severe amount of pain and its pain he won't admit he's feeling out loud.


	38. Chapter 38

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**I don't think I say this enough but THANK YOU SO MUCH for all your reviews. Hearing some of you say this is your favourite fan fiction and how much you're enjoying it really does inspire me to get the next chapter up. Again THANK YOU. Love you all!**

After dropping off Louisa and Tyler I cuddle up to Christian's side. We have to go back to Bellevue to drop off Sawyer to pick up the second car and I am exhausted. Christian holds me close. I know he's worried, I am too. Both of us have our mind on the sabotage of Charlie Tango and somehow we both already think that this is also sabotage.

Like Charlie Tango the GEH Jet is the safest jet of its kind.

"Sleep Ana." Christian whispers.

I've been fighting to keep my eyes open since little Tyler was wrapped up in my dress, I helped Louisa take him inside with Sawyer and made sure Louisa had my phone number, giving her permission to call me whenever she wants.

Christian strokes my bicep with one hand and the other runs through my hair. We're both still in shock I suspect. He kisses a feather light kiss on the dip between each brow relaxing the frown I've been wearing which has also given me a headache. I let my eyes drift close and let the blanket of sleep pull me under.

I wake when the car comes to a halt.

"Where are we?" I mumble, my voice thick with sleep.

"Bellevue, we're dropping Sawyer off, shh go to sleep." He whispers and I do as he asks.

The next time I wake I'm lying in Christian's arms in the elevator on the way up to Escala.

"Hey." He smiles down at me but the smile doesn't even reach his eyes.

"Hi." I mumble sleepily.

The elevator hits our floor but Christian makes no attempt to put me down. I hold him tight as he carries me through the lobby into the great room where Bob, Ray and my Mom jump to their feet.

"You're both ok." My Mom says rushing over to us.

Christian puts me down slowly but doesn't let go of me when I wrap my arms around my mother. It's been a horrifying night and I'm exhausted.

"I think we need wine, Mrs Jones?"

"Sure Mr Grey." Gail says. I'm not surprised to see her in her pyjamas but still rushing to open a bottle of wine.

I receive an awkward hug off both Bob and Ray before I relax into the couch. I should really go and change out of this dress which now smells like burning jet but I'm too exhausted. I glance at the clock and see it's now three am and somehow I know Christian won't be sleeping tonight, I'll have to force him into bed.

Mrs Jones serves the wine and Christian dismisses her to bed knowing that she will want to make sure Taylor is alright. I don't want to sleep till I know that Sawyer is safe but Christian is watching me carefully and I can barely keep my eyes open.

My Mom and Bob go to bed without bothering with the wine. Ray is a little more hesitant but he can also sense that Christian and I need to talk and slowly makes his way to bed.

"I'm sorry your night was ruined Ana." Christian whispers as he looks into the flames of the fire.

"It wasn't ruined." I reply. "My night was over before we went to Sea-Tac."

"Fair enough." He shrugs, I know he's hurting, probably more than me but he isn't as care-free about showing how he's feeling.

"What are the chances we'll wake up tomorrow and this will have been a dream?" I ask walking up to him.

"I wish." He snorts a laugh but its short lived before he wraps me up in an embrace. "I need to take you to bed Ana. I need you."

"You have me Christian." I reply slipping his wine glass from his hand and leaving it on the fireplace. "Take me to bed." I plead leaning into his chest.

He doesn't hesitate in scooping me up in his arms and carrying me to our bedroom. I'm placed beside the bed and he slips the zip of my dress open, letting it fall to the ground before he picks it up and drapes it over the chair.

"No bra? I definitely approve. Now I need to see what it is you've been hiding from me."

I giggle as he turns me to face him and his eyes widen in surprise when he sees the dramatic gems all around my nipples on the skin of my breasts in matching patterns.

"Well, well, well, Anastasia." He mumbles and I smirk, I can see that he likes. "What made you do this?"

"I don't know." I shrug. "I just thought you'd want to fuck them if they looked more attractive."

He frowns and I swallow hard, maybe I should have been a little vaguer.

"I want to fuck these without the diamonds, they're already perfect." He whispers his fingers stroking up down the edge. "But not tonight Ana, tonight I just want to lose myself in you."

I nod, my mouth dry with anticipation.

"Undress me." He breathes into my ear.

My shaky hands pushes off his already open jacket and allow it to fall to the floor, I also push off his open bow tie before reaching for his buttons. His cheek strokes mine and his breath tickles by my ear, arousing me further.

Once each button is open I rub my hands up his chest, his breath hitches but not in fear but arousal, my touch arouses him now. I am still the only person who is allowed to do this to him and it means more to me than he could possibly understand.

My hands reach his shoulders and I push off the shirt allowing it fall and pool at his legs. He grunts and picks me up, he can't wait anymore.

He lowers me gently onto our bed and runs his nose up my abdomen, between the valley of my breasts and over the side of my neck till he can nip at my jaw. I wither beneath him and I know it lets him know I am just as aroused as he is.

I push up onto my elbows when he steps back and I watch him flick open the button of his trousers and my eyes widen with want when I watch and hear the opening of his zip. With one small tug his trousers fall to his feet and he bends down and quickly pulls his shoes and socks off before stepping out of his trousers.

The sight of his erection, tight against the fabric of my boxers makes me want to take him in my mouth, though I know that won't be happening today. He leans over me and kisses my already swollen lips and I can't help but tug at his boxer.

"My, my, my Anastasia, you are impatient at this late hour." He chuckles into my ear, not stopping my ministrations on his boxers.

Once his erection springs fear he releases a feral growl and steps back, yanking the fabric down and kicking them off before reaching for my own thin black thong. He rips them from my body and drops the torn fabric onto the floor before running his nose up my thigh.

"Ugh." I moan and I feel his chuckle reverberate over my bare, heated, wet core.

"You smell divine Ana." He whispers before leaning over me again.

I automatically spread my legs wide as he guides himself to my entrance. Grey eyes on blue the entire time, love shining with no uncertainties.

He penetrates me slowly. I gasp at the first intrusion, just the tip of him intruding.

"Ana." He breaths as he inches further inside, I can only let out a very long, low, moan.

I feel his tip reach deep inside me and I drop my elbows down and crash into the mattress. He settles inside me, he doesn't move, and I know right now he just wants to be in his favourite place which just happens to be my favourite place too.

I want to shift my hips and get him to move but I know right now he needs this moment of clarity. The one place where he knows the two of us are safe is when he is buried deep within me.

"I love you Ana." He says and I run my hand through his hair softly.

"I love you too." I reply.

"I need to fuck you. Hard."

"The do it." I reply bucking my hips a little.

He pulls out slowly and I know what's coming before he does it. He thrusts into me so hard I buck, my back arching and I gasp loudly in reaction.

"God Ana." Christian moans as he pulls out again at snail's pace before slamming into me hard once again the sound of his skin slapping against mine reverberating around the room.

"Christian!" I yell as he hits into me a third time, it's painful yet pleasurable, just like most of our fucking.

"Jesus Ana." He groans when I bite his lower lip softly, not hard enough to leave a mark but enough that he feels it completely.

The whole room is alive with the sounds and smells of our activities. I'm gripping tight to his shoulders and with each hard thrust I squeeze and call out not thinking about the fact that my parents are only a floor above us and can probably hear everything.

As my climax grips me I contort and vibrate beneath my husband calling his name out loud to no one in particular. He follows suit and I feel him shooting off inside of me before he shudders and collapses on my chest in a heap. I run my hands through his copper perspiration filled hair and feel his heart beating hard against my chest.

"Thank you." He murmurs, his voice vibrating my still sensitive body.

"For what?" I ask weakly, I'm totally spent.

"For that, I needed that Ana."

"I think we both did." I reply before he rolls off me.

"Now we need to sleep, tomorrow is another day Anastasia."

I close my eyes as his arms wrap around my nude body and I hear his content sigh. I'm sad yet I'm happy. In the arms of my husband I know that I am safe and that no one will harm me, especially not if he has something to do with it.


	39. Chapter 39

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**I don't think I say this enough but THANK YOU SO MUCH for all your reviews. Hearing some of you say this is your favourite fan fiction and how much you're enjoying it really does inspire me to get the next chapter up. Again THANK YOU. Love you all!**

I wake to the sunshine beaming in through the large glass wall of our bedroom. I stretch my hand out to find the other side of the bed empty and I know at once that Christian shut off the alarm and hasn't woken me for work. I groan as I roll to the side and glance at the clock. It's gone ten am. I'm angry but I won't dwell on it. The previous evening has left me completely emotionally spent.

"Ana!" I hear before a knock on the door.

My Mom. Shit! I'm naked under the covers and I don't think my Mom has seen me naked since I was five. I groan and pull the duvet tight around me as the door slowly opens.

"Hey you're awake." She beams rushing over to my side.

"Yes Mom, only just." I groan dropping my head onto the pillow but still making sure to hold the duvet tight to me.

"Christian has had to go into the office, he says he needs you for a press conference this afternoon, Sawyer will drive you to Sea-Tac where the conference will be held and for you to wear something black." She says like she's reading from a memorised list.

"Sure thing." I groan.

"And the papers are here Ana, you're in every one of them!" She is like an excited child on Christmas morning.

"I'm not surprised." I reply with a roll of my eye.

"There's a little about the plane crash but not much because all the details have been kept low so most of it is on your big night." She adds though I hadn't even thought about the evening's events being overlooked because of the crash. If anything, I haven't thought of much at all since we left the event in a hurry. "Now get up, Mrs Jones is asking what you want for breakfast."

"Hmm, pancakes and bacon." I say with a smile but still make no effort to move.

"Ok well get out of bed then Ana."

"Mom." I groan and she looks at me confused. "I'm not dressed." I say glancing down at the duvet.

"Of course you're not." She says sourly and I know she definitely heard Christian and I last night. "You'll be lucky if Bob and your father can even look at you today Anastasia, do you have no morals at all?"

"It was a tough night Mom." I spit through gritted teeth as she hands me my robe from the bathroom door.

I somehow manage to slip it on beneath the duvet without revealing anything.

"Yes, well, not all of us needed to hear that Ana." She says and I know inside she's dying to ask for more details and that this persona she's displaying is what she thinks is right not what she truly believes in herself, had we been at her place she would have been wanting the gossip.

"I'm going to get dressed, tell Gail I'll be out shortly." I say disappearing into the bathroom and locking the door behind me, I just need a moment's peace.

I quickly shower and as soon as I'm wrapped in a towel, my hair wrapped in another I go into the closet. Black is not a colour I favour. It reminds me so much of death that I avoid it but then I know what the press conference is for and I know black is the only colour I can wear.

I scan the racks until I find a black dress, it's simple with a scoop neck that's not at all revealing and falls to just above my knees in a pencil skirt and I also choose a simple pair of peep toe pumps and a black hair band.

I dress quickly and leave my hair in the towel while going for breakfast. Mrs Jones is just serving it as I enter the kitchen. Bob and Ray are going through the pile of papers with steaming hot coffee while Mom is in the great room watching TV.

"The crash is all over the news." Bob tells me as I slip into a chair.

"I'm not surprised." I reply sadly, I still can't believe that Stephan, Beighley and Natalie are dead.

I sip my tea and eat in silence while flicking through the papers. They've covered the event well, there are lovely pictures of myself and Christian, some with my Mom, Ray and Bob, some in the exclusive papers of me giving the speech, hugging Grace, holding the trophy. If I wasn't so depressed from the crash I would spend time really looking.

When I'm done I barely notice Mrs Jones slipping the plate and mug from beneath my propped up head. My mind is a million miles away from here. I can't stop thinking about GEH Jet, the lives lost, the possibility of another sabotage, someone who doesn't want Christian and I to be happy to live our lives.

Mom rubs my back softly as if she can read my mind.

"You need to stop worrying Honey Bee." She whispers, she's not called me that in years.

"I can't Mom. You don't get it." I say my voice shaking. "After Charlie Tango, the Helicopter was Sabotaged and Christian stepped up security it drove me mad, I didn't understand it at all but now… what if the Jet crash wasn't an accident Mom, what if someone else is out to get us and there's nothing either one of us can do to stop it?" Tears are pooling in my eyes as my mother pulls me into her arms.

"It's possible Ana, but this is your life with Christian, he's a powerful man and many people want to take him down. I believe that this security thing is necessary, I feel much safer having eight people here with us who are trained to keep us safe."

I look around the room. The first thing Christian did when he arrived home after having an hour nap by my side was hire new security. As my parents were here and he wanted Sawyer and Ryan with me at all times and he himself had Taylor he wanted to make sure there were at least five people left behind in case someone wanted to leave the apartment, he understood he had no control over my parents and Bob but he knew he could at least scare them into being taken care of by security. With Ray being ex-army if he was to leave he could take care of himself but Christian asked him kindly and politely to just take one person with him, just in case. Thankfully Ray agreed that two eyes were better than one.

At eleven o'clock Sawyer walks into the great room and just nods at me. I know that means it's time to go and meet Christian and be prepared to stand in front of the world's media and listen to my husband give a speech. I hope that whatever is said it brings comfort to the families of those on the jet. My heart breaks every time I think of Louisa and little Tyler.

I sit in the back of the SUV calmly and say nothing. Sawyer glances at me a few times in the mirror but I suspect he knows I'm not in the mood for conversation right now. The drive to Grey's House is in silence giving me more than enough time to send silent prayers up to whoever out there is listening that they watch over Stephan, Natalie and Beighley.

Once at Grey's House I wait calmly for Sawyer and Ryan to step out of the vehicle first before the two of them open my door. I step out and have one on either side of me, one step behind at all times and I know they're both vigilant to anyone who may be following or watching us. I don't worry because I trust Luke Sawyer with my life, I know I'm safe in his hands.

On Christian's floor it's only Olivia I see. She does her usual jump to attention but I can see the sympathy reflected in her eyes. I'm sure she's caught the brunt of whatever mood Christian is today.

I knock on the office door and slip inside without waiting for an answer. Sawyer and Ryan follow me in until Christian nods and they step back out again. He looks like he's aged overnight. My dear fifty.

"Hey baby." He says weakly as he stands and walks around to meet me.

"How are you?" I ask running my hand down his cheek.

"I'm ok. How are you handling this?" He asks returning the gesture.

"I'm trying not to… but I can't stop thinking about Stephan's wife and son." I say my voice scratchy with unshed sobs.

"Would you like to call by and see them after the press conference?" Christian asks and I'm surprised at his offer.

"You wouldn't mind?"

"I think I should see them." He admits. "Though I don't know what I should say to them."

"Well, I reassured them we would support them and continue to help them, she was worried about Tyler's schooling and stuff, we can carry on paying for that right Christian?"

"I was hoping too, I think it's the least we can do." He replies with a firm nod and I smile gratefully at him, I knew he wouldn't say no but I liked to make sure. "There's something I need to ask you." He says awkwardly as he grasps my hand.

I allow him to pull me to the couch and after he sits me down he crouches down in front of me looking stiff and uncertain.

"What is it Christian?" I ask feeling scared of what he's about to ask.

"Andria has written this very moving speech that we have to give at the press conference." He begins, I'm not surprised by that revelation, she's head of PR, she should be able to write the best damn speech for any occasion to be read to the press.

"Ok?" I prompt him to continue.

"I need you to do it Ana." He whispers.

"Why?" I ask placing a finger under his chin and tilting his head up to meet mine.

"Because… I don't want anyone to ever see me as anything other than Christian Grey CEO, and the speech… I read through it a few times and every time I got over emotional…"

"Ok." I nod knowing it's hard for him to admit this to me. "I'll do it."

"Thank you." He smiles weakly before pulling me into his arms. "Jesus Ana, I've never felt like this before."

"It's grief Christian, I feel it too. It's painful and it's dark but we'll get through it." I reassure him as he buries his nose into my hair, I'm guessing he needs the comfort just as much as I do.

"We will." He replies with an edge of complete certainty that only my fifty could portray at this dark time. "I need to go and sort some last minute things out with security for the press conference, the speech is on my desk. Did you eat this morning?"

"Yes Christian, ask Mrs Jones she sat and watched me." I reply sarcastically and he laughs softly before kissing the edge of my nose. "I'm glad to hear it."

I watch as he exits the room and I'm not surprised when Sawyer enters.

"Ryan is guarding the door Ma'am." He explains as I make my way to Christian's desk.

"Thank you Luke." I reply before sinking into Christian's large comfortable leather chair. _So this is what a CEO feels like? Powerful!_

I look over the speech quickly at first, just letting my brain see the flow of the words from one sentence to the other. I then begin reading it to myself slowly. Each adjective bringing a lump to my throat, strong, dedicated, friendly… the list goes on. When I see that each of the staff members are described individually I realise that Christian wrote it himself. Not only do I recognise his style of writing as being a little cold and authoritative but they're too personal to have been written by a PR member.

When he Christian returns I'm wiping my eyes with a Kleenex. He nods softly at me before coming over and pulling me into his arms not caring that Taylor and Sawyer are both in the room.

"Are you sure you can do this Ana?"

"Are you sure you can't?"

He nods and I smile and return the nod answering his question.

"We should head over to Sea-Tac. The public await Ana." He says with no spark of mischief in his eyes like there normally would be at a sentence like this.


	40. Chapter 40

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**KLEENEX ALERT**

**Just a short one before we move on. **

The flashes are blinding. The calls are echoing. My heart is hammering double time inside the cage of my chest. Christian's hand sweats in mine. He's nervous. I don't think I've ever really seen him nervous. Scared, worried, fearful? Yes, nervous? No.

Nervous is not the best word to describe my feelings right now, terrified only just about sums it all up. As soon as Christian and I stand side by side by the podium the rooms falls into a silence where you could hear the slightest pin drop. Christian unfolds the speech for me, saving me from revealing how much my hands are shaking however, I know my voice will give away all the emotions as soon as I begin.

I look up at Christian. His eyes are filled with sorrow and my heart hurts for him. He pulls me into the crook of his shoulder and wraps his arm tight around me before giving me a small nod of the head. I nod back and take a deep breath before turning to face the mass of reporters, TV, radio and newspaper cameras, microphones and Dictaphones, all waiting for the big news.

"Yesterday evening at eleven forty five pm, GEH Jet took off from Sea-Tac airport." I say as professional as I can manage. "At eleven forty eight pm Stephan Holland contacted air traffic control to a problem. The Jet was cut off at eleven fifty and plummeted back to the ground at eleven fifty two. There were three fatalities." My mouth is so dry I have to stop and try and swallow the lump that has risen in my throat. "An investigation is currently being held privately by Grey's Enterprises Holdings and the local authorities. As of yet, the problem has not been located and won't be for some time."

Christian gives me a light squeeze here. I know it's because the next bit is about those who lost their lives and it's going to be difficult to speak without becoming a crumbling mess.

"Pilot Stephan Holland, First Officer Garrett Beighley and On board Crew Natalie Thomas were sadly killed. Each member was handpicked to work for Grey's Enterprises Holdings. Each one, unique and talented in their own way. Stephan was a talented pilot, he was dedicated and also a very charming young man…" I have to stop and wipe a tear that's dripped down my cheek before it splatters onto the page I'm reading from. Beighley was just as talented, just as dedicated, and was passionate about flying. Natalie was charming and beautiful, with an aura about her that kept the worst flyer calm and collected. They were all fantastic people and this tragedy, sadly took their lives. There is nothing that can be said to undo what has happened, however, Christian and I send our condolences to the families who are suffering, we hope to be of some support to you during your time of need, though we can't bring them back, we pray that they are resting in peace." I drop my head as a sob escapes my throat.

Christian pulls me into his chest and the camera clicks echo in my ear.

"Thank you." Christian says, his voice faltering a little.

Questions are fired at us but we don't answer any. Taylor and Sawyer hurry to bring us safely away and hurry us into the waiting SUV.


	41. Chapter 41

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

After visiting Natalie's fiancé and mother and Beighley's Mother, father and siblings I am completely spent emotionally. Christian has been very quiet at both places. Answering questions only when spoken to and accepting coffee. The drive over to Stephan's home is quiet and he still looks like a lost puppy.

Louisa and Tyler greet us at the door. Tyler dives into my arms catching me completely off guard but I'm more than happy to pull him up onto my hip as he hugs me. Christian just continues to look unsure of himself.

We're invited inside and the two of us sit on the couch as images of the previous night dance on the news. Louisa clicks it off after sinking into an arm chair. She looks so lost and alone that it's heart breaking.

"I saw you both on the news." She says her voice quiet, its heart breaking to see the stains of tears on her cheeks and the brimming fresh ones in her eyes. "Thank you for what you said about Stephan Mrs Grey."

"It's true what I said Louisa." I reply softly as Tyler climbs off my lap, he's quick to return with a soft blue blanket and he struggles to climb on my lap again.

"See Princess, this is a blanky." He tells me, I smile softly.

"That is a blanky little prince." I reply. "Is that your blanky?"

"Yes and this is my bobo." He picks up a very dirty looking teddy bear, the type a child has from a very young age.

"Wow." I say over enthusiastically and he giggles wildly.

"Bobo was my Daddy's teddy first, when he was a boy and then when he grow up he gave Bobo to me." He explains proudly.

"I haven't told him." Louisa whispers and I turn my attention over to her "How do you tell a child that one of their parents have died."

"You'll tell him when you're ready too Louisa, deal with your own grief first maybe, he won't understand the concept of death, children don't until the age of seven or eight according to the experts." I say calmly, yet through the corner of my eye I can see Christian beginning to get worked up. "We have other places to be Louisa but please, call me if you need me and I'll do what I can to help. And again don't worry about Tyler's schooling or anything similar for that matter."

"Thank you." She smiles weakly. "For everything."

"It's no problem." I reply feeling guilty that she's thanking me because her husband's death could be linked to me, partially my fault. "Tyler Christian and I have to go now but maybe we'll see you again?"

"Ok." He sighs unhappily and gives me a hug. "Thank you for coming to see me again."

"Oh it was my pleasure." I smile at him and he beams back at me before climbing off my lap. "We'll see ourselves out." I tell Louisa as Tyler climbs onto her lap.

Christian follows me out and as soon as we're in the SUV Christian relaxes a little but I can still see the worry and fear on his face.

"Baby what's wrong?" I ask as he glares at me.

"Nothing." He hisses before turning his gaze to the window.

"Christian…"

"Not now Anastasia!" He snaps.

_Ok! What's his problem?_ I know we both have every reason to be down right now but I don't understand why he's angry with me.

The rest of the drive to Escala is in silence and once in the elevator I confront him.

"What's wrong Christian?" I ask reaching for his hand but he snatches it back. "Talk to me."

"There's nothing to talk about Anastasia." And ever mercurial he's the CEO again and not my husband.

"Yes there is! Something is bothering you…" The doors of the elevator open and he hurries out quickly. "Christian!" I yell after him but he almost runs to our bedroom.

I look at my parents seated in the great room and I feel awful that they have to witness this between Christian and I.

"Sawyer, please call the Mile High Club and arrange a table for my parents and Bob, I want them to take security and have the bill placed on Christian's tab." I say.

"Yes Ma'am." He replies before hurrying off. "The Mile High Club is one of the restaurants Christian owns, go and enjoy, order what you want he has a tab there." I tell them.

"Ana is everything ok?" My Mom asks hurrying over to me and grasping my shoulders so she can look into my eyes.

"Everything's fine Mom, I just think Christian's a little upset that's all." I explain with a shrug, I know my Mom can tell I'm lying so I don't bother lying to her. She nods, happy with my explanation before going back over to Bob and Ray.

"Aren't you going to join us for lunch Annie? Ray asks softly and I can see he's worried about me.

"No Dad, I'm going to stay here and see what's going on. This day has been a little hectic."

"We saw you on the news Ana, are you ok?" Bob asks sincerely and I'm quite surprised.

"Yeah I'm fine, it's just been an emotional day." I explain as Sawyer comes in.

"There's a table for them." Sawyer says.

"Good, enjoy lunch guys." I say before hurrying off to the bedroom where Christian is hiding.

I find him sitting on the edge of the bed looking through the glass wall onto the miserable Seattle sky line.

"What's wrong Christian?" I ask sitting beside him but not touching him at all, I know when he's like this he's more weary of my touch.

"You were so in control today." He whispers sadly. "I couldn't do it Ana, I couldn't let them see me like that but you… even through your tears you remained completely in control."

"You were in control too." I reply understanding now what it's like for him.

"No I wasn't. I have never felt this out of control, ever. I always had something you know, even when you were being the intolerable most uncontrollable person ever I still had the world of M&A and hundreds of thousands of people who needed me to be in control. Today I was so out of sorts Ana."

"You still feel out of control?"

"Yes." He nods.

"Then take control of me. Now."

"But your parents."

"Have gone to the Mile High Club for lunch, it's on you by the way." I chuckle softly.

"You want me to take control of you?" He asks again, he looks uncertain and it breaks my heart.

"Yes Sir." I whisper lowering my eyes.

"I'll be there in five." He replies before kissing my cheek.

I know where there is so I hurry from the bedroom as quick as I possibly can and make my way upstairs.


	42. Chapter 42

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

I kneel on the floor the way he showed me all those months ago. My insides clench with hot burning desire and I know that whatever it is going on in Christian's mind he needs this, and I'm not complaining because it's taking my mind off everything that's happened.

On hearing the tell-tale sound of the door opening my insides clench harder. His bare feet appear at the crook beneath my parted knees and I see he's wearing _those_ jeans. I know he's staring down at me but he has yet to have moved a muscle, like he's trying to figure out exactly what he's going to do with me. In the time I have been leaning in here in nothing but my panties I have figured about a hundred different things that he could do to me.

"Stand." He growls.

I raise as graciously as I possibly can to my feet and keep my eyes down cast. He tilts my jaw up and plants a tender kiss on my lips.

"Do you still want me to fuck your breasts Anastasia?" He asks and my mouth goes completely dry.

"Yes Sir." I reply breathless with arousal.

"I want to claim your behind Ana." He says. "I need to do it today."

"Yes Sir." I reply and his eyes widen in surprise.

"Are you sure you want to do this."

"You're in control Christian." I snap out of character.

"I will spank you for that outburst Mrs Grey." He says as if he's talking about the weather, I manage to not let my smirk show. "Kneel up on the spanking bench." He says in a growl and I almost sprint over to the oxblood bench and climb onto it.

I hear him rummaging around the room and wonder if he's going to use some implement to spank me with, I clearly said that Canes and Belts are a hard limit but I've always told him I wouldn't be very comfortable with anything much, not when he's using them to punish me, his pleasure, my pain and all that.

"I'm going to blindfold you Ana." He whispers as soon as he's close to me.

He slips on an eye mask and I'm engulfed by the darkness, for a moment all I hear is the sound of my own breathing.

"Remember to safe word if it gets too much Ana." He whispers already massaging my panty clad behind.

"Yes Sir." I mumble relaxing into his touch even though I know in a moment his hand is going to draw back and something is going to slap me.

"Good girl. God Ana." He moans right into my ear, his breath warm and vibrating.

When his hand leaves I brace myself for the hit. It comes quickly and I'm glad I'm holding onto something otherwise the shock would have sent me toppling.

"What was that?"

Another smack hard.

"What was that _Sir_?" I manage though I'm breathless from the small assault.

"Riding crop." He replies. "Little thicker and heavier than the brown plaited leather one you like." He explains massaging my behind again then comes the sharp stinging slap and I hiss in pain but the pain is quickly replaced by pleasure as Christian's mouth assaults my neck with deep heavy kisses and miniscule bites.

He continues the assault, smacking and massaging my behind while licking, sucking and kissing my neck. He hits me fifteen times in total and damn do I hurt. He tears my panties from my body, I think I need to by a whole new underwear set before I run out of the damn things. Once I'm bare he lines up at my entrance and slams into me.

"Do not come Ana, this is your punishment."

"Yes Sir." I gasp, I don't really have much control over my climax so I don't know how he expects me not to come.

He is brutal against my already bruised sex. I wince and wither in small pain but I don't stop him, I don't want to stop him because as painful as it is I want this and I know that he _needs _this.

He continues the punishing rhythm into my sex and I feel my climax edging closer. I bite down hard onto my bottom lip and try and think of anything but the pleasure his punishment is bringing me. He spurts off inside of me then releases his hold and pulls out. I'm highly aroused, so close to climax but I am feeling pretty pleased with myself that I managed not to and distract myself.

"You held on." He mutters impressed.

"Yes Sir." I nod and he smiles at me broadly.

"Oh Ana." He smiles. "You have pleased me, you will climax now." He says pulling me to him tight, my back against his sagging erection.

His hand works its way down my abdomen, through my growing pubic hair until it slips into my wet, hot, sex. I feel one fingers slip inside of me and as he circulates it his palm rolls against my throbbing clit.

"Christian!" I moan as I'm so close to the edge.

He continues and slips a second finger into me, I'm lucky his arm is wrapped around my waist because I can no longer keep myself upright. I scream as my climax finally rips through me. I know that it was far more intense because I held off. As he drives me through the climax he keeps me standing though my knees are buckled and I'm holding none of my own weight.

His hand slips out of me and carefully he lowers me to the ground on my knees.

"Ok?" He asks running his hand through my hair.

"Hmm." Is all I manage, I'm feeling great.

"Good." He smiles before kissing my temple. "Think you're up for more?"

I look at him and he has a seductive gleam in his eye, I also look down to his erection firm once again and my eyes widen before I nod.

"Ready for me to fuck your ass Ana?" He whispers and though the words are vulgar the voice is seductive and I whimper excited at the prospect of another first for me, for us.

"Yes." I mumble breathlessly, I'm a mix of excitement and nerves right now as he helps me to my feet.

"Good, come." He says giving me his hand.

I slip my own into his and he takes me over to the bed.

"We won't use any toys Ana, not for this first time." I says softly.

"Ok." I nod but I know he can see I'm nervous as his hand strokes my face.

"Ana if you're not ready…"

"I am." I reply firmly.

"Ok, good, lean over the bed, elbows down feet on the floor." He says back in dominant fifty.

I smirk and do as I'm told. My inner goddess is holding her ankles, her legs spread wide with a spreader bar as she waits for this.

He walks off and my eyes follow him. He's at the museum chest but playing with items on the top of it. I wonder what he's doing, he said no toys.

I see him turn around with a bottle in his hands and that's when I realise it's lubricant. _We're really going to do this!_

He stands behind me and I hear the gel being sprayed on his hands. I feel his hands massaging my sore behind and I moan involuntarily. He strokes a finger between the apex and I feel it against the untouched hole, well I say untouched but the amount of toys that have been there… I leave the thought there as he slips a finger inside of me.

It feels forbidden, dirty, and oh so pleasurable. I purr softly in reaction to the minute pumping of his finger. I feel him, circling around, widening the space, ready for the intrusion of his shaft. I glance over my shoulder and see one of his hands wrapped around his hard member, stroking himself, covered in lube.

"Are you ready Ana?" He asks and I manage a nod. "Face forward." He says before slipping his finger out.

I do as he said and I brace myself for the intrusion.

"We'll take it slow Ana, if you don't like it safe word and I'll stop ok."

"Ok." I reply.

His hands grasp at my hips and I feel him edging closer to me. At my entrance he teases and I don't tense knowing he won't be able to enter if I do. Slowly I feel him pushing into me, the widening sensation, it's mildly painful and uncomfortable, but it's a welcome intrusion. He's in an inch or so when he suddenly slams into me. I jerk forward but manage not to topple onto my face. He's in me, every single inch is filling up the forbidden part of my body.

"Are you ok?" He asks running a hand up and down my spine softly.

"I thought you said you were taking it slow." I mummer breathlessly.

"Well I needed you relaxed. Are you ok to carry on or do you want to stop?"

I shift my behind closer to him by leaning back on my heels, and that's an answer enough to him. He begins to move while the hand that was on my back slips forward onto my abdomen, he works it down and stops at my pubic hair, gently brushing the area with the tips of his fingers. I can feel him beginning a slow tentative rhythm with his shaft, in and out, slowly. His fingers slip further down and into my still sensitive core and my head arches back towards him in pure bliss. Every part of him picks up speed, the movement isn't punishing like before but it is fast and heavy, and so good. I don't want this to end it feels that good. But as always, all good things must come to an end. As my climax takes a crescendo Christian pummels harder and I know it's because he's so close. I scream his name and his fingers leave my sex, my name tumbles repeatedly out of his lips before we both crash in a heap onto the bed.

We lay side by side, panting. I feel Christian's arm around me and I help him pull me to him but I can't talk. I'm spent.

"That was…" Christian manages. "Wow Ana."

"Yeah." I reply.

A knock on the playroom door brings us crashing to reality. I jump to my feet in a panic whereas Christian gets up slowly.

"It's Taylor, he's not coming in I just told him to let us know when you're parents arrived back. Quick we need to be downstairs before they catch us leaving this room and become intrigued." He throws me my robe from the back of the door while he pulls on his jeans.

Quickly we slip out the room and Christian locks the door making sure to double check it. We arrive at the bottom of the stairs just as my family step off the elevator.

"Hey did you have a good lunch?" I ask as Christian disappears towards are bedroom, I can't believe he's leaving me to deal with this.

"Yes, did you eat?" My Mom asks her eyes wandering over me and I can't help but flush pink.

"Yes, of course, excuse me I'm going to see where my husband is." I smile before hurrying off.

I walk into the bedroom and see Christian has put the shower on. I laugh softly until I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. There's no denying what Christian and I spent our lunch time doing. I groan as Christian slips his arms around my waist, teasing at the string of my robe.

"You look well and truly fucked Mrs Grey." He smirks and I grin up at him.

"I'd say I am well and truly fucked Mr Grey." I laugh. "And sore."

"Where?"

"Christian!" I moan, I'm not going into detail with him.

"What?"

"Don't, I'm sore everywhere, I think you may have forgotten your needy fuck last night…"

"Oh Ana!" He gasps spinning me to look at him and clasping my face between his hands. "Did I hurt you that much?"

"Not really, I mean, I was a little sore today and then…"

"Jesus Ana why didn't you tell me?"

"Because you needed it!" I snap angrily, he looks really upset and it isn't his fault.

"Ana, if I'd known I wouldn't have been so relentless, I never want to hurt you Ana."

"It was good Christian leave it at that!" I yell angrily.

"Ana!" He snaps right back. "If you think you're hurting now you're going to hurt much worse tomorrow." He explains softly.

"It's worth it."

"Not to me it's not." He replies running his fingers down my side. "I won't be able to touch you tomorrow, that's how much pain you're going to be in."

"You don't know that." I reply shrugging, there's no way it's that bad.

"Ok fine, put it this way, I'm not going to touch you now for the rest of the day or tomorrow until you're healed."

I fold my arms angrily. He doesn't listen, I don't care about the pain.

"Now shower." He says.

"Shower alone, I'll use the one in the empty guest room." I snap before marching out the room.

I'm furious with him. I try to please him, do what I can handle for him and now he's angry at me. I can't win. I should just cut him off from all kinky fuckery or sex completely till he sees I'm not a china doll and I'm not going to break.

"Ana!" He's ran after me, doesn't he realise sometimes I need to get away from his intensity.

He's still in his jeans, I'm still in my robe. We both look well and truly fucked and we're standing in the great room ready for a fuelling argument.

"Christian for Christ sakes sometimes I need just to get away from you! Do you realise how controlling you are?!" I yell angrily.

"Anastasia you're being unreasonable." He says coolly folding his arms across his chest while mine are firmly on my hips.

"Unreasonable?!" I snap. "I gave you what you wanted Christian! You were in need, you wanted control and I gave it to you in the way you prefer and you still want to control me! You have no right to dictate that!"

"Ana." He says again but I'm on a roll.

"I would tell you Christian! If I'm hurting, in pain or not just as willing and wanting I would tell you! Can't you see that?! Don't you trust me?!"

He grabs my wrist and I think he's going to hit me until he turns me to the side and my parents and Bob are stood with Taylor and Mrs Jones gazing at us.

"Oh." I say before shutting my mouth tight.

"Shower, now." He says and I let him pull me away.

As soon as he's slammed the bathroom door shut and locked it he sighs heavily.

"Big mouth." He says and it's almost playful. Jeez this man confuses me!

"I don't … are they… will they…"

"No Ana, luckily you were vague, I'm sure we can spin a tale that your Mother can share with Bob and Ray, Taylor and Mrs Jones however knew exactly what you were on about…" He laughs softly. "My Ana, what are we going to do with you."

"I'm sore, don't touch me." I say thinking of the spanking he'd like to give me right now but sat on the edge of the bath I can feel the unwelcome friction of my bathrobe and I know that he won't be able to spank me again today without bruising me.

"Hot shower, advil and some cream I think." He says pulling me to standing. "We have some time to figure out what we can say to your parents if they ask."

"Work. I told my Mom a while ago you'd prefer it if I quit work all together and just lived here in your ivory tower."

"Our ivory tower Anastasia." He says slipping off my robe. "Now get in the shower or I will figure another way of punishing you."

I remember the orgasm denial torture he put me through the last time he punished me and I am quick to jump in the shower.

"Good girl, see it's not that difficult to listen to me."

"I never promised to obey you." I huff before turning to the welcoming spray.

He slips of his jeans and climbs in beside me. I let him wash me but he doesn't ask me to return the favour and I'm not in the mood to offer. Once we're both washed and clean we get out of the shower and once we're wrapped in towels he scoops me up and carries me into the bedroom.

He sits me on the edge of the bed and parts my legs.

"I thought you weren't going to touch me." I say as he pushes the towel down my thighs and to my stomach.

"I'm not, not in that way." He replies though he moves his fingers to my folds.

"Christian what are you doing?" I ask suddenly very self-conscious as I prop myself up on my elbows.

"Inspecting the damage."

I go to close my legs but he grabs my thighs and stops me.

"Seriously Ana." He warns, his grey eyes ablaze.

Throwing my arm over my eyes I sink back into the mattress and try not to think of my husband between my legs giving me a gynaecological exam.

"Stay here, don't move." He says lowering my legs before disappearing into the bathroom, I thought he'd humiliated me in the past, like the first time he spanked me but this takes the biscuit.

I do as I'm told and I'm not surprised when Christian returns with two different types of lotion.

"Legs up." He says.

I return my legs into their previous position and cover my face again. This is beyond embarrassing. When he shaved me down there it was intimate and I remember the after affects were definitely worth the humiliation but there will be no after affects this time.

I feel cool cream being applied to my sex. His fingers massaging around the folds and I feel a slight burn and wince.

"I know baby, you might get an infection, seems we went a bit too far." He explains softly before pulling his fingers down a little to the latest first. He places some more cream there before pulling back and closing my legs.

I watch him go into the bathroom again and hear water running. I'm glad he's washing his hands at least. When he returns he looks at me guiltily. I say nothing because I blame him too right now.

"Turn over, prop yourself up."

I do again as I'm told though I don't want to. This is beyond embarrassing. It's not like it's the first time he's rubbed cream into my sore behind after a good spanking but I dread to see what type of marks he's left this time, did my skin turn pink or is it purple by now? I mean, I've always bruised easily.

"All done." He says closing the lid of the cream and wiping his hands on the towel around his waist. "Get dressed." He says before slinking off into the closet.

I don't move. I wish I knew what was going through his head right now.

"Ana! Your parents are waiting for us, I'd appreciate it if we didn't have to give more explanations than necessary, can you please get dressed?" He growls, and once again I feel like a petulant child.

I sigh and go into the closet picking a pair of jeans and a cami with a cardigan not even bothering to check the labels this time, it's not like I do on purpose anyway but today I don't give a damn if I'm wearing something old of mine from Target that has happened to slip into his closet without either one of us noticing.

As I pull on my cardigan I feel a pair of arms wrap around my waist.

"I'm sorry I hurt you." He whispers.

"You didn't, not physically." I reply and he pulls away suddenly.

"What do you mean?" He asks wounded.

"Christian." I sigh running my hand up his cheek. "Baby what we did last night? Today in the playroom? I loved it, it didn't hurt, I would tell you if it did, if anything think I'm becoming far more tolerable considering the riding crop you used would have been a hard limit for me a few months ago. What hurt was the way you disregarded me saying that I was fine, that you took it upon yourself to inspect me like I was an animal you were considering, then you put cream on me Christian like I was incapable of doing it myself and to top it off you talk to me afterwards like a petulant child who's done something that shouldn't."

He gazes down at me and I don't think I've ever seen him looking so guilty.

"I'm sorry." He whispers pressing his forehead against mine.

"Sorry doesn't cut it Christian."

"I know." He replies stepping back. "I just want to look after you, when you said you were sore everywhere and reminded me of last night, Jesus Ana I could have torn you, done some real damage and I needed to make sure you were ok."

"I understand that Christian, but most husbands would ask their wives to check with a mirror or something and give them the cream letting them apply it themselves. I don't mind you rubbing it in my behind after spanking me, surprisingly I find it quite intimate and it shows you care but what you did then… I didn't like it, if I had any problems down there I'd pay Doctor Greene a visit." I explain as best I can, I don't think he can see it from my point of view.

"I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable Ana." He says pulling me into his chest. "I'm really sorry and I'll try and remember next time."

"Ok." I nod finally wrapping my arms around him. "I really mean what I say Christian, you just went a little too far and trust me to tell you when I'm hurting. When I said I was sore I was kidding, sort of, I just didn't want to do anything again because I was a little sore and I knew any more spanking or fucking would really hurt."

"Let's get you some advil and it's almost dinner time. We'll see what Mrs Jones is serving."

"I'll just dry my hair." I reply softly and he kisses the top of my head before disappearing, to get the advil no doubt.


	43. Chapter 43

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

The tension around the dinner table is beyond palpable. I squirm in my seat, unable to get comfortable on my still sore behind. I know my Mom is trying to catch my eye but I keep my eyes downcast and try and focus on the delicious food that Mrs Jones has prepared. Even she, when serving the food, didn't make eye contact with myself or Christian how she normally would. It's extremely awkward and I find myself getting annoyed with ever fleeting second.

"Excuse me." I mutter throwing my serviette onto my plate before rising and leaving.

No one says anything but as soon as I step out of the dining room and finally feel able to breathe I hear Christian excusing himself too. I hurry off and I know he's hot on my tail but I don't know what to say to him. How do I tell him that I'm actually beginning to hurt all over and I just want to sleep without rehashing the argument we finally put to bed? I also can't tell him that my Mom actually probably has worked out to some degree what it was we were fighting about, that woman is wise and not only is she wise but she is also my Mom and I'm a really bad liar.

"Ana." Christian says as I flop onto the bed.

"What?" I ask without even looking in his direction.

"What's wrong?" He asks staying by the bedroom door.

"I'm exhausted Christian." I reply.

I know he's moving towards me, I can sense it and I'm not surprised when he climbs onto his side of the bed and lays down beside me so I have very little choice but to look at him.

"What is it Ana?" He asks me softly running his hand over my cheek and jaw repeatedly, coaxing me to open up to him.

"So much has happened Christian, over the past few days, I'm just exhausted both mentally and physically." I reply sadly, I was fine up until our argument but that's just put a complete downer on me and I know that my depression hasn't completely healed either, just because I have been feeling a little better about myself I know I'm not healed.

"Do you want me to see if John can swing a home visit by?" He asks gently and my blue eyes reach out to his grey ones.

"No Christian, I'll call him from the office tomorrow."

"You're going into work tomorrow?"

"I have to Christian, I don't even want to look at my BlackBerry which has been off all day, can you imagine the emails I have had today from worried members of staff to authors on top of everything else. I'm sure my inbox is bursting at the seams."

"What about your parents?"

"I'll figure something in the morning, I know Ray wants to see some of Seattle and I'm sure Bob does too, maybe the security can sub as a tour guide." I chuckle lightly. "My Mom will probably want to come to the office with me, that I can handle."

"Ok." He replies softly. "Just take Sawyer with you and Ryan.

"Yes Sir." I reply cheekily and he smiles. "You relaxed now?"

"I think so."

"Good, come here." He pulls me to his chest and I nuzzle my nose against him.

"I still need to figure out what to say to my Mom." I say and my words are muffled by his chest.

"Hmm, you don't have to say anything Ana, you're a twenty two year old woman, let her come to you." Christian says running his fingers up and down my back as if my back is his piano.

"Good idea. I need to sleep Christian would you tell them I have a headache? I don't want to go back in there."

"Of course I will, you sleep baby girl." He whispers before kissing my head.

He climbs off the bed and I watch him leave, I don't bother getting out of bed or strip out of my clothes, I just close my eyes and let sleep whisk me away.

Of course, my Mom doesn't buy the whole 'headache' excuse. Within seconds of falling asleep I'm jerked awake by the door flying open. I quickly drag Christian's pillow over my face and groan.

"Ana baby what's wrong?" She asks coming to sit on the bed.

I remove the pillow and see if Christian has followed her in but there's no sign of him.

"Christian doesn't want me to go back to work till he figures out what happened to the jet, my business is going to be falling apart at my fingertips if I'm not there to make sure everything's done in time. He's just his over-bearing, control-freak self." I shrug.

"Is that what you were arguing about earlier?" She asks running her fingers through my hair.

"Yes."

_Liar, liar, pants on fire!_ My subconscious scowls but my Mom seems to have bought it.

"Oh Ana, I told you at your wedding, you have to pick your fights. Do you really think it's a good idea to go back to work when the jet's demise could have been a sabotage?"

"Mom, my job is the only thing that lets me have some control over my life. Grey Publishing is my little home away from home, my salvation if you will…"

We're interrupted by a knock on the door and Christian pokes his head around.

"I thought about what you said." He says strutting into the room like a business man rather than my husband. "Here, I was going to announce it at the Charity event and then thought it would be something you'd prefer to have in privet but then everything with the jet… just here." He hands me a one by ten box that's thicker than a necklace box by far. I scowl as I open it and I'm surprised to see a rolled up piece of paper.

I pull it out and slowly unravel it. My mouth falls wide open as my eyes hit the print.

"Christian this is too soon." I say my voice shallow. "You said it was for our anniversary, that's six months away near enough!"

"Well Ana you've done what you do best and ran that place, I have seen the money coming in and I've heard good reports from your staff about you. Just take it Ana. It's yours."

I look at the paper and look up at him again. He's smiling like a kid at Christmas and I jump from the bed and dive into his arms. Luckily he catches me and holds me close.

"Thank you. I'll do everything I can to make it work."

"I'm sure you will and as your husband if you ever have any questions then I'm only at the end of the phone."

"Are either one of you going to tell me what's going on?" Carla finally asks from her spot on the bed.

Christian lowers me to the ground, it seems he and I both forgot about the third wheel in the room.

"Christian's handed me full control of Grey Publishing. I'm the CEO."


	44. Chapter 44

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

I stand in the mirror in my grey cashmere turtleneck dress by Polo Ralph Lauren with its brown belt around the waist, my dark pantyhose and knee high brown boots by Prada. _My name is Anastasia Grey, CEO of Grey Publishing_. This is unreal. I wasn't prepared. I thought I had more time to just be the president yet here I am, CEO. Well I've easily decided on who gets the position of second in command from the resumes. As they already know me and I them it was an easy decision to make. I just hope Clarisse knows how much is going to be on her plate.

I've already emailed her and told her to be in my office at nine sharp. I have her office ready for her curtsey of Grey's Enterprises and now I'm ready to give her a job she probably thought she'd never get.

"Hey Ana Luke is waiting for us." Mom smiles as she comes into the closet.

"Ok, I just need to get my purse." I smile going into the bedroom.

I've packed the iPad so if my Mom gets bored she can read or listen to the music or anything to keep out of my way. Something tells me today is going to be a busy one.

Sawyer is waiting for us in lobby when we enter he smiles gently at me and I smile back, I'm glad he's my Taylor, I never thought for one moment we'd get on like we do though.

"Ryan is downstairs waiting with the SUV." He explains as we step into the elevator.

"I think I'm going to miss my TTS while all this is going on Luke." I sigh, I love driving myself around, it makes me feel a little bit freer.

"So am I." Luke smirks and I can't help but laugh.

"What's a TTS Ana?" My Mom asks, I can't help but think it's cute.

"It's my new car, an Audi TTS, it's gold you can't miss it." I say as the elevator dings that we've arrived the ground floor.

"So how many cars have you got alone now?" My Mom gawps as Ryan opens the door for us to step in.

"Two still, the TTS was bought to replace the R8 that got trashed." And I suddenly realised I have said too much, Mom didn't know anything about the brick through the window or the trashed car.

"What happened Ana? Were you in an accident?" I roll my eyes, why does everyone think my driving sucks?

"No Mom, someone wanted to get at me and Christian, not hurt us just make our lives difficult, I dealt with her and she won't be bothering us again." I reply and I catch Sawyer's eye in the rear-view, he knows exactly what I said to her.

I relax back in my chair when it hits me. Could Samantha Bordeaux have something to do with GEH Jet's demise and the death of three people? I mean I don't think she'd be capable of something like that but the truth is if I had met her prior to her devious acts of vandalism I don't think I would have believed it possible for her to have committed those either. I whip out my phone and fire off an email to Christian.

**To:** Christian Grey

**Subject:** GEH Jet

**From:** Anastasia Grey

Christian,

Have you contacted Samantha Bordeaux regarding GEH Jet's demise?

Anastasia Grey

CEO, Grey Publishing, Ltd

I'd barely sat back in my seat before my phone pinged.

**To:** Anastasia Grey

**Subject: **Don't worry

**From:** Anastasia Grey

Ana,

Leave this to me, I've contact everyone who may or may not have reasons to sabotage GEH Jet.

Christian Grey

CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc

Well I guess that's the subject closed then. I should have known he wouldn't part with information about this easily, I'll have to pump him for what he knows when I get home.

The song "Run the world" by _Beyoncé _comes on the radio and I can't help but break out in a large smile, I maybe should play this song to Christian…

"We're here Mrs Grey." Ryan says pulling the car right outside the building.

Paparazzi are hanging out around the door.

"Can you go around the service entrance please Ryan." I say as my Mom gawps in shock at the mass media hanging outside my office.

"How often does this happened Ana?"

"Well it happened when Christian and I got engaged, then again when Christian and I were in the car accident, and now GEH Jet." I reply with a shrug just as Ryan comes to a stop the second time.

Ryan lets us out of the vehicle while Sawyer gets ready to come with us, he's obviously had his warning off Christian to be in the building with us.

As soon as we're inside people look over towards us. I keep my head up and try to have the demeanour Christian has about him when he's working, my CEO Fifty. Mom looks around in awe, she understands now that all these people work for me, that I'm the boss with all the power.

When Sawyer, Mom and I arrive on my floor Hannah jumps up to meet me and she reminds me some of Olivia from Grey's House.

"Good morning Mrs Grey." She smiles as I approach her.

"Good morning Hannah. How are things from yesterday?"

"Ok well you have a gazillion messages, I've sorted them out in order of importance for you and put a red mark for most important…" She hands me one pile of messages paper clipped together with a red mark on the top. "… Blue for least important and Pink for everything in between."

Three considerably large piles of messages, I need to get my act together and fast.

"Thank you Hannah, can you get us tea and coffee and bring it through, also I have an appointment with Clarisse Francois at nine, I'd like tea, coffee and biscuits served, send her through at once when she arrives. Also I need an appointment with Doctor Flynn set up for this week." I explain calmly.

"Yes Mrs Grey." She nods.

"Thank you." I reply before disappearing into my office with my Mom and Sawyer. "Nothing beats morning rush." I say under my breath as I slip into my office chair.

Mom sits in a chair opposite me and Sawyer stands near the door. I don't know where to even begin so I switch on the computer and begin flicking through messages. My Mom looks interested in looking out the window and around the spacious room.

I send any memo's that I can to authors and editors then return as many phone calls as I can before Hannah knocks on the door.

"Mrs Grey, Clarisse Francois to see you." She says.

"Send her in, Mom could you go and keep Hannah company with Sawyer please?" I ask and she just nods before hurrying off, I'll give her the iPad to occupy her when I'm done with Clarisse.

"Mrs Grey? You wanted to see me?"

"Yes come in and sit down." I smile.

She hurries over and quickly sits down and Hannah brings in tea and coffee.

"Ok so I'll get this done quickly." I tell her when I realise she's nervous. "It's simple really, I want you to take the vice-president's job."

"Me?!" She gasps.

"Yes Clarisse, I need someone I trust and someone I like and someone I know who can do the job out of all the applicants, that's you."

"Really?"

"Yes." I laugh softly at her shocked expression. "Your office is a floor beneath mine, everything you need is there so clear your desk and get settled, you can either take your editorial assistant with you or hire another at your discretion just give me the details and your first order of business will be to hire your own replacement."

"Ok." She nods. "Wow thank you Mrs Grey."

"And you can all me Ana." I add.

"Ana." She nods. "Thank you."

We both stand and shake hands and she hurries out, I'm pleased she took it, I mean most people would but then there's the chance that she would have changed her mind. As my Mom and Sawyer return I type up the job description and salary details and send it to her.

"That's done." I smile just as my email pings.

**To:** Anastasia Grey

**Subject:** Funerals

**From:** Christian Grey

Ana,

We will be attending the funerals of Stephan, Beighley and Natalie. Natalie's is Tomorrow (I know it's Thanksgiving but we'll have plenty of time to get to my parents) Beighley is on Friday and then Stephan is on Monday. Have Hannah put them in your calendar and make sure that your vice knows the ropes well enough to handle the job alone.

Christian Grey

CEO, Grey's Enterprises Holdings, Inc

Well that was a way to put a downer on the day. I forward the email to Hannah knowing she'll mark out my calendar and also ask her to contact Caroline Acton and have her get three suitable outfits as soon as possible from Neiman Marcus'.

"Are you done Ana?" My Mom asks as soon as I collapse back in my chair.

"I think so. I don't want to be here anymore right now." I explain with a shrug. "Let's go."

I grab my coat from the back of my chair and Sawyer calls down to Ryan to get the car, I can't sit here anymore when I know I'm going to be attending funerals.

"Hannah, any emergency that Clarisse can't handle, call me, everything else leave till tomorrow. Email me my schedule for the week to please." I tell her before leaving, I really need life to become normal, all this drama is exhausting.


	45. Chapter 45

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

After arriving home I run myself a hot bath and have a soak while working from my BlackBerry. Hannah has spoken with Caroline and she says I can pick up the dresses tomorrow, at least that's one thing less to worry about.

It's nice to relax, but as always something or someone interrupts every time.

"Hey baby." Christian smiles sitting on the edge of the bath.

"Why don't you strip and get in here with me?" I suggest knowing he's going to just sit and talk to me while I lay here.

"I would but I can't stay around long, I still have work to do in the study." He replies softly. "How was everything in the office."

"Fine, I did what I could but to be honest I wasn't really needed, I'm sure Clarisse will do a great job." I reply shifting my head so I can rest it on his thigh.

"There's some news on the jet."

"There is?" I'm alert again, wanting to know exactly what's going on.

"Another jet has crashed in England leaving Heathrow." He says. "We think it's something to do with a jet and not a sabotage or anything."

"But?"

"But we still have to wait on the results from the rescue to be sure."

"Ok." I nod and for some reason I still feel relieved. "What now then?"

"I have our lawyers working on it, they're going into legal war with the company as soon as we have the details from the investigation, as soon as we know we'll pay legal fees to the families of those killed so that they can sue the company, I'm also trying to sort out the paper work for each one so that they're provided for some."

"Will you continue to pay for Tyler Holland to go to school?"

"Yes, neither Beighley nor Natalie had children so basically the life insurance will pay a large amount and I'll pay them a package which should keep the families settled and comfortable for a few years depending on how they spend but I think we can keep paying for Tyler Holland's schooling." He replies running his fingers through my hair softly. "You're really taken with that boy Ana."

"He's so young Christian, so innocent." I explain weakly, just the thought of little Tyler makes my heart ache. "It's so unfair."

"I know." He replies. "All we can do is help if we can." Christian replies. "Now you relax, I'll be in the office if you need anything."

"I'm going to go and work in the library for a bit, I need to read a couple of manuscripts, apparently they don't fit into any category we do but there are a couple of editors interested in them so I'm going to see what they mean by them and decide if we should publish them."

"Good." Christian smiles.

"I like what you said before."

"What's that?"

"That I can focus on being the creative head, if Clarisse takes the second in command job and does it well I can focus on the aspects I enjoy." I explain as best I could.

"Good, I want you to be happy Ana, at home and at work. I love you."

"And I you." I reply as he walks off allowing me to sink back into the water.

I relax much more now. Finding out that GEH Jet's demise may have actually been an accident makes me realise that Christian has made me paranoid. A year ago a Jet's demise would have been put down to an accident in my mind until proven to be sabotage, now it's instantly sabotage in my mind and that's stupid.

I climb out the bath and get dressed, Hannah calls to tell me that Caroline has managed to fit me in today and has been and done her shopping and can see me whenever it's suitable for me, I guess it's something to do with the fact that it's for a funeral.

Sawyer doesn't argue with me when I emerge dressed in sweats and a hoody telling him to join me on the trip to Caroline's and that we would take the TTS. I have dark sunglasses on my eyes to hide the bags that have appeared due to my exhaustion.

The drive is in silence, it's obvious to anyone that I don't want to talk. I feel so lost and confused about what has happened to Stephan and Beighley and Natalie and discussing it with Christian is out of the question because he's in the same boat. I've never really dealt with death before, maybe that doesn't help.

"Ana." Caroline smiles as I enter her office.

"Hi Caroline."

"I have six dresses for you to choose from and some headwear." She says kindly, this is probably the only time I will ever see her in getting funeral outfits. "I mean the press are going to be all over the funeral so some of the headwear will hide you a little better."

"Sure, I don't really want to mess around with this so will you just choose the most suitable outfits and let me pay? I'm sorry I don't mean to be short but I just want to be at home with my family."

"Of course Mrs Grey." She replies with a reassuring smile.

It takes mere minutes for Caroline to pack up three dresses and whatever obscene items she has decided for my head. I quickly pay by credit card while Sawyer loads everything in the car.

"Is that everything Ana?" She asks kindly.

"For today? Yes. I'm sure I'll be in touch in the future though. Thanks for this Caroline."

"No problem." She replies just as Sawyer leads me out.

I know that has got to be the worst times I have ever been to collect anything from Caroline Acton. She has the best sense of style ever, especially when it comes to me. I guess Christian and I probably helped her set up her own business where she is now a personal stylist rather than a personal shopper taking her time to browse around multiple stores and not just Neiman Marcus.

Back at the house I see at once that Hannah didn't relay the information for Caroline Acton just to get what she could from Neiman Marcus. She's got me not only a dress from Neiman Marcus but Bergdorf Goodman too.

Three black dresses now hang up with headwear and scarves or jackets. It's interesting to see how much effort it's going to seem I have put in just for a funeral, it's not like anyone is going to care what anyone is wearing.

Christian walks up behind me and I sense him at once. He presses his hands to my shoulders and rubs softly.

"For the funerals?" He asks.

"Yeah." I nod weakly.

"They're suitable."

"I know, Caroline Acton really knows her stuff." I reply with a shrug. "I've never been to a funeral before."

"Good, they're not an event I'd recommend to anyone." He deadpans.

"No, I can imagine." I reply rolling my head enjoying the work of his long fingers.

"It's going to be fine. By the way I made a mistake in the email about the funerals. There's one tomorrow, it's Wednesday tomorrow so it's not Thanksgiving, then there's one on Friday and one Saturday."

"Ok." I nod, I didn't really pay attention to the details.

"Hannah emailed me to double check everything before putting them in your schedule."

"That's fine Christian." I reply sleepily.

"You ready for dinner?"

"I'm not hungry."

"Don't lie, your Mom told me you skipped lunch to go shopping so you, Mrs Grey, will join your family and I for dinner and then I think we should call it an early night and have a good night's sleep before tomorrow."

"Sounds good." I nod taking the hand he offers me to get to my feet.


	46. Chapter 46

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**CHAPTER 30 – PLAYROOM –THE SONG THAT IS PLAYED IS FROM THE MOVIE CRASH IT'S CALLED SENSE OF TOUCH, THE REAL ORIGINAL SONG IS CALLED LISA LAN AND IS IN THE WELSH LANGUAGE! (I forgot to put it on the chapter and only just realised and if anyone wants the words translated let me know as I am first language Welsh, second language English!)**

**Kleenex Alert (will soon get this depression behind us and get on to the fun!)**

Waking up this morning I realised at once that it wasn't going to be a nice day. It was the first of three funerals that Christian and I had to attend. He was quietly brooding and I left him to it as I went to see what Mom, Ray and Bob were doing.

I found them on the U shaped couch watching the news which happened to be reporting live from outside Escala.

"Turn it up Mom." I say quietly and Mom is quick to do as I ask.

"… Somewhere in the penthouse apartment Christian and Anastasia Grey are preparing for the funeral of Natalie Thomas, age twenty five. She worked as a Stewardess for the Grey's on their jet. Including their honeymoon flight to London and back. Anastasia Grey had this to say about her…" The picture changed to the press conference that Christian and I held.

"…Natalie was charming and beautiful, with an aura about her that kept even the worst flyer calm and collected…" The picture changed again and it was a split screen of the man outside Escala and a woman in a studio.

"Norman, how do you think Mr and Mrs Grey are feeling right about now?"

"Well Cecilia, I would think they're both still grieving and trying to support each other through this day. It's going to be hard for the two of them and until the investigation is completed I'm sure there's a lot of self-blame going on there too." I feel Christian's hand on my shoulder and I relax into his chest as I continue to watch.

"So you think the still newlyweds will be feeling guilty?"

"I think they will and until the investigation is complete one can only wonder what happened, of course with the latest developments being that a plane of the same make and model crashed in Heathrow, England it is more and more likely that it is a technical fault with the aircraft itself."

"Has there been any more news from Grey's House?"

"No, at the moment Cecilia they're keeping everything under wraps, I'm sure they'll update us as soon as they can."

"When can we expect the first glimpse of Mr and Mrs Grey?"

"They're expected to leave Escala here at ten thirty, arrive the church at ten forty, they have been requested by the family to follow them and the coffin inside so they will be seated by eleven for the beginning of the service which is expected to last about forty five minutes to an hour followed then by a wake at the Fairmount which is apparently being paid for by the Grey's."

"Ok Thank you Norman, we'll be back with you later. In other news…"

Mom clicked the mute button and I turned to Christian.

"There's no peace." I whisper.

"We'll ignore them baby, this is big news here. We're in the public eye and the public are eating this up. Just try and ignore it, it's all we can do. And anyway, I'd rather them be here than harassing the families."

I don't think I've ever seen this side of fifty!

"You're right." I smile before kissing him softly. "Come on let's get some breakfast before getting ready."

Mrs Jones has prepared a lovely variety breakfast to be served in the dining room. There just isn't enough room around the breakfast island for us all to have breakfast together.

Christian sits by my side and once we started eating he kept a firm grip on my hand, his own hand trembling a little. I'm worried about him I must admit. This isn't like him, I have never seen him like this but I'm guessing it's all to do with circumstances and I'm sure he's thinking the same about me.

After we've eaten in near silence Christian and I go into our bedroom. Our clothes for the day have been hanging up since last night so we decide to have a shower together.

Christian is miles away. As the water hits our bare skin he barley even moves and I worry a little more. I wash him and he washes his own hair and as I wash myself he gently washes my hair.

Back in the bedroom I sit on the bed in my bathrobe and watch as he dries himself slowly.

"Talk to me Christian." I plead quietly.

"I'm sorry Ana." He replies just as quietly as he comes to sit by my side. "I just don't know what to say."

"Neither do I."

"How are you feeling?" He asks deciding that saying anything is better than nothing.

"I'm unsure." I reply. "I mean, I don't know how to feel. I feel a little sad because Natalie was a sweet girl. We flew to London for our honeymoon and the whole time she had that bubbly bright smile on her face and she was happy the whole journey and on the way back she was the same. Do you remember her asking questions about what we'd seen and done and she wasn't fazed by the fact that you were her boss but was interested in everything. Remember how I told her that we'd visited the British Library and she said it was a dream of hers to someday go there? I remember thinking I'd love to go with her because her eyes sparkled when I told her about it and I tried to imagine what her eyes would be like if she walked into the place."

"Ana." He whispers pulling me to his shoulder. "I didn't think … I never had to deal with death before Christian, I don't know how to act, how I'm supposed to feel."

"There's no right or wrong Ana. If you want to laugh it's ok, some people react like that to grief." He says running his hand up and down my spine.

"Really?"

"Absolutely. My way is saying nothing, internalising everything and I'm sure Flynn would have something to say about that." He chuckles lightly and I wipe at my fallen tears. "Come on, we don't have long before we have to leave." He drops a gentle kiss to my forehead before walking into the closet and I'm quick to follow him.

We retreat back into silence but it isn't as awkward as it was before. My dress from Neiman Marcus is smooth stretch knit with a round neckline and half sleeves. It's fitted through the hip into a pencil skirt and the hem hits just above the knee, of course, it's in plain black. I pull it on with some pantyhose and already feel like I'm dressed for the occasion if you will. The scarf I have to go with it by Valentino is a black cashmere shawl with pearls spattered over each end. I hang it over my shoulders so it joins the dress at my knees. I decide to wear the black velour cloche hat with a wide brim and ribbon. To finish I choose my Prada brushed leather black sandals, I've never worn them but I did by them myself when Mia dragged me shopping so I like them.

"Ana?" Christian calls returning into the closet.

"What is it?" I ask turning to him.

He awkwardly hands over a red Cartier box and I eye him oddly.

"I know this isn't really the type of occasion to be giving gifts but something my Mom said made me go and by these for you." He explains.

I nod and give him a soft smile before taking a seat on the ottoman. He watches me carefully as I open the box to reveal what he's bought me.

I gaze admiringly at the simple straight pearl necklace with the signature diamond C clasp with matching plain earrings.

"Christian they're beautiful."

"My Mom said it was time to bring out the pearls again when I mentioned the funerals, and I knew you had diamonds but no pearls. I think they'll go great with your shawl." He adds.

"Your Mom said time to bring out the pearls?" I chuckle lightly, I can't imagine Grace saying that, Mia yes, Grace no.

"Yeah my Mom has this thing where she says the best pearls are only worn at funerals." He chuckles too and I smile and reach over to him, pulling him into an embrace.

"I love them, and I'm not going to reserve them for funerals." I say and he laughs again, even on this sad occasion I'm glad we can find a reason to laugh.

"The SUV is waiting, Taylor and Sawyer are going to accompany us all day. The others will guide the car from the garage and keep the paparazzi at bay, the police are held up outside the church and then will move to the Fairmount."

"Ok." I nod knowing being in control of something is keeping Christian calm.

"Ok." He adds with a smile. "Nearly ready?"

"Put these on me?" I ask and he smiles and nods before reaching for the box.

I sit still as he slips the necklace around my throat and then I quickly slip the earrings in, tucking one side of my hair behind my ear.

"I don't know if it's the right thing to say considering we're going to a funeral but you look beautiful Ana." Christian says as I take one last look at myself in the mirror. He kisses the section between mu neck and shoulder that has been revealed with the removal of hair and I smile at him through the reflected glass. "Ready?"

"Yes." I say turning to face him and adjusting his plain black tie. "Let's go."

We leave the bedroom and Mrs Jones, Mom, Ray and Bob are stood near the lobby waiting for us. My Mom steps forward first and hug me tight.

"You look beautiful Ana."

"Shame it's for this occasion huh?" I shrug before hugging Ray and then Bob.

Christian slips his hand into mine as the elevator opens and we step inside followed by Sawyer and Taylor who are dressed almost exactly the same as Christian and actually double of each other with black sunglasses masking their eyes and ear pieces.

"Why do Taylor and Sawyer look like FBI agents?" I ask in a whisper with an arched eyebrow.

Christian chuckles lightly before leaning into me.

"They need to be in touch with each other from opposite ends of the church, they have mics too. They'll also be in touch with Ryan, Prescott and the rest of the guys back here at all times." He explains in just as much of a whisper and I'm pleased to see the boyish smile on his face, I'm glad my comment could make him smile on a day like this.

We step out of the elevator and straight into the SUV. Christian only let's go of my hand so I can buckle up and then he clutches it tight again.

"Ignore the press outside the Church Ana." He tells me as we begin to move away.

I notice Ryan, Prescott and the newbies walking beside the car as the garage door opens. The press are loud and the noise carries into the car. The cameras are pressed up against the window and flashes erupt through the glass as they try and capture photos.

"I don't think they realise these windows are tinted, they can't see in, not even with a camera." Christian mutters under his breath. I just squeeze his hand softly and reassure him I'm there.

We drive for a while before pulling up at a house that I don't know. Taylor climbs out and walks over to a black car in front of us and that's when I see that in front of that is the hearse.

"We're following the family car." He explains and I sit back and say nothing, this day is just horrible and I don't even want to think about what happens and just go with it.

I watch as the family exit the house and I grip harder onto Christian's hand. They're all in tears, the woman I suspect as Natalie's Mom is barely able to stand.

The drive to the Church is far slower. Cars slow down for us and some others come to a complete stop. It's a shock to see. Once right outside the Church Taylor opens the car door for us while Sawyer waits for us on the grass. After exiting the car Taylor gets back in it to move it while Sawyer waits with us. Christian continues to hold my hand while I press into his side. The family have also exited their vehicle while the men have gone to collect the coffin.

It's a heart breaking scene and the constant clicking and flashing of photos being taken by the waiting paparazzi makes me so angry. The police have them stuck behind a barricade but that's not the point, they're disrespectful just being here.

Christian plants a light kiss on my head as Taylor returns and the coffin is carried slowly ahead of us.

We follow the family inside to a beautiful rendition of Ave Maria, if I'm right it's Beyoncé singing but I try not think about that and focus on putting one foot in front of the other, with my shaking knees I'm worried I'll topple over.

Once the Coffin is placed on the stand we're guided to our seats. Christian and I sit at the end of the row with the family while Taylor and Sawyer stand at either end of the Church at the very back watching the doors. I see them closed and the song comes to a beautiful high pitched ending as the vicar steps forward.

ILB

After the service is over Christian and I once again follow the family and the coffin outside. The sun appears through the clouds as we walk in an eerie silence through the graveyard. On arriving the plot where Natalie's remains will be laid to rest Christian and I gather with the family around the six by six foot deep hole.

Prayers are spoken and the service continues but I don't pay much attention. Instead I cling to Christian and snuggle my face in his bicep to hide my tears. One of his hands grips tightly to mine while the other runs up and down my back softly and reassuringly, even he had tears through most of the service it was so beautiful.

We watch as the white box is lowered into the ground and one by one take turns in throwing a small handful of dirt onto it. Once the service is concluded Taylor and Sawyer meet us and lead us back to the SUV to head to the Fairmount.

"How are you?" Christian asks as soon as we're in the car.

"I'm ok." I reply wiping my cheeks softly with the handkerchief he passed me half way through the service.

"Good." He says softly before pulling me to him so he can kiss the top of my head. "Two more to go."

"Don't remind me." I half laugh half sob, I can't handle all the grief.

"It'll be ok Ana, tomorrow we go to Bellevue and relax with our families." He says running his thumb over my knuckles as we begin the journey to the Fairmount.

"Yeah." I say before sniffing. "I've cried enough for one day I think." I add with a small laugh trying to brighten up our day a little.

When we arrive outside the Fairmount there is even more police and paparazzi. I'm guessing some had the common decency at the least to stay away from the Church. Taylor opens the door and Christian and I are greeted by shouts of our names and questions, camera flashes and clicks. I want to run back to the car and hide but I hold Christian's hand tighter and walk by his side into the hotel.

Natalie's Mom is stood at the entrance. She quickly walks up to us.

"Mr and Mrs Grey." She says weakly.

"Mrs Thomas." Christian says kindly and I give his hand a small reassuring squeeze.

"Thank you, both of you for all this. I couldn't have handled any of it on my own." She says tears building up in her eyes.

Christian's free hand reaches for her shoulder and I'm surprised when he rubs it softly.

"She was a brilliant and bright young woman Mrs Thomas, we're very sorry for your loss." He says gently and she nods as her bottom lip trembles.

"It wasn't your fault." She says but Christian looks uncertain.

I'm surprised and almost jump out of my skin when Mrs Thomas wraps her arms around his neck. Christian is startled and looks at me but then his hand which was on her shoulder goes to her back and he rubs it gently. I'm very surprised to see this side of Christian.

"Thank you." She whispers. "But it wasn't your fault."

My heart breaks for both of them and I'm even more surprised when she pulls away from Christian and pulls me into an embrace. Christian even lets go of my hand so I can hold her tight. I don't actually want to let her go as she cries quietly into my shoulder.

"She spoke so highly of you Mrs Grey, she hopes that one day you would consider her a friend as well as an employee." She says holding my shoulders and looking at me.

"I already did." I say quietly and she nods and smiles. "She was a lovely and kind human being with a dazzling smile."

"That she was." Mrs Thomas nods as more tears falls down her cheeks.

She quickly wipes them away and gives my arm a squeeze before walking to someone behind us to greet them.

"You ok?" I ask Christian.

"I'm fine." He nods. "Come on, let's get some wine and mingle then I've booked a privet dining room for us to have something to eat before we head for home."

"Ok." I nod slipping my hand into his again.

As soon as we're stood with a glass of wine each we're approached.

"Mr and Mrs Grey."

"Mr Daniels. I'm sorry for your loss." Christian says, I have no idea who this man is but I guess he was related in some way.

"Thank you Sir." He nods. "I'm grateful that you came today."

"We wouldn't have missed it." I say and Christian squeezes my hand, it seems to be our preferred form of conversation today.

Mr Daniels walks off and I turn to Christian, he quickly answers my unspoken question.

"He works in HR at Grey's House, he was Natalie's boyfriend, he was the one who got her the job." He explains softly.

I nod and Christian lets go of my hand so he can wrap his arm around me.

"It's been a tough morning." He says quietly and I just nod as I relax into his side. "Shall we go eat?"

"Yes." I nod feeling the burn of hunger in my stomach, maybe it isn't hunger though, maybe it's sadness but it's an empty feeling that I would like gone.


	47. Chapter 47

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Kleenex Alert (will soon get this depression behind us and get on to the fun!)**

I lay on my front with a pillow beneath me and my arms wrapped around it. Christian is lazily drawing circles or something on my bare back with the tip of his finger.

"Now that's the way to start the day." I whisper my eyes half closed.

"Yes it is Mrs Grey." Christian chuckles before leaning in to kiss me just as my belly rumbles. "And now it's time to get out of bed and go to breakfast." He chuckles before pecking the tip of my nose.

I climb off the bed and find the baby blue silk night gown I wore to bed and I pull on the matching thigh high silk robe.

"You should always be in silk." Christian murmurs into the dip between my shoulder and neck as he grasps my shoulders.

"I thought I should always be naked…"

"Only in front of me baby." He chuckles before flicking his tongue over the lobe of my ear.

"Christian." I moan pulling away. "If you start that we're not going for breakfast and…" I don't get to finish as my belly rumbles again.

"You're right, come." He gives me his hand and I take it letting him pull me softly into the kitchen.

Mom is sat there with pancakes, coffee and one of the many from the stack of newspapers on the breakfast bar.

"We're in all of these?" I ask glancing over to Taylor who gives a small nod.

"Jesus, it was a God-damned funeral!" Christian hisses as he grabs one of the papers. "It's sick." He hisses as there is a picture of Christian and as the coffin is being pulled out of the hearse.

I say nothing, I thought it all yesterday when they were at the funeral. I don't even bother lifting one of the papers up just accept the tea Mrs Jones places in front of me.

"Thanks." I whisper as I feel Christian's temper rising beside me.

"Baby." I say running my hand up and down is bare bicep, I like that he didn't bother putting a shirt on to come to breakfast.

"I'm sorry Ana, but we have another two days of this to go, don't they have any morals?"

"It's called freedom of the press and if you want to debate that give Kate a ring, or talk to her tonight."

"I will do no such thing seeing as she was the one covering the damn funeral for Seattle Times."

I swallow hard, oh no Kate! Actually even I'm pissed with her, I know it's her job but this was personal to me and Christian and she promised not to ever write about us even if it cost her the job she loved.

He passes me the copy of Seattle Times open on Kate's story.

"Anastasia and Christian Grey were seen weeping at the Holy Church of Saint Mary's yesterday at the funeral of employee Natalie Thomas age twenty five. The Grey's had a comfortable relationship with Natalie, she was the on board crew for their flight to and from their three week honeymoon. Such public displays of affection is not something that Mr and Mrs Grey often indulge in however it is obvious from the photographs that yesterday, in their time of grief, they leant heavily on each other. Christian Grey, 28, didn't let go of his wife's hand and was also seen wiping tears from her cheek. Anastasia Grey, 22, was seen running her hand through her husband's hair and rubbing his bicep repeatedly. The couple will also attend the funerals of Stephan Holland, 35, and Garret Beighley, 31, it is believed that Christian Grey has agreed to be one of the pole bearers at Stephan Holland's funeral."

"Kavanagh!" I yell jumping out of me seat and rushing to my bedroom. I grab my BlackBerry from its charger beside the bed and knock the speed dial button. It rings four times before she answers.

"Kavanagh." Her voice is light and fluffy.

"Kate it's Ana."

"Oh Hey Ana, how are you? I saw the pictures, they're so sad I'm sorry…"

"Drop it Kate! You printed a story about us! You promised you never would yet there it is smack bang on page four, a story from one Katharine Kavanagh."

"Oh Ana I'm sorry…"

"Sorry doesn't cover it and if you think I'm pissed wait till you see Christian tonight because he's furious."

I hang up before she can say anything. I'm still in shock that Kate dared print that, especially things Christian and I didn't want people knowing such as the offer to be pole bearer that he'd turned down explaining the honour should be given to someone who knew him better.

"Ana." Christian sighs coming into the room. I sit heavily on the bed and drop my head into my hands.

"Yesterday was emotionally draining." I tell him and he nods his agreement.

"Come eat Ana." He says extending his hand to me.

I sigh and slip my hand into his allowing him to pull me to my feet.

"Why don't we all do something today, we don't have to be at my Mom's till later." He says.

"What have you got in mind?" I ask intrigued that Christian wants to spend family time with me and my family.

"We could take Charlie Tango up, that thing holds seven people." Christian suggests.

"Yeah my Mom would love that." I smile though I don't know whether Bob or Ray will.

"Then I'll sort it." He smiles leading me out of the bedroom.

I come to a stop in the TV room where Bob and Ray are watching the morning news. Video footage of the SUV holding Christian and I leaving Escala with flashing lights from the photographers play, followed by us all arriving at the church and then there's a zoomed in video moment of Christian and I hand in hand with Sawyer right behind us watching the coffin being taken out of the car.

"At the funeral of Natalie Thomas there was no hiding of emotions by the Grey's." The reporter's voice is dreary. "Not once were the couple seen apart, their hands clasped at all times, their eyes meeting every now and again…" The picture changed to us leaving the church and heading for the burial site. "No comments were made to the press by the couple, they were caught up in their grief…" Again the picture changes to us leaving the SUV and walking into the Fairmount and through the glass door it's possible to just about see Mrs Thomas rush to us. "Here you see they engaged in conversation with Mrs Josephine Thomas, Natalie's mother. We don't know what they discussed but embraces were shared before the couple disappeared inside the hotel. They were seen leaving looking a little worse for wear later that afternoon. It is rumoured that the couple dined in privet away from the funeral guests."

The picture once again changes to a split screen of Norman and Cecilia, the two reporters from the previous day.

"Norman, what can you tell us about the Grey's since yesterday's funeral?"

"Well Cecilia, as of yet no one has seen or heard from the Grey's since they returned from the Fairmount Olympic yesterday afternoon. However it is known that Anastasia's parents are visiting for Thanksgiving and it's believed that they will be joining with Christian's family in Bellevue to celebrate the holiday."

"The public were shocked by the footage of an emotional Christian Grey. What can they be told about that?"

"Well Cecilia, the couple are undeniably grieving, with another two funerals to go we know that we're going to see more of the two of them in an emotional state. However, we believe Christian will be back at work on Monday getting back to grips with everything, and the same of course applies to Anastasia."

"There were a world of comments made about Mrs Grey's outfit at the funeral, what can you tell us about it?

I can't help but roll my eyes, three people are dead and they want to talk about fashion.

"Well it is believed that the outfits were chosen by Ms Caroline Acton, personal stylist to Seattle's aristocracy. Anastasia was wearing a black dress by Diane von Furstenberg from Neiman Marcus, the pearl shawl by Valentino also from Neiman Marcus, then the hat she wore is a creation from Millinierium designer headwear and her shoes are by Prada. The outfit in total comes to around three thousand dollars and that doesn't include the pearls by Cartier either."

"Thank you Norman, we'll speak with you again later today."

"Fucking press." I hiss before marching off leaving my husband and family stunned.

I walk into the dining room and plonk myself down on a chair not caring about what anyone of them think right now. I can't believe that they've studied my outfit in such detail when there are people who have died. It sickens me and makes me even angrier towards Kate who was the one person I believed to have some sense of common decency.

"Ana you ok?" Christian asks coming in and sitting beside me.

"I'm fine. Just pissed off." I shrug as Mrs Jones begins serving breakfast.

"At the press?"

"Yes and Kate, I can't believe her Christian." I explain.

"Maybe she was asked to write it because the editors thought she would have some more knowledge as it's obvious that she has a friendship and connection to you, they probably wanted an exclusive."

"Why are you being so understanding?" I hiss just as my parents come in to join us.

"It's Thanksgiving Ana, and this year I have a lot to be thankful for." He replies kissing the top of my head.

"As do I." I smile relaxing some and he grins happily.

"Now eat and then we can get ready to go up in Charlie Tango, how about we go to Portland and back? We can have lunch there while they check her over and then fly back with more than enough time to get dressed and go to my parents' house."

"Ok." I nod feeling some of the tension leave my body as I begin to relax.

I see Christian sending emails back and forth while we eat, I guess he's making all the arrangements to take Charlie Tango up and I find myself beginning to look forward to it, not so much going to Portland but I look forward to seeing my parents reaction to Christian flying the helicopter, especially my Dad's.

"Ok so we're going on a little trip today, dress warmly guys." Christian smiles as he gets up from the table.

No one asks what he means or where we're going as they leave the table. I follow Christian to our bedroom as everyone else goes upstairs.

"Hmm so what are we going to do in Portland?" I ask as we enter the large closet to look for clothes to wear for the day.

"Just go out for something to eat, maybe we could book the privet dining room at the Heathman?"

"What?" The very place we discussed butt plugs, fisting and contracts?" I reply in a very over-dramatic fashion.

"Yeah ok maybe I don't want to take your parents there, though I do remember saying I'd hire the elevator out so I could fuck you in it."

"Not today you won't." I laugh as I grab a pair of jeans and a hoody.

"Not today no, but maybe soon." He chuckles.

"If you behave I'll do it for you for Christmas." I wink and he laughs softly as he pulls on a flannel white shirt and a pair of light stone wash jeans.


	48. Chapter 48

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

Up on the roof of Escala I quickly climb into Charlie Tango. Mom follows suit taking a seat in the back and Bob is happy enough to get in too. Ray however looks a little uncertain.

"You said you can fly this thing?" He shouts to Christian over the noise.

"Of course! Ask your daughter, I've flown her in it a few times." That revelation sickens Ray even more but he still climbs inside.

Christian comes around to me and straps me in.

"I think you need to develop a chair like this for the playroom Mr Grey." I say quietly knowing the others already have their headphones on.

"Hmm maybe I could just bring you here and take you in this." He says with a smirk and a quirk of his eyebrow. I flush at the thought and his grin widens. "It would be another first Mrs Grey." He adds with a wink before securing the headphones on me putting an end to our conversation.

Christian is quick to take his own seat and buckle up. I watch with fascination as he pulls on his headphones and begins to flick switches on the dash.

"This is Charlie Tango Golf – Golf, Echo, Hotel to PDX…"

I close my eyes and relax back in my seat, I can't help but think back to the first time Christian flew me in Charlie Tango. It was the night he took my virginity. A night I will remember for as long as I live and a night no one could ever repeat in any sense of the word. Of course there was also discussions of Rules, Contracts, NDA's and subs but it was a night of firsts for Christian and I. Flying a woman in Charlie Tango, taking someone's virginity, vanilla sex … oh how I wish our relationship was that simple now but in actual fact our relationship has never really been simple.

I feel us begin to rise and I turn to Christian and grin happily. He's in his glory up here, his I'm-only-twenty-eight smile plastered to his face.

"Well ladies and gentlemen we're up and away." Christian's disembodied voice says in my ears.

"Can they hear us?" My Mom's voice carries to me and Christian and I both laugh.

"Yes Mom we can hear you." I reply knowing that Christian is concentrating on flying.

"So this is what Seattle looks like from the air." Bob says, I can hear the intrigue in there.

"You can see it from Google maps." Ray grumbles and I laugh again, the man really didn't want to do this.

I gaze across the open sky and feel at ease. So much has happened in the past few days and I know that it's not over yet. It scares me a little and I do wonder if this is what life is going to be like for me and Christian, up and down all the time, the good and the bad.

I hear my families voices carrying into my ears as they look out of the windows and I feel at ease and happy having them with me but there's that stab of guilt in knowing there are families out there without members with them, Tyler and Louisa Holland without Stephan and Mrs Thomas without Natalie. What do they really have to be thankful on this Thanksgiving?

I know what I'm thankful for and he's sitting right beside me.

I hear Christian's voice contacting air traffic control once again and I feel our decent into Portland. I haven't been here since Jose's show, the night Christian gave me the reformed option where more would be included in the agreement.

After we've landed Christian comes to unbuckle me while my parents climb out, he does it so tight that I wouldn't be able to get out of the harness myself even if I tried. He holds me close as he hands the keys over and then we're in the elevator descending to the streets of Portland.

"So where are we going?" I ask as soon as we step out into the street.

"I thought we could go to that little restaurant we went after Jose's art show." He says quietly.

"I'd like that." I smile knowing he's being a romantic and finding himself shy in front of my family.

A car pulls up and I'm surprised when Taylor climbs out to open the door.

"I sent him up here as soon as you agreed to come, by the time we'd eaten gotten ready and then flown he had already arrived."

"Did he break the land speed record at the same time?" I quip in surprise but I know that Christian had planned this and sent Taylor on ahead way before I even woke this morning.

"Come on let's go play before we eat." He says tugging my hand.

"Play? What have you got in mind Mr Grey?" I ask as we climb into the car.

"Wait and see." He chuckles lightly.

I relax into his side as Taylor begins to drive. He strokes my hair softly and I think about all the good times I had as a student here, I do miss that life a little but now here I am, married, happy and no, I wouldn't go back to the life I had as a student.

We drive for nearly thirty minutes before the car turns into a lot. I gaze out the window and smile, Christian sure does have his ways.

"We're shopping Mr Grey?" I ask in surprise as we're in downtown Portland.

"I thought you and I could enjoy spending on the new house, you know, make it our own a little."

I smile, he can be so thoughtful sometimes and I'm pleased. I know that we've had final say on everything to do with the big house but I had been wondering if it would ever feel like my home with it being decorated and furnished by someone else and not by us.

We walk as a group to the nearest art gallery. We've already got the painting of peppers from France however I am intrigued at what else we can have at the place. I wonder still what Christian plans on doing with Jose's photos of me when we move in.

"We have two studies, yours and mine, maybe you'll find something you want to put in yours?" He suggests as we walk in the door.

"Maybe." I reply with a nod, I hope I do, the last thing I want is my study to feel cold and calculated like Christian prefers his.

He slips his hand in mine as we begin to browse.

"I think you may find you enjoy the work of C. Ana." Christian smiles as we begin to walk and look at the different paintings Mom and Bob a few steps ahead and Ray a few steps behind.

"What makes you say that?" I ask as I gaze at a Watercolour still life painting by Bill Baily.

"I think they're far more figurative, more vibrant, I think you'll see what I mean when we see some of her work." He explains nodding his head towards a picture I suspect is drawn by the artist he mentioned.

"That's interesting." I say pointing to a painting beside us.

"Hmm." Christian replies.

"Little lighted oak two." I read from the name plate.

"Her use of colour is lovely."

"Do you want it Ana?"

"No. Can I not comment on something without you thinking I want it."

"Ana if you want anything you can have it, even if it ends up being in the basement under a cover because you don't know where to put it." Christian says running his fingers through my hair softly.

"I think it's beautiful but I don't want it. I have my own money too Christian."

"I want to buy you the world Ana." He says gently making a shiver run down my spine and my insides clench.

"I don't want the world, all I want is you Christian." I reply turning to face him.

"You have me baby." He replies hugging me tight and rocking me softly from side to side. "All of me." He adds breathing into my ear.

He can be so sweet when he wants to be.

"Come on." He tugs on my hand and pulls me towards another picture.

It's breathtakingly beautiful and I gasp at the sight of it.

"I'm guessing you want that?" He asks and I manage a weak nod, it would look beautiful in my study or anywhere, it's just a beautiful piece of art.

"What do you like about it Ana? It looks like someone smudged the original to me." Ray says coming to stand beside us.

"Oh no Dad, look." I point towards the area he says is 'smudged' "The colours run into each other like they would in a real river, see the distance, it's clear and the perspective is so accurate. I love the attention to detail to the pebbles but most of all I prefer where it's smudged, just, so realistic!" I beam.

"It's called Blue Creek Ellen Dittebrandt." Christian says putting his hand on my shoulder. "I think we should get it Ana."

"I agree." I smile not even commenting on the price of $3600 and letting Christian signal over someone who works here.

"Hi what can I help you with?" She asks kindly, with her pink cherry glossed lips sparkling and showing off her pearl white teeth.

"My wife would like this canvass please." He says pulling out his card.

"Are you continuing to browse?" She asks looking down at the card. "Mr and Mrs Grey."

"Yes, but this is sold." He says simply.

"Yes Sir." She nods. "I'll draw up the relevant papers to having it shipped."

"My head of security will collect them all later." Christian says and she nods and allows us to move on.

"That was a waste of money Ana, I'm sure your mother could paint a duplicate." Ray says, I don't think he's quite caught on to the concept of how wealthy my husband is.

"It's a one of a kind Ray and money is no object." Christian says with a hint in his voice telling Ray to drop it because he know how easily I'll change my mind if I over think the price.

"Do you know where that picture would look great Ana?" He asks as we continue to walk through the gallery.

"Where?" I ask knowing he's just trying to keep my interested in the canvass and not on the price. "The wall in the back room that opens up onto the patio. I'm sure if we searched high and low we'd find a real creek there somewhere."

I lean up onto my tip toes and kiss his cheek softly.

"I think it would look great there Christian." I beam as we edge closer to my Mom who is trying to persuade Bob to invest in an oil painting.

"I'll be right back." I tell Christian leaving him with my parents for a moment while I hunt out the sales assistant.

"Excuse me." I say and she kindly walks to meet me. "The painting on wood, it's called Flight, I'd like to buy it and put it on this card and not my husbands." I say pulling out my personal account card. "I'd like it delivered with the other thought if possible?"

"I'll find all that out for you and figure out the paperwork Mrs Grey." She says politely and I walk away.

"What did you do?" Christian asks as soon as I settle my hand back in his.

"Bought my Mom that painting." I reply, I really think she'll like it.

"Did you put it on my card?"

"No my own."

"Ana…"

"It's only four hundred dollars Christian and I want to buy it for her ok?" I snap and he sighs heavily before wrapping me up in the crook of his arm and moving on while a woman waits for my Mom to groan and move on before adding a sold sign to the painting, flashing me a wink at the same time.

"Do you have any idea what type of art you would like in your study Ana?" He asks as I continue from one piece of art to the next.

"Nope, I'm hoping I'll know when I see it." I shrug.

"Ok." Christian sighs, I know he wants me to choose more but I don't want to choose something and end up not liking it.

My family seem to be getting a little bored and I find it particularly amusing considering I'm enjoying myself a lot. Ray and Bob begin to banter in the most loud and obscene fashion and I feel Christian laughing beside me.

"Don't encourage them!" My Mom warns us both before carrying on browsing.

"Www I like these." I say pulling Christian's arm towards a wall lined with paintings similar to each other.

"Do you want them all?"

"No, maybe one or two. I mean the study is white so it needs some colour." I explain as best as I can.

The price tag catches my eye and I begin to pull Christian away but he doesn't budge.

"What?" I ask annoyed.

"Ana, don't look at the price tags, I'll get the shop assistant to hide them all…"

"Christian I am not having two pieces of art in my office costing more than six thousand dollars each!" I tell him argumentatively.

"Ana, which ones do you prefer? If you don't choose I will buy them all." He warns and I know it's a warning."

"Fine, I prefer Exhibit B and Exhibit D." I say reeling off the names of the two I most preferred.

"See wasn't so hard was it." He whispers while his hand calls over the assistant once again.

"Can we leave now, we've spent more than fifteen thousand dollars on three pieces of art, I think I'm about to have heart failure." I tease and he looks at me and smirks.

"I need art too." He pouts.

"Fine." I smile but as we walk I stop looking at the art and gaze at him instead.

"Ana you're supposed to be looking."

"I'm not buying anymore."

"You're so stubborn."

"As are you Mr Grey." I shrug walking over to Ray and Bob who are arguing whether this certain painting is a man or a woman and discussing the anatomy pretty loudly.

"This looks like something you could draw age five Ana." Ray roars with laughter and I close my eyes in embarrassment as we aren't the only people who are browsing.

"Well Daddy that's why it's only thirty five dollars." I say with a grin.

"Hey do you think if I bought this for your Mother she would stop going on about that four hundred dollar one ?" Bob asks with a small laugh of his own.

"I don't know Bob, maybe but I've already bought the one she was looking at for her. Don't tell her either." I warn and he flicks his nose to show it's a secret before calling over my Mom to look at the painting that Ray thought I could paint age five.

"Right we're done, I've sorted out the paperwork so are you ready for lunch?" Christian asks coming to join me still gazing at the thirty five dollar picture. "Do you want that Ana?"

"No I was just looking, Bob asked if he should buy it for my Mom to make her shut up about the other one." I say and Christian chuckles lightly.

"It wouldn't work." He says and I nod in agreement.

"I'm ready for lunch if you want to gather up the kids." I say nodding my head to Bob and Ray who seem to be winding my Mom up.

"Let's go." He smirks whistling to them and drawing interest towards us from others in the gallery. "Lunch!" He calls and Bob and Ray almost run over to us while Mom follows still admiring some of the pieces.

Taylor greets us outside and Christian fills him in on the pickup of the art before he returns to Seattle.

"We'll get cabs back to Charlie Tango when we're ready to leave, you should arrive back in Seattle around the same time as us and that way you'll be able to spend Thanksgiving with Sophie and Mrs Jones." Christian says before relaxing beside me.

"That's sweet." I smile up as he pulls me into his side.

"What is?"

"You making sure Taylor gets back in time to enjoy Thanksgiving."

"Well Sawyer volunteered to drive us to and from Bellevue this evening to make sure Taylor could have tonight off." Christian explains and I'm surprised to hear but I ask no questions and enjoy the drive to the restaurant.

When we arrive Christian hands the paper work for the art over to Taylor and returns me my credit card before we enter. It's mad to think last time we were here I was starving myself almost desperate for the man in front of me to hold me and tell me he loved me and now we're back as man and wife, so much time has passed.

We're shown to a table suitable for five people and we are each given a menu. I don't look at mine and Christian eyes me wearily.

"I'll have the Sirloin, well cooked." I say and he grins at me.

"If I remember rightly the last time I ordered that for you, you argued with me about possibly having stopped eating meat." He says with a chuckle.

"Yes well that was then and we'd just broken up, this is now and we're married." I state and he nods. "Would you like to choose the wine?"

"If you're asking if I remember what wine it was it was Barossa Valley Shiraz." I reply with a cheeky smirk on my face and his eyes widen in surprise.

"I wasn't but I'm impressed."

"It was nice wine." I reply and he nods in agreement.

"It only comes in a bottle." He says quietly and I giggle. "Love that sound." He says running his fingers down my cheek lovingly.


	49. Chapter 49

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

Back at Escala I am excited to see the art work and give my Mom hers. I find the packages in the great room and I'm quick to dig out the one that is hers and call her to meet me.

"What is it Ana?" She asks taking a seat on the couch.

"This is yours." I say handing a medium sized box over to her.

She frowns and opens it slowly. I get to see the light shine in her eyes as she removes the painting completely.

"Oh Ana."

"I heard you saying you liked it and I couldn't resist."

"Oh you didn't have to…"

"I know Mom but I wanted to ok?" I ask and she places it gently beside her before pulling me into a hug.

"Thank you baby it's beautiful." She smiles kissing my cheek before releasing me.

I wonder off to my bedroom to get ready for the big family dinner and I can't help but be excited to see everyone and have a full family dinner. Christian is already in the shower and I quickly strip down and join him. He eyes me with a small smile and I wrap my arms around his waist.

"You ok?" He asks.

"Yup." I beam. "You?"

"I'm great." He grins happily.

"I can see." I say looking down at his firm erection.

"I'm always happy to see you Ana, my body just responds." He shrugs as I glide my hand down his body and wrap it firmly around the shaft.

"God Ana." He moans dropping his head back onto my shoulder as I slowly begin to shift my hand up and down while kissing along his neck and shoulder.

I let my other hand slide down his chest and stomach before letting them cup his balls. He grunts and his hip jerks as his hands fly to the tiles so he can hold himself upright as my hand continues.

"No Ana…"

He says and I let go so he can spin around to face me. He pushes me up against the shower wall and begins a merciless attack on my mouth. His tongue pushes its way into my mouth and my own tongue responds and fights him just as urgently.

His hand slides down my thigh to my knee and he hoists it up onto his hip.

"I'm going to take you now." He says when his forehead is up against mine.

"Go." I say pushing my hips towards him before he slams hard into me.

I gasp and drop my head onto his shoulder as he begins to thrust slowly about half way out before going back in again hitting me hard.

He nips and sucks at my ear lobe before tracing kisses down my neck, his tantalising pace never wavering as he continues.

I moan loudly as he bites the spot where my neck meets my shoulder and it hurt but it was good too. There's always a fine line between pleasure and pain.

"Ana." He moans as his pace picks up and I know he's close, but the problem is I'm closer.

I come around him, squeezing his shaft tight so he can barely thrust until he comes too, I milk him dry as he continues to thrust slowly losing his pace as he tires and comes down.

"Jesus I didn't expect that when I climbed in." He smiles lowering my leg and making sure I'm standing before letting me go.

"Well neither did but I'm not complaining."

"Jesus baby I'm not complaining, you can surprise me like that any time you want." He chuckles as I reach for the shampoo.

"Good." I reply as he begins washing my body and I massage his head.

We wash each other in silence, both of us coming down from our highs to get ready to leave for Bellevue. Back in the bedroom we dry and I begin to style my hair while Christian changes in front of me. I can't take my eyes off him as he dries each bead of water from his skin followed by a quick towel dry of his hair. He looks at me, unable to say anything because I can't hear him over the dryer but I know what he wants to ask, _yes Christian, it is impossible for me to take my eyes off you_. I answer silently.

I quickly turn on the curling iron as I pull on my panties, bra and pantyhose. It's his turn to watch me as I pull my white daisy and red poppy, deep V-neck, sleeveless, full shoulder navy dress on over my head. I see the frown caress his brow and I groan.

"What?" I ask him as I begin to do up the snake print belt that Caroline Acton said was a "must have" with this dress.

"That dress is a little short." He says rubbing his finger over his bottom lip.

"I own shorter." I reply before picking up the curling iron and begin to put large, loose, waves in my hair.

"I don't like it."

"Well I do." I reply making it clear that I am not even going to consider changing it. "I bought this myself, I like this Christian and I am wearing it tonight."

"You have lots of other dresses."

"Yes but I want to wear this one, for once can I look like a twenty two year old woman instead of a forty year old CEO?" I snap and at once amusement is displayed on his face.

"Forty year old CEO?"

"I dress too old for my age when I'm working." I reply with a shrug before going back to doing my hair.

"Who's the dress by?" He asks carefully.

"Alice and Olivia from Neiman Marcus, Caroline helped me choose it." I tell him making it sound like this is an average conversation to have with one's husband. "Is there a problem?"

"No. What shoes are you wearing?" He acts like he's genuinely intrigued but I know he's not, he just wants me to change my mind but I won't back down from this.

"The black studded ankle boots, by Valentino. Are you done now?" I ask gazing annoyed at him.

"I guess." He shrugs and I nod before going back to my hair.

It takes thirty minutes for me to finish my hair, add some make up and add a pave crystal and pearl head band. I grab my purse and head out to meet my family in the great room. They all smile when I enter, well, all but Christian, I really think he thought that I would have changed my mind and decided to change the dress.

"Ana you look great." My Mom beams, but so does she in a violet silk dress that falls just above her knees.

"Thanks Mom you too." I beam. "Now are we ready to go?"

"Let's go." Christian says stiffly offering me his hand.

I take it but then he squeezes it tight.

"Are you mad?"

He doesn't answer me so I take it as a yes.

"Palm twitching mad?" I ask my voice more of a squeak than a whisper.

"Palm twitching mad, but not for the reasons you think." He replies coldly.

"This is going to be a long night if you're mad with me." I mutter quietly.

"I'm not mad with you." He sighs, stressing the word you so that I know he means it. "I shouldn't have questioned your wardrobe choices, you should be free to wear what you want and you do look absolutely beautiful Ana." He says into my ear, both of us ignoring the fact that my parents and Bob are in the car.

"Is that a butterfly on your head?" Ray asks passively, and I know he's bringing our attention back to the fact we're not alone.

"Yes, do you like it?" I ask bending my head so he can see the design on the side of the band.

"It's flashy." He says.

"Daddy they're not real pearls or diamonds." I say my fingers automatically going to the diamond covered love heart around my neck.

"You should always be in real pearls and diamonds Anastasia." Christian says and it shuts my Dad up and makes me smirk a little.

We climb into the waiting SUV and set on the road for Bellevue. My parents and Bob alive with conversation allowing me and Christian to talk on our own.

"Oh can you find out if Claude knows any female gym instructors with a light schedule in, I want to get an hour a day in before I gain too much weight." I say to Christian and I watch as his eyes widen.

"An hour a day?"

"For now, I need to get fit." I shrug, it's not that big a deal? Is it?

"Ok, but why not Claude?"

"He's a busy man, I'd like a morning work out before I go to work I think, an hour Monday to Friday and maybe a little later on the weekends and I would like a female instructor too." I reply, it's something I've been thinking about for a long time, now it's something I really want to do and not just think about it.

"We could work out together on weekends." He says his eyebrow arching making me snort with laughter. "I didn't mean like that." He says while I try to compose myself as Ray and Mom look at me shocked while Bob continues to talk completely oblivious.

"Sorry." I continue to laugh. "Oh ok, well we could work out together on the weekends if you want." I shrug. "but I'm sure you can go longer than me."

It's Christian's turn to burst out laughing and I know I said what I did a little more seductive than I meant to say it.

"I didn't mean it like that." I smirk.

"Sure you didn't." Christian replies, his eyebrows reaching his hairline. "You have a one track mind Mrs Grey." He whispers into my ear and I can't help but quiver at the feel of his hot breath on my neck.

We all talk animatedly for the rest of the route. About the things my family would like to do with the rest of their time in Seattle and their flight home which Christian has arranged for them from Sea-Tac, first class of course.

"It will be nice to have the apartment to ourselves again." I mutter once my parents are deep in conversation again.

"Yeah, we'll have to begin trying to fuck on every surface again, I'm going to do it before we move into the big house." He says with a cheeky smile and a wink.

"Hmm, I like that idea, what have we covered so far?" I ask with a cheeky grin of my own.

"The piano, the billiard table, the lobby table, the elevator, the couch, the bed…"

"Your desk…"

"My desk." He repeats. "I don't think we've even used all the surfaces in the playroom yet." He laughs.

"Well I think we should start as soon as we get home." I smirk and he laughs.

"How are we going to get in there without your parents noticing?"

"We'll find a way. I want kinky fuckery with my husband." I shrug and he laughs softly in my ear just as we pull up outside Bellevue.

As Christian helps me out of the car the front door of the house swings open to reveal Mia Grey. She grins and waves happily as we walk up the stairs. She wraps her arms tight around my neck and plonks a kiss on my cheek.

"Gosh Ana it's been too long, we need a girls get together soon!" She yells before diving into Christian's arm and almost sending him tumbling down the stairs.

"Dear God Mia let them all inside before you attack them." Grace says from the hallway.

She manages to grasp my hand and pull me into the house before wrapping me up in a warm embrace.

"Oh Ana, so good to see you." She says as I kiss her cheek softly.

"You too Grace." I say embracing her a little longer than necessary, relishing in her warmth, and she seems just as reluctant to let go.

I finally step to the side to let Christian greet his Mother and remind her of my parents and Bob.

"Come through to the living room, we're all in there." Mia says dragging me by the hand.

"Actually I was hoping to have a moment to speak with Kate." I say my eyebrows raising a little.

"Go through to my Mom's best room, I'll send her through." Mia says and I have a feeling that she knows what I'm on about.

"Don't fight." Christian warns pulling me to his side.

"I won't." I smirk before kissing his cheek. "I won't be long." I say before going through to the best room and waiting for Kate.

She enters looking extremely apologetic.

"Ana I …"

"No Kate, this is my turn to talk. You promised me! You promised that you would never, ever write a story about Christian and I, you're my best friend and you broke a promise that you made to me on my wedding day! Not only that but half that stuff wasn't public knowledge Kate, they're things Christian had told Elliot and Elliot had told you because you're his fiancé."

"Ana Please?" She pleads looking close to tears. "They said they'd fire me if I didn't cover you guys, I did what I could to avoid writing anything too personal, I thought the thing with being a pole bearer was public knowledge and when I found out it wasn't I felt so guilty. You're the first person to lecture me about this and I can't be any sorrier than I am."

"Four?"

"Grace, Mia, Elliot, and you. I also think Carrick is being different with me and I'm sure Christian is pissed and biting his tongue."

"You deserve it Kavanagh, you screwed up."

"I know, and I won't do it again. I've already emailed the bosses asking for a meeting to discuss my position on the paper and if they expect me to write any more stories regarding you lot then I am handing them my letter of resignation."

"You'd quit?" I ask in shock.

"Yes I would. You don't happen to have a job for me do you? Big CEO an all?"

And just like that we're friends again, argument over.

"Of course I would hire you, no questions asked." I laugh throwing my arms around her tight and allowing her to return the favour.

"So I'm forgiven?"

"Absolutely. Now let's go join our families, I believe Mr and Mrs Kavanagh and I need to be reacquainted." I laugh and Kate drags me by the hand out of the best room and into the living room.

"Ana." Carrick smiles embracing me tight. "Thank you for being there for Christian during this terrible time."

"I think he's there more for me to be honest Carrick." I reply with a shy smile as my husband looks at me trying to figure out what it is I'm discussing.

"Either way, he needs you." Carrick says before letting me move on to Kate's Mom and Dad who each hug me tight and say how happy I look and when could they expect to hear about me making their Daughter an Aunt. I gain a squeezing embrace from Ethan till Mia pulls him away before he cuts off my oxygen supply.

"Hey Little Sis. Elliot beams as he embraces me.

"Hey Leliott." I reply having caught on to the nickname given by his younger brother.

"How are you with everything? I mean, I told Kate she was way out of line…"

"It's fine El, we've sorted it ok?" I smile before accepting the wine Carrick is passing me.

"Right now that we're all here we should head into the dining room." Grace smiles and we follow her and Carrick through.

The place looks amazing. Greta is still rushing in an out placing the food on the table and trying to avoid crashing into us, it's obvious she's running a bit behind.

"Does Greta need a hand?" I ask Christian softly.

"I think she has it covered." Christian replies as he pulls a chair out of me.

Once we all relax into our seats Carrick begins the prayers. I never had the family down for religious but of course, everyone is pretty religious at Thanksgiving. We link hands and bow our heads before Carrick begins.

"For each new morning with its light, for rest and shelter of the night, for health and food, for love and friends, for everything thy goodness sends. Amen."

"Amen." Choruses around the table and Carrick stands to carve the turkey.

The conversation is lively. Food is eaten, wine is drank until everyone is fit to burst. I bask in the warmth and love that floats around the room. I couldn't be happier. This is my family. My very wonderful and loving family and I know that I am an extremely lucky human being to have such a wonderful family.

"Right well how about games and drinks in the living room?" Grace asks as Greta begins to clear away.

We all gradually leave the dining room and take seats in the large living space. Christian sits me on his knee as his father serves us all another glass of wine. I happily look around, enjoying the feel of Christian's hand running up and down my back.

"Ok as always we'll start with writing down what we're thankful for on these post-its. Don't make it obvious or it will spoil the game, you can write ten different things but only one per post-it and then put it in here. Make sure no one sees what you write and then one by one we will pull them out and try and figure out who it was, if you don't know we continue around the room till we find out. Everyone get it?" Mia asks standing with a bucket to put the post-it's in when we've written on them.

I begin to write quickly. I have a lot to be thankful for so it's easy to write the first ten that comes into my head, however, the problem is making them vague. Christian writes down his own pretty quick too. I can't see what he's writing but the smile on his face says he's happy to share and it makes me smile to see him so carefree.

After everyone has deposited their ten folded post-it notes into the bucket Mia shakes it up before handing it to Grace to start us off.

We all watch in anticipation as she unfolds the small yellow paper. Her eyes sparkle and she smiles broadly.

"I am thankful for My more, My love, My life, My…" She reads and I try not to give it away on my face.

It's not mine but I know exactly who wrote it because the words ring a bell in my head.

"Seriously, is this a missing word game?" Mia growls.

"I'm sure it's really an easy one to figure out Mia." Christian says and again I try my hardest not to give it away.

"Ana is this yours?" Grace asks and I shake my head, something must have shown on my face.

"Dad you try figuring it out." Mia says as he's sat beside Grace.

"Well I think the word is wife." He says. "So that cuts out all you wonderful women. And Ethan, Elliot and Ray aren't married. So that leaves me, Tony, Christian and Bob. It surely wasn't me, somehow I doubt it's Christian so I'm going to go with … Tony."

"Nope wasn't me."

"Bob?" Mia asks and he shakes his head.

"Christian?" Grace is gobsmacked.

"Yeah it's me and not the answer isn't wife Dad the answer is Ana. My more, My love, my life, my Ana."

Everyone is staring in shock at Christian, he's not known for his most public displays of affection and this has surpassed them all. I kiss his cheek softly and he wraps his arms around me allowing me to rest my head on his shoulder.

"I love you." I say quietly.

"And I you." He replies as Carrick swirls the post-it's before choosing one.

We all watch again as Carrick opens it slowly, each one of us wondering if it's ours or not.

"The best year of my life." He reads with a frown. "I can't think it being any of us Grey's other than gaining Ana, Kate and Ethan we haven't had a particularly great year."

We all know he's thinking back to Jack Hyde kidnapping Mia, the Miscarriage, the Car Crash, the Jet… yeah not the best year ever.

"Carla?" He guesses but my Mom shakes her head softly.

"Bob?" Mia tries.

"Hmm, Kate." Christian says and Kate nods softly before breaking out in a smile.

"It may have had it's bad times guys but what we've gained is far more spectacular than what has been thrown against us and the fact we've come out of it closer than ever… best year ever." Kate smiles and Carrick and Christian raises their glasses followed quickly by all of us.

"Best year ever." I agree whispering into Christian's ear.

"And the next will be even better." He replies before Mia pulls out another Post it.

"Every single one of you." Mia reads.

I sip my wine slowly. Mia is gazing around the room and I desperately don't want her to see on my face that the post it note is mine.

"Mom?" She suggests but Grace shakes her head with a look of confusion.

Christian looks down at me with a smirk.

"It's Ana's." He says and I glare at him.

"How did you know?" I ask.

"Mia read it out and I felt you tense up against me, big giveaway." He chuckles.

We continue to play until all post it's are read. By the time we're done we're all merry and laughing. Christian pulls me to the piano and sits me beside him on the stool as he begins to run his hands up and down the keys.

"You'll know this one." He says quietly as everyone in the room continue to talk amongst themselves.

"I can't play!" I gasp.

"No I mean the song, I want you to sing it with me." He says and I swallow hard, has this man heard me sing?

He rubs his hand gently up and down my thigh and my inner goddess sits on her stool and coughs to clear her throat.

"Please?" He asks and I nod gently.

His hands find the keys of the piano and a beautiful melody begins to play. He nods softly to me when it's time to come into the lyrics and I smile and begin to sing quietly with him.

"Beautiful Dreamer, wake unto me…" He's grinning and looking at me and not the keys of the piano, my cheeks have flushed red in embarrassment, I don't sing! Never!

"…Starlight and Dewdrops are waiting for thee. Sounds of the rude world, heard in the day, lulled by the moonlight have all passed away. Beautiful Dreamer, Queen of my song, List' while I woo thee with soft melody, gone are the cares of life's busy throng, Beautiful Dreamer wake unto me, Beautiful Dreamer wake unto me." By the end of the verse I am so lost in singing with my husband that I don't even notice that the room behind us is deathly silent and each set of eyes are on us.

"Beautiful Dreamer, out on the sea. Mermaids are chanting the wild lorelie. Over the streamlet vapours are borne, waiting to fade at the bright coming morn. Beautiful Dreamer, beam in my heart, E'en as the morn on the streamlet and sea, then with all clouds of sorrow depart. Beautiful Dreamer wake unto me…"

"Beautiful dreamer wake unto me…" My voice is quiet as Christian stops playing and leans into me.

I glance at his lips but the loud cheers and applause from behind us startle us both. I blush scarlet while Christian grins like a Cheshire Cat. I really think he's very merry drunk and absolutely carefree, I wish we could be like this all the time…

"Oh Ana, Christian that was beautiful." Grace says wiping the tears from her eyes as Christian pulls me into his side and kisses the top of my head.

"Encore! Encore!" Elliot, Ethan, Kate and Mia chant.

"No guys I'm afraid it's time for us to head back." Christian says helping me to my feet before he follows suit.

We all take time in saying goodbye to each other and it's nearly twenty minutes after the announcement that we were leaving before we make it into the car. Mom can't stop gushing about Christian and I singing, she's one of those emotional drunks as is Ray, he can't stop saying how proud he is of the two of us, especially his Honey Bee, then there's Bob who's half asleep.

"That was fun." I say to Christian as soon as we're en-route to Escala.

"You do things to me Ana." He says pressing his forehead into my temple. "Other than that one time they've never heard me sing, and that wasn't properly either. I love you."

"I love you too." I reply as he wraps me up in his jacket, allowing me to fall asleep on his lap.


	50. Chapter 50

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Once again THANK YOU ALL for your reviews!**

"Hey." Christian smiles running his fingers through my hair as I begin to rouse from sleep.

I'm exhausted. After arriving back from Bellevue last night Christian had to carry me to bed and I barely remember him divesting me of my clothes and pulling my nightgown over my head before wrapping me up in his arms and letting me sleep… so much for the playroom…

"We have to get up." He whispers nudging my face with his nose.

"Funeral number two." I sigh.

"Yeah, it's not till later but I don't want to rush to get ready, I want to make sure we have something set up for your parents to do other than sit in here and watch us on the telly."

"That sounds fine Christian." I smile before pushing myself up to sitting. "But I would like to know what the world is saying about us today."

"Why do you want to know Ana?"

"So I can be prepared. I'm not used to this Christian, the publicity. However, I have seen successful people brought down to nothing because of one thing, the public turning against them and stuff. I just want to be in the know about what people are hearing about us from the world's media."

"I guess that makes sense." He replies nodding softly as I pull on my robe.

I walk into the great room and once again Mom, Ray and Bob are sat with their coffee's watching the TV. The news hasn't started yet so I make my way through to the kitchen and grab a newspaper.

"Tea Ana?" Mrs Jones asks kindly.

"No I'd like a latte this morning if it isn't too much trouble." I say knowing that Christian's coffee machine makes all sorts of different coffees as long as we have the right ingredients.

"No trouble at all." She smiles as I flip open the newspaper.

There is very little about us. Actually it's me on the fashion page as we're leaving Attic Gallery and I'm surprised to see they followed us to Portland. It's under "Fashion Do's" and I laugh seeing as I'm in a simple hoody and a pair of Dolce and Gabbana jeans with my converse. According to the article it's definitely a must to go shopping with family with a helicopter ride. I mean seriously, is there anything these people don't know.

Christian saunters in and plonks down beside me. He gazes amused at the four sentences beneath my picture.

"I guess it's good when I'm in the do's and Angelina Jolie is in the don'ts right?" I ask and Christian nods his head, an amused smile playing on his lips.

"You look comfortable, I guess that's what they're suggesting."

"I can't believe Seattle Express followed us to Portland on Thanksgiving!" I laugh softly and he shrugs.

"Paparazzi, the photographer who took that probably got a few thousand for it." He says flicking through another paper looking for us.

I see the frown on his face and my insides clench, but not in a good way. I lean over his shoulder and peer down. It's a picture of us happily leaving Bellevue. Christian has his hand in mine and we're laughing while Grace and Mia wave from the door.

"I hate it that they stalk my parents place, and it means they followed us from the house."

"Unless Kate let it slip to someone." I mumble.

"I think she won't be making any mistakes like that again Mrs Grey, I think between Elliot, You, my Mother and Mia she's been scared into her rash decision about leaving the paper."

"I hope she doesn't leave, she loves her job." I say sadly, I was mad with her but I also see her point, _it is_ her job.

"Hmm well leave her to make her own decisions Ana, she makes her bed and she can lie in it." Christian explains as he shuts the paper.

I take the latte Mrs Jones has put in front of me and saunter into the living room just as the news begin. They go through the headlines and Christian and I are the first topic, wow the world must be a very boring place right now.

"Good morning, I'm here stood outside Escala, home of Christian and Anastasia Grey who this morning will be getting ready for the funeral of First Officer Garrett Beighley." Norman says again, I would like to meet that man, maybe put my fist in is his face and knock a few teeth out, my inner goddess is already in her boxing gloves bouncing from one foot to the other.

The footage from Natalie's funeral shows and the same male disembodied voice from yesterday morning come through the surround sound.

"The scenes on Wednesday were heart-breaking. Christian Grey CEO of Grey's Enterprises Holdings and his wife Anastasia Grey CEO of Grey Publishing were seen comforting each other at the funeral of On Board Crew Natalie Thomas. The couple spoke to the public after the accident, they said that Natalie was charming and beautiful. However their grieving is far from done with the funerals of First Officer Beighley and Pilot Stephan Holland still to go the couple have been in near hiding, however, yesterday morning Grey's Enterprises Helicopter was seen leaving Escala and then returning later that afternoon, pictures were taking of the couple visiting Attic Gallery in Portland where they were with Mrs Grey's Mother, Father and Step-Father. They were later seen leaving Escala once again and then photographed leaving Christian's childhood home looking happy and relaxed."

The footage changed again to the split screen and Ana sipped calmly at her latte and continued to watch.

"Good Morning Norman, well it's another day and of course it's no rest for the Grey's with a second funeral to attend today. How do you think the couple are holding up?"

"Well Cecilia, the couple were seen yesterday as happy as newly-weds should look, they may be grieving for their loss but they're also spending time together and relaxing."

"How are the public reacting to such public acts of affection and relaxation in their current situation?"

"Well there's not a bad word to be said about the Grey's. This morning's Seattle Express saw Anastasia Grey gracing their fashion pages and her outfit of hoody, jeans and converse was complimented. The young couple are dealing well with their loss and no one seems to have a problem with it."

I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding.

"I'm sure the Grey's had a lot to be thankful for yesterday, it's been rumoured that only a few days before Anastasia Grey's family flew on the jet to Seattle."

"That's the rumour of course but we can't confirm it." Norman replies with a nod.

"Thank you Norman we'll be back with you later on today. In other news…"

I get up and walk away, I don't even want to think about all this, today is going to be hard enough as it is.

"You ok?" Christian asks joining me in the bedroom where I've laid back against the head board to enjoy my coffee.

"I think so." I shrug. "I just wish that this could be privet you know?"

"I do baby, but we can't and we just have to accept it for what it is."

"Easy enough for you to say Mr Grey, they've been at you since you made your first million."

"Good point." He nods softly as he runs his hand up and down my bare leg in a soothing and non-sexual manner. "Come have some breakfast, Mrs Jones has made blueberry muffins…" His voice is a teasing coaxing and I laugh softly.

"Hmm Blueberry muffins sounds good." I smile letting Christian help me to my feet so we can go eat.

My Mom, Bob and Ray are eating in the dining room while Christian and I stay at the breakfast island.

"What will they be doing today?" I ask Christian softly.

"I've organised that Mac take them out on the Grace for a few hours and organised a table at SP's for them." He replies.

"They're flying back tomorrow." I sigh. "I've barely spent any time with them."

"How about you and I fly out to Savannah before Christmas to be with your Mom and Dad, we'll go for four days, fly back Christmas Eve, spend Christmas Day with my family and then fly out to Ray's and fly back before day before New Year's Eve and see two thousand and twelve in here together?"

"Can we?" I ask a little excited.

"Of course we can Ana, I'd love to spend some time with your family, we didn't foresee this happening."

"I know that." I chuckle lightly. "I just feel really bad that I haven't spent much time with them."

"I'm sure they understand Ana." He says softly. "Now come on we should get ready."

We shower together but there's no shower this morning, we wash each other and each other's hair, keeping some form of intimacy there but there is no love making in the hot cascading water. Sooner this is all over the better I believe.

My dress for today is nowhere near as simple as the one I wore for Natalie's funeral and catching a sight of the price as I take the tag off I try to supress a groan. Who pays $5,0045.00 for a damn dress for a funeral? And that doesn't include the commission added for Caroline Acton. However it is a beautiful dress and maybe I'll wear it again it's a layered tulle with all over ruching that skims over my figure, it has intricate Chantilly lace appliques adorning the scoop neckline, half sleeves and hem which falls just midway down my calfs, the under dress is silk, so smooth against my body. I leave my hair down in the natural waves it's dried in and pull on a sequined oversized beret to rest half off my head. To finish I add a pair of simple pointed Prada stiletto pumps.

"You'll need a coat, scarf and gloves baby it's frozen out there today." Christian says as he walks into the wardrobe.

"Ok." I nod as I pull my pearls around my neck.

Christian slips behind me and does the clasp before leaning down and kissing my cheek softly.

"Soon will be over baby." He whispers gently and I lean back into him. "You look amazing, that dress suits you."

I grab my sequin adorned gloves and put them with my purse while Christian passes me a sequined scarf where the sequins are chocolate/bronze and has black velvet so when I put it on you see both sides.

"You need a bit of colour, that black makes you look pale." He says as he grabs his own gloves and scarf from the drawer.

I walk to where my coats are and grab the only black one there, a simple cape coat by Jean Paul Gaultier that I have avoided wearing at all costs.

"Don't button it Ana." Christian says as I go to close it.

"Why?"

"Show off the dress." He teases with a wink and a smile that didn't reach his eyes, I know he's just trying to lighten the mood up so I leave it open and then give him a twirl with my own smile, that once again doesn't reach my eyes.

My parents have already left before Christian and I head off to the funeral. My Mom popped her head in just to say goodbye and that she would see us when they were back.

Taylor and Sawyer once again meet us in an elevator and we repeat the journey we took only a couple of days ago. We don't go to Beighley's house. Instead we go straight to the Church and sit off to one side trying not to be intimidated or annoyed by the looks we get from other friends and family around us.

The service is slightly shorter than Natalie's and the family have asked that only the close family go to the burial so Christian and I make our way to the Fairmount once again. It's like a zoo with the press, they're screaming questions at us but we ignore them and slip inside the building and go straight to the bar for a glass of wine.

"I can't wait till this is over." Christian whispers rubbing my knee.

Christian and I aren't as emotional as we were at Natalie's, simply because we didn't know Beighley anywhere near as well as Natalie or Stephan. If I remember right Beighley didn't even start working for Christian until our honeymoon and so he hadn't had the chance to bond with the man as much.

We don't even speak to any of the family and after they've been around for a couple of hours Christian and I decide to leave, we know there's no need to hang around so we grab our coats and go. I look forward to a hot bath, a meal with my family and then bed before we have to do all this again tomorrow.


	51. Chapter 51

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**So this chapter may feel a little rushed and different to the others, I just didn't want to drag it out. **

**KLEENEX ALERT!**

The next morning the routine is repeated except that as we leave it's leaving my parents to pack while we go to the funeral. Christian has written his speech. Though he refused to be a pole bearer Louisa asked him if he would mind saying a few words. There's also the matter of the 'family' car. Louisa asked if we would join her and Tyler in the family car from the house which Christian also agreed too.

We meet Louisa outside the house. She's a quivering wreck but Tyler seems pretty content, especially when he sees me.

"Princess!" He yells running over to me.

Even in my heels and dress I manage to bend down in time to catch the barrelling ball of energy and not topple over when I catch him.

"Hey little prince." I smile picking him up onto my hip.

Christian talks quietly with Louisa who's sobbing hysterically. It kills me to see her in so much pain and I can't imagine it being the other way around. The thought of Christian being on that plane has haunted my nightmares and I can't breathe when it crosses my mind.

"Mommy's really sad because Daddy isn't coming back." Tyler whispers into my ear.

"I know prince." I reply rubbing his back softly.

"I'm not sad, because my Daddy's gone to heaven and Mommy says it's a real nice place where he can watch over us with angels."

My heart weeps for him, he doesn't understand but he takes a real mature way of handling it.

"Can I stay by you as we say bye to Daddy?" He asks softly.

"If that's what you want." I reply with a soft smile, I know that Louisa is in too much of a state to do much.

We get into the funeral car and I strap Tyler in between myself and his Mom. Christian stays beside Louisa, comforting her as much as he can and looking at me for reassurance every now and again.

The ride to the Church is quick and tears prickle my eyes as we stand watching the coffin being removed from the hearse. Photographs are flashed of us and I try to ignore it but it isn't easy with Tyler on my hip trying to look at them.

"Princess why are they taking pictures?" He asks as his head rests on my shoulders.

"I don't know prince." I reply rubbing his back softly.

We follow the coffin inside and tears fall gracefully and silently down my cheeks. Every now and again Tyler wipes them away from me and I smile reassuringly at him while Christian supports Louisa. She can barely stand.

The service is quite boring and religious. I keep Tyler entertained on my lap as it goes on because the more bored he becomes the louder he becomes and I gain very dirty looks from Christian, I swear he thinks I'm encouraging the child.

When Christian goes up to give his speech Louisa leans into me and wraps her hand around mine. I give her a soft squeeze as I gaze at my husband.

"Stephan was a brilliant man and an even better pilot." He says, his voice is firm and strong, like a business meeting and not a funeral. "He was passionate, loved flying, loved his wife and his son. I am very proud to say I knew this man, and considered him a loyal and trusted friend as well as an employee. It's a very sad day to be saying goodbye to such an inspiration. He wasn't just talented but he was dedicated. I have never and will never meet a man like him. Thank you."

I know at once that Christian cut his speech, it had been much longer when he showed it to me the previous evening and I know it's because of the tears building up in his eyes and the hunching his shoulders are doing. He comes over to us and Louisa stands to hug him tight. Christian then leans down and kisses me before settling in beside Louisa for the service to continue.

At the burial I continue to hold Tyler on my hip. He's heavy but I don't want to put him down in fear he'll run off or something. At least in my arms he's safe.

He shed a couple of tears, when he heard his Mom whisper goodbye Stephan. But other than that he was a typical five year old and it made the whole event easier on me. He falls asleep on me on the way to the Fairmount and when we exit the car and I cradle him in my arms Christian wraps and an arm around me and held Louisa's hand.

Once inside the building I take Tyler to the nearest booth so I can sit down with him in my arms. Christian makes sure Louisa is ok greeting people before bringing a glass of wine over and sitting down opposite me.

"You're good with him." He says softly.

"He doesn't understand what's going on." I shrug running my hands through the little boys blond curls.

"He looks like Stephan."

"I noticed." I whisper, tears stinging my eyes.

"Long day." Christian sighs sipping his wine and keeping his eyes on me.

"Yeah. I think Tyler has the right idea in having a nap."

"Why does he call you princess?" Christian asks his eyes alive with intrigue.

"I met him at the airport. I was wearing that dress from the awards ceremony and he thought I looked like a princess, I think it might be that he doesn't remember my name too." I chuckle lightly but quieten when Tyler shifts in my arms. "You really are ready to have children aren't you?"

"Not here Ana." He says quietly.

"I am too." I say. "If you want too… I won't have the next injection."

"We'll see where we are then Ana." He says and as easily as that the subject is closed.

Louisa comes over to collect Tyler, she wants to leave and Christian makes sure that Taylor takes her home. As soon as I've kissed Tyler and hugged Louisa and they leave I fall into my husband's arms and finally sob.

He holds me tight and buries his face in the crook of my neck. I feel the wetness of his tears on my shoulder and I know he can't hold it back anymore. I am glad neither one of us sobbed like this in front of Louisa, we had to be strong for her because she needed us but without her there we were free to cry.

"Let's go home baby." I whisper as he rubs his cheek against mine.

"Ok." He nods wrapping me up in his arm.

We exit the hotel to more camera flashes and I know that both of us look worse for wear, the editors are going to have a field day with pictures or red eyes, blotchy face Christian Grey but neither one of us give a damn.

Taylor and Sawyer get us in the car and soon we're on our way home.


	52. Chapter 52

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

After arriving back at Escala Christian disappeared into his study leaving me with my now packed and ready to go parents. Mrs Jones busied herself in the kitchen making everyone lunch seeing as Christian and I didn't eat at the hotel while my Mom fussed around me making sure I was ok.

I was just tired and drained and was grateful when Ray let me cuddle up into his side and fall asleep. I needed to sleep so badly that I had been fighting my eyelids since Christian and I stepped into the car.

I wake up to Christian shaking me softly.

"Hey." I smile up at him, he looks much better now than when we left the hotel.

"Hey baby, it's time to take your parents to the airport." He says softly knowing I don't want them to leave.

"Ok." I sigh weakly and he helps me to my feet.

"Taylor's loading the car up now." He explains as I shove my feet back into my heels, I know I don't have time to change and Christian is still in his black Armani suit too so I don't think it matters.

"Ok." I sigh going into the kitchen where Mrs Jones is cleaning up.

"Can I get you anything Ana?" She asks.

"Uh some juice please." I say slipping onto a bar stool.

Christian steps behind me and begins to rub my aching shoulders, falling asleep on the couch is not a good idea unless you want to suffer afterwards.

"I was thinking we could go out tonight if you're up for it." Christian says quietly, his hands kneading into my neck and shoulders.

"Where too?" I ask thinking maybe we both need to get out of the apartment for a couple of hours.

"Mile High Club? I mean at least there we won't have to worry so much about the press getting in as there are adequate security measures." He replies as I sip at the ice cold pineapple juice Mrs Jones lay out in front of me.

"Sounds good." I reply.

"Maybe we can get up to no good." He whispers so that Mrs Jones doesn't hear however it does nothing to me, there's no playfulness or seduction in his voice as if he's saying it just because he feels the need to and not because he really wants to get down and dirty.

"Sure." I reply with a shrug but again there's no conviction behind the word from me.

"Sir the car is packed." Taylor says entering the room.

"Ok, Mrs Grey and I will take the R8." He says. "Then we shall not be returning to Escala."

"Yes Sir." He nods before heading out, probably to get the R8 ready for us.

"Shouldn't we change?" I ask smoothing out my dress feeling glad it already has ruffles in so it doesn't look slept in.

"We don't have time and it's not like people don't know where we've been today Ana." He replies before dropping a soft kiss onto my forehead. I can almost feel his anguish in that kiss and I just want to wrap him up in my arms and tell him that everything is going to be alright but now isn't the time for that. Now is the time to take my parents to Sea-Tac before going out and trying to enjoy the resemblance of a normal meal as any newly-wed couple would.

He takes my hand and leads me away. I give his a gentle squeeze, letting him know without words that we're ok. My Mom, Ray and Bob are quiet too and except to look at the waiting R8 they don't say or do anything.

Once inside the R8 both Christian and I let out a long drawn out breath that we've been holding in since God knows when. I know that this is just now and that we're not going to feel like this for ever but the thing is I'm done feeling like absolute shit, I want my marriage back where it was, I want my husband back the way he was and I know it's selfish because we're like this because three people lost their lives.

Christian kept his hand on my near for most of the journey, only moving it to change the gears and then placing it back. Arriving at Sea-Tac I feel a little uncomfortable. I can't help see the place is alive again with people going and coming but I remember the bright orange flames that lit up the night sky, the smell of burning jet fuel, the realisation that Natalie, Stephan and Beighley were dead and the little boy who thought he was meeting a princess. I know that Christian is a little uncomfortable too, I can see him shifting awkwardly from one foot to the other while we wait for my parents to check in.

The voice announcing Ray's flight echoes around me and he pulled me into a tight embrace. I try not to cry but I couldn't stop the wet tears dripping down my cheeks.

"I love you." He says quietly in my ear.

"I love you too Dad." I say holding onto him for dear life, Christian eventually pulls me back and shakes my father's hand.

"Take care of her."

"With my life." Christian replies and it's like there's an unspoken promise there between them. Ray just nods before kissing my cheek and heading off to the plane.

It's not long when my Mom and Bob's flight is called too. I'm quick to hug them both trying and failing to hold back my tears as I watch them leave and then once out of sight Christian hugs me tight.

"Ready to go for food?" He asks me gently, I really just want to go home and hide away in bed but knowing Christian wants to go out I nod and let him lead me back to the car.

He exchanges words with Taylor out of my earshot. It's severely annoying when he does that because nine times out of ten whatever is being said involves me. I wait in the passenger seat of the R8 for Christian and I replay the events of the past four days in my head. It's been tough and I look forward to a new week beginning on Monday with hopes Christian and I can get our lives back on track, I know we still have to wait on the news of the jet but I hope that it was just an accident and Christian and his lawyers can deal with all of that while I try and slip back into some semblance of normality. I snort, normality and Grey doesn't even go together and I am a Grey too, Anastasia Rose Grey.


	53. Chapter 53

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

Waking up with Christian on a Saturday morning has been as pleasurable as ever. Now as I soak in the bath and my husband is in his study hard at work I finally feel content again. Christian is in a much better mood this morning.

Last night at dinner we were both quiet. It didn't help that other dinners kept looking over to us and I'm not surprised with our slightly dishevelled appearance, my bright red puffy eyes, it was particularly hard to ignore the hushed whispers that ended with us leaving after the main course. Then we got into bed without a word and snuggled up tight, neither one of us sleeping but neither one of us talking either until finally we both drifted off to sleep.

"Baby…" Christian's voice hits my ears. I open my eyes in time to see him walking into the bathroom looking almost apologetic.

"What is it?" I ask already in a panic.

"I have to go to London."

"When?" I ask my heartbeat not slowing down for a moment.

"I'm going to fly out tomorrow, I need to know if you want to come with me before I book the tickets." I can see his anxiety on his face, he doesn't like the idea of having to book seats and not just set up his jet.

"I can't Christian, I have to work." I say quietly not wanting to start another argument but Christian seems too pre-occupied to care that I'm not going because I want to work. "How long will you be gone?"

"A week."

I feel sick, a whole week without my husband by my side is going to be near torture.

"Ok." I nod not wanting to show I'm upset. "Why do you have to go?"

"They've found something to do with the jet down there, we're going to compare the damage and see what we have, I want to see their evidence for myself and be there when they do the comparisons."

"That's understandable." I say hoping he'll see that I truly do understand what he's saying.

"I don't want to leave you."

"I know." I reply solemnly, I don't want him to go either but this is our life and we have to just get on with it.

"Will you be ok while I'm gone?" He asks grabbing the shampoo.

"I'll be fine, Mia wants to meet up and I'll arrange something with Kate too, maybe have them over."

"I want you to be careful and stick with Sawyer."

"Do you trust me not to call him every hour for updates?" I ask my voice strong and warning.

"Yes." He sighs. "Since this whole thing with the jet Ana I've seen that I have to trust you or I'll drive both of us mad, just take Sawyer with you. Let him be around when you're in work and have him nearby whenever you go out."

"I will." I reply knowing my husband's need to have me safe.

"I'll call you and email you every day but the time zones…"

"I know." I sigh, I get it and I need him to know that I do.

"I'm taking Taylor."

"I guessed." I smile as he begins massaging the shampoo into my hair.

"Mrs Jones will be here to look after you, remember she'll be missing Taylor too so be gentle on her…"

"It will be nice to have someone here who is going through the same thing I guess." I reply with a shrug to busy enjoying the feel of his fingers through my hair.

"Oh and have you seen today's papers yet?" He asks still massaging the shampoo into my scalp.

"Nope." I reply, I know they're just on Stephan's funeral and I don't want to subject myself into re-living that.

"There's one article in the Express about you."

"About me?" I quirk my eyebrow in complete confusion.

"They seem to think you're a natural with kids. It's a picture of you and Tyler, you both seem quite happy considering…" He lets his voice trail off and I say nothing.

"I mean what I said you know." I whisper and I feel his hands come to a stop in my hair.

"I know." He replies. "But we have time, let's just wait and see and decide when we have to."

"Ok." I nod knowing that he's right.

I let him wash the shampoo out of my hair before he kisses me and leaves me alone to finish washing and get out. I can't help but wonder if he's changed his mind about the baby thing. I know we'll never really be ready till it happens. We'll both have our fears and uncertainties and it will continue till however many children we have go to college and probably even then we'll wonder if we did a good enough job.

I'm still not certain I'm ready to be a Mom but I know I want to be one. The want is there even if the fear is too. At least I have just over two months before I'm due for my next shot which means I won't get pregnant in the meantime. It also means we have enough time to do a lot of things beforehand, including moving into our new home.

Now I have to come to terms with the fact that my husband is disappearing to London for a week, and I know the only way I'm possibly going to get through it is if I keep busy. I guess I could easily start some Christmas shopping for the family, focus on work is a definite must with making sure Clarisse settle down into her role and give myself more le-way to be Creative Head which is more me than sitting behind the desk completely running the place.

My BlackBerry pings and I'm quick to check my emails. I don't know why Christian has bothered sending me an email instead of just waiting for me to get out of the bath but I read it any way.

**To:** Anastasia Grey

**Subject:** Playtime

**From:** Christian Grey

I've just realised we won't have much time to play when I leave for London. Want to make do with the time we have left? ;)

Christian Grey

Needy CEO, Grey's Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

Seems like my Christian is back and I can't help but be happy and smile at the screen of my phone as I tap out a reply.

**To:** Christian Grey

**Subject:** Slippery when wet

**From:** Anastasia Grey

Still in the bath at this moment Sir. How long do I have?

Anastasia Grey

Soaking CEO, Grey Publishing, Ltd.

I chuckle as I knock the send button before relaxing back against the tub waiting anxiously for his reply.

**To:** Anastasia Grey

**Subject:** I like it best…

**From:** Christian Grey

…When you're wet. Five minutes wench! ;)

Christian Grey

CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

I don't think I've ever gotten out of the bath so fast in all my life. I pull on my white fluffy bathrobe, pull the water and deposit my phone in the bedroom and slip on my panties before running for the playroom.

I manage to chuck my robe up on the hook behind the door and get into position just as the door slips open and my Christian saunters in.

"Well, well, well Ana, you really can follow orders when you want to."

I say nothing and keep my eyes firmly on the floor.

"Answer me."

"Yes Sir I can." I reply my voice thick with my excitement.

"Good girl, now then what am I to do with you?" He asks and I think it's a rhetorical question.

I sense him walking around me, his piercing eyes on me completely and I breathe heavily. I want him to do or say something and fast because just being in this room peaks my arousal.

"Well Ana? What do you think I should do to you?"

"I don't know Sir." I answer my voice squeaking slightly.

"You don't know? Well have you been bad this week? Have you been naughty?"

Oh man his words have an instant line to my sex and I know I'm getting more turned on by the second.

"No Sir." I say quietly, I don't think I've committed anything spank-worthy this week.

He moves my dripping wet hair from my shoulder so it hangs limply and sticky against my back.

"I think you have." He whispers in my ear, his hot breath a complete contrast to my cold wet hair making me shiver with excitement and anticipation. "First though, I want to dry this hair." He says and suddenly I feel him grip all my hair and pull my head up.

My knees begin to ache after a while and Christian is quiet as he slowly dries my hair with the hand towel he must have bought up with him. Having him drying my hair feels too intimate for this room. I like keeping the intimacy in the bedroom and the more extreme erotica here in the playroom. I mean, I don't mind actually I enjoy it when he ties me to our bed or spanks me in our bedroom but I prefer the more erotic stuff to be confided to this room.

"I want to try some new things with you Ana. I've been spending and you can say no if you want to obviously but I'd like you to consider this." He says putting the towel down beside me.

"Ok Sir."

"No Ana, I need you to just be my wife for a minute." He says giving me his hands so I can stand.

He leads me to a more clear part of the room and reaches up. My insides backflip in fear, I think he's considering suspension and it is definitely something in my hard limits and it isn't going to change any time soon.

There are two, black, thick, harness type ropes hanging down from a metal hanger attached to a very large spring. Between the two ropes is a black thin cushion type thing that Christian runs his hands over.

"This is a sex swing." He says matter-of-factly. "I have additional pieces like this that can be added and remove as we wish." He says signalling the cushion. "As you can see if you sit on it your feet touch the floor just as they would on a real swing." I watch as he sits down and holds around the rope.

"Does it swing?" I ask shyly.

"Yes Ana." He laughs softly and kicks off gently from the ground. "I won't do anything you're not comfortable with and if we do this I won't tie your arms or legs up in any way unless you want it to happen."

"Ok." I nod as he stands up again and runs his hands through his hair.

"So what do you think?" He asks and I can see that he looks uncertain.

"Can I sit on it a minute?" I ask awkwardly and he smiles just as awkward back before nodding.

"It will hold both of our body weight no problem." He adds.

"What exactly do you use it for?" I ask as I push off the ground so I swing back and forth softly.

"All sorts of things. If I add the other pieces it can hold your ankles, behind and shoulders and be like a really strange hammock for both of us or if I attach a different piece it can be for me to sit and you on top or you can lay on your stomach on it, hands on the floor and I can hold the ropes and take you from behind. There are endless possibilities." He explains and I nod and try not to squirm with excitement as I consider all of the 'endless possibilities'. "So do you want to try it?"

"Yes." I reply with no hesitation.

Christian breaks out in a wide hundred mega-watt smile and I can't help but grin back.

"I don't want to be your Dom for this right now Ana." He adds softly. "I want us to experience this together."

"Have you ever used one?"

"Not like this, the things you can do with this I have done them with various implements but they were all more like makeshift versions of this." He explains and I just nod not wanting to know anymore. "This whole thing is adjustable and I have the instructions on how to change the different harnesses and straps but I thought I'd let you decide how you want to do it."

"Ok." I nod shakily, I don't even know what to think, I'm turned on to hell so my brain function has declined. "I'd like to be able to touch the floor for now." I say my voice quiet.

"Well ok, how about we start with a serious spanking Mrs Grey then I'll take you from behind, your hands will be on the floor the entire time." He says stepping towards me and running his nose up and down my neck.

"Ok." I manage to squeak.

Christian takes me by the hand and places me in the swing. The cushioned section is firmly against my abdomen, my hands on the floor and my legs hanging freely over the back. Christian instantly runs his hand up and down my back before starting to knead my behind.

"Ana,, if you want to stop just say stop ok?" He says.

I don't get the chance to answer before he delivers the first blow.

"Ok." I gasp out as he begins to work his fingers into me.

"There's something else I'm going to try with you too Ana, but just say no and I'll stop ok?"

"Ok." I reply just before the second blow hits me.

This continues twenty times and by the time he peels my panties from me I know that my behind is bright pink and my core is hot and dripping wet.

I feel him walking to me and so I lift my head to meet him.

"You will be able to change your mind half way through if you want."

I am extremely nervous about what he's going to do, I have no idea at all and it scares me but the look of utter love and contentment on his face relaxes me some.

"Ok." I frown.

"Open your mouth." He says and I quickly oblige. "Wider."

I open my mouth wide and he shows me my panties in his hand. I frown as he begins to put them into my mouth but say nothing and let him explain everything to me before I freak out, I clearly said that gagging was a hard limit too and of course I can taste the saltiness of my arousal on them and I'm pleased they were clean from when I got out of the bath.

"Spit them out." He says to me.

It takes me three pushes of my tongue and throat for the panties to come out of my mouth and my face is already covered in a thin sheen of sweat.

"I want you to have these in your mouth when I fuck you." He says seductively. "You can say no, but I've proven to you that you can spit them out if you need to."

"Ok." I reply and I flash him a reassuring smile, my panties and a ball gag are two completely different things, the panties, surprisingly, I'm comfortable with.

"Well open wide then Ana." He says and I am quick to react as I see the enjoyment on his face.

Once my panties are in my mouth he walks around me again. This time he leans over me, grasps my hair and pulls my head up and he quickly braids my hair securing it with an elastic I'm now convinced he keeps in the pocket of his playroom jeans. He then begins to run his fingers up and down my back and my behind. It sends shivers of pleasure coursing through me. He follows the same path with his nose and so I close my eyes and feel the sensations as it's difficult to see him from my position. After he's done with his nose he begins to kiss me up and down the same path until he finish at my behind instead of stopping like every other time he continues down to the back of my knees and then up again. Before I even realise his feet are right by my face and the next thing I know he kisses my wet core.

"You're so wet Ana." He mumbles before poking his tongue at my clitoris.

I groan throatily but I don't know if they noise quite makes it through the lace embedded in my mouth. I want to lick and bite at his toes but with my mouth gagged it's impossible and instead I just give in to feeling the pleasure Christian is giving by assaulting me with his mouth.

All too soon he pulls back and I'm left feeling frustrated. That's until I feel the swing move back and at first I panic but then I feel him slam hard into me. I scream through the panties but it's a scream of shock mixed with pleasure and not pain. Christian doesn't move for a moment. I think he's waiting to see if I make any movements to say I'm not ok but when I don't he begins to rock me backwards and forwards.

I glance behind me and see he's holding on the harness, one hand on each, and is leaning back on his heels as I move away from him before coming upright as he pulls me back to him. I once again give into the pleasure and moan deeply. As he builds us both towards our climaxes I feel him begin to speed up, his thrusts harder and faster and I know I'm close but I have no way to tell him.

"That's right! Come for me Ana." He says as my insides clench around him.

I scream long and hard into the lace as he continues his merciless assault, my climax already overtaking my body my hands pushing me up from the ground as much as I possibly can but the strength is slowly leaving me and I begin to come down, there is a mixture of relief in with the pleasure of feeling Christian's seed spurting inside of me and hearing the echoing call of my name.

He lets me down gently and removes himself from me before cupping his hands around my chest to pull me up. Once he's happy that I'm standing he removes my panties from my mouth with a very satisfied grin.

"You ok?" He asks running a hand up and down my bicep.

"Did you speak to Claude?" I ask breathlessly and he laughs a full belly laugh at my question.

"You really need those sessions then." He smirks.

"I hope to be in much better shape for you when you arrive from London next week. I'm sure this thing can cause me to have to perform gymnastics." I say pushing the swing away so it rocks empty beside us.

"Good point Mrs Grey." He laughs. "I'll email you the details Claude sent me." He adds.

"Good, now Mr Grey I'm hungry."


	54. Chapter 54

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

I watch Christian as he finalises some details about London on his cell phone. He has to leave in two hours for the plane and he's barely spoken to me since our earlier argument about me accompanying him to the airport.

He yelled and shouted that it wasn't necessary. I had told him I just wanted to be there to see him off but he was having none of it and even went as far as to threaten to tie me up in the playroom and have Sawyer set me free once he was in the air. That of course shut me right up because I never know when Christian is serious or when he's not and it sounded pretty serious to me.

Taylor and Mrs Jones take stuff down to the car and I just stand here at the glass wall looking out over grey winter Seattle wishing I could do something, anything, to stop myself from feeling this alone and this helpless.

I've already made sure I have a very busy week ahead of me. I have Lola, my personal trainer, coming in every morning at six thirty to do an hour work out with me, then I'm working from nine till six every day, Kate is coming around tomorrow for cocktails and girl talk without the infamous Mia Grey, I have an appointment with Flynn Tuesday evening and have been invited up to Bellevue Wednesday to spend some 'quality time' with Grace and Carrick, then on Thursday I'm taking a half day to go shopping for a dress to wear to the Charity Fundraiser I have to attend for Seattle Grace Paediatrics Friday evening and then Saturday Mia, Kate and I are going to a spa and having a real girls day with shopping and food and alcohol then Christian will be home Sunday. I'm hoping the week will fly by.

"Ok… that's all."

Christian finally hangs up the phone but I don't bother turning to him. He comes to me and slips his hands around my waist, snuggling his nose into my hair.

"Are you going to miss me at all?" He asks quietly.

"Of course I am!" I snap angrily, I don't even know how he can ask me that.

"You have a very busy week ahead." He says quietly. "Will you even have time to miss me?"

"Christian!" I sigh frustrated with him. "I am going to miss you from the moment you step into that elevator until you step out of it seven days from now." I explain as I turn to face him. "My busy week is just a distraction but don't you think that after Kate leaves I'm going to miss you more because I'll want to bitch about her to you? Or have you laugh at the things we talked about with you? Or when I attend this event on Friday that I'm going to hate not having you on my arm? And when I go to your parents I'm not going to wish you were there to tease me with some sex toy or other and make the evening a lot more exciting?"

"I'm sorry." He replies wrapping me up tight in his arms. "I guess I didn't think."

"No you didn't." I sigh holding him close and inhaling his sweet scent. "This week is going to be the worst of my life."

"It's going to be the worst for me too." He adds and I feel him grip me tighter. "I love you Ana."

"I love you too Christian, even when you threaten to tie me up and leave me there until you board a plane and have Sawyer come let me down."

"I didn't mean that."

"I know." I reply though in actual fact I didn't know and I was scared the whole time that he would do it.

"Mr Grey."

We both turn to see Taylor at the door of the lobby.

"Time to go." I say tearfully.

Christian not caring that his head of security is stood there wraps me up tight and latches his lips heavily onto mine. The salt of my tears mix in with our erotic kiss and I don't want to let him go. Even as he pulls away I don't open my eyes.

"I love you." He whispers into my ear and like that he's gone.

I stand with my eyes closed until I hear the doors of the elevator close behind them. When I finally open them a tearful looking Mrs Jones walks into the room.

"Hey you ok?" I ask her kindly.

"It's gonna be a long week." She replies with a soft sigh.

"Yes it is." I agree knowing she's going to be missing Taylor as much as I am.

"I'll get started on dinner." She says and I know she's hurting as much as I am.

"Gail…" I say stopping her in her tracks. "Have you eaten?"

"No."

"Then make enough for the two of us and I'll open the wine." I say with a half-smile that manages to break through the hurt.

"Are you sure?" She asks slightly taken aback.

"I'm sure. I think right now we both need a nice big glass of wine and each other's company." I reply and she nods and lets her own smile break through.

I pour us both a large glass of wine and sit on one of the bar stools while Mrs Jones gets to work. I watch her with fascination as it's obvious she enjoys what she's doing.

"It's going to be a boring week." Gail says and I know she's trying to make some conversation with me.

"How come?"

"Well only you to look after Ana, and you pick up after yourself unlike Mr Grey and Jason." She says chuckling.

"Well I'll make sure not to bother then Gail." I say with a wink and she laughs heartily, I like seeing Gail relaxed around me like this, I should get rid of Christian more often. NOT!

"I won't mind if you don't." She adds with a smile.

"Hey Gail…" I say cautiously and she turns all her attention from the pot on the stove to me. "Have you got any plans for Friday?"

"Mmm nope." She replies not knowing why I'm asking.

"I have this charity thing on Friday night and I was wondering if you'd like to come with me." I say nonchalantly, I don't want her to feel forced into having to come.

"I've never been to anything like that Ana, I don't think I even own anything to wear to one of those things."

"Leave all that to me Gail!" I laugh. "It would be as friends we'd go not as employee/employer." I say really wanting her to consider it.

"Ok. Yes I'll come with you."

"Oh Gail!" I squeal and I can't help run around the island and hugging her tight.

She's shocked at first but I relax when she returns the embrace.

"You can either give me your clothing sizes or you can make some time Thursday afternoon to come shopping with me." I tell her as I go to sit down.

She glares at me but I see the amusement there so I laugh.

"I think I'll come with you shopping." She says and I laugh again, I think Gail and I will have a great week together.


	55. Chapter 55

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Ok so I didn't realise that I made a mistake in chapter 54, I said drinks with Kate before seeing Flynn it's the other way around … ooops**

**THANKS FOR ALL YOUR REVIEWS!**

When the morning arrives I quickly head down to the basement with Sawyer to meet Lola my personal trainer. It's the first time I've ever been in the gym here at Escala and all the heavy machines make me nervous. As I wait for Lola to arrive I check my phone to find an email from Christian.

**To:** Anastasia Grey

**Subject:** Safe arrival

**From:** Christian Grey

I'm letting you know I've arrived safely, with eight hours difference I know you're asleep as I mail this. Please ring me at eight am your time.

Christian Grey

Homesick CEO, Grey's Enterprise Holdings, Inc.

I smile but don't get the chance to email back as the woman I know is Lola walks in wearing fitted three quarter spandex pants and a tight support bra.

"Mrs Grey?"

"Ana, please. Lola?"

"Yes Ma'am." She replies. "Ready to get down and dirty?" She asks with a wink and I can't help but wonder what it is I've let myself in for.

An hour later and I am glad to be out of the gym. According to Lola I'm definitely fitter than she expected considering I don't work out. I didn't tell her that my workouts consisted of a red room with shackles and whips, she didn't need to know that.

"I'll be ready to leave at eight thirty Sawyer, have the TTS ready for me please and I won't need you to accompany me today." I say in a kind but professional manner, this man is seeing me dripping with sweat and unable to catch my breath, it is not time to be on friend terms.

"Yes Ma'am."

"Thank you." I reply as Gail passes me a bottle of water.

"What would you like for breakfast Ana?" She asks as I begin to head towards the bathroom.

"Can I have a fruit salad?" I ask hopeful and she beams at me.

"Of course, when do you want it by?"

"I'm going to have a soak in the bath first, I'll be about half an hour to an hour."

"No problem." She smiles as I disappear towards my bedroom.

I slip out of my hoody and sweat pants and drop them into the hamper as I walk to the bathroom. I'm hot and sweaty and I need a quick soak in hot water so my body doesn't ache tomorrow.

As the water runs I tap out an email to my husband hoping he isn't too busy.

**To:** Christian Grey

**Subject:** Miss you

**From:** Anastasia Grey

It's lonely here without you but I'm pleased to hear you arrived London safely.

Anastasia Grey

Lonely CEO, Grey Publishing, Ltd.

I sink into the bath and begin to relax when 'Your love is king' reverberates around the room.

"Hey." I smile broadly as I answer the phone.

"Good morning sunshine!" I can tell he's smiling back at me.

"Isn't it three in the afternoon there?" I smirk and he laughs softly.

"Yes, yes it is. So how was your morning work out?"

"I'm surprisingly a very fit woman Mr Grey." I say and he laughs again bringing a wide smile to my face.

"I could have told you that Ana." He's smirking and it's my turn to laugh. "So what are you doing while you're talking to me?"

"I'm in the bath." I reply without thought.

"You're naked?" He asks quietly and I blush scarlet at his seduction.

"Yes." I say quietly and it comes out as a squeal.

"And Wet?"

"Yes." I answer him still squealing.

"Touch yourself."

"Are you alone Mr Grey?" I ask trying to sound seductive.

"Yes I am, Taylor is in his own room and I am in mine, we're settling in." He explains. "Now touch yourself Mrs Grey."

"Christian I need to get ready for work."

"You don't start until nine."

"Not the point I want to jump in the shower and turn it on to Artic cold then get dressed, check my schedule, have breakfast … unless you want me to skip breakfast so I'm not late."

"You'll do no such thing Ana." He growls.

I giggle, I knew that would work.

"Mrs Grey, when I get home I'll spank you for that."

"I wouldn't expect anything less Mr Grey."

"I'm going to add up all your infractions while I'm away and they're all going to come back to bite you on the ass."

"Whip me on the ass more like." I reply smarmily and Christian laughs loudly.

"Yes Ma'am. Now go get ready for work."

"I love you." I say feeling my throat tighten at the thought of having to say goodbye to him again.

"I love you too, have fun at work and I hope everything goes well with John tonight. Call me if you need to don't even think about what time it is ok?"

"Ok." I whisper feeling the hot tears stinging my eyes.

"Bye Ana." He says quietly before hanging up.

I take a deep heavy inhale and wipe away at my tears before climbing out of the bath and jumping into the shower and letting the cold water run over me and soothe me.

After washing and dressing I head into the kitchen looking and feeling like the CEO of Grey Publishing. Mrs Jones smiles at me and I know it's because she's spoken to Taylor and I happily sit down and accept the fruit salad and glass of juice she places in front of me. I begin to eat as I check my messages from work and Sawyer comes in with newspapers.

"How many?" I ask him.

"Just two this morning."

"Thank heavens, have you read them?"

"Yes." He replies politely.

"Interesting?" I say grabbing the first one.

"The express mentions Christian's lone trip to London, they speculate that you haven't gone because of a falling out."

"Oh great." I say rolling my eyes as I push the paper to one side. "Do these people not realise I have my own company to run." I mutter and Sawyer, wisely, says nothing.

"The Times is you on the fashion page and they're comparing the three outfits you wore to the funeral and make general comments on them."

"Good or bad?" I ask not bothering to open the paper.

"Good Ma'am. They liked all outfits just they compare them, labels and the cost."

"Thanks Luke." I say putting the papers to one side. "Saves me wasting my time reading the junk." I say and with a nod of my head Sawyer's off to do whatever it is he needs to while I finish my breakfast.

"What time would you like your dinner tonight Ana?" Gail asks me as I continue to eat.

"I have an appointment with Flynn at five so shall we say six thirty?" I ask her and she smiles and nods.

"Any preference?" She asks and I remember I haven't done the menus this week.

"Nope." I reply. "And if you want to join me I'd be more than happy."

"I have nothing else to do." She says with a smile.

"Good then cook whatever it is you fancy Gail. If you need anything call me and I can pick it up on my way." I say getting to my feet. "Thanks for breakfast."

"No problem." She smiles as I pull on my coat and she swipes the dishes up and loads them into the dishwasher.

Sawyer hands me the keys to the TTS as soon as I step into the lobby.

"I'll be home after six." I tell him. "I'm seeing John Flynn at five but again I don't need an escort." I smirk and he cracks a smile at me. "Any problems call me and not Christian, I don't want him flying back in a hurry without a damn good reason." I say even though I wish he'd hop on the next flight and come home.

"Yes Ma'am."

"And if Ros calls have her call me!" I add as the elevator doors close.

I take a deep breath and relax into the silence, yes, it's going to be a damn long week.

I jump in my car in the garage and I put my iPod in, turning Christian's playlist and turning it up loud, happy to have to not care about the other people who would normally be 'accompanying' me during my day.

The drive is relaxing but as Thomas Tallis begins to play I find myself missing Christian more and more. By the time I arrive at the office I want nothing more than to call him but I refrain from doing so knowing I need him to know I can take care of myself, he needs to have this trust in me and I need to prove to him that I can do things on my own sometimes.

I arrive on my floor and Hannah smiles happily at me. I think she may have just missed me last week when I was away for the funerals.

"What have you got for me Hannah?" I ask her as soon as I step into the foyer.

"Well Clarisse has some documents that she needs you to sign." She says handing over a blue folder. "Then here are the messages Clarisse told me to hand to you." She says handing me over a small pile of post-it notes.

"Does that woman not know how to use email?" I ask more to myself than to Hannah but I catch her smile and I smirk back at her.

"Then HR have been in touch about the whole Creative stuff, they didn't want to email you with it because of the funerals just told me to tell you to get in touch as soon as they could and PR wants to know about the rumour flying about that Mr Grey has flown to London without you because your relationship is rocky."

"That everything?" I ask feeling myself getting annoyed with the amount that needs doing.

"Yes, would you like some tea?"

"Yes please and could you please call the event organisers for Friday and have them send me a second ticket." I smile.

"Who is it for?" She asks casually though I know it's for the guest list and will probably be in the papers tomorrow.

"Gail Jones." I smile before heading into my office knowing Hannah has no idea who Gail is.

I sit down and turn my computer on, this is going to be a routine for me I'm going to make damn sure I'm a good CEO.

I log into my computer and while it loads up I go through the messages. Most of them are just people calling to say they're sorry for the jet and I am quick to write down a list of their names so I can contact them all back with an email or quick phone call to say thank you. I go through the files that Clarisse made up for me and I see that everything that needs my signature on require money transactions of some sort and it's going to take a while for me to go through each and every one of them.

The most urgent one is on top and it's the budgets for each department for December. I compare them to last month's budget and quickly make some changes. As I write I realise that I can actually do this. Being CEO was not something I ever aspired too but I know I can do this and I can do it well if I really want to.

Hannah brings my tea in and I stop her before signing the form I'm working on.

"Can you photocopy these, send them out to the relevant departments, file a copy and get a copy down to Clarisse?" I ask as my email pings.

"Sure thing Ana."

"Thank you." I reply as I turn to my computer.

I know I must look quite funny. I have my hair in a tight bun at the top of my head. I'm wearing a knee length black pencil skirt with a navy blue silk loose flowing shirt and red stiletto pumps with a pointed toe and I'm sat in my CEO office with a pen hanging out of my mouth, my desk overflowing with paper work and my eyes glued to the computer screen.

**To:** Anastasia Grey

**Subject:** Lonely in London

**From:** Christian Grey

How is work my hot-shot CEO wife?

Christian Grey

Bored CEO, Grey's Enterprises Holding, Inc.

I can't help but smile, I'm sure I've called him Hot-shot CEO a few times in the past and here he is using my words against me.

**To:** Christian Grey

**Subject:** Happy but sad

**From:** Anastasia Grey

Things are great here, I'm busy of course but enjoying every minute of learning what it's like to be you. Do you still think Grey Publishing could be expanded, if so I want to discuss the name with you…

Love and miss you (which is making me sad)

Anastasia Grey

CEO, Grey Publishing, Ltd.

I click send and begin typing up emails to thank people for their apologies over the deaths while dialling the interoffice code for HR holding the phone with my shoulder, this is multi-tasking at its best.

"Sophie, Human Resources."

"Hey Sophie, Ana Grey, what do you need from me?" I sound like Christian, not good.

"Hey Mrs Grey, we just need to discuss replacing Clarisse and Francesca, do you want in on the interviews?"

"No, I won't have time. I want details of all the applicants to send to Grey's house for background checks before any interviews are set up then when the field is narrowed down I'll look over your notes and Clarisse's notes before the decision is finalised but I don't see us replacing them before the New Year."

"Ok, I'll let Clarisse know."

"Thank you." I reply before hanging up. I see Christian has emailed me back.

**To:** Anastasia Grey

**Subject:** Expanding already?

**From:** Christian Grey

What happened to in over your head? Have you found an expansion already? It's your company now, you do whatever you want with the place Ana. Don't work too hard!

Love and Miss you too

Christian Grey

CEO, Grey's Enterprises Holding, Inc.

He can be so sweet, even in an email.

**To:** Christian Grey

**Subject:** Walking slowly!

**From:** Anastasia Grey

No not planning on expanding YET, just a possibility for the future, right now I'm enjoying strolling!

Grey Publishing Seattle. Just so it's known that we may or may not expand, keep Grey Publishing as central type of thing? You'll know what I mean.

I love and miss you more.

Anastasia Grey

CEO, Grey Publishing, Ltd.

I hit send and catch a glimpse of the clock. This morning has gone by way too fast for my liking. I hit the phone and call Hannah while I begin looking through more of the things Clarisse has sent for me to sign.

"Mrs Grey?"

"Hey Hannah could you run across the street and get me a pasta salad pot and a latte please?"

"Sure thing." She replies.

"Thank you." I hang up and begin to sign the documents so Hannah can file and deliver them when I'm done and I can relax and enjoy my lunch before going to see what every department is doing and trying to get to know the people who work for me, luckily Grey's Publishing soon to be Grey's Publishing Seattle only has about 150 members of staff, shouldn't be too hard to learn everyone's name … right?

**To:** Anastasia Grey

**Subject:** I understand

**From:** Christian Grey

Grey's Publishing will be centre, I get it. Yes I think Grey's Publishing Seattle has a nice ring to it except the abbreviated version is GPS, don't think that will work …

I'm going to get some sleep Mrs Grey, I will call you or email you later

It's impossible that you miss and love me more than I love and miss you.

Christian Grey

Homesick CEO, Grey's Enterprises Holding, Inc.

I smile at the email and I can almost see Christian's boyish I'm-only-twenty-eight smile and it really makes me smile wider.

Hannah comes in with my lunch and I explain the documents to her and have her hurry off with them while I relax and eat. I can't help but wonder how this week is really going to go with Christian so far away from me. I am missing him but I know it's only going to get worse. I think I'll have to address this with Flynn this evening.

After I eat my tomato and spinach pasta I send an email out to all those necessary about the name changes and begin to sort out the paper work needed to do all of this. I'm finding my way around this whole CEO thing quite easily right now, maybe it's because I only have one company to run, what would it be like if I had two?

At four thirty I bid goodbye to Hannah and head out, sending a text message to Sawyer to let him know I'm on the move. I know they're all worried about my safety and I am trying to make their job somehow easier for them by letting them know where I am. I just don't need Sawyer to be around me while I'm working, I didn't even leave my desk for the whole seven and a half hours I was there.

After parking my car I head up to Flynn's office. The secretary greets me happily, almost as if she's one of my friends and I find it ironic considering she would like to be screwing my husband.

She lets me know when it's time for me to go through to Flynn's office and I smile gratefully at her before slipping through the door.

"Ana lovely to see you again."

"You too John." I smile as I slip onto the couch, it feels like I haven't been here in so long though it's not been that long at all.

"So we'll jump straight in, how have you been since we last talked?"

"Considerably better considering." I reply and I know he's deciphering what I've just said, I have a habit of being cryptic when I want to be.

"You mean the funerals?" He asks.

"Yes and the fact that Christian has gone to London." I say sadly, I can't stop missing him and it's heart-breaking that I can't just pick up the phone either with the time zones and his probably jet lag.

"I see." He nods softly as I relax back into the leather couch, I don't feel the need to sit so upright and be so uptight when I'm here anymore. "Did you do what I advised you too the last time you were here?"

"Yes." I reply sheepishly.

"Really?" He sounds surprised.

"Every time Christian would disappear into his study I'd go into the library and just put pen to paper, or in this case fingers to mac." I smirk a little.

"And?"

"I've written about ten thousand words." I say quietly and I know he's shocked. "I don't know if I'll ever consider publish it, I mean I may send it to one of my editors and see if they champion it before I say it's mine or something, give it a pen name."

"I think that's a great idea." John smiles broadly and I smile back, I haven't told him I've almost finished the damn thing. "Have you been only writing when you've been feeling guilty?"

"No, to be honest I haven't felt like that since I left here and went to the tree. I've accepted it for what it is and focused on my future."

"That's great Ana." He beams. "So what has been happening for you?"

"Well it's been a hectic couple of weeks, hence why you didn't see me last week." I smile and he nods softly understanding the mixture of emotions I'm displaying. "In all honesty John I've barely had time to stop and breathe this past week."

"I can understand that with everything I know from Christian and what I've seen in the press." He encourages me as gently as he can, pushing me to give him more.

"There's been a lot of tears but there's also been some light. Christian and I have been discussing possibly trying for another child."

"That's great news." John smiles and I can't help but smile back and nod my head.

"I don't know if we will, we may wait but at least we're discussing something in the future."

"What else have you discussed?"

"Oh so much!" I gasp and John beams at me. "We've got Christmas and New Year, visiting Savannah and visiting Minnesota and then there's moving into the news house and that's on top of trying to work. It's hectic but it's good to, I can't wait for the coming months."

"I can see that on your face."

"Christian and I are communicating much more now." I shrug. "We try and trust each other more or he me I trust him with my life any way. He's a lot less controlling and sometimes I can see it in his face that he's not happy and he wants to contradict me and things but then he doesn't. I can see that it's a struggle for him but he doesn't dwell on it, doesn't fight me as much as he wants too. Then I'm reasonable with him, I let the security come with me shopping and so on and I know that relaxes him some."

"That's great Ana." John sounds extremely surprised. "You've both come leaps and bounds in the last couple of weeks."

"I think we've had no choice." I tell him. "If we didn't try and change a little we would just spend every minute fighting and neither one of us wants that."

"I can understand that." He smiles and I see I'm just sitting here talking and he's just listening.

"I guess I'm worried that it's just been like this because my parents have been here and the jet crash and the funerals and that he'll change again when he gets back from London." I explain and my voice has dropped to a whisper.

"I won't tell you that it won't." He says and my heart drops. "But it may not either, it's something you should discuss with him when he's home."

"I guess, I just thing considering everything our relationship this past week has been better than it's ever been." I sigh again. "I mean he's as mercurial as ever but he's less so sometimes."

John smiles at me and I can't help but smile back.

"I think you're doing much better in yourself too Ana, I don't know if you see that you've both taken steps to improve your marriage. He isn't the only one that's had to change, he may be less controlling and less mercurial but for him to change you have had to also."

"I accept his ways as much as I can, I don't fight him on things unless I absolutely have to. When he asks me to take Sawyer shopping I take Sawyer shopping but don't take him with me to work when I have no plans to leave the building."

"That really is great Ana, are you talking more to Christian about how you're feeling?"

"I try." I reply and I know my face has dropped.

"What is it?"

"When he was going to London I wanted to go to the airport to see him off and he was having none of it, even threatened to tie me up and leave me there until he was in the air and have Sawyer come free me, sometimes I don't know if he's kidding and it frightens me."

"Do you really think he'd tie you up and leave you there?" John asks with a raised eyebrow.

"Do you?" I ask and he shrugs, I answer with a shrug of my own.

"He point blank refused to let me go, in some way I'm glad I didn't but I wanted too, he's gone for a whole week and going to the airport meant an extra half hour with him and I know it sounds really pathetic but I wanted that extra half hour."

"I don't think it sounds pathetic." My eyes meet his in surprise. "I think it's understandable that you want to spend that little extra time with your husband."

"He had the audacity to ask if I meant it when I said I'd miss him because I filled my schedule with things to do. He thought I might not have time to miss him."

"You've filled up your schedule to distract yourself." John sees it at once.

"Exactly and I know Christian is an adolescent at times but even a half decent adolescent can see what I've done." I say exasperated. It's really been a kick in the guts to have think that.

"Yes, maybe a half decent adolescent can see that but Christian is a man who loves you and whose biggest fear is losing you. Maybe he thinks the only way you'll miss him is if you're alone in Escala brooding."

"I told him that I'd miss him, explained to him that with everything I'm doing this week I'm going to wish he was there to make it more enjoyable." I reply.

"And?"

"He accepted it."

"Good, see communication is the key for you and Christian, just keep it up." I see he's getting ready to wrap up the session, the hour as flown by.

"Thanks John." I smile and I know he sees that I've realised this is the end.

"Next week?"

"I guess, thanks again."

We shake hands and I'm quick to leave. I have a light smile on my face thinking that maybe Christian and I really are better for everything and he won't change back but even if he does I love him and that won't change. My smile fades as I edge closer to Escala knowing Christian won't be there to greet me, to hold me and tell me that I'm ok.

Sawyer greets me at the door and I hand him my car keys without a word. I just want Christian and I feel sick not having him here with me. Mrs Jones is in the kitchen cooking and she looks as lost as I feel.

"Hey Gail." I smile dropping my purse onto one of the stools and kicking my shoes off.

"Hey Ana. You ok?" She asks.

"Yeah." I shrug and she gives me a weak smile, she knows how I'm feeling. "It's only been twenty six hours."

"I know." She says and I guess she's counting like I am.

"It feels really weird especially as I haven't heard much from him all day."

"Jason called after they landed."

"I spoke with Christian briefly, we exchanged a few emails but then he said he was going to sleep." I reply and Gail nods, I guess Taylor went to bed after calling her too.

"It's hard."

"Yes it is." I say as she places a glass of wine in front of me. "Join me."

"Sure." She smiles pouring one for herself and I know if Christian was here she would make her excuses not to.

"What are you cooking?" I ask as she sips her wine and turns back to the cooker, she looks so much more relaxed with Christian not here, even if she looks a little down because she misses Taylor.

"Spaghetti Carbonara."

"Yum." I smile and she laughs softly. "You gonna eat with me?" I ask casually letting her know with my voice that she can say no if she wants to.

"Why not? I don't have to rush back for Jason."

I smile and she returns it before getting the bowls out and serving the food.

As we eat we talk about everything and anything but the elephant in the room that is our missing loves. When we're done I load the dishwasher and top up both our wine.

"Well I am spent, fancy watching a movie because you're officially off the clock." I say and she beams at me and nods, I can't help but smile back and laugh softly, I'm so pleased I have Gail here or I'd be so bored.

We go through to the TV room rather than the great room as its more cosy. Gail excuses herself for a moment while I flick through the movies on pay per view and one of the things she told me over dinner was that she was into scary movies that required a pillow to hide behind so I look specifically for one even though I know it would probably induce nightmares.

Gail returns with a pretty large box of chocolates as I top up our wine glasses again. She laughs when she sees I've chosen Paranormal Activity.

"Have you seen this?" I ask knocking the button to start it as she dims the light, I can't resist one look at my email in hope before making sure my BlackBerry is on loud in case he calls or emails.

"Yes, Taylor took me to the movies to see it. Have you?"

"Nope." I reply and I see her smirk. "That bad huh?"

We both sit back on the couch and she takes a chocolate before passing me the box. I smile at her and she returns it before I take a chocolate and a long sip of my wine then she places the box between us, telling me without words to help myself.

Half way through the movie I'm regretting watching it, Gail has told me it gets worse and I can't help but smile when my phone pings to signal and email.

**To:** Anastasia Grey

**Subject:** Awake?

**From:** Christian Grey

Hey baby, if you're awake grab your iPad and sit back.

Christian Grey

CEO, Grey's Enterprises Holding, Inc.

I knock the pause button and run through to the kitchen to grab my purse which contains my iPad.

"You got your phone nearby?" I ask as I sit back on the couch and turn the iPad on.

"I do." Gail replies.

"I'll tell Christian to let Taylor call you." I tell her as the iPad comes on.

Skype starts to ring within less than a minute and I quickly answer it to a lovely video of my Fifty.

"Hey baby." He beams and I smile gleefully at him.

"Hey."

"Everything ok?"

"Everything's fine." I smile. "You?"

"Everything's good here." He replies and I relax back into the couch. "So what are you wearing?"

"Christian I'm not alone."

He frowns and I laugh and look over to Gail who's not managing to hide the giggles that have come through.

"Why who are you with?" He asks and I hear the anger in his voice.

I grab Gail and pull her towards me.

"Hi Mr Grey." She says awkwardly and I can't help but laugh.

"Hi Gail." He says professionally and I raise my eyebrows towards me.

"Christian tell Taylor to call his woman will you?" I say.

Christian grabs his phone and fires off a message and within seconds Gail's phone begins to ring.

"Go." I tell her and she smiles and hurries out of the room.

"So what have you and Gail been getting up to?" He asks as I take a long sip of wine.

"Well we ate and had some wine and now we're having wine, chocolate and a movie."

"You like befriending our staff Anastasia." He says bitterly.

"I'm lonely and so is she." I shrug. "She knows exactly how I feel and I know how she feels." I explain but I know it makes no difference because he isn't pleased.

"So how did things go with Flynn this evening?"

"Fine." I shrug.

"Nothing to share?"

"Nope." I reply before I smile at him and he nods.

"What are you doing?" I ask.

"What do you mean?"

"It's like midday there right?"

"Yes."

"So why aren't you in sorting things out about the jet?"

"We're waiting on test results." He shrugs and I nod. "How was work?"

"I got a lot done once you stopped distracting me." I say with a giggle and I see his smile broaden.

"Well I just won't email when you're working." He says seriously.

"No! You can distract me any time!"

"You sure?"

"I love your distractions Christian." I laugh and I see the gleam of seduction in his eye.

"Oh yeah what do you like about them most?" He asks, his voice purring as he speaks.

"Hmm Christian that would be telling." I purr back and he laughs until his cell phone rings.

"Grey… ok… now I'm on my way." He hangs up and I can see he looks apologetic. "I have to go baby."

"It's ok." I reply though inside I'm screaming for him not to go.

"I'll call tomorrow, enjoy yourself with Gail. I love you."

"Love you too." I reply before he knocks the button off and the video of him vanishes.

Gail comes back in seconds later and I know she's hated having to say goodbye to Jason too.

"Shall we finish this movie?" I ask and she smiles, the art of distracting ourselves works for a little while but the reminder of what we're missing is always there.


	56. Chapter 56

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**So chapters are longer so taking longer to write, sorry about that!**

**THANKS FOR ALL YOUR REVIEWS!**

This is day two without Christian and I feel like some part of me is missing. It's agonising. This morning was pretty straight forward, an hour of kicking up a sweat in the gym followed by breakfast and work. I haven't heard from Christian yet but I suspect he's busy.

I spend the morning pretty much catching up with work. I make sure that I contact PR and make it crystal clear that the only reason I haven't gone with Christian is because I have my own company to run which requires me to be in Seattle followed by an inter-office memo in an email letting everyone know that Grey Publishing will become Grey Publishing Seattle with hopes of expanding in the future. This includes a three page email to the tech guys about changing everything on the website and everything else that this name change would require and an email about changing the sign and the window sticker out front. After all that is done it's lunch time and I'm spent.

Hannah kindly goes to get me a sub while I sit back and work on reading a manuscript. It's a new author and from what I have understood from the editors she's only fifteen years old. I can tell at once that her writing is well above her level and so far I'm finding the story to be particularly interesting. Most of all I am trying to think of how well Grey Publishing could do with championing such a young author however none of the editors want to take on board someone so young. I have decided if she likes this story I will take her on board without one of the editors, I've done their job and I can do it again, but she deserves a chance if she's as good as she seems to be.

When Hannah returns with my lunch I relax to eat it and continue reading, I'm about half way through when my iPad rings and I feel so pleased that I brought it with me.

"Hey baby." Christian beams when I answer, he looks so beautiful but tired.

"Hi." I smile.

He's lying against the headboard of his hotel bed and I can see he doesn't have a shirt on, how I would do anything to run my hands through his chest hair right now.

"What are you doing?" He asks.

"Eating lunch." I smile before taking a large bite out of my sub.

"It's good to see you eating." He smirks and I laugh softly. "How's work?"

"I'm trying to decide whether or not to sign this fifteen year old kid."

"Bit young."

"Her writing is exceptional."

"Really?" He seems surprised and I smile.

"The publicity would be great, would really boost sales all across Grey Publishing." I say casually as I see him thinking about what I've told him.

"What do your editors think?"

"None of them want to sign her because of her age."

"You?"

"I do, I like the manuscript. The story's original, it's well written, few mistakes here and there that I've highlighted but I've seen writers with Masters in Creative Writing who have more." I explain to him, I really hope he doesn't give me a reason not to pursue this.

"What's it about?"

"A fourteen year old girl with a crush on an older man, it goes back and forth each chapter from her point of view to his. Very interesting. I expected the young girl's narration to be more intense than the older man's as she is a young girl herself but there is no difference, the speech and everything is age appropriate for the characters. For fifteen she's very talented."

"New York Times Best Seller talented?"

"Possibly. If she gets the right support network behind her." I reply casually.

"Does she have an agent?"

"No." I sigh. "I don't know whether to recommend one, call in a favour from one or go ahead without one, she's fifteen so legally she can't sign any of the contracts without her parents here anyway." I say.

"So signing her on is additional work because of her age." Christian realises why my editors are so reluctant to take her on.

"Exactly and the parents don't understand this world so for her to get the right chances she needs an agent."

"Who do you have in mind?" Christian asks knowing I know a few agents now by first name because of my work with Grey Publishing.

"Rachel Banbury." I say and Christian nods enthusiastically.

"She's the one that works specifically with young female stars right?"

"That's the one. I don't know though because she's not a literary agent, she's not worked with Grey Publishing either, I only know her from that Charity ball but she did give me her card and told me if I ever needed her to give her a ring and hey if this work out we can both profit from it." I explain to him and I feel relieved that I am able to have just a normal conversation with him even though he's so far away.

"What does your gut tell you Ana?"

"That this girl could become a millionaire, this book is a trilogy."

"But about signing her, what does your gut tell you?"

"That she deserves a chance more than any other author we have ever dealt with." I reply honestly and I see him grinning wildly at me. "You think I should go for it?"

"I think you should." He nods and I breathe a sigh of relief, having Christian's support means more to me than anything. "I do think you should try and get one of your editors on board though."

"Ok." I nod. "The book is a romantic crime book so I'll co speak with Hope Hewitt and see if she'll take on the risk with me, should this fail it could cost us big."

"I don't think it will fail." Christian says kindly, I beam happily at him.

"One other thing, I need Roach back."

"You think he'll come back?"

"I don't know but I'll offer him a pay rise. Clarisse is great as a vice president but I need a president here, someone with a bit more experience."

"He left because you didn't have the experience." Christian sighs. "Do you really want to bring someone on board who could try and undermine and contradict you?"

"I don't think he will, I heard he was struggling in finding another job and heard he missed his job here and regretted leaving. Maybe he just needed time to realise I was going to be his boss someday. I had to jump in head first when he quit."

"Call him, see what he says. Roach really did know is stuff."

I smile, he must be in a particularly good mood to be agreeing with me so much.

"So enough about me and my work Mr Grey, how is London and the jet?" I ask and his face lightens up a little more.

"London is particularly cold. I did some shopping today…" His smirk widens here and I can't help but wonder what he's wasted money on me for now? "Then we found out the problem with the jet, the comparison came back a match so tomorrow we're going to be in the lab all day trying to re-enact the crashes and see what we can gather from them." He looks like a boy who's had his cake and eaten it too.

"That's good progress then?"

"Yes. It's more and more likely that the jets have both malfunctioned. The company are no panicking and have grounded all flights with that particular jet which is causing major problems all over the world. We've already heard from the company's lawyers and I guided them straight to my attorneys. I am not even going to begin negotiating anything with them until we know exactly to the last detail what happened, then I'm going to make sure to bring them down enough to bankrupt them then buy the company out."

"You want the jet company?"

"Yes I do." He grins like a child and I can't help but smile back.

"I want my own jet." I tell him in a manner that's obvious I'm pretending.

"I was thinking maybe you'd prefer one of those smaller privet yet luxury planes." He says and I gawp at him, I know his faces and voices so well these days that I know…

"You've already…"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"So you can use it." He shrugs but I know there's more to it than he's telling me.

"I hate you."

"No you don't."

"I hate that I love you."

"I love you too."

We both laugh at the speed of our banter and when my office phone rings I don't even bother hanging up before answering it.

"Ana Grey." I answer and I see Christian frown at me. "When was this?" I ask seriously and I look at Christian to see his interest has spiked. "No don't do that, email it to me now and I'll do what I can. Yes. Thanks." I hang up the phone forgetting for a moment that Christian is there and I drop my head into my hands.

"Ana what is it?" He asks and my head snaps up to meet his.

"Elena's been released from the hospital, that was my PR, she's released a statement to the press."

"What?!" Christian roars.

"Don't worry it's nothing to do with you!" I stress.

"What do you mean?"

"She's accused me of something… hold on…" I open my email and begin to read it out to Christian at once knowing he isn't going to settle for this. "She says 'My actions on the evening in question were out of the ordinary to say the least. I express my deepest sympathy to Mr Grey and express my humblest apology. However, I did what I did in blind rage. I believed Mrs Grey to be driving the car alone and after overhearing others say that Mrs Grey had told them she was going to have Christian divorce her after a year so she could have half of everything because there is no pre-nup I acted in blind rage. Again I must apologise to Mr Grey for the injuries he sustained and hope he finds it in his heart to forgive me.' No one is going to believe this trash."

"I'll call Andrea." He says and before I have the chance to answer he is on the phone.

I pick up my own phone and call Sawyer knowing Christian is about to insist on it.

"Luke, Ana, I need you to come down to Grey Publishing … bring Ryan."

"Is everything alright Mrs Grey?"

"I think so but I'm just being cautious." I know from this alone Luke knows that everything isn't alright and that I'm worried.

"Andrea is working on a statement from me right this minute." Christian says snapping the phone shut. "I'll arrange a flight out of here in the morning."

"No Christian, stay, please? I don't think she's going to do anything, she's not allowed and I think Samantha may have told the sub club to stay out of my way." I laugh knowing for a fact that she has because they're all friends.

"Ok, well keep Luke and Ryan with you at all times Ana." I know he's warning me now.

"I promise, no stupid risks." I tell him and he smiles a little, grateful to me for acting in my own best interests for once.

"Andrea will keep me updated on the fall out." He says. "Go look out the window, see what's going on downstairs."

I take the iPad from my desk and carry it over to the glass wall. I lean on it and look down. I can just make out the small gather of photographers at the entrance of Grey Publishing and I groan internally.

"This is all I needed." I sigh.

"What do you mean?" Christian asks.

"I miss you Christian, I miss you so much and I was hoping for a quiet week where I could brood." I whine.

"Oh Ana I miss you too but you should know by now there is no such thing as a quiet life as a Grey."

"I've learned that." I laugh. "Now it's late there, go to sleep." I tell him.

"I'll sleep better having talked to you."

"Me to." I smile at him.

"I'll have Andrea update me on the situation there, take security, be vigil and one word from any of the security that you're screwing around with them Ana I will be home and I will punish you."

"Yes sir." I smirk and he shakes his head and laughs at me. "I love you."

"I love you too, Laters Baby."

He switches off.

"Laters." I sigh before going to my desk and calling up to PR.

"Ana Grey, listen, release a statement on my behalf, Grey's House is doing on Christian's. Tell them that Elena Lincoln is unhappy and jealous because Christian broke off their business relationship, tell them about the restraining order that we have against her and add a hint that if this slander continues then lawyers will come into play."

"Yes Mrs Grey."

I hang up and sink back in my chair. I'm glad Christian has decided not to jump on the next plane back but I also wish he did. I think I might need him here tonight because of this. Luckily I have my cocktail evening with Kate. I grab my phone and dial her at once.

"Hey Steele!"

"Hey Kate." I smile weakly, I miss her so much sometimes.

"What's up?"

"Shouldn't you know already?" I reply sarcastically.

"Oh yeah, sorry, don't worry our editors are all refusing to print it because they know it's lies I mean there's a picture of you, me, Elliot and Christian on my desk and they all see that you couldn't be more in love if you tried and they know that lawyers will come into play if it goes too far."

"Good to know the Times has a heart." I roll my eyes and hear Kate giggling the other side.

"So we still on for tonight?"

"Yeah definitely, while the husband's away this girl is gonna play." I tease making Kate laugh harder. "I was going to suggest rather than going to Zig Zag's maybe we could just go back to my place"

"No Ana! You can't hide from this! Double security or something but if you hide your face then you make some people question it. Get seen out and not being bothered by what they're saying and then they'll know you do love your husband."

"That would only work if Christian was with us." I reply and she sighs.

"You can't stop and hide every time the press goes wild or you'll never leave the apartment. You and Christian are making your way up the list of New Year power couples Ana… don't tell anyone I told you that either."

"Power Couple? Christian and I?"

"Yes! You could buy Seattle Ana, jeez, you don't realise just how full your life is do you?"

"I guess not." I sigh, Christian and I a power couple? I'm not powerful.

"Ok so I'll meet you at Zig Zag's."

"Meet you there." I smile before hanging up, just as Sawyer and Ryan come in following Hannah, now I have some explaining to do.

"Have either of you spoken to Christian or Taylor?" I ask nodding my head towards the two chairs opposite me.

"I did Ma'am. Mr Grey filled me in on the situation."

"Good. Ok so tonight will go ahead, I'm meeting Kate at Zig Zag's Ryan take my car back to Escala then come back here. I'll have both of you with me there and then you'll both be with me to return to Escala this evening."

"Yes Ma'am." They both reply and I feel satisfied now and not worried like I was a moment ago.

I hand my car keys to Ryan and Sawyer waits for him to leave.

"Luke do you think she'll try anything?" I ask allowing my fear to show through a little in front of him now he's alone.

"I doubt it Ma'am." He says and I know he's being honest with me. "And if she does it will be the most stupid thing she has ever tried."

I know it's a silent threat on his behalf and I can't help but flash him a warm smile as I turn back to my computer to get on with some work before I head out. I'm worried about Christian more than I am myself, I know many people believe I married Christian for his money and to be honest I don't care because I know I didn't and he and his family and my own family know I didn't so that leaves me feeling pretty content.

I hate having Christian flash his cash on me. I'm particularly angry about this small plane he's bought me, as I've said before he clearly has more money than he has of sense but then I can't help but wonder if there's a specific reason he's bought it. Other than to visit my parents I have no reason to fly. Unless he really thinks I'm going to go ahead and open another branch of Grey Publishing, or giving me a reason to go ahead and do it. Maybe I should start looking into current publishing companies that are slipping and buy them out? I mean, Grey Publishing Seattle is up and running and is fine … there's no harm in looking.

At six pm I shut down my computer and leave the office with Sawyer. Hannah left at five as always so it leaves me to lock up the office before heading down to Ryan who is waiting with the SUV.

"I'll be honest and say we may have to drop Kate off, doesn't matter how drunk or persuasive either one of us is if she drinks more than the one she isn't to drive ok?"

"Yes Ma'am." They both agree before I climb into the car.

The drive over is quiet and I can't help but wonder what Christian is doing. Sleeping if he has any sense of course as it's now gone two am over there.

Kate is waiting outside when I arrive. The paparazzi who have followed us snap pictures quickly as I hug Kate and we link arms to go inside. Luckily Zig Zag's are used to high profile customers and have their own unique security team who deal with the press to stop them coming in and that includes a barricade with a warning for them not to cross it.

I order a strawberry daiquiri and sit back in the booth with Kate.

"So Ana what do you think the papers are going to be screaming tomorrow?"

"No idea but they can keep it. I'll have Sawyer fill me in on the way to work tomorrow."

"You're taking security to work?" Kate gawps at me, she knows how much I dislike having the security around so much but then I know she doesn't understand not only how controlling Christian is but how realistic the threats against us can be, especially now we're in the papers more and more often.

"Yeah." I sigh. "I need to Kate, with Christian gone and Elena playing games … I just need to make sure I'm safe or Christian will freak."

"I'm sure he will." She says rolling her eyes.

"Oh come on Kate it's not like that." I sigh rubbing my hand across of my forehead. "She's made some pretty wild accusations and who knows how people are going to react to it. Remember the public love my husband."

"Ana you have as many if not more adoring fans who would willingly give you a shoulder to cry on." Kate laughs and I can't help but smile, it's true what she's saying. I get recognised as Ana Grey now not Christian Grey's wife.

"Well with Christian not here and the paparazzi going completely bonkers out there I would rather be safe than sorry." I explain to her and she nods her head and agrees with me reluctantly.

"Come on Ana." She says pulling my head towards her and ripping out my ponytail. "Time to let your hair down and get drunk with your BFF and then maybe we'll go pose for the paps after." She winks at me and I can't help but laugh.

"Can I get a pitcher of Strawberry Daiquiris please?" I smile to a passing waiter and he blushes and hurries off.

"See Ana? Males love you!" Kate gushes hitting me in the shoulder making me laugh again.

With the press outside trying to sneak in and get pictures, Sawyer and Ryan watching us closely and Kate and I constantly breaking out in fits of giggles we are bringing a lot of attention from surrounding diners to us however I ignore them. Tonight is my night with Cate to let my hair down and act my age for a change. It makes a nice change to have so much freedom, maybe Christian will see I can be free but safe if the boundaries are there… I won't dwell on it and enjoy the time I have while he's gone even if I do miss him like hell.

"So I heard a rumour about you… actually I saw it on the Nooz website."

"Oh go on." I encourage having had enough drinks to not really give a damn.

"That you're taking some mystery woman to this Charity Fundraiser at the Olympic."

"I'm taking a friend because my husband is in London." I shrug.

"Well of course they say it's because you and Christian are on the rocks and it doesn't help that Elena is adding fuel to that fire." Kate says and I can't help but laugh, Christian may be on the other side of the Atlantic but our relationship has never been stronger.

"Well as long as Christian and I know the truth we're good."

"So who are you taking?"

"Gail Jones."

"Your housekeeper right?"

"Yup, she's a friend too and Taylor's girlfriend and as he's not here … I should have invited her out with us tonight." I sigh thinking how lonely she must be back at the apartment.

"Well bring her along with us Saturday! Mia's dragging Grace along with us so the more the merrier right?"

"Sure, let Mia know we'll have another?"

"Sure thing Mrs Grey." She says and we burst out in another fit of laughter just as Sawyer approaches us.

"Mrs Grey, more and more of the press are gathering outside, we're beginning to worry that the two of us alone aren't enough."

"What do you want to do Sawyer?" I ask in just as much of a whisper as he to me and I know Kate can't hear.

"Either bring more security here or head back to Escala."

"Ok. We'll head back." I tell him. "Kate I need your car keys."

Kate doesn't even question it and hands me the keys to her baby, I pass them to Sawyer and lean in to talk to him again.

"Have Ryan drive Kate's car to her place then we'll go back Escala and take Kate home later on."

"Sure Ana." He smiles before walking off and I laugh and turn back to Kate.

"Time to take this party to Escala and have Mrs Jones join us." I tell her before knocking back what's left of my drink.

"Why?" Kate groans. "I like it here."

"Safety Miss Kavanagh, too much press not enough security and not just my safety but yours and everyone else here. Ryan's taking your car back to your place then we'll party at my place for a bit then Sawyer will drive you home or you can stay."

"Yes Ma'am!" She salutes me before we double over in laughter again.

When Sawyer comes to get us to get into the car I stand and realise just how drunk I am. My head spins a little but not too much that I can't walk. Maybe I should have eaten first, Christian won't be pleased if he finds out.

It's difficult to leave the restaurant and I'm aware of some of the patrons taking photos of us on their phones and I wonder what they do with them. It's a scrum to get through the paparazzi but we make it without any injuries and I get to relax back into the seat as Sawyer drives us to Escala.

"Mrs Grey this is your life." Kate giggles and I can't help but laugh with her.

"Why Miss Kavanagh I must admit it is." I say in just as much of a mock upper class British as I can manage before we bowl out in giggles again.

We arrive Escala safely but I don't miss the parade of Paps there too. Is this Elena thing really that big?

"Gail?!" I yell as soon as I kick my shoes off in the lobby.

She comes rushing in from wherever she was and she looks amused from Kate to me.

"We're going to have some wine and girl talk you in?" I ask her as Kate starts opening the bottle.

"You don't think you've had enough already?" She smirks her arms folded across her chest, the amusement written all over her face.

"Nope, we're just getting started!" Kate squeals and I'm relieved when Gail laughs.

"I don't see why not then." She shrugs coming to sit on the couch beside me.

I look at the clock and see its past eleven already. I can't believe we stayed out that late! As I relax back into the couch with the glass of wine Kate has given me I can't resist a peek of my BlackBerry. I'm excited to see an email from Christian and only sent a few minutes before.

**To:** Anastasia Grey

**Subject:** If you're not having too much fun

**From:** Christian Grey

Please get out your iPad and give your husband five minutes of your time.

Christian Grey

CEO, Grey's Enterprise Holdings, Inc.

I run over to my purse and quickly remove the iPad and turn it on as I walk back to the couch. The wine mixed with the daiquiris has really gone to my head but I don't care because I get to talk to my husband.

It rings as soon as I place my behind on the couch and I answer it quickly as Kate flicks through the TV and Gail plays absentmindedly with her only-one-sip-gone wine.

"Hey!" I beam as soon as his face appears on my screen.

"Hey back at you." Christian laughs.

"How is my darling husband tonight or tomorrow morning as it is for you there?" I say and I know my words are slurring.

"Ana Grey are you drunk?"

"Christian Grey are you mocking me?" I reply my voice low trying to imitate him.

He laughs loudly and I break out into a grin, I really am one of those happy drunks.

"You're cute when you're drunk Ana." He says and I flash him the widest grin I can manage. "Everything ok that side of the ocean?"

"Oh yes." I say mocking a commercial I remember seeing when Christian and I were in England for our honeymoon, if I remember rightly it was a car insurance advert with a British Bulldog who talked.

Christian laughs and I think he remembers what I'm on about too.

"So you're not missing me then?" He asks eyeing me sceptically.

"Of course I am!" I gasp over-dramatically. "I want you to come home and do very rude things to me Mr Grey."

"ANA!" Kate squeals beside me while Gail burst out laughing, I'm too drunk to be embarrassed.

"Ok I hear you're not alone so I would prefer it if you kept your mouth shut about what you'd like me to do to you upon my arrival home." Christian says but he's still laughing and smiling so I don't care.

"Mr Grey, one of them is fucking your brother, the other one is your housekeeper who is fucking your head of security. I think they know that we spend time in the bedroom." I say seriously until I get wacked in the face simultaneously by two pillows. "What?!" I yell before bursting out laughing.

"I should be furious at you for getting drunk Ana but you're so adorable when you're drunk."

"Thank you." I smile a Cheshire cat-crinkled eyes-million-mega-watt –very-drunk smile at him and he laughs again.

"Well I am going to play with toy jets now so I'll let you get back. Please don't drink too much more Ana and get to bed early?" He asks seriously and I frown mockingly before smiling and nodding, he laughs again.

"Gail I trust you to make sure she's in bed safe and sound?" He calls and I pull Gail into the view of the webcam.

"Of course Mr Grey." She says blushing.

"Enjoy your evening ladies." He says.

"Bye!" Kate calls from her seat.

"I love youuuuu" I say and he laughs at me once again.

"I love you too, behave."

And on that he hangs up. I can't help but smile as I place the iPad beside me, Christian the ever mercurial fifty and his very good mood has made me happy, I'm sure however all this will come back to bite me on the behind when he gets home … and I hope that bite comes from a riding crop.


	57. Chapter 57

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**This and the next chapter were going to be one long one but it's nearly 3am and I'm tired but didn't want to leave you hanging after 3 LOVELY reviews! Thank you so much to everyone reading this story but especially to those who take the time to review. **

**Have to give a BIG thanks to Atterbury – You always make me smile even when I'm down. Thank you so much! **

I walk into the kitchen knowing I look a state because I feel it too. I don't think I have ever had a hang over this bad in my entire life.

"Good morning Ana." Gail smiles.

"Nice to see one of us so cheery this morning." I shrug going into the medicine cupboard and grabbing the Advil.

"Some of us only had the one glass of wine. Kate is still asleep in the guest room."

"Oh she stayed last night?" I ask taking the orange juice Gail offers me.

"Yes, I had so much fun putting the two of you to bed." She scoffs and I can see the amusement in her eyes.

"I don't remember going to bed." I say honestly as I sink onto one of the bar stools.

"You were on your second bottle of wine when Sawyer came in and persuaded the two of you to get some sleep."

"Sawyer came in?" I groan inwardly.

"Yes." Gail laughs at seeing the horror on my face.

"Do you know if he contacted Christian?" I ask panic rising inside me.

"I don't know, Jason didn't give much away on the phone this morning, he said they were done for the day when I called him an hour ago."

"Ok." I sigh taking out my BlackBerry and knocking Christian's number. He answers on the third ring.

"Good morning baby." He sounds cheery enough.

"Hey." I say trying to make my smile audible.

"You sound hung over." He says and all of a sudden the cheeriness is gone.

"I am hung over." I admit and I can almost sense his frown.

"When did you go to bed last night?"

"I don't remember."

"Jesus Ana how much did you drink?"

"I don't remember." I squeak, I know what's coming.

"If I was there Ana I would have you over my knee and I promise you it wouldn't be for either one of us' pleasure."

"I know." My voice is still an octave higher than normal.

"What about Kate?"

"She's still in bed."

"She stayed at ours?"

"Yes." I reply knowing this man is far from pleased.

"What about Gail?"

"She's as bright as a bee this morning." I say rolling my eyes. "Chill Christian she only had the one."

"Don't roll your eyes at me and I'm glad someone was there responsible enough not to get completely wasted."

"Oh come on Christian Sawyer was here too in Taylor's office so will you chill out."

"No I won't chill out Anastasia! You got trashed last night! Merry was fine, drunk to the point you don't remember things is disgusting!"

"Don't shout." I tell him moving the phone from my ear and I can see Gail stifling her giggles and I can't help but smile at her, reassuring her that while Christian's not here she can be herself completely, be my friend.

"Don't shout! Do you know how desperate I am to be on the next plane out of here Ana!?"

"Don't do that." I tell him.

"I won't because right now there are more important things here for me to be dealing with than dealing with my errant wife! What on earth will I find if I search the tabloids on the internet Ana?"

I don't know how to answer this even though I look to the extremely large pile of newspapers on the breakfast bar.

"I haven't looked yet." I say quietly.

"I swear Ana, we have enough crap to deal with, the press already think our marriage is rocky and Elena telling them you married me for my money is adding fuel to the fire."

I peel a paper from the top of the pile and I gasp when I see I've made front page news.

"What is it?"

"I'm on the front page of the Seattle Sun." I say and I hear him groan.

"Headline?"

"Grey gathers groupie."

"Excuse me?"

"It's a picture of me and Kate." I say flicking to the page the story is one where there are snapshots from all sorts of angles obviously taken from different cameras sitting in Zig Zags. "Yesterday, after a statement was given by Elena Lincoln regarding her purposely crashing into the Grey's car Anastasia and Christian both released a statement opposing Lincoln's. Rumour has it that the Grey's wedding is on the rocks after Christian went to London alone leaving his wife behind. Pictured are snapshots from various members of the public who saw Anastasia with Seattle Times' reporter Katherine Kavanagh. It is believed that Anastasia was being paid to give a detailed interview on her marriage to Christian Grey…"

"Fuck Ana!"

"I'm not done shut up!" I snap right back at him. "However, as reporters gathered to catch any gossip from the duo it was revealed that Grey and Kavanagh are long standing friends who were just meeting for drinks."

"This is fucked up."

"I know." I sigh running my hand through my hair knowing Christian is doing the same.

"Just go to work Ana and try and keep out of the way of the press. I'll try and do some damage control from here. Behave." And he hangs up one me.

I know I've pissed him off but at least the Sun has some decency to print truth as well as the rumours. I know some of the others haven't.

"That didn't sound so bad when you finished." Gail reassures me as she places two slices of buttered toast in front of me.

"No it didn't." I sigh grabbing another paper.

_Grey falls from Grace_

"This definitely isn't good." I say to Gail as I flick the paper open.

She sits opposite me and gives me all her attention as I begin to read.

Anastasia Grey was in the middle of a huge controversy yesterday afternoon. Elena Lincoln of Esclava Salons yesterday released a statement stating that Mrs Grey was only in the marriage for the money. Both Grey's released statements from their own respected businesses yesterday revealing that this wasn't true and that jealousy of the end of the business relationship between Christian Grey and Elena Lincoln led to the feud. However, Anastasia Grey was yesterday seen drinking and chatting with Seattle Times reporter Katherine Kavanagh. Many believe that Anastasia was giving an expose of her own. We look forward to reading that!"

My head spins. I can't believe this! I never signed up for any of this when I said I do. I mean, the day our engagement was announced Christian told me that this would be an occurrence but if we kept our noses clean we wouldn't have a problem but ever the errant wife I can't seem to keep them off my back.

"Hey Ana chill." Kate smiles, I hadn't even realised she had come into the room. "All this? Is just people wanting to get you down before it is released that you and Christian are a power couple. You've made your own name now and with that comes this…" She's interrupted by 'your love is king' echoing from my phone.

"Ana Grey." I sigh on answering.

"You have an interview with Business Management Magazine at eleven don't be late." Christian snaps before hanging up again.

"Yes Sir." I mutter as I pull the phone from my ear.

"That bad?" Kate asks me gently.

"That bad. I'm going to get ready. I have an interview to get to, if I'm not there I may be sitting with an attorney before the week is out."

I know Kate is looking sympathetic at me as I walk away but I don't need nor want her pity right now, I bought this on myself and I have to deal with the fall out.

At nine am I'm dressed and ready to go in my favourite silver silk blouse and grey knee length pencil skirt. I've managed to pull off some semblance of a decent look with my makeup and pulled my hair into a sweeping bun on the top of my head. All this with a pair of black strapped Jimmy Choo pumps and I'm ready to go.

"Everything will be fine Ana." Gail reassures as I grab my purse.

"I hope so. I don't want to deal with Christian's wrath when he gets back." I try and smile but I know it doesn't reach my eyes.

Sawyer drives me to work and on seeing the paparazzi hanging around the front door he quickly takes me to the service entrance. I jump out the car and pull my large sunglasses over my eyes before entering the office. I make sure not to make eye contact with anyone as I make my way up to my office.

Hannah smiles at me but she can see at once that I'm not interested as I disappear into my office. I sink into my leather chair and try and gather my bearings. This is one big mess and I'll be lucky if Christian ever trusts me to stay at home alone again when he has to go away on business.

I log into my computer and I'm surprised to see an email from Christian, I didn't hear my BlackBerry ping.

**To:** Anastasia Grey

**Subject:** I'm sorry

**From:** Christian Grey

If you're still talking to me, please call me.

Christian Grey

Apologetic CEO, Grey's Enterprise Holdings, Inc.

How can I not be talking to the man who sends an email like that? I can almost see his puppy dog face and I quickly grab my cell from my purse and call him.

"Hey." He answers after just one ring.

"Hey, I'm really sorry about all of this Christian." I say quietly.

"No Ana. I'm pissed at you for getting drunk but then that fuelled over to everything else ok?" He says. "I'm not mad at you for what's in the press. I should have seen it coming, I was angry for you for getting so drunk and everything else just boiled over."

"Ok." I whisper tears prickling in my eyes.

"Oh Ana don't cry." He says softly but that just causes the floodgates to open.

"I'm really sorry Christian, this is such a mess!"

"No baby it's not. Listen I've cancelled the meeting. Go home, get some sleep and ignore the fucking press."

"Ok." I sigh.

"It will die down in a couple of days. Maybe you can meet me off the plane on Sunday, I'll have Taylor leak the time of arrival and they can have some pictures of us having a reunion, I'm sure that will put out the fires."

"I don't want the press there when you get back." I sniffle and I hear him sighing softly.

"Neither do I baby but sometimes you have to sacrifice something in order to gain something. In this case it's letting the roaches get some pictures of an intimate moment, I don't want to but Andrea thought it would be a good idea ok? Now go home and get some sleep."

"Fine."

"I love you Ana."

"I love you too Christian."

"Don't forget you're having food with my parents tonight."

"I won't. Bye."

He hangs up without an argument and I drop my head to the desk. I can't believe all this is happening right now. I hate being in the spotlight like this, it was bad enough being just 'Christian's wife' but now I'm known and recognised as Anastasia Grey and it's a living nightmare.

I gather my things but before I get the chance to leave and meet Sawyer across the road my phone begins to ring.

"Ana Grey." I say weakly.

"Ana is everything ok?"

"Hi Grace, everything's fine." I lie through my teeth because I don't want her to worry.

"You aren't a very good liar Ana, I saw the papers and I've spoken to Christian. Are you leaving the office now?"

"Yes."

"Good I'll see you in half an hour."

She hangs up before I can say anything more and I know that my Mother-in-Law has been called to keep an eye on me. I really am the errant wife.


	58. Chapter 58

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**A part of a review I received that made me wet myself with laughter – **

**And Elena, please be the first FF writer to have her shot by a jealous sub while handcuffed in her play room! God she is annoying! – blondegirl13 – Thank you for putting this wide grin that won't leave my face on it in the first place! **

**So after all the reviews I couldn't resist writing more … thanks everyone!**

I sit on the couch waiting patiently for Grace. The TV is on the gossip news channel that Kate told me to watch, as she said, I'm headline news and I think it's rather pathetic. I hear the ding of the elevator and I dutifully get up to meet my mother in law. She smiles briefly when she sees me but on closer inspection and seeing my bright red puffy eyes her face drops and she wraps me up in a bear hug.

"Oh Ana, my dear darling girl. Come sit down." She says I begin to sob into her shoulder, I haven't been able to hold back my tears since I arrived home. "Gail can you make us both a cup of tea please?" I hear her ask as she leads me to the couch.

I sit down where Grace places me and she scoots on beside me before pulling me to her again.

"There, there, Ana." She coos as I continue to cry hysterically. She runs her fingers through my tangled hair and rubs my back until my sobs become dry painful hiccups. "Feeling better now?" She asks as I pull away from her and sit upright, I nod. "Nothing better than a good cry sometimes." She smiles as she passes me my tea over.

I take a small sip and welcome the heat that runs down my throat while Grace watches the gossip channel replay the amateur mobile phone footage of me and Kate at Zig Zag's laughing hysterically, luckily there's no audio.

"CEO Anastasia Grey is in the middle of Seattle's biggest controversy this week as she is filmed here with Seattle Times Reporter Katherine Kavanagh at Zig Zag's cocktail bar. After her husband jetted off to London without her a statement was released by Elena Lincoln of Esclava stating that she drove her car into the young couple after hearing mutual friends saying that Anastasia had said she only married CEO of Grey's Enterprises Holdings Christian Grey for his money as it has been revealed by a close family friend that there is no pre-nup signed by the beautiful Mrs Grey. Both Grey's House and Grey's Publishing released statements on behalf of their CEO's stating that the allegations made by Mrs Lincoln were slanderous and should it continue then they would have to bring law enforcement into the equation, there is already a restraining order in place barring Elena Lincoln from contacting either one of the Grey's and should any attempt be made her parole will be revoked. However with last night's behaviour by Mrs Grey people believe there is more to the thought that there are marital problems between the couple than just rumours. Mrs Grey was seen arriving at Grey Publishing late this morning just to leave again thirty five minutes later looking a little worse for wear, many believe her to be hung over while others believe that a few tears had been shed by the brunette beauty. I'm Christine Blake and that is today's top story."

"Why are you watching this Ana?" Grace asked.

"I don't know." I shrug. "Better knowing what's being said than being oblivious."

"This is TV's version of the tabloids."

"I know."

"They're worse than rag mags." Grace says seriously and I can't help but crack a smile before wrapping an arm around her.

"Thank you for coming over."

"Nonsense." She says firmly. "I knew you'd be upset as soon as Carrick showed me this morning's papers and then when Christian called I thought you could do with a shoulder and an ear."

I pull away at the mention of Carrick.

"I suppose Carrick is beyond mad."

"Why would you say that?" She asks and I just shrug, I am not bringing up the fact that he wanted me to sign a pre-nup and that I am still convinced that he thinks I'm a gold-digger and I am not going to bring up that I always believed him to think that I wasn't adequate enough for his son. "He's not mad, he's upset for you, we all are Ana." She says running her hand through her hair again.

"I didn't expect any of this." I say my tears boiling in my eyes again, threatening to tumble.

"None of us did, not even Christian but your own success coupled with his Ana have made the two of you top news, before Christian was known as a young multi-billionaire business man with good looks, now he's known as the multi-billionaire with the stunningly beautiful wife who is also just as powerful in the business world."

"I own one small company."

"Which is going to grow." She says softly and I nod in agreement, I already have a taste for business and I admit I want more.

"I don't know why people get pleasure from exposing our lives." I say and just as Grace is about to say something our attention is drawn back to the TV.

"Latest development in the story of Anastasia Grey, her Mother-in-law has been seen arriving at the privet resident which Anastasia lives in with her husband only thirty minutes ago. I wonder what it is the mother-in-law has to say about her daughter-in-law's antics…" I don't get to hear anymore as Grace switches the TV off.

"Tabloids." She spits the word out as if it's poison.

"I'm going to be grounded when Christian gets home." I say sinking into the back of the couch.

"Do you blame him?"

"No." I reply honestly. "I want to ground myself!" Grace laughs at this and I manage a small smile.

"Well Ana when you're starting your own empire from near nothing you can't hide away in your tower. So tonight you're coming to our place and we're going to go in my car and let the press catch pictures of us smiling and happy and let them shove that in their pipe." I burst out laughing and Grace looks at me with a gleam in her eye. "I've been spending too much time with Mia."

"I can tell." I splutter through my laughter and Grace soon is laughing right along with me.

Gail brings over a plate of sandwiches and gives me a wink when Grace has turned away. She's really being a friend right now and I appreciate her all the more for it.

I eat quietly as does Grace, the silence however isn't awkward it's relaxing and I feel overwhelmed by the love and care Grace has shown by coming over here and taking care of me and being here for me when I needed her, I couldn't ask for a better mother-in-law.

"Now you eat a little more for me honey and I'm going to run you a nice hot bath." She says getting to her feet.

"You don't have to do that." I say grabbing her arm softly before she rushes pass me.

"I know that Anastasia, but I want to." She smiles before dropping a heavy kiss onto the top of my hair and rushing out.

I sigh and drop back into the couch. I think I'm starting to figure out that my life is an emotional roller coaster and there is no way off, thinking about it really though, I don't want to get off because if Grace and Christian are the up sides then I don't half mind having to deal with the upside downs and just plain downs. I look at my phone and see it's only just turned midday so that means Christian should still be awake. I know the speed dial and press the phone to my ear.

"Hey baby everything ok?"

"Everything's fine." I smile at his worried voice, I know he always worries about me and if anything it does make me feel cherished even if it can get annoying.

"I'm glad." I can tell he relaxes and I can only imagine him finally sitting back. "You had me worried."

"You thought I'd run?"

"No. I was worried you'd want to."

"I did." I whisper. "But then I realised that I could never run because even though I wanted to run from the press and the public I didn't want to run from you, or your Mom."

The sigh that hits my ear makes me smile, he really did worry that I meant run from him and I didn't, not at all.

"I love you baby." He says so softly that I want to just wrap my arms around him and crash my lips into his.

"I love you too." I smile. "Oh and I've been thinking."

"Go on." He says and I can tell he's smirking at me knowing that me and thinking usually don't turn out so well, the proof is in the papers.

"I want to go ahead and expand Grey Publishing." I know his smirk has widened. "I mean, if Roach comes back I definitely will knowing he'll be able to run Grey Publishing Seattle but I know I can do this now Christian and I want to do it."

"Then do it Ana."

"Really?" I squeal.

"Yes Really! I promise to cherish you and up hold your hopes and dreams." He quotes his wedding vows to me and I smile, those words are going to be used against each other and for each other for as long as we both shall live – ironic right?

"Ok." I laugh.

"You want me to start looking for places?"

"I was actually going to ask you to let me do it." I say quietly, I don't want him to change his mind.

"Go for it Ana. And if you need any help don't hesitate to ask ok? It doesn't mean you've failed it just means you have more to learn."

"Thanks Christian." I say softly, I can't believe how easy his moods change and I don't think I ever will but he sure as hell makes me feel like I'm special.

"No problem, if I'm honest the sooner you expand the better, you want to make your own damn money because you're too stubborn to take mine and I want to watch you and see you succeed."

"And if I fail?" I ask nervously.

"Then I help pick you up, dust you off and get you right back up again." He says and I can hear the broad smile and it has a profound effect of warming my heart.

"Ana your bath is ready."

"Ok thanks Grace." I smile to her. "Baby I'm going to go now."

"Ok baby I miss you and I love you."

"Not as much as I miss and love you." I tease before hanging up.


	59. Chapter 59

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**I would have updated sooner but I was watching the Olympic Closing ceremony. I must say I have never been prouder to be British! Well done GBR, Well done LONDON! I have to admit Boris Johnson (Mayor of London) dancing to Spice Girls was the highlight of the ceremony for me! :D And then of course I had to actually write the chapter hence the really long delay, my apologies but considering it's 6,000 words I should be forgiven ;)**

Day number three without Christian has so far turned out to be the worse. Not only am I missing him more and more with each second that goes by but I've also been splashed across every tabloid newspaper as well as the tabloid news twenty four hour channel that seems to be enjoying replaying the video of myself and Kate laughing as we sip at our cocktails. It's pathetic and it's making me angrier by the minute.

Luckily I have Grace on hand to keep me in check. She's like a second mother to me and I appreciate her more than words can describe, I really hope I can do something special for her for Christmas that is exclusively from me, I know that Christian will take the time to do something from the both of us as she is his mother and he knows her best just in the way I'll sort my parents and Bob out and put his name on the card.

Now I'm relaxing in the bath that Grace drew up for me and I can feel some of the earlier tension leave my body. I can't be blamed for being both pissed and upset at the tabloids for exposing me in such a way. The truth of the matter is that they're only giving half the truth and the last thing I want is any bad publicity, enough people think I only married Christian for his money without the tabloids and the likes of Elena fucking Lincoln stirring the pot.

I drain the water and work my way into the closet. Grace thinks that the sooner we leave for Bellevue the better I will be so I quickly slip into some Jeans, cami and cardigan and pull my hair all back into a simple mid-level pony tail before slipping on a pair of ballerina flats, Christian hates me wearing flats as they don't accentuate my long thin legs.

Once I put on some make up just to put that colour I need in my cheeks, the colour I've lacked since Christian's departure, I make my way through into the living room to where Grace is chatting away to Gail. She seems just as friendly with the housekeeper as I am and I'm pleased, I hate how short-handed Christian can be with them sometimes. If anyone I worked for ever spoke to me the way he sometimes speaks to his staff I'd walk straight out the door and wouldn't look back, hmm, maybe that's why I'm doing such a decent job of running Grey's Publishing Seattle.

"Oh Ana you look so much better." Grace gushes pulling me into a tight hug.

"Thanks Grace, I feel it too." I smile relaxing into her arms and returning the gesture, she is so caring it warms my heart and even makes me miss my Mom even more.

"Well then we should get going. My car's waiting, no need for you to bring any security along right?"

"No. I can call and have someone pick me up later."

"Nonsense I'll bring you home."

"No Grace, I can't ask that of you." I reply quickly, she can't go out of her way to drive me home and then need to drive herself back to Bellevue after, it's just too much.

"Ana…"

"Grace, you should have a glass of wine or two with dinner. It's no problem I'll have Sawyer on standby and he can come and pick me up." I smile a sickly sweet smile at her knowing she'll cave with it.

"Fair enough. You're as stubborn as my son sometimes Anastasia." She laughs lightly and I nod in agreement, I learned to be stubborn because of Christian, with him I really have to dig my heels in and refuse to cave just to get him to compromise.

"Ok then we should head off, thanks for your help Gail." She smiles before heading for the door.

I quickly grab my purse and shrug towards Mrs Jones who's smiling reassuringly.

"Bye Gail, see you later." I smile before hurrying after Grace.

We stay in silence the whole way to the car. As soon as we begin to leave the garage we're blinded by the paparazzi and now I wish I insisted I travelled with Sawyer, at least all of Christian's SUV's have blacked out windows and this car doesn't so while Grace tries to steer us safely out of the garage I know that the paps have gotten a picture of me with my mother-in-law and something tells me it's going to fuel the fires more.

"Well then Ana, how do you feel now?" Grace asks as soon as we're en-route properly, she doesn't notice that I've pulled down the sun visor and am using the small mirror to check if we've been followed or not by the press.

"Better, thank you." I reply with a genuine smile, but my eyes don't leave the mirror as I continue to assess the cars behind us, which ones are just ordinary people and which ones are the paparazzi after a scoop.

"Good. I don't think Christian was at all happy about being so far away with things being so difficult for you here, I think he blames himself."

"It doesn't matter how much I try to reassure him it isn't." I tell her, I know I can open up to her and trust her.

"He's very protective of you Ana, of us all and if he thinks something is wrong and it's his fault he won't stop blaming himself."

"I know." I whisper, it's one of the things that I hate to love about him, his protectiveness and need to be in control.

We continue the drive and I switch on the radio to drown out the silence. I know at once that Mia was last in the car when the radio comes on because it's straight onto the radio channel that gossips the most about celebrities and I relax listening to the latest news about Brad and Angelina wanting more children and Lindsey Lohan's latest indiscretion. Of course, when my name is mentioned I internally groan but listen anyway.

"The rumours about Anastasia and Christian Grey continue to grow as more and more evidence piles up against their reassurances that their marriage is fine. From a lone trip to London for Mr Grey and Cocktails and girl time for Mrs Grey it seems that this couple are definitely working through some issues. It surprised us all when one Mommy Grey called by at the home of the couple while her son is out of town, of course we all know that Anastasia was definitely home having been snapped leaving Grey's Publishing just thirty minutes before. Mommy Grey stayed for nearly three hours and the ladies have only just been seen leaving the residence together. Something tells me it's serious when the mother in law gets involved. We look forward to seeing more of Anastasia Grey while her husband is away and see if there will be any more clues."

"I don't know why you listen to that garbage Ana." Grace sighs turning the radio on, I know she only left it on while the news piece about me and Christian was on because she knew I wanted to hear it.

"Do you think there's any truth to what they're saying Grace?" I ask worriedly.

"No." She says firmly and there's no need for her to expand because I know she's being honest with me.

"Do you think the public believe it?" I ask her and I see her sigh softly.

"I think that most members of the public knows there is only some element of truth to what the gossip blogs, news and papers have to say about the worlds Celebrities Ana."

"But I'm not a celebrity Grace." I tell her firmly and she chuckles softly, I don't think there's anything amusing about this.

"You married one Ana." She says simply. "I thought you understood that this would happen when your engagement was announced and you were bombarded everywhere you went."

"I did but I just … I didn't think it would ever be like this. I mean the paps stopping me to ask for what clothes I'm wearing and stuff hasn't really bothered me, I actually find it quite amusing that they're interested. I also don't mind appearing in local papers at events with Christian especially charity events and then there was the whole Seattle Grace thing that actually I really enjoyed seeing splashed across the papers including the tabloids because for once I was there because of something I had achieved not just being on Christian's arm and I know it wouldn't have happened if I wasn't his wife but there was still that knowing that I achieved that on my own without his help but then these rumours are just that, rumours and they're spiteful lies, there's no element of truth to them but …" I shut up, I don't feel like confiding my inner most darkest fears to Grace right now.

"But you're worried that they'll become true."

"Christian told me the first time we ever appeared in the paper together that if it was in the paper then it must be true. I can't get that out of my head." I admit and she sighs again so I turn to gaze out the window, I don't want to see her upset knowing that I've caused it.

"Ana, he was kidding."

"I know." I reply.

"But still you can't help but think there's some element of truth there." She says for me and I look at her and nod knowing she can see me through the corner of her eye. Tell me this Ana, is your marriage to Christian on the rocks?"

"Of course not." I snap, I don't mean too but I need it to be clear that Christian and I are fine.

"Then there's no element of truth in it and for people to say you married him for his money is ludicrous. Christ not once did that thought ever cross my mind, it did Carrick's but that's because he's a lawyer but as he said to me after the whole pre-nup debacle, in all honesty he couldn't have asked for a nicer daughter in law and he has seen you react badly to Christian pawning you with gifts since you've been married and he admitted her was wrong to even think you'd be in it for the money."

"Good to know." I smile, I always have worried about Carrick and what he thinks of me. He was furious that Christian wouldn't have me sign a pre-nup and I was more than willing to sign one if that's what Christian wanted, I don't want his money.

"I was happy Grace." I tell her quietly. "Just being his girlfriend, working as an editor, then everything shifted so quickly, I moved in, he asked me to marry him, I did, then the baby and the whole Jack Hyde thing followed by the miscarriage and then I became president of Grey's Publishing and of course we can't exactly forget about Aspen and Elena and now this? I just need a break to gather my bearings again but I can't, there's no escape from it."

"Do you want to leave my son?" She asks me but it's not in a threatening tone and she doesn't sound worried, she sounds more concerned for me than she does Christian.

"No!" I almost shot it at her but manage to keep my cool. "I love Christian Grace, I love him with all that I am but sometimes I can't help but wonder if it's enough."

"You're regressing Ana." She sighs as we pull up into the drive way.

"What do you mean?" I ask her confused.

"The depression. You're regressing into the depression or so I think but I'm not a shrink." She says her hand going to my knee after she turns off the engine.

"You think?" I ask her getting worried, I don't want to be stuck in that place again, it was dark and I was always so tearful with no reason.

"I do. I think you need to relax, clear your head and you need Christian home, why don't you tell him to come home Ana because I'm certain he'd book the next flight back…"

"I can't." I sigh leaning over and resting my head on her shoulder, I need the comfort from her and I know she's more than happy to give it.

"Why not sweet girl?" She asks running her hand through my hair and down my face.

"Because I need him to trust me." I stress the words trust hoping to give a little away, I know Christian doesn't like to let his family into our privet lives too much but I need someone here for me right now and I know that someone is Grace.

"Why Ana? Why do you need him to trust you so badly?" She asks and I know I can't divulge his need to control as it's especially difficult without divulging into our lifestyle behind closed doors.

"He didn't want me to work. Did he ever tell you that?" I ask her pulling away so I can look at her and gauge her reaction.

She just shakes her head softly at me and I sigh and turn to look out the windscreen as her gaze stay's fixed on mine.

"He wanted me to stop working and just let him provide for me, it was a bit of a fight, I won obviously but he genuinely wanted me to quit my job and be a stay at home wife. I don't know what he expected me to do in the apartment all day with Mrs Jones doing all the housekeeping. I told him I needed to work to provide for myself and of course he found that laughable, he still puts money into my bank account and I think he thinks because I have money going in on a regular basis from GP that I don't notice but I do and I transfer it straight into the joint account which is never used, he begs me to use it so every now and again I will hoping he that he won't need to remind me but he still does… anyway, then I told him that I needed to work just so I wasn't sitting around bored, I told him I couldn't exactly sit at home all day and just wait for him while he was out running the universe and finally he caved. If he thought that he couldn't trust me he would buy me out of Grey's Publishing in a heart-beat either sell it on or bring in someone else to manage it and have me at home, make me go away with him every time and I don't want that Grace, I need some of my independence…"

"He's always been a controlling man, even as a boy he was always in need of being in control of some things." She admits quietly, we've never really discussed Christian together so this is an experience for me too.

"There's some areas I give him complete control of." I admit without going into detail. "But there's some things I need just so I don't lose myself."

"Do you feel like you are losing yourself Ana?"

"I don't know who I am anymore." I admit quietly as tears prickle in my eyes.

"What do you mean by that Ana?" She asks gently and I turn so she can't see my face.

"I was a happy twenty one year old student when I met Christian. He introduced me to so many things, parts of me that I didn't even know existed because of him, I came out of my shell, became my own person but recently … I'm not her anymore."

"Aren't you?"

I turn to look at Grace again and she looks genuinely sympathetic as well as confused.

"When I look at you Ana I see this beautiful and talented CEO of a very successful Publishing Company. I see a smart young woman who just lacks confidence and if this isn't depression just you feeling a little down and overwhelmed I'd really consider you seeing someone for your self-esteem because it's disturbingly low Ana, so low that it's affecting you. The only thing I know for certain is that you love my son and that he loves you, fight for that Ana and forget about what the press and the public think because what matters is you and Christian, that's all that matters."

I can't speak because of the lump in my throat so I nod and let her pull me into a tight hug. I know she's right, I really do but I've always had a low self-esteem, Christian made that clear to me and it's only with him that I feel confident and beautiful and strong. I think that may be the biggest problem here, is that he isn't here to reassure me.

"Let's get inside and have some wine." She says when we separate. I

"Thank you Grace." I whisper as she opens the car door and I know she knows I mean more in those two little words than I could possibly begin to explain.

"No problem, you're my second daughter Ana. I'll always be here for you." She says before stepping out and I relax more and climb out too.

I follow Grace into the house and Carrick walks into the hallway to greet us. He kisses his wife softly before pulling me into a strong embrace. I think since everything that happened in Aspen he has been much more receptive of me, I've always thought him to be a very kind and loving man yet with me he always kept me at arm's length, like he doesn't want to get close because he doesn't think I'll stick around.

"How are you Ana?" He asks holding my shoulders and staring straight into my eyes.

"I'm ok." I reply timidly.

"I'm so pleased you could come round with all this going on, no need to be locked up in that apartment alone when you can be right here with family." He smiles before pulling me close and gently kisses my hair, suddenly I have the overwhelming feeling of missing Ray.

"Thank you." I reply when he lets go of me again.

"Come and sit down." He says taking me by the elbow and leading me to the living room.

As soon as I'm seated Grace brings over a glass of wine and I instantly react, Carrick is right, I am with family and this is where I should be in this horrible situation that I have found myself.

"Have you seen all the papers?" He questions me with a glass of brandy in his hand.

"I didn't need to see them all." I sigh seeing the large pile on the little puff beside his arm chair.

"You should check out this one." He says picking up the top paper and passing it to me. "Page five."

I quickly skip over to page five to see a picture of myself at the Seattle Grace charity gala the night I received my award.

Bombshell into business! The heading of the page screams at me. I take a deep breath before I begin to read the article.

_When the name Grey appears everyone automatically thinks of the highly successful business man Christian Grey, he was CEO at the age of twenty one and a Millionaire by the age of twenty three. Now age twenty eight he's a multi billionaire business man. However this Grey is not Christian. Meet Anastasia Grey, beautiful wife of said multi billionaire and CEO of Grey Publishing. This woman knows her stuff when it comes to the publishing world and is already taking Seattle's publishing world by storm, one publishing company is already shutting down and moving out of Seattle because they simply can't compete. How long will it be before Anastasia expands and becomes a Billionairess all on her own? We can't wait to see!_

I close the paper and look up at Carrick who is smiling proudly at me.

"Not all the press are like the tabloids Ana, some of them actually report truth." He says still smiling at me and I can't help but return it feeling pretty damn proud of myself too. "So are you going to share you plans with me for Grey Publishing?"

"I've already discussed the first expansion with Christian, he told me to go for it and with the money made in the last quarter alone it's possible, I might go for a really small company that's losing because of larger companies and expand it slowly, build it up if you will." I explain as best as I could and I know Carrick understands because his smile widens and he nods firmly.

"Excellent idea Ana, see you already know what you're doing. Christian mentioned your reluctance to take over the company."

I bite my tongue before I tell him I was coerced into taking the president's job in the first place by Christian saying if I didn't take it he would sell the company to someone who would break it down and build it completely different which would put me out of a job and that he wouldn't help me but hinder me in getting another.

"I was, but then once you get a taste…" I say with a smile while Carrick chuckles at me.

"You may be interested in page seven of that paper too." He says with a similar secret smile that Christian has the one that says I-know-something-you-don't-know.

Intrigued, I take the paper and quickly flick over to page seven. I gawp at seeing a quarter page picture of a very distraught looking Elena Lincoln and the heading Ta-ra Esclava. I know Carrick is watching me closely so I quickly read the article.

Elena Lincoln left herself with more than just legal fees when she crashed her Austin Martin on purpose into the car carrying Anastasia and Christian Grey. As it was proven to be her fault she was also made not only to pay the hospital bills of both Grey's but also pay compensation to both which is still being worked out. She has officially declared herself bankrupt and has sold her Salon chain Esclava and her home to the bank and it has been revealed that after releasing a statement about the crash she fled Seattle in shame.

"Wow." I say in shock. "What will happen to the Salons now?"

"They'll be sold on, the bank aren't interested in the businesses only the money. However, a little bird told me that no one was really interested in buying into the beauty business with this recession."

"Really?" I ask as my mind goes into overdrive.

"Ana." Carrick laughs. "You couldn't make it more obvious what you're thinking." He smiles before passing over a pink file. "I guessed you needed something to cheer you up and seeing as you're now a wise business woman you may want a look at what's in there."

I gaze down at the file and I know it has something to do with Esclava.

"You think I should?"

"I don't think anything." He replies but he has that secret smile on his face again and I know he's definitely thinking something.

I open the file and find details of transactions in and out of Esclava for the last year. It hasn't been long since Christian gifted the salons to her but I can see at once that from his birthday onwards the money stopped coming in as quickly and the truth of the matter was if Christian had stayed it would have been doing much better. I turn one of the papers over and find beneath it the details I would need to contact the bank and put an offer in on Esclava.

"Take time, sleep on it, don't jump into a decision you might regret later because remember you won't be able to sell it on, they can't sell it now. But I do know that you could get the chain of three for about half what they're asking." Carrick tells me as I continue to gaze down at the details on my lap. Yes, think about it, definitely.

"Thanks for this Carrick." I smile just as Grace enters the room.

"No problem. Just think about it but if you want my opinion it would be the last slap in the face you could give the witch." He smirks before getting up.

Grace eyes us both suspiciously before nodding her head towards the door, dinner is served.

The conversation around the dinner table is just chitter-chatter to fill the silence. We discuss Kate and Elliot's wedding plans which seem to be going backwards rather than forwards, they can't agree on anything including the date and Kate refuses to even consider anything else until they have a date. Then there's Mia and Ethan who have both been trying to have some form of relationship, they're happy together from what I gather from Grace but they can't help but wonder how others will see their relationship once their siblings are married, technically they would become in-laws and it unsettles Ethan far more than it does Mia, possibly because there is no genetic relation between herself and Elliot.

After dinner I inform Sawyer by text that he should come and collect me. This gives me half an hour to talk with the in-laws before leaving, I don't want to overstay my welcome. Grace talks about her work at Seattle Grace, she's only there part time now as the job is getting a little too heavy for her the older she gets and she happily informs me that the new ward which is being names after me will be finished half way through January and that they want to open it before February begins. I can't help but be genuinely excited for this, a ward named in my honour, well that in itself is an honour and I feel so blessed.

When Sawyer arrives Grace holds me tight and tells me not to hesitate in calling her if I need to talk or if I need her to come over, that it isn't a bother and she loves spending time alone with me. After giving me a hearty kiss on the cheek she passes me off to Carrick who also hugs me tight and whispers that he's so proud of how I'm handling everything and he hopes I come to some conclusion about the pink file that's in my hand. After a kiss on the cheek from him I follow Sawyer out the door and into the waiting SUV finally free to breathe freely again.

"So are there still many paps hanging around Escala Luke?" I ask calmly as I flick open the pink file again, the possibilities going through my mind are endless about Esclava.

"Not many Ma'am."

"Ana." I say correcting him instantly, the only security guard I don't mind calling me Ma'am at all is Taylor.

"Sorry Ana, not many I'd say less than ten but I really didn't look just floored it out of there." He explains with a smile I laugh softly as I meet his gaze in the rear view.

"Well if you can floor it back in there so I don't get blinded it would be very much appreciated." I quip and he doesn't even bother holding back his laugh which makes me smile in turn.

The rest of the drive is in silence as I go over and over the details in regards to Esclava. Buying the chain of four would probably be very profitable but can I own and run four salons? I'm guessing all the staff will have already moved on so I would need to completely re-staff and I know absolutely zilch when it comes to the beauty industry, I mean I still haven't ever let anyone wax me preferring to shave … or have Christian shave me.

Now I'm squirming uncomfortably in my seat wishing I was going to my husband who I would beg to take me up to the playroom and have his wicked way with me. With how frustrated I'm feeling I would let him hang me upside down with ropes wrapped around me in all different ways, put a ball gag in my mind and whip me with a cane, I'm that much in need of a really good fuck.

As soon as we enter the garage I'm pulling my seat belt off and Sawyer doesn't even have the chance to get out before I'm sprinting for the elevator. I hear him chuckle behind me but pay no attention, it's nearly eleven pm which means for Christian it's nearly seven and that means he should be awake, I hope I catch him before he leaves.

As I walk to my bedroom I quickly grab the iPad and lay back on my bed before checking to see if he's online. My heart almost skips a beat when I see the little green blob with a white tick signalling that he is. I don't hesitate in knocking the call button.

"Ana baby." He smiles after he's answered, oh just seeing his beautiful face makes me miss him all the more, I long to touch him, run my fingers through his stubble and kiss every inch of his beautiful body.

"Hey Christian." I smile happily.

"You look better." He notes and my smile widens.

"I feel better now, your Mother is my hero." I explain and his grin stretches from ear to ear.

"She's mine too." He admits, of course she is, she's also his angel and it makes me understand why he called her to come to me when I needed someone. "What are you wearing?" He asks me his voice suddenly seductive.

"Jeans, tank top, cardigan." I reply my voice dropping deep in my arousal, I am already frustrated and something tells me this is just going to make it worse.

"Take them off." He says in his Dom voice.

"Yes Sir." I reply with a smirk.

I prop the iPad up on the bedside table and hop off the bed. From the awkward angle he can't exactly see my face but he can see from my breasts to my knees so that's good enough.

I push my cardigan from my shoulders and shrug so it slips to the floor. I gaze at Christian's picture and see that he has a small 'o' on his lips, I think he expected me to say no to this game. I peel my tank up slowly making sure that my fingers slide along the surface of my skin until I have to grasp it and pull it over my head. I continue to watch Christian whose eyes are glued to the screen. Next I unbutton my jeans and slide down the fly. They're quite tight and so I have to bend over and pull them down, I make sure to turn around to do this so he gets the view he loves and I hear his gasp as my jeans slide down.

"Back on the bed Mrs Grey." He orders and I quickly grab the iPad and dive back onto the bed, adjusting the pillow so the headboard doesn't dig into my bare spine. "Now now Mrs Grey." He beams at me and I squirm excitedly, this game is fun. "Massage your breast through your bra." He tells me.

I rest the iPad awkwardly on my legs and place both my hands on my breasts. I begin to knead and pinch them, moaning at my own touch which becomes a little more urgent.

"Stop." Christian's voice calls and I stop at once. "Pull your breasts out of the bra."

I know what he means and slowly I peel the cups of the bra down and pull my breasts out one at a time until the bra is pushing them up towards my chin some.

"Touch them again." He says and I do without questioning. I tease the nubs of my nipples, pinching, rolling and rubbing till they're firm, then I squeeze and massage each breast until Christian's voice disturbs me again.

"I want you to touch yourself Ana, I want to see you make yourself come." He tells me and I quiver just at the thought.

I take the iPad in one hand and move it so it's slightly side on but so that he can see both my face and my blue lace panties. He grins happily as I begin to stroke my right thigh with my right hand getting closer and closer to my panties every time.

"Take them off Ana." He says and I put the iPad down to do so, Christian can have a minute of looking at the ceiling and it won't do him harm.

When I pick the iPad back up I see he's adjusted the iPad on his end and I can now see his firm erection. I groan at the sight of it.

"I want to see you pleasure yourself Ana." He says so seductively.

I make sure the iPad's in the right place before I begin to move my hand from my thigh closer and closer to my hot centre. I see his eyes glaze over when my finger finally makes contact with the wet slit and I hear his moan when I drag my finger upwards. I look at him to see he has his shaft gripped tight in his hand, oh God that's such a turn on.

My finger slips easily inside of me and I begin a very light rhythm. I'm not surprised when I see Christian's hand move to the same rhythm. Needing contact against my clitoris I angle my hand so that my palm is rubbing against it as I move.

"Faster Ana." He groans and as I pick up the speed so does he.

I am beyond aroused seeing him touch himself and now I understand why he likes seeing me do it. I slip a second finger in before increasing the speed again. It doesn't take long before I topple over the edge. I vibrate and contort, my eyes glued on Christian's member in the same way I know his eyes are fixed on my fingers which are still working me but nowhere near as hard. He reaches a glorious climax and I watch as the seed spurts from the tip. I am almost desperate to be there to lick it all off for him.

"What a great way to start the day." Christian muses and I grin mischievously.

"And what a great way to end it." I smirk as I fall back against the head board and pillows. "However I can think of a hundred better ways." I say and I see the grin playing on Christian's features.

"Can you now Mrs Grey?"

"Yes Sir and they all involve you and kinky fuckery." I say so matter-of-factly I've taken him by complete surprise.

"Well if I didn't have to go shower I would have you divulge those to me Mrs Grey but as I need to be in the office at nine I can't so I'll expect an email sometime tonight?"

I laugh knowing that means in the morning.

"Yes Sir." I giggle and he grins again making me melt, I miss him too much.

"Good now Sleep Ana."

"I love you."

"Love you too. Sleep!"

I laugh and knock the end call button and climb out of bed. I pull off my bra and grab my night gown. I don't bother straightening the room out before going to sleep, I know that Mrs Jones will sort it all tomorrow, maybe she won't be so bored then.

I switch the light off and suddenly feel much lighter than I have in a while, maybe Christian and I should indulge in webcam sex for the rest of the week, until then I need to gather my bearings and think of exactly the scenes to send him in emails.


	60. Chapter 60

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

"Morning Gail." I smile as I slip into the bar stool to tuck into the beautiful looking breakfast of pancakes and bacon that Mrs Jones has set out for me. I'm in an incredibly good mood this morning and I know it has everything to do with the incredibly hot webcam sex session I had with Christian last night.

"Morning Ana." She smiles back as she busies herself as usual.

"Are you still coming with me tomorrow night?" I ask carefully, I hope she hasn't changed her mind after Christian's comments or my own when drunk for that matter.

"If I'm still invited." She says carefully and I beam.

"Of course you are Gail, I was just checking if you were free for a shopping session this afternoon." I explain and I know I asked her to come shopping for an outfit with me before and she agreed to come but I want to be sure.

"Yes, I'd completely forgotten sorry Ana." She blushes. I'm in shock. Gail Jones actually blushes and I can't help but smile at her.

"It's not a problem. Come down to Grey's Publishing for twelve we'll go for lunch first, I'll call ahead and book us a table at the Mile High Club and charge it to Christian's card." I wink and she laughs softly.

"I don't see anything wrong in that." She teases as Sawyer enters the room.

"I won't need you today Sawyer, I can handle the press and from my sources I know that Elena is no longer in the vicinity." I smile sickly sweet at him and he nods his head knowing better than to argue with me when I've made my mind up. "I will need you to drive Gail to the office for midday."

"No problem Ana." He says with a reassuring smile and I nod back at him, dismissing him.

"You know how to get what you want don't you Mrs Grey." Gail teases and I laugh, I can see exactly why I have wanted to get on with her as a friend, she is my type of friend.

"I learnt it all from Christian." I shrug and it's her turn to laugh. "I should go, see you at twelve." I smile grabbing my purse.

"See you at twelve." She agrees as I hurry for the elevator.

I drive the Saab today, one because it needs a run and two because it has a hard top roof and seeing as it's snowing lightly and not sticking I'd rather use the hard top just in case.

I arrive at Grey Publishing and make my way upstairs. Hannah greets me and hands me my planned schedule for the day along with all the messages that have come in specifically for me that Clarisse can't handle before she goes to make me my tea.

The first thing I do is fire up my email in order to contact Christian as I also slip the pink file concerning Esclava out of my purse. I don't want to be impulsive but I think I've made up my mind, it will mean making some sort of sacrifice though.

* * *

**To:** Christian Grey

**Subject:** Scene 1. Action!

**From:** Anastasia Grey

The first thing I want to do for you when you get home is give you everything, full control of my mouth, my sex, my behind. I want to be blindfolded, shackled, completely at your mercy for you to do whatever it is you want to me (Subject to the hard limits though obviously)

Anastasia Grey

Extremely turned on, sexually frustrated and wet CEO, Grey Publishing, Ltd.

I click send and squeeze my thighs together. I'm so hot at the mere thought of giving everything I have to Christian. My email dings at once and I grin excitedly.

* * *

**To:** Anastasia Grey

**Subject:** Take two.

**From:** Christian Grey

I can already see you in a variety of places, your skin glowing pink from the punishment I owe you for all your misdemeanours while I have been away. I need more details Ana.

Christian Grey

Rock hard and equally as frustrated CEO, Grey's Enterprise Holdings, Inc.

Wow. I quiver with dire need, a need for release. My clitoris is throbbing with the need for friction and I tilt my hips against my crossed thigh hoping for something, anything to relieve the ache that is pooling deep inside of me. I quickly hammer out a reply not caring much about getting back to work.

* * *

**To:** Christian Grey

**Subject:** Scene 1. Take 2. Action!

**From:** Anastasia Grey

Now you've got me thinking Sir.

Hmm I think the swing has access to all three areas pretty easily. I may even let you handcuff my arms while using it….

Anastasia Grey

So sexually frustrated it hurts CEO, Grey Publishing, Ltd.

I quickly click send then grab the phone before Christian's email comes through. I squirm uncomfortably in my seat but I need to do this before I lose my edge.

"Hi, my name is Anastasia Grey CEO of Grey Publishing Limited. I am calling to inquire about the Esclava salon chain."

I hold my breath as I am transferred from one person to another and then listen to all the details given.

"From what I understand the previous owner owed nearly seventy five thousand when she gave you the salons and her home." I say casually. "I know that the properties have less value to you than the cash itself hence why you took all four and her home even though I know from a realtor that each salon is worth more than enough and her home was sold for nearly two million. I am willing to offer you one point five million for the chain of salons, that's double what she owed you."

I listen to the person on the other side tell me that they weren't going to accept less than three million but I know my negotiating, Christian always told me I'm good at negotiating.

"If you accept my offer of one point five million for the four I can be at the bank at two signing the check. If you don't I'll need more time to consider how much I'm willing to part with for a business that isn't doing so well during this recession." I say carefully even though I'm actually willing to go to two million I don't say that, I want them to really know I'm serious.

"Listen, this could be a very expensive mistake on my part, my company's profit alone isn't going to cover the one point five million which means I'm going to have to combine money from three different accounts to cover the cost, one account is money I won't spend though it's mine to because it's my husband _Christian Grey_ who deposits the money in it and I like to spend my money alone however, if my plan for the salons work out the cost won't be an expensive mistake but a profitable chance however the risk is _too substantial_ for anyone's liking hence why they have stayed away. I can give you the one point five million _today_ if you accept my offer, make me reconsider and I will take _a lot_ of time."

I close my eyes and listen to the person on the other side of the phone. I know that what I'm doing could cost me but it's a risk I am more than willing to take just as a final come back on Elena.

"Thank you very much. I'll see you later this afternoon."

That was much easier than I thought it would be, the name Grey obviously has more power than I thought possible or my negotiating skills are infallible.

I find my phone book and quickly dial a second number, I don't know if this is such a good idea because I know it risks Christian finding out before its time for him to but I don't care, I need this done today.

"Barney its Ana Grey. I need you to email me all the files on Esclava Salons employees before Christian withdrew as a partner. As soon as please. Thank you."

After hanging up I quickly knock the button to call Hannah.

"Hey Hannah can you come here a moment. Thank you."

I hang up and I've barely sat back in my seat when Hannah walks in ready for my instructions.

"I'm waiting on files of names of ex-employees of a salon chain, I will need you to contact each of them and find out if they would be willing to come back if they were to re-open under Grey management independently."

"Of course." She smiles.

"I don't think you'll get through them all today so I'd like you to focus on the ones that worked in the salon on Second Avenue and then go from there. Email me everyone who is willing to accept and then I'll contact each of them personally."

"Yes Ma'am." She nods scribbling my instructions on the notepad.

"Oh and Hannah, for now this stays between us."

"Sure." She says a little confused but she doesn't question me.

"Good, I'll email you the files once I have them." I smile and she nods knowing I'm dismissing her.

I look to my computer and see the email from Christian that I was waiting for and I smile feeling quite pleased that the ache in my groin has calmed down some as I've been working.

* * *

**To:** Anastasia Grey

**Subject:** Scene 3?

**From:** Christian Grey

Tie you up on the swing? My, my, my Anastasia you're becoming brave what have I done to you?

I'd like to cure your pain. However it's not possible. Maybe tonight you can show me how you cure it.

Christian Grey

Missing out on an opportunity CEO, Grey's Enterprise Holdings, Inc.

I laugh softly because just like that the pain is back and I'm in more need than I was earlier.

* * *

**To:** Christian Grey

**Subject:** Too turned on for words.

**From:** Anastasia Grey

So I'm going to get on with some work. Get some sleep!

Love you

Anastasia Grey

Disappointed CEO, Grey Publishing, Ltd.

* * *

After clicking send to Christian I see the email from Barney has arrived. I scan through it quickly and then forward it too Hannah, she knows what I want her to do and I hope she does it well. If things go my way I could have the first Salon open on Saturday and be able to surprise Christian when he arrives back on Sunday.

* * *

**To:** Anastasia Grey

**Subject:** Just as disappointed

**From:** Christian Grey

Ok baby, such a shame I was going to have you type out what you were doing to please yourself.

I will get some sleep, I need to be well rested for what I have planned for you.

Love you too

Christian Grey

CEO with a protruding hard on, Grey's Enterprise Holdings, Inc.

* * *

I can't help but laugh as I pick up the phone again. In just a few hours Esclava Salons will be mine and I am going to start making sure that it loses all connection to Elena Lincoln, starting with the name.

"Hi Steven, Ana Grey. I need a favour, could you put together a sign for a salon for me, roof and window design. I'll send you the name and the colours I want and trust you to do whatever else to it. I want it at the designers today with a press that I want it ready for Saturday morning at the latest. Thank you."

I love being in charge and now I really see why Christian loves it so much too. Having the name Grey makes it much easier. Having a team working for me who are extremely creative helps too as Steven works solely on books covers and illustrations and is a fabulous artist I trust his taste and ideas impeccably. And if I don't like it I can always change it.

The phone rings and I quickly pick it up. Today just seems to be going right and I want to continue to enjoy it and don't want anything getting in the way.

"Ana Grey." I answer.

"Hi Mrs Grey, its Claire from reception I have a Gail Jones here for you."

"Send her up." I smile, I hope she doesn't mind having to stop off at the bank between lunch and shopping.

I log out of my computer and click to shut down making sure my BlackBerry is on loud ready to accept all emails because I hope by six today that I'll know exactly who is coming back to work in the Second Avenue salon and how many bodies I need to replace.

A knock on my office door signals Gail's arrival. I think it's sweet that she knocked even though I'm expecting her.

"Come in." I call as I pack more things away. I always make such a mess when it comes to my desk.

"Hey Ana." Gail smiles, she's dressed casually in Jeans and a thick black coat and I'm relieved I dressed near casual knowing I only had a half day today.

"I'm nearly ready to go. After lunch I'll need to stop by the bank just to sign a check and collect some keys and then I need to go to Second Avenue but we can hit the boutiques there, I don't have to get all my clothing from Neiman Marcus." I tell her and she nods and smiles happily I think she's just pleased to get the afternoon from the apartment.

"Swanky office." She says looking around.

"Thanks." I laugh as I pull my light blue Ralph Lauren coat on over my silver silk shirt. "Ready?" I ask pulling my keys out from my pocket.

"Yes." She nods and I follow her out and stop to talk to Hannah.

"Remember, I need the details on those who reply as soon as you have them, Steven is working on a design personally for me can you please ask him to send me it via email when he's done so I can decide if I like it before he sends it to the required personnel."

"Yes Ma'am." Hannah says politely.

"Also any calls of importance to Clarisse, I'm going to be in late tomorrow as I need to call by somewhere else and do some work there, and if Roach calls tell him I want him to start Monday so if he can set up a time to come and sign the required forms it would be appreciated."

"Of course." Hannah nods, she's used to me by now but I can feel Gail watching me in surprise.

"And the tickets for tomorrow night can you have them on my desk for when I arrive tomorrow, I'll be leaving here at five to give me enough time to get ready and if anyone from the press calls transfer it straight up to PR no hesitations and if it's deathly important have them call me."

"No problem."

"Ok then thanks Hannah I'll see you tomorrow."

"Have a good afternoon Mrs Grey." She calls after me as I knock the button for the elevator.

"You too Hannah." I reply before stepping in with Gail.

"You know." She says as soon as the door closes. "You were like a female version of Mr Grey then."

I can't help but laugh, that's the greatest compliment this woman could give me right now.

Gail seems to relax much more once we're in the car and by the time we arrive at the club she seems completely at ease. I think it may have some to do with the more we travelled the more I became Ana again and stopped being Mrs Grey CEO. I know that the persona I display when I'm working can be intimidating to some as Christian is and I don't want to be like that all the time but it does take some time to step out of it when I leave the office.

I quickly order us some wine before we both sit back to look over the menu. We were shown to our table as soon as I stepped through the elevator, it seems more and more people just see me now and know I'm Christian's wife not having to wait till I say my name but I think that has more to do with what's been in the press than the fact I'm seen with Christian enough in these places.

Gail and I talk a lot over lunch. She tells me about what she wants for her future, the fact that she would like to someday marry Jason but continue to work for us, she can't imagine doing anything else anymore and I find that sweet, I don't think I would like anyone coming in an doing Gail's job either.

I also confide in her my wants and fears about having a family with Christian. She understands and is sympathetic in the right places offering advice that is appreciated and comfort too which is nice, it makes me miss my Mom all the more but it's nice to have a female confidant who I know even if she would tell her husband he wouldn't tell mine unlike Kate and Elliot.

After we leave the club I drive over to the bank and Gail comes in with me. I don't mind one bit though she seems a little uncomfortable walking into a bank that is obviously for the rich and famous.

"Mrs Grey." I'm greeted as soon as I enter the place, it seems that the power of the press is really much more than I can handle.

"I have an appointment with Christopher Blake." I reply not wanting to mess about because I am worried I'll change my mind.

"Sure thing, right this way Ma'am."

Gail and I are shown to an office off to one side and we sit down in comfortable leather arm chairs.

"Would you like something to drink?"

"I'll have a glass of sparkling water please." I reply as I pull out the relevant documents and check books.

"And Mrs…"

"Jones, I'll have the same please." She replies awkwardly.

I chuckle under my breath as the man walks out the room and Gail also laughs.

"I've never been offered something to drink at the bank before." She says. "And I thought I was used to seeing how the other side lived."

"Oh Gail." I laugh. "I live in the other side and I'm still not used to it." I tell her and she laughs nodding in understanding.

A second man walks into the room and I can tell at once this man is Christopher Blake.

"Mrs Grey lovely to meet you."

"You too Mr Blake." I reply shaking his hand.

The first man comes back and places the water on the desk before leaving again and as I reach for the glass I look at Blake waiting for him to just get down and do this.

"So I have all the relevant documents for you here."

"As I have for you." I say signalling the folder in my hand.

"Good that will make this process quicker. I managed to persuade all involved to your insistence about the cost."

"Good, that will make this process quicker." I repeat his words managing to hide my smug grin, I don't like the way this forty year old buffoon is talking to me.

"Ok." He nods and I see he's taken aback by me. "Well then, all you need to do is sign Mrs Grey."

He kindly hands me a pen and I read through to make sure everything is how it should be before I sign my name. I hand the documents to him and then sign the check I'd written out previously.

"One point five million as discussed." I say pushing the check across the desk, I can tell this man didn't want to accept my offer and hoped I'd cave to the two point five they wanted to go down to.

"Congratulations Mrs Grey you're the proud new owner of a four salon chain." He says handing me a very large bunch of keys. "I'll send you all the paperwork as soon as it's processed but Esclava is now yours to do with as you wish."

"Thank you very much Mr Blake." I reply putting the keys into my purse.

"Pleasure doing business with you Mrs Grey." He replies shaking my hand and I can't hide the smugness anymore.

"Right then, come on Mrs Jones lets go."

Man number one comes back inside as I gather my purse and we're shown out quickly. Gail is visibly in shock of course who wouldn't be when sat there listening to the figure one point five million being announced.

"What was all that about?" She asks as soon as we're back in the car.

"I just bought four salons." I reply.

"Salons? I didn't think that industry would be your thing Ana." She says honestly.

"To be honest it isn't but the four that are now mine once belonged to Mrs Elena Lincoln."

"Oh." Gail replies, she's heard that name thrown about more than she would admit.

"Exactly." I smile. "Now let's go see my first Salon." I say with a grin, I hope this pays off or Christian will kill me.

We drive with the music on quietly to Second Avenue. I don't mind the silence between the two of us, I think Gail is still recovering from what she has found out this afternoon.

"Gail, I know it's a lot to ask but could you not mention the salons to Jason. I haven't exactly told Christian."

"Oh. Ok." She says and I know she's shocked that I haven't told my husband.

"I think he would have talked me out of it at least this way he can only be mad at me and I still win, Esclava is now mine and Elena Lincoln has left Seattle." I shrug just as my phone rings. "Could you answer that?"

"Mrs Grey's phone Gail Jones speaking."

"Oh hey Mrs Jones it's Hannah could you put me on speaker?"

"Ana it's Hannah." Gail says knocking the speaker button.

"I'm driving Hannah, what can I do for you?"

"I called everyone from the Esclava on Second Avenue and you may be pleased to hear they're all willing to come back if Grey is the owner."

"Do they know it's Ana Grey and not Christian Grey?"

"No Ma'am but they know I'm your assistant." She replies honestly, which is good because that's what I wanted.

"Good. Email me their numbers I'll call them all tomorrow personally. Thank you Hannah."

"No problem Mrs Grey." She replies and I nod for Gail to hang up.

"That is what I call having luck on my side." I say out loud without thinking.

"Luck? I think I'd call it Karma Ana." Gail says and I smile.

"And Karma's a bitch." I say with a wink before I turn into the parking lot.

We walk from the parking lot down to where Esclava stands. It's almost how I remember it except now it's empty and in darkness. I am quick to find the right key and unlock the door. Gail follows me inside and I switch the lights on before going to look around. It's bigger than I thought it was and while downstairs is for the hair on your head it's obvious that the next two floors are for everywhere else, and I remember Christian telling me I could get anything from waxing to a massage.

"Nice place." Gail comments as we stand on the top floor where the Jacuzzi is, of course there's no water in it, everything's switched off ready for the place to be re-opened.

"Yes." I reply. "Hopefully I can get the whole place refurbished though, I want nothing to do with Elena Lincoln and Esclava when I re-open the place." I say heading back for the stairs.

"So what are you going to do?"

"Leave it how it is for now, till the place makes enough money to afford the refurb'. I have already spent more money than I could afford and need to make it back and quick, luckily I should have this place open Monday morning."

"Really?"

"Yes." I reply with a nod. "I'll call everyone who worked here when we get back to Escala, I'll make sure the sign and window are changed by Saturday, ask Steven to make me some posters and flyers and then it will be all systems go. I'll have someone here nine to five from tomorrow on to answer the phone for appointments and hopefully it will be all systems go on Monday morning."

"You know what you're doing." Gail smiles and I can't help but laugh.

"No Gail, I just act like I do."

"Then you're a very talented actress." She replies as we head for the door.

I switch all the lights off and quickly lock the place back up. It's going to be a huge effort to get everything ready in time for me to open the place on Monday but I am sure I can do it, especially if everyone who worked here are coming back, it makes it that much easier because they know their stuff and have worked in this particular salon before.

"Right then lets shop." I smile dropping the keys into my purse.

I link arms with Gail just like I do with Kate and we walk down the street slowly. I walk past some boutiques, stop to look in the window of others unsure exactly what I'm looking for other a dress for tomorrow night. We continue to walk until we come across a small boutique called Ian Shop. I pull Gail inside with me and we quickly begin browsing.

"By the way Gail, I want to pay for your dress for tomorrow."

"Oh Ana you can't do that."

"Please? You've been amazing to me this week and it's my way of saying thank you for everything, it doesn't matter how much it costs either." I tell her and she sighs but nods her head anyway knowing that I'm not going to back down on this.

Gail and I browsed together and I bought a cross back day dress in navy blue down to above the knees in the front and down just below the knees in the back and a gap in the back just above the arch of my back up to the crossing fabric exactly where Christian would place is hand if he led me anywhere. It's a bargain at $59 dollars but Christian might not see the label, and even if he does I can wear what I want. I also got a pair of skinny fit Levi's for $198 and a white baggy yet fitting shirt with tiny black polka dots which was slightly see-through. Gail bought herself a black three buttons short sleeved cardigan and a teal and black patterned top.

"There's a great designer store just around the corner on fourth." I say just as we leave Ian Shop and head down the street.

"Fourth it is." Gail smiles as we linked arms once again.

We spend ages trying on a variety of dresses until we finally settle on one each. Mine is dark purple sleeveless halter gown in chiffon. Beneath the breasts and the halter straps are covered in jewels in the front and the back straps cross over still covered in jewels linking up to the ones beneath the breasts. The back is bare until the small and from there more jewels fall in separate lines coming from the ones in the front again and getting thinner till they stop just behind the knees.

Gail's dress is plain black, strapless, fitted ruffles with a small black rose on the waist, simple but elegant, just how I see Gail most of the time. After paying for them we head out again and slowly head back to the car.

"Coffee?" I ask as we walk towards a Starbucks back on Second Avenue.

"Sure." Gail smiles.

We go inside and Gail finds a table while I order the coffee. We sit in silence for a while and I stare out the window gazing at the stores opposite when my eyes are attracted to a jewellery store, I really could do with some new jewellery to go with this dress because everything I have is going to be considered too much with the sequins and gems already on the dress.

"Thank you for the dress Ana." Gail says when I bring my attention back into the room.

"It's no problem, thank you for letting me buy it for you." I reply with a smile, I really thought she was going to put up more of a fight.

After we finish our coffees I drag Gail across the street to Fancy Jewels. I can tell at once it's nothing like Cartier but the products aren't cheap metal either so I see no harm in buying something for tomorrow night's event. It doesn't take me long to settle on a rough emerald drop pendant for $640 dollars and Gail treats herself to a pair of vine earrings in silver at only $36 dollars.

We leave happy with our purchases and looking forward to tomorrow night.


	61. Chapter 61

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Ok SO I know nothing about business, in any shape or form even though I co-own a dance company, I am the dancer and choreographer and my partner does all the paper work and stays away from the studio and rehearsal space. Seeing as this is a piece of Fan Fic I didn't see the need for it to be too much factually correct so I know opening a Salon like this in three days is actually impossible but I need to do it for the story, so please just go with it? **

**Thank you for everyone who has reviewed, much appreciated!**

Sitting here in the middle of what was once Esclava I am still in shock at how much I managed to progress last night. I called everyone and they all agreed to stop by this morning to sign the terms of employment and NDA's which I quickly drew up from a copy of the Grey Publishing ones just changing what was needed where fit.

Melissa the receptionist is still here, the phone number is the same so if anyone calls she's to answer but she has also to make sure not to say who's taking over. I'm enjoying sitting in the hair dressing chair watching as a crew of people take the old window out and place the new one in, it looks amazing and Steven really went out of his way to push to get the window and sign ready for today. The wine red and charcoal grey look amazing with the white lettering in Edwardian Script. I hope that Christian likes the name when I drive him here on Sunday when he gets back.

I have also set the wheels in motion to become my own Corporation. Now that I no longer own only Grey Publishing but also a chain of beauty salons I have to think logically about the name I use and how I'm going to devise my business. Christian has Grey's Enterprises Holdings Incorporated which is great but I have a publishing company and beauty salons and I need something to go with both of them at least.

Elizabeth Arden kept it simple and became Elizabeth Arden Inc. I could do that I suppose, just be Anastasia Grey Inc. but then that's also boring so maybe I could use Anastasia Rose Inc but then again the publishing company is called Grey's Publishing Seattle Limited. It's so frustrating and Christian's not going to be pleased that I've not just expanded but completely bought four new places that I know nothing about. Maybe the name will soften the blow a little.

"Mrs Grey can I get you anything?" Melissa asks from her seat, I know she's a bit bored just being sat there.

"I'd really like a coffee. Fancy a run to Starbucks?" I ask and she's on her feet before I even finish talking.

I watch her go through the door which is also being changed to have the new name and opening times on in the colours I chose. It feels slightly unreal but I'm happy to be in this situation. I am now a business woman for real, I wasn't given the Salon's, I bought them with the money Grey Publishing made though I'm a little uncertain about the figures in my bank account and suspect Christian of putting more money in there than necessary I still spent it and I am beginning on my own, becoming a real business woman on my own and I'm truly excited about that.

It was hard to speak with Christian this morning and say nothing. He asked about my plans of expanding Grey Publishing and I couldn't tell him that I was putting it off because I was trying to set up four salons so I had to say I was working on it and I hated lying to him, even if it was a part lie because I will buy another publishing company and I will continue to expand but I have to focus on the Salons for now.

At least Roach is coming back to Grey Publishing and I can leave it in his very capable hands. He knows the job better than I do and so I trust his decisions impeccably and as long as he doesn't screw up he'll do a mighty fine job of running the place, especially while I focus on the Salons.

When Melissa returns I get back to drawing up my lists. It's easy enough to list the possible problems I'll incur while owning the Salons but the main problem I have is not really knowing how to solve them and right now I can't ask Christian either because he knows nothing about them. I hope he doesn't get mad because I went behind his back, but somehow I don't think he would have supported me doing this anyway so it's best I did it without informing him, my business, my decision.

Instead of continuing with lists I begin drawing up more name ideas for the bigger company, naming the Salon came quite easily considering and even though it sounds quite silly I like it and that's what matters.

The best thing I did last night was sort out getting my certificate of corporation. I already know from Christian the difference between being Ltd and Inc and thanks to him I already know all the additional paperwork I'm going to have to do including keeping a minute book. I've also sent details of everything to Hannah including the option to become Roach's assistant or leave Grey Publishing and be my PA at my corporate whatever I decide to call it. She replied at once saying she would be wherever I would be which was great, now I need my own office space but that can wait and I'll stay at Grey Publishing Seattle for now until the businesses actually bring in some money.

The sign and windows are finished pretty quickly and I say goodbye to Melissa making sure she has her copy of the key to lock up just how she used to when Elena owned the place. I trust her already seeing as she left the day she found out Christian was no longer a silent partner. That in my eyes is Loyalty.

I drive to Grey Publishing still thinking of everything that needs to be done and filed by Monday. It's not going to be that much of an issue, the paperwork was easy to get a hold of and with an hour long phone call to Carrick I know all the legal ups and downs I have to signing the forms, I also have his full support on this considering it was his idea that made me go after the salons, he's extremely proud of me for buying them especially without Christian's knowledge as he also thinks Christian would have stopped me.

"Hi Hannah." I smile arriving the office, she beams at me and I know she's as excited about everything as I am.

"Hi Mrs Grey how is everything with the salons?"

"Good so far, I have the paperwork signed and I should have my certificate ready to file on Monday. I'm still trying to figure out a name though."

"I'm sure it will come to you." She smiles before I slip into my office, I hope so because I can't file nameless paper work which will mean that it takes even longer before legally I'm a corporation.

I slip into my office and quickly get on with work. Christian's quiet today, I spoke with him briefly this morning but he did tell me he had a big day with lawyers and stuff so I won't disturb him and wait till he contacts me, truth is, I don't know how long I'm going to be able to keep the secret of the salons from him and the least contact I have with him the better.

By the time five o'clock rolls around I have already decided to offer Sophia the assistant downstairs the option to work with Hannah, there's going to be twice as much work now and I don't think Hannah will be able to manage on her own and I really like Sophia. I'll have to wait until I have the first Salon sorted first though.

I wave goodbye to Hannah and head home still excited about the prospect of becoming bigger in the business world than I had ever imagined. I know I went and bought the Salons on an impulse but I don't care, if it pays off it will be worth it and I won't even think about it failing. I won't let it fail.

Gail meets me in the kitchen and I have a bit to eat with her before going to get ready. Again as I get ready I play around with name ideas in my head and think of the goals I'm going to set out for myself with each business. I hope to have the Second Avenue Salon up and running by the end of December so I can open the second in the New Year. It's a big goal but I think it's reachable and that's what matters.

I've organised cleaners to go into the salon tomorrow, I want the place sparkling for the opening on Monday. I've also already got a website up and running thanks to the IT Crew at Grey Publishing and advertising is up on the Grey Publishing Website along with flyers and posters and for Monday we have Newspaper advertising ready which will be after Christian finds out. I look forward to seeing the figures at the end of next week knowing that the first month at the least is going to be a loss and not a profit, as Melissa has already sent me the invoice of the supplies she's bought which were all needed.

By seven thirty I am ready to go. My hair is all pulled back into a lavish updo which I remind myself I can go and get done by Franco next time at my salon … that in itself gives me nervous and excited jitters about the steps I have taken.

"Ana you look lovely." Gail smiles as she walks into the room.

"Wow so do you Gail." I beam, she does look amazing with her hair down and loose, some simple makeup and jewellery.

"Thanks." She blushes and I smile as Sawyer comes into the room.

"Ready to go Ladies?" He asks teasingly and I grab my clutch and follow him and Gail to the elevator.

The drive over is in silence, I know Gail is nervous. I remember my first event and at least to that I had a mask and I was on Christian's arm the added bonus being that it was in Bellevue.

Sawyer opens the door for us and we exit the car one after the other. I link arms with Gail when we stop for Photographs and I know that people are going to question why I'm not there alone. I don't care, if Christian was here I would be with him but I am a patron for this Charity and couldn't cancel.

"That was fun." Gail teases when we make it safely inside the hotel.

"Ugh I hate the press did I ever tell you that?" I ask and she laughs softly as we both gather ourselves together.

I grab us both champagne from the passing waiter and then together we walk into the lavish ballroom. The place is full as expected and I am quickly signalled by Doctor Hannah Riley who presented me with my award.

"Mrs Grey so lovely to see you again." She says holding my hands and air kissing me.

"You too Doctor Riley." I smile as I step back.

"Ana my husband Doctor Gareth Riley, Oncologist."

"Lovely to meet you." I smile as he kisses my hand.

"You too Mrs Grey, I've heard so much about you from my wife."

"I'd like you to me Mrs Gail Jones, a dear friend." I say and both Hannah and Gareth greet her accordingly.

"Yes I heard that Mr Grey was in London."

"Yes, business trip but I have my own business to manage up here that required me to stay behind." I reply honestly, I want the rumours the papers have been saying quashed as soon as possible.

"That's a shame." Hannah smiles just as we're joined by Doctor Lorraine.

We greet each other again and exchange small talk till the MC tells us that our food is going to be served in the main dining room and we all slowly make our way there.

I'm relieved when I see that Gail and I are sitting with Grace and Carrick, I didn't even know if they were coming tonight or not but as soon as I approach the table I see them.

"Ana." Grace smiles wrapping me up in a tight embrace. "How are you?"

"Much better thank you." I smile before moving to Carrick who also hugs me tight.

"So everything in order?" He asks me while Grace is talking with Gail.

"I think so. I just don't know what to name the larger corporation." I admit as we take our seats, luckily I'm sitting beside Carrick so we can continue to talk.

"Just go with the first thing that sounds right." He says.

"Ana Rose Inc?" I say and he beams and nods. "Ana Rose Inc it is."

"See that easy." He smirks and I can't help but laugh.

"I still think Christian's going to freak out."

"It was your money you spent Ana."

That at least is true. Having no need to spend anything means the money in my account was going up and up and on the last statement before I bought the Salon chain there was 3.3 Million in my account alone, no doubts as to the money Christian had been depositing weekly since we've been married was the amount he makes every hour.

"I know, still doesn't stop me from feeling guilty for not telling him." I reply.

"Does he tell you when he buys into a new company? Sells a part of his own? Liquidates someone's company?" I shake my head the whole time he talks. "Then why should you? I'd say the same thing to him if he confronted me about helping you with this."

"Thanks Carrick." I smile giving his hand a squeeze, he's made me feel much better about not telling Christian now.

We eat well and once all the food is cleared away the auction begins. I have donated a full salon treatment of course it doesn't say which salon as it isn't yet public knowledge that I have bought the Esclava chain. There are also numerous other stuff on the list including a weekend in Christian's apartment in New York and a week at the Grey's family holiday home.

I'm pleased when the Salon treatment goes for five thousand dollars, much more than I thought it would and when Carrick gives my hand a squeeze I know he's congratulating me, it's word of mouth that will really get the Salons up and running and giving one person the full treatment and making no money is going to be worth it just for the word of mouth they will give their friends and family.

The weekend in New York goes for seven thousand dollars and the week at the Grey's goes for eleven. Between us we've made Twenty three thousand alone and I'm impressed, the money is all going towards buying the necessary equipment for the new ward.

When the auction finishes Gail and I make our excuses to leave. We're both clearly tired and without our men there's no point in staying. I tell Grace I will see her Mia and Kate tomorrow along with Gail before Sawyer comes to escort us to the car. As soon as the door closes both Gail and I let out a long breath before we burst out laughing.

"Wow I'm glad that's over." Gail chuckles.

"Tell me about it. Christian and I usually find a way of making these events far more exciting." I say and that's all I need to say for Gail to burst out laughing because she knows enough about mine and Christian's habits to let her imagination do the work.

"I am so glad that my weekends don't consist of those things." She admits. "I enjoyed myself Ana, Thank you for bringing me."

"No problem Thank you for coming." I reply and she smiles before we both fall into silence and enjoy the drive home.


	62. Chapter 62

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

"Ana!" Mia's wail echoes around the Grand room.

I turn in time to catch the thunderbolt that is Mia Grey in a heart-warming hug. She squeezes me tight and kisses my cheek before Kate manages to push her away to hug me too. Then Grace steps forward and I hug her almost as enthusiastically as Mia hugged me, probably because I really need a mother figure right now.

"So is everyone ready to go?" Grace asks as she tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear, he eyes don't leave mine and I know it's because she's asking me really if I want to go or not.

"Yes Gail and I have been waiting for you for ages." I tease and Mia grabs me by the arm and Kate and marches to the elevator leaving the two older ladies to play catch up.

Sawyer I waiting for us at the SUV. We agreed straight away it would be easier and more fun to travel together also meaning we could all have more to drink. It's nice being around everyone and I find myself smiling happily as Mia discusses her week and her relationship with Ethan's progress. She's always such a bundle of energy and even when discussing an argument she's smiling and laughing which amuses me to no end.

Once at the spa we walk in together. I'm dressed in a simple baby blue velour tracksuit by Juicy Couture with a pair of black Uggs which is amusing as Kate is in a red tracksuit exactly the same with white Uggs and Mia is in her hot pink tracksuit with caramel coloured Uggs. We must look a right sight. Mia in all her confidence walks up to the receptionist with a beaming smile.

"Grey party of five." She says and at once the power of the name gets work.

"Of course. Right this way ladies." The bright-gold-eye-shadow wearing receptionist beams through harlot red lips.

We follow her through to the conservatory and we all slip into the comfortable looking white wicker cushioned chairs and couch.

"What would you ladies like to drink?" She asks.

"I think we'll start with some champagne. Everyone ok with that?" Mia asks.

"If you have it I think we'll go for some Bollinger." I tell the woman she manages to gawp for all of three seconds before she nods her head and hurries off.

"Bollinger? At ten am?"

"Well it's better than that cheap stuff they'd give us if we weren't specific." Mia covers for me and I smile and nod in agreement.

"So Mia what is it you've booked us all in for?" I ask before miss gold-eye-shadow-red-lips returns with the champagne.

"Ok so we have facials and Mani/Pedi's first then I've booked us into the restaurant and then I've booked us in for a full body massage." She states.

"Sounds perfect." Kate smile just as our champagne arrives.

"Oh Ana did you see today's papers?" Mia asks turning to me.

"Uh no actually, I haven't."

"Well you've filled the gossip as always Mrs Grey." She chuckles and I blush hard, I know exactly why.

"Here you are Mrs Grey." Miss-eye-shadow-lipstick passes me a glass of champagne over with a dazzling smile.

"Thank you, you wouldn't by any chance have any of today's papers here would you?" I ask a little intrigued by Mia.

"Of course, I'll bring them through for you. You're all booked in for a facial at eleven in the sun room and your Mani/Pedi's will be there too."

"Thank you." I reply as she hands champagne to everyone, I have a feeling that Mia dropped the name Mrs Grey on purpose.

She disappears leaving what's left of the champagne in the ice bucket and Mia begins to talk animatedly about what she needs to go shopping for and when Ms eye-shadow-lipstick returns with the papers I sit back and flick through them.

It's of no surprise that there are pictures of myself with Gail at the event the previous evening. She laughs at the ones that call her my 'older friend' and luckily there are none that speak badly of either of us which is a nice change for me lately. Of course there are a few mentions of my apparently rocky marriage but it doesn't faze me.

It isn't long before we're shown through to another room. It's tiled in natural browns and bronzes and there's a row of five comfy looking lounge chairs waiting for us. We're handed our robes and pointed to the changing rooms. I slip into the large cubicle and quickly strip out of my comfy tracksuit to reveal the gold and black swim suit I'm wearing underneath. I then slip on the white fluffy robe, pull on the headband and slip on the slippers before using the wipes provided to remove all my makeup. I already feel relaxed just knowing I'm going to be pampered and I smile as I meet up with Gail and Grace who are already waiting outside.

"Of course it would be Mia and Kate last." I say with a laugh, the two older women grin happily at me.

Kate and Mia exit the same time and even though I've seen both without make up before the difference is still shocking. Mia grabs my hand and drags me towards the benches before depositing me in the middle.

"This is a day for you Ana, so you need to be in the middle." She states.

"Yes Ma'am." I mock her while saluting making everyone laugh, it's madness how much Mia reminds me of a drill sergeant sometimes.

Everyone then slips into seats, I have Mia on one side and Grace on the other, Gail is beside Grace while Kate is on the end beside Mia. We have barely sat back when five shockingly identical women in pink tunics with hair swept back into ponytails. They all have harlot red lipstick and gold eye shadow and they each pull up all the equipment on separate trollies and pull out small stools. Mia has already set out the treatment plan apparently best suited to each one of us so I sit back and close my eyes taking time to listen to the soothing rainforest sounds that surround me and the smell of strawberries that must be in my mask that she's mixing.

Then I feel the oil being placed on my face and I know she's standing behind me massaging the muscles on my face. I can feel the tension leaving as her fingers glide over my forehead and cheeks and it's so soothing, I've needed this.

"Sorry to disturb ladies but can I get you anything to drink?" The first woman asks and I peek my eyes open.

"Cocktails!" Mia squeals making us all laugh weakly, we're too relaxed already to put any effort in.

"Ok cocktails it is what would you all prefer."

"Sex on the beach." Kate sighs.

"Long Island Ice Tea." Grace requests.

"Same for me please." Gail sighs softly.

"Pina Colada for me please." I say quietly still enjoying the work of the fingers into my face.

"I'll be right back with your choices, please don't hesitate to ask for anything." She says politely before leaving again.

"Something tells me none of us are going to be sober going home." I giggle and Mia and Kate's giggle sound too.

"Well just don't phone your husband this time." Gail splutters and I grin happily remembering that particular conversation, it's just everything after that's disjointed and blurry.

We all let out a simultaneous sigh of relaxation and continue to enjoy our treatment. By the time the drinks arrive we've all got our faces half filled with masks, luckily we had straws.

"This is the life." Kate sighed happily after a long sip of her drink. I managed to mumble an agreement but I was so relaxed I think I was somewhere between conscious and blissfully unaware and it was heaven.

Once the cucumber slices were placed gently over my eyes I thought hard about tomorrow. My Christian would arrive at Sea-Tac at midday and it had already been leaked to the press. I am still pissed at that. I don't want our reunion splashed across the front page of the tabloids just to quash some damn rumours.

I could feel my feet being placed in a bowl of water and I was relaxed enough to just let the limbs be moved while I continued to think.

My biggest worry is that he'll completely freak out and won't let me keep the salons. I can hear him now telling me I know nothing about the beauty industry but that's not exactly true, since I took over Esclava I have been doing my research and I know a thing or two, I also have filled all the correct paperwork for both incorporating the businesses and for Esclava individually and I have already sorted out everything with paying taxes, it's not as difficult as it seems. I also have Carrick's help, he's been a God send and truth is if he hadn't have been so firmly behind me in this I wouldn't have done it, it was basically his idea when he passed me the file he was telling me without words that I should do it. I hope maybe he won't freak out as much if he finds that out but then again I don't want Christian to think that Carrick went behind his back and argue with his father.

I welcome the hand massage, it's nice to feel even the smallest muscles getting some attention and it makes me think of the smallest details. I have them covered, I know I do. The Second Avenue Salon will go ahead and open on Monday morning and we already have clients. Roach is starting back at Grey Publishing on Monday morning and I know he knows what he's doing, I trust his decisions and trust that should anything be needed he will bring it to my attention, he knows that if he doesn't then he'll be out the door and there won't be a second chance.

Most importantly I know that I have done everything I can for the open to go ahead. I will be at the Salon Monday morning to oversee things then I'll go to the office at Grey Publishing to begin working on the second Salon, see exactly how much profit does the first need to bring in before we can go ahead and open it. I hope to have it open at the end of January and I'll need to see if people who worked there before are willing to come back.

The other three Salons are not in Seattle. One is in Tacoma, one in Redmond and the other in Kent. That's my biggest problem though of course if they were the profit margin wouldn't have been so high for Elena. I have seen the figures and the Salons generated a lot of money, even in the recession people are getting massages, spray tans and spending time in the Jacuzzi. Of course thanks to Christian I'm all about pushing boundaries and want to expand each Salon individually, maybe get rid of the areas in the business that aren't generating profit and bring in other things that will.

Of course other than Gail no one with me knows about the Salons so it isn't something I can really discuss now but I can't wait to find out their opinions. I think Grace will struggle to choose between getting behind me and Carrick or getting behind Christian if he hates what I've done. Kate and Mia will love it, of that at least I'm certain and I'm sure they'll offer their own advice some I'll take and a lot I won't. They know more about the industry than I possibly do from a customer's point of view.

I'm shaken softly and I open my eyes to find that I must have fallen asleep. I'm smiled at lightly and I sit up to find I no longer have any face mask on, my nails are primed as are my toe nails and I feel more relaxed than I have in so long, especially since Christian has been gone. My nails are a glittery blush rose and I know at once that Kate chose it for me seeing as I was sleeping.

"I hope you're ok with the colour Mrs Grey, we were asked to let you sleep." She smiles kindly.

"It's wonderful, thank you." I smile before looking over at Kate and Mia who shook their heads so I turn the other way to find Grace smiling, I'm guessing it's her who told them to leave me alone to sleep.

"Right then ladies it's lunch time so if you'd all like to make your way to the sun room."

The five of us slip our feet back into the slippers and follow the first lady we met through to the sun room. We're seated around a large circular table and I notice that Mia and Kate are quite giggly.

"What's got the two of you?" I ask with a smile of my own, their happiness is literally catching.

"They consumed four cocktails each." Grace tells me and I laugh loudly knowing that they're merry.

"Ok ladies what can I get you all to drink?"

"I think those two could do with a glass of ice water." I say nodding my head to the still giggling duo and the waitress nods and smiles scribbling it down. "And we'll have a bottle of Pinot Grigo too."

"Ok." She smiles before heading off while we all pick up a menu.

The food is all health conscious stuff. Nothing at all that someone would consider junk food and I'm disappointed because I really fancy a thick cheeseburger. I settle for a simple chicken salad and wait for everyone else to decide. When Kate's phone vibrate I don't pay attention until her head snaps up to mine.

"What?" I ask seeing her glaring at me.

She silently hands the phone over and it's a picture of Gail and I leaving the Salon, I'm locking the door behind us. I close my eyes, this is not how I wanted it to come out.

"It's true then." She says and I look back at the phone to see a message beneath the picture.

**HAS ANASTASIA GREY BOUGHT ESCLAVA CHAIN?**

"Are you going to tell them?" I reply waving the phone.

"Not if you don't want me too." She replies.

"Then yes I have." I reply passing the phone back to her. "But Christian doesn't know yet and I'd like to keep it that way until I surprise him tomorrow."

"Christian doesn't know what?" Grace asks and I feel like an idiot for not dragging Kate away from the table to talk about it.

"That I bought the Esclava chain from the bank."

"You did?!" Grace gasps. "I heard someone had bought it but you?"

"Yes, me, my money, my business decision." I tell her. "It's what Carrick and I were discussing before dinner on Wednesday, he's been helping me, I didn't want any of you to know until Christian knew."

"He's going to freak out!" Mia yells.

"I know." I reply. "But it was a good business decision, the first Salon will open on Monday."

"Cute name." Kate smiles.

"Thanks." I reply returning the smile, at least no one is yelling at me.

"Do you know how to run Salons Ana?"

"No but I didn't know how to run a publishing company either but that didn't stop Christian giving me one." I reply with a little more sarcasm than I intended. "I'm sorry Grace, I'm just worried about Christian's reaction when he finds out."

"Why didn't you tell him over the phone, he would have calmed down by the time he got back." Grace says.

"No he would have been on the next plane out of there." I reply and she laughs and nods in agreement.

"Good point. So how are you going to tell him?"

"Take him there before taking him home." I reply. "I'll drive us from the airport, if we argue then we argue but I know there's nothing he can do about it now, I've filed all the papers, incorporated Grey Publishing and the Salons…"

"Wait you've gone corporate?!" Mia squeals.

"Yes." I smile. "I filed the papers late last night, it's done."

"What's the company's name?" Kate asks and I smile.

"Ana Rose Inc. The businesses are too different to have something that works with both of them, Elizabeth Arden became Elizabeth Arden Inc. so I just followed her." I explain and Kate continues to smile and nod her head at me, I know she's processing the information.

"So Ana owns four salons, go figure." Mia finally says and we all laugh.

"Four days ago I was considering buying another publishing house, which I am still doing of course but then I heard about the salons, they were asking for three million for the four and I knew I could get them for much less thanks to Carrick, I called, deliberated and won. I told them if they accepted my offer that I would be in hours later to sign the papers, if they didn't I would need to spend time thinking weather or not there was any point in buying them. The bank wanted them sold quick so they quickly caved."

"You know your business." Grace smiles.

"Not really. I'm just a good negotiator."

After lunch we all head off to the massage rooms. I go alone while Kate and Mia stick together and Gail and Grace stick together. It gives me more time to think and less time to talk. I am already in the process of looking at very small publishing companies. If I buy it and no one walks out on me it should be a piece of cake. The business will have to be in the process of going out of business for me to afford it now that I've spent way too much on a chain of salons that I neither wanted nor needed. I know I can make this work though, I can buy a small scale publishing company and build it up, and just the name Grey alone on the door will bring in the authors. Its fact that Grey's Publishing Seattle have signed more unsigned authors in the last quarter (first since it became Grey Publishing) than SIP ever did and have made a profit from it. I have editors and illustrators listening to me when I tell them to push the boundaries and also our new venture into Children's literature seems to have been a payoff so far, we won't really know if it has until the New Year.

After my massage I head back to the dressing room and change back into my tracksuit. I'm not surprised when I exit to find the others waiting for me.

"Time to head off." I smile, I'm too relaxed for words.

"Oh no, we want you to take us to Second Avenue to see this Salon." Kate says.

"Kate, you can see it on Monday, no one is setting foot in the place until I take Christian there tomorrow, something tells me he's going to completely freak out and I would like not to be attached to the place when he does." I laugh and Kate caves.

"Ok time to go." She echoes and we all head off to Sawyer who's already bringing the car around.


	63. Chapter 63

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

I wake up and glance at the blinking red digits on the clock beside me. 6:03 am. Way too early. I groan and roll over but I know there is no way I'm going back to sleep this morning, Christian is already in the air and will be back in six hours. I can't wait.

I roll out of bed and make my way through to the kitchen. Gail's already there and I can tell she's as anxious as I am to have Taylor back.

"Couldn't sleep?" I ask her.

"No. you?"

"Same." I say dropping myself onto one of the stools.

"Breakfast?" She asks softly.

"I'll have some pancakes, I don't know when I'll get to each lunch with me taking Christian straight to the Salon from the airport, I'm hoping to take him out for food though so you and Taylor can have some time." I smile and she nods and smiles back, I know she has to wait a little longer to see Taylor than I have to wait for Christian as she will be staying at Escala while I go to the airport. "I'll text you if the plans change and we head back early." I tell her and she smiles and laughs knowing the innuendo I'm saying.

She gets on with the cooking while I begin working through my emails on my BlackBerry. There are lots of things to deal with for the incorporation but I have the go ahead that tomorrow Morning everything will be legal which is exactly what I was hoping for. I have already contacted the IT department at Grey Publishing and they have quickly changed my email signature and I have contacted HR about Grey Publishing being corporate with the Salons and told them that nothing will change as it's my corporate. They will send a memo out to all the staff at Grey Publishing Seattle to let them know.

I reach the last unread email and I gasp loudly making Gail spin to face me. I quickly hit open.

**To:** Anastasia Grey

**Subject:** Esclava

**From:** Elena Lincoln

Firstly I know I'm not supposed to contact you due to the restraining order you so rashly took out against me. However, in this case I think it is necessary.

I found out that you are now the proud owner of what was the Esclava salon chain, I believe you have already filed the paperwork to have the name changed and I also believe that you have corporate the salons with Grey Publishing Seattle. Wise business move Ana, the salons were much more profitable when Christian was a silent partner, it says a lot when a name attracts customers.

I want to wish you all the very best of luck, it's a shame that I know you will fail knowing nothing about the beauty industry but I can be polite about this.

Elena Lincoln

I'm in such a state of shock that I re-read the message a few times before I even consider what to do next. If I reply then that opens up the door for her to contact me again but I could also call Carrick and find out what to do. I guess I should because there is a restraining order but I also want to reply to her.

**To:** Elena Lincoln

**Subject:** No longer of your concern.

**From:** Anastasia Grey

Luck is not something that I concern myself about, business is not about luck just ask my husband but then of course that would mean breaking your restraining order again. I will not confirm nor deny the rumour that I have purchased Esclava Salon chain and I will be in contact with our Lawyer as soon as I have clicked send.

Do not contact Christian or I again or it won't be Lawyers that I'll be contacting.

Anastasia Grey

CEO, Ana Rose, Inc.

I send the message and rush to my sent box to look at my email signature, it's so cool and makes me excited about how things are going to change for me from now on.

I then look at the clock. It's just nearing seven and I can't help but wonder if it's too early to call Carrick. Even if it is, she violated her restraining order and I know Carrick will have a lot to say about that.

"Hello?" He answers.

"Hey Carrick it's Ana."

"Ana? Is everything ok? Christian?"

"Everything's fine, sorry to worry you. Uh, it's Elena, she contacted me yesterday but I've only just found out."

"How did she contact you?" He asks suddenly more alert.

"Email."

"Did you respond?"

"Yes."

"Ok, listen Ana it's nothing for you to worry about, she's in enough trouble anyway."

"What do you mean?" I ask confused.

"She currently classed as a fugitive, she wasn't supposed to leave Seattle until her probation was complete."

"Oh." I reply, that's a little bit of a shock.

"Forward her email to you to me and your reply and then I'll hand them over to the necessary law enforcement, it can all be added to her list of charges when she's found."

"Ok. Thanks Carrick and sorry to disturb you so early."

"Nonsense, I was already half way out of bed when the phone rang." He chuckles and I can't help but smile, I think he was still snoring when I called but who cares.

"I'll forward you those emails now then."

"Ok, we'll see you tonight for dinner at yours?"

"Of course." I smile Gail, Grace and I decided on this on the ride home, if Christian's mad at me and Carrick he can have us all at Escala to freak out about it later.

"See you then Ana and don't hesitate in calling if you need to."

"Thanks Carrick." I reply before hanging up.

Gail places my breakfast in front of me and I dig in knowing there's a chance lunch will be late because of my husband. I can't wait to see him, even if he is going to be furious at me for jumping in head first and buying Esclava without even talking to him about it first.

I've imagined every reaction from him now. From contentment to fury and either way I still believe I've done the right thing in buying it. His fury may even come with punishment and so that won't be a bad thing at all as long as it's followed by makeup sex even though I'd rather 'I missed you' sex first. Either way I can't undo what I have done and I don't want to either.

I make my way through to the bathroom and take a long relaxing shower, I continue to think through what I'm going to say to Christian and what it's going to be like seeing him again after a whole week of being alone. I wonder how hard it will be going back to having him around, I've been in charge all week, I've been in control and all that will be stripped away from me as soon as he's back but in all honesty I don't mind, I want him to be back in control of everything so I can stop overthinking things and worrying about security and all that, he can deal with that leaving me to focus on the salons and Grey's Publishing.

After my shower I spend ages deciding what to wear. I want it to be perfect for Christian even though I know he wouldn't care if I turned up in a paper bag as long as it wasn't too short. I quickly decide on a pair of leggings with a baby doll T that falls down my thighs and a pair of heeled ankle boots. It's tidy and a mixture of casual and smart showing off my legs yet keeping them covered seeing as it's snowing outside.

By the time I've blow dried and styled my hair into a side clip where it falls wavy down my shoulder and to my breast it's time to go.

I meet Sawyer in the lobby and I make sure I have the keys for my Saab while he will take the Audi. He already knows of my plans to take Christian to the Salon and then out to lunch so I have nothing to worry about there.

I drive to Sea-Tac listening happily to Christian's playlist. I get even more excited the closer I get to the airport.

I find a parking space quickly and as soon as I step out I'm bombarded by the press. They don't come to close or ask me any questions just flash their cameras taking pictures. I manage not to pull a finger at them like I really want to but pull on my large sunglasses and walk calmly to the arrivals waiting room.

Sawyer walks in behind me and I know the Audi is parked near my Saab and that he's rushed to make sure I'm not alone. I sit down and keep my eyes fixed on the board. There was a ten minute delay on the plane from London so I know I have to wait a little longer for Christian.

"Scale of one to ten how mad do you think Christian will be about the Salons?" I ask Sawyer.

He laughs softly and shrugs his shoulders, of course he's not as in tune as Taylor to Christian's moods which is a shame because I wouldn't even dare ask Taylor the question and I know he wouldn't answer it if I did.

"Won't be long now." Sawyer smiles, his head nodding towards the board and I turn to look and see that Christian's flight is now safely on the ground.

I get up and make my way slowly towards the arrivals gate. I watch carefully, my hands fumbling in front of me with excitement and nerves and I take deep breaths trying to calm myself down. I see him before I think he's registered where he is. I can't help myself. I break out into a run.

"Christian!" I yell.

He smiles widely as his eyes link with mine and he drops his satchel before I dive into his arms. He catches me tight around the waist, lifting me off the ground as I hold him tight, tears falling freely down my face. He slides me down to the ground but his arms stay around me. I grasp his face in my hands before kissing him desperately. He moans into my mouth and I finally relax and the worries of the week leave me because he's back, he's here.

"I missed you." I say as he presses his forehead to mine.

"I missed you more." He teases before pulling me into a tight embrace. "God I've missed you so much. I couldn't bare it Ana." He says quietly.

"You're home now." I say pulling away from him a little and taking his hands in my own, he frees one and brings it too my cheek, his thumb wiping beneath my eye softly.

"Yes, I'm home. Why are you crying Ana?" He asks and I can see he looks a little lost.

"I just missed you so much." I say as fresh tears pool my eyes again. "If you ever go away again I'm coming with you, I'll just have to work by phone."

He laughs and I see the relief on his face as he pulls me into him again and crashes his lips to mine.

"I've missed you."

"Missed you more." I whisper.

"Can we go home now I want to take you to bed?"

"We're not going home, I have a surprise for you." I say the nerves returning into my belly.

"Surprise?" He asks, his eyebrows raising.

"Yes a surprise." I giggle nervously.

"Good or bad."

"I don't know." I shrug. "Good I think but I don't know."

"Ok." He says suspiciously.

"Sawyer has already collected you luggage and my car is in the car park." I say lifting his satchel from the floor.

He pulls me to him and tucks me under his arm as we begin to walk. I look up at him continuously still unable to believe he's back and I catch him looking down and smiling at me too.

"I can't wait to get you home Mrs Grey." He mumbles before kissing my forehead as I hold my arm around his waist.

"I can't wait to get you home either but I want to get this out of the way first." I explain.

"Lead the way." He says and I can see the amusement, God I hope what I have doesn't ruing this mood of his.

Once in the car we're on our way and I can't help but worry whether or not he'll freak out. Either way I keep reminding myself it's too late now.

"So how was everything in London?" I ask trying to calm my nerves.

"It was ok. I mean we finally know that the company was to blame for the accidents, something to do with one of the upgrades that they came to install a couple of months ago. Jesus Ana it could have happened at any time, your parents, you … it frightens me to think we could have all been killed." He says and I can hear the fear in his voice.

"We weren't though Christian, just remember that." I say softly and he nods his head.

"So you gonna tell me where we're going?"

"No." I reply as I continue the drive, I know he'll recognise the route when I change course for Second Avenue.

"So what have you been doing while I've been away other than what I already know?" He asks.

"Nothing." I lie.

"Liar." He mocks and I smirk.

"You'll find out in a little while." I shrug. "I had a great time with your Mom, Gail, Mia and Kate yesterday."

"Oh did you?" He asks.

"Yeah, Kate and Mia got very drunk, it was quite amusing." I smile.

"You didn't join them?" He asks with a raised eyebrow and I know that he's uncertain.

"No I didn't, I was too busy sleeping and relaxing." I say and I see the relief flood his face.

"Has there been much in the press about you since Wednesday?"

"A bit but it's mostly a load of crap Christian and I know I got upset but you know I've decided to just forget about it, they can say what they want." I shrug, even though in actual fact I do care, I need the press and the public on my side if my little business venture is going to pay off.

"Good. I'm proud of how you handled it Ana." He says and I feel a flood of warmth rush through me at his words.

I rear off the path for Escala and head for the Salon. I can see Christian watching his surroundings carefully but he says nothing knowing I won't say anything even if he asks.

I turn into the parking lot and he gazes at me suspiciously but I smirk and shrug my shoulders until I choose a spot and gracefully pull the Saab to a stop.

"I have to ask Ana, why are you not driving the TTS?"

"Because it's a soft top and it's snowing, this is a hard top and I feel safer in it."

"Good to know." He smiles. "I just worried you didn't like it."

"I love the car Christian, but it's more of a summer car, if I park it somewhere open like this and it snows heavily … I shudder to think." I explain and he grins happily before leaning over and kissing me softly.

"Now I want to see this surprise." He says opening his door.

I chuckle and follow suit. I take his hand and we walk to the street. He continues to watch his surroundings and then me and I know he's getting uncomfortable the closer to the Salon we get.

I stop just one store away and he looks at me firmly.

"Don't be mad." I whisper.

"What have you done Ana?" He asks and I shrug and walk ahead of him.

He follows me until we're outside the salon.

"Ta-da." I say hopeful.

He turns to look and I watch him carefully. I try to analyse what he's thinking but it's hopeless, he's giving nothing away.

"Christasia?" He asks still showing no emotion at all.

"My imagination sucks, sue me." I shrug mocking petulantly.

"Oh so you do own it?" He asks and I nod awkwardly before he goes back to look at the large Edwardian writing with our combined names.

"Say something Christian." I plead.

"I don't know what to say." He admits.

I feel cold so I take the keys out of my purse and go to the door leaving him staring at the sign, I don't know whether him not being sure what to say is better than him freaking out.

"You coming in?" I ask and he looks at me then back at the sign once before following suit.

Once the door is shut behind him he folds his arms across his chest and continues to stare at me.

"What made you buy it?" He asks and yet he still doesn't show how he feels.

"Impulse." I reply. "I … I found out what had happened and how much they were asking and I made a decision and went with it."

"Did you think at all?" And I see the fury flash across his face.

"Of course I did!" I snap. "I spent hours looking over the files, the profit margins, everything down to the last detail and then I made the bank an offer."

"How much?" He asks.

I bite my bottom lip, he looks really angry now.

"One point five."

"Million?"

"No shillings." I snap. "Of course one point five million."

"How much where they asking?"

"Three."

"For this place?" He looks shocked but then it dawns on me what he means and I shake my head.

"For all four."

"All four?"

"Yes." I squeak.

"You own all four Esclava salons?"

"They're called Christasia now." I reply.

"What about Grey Publishing?"

"Roach is back."

"You still own it?"

"Yes. I haven't sold one to buy another, the money was there in my account Christian, I made a decision and I went with it. Now will you please tell me what you're thinking?"

"How far has this all gone?"

"What do you mean?" I ask confused, I need him to talk to me and stop asking me questions.

"Well have you filed all the relevant papers?"

"Everything is done, by the books and to the letter of the law, we open on Monday."

"So how does all this work Ana, you have a publishing business you want to expand." He snaps.

"I know that." I reply calmly. "I've…" I cut off, I know now he's going to be furious.

"You've what Anastasia?"

Shit I'm Anastasia now, I am in trouble.

"I've incorporated the businesses." I say my eyes on the floor.

"What?!" He gasps.

"I've incorporated the businesses. I filed all the paperwork, it will all be legal by tomorrow morning. All the paperwork is done, signed, and I even have had everything reviews. This place is fully staffed, Roach is back at GP Seattle and he and Clarisse know what they're doing. Please don't be mad."

"Ana." He sighs and I look at him carefully. "I'm confused."

"Why?"

"I… Incorporated? What's the company's name?"

"Ana Rose Inc."

"You really aren't creative." He smirks.

"Carrick told me to go with my gut instinct and Elizabeth Arden was Elizabeth Arden Inc. Easy from there really."

"Carrick?"

"He helped me when I asked for it."

"Is that all?"

I cannot lie to this man even when I try.

"He gave me the details, told me what the bank were doing."

"How did you get it for half the asking price?" He asks grabbing one of the black leather chairs and rolling it to himself so he can sit down.

"I called them, told them if they took the one point five I'd sign that afternoon, if they wouldn't I'd need time to consider whether it would be worth investing in four salons in our current economy. I knew they wanted rid, there were no other offers on the table, they hadn't even been approached about an offer and I gave them one they couldn't refuse, she didn't owe them that much after the sale of the house." I explain. "So you going to tell me on a scale of one to ten how made you are?"

"I'm not mad." He sighs and my eyes widen in surprise. "I feel I should be fucking furious with you Ana but I'm not."

"Then what are you?" I ask weakly, I'm terrified now.

"Proud." He says and my eyes widen even more and snap to meet his grey gaze. "You did all of this without my help. You've made a business decision, an informed business decision and you've gone with it, you've incorporated the businesses so they will be much easier for you to manage, you've made sure one business is looked after while you work on another. Ana you've done everything you could and I'm so proud of you."

"Really?"

"Really." He smiles but it fades as quick as it came. "However I am furious that you hid this from me, I would have supported you and helped you and advised you and because you didn't tell me it means my Dad went behind my back too… I am furious with you for lying."

"Ok." I sigh lowering my head.

"Fuck Ana you are impulsive." He laughs. "But this impulsive move looks to be a good one. The staff all gone through the relevant checks?"

"The staff are the same staff that was here when you were a silent partner, every single one of them." I smile and he looks at me in shock.

"What the hell did you offer them to get them to agree to that?" He asks, grey eyes wide.

"Nothing, their job back, same benefits, same contract, same NDA. Those who left when you gifted the salons are coming back, those she brought in after haven't been offered their jobs back."

"Oh," He says and I think he's still absorbing everything. "It's the same in here."

"I want the place to make the money to afford a refurb."

"Fair enough." He nods. "Though I could…"

"No." I say. "Christian this is my business, trust me to make it work and make all the decisions?"

"I do I was just going to offer to pay for the refurbishment, I can't imagine you liking working here when she chose everything."

"I know and you're right I don't like that I have to have the place like this but I want to do this on my own Christian, the accounts are up and running we already are fully booked for most of the week for most of the available treatments. Honestly Christian I can do this. There's already flyers and posters and Seattle Express and Seattle Times have an advertisement and I've even given the Express a statement. It's all systems go Christian."

"I'm so proud of you Ana." He says pulling me into his lap and I happily curl into him.

"You still mad?"

"Yes."

"Palm twitching mad?"

"Ana my palms have been twitching all week."

"Ok." I whimper.

"I am going to punish you for everything you did this week."

I swallow hard and look up at him but he still looks like my soft Christian and I relax a little.

"Fine. It's worth it." I smirk.

"Oh is it Mrs Grey?"

"Hell yeah. I made a decision and I went with it and hopefully it will pay off, we won't know until all four salons are up and running but for now I'm happy to believe that it will pay off."

"How long until you make your first Million?"

"No idea." I shrug. "I want to get the four Salons open which is going to just add to the spending first, I still want to expand Grey Publishing and I want all that to be done by June."

"I bet you'll make your first million before this time next year."

"Keep dreaming." I chuckle as he rubs his nose into my hair.

"If you do you'll have made it faster than me." He says.

"Couldn't have done it if you hadn't given me Grey Publishing Seattle." I sigh.

"I couldn't have done it if Elena hadn't given me one hundred thousand either."

"Good point well-made Mr Grey." I smirk and he laughs and kisses my forehead softly.

"And believe me when I tell you I bought SIP for a lot less than one hundred thousand."

"Really?" I ask in shock.

"Yup, if I hadn't have bought it and let you just work there and not interfered Ana you'd have been out of a job before the year was out, the place had more debt than it was worth, I bought it for sixty five thousand."

"Oh." I say in shock.

"Exactly." He smirks.

"That's not much is it." I say knowing I've just paid one point five million for four Salons.

"Well they were in a couple of million pounds worth of debt."

"Oh. You paid that?"

"Yes."

"So technically…"

"There's no technically about it Ana, I paid sixty five thousand for the place and gave it to you as a gift to do whatever you wanted with it."

"And I did." I smile.

"You did." He replies rubbing his nose against mine. "Please let me pay to refurb this place."

"No. we open Monday Christian and I'll refurbish when the place has made the money to pay for it."

"Fine." He pouts like a petulant child and I laugh before kissing him.

"Come, let me take you for lunch." I say climbing off his hand. He looks mildly offended that I'm offering to take him for lunch but I know that's because he has other things in mind.

"You're not punishing me here." I frown.

"I don't want to punish you here, I want I missed you sex." He says and I laugh loudly.

"Not here. Not now, I want that in our bed where you've not been for a week." I say and he smiles and passes me his hand. "And I'm starving I haven't eaten since breakfast."

"Why didn't you say?" He asks pulling me to the door quickly.

"Because you needed to see all this first."

"Ok." He nods and he kisses me one more time before locking the door and dragging me towards the car.


	64. Chapter 64

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Haha guest reviewer said that the name sounded very 'le girls' and like something circus like. It was kinda the point I here Christasia I think circus, fair, glitter, crystals, pink, prurple, girly, kind of the whole point. :D**

We settle to have food at the Mile High Club. It's just easier and I know Christian is desperate to get me home. However I want to give Gail and Taylor as much time together as I can before going home and making sweet love to my husband.

"So did you think I was going to be really mad that you'd bought the salons?" He asks as we tuck into our salad starters.

"Furious." I reply honestly.

"I am a little bit angry." He admits and I wonder why he's telling me this.

"So not proud of me?" My heart sinks at the thought.

"Oh no I am extremely proud of you Ana, as a business woman you took a gutsy move, I like gutsy and I hope it pays off, if not we can liquidate the company and sell it on." He says nonchalantly.

"But?"

"But as your husband I wish you'd have told me before you did something that could prove to be very costly to your livelihood, you wanted to work and I let you work but then you go and do stupid things like making the businesses corporate without discussing it with me first."

"Ok." I nod knowing he's right. "I get it."

"You do?"

"Yes." I nod. "However you don't tell me when you make business decisions, whatever happens at Grey's Enterprises Holdings has nothing to do with me and so I'd appreciate it if you'd extend the same curtsey to Ana Rose Inc."

"Fair enough." He nods though I can see he doesn't like it. "Why the name?"

"Christasia?" I ask in shock and he shakes his head. "Ana Rose Inc?"

"Yes."

"Anastasia Rose sounded too long, if you say Ana Rose at a regular speed it can sound like one name." I explain as best as I can but I know it's futile.

"Ana Rose Inc." He says slowly, allowing each word to roll off his tongue.

"Why did you name GEH what you did?" I ask and his eyes widen at me in surprise at the question.

"I don't know." He shrugs. "It just sounds right."

"Yes it does." I nod in agreement and I think he's about to let it drop when he asks the next question.

"It doesn't sound very business-like."

"Excuse me?" I ask in shock just as the waiter comes to remove our now empty plates.

Neither one of us say anything until the waiter is out of ear shot.

"It worked for Elizabeth Arden because she was in the cosmetic business, her name was on her products, I just don't think Ana Rose Incorporated sounds right for a publishing house and salon."

"Then what do you suggest Christian?" I snap at him feeling like he's putting me down. "You know you're right Ana Rose doesn't work because I read when I was researching naming the corporation that if you have to explain or apologise for the business name you're devaluing it." I snap jumping to my feet.

"Where are you going?" He asks I begin to walk away.

"Powder room." I snap before heading on my way, I need to calm down.

This past week has been great, I have been able to do what I want without question to some extent, now he's back he's questioning my every judgement. It suddenly dawns on me why he doesn't like the name. _It doesn't have Grey in it!_ Now I understand.

I march back to the table just in time for our main meal to be served. Once again I wait for the waiter to walk away before saying anything.

"It's because it hasn't got Grey in it right?" I ask him calmly.

He slowly looks at me and my eyes question him carefully.

"Christian is that it?" I ask him and he nods sheepishly. "Why?"

"I just know the name has more value in it than you could possibly understand Ana, more people have applied to have their books published by you because it's Grey Publishing. It's all in the name."

"Ok." I nod. "I get it so why don't you think of some names?"

"Why?"

"Because not a single one I came up with had the name Grey in it." I admit. "I already said I am not the most creative person."

"Christasia was creative." He smiles and I lean over and kiss his cheek.

"Just think of something for me because I'm stumped." I smile and he nods his head before we tuck into our lunch.

"The problem you have with Ana is the spelling, most would spell it double N which would be complicated enough." He says calmly as we begin to eat. "Which would be a very big disadvantage if you start up an individual website on top of each company website."

"Ok." I nod.

"Had you even thought of websites?" He asks and I know he's belittling me without even trying too.

"Yes, of course I have I just want to focus on getting the salon up and running first Christian. Once I'm happy that it's there and I've got all the paperwork up to date then I'll worry about that."

"You need office space away from all the businesses too."

"I know." I sigh, does he really think I haven't thought about all of these?

"I'd like to offer you a floor of Grey's house." He says calmly.

"A floor of Grey's house? Why?"

"Just for office space until you can get your own." He replies. "It's somewhere you can keep all the paperwork and work in privet, you can bring Hannah and anyone else you want along. I'll give you the floor beneath mine…"

"And what about those who work on that floor?" I interrupt knowing he'd just love having me a floor away from him all the time.

"Ana it would take me five minutes to move them."

"Fair enough." I shrug knowing better than to argue with him while he's on his roll.

"What you'll take it?" He asks in shock.

"Until I can get my own office space and my own company properly up and running yes but I'm going to need a larger building of my own by the time I'm done."

"You've stopped walking." He states with a smirk.

"I thought I was capable enough to go into a gentle jog." I laugh and he grins happily, I think he's actually impressed.

"Why don't you just go with Anastasia Grey Inc?" He suggests.

"Why?"

"It separates you from GEH by being clear that it's yours. It rolls off the tongue."

"Ok." I nod. "Anastasia Grey Inc. I'll get on to the paperwork later. I'll have to email the press and stuff and hope that they can change it by morning."

"I'm sure they will."

"Don't interfere." I warn him and he looks at me quite disappointed. "My company my problems do I make myself clear."

"Fine." He says childishly.

"Good." I smile. "Anastasia Grey Inc."

"Anastasia Grey Inc." He smiles.

"Sounds good right?"

"Perfect." He smiles leaning over and kissing me softly.

"It feels real now." I say rubbing my hand across my forehead.

"Real?"

"Yeah before I told you it felt unreal now it feels very real." I say and I know he senses my fear.

"You're doing a really good job already Ana." He smiles softly. "Now I'm here to help only when and if you need and ask for it."

"I know what I need and want to ask for now." I say seductively.

"Oh you do?" He teases and I can't help but giggle.

"Jeez I've missed that sound Ana." He smiles. "Ready to go?"

"Hell yeah." I reply with a grin.

He grabs my hand and almost pulls me out of the booth. He nods his head towards the waiter and I know that means to get the car. I can't help it but when we step into the lift I think of the first time we were here together and I blush crimson. I can see him looking at me with a playful smile on his face and I giggle once more.

"Oh there's that sound again." He almost moans. _My Christian almost moaned!_

Down in the garage we're given the car keys back and I hop into the driving seat. I think Christian's feeling a little tired so I doubt we'll make it into the playroom tonight. Who cares as long as I get to touch him and have him inside me at least once today I'll be happy, any more is just a bonus.

We drive to Escala just listening to the music humming quietly in the background. Truth is I'm too pre-occupied for conversation as I think of all the paperwork and phone calls and emails I'm going to have to send in regards to Anastasia Grey Inc.

After parking the car I press the code into the elevator. The door is barely closed when Christian pushes me up against the wall of the elevator, his lips devouring mine, his tongue in a vicious battle. I feel his hand pushing my skirt up and I pray that we don't stop to let anyone in, it's rare that we do but it could still happen. The doors open and we stumble out into the lobby before Christian hoists me up onto his waist and I hook my legs around him tight. I can feel his erection and it makes me all the more desperate for him. I find us in the kitchen when he sits me on the island and I guess we're not going to make it into the bedroom.

His hands find the line of my panties while his grey eyes hook onto my pools of blue. I shift for him to pull my panties and he keeps his fingers on my skin as he drags them down my legs, he leaves goose pimples along my skin.

"So ready for me as always Mrs Grey." He says, his voice thick with arousal making me squirm, my hot skin against the cool stone counter. "Lay back."

I look behind me quickly to make sure there's nothing there and once I lay back he pulls me roughly so that I'm hanging off the edge. His nose traces the line of my thigh, once on the right then on the left.

"You smell wonderfully Ana, intoxicating, I've missed this smell."

I just whimper in reply, desperate for him to touch me.

He blows against my clitoris. The cold air vibrates against my hot, wet centre and I moan deeply from my throat.

"Missed that noise." He says huskily and then he kisses me, right there and I groan and squirm needing more of his touch.

He begins to work his tongue, flicking, biting, sucking on my clit and I'm in heaven.

"Missed that taste… sweetest taste in the world." He hums before thrusting one clean finger into me.

My hips buck in reaction and his hand lands on my stomach, pinning me down to the island. He circulates his finger around before his mouth resumes its assault. I don't want this to end because I've missed it so much but I can't hold off much longer.

"Come on Ana, you're holding back on me, come for me Ana." He says adding a second finger and pushing harder and deeper.

I explode, screaming his name at the top of my lungs I vibrate, my toes curling uncomfortably in my boots. I've barely taken a breath when he leans over me as much as he can.

"On your stomach." He says firmly and I don't hesitate in doing as he asks.

He pulls me down a little more and I grasp either side of the counter tight so I don't fall. I hear him unzip his jeans and he spanks me hard before thrusting hard into me making my knees hit the edge, they'll be bruised tomorrow but from the ruthless attack he's giving me now it won't be the only part of my body that will be bruised.

"Jeez Ana, now I'm home." He calls as I let out a long high pitched moan of pure unadulterated pleasure.

It isn't much before I begin to softly vibrate and he spanks me once more pushing me over the edge and he follows calling my name out in a prayer while I screech. He pulls out of me and lets me slide back into him off the island. He catches me and holds me while I catch my breath.

"We're still clothed." I laugh and he laughs too, a full bellied laugh that I haven't heard in so long.

"I'm not done if you're not." He says running his nose up and down my neck.

"I could definitely do another round." I laugh, I can see that my work outs with Lola are really paying off.

"Playroom?" He asks before nipping at my ear.

"Now?" I ask.

"I owe you a lot of punishments."

"I thought you were an in the moment kinda guy." I smirk and he laughs once again.

"I've been in the moment since you informed me that you got so drunk you didn't remember going to bed." He chuckles. "I never left the moment."

"Ok." I nod standing upright while he adjusts my skirt. "Playroom."

"I'll be there in five." He says before sucking my bottom lip into his mouth and nipping it playfully. "Go."

I turn to go and he smacks my ass hard, I glare at him over my shoulder.

"Just a warning of what's coming Mrs Grey."

"It will be me coming I hope." I smirk. "Sir." I add and he grins like a Cheshire cat and shakes his head. God I've missed him.


	65. Chapter 65

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

My breaths literally come in short sharp pants of excitement as I kneel by the door in just my black lace panties. I'm also extremely nervous. I'm being punished for everything I did this week and I know it's not going to be enjoyable for me, hopefully though the after affects will be.

I hear the door open and I hold my breath in anticipation. I see his naked feet walk past me and I feel him behind me.

"Stand." He growls.

I quickly do as I'm told, I already know he's in complete dominant fifty mode and it makes me wet just thinking about it.

He grabs my hair and I lift my head a little just so he can quickly pull it into a braid. He yanks it back once it's tied and my head falls against his shoulder. His free hand crawls up my body and too my neck, he grips me lightly I know it's nothing to worry about, it's just role play, this isn't my husband.

"You've been so naughty Mrs Grey." He says looking into my eyes. "Haven't you?"

"Yes Sir." I whisper.

"You're going to be punished and if I feel generous I'll let you come. What have you done wrong Anastasia?"

"I got really drunk sir."

"And?"

"And Sir?"

"What else have you done Anastasia?"

"I went behind your back Sir."

"Yes you did." He replies before walking away, I instantly drop my head so I'm not looking at him. "Come here!" His voice vibrates around the room and I know I'm in trouble.

I walk to him quickly, I know he doesn't like me hesitating in here. I know by where we are in the room that above me is the subway tracks and handcuffs.

"Arms up." He growls and I quickly do as I'm told.

He cuffs my hands while my head stay bowed and he tightens the cuffs till I'm on my tip toes.

"I'm going to blindfold you and deafen you with soundproof head phones. You may only make a noise to safe word. What are the safe words Ana?"

"Yellow and red sir."

"Good girl." He strokes a hand down my cheek before walking away again.

It isn't long before he returns.

"You'll see me in a little while." He smirks before putting the blindfold over my eyes.

I can hear my breath coming in small gasps of nervous energy. He slips headphones over me and I'm plunged into silence. I can't see, I can't hear, I can't touch anything. Complete sensory deprivation. I can't sense Christian anywhere near me. Is he here? Has he left me alone in here? I feel each second passing by and nothing. I can feel the bitter sting of tears in my eyes but I won't give him the satisfaction of crying. I wanted this. I practically asked for this and this is what happens in this room, I'm his sub he's the Dom and the only way I can stop it is by safe wording and doing that puts an end to us coming into this room for a long time and I don't want that.

I whimper in fear. Have I been here a few minutes or an hour? Time feels like it's zooming past me yet it feels like each second alone is a minute. Each gasp of air takes so much effort and I try to focus on that. I count each inhale and exhale to distract myself when suddenly … Smack!

"Ahh!" I scream, the sharp sting of some implement on the junction between my behind and thigh caught me completely off guard.

At least I'm not on my own is all I can think. The ringing pain feels so distant in comparison to my fear of not knowing when the next one is coming and I know that it's coming. I squeeze my eyes close but I know my tears are leaking free. I wonder if they're slipping down my cheeks or being absorbed by the fabric of the blindfold.

My breathing is harsh with my tears but I won't let myself cry much more. I harshly blink, feel my eyelashes rub against the fabric against them.

I begin counting my breaths again. Each inhale and each exhale.

…49 …

"Ahh!" I scream again as the junction on the other side is met with the same slap.

I whimper this time once, the tears stream faster from my eyes but I will not safe word, not unless I can't take anymore. I can handle this, I know I can and after it Christian will fuck me and then we'll go to bed and he'll rub lotion into me and then we'll make love before we go to sleep

"Fuck!" I yell causing pain in my throat with the effort. This smack landed right on my right ass cheek and because there was no warming up beforehand I know that it hurts more than anything Christian's ever dished out before.

Sobs rack my body and it's hard not to sag against the restraints on my wrists because I can't put my feet on the floor properly. I hobble from one foot to the other cringing at the same time expecting a smack for moving but nothing comes. Has he gone and left alone here? The thought sends shivers up and down my spine.

My arms ache, my feet cramp, and I know my wrists are going to be red from the pressure from my sagging but I don't care. I want to do this. I need to do this for him and for me, pushing limits and punishment is worse than the sensual parts, I'm not supposed to enjoy this.

My sobs have turned into dry hiccups and still no hit has come. I'm beginning to wonder if he's forgotten about me.

"Ahh fuck!" I scream as the right cheek is hit harder than any other, or at least I think it is.

I don't know how much more of this I can take when I suddenly feel a strong arm around me.

"Get off! Get off! Don't! Christian!" I scream just before the ear phones and blindfold are thrown off me.

"It's me baby I'm right here."

I sag into him as one arm holds firmly around me and he un does the cuffs at my wrists. I collapse into him once their free and he picks me up and carries me to the bed. I'm in agony. My feet are cramped my shoulders ache my wrists throb. I can't even think of the pain on my ass because of all the pain everywhere else.

I'm disorientated and can almost feel someone massaging my feet, slowly easing away the cramps.

"Roll onto your stomach baby." I hear calling and somehow find the effort to roll over.

I feel him looming over me and then his warm hands are at my shoulders, rubbing lotion caringly into me and I moan in appreciation.

"I know baby." He says before shuffling lower down.

"Ah! No more!" I scream as I feel painful heat from my behind.

"I just want to put lotion in it Ana no more I promise." He whispers as I bury my head into the mattress my eyes leaking more tears.

"Ok." I croak.

His hands touch me again and I stifle my cries into the mattress. I wasn't supposed to like this, I was being punished this is what a Dom/sub relationship is and I wanted to do this, I want to be his submissive in here and I'd missed it so much that I needed him to take control of me like that.

"Are you going to fuck me now?" I ask as his hands leave me.

"Do you want me to or have you had enough?" He asks quietly.

"I didn't let you do that just for the sake of it _Sir_, I want you to fuck me, hard, don't hold anything back." I reply and I know he's being weary. "Please Sir?" I ask needing him to do this now.

"Fine." He growls and I know it's the Dom in him coming out again. "On your knees, chest and head on the bed."

I smirk as I get into position and as soon as I'm there I feel his finger being dragged through my folds. I moan deeply.

"Always so ready. So responsive." He whispers before he slams into me hard pushing me forward some that I worry I'll topple over until he grasps my hips hard.

He begins his punishing rhythm and my hands grasp at the red satin sheets tight.

"Ah Christina fuck!" I scream as he continues to pummel into me, I don't want him to stop but I can feel myself climbing the hill to my climax.

His hand finds my clitoris and there's nothing I can do to stop as he rubs the bundle of nerves.

"Ahh Christian!" I scream. "God harder… fuck!" I fly over the edge and I vibrate and contort violently with one echoing scream comes from my throat.

"Ana!" He yells as with one hard thrust he comes undone above me.

He pulls out of me and collapses beside me. I roll into him and he spoons me but it hurts.

"Don't!" I yell out and he instantly lets go. "I'm sorry just don't…"

"What's wrong Ana?" He asks me softly running his hand through my hair.

"My behind hurts." I admit quietly.

"Good it's supposed to hurt." He snaps and I feel him pull away and get off the bed, I want to yell at him but he warned me and I knew the rules it's just wow, I never expected this. "Here." He dangles the grey waffle robe from the back of the door in front of it and I snatch it from his hand. "Don't try me Ana I'll punish you again." He growls.

"I dare you." I spit back because he's really making me want to be punished, he looks so sexy and the aftermath of that first punishment was good.

"Are you for real?" He asks suddenly being Christian again and not Sir.

I just shrug as I roll awkwardly out of the bed. I don't think I'm going to be able to sit comfortably for a few days.

"I need to check my email, come with me." He says back in Dom fifty, more mercurial than I can handle!

I pull the robe on quickly and then let him lead me down to his study. He places me in the middle of the room and then stands in front of me smirking. I can't help but arch an eyebrow at him, daring him to do something.

He pulls on the string of my robe and it falls open revealing my naked front. I don't try and stop him when he peels it from my shoulders and throws it over the chair in front of his desk. I just eye him, waiting for him to move.

"Open your legs so they're just more than shoulder length apart." He whispers.

I don't know what he's up to but I do it because he's asked me to.

"Hands on the side of your head."

Again I don't question it just do it and keep my eyes on him, I have no idea what he's up to but I take it anyway.

"Good." He smiles sliding his hand down my front. His finger grazes between my folds. "So responsive." He mumbles before stepping back. "Don't move and don't speak." He hisses before going behind his desk.

You have got to be kidding me! He picks up his desk phone and dials out at the same time opens his computer.

"Hey Ros." He smiles at me and I really want nothing more than to poke my tongue at him. "Yeah everything's all systems go from here tomorrow. I'll be in at ten, I think I'll need some time to catch up with sleep and get back on our time. Sure." He hangs up and grins at me I keep my face as impassive as I can but my knees and ankles hurt from his previous punishment. "So beautiful Mrs Grey, next time you defy me in such a manner I'll have you standing in front of me like this for a whole day while I work. I really enjoy a good view."

I bite down hard on my bottom lip to make sure I don't say anything but he has got to be kidding me.

"Will you defy me again Anastasia?"

I don't answer.

"Answer me." He says firmly.

"Probably Sir." I shrug, I mean I don't want to lie to him that will just warrant even more punishment the next time I do defy him.

"You're correct there Mrs Grey which means I'll have all the pleasure of punishing you again. Come here."

I lower my arms and walk to him trying not to stumble on my painful knees or ankles.

"On your knees." He says and I know what's going to happen and it excites me.

He stands and pushes his chair back with a swift back kick. I watch greedily as he opens his button and lowers his zipper. He pulls his sexy ripped jeans down and I'm pleased to see him commando.

"Open wide, I'm going to fuck your mouth." He says grasping my hair, I can barely contain my excitement.

He instantly thrusts into my hot mouth and I suck him as if he's a fruit pop, taking time to swirl my tongue in any way I can as he pulls back and attacks me again. I gag as he hits the back of my throat but that doesn't stop either one of us. His assault is relentless and I don't care, I want to get my fill of him, I want to taste him and have been dying to taste him since we had webcam sex and I saw his hand covered in his seed.

"Oh Ana Jesus!" He calls as his head falls back. I bob my head and suck and swallow everything he releases until he completely withdraws from my mouth. "Fuck you have been working out." He says as if he thought I'd been lying to him this past week.

"Yes Sir." I say wiping the corners of my mouth.

He watches me as I slip my finger into my mouth and suck the little remnants of him from it.

"Fuck that's hot." He groans. "I want to take you to bed now Ana."

"No more Christian, I can't!" I whimper, I really know I can't do anymore.

"I know, I want to put you to bed to sleep, get you some advil and then sleep with you ok?" He says pulling me up to my feet and I see now that it's my husband in front of me and not my dominant.

"Ok." I reply as he wraps me up in his arms.

"Good. God I missed you Ana but what was all that? I expected you to safe word, I think I hoped you would so the punishment was over but you didn't… why?"

"I missed you." I shrug.

"But we've never been like this before, not this much."

"Christian I've missed you dominating me all week, I've not had you here telling me when to eat or to take security with me to places and I guess I needed you to dominate me again, take control and for now this is how I needed you too." I reply as he continues to hold me. "Business woman by day and submissive by night, I don't know." I shrug before yawning.

"Ok, well what I do know is that you're ready for bed." He says guiding me back around the desk.

He picks up my robe and wraps me up in it before scooping me up in his arms.

"Next time you defy me I won't punish you sexually, I'll do something really horrible like make you stand in a corner or wash your mouth out."

"Ok." I yawn. "As long as you fuck me hard after I don't care."

"Is that so?" He chuckles. "We'll see, you cried but you didn't safe word."

"I was scared and the tears were a mixture of pain and fear but it wasn't too much, I could handle it. I was going to safe word when I felt your arm around me."

"See. I know your limits."

"Yes you do." I say holding around his neck as he lowers me to our bed.

"Don't sleep yet. I need to get you some advil."

"Ok." I yawn but I just hear him leave the room before I'm pulled to the land of nod.


	66. Chapter 66

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

I wake to hands stroking up and down my abdomen. I've slept better than I have all week and I know it's because my Christian is back. I roll onto my back just in time for Christian to start nuzzling my hair.

"First time I haven't had a nightmare in seven nights." He whispers. "God I'm glad to be home."

"I'm glad to have you home too." I smile turning to look at him. He's grinning a boyish smile that just melts my heart.

"What time is it?"

"Six."

"What?" I jump up in a panic. "Your parents? Dinner?"

"I called them and told them we were exhausted and asked if they minded coming tonight instead."

"Oh thank goodness. I slept all night?"

"Yes." He smiles. "You were out like a light."

"You exhausted me." I shrug teasingly.

"How sore are you after yesterday?"

"I think my behind is bruised." I admit.

"I'm so sorry Ana, I thought if it was that hard you'd stop me, I thought I'd gone soft."

"No it was hard." I admit. "But I wanted it to be, I needed it too Christian, I'm as shocked at me as you are believe me but I missed you being in control and yes I was scared and it hurt but it was good. I felt like I'd been stripped of all my control and all my power and it felt fucking amazing." I just can't articulate all of this to him, maybe Doctor Flynn will enlighten me this evening when I see him, I know he wants to begin working on my self-esteem but I think me giving complete control to my husband for the first time like that is more pressing.

"Would you do it again?" He asks and I see he looks a bit sheepish.

"If it's a punishment yes, but you said that pleasure spanking and whipping doesn't hurt as much. What the hell were you using anyway."

"A riding crop, but the thickest and most painful I own." He admits and I'm speechless.

"I thought it was a paddle or a cane." I say quietly.

"They're in your hard limits, I would never ever use them unless you put them in the soft limits." He replies firmly and I know he's telling the absolute truth. "Now do I get to make sweet vanilla love to my wife before we have to shower and go back to the world of business?"

"God yes." I smile and he quickly leans over me.

"Sit up." He orders softly and I quickly do as he asks even though this is just him and I as husband and wife in the bedroom, I still give him some of that dominance over me especially seeing as he is about to make 'sweet vanilla love' to me.

He peels my silk nightgown from my body and kisses me deeply. I'm naked in all my glory and his hands instantly begin to roam.

I stroke my hands up and down his back, feeling the taught muscles beneath my fingers rippling with his movements. It feels so good to be able to touch him again. He strokes my body with his nose and I struggle beneath him not wanting him to waste too much time on the foreplay because I'm already ready for him.

His finger slides between us and between the junction of my legs to my core. I feel him drag through my folds, checking to see if my body has responded to him, it's dumb now because he only has to breathe and I get wet.

He slips into me so easily and rests for a moment.

"I'm home." He breathes bringing a smile to my face. "Inside you baby." He says rubbing his nose up and down mine. "This is my home, where I belong."

He begins to move slowly and I rock my hips in complete tandem. He holds one of my hands and stares into my eyes. I want to let my eyes roll back and feel everything but I can't move my eyes from him, I need to watch him and look into him, the eyes are the window to the soul.

"God Ana." His head falls back as I begin to vibrate beneath him.

He thrusts hard and I come undone calling his name out to no one and he follows me a groan of my name much quieter but it was still there. He collapses beside me in a heap and I snuggle up to him, running my fingers through his chest hair softly.

"That is the way to start every day." He smirks.

"Hmm, we should sell it." He peers down at me with amusement dancing in his eyes and I can't help giggling.

"Aren't you miss giggles all of a sudden." He smiles, he can't get enough of the sound.

"I guess my giggles waited for you to come home and now they're all exploding out." I laugh and he smiles and rubs his nose against my cheek.

"Now it's time to shower. Come with?"

"Only if it's a placid shower? I don't have time and am a little sore for another round."

"Placid it is." He smiles before pulling me by the hand out of the bed.

As promised our shower is placid and is over quickly. We change together in the walk in before making our way to breakfast. It's obvious to both of us that for now playtime is over and it's back to work with us both dressed in business attire.

"Don't forget to file the relevant papers to the corporate name change today."

"I've emailed Hannah to have them on my desk at GP Seattle."

"Good. I'll have the twenty first floor vacant by lunch time."

"Ok"

This is work talk and it bores me stupid however it has to be done and for a moment we're normal, just Christian and Ana, husband and wife, getting ready to start a new week. No one would be any the wiser what we spent yesterday doing. My backside is still pink much to Christian's amusement and I watch as he passes me the advil with my breakfast.

"I don't want you uncomfortable all day." He says kissing the top of my head.

"Your fault." I reply petulantly before chucking the pills in my mouth and taking a mouthful of OJ to wash them down.

"You didn't stop me." He replies just as childishly.

"I didn't want to." I shrug and the two of us laugh, even Gail has a light smile on her face and something tells me her night was probably as good to her as ours was to me. "Right I'm off." I smile kissing Christian.

"Bit early." He notes looking at his watch.

"Salon opens today, I want to be there when the staff arrive."

"Have a good day, I'll see you at lunch?"

"See you at lunch, thanks for breakfast Gail." I kiss Christian once more before I'm out the door and off to the salon.

When I arrive Melissa is already there sorting out the money for the till. I smile at her and she greets me happily, I think she's glad to be back.

I walk up to the top floor where the small office is and drop my coat and bag off before making my way downstairs.

"Big day." Melissa smiles.

"Oh yes." I nod happily. "What time is the first customer in?"

"Nine thirty and we're fully booked all day!" Melissa exclaims and I'm shocked.

"What everything?"

"Everything, from the Jacuzzi to the spray tan to the hairdressing, we're going to be rushed off our feet." Melissa replies handing me the book.

"Wow. Good first day."

"Word of mouth does wonders Mrs Grey, my Mom is coming in because she always had her hair done when I worked here, she knows I won't let anyone 'try something new' on her like in other places, she wants the same thing done and she trusts she'll get it here along with good customer service."

"Very well, I guess some of these are your Mom's friends?"

"Yup, they were all so happy when they heard Franco was coming back… and here he is."

I lift my head from the book just as Franco walks through the door with a wide smile on his face.

"Oh it's good to be back!" He beams with his Italian accent. "Anastasia!" He smiles and I have to remember this man is my hair dresser.

"Franco!" I smile just as happily, I don't want to be Christian with my employee's I want them to like me and like working for me and have good job satisfaction.

"Ah Ana your hair is ah getting long, you need a trim and some colour too!"

"Well I think your right, what time's Franco's first customer?"

"Nine forty five."

"Think you have time?" I ask and he nods ecstatically.

"Get to work then Franco." I laugh putting the book back on the desk and walking back to the 'hair area'.

Franco helps me pull on a gown over my clothes and pulls my hair from its confides.

"Freshly washed." He notes running his lithe fingers through it softly. "I think we need bangs Ana, nice shaped bangs, little high lights but not too much, we don't want to get rid of any of this beautiful natural colour, a dark honey maybe, just very light streaks."

"Franco I trust you." I chuckle and relax back as he gets to work.

An hour later I'm staring at my reflection, more like gaping at my reflection in shock.

"You not like?" Franco asks.

"Like? Franco I love it!" And it's the truth.

I have now got lovely, perfectly shaped bangs and very thin dark honey blond highlights. My previous layers have been cut back in and the dead ends have been chopped away.

"Good! It suits you, new business woman like you should have perfect hair especially in this industry."

"Good point Franco."

"Franco your customer is here." Melissa smiles and I get out of the chair letting Franco brush the hair from my neck and shoulders before removing the gown.

The young intern that I asked to come back is quick to clean the floor while Franco goes to greet his new customer. I continue to gawp in the mirror and I can't help but wonder if Christian will like it or not, heck if he doesn't it will always grow back.

I walk out front and meet Franco's customer, she is apparently a regular who will only allow Franco to do her hair.

"Thank you so much for bringing him back Mrs Grey, he is an artist with the scissors!" She chuckles heavily and I can't help but smile.

"I know, it's my pleasure, I promised Franco a long time ago he would be the only one to touch my hair." I smile.

"You did this?" She asks looking at Franco and signalling my hair.

"Only just finished. Magnificent huh?"

"Yes, I love those highlights, think they'll work for me?"

"I think we need a little lighter for you Mrs Hollow, come before we run out of time."

I wave as they head back and turn to Melissa.

"So how we looking? Anyone not show?"

"Nope, everything is on schedule so far except Franco but he never is." Melissa chuckled.

"Blame me for that one. What do you think?"

"I love it. It suits you Mrs Grey." She smiles and I nod my thanks.

"Well this place seems to be in capable hands Melissa, yours specifically. I'm going to head over to Grey Publishing Seattle then to the new office in Grey's House. Call me if there's any problem." I smile.

"Yes Ma'am. I'm just waiting on the mail and of course answering the phones and making sure everyone pays the right fee."

"Oh does everyone have tip boxes or does everyone shove it in their pocket?" I ask.

"Most put it in their pocket." Melissa replies. "Easy to do when you're wearing an apron."

"Thanks." I smile before heading upstairs to retrieve my coat and purse.

I slip a twenty dollar bill from my wallet as I walk back downstairs and I see Franco playing with the hairdryer and Mrs Hollow laughing at him.

"Franco." I say approaching him. "Sorry to interrupt. Here. Thanks." I smile slipping the bill into his hand.

"Ana, no I can't."

"Please? I don't have to pay seeing as I own the place and you've done an amazing job. I'll be offended if you refuse." I stare blankly at him.

"Fine. Thank you. Belissima Ana. Never let anyone but me do your hair."

"Never. I'll see you again Franco. It was lovely to meet you Mrs Hollow, I hope to see you again."

"You too." She smiles before I head out.

"Call me if you need anything Melissa!" I call as I speed for the door, still so much to do.

I drive over to Grey Publishing still thinking about what Christian will think of my hair. I love it, I've never had anyone colour my hair before but the dark blonde highlights are perfect and they're not too light that they blend nicely into the darkness beneath and of course the bangs are new for me, I don't think I've had bangs since I was a kid and I didn't think they'd really suit me but Franco really did know what he was doing.

I arrive Grey Publishing to a wide smile from Hannah.

"Morning Mrs Grey, love the hair!"

"Thanks Hannah, I need to sign these papers could you please call Sophia, Michael Hollow's assistant and ask her to come up and speak with me now please."

"Yes Ma'am." Hannah smiles.

"Then pack up your desk." I smirk and her eyes widened. "We're moving to Grey's House unless you want to be someone else's assistant…"

"No! Grey's House it is!" She beams picking up the phone.

I go into my office and sit at the desk and it only takes my minutes to scan the documents and sign. I then call down to IT have them change the signature of my email once again and then call up to PR and HR to let them know I'm moving to Grey's House as a central office and have memo's sent out to relevant people with the new phone number and everything that they need.

A knock on my door comes as soon as I hang up from my third phone call.

"Come in!"

"Mrs Grey?"

"Sophia, hi come in sit down." I smile, I need her to like me. "It's simple really, I won't beat around the bush. I'm moving to be centralised at Grey's House until I can have office space of my own. I was wondering if you'd consider coming to work with me and Hannah over there."

Her mouth falls wide open.

"Your job here is safe whether or not you take the job on but I liked you when we met and you cleaned my cut up and I want people around me I like. So if you do come work for me at Grey's House there will be a nice pay rise for you and your job description obviously will change, you won't be reading manuscripts more cutting my work down for me, answering phones and sending them to the right places either Grey's House or Christasia. It's straight forward enough but of course I'll give you time to think…"

"No I don't need time to think. Yes I would love to come work for you."

"That was easy, may I ask why it's such an easy decision?"

"I only got the job because Michael Hollow is my cousin and owed my dad." She says sheepishly. "I am really more interested in reception/secretary work and personal assistant than editors assistant, I'm not really that great of a reader either and Michael complains that he isn't reaching his author quota because of me… I've been desperately looking for a way out."

"Well you found it." I smile going into my top drawer. "Read these, sign them and give them to Hannah then pack up your desk and I'll call Michael Holloway and tell him to find a new assistant that your move is immediate then you and Hannah can come with me to Grey's House."

"Thank you Mrs Grey, you won't regret this." She smiles broadly and I can't help but smile back.

"I know I won't." I smile but there's also a warning there as I pick up the phone.

After making the phone call and placing the now signed papers in a file I get ready to pack up everything I need.

"Right go pack your desk and when you're done come up here and you can help me pack up in here."

"Yes Ma'am." She replies before hurrying out, she's definitely young and eager to please.

It takes nearly two hours to pack up everything in my office that needs to be transferred to Grey's House and that's with Hannah and Sophia helping me out! I've called Sawyer to bring the SUV because there is no way everything will fit in my car and he's happily brining Ryan along to help carry everything down and out.

We're all knackered by the time we've lugged all the boxes to the SUV and I treat everyone to a soda at the café across the street, mainly because I don't know when I'll be here again and it's a little sad.

"Hannah do you have access to my calendar through your phone?"

"Yes."

"And email."

"Yup."

"Send Roach an Email, I want to meet with him Wednesday afternoon at two." I say calmly as I sip at my soda. "Sophia you'll need to have the applications installed on your phone, I'll send you down to Barney at Grey's House he can do it in five minutes and teach you how to use it. Every morning Hannah emails me my schedule for the day, I have a really God awful memory and so I need to be reminded daily."

"Yes Ma'am." Sophia smiles.

"Ok enough with the Ma'am! Seriously!" I laugh. "My name is Ana, or Anastasia. Mrs Grey to clients only."

"Ok Ana." Sophia says sheepishly.

"It's alright just Ma'am and Mrs Grey make me feel old and I've not long turned twenty two. Not old yet."

The group laugh happily.

"Luke you and Ryan ok to take the SUV? I'll have the Saab, Hannah you have a car?"

"Yes."

"Sophia?"

"No, Michael always picks me up." She replies awkwardly.

"No problem, you can ride with me." I smile and she nods enthusiastically, she's so bubbly I hope that never goes because she really brings a wide grin to my face. "Everyone ready?"

With nods and mumbles we all set off for Grey's House.

"Wow this car is… wow."

"Thank you. My husband bought me this after the one he bought me for a graduation present was vandalised."

"Nice." Sophia laughs getting into the passenger seat.

I place my BlackBerry in the hands free and knock Christian's number before pulling out of the lot.

"Hey there baby."

"Hi Christian, I'm in the car and not alone." I warn him while Sophia giggles.

"Who are you with?"

"Sophia, my second assistant, we're on our way over to Grey's House are you going to come meet us?"

"Yes sure, I don't have any meetings for the next two hours and paper work bores me."

"Tell me about it." I laugh.

"Did you get all the name change forms signed?"

"Signed and sent, Anastasia Grey Inc will be legal by tomorrow."

"Good girl, ok baby ETA?"

"Five."

"I'll be in the lobby."

The phone goes off and I smile, he can be so sweet yet so business like at the same time, I still wonder how I can keep up with him.

"Is he always like that?"

"Pretty much." I smirk.

"He doesn't say goodbye."

"Nope, not to anyone even his Mom." I laugh, Sophia is so immature, I hope she can handle this job.

We arrive at Grey's house and I head towards the back parking lot when I catch Christian waving his arms like an idiot by the door. I pull up and he walks around to my window with a grin.

"Mrs Grey, Sophia." He nods at her and she giggles making me smile.

"What's up baby?"

"I've had maintenance do some changes out here, there's a space for you right there next to mine." He says and I follow his long manicured finger to an empty spot that has a plate there marking the spot.

"Ok, move your bum then so I can move the car."

He growls playfully and Sophia laughs next to me again.

I reverse back and then easily manoeuvre the car into the spot. I catch the plate and grin.

_Anastasia Grey_

_CEO Anastasia Grey Inc._

So sweet.

"You like?" He asks opening my door.

"I love." I smile before stepping out and kissing him lightly.

"You've had your hair done." He says and I'm not sure if he likes it or not.

"Yeah, Franco had some time this morning. Do you like it?" I ask carefully.

He reaches over and softly runs his fingers through it.

"I'm glad you kept the length."

"I had a tiny bit off the end just so it grows more. But the colour? The bangs?"

"They're different." He says and my heart plummets, he doesn't like it.

"You don't like it." I sigh.

"No I do!" He says pulling me into him. "I really do Ana, it's just really different, going to take some time to get used to seeing you with soft highlights and bangs. I'm really glad the colour is still quite dark thought."

"Me too." I smile.

"I had wondered how long it would be till Franco got his paws on you again." He chuckles and I smile and kiss him lightly.

"Soyou going to help us ladies lug the boxes upstairs?"

"Where are they?" He frowns not seeing them obviously.

"I called Sawyer and Ryan, they're in the SUV."

"Ah." He nods and we make our way around to the service entrance to find the Audi.

It takes only an ten minutes to take the boxes up to the twenty first floor after Christian orders people to help and holds me back so I don't do anything. He takes me up the indoor elevator straight up to my space.

"Anastasia Grey welcome to the temporary home of Anastasia Grey Inc." He smirks.

He's taken everything down and the walls are visibly freshly painted white.

"You had all this done today?" I ask in shock.

"Yes." He nods and I can't help but smile. "I want this space to be yours so I made it neutral and you can do whatever you want with it. I'll give you the extension numbers for everything and the phone numbers for my businesses that are out of here and you can get what you want done."

"Thank you baby." I smile.

"I left the furniture here for now but there's enough money in the joint account for you to go internet shopping and make this place Anastasia Grey Inc the way you want it ok?"

"Yes Sir." I smirk.

"Now your office." He smiles taking me by the hand and leading me to the furthest wall.

The damn door blends into the wall and if it wasn't for the creases and the handles I'd have no idea it was here. He opens it and my mouth falls wide open. It's exactly the same size as his office upstairs with the glass wall and everything.

"I had it painted too." He says quietly. "This was the office of the five HR management team but I've moved them and they're happy and fine and so this is yours and only yours. I've ordered a gold plate for the door for you…"

"Christian. You've done so much, thank you."

"I just want you to enjoy running Anastasia Grey Inc as much as I love running GEH." He says softly. "I don't want you to have any stress and for now you have here and once you're ready I'll help you find your won damn office building and help you move. Until then you have unlimited access to all of GEH equipment and staff, you need anything you call them any problems and you call me."

"Thank you." I smile before kissing him lightly. "Really."

"No problem." He smiles. "Now about this office…"

A knock on the door interrupts his seduction.

"Come in!" I laugh and Hannah pokes her head around the door.

"Oh uh sorry to disturb, we're done unloading the car and were just wondering what to do next."

"Well there's a desk each out there with computers and phones and everything else you need pick one and unpack." Christian says and I laugh.

"My staff baby." I tell him and he smiles.

"Force of habit."

"You can do that Hannah but anything else he orders you to do remind him you work for me and not him."

She laughs and nods before heading out.

"My staff." I say again and he nods before kissing me.

"I'm going to let you settle in."

"Ok." I say quietly, I wish he didn't have to go.

"Have you eaten?"

"No." I reply.

"I'll have Olivia order something for us and we might be able to eat together if I can get out of the meeting."

"Have Olivia order but go to your meeting, I'm seeing Doctor Flynn tonight don't forget so I'll be home for about six thirty for dinner."

"Don't forget my parents are joining us."

"I won't" I smile as he leaves, something tells me that we'll be seeing much more of each other now.

The rest of the afternoon is taken up by unpacking all the boxes and making sure to file the papers in the right place. I still need to make a copy of all the paperwork in Christasia to file here for when needed. I relax back in my chair eating the chips that Olivia bought down with my lunch and I pick up the phone to dial out.

"Christasia Seattle Melissa speaking how may I help you?"

I can't help but smile with pride, Christasia, my salon.

"Hi Melissa it's Ana Grey."

"Oh hey Mrs G." She says and I can't help but laugh.

"How has everything been today?" I ask wishing I had gone over again for closing.

"I'm just waiting on the last customers to leave before we start clean up. We'll be out at six on the dot."

"That's great, did anyone not show?"

"Nope. It's been so busy here Mrs Grey, I don't think I ever remember being books up like this and we're the same all week!"

"All week?" I can't speak more I'm in shock.

"All week! The phone hasn't stopped all day and we're even half-filled next week with people who have been today making new appointments and people who called too late to book this week."

"Wow." I say softly. "Well I'll be in tomorrow morning Melissa, have fun locking up."

"Will do Mrs Grey, see you tomorrow!"

I hang up and glance at the clock. Just five more minutes before I'm on the road again.

"Mrs Grey uh Ana?"

I jump out of skin at the disembodied voice filling my office. I look at the small black speaker like thing on my desk.

"Ana does this work?"

Ok it was definitely that machine. I press a button.

"Hannah?"

I let it go and wait.

"Yes Ana, we weren't sure if we were doing it right." Sophia giggles loudly filling my office with her voice.

"Well it works." I say hitting the button to speak and letting go when I'm done.

"Ok well you have an appointment with John Flynn in thirty minutes." Hannah says.

"Thank you." I reply before sinking back in the chair, Christian really has set everything up.

I grab my keys and slide the office key onto it before grabbing my purse. I can't believe that this is all real as it's happened so fast but I must admit, I'm loving this.


	67. Chapter 67

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

Doctor Flynn's office never changes. It has that air about it that tells you to unload all of your burdens and talk openly yet when it comes to it it's really hard.

"Anastasia, Doctor Flynn will see you now." His receptionist smiles broadly.

I smile back a simple thin lipped smile and nod my head as I get up. I don't really know now what I'm going to talk to him about. I'm not comfortable with talking about our lifestyle like he is. I mean how do you sit there and openly admit you enjoyed being whipped to the point your skin is burning, you like giving control to your husband and in one way let him physically abuse you? How do you tell someone that you like that? It's confusing and it's dangerous and I don't really know if I want to know the answer.

"Ana good to see you again." He smiles as I enter the room.

"Hi John you too." I smile slipping onto the couch and relaxing back as much as I can.

"Ok so we decided last time we were going to work on your self-esteem issues. You still ok to do that?"

"Yes." I nod and I can't help but be reminded of the conversation I had with Grace in the car outside their Bellevue home.

"Ok then, I want you to choose three words that you'd use to describe yourself and write them down here for me." He hands me a notebook. "First three words that come into your head."

Wife, Daughter, Friend. Easy.

"Here." I hand him back the notebook and he chuckles. "What?"

"Maybe I should have specified that you write down adjectives however the fact that you chose three nouns says much more about you than you realise."

"It does?" I question, if he'd said adjectives I would have written adjectives, he asked me to describe myself and I did what he asked, I am a wife, I am a daughter and I am a friend easiest three words I could possibly find to describe myself.

"Why did you choose to write down nouns? Most people when asked to describe themselves would automatically choose adjectives but you didn't and I am intrigued to hear what your reason is."

I shrug my shoulders, how exactly am I supposed to answer that? I didn't exactly think about it I just wrote.

"I don't know. You wanted me to describe myself and I did as you asked."

"Yes you did." John smiles and I can't help but wonder if he's patronising me.

"So?"

"So it took you seconds to write those down, now chose three adjectives to describe yourself."

He hands me the paper back and I look down at the three words that I used to describe myself. He wants three more and this time they don't come to mind as easy.

"Struggling?"

I just nod. How do I tell him I can't think of any adjectives right now that describe me? Not the right ones any way.

"Ok I am going to write three words I would use to describe you down." Her says taking the pen and legal pad back.

I watch as he easily writes three words down and I am intrigued to know what he has written.

"Here." He passes the paper back and my eyes widen in surprise.

Beautiful, Strong, intelligent

"I can see by your face you're surprised Ana." He says coolly. "I also know those three adjectives didn't come into your mind when I asked you the same question." I shake my head no, why would I write these three words. "Ok, my wife of course you know her, says at times she feels beautiful, there are moments in her life where she feels like she is beautiful. Do you have moments like that?"

I think for a moment before I nod, there are moments where I feel so beautiful.

"When is that Ana?" He asks.

"When…" How do I word this right? Do I say it's when I'm pleasing my husband? When I'm naked in front of him? Actually I know exactly when I feel at my most beautiful.

"When other women are looking at Christian and he only has eyes for me." I say shyly but John Flynn's mouth spreads into a wide smile.

"There that's a start. Is that the only time?"

"No." I shake my head. "Just when I'm with Christian I guess, he makes me feel special and loved and beautiful." I know I have a stupid smile on my face that there is no way I can hide.

"That's good Ana and you've used two other words there to describe yourself when you're with Christian, Special and Loved. Is it only with him you feel like this?" I nod at once in reply, Christian makes me feel like no one else can possibly make me feel, he invokes these feelings and emotions and I can't deny them when I'm with him.

"Telling you to feel like this isn't going to work but I am going to set you an assignment that I'll tell Christian about too, it's actually two assignments. First I want you to carry a picture around with you of yourself when you're with Christian, one where you look at you can see your beauty or feel it again, one where you feel special and feel loved, just by looking at it. Whenever you feel like you're not beautiful or special or loved I want you to look at that picture and remind yourself, say it like a mantra in your head."

It sounds fucking ridiculous but I nod my head anyway, I'll do it just because he's asked me to.

"Good, now the second assignment is I want you to write in lipstick no your mirror the three words you described yourself with, Beautiful, Loved, Special and every time you look in the mirror you remind yourself that you are those things. Just because you feel them most when you're with Christian it doesn't mean that's the only time you are those things. I want you to focus on that."

"Ok." I say meekly, this sounds stupid to me but I'll give anything a go once.

"Good. Now we still have some time, is there anything you'd like to discuss with me this week?"

I bow my head and wonder if I should bring up what happened with Christian yesterday.

"What is it Ana?"

Damn can I hide nothing?

"Christian came home yesterday." I start and he nods encouraging me to continue. "And we went up to the playroom." My cheeks flame the same colour as the walls of the playroom in this statement.

"Ana did something happen that you didn't like?" Worry flashes across John's face and I quickly shake my head.

"I just … I feel really awkward talking about this." I sigh.

"Ana. Christian has told me everything about his lifestyle from the good to the bad. I know it all including all the research I've done on top. Believe me nothing you say will shock me or make me judge you in anyway." He says reassuringly and I nod my head before dipping my eyes, I cannot look at him while I talk about this.

"Ok well, I got really drunk with Gail and Kate while he was away, so drunk I couldn't even remember getting into bed right. Christian freaked out and he was furious and he said when he got home he'd punish me." I shiver with embarrassment, I can't believe I'm even talking about this! "So we were in the playroom, he cuffed my arms above my head, tightened them so I was on my tip toes, blindfolded me and put like ear muffs on me so I couldn't hear anything. Then he hit me." My eyes close as I remember back to everything that was going on. "I couldn't see, I couldn't hear, I wasn't even sure if Christian was in the room but I was up there for quite some time and there were long gaps between each hit. It's the hardest he's ever hit me. I was crying but I didn't want to safe word. After the fifth hit I was debating whether or not to safe word when he grabbed around me and took the blindfold off and took the ear muffs off and brought me down. He carried me to the bed, massaged my muscles and he said he knew I'd reached my limit, even though he couldn't see my eyes and I couldn't move he still knew. I hated it don't get me wrong but that's the whole point right? I was being punished for something I did I wasn't supposed to like the act itself but then I found I was still aroused by it. Then after we had sex and I annoyed him again and he warned said I shouldn't try him because he would punish me again…" I bit my bottom lip and giggle. "I dared him too." My hand covers my eyes I feel so embarrassed. "And he did, this time he went with having me standing naked in front of him while he was on the phone but my point is I'm confused."

"What confuses you Ana?" John asks gently.

"I didn't like it, being punished I mean but I was still aroused by it but not just that is I wanted him to dominate me, I wanted him to just take control over me."

"What did you do last week before Christian came home?"

"Uh, I bought four salons, incorporated the businesses with the publishing house, I went to the spa with my friends, went for dinner with my in laws…"

"So you had the busy week you told me about last week."

"Yes." I nod my head.

"And you did everything on your own?"

"Yes." I frown, I don't see where he's going with this.

"No Christian to make sure you ate or had security?"

Now I know where he's going.

"No I was in charge of everything last week, I get it I think."

"Ok." He smiles. "You're so used to being dominated now Ana, in some ways, some parts of your life and your sex life has been one of them, even though you and Christian don't practise the BDSM lifestyle as much as Christian used to you still like to play. I suspect that you missed that last week, that you needed someone, specifically Christian, to take the control back, you needed him to dominate you completely so you could relax and know he was back. I can't be certain of course without making you both test subjects but it's what I suspect."

"Ok." I nod and smile, it's what I had thought originally too. "I don't know if Christian was happy though."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know, I just felt like he didn't get as much pleasure out of it."

"Ana, Christian gets pleasure from punishing you, the act of the punishing however you're not his submissive you're his wife, and I think the act that caused the punishment dissatisfied him. I'm sure he's as confused as you are."

"Ok. Thanks John." I smile getting to my feet.

"Any time Ana, next week?"

"Absolutely." I nod before shaking his hand and heading out. I quickly make an appointment for this time next week and head for home when I know my in laws will be waiting, I hope Christian hasn't given it too bad to Carrick for helping me with the Salons.


	68. Chapter 68

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

I step out of the elevator and I hear Christian's voice at once. The smell of Gail's cooking hits my nose and I know I'm home. I drop my purse onto the lobby table and walk into the grand room while unbuckling my coat.

"Ah here she is business woman of the hour!" Christian smiles, it seems he's in playful fifty mode this evening.

"Hey baby." I smile welcoming the small kiss he places on my lips.

"Wine?" He asks walking back to the couch where his parents are sat.

"Please." I nod taking my coat off and placing it on the edge of the couch. "Thanks." I smile accepting the wine Christian passes me.

"So Ana how are the salons shaping up?" Carrick asks kindly.

"I spoke with Melissa before I left Grey's House. From what she says they've been rushed off their feet all day and expect the same all week." I smile, I'm still ecstatic.

"That's fantastic. Love the hair Ana it really suits you." Grace smiles happily.

"Thank you, I let Franco work his magic this morning. I don't know about the bangs I keep pushing them out of my face and they're getting on my nerves." I chuckle lightly.

"You look amazing baby." Christian smiles slipping an arm around my waist.

"Mr Grey, dinner is ready." Gail smiles from the entry into the room.

"Dining room guys." Christian beams.

We watch Carrick and Grace go before Christian pulls me into him and kisses me roughly.

"I've been wanting to do that since you stepped out of the car at Grey's House. Fuck you look so sexy Ana." He says rubbing his nose against my cheek. I blush crimson.

"Thank you. Now I'm starving can we go eat?" I ask and he chuckles and takes my hand.

"Did you eat the food Olivia bought for you?"

"Yes it was lovely, thank you." I smile leaning in and kissing his cheek.

"And everything go ok with Flynn?"

"Fine." I nod and smile reassuringly. "I promise it was fine."

"Good." He smiles before we walk into the dining room.

We sit down around the table and tuck into the lovely Mediterranean pasta and salad that Mrs Jones has prepared, it's lovely and I tuck in happily.

"So have you two started Christmas shopping yet?" Grace asks.

"I have." Christian smirks towards me.

"I've not started shopping, but I've started writing ideas down of what I want to get for everyone." I smile at Christian and he knows I'm talking specifically about him.

"Good, Christmas is only three weeks away guys and that's not much."

"Only three weeks? Where has this month gone?" I gasp.

"For you it's gone from running a Publishing house to starting up your own empire." Christian smirks and I laugh softly.

"So Ana when do you plan on opening the next salon?" Carrick asks interrupting Christian's obvious flirting.

"I want to go up to Redmond this week and have a look around, I think that's the next one to open. I've already spoken to most of the staff who were there and have decided who I want to bring back. I want to advertise the open positions too and the hopefully I can open in the New Year."

"That's fantastic. Do you have a set goal for having all four up and running?"

"I want it done by March." I reply and Christian smiles, I know he sees my goal as realistic and I also know he's proud of me.

"Good, Christian any new ventures coming for you?"

"Nothing new Dad." He replies with a shrug. "Not unless you count the jet company I'm suing, I'll by the out once I'm done."

"I can't believe you're buying a jet company Christian, didn't really think it was your thing." Grace smiles kindly.

"It's not about what the company is in this case Mom it's about what the company did. They skimped out on safety procedures and because of it a total of thirty nine people are dead. Three of my employees." He states and I see the anger and hurt in his eyes.

"So what are you going to do about a jet for yourself now Christian?" Carrick asks.

"Well, I've bought Ana a small plane, she hasn't seen it yet but it's at Boeing ready for her…" I turn crimson, I don't need a plane! "I'll just borrow that for now, there are changes being made to it, I hope it will be ready by the end of next week before we fly out to Savannah."

"Oh that's great." Grace smiles and it's obvious neither Grey Snr see anything wrong with Christian buying me a plane, I'm still furious with him about it, I don't need nor want my own damn plane.

"While I remember Ana, there's a very small publishing company in New York that's slowly going downhill, you might want to keep your eye on it." Christian says nonchalantly.

"I know, Manhattan Publishing House, I've had my eye on it all week, it's not slipping as fast as I had first thought, however there is Portland Independent Publishing which will be lucky to make it into the new year if someone doesn't take it on." I reply as I reach for my wine.

"Is that true?" Carrick asks.

"Yes, seems like a lot of the Portland writers have lost faith in the company since it signed a two million dollar contract with a new author for a trilogy and it turned out to be a really bad book. Of course those involved were fired but the authors are going elsewhere, they've not signed any new author in six months. It's a very small company too, only fifty six employees."

"You've really done your research." Christian says surprised, I don't think he realises just how much he taught me about the business world when I was off after the miscarriage, unless he thought I wasn't absorbing all the information.

"Yes I have. I was ready to jump in with an offer when I bought the Salons." I reply and all three Grey's turn to look at me.

"You were going to make an offer?" Carrick speaks first.

"Yes." I nod carefully. "But the Salons have much more prospect in them than the publishing house so I went with the most profitable."

"But publishing is your thing Ana." Christian replies softly.

"I know and my eye is still on the place Christian, trust me, I know what I'm doing. The only offer they've had so far is from a very large British company but the current owner doesn't want to sell to them and is hoping for any offer from an American based company."

"How do you know all this?" Christian asks and for the moment we've completely forgotten about Grace and Carrick.

"Hannah went in and said she was interested in a job and asked if they had something going, and you should see how assistants gossip…"

"You sent in a mole?!" He yells.

"Jeez calm down Christian no I didn't! I joked to Hannah it would be cool if we could but I wouldn't and she went and did it on her own. I warned her not to do it again, gave her a stern talking too about it ok? I didn't send her in, she went on her own and brought the information back. I've told her she does it again and there is no second chances, she'll be out of a job but I can't deny that the information she got was good."

"Promise me you didn't send her in."

"I swear!" I snap angrily, he really doesn't trust me at all.

"Ana do you know how much the Brits are offering?" Carrick interrupts us before we argue anymore.

"Half a million dollars." I reply. "Which is exactly half what I was going to offer them."

"You were going to offer them a million?"

"At the time it was still worth three times that technically but the value is going down every day, they're losing stocks, and investors are pulling out left right and centre." I explain.

"Fair enough. Make the offer Ana." Christian says with a smile.

"I have three empty Salons to get up and running, now is not the time to buy another publishing house."

"Make the offer Ana." He says more stern.

"No Christian?"

"Either you buy it or I buy it and put it in your name."

"Don't you dare." I snap. "I don't interfere in your business dealings though I can Christian seeing as my name is now on so many of your damn things though I told you not to, I don't interfere with GEH you don't intervene with anything at AG ok?" I hiss angrily.

"I think Ana is being fair." Grace says quietly. "Anastasia Grey Inc is her business Christian you have no right intervening."

"But that publishing house is a bargain at a million Mom actually I'd offer them three quarters of a million and I bet you'd still get it." Christian sighs.

"I want the place, I won't lie. All I'd be doing is buying it and changing the name and handling the paperwork leaving the place to run itself as long as I can bring in people who will bring in the authors, maybe switch some of the Seattle editors around if they're interested in it. But I've got so much on my plate right now with the Salons I just don't think I can handle it."

"Try it Ana, if it doesn't work we'll liquidate and sell it." Christian says softly.

"Fine!" I groan. "I'll put the offer in tomorrow morning."

"Good girl." He kisses the top of my head and I laugh. "I bet Portland Independent Publishing will be Grey Publishing Portland by the end of the week."

"We'll see." I shrug but I know now I don't have much of a choice because if I don't buy it Christian will.

"So Dad what's the news on Elena?" Christian asks changing the subject.

"I've had her breaking her restraining order added to the list of charges but we don't know where she is, the FBI are in constant communication with me and I've said some things that have made her a high priority to be found."

"What do you mean breaking her restraining order?" Christian growls glaring at me. I bow my head, I forgot to tell him about the email. "Ana?"

"She emailed me." I say quietly.

"What?" He hisses. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I forgot! I saw the email yesterday morning, it was sent Saturday, but with you coming home and the salons I completely forgot. I called your Dad as soon as I saw it." I explain. "Don't be mad." I whisper dropping my hand onto his arm.

"I'm furious. We'll discuss it later." He hisses.

"No we'll discuss it now." I say my voice firmer than I expected it to be. "I forgot Christian, I wasn't hiding it from you."

"What did she say?"

"That she'd heard I was the one who had bought the salons and I'd incorporated said it was a wise business move however the fact I knew nothing about the industry meant I'd fail and she wished me luck."

"That's all?" He asks.

"That's all, I called your Dad and forwarded it to him."

"Ok." He nods.

"Still mad?"

"Not at you." He replies before kissing my head. "Any idea where she is Dad so we can have her out of our lives?"

"We don't even know if she's still in the country." Carrick admits.

"Well keep me up to date." Christian says firmly brining that conversation to an end.

After dinner we make our way through to the living room or grand room again. Christian pours himself and his father a glass of brandy and I make my excuses to head to the library to do some work.

I sit at my desk and switch on the computer. I have the manuscript of fifteen year old Jessica James on my desk and I've spoken to her. We've agreed to wait until the New Year as she turns sixteen on the fourth of January and that gives her a little more control. The manuscript is amazing, and for such a young girl I'm more than impressed. I quickly turn back to my computer and load up my almost finished manuscript and begin typing.

I'm halfway through the last chapter when a knock on my door brings me out of the subspace I enter to write.

"Come in." I call.

Grace smiles as she walks in and I relax back in my chair knowing she's going to want to talk.

"Hey you ok?" She asks slipping into one of the arm chairs.

I walk over to her and slip into the other and curl my legs beneath me.

"I am now he's home." I reply honestly.

"That's good then. So you saw Doctor Flynn?"

"Yup." I nod softly. "We're working on it, my self-esteem I mean. I dunno can only give it a try and see how it goes right?" I shrug.

"Exactly." Grace beams. "I think you'll be ok Ana."

"I know." I reply with a smile. "I mean I'm happy Grace, even with the press and the pressure with AG and all this I just … He's home and I'm happy."

"That's good to hear Ana." Grace smiles. "Well Carry and I are off now."

"I'll come see you out." I smile getting up.

"Nonsense you get back to work."

"No I'm done for the night, I would have just started something new had you not come in and Christian would have to come in and drag me out to bed." I chuckle.

"Ok dear." She smiles tapping my hand.

I walk out into the great room where Carrick is waiting with Grace's coat. He helps her into it while Christian tucks me under his arm, the place I feel safest.

"Well we'll see you both." Carrick smiles coming over. He hugs Christian first and then me and then Grace repeats the action with an added kiss on the head for each of us.

"Lovely to see you both." Christian says with a smile and I know he genuinely means it.

"You too." Grace smiles just as Taylor comes in to escort them out.

Christian and I wait until we hear the elevator door close before we let out a simultaneous breath.

"Glad that's over." Christian chuckles.

"You don't mean that." I giggle.

"Course I don't, I love my parents but I also missed you for a whole week."

He wraps me up in his arms and I nuzzle his chest feeling beautiful, loved and special.


	69. Chapter 69

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

"Ana Grey." I answer the hands free set in my car as I head over to the salon.

"Morning Ana."

"Hey Hannah what's up? Everything ok at Grey's House?" I ask.

"Yes, uh an alert just popped up on your calendar saying you have an interview with business management magazine but neither Sophia nor I scheduled it and we were just wondering if you did." She explains casually.

"No I didn't but I suspect I know who did. What time's the meeting for?"

"One o'clock for the interview with a photoshoot right in your office at three."

"Ok, I'll be back for one." I sigh before hanging up I know Hannah isn't insulted by me just hanging up I wonder how Sophia would react if I did it.

The morning had been wonderful. Christian woke me up and I know he's making up for lost time. At breakfast we talked about what we had planned for the day, I know that he's going into court soon against the jet company and so his days are packed. I sigh and knock the speed dial button as I continue on the way to Christasia.

"Grey."

"It's your wife." I smirk.

"Oh hey Ana, everything ok?"

"Well it was, I had a perfect schedule when I left Escala this morning from visiting Christasia then mid-morning at Grey Publishing followed by an afternoon visit to Redmond to see what needs to be done before we can open there until I receive a phone call from Hannah asking me about the sudden change to my schedule that neither she or Sophia inserted. Know anything about that Grey?" My voice is slightly playful but there's the seriousness there too and I know he hears both.

"Just do the interview Ana, it's to help you."

"How the fuck is an interview and photoshoot going to help me Christian? I'm up to my fucking eyeballs as it is!" I snap angrily.

"I will not discuss this while you're driving Anastasia. I'll talk to you later just do the damn interview." He snaps before hanging up.

I groan inwardly, I hate the idea of an interview and a photoshoot and it sends shivers down my spine.

I pull into the parking lot and make my way into the salon. Melissa is on the phone and nods her head towards me while I make my way upstairs to drop off my coat and bag.

I return to the ground floor and smile as Franco catches my eye.

"Ah Ana good to see you." He smiles even though he's still with a customer.

"Franco how is everything here?" I ask looking friendly towards the young twenty something year old with bleach blonde hair and sparkling green eyes.

"Ah it's going good Ana, it's nice to be here again." He smiles before running his fingers through the girl's now finished hair. "What do you think?"

"It's perfect thank you." The young woman smiles tilting her head this way then that way in the mirror.

"Great Job Franco." I smile admiring the short style the woman has, Christian would kill me if I ever went that short.

"Yeah thanks Franco." The young woman smiles. "Mrs Grey." She nods towards me and I'm slightly taken aback that she knows who I am considering Franco has been calling me Ana. Franco notices this and winks towards me. "Do I pay Melissa out front?"

"Yes." Franco smiles.

"I'll leave you two to it." I smile moving on to see what's going on upstairs.

"Oh Mrs Grey." Chloe says jumping up to her feet.

"Chloe? No customers?" I ask.

"No show I'm afraid." Chloe sighs, she's the only one who does Brazilian waxing here at Christasia.

"What was the no show for?"

"A simple Brazilian."

I think for a moment and then realise I'm over thinking it.

"Well rather than sitting here doing nothing you can do me." I smile and her eyes widen.

"Of course, come on." She grabs my hand and pulls me to one of the treatment rooms, I'm suddenly very nervous.

"I've never had this done." I say quietly.

"Oh there's nothing to it Mrs Grey." She ensures.

"Call me Ana." I giggle, the last thing I want is someone to have their head between my legs calling me Mrs Grey.

Twenty minutes later and I am burning.

"That was painful." I state, I've been in more pain with Christian and his hand but still…

"Sorry there's no way not to make it painful, I recommend some advil and a cool bath." Chloe smiles softly.

"Advil will have to be all for now I have to get going. Thanks Chloe." I smile before heading for the door.

"No problem Ana, any time!" She laughs.

I go upstairs and find a bottle of Advil in my purse. I don't bother getting a drink to swallow the pills down because with a bit of a struggle I manage it anyway. I take a twenty dollar bill out of my purse and go back downstairs to find Chloe cleaning the treatment room.

"Here." I say passing her the bill.

"Oh no…"

"Take it. I'll be offended if you don't." I smirk before walking away before she can say anymore.

"Thank you!" She calls after me, I don't acknowledge that I heard but smile inwardly, I wonder what Christian will have to say when he sees what I've done.

I don't bother going to Grey's Publishing. I have to be there to see Roach tomorrow and I know they have everything under control. Instead I make my way over to Grey's House to perp for this interview and make an offer on Portland Independent Publishing.

At Grey's House I head straight to my office. I get looked at a lot by Christian's staff but I pretend not to notice them, I don't need to because they don't work for me, they work for my husband and I have my own business to worry about. I relax in the elevator until someone joins me on it and I'm surprised when it's Olivia.

"Hey Mrs Grey how are you settling into the new office?"

"Good so far Olivia, where's Christian?"

"His office working on things for this court case I believe." She smiles.

I get off on the twenty first floor knowing she's continuing up to the twenty second.

"Bye." She calls after me. The doors close before I can reply.

"Hi Hannah, Hi Sophia." I smile walking past them to the door in the back.

"Hi Ana." They both reply typing away at their individual extremely-high-tech-curtsey-of-Christian-Grey computers. It's quite comical actually.

I dip into my office quickly and soon have everything up and running. I find the number for Portland Independent Publishing and without hesitation I hammer it into the desk phone.

"Portland Independent Publishing Carrie speaking how may I help you?"

"Hi may please be put through to President Francis Mitchell please?"

"Who's speaking please?"

"Ana Grey of Anastasia Grey Incorporated."

"One moment please."

I hold on the line listening to a very boring piece of string music while I suspect Carrie is telling Francis Mitchell who is on the line.

"Hello Francis Mitchell speaking."

"Hi Ms Mitchell, Ana Grey, I am calling because I'm interested in putting an offer on Portland Independent Publishing."

"Oh ok, and why would you be interested in PIP?"

"I own one publishing company Ms Mitchell and I have the desire to expand, I also wouldn't like to see such a wonderful small American Publishing House sold to a very large British company."

"How do you know that?"

"I have my sources as I'm sure do you Ms Mitchell."

"Ok Mrs Grey you have my attention."

I roll my eyes, _I should have had your attention as soon as I said my name!_ my subconscious screams.

"What is it you're offering?"

"Three quarters of a million." I say without hesitation.

"That's a substantial amount for such a small company Mrs Grey."

"I wish to expand the company and I know how much the Brits are offering, I am offering you more so you can either take me at my offer or bid me good day and I fly to New York to invest in Manhattan Publishing House it's your choice."

"You're really telling me I either accept your deal now or the deal comes off the table?"

"I'm willing to give you twenty four hours Ms Francis, I can be in Portland this time tomorrow to discuss this in person." I reply firmly, I want this publishing house, Christian was right to say I would be mad to pass this opportunity up.

"Tomorrow, midday Mrs Grey?"

"I'll see you then Ms Francis. Have a good afternoon."

"You too."

I hang up and let out a breath I wasn't even aware I was holding. Playing a part on the phone is easy, doing it in front of Francis Mitchell could be dangerous and I can only hope that she takes my offer seriously. I know she owns shares in the company and I know the decision to sell lies solely with her, as everyone else is withdrawing, getting ready to declare their investment a loss and I know she is the one with the most to lose, she can keep her Presidents job and go on a wage like everyone else, she'll have a steadier income and I think it will be an offer she can't refuse, technically the same job, same title, same hours, better pay and the hands of the company is in someone else. I don't think she'll say no.

After my argument with Christian this morning I decide to send him an email.

**To:** Christian Grey

**Subject:** Business Management Magazine

**From:** Anastasia Grey

Do you mind explaining to me why you hacked into my calendar and placed an interview and photoshoot without discussing it with me first?

Ana Grey

CEO, Anastasia Grey, Inc.

I watch my emails closely, I know he's in his office and when my email pings I wonder if maybe I shouldn't have been so clipped with him.

**To:** Anastasia Grey

**Subject:** Publicity and Popularity

**From:** Christian Grey

You need the exposure, don't complain. I remember sitting for a gruelling interview just under a year ago where a young woman asked me if I was Gay. Turned out to be the best fucking decision I ever made.

PS. I didn't hack into your calendar Barney did.

Christian Grey

CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

Ugh that man is infuriating at times but how can he stop e being mad so easily?

**To:** Christian Grey

**Subject:** Barney needs a life

**From:** Anastasia Grey

Your staff shouldn't be interfering in my business without my consent Mr Grey. Consider this a warning because next time I'll pay Barney a visit!

PS. I'm glad that interview changed your life, incidentally it changed mine too! ;)

Ana Grey

CEO, Anastasia Grey, Inc.

"Mrs Grey?"

"Yes Hannah?" I sigh knocking the intercom.

"Lisa Simmons from Business Management is here to see you."

I look at the clock and see that my day really has flown by.

"Send her in."

I relax back in my chair and try and look natural. Lisa Simmons enters with a smile and I get up and walk around to great the honey blonde bombshell with bright pink lips.

"Mrs Grey so lovely to meet you." She smiles extending her hand.

"You too Ms Simmons." I smile shaking her hand. "Right shall we get on with this?"

I lead her over to the two matching couches that face each other, so similar to Christian's office it's unreal.

"Ok so the photographer and crew will be here at three, thank you so much for doing this for us Mrs Grey we're so excited."

She's more energetic than Mia. Ugh.

"My pleasure." I reply though inside I'm screaming at Christian for dragging me into this.

"Ok so this is for the Christmas edition of the magazine, you will be our cover story before the New Year."

"Ok." I nod trying to be polite.

"First I have to ask if you mind this interview being recorded."

"Not at all." I squirm remembering myself setting up Kate's disk recorder before asking Christian if he minded me recording and he mocked me, I didn't know what I was doing, I admit that!

"Ok." She smiles pulling a very small Dictaphone from her pocket and knocking record before pulling out a legal pad, flash cards and a pen. "So Mrs Grey, we'll start easily what was your first job out of college?"

Have these people not done any research? I have a bio on Grey's Publishing website that says everything like this!

"I was an assistant to an editor." I reply simply, no need to mention the notorious Jack Hyde.

"You were promoted after very little time so I've heard?"

"Yes I was there just over a week before I became acting editor, three weeks later I was given the position permanently."

"Then you took some time off work, from what we understand you took three weeks away?"

"I was unwell, I needed time away and worked from home. During that time I became president of Grey Publishing aka Grey Publishing Seattle." I keep cool though I don't see the point of these questions.

"How long later did you become CEO of Grey Publishing?"

"Two weeks."

"Did you buy it from your husband?"

"No my husband gave me the company, he bought it originally to give it to me as a gift on our first anniversary but I learned how to manage a business much faster than he anticipated so he gave it to me after I won the Alain Thompson award."

"Ah the Alain Thompson award. What inspired you to make such large donations to Seattle Grace Paediatrics?"

"That would be my mother in law Doctor Grace Trevelyan-Grey, she is a wonder to behold a true inspiration and she loves her work and does it well. She works at Seattle Grace and they needed the money I have had the joy in seeing Doctor Trevelyan's work and I knew to continue her good work she would need a large donation to the hospital. I gave them money I neither wanted nor needed, it was in my account and I was going to let it sit there."

"So your Mother in law, she is obviously someone you admire."

"That isn't a question." I smirk thinking of Christian saying the same or similar to me.

"Sorry, your mother in law, you sound like you admire her is this the case?"

"Admire, cherish, love, they're just a few words I'd use to describe Grace Trevelyan-Grey."

"Is family important to you?"

"Extremely. I am blessed to have such a wonderful family, my in laws and my parents are my world, the family is growing with Christian's brother engaged to my best friend Katherine Kavanagh and I feel blessed I don't think I can say much else about my feelings."

I see Simmons shifting in her seat, I don't think I intimidate her, do I? I'm bit really an intimidating person of that I'm sure.

"Do you and Christian Grey have any plans of expanding your own little family?"

"In time, I'm only twenty two Christian is twenty eight, we're in no rush to start a family of our own but it's something I can honestly say we both want at some time in our lives." I reply, it's not public knowledge that I was pregnant and had a miscarriage and I'd like to keep it that way.

"Back onto your business." She says kindly and I feel myself relax a little. "Christasia salons, your new business venture."

"Yes." I nod.

"When do you hope to have the next three open?"

"I hope to have Christasia Richmond open in the early New Year, and have the other two open before the end of March."

"Why the name Christasia?"

"It's a combination of mine and my husband's first names, surprisingly I am not the most creative of people." I laugh softly. "Christian and Anastasia, Christasia, it sounds magical, I think of pink and purple and crystals and glitter every time I think of the name."

"Some have said its very circus like."

"Yes I would agree." I laugh again, the name is circus like, it also sounds like fantasia which makes me think fantasy and we come back to Christian, but I won't tell her that.

"So what made you go into the salon industry Mrs Grey? It didn't seem to be the type of area you would branch out into."

"It isn't. I heard about the bank wanting to sell them off I knew I could afford to make an offer and according to my husband my negotiating skills are above par. I made an offer and I stuck with it."

"So nothing to do with the slanderous comments the previous owner made towards you?"

I can't help but laugh, it absolutely had everything to do with the fact the places were once owned by Elena but I won't tell her that.

"Absolutely not, I didn't care who the previous owner was. My husband was once a partner in the business, that could have made me shy away but I got my hands on the files saw the success of the business even during this recession and I just knew I had to go for it and so far it seems like it was a wise move, I won't want to jinx it though."

"So what's next for Mrs Grey?"

"I'm expanding Grey's Publishing, I have my eyes set on a couple of places I'd like to buy into but we'll see I have my fingers in a few pies right now and its complex enough." I laugh again, I feel completely ridiculous but Christian obviously wanted me to do this damn interview so I'm doing it.

"So you have no plans to buy into a wedding planning business?"

"No!" I laugh. "Not at all! Is that what's floating around the rumour mill?"

"I couldn't say." She shrugs and I smile, wedding planning? I know nothing about wedding planning Mia and Grace did most of the planning for my wedding.

"So we'll move on to the biggest news, you going corporate Anastasia Grey Incorporated what made you make that decision?"

"It's all about simplicity. Buying a salon chain was a risk on its own, I needed to protect myself and my publishing house and the easiest way to do that was to make sure they were all connected, the only way to do that was to go corporate and even I know that more businesses trust corporate companies more than limited. I was protecting myself and my investment."

"Anastasia Grey incorporated, why the name? As we all know you prefer going by Ana."

"Anastasia Grey is my name, just like Elizabeth Arden used her name for her product line and it also makes it clear that my corporation is mine and not Christian's, he owns Grey Enterprises Holdings, I own Anastasia Grey it's as simple as that." I reply trying to smile happily instead of smugly.

"What's it like growing in the shadow of your husband?"

"I wouldn't say I'm in the shadow of my husband."

"But he gave you your start by giving you Grey Publishing?"

"Yes and you think my husband didn't get a helping hand? Everyone has to start somewhere and somehow whether it's begging, borrowing, stealing or as in my case a lucky gift. I have taken his giving me Grey Publishing and I've gone further, I've branched out from the seed he planted, it's easy enough to do if you know what you're doing."

"But didn't you study English Literature at university?"

"I did and your point?"

"What do you know about business?"

"Enough." I reply with a smirk. "I was off sick for three months, during those three months I step by step took over Grey Publishing and Christian not only taught me how to run a business but taught me how to run an empire, his specifically but now I'm starting my own empire." I can't help but being smug because I need it made clear that I am not in my husband's shadow.

"So you think you'll go further than you have?"

"Much further, I won't stop unless I have to, I will make mistakes along the way but I'll learn from them. I look forward to trying and failing."

"Your husband suspects you'll make your first Million before he did."

"Again not a question but I will say I don't entertain the idea of making my first Million because I have plans which includes the refurbishment of each Christasia Salon as well as the branching of Grey's Publishing. For each cent coming in there's a cent going out."

"Do you think your husband worries about your empire possibly being bigger than his?"

I laugh, hard. Is she for real?

"That's never going to happen." I manage to say through my laughter. "I have a taste for business and the flavour is unique, one I like and I don't plan on forgetting the taste any time soon however I will not step on the toes of my husband and to make an empire bigger I don't see how I could without getting in his way. I'm happy with the two industries I'm in, within time I could expand the salons but for now I'd like to focus on the deal I'm trying to make and opening each salon."

"That's a fair point Mrs Grey. I think I have everything now."

I look at the clock, it's only two pm.

"I'll come back at three for the photoshoot?"

"Sure." I walk over to my desk and knock the intercom. "Hannah we're done here."

Seconds go by before Hannah walks in with a friendly smile. N

"I'll see you at three Mrs Grey."

"See you at three Ms Simmons." I smile and as soon as the door closes I rush around to my desk where I know and email will be waiting for me from Christian.

**To:** Anastasia Grey

**Subject:** My apologies.

**From:** Christian Grey

Next time I want to help my wife get ahead in her work I'll remember to keep my mouth shut. I hope the interview goes well

Christian Grey

CEO, Grey's Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

**To:** Christian Grey

**Subject:** Discussion!

**From:** Anastasia Grey

I don't mind you wanting me to do interviews as such just next time let me know in time! I have to go to Portland tomorrow, might be an overnight stay, just thought I'd let you know.

Ana Grey

CEO, Anastasia Grey, Inc.

**To:** Anastasia Grey

**Subject:** Working both ways

**From:** Christian Grey

Shouldn't you be discussing this Portland visit with me rather than telling me? You don't like it when I don't discussing things with you.

Christian Grey

CEO, Grey's Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

**To:** Christian Grey

**Subject:** Business and not pleasure

**From:** Anastasia Grey

The Portland visit is for Grey Publishing, I thought you knew I was going to make an offer today, offer made and negotiations needed tomorrow in Portland. I don't wish to have to ask your permission to work on MY business dealings, you do however need to discuss with me when you INTERFERE in MY BUSINESS!

Ana Grey

CEO, Anastasia Grey, Inc.

**To:** Anastasia Grey

**Subject:** SHOUTY CAPTIALS…

**From:** Christian Grey

Don't work with me. I don't understand your point. I'll be down at four we can discuss it then. I have a meeting and you have a photoshoot, have fun, I look forward to seeing the pictures ;)

Christian Grey

CEO, Grey's Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

Ugh he is infuriating! So playful yet so callous in the same damn message and it drives me mad. I don't know how he can't understand my point. I don't want him interfering in Anastasia Grey Inc I'm not asking much, I don't care if he wants to go to London for work, ok, I care but the point is he doesn't have to discuss it with me just tell me but I would never in my wildest dreams make him do something for GEH without telling him. I would make a recommendation and let him decide for himself because GEH isn't my business like AG isn't his.

"Ana your three o'clock is here."

"Send them in." I sigh.

I meet Lisa once again and shake hands with each member of the team. We take a variety of photos, some they want to appear inside as well as the one which will feature on the cover. I am glad when at quarter to four they call it a wrap.

"Thanks again." Lisa smiles shaking my hand.

"It was my pleasure." I lie just to be polite.

Hannah shows everyone out and I crash into my seat just as the phone rings.

"Ana Grey." I answer quickly.

"Mrs Grey, your husband."

"Hey."

"I'll be down in a minute but I just received a phone call regarding a business lecture at WSVU and I am unable to go it clashes with a meeting I have with the ambassador for a company I have in China. Would you like to do it?"

"What would it involve?"

"Just telling them how you got your start what you're doing and where you're going, inspire them to want to start their own companies and find possible interns for next year."

"I don't think I'm the person to do that Christian." I sigh.

"Why not?"

"I've already been told the only reason I'm successful is because of you and it's the truth and I really don't want to have it pointed out to me again."

"Oh Ana, that's not true! All I did was give you a publishing company everything from there you did yourself."

"And no one else sees it like that Christian!" I snap, I'm so tired.

"You sounds stressed."

"I am stressed."

"I'll be down in a minute, clear your desk unless you want me to make a mess of it."

"I'm not having sex with you on my desk."

"Who said anything about sex?" I know he's smirking.

"Fine I'll clear my desk." I sigh.

"See you in two." He hangs up and I can't help but wonder what on earth he's up to.


	70. Chapter 70

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Ok so I kinda realised that this story doesn't have an ending point so if it's ok with you lot I'm going to just continue it until the ideas dry up or I'm bored or people stop reviewing? I already have bullet points for every chapter up to chapter 76 which is Sunday in the story, I am literally going week by week and FOR NOW they're just living their lives but I hope I make their lives exciting enough for you all. Love Steff ox**

I'm sitting at my now bare desk when the door finally opens. Christian walks in with a pile of cushions and what looks like a blanket and I can't help but raise my eyebrows at him.

"What on earth are you doing?" I ask as he places the pile on the desk.

"I have come to de-stress you. I've told the girls to leave us alone none of my staff actually know where I am so for now my entire attention is on you." He says happily.

"Something tells me you're not here to discuss our communication issues." I smirk.

"No Mrs Grey I'm not. Next time I think I want to do something to help you I'll discuss it with you first, the interview was actually last minute and I thought you'd want to do it, free advertising and they're paying for the interview, the money will go into your corporate account."

"Paying?"

"Fifteen thousand dollars for the first interview ever by the Mrs Grey. The rags were offering more but at least BMM wanted to know about your business whereas the rags want to find something to gossip about." He explains with a shrug. "Now Mrs Grey. Strip."

"Excuse me? I told you I wasn't going to fuck you here." I snap angrily.

"I want to give you a massage, that's all Ana." He smirks his usual I've-got-a-secret smile which makes me suspicious. "Strip." He laughs.

I sigh and do as I'm told and pull my blouse from the confides of my high waist skirt opening each button in turn. Christian's making up some sort of bed on the desk with the blanket and pillow so there's no need to make undressing sexy, he's not watching me, I take the time to fold my shirt so it doesn't get creased. I kick off my Manolo Blahniks and slip my skirt off and fold that too.

"And your bra and panties." He says without even looking at me.

_No sex my ass._ Is all I can think as I unhook my bra. I'm suddenly reminded of my very uncomfortable Brazilian this morning. I can't help but wonder if Christian will hate it, he always thought my pubic hair was cute.

I slide the panties down my legs and drop them onto my folded skirt and blouse before looking at Christian. He smiles at me and I know he's not noticed the change in my body yet.

"Come here." He says walking towards me with his hand outstretched towards me.

I slip my hand into his and he pulls me in for a kiss.

"You're so beautiful but so tense." He says seductively in my ear. "Lie down on the desk on your stomach."

I do as he asks just because I'm intrigued now, no sex? I don't know how that's going to work. I lay on my belly and fold my arms under one of the cushions, my head turned out to the side as Christian pulls out a bottle of baby lotion from his pocket.

"You carry baby lotion to work?" I ask in shock.

"Olivia gave it to me." He shrugs and I can't help but laugh.

"You asked Olivia for baby lotion?"

"I asked if she had any moisturiser actually and all she had was baby lotion, better than nothing." He smirks placing it on the desk beside me before rolling up his sleeves so I get a glimpse at his muscular arms.

He then pulls his iPod from his pocket and the tiny carry around speakers I've only ever seen once before which was when we had a long romantic bath together not long after I miscarried. He switches it on and out comes a lovely string quartet that instantly brings to mind peace and tranquillity.

He picks up the moisturiser again and I watch him intently as he flicks open the cap and drops a dollop into his palm before securing the cap single handed and placing it back beside me on the desk. Then he rubs his palms together and I watch the light pink cream spread before he stops.

"Close your eyes and relax." He says softly and I do as he asks without hesitation taking a deep steady breath.

I feel him move to stand by my head and then I feel his wet palms on my shoulders. I shiver momentarily and then he begins to move. Content, I sigh allowing the feel of his fingers relax my tensed shoulders.

It's a wonder and I feel like I'm his piano and he's playing me, he's content in this moment. His hands glide farther down my bath and I can sense him moving around but I can't be bothered to open my eyes.

He works my lower back and I listen to the beautiful song carry around me. I am relaxed now. After my back he works over my behind and down my thighs. I'm slightly aroused but I don't focus on it because I'm so relaxed, I can't focus on anything in particular but being relaxed.

Then his hand slips further up my thighs and he strokes my core. Oh it feels so good and I let out a small moan.

"Shh." He whispers slightly parting my slick baby lotion covered thighs.

He begins to stroke me oh so softly and I push my hips up a little only to have him push them down by pressing a hand to my lower back. I need more, more of him, more of his touch, more of this pulsating pleasure.

I feel a finger slip inside of me and I gasp softly before letting out a quiet moan. He doesn't sush me this time but he keeps his pace slow and lazy.

He stops thrusting his finger and begins to stroke my inner wall. I whimper with need but he keeps up a slow leisurely pace. I feel the pressure building right where his finger is. I feel myself tightening and he pushes harder until finally I climax.

Knowing Sophia and Hannah are outside the door I bite down on the pillow as I call out. Christian continues to thrust until I'm completely spent before stepping away.

"How was that Mrs Grey?" He asks as I lay panting.

"Were those your intentions all along Mr Grey?" I ask breathlessly.

"Of course, what's better than an orgasm to de-stress?" He shrugs and I can't help but giggle. "Erotic massage Mrs Grey." He smirks. "Now on your back, I think you have something to show me."

Oh he noticed!

I struggle to turn over but manage it quite clumsily.

"Pull your knees up, hold around your thighs."

"Are you going to inspect me Christian?" I ask remembering back to our honeymoon.

"Yes I am." He smirks and I drop my head and do as he has asked with my legs.

I pick my head up a little and watch him, he's gazing at me like I'm the most incredible thing he's ever seen.

"A wax?" He asks his eyebrow arched.

"Yes." I giggle putting my legs down.

"Hmm, who did it?"

"Chloe, she had a no show when I got there this morning I thought I should at least try it once."

"You'll have to let me be there next time."

"I don't think so." I laugh as he helps pull me up. "Christian is there anything you need help with?" I ask eyeing his obvious erection.

"Nope, I have another meeting to get to."

"You can't go like that." I laugh and he puts his hand into his trousers and I watch as he adjusts himself so it's a lot less obvious.

"See? Easy." He shrugs but I feel awful having him tend to me and not let me return the favour. "That Mrs Grey was my apology for the interview and photoshoot and not discussing it with you. I do not want or need you to return the favour." He smirks. "Now get dressed before I'm late."

I quickly get dressed while he undoes the cushion and blanket from my desk and deposit them on one of my couches.

"I'll have them dealt with later." He explains. "I won't be home till late so you might want to eat without me."

"Ok." I sigh.

"I have to be in court tomorrow Ana ok? And you have to drive to Portland. If it gets late or there's snow please stay and I'll fly down to get you and Taylor can bring back your car."

"Yes Sir." I smirk and he pulls me into his arms.

"I will call people and find out what the weather is like Ana, book the penthouse at the Heathman." He smirks at me and I know he's thinking of all the memories we have there such as our first kiss.

"Yes Sir now go work." I laugh.

He kisses me softly before he leaves and I get to set up everything back on my desk knowing that I'll be asleep when Christian gets home tonight, I know him all too well.


	71. Chapter 71

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Ok you all don't care that I'm going day by day and want me to continue on so that is what is going to happen! Remember I have dropped hints about things happening in the future way back and I hope they come back to you as you read when I get there!**

**I also am thinking of making my own fanfic facebook account and would love to know if you think I should or if it would be a waste of time! Thanks Steff ox**

I wake up and I instantly know Christian didn't come to bed last night. Not only is his side of the bed where my hand is spread cold but the duvet is only messed up a little obviously by my tossing and turning and not someone else sleeping in that spot. I look at the clock and finally switch the blearing alarm off. Five am and I have to get up. I hate mornings.

Today I have to drive to Portland and I know doesn't matter which way I go I am going to hit rush hour traffic, I just hope to be closer to Portland than Seattle when I hit it, hence my five am alarm.

I quickly go through my morning routine taking the time to select what I hope is an outfit to seal the deal. I also pick up my little wheelie suit case and pack an additional outfit with matching shoes and one of my silk night gowns and robes just in case I end up staying overnight. By the time I'm done it's gone six thirty and I'm behind schedule.

When I arrive in the kitchen Christian's there looking like he slept in his clothes.

"Morning baby." He smiles. "You're up early."

"I have to drive to Portland, would like to skip as much rush hour traffic on this end, get onto the main stretch of the I-5 and go. Did you sleep?"

"I fell asleep at my desk in the study. Only just woke up."

I lean over and kiss him softly knowing he must be in some pain having not slept in a bed.

"What time are you due in court?"

"Nine." He replies glancing up at the clock at the same time.

Gail slips pancakes in front of me and a cup of tea and I tuck in at once, the sooner I get going the better.

"It's promising to snow from about three in Portland, I don't want you driving in the snow in the dark so I've booked a room at the Heathman, if your meeting runs past three don't drive home just go to the hotel ok?" Christian speaks softly but I hear the warning there, I'm attuned to his voice these days as he is to my body.

"How about I just agree to stay anyway and travel home early tomorrow straight after they've cleared the road?" I ask carefully.

"Sure, why not? I'd be happier knowing you're safe. Are you taking security?"

"Only Sawyer." I reply and he smiles, that's all he wanted to hear. "And only because I know you'll fight me on it if I say no."

"But you're driving?"

"Yes I'm taking the Saab. I like driving Christian even if Sawyer is in the car and with me all the time I feel independent just being able to drive myself."

"That's fine Ana, really, but if you're going to be doing these long trips during these winters you need a four wheel drive." He says softly.

"No, no new car." I warn and he smirks. "I mean it Christian, no other car, I barely have used the two I have and they're fine."

"Ok, ok." His hands up in defeat I smile. "No new car."

"Thank you. I'll call you when I get to Portland." I smile.

"Email, can't answer the phone in court." He chuckles before pulling me in for a kiss.

Sawyer grabs my overnight wheelie as Christian and I say goodbye with a long lingering kiss.

"I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you too. I love you."

"I love you too." I smile before kissing the tip of his nose. "I'll see you tomorrow, let me know how court goes."

"Bye." He sighs and I just give him a weak smile before rushing to the elevator, I'm only going for a day yet I feel like it's going to be a lifetime.

Sawyer hands me the car keys as soon as I step out of the elevator and he climbs into the passenger seat quite happily, I can't imagine Taylor sitting in the passenger seat while Christian drives but it doesn't feel odd with Luke.

"Right some music I think this is going to be a long drive." I say adjusting all my mirrors and flicking through my iPod playlists and choose my 'boys' playlist which is filled with male artists and as the song Fireflies begins to play I turn up the volume and I open the garage and happily leave. No surprise there's press hanging out with Christian going to court today.

"So we have rooms booked at the Heathman your bag in the trunk?" I ask as soon as we head for the I-5.

"Yes, your purse is in there to, I don't want you to think you've forgotten it." He says and I smile.

"Good the iPad and my Mac are in there." I smile.

As we hit the I-5 Jason Mraz I'm yours begins to play and I think of maybe making a playlist for Christian like he did for me when we got back together. It was the sweetest thing he ever did, maybe it can be a part of his Christmas present because I'm struggling with what to get the man who already has everything and that includes me, I can't exactly give him that this time well not in the way I did last time…

"I love this song." Luke smiles and taps his hand on his leg to the beat of Oasis Wonderwall.

"Today is gonna be the day that they're gonna throw it back to you." I sing and he laughs softly.

"By now you should have somehow realised what you gotta do." He replies and it's my turn to laugh.

I knock the button on the steering wheel to turn up the volume and we're speeding down the I-5 happily shouting along to Oasis.

After being on the road for about an hour we hit major rush hour traffic and start moving at snail's pace.

"This is going to add another hour if not more to our journey." I sigh dropping my head onto the steering wheel as we come to a stop.

Luke shifts in his seat to see if he can see anything.

"I'll turn off at Olympia we can have something to eat and drink." I say. "We're nearly at the turn off."

"Ok."

It takes us nearly twenty minutes to reach the turn off for Olympia that we could have walked in ten minutes. I find a small diner and park the car making sure to grab my BlackBerry before going inside with Luke one step behind me.

"It's freezing." I shiver.

"You could have worn pants." Luke says casually making me laugh, there was a time he wouldn't have dared say something like that.

"The way the traffic is I'm glad I didn't, we'll be lucky to make it in time for this meeting." I explain sitting at a booth. "Whatever you're having is on me." I tell him and he smiles and nods knowing I wouldn't take no for an answer.

I quickly decide to have some tea and a muffin while Luke decides on a cappuccino and pancakes. We give the order to the nineteen ish year old waitress and I decide to email my husband just so he knows what's going on.

* * *

**To:** Christian Grey

**Subject:** Olympia

**From:** Anastasia Grey

Hit awful rush hour traffic so stopped for a hot drink at Olympia, it's also freezing cold and I wish I wore thermal panties ;)

Miss you already x

Ana Grey

CEO, Anastasia Grey, Inc.

* * *

By the time I knock send the waitress comes with our order, it's actually nice to be able to sit in a place like this and not have some woman soon at the sight of my husband, even though it's obvious the young woman is attracted to Luke, it doesn't at all bother me.

* * *

**To:** Anastasia Grey

**Subject:** Cold and Snowing?

**From:** Christian Grey

Is it just cold or have you snow there also? Please drive carefully.

Missing you too more than you know

Christian Grey

CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

* * *

**To:** Christian Grey

**Subject:** No snow

**From:** Anastasia Grey

No snow here in Olympia but don't know about Portland, still have a good two hours on the road would take three or more if we were still there now. No point being on a rolling road.

Ana Grey

CEO, Anastasia Grey, Inc.

* * *

**To:** Anastasia Grey

**Subject:** Just be safe

**From:** Christian Grey

Drive carefully, especially if there's snow and if you're not comfortable let Sawyer drive.

Christian Grey

CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

* * *

**To:** Christian Grey

**Subject:** Driving

**From:** Anastasia Grey

I used to drive Wanda, that alone was a hazard to my health and my driving skills are impeccable. I will be safe Sir.

Love you x

Ana Grey

CEO, Anastasia Grey, Inc.

* * *

I place my phone down and finish my tea while Sawyer finishes off his pancakes and after an hour stop we're on the road again.

"Still busy but at least the traffic is moving now." I say as soon as we're back on the I-5.

"According to google it should take us about two and a half hours to get to central Portland in this traffic." Sawyer says consulting his phone.

"Ok." I nod before knocking the music back on, might as well enjoy something on the drive.

In all it takes us two hours and fifteen minutes to make it from Olympia to Portland. I drive us to the Heathman as we have some time to spare before we need to be at PIP.

"Hi welcome to the Heathman Hotel." The black haired dark skinned beauty behind the counter smiles her pearly white teeth as we approach.

"Two suites under the name Grey." I say my wallet in hand.

"The penthouse and suite 509 have you got any ID?"

I hand over my driving license and credit card together and wait patiently as she checks them out.

"Ok here you go Mrs Grey, and here are your room keys, would you like some help with your luggage?"

"No thank you we're good." I smile.

"Ok if there's anything you need please don't hesitate in calling down to us."

I nod and give her a bright smile before heading for the elevator with Luke, I know that his room is just one floor below mine but he has my luggage and is bringing it straight up with me.

In the elevator I can't help but think of the first kiss Christian and I shared. The electricity that crackled beside us, I think I may have loved him even then, even when he was a complete mystery to me, a dark knight that looked after me when I was extremely drunk.

Once in the room I see nothing has changed. It's quite a wonder to think the first time I was ever here Christian wanted me to be his submissive, I was still a virgin and a student with no life and it's hard to think that was less than a year ago.

"Right Luke we'll leave for PIP in an hour." I say calmly.

"Yes Ma'am." He smiles and I know he's teasing me by calling me Ma'am because he knows I hate it.

He heads down to his room while I unpack my suitcase so that everything is ready for the morning. I can't help but think back to being at WSUV with Kate and Jose… Jose! I wonder if he's around maybe we can have dinner this evening.

I quickly grab my cell phone and type out a text.

*Jose! In Portland for a meeting r u busy 2 nite? A x*

I get a reply within seconds.

*Ana! So good to hear from you! No I'm not busy 2nite J x*

I smile, it's been so long since I've seen Jose and I know that I've been a God awful friend to him.

*Meet 4 food? A x*

*Just say when and where! J x*

*Can u come 2 Portland? We can eat here at heathman my treat! A x*

*What time? J x*

*7? A x*

*See you at Heathman at 7! J x*

Well at least I'm not going to be bored out of my skull this evening though I don't know what Christian will say about me meeting with Jose even after the wedding and my father's accident he's still jealous whenever I mention Jose. Oh well I'm far enough away from his twitchy palm for tonight and that alone makes me not care.

After tidying myself up in the bathroom Sawyer comes to collect me from my room. We get the elevator down to the first floor and I decide to fill him in on tonight's plans.

"I have Jose Rodriguez coming to the hotel for dinner this evening. We'll eat in the dining room, you can have the evening to yourself." I smile and he nods his head making no comment as to what he may be thinking in regards to Jose.

After collecting my car from the valet and giving him a decent tip I happily drive over to Portland Independent Publishing ready to lay all my cards on the table. I know this deal is going to take a little longer to go through than buying the Salons simply because this is a company still up and running. I need to make it clear that the only people who won't be working there are people who don't clear Grey's House security checks so that Christian doesn't get his panties in a twist and of course that the name will change the Grey's Publishing Seattle. It's not that big of a deal in my opinion but from what I've gathered Portland Independent Publishing has been owned by the same family for five generations and so persuading them to let it go to me, the owner of a corporate business is going to be tough.

I park the car in the visitors lot and Sawyer and I walk into the building. At once he's assessing the security of the building and I know he'll report back to me because if this place becomes mine the security would need to be changed, it's the one thing I would have to do to keep Christian away from my business.

"Ana Grey to see Francis Mitchell." I say to the receptionist who surprisingly looks like she could be related to Claire the receptionist at GP Seattle.

"Of course Mrs Grey, please sign the log book and here's your visitors badge and security swipe card, it will get you through the necessary doors." She explains with a genuine smile.

"Thank you." I reply as I sign my name on the log book and pass it to Sawyer.

"You are?" She asks wearily.

"My close personal protection, he goes where I go." I tell her with an edge of warning in my voice.

"No problem, here's an additional visitors badge." She smiles awkwardly as she slides him the badge. Luke looks at me mildly amused and I can't suppress a grin as I clip the badge onto the edge of my blush pink Georgio Armani fitted suit jacket.

"Ms Mitchell is expecting you, she's through the double doors there, you'll need to swipe the security card to get through, right at the end of the hall, don't knock." She says kindly.

"Thank you." I reply heading for the doors with Luke right behind me.

It takes three swipes of the card before it finally beeps and lets me through, Sawyer failed not to chuckle at my visible frustration at being denied access twice.

At the door I knock once before entering just to be polite.

"Mrs Grey I presume?"

Francis Mitchell looks nothing like I expected her too. On the phone she sounded like thirty odd year old woman with a stiff upper lip but this woman is easily in her sixties. I should have done a more detailed background check and gotten Barney to find me an image of her.

"Ms Mitchell." I reply extending my hand to her. "Luke Sawyer my security."

She looks mildly amused at this statement but happily shakes his hand too.

"I wouldn't think you'd need security to discuss a business deal Mrs Grey." She says her hand signalling the couches on one side of the room where a bottle of sparkling water is chilling in an ice bucket.

"You never know when you need security Ms Mitchell and of course with my husband's dealings you never know when one would seize the opportunity to commit kidnap, blackmail and extortion." I reply with a smirk of my own and I see her eyebrows rise in surprise. I can't help but wonder if this woman knows anything about me or my husband.

"You think someone would kidnap you?" She asks eyeing Luke carefully as he walks to look through the window and check the locks.

"I should hope not but it wouldn't be the first time I was used in a blackmail scam against my husband Ms Mitchell but we're not here to discuss my need to have close personal protection are we." I reply as Luke takes position by the door.

"No of course not, water?" She asks kindly as I sit down.

"Please." I nod.

I wait until she pours us both a glass of water and sits down before I jump in for the kill.

"I'll make this easy for you Ms Mitchell, I want Portland Independent Publishing." I say as soon as she's sitting comfortably.

"I got that sense from you yesterday Mrs Grey, but I must say I need a little more to go on than that. You know yourself you aren't the only one interested in buying this company and I have made it clear that money isn't the object of my desires. I can't afford to keep this place any more, I need someone who is going to bring the company back to its former glory it hasn't really made any money in the past five years just enough to get by."

I can see that the business means a lot to her personally and I know I have to hit hard with what she wants.

"I have here the details of Grey's Publishing Seattle." I say opening the messenger bag I have with me. I hand her the file and she takes it with interest obvious in her eyes. "My goal with PIP would be to make it as successful as GP Seattle and as big, that would mean rebuilding and slowly expanding. I would hope that you would continue the president's job and receive the same benefits as your employees would and as you can see from the information there it is already more than you cover."

"Yes I see, what is this about security checks?" She asks.

"Each employee will be ran through databases, we don't want anyone working for my corporate with any felonies or violent misdemeanours of course any DUI's and minor drug charges dating back to ones teens we can overlook."

"We conduct background checks before we hire anyone Mrs Grey." She seems pissed and I know I have to work this out.

"I wouldn't expect anything else Ms Mitchell ours are just more vigorous." I say kindly and she nods her head before looking back down at the information I've provided her with.

"So you would not be thinking of having everyone re-apply for their positions?"

"No Ma'am, we would only get rid of those who shouldn't be here, job performance can be worked on, we set goals and on failure of those goals then yes maybe we would have to reconsider their place here but I have no reason to get rid of a whole work force and start again I want to expand PIP not demolish it." I say firmly.

"And you say my job is safe?" She asks looking at me suspiciously and I smile my sweetest smile.

"Of course, you've kept this place above water for the past five years, sacrificing yourself for your staff and company it is that type of commitment I would look for in a president." I reply honestly and I see her lighten up a little.

"The British company wants rid of all staff and bring in a whole team of Brits who want to work in the US."

"I'm sure they do." I reply knowing how many Brits would like to live and work in America in the same way many American's like myself would love the chance to live and work in Britain.

"I don't want that to happen, I want someone who isn't going to come in and change everything completely."

"I would change the name, it would be Grey's Publishing Portland and it would be added to the corporation and managed under Anastasia Grey Incorporated but other than that I don't see much yet that I would want to change. Gradually expand each editorial unit, have more staff bringing in more authors. I would want to make it bigger and better in time, slowly, walk before we can run so to speak." I explain.

"And you're willing to part with three quarters of a million dollars for this place?"

"I would sign the check right now." I admit honestly and I finally see the smile I have been wanting on Francis Mitchells face, I have her right where I want her.

"I can have the papers drawn by the start of next week on my end." She says happily.

"We have a deal?" I ask cautiously.

"PIP is yours for seven hundred and fifty thousand dollars." She smiles.

"Well then, we should set a scheduled meetings with all those necessary, I would like this kept quiet on both ends until all paper work is finalised?"

"Of course Mrs Grey." She smiles getting to her feet and I follow suit. "When can you be here for the signing?"

"How does next Thursday sound?" I ask I don't want her to change her mind.

"Thursday it is." She smiles extending her hand to me.

"I'll have one of my assistants call you with the details. It is a pleasure to be doing business with you Ms Mitchell." I say taking her hand and shaking it firmly.

"Please Francis." She says. "And I look forward to the call Mrs Grey." She says picking up the file and handing it to me.

"Ana and keep the file and review it anything you think you may want to discuss please don't hesitate in calling me if I'm unavailable my assistants will schedule in a call meeting." I say trying to hide my absolute joy.

"Ok. I'll show you out." She smiles, I think she's as happy as I am.

"It's no problem we'll find our own way, thank you again." I say as Sawyer steps to my side.

"Lovely to meet you Ana and I'm glad that we have both managed to agree on a reasonable deal." She says.

"You too." I smile heading for the door. Even though I'm ecstatic I have to remind myself nothing is signed, she can still change her mind if she wants too.


	72. Chapter 72

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**So I made a facebook for Fan Fic just search Steffie Dawn and the profile picture is my Fifty Shades Unwritten cover please add me as a friend and I'll be posting chapter hints and mild spoilers. I also have Twitter too at SteffieSioned or Steffie Williams :D**

After arriving back at the hotel I make dinner reservations for Jose and I. I can't wait to see him again, it's been way too long and I know we'll have loads to talk about. At least this time when I see him it won't be on a sad occasion. Tonight I have a reason to celebrate. I have taken the first steps in my first proper business deal and I am ecstatic, far easier than I thought it would be but I knew from just talking to Francis Mitchell on the phone and the little information Barney managed to collect for me that she was desperate to sell but sell to someone who would keep the place as it is to a degree, I can do that and that is what I will do. Even though she knows as well as I do when she signs the papers I can completely change my mind but I guess she could see in me that I was telling her the truth and not just taking her for a ride.

I dismiss Sawyer for the evening telling him I have no plans on leaving the hotel and that he should enjoy himself. He mentions a friend living just down the road and makes plans to visit him leaving me alone to brood for a while. I set up the Mac and open my almost finished manuscript and get to work. As soon as five o'clock hits my phone begins to sound 'your love is king'.

"Hey baby." I smile.

"Hi, you ok?" He asks gently.

"I'm fine how was court?"

"Boring, I gave my own testimony and I don't have to attend now unless I'm called back so I'm not going to sit there day in day out for the next God knows how long." He replies and I can tell by his voice he's been bored out of his skull most of the day. "What about you? How did your meeting go?"

"It went well, she's going to draw up the papers and schedule a meeting for the signing next Thursday, hopefully PIP will be mine by the end of next week."

"That's brilliant Ana!" He replies and I know he means it too.

"Well it was easy enough, she wanted someone who wasn't going to come in and change everything, I don't want to change everything, I want to get the place back on its feet then expand. She seemed happy with everything I was offering with packages for the staff and herself included though I don't know how long she plans on staying in work either the woman isn't exactly young."

"Yes but you said she sacrificed her own income for her staff, maybe she used up all her savings and things and really needs the job."

"Hey as long as she does it right she can stay as long as she wants." I laugh lightly. "I can't exactly be in Portland every day checking the place out and making sure she does her job."

"No you can't." He says. "How's the weather?"

"It's snowing lightly. I don't think it plans on coming down any heavier though so I think we should be ok to drive back tomorrow morning."

"What time you hoping to be back in Seattle for?"

"I would say ten, I'll probably stop on the way for something to eat and dodge the rolling roads of the rush hour traffic."

"Ok baby. I wish I was there." He sighs softly.

"Wish you were here too." I admit. "Doesn't matter I'll be home in our bed tomorrow night."

"Yes you will and you can make up for running off to Portland."

"I plan on it _Sir_." I hear his sharp intake of breath and I know he's thinking exactly what I am… playroom!

"Yeah yeah we'll see." He laughs though I can hear the seduction there and it vibrates deep in my core.

"Well baby I have dinner plans so I'll call you later?"

"Dinner plans?"

"Yes." I reply.

"Alone?"

"Not exactly." I reply, I don't want to lie to him and I won't but I know we're going to fight about this now.

"Ana? Who are you having dinner with?" He sounds angry.

"Jose." I reply as nonchalantly as I can and I hear Christian growl on the other side of the phone.

"Sawyer will be joining you?"

"No. I've dismissed him for the evening he's visiting an old friend in downtown Portland."

"I want him there Anastasia."

I'm Anastasia now, shit this can't be good.

"Too late now he's already left." I shrug.

"I'm calling him. Now. And he will be there and if that asshole starts anything Ana I will be in Charlie Tango and I will kill him."

"He won't! I'm married now and he's moved on with his life so I doubt it that he still has any feelings like that for me and he knows I would never and could never feel like that for him, just get over this jealousy already Christian." I sigh heavily, I just wish they could get along, maybe then there wouldn't be such a long gap between me seeing Jose.

"I'm calling Sawyer now Ana and don't you dare leave the hotel with him do I make myself clear?"

"Yes Sir." I whisper.

"Yeah and believe me when I say you'll be punished for this."

"For meeting a friend?!" I yell angrily.

"For not telling me about it sooner, for dismissing security bringing your safety into question Ana."

"No Christian. You can't spank me for living my life. I don't think so." I hiss at him. "I don't live by your written rules, I am your wife and not your sub."

I hear him sighing softly on the other end of the phone.

"I want nothing more than to put you across my knee right now Anastasia." He sounds resound and I know it's because he's frustrated about his lack of control in this situation.

"I know." I reply honestly. "But you've got to trust me, it's just dinner here in the hotel to catch up, I haven't seen him since Ray's accident."

"I know, I'm sorry for being so jealous."

"I know you are. I'll call you when I'm back in my room to put your mind at rest ok?"

"Ok." He says softly and I know he feels guilty because he wanted to punish me and I know he feels worse because I said he wasn't allowed to in this situation.

"I love you Christian."

"I love you too Ana, enjoy dinner ok?"

"I will. Bye."

I hang up and fall back on my bed wondering how I can handle his constant up and downs. It's emotionally draining at times and he has to be Bipolar or something. I love him, I am in love with him and that would never change, I can't imagine being with anyone at all but sometimes I can't help but wish he was a little more _normal_.

I jump to the bathroom and tidy myself up, pull my hair down from the tight bun it's been in all day so my hair falls down in lovely waves around my shoulders and just below my breasts. I comb through my new bangs and tidy up my makeup. I can see how I've changed into someone else. I see the business woman looking back at myself and I can't help but think about my meeting with John Flynn. I haven't done anything he's asked me to and all of a sudden I get the urge too.

I take my pink blush lipstick that I never wear because it's too hard and climb onto the counter. It takes seconds to write the three words onto the mirror. Loved, Special, Beautiful.

"I am loved, I am special, I am beautiful." I say out loud to myself as soon as I step down back on the ground my eyes trained on the three words.

I look at myself and I smile.

"I am loved, I am special, I am beautiful." I say again hoping somehow that saying it will make me believe it somehow, will make me feel those words. However, with Christian miles away from me it's really hard to feel like I'm loved or special or beautiful. My inner goddess scowls at me, I know she feels loved and special and beautiful even if Christian isn't here.

At ten to seven I make my way down to the bar and order myself a glass of white wine to wait for Jose. I wonder if he's changed since I last saw him, if he had a girlfriend, I hope so then maybe Christian will relax and let me see and speak to Jose more often.

"Ana?"

I turn around and I smile widely. He's not changed at all.

"Wow Ana you look amazing!" He smiles pulling me into a tight hug. "You… wow."

"Jose, you look good." I smile realising he's wearing a very well fitted suit, not Armani but not something cheap from the bargain basement either.

"Thank you. You look… so grown up, so business like." He says stepping away from my and holding my hand so he can look me up and down.

"Thank you." I giggle, I wish I'd bought some clothes just to wear tonight now so I didn't look so business like.

"Come our table should be ready." I say happily.

We walk in silence to the dining room and after we're shown to our seats, told the specials and given menus and I order us a bottle of wine and wait for it to be served before we can finally order before talking.

"So Ana what's new with you? I haven't spoken to you in so long."

"Not much, I have my own company now, four Salons but only one is open and a publishing company."

"Really? You in business? I never saw it." He admits with a slight laugh and I happily laugh with him.

"Neither did I Jose but Christian taught me some stuff and then bought me the publishing house and I fell in love with business and how it works."

"So you're in Portland on business?"

"Yes, I want to buy Portland Independent Publishing."

"Buy?"

"I made an offer on it today and we'll sign the paperwork next week." I explain and I know he's completely gobsmacked at the news.

"How much does a publishing company go for these days?" He asks timidly.

"The one I'm buying I'm buying for three quarters of a million which is a lot more than it's worth at the moment but it will be worth a heck of a lot more when I'm done I hope."

"A quarter of a million dollars? That's a lot of money and you're talking about it like its pennies!" He hisses just our starters are served and I smirk and wait patiently for the waiter to leave before carrying on the conversation.

"In my world it is pennies Jose. My publishing company, Grey's Publishing Seattle is worth easily three million, if I was to sell it I wouldn't accept anything less than two point five million for it. The Salons were worth three million all together and I bought them for one point five because they were desperate to sell. I'll see all the net profit of the publishing house at the end of the year and see where I stand."

"So you're worth what? Ten million dollars?"

"Technically at the moment I'm worth nothing. The money comes in and the money goes out." I reply with a shrug. "The money is all in the businesses Jose not my bank account."

"Yet you have three quarters of a million to buy a publishing house?"

"Yes. That's basically the change from buying the Salons." I tell him, I feel comfortable talking like this with Jose, I could never discuss this with my Mom or Ray or Kate for that matter as they would pass judgement on the money thing, Jose understands business a little more than them.

"So you're doing really well for yourself Ana." He says proudly.

"I like to think so but the truth is I can afford to make stupid mistakes, if all this fails I can get a job and not be bothered by it."

"So your company is not tied down to Christian's?"

"Nope, my businesses are incorporated in a separate company altogether."

"So you've incorporated your businesses into your husband's competition?" He asks in shock.

"God no!" I laugh. "I incorporated my own companies within themselves. Anastasia Grey Incorporated."

"Wow Ana, that's great." He says.

Our starters are cleared away and our main meals served. I happily tuck into the black cod, asparagus and new potatoes with hollandaise sauce, the meal I shared with Christian when we sat in the privet dining room discussing soft and hard limits and contracts.

"So how are things with you and your photography?" I ask, I'm as interested in his work as he is in mine.

"It's going good. My contract with the magazine ran out so I'm not doing it for money anymore but that's fine, I'm still getting up early to take pictures and as they get added to my website some get bought and some don't, that's just the way it is." He shrugs.

"And school?"

"I can't wait to graduate, I think I'll look for something within photography rather than engineering though."

"Well Christian's company has a great internship programme, I'm sure if you apply you'd have the same chance as any applicant in getting in, I know he does a lot with engineering and between you and I he is about to buy into a very large jet company."

"Jet company? Isn't he in the process of suing a jet company?"

"Yes he is." I smirk knowing Jose has worked it out.

"It was all over the news, you looked so sad Ana." He says quietly.

"It was hard I admit, the three who were killed flew Christian and I on our honeymoon so definitely sad." I admit a little but not too much.

"How are things now between you and him?"

"Really good." I reply. "He was in London last week and now I'm here so it's tough but we're good. I think we're at a point where we really know each other now. I mean we married quick even after the I do's there was still so much we had yet to learn about each other." I say softly. "It's perfect though, I mean better than we've ever been."

"That's great Ana."

We continue to talk through dinner and even have some dessert, we laugh and joke like the old times but all too soon it's time for him to leave and me to retire for the evening. I walk Jose out and the snow is falling thicker and faster.

"You'll be lucky to be able to drive back to Seattle tomorrow if it carries on like this." Jose says as he waits for the valet to bring around his car.

"I know." I sigh looking to the sky. "I think I'll call Sawyer and leave tonight. I don't want to be stuck here."

"Ok well be safe Ana and I'll see you next week?" He asks hopefully.

"Of course, I'll come by Vancouver." I reply knowing it's only fair and it would be nice to see the place again.

"Bye." He smiles hugging me and I watch and wait as he climbs into the car before I turn in.

Back in my room I call Sawyer and tell him I want to leave. He agrees that it may be for the best and I quickly pack my things back up while he comes back from his friends, I let him use the Saab and he calls me as soon as he's back and collecting his things.

We race back downstairs and collect the car and as I've had three glasses of wine I let him drive.

"Shit my battery's gone." I sigh as I was about to email Christian to let him know we were headed back.

"Looks like the lines are down Ana." He says handing me his phone. "Call Mr Grey as soon as there's signal. It seems the further North we're headed the harder the snow fall." He admits and I know we're both debating whether leaving now was such a good idea.

We drive quite cautiously and it takes us an hour and a half just to get to Kelso. The road becomes slipperier and I grip my seat tight as the darkness surrounds us. All that can be seen through the windshield is the falling snow from the beams of light from the car.

As we edge closer to Centralia the road seems to clear up so Sawyer puts his foot down a little. Neither one of us could have seen the black ice, we didn't know it was there until the car completely lost control.


	73. Chapter 73

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**So I made a facebook for Fan Fic just search Steffie Dawn and the profile picture is my Fifty Shades Unwritten cover please add me as a friend and I'll be posting chapter hints and mild spoilers. I also have Twitter too at SteffieSioned or Steffie Williams :D**

I can't see. I can't hear. I just feel like I'm falling. Falling and not landing. Free falling without anything to catch me when I finally do land. I have no breath. No voice. I have no sight. I see nothing. I'm scared. Terrified. Everything I've ever done and lived for flashes before my eyes. I see Christian on our wedding day, the promises of forever, life together. I think it's over. All over.

"Ana?"

My eyes open. I can breathe. I can see. I can hear and I think I can speak.

"Shit." I curse as I pant.

"You ok?" Luke asks softly and I hear the fear in his voice too.

"Yes. Yes I'm fine you?" I ask.

"I'm good." He replies.

"What the hell just happened?" I ask looking around but we're in complete darkness and I can't see anything.

"We slipped and went down the embankment." Luke replies turning the in car light on momentarily blinding me.

"Shit. Will the car start?"

"I don't know let me try." He replies and he turns the ignition and the car coughs and splutters but it doesn't come to life.

"We have to go." I say opening the glove compartment and pulling out a torch. "Come on."

We open the door and I step out into the snow. It's about half way up my bare calves and I shiver.

"Jesus Christ it's cold."

"Ana we've not long passed the turning for Silver Lake, I think we're closer to Centralia than Kelso but we're still far from any civilisation. Please stay in the car and I'll go for help." Luke says calmly.

"I am not sitting here in the dark alone in a car that won't start." I say firmly.

"On foot we're about two and a half hours away from civilisation because we're stuck on an embankment off the I-5 you'll freeze!" He snaps angrily and I know it's because he's worried.

"It's a risk we have to take, you're not leaving me here Luke!" I shout back.

"Fine then we should go, now." He says grabbing my hand.

Now I wish I was in trousers and shoes. Walking through snow in stiletto heels and a skirt is not the wisest move I've ever done.

The walk is tough and I shiver in my Ralph Lauren coat. I keep my arms wrapped around myself as I become colder and colder.

"How long have we been walking?" I ask and my teeth chatter against one another.

"An hour." Luke says. "Come here." He opens his arm to me and I don't hesitate in wrapping myself up into his side, I'm too cold to think of what Christian would have to say. "We have to keep as warm as we can. I wish you'd have stayed in the car." He says quietly.

"I know. But I didn't want to be left alone." I say tears prickling at my eyes.

We struggle onwards as the wind picks up and it gets even colder. I know now that it's heading close to midnight and I feel so tired, my body is numb and I don't feel cold as much as freezing anymore.

In the distance I can just make out the twinkling lights of Centralia and it spurs me on. I think I may have frost bite but I don't care. I just want to be warm again. I think of hot tea and a scalding bath.

"Ana? Ana!"

"What?" I gasp and I realise that I'm standing completely still.

"Are you ok?"

"I can't breathe properly." I say between gasps of air.

Luke walks back to me and takes off his coat.

"Don't."

"Ana hypothermia is setting in. I'm going to carry you ok?"

"No it will take us longer." I say shivering even more.

"I don't care. Christian will kill me if anything happens to you so I'd rather be cold than killed."

I let him wrap his thick coat around me and he hoists me into his arms. I automatically snuggle into him as much as I can while holding around his neck and he begins to walk again.

"I need you to stay awake for me Ana ok?" He says and it's like a pounding in my head. "Just stay awake."

"So sleepy." I reply and my voice sounds like it isn't my own.

"I know Ana." He says softly. "I know but you can't sleep. Don't sleep." He's firm and I listen and fight against the darkness that's drawing me in.

"Sing to me Ana. Sing anything just stay awake."

"I can't sing." I reply weakly.

"Yes you can, Today is gonna be the day that they're gonna throw it back to you… come on sing with me Ana!" He sounds desperate.

"Right now I should have somehow realised what you gotta do." I whisper.

"That's it. I don't believe that anybody should feel the way I do about you now." He joins in with me and as he struggles on through the wind and falling snow I continue to sing softly.

"Good girl." He says every now and again. "That's it keep singing. We're almost there."

I see a bright light heading towards us and grip tight to Luke who suddenly flags the car down. I see them stop and hold tighter to Luke. I'm so cold and sleepy.

"Are you two alright there?" A man's voice asks.

"Our car skidded off the road. She needs a hospital." Luke's voice reaches my ears but it sounds so distant as I fight of the overwhelming urge to sleep.

"Get in." The man says. "I'll take you to Providence now put her in the back, I have blankets."

"Thank you so much Sir." Luke replies.

"Nonsense, she looks hypothermic, who wears skirts and heels in this weather?" He chuckles lightly but I can hear that he sounds serious.

"Ana I need you to stay awake for me baby girl ok?" Luke sounds really worried and did he just call me baby girl? I will be having words with him about this.

I feel myself being wrapped up in blankets and then I'm back against Luke's chest. I can't move, I can't speak. I'm terrified and I feel tears prick at my eyes.

"We're going to get you to a hospital now Ana, just stay awake and keep breathing."

I feel us moving and the car is warm making me feel even more sleepy.

"Ana awake!" Luke shakes me and my eyes spring open.

"So sleepy." I tell him.

"I know, I know Ana but I need you awake ok? Just till we get to the hospital and then you can sleep."

"Christian." I whisper, I want my husband.

"Sir do you have a phone?"

"Lines are down sonny I'm afraid." He apologises. "All cell sites across south Washington have been hit."

"Ok." Luke sighs. "Ana I need you to stay awake till we get you Christian ok?"

"OK." I sigh sadly, I need to sleep so bad but Luke needs me awake, why does he need me awake? I mean this guy works for me and not the other way around.

"Just stay awake Ana." He urges.

"We're nearly there now Sonny your wife will be ok."

"Not his wife." I reply as firm as I can.

"Oh uh friend?" The man sounds oddly uncomfortable.

"Yes, we're just friends." Luke replies and I know he doesn't say he's my security so the man doesn't get any ideas.

I know we're no longer on the I-5 and I hope we're close to home, I need Christian.

"Here you are."

"Thank you Sir." Luke replies.

"I hope you'll both be alright."

"Please let me pay you." Luke says.

"Nonsense just get that little lady inside before she gets worse."

"Thank you." Luke says again before he lifts me into his arms again.

I feel him running and I bounce around. It stops me from falling asleep which is quite annoying I'm so tired.

"I need some help!" Luke's voice jerks me awake.

"What's the problem sir?"

"I think she's hypothermic, our car broke down and we had to walk. Please help her."

"What's her name?"

"Anastasia Grey."

"Christian." I whimper, I feel so numb and can barely keep my eyes open as I'm put down on a gurney. I can see everything but it's a little disorientated.

"Christian?"

"Her husband. Christian Grey."

"Ok I need some help here!" The woman calls and all of a sudden I'm moving.

Luke has a tight grip on my hand and I find all the strength I can to squeeze it as an oxygen mask is placed on my face. I give in trying not to sleep. He stopped telling me to stay awake so I let my eyes close.


	74. Chapter 74

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Facebook JUST FOR MY FAN FIC Friends with chapter previews and MILD spoilers and just random chats and all – Steffie Dawn**

**Twitter - SteffieSioned or Steffie Williams**

The warmth that surrounds me is almost suffocating. I feel heavy, closed in, and it's horrible.

My eyes spring open in a panic and I see a figure loom over me.

"Ana?"

It's Christian!

I feel a mask on my face and taking my free hand I go to move it but Christian stops me.

"You need the oxygen baby. Just stay calm ok?"

My eyes find his and I can see my fear reflected in his gorgeous grey orbs. I manage a weak nod though tears fill my eyes. What the hell happened?

"You're at Providence hospital in Centralia." Christian says and I nod once to let him know I've understood. "You've been here for about twenty hours now."

"Luke." I wheeze before I begin to cough violently. I grip Christian's hand tight.

"He's in the room next door. He's in much better shape than you are." Christian says softly.

"What happened?" I ask going to remove the mask again.

"First of all leave the mask, it's warm oxygen for Airway rewarming and you're also on a warm IV which is also helping to warm you up. They're going to keep you on it till your body temperature is back to normal."

"So hot." I gasp.

"I know but better than being cold." Christian sounds angry.

"What happened?" I ask him again.

"Your car skidded off the road. You walked for a couple of hours and then a man helped you, brought you here. What do remember?"

"Cold." I say quietly. I just remember being so cold. "Sleepy."

"I'm sure." Christian's voice has softened again and he wraps his other hand around are already conjoined hands propping my elbow up. "You're going to be alright. Your skin isn't as bad as they expected it to be and your tiny stiletto boots surprisingly kept the water out so no frost bites."

I smile weakly as it's all I can manage.

"Home?" I ask.

"Once your temperature is normal we're going to airlift you to Seattle Grace." Christian says.

"I wanted you." I croak with a lump in my throat.

"I thought I'd lost you Ana." Christian whispers. "I thought you were dead." His tears fall freely down his cheek. "Luke collapsed about five minutes after he told the doctors who you were and no one contacted me. Taylor decided to call all the hospitals between Portland and Seattle and that's how we found you."

"Sorry." I say and he shakes his head.

"It was an accident baby, you're alive that's what matters."

"Tired." It's so hard to talk!

"Go to sleep baby. I'm not going anywhere."

…

I can hear Christian but I cannot for the life of me find the energy to open my eyes.

"So how is she Mom? Be honest with me because I feel like these Doctors are avoiding telling me something."

"She's fine Christian, healing well. Her body temp is holding its own but I'm not surprised she's still asleep, her body's been put through the ringer."

"She woke and we talked and then she went back to sleep and now fifteen hours later she's still asleep! There has to be something more!"

"Ugh." I manage to groan. I can't believe I've been asleep for fifteen hours!

"Ana?"

I blink my eyes open slowly and am relieved to find that I'm no longer wearing an oxygen mask. I see Grace step in front of me and sit on the edge of the bed and the next thing she's blinding me with a torch.

"Fully conscious." She smiles stepping back.

"I could have told you that." I say my voice a little raspy. "You've come all the way to Centralia?"

"Good God no, you're at Seattle Grace Ana, they airlifted you a few hours ago. Now how do you feel?"

"Strange." I frown. "Like I'm missing vital pieces of some jigsaw. What the hell happened?"

"You don't remember?"

"I remember the car and walking and then I remember Luke bringing me into his side and saying we had to keep as warm as we could then I remember not being able to breathe and feeling so ridiculously cold then talking to you at the hospital now here." I reply as my mind replays moments from … whenever how long ago was it?

"You were picked up by a good Samaritan, he drove you and Luke to Providence hospital, you were unconscious for twenty hours there and then you woke up for a little while then you've slept for another fifteen hours."

"Ok." I nod unable to fathom the idea of being asleep for thirty five hours, that's just ridiculous.

"How are you feeling Ana?" Grace asks taking my other hand.

"Weak." I admit.

"Ok try and rest, you can be discharged in the morning."

"Ok." I nod relaxing back to just gaze at Christian.

"What's wrong."

"I'm sorry." I whisper tears prickling at my eyes.

"I told you not to drive." He says with a clenched jaw, I know he's struggling not to yell at me.

"I know. I just wanted to be with you and I thought if it continued to snow I wouldn't be able to get home at all."

"I know." Christian sighs running his fingers through my hair. "It was still fucking stupid, you could have died."

"I know." I nod my tears running freely down my face. "I just wanted you."

"It's ok." Christian sighs heavily. "I'm fucking furious with you Ana but you scared me even more. I didn't know where you were, I was calling and calling and I called Sawyer and nothing so I tracked your car and we found it to be unmoving just off the I-5 but we couldn't get to it so Taylor called all the hospitals."

"How long was it before you realised something happened?"

"A few hours. You said you'd call me after dinner and when you didn't call my by eleven pm I tried to call you, we knew there was a problem by midnight and we found out where you were at three am."

"I'm sorry."

"Jesus Ana they were the worst four hours of my life. I flew Charlie Tango down and I was here for seven am and I haven't left your side since. We'd called the police, your picture was all over the news, still is but this time letting the world know you're safe."

"Oh my God." I sigh, I feel so ridiculous.

"Oh Ana." He says softly. "I'm just glad you're alright, that's all that matters."

"I shouldn't have left Portland but I just wanted to be with you, be at home with you in our bed. It was so stupid." I splutter through my tears.

"Ana you need to calm down." Grace says quietly. "No need to get so worked up ok? You're fine your safe and you're surprisingly very healthy. Your chest is clear so we're not worried about pneumonia anymore. You'll be able to walk out of here tomorrow and go back to your life."

"Really?" I ask because I feel so weak.

"Absolutely. You sleeping so much has let your body heal itself, once you were warm again your body could fight off the pending infections and combined with IV antibiotics you're just fine."

"That's good to know." I smile relaxing back into the pillows again. "So how mad is everyone at me this time around?"

"Mad." Both Christian and Grace reply at once making me giggle.

"I thought I'd never hear that again." Christian whispers and I turn to look at him. "When will you learn to just listen to me Ana?"

"I like defying you." I smirk but Christian doesn't see the funny side.

"There's defying me Anastasia and then there's putting not only your own life at risk but Luke's life too!"

"He agreed with me that it was a good idea to head back so don't you just blame me!" I yell finally finding some of my strength.

"Well Luke works for you so he isn't exactly going to disagree with you!" Christian snarls and finally his real feelings coming out.

"Luke is also a friend and would happily disagree with me, unlike you I don't expect my staff to say how high when I say jump, I prefer them to challenge me and question me within reason!" I snap right back, I need him to know I'm different.

"So you think what? I should fire Luke?"

"No! Don't you dare! Actually you can go right ahead and do that and I'll just hire him back." I reply rolling my eyes at him.

"Don't roll your eyes at me." He hisses.

"Or what?" I reply knowing that Grace is right beside me and wouldn't say anything.

"I just …" Words fail him and suddenly he looks like my lost little boy again.

"I was so scared." I say reaching up and stroking my hand down his thick stubble cheek. "I thought I was so cold that I was going to die, then I couldn't breathe and all I wanted to do was sleep. Luke Sawyer saved my life Christian. He kept me awake and tried to keep me alert."

"Baby." He whispers leaning over and pulling me into his arms some.

I wrap my arms tight around him and breathe in his scent.

"I'm so sorry Christian."

"It was an accident Ana, one that yes could have been avoided but it was an accident I'm just glad you're alright." He says lowering me back to the pillows. "Now can I get you anything?" He asks tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear.

"Uh, I'm really hungry." I tell him and his face lights up.

"I'll have Mrs Jones make something or order take out or something what do you want Ana?" He asks and I know the fact I'm hungry and want to eat has him feeling more in control.

"Anything, I'm just hungry." I shrug and he nods and hurries out into the hallway.

"You can't be that hungry Ana we've been feeding you through a drip." Grace says with a warm smile.

"His biggest problem is right now is that he lost all control of the situation." I tell her honestly. "He needs to have control, of me specifically."

Grace chuckles softly and pulls her chair closer to me.

"How are you feeling Ana?" She asks.

"Ok, I really feel ok and the more I'm awake the less weak and groggy I feel."

"That's good. I honestly can tell you that you're fine. Your temperature is ok and holding and that's what we were most worried about." Grace smiles stroking my arm softly. "You really know how to manage my son."

"Manage!" I splutter and she laughs gracefully along with me. "I don't think anyone could manage Christian."

"Handle then." She shrugs. "Whatever it is you do him so much good."

"I try." I shrug. "I just want him to know he's loved and I want him to be happy."

"That's all I've ever wanted too." Grace smiles and for a moment I can see where she was coming from before, when Christian and I were only just together and I know that she saw him change over time because I wanted him too, I pushed him to change and that gave her the son she has now.

"I'm sorry for all the trouble I caused with this."

"It wasn't any trouble Ana and no one is mad at you, it was just a freak accident and you can go home tomorrow."

"Right then food is on it's way." Christian smiles coming back into the room.

"And after we eat why don't you go home, have a shower and some sleep I can tell you haven't done either of them since I went missing." I say and Grace laughs softly.

"Do I need to cuff you to the bed?" My eyes widen in shock and I know Grace has no idea of the irony in that statement.

I want to reply with something sexual but with my Mother in law beside me I manage to hold my tongue.

"I'm going nowhere. I just need my BlackBerry and Mac so I can work."

"No work …"

"But…"

"No buts either. Relax and get better and tomorrow I can take you home."

"Fine." I reply knowing it's futile to try and argue.


	75. Chapter 75

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

Walking into the great room at Escala my eyes are instantly drawn to the very big green tree in the centre where the piano once was.

"You bought us a Christmas tree?" I ask in surprise.

"Last night I realised if anything would have happened to you we wouldn't even get to celebrate our first Christmas together as husband and wife. So I got us a tree and then before collecting you from the hospital this morning I went and bought all the ornaments I could find and thought we could decorate it together today." Christian explains as he slowly pushes me towards the U shaped couch.

I see about fifteen large brown boxes on the floor and I look up at Christian who shrugs.

"I know nothing about decorating Christmas trees."

"That explains the boxes."

"It's also a very big tree." He says and I laugh softly, yes it is a very big tree and I hope Christian has a ladder to put the star on the top, or angel, whatever he's bought.

I gaze at the electric fire which is on and flickering happily. I know this Christmas is going to be perfect.

"So are we going to do the tree today?" I ask hopefully.

"Yes." Christian smiles. "I think we're one of the last people to decorate. The girls at Grey's House had fun decorating while you were away."

"Oh no what have Hannah and Sophia done to my office?" I groan knowing they're so girly.

"Let's just say I have never seen so much pink tinsel in all my life and I didn't know pink sequined Santa hats even existed!" He laughs loudly and I can't help but laugh and grimace at the thought of my pink glittery office. "Right lunch first, Mrs Jones is making us a nice three course meal because she knows you've barely eaten in the hospital and they're all your favourites."

"Really?" I squeal, I'm so hungry I could eat a cow because hospital food sucks but I told Christian after the soup he had brought for me not to bother and that I'd eat what I was given till I got home.

"Yup and Luke is joining us." He says and my eyes widen in surprise.

"Really?"

"He saved your life Ana, I'd like to show him I'm grateful." Christian explains and I melt into his arms happily.

"I'm sorry for it all Christian." I say into his chest, relishing in his warmth, I can honestly say if I'm ever cold again it will be too soon.

"I know. I really do Ana ok please stop apologising? I think you've learned your lesson now?"

"Yes." I reply with a nod and a smile. "Never will I drive in the snow, in the dark, in my Saab ever again."

"Darn I was hoping you'd say you'd never defy me again." He chuckles rubbing his nose into my hair.

"Not going to happen." I laugh before capturing his lips in a sweet tender kiss, we break apart when Taylor clears his throat.

"Luke Sawyer." He says just before Luke walks in.

I rush over to him and hug him tight. I know he's surprised as is Christian but I don't care this man saved my life.

"Thank you." I say pulling back and composing myself.

"I wouldn't have been doing my job if I let anything happen to you Ana."

"I know but you went above and beyond Luke, I really am grateful."

"As am I." Christian says wrapping his arm around my shoulder, possessive git!

"How are you?" I ask him gently.

"Ana are you going to let the man come in and sit down?" Christian asks rubbing his nose into my hair again and I know it's him showing his possession but I also know that Luke doesn't see me in that way, he sees me like a kid sister or something.

"Of course." I giggle leaning more into Christian so he can see I have no interest in Luke in that way either.

We all walk through to the dining room and sit down. Gail happily comes in with a bottle of wine and gives it to Christian and she smiles broadly at me.

"Glad to see you're ok Ana." Gail says for once stepping out of her professionalism in front of Christian. I quickly leave my seat and walk to her before wrapping my arms around her tight. She returns my embrace just as tight and I know Christian is watching us but I don't care.

"I'm ok, sorry for making you worry." I say.

"I'm just glad you're ok." She says her hand on my cheek softly. "Right I'll get back to lunch." She says snapping back into her professional role and hurrying off.

I slip back into my seat and Christian reaches over and takes my hand in his, slowly he rubs his thumb across my knuckles as I sip my wine.

"So Luke how are you?" I ask placing my glass back down.

"I'm ok. According to the doctors my mind was so fixed on you that as soon as I knew you were going to be ok I went into shock and everything hit at once."

"I'm so sorry, it was my stupid idea to leave Portland."

"I didn't think the snow would be that bad Ana or I would have insisted we stayed. I agreed we should leave before it got that bad." Luke says quietly, I know he's weary of Christian.

Gail comes in during the silence and serves us a starter of stuffed peppers which I immediately tuck into.

"Oh this is so good." I moan after the first bite and Christian beams at me, I know he's happy to see me eat again after being in the hospital unconscious for so long and then not really with much of an appetite.

"So Luke do you need any time off to recover other than this weekend?" Christian asks as we eat.

"No Sir, I'm fine to work." He replies.

"Well Ana and I aren't leaving the house until Monday so take this evening and tomorrow to rest and recuperate and then if you still need time let me know Sunday evening or Monday morning and you can have it."

"Ok, thank you." Luke replies.

"Will you be ok to travel to Savannah with us before Christmas?" Christian continues and that's when I remember about our plans to visit my Mom and Bob before Christmas and Ray after.

"Yes Sir." Luke nods and I know he's extremely uncomfortable.

"So Luke what are your plans for Christmas?" I ask hoping to relax him again.

"I'm spending it with Hannah and her Mom." He replies with a smile and I grin while Christian looks at me carefully.

"So everything's working out for the two of you?" I ask even though I know Hannah is smitten as is Luke.

"I'm going to propose to her Christmas morning." He admits shyly and I can't help but beam.

"Oh that's so romantic!" I gush excitedly.

"I hope so. I've already asked her Mom for permission seeing as her father passed away when she was younger and I received her blessing on the condition she could be there when I proposed." Luke chuckles softly.

"Have you got the ring?"

"Not yet, I haven't seen the one yet you know? The one I know that will suit everything about her and that she'll love."

"I know what you mean, took me a while before I chose Ana's too. There were so many I knew she'd like but I wanted the one she would love." He says looking at me as he speaks and I subconsciously roll my thumb over the back of my too big rock knowing that I would have loved any one just because he chose it.

"Exactly." Luke smiles at Christian who nods his head.

Gail comes in and clears the starters and Christian tops up our wine glasses.

"So what are your plans for Christmas?" Luke asks carefully his eyes flickering from relaxed at me too nervous at Christian.

"We'll spend Christmas morning here just the two of us then we're going to Bellevue in the evening and staying there overnight so neither one of us has to drive back so we can drink." Christian says, staying at Bellevue is news to me but I smile anyway, it will be a great Christmas.

Our main meal is served and I really see what Christian meant by all my favourites from the stuffed peppers to roasted chicken thighs with garlic, lemon and rosemary on a bed of roasted new potatoes.

Christian and Luke actively talk about sport which bores me to death so I eat everything in silence just watching the two communicate. I think the wine has relaxed Luke more than anything and I am happy to see him and Christian talking normally, even more when Christian tells him he's at the table as a friend and to call him Christian. I don't know who's most surprised to see my clear plate, me or Christian but I ate everything.

"Do you still want dessert?" Christian asks as Mrs Jones clears the table.

"Absolutely." I reply I think my body may be making up for the thirty five hours I was asleep and not eating.

Gail serves us each a slice of cherry cheesecake and I absolutely devour it. I love cherry cheesecake and could eat it for breakfast lunch and dinner and when Gail comes in to collect the dishes I can't help myself.

"Gail is there any more of the cheesecake?" I ask as Christian tops up my wine.

"Yes." She smiles.

"Could I have another slice please?"

"Of course, I'll bring it through now." She grins before walking away with the dishes.

"I'm so glad to see you eating so much." Christian beams leaning into me.

"Don't get used to it, I think I'm making up for lost time."

"I think you should do the menus this week and I'll see if you eat more when it's food you've chosen because you know I'll eat anything."

"Ok." I nod in agreement, I can easily write up the menu for the week and hand it to Gail I know she loves to cook and doesn't mind doing overcomplicated stuff that I used to make in boredom while I was at university.

After I enjoy a second piece of cheesecake we say goodbye to Luke and Christian and I go back to the living room to begin sorting out everything for the Christmas tree.


	76. Chapter 76

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Don't forget add my fan fic only facebook Steffie Dawn for previews!**

Christian and I sit on the floor of the grand room with Christmas decorations surrounding us. Music plays softly in the background and the fire lights up the room a little more.

"Ok so I was thinking rather than spending obscene amount of money on gifts for each other we should have a limit and buy ten really meaningful but inexpensive gifts." I tell Christian as he slowly unravels a roll of tinsel.

"Inexpensive but meaningful?" He asks in confusion.

"Just silly things like the glider I bought for you in Savannah, it was inexpensive but it was meaningful." I explain.

"I've already bought one of your gifts, I don't know about meaningful but it wasn't inexpensive." He mutters.

"As it happens I have bought one of your gifts and I agree it wasn't inexpensive but it's just a thought. You know a way of making Christmas morning fun." I explain with a shrug. "We don't have to but it's something similar to what Ray and I would do."

"What would you and Ray do?" Christian asks softly.

"We would buy five pointless gifts from the ninety nine cent store but they usually had some meaning behind them, like one year he complained daily that he had holes in his socks so I got him some Christmas socks with bells on from the ninety nine cent store." I explain with a grin. "He wore them all day Christmas and everywhere he would walk he'd jingle."

Christian laughs softly.

"Ok ten inexpensive yet meaningful gifts." He says with a smile. "We can do that and it also gives us more to open Christmas morning." He states and I laugh at his boyish grin. "So what have you bought me?"

"I'm not saying so don't ask." I say throwing the tinsel from my hand at him.

"Hey!" He gasps playfully. "Ok so have you decided what you want to put on the tree?"

"Almost I actually bought something for the tree myself just let me get it." I say rushing off to our bedroom.

At the bottom of my panties drawer is the gift box I've had for just under a week. It was by pure luck that I found it as I walked from the salon to the car in the window of gift store.

"Here you open it." I say as I meet Christian by the tree.

I watch as he slowly unravels the ribbon and slips the box open.

"Ana." He gasps.

"Do you like it? It's not too cheesy right?" I ask worriedly.

"It's the sweetest most meaningful Christmas ornament ever." He smiles hooking his finger into the ribbon and lifting it from the box.

I smile as he gazes at the red square china with a picture of the two of us in it and the writing 1st Christmas in gold. I think it's probably something a person would buy for their child's first Christmas but I thought it would be sweet for ours too.

"I think we should leave this for last and put it so that no one would miss it if they looked at the tree." Christian says placing the china back in the box.

"Ok." I nod. "Now put some Christmas jingles on and let's get decorating this tree." I say excitedly and Christian laughs and hurried over to the iPod.

Within seconds he's turned on Rudolph the red nose reindeer and turned it up loud. He looks at me with his boyish smile and I go weak at the knees.

We begin putting the red and gold tinsel that I've chosen for the theme of the tree to match the red and gold ornament with our picture. We dance and sing along to the music and I even grab some of the blue tinsel that won't be going on the tree and wrap it like a scarf around Christian's neck. I laugh as he poses ridiculously at me and then he picks up a thinner piece of silver tinsel and makes a hair scarf.

"Oh I have a halo!" I giggle loudly.

"So inappropriate for the devil herself." He chuckles picking me up and spinning me around.

We wrap the gold lights around the tree together making sure they spiral up. Luckily Christian bought way too much so we have red and gold going up and coming down again. We spend time placing the selected baubles and ornaments on random branches and the ones that aren't going on the tree we hook on our ears.

"All I want for Christmas is you!" I sing along to the Mariah Carey track blasting from the iPod and Christian throws an empty bauble box towards me making me squeal and duck. It isn't till we hear a cough coming from the entrance of the great room that we stop.

"Mom." Christian says in shock.

"Hello Christian, Ana." She says with a wide grin plastered on her face.

"How long have you been standing there?" Christian asks quietly.

"About fifteen to twenty minutes. I didn't want to disturb you."

That's when I see the tears Grace has in her eyes.

"I just came by to see how Ana was doing, I can see she's fine. I should go and leave you."

"No Mom wait!" Christian calls hurrying after her and I am seriously confused as to what has just happened, I follow the path Christian took quietly.

"My boy, go be with your wife, enjoy this time together. Christmas is special and I'm happy, so happy to see you enjoying this. You never looked this happy at Christmas at home."

I hear the strangled cry in her throat and her words break my heart.

"I want to show you something Mom." He says and I step back just as Christian brings Grace into the room again holding firmly onto her hand.

He lets go and hurries over to the couch. I see him pick up the box with our ornament in it and I can't help but smile. Christian looks his age again and it's fantastic to see, it brings so much joy to my heart and I know it's doing the same to Grace.

"Look what Ana bought us Mom." He says and he sounds like an over excited kid, I'm so happy he's chosen to share this with Grace.

She opens the box carefully and lets out a small gasp.

"Oh Ana, darling it's beautiful." She says looking from me to Christian.

"Isn't it amazing Mom?" He asks and he's so full of wonder, really like a child on Christmas morning.

"Yes it is Christian." She says her hand cupping his cheek and they gaze into each other's eyes and smile, I feel like I'm intruding. "Right, I should go…"

"Mom stay and have a drink with us? Help us finish the tree?" Christian asks.

"No, no, I've taken up enough of your time." She says passing the box back to Christian and he suddenly looks disappointed.

"Please Grace?" I ask her looking from Christian to her. "We're almost finished and ready to put the lights on." I say in a teasing coaxing manner.

She looks at Christian who is nodding slowly.

"Ok why not!" She exclaims and Christian beams at me.

"I'll put the kettle on." He smiles as I take Grace's purse and bag.

"Thank you." She says quietly to me. "I always thought he hated Christmas."

"Really?" I ask in shock and Grace nods.

"He was always weary of everything we bought him especially once he knew there was no such thing as Santa and it broke my heart. To see him, like this with you, it's made my Christmas Ana." She says a stray tear slipping down her cheek.

I can only smile at her before she pulls me into a tight hug.

"I never thought I'd see him this happy." She whispers. "You saved my son."

I don't know what to say so I just hug her back and kiss her cheek lightly.

"Where are my two favourite girls?" Christian asks coming back to us. "Come on lets finish the tree!" He says excitedly and Grace and I can only laugh.

The music goes back on and Grace helps us finish hanging the baubles on.

"It's not a Christmas tree without these." Christian says bringing over a box.

I peer into it and see Chocolate baubles, a lot of chocolate baubles.

"Christian there's more of them than there are ornaments on the tree." I giggle and he grins.

"They're not all going on the tree." He says playfully and I can't help but laugh.

For every chocolate we place on the tree we eat two and when we're about half way through the box we decide enough is enough and Grace quickly hides the box while Christian's back is turned.

"Now for the Star in the top." He says pulling out yet another box.

I open it slowly while he holds it and find the most beautiful gem covered gold star.

"Christian it's beautiful." I say and that's when I see the letters in silver gems AC intertwined just like the cufflinks I bought him on our wedding day.

"I had it made." He says. "Now are you going to put it on the top?"

"We're going to need a ladder." I say looking up at the top of the tree.

"No we're not." He says kneeling down in front of me. "On my shoulders."

He drops the box and I pass Grace the star before climbing onto Christian's shoulders. I hold his head while he holds around my shins rising slowly and steadily to his feet.

Grace passes Christian the star then he slowly passes it to me. It's a bit of a stretch but I manage to get it onto the top branch.

Slowly Christian goes back to the floor and Grace gives me her hand to help me climb off.

"Only the lights left are you ready?"

"No! Get the camera!" Grace calls.

Christian smiles and hurries off to the study where the Nikon is and Grace takes it from him.

"Stand here and hold your wife." She says bossily and I giggle as Christian obeys without a second thought. He pulls me into his chest and rests his chin on my head as his arms are draped over my shoulders.

Grace quickly flicks the switch and the tree lights up. I gasp softly and I see the flash of the camera through the corner of my eye but I'm too in shock. Our first Christmas tree together and its breath taking.

I see numerous more flashes and I feel Christian shift and move beside me, kissing me holding me tight but I just gape at the tree in awe.

"What do you think?" Christian asks turning me to look at him.

"I think it's the best Christmas tree in the whole world." I reply and he grins ecstatically before planting his lips on mine in a tender kiss.

"Well I think that will be a nice one for the thank you cards." Grace says pulling us from our trance and making me giggle again. "Now for tea?"


	77. Chapter 77

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Don't forget add my fan fic only facebook Steffie Dawn for previews!**

I walk towards the kitchen and I can't help but stop and admire the Christmas tree Christian and I decorated yesterday. I am so pleased Grace joined in with us too, she got to join in our joy and spirit and I really can't believe that she thought Christian hated Christmas especially with his behaviour yesterday.

"Hey good morning baby." Christian smiles slipping his arms around me from behind. "I was about to come and wake you."

"Well I'm up so no wake up call needed." I giggle and he rubs his nose into my cheek.

"I should make it Christmas every day, you haven't stopped giggling these past couple of days." He beams excitedly.

"I don't think it would be as fun if it was Christmas every day." I reply with a shrug. "So why were you going to come wake me up on a Sunday?" I ask knowing the only time Christian wakes me up on a Sunday normally is for sex.

"I thought we could start Christmas shopping today, and I want to take you someplace later." He explains with his I've-got-a-secret smile.

"Christmas shopping, sounds good." I smile happily. "Do you know what you want to get for whoever?"

"Nope, I've always been God awful at Christmas shopping so you should decide what we get." He says and I can't help but giggle again.

"Oh there's that sound I love." He smiles rubbing his nose into my cheek.

"We need to do our Christmas cards too." I say enjoying the feel of him snuggling into me.

"Christmas cards?"

"Yeah the ones to the staff and the businesses we work with you know like ones that aren't actually signed."

"Huh I've never done it before." Christian shrugs.

"You haven't?"

"No Ana, until you I wasn't really a Christmas person." He says walking away from me and I sense the sadness with him.

"Why?" I ask following him through to the kitchen where a fruit breakfast lies waiting.

"Well I don't remember any Christmas with the crack whore but I always felt unworthy of the gifts when I was with Grace and Carrick, especially when I found out there was no Santa. They'd given me the only gift I needed when they adopted me." He shrugs and I can't help but wrap my arms around him. "You make me want to celebrate Christmas." He says quietly.

"I don't need all this." I reply quietly. "If you don't want to do the Christmas cards and the shopping we don't have too."

"I do." He says clutching my face between his hands, his grey eyes staring into mine. "You make me want to by just being here with me, you give me a reason to want to have a happy Christmas."

"This is going to be the best Christmas ever." I tell him and I know my smile twinkles in my eyes.

"Yes it is." He replies before kissing me tenderly. "Now come on eat up and then we're going shopping."

"Ok well how much do you want to spend per person?" I ask and he gives me a look that asks me why I'm asking that question. "Ok! Sorry I'm not used to doing my Christmas shopping with unlimited funds!" I laugh and he smiles happily. "Do you have any idea what you want to get anyone? Your Mom? Carrick? Mia or Elliot?"

"Nope, usually Taylor does the shopping. I had thought of getting them all an iPad though." Christian says nonchalantly.

"That's a good idea, we can spend time personalising each one so that they have some meaning too." I say and Christian smiles happily.

"We'll go to the Apple store then, should we get one for Kate?"

"Yes I think it would be easiest, we can sit together then and personalise them, the apps, the music, the pictures and then they'll see some thought went into it then." I say happily.

"Ok who else is there? Your parents?"

"They would not know where to begin with an iPad!" I laugh at the thought. "Oh my Mom mentioned she wanted a kindle though, I could download some of her favourite books."

"Does she have a computer to download more?"

"Yes." I nod. "I don't know about Ray and Bob though." I frown.

"I think Ray would like a top of the range fishing set, I'll order them, have them customised too." Christian says happily and I smile.

"He'd love that." I reply.

"So only Bob."

"I think I may need to phone my Mom I really don't know Bob that well." I frown, how can I not know what to get him for Christmas!

"Oh Bob is into his golfing right?"

"Yes." I nod remembering our visit to the golf club in Savannah last time I was there.

"Personalised top of the range golf clubs, leave them with me." He says and I smile again, I'm glad to see him taking an interest in shopping for my parents.

"Ok, well I'll go dress then and we can head off."

I dress as warmly as I can remembering the stern warning from Grace and the Doctors at Seattle Grace that my temperature will lower easier for a while. When I leave the bedroom Christian grins because I've wrapped up so warmly.

"Ready to go?" He asks when I pick up my purse.

"Yeah." I smile. "You going to tell me where we're going after we shop?"

"No." He shakes his head with that smile on his face again and I fake glare at him making him laugh. "You'll love it ok?"

"Fine." I reply rolling my eyes.

"I'd take you over my knee if we weren't on our way out." He growls playfully.

"Oh Promises, promises." I reply and he laughs.

"I can always do it later." He smirks and I grin.

"I'll hold you to that Mr Grey." I say before stepping into the elevator.

An hour later and we have six iPad's and a kindle for the family, an easy to use kid cell phone for Sophie Taylor's daughter, a new top of the range Bluetooth set for Taylor, Sawyer, and the same for Gail so she can keep in touch with Taylor while they're working especially when Taylor comes away with either him or both of us then Gail can be in the kitchen or cleaning and talking to him. When I said I wanted to buy something for Hannah and Sophia he almost growled but then settled down when I said I wanted to get them hat, scarf and glove set from Neiman Marcus, he even relented and bought one for Ros and a different one for Gwen, perfume for Rhian, video memo for Flynn, we also got Travel flats ballet pumps for Kate and Mia and one for myself for nights out when the heels hurt, iPad portfolio with keyboard for Carrick, a forever crystal photo frame for Grace, Kindle personalised leather carrier for Carla, fishing book for Ray, Golfing book for Bob and a messenger bag each for Elliot, and Ethan.

We also bought toys for Seattle Grace Paeds unit for all ages, the trunk of the SVU is full and I can't wait to get home and begin wrapping but first Christian has a surprise for me.

"I have never enjoyed Christmas shopping before." Christian muses as we head for wherever.

"Well I think there's another first Christian." I say taking his hand.

"Yes it is." He smiles. "You think everyone will like what we bought them?" He asks worriedly.

"I think they'll love them." I smile. "Especially the iPads."

"So we'll need to write a list of apps to download, so there aren't any complaints will download five on each?"

"Sounds perfect."

"I'll leave Mia and Kate to you." He says with a smirk and I laugh, yes I can't imagine Christian choosing the apps for their gifts somehow.

We arrive at Boeing Airfield and my eyes light up, I know now why we're here and I have to admit I'm excited.

"Ready to see you jet?" Christian asks and I can see my own excitement reflected in his eyes.

Taylor lets us out of the car on the runway and my eyes light up. The jet is definitely smaller than Christians but not by much. The exterior has 'Anastasia Grey Inc.' in large blue lettering across the white of the plane, the logo of the company shows strongly on the tail and I am in complete awe.

"This is a Dassault Falcon 7X, want to meet your pilot and crew?" He asks and I manage to nod my head.

We climb on board and three women greet us with wide smiles.

"Ana I'd like you to meet the Pilot Cassie Richards, First Officer Amana Powell and On Board Staff Lois Bradford." He smiles happily.

"It's a pleasure to meet you." I smile shaking each one of their hands.

"Wanna see your jet baby?" He asks still holding on my shoulders, I just nod.

"Ok so she holds fourteen passengers comfortably. There are 4 single seats, 4 grouped and then two three seater couches. The couches…" He walks me to the area where two couches face each other. "…open up to make a large king size double bed. There are two monitors visible but there is one on the group table that opens up, this jet is known as being an office in the sky. She flies for about eleven point five hours without needing to refuel so you should be able to make it to England for example, without stopping. Plenty of storage space…" He runs his hand across the cabinets. "Bathroom at the end over there, then there's the kitchen here." The kitchen is black granite and it's beautiful. "I had the interior re-decorated, it was originally all cream and beige."

The seats are now light blue leather and the carpet an off white. On the back of the seats are white personalised sheets with AG embossed in blue italics the same as the cuffs I bought Christian on our wedding except for the letters and beneath the AG are Inc. in plainer script.

"What do you think?" He asks as I sit down, it's too much to take in.

"It's beautiful Christian." I say quietly.

"You don't like it."

"No I do!" I gasp. "It's just so much to take on board, why Christian? I have no need for a plane!"

"Not now maybe but if you move out of state with your businesses, further than Portland then you will and visiting your parents of course."

"But she can go for nearly twelve hours without refuelling! I don't think I've ever been in the air that long only when we went to England and we stopped in Ireland to refuel then."

"Well it's much safer than the smaller jets and much comfier, I wanted you to be able to work inside the plane too like you could on mine, if I went any smaller then you wouldn't have had the work space or the kitchen. If you don't want it I can have it returned to the original way and I'll sell it."

He looks so hurt.

"I do want it. I love it. I'm sorry if I sound like an ungrateful cow it's just so much to take on." I explain wrapping him up in my arms.

"I thought you'd like it." He shrugs.

"I do! It's beautiful Christian and I hope I get the use out of it."

"Well we're flying in it to Savannah next week and then until this court case is over if I need to go away I'll be using it."

"There then it's going to be used then isn't it." I smile happily. "I love it, I love you." I smile kissing him and he relaxes again.

"Right ready to take her up?" He asks and my eyes widen. "I thought we'd fly to Portland."

"Portland?"

"Well you have to be there next week and to hell if you think I'm going to let you drive, the air crew will know if it's safe to fly with the weather and if not you'll be able to sleep on board."

"I'm going to fly to Portland?" I gape.

"Yes and you can have Hannah book you a car from Portland International to get you to and from PIP." He replies. "Sawyer can drive."

"How long will we be in the air for?"

"Just under an hour."

"Just under an hour to Portland, that's faster than Charlie Tango." I murmur and he grins. "You do know you're contributing to Global warming right?"

"Eh." He shrugs. "This is also a very economic air craft."

"I wouldn't expect anything less." I smile as he takes me over to the group chairs and sit me down.

Lois sits in a solo chair and buckles up and soon we're taking off. I hold onto Christian's hand and snuggle my head into his shoulder. I know he's grinning happily and I can't help but smile either, Christian's the only man in the world who would by his wife a company jet for the sake of it.

The signs for the seat belts goes off and Christian and I both unbuckle. Lois runs us through the safety procedures a before bringing over a bottle of champagne in an ice bucket.

"You had this all planed?"

"Since you were in the hospital, I had planned on waiting till we went to Savannah but you need to be in Portland next week and I won't let you drive." He shrugs and I can't help but smile and kiss him. "Also I let Business Management Magazine come and take pictures of it for the spread they're doing on you."

"Why?" I frown.

"So they can see how serious your company is, that this isn't you pissing about and that you're not in my shadow."

"Fair enough but if they know you bought it then they're just going to think that my company is surviving off your companies incomes."

"No they don't know I bought it." He shrugs. "And anyway, we bought it, I used some of the money in the joint account that you refuse to spend so technically you paid for it."

Christian nods his head in thanks to Lois and she smiles and walks away, I think all the staff maybe lesbian's because they haven't fawned over Christian at all, unless it's because they know I'm their boss and not Christian and I would fire anyone if they went a step to far with my husband.

"So how good a Pilot is Cassie Richards?" I ask thinking of the visibly older raven haired pilot flying _my_ jet.

"She's more qualified that Stephan was, she's flown fighter planes and international currier flights, she's one of the best."

"You wouldn't have it any other way." I smile.

"Not when it's you they're going to be flying." He smirks sipping at his champagne.

We land in Portland after just fifty one minutes in the air and we spend little time on the ground Lois exits the plane and then comes back with a large tray which she places in the kitchen area before we buckle up and take off again. Once in the air again Lois brings the tray over to the table and uncovers it to reveal our lunch of chicken Cesar salad with bread rolls, wraps and pitta bread to make our own sandwiches.

"Eat up baby." Christian smiles as Lois places plates, napkins and cutlery out for us.

"Thanks." I say to Lois as she walks away and I just catch her smile and nod before I turn back to the food.

"So you arranged for us to have lunch picked up from Portland?" I ask with a chuckle.

"Well we had to eat and I didn't have enough time to get anyone to stock up something on board for Lois to make for us so this was the next best thing." He explains as he places some of the salad in a wrap and add the sauce Lois left us.

"Fair enough." I smile. "Thank you Christian, for all of this." I say softly, I need him to know that I really do like it and appreciate it and it was my shock back in Seattle.

"It's ok. I want to buy you the world." He says and I laugh.

"I don't want the world, I have everything I possibly want right in front of me."

"What chicken Cesar salad?" He asks with a wink and I can't help but laugh loudly.

"No you." I smile. "You're all I want, ok? All this stuff is just the add-ons that I don't need nor want."

"But they're a part of package I told you that I don't know how to show you my love unless I'm making love to you and to be fair we fuck more than we make love." He says and I can see how that sentence went from sweet to funny in a nanosecond.

"I know, and I don't hate all this I just mean if for any reason we lost all the add-ons I wouldn't be bothered." I explain and he grins ecstatically.

"I've always known that and it's one of the many things I love about you." He says before taking a large bite of his wrap making me giggle.

"Love that sound!" I think he says through his mouth full making me laugh harder.

Less than an hour later the lunch is all cleared away and we touch back down in Seattle. Taylor meets us off the plane and I climb in the car to find our shopping gone and I know Taylor must have taken them and deposited them at the apartment for us.

"Ready to go wrap Christmas presents?" I ask Christian as soon as we're enclosed in the SUV.

"Oh no baby, not today." He smirks. "I want to show my wife how much I love her."

I know that when we get home we're going to spend time making sweet vanilla love and I have no complaints there.


	78. Chapter 78

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Don't forget add my fan fic only facebook Steffie Dawn for previews!**

"I hate Monday's." I grumble sitting in my office alone.

I officially have a week to do a hundred and one things and it just isn't enough time. It's only just gone eight and neither Hannah nor Sophia are here yet. I had to leave early as I had so much to do, luckily for me Christian had a breakfast meeting so he'd left before I'd even started getting ready.

I look at my schedule for the week and I actually want to cry, who was I kidding when I thought I could do this? I have to be at Christasia Seattle at nine thirty to get the files on last week, luckily Melissa is quite attentative in keeping records and she needs to run through some of the stats to see where we need to make changes we have three masseuse's that can do reflexology but if we don't need all three then one is going to have to go, I have to be wise here and even though we've had a busy week how many reflexologies have actually been done? It's possible that we may need even more staff but from what I understand some of the customers have travelled from Redmond and Kent to come and have their treatments at Christasia ready for when they open nearer to them.

After I'm done at Christasia I have to be in Grey's Publishing Seattle to meet with Roach, I hope he has some good news for me because I really need the management of GP Seattle to be up to par and I don't want any information coming to me that in one week Roach or Clarisse have let the place suffer because I'm not there, I also need to find out if they received my finished manuscript without them finding out it was mine. That way if it's God awful then I won't be embarrassed and they won't publish it just because it has my name on it.

I should be done there after about an hour and a half and then I have to drive over to Redmond, I've already checked the weather and it looks to be clear all day and so I should be able to make it there and back without problems. I have to interview two applicants who have made it through the background checks and meet with Tony Lucas the manager who will be running the place for me like Melissa runs the one here in Seattle.

Hopefully I'll be back in Seattle for three in time for my conference call with a New York Times Best Seller who wants to leave their publishing company and so I have to persuade them that Grey's Publishing Seattle has the package to suit them. Of course then there's the files that need to be looked through to replace Clarisse and her assistant too before the sub-editors down in Mystery Romance forgets how to do their jobs without someone in charge.

It's going to be a long day.

Once I'm happy with everything at the office I make my way over to the Salon. Melissa greets me happily and she and I make our way up to the office at the top of building.

"So Mel how are we looking?" I as soon as I'm seated comfortably.

"Ok so here is your total income for the week." She passes me a yellow file and I'm quick to open it.

"It's very detailed." I note as I read where every cent has come in.

"Yes well Mr Grey used to be quite insistent that they were, Mrs Lincoln not so much." She explains and I smile and nod.

"Here is the expenditure for the week, that doesn't include all the equipment that was bought before we opened only what has been bought since." Melissa explains passing me a red file.

"Will they always be in this colour file?" I ask and she looks at me confused. "Red for expenditure, yellow for income?"

"I never did before, they just happened to be the files I grab, I always have them different though so I can remember which file is which."

"Ok from now on can you make sure expenditure is in red files and income in yellow?" I ask knowing having them colour coded will make my job easier as well as Hannah's and Sophia's.

"Absolutely, that's no problem." She smiles scribbling in the notebook on her lap with her pink fluffy pen.

"Right is that everything?" I ask hopefully.

"Not exactly. We had one issue while you were in the hospital." Melissa says quietly and I just look at her expectantly. "One of the nail technicians made a comment to Franco about Mrs Lincoln."

"What was the comment?" I ask awkwardly.

"At least Mrs Lincoln knew how to put scissors to hair, how can you be expected to run a salon when you don't know anything about the industry."

I hold my breath as I try to think fast what to do. This has to be a joke right?

"Who?"

Melissa looks at her lap awkwardly.

"Who was it Melissa?" I say a little more forcefully.

"Tina." She says.

I grab my cell phone off the desk and knock the speed dial for Christian, I need his advice here.

"Hey baby." He says, obviously he checked his caller ID this time.

"Hey, I need your help, I need to fire one of my nail technicians but I am fully booked this week, what are the chances I can find a nail technician… now?"

"Wow why do you want to fire someone?" Christian asks sounding surprised.

"Because apparently I don't match up to the bitch troll because I can't cut hair." I spit and I can see Melissa eyeing me wearily.

"Write her up for it, don't fire her because you're not going to find a replacement today and the last thing you want to do with a new business is have to cancel on customers." Christian says. "But advertise anyway and find someone ready to step in at a moment's notice, give her one warning."

"Ok. Thanks baby I love you." I smile.

"Love you too."

I hang up and drop the phone onto the desk before looking at Melissa.

"I can trust you to pull Tina up and give her a verbal warning that she's on her last warning?" I ask and Melissa nods and scribbles in her notebook. "Anything else like this Melissa and you call or email me and I'll be here as soon as I can ok?"

"Yes Ana." She nods and I relax some.

"Right we're done here. File a copy of these here I'll take these and have Hannah input them into the computer and then I'll file these copies." I say getting to my feet. "Have a good day and I may see you tomorrow."

"Bye Ana." She smiles but I'm already half way out the door.

Once in the car I know the speed dial for Hannah.

"Anastasia Grey Incorporated Hannah speaking how may I help you?"

"Hey Hannah."

"Oh Ana, hey." She says in such a friendly manner it makes me smile.

"I have some files I need to give to you can you come pick them up from Grey's house and leave Sophia to handle things there?"

"Of course."

"I'll leave them with Claire in reception while I'm in with Roach. Can you transfer me to Sophia?"

"Yes ok." She replies and the phone goes silent, rings once and then is answered.

"Hey Ana."

"Sophia can you please find me a part time course to do that involves something to do with a salon such as hair dressing or nails or anything, that has a formal qualification at the end of it?"

"Hair or nails or anything, formal qualification, sure Ana no problem."

"When Hannah returns with the files take one each and put them into a spreadsheet, email them to my account then file the originals in my office, the spare key should be in Hannah's bunch if not call up to Olivia or Andrea and have Christian bring it down for you."

"Ok."

"Ok Bye." I say quickly before hanging up, it feel strange saying goodbye all of a sudden to Sophia when I never do with Hannah.

I park in my spot in the underground garage of Grey Publishing before making my way inside with the files.

"Hi Mrs Grey!" Claire smiles.

"Don't start with the Mrs Grey Claire." I chuckle, she was the first friend I really made when I came here I don't want her to be formal with me.

"Sorry Ana. What can I do for you?"

"I have a meeting with Roach, Hannah is coming to collect these files, tell her I have given further instruction to Sophia and I should hopefully see them this afternoon."

"Absolutely." She nods before I hurry for the elevator.

First I take the lift up to my office. It looks so strange being back here but I quickly gather the files I need to take with me to PIP before heading down a floor to Roach's office.

"Good morning Mrs Grey." Eloise, Roach's assistant smiles as I exit the elevator. "Go straight in he's waiting for you."

"Thank you Eloise." I reply before making my way through the door to be greeted by Roach.

"Mrs Grey it's nice to see you." He smiles.

"Yes, well I had planned on meeting with you much sooner than this, I hope you've settled in."

"Of course, it's great to be back, thank you for giving me the opportunity to come back after leaving." He looks sheepish but I really think he's just kissing my ass.

"No problem. Have you got the files." I don't mean to be so hurried but I have too many things I need to do today before I can even think about relaxing.

"Yes right here, I've checked them twice myself and it seems we're up on last week."

"That will be the Christmas bookstore boom." I say quietly, every year at Christmas books sell more, people always buy books either for themselves or family or friends.

"Yes it will but in comparison to last year's bookstore boom I think you'll be particularly happy." He smiles handing me the file with Christmas 2010 written clearly on it.

"Right well that should impress Portland Independent. So you're happy with how everything is here now Roach?"

"Yes I am, I love your idea to branch out into Children's literature." I say kindly and I know he's being sincere.

"Well it was a gamble and it seems to be paying off." I reply with a shrug and he nods in agreement.

"Anything else I can do for you Mrs Grey?"

"No thank you, I'll be in touch and don't hesitate to call Hannah or Sophia if you need anything, I have a busy week before I take off for Savannah next week and then the holidays will be upon us in no time."

"Well have a good week Ana." He says standing to shake my hand.

"You too." I reply before heading off.

Claire nods and waves as I hurry past her and I know that she means Hannah has been and collected the files. I hurry to the car and hop in quickly with only one destination in mind before Redmond. And that is McDonalds, Christian wouldn't be pleased if he found out I was getting a drive thru McDonalds but I need to eat on the go and there's a McDonalds en route that will only put me back about fifteen twenty minutes including waiting time and at least I'm actually eating something because it would be so easy to skip a meal.

I order a big mac no relish with large fries and drink and eat as I drive. The traffic isn't too bad and I make it there in twenty five minutes. I find the salon easily as it's been boarded up ready for the windows to be changed. The sign has already been changed from Esclava to Christasia so that's one less thing to worry about.

The first applicant is already stood outside with a hot cup in her hand when I arrive.

"Sorry I'm a little early." She says glancing at her watch.

"It's no problem, if anything I've slipped a little behind today." I reply as I search for the key. "Tiana right?"

"Yes Ma'am." She replies with a smile and a nod.

"Lesson number one if you work for me Tiana, no one calls me Ma'am, it makes me sound old." I say teasingly and she laughs nervously. "Ana." I say and she nods softly.

Once inside I turn everything on including the heating even though I won't be there long, the building has been empty so inside is as cold as outside.

I find the office on the ground floor and find it to be in perfect condition. I nod my head to the seat for Tiana and I relax back into the white leather desk chair trying to look as if I've been there before and am comfortable even though this place is new and strange to me.

"So basically I'm very impressed with your resume, I called your referee's and they were extremely sad to lose you when you moved on and spoke very highly of you, I only have one question in fact which is why do you want to leave such a fantastic job with similar pay, hours and extra's to come here and work?"

"Well Mrs Grey it's like this, I love what I do and I believe I'm good at it too. I want to experience working in different places and having been in Tacoma for three years now I think a change of scenery is just what I need. I also researched you and found you to be spoken highly from your employee's I even spoke with one of the girls in Seattle when I went there to get my hair done to find out what it was like to work for you and everyone agreed it was a happy working environment and that's what the salon I work in currently lacks, the girls are bitchy and sometimes the tension is so thick I think the customers feel it and I worry often about the customers leaving because they don't like the feel of the place. I believe the customer is the top priority in my work and I would do anything to make them happy and comfortable, I mean we go to the salon to relax while we're pampered right?" She says and I can see that this young woman is speaking from the heart to me.

"Right. Well as I'm sure you know I'm not going to be opening until the New Year, would that give you enough time to relocate?"

"I've already found an apartment and once I know I have a job here I'll be ready to move."

"Well then Tiana get ready to move." I tell her and she beams excitedly, yes I think she and I will get on great.

The second applicant impresses me almost as much as Tiana and I happily give her the job too, when Tony arrives I am desperate for the bathroom and a cup of tea but I wait anyhow. He and I go through the files necessary and I am quite surprised when he says it will be hard to work for an attractive woman like me, he isn't hitting on me which is great otherwise we'd have issues but I had automatically assumed he was gay, shows you not to judge a book right?

Tony and I part with dates to meet up again to start setting up the salon, I gave him the copy he needs of the keys and he is going to be there for the window changes and he is also going to do all the stocking up ready for the opening and email me the invoices so I don't need to come up every other day. We part with a plan of action which leaves me in a particularly good mood.

After leaving Redmond I arrive in Seattle by quarter after four. I'm exhausted and I still have so much to do. I walk into Grey's house and I'm sure the staff are shocked as I walk as fast as my legs will carry me. I complain to myself that the elevator is going to slow and I almost throw myself out on the twenty first floor.

Hannah and Sophia smile at me carefully but I say nothing and hurry into my office. Once at my desk I quickly hook up the call to R J Wilks the author.

"Good afternoon Mrs Grey." He smiles on answering.

"Good afternoon Mr Wilks, please may I apologise for my lateness, it seems that time has slipped away from me today." I tell him as I still try and relax into my seat.

"I see you've only just gotten into the office, a business woman like yourself of course is always rushing around, totally understandable."

Ok it's official this really old author freaks me out. Ugh.

"So Mr Wilks should we get down to business?"

"Of course, go ahead Mrs Grey." He smiles and I manage not to smirk as I go in for my hard sell.

"I have already spoken to the head of crime novels, he is actually a fan of your work and had the pleasure of going through some of the ups and downs of your career as a writer. He has already promised his best team on your work as have I, I've read the manuscript myself and I loved it and I am personally not an avid crime reader but this captivated me and I honestly believe we can go the full length with this. I mean the full advertising campaign, billboards, commercials, newspapers, magazines the whole shebang." I tell him and as the head of the crime department Noah Lloyd told me this man is a publicity junkie.

"What figure are we talking here Mrs Grey?" He asks.

"Well once we work out the expenditure we're personally going to be putting into this you're looking at around forty thousand direct from us for the copyright and then we get thirty five percent of each sale."

"Thirty five?" He spits and I again hide a smirk, I don't want thirty five I want twenty five but I won't tell him that, he has to negotiate.

"It's estimated that every time the commercial we have planned is shown on the TV five people will download your book, you're talking fifteen dollars per book and I want thirty five percent of that, I plan on making money here and not losing it."

"I thought more along the lines of twenty Mrs Grey." He says and I sigh softly.

"I'm not going that low, not with the amount we're going to be investing in expenditure. Think about it Mr Wilks…" My office door opens and I see Christian entering with a smile. "Think about how much it's going to cost my company to film the adds, to photoshoot for the billboard and then add the forty thousand we're going to pay directly to you."

"Yes I see where you're going with this."

"But if you want us to go down to twenty percent we can do that but that also means lowering the level of publicity, it's entirely your choice." I shrug and I ignore Christian who's grinning at me.

"Hmm I see what you mean Mrs Grey. Thirty five percent of each sale… I think that's a reasonable amount now you put it that way. Yes, I think we're at an agreement, your best team, the publicity, forty thousand for the copyright and thirty five percent. I'm happy with that."

"Good I'll have the contracts drawn up this week, would you be flying here or would you prefer it if I came over there?" I ask hiding my excitement.

"I think you can make it over here without a problem right Mrs Grey? It won't be until the New Year anyhow."

"Exactly. It's a pleasure doing business with you Mr Wilks."

"Oh no it's my pleasure Mrs Grey, I look forward to meeting you and signing all this in black and white. Have a good day."

"You too." I smile sweetly as he hangs up and as soon as his face vanishes from my wall I punch the air.

"What was all that about?" He asks.

"That was R. J. Wilks!" I say excitedly.

"The crime novelist?"

"Yes and he is going to sign a deal with Grey's Publishing."

"I heard, wow Ana how did you get him to agree to your demands you're getting thirty five percent of each sale?"

"He's a publicity junkie, I actually was willing to go down to thirty five but it seems the publicity is more important than the money to him so he was happy to hit the thirty five mark when I said I'd cut some of the publicity." I shrug but Christian looks excitedly.

"He's a millionaire author, I don't think he needs the money but he does need the publicity. He said in an interview he wanted his books turned into movies, these may be the ones?"

"If so that's going to put more money into Grey's Publishing because he's selling the copyright to us for forty thousand."

"So you went in for the kill there and came out on top?"

"I did." I beam and he comes around and kisses me heavily.

"So proud of you." He says against my lips. "So proud."

I feel his kiss becoming more urgent and I wrap my fingers in his hair, pulling him towards me. He lifts me up onto the desk and I suddenly feel his need, he came her wanting this and I can only imagine that he's stressed as it is he who said that an orgasm was a great cure for sex.

He hitches my skirt up my thighs and tears at my panties, nice to know I have started carrying an extra pair in my purse because of his obsession with ripping them from me. His lips don't leave mine as he strokes a finger through my folds and I moan into his mouth.

"Always ready." He says huskily against my lips.

I hear his zipper come undone and he lifts me up from the desk.

"Wrap your legs around me." He says and I listen, he's not inside me but he carries me over to the couch and lays me down. "This is gonna be quick, you being the boss like that, such a fucking turn on."

I giggle as he pulls himself out from the confides of his boxers and I quickly stand up and show him my behind clasping my hands to the back of the couch.

"You wanna go this way huh?" He asks and I nod my head.

I feel his fingers through the fabric on my hips and he grips me tight before slamming into me.

"Ah!" I gasp in a mixture of pleasure and pain, oh this is so good.

He is relentless with each thrust and I cannot match his pace as I push my behind up against him as his shaft fills my heated centre.

"Oh God Ana." He grunts and I feel the welcoming tightness deep inside me. "Tell me when you're coming." He growls, that's a new one.

"God Christian I'm coming." I moan loudly just before I break apart, shatter like a vase falling from a table.

"God ah Ana!" He calls back and I feel him coming undone too.

I'm tingling when he pulls out of me and I am still bent over clasping the back of the couch when I hear him close his zipper, now if that wasn't a quickie I don't know what was.

"Lucky no one came looking for you I didn't lock the door." Christian says smoothing his hand over my still bare behind.

"Very lucky." I say through my pants.

He removes his hand and I'm surprise when it rains down on me.

"Ah!" I call out. "Christian!"

"That was for the eye rolling yesterday." He says with a smirk as I turn to face him pulling down my skirt.

"Yes well I guess I deserved that then." I say bitterly but I know he can see and hear the hint of amusement I'm letting through.

"So what have you got planned for the rest of the day?" He asks collapsing onto the couch we didn't fuck on .

"I have to go through the applicants for Clarisse's job and her assistant and send the ones I'm interested in down to Barney for background checks." I explain heading over to my desk and I know Christian's eyes are watching me carefully. "I'd like to hire someone in the early New Year and hopefully I can have some time without interviews while I focus on opening the Redmond Salon and the transference of PIP into Grey's Publishing Portland. I will also need to go to Phoenix in the New Year to sign with R. J. Wilks so I would like to be settled." I explain slipping into my desk chair ignoring the throbbing of my right butt cheek. "What should you be doing right now other than lounging on my couch?" I tease and he smirks happily.

"Nothing, I am done for the day." He beams.

"Well if you're bored why don't you arrange for Taylor to bring the unused Christmas decorations here." I say as I begin flicking through the pile of resumes on my desk.

"What? Your front office looks like a pink Santa's grotto and you want more?!"

"No!" I giggle and I can't help but think of the pink Christmas bonanza Sophia and Hannah have created, it looks amazing but I'm not really a pink person and Christmas in my eyes is about the red and gold and silver. "I was thinking we could take them to Seattle Grace this evening so they can brighten up the wards."

"Ok." He nods. "But aren't all the kids like sick."

"Yes but nothing that you're going to catch Christian, let's go spread the holiday cheer a bit?"

"Fine." He grumbles. "I'll call Taylor."

"You don't have to come with me, I can do it alone."

"No I want to see what your big fuss is with this children's unit." He replies before heading out the door and I can't help but wish I could be honest with him that knowing his story is what makes me want to help these kids more than anything.


	79. Chapter 79

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Don't forget add my fan fic only facebook Steffie Dawn for previews!**

I meet Christian out front, he's leaning up against my Saab and even dressed up warmly he looks good enough to eat.

"Taylor will follow us in the SUV." He says kissing the top of my head as I go to the driving side and he frowns.

"My car." I say and he shrugs and gets into the passenger seat.

We head over to Seattle Grace in silence. I think Christian's uncertain so I don't push him to talk just let him think in silence. I pull up in the parking lot and he's still staring impassively out the window.

"You don't have to do this Christian, I can go myself." I tell him quietly.

"I'm just scared." He admits quietly and I reach over and clasp his hand.

"What are you scared of?" I ask so uncertain.

"A lot of thing." He shrugs.

"That's not an answer." I push and he sighs and runs his hand through his copper locks.

"What if this makes me realise that I really won't make a good father? I want children with you Ana, so much."

"Christian you're going to be an amazing father, for a start it's different with your own kids and these kids are sick…" He gulps and turns away. "What is it?"

"What if there's a child in there that was like me?" He says without looking at me.

"Then who better to give him the reassurance he or she may need?" I ask him and he looks at me. "All these children want is to feel normal Christian, just talk to them, make them smile and feel loved and you'll make their day." I remember words Grace told me when I was worried about meeting some of these kids. "I bet once you've been you'll want to come back."

"I don't know." He shrugs uncertainty rippling over every muscle.

"Well your mother is in there and expecting us, if you don't want to see the kids you can at least come in and let her thank you for the decorations. I called her to make sure it was ok earlier and she's on duty." I say climbing out of the car, sometimes with him I have to have a firm hand. I've barely shut the door when his opens and he dutifully follows me.

Taylor, Christian and I each carry a box from the trunk and take it up to the Paeds unit. Grace is at the desk when we walk in and rushes over to us.

"I've just finished rounds, I'd hoped you'd get here while I was free." She beams as we place the boxes down. "Come on Ana I have someone I want you to meet." She grabs my hand and drags me away, Christian follows awkwardly.

We enter the closed unit and go onto the third ward. Grace slips behind the curtain giving me a sign to wait a moment while Christian looks oddly uncomfortable at the children who can be seen because the curtains are open. Two are asleep, one is reading another colouring. One is visibly a teenager and is hammering away at her PSP.

"Ana." Grace calls. "Come in."

I look at Christian and smile softly before slipping in through the curtain.

"Rachael I'd like you to meet Anastasia, Ana this is Rachael."

"Hi Rachael." I smile at the hairless little girl, she looks about six but I guess she looks younger because she's sick.

"Anastasia is my favourite movie." She says softly and that's when I see the Anastasia doll in her hand.

"It's my favourite movie too." I tell her recalling the movie from my childhood and loving it for the simple fact the main character shared my name.

"Really?" Rachael's hazel eyes light up at this and I can't help but smile and nod.

"Can I sit?" I ask pointing to the chair beside the bed but she scoots up and taps a spot beside her.

"Rachael I'm going to open the curtain and I'll be just outside ok?" Grace says but she's looking at me with a smile.

"Ok Doctor Grace." Rachael says as I sit at the edge of the bed.

"Enjoy." She says to me.

She pushes back the curtain and I look over to where Christian was stood to see him crouched down. In front of him a small brown haired boy. Christian's eyes meet mine and he smiles and nods, I wonder where the little boy came from.

"Are you a princess like my Anastasia?" Rachael asks me softly bringing all my attention back to her.

"No I'm not a princess." I reply and I can't help but think of Tyler as the little girl frowns. "But I have a friend and he calls me Princess."

"Why does he call you princess if you're not one?" She asks with such a cute little frown on her face.

"Well the first time I met him I was wearing a princess dress." I explain best I can.

"Why?"

"Because I'd been to a ball." I say animatedly and her eyes light up again.

"That means you are a princess!" She gasps and I laugh softly.

"Does it?"

"Yes, if you wear a princess dress and go to a ball then you're a princess." She says excitedly.

"Ok then." I giggle and she beams happily.

"Will you watch Anastasia with me?" She asks pulling a portable DVD player from beside the bed.

"You have it there?" I ask and she nods softly.

"I don't know if I can stay to watch it all but we can watch some of it." I reply and she nods and opens the DVD Player.

"You'll need to get comfy." She tells me so matter-of-factly I giggle. "Pull your shoes off and you can sit here." She says tapping the pillow beside her.

I'm not exactly sure it's allowed but Rachael is just too cute and I drop my heels off my feet and sit back beside her as she places the DVD on. Once she sits back she wraps her arm around my waist and cuddles up into my side. I run my fingers over her bald head before holding around her. She rests her head on my chest just above my breasts and sighs contently. I can't help but stroke her arm softly.

About fifteen minutes into the movie a shadow decends making both Rachael and I look up from where we were absorbed in the movie. I'm not surprised to see Christian but I am surprised to see the brown haired boy in his arm.

"What are you ladies doing?" Christian asks full of charm.

"Who's that?" Rachael asks me with a frown, I don't think she's happy having the movie interrupted.

"That's my prince." I tell her and her mouth forms a small O and it's adorable, Christian flashes his brilliant knee shaking smile at us.

"He's a nice looking prince." She says embrassed and I giggle.

"Yes he is. So Christian who's this little man?" I ask smiling at the boy who's clinging to Christian for dear life.

"His names Christian." Christian beams and I shake my head and smile.

"Hi Christian." I smile at him and he smiles back happily.

"What are you doing?" He asks slowly.

"We're watching a movie." I reply. "Do you want to watch to?"

"Is it a girls movie?" He asks cautiously.

"I think it's for boys and girls little man." Christian beams and it sends warmth through my veins as he smiles at the small boy.

"Ok." Little Christian nods and my Christian moves the chair right to the bedside and he sits down sitting little Christian on his lap. He looks uncomfortable towards me but I smile and nod encouragingly before turning back to the movie.

It's around half way through when Grace comes over.

"Ah hear you are Christian." She says folding her arms over her chest.

"Yes." Both Christian's reply and I can't help but giggle.

"Oh jeez." Grace sighs shaking her head. "It's time for you to have your meds Little Christian and time for Big Christian and Anastasia to go home it's late."

"Oh my gosh we've been here over an hour." Christian says looking at his watch. "Come on little man time for you to go with Doctor Grace."

"Ohhh!" He whines.

"Come on Christian and Anastasia will come to see you again." Grace says happily and he looks at Christian expectantly.

"We will." Christian says enthusiastically and the boy nods and hurries off, I guess it's to his own bed.

"Can't you stay till the end?" Rachael asked sadly.

"No sweetie, I have to go to work tomorrow and it's dark outside so it's bedtime." I tell her softly.

"I don't want you to go." She says sadly holding me tight.

"I'll be back again and hopefully we'll be able to watch the movie all the way through." I tell her and she nods and smiles before hugging me tight.

I climb off the bed and Christian clasps my hand.

"See you soon Rachael." I tell her as she sinks low into her bed.

"See you soon Anya." She sighs and I giggle knowing she's calling me after the character's nickname in the movie.

Grace shows Christian and I out of the ward and back into the front.

"You'll definitely come again?" She asks.

"Of course." I reply firmly.

"Ana I have to warn you…" She begins and I can see a grave look on her face that I've never seen before. "Rachael is terminal."

"What?" I ask in shock.

"She's not going to get better, she's here so we can make her comfortable before she dies." Grace says quietly. "I don't want you getting hurt because you're attached."

"I'm already attached!" I half shout. "Did you not think of that when you introduced us?" I am furious.

"Ana I'm sorry I didn't think she'd take so well to you…"

"Sorry?" I ask. "I… I…" I can't think of what to say. "I'll see you in the car!" I snap at Christian before hurrying out, I don't want Grace to see the bitter sting of tears that are now fast falling down my face.

"I'll talk to her." I hear Christian say before he hurries after me. "Ana wait!"

"I can't!" I yell back still rushing to the car but Christian's faster and wraps his arm around me tight. "She's dying!" I cry. "That beautiful little girl! Is this going to be her last Christmas Christian? Will she even make it to Christmas day?"

"Ana don't." Christian sighs wrapping me up tight.

"I can't… she's so beautiful, adorable and she's…" I burst into full blow tears on Christian's shoulder and even though we're in the parking lot of the hospital he holds me tight and doesn't let me go.

"I know Ana." He whispers into my ear. "I know."

"She's just child." I hiccup.

"I know." He says again. "It's a cruel world."

"Take me home Christian?" I ask weakly.

"Of course, come on." He says guiding me to the car, I'm in pieces over this.


	80. Chapter 80

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Don't forget add my fan fic only facebook Steffie Dawn for previews!**

**I hope to get some playroom in soon but until then office fun will have to tie you over! (Mind the pun!)**

Driving into work I am still furious with Christian. We argued all last night and continued when we woke this morning all because of little Rachael. He first thought maybe that we shouldn't see her again, I promised I would go visit again and I will keep that promise. Secondly he told me I should apologise to Grace which he is right I should but I won't do it just because he told me to, I will do it when I have calmed down enough to apologise.

I am heading towards the salon when I spot a store Kate and I used to visit to back in Portland to buy dress jewellery. For her it was nothing to spend there but for me while I was a student it was still considered expensive. I quickly find a place to park and hurry over to the store, it's just opening up and the girl looks at me in surprise.

"Anastasia Grey right?" She asks and I nod unsure where this girl is going. "Uh are you lost?" She asks and I can't help but laugh.

"No, I'm looking for something." I reply and she looks awkwardly at me.

"I'm a huge fan of yours." She says looking at the ground and this surprises me.

"Oh?" I manage to say, how can she be a fan of me? Is she aspiring to marry a billionaire?

"The Alain Thompson Award you won? My grandfather won it a few years ago." She says quietly.

"Oh right." I say still surprised.

"I think it's amazing what you've done to the kids at Seattle Grace, my grandmother was a nurse there and my father was in the coal industry."

"Ah I see." I smile thought I don't. "Actually, I'm here to look for a small gift for one of the patients."

"Oh?" It's her turn to look surprise.

"If I remember right you used to sell prom tiaras."

"Yes right over here." She smiles and I follow her through to a stand.

They're not expensive at all, just thirty to fifty dollars each but I know that the cost isn't important here, what would Rachael do with a tiara costing thousands of dollars anyway?

I browse carefully and remember the Tiara on the Anastasia movie. I pick out the one closest to the style and the young woman happily boxes and wraps it for me.

"Thank you." I reply as I hand over my card.

"You're welcome." She replies. "Have a good day Mrs Grey."

"You too." I reply before hurrying out, now that was an interesting start to the day and it has most certainly lifted my mood.

After a quick visit to the salon to see how she's shaping up I head over to Grey's House. Today at least is going to be a slower day than yesterday concluding with my visit to Flynn this evening.

"Oh Ana, I forgot to give you the papers yesterday." Sophia says apologetically as soon as I exit the elevator.

"I don't think there's anything I need to see in them anyway I haven't done anything news worthy since I got out of hospital." I say with a smirk, it's rare that I've been out of the papers in the last month.

"Actually there's a super sweet photo of Christian and you in the express." Hannah smirks and I frown at her not knowing what she could mean. "Christmas shopping I suspect, you both have your hands full, you're smiling at him and he's looking slightly down smiling. It's cute you should check it out."

"Ok." I shrug but I know the girls can see a smile on my face.

I'm surprised when I walk into my office to see Christian sat behind my desk.

"Don't you have your own office?" I ask him placing the papers on the couch before unravelling my scarf from round my neck.

"I can't focus on work." He growls.

"And why is that?" I ask still terribly angry with him.

"Because all I can think about is spanking you for defying me." He says through gritted teeth and I swallow hard, he's not going to let this go.

"Would putting me across your knee make you feel better _Sir_?"

"You're seriously fucking asking?" he growls and I know that is a yes.

"If it's going to get rid of you and let me get on with some real work Christian to hell with it." I shrug and I suddenly realise I actually want this, I need this, I need him to dominate me again, to take me because I am his and his only.

"You want me to?" I've obviously given it away and so I nod softly.

"Come here." He growls and I manage not to grin as I walk over to him.

He pulls me roughly over his lap and I groan in anticipation as he rolls my skirt up my back. I hear my drawers being pulled open and I know he's doing it with one hand as one hand is caressing my backside, kneading it softly.

"I'm going to hit you twenty times Ana." He says and I just whimper.

The next thing I'm slapped and I know the feeling, it's not his hand, it's a damn Perspex ruler!

"Fuck." I moan after the second hit.

"Why am I spanking you Ana?" He asks while kneading my behind again.

"Ah!" I cry as he hits me again. "For defying you."

"Why do you defy me Ana?" He asks before hitting me again.

"Ugh because I can. Because I'm your wife and not your submissive." I reply just before another hit comes down and I squirm on his lap and not because I want him to stop but because I want more, I want him to spank me hard and I want him to take possession of me.

After the last hit which is the hardest of them all he pulls my panties down my legs and pull me roughly onto his lap. His erection is already out and when he pulled it out I don't know but before I can even think properly he pulls me down and thrusts himself deep into me.

"Ahh" I cry out throwing my head backwards.

"You need to apologise to my Mother Ana." He says as he begins a relentless punishing rhythm.

"I will." I cry as he holds my hands down on the arms of the chair.

"Good because if you refused then I wouldn't have let you come." He says before pushing me over the edge.

I bite down on his shoulder which is covered by his jacket to muffle my scream. He thrusts again before spilling hard into me.

"Why do you defy me Ana?" He asks but I know this time the question is rhetorical.


	81. Chapter 81

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Don't forget add my fan fic only facebook Steffie Dawn for previews!**

**Just a small filler here!**

"Hello Ana." Flynn smiles as I enter the office.

"Hi John." I reply before sinking onto the couch and struggling to get comfy with my still sore behind.

"So jumping straight in there, Christian said you were involved in an accident last week. How are you after it?"

"I'm fine. It was a misjudgement on my behalf and I paid for it." I shiver just thinking about the cold, it was so cold.

"What do you remember happening after the accident?"

"Just walking and being cold, I am never going to forget the cold." I admit and he nods slowly in understanding.

"So have you had any nightmares or flashbacks to the accident?"

"No." I reply honestly, does he think it was a traumatic experience?

"That's good. Now did you do your assignments?"

"Sort of." I reply and he cocks his head in such a Christian like manner I giggle. "I wrote on the mirror in the hotel in Portland but I've just been too busy to think about anything much."

"Ok." He nods. "How has it been a busy week since I last saw you?"

"You want the run down?" I ask raising my eyebrows thinking he's kidding but his nod says otherwise.

"Well other than a trip to Portland and thirty five hours asleep Christian and I decorated the Christmas tree then we went Christmas shopping and he flew me to Portland in my jet then I've been working." I reply with a shrug.

"How's work been?"

"Busy." I say quietly. "Very busy, I have to be in Portland again this week, I was in Redmond yesterday, it's a lot of work but I admit I love it."

"Have you done something this week that required you to be in complete control?" Now I know where he's going with this.

"Yes, I was in Portland buying a publishing company and then I've persuaded R. J. Wilks the author to sign with Grey's Publishing Seattle for ten percent more than I wanted and fifteen percent more than he went in with. Other than that just the day to day running a business." I say with a shrug.

"And how have you been feeling in and of yourself being so busy and in charge?"

"Honestly?" I ask and Flynn nods. "I don't know." I shrug. "I just get on with it, it's overwhelming most of the time."

"And have you let Christian dominate you like he did last week when it confused you?"

I blush scarlet. This is so embarrassing!

"Not exactly."

"That doesn't answer my question." Flynn smiles reassuringly.

"Well we've been so busy we've not been back to the playroom since then." I say. "But he has exerted his control over me in other places."

"Other places like situations?" He asks and I shake my head.

"No more like places as in locations." I say and I see the intrigue dripping from Flynn's face. "Like my office." I say quietly and he nods his head and thinks for a moment.

"You've moved into Grey's House haven't you?"

"Yes." I nod and he thinks again.

"So you're close to Christian."

"Yes." I frown, where is he going with this?

"So do you find Christian and yourself having sex in the office more?"

"Yes, he likes to pay me a visit while I'm working." I reply turning redder by the second.

"Maybe that's why he hasn't taken you back into the playroom, because he doesn't need you. Just having you there at his beck and call in the office means he's exerting control over you by turning up in your office."

"So you're saying if I want to go back into the playroom I need to put my foot down in the office?" I ask.

"Possibly." He nods and I feel embarrassed again as I know that is exactly what I'm going to do.


	82. Chapter 82

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Don't forget add my fan fic only facebook Steffie Dawn for previews!**

Arriving home I step out of the elevator and drop my bag and jacket straight onto the foyer table. I clutch tight to the tiara box hoping Christian can take some time off in the morning to run to the hospital with me to give it

"Christian?" I call stepping through the door.

"Here." He calls and I turn to see him and Grace sat on the couch, shit.

They both look at me and I see their faces looking apologetic.

"What's going on?" I ask my voice soft and uncertain.

Christian walks to me and slips the box out of my hand before placing gently on the side table but my eyes down waver from his face, I'm trying to figure out what the hell is going on.

"Come sit down Ana." Christian whispers as if he's talking to a child.

"What's going on Christian?" I ask as he guides me to the couch.

My eyes search his face for something because his grey eyes won't even meet mine. He sits me down beside Grace and she slips her hand into mine before squeezing it tightly.

"Will someone just tell me what's going on?" I ask desperately. "You're scaring me Christian!" I know these words hit him hard but it's the truth, this tiptoeing is scaring me. "Has something happened? To Mia? Carrick?" I ask frantically.

"No." Christian leans down in front of me and bows his head.

"Just tell me!" I scream and he reaches up and clasps my face softly in his hands.

"Rachael died last night." He says softly.

"Oh." I say in surprise. "Last night after we left?"

"Just a few hours later, her family was with her." Grace says running her fingers down my ponytail.

"Oh poor girl." I say quietly.

"You're ok?" Christian asks and this time it's his eyes that search my face.

"I'm fine." I reply pushing to my feet. "I barely knew her." I say quietly. "I need to shower, excuse me." I hurry off to the bathroom and shut the door behind me.

I'm in shock. _She was just a child! She was fine last night!_ These comments scream at me from inside my head and there's nothing I can do to stop them. I turn on the shower and quickly strip out of my clothes. I don't even check the temperature and it's no surprise it's almost scalding as Christian was the last to use it but I don't adjust it because I need to feel something other than this numbness that has clouded over me since Christian told me…

"Ana?" I hear his voice from behind the closed door.

"I'm in the shower Christian!" I call back to him hoping he'll leave me alone but he doesn't and instead chooses to march into the bathroom.

"Are you ok?" He asks awkwardly.

"I'm fine, it's just been a long day." I reply looking up into the water and letting it spray over my face.

"It's ok if you're upset you know, I shouldn't have said what I did last night."

"What that I had no right to feel anything for Rachael? That I didn't know her well enough to be emotionally attached? You were right Christian." I reply spitting each word out venomously.

"No I wasn't." He replied. "She was beautiful Ana, I can see how she captured your heart yesterday. You've such a loving heart Ana."

Tears prickle at my eyes and not caring that I'm soaking wet or that he's fully clothes I jump to him and wrap my arms tight around his neck. He holds me around the waist close to his body and I feel his erection against my leg.

"I need you Christian." I whisper.

"You have me." He replies quietly in my ear.

"No I need you to take me Christian. Take control over me. Please?" I ask in near tears.

"What?" He asks putting me onto the ground and clasping my face between his hands.

"I need you to dominate me Christian. Please?" I'm begging.

"You want me too?"

"Yes! I need you too. Just take control of me please?!" I'm almost shouting and he pulls me into him tight.

"If that's what you want baby. Finish your shower while I get rid of my Mother." He kisses the top of my head before heading to the door while I climb back into the water.

I wash up quickly and sit wrapped in a towel while I towel dry my hair. Christian comes in and in his hand I see the spreader bar.

"You're sure?"

I just nod. I can't explain it to him this isn't about sex for me right now it's the need for someone, him specifically, to take control of me of everything.

He walks to me and slips the hair dryer out of my hand. His grey eyes hook onto mine and they never leave as he slowly unwraps the fluffy towel from around me.

"Lie back." He whispers.

I lower myself onto the bed using all my strength for it to happen slowly. Christian places the Spreader bar on the bed beside me before hovering over me.

"I love you Ana." He whispers and before I can even think of replying he lowers his lips to mine, snatching away all coherent thought from me.

His hands stroke up and down my body and my nerves tingle. The only noise is our mingled small breaths and my eyes keep on his as his hands continue their path.

"I need you." I whisper as my eyes flicker close just seconds before his lips meet mine.

"Why?" He asks. "What do you need from me Ana?" He asks rubbing his nose against my cheek.

"Everything." I breathe and he comes up to meet my gaze again. "Take me Christian. Please."

"Are you sure you want to do this now?" He asks, I know he's confused. "I could just make love to you, if that's all you need."

"No Christian I need everything. I want to feel everything."

"You got it baby." He says before kissing down my body.

Once back at the end of the bed he stands up and I watch as he throws his shirt off. I see him reach for the spreader bar and I automatically turn on my stomach for him.

He caresses down my back and across my behind in soft gentle motions before going down my thighs. At my ankles he places the spreader bar and I enjoy the touch of the hard leather restraints against my skin. He caresses in an upward motion till his chest is pressing into my back and his hands work down my arms. Slowly he brings them between my legs and restrains them near my ankles.

"What do you want Ana?"

"You to be in control! Do whatever Christian Please?!" I snap at him angrily and I can see he's uncertain, I don't think he's ever looked so uncertain before. "Untie my Christian." I sigh heavily and he nods and quickly does as I ask him too.

Once free I dive from the bed and pull on my floor length night gown and matching robe.

"What is wrong with you?" I spit at him.

"What?" He scowls.

"I'm begging you for once to completely dominate me, consenting you to do whatever to me yet you're not, you're hesitant and you look uncertain. What the fuck is wrong?"

"I don't think you want this." He says weakly, and in front of me is that lost little boy but I won't let it affect me, not now, not when I'm furious.

"I was begging Christian! Could I not make it any clearer that I wanted it?!" I scream and he steps to me and grasps my shoulders but I push him away from me.

"I'm going to work in the library." I hiss before marching out needing to clear my head.

Christian wisely doesn't follow me and I find myself completely drained by the time I shut the library door. I sink onto the nearest couch and curl up in a ball. I'm so confused! I thought Christian would want me to submit to him as much as I wanted him to dominate me then I give him the chance and what? Is he not attracted to me when I am submissive? Does he prefer me to defy him and give him lip at every opportunity?

"Ana?" I wake to Christian shaking me softly.

"What?" I ask still not in the mood to talk to him.

"Doctor Flynn is here, he'd like to talk to you." Christian says weakly and my eyes widen.

"You called him?" I hiss and Christian stands and takes a step back as I push myself to sitting.

"I need his help." He replies.

"So why does he need to talk to me?!" I yell feeling overwhelmed with confusion and frustration.

"Because I told him what happened from start to end and he thinks it would be wise if he talked to you about it." Christian replies his face completely stoic and I know that means that Flynn has said way more than Christian's letting on.

"I don't want to talk to him." I snap.

"Please Ana!" Christian is pleading. Christian never pleads but his voice, his face all screams to me that he's begging.

"Why? Tell me the truth and I might consider it." I reply folding my arms around my chest.

"Because Ana this isn't right. You find out that a little girl you loved died and the next thing you want to be shackled and whipped? It doesn't make sense and the only time you ever truly let me dominate you is in the playroom and then when I was teasing you in the bedroom you weren't reacting."

"Of course I was!" I yell feeling the fury rush through me.

"No Ana you weren't." He says shaking his head. "You were completely emotionless and then you yelled at me angrily."

I bow my head as tears prickle at my eyes. What the hell is going on with me? I'm so lost.

"Please talk to Flynn?"

"Stay with me?" I ask him my voice echoing unshed cries.

"If that's what you want." He says. "Come, he's in the living room."

I slip my hand into Christian's and he pulls me into an embrace. I melt at the tenderness and I just want him to hold me and never let go because I feel safe here, in his arms I feel so loved and safe.

All too soon the contact breaks and Christian leads me downstairs to John Flynn.

He stands as we enter the room and nods his head smiling reassuringly. Christian and I take the opposite side of the U shaped couch and feeling completely comfortable in my own home I curl up into his side letting him run his fingers through my hair as I look at Flynn.

"So I understand you know Christian told me what happened?"

I just nod, I can't even begin to muster words up for the moment.

"Ok." John nods reassuringly. "That's good. Ok so he told me about the little girl who died, can you tell me about her?"

My eyes automatically fall on the box on the side table beside John. His eyes follow mine and so does Christian's.

"What's in the box baby?" He asks me and I sigh and close my eyes.

"It was for Rachael." I say quietly, my voice is hoarse and I can tell I need to cry and I mean really cry but I just can't.

"May I?" John asks and I nod before he reaches for the box.

I watch as his nimble fingers untie the pink ribbon and slowly open the top of the box. He pulls out the tiara and I feel my own breath catch in my chest.

"It's very beautiful, is there some significance to you buying this?" John asks softly as his fingers follow the pattern of the four inch high sterling silver tiara covered in crystals.

"It's like Anastasia's." I reply quietly.

"Like Anastasia's? Like yours?" Flynn frowns and I know he must think I'm going completely crazy but I shake my head and even crack a small smile.

"The fox movie, Anastasia, it was Rachael's favourite movie." I explain and John smiles and nods, I guess he knows now I'm not talking about myself in third person.

"How did you feel yesterday when you found out she was a terminal patient?" John asks and I guess Christian really did tell him everything.

"Angry." I reply remembering my outburst towards Grace.

"Why were you angry Ana?" John coaxes.

"I just thought 'why her?' I was angry that she would die."

"Christian says you yelled at Doctor Trevelyan."

"Wrongly yelled at Doctor Trevelyan." I correct and I feel Christian press his lips to my hair and I relax a little more. "I just felt so angry and she was there and I shouldn't have yelled at her it's not like it's her fault." I reply and John nods.

"Ok and what about this evening when you found out she'd died?"

"I felt sick for a moment then I felt … I felt nothing."

"Nothing?" John asks.

"I felt numb." I say and he nods again, I wish he would just tell me what's wrong already.

"And in the shower?"

"I felt…" I sigh and lean into Christian more and I feel him tighten his hold on me. "I felt out of control."

"You felt out of control." John repeats as his mind gets to work. "How did feeling like that make you think?"

"What?"

"When you realised you felt out of control how did you feel?"

"I felt frustrated and angry and I just needed someone to take that control back because I knew I couldn't. I needed Christian, I need him to take that control that I'd lost back." I begin to cry and I feel Christian shift me so my face is right in his side.

"Shh." He coos softly and I try desperately to compose myself.

"Can you pin point something that's making you feel out of control Ana?" John asks though I'm not looking at him, I have my face hidden in Christian's side but I've managed to stop the tears.

"No." I reply meekly. "I just feel lost." I say as I finally turn back to John and rest my head on Christian's chest.

"Ok. At work, do you feel lost or out of control then?" He asks and I shake my head firmly. "At home with Christian?" Again I shake my head negative.

"I can't pin point a location." I say and he nods.

"At the hospital yesterday when you spoke with Grace, did you feel out of control then?"

I nod. I can't say anything without risking bursting into tears again.

"And then when you found out Rachael had died?"

Again I nod.

"I think Ana that your life lately has been quite clear cut. At work you're completely in control, everyone answers to you while at home you're much less in control because Christian is and for the first time in a while yesterday you realised no one had control and that's why you were angry, your anger towards Grace wasn't actually towards her was it?"

I think about what he says for a moment then peek up at Christian, he's watching me with soft eyes and I sigh and look at Flynn nodding.

"You're right. I guess I was so used to having that control and then knowing when it wasn't there but then all of a sudden no one had control and it frightened me."

"Next time you feel like that Ana I want you to promise to call me about it."

"Ok." I nod knowing that I'd do anything not to have a meltdown like that again.

"Right then, do you feel better now?"

"Yes." I croak though I still feel like I need a good cry.

"Good, I should head off before Rhian starts pulling her hair out with the kids. I'll see myself out."

"Thank you for calling by John. We appreciate it." Christian says and I nod in agreement.

"For the two who single handedly are paying off my mortgage? Anytime." He smiles before heading towards the elevator.

"Now what do you say you and I go cuddle up in bed?"

"I'd like that." I say quietly and Christian easily lifts me in his arms and carries me to our bedroom.


	83. Chapter 83

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Don't forget add my fan fic only facebook Steffie Dawn for previews!**

"Don't go to work today." Christian says as he holds me tight in his arms.

"I've got so much to do for tomorrow." I sigh.

"Then work from home." Christian continues snuggling his nose into my hair.

"I can't, all the files I need are at Grey's House." I reply, I don't think he understands that after last night I just want to throw myself into work.

"I could have Andrea or Olivia bring them over, or Hannah or Sophia."

"No Christian just drop it ok?" I snap. "I want to work, I just need to work."

"Ok." He sighs pulling me tight against his chest. "I won't say I understand because I don't but I wish I did."

"I'm really sorry for yesterday Christian." I say seeing as I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

"Don't apologise." He says and I can't help but look up and clasp my lips onto his.

"I want to go to the playroom Christian." I tell him carefully.

"Ok, I'm not going to stop us going there because of what happened yesterday if that's what you're afraid of."

"Ok." I smile and he grins and rubs his nose against mine.

"Tonight?"

"Yes."

"Straight after dinner?"

"Please."

"Ok. I'm going to have fun all day deciding what I'm going to do to you Ana." He says and he pushes up against me so I feel his erection up against my hip.

"Would _Sir_ like that issue dealt with now?" I ask my voice dripping with seduction.

"Hell yes." He says before pulling me on top of him. "Do your worst Mrs Grey."

I grin widely at him before kissing his lips tenderly. His hands stroke down my nightgown and I help be in a position for him to peel it from my body. I straddle him naked and drag my nose from my nose up his chest hair making sure to lower my chest as I go dragging my nipples along him too. His lips part in a small O as I drag my tongue up his neck.

"Jesus Ana." He moans as I pepper little nips across his stumble filled jaw.

I work slowly back down his body until I reach his pyjama pants and easily pull them down letting his erection spring free. I can't help but smile as I take one hand and hold him firmly before licking circles on the tip of him making him groan and buck his hips up towards me.

"Fuck Ana." He growls like a feral animal.

I take him completely into my mouth taking my time to take in each inch hitting the back of my throat before pulling back slowly sucking hard.

"No Ana, I want to be inside you. Please?" He asks and I smirk at knowing I've made him ask.

I hover over him and with one hand slowly guide him into me. His face is a picture of need as I lower myself as slow as I possibly can.

Once he's fully inside me I take a moment to just feel him, every inch of him but as always he's highly impatient and grasps my hips.

"Ah." I moan as he lifts me slowly from him and lowers me back but he doesn't want this and quickly, without losing contact flips us over so he's on top.

I watch his beautiful face as it's lined with mine, he's propped up on his elbow which is beside my head and slowly he takes one of my already firm nipples into his mouth. He begins to suckle and at the same time rocks his hips hitting deep inside me.

He takes it slow, his eyes coming back to meet mine and never wandering. My hips rock in tandem and I know we're making love and not fucking. The fucking will happen tonight.

I feel my insides quivering and I know I'm so close. I fist the sheets beneath me but make no noise the closer I get my eyes hooked onto his, the arousal obvious in his steel gaze.

"Ana." He growls picking up speed and I know he's close too, so close.

"Shit Christian!" My hips but as my climax takes over my whole body, I contort wildly beneath him and I push him over his edge hearing my name called out like a mantra.

He withdraws and collapses beside me panting heavily. I push my behind into him and he pulls me to him tightly.

"I love you." He whispers running his nose up my arm over my shoulder and onto my neck.

"I love you too." I reply turning my head to meet his lips. "So much."

"We need to get ready if we're going into work." He says and I nod in agreement. "Come on Mrs Grey I think I'm ready for round too." He says jumping out of bed. I roll onto my back in time to see his eyes wandering over my naked figure and I can clearly see his erection beginning to form once again.

"Shower sex Mr Grey?" I as batting my eyelashes innocently.

"Hell yeah." He says his hand reaching for mine so he can pull me off the bed.

After a steaming hot shower and I don't mean steaming hot in description to the water, I quickly get changed into matching pinstripe pants and waist coat in a light grey with a white shirt and tie my hair in a figure eight chignon. Christian and I enjoy a simple breakfast of pancakes together before taking separate cars to Grey's House.

He has to worry about the court case today, the testimonies are coming to an end and he is planning on being there for the closing arguments. I have no plans on leaving my office at Grey's House for anything today other than to get lunch and even then I may send Hannah or Sophia as all the papers for tomorrow's meeting in Portland have to be perfect.

Other than that I have nothing to worry about. Melissa is doing a fantastic job with Christasia Seattle, Tony has everything under control in regards to Christasia Redmond and Roach is clearly in his element back at Grey's Publishing Seattle leaving me with the boring aspects of business management – paperwork.

At Grey's House I knuckle down completely. Everything is read over twice before being put in colour coded files so they're easier to handle tomorrow and then by lunch time I think I am more than ready to face Francis Mitchell and sign the pre-written cheque for seven hundred and fifty thousand dollars. I am going to then leave PIP under her careful management until the New Year allowing for the news of the takeover to settle before going in for the kill with the name change. While in Savannah I am going to go through every single employee's file from start to end figuring out who is exactly a waste of space and then have their redundancy packages ready, I don't want anyone working for me who has little to offer and in this current market and from the Resume's that arrive Grey's Publishing Seattle every day I know that there are numerous editors and assistants that are actually looking for work and would probably be more than willing to re-locate to Portland if it meant getting a job.

"Will you ever learn to knock on my door?" I as Christian as he strolls into my office.

"Nope." He admits and I can't help but smile.

He places a bag and drinks tray on the coffee table by my couches and beckons me over.

"I thought we could do lunch, still no word from the Lawyers leaving me bored." He explains.

"Well I'm done with everything for Portland tomorrow so I'm free." I reply walking over to him and settling down on one of the couches.

He's got us both a pomegranate and berry shake with meatball subs and donuts, I'm sure he's trying to make me fat.

"So you said everything ready for Portland, no change of mind?"

"Absolutely not, I'm going to get all the employee files and have Sophia set up redundancy packages, the whole place is going to be reformed after the New Year Christian, there has got to be reasons why the place was losing so many authors."

My cell phone ringing interrupts us and when I see it's GP I answer it disregarding Christian's facial objections.

"Ana Grey."

"Hey Mrs Grey it's Hope Hewitt."

"Oh hey Hope everything ok?"

"Yes well, we have this manuscript and we want to find out who it's from."

My bell instantly backflips with wonder.

"Don't you have any contact details?" I ask my eyes closing.

"No only a name."

"Ok well is the manuscript worth pursuing Hope because it's not one of the best I'm not going to waste valuable time and resource in tracking the person down if it's not."

"Ma'am if I may, I've read a lot of manuscripts since I've been here at Grey's Publishing and this has been by far the most interesting one, the story is captivating, there's elements of drama, thriller, romance, and even erotica and I couldn't put the damn thing down and found myself finishing it at four am this morning. This couldn't just be on the New York's time best seller this could top the damn list." She sounds angry and I'm not surprised considering what I said previously.

"What's the name of the author?"

"Rose Trevelyan."

I manage to hold back my gasp.

"Ok Hope I'll research into it for you and get back to you ok?"

"Thank you Ma'am and I'm sorry if I came across a little…"

"You didn't you came across as passionate and that's good. I'll speak with you as soon as I can."

"Thank you."

I hang up and look at Christian who has obviously seen my reaction on my face.

"What is it?" He asks placing his sub down on the table so he can give me all of his attention.

"That was Hope Hewitt." I say nervously. "She wanted me to find the author of the manuscript she's just read."

"Why can't she do it?"

"Because the author left no contact details." I reply and I can see Christian's frown deepening.

"Who would do that?" He asks.

"Me." I whisper and his eyes widen.

"What?"

"It's my manuscript, I put it in under a pseudo name."

"Why would you do that?" He asks angrily and I sink back in my seat.

"Because I didn't want anyone at the office to know it was my book, I didn't want it published just because I wrote it." I explain but Christian shrugs, I know he thinks the whole purpose of using my own publishing company would be to get the book published without any hassle and the truth of the matter is I'm the one making money full stop, the money the profit of the book goes to my account either way so there's no issue about money coming into play.

"I still don't understand but what did Hope say?"

"She said that the manuscript is so good she thinks it could top the New York Times best seller list."

"Why didn't you tell me you were writing a book?" Christian asks and I shrug my shoulders in reply.

"I never thought I'd actually write one from start to end until it was finished. It was just something Flynn recommended I do to stop feeling guilty about little blip, every time the feelings of guilt would arise he said I should write and I did."

"What's the book about?"

"A couple in a BDSM relationship with a lot of complications." I say with a smirk.

"Is it our story?"

"Not really, it's based loosely on us but it's like from the girl's point of view but it's based in London and the girl is a twenty two year old librarian and the man a very wealthy politician."

"How much of it is fact?" He asks still frowning.

"Not much would you just like to read it Christian?"

"Yes, you're not publishing anything if there's a giveaway it's about us."

"There isn't! Damn it Christian the only part of the story that's based on us is that he's a dom and takes her virginity and he tries to get her to be his submissive but he falls in love with her, that's it the rest of it is made up!"

"What's the book called?" He asks.

"Fifty shades."


	84. Chapter 84

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Don't forget add my fan fic only facebook Steffie Dawn for previews!**

Christian is sat with his feet up and laptop on his lap. He's reading my manuscript and I can't help but watch his changing facial expressions as he reads. We're waiting for dinner and then as promised we're going to the playroom afterwards. I can't wait and am wet just thinking about it but the apprehension that's sitting firmly in my mind won't shift until Christian says something about my manuscript.

He has laughed, frowned, shifted to hide his arousal and he's only on the fourth chapter. He made me email him it at once and I've barely heard a peep out of him since. I want to know how I'm supposed to tell Hope Hewitt that the book is mine and how I'm going to prove it to her. I will probably just walk up to her and tell her straight, the book fifty shades by Rose Trevelyan was written by Anastasia Grey and enjoy watching her face change, she may ask me questions such as character names and such to prove it's mine and I won't mind doing so, I will also gladly tell her that I have started on a sequel as this novel is the first of a trilogy.

However, it seems I'm going to need Christian's approval first. The book is only based loosely on our lives. Maggie Williams is a librarian in London when she meets Richard Howell the politician, he spills coffee over her on her way to work and insists that she allow him to buy her a new shirt. That's how they meet, the electricity between them from that first meeting is obvious and he stalks her in the way My Fifty stalked me until he invites her to his hotel room and propositions her to be his submissive, I have recalled a lot of memories from my experiences with the playroom, which of course Howell has but his is very different to mine and Christian's and he practises Dom/sub in a much more different manner including a collar and cruel and unusual punishments that I worry Christian will someday use on me because of his reading this book. Howell is a much darker character than Christian is too, he likes humiliation such as having Maggie stand in the corner of the room stripped naked in front of the house staff but the difference between Maggie and myself is Maggie really enjoys serving her master and even though they fall in love and have some form of regular vanilla relationship their home life continues to be Dom/sub and it is slowly revealed towards the end of the first book that Maggie has a dark and secret past of her own, to be revealed in book two.

"Mr and Mrs Grey your dinner is ready." Gail says from the doorway.

Finally Christian closes his laptop and looks at me.

"So far so good." He says seductively and I instantly feel that tightening in my lower abdomen. "Come, we'll discuss what I've read over food."

I hurry up after him wanting to know what he thinks more than anything.

We sit at the breakfast island with our Mexican wraps and wine and I am impatiently waiting for Christian to begin talking about my story.

"I like how much you've played on Maggie's emotions." He says quietly and I see something similar to hurt or regret in his eyes. "Is that how you felt when you and I met? Scared, anxious and worried?"

"I feared you." I admit quietly. "You intimidated me and I made no secret of that."

"Chapter four when she is introduced to his playroom, is that how you felt going in? Excited?"

"No." I say firmly. "I remember not knowing what to think, I was intrigued and scared and it was quite the combination but even then I knew I'd say yes."

"You did?" He asks in shock.

"Yes." I nod. "I did know, I always knew but then came more and I wanted more and you wanted to give me more and I was scared of losing you, I would have said yes just so I wouldn't lose you Christian but then when I came back from Savannah and the contract became moot I was ecstatic and I was looking forward to more and then after the breakup and we got back together and you were so willing to give it everything I knew I'd always say yes."

"I'm glad the contract became moot." He says in a whisper.

"Me too."

"More was never an option till you, I couldn't live without you and I knew that I loved you even though I couldn't tell you because I wasn't sure if it was safe to love you, I was scared to hurt you."

"I know." I smile and reach for his hand. "The book goes far darker than our relationship ever did, yes there are the threats of death and stuff to come, the man like you is very wealthy and has a dark past that comes to haunt them but even their relationship doesn't have the more that we have."

"Will they get married?" He asks.

"I don't think so. I don't see how a marriage would work in their relationship but who knows I haven't finished planning out the last two books yet."

"Fair enough." He nods. "I think your story so far is amazing and you should send an email to Hope now and tell her it's yours."

"Now?"

"Right now." He says grabbing my BlackBerry and placing it in my hand.

**To:** Hope Hewitt

**Subject: **Fifty Shades by Rose Trevelyan

**From:** Anastasia Grey

Hope,

I'm sorry for not telling you this on the phone but you should know that the manuscript called Fifty Shades was in fact written by me. Rose is my middle name while Trevelyan is the first part of my husband's surname, I didn't want the book to be processed and published just because it had my name on the cover and so I used a pseud name. The book is the first out of three, in book two Maggie's past is revealed while Howell's comes to haunt them, more action and more sex than in the first.

Again my apologies for not revealing this to you on the phone. I will be available by email tomorrow as I am visiting Portland.

Ana Grey

CEO, Anastasia Grey, Inc.

"There." I say placing my phone back on the island. "Done."

"Good. So have you decided whether or not you're going to change the name on the book to yours?"

"I hadn't thought about it, I mean I thought it was a given."

"Many authors us pen names."

"Yes that's true." I reply wondering where he's going with this.

"Of course their names are always found out in the end." He says and I nod, I know this I own a damn publishing company and am about to buy a second.

"What do you think Christian?"

"I like the name Rose Trevelyan, has a nice ring to it." He chuckles softly.

"Yes well I am not the most imaginative people and I knew that I would need a name that had some meaning that I could tell the editor about." I reply remembering how long it had taken for me to choose the name for my manuscript.

The ping of my emails stop Christian from saying anymore.

**To:** Anastasia Grey

**Subject:** Fifty Shades.

**From:** Hope Hewitt

Somehow I'm not surprised. I meant every word I said on the phone. I'll have the book into editing tomorrow and put a rush on it, could make a brilliant Christmas gift to Mom's everywhere.

Hope Hewitt

Editor, Grey's Publishing, Inc.

"Well that was easy." I say dropping the cell again. "Hope is going to have the book in editing tomorrow with a rush on it, she wants it out in time for Christmas."

"My wife the New York Times Best Selling Author I like it." He smiles before biting into his wrap.

"So do you think people should know that Fifty Shades the erotic BDSM novel was written by none other than Anastasia Grey?"

"No." He replies. "But the truth is it's going to be found out anyway Ana so you may as well be proud that you wrote it and not feel like you have to hide, there will be some fall backs and the press will question our lifestyle but all my ex submissives have signed non-disclosure agreements and you have no exes so we're in the clear as long as you come up with a plausible explanation as to how you know that stuff then it's no problem."

"So I can say I was looking for sexy underwear online when I fell across sex toys and I went from there?"

"You'd already thought about it hadn't you?"

"Yes." I grin happily. "I'm not stupid, I'd thought about everything before I dropped that manuscript on Hope's desk."

"Good girl." He smiles. "Now that we've eaten, fifteen minutes and I want you stark naked and kneeling in waiting for me."

He walks away and I quiver with anticipation.


	85. Chapter 85

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**THANK YOU TO EVERYONE who is reading and reviewing, I wish I had the time and patience to reply to each and every one of you but I don't so this is second best… Steff oxox**

**So I read somewhere once that only men could orgasm through anal penetration only, I don't know if that's a Myth or not but for my story it is just that, a myth because Ana is about to experience her anal only orgasm, I hope I do the scene some justice. **

**Don't forget add my fan fic only facebook Steffie Dawn for previews!**

I kneel naked in the playroom, my legs parted. I can't help but feel even more liberated and excited kneeling here without my panties knowing that Christian will be able to see at once how aroused I am just from the anticipation.

My mind is already in overdrive as I wait for him. There is so much he can do to me and I know as always this experience will be revitalising. I need him and I need this so much more since I became a CEO and I think Christian knows that too, maybe we'll come in here more often and push the boundaries, the possibilities are endless.

I hear Christian enter the room but keep my head down, he walks past me and I see his sexy bare feet and the bottom of his faded jeans and it turns me on even more!

I listen intently as the museum drawers are opened then closed, I can't help but wonder which exciting toys he will pull out, I know he's been shopping for more since he bought the swing and I hope there is something completely new for me to experience.

Christian stands behind me and I don't move as he slowly does my hair into a long braid. He pulls me back when it's done and drags his nose along my shoulder and up my neck till he sucks and bites my ear sending the most glorious feelings to my already heated core.

"What are the safewords Anastasia?" He breaths in the most seductive of manners.

"Red and Yellow Sir." I reply more confident than I think I have ever been in this room but I know that my voice is also laced with anticipation and arousal.

"Good girl. Now then I have no reason to punish you so everything we do today will be for both of our pleasure is that understood?"

"Yes Sir." I reply trying and failing to hide the excitement in my voice.

"I'm not going to blindfold you Ana, I want to see your eyes with ever sensation and believe me when I say it is going to be sensation overload."

"Yes Sir."

"Good girl, go to the cross."

I jump to my feet and almost sprint over to the large wooden cross. I can hear Christian chuckling lightly but I don't care, I want this so bad.

He saunters over and quickly has me restrained onto the cross.

"I also want to hear you Mrs Grey, so there will be no music. I only however want to hear you come, please refrain from making any noise until then."

"Yes Sir." I squeak, I am not one for being able to keep quiet so I wonder how this is going to work.

Christian walks back over to the museum chest leaving me restrained on the cross but I watch him happily gather his objects in his arms and carries them over to us placing them one at a time in a row I know he's building up the anticipation.

I see a large white feather, two sticks of some sort, something purple that looks like but can't be a vibrator because of the added large hole on the side and then there are what looks like four point restraints but I'm already trussed up so I am not surprised when he throw them on the bed followed by four metallic balls that look a lot like the two jiggle balls I like him to spank me wearing.

He picks up the feather first and steps to me. I hold my breath and bit my lip in anticipation and I'm happy when he smiles and slowly pulls at me lower lip.

He then takes the feather and runs it lightly down my cheek, I moan at once because it feels so good.

"Shh, I told you I wanted you quite." He says and I squeeze my eyes shut. "Also told you I wanted to see your eyes Ana."

I let them pop open just as he begins to run the feather down my right arm. He brings it up again and over my shoulder across the bottom of my throat and up and down my left. My breathing comes in short sharp pants and I can see his concentration like a skilful artist painting a canvass he eyes follow the path of the feather. He brings it back to my neck and slowly drags it down until he reaches just beneath my breasts. He goes to the left first, dragging the feather across ever so lightly before circling over the top and going down right, he completes a figure eight around my breast before going again, this time a little closer to my nipple and on the third time he actually touches my nipples and I gasp, they feel so sensitive already though they're not hard yet.

"Shh. It's so tempting to gag you." He mutters and I can't help but laugh.

"Do it." I say.

"What?" He stops the torturous path from my breasts down my abdomen with the feather to look at me.

"Do it. Gag me."

"Again what? You want me to gag you?"

I nod slowly, I remember him doing it with the panties and I remember thinking it wouldn't be so bad.

"Ok. If you're sure."

"I am Christian." I say and he smiles and rushes over to the museum chest again.

It doesn't take him long to locate a ball gag and when he comes back he looks so uncertain. I don't say anything just open my mouth wide enough for him to slip the ball in.

"Wait you won't be able to safe word."

"But you will be able to see my eyes." I tell him sincerely.

"Ok." He nods and finally brings the ball to my mouth.

I bend my head to let him fasten it and take slow deep breaths just to remind myself I can breath and I am safe. Christian begins his toture with the feather again but this time he begins to suck on my nipples. From one to the other he sucks while he strokes my thighs with the feather, again from one to the other. A few feral noises make it past my throat but I don't think they're audible through the ball fixed in my mouth.

The feather awakens every inch of my skin and as Christian continues to work on hardening my nipples by flicking his tongue expertly then biting down on the delicate nub I am already so close to an orgasm.

Much too soon for my liking he steps back but I watch with interest as he picks up the eight inch sticks off the floor.

"Nipple sticks." He tells me as I gaze in wonder, every inch of skin tingles from the feather and I'm barely coherent. "They can be quite painful but I have them on the adjusted the most they can go, I'll put them on then I'll ask you if they're ok. You can nod or shake your head in reply."

I nod excitedly even though there's an edge of fear as he parts two halves of one of the long sticks and then slowly places it around my nipple. The pinch his sharp and I hiss and gasp in pain but after a moment the pain subsides and it's a pleasant pinch, as hard as Christian usually bites. He attaches the second one and I look down to see my nipples crushed between these two metal sticks.

"Ok?" He asks me and I nod firmly at him.

He flicks one stick and then the other and again I hiss but it's definitely a pleasurable pain, Christian sees how I feel in my eyes and smiles at me.

I see him then pick up the purple object and I watch in complete wonder as he slides his finger into the hole.

"Finger rabbit vibrator." He says in explanation and he hits the button but there is no noise. "Soundless, the ears are made of silicon, so they're soft."

He places the two small ears on one of my nipples and it vibrates, pulsating against the sticks and it's beyond pleasure, it's something new and unique all together.

After a few more touches of the ears to my nipples he goes onto his knees.

"I can see how wet you are Ana, you're glistening." He says his eyes fixed on my sex.

I look down and watch him move his finger, he places it on my clitoris and slowly increases and decreases the pressure.

"You're going to come without me entering any orifice." He tells me and I know I am, I can feel the climax building so quickly.

With his free hand he flicks at the nipple sticks while his vibrating finger pulsates in increase and decrease pressure. Just two areas of my body completely stimulated and it isn't long before I explode.

"Open your eyes!" Christian yells as I buck wildly against the restraints.

I open my eyes to see him standing in front of me. He flicks off one of the nipple sticks then the other and my orgasm goes on and on. It's overloading me and I can't breathe properly and that has nothing to do with the ball gag in my mouth.

He unbuckles the ball gag single handedly and throws it onto the floor away from us.

"I want to hear you." He says as I continue to come apart.

"God Christian, fuck me ah!" I call as he presses harder onto my clit until finally my orgasm passes.

"I'm not done with you yet." He says pulling the vibrator from his finger.

He unbuckles me and then carries me over to the bed. I see the metal balls with a large metal ring on the end in his hand and he puts them in front of me.

"Open your mouth." I don't hesitate and he slips the four balls into my mouth leaving the ring hanging out. "You're going to have your first ever anal penetrated only orgasm Ana." He says and I widen my eyes in surprise. "Those are anal beads, a different type to what you're used to, they're heavier than the silicon ones and the string makes them flexible. I'm going to put them inside you then I'm going to spank you and you will orgasm from it."

I just blink at him and continue to suck on the four balls in my mouth.

"Enough." He says grasps the metal hook and slowly pulls the beads from my mouth.

He climbs behind me on the bed and I instantly position myself so he can place the balls inside me. Head and chest on the bed and my knees partly open with my behind in the air for him.

He strokes my behind and then inserts a finger into me.

"Lovely." He says slowly thrusting his finger in an out.

He then withdraws and inserts the balls. With each of the four pops I let out a small moan and then Christian leans over me.

"I want you holding onto the head board." He says and I instantly shuffle forward on my knees causing a pulling sensation that feels foreign and exciting.

I lean over and grasp the head board and Christian grabs my braid and pulls me head back as he begins to need the skin of my behind. The blows begin to rain down and they're not hard at all but each one pushes the balls and when he withdraws they fall back against the hole. Each one pushes me closer and closer to the edge and it takes only twenty five hits before I begin calling out. Christian pulls on the metal ring slowly and I call out loudly as each one intensifies my orgasm till all four are out and my orgasm subsides.

"Another first for you Mrs Grey." He says before suddenly I'm jerked forward by a slam of his shaft into my core. I scream out in surprise and pleasure as he continues to hold my head back by my braid and I hold tight to the head board.

He puts in a punishing rhythm and tears stream down my face, I don't think I can have another orgasm as I'm afraid it will hurt.

"Come on give it up for me Ana!" Christian's voice is so unlike his own but I know this isn't my husband, this is my Dominant. "Ana!" He yells and I know it's because he wants to come the same time as me but for the first time in my life I am scared of my own orgasm.

He reaches a hand over to my clitoris and pinches it hard and I come apart.

"Ana! Fuck Ana!" Christian yells as he spurts his seed inside of me but I can't breathe.

He lets go of my hair and withdraws and I collapse in one fluid motion to the side, darkness engulfing me.


	86. Chapter 86

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**THANK YOU TO EVERYONE who is reading and reviewing, I wish I had the time and patience to reply to each and every one of you but I don't so this is second best… Steff oxox**

**Don't forget add my fan fic only facebook Steffie Dawn for previews!**

I wake up and I'm in my own bedroom with Christian sleeping silently beside me. The clock on the side of the bed reads five am and I am a state of shock. I passed out because of an orgasm last night. Well in actual fact I passed out after the third and most amazing orgasm ever last night, I didn't think they could get that intense but Christian as always takes our playroom time to a new extreme.

Lying back on the pillows I remember each sensation that coursed through my body from the light touch of the white feather to the harsh punch of the nipple sticks and the fullness of the anal beads. It was definitely something I'd like to relieve, I didn't have to do anything but feel.

I quickly note that I am pleasantly sore this morning in both of my lower orifices. I can remember the anal beads heavy inside me and then Christian's relentless fuck. I really am not surprised that I passed out.

Knowing I have a long day ahead of me I quickly bounce out of bed and decide to have a coffee to wake myself up properly. It's nice to be able to make my own coffee and out of pure boredom and hunger I decide to make my own breakfast. I dig through the cupboards and fridge and pull out everything I could possibly use and then decide to make some homemade muffins and smoothies for Christian and I.

Settling for an old favourite of Kate's I make low fat apple, banana and cinnamon muffins that her mother kindly gave me the recipe of four years ago and then once they're in the oven I make mango smoothies.

By the time the smoothies are done I put the mix in the fridge and go to have a quick shower knowing I have time before the muffins are ready. I wash my hair and wrap it up in a towel before pulling on one of my fluffy bathrobes and slippers before going back to the kitchen just as Mrs Jones enters looking fresh and ready to face the day.

"Sorry Gail, I was up early and decided to make some breakfast." I say sheepishly.

"Hey it's no problem what have you made?" She asks with interest as I go into the over.

"Low far apple, banana and cinnamon muffins." I say putting the tray on the hob before getting out the cooling rack. "With Mango smoothie." I say as Mrs Jones proceeds to move the muffins from the baking tray to the cooling rack I retrieve the smoothie and a couple of tulipe glasses from the cupboard.

Christian enters the room yawning and I can't help but smile at him.

"Good morning Mrs Grey." He smiles planting a kiss on my nose.

"Morning to you too Mr Grey." I reply. "Did you sleep well?"

"Yes. I know you did, you passed out on me." He says forgetting or not noticing that Gail is standing right behind me.

"You wore me out." I say in whisper and he smirks looking pretty pleased with himself.

"Hmm something smells good Gail."

"It wasn't me it was Ana, I came down this morning to find her hard at work." Mrs Jones smiles kindly as I pour myself a smoothie and one for Christian.

"I was up early and wanted to do something." I say pushing the glass in front of him and watching him take a small sip.

"Nice." He smiles as Gail places a muffin each in front of us.

"And muffins?"

"Hey I haven't cooked those things in so long, first year of college I had to make a damn batch of them every Sunday and Wednesday to make sure Katherine Kavanagh actually ate breakfast, they were the only things she would eat. I wanted to eat them so I made them. You should try one Gail." I add and she nods.

Christian takes a small piece of the large muffin and puts it in his mouth before turning to me.

"Yummy." He says before kissing me softly.

"Really?" I ask knowing he's the type of man who would say that just so he doesn't hurt my feelings.

"Yes." He nods. "Really Gail you should try one." He says turning to Gail who is loading up the dishwasher.

"Ok." She nods taking one of the muffins and putting it on a plate.

I watch carefully as she takes a small piece and eats it slowly, savouring the taste.

"You called these low in fat?" She asks and I nod softly. "I need the recipe." She smiles and I grin happily before tucking in to my own.

"So you all ready to fly to Portland?" Christian asks eating a second muffin and drinking a second helping of the smoothie.

"Yes, I have an overnight bag just in case, all my files are in my satchel. I am going to kick ass at PIP today." I say confidently.

"Good. I'll read some more of your book and email you my notes."

"You do that." I say with a smile. "Even though I have a whole team of editors at my beck and call who would also do that."

"But none of them would be as honest with you about it as me." He says and I nod in agreement, it's why I am letting him read it in the first place.

"I've decided to let them take it to print as Rose Trevelyan. For a start it's a cute pen name and if it gets the success that Hope has predicted then it will be revealed that it's mine but then I can honestly say people didn't buy the book because I wrote it, they bought it because it was worth buying." I say and Christian nods at me slowly. "I want to make this book a success because the book is damn good not because the name on the cover is Anastasia Grey and I don't want them to make the publicity up with the fact it's your wife's book."

"I get it." Christian says. "Just for how long do you think it will be if the books gets the anticipated success until you're invited to go on chat shows and are asked questions such as 'what's your sex life like?'" He doesn't care that Gail is in the room.

"I don't have to give details Christian, my answer would be my husband and I have a very healthy and active sex life that doesn't need to be detailed on national TV." I say and he smirks. "Though I'm sure every man in the planet would love to know you made me pass out after sex it was that good." I say with a smirk of my own.

"I think every man in America would be begging me for a how to book." Christian laughs and I smile happily.

"Yes well you aren't allowed to write one. I'd like our secrets kept secret too."

"Good to know." He smirks.

"And I'll have the publicity team at Grey's house write answers to anticipated questions for me so I don't make a fool out of myself if we get to that point." I add as I slide off my chair. "But before any of that Mr Grey I have to get ready for my flight."

"Enjoy the use of your jet and if you get a chance call your mother and tell her we're flying out Saturday afternoon!" He calls after me, I don't bother replying as I know he knows I heard him.

After dressing in a nice suit and making sure my makeup is as tidy as I can possibly get it I grab my bags and take them through to the great room. Sawyer is standing in waiting and he happily takes my small wheelie suitcase and satchel out of my hands.

"I'll be right down, we're taking the TTS." I tell him, I'm not happy to drive the Saab after its last job from Portland.

I go into the kitchen where Gail is putting away the breakfast dishes and I pour the rest of the smoothie into a flask and box up a couple of muffins.

"I'll pick on them as I fly." I tell her and she smiles and nods.

"Anything you fancy in particular for dinner tonight Mrs Grey?" She asks and I think for a moment.

"Can we have a mild lamb curry tonight?"

"With mint sauce?"

"Yes." I say already hungry for it.

"For what time?"

"Well if the weather doesn't stop us flying I should be back for about four so say six thirty?"

"Ok." She nods and I quickly make my way out the door and head down to the garage.


	87. Chapter 87

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**THANK YOU TO EVERYONE who is reading and reviewing, I wish I had the time and patience to reply to each and every one of you but I don't so this is second best… Steff oxox**

**Don't forget add my fan fic only facebook Steffie Dawn for previews!**

Arriving at Boeing Field I park my car in the parking lot and quickly skip through all the checks at the airport to go straight onto the tarmac. My jet stands there in all her baby blue and white glory and I am beyond excited to be using her again.

I walk on board with Sawyer and the Crew are stood in waiting I smile at them all and introduce them to Sawyer.

"We don't take off for another thirty minutes Ma'am." Cassie Richards the pilot says.

"That's fine, I'll just make a phone call before we head off." I smile going over to the group seats and pulling out the table before taking the on board phone. "Make yourself comfortable Luke." I tell him and he happily slides into a seat opposite me while I dial Christian.

"Grey." He answered.

"Hi this is Anastasia Grey calling from Anastasia Grey Inc Plane, I'm calling to remind you to call the printers and see if the Christmas cards are ready." I say in a bubbly over the top voice that makes him laugh.

"Yes Ma'am. Do you have any other requests?" He asks.

"Can you also make sure you have them sent out today? Sophia may be a little bored today if you can't spare someone or have someone do them with her, also reply to the Christmas Eve party at Seattle Grace with a yes to the children's party at five followed by a yes to the evening ball with the staff at the Fairmount we'll have to dress up to go to the kids ward but it won't matter."

"Ok."

"And call Gail to confirm dinner time, I said six thirty but I wasn't sure what time we'd be finished by."

"Ok." He says again.

"I'll call when I'm done with my meeting." I add.

"Good luck."

"Love you."

"You too."

He hangs up straight away and I know he's got a gazillion other things to be doing on top of the list I've given him but I have a busy day too and my day could make or break my hopes of expanding Grey Publishing to Portland.

"Nice plane." Sawyer says as soon as I relax into my chair.

"Over the top isn't it." I say with a smile.

"Huh I've always believe if you've got it flaunt it." He says with a smile of his own and I can't help but laugh, I'm sure that's the motto Christian lives by.

"Hannah's booked a car and driver to pick us up from Portland International." I tell him and he nods.

The seatbelt sign comes on and it isn't long before we're in the air.

I quickly get to work re-reading files and sipping away at my smoothie while Sawyer enjoys one of my muffins. This is a big deal for me and I can't help but be nervous. I already have everything memorised and I stare at the unsigned check with wonder. When did I become like this? Once upon a time I was an editor's assistant ready to live pay check to pay check and now I'm spending three quarters of a million dollars buying my own publishing company. It's still so hard to comprehend that I have this power. I already employ nearly three hundred people and I can see where Christian gets his kicks from, I get it too now knowing that I could change someone's life with a simple redundancy package, even more that I will be changing people's lives at PIP as soon as the deeds are all in my name.

Fifty five minutes later and we've touched down in Portland. We walk out of the airport and I see a gentleman dressed as one would expect a chauffeur to be holding a sign reading A. . It's cute.

"Anastasia Grey?" He asks when I stop in front of him and I nod. "Richard Fielding."

"Sir I'm going to need to frisk you." Sawyer says stepping forward and I can't help but feel embarrassed.

"Of course." Fielding says without batting an eyelid.

When Sawyer steps away I can't help but look embarrassed.

"Not to worry Mrs Grey, happened plenty of times before." He reassures.

"Mr Fielding this is Luke Sawyer my CPP."

"I guessed his occupation." The older man with salt and pepper hair and bright hazel eyes says with a small chuckle. "Should we head off?"

"Yes thank you." I say and he happily walks off and Sawyer and I follow behind, I'm glad to have been able to leave my wheelie on board as if we do get grounded I'm luckily sleeping on the plane.

I have to say I am not shocked when Fielding opens the door of a black Audi SUV with tinted windows and I can't help but wonder if Christian had anything to do with this company and this driver being chosen. I happily slide inside and Sawyer takes to the front. I catch a glimpse of his gun inside his unzipped coat and I wonder if he let it flash as a warning to Fielding, a man even I could probably take down with the techniques Ray taught me.

We drive for nearly thirty minutes before we pull up outside PIP and I happily wait for Fielding to come around and open the door for me. I give him a polite smile as I exit holding tightly to my files for the meeting.

"I will be outside when you're done Mrs Grey." He says and I nod in thanks before hurrying inside.

"Mrs Grey." The receptionist smiles when I enter. "Here is a security card go straight through Ms Mitchell is waiting for you."

"Thank you." I reply noting that I don't need a visitors badge this time.

I walk straight through the double doors and then into the office with just one quick knock.

"Ana." She smiles jumping straight to her feet.

"Francis lovely to see you again." I smile shaking her hand.

"I was wondering if you were going to make it, I heard about your accident when you left last week." She says softly and I see that she actually cares.

"I'm fine thank you Francis, fit as a fiddle and I flew down this time." I say and she nods her head and leads me over to the couches.

"So I have everything signed and co-signed by either lawyer or vice-president where needed. I have made copies of all employee files including my own I have one last document needing to be signed which needs to be signed in your presence and of course you will need to sign it to."

"The deed?" I ask and she nods, at least I know this is actually real. "I have all the files from Grey's Publishing Seattle and a detailed report of how I'm going to use the personnel files to improve PIP including a set of goals I hope you'll begin throwing in to the work force so we can have this place up to Grey's Publishing standards before the name change happens."

"Of course."

"I also have the cheque, unsigned until I have the deed signed and in my hand." I reply and she opens a file and pulls out a certificate before quickly signing her name.

She passes me both certificate and pen and I quickly sign the deed and file it before signing the cheque and handing it over to her with a smile.

"Congratulations Mrs Grey." She smiles folding the cheque and putting it in her suit jacket inside pocket.

"Now should we talk business?" I ask sitting back and this time I feel powerful because the roles have quickly been reversed, I am not her boss, I have now got the power.

"I think some champagne is in order don't you?" She asks going over to a medium sized fridge and I can't help but laugh softly when she pulls out a bucket with a bottle of champagne and two flutes.

"To Grey's Publishing Portland." She says filling up two glasses.

"To Grey's Publishing Portland." I reply taking the glass from her.

"Cheers." She smiles before putting her own glass to her lips and we both sit down and open up one of my files.

"It's simple, these are the goals, I want each department to be aiming to sign three authors a month, I want the editing done quicker, from what I have seen from what you've emailed me some of your staff are lazy, one book took nearly six months to go through the editing process because better books came along and pushed it to the bottom. For me a book like that shouldn't be published because it obviously wasn't good enough to get the right recognition from the editor." I say and I see Francis nodding with me in agreement. "I also want to see books being advertised better. Some of these books were only advertised on your website and it wasn't enough nowhere near enough. I have the details of the packages offered to new authors at Grey's Publishing Seattle. They can be changed to suit the needs of the author but they are the basics packages, the more they want the less they get out of it as the more we give the more we spend for example I have just secured a deal with R. J. Wilks for thirty five percent of his takings on his next book and I am giving him a hell of a lot of publicity in return because he's a publicity junkie, he craves the fame not the money, I would have been happy with twenty five percent if he had insisted but I won in the end because I made him an offer he couldn't refuse a package that suited him to the tee."

"I can understand that. I'll have these sent out in a memo to all editors, contact the head of PR to have them begin the book campaigns and have more advertising done on the books."

"I also want any deals made to be finalised through me, nothing and I mean nothing is signed until I know what the money is going for, there will be no two million dollar cock-ups under my watch."

"Yes that's more than fine." Francis replies and I think she's actually relieved that I am doing this.

"Good. Then I think you and I will have a fantastic business relationship." I say finish my drink. "Now then the name will stay as PIP until I am satisfied it is up to GP standard, I don't want to be associated with a failing business, when PIP is rising again we'll change the name and by then we'll be a driving force and we will become the biggest yet most personally involved publishing house in Portland."

"You aim high."

"And climb higher." I smile getting my feet. "Email or call if you need anything."

"Ok." She says also getting to her feet.

"It was a pleasure doing business with you Francis and I'm sure you and I are going to work well together."

"You're exactly what this place needs Ana, a big heart that dreams big with the brains to match, you're going to make this place something I never could." There's a hint of sadness there and I can't help but feel a little bit sorry for the woman who has just sold off something she fought so hard to keep going even if she is a quarter of a million dollars richer for it.

"I will see you in the New Year with my decisions. As soon as I have the redundancy packages set up I'll email you the details but until then everything you need is in those files."

"Ok." She nods.

"Thank you again Francis."

"Bye Ana." She smiles and I happily leave with the new files including the deed and ownership papers to Portland International Publishing.

"Let's go home Luke, we'll have lunch on the plane as planned and I even have another bottle of champagne where you will be joining me in a glass and that is an order." I tell him with a smirk and he laughs softly.

"Yes Ma'am." He replies with a mock salute making me laugh.

I hand the security card over to the receptionist and stop in wait.

"I'd like you to have one of those made for me with a unique access code that allows me into every room in this building, I'm sure you can find a suitable picture on Google?"

"Yes Ma'am." She nods, I already knew that this girl knew I would be her new boss.

"I also want an office in this building, I'm sure it won't be too difficult for you to find an adequate room, maybe one of the smaller conference rooms?"

"Of course Mrs Grey I'll get right on to maintenance."

"Good, what's your name?"

"Tracy Wallis." She replies nervously.

"Lovely to see you again Tracy, have a good day." I smile before heading out with Swayer hot on my feet.

"You're very brusque but then very polite Mrs Grey." He says and I see a questioning look on his face and I laugh.

"I've learnt to be a business woman from my husband Luke, sometimes it's easier to go into a persona of being confident and in charge but then my upbringing about always being polite kicks in and I always hate it when Christian doesn't say thank you to his staff that I promised myself I wouldn't do it. I don't want to see so brash with them but I learnt from Christian."

"Fair point." He nods as Fielding opens the car door.

"Thank you." I smile climbing in as Sawyer once again climbs into the passenger seat I find my Blackberry and fire off an email to Christian.

* * *

**To:** Christian Grey

**Subject:** Homeward Bound

**From:** Anastasia Grey

Leaving for the airport now, should be home within the next two hours. Going to work from home for a while and start packing for Savannah, see you at dinner.

Ana Grey

CEO, Anastasia Grey, Inc.

* * *

I relax back in my seat and watch the world go by until I get a reply.

* * *

**To:** Anastasia Grey

**Subject:** How did it go?

**From:** Christian Grey

Are you now the proud owner of Portland Independent Publishing or did she change her mind, you seemed to be in that meeting very little time.

Christian Grey

CEO, Grey's Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

* * *

**To:** Christian Grey

**Subject:** Success

**From:** Anastasia Grey

Do you really think I'd leave if she changed her mind? I would still be in there persuading her in every way possible to sell me the place. I have already been demanding my own office space in the building a security clearance card and the introduction of possible packages with a strict warning on time limits with editing. I think I'll be able to change the name by February.

Ana Grey

CEO, Anastasia Grey, Inc.

* * *

**To:** Anastasia Grey

**Subject:** Proud as always

**From:** Christian Grey

Congratulations, should I pick up the Bollinger or will you?

Christian Grey

CEO, Grey's Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

* * *

**To:** Christian Grey

**Subject:** Thank you!

**From:** Anastasia Grey

You can, I am going home and changing into my Pjs.

See you later!

Ana Grey

CEO, Anastasia Grey, Inc.

As we pull up to the airport I pull out a fifty dollar bill and slip it into Fielding's hand. He nods his head and flicks his cap before Sawyer and I hurry towards the jet. I can't wait to get home, kick back and get ready to file the papers proclaiming me the owner of Portland Independent Publishing.


	88. Chapter 88

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**THANK YOU TO EVERYONE who is reading and reviewing, I wish I had the time and patience to reply to each and every one of you but I don't so this is second best… Steff oxox**

**Don't forget add my fan fic only facebook Steffie Dawn for previews!**

After arriving home I greet Gail before disappearing into my bedroom and stripping myself bare of Anastasia Grey CEO and become Ana. Once happily dressed in a set of loose flannel PJ's I make my way into the great room turning on the fire and iPod and playing some quiet pop music while I spread my files out on the couch with my Mac book open on the coffee table. Gail brings over a cup of tea without my asking.

"Thank you Gail." I smile gratefully.

"How did it go in Portland?" She asks me softly.

"PIP is mine." I say with a happy smile.

"Congratulations Ana." She smiles too and I can see the genuine sincerity behind her voice.

"Thank you. It just means I have so much to do before we go to Savannah in two days and I'll probably be pulling a Christian and working most of the time I'm out there." I say rubbing my hand across my forehead.

"Well I'll let you get back to work and just shout if you need anything." She says before going around her duties once again.

I email Barney first the full breakdown of staff at PIP and then I email Welch to see if he could spare someone to do a study of the security at PIP as I don't want any risks especially with how easy it is for the competition to walk in there like Hannah did. I then begin creating a spread sheet of all the current staff and thanks to the files from Francis I can see how many books they've had published and so on in the past year. I can compare them and contrast all the facts in detail from how much they have spent promoting authors to the percentage they've had from each book sale. It's shocking to see some of the editors signing away for as little as ten percent of the books profit, and it's obvious that the company doesn't make the money back for most of the books they buy the copyrights for and that situation has to be rectified immediately. I email Francis with a reminder that no new deals are made unless I have personally signed off on them and that will include me scanning the editors notes on the full manuscripts and that means the editors better have a detailed manuscript summary or the book will be disposed of without second thoughts.

After all that is done I email Hannah with the details of the work while Christian and I in Savannah, I expect her and Sophia to call by both Christasia Seattle and GP Seattle and make sure that they scan and email me the breakdown of the week's expenditure and income on Monday so I can digest the loss/profit margin for the week overall and see where we can skimp or spend to increase the business value. I also email Roach and Melissa explaining that I will expect daily written emails about everything going on at the businesses unless it's an emergency where I am contacted directly and then I email Tony at Christasia Redmond to ensure he has everything in order with the new windows coming to be fixed and the cleaner coming in to clean it all up before the opening on the 27th of December. I also email the head of illustrations at GP Seattle to have them make an advertisement for the newspapers ready so Christasia Redmond can hopefully have the same opening reception as Seattle's had.

By the time I'm done what's left of my tea is cold and I look at the clock to see its half past five in the evening and my day has flown by. Shutting my Mac I take it back into the bedroom and pull out my larger wheelie suitcase and begin packing clothes for Savannah.

Seeing as there will be no work to attend while out there I only pack jeans and track pants with comfortable long flowy tops and tanks that have no place in the business world except for on casual Friday's when you're not the CEO and a few dresses just in case. The weather will be as cool as Seattle in fall during December in Savannah so I am not worried about packing cold weather clothing just a light Parka and a few jackets as I have no idea what Christian and I will do while we are out there.

I then pack Christian's clothes because he won't do it expecting Mrs Jones to and as the suitcase is so big it's easier to pack everything into one anyhow. It doesn't take long to pack Christian's because his casual dress and work dress is so close it shouldn't be allowed, I also throw in a couple of his golfing vests knowing that Bob will insist on them going golfing while me and Mom lounge in the restaurant bar whether or not Christian will is another thing.

I close the suitcase and make my way back out to the Grand room finding Christian sat with hi computer on and his feet up.

"Hey." I smile as I walk up to him.

"Hey baby." He smiles extending his arm so I can collapse into his side.

"What are you doing?" I ask playfully.

"Reading fifty shades." He says it so matter-of-factly it takes me a moment.

"Enjoying it?"

"Haven't been able to put the damn thing away." He admits through gritted teeth. "It has truly captured me, enthralling I think the word is."

"You're just saying that."

"I honestly am not Ana I only have two chapters left before I'm done."

"Well can it be done after dinner I'm starving?" I say not liking sitting here while he reads my work.

"Sure." He smiles closing the Mac's lid and putting it on the coffee table so we can eat.

Mrs Jones places the food in front of us then leaves us alone to discuss the day's events.

"Did you sort out the cards?"

"Yes they're all stamped and sent thanks to Olivia and Sophia, they've become quite good friends too I caught them in midst of a giggle fit down on your floor." He says with a smile and I laugh, Sophia has the edge about her that she could make friends with a corpse. "I also called your Mother."

"Shit I totally forgot."

"It's ok, I did it and we've planned out what we're going to do for the five days we're there."

"You made plans with my Mom?" I ask in surprise and he grins and nods.

"We're going to be so busy but we have some time alone too." He says with a smirk.

"Have you booked a hotel?"

"Yes we're staying at The Mansion on Forsythe Park according to your Mom it's the best."

"She would know." I say nodding and he grins and laughs softly before tucking into his dinner. "So are you going to tell me what you think of my book?"

"I love it." He says giving me a wink.

"Seriously?" I say almost rolling my eyes, why can't he take me serious?"

"Ana. I haven't done any work all day because I was too busy reading your damn manuscript. It's good, it has everything you want in a good adult fiction, drama, thrill, and sex. It's good and yes I agree with Hope that it could do very well Rose Trevelyan." He finishes with a smirk and I roll my eyes to the ceiling and shake my head. "I would like to know how you came up with some of those playroom scenes, some of them are scene's we've done but others are … are very different."

"Yes well the difference between us and them is they practise a full Dom/sub relationship whereas we don't." I say firmly and he nods in understanding.

"You wrote about suspension, we've done nothing but the swing." He continues.

"You're not hanging me from the ceiling wrapped in a hundred different ropes Christian! I draw the line at that."

"Not all suspension is rope play Ana. I can suspend you without a single rope at all." He says with a smirk.

"Really?" I'm sure I squeaked.

"Yes. I have a very interesting foot suspender that hangs from the ceiling by chains and grips you upside down by your ankles, that along with a belt with wrist restraints could have you in a frenzy in no time." He says and I can see the arousal in his eyes alone.

"Hmm, I don't think I'd like being upside down for a length of time and I'd be scared of falling on my head without the use of my hands so forget it Grey, you're not hanging me upside down by my feet." I say firmly, it's not something that appeals to me at all and writing it in my book made me squirm but not in hope of pleasure but fear.

"Ok no to the suspension." He says with a chuckle, I know he doesn't need the Domination as much anymore and that alone relaxes me.

"But you know the swing I don't mind." I say quietly looking at my food and I know he's staring at me with a smile.

"Well that's good, I was thinking maybe after work tomorrow we could play for a few hours as we fly to Georgia at five am on Saturday." Christian says and I peek up at him with a happy smile on my face.

"Sounds good to me."

"But you Mrs Grey are spending tomorrow at Grey's Publishing sorting out this book. I called Hope and she has cancelled everything she had planned or passed them over to other people so she can focus on your book. She worked up a package to suit you today all you need to do is say yes or no really and let her do the work. She's going to advertise it all as Rose Trevelyan and your face won't appear anywhere until the book is on the New York Times Best Seller list ok?"

"Wow you decided to run my company instead of your own today while reading my erotic novel, sounds like you had a very productive day Mr Grey." I say with a smirk.

"Quite the opposite but you on the other hand, you did have a productive day."

"Yes I did, it's all systems go and I'm setting the deadline for the name change for February first. I think it's the best approach, I want Christasia Redmond opened first week of January and that can have more of my attention until the name change and then I still have two Christasia Salons to get open, I'll plan them once everything is settled down in Portland my estimation is six weeks."

"You're really enjoying the business world aren't you?" Christian smirks.

"Actually I just enjoy the challenge and being busy, the actual running of the businesses is being done by people who actually know what they're doing." I reply with a shrug. "Mitchell in Portland…"

"If she knew how to run a business she wouldn't have needed to sell it." He says poignantly. "It's your ideas she's going to implement into the place to bring it up to speed and maybe start making money again."

"Ok but it's her that's going to implement them." I shrug. "Then Roach is at GP Seattle, Melissa at Christasia Seattle and then Tony at Christasia Redmond, all I have to do is make sure they're doing their jobs and they'll do the rest."

"You really don't know how good of a job you're doing Ana." He sighs as if I've wounded him. "You're running them, you're the one bringing the money in and you're the one that's making those places a success."

"Whatever." I shrug before finishing the last forkful of my food. "As long as they carry on making money there are no complaints on my end."


	89. Chapter 89

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**To Read Ana's fifty shades add me on facebook where the first chapter is now up!**

**Don't forget add my fan fic only facebook Steffie Dawn for previews!**

The next morning I make it into Grey's Publishing at nine thirty after a full argument with Christian at Grey's House because I had other things I felt like I should be doing. He was insistent that today had to be dedicated to Fifty Shades and Hannah and Sophia would be ok without me. After that argument I finally agreed and left to come here.

"Good Morning Claire." I smile as I head for the elevator.

"Good Morning Mrs Grey." She calls after me.

"Ana!" I manage just before the elevator doors close in front of me.

I take the elevator up to the tenth floor and step out to the hustle and bustle of the morning. I hadn't realised that I was missing this. With Christmas on the way and author's deadlines hitting dead right and centre every editor in Grey's Publishing is working non-stop in order to get everything out on time.

I spot Hope sitting behind her desk in her office scribbling notes faster than I thought possible on what I think is a copy of my manuscript. Her black hair with pink streaks pulled back into a scruffy bun and her white tank top give her a real casual look, which I like, I don't insist my staff always look professional when they're working. If anything my business attire makes me look completely out of place in such a casual office.

I straighten myself out and walk to the glass door and knock. She looks up and smiles and I happily walk in.

"Good Morning Mrs Grey." She beams her hand extending to mine.

"Stop with the formalities Hope, it's Ana." I smile, she's in charge here at this moment, I am the author she is the Editor.

"Ok Ana, I have the package idea's drawn up. Take a look decide what you want and obviously we're open to negotiations." She says handing me the lists.

"Uh Hope I don't want to sell Grey's Publishing the copyright." I say and she frowns knowing that it's the only way we work as a publishing house making me laugh. "I want to give it. I am not taking money from my own business account to put in my personal account when chances are it would be transferred back."

"Mrs Grey…"

"No Hope, if this book is a success then I'll sell the copyright of part two but this book could also suck and I am not going to make my own company lose money. I am not selling the copyright, I am giving it ok? Now that's out of the way Grey's Publishing will also get twenty percent of the profit of the book and we'll go with package C." I say handing her back the paper.

"Ana are you really sure you want to give away the copyright?"

"I don't need money Hope, I am not interested in money ok?"

"Fine." She says. "Then we're going for package D where you're going to get the full throw of publicity."

"And how are you going to do that without showing a single picture of me?" I ask with raised eyebrows.

"I'll have a phone meeting and I'm sure we could change your voice somehow or have you write down the answers and someone else read them out. We'll keep your identity hidden as long as we possibly can which we believe will be until you storm the best seller list which will be January."

"Ok it's in your hands. Any changes need to be made?"

"Nope." She replies. "You do need to go up to illustrations now and choose your cover, there are three options. I've written out a new summary for the back I want you to have a look and see if you're ok with it. Then I've written your Bio without a picture which is a tough one but I don't think it will give away it's you."

"Ok then let's get on with it." I smile suddenly feeling very excited.

Hope and I get the elevator to the fifteenth floor and we're greeted by Carl.

"The author Rose Trevelyan wants to be kept anonymous, she's given all the final decisions to Mrs Grey." Hope says and I think it's pretty smart that she's keeping me anonymous even to the staff.

"Ok then, well here you go Mrs Grey the three choices."

I gaze at the three cover choices. One is simple just a pair of handcuffs with a blue hue on a two shade grey, bluish, black background. The next one is red going darker to a grey with again a pair of handcuffs which is to go with the red room of pain, yes, the playroom gets called the red room of pain in the book too and then the third is a woman's neck with a little of her chin and shoulders shown and she's wearing a black collar with a visible chain and hook just as I describe in the book and her hair falls over her shoulders raven black just as I had described hope to have.

"Cover three." I say looking at 'Rose Trevelyan' written at the top and then 'Fifty Shades' written at the bottom.

"Three it is." Carl smiles and I have a feeling number three was his design.

"Good then we'll have this book at the printers today." Hope smiles.

"The editing's done?"

"Yes I pulled an all-nighter to get it finished." She admits sheepishly.

"Then I want you to do what you need to do here and go home Hope, you must be shattered."

"Mrs Grey this book is available on our website from midnight on Monday and on Sunday it flies out around the world."

"Do you think it's going to have worldwide success?" I ask in shock.

"We've already got book critics in Australia, New Zeland, United Kingdom and ten states here waiting for me to send them a digital copy of this book which I can do now you've chosen a cover. That alone is going to bring hype to the book. I have one of the critics here in Seattle ready to go on Radio to give an honest opinion of this book and she's known for loving Erotic fiction."

"Who's the critic?"

"Melinda Moore."

"Oh God." I feel sick.

"And you're going to be in Savannah Georgia when all this is happening. I honestly think by Tuesday we're going to have the press demanding to know who Rose Trevelyan is if not definitely by Wednesday!"

"Right ok." I nod. "Now the Bio?"

"Oh yes."

We hurry back down to her office and she passes me the Summary and Bio to read. I slip into a chair and try and read it like I would any other author's bio but it's hard knowing it's mine.

"Twenty two year old Rose Trevelyan has always had a love for literature. From the magical works of the Bronte sisters to Thomas Hardy, Rose can lose her mind for hours in a piece of great literary works. An inspiring business woman Rose Trevelyan doesn't seem the type to have time to write but she makes the time and if her first novel is anything to go by we haven't heard the last of her."

I move over to the Summary happy with the bio as it does in fact give nothing away as to my identity.

"Maggie Williams was just a librarian living her life in London when Richard Howell spilt his coffee over her. His persuasive behaviour and domineering attitude should have frightened her away but instead Maggie found herself enthralled and bewildered, then she found out why and she somehow knew that he life would never be the same again. Maggie would never have describe herself as submissive but that's exactly what Richard wants her to be until he finds out she has a heart of gold and love to give to him, it floors him, surprises him but what's more is he realises he may have love to give her too. Can the two move past their history to enjoy their new relationship? Or will their pasts break any future they hope to have?"

"That's fine." I reply.

"Good, we will have a copy out to a couple of the papers and magazines tomorrow, I'll hand deliver them if I have to so that there will be some reviews on the back."

"Ok." I nod admittedly I am excited with this.

"Ok good."

"Is that everything?"

"That's everything except for your signature on the copyright forms." Hope replies and I nod and pick up a pen from the desk while she hands the forms over.

"It's a done deal Hope." I say pushing the form back to her.

"This book is going to rock the world." She says happily and I can't help but laugh because I damn sure hope that's true.


	90. Chapter 90

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**To Read Ana's fifty shades add me on facebook where the first chapter is now up!**

**Don't forget add my fan fic only facebook Steffie Dawn for previews!**

Arriving at the office I can't help but be bubbling with excitement.

"Mrs Grey we were told you wouldn't be in today." Hannah says in surprise.

"Well I am in." I reply with a shrug before pushing into my office.

I am completely floored at seeing Christian sat behind my desk typing away at my computer.

"What are you doing?" I ask my voice low, I'm seething with anger.

"Uh well…"

"Christian?" I ask walking around the desk.

I am shocked when I see he's on internet banking and even more shocked when I see he's on Anastasia Grey Incorporated's accounts.

"What are you doing?" I ask absolutely horrified.

"It's not what you think…"

"How do you even know what I'm thinking Christian?"

"Ana…"

"Don't Ana me! You have absolutely no right to be logged into that Christian! How did you even get the password and secret answer?!"

"Please Ana listen!" He yells back at me.

"This is beyond a joke Christian you've absolutely no right whatsoever to be logged into that now please start explaining what you're doing!"

"I'm just making sure the account book is up to date so that you're not breaking any laws …"

"I do the accounts at the start of every day for the previous day Christian." I snap angrily, I'm beyond furious.

"Ok that's good."

I walk over to the filing cabinet and pull out the file with the print out of the accounts from yesterday that I put away knowing there was a chance I wouldn't be in today to do it. I go over to the computer and Christian moves from my chair out of the way.

"Why is there three million dollars more than there should be in the account…"

"You must have made it."

"Don't lie to me." I hiss angrily.

"I'm…"

"Think about what's coming out of your mouth Christian because if it's another lie I swear I'll go to Savannah alone." I warn and I know my voice is threatening.

"I looked in the accounts saw it was low since the deposit for PIP had gone out and thought you needed some more money."

I throw the paper file in my hand at him while I pick up the phone. I quickly dial the number for our bank and glare at Christian who's looking pretty stony faced considering I'm the one angry with him.

"Hi this is Anastasia Grey… Yes I'll hold." Just my name is enough to get me passed on to a more senior worker at the bank. "Hi yes there has just been a large sum of money deposited into my business account Anastasia Grey Incorporated… yes I'd like that money transferred back to wherever the hell it came from because it's not mine… of course it's possible I didn't put the money in there and the business is only in my name… I know that it came from Grey's Enterprises Holdings… yes I'm well aware that it's my husband's company but I do not want that…" Christian knocks the call off. "What are you doing?!"

"Stopping you from waiting the banks time, they can't transfer it out with you over the phone that's the joy of internet banking." He says with a smirk.

"But they can transfer it out if I'm there in person." I hiss getting to my feet.

"Ana don't do this."

"Why did you do it Christian? I want to know exactly why you deposited three million dollars into my account!"

"Because if I hadn't today's withdrawals would have taken you overdrawn!" He yells and my mouth pops open in surprise, I'm floored.

"No it wouldn't." I say shaking my head. "I transferred half a million into it yesterday from…" I look through the four accounts and shake my head in shock. "Shit wrong account." I am pissed. "I still don't know why you transferred three million either." I say transferring the half a million from Christasia's account to Anastasia Grey Inc account.

"I didn't know you'd made a mistake and thought maybe you'd overspent." He says quietly.

"Now will you transfer the money out of my account?" I ask and he shakes his head.

"Why not?!" I yell.

"Because it's there now you may as well spend it!"

"I don't want your money Christian! I never have and now I never will please take that money out of my account! I am fed up with people thinking I only made it this far because of you and your money and your contacts, I have worked my ass off just to make a success of Grey's Publishing, I impulsively spent the entire profit for the year of Grey's Publishing and some of the money in the joint account to buy the salons and then I used my money from my account on PIP. I did that Christian, I did it and I don't like the fact that everyone thinks that you bought the salons and they'll think you bought PIP. I am not your trophy wife, I am not a pampered princess of any kind I am grateful… beyond grateful for the start you gave me in this business by giving me Grey's Publishing Seattle but I don't need your help with the rest of it. I can do it on my own and a simple mistake in the accounts leaving only a few thousand dollars in my main business account does not make Anastasia Grey Incorporated a failure…" Christian grabs my biceps and kisses me hard, as always my mind forgets everything and kisses him back feverishly.

"Are you going to listen to me now?" He asks pulling his lips away and dropping his forehead to mine as he pants.

"Fine." I whisper.

"Good. Anastasia Grey Inc is not a failure and let people think what they want to think Ana ok? The business management magazine comes out next week and that alone is going to help you and even if your success was all down to me which it isn't what really is the problem? You made it happen yourself and it's you running the businesses. I'll transfer the money out of Anastasia Grey Inc if that's what you want me to do."

"Please." I say quietly and I feel him nodding though my eyes are closed and I can't see him.

"Good and by the way it was easy to figure out your password and secret answer. You're right you're not the most creative person." He chuckles and I can't help but laugh, how can he calm me down so much?

"Well I will be changing those." I say quietly as he lets go of my arms and steps back.

"Ok." He says. "I guess it's futile for me to promise not to look at them again then."

"Yes and it would also be a lie." I say with a smirk and he nods, I know if I didn't change the passwords he wouldn't be able to help himself.

"Come on let's go home." He says grabbing my hand and I don't question it when I follow him out of the door.


	91. Chapter 91

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Read Ana's Fifty Shades right here on Fanfic! Chapter one up now!**

In the elevator up to Escala Christian pounces on me. I'm shocked for a moment but I soon regain brain function enough to wrap my legs around him and kiss him back.

"You infuriate me Ana." He gasps before kissing me again.

"As do you me." I reply taking a breath before returning the kiss heatedly.

"You're so hot when you're angry." He says and I giggle before the bell chimes signalling our floor.

Christian stumbles out still holding onto me and kissing me hard. My legs are wrapped tight around his waist making me skirt hitch up.

I moan into Christian's mouth as he bites down hard on my bottom lip and lets it go with a small pop. He makes it over to the U shaped couch and drops me on it and as I am still holding onto him I pull him down with me. His lips never leave mine as he begins to unbutton my blouse with fumbling fingers while my own fingers work on his shirt.

Our tongues are just fighting each other as we remove each other's shirts. He pulls me up by the lapels of mine so he can get it off and I have to completely let go of him. He throws my shirt beside me and takes off his own as quick as he can before crashing his lips back to mine. I moan in need as he tears my panties from my skin and I quickly on do his trousers. I tug them down and he pulls my breasts out of my bra before attaching one nipple to his lips. I struggle to remain focused as I continue to tug on his trousers and he pulls away from my breasts and stands up. I am panting and leaning up on my elbows as he removes the rest of his clothes and he lowers himself down onto me completely naked while I'm still in my skirt and bra. He takes his tie from around his neck and ties my hands together and pushes them up above my head.

"Leave them there." He warns and I nod hurriedly.

He plunges into me deeply and we both moan simultaneously and take a moment to adjust before Christian starts a ravaging pace. I am already sweating and panting as he thrusts deep and hard. I have one leg on the floor and he holds the other leg somewhere against the back of the couch as he looks deep into my eyes.

"Mrs Grey! Mr Grey! Stop! You don't want to…"

"Fuck" Christian yells pulling out of me and dragging on his boxers and quickly untying me.

I quickly adjust my bra and pull down my skirt.

"Mom? Dad?" Christian looks as horrified as I feel.

I quickly grab Christian's shirt and turn around to pull it on my face burning with embarrassment.

"I tried to stop them." Taylor says apologetically, at least I know now it wasn't Taylor who walked in on us but I don't know which one would be worse.

"Don't you young people have sex in bed anymore?" Grace asks with a wicked grin and I am completely horrified and I just want the ground to swallow me whole.

Christian wisely says nothing. As I quickly untie the rest of the tie from around the one wrist it's still attached too. I can't even face turning around until Christian turns me around and I stare at the floor hiding my complete embarrassment.

"What do you want?" Christian asks sitting on the couch to pull on his trousers.

"We've bought the Christmas presents for Carla and Bob for you to take with you to Savannah, we were going to call around the office and called first but Olivia said you'd already gone home." Grace explains still standing with Carrick, I still can't look at either of them.

"You could have called before coming here." Christian says angrily before standing beside me and wrapping an arm around me.

"I rang your cell but you were obviously too busy to pick up." Carrick says with a chuckle and I become more mortified by the second.

"Well take the hint next time." Christian growls.

"Now now we'll be leaving in a moment." Grace says placing some gifts on the couch and smiling at us happily.

"We were all your age once son." Carrick says and I know Christian's getting angrier as he tenses up beside me.

"Yes well most boys get caught masturbating by their Mom's and not having sex with his wife in their own home." Christian spits through gritted teeth.

"Ok we're leaving!" Grace announces and she grabs Carrick's arm and hurries for the elevator.

"I'm never going to be able to look at your parents again." I say laughing slightly.

"You will, they'll forget about it soon enough."

"No they won't, Christian we were just having sex my arms were tied together." I laugh.

"Who cares, come on." He picks me up. "Let's finish what we started in the bedroom."

I can't help but giggle as he carries me out to our bedroom.

He drops me onto the bed and tears his clothes off before pouncing on me. I laugh loudly as he pushes my skirt up and finds my still hot and wet core with his mouth.

"Oh God." I moan throwing my head back.

"No baby oh Christian." He says standing up and pulling off his trousers and boxers again as I laugh. He peels his shirt from me before parting my legs again and thrusting hard into me. He keeps up a relentless pace until we both come hard and he collapses beside me.

"Oh my God this is too funny." I say laughing.

"I never thought my Mom would ever walk in on us." He says.

"I'd rather your Mom than your Dad! Ohmigosh your Dad has seen me almost naked!" I groan rolling onto my stomach and burying my head into the pillow while Christian chuckles.

"Baby he turned away before he saw you." He says and I sigh relieved.

"Still he walked in on us having sex, that's humiliating." I reply and he laughs and rubs his hand up and down my bare back.

"Could have been worse, they could have walked in on us in the playroom or doing a variety of other things."

"Small mercy." I say laughing.

"I'm so tired he says pulling me into him."

"We have to be out of here at five am." I say quietly.

"I know." He replies. "Come on lets see what Mrs Jones is making for dinner and then we can get into bed early."

"Oh my god where was Mrs Jones and Taylor when we were on the couch?" I ask horrified once again.

"Making themselves scares and unable to hear." Christian shrugs. "Don't worry Ana they wouldn't have seen anything."

"They better not." I reply shivering, in saying that I'm sure they've heard us plenty of times even if they haven't heard us.

"Come, change and dinner before we can sleep."


	92. Chapter 92

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**To Read Ana's fifty shades add me on facebook where the first chapter is now up!**

**Don't forget add my fan fic only facebook Steffie Dawn for previews!**

"Ana." I hear echoing in my ear. "Ana baby come on wake up."

"What time is it?" I groan groggily.

"Four thirty, I didn't have the heart to wake you sooner." Christian says running her hand through my hair. "Now you can either have a really quick shower or I'll bring the shower to you."

"Don't you dare." I growl.

He rips the duvet off and picks me up from the bed.

"I'll take you to the shower then." He chuckles.

"Your hair is wet so that means you've had a shower." I say as he puts me down in the bathroom.

"I've been up since three. Come on get in the shower, we'll have breakfast on the plane." He says. "I'll get your clothes and don't wash your hair."

I pull a tongue out at him before pulling my hair back into a pony tail.

"I could always put you over my knee right here and now." He warns.

"But we'd miss our take off time." I say as I switch the water on.

"Then I'll just do it on the plane."

"I dare ya." I say before climbing into the shower and I know that me daring him is exactly what I needed to do to get him to do it.

As I wash Christian brings my clothes into the bathroom and then he switches the water off pulling me out straight into a large towel.

"I am capable enough to dry and change myself." I tell him as he begins to dry my skin.

"I know that but you also take your sweet time about it and we need to go." He says. "So don't argue with me." He adds and I shut my mouth tight letting him dry me and dress me as if I'm incapable of doing it myself.

"Ready to go." He says once I'm dressed in a pair of jeans and a baby doll dress top with flat ballet pumps.

I grab my purse knowing that Taylor and Sawyer will have taken everything else downstairs and to the car ready.

We wave to Gail as we go and I can't help but feel glad that Taylor won't be coming with us only Sawyer as she gets five days with her boyfriend.

"We climb into the car with Taylor and Sawyer and drive over to Boeing Field ready to get onto the jet. We drive onto the tarmac and Christian and I climb out ready to start our holiday.

"Have a safe trip Mr and Mrs Grey." Taylor says as Sawyer begins taking the cases up to the jet.

"Have a nice break Taylor." I smile.

"Yes have a nice break." Christian says awkwardly before clutching my hand and leading me away.

We climb onto the jet happily and quickly relax at the four person booth. Sawyer and Lois bring on the luggage and put it in the compartment storage in the back while I pull on my seatbelt and relax back sleep threatening to take over me.

"You're not sleeping till you've eaten." Christian says reaching over and poking me in the arm.

"Go away it's barely five am." I groan.

"I don't care, you can sleep once you've eaten, Lois knows to make up the bed and things for us ok?" He says and I nod sleepily and let out a yawn. "Cover your mouth when you yawn Ana."

"Too tired." I say slumping my head onto the table.

Christian pokes at my head repeatedly until I lift it up propping my elbow up and resting my cheek on my hand I glare at him through tired eyes.

The take-off announcement hits our ears and Sawyer and Lois settle into separate seats in front of us and before we know it we're in the air.

Lois unbuckles her belt first and stands up to do the safety announcement before she brings us breakfast of fruit salad and toast with tea for me and coffee for Christian. Sawyer also has breakfast at his own seat and I can't help but wish he was with us so he could join in our conversation.

I tuck in happily and I'm unsure whether it's because I'm hungry or because I know once I've eaten enough to satisfy Christian I can sleep. I see Lois making up the two sofas that fall out into one giant bed and I look at it longingly as I eat.

Once I've eaten Christian offers me his hand and he takes me over to the now made bed. Once under the duvet I slip off my jeans as does Christian and he pulls me into him, spooning me from behind.

He strokes his hand up and down my inner thigh and it takes everything I have not to moan in pleasure.

"How quiet can you be?" He whispers seductively into my ear.

"What?" Before the word is fully out of my mouth his finger strokes my sex through my panties and I drop my face completely into the duvet and bite down on it to supress a moan.

He tugs my panties down my legs and uses his feet to get them off completely before he hitches on leg over his and inserts a finger into me.

I grip the sheet tight in my hand hold my breath to stop myself moaning loudly as he begins a treacherously slow thrusting of his finger.

His erection presses into my lower back and I can't resist pushing my behind into him.

"Can you be quiet?" He asks and I glance over to where Sawyer is sitting with his back to us.

"I can try." I giggle and he removes his finger and I shift away just so he can pull his boxers off.

He pulls me into him again and hitches my leg completely over his again before thrusting hard into me. I gasp and squeeze my eyes tight, it's not very deep this way but as he thrusts ever so gently he completely strokes my inner front all and I am completely floored.

I thrust against him too and we climb steadily towards our orgasms together. As I get closer I know it's going to be near impossible not to scream and when it finally hits I clasp Christians hand and bite down on the duvet while holding my breath as I shake and quiver. Christian's orgasm hits seconds later and he thrusts really hard into me and I hear him grunt. I glance nervously over to Sawyer who doesn't look out way and I giggle.

"Shh." Christian says pulling me close. "Sleep now." He says and I realise he's still firmly planted inside of me as I close my eyes and let sleep take over.


	93. Chapter 93

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**To Read Ana's fifty shades add me on facebook where the first chapter is now up!**

**Don't forget add my fan fic only facebook Steffie Dawn for previews!**

We touch down in Savannah at 1pm EST. It's warmer than Seattle but not hot like it is in the summer. It's still also quite humid. Sawyer hurries off ahead of us to go and pick up the car Christian has ordered for us out here while I happily help Lois gather up the luggage while Christian begrudgingly packs away the bed.

When Sawyer comes back on board he takes the luggage down with Lois while Christian and I finally exit the plane into the Georgian sun. I feel excited to be here and I can't wait to do everything Christian has planned. Starting with Lunch at the hotel and then relaxing and showering before going to my Mom and Bob's for dinner.

Typically Christian has got us a black Audi SUV and I climb inside comfortably while Christian and Sawyer programme the hotel and my Mom's house into the Sat Nav system.

Once at the hotel we walk into the large orange brick building into the most beautiful lobby. It has floor to ceiling mirrors along the walls with gaps every two mirror except for on the wall opposite the counter. The wall paper between the mirrors is blue with golden vintage patterns and it's truly breath taking. The black marble counter takes up little space and by the mirrors there is a golden fabric bench, two cream chairs and a black leather couch with yellowish cushions. In the centre between all the seating areas is a large square glass table with a lovely white lily flower arrangement.

"Two Suites in the name of Grey." Christian says to the receptionist who looks like every other hotel receptionist I have ever seen, a skirt suit with a neck tie and bright red lips.

I look around while Christian sorts everything out. This place is truly exquisite and to think I'd never have considered coming here though I'd been passed it several times in the past.

"Come baby." Christian says his hand on my shoulder.

We take the Elevator up to the fourth floor and find it's only us and Sawyer on this floor in this wing of the building which relaxes me some and Christian to as we only have one security with us. Christian and I enter are room as the Consierge drops off our bags Christian gives him a tip while I begin to explore. The room isn't that big at all.

It has a king size bed with a giant white vintage headboard and white sheets, A golden three seater couch with cushions and a large footstool too match, a mini bar and in room safe, some artwork by no one I know along the walls that have nothing special about them in my honest opinion and a flat screen TV as well as a chest of drawers and wardrobe in dark wood. It also has a small dining area off to one side around an arched window.

The bathroom is far more luxurious with a giant whirlpool bathtub, shower, toilet and sink in beautiful marble and space around them to move as well.

"It will do." Christian says gruffly. "However give me a penthouse any day."

"It's not that bad Christian." I sigh knowing he's hard to please.

"Could be worse." He shrugs. "I'm going to call down and see if they have a restaurant or dining room for lunch."

"I'm going to shower." I say grabbing my suitcase to hunt through it for fresher clothes and something better than my travel clothes to go to lunch in.

I enjoy my shower even though I hope Christian will join me the entire time. When I finish in the bathroom he smiles and goes in, seems like he was hoping to do the same but knows if that happens we won't leave the bedroom.

I change into a nice knee high figure hugging pencil dress with a pair of small heels and some light makeup and my hair blow dried left down to take away from the business look. I know I looked odd coming in to the hotel in my jeans and a simple tank but I love to travel comfortably.

"Ok baby?" Christian comes out already dressed and I know he's done that so I won't pounce on him. He's now in a pair of suit pants and a shirt too and we look quite like the power couple Kate named us.

We head down to the dining room arm in arm and I can't help but smile, I feel so relaxed knowing that unless there's a problem I won't have to worry about work at all. We're on holiday.

We're shown to our table in the dining room and Christian is instantly displeased.

"I'm sorry your table for two is in the middle of the dining room and your other tables are separated by white sheets, my wife and I would like one of those tables." He says.

"Sir those tables are for four people."

"And two weeks before Christmas this hotel is barely booked hence why I was able to get two suites only booking last week. Now how much is it going to cost me to have you clear two place settings off the table?" He continues with a wad of hundred dollar bills in his hand that he's flicking through.

"Uh…"

"Thought so." Christian says crashing a hundred dollar bill into the man's chest. "We'll be at the bar come and get us when the table is ready."

Christian leads me away sniggering under his breath leaving me feeling like the trophy wife as we head to the bar.

"Now that's how you start a holiday." He says as soon as we've sat down on some stools.

"By making the staff feel like shit?" I ask and he frowns at me. "You'll be lucky he doesn't spit in your food now Christian."

"Oh Come on Ana, the small tables are lined down the middle whereas there are beautiful white drapes giving privacy."

"I know that but there's a way to approach people Christian, you could have been polite."

"It's our holiday we'll never stay here again even if we come to Savannah!" Christian groans and I'm getting angrier by the minute until my phone rings.

"Taylor?" I frown at the caller ID. "Ana Grey."

"Mrs Grey is Mr Grey with you?"

"Of course."

"Could you put him on?"

"Sure." I hand the phone over shaking.

"Taylor… that's not unusual… what?!... No… we'll get a flight back as soon as… no… I think Ana needs to be there… yes I know that… law enforcement involved?... good… we'll stay until tomorrow we have to see her family … I can understand that… then have the bomb squad scour Escala I'll pay for the overtime myself…"

I don't hear the rest of the conversation. Bomb Squad? What the hell is going on?!

"Call me with the details." Christian hangs up the phone and places it in his pocket.

"Christian…"

"Mr and Mrs Grey your table is ready."

Christian takes my hand and leads me to the table while I completely panic. I can't get the words BOMB SQUAD out of my head, something's happened and I need to know what it is, why do I need to be there?

"Christian what's going on?" I ask as soon as we're seated.

"I'll tell you in a minute." He says warning me with his eyes about the hovering waiter. "A bottle of pinot grigio please." Christian says to the waiter and he watches while he scurries off.

"Christian! Why have you taken my phone? Give it here!" I hiss.

"No, you can have it once I finish telling you what's going on as you need to hear it from me." He says and I am actually shaking with fear.

"Well?"

"There was a threat made yesterday."

"Well that's not unusual." I say knowing that threats are made on a daily basis against Christian and I hence the security but they're rearly anything to worry about.

"That's what I said however the threat has been carried out." He says looking grave.

"What's happened Christian?" I ask physically shaking as Christian takes my hand in his own.

"Christasia Olympia was bombed."

I feel like I'm going to be sick.

"How bad?"

"The place isn't salvageable." He says.

"No I mean is anyone hurt?" I ask and he shakes his head and I relax some. "So what now?"

"We'll have to fly back in the morning. You're needed there for the investigation, there's going to be a lot of paperwork for you to sign."

"My Mom is going to be disappointed." I sigh.

"I know baby." He replies running his thumb across my knuckles. "The bomb squad are checking out all other AG Inc. properties and the plane will be under safe guarding as soon as it lands no one comes off only security goes on Taylor's going to be there the whole time till it comes to get us."

"I want to go as soon as we can." I say and he nods. "We can't get the plane here for at least twelve hours Ana."

"Ok."

"We can have dinner with your parents and give them their Christmas presents before we have to go."

"That's fine." I reply. "I can't believe this Christian, who would do this?!" I ask tears building in my eyes.

"I don't know baby, I really don't but we'll find out ok?" He says as my phone rings again and he passes it over to me.

"Ana Grey."

"Mrs Grey, Taylor, there's a second bomb at Christasia Tacoma."

"Oh my God." I gasp.

"It hasn't blown, the bomb squad are trying to figure the best way to defuse it. They need your verbal permission if it comes to it to let it go up, they are evacuating as fast as they can but if it blows that's it, there will be no building left."

"Sign off on it. Just make sure they get everyone away from the building."

"Ok Mrs Grey, they are going to try and contain it but there is no timer and the bomb is unlike anything they've seen before."

"I understand. Just ok, make sure no one gets hurt."

"I'll do my best."

He hangs up and I close my eyes.

"What is it baby?"

"A second bomb, Christasia Tacoma, they don't know if they can get it safely undone and needed my permission should worst come to worst just to let it go up. The building isn't attached to any other so they should be fine, they're evacuating."

"Ana."

"As long as no one gets hurt it's ok." I say as our wine is served quickly, I think the waiter can see we don't want to be bothered.

"Ana these are your businesses." Christian says.

"The last thing I care about right now is a couple of Salons Christian! They weren't even open! And if every single business I own went up in flames I wouldn't care as long as no one gets hurt!" I snap and he nods in understanding.

"What's the insurance coverage?" He asks.

"Covers everything, from accidents to terrorism." I reply and he nods softly.

"Well then you have nothing to worry in regards to the businesses."

"They're worth more blown up." I say embarrassed. "What if they think I did this Christian? For the insurance I mean?"

"I doubt it. Do you even know how to make a simple potato explode?"

"Yes, put it in the microwave without putting holes in it, I'm not that dumb." I snap and he laughs softly, I can't help but crack a smile.

"Come on lets order and eat then we'll go spend some time with your parents before the planes come back ok?"

I somehow know that Christian is dying to get to his phone and I can guarantee that by the time we're back in Seattle he will have done something or other to interfere and for once, I won't be angry if he has because I have no idea how to handle this and just want to curl up in a ball and thank God that no one has been hurt so far.


	94. Chapter 94

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**To Read Ana's fifty shades add me on facebook where the first chapter is now up!**

**Don't forget add my fan fic only facebook Steffie Dawn for previews!**

After Lunch we head straight over to my Mom's house. The bombing of the now two Christasia Salons is across international news and Christian and I sit in the living room with my Mom and Bob listening carefully to the report.

"At approximately nine thirty here in Olympia the first Christasia Salon was blown up. Fire-fighters battled the flames for an hour before it was clear that nothing of the building remained. At ten forty five, the second Christasia Salon located in Tacoma was blown up. It is unclear at the moment what the nature of these explosions were, eyewitnesses believed it to be a gas explosion of some sort until the second Salon exploded. No word has been given by first responses and no statement has been made by the owner of Christiasia Salons and Anastasia Grey incorporated Mrs Ana Grey. It is rumoured that Mrs Grey and her husband are in Savannah Georgia visiting with family before the holidays and are expected to return to Washington via the company jet sometime in the early hours of the morning. Members from the Anti-terrorist task force and Major Crimes of the Metropolitan Police Department of the District of Columbia as well as the Anti-Terrorist task force of the FBI have been to other Anastasia Grey Inc properties as well as the family apartment and empty family home to make sure there are no other bomb threats. Extra precautions are being taken by the power couple to ensure their safety with no one being able to get anywhere near the plane when it lands in Sea-Tac and the same again when it takes off. We are to believe that a press release statement will be given by members of either Grey's House or Anastasia Grey Incorporated sometime today. That's all for now."

"This is scary." I whisper to Christian as he wraps his arm around me tight.

"I know baby." He says running his hand through my hair. "We'll figure it out."

"The only enemy we have is Elena who would stoop this low Christian and I am sorry but I don't know how she would know how to set up bombs and put them into place in two salons when she has been out of the country for God Knows how long!" I hiss angrily, I have two options here, be sad or be angry and angry seems to be working best for me right now.

"I know. The FBI and the police are involved Ana, they'll figure out who did this." Christian reassures though I can see in his face he is planning something and I don't even want to know what it is.

I pull my phone from my purse as Bob and My Mom listen to the interview between the person in the studio and the person outside my billowing salon in Olympia. The funnies thing is that I've never even been there. The name on the door and glass hadn't yet been changed, there was nothing there to indicate it was Christasia, just that it was once Esclava.

"Who are you calling?" Christian asks.

"Grey Publishing, the public need to hear something from me Christian." I whisper and he nods softly as I knock the call button.

"Claire, Ana Grey put me through to PR."

I wait as the call is put through and take a deep breath.

"Mrs Grey?"

"Release a statement saying our flight leaves here and we'll arrive back at three am your time. We'll be landing in Boeing Airfield and going straight to Escala until morning. Also tell them that the buildings don't matter the fact that no one was hurt is all that matter and also say that we will be giving our full co-operation to law enforcement in finding out who committed these crimes."

"Yes Ma'am."

"Thank you." I reply before hanging up and cuddling back up with Christian. "So much for our nice break." I sigh.

"I know." He replies running his fingers through my hair calming me down a little.

"I'll go sort the dinner, it should be ready soon." My Mom smiles weakly as I hold on tight to Christian.

"What if I'd opened those Salons? People would have been working… customers…"

"Stop Ana." Christian says firmly. "Don't start the what ifs ok? It looks like these two places were chosen because they were empty, the other places are safe and secure and will be cleared by the bomb squad and we'll go to Escala, get some sleep and then we'll face this all together tomorrow ok?"

"Ok." I whisper tears stinging my eyes.

"And don't cry." He says kissing just beneath my eye before a tear falls.

"What if this has something to do with Elena…"

"That one that crashed her car into you two in Aspen?" Bob asks, he's obviously been listening intently to our conversation.

"Yes Bob. The Bitch Troll." I say rolling my eyes and he laughs heartily at the nick name while Christian just gently slaps my side in warning. "Stow your twitching palm." I giggle quietly making Christian laugh.

"So Bob have you been doing much golfing over the winter?"

I refrain from rolling my eyes again and crawl out of Christian's arms to help my mom with dinner. She's happily mixing the salad in the kitchen when I walk in and in typical Mom style she stops what she's doing to come and wrap me up in a hug.

"You're taking all this pretty well honey bee." She says as I rest my forehead in the crook of her neck and hold tight around her waist.

"It's the only way I can take it Mom. If I wasn't just … Mom…" I begin to cry and she holds my shaking figure tighter.

"You don't have to put on a face for me, you've always been my baby girl." She says taking over running her fingers through my hair as I sob.

"People could have died! This is all my fault! I don't care about the buildings or the businesses, I'll make the money back from the insurance but people could have died!" I splutter through my tears as my Mom slowly rocks me from side to side.

"But no one did."

"We don't need this. Why can't anyone leave us alone? These past two weeks have been perfect! Christian and I have been getting on better, we have more time for each other because we're not fighting, John Flynn has been helping me with my self-esteem while Christian's been dealing with his own stuff, we want to have a family Mom, we want children but I can't… how could I possibly bring a child into this mess we call a life?"

My Mom knows me better than anyone and she always lets me ramble on when I'm sad until I have said everything on my mind and cried myself out and then she talks me through everything I've said and makes me feel better. That's one thing you can count on with my Mom.

"Now, why don't we have a glass of wine?" My Mom asks when I've stopped crying and I manage to hiccup a laugh and nod.

I sit down at the island and my Mom pours us a glass of white wine, I know the second it hits my lips that it's nowhere near as expensive as what I've become acquainted too but it reminds me of wine night with Kate in college where cheap wine and take out went perfect with a movie or music and plenty of girl talk.

"First we'll start with you being left alone, baby you know that's not going to happen as you and Christian are known across the country especially in Washington."

"I know, it's just there are people knowing us and everything about us then there's the constant threat Mom it's consuming." I explain and she nods understandingly.

"I know but you're wealthy and you're powerful and people are threatened by that." She says and I nod weakly, it's my turn to understand now. I never looked at it in the way Mom just did. Just by being who we are Christian and I threaten people. We don't mean to do it, we don't do it on purpose but because of it I think I understand why some people would feel no wrong in threatening us back, most of course don't carry out those threats.

"I'm pleased that John Flynn is helping you with your self-esteem honey bee because it's about damn time. You're beautiful and yes I may be a biased Mom but you are, Christian sees your beauty. Then of course there's your kind heart and your talent at being a business woman, you deserve to think highly of yourself and you hopefully will someday. I'm glad you and Christian are getting on better, that's perfect because while all this is going on in your lives the last thing you should do is let your marriage suffer and that includes making sure things doesn't slip in the bedroom…"

"MOM!" I gasp loudly and my mum cackles. I can't believe she just said that.

"But it's true!"

"Not listening!" I say putting my fingers in my ears making her laugh again.

"Ok! Ok, but your marriage should always be worked at, it doesn't just work on its own, it requires effort from both off you and I hope you both love each other enough to fight for it even at the toughest time." She says and I know she's thinking back to her previous marriages. "Now about having your own family. Ana you both have plenty of time before you need to have kids. You're only twenty two you've got your book coming out, you have all your businesses to deal with, Christian's only twenty eight and he has a damn empire to run. You've got time, more than enough time and right now maybe kids shouldn't be at the top of your priority list. You'll know when you're ready to have children, the time will just feel right and you won't have any doubts about making it work until you're already pregnant."

"I guess." I reply with a sigh, the time doesn't feel right and I know that I'm only twenty two but Christian and I want kids at least we have that established or at least I think we do.

"Good, now go call everyone for dinner. It's ready." She says and I reach over and kiss her cheek.

"Thanks Mom."

"Anytime honey bee." She replies as I walk away with a smile on my face.

"Dinner's ready you guys." Christian's face drops when he his eyes meet with mine and I know it's because he can tell I've been crying.

"What's wrong?" He asks taking my hand as we walk through to the conservatory where Mom and Bob decided to have their dining room.

"Nothing." I reply

"Ana you've been crying."

"Yes but nothing's wrong. Not now anyway." I explain giving him a smile and he kisses the top of my head softly.

"You'd tell me if there was?"

"Yes. I spoke to my Mom, unloaded on her and I needed to cry ok? She's given me the advice I needed to hear." I explain and he still looks a little uncertain but nods anyway.

We sit down at the table and my Mom produces the chilled wine Christian and I bought over and as Bob serves it my Mom brings through the starter of Apple and Feta baked peppers and salad and I look at Bob who's sat on one side of me on the four person round table.

"Don't worry, she found this recipe online, it was the nicest one she made, she's been practising what she considers to be posh food." He whispers as my Mom settles into her seat, I can't help but laugh knowing my Mom's love to experiment with food.

Christian's the first to tuck into his and he seems to enjoy it immensely as he happily goes in for a second piece. Of course Christian has never been one the wrong end of one of my Mom's cooking experiments so I'm a little wearier when I put the first forkful in my mouth. I'm floored to taste that it's not only worked but that the food is amazing.

"Mom other than the feta, apple and peppers what else is in these?" I ask as I cut into a second piece.

"Some sundried tomato pesto, cherry tomatoes, black olives, basil and parmesan." My Mom says slowly from memory.

"It's beautiful Carla you'll have to email the recipe to Ana and she can give it to Mrs Jones, I'm sure she'd love to make these." Christian says and I can't help but think 'ass kisser'.

"I will, they're so simple to make too only taking twenty five minutes too cook and around ten minutes to prep."

"You know Mom, not that we don't appreciate the effort because we do and this is truly yummy but you didn't have to go all out."

"Don't Ana, I wanted too, the first time you bring a single boy back to the house… of course I'm going all out."

"Yes but Mom I'm not a high school senior, Christian and I are married." I say with a chuckle but she just shrugs her shoulders and I guess doesn't matter how often in the future Christian and I come back I know she'll be here to go all out at dinner.

Over dinner we discuss my Mom's new venture of Origami, according to Bob she folds any paper she can get her hands on and he has to make sure he hides the morning newspaper so he actually gets to read it before it gets turned into a Swan. Christian happily discusses his new project, the damn jet company which also goes onto the conversation of my Jet.

"So your own Jet Anastasia, that's quite a way to get around." My Mom says and I see she's putting on this persona that she thinks she should have around Christian and it's hard not to laugh.

"Yeah, next time we visit or next time you come to Seattle we'll have to fly you in it." I say.

"Have you any interest in learning how to fly Ana."

"Christian would never allow it." I chuckle looking across the table at my husband who smiles happily.

"Jet's maybe not but you could always learn to fly helicopters."

"No." I reply straight to my husband, I am never learning how to fly and he can't make me.

"Why not?"

"Because for the two salons I still have I'm going to learn to be a hairdresser or nail artist or something so I don't feel like I own two companies that I can do nothing with." I reply and he nods softly and I think possibly even relieved.

Once Bob and Mom clear the table refusing to let Christian or I help, the main meal is served.

"What is this Mom?" I ask as she places it in front of me.

"Lemon chicken stir fry." As soon as she says it I know it's safe, this is an old favourite dish of mine that I haven't had since before husband number three.

My Mom dishes out the chopsticks and I struggle to use them and after about ten to fifteen minutes of having Christian laughing at me I throw the sticks at him playfully before grabbing a fork. I have never been able to use chopsticks always opting about ten minutes after struggling to throw them away and use normal American utensils.

"So what do you drive Christian?" Bob asks and I smirk knowing that the only car Bob and Mom have seen are the Audi's.

"I have an R8 Spyder that I drive then the three Audi SUV's are driven by my staff and Ana has the Saab and her Audi TTS."

"She has more cars than you?" My Mom asks in shock.

"Well I bought Ana her own R8 for her birthday, her Saab was to replace the graduation present Audi A3 I bought her that was vandalised by an ex-girlfriend of mine. Then the R8 was trashed by a friend of Elena's and so I bought her the TTS to replace it."

"Why does anyone need two cars?"

"A summer car and a winter car." Christian answers my Mom his eyes however glued on mine.

"The TTS has a soft top, it's not suitable for Seattle's snow." I explain and my Mom shrugs her shoulders I know she sees it as wasting money but what she doesn't understand or see is that Christian and I actually have money to waste.

Once dessert is served the mood around the table has begun to falter. We eat my Mom's mango and orange mouse out of her wine glasses with the conversation mainly focused on what happens when Christian and I arrive back in Seattle. The plan is to go to Escala and get some sleep and face everything in the morning.

As Mom and I are clearing away dessert Sawyer arrives. My Mom gives him the Christmas presents from her and Bob to be added to the packed up car while we say our goodbyes.

I manage not to cry until we get into the car. As Sawyer drives us to the airport I sob into Christian's shoulder. It really has been a whirlwind of a day and what's worse is knowing that when I arrive back in Seattle and wake up in the morning it's not going to be any easier.


	95. Chapter 95

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**To Read Ana's fifty shades add me on facebook where the first chapter is now up!**

**Don't forget add my fan fic only facebook Steffie Dawn for previews!**

"We'll be home soon baby." Christian says softly as we begin our decent into Seattle.

I just nod. We've both been so quiet on this journey, lost in our own thoughts of this nightmare we're now in.

Once the plane touches down Taylor comes on board looking tired and dishevelled but also powerful and his usual strong self.

"Mr Grey, Ana." He says and I know the use of my first name is supposed to relax me but in the current situation nothing will relax me.

"So what's the verdict Taylor?" I ask as Christian slips is hand into mine.

"Just the two salons Ma'am, bomb squad have scoured everywhere else including Grey's House and numerous Grey's Enterprises properties and nothing. Seems like whoever the perp is doesn't want anyone to get hurt but you, emotionally that is of course." He blushes a little and I nod understanding. "We have a car waiting but we'd like to get all the luggage off first, then there's a press scrum we need to get through, I don't know what you want to do about that Mrs Grey." He looks awkwardly at Christian who I know is biting his tongue hard to stop himself from saying anything.

"Should we just tell them we'll make a statement in the morning?" I ask needing Christian to take charge here because I'm so close to braking.

"If that's what you think is best." Christian says wrapping an arm around my shoulders.

"I don't know what is best Christian! I have no idea what I'm doing!" I yell fighting tears.

"Shh, hey." Christian pulls me into his shoulder and I bury my face there inhaling his sweet smell. "Tell the press that a conference will be held tomorrow morning in Grey's House conference hall attended by me and Mrs Grey."

"Yes Sir." Taylor replies before going over to Sawyer and getting started with the luggage.

"You're ok Ana." Christian says softly as he holds onto me tight, I can't handle this!

When it's finally time to exit the plane Christian holds onto my hand tight as we follow Taylor with Sawyer behind. The lights are blinding against the night sky the echoing calls of questions are thunderous in my ears. I bury myself closer to Christian and he slips his hand from mine and wraps a hand around me as we meet the rest of the security who help battle the way into the waiting SUV. Even inside the noise is still heard just drowned out some and the flashing lights blind us though they can't see through as the windows are blacked out.

"Vultures." Christian spits as he holds me tight to him.

I close my eyes but don't sleep as the car begins to roll through the press, the men and women backing away while shooting their cameras frantically before finally we're free and headed for Escala.

"Taylor." I say and I feel Christian jump a little in surprise.

"Yes Mrs Grey?"

"Where's Gail?" I ask knowing they've had the bomb squad in Escala Taylor would have made sure she was safe.

"She's in a room at the Fairmount Ma'am."

"That's good." I reply before settling down again.

It takes twenty minutes to get back to Escala and I am desperate to see my bed I'm that tired.

"I'm going to do some work in the study. I won't be too long." Christian says guiding me to bed.

As soon as I'm under the covers he kisses me on the top of my head and leaves and I know he's doing what he does best and taking control of the situation while I drift off to sleep.

"Mrs Grey! Ana! Wake up!"

I jump wide awake at the frantic calling and shaking of my body.

"Sawyer?" I ask rubbing the sleep from my eye.

"Yes it's me Ana, get dressed quickly."

"What's going on?" I ask pushing back the duvet as Sawyer disappears into my closet.

"Just pull these on and I'll explain while we're on our way." He tells me as he passes over a pair of jeans and a hoody.

"Where's Christian?" I ask as I pull on the jeans while still wearing my gown aware of Sawyer in the room but not caring about it knowing something serious is up.

"I'll tell you when we are on our way Ana but the first thing we have to do is get you out of here ok?"

"Please Sawyer where's my husband?" I ask the tears building as I realise this has got to be serious.

"He's ok, Taylor is with him, I just need to get you out of here. They're my orders and I may work for you but you're also my friend and your husband has asked me to promise to protect you now we're leaving. I have the TTS ready just please Ana…" He kneels down in front of me and clutches my tear ridden cheeks. "Please no more questions just this once do as I ask?"

"Ok." I nod knowing this is serious.

"Ok, good, hurry, change we're heading to Bellevue…"

"Bellevue?"

"Yes Mr Grey and Doctor Trevelyan are waiting for us there."

I pull my hoody over my head and pull on the converse that Sawyer has passed me. As soon as I'm ready I see he has another bag packed and we hurry through the apartment that's in complete darkness.

"Why are there no lights on?" I whisper, I don't know why I whisper it just feels like the right thing to do.

"We don't want anyone to know you're here, just hurry." He says. "I need you to drive Ana, and I need you to hit the I-5 and show us what this car can do. Can you do that?" He asks as we jump into the elevator.

"Ok." I nod knowing this is really serious. "I just… please tell me Christian is safe?"

"He is, he didn't want to wake you and worry you and told me to let you sleep until he called." Sawyer looks worried though and that alone is enough to make me feel sick.

On the ground floor I jump out of the elevator and dive into the TTS. Sawyer hands me the keys while he unlocks the garage and then jumps into the passenger seat.

"Drive like your life depends on it Ana." He says as I buckle up and wait for the door to completely open.

"Something tells me my life does depend on it." I murmur and Sawyer's eyes meet mine just for a moment and I know it does.

As soon as the door is fully open I rev the engine before slamming my foot down. The wheel s squeal in protest but isn't long before we're out of the garage door and on the road.

"Now Ana, I want you to first go up the I-5 towards Wallingford." He says and I quickly take the route for the upstate turning of the I-5 sticking carefully to the speed limit.

Sawyer turns the rear-view away from me and towards him so he can keep an eye out on traffic behind us. Once I slip onto the I-5 I glance at Sawyer as he looks behind us and then his eyes narrow and he looks at me.

"Now." He says.

I slam my foot down hard and we roll away quickly. The traffic isn't too bad for five am and so we have quite a clear road, but I know from Sawyer's expression that we're being followed and that means they have a clear road too.

"Just keep breathing Ana and focus on the road. I want you to take the fifth junction off this road and head towards Bellevue. We're going to lose these fuckers before they figure out where we're heading so if we edge closer to Bellevue and they're still on our tail I'll give you new directions."

For some reason I feel more scared than the last time I was involved in a car chase and I know it's because I don't know where Christian is or what he's doing. I can't help but wonder if he's hurt or worse and I know that whatever this threat is it isn't going away lightly.

I find the fifth junction and I keep on the interstate till the last minute and turn off. I keep my foot down until I have to slam on the breaks as we land in the beginning of morning traffic.

"Well?" I ask Sawyer.

"They carried on, now we need to get back on the interstate quick before they get off at the sixth and turn back. Ana I need you to be careful here and not get us killed ok?"

"I can do that." I reply though I'm shitting myself.

"Good." He smiles just as the lights turn green and we're on our way.

I keep calm and stick to the speed limit until we hit the turning back onto the interstate and put my foot down a little. Once on the interstate I press my foot harder into the floor and we speed away. My head is pressed hard against the back of the seat. My teeth are gritted hard as I focus on hittin one hundred and ten and push for a hundred and fifteen. Everything around us is blurred from the speed we're hitting and I know that we're in our own bubble for the moment.

"Looks like we're clear. Keep your foot down but head for Bellevue." Sawyer says relaxing a little more in his seat but keeping his eyes on the rear view.

"Where's Christian?" I ask as I relax too which seems to make my car easier to handle even at ninety mph.

"Taylor got a phone call saying that someone had Gail. He called her cell phone and found out she was still in her bed in the Fairmount. They sent Ryan to pick her up and to drive around with her while Welch traced the call that was made. It came from Christasia in Redmond. They dispatched local police there but whoever it was had gone. Christian got a phone call saying if he wanted to know who was behind everything he was to turn up at Grey's Publishing Seattle within the hour or the building would also be bombed and that the target after Grey's Publishing would be you."

"Taylor's with him?" I ask my voice cracking as I blink repeatedly to banish my tears.

"Yes, they'll get to the bottom of this. The FBI thought maybe you and Christian had been involved in the bombing and had been listening in to your calls. When the call came in from the perp they called Taylor who had been representing you and Christian while we were in Savannah and they set up a plan and went ahead with it."

I feel sick to my stomach. Christian could be anywhere, hurt or dead.

"He asked me to remind you that he loves you and he will be back to tell you himself." Sawyer said and I sensed him blushing scarlet.

"Thank you Luke." I say quietly.

Finally we hit the I-90 and there is still no sign of the perps. I lower my speed some more and relax into a cruise.

As we cross Homer Memorial Bridge my phone ringing from Sawyer's pocket startles us both. He clips into the hands free set and knocks answer.

"Ana?"

"Oh God Christian! Are you ok?"

"Yes we're fine. It's not over yet but we're ok we know who it is or half of who it is anyway."

"Christian what's happening?!" I yell angrily.

"Stay calm and just go to my Mother's Ana. Mrs Jones is already there ok?"

"Christian! Tell me!" I scream panicking more because it sounds like he's worried sick about something.

"Everything's fine Ana, the FBI has one of them in custody but the second person is nowhere to be found. I just want you safe. I'm giving my statement to the FBI then I'll be over to you ok?"

"Promise?" I ask trying to swallow the lump in my throat.

"I promise Ana just be calm ok?"

"I love you Christian!" I say my tears spilling down my cheeks.

"God I love you too Ana, just be safe."

"Bye." I manage just before he hangs up.


	96. Chapter 96

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Don't forget add my fan fic only facebook Steffie Dawn for previews!**

"Ana!" I climb out of the car and rush right into Grace's awaiting arms.

"Shh, there, there sweetie." She coos as I cry softly onto her shoulder.

"He says he's ok and that they've got someone." I hiccup.

"Come inside Ana, it's cold out here." Carrick says wrapping an arm around my shoulders.

Grace's arm slips around my waist and my parents in law lead me into the warm house. Gail is sat in the living room with a mug of steaming liquid that she instantly puts on the coffee table in order to pull me into a hug. I can see she's shaken. I'm sure I would be too if at four in the morning someone came to my hotel room and took me for a spin until it was clear you weren't being followed enough to get to a safer place, actually that is almost exactly what happened to me.

"Are you ok?" Gail asks holding me by the shoulders at arm's length so she can look me up and down.

"I'm fine." I reply but I'm not convincing anyone.

"Let me get you some tea Ana, sit down and try and relax. I'm sure Christian will be with us soon." She says kindly.

I nod and slip into the seat beside Gail still holding her hand in my own. I know I'm shaking when Sawyer comes in and sits beside me.

"He shouldn't be too long now." Luke says taking my other hand and I give his a grateful squeeze, there are times when Luke is my friend and the line is clear, there are times when he's my CPP and the line is clear there are other times when the lines is so blurred we have no idea which way is best to act and that is one of those times.

"He's ok right?" I ask Luke.

"He sounded ok to me when he was on the phone Ana." Luke reassures and I feel a lump penetrating deep in my throat and I'm unsure whether I want to be sick or whether I want to cry but either way I'm trying to avoid any happening.

Grace brings in the tea tray and I happily take the cup she's offering me by letting go of Gail's hand. Luke also has a tea but keeps a firm grip of my hand, he's reassuring me without a single word that he's there and everything will be ok.

As the sky begins to light up I'm aware of the time that's passed. The whole room is quiet and I can't bare it anymore. I put down my cup and stand up giving Luke's hand one final squeeze before I leave the room. I know everyone's eyes follow me but I'm grateful when no one comes after me because I need to breathe and I need some space.

I slip out the French doors at the back of the house and take a seat on the old white garden swing. The air is bitter cold and I pull my knees into my chest and push myself into the corner of the swing letting it rock gently.

In the distance the sun begins to peek casting beautiful orange hues across the sky making the clouds appear blue and purple with an unearthly glow to them. It's truly magical and I want nothing more than to have Christian's arms around me as we watch the sunrise together.

"Ana?" Grace's voice interrupts my revere as she steps onto the decking.

"Here." I say quietly knowing that she can't see me curled up into a ball in the corner of the swing.

"He's here." She says.

I jump out of the swing and hurry inside. As soon as I open the kitchen door to walk into the hallway I see him.

"Christian." I freeze.

He turns to look at me and a small relieved smile spreads on his face and he rushes to me but I stumble backwards.

"Ana?"

"What happened to no secrets Christian?" I ask in a threatening whisper.

"Ana." He sighs but I hit him hard in the chest.

"No secrets Christian! You let me sleep safe in our bed while you ran off to save the fucking world! I was dying when I woke up to Sawyer shaking me! Dying! Do you have any fucking idea how much that hurts?!" I hit him repeatedly as I speak and though he stands tall taking each blow he doesn't try to stop me or defend himself. "You could have woken me! Told me what was going on! But no you decide to go and fucking play superhero! Do you remember what happened the last time one of us decided to be batman?! We lost our baby Christian! I decided to be a fucking hero and save your sister and sacrificed my child! My_ Child_ Christian! Did that not cross your mind?! Did you not see what that did to me?!" I'm hiccupping sobs and my hits are now just flailing limbs against his chest. "You fucking make me so angry!" I cry before collapsing straight into his chest sobbing.

It takes him a moment to wrap his arms around me. For a moment I thought he wasn't going to touch me at all but he regained himself. I clutch hard to the back of his t-shirt as his fingers find their way into my hair.

"I'm taking my wife to bed." Christian says before he scoops me up in his arms. I bury my face into the crook of his neck and hold around him tight still crying. I think I got the message across though, I think he knows now how much not knowing hurt me and I don't think he'll do the same mistake again in a hurry. For now though, he's home, he's safe and that's all that matters. Christian can fill me in on the details when we wake.


	97. Chapter 97

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**TO CELEBRATE THE 100TH CHAPTER I AM GOING TO WRITE 10,000 WORDS OR MORE FOR IT!**

**Don't forget add my fan fic only facebook Steffie Dawn for previews!**

When I wake up in Christian's arms I know he hasn't slept at all. I can hear his soft uneven breaths and feel the tight grip he has on me and I just know that the whole time I've slept he's been awake and watching me.

"Hey." He says as I roll over to face him.

"Hey." I whisper back, I can see the worry in his face has etched away some while I slept.

"You ok?" He asks pushing a loose tendril of my hair from my face.

"Yeah. I'm sorry I freaked out." I say feeling just a little ashamed of myself.

"You weren't being unreasonable Ana." He sighs running his hand through his copper hair and sighing. "I shouldn't have kept you in the dark, the whole time you were sleeping I remembered back to when the whole thing with Jack happened, and how I felt not knowing what was going on. I was freaked."

"Ok." I nod.

"I know how you felt Ana, when you had no idea where I was or what I was doing and even if I was alive and I never want to feel like that again. I'll do whatever it takes to make sure you don't feel like that again either." He says with pain shimmering in his eyes unashamedly.

"I'm still sorry I freaked." I say quietly and he lets a small thin smile play on his lips before leaning in to kiss me.

"I'm sorry I freaked you out." He replies and I wrap my arms around him and snuggle as close to him as I can.

"Are you going to tell me what happened?" I ask carefully, I don't want a fight when we're on the same page.

"After you've eaten and we've gone back to Escala, my parents only need to know the basics whereas you and I need a good sit down with a glass of wine on the couch, some music in the background and a calm and honest conversation."

"That's very mature of you Mr Grey." I say bating my eyelashes flirtatiously.

"Is it Mrs Grey?" He asks nuzzling his nose against my hair.

"I think so." I reply biting my bottom lips just as he pulls away from my hair.

"Are you flirting with me Ana?" He asks pulling my lip from my teeth softly.

"Why is it working?" I perk up and he laughs.

"You don't need to flirt with me Ana, I'm always ready for you, always wanting you." He says running his hands down my thighs. "But my parents already caught us once and I wouldn't like for that to happen again." He chuckles and I can't help but smile.

"Good point Mr Grey." I say pushing back the duvet. "Now are we going to join our family for food before we head home?"

"Ok." He smiles jumping out of bed after me. "And we're not eating here, we're all going to the Mile High Club and having champagne and oysters and then we'll go home and I'll tell you everything."

"I'm holding you to that but Christian I'm not dressed to go out for Champagne and Oysters."

"You don't need to be. I've called ahead and got us the privet dining room ok?" He says slipping his hand into mine as we head for the stairs.

"Ok then." I smile.

We walk into the living room where everyone is sat around watching the TV. Carrick switches it off as soon as he sees us and he gets up. It's clear Christian told everyone of the plan as they slowly begin getting up to go out.

"Are you ok now sweetie?" Grace asks running her hand down my cheek and looking straight into my eyes.

"I'm fine thank you, I guess I just needed some sleep." I reply with a smile and she smiles back and nods her head in agreement.

Christian and I take my TTS alone to head back into Seattle. He keeps his hand intertwined with mine as he drives and I can't help but get lost in my own thoughts.

I have no idea what happened in the early hours of this morning. I don't know if the person they caught is the person who set my Salons on fire, I don't know if Christian's been hurt in anyway though he looks perfectly fine. What possessed him to just take off this morning and not tell me anything and have Sawyer wake me up? Who was following us until we lost them? I have so many questions and I'm going to have to wait a few hours until I get them answered.

At the Mile High club we all chatted and ate as if the past few hours hadn't happened. Kate and Elliot revealed that they had finally chosen their wedding date for December of next year giving them plenty of time to plan everything perfectly. Mia wasn't impressed with the year long wait but Kate had dreamed of a winter wedding since she was a child and she was going to have her way and with this winter almost over she knew there wasn't time to plan everything like she wanted too.

After we said goodbye I was pleased to be going home with Christian back to Escala. I could see him constantly checking the mirror as he drove my TTS and something told me that there was still a serious threat against us, one that couldn't be taken lightly.

Arriving back in our apartment Christian had words with Taylor who was quick to act on whatever it was Christian had ordered him to do. I poured us both a glass of wine and went to sit on the couch expectantly.

"Start speaking Grey." I snarl mockingly as he sits down beside me with his own glass of wine.

"Ok where should I begin?"

"How about why you left here at four in the morning?" I suggest and he takes a long sip of wine before nodding.

"Ok. I got a phone call from Elena." He says and I already feel sick. "She said she wanted to meet with me and to talk, she said if I didn't meet with her then she would give the go ahead for the hit she'd arranged on you. I agreed to meet her, took Taylor with me who contacted the FBI and local law enforcement. She wanted to meet me at Christasia Seattle. We talked, or she talked and I stalled until the police arrived and she was arrested but what we didn't realise was there was someone else in the building. She screamed 'All systems go' just before she was dragged into the police car and we heard the upstairs fire door slam shut. We couldn't find out who it was but from what we've gathered she's put the hit out on you. It's already paid for and we have no idea who it is or what they look like. That's why as soon as Elena was in the car I called Luke and had him wake you, Taylor had already decided an evacuation plan of Escala for you and the same from the Fairmount for Gail. Hence the you driving thing while Luke watched out. The people or person who followed you until you lost them on the I-5 haven't been caught and like I said we have no idea who it was but we do know that there is someone helping Elena who isn't the hit man."

"How many people are after us Christian?" I ask my voice shaking.

"We suspect three." He says quietly and I feel myself beginning to shake. I'm scared. "But baby they're not going to get to you. It's almost Christmas, you can work from home or come to Grey's House with me ok? We'll be ok."

"Easy enough for you to say Christian!" I snarl, I'm so hurt and I'm snapping to stop myself from feeling so scared.

"Baby please. We'll get the fuckers ok? Elena's being placed in solitary confinement to await trial and there won't be a trial until she gives up her accomplise, that's the joy when it comes to the FBI baby that have power. She'll give him up by Christmas…"

"Ok whatever." I snap standing up and hurrying off towards the library.

"Ana!" He groans hurrying after me.

I make it into the library and go to slam the door but he pushes his hands against it before it closes.

"You asked me to tell you everything and I have…"

"I'm scared Christian! I am so scared and I am so fed up of living like this it's just one damn thing after another! I want a normal life! I want to work for a living and love my husband without the fucking add-ons! I don't know how much more of this I can take before I break Christian…" I sob and Christian grabs me just as my knees buckle. "I don't want to break Christian."

What I don't say is that I fear I'm already breaking.


	98. Chapter 98

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**I want an EXPLOSIVE 100****th**** Chapter hence the shortness of this one and the next one will be smilar length too before the big 10,000!**

**Read ANA'S FIFTY SHADES RIGHT HERE ON FANFICTION!**

**Don't forget add my fan fic only facebook Steffie Dawn for previews!**

I wake up hot with Christian wrapped around me like a vine. I don't move. I don't want to disturb him as he was up late trying to calm me down but the problem is there is no calming me down this time. I trust Christian with my life but I can't help but be scared this time. Someone is after me. Someone Elena has ordered to kill me and with two explosions already it's obvious whoever this is has knowledge far greater than we could possibly imagine.

According to Christian there are guards now stationed 24/7 around all AG Inc properties. That alone is a small comfort because I don't want anyone getting hurt because someone is being paid to kill me.

For once I am going to listen to Christian's advice and work from home via the computer and the phone. I know it can be done so it's not too much of a problem I just feel it's easier to get things done face to face. I have a lot to do today and I plan on getting it all done from the library where my backside will be glued to the seat. Sawyer will be with me the whole time and Ryan and Prescott will be stationed around Escala.

"Ana?" Christian croaks as he shifts up against me.

"Hey morning baby." I say turning onto my back so I can see him some.

"You ok?"

"Yup." I reply even though we both know it's a lie. How could I possibly be ok?

"I was thinking after you fell asleep, maybe you could call Flynn? Have him do a home visit I don't care what he wants to charge I just want you to be ok." He sounds so worried but I'm not surprised, he's just woken and hasn't had the chance to pull on his CEO mask and step up the control.

"I'll call him." I say quietly, if anyone could possibly help me hold it together right now it will be Flynn, he knows me better than I know myself and I would even go as far as to say he knows my mind better than Christian does.

"Good. You want to join me for a shower before breakfast?" He asks playfully.

"No, you go." I say quietly, I don't know where my sex drive is and I can't be bothered trying to find it right now.

"Ok." He sighs before kissing my cheek. "You know we'll be ok don't you?" He asks and I manage to pull out a weak smile.

"I know." I reply and he beams happily before climbing out of bed.

"I love you Mrs Grey." He says softly before disappearing into the bathroom.

I sigh and reply to him in my head. That's the only thing I'm certain of right now, the fact that Christian loves me and I love him. I couldn't be any more certain of anything else.

I pull on my robe and trot out into the kitchen. A stack of Newspapers are already sitting on the breakfast bar and inside I want to just burn them but as always I'm too intrigued and as I slide onto a stool and Gail places a tea in front of me I can't help but peel the first one off the top.

_Go Grey Go!_ The Seattle Express' headline reads. I groan as I look at the full page picture of Sawyer and I coming out of Escala in the car before turning to page five where the story is.

Anastasia Grey showed yesterday that she could drive for NASCAR! The beautiful brunette business _woman was yesterday deemed to be at risk from a hit man who had been paid by former Esclava Salons owner Elena Lincoln. This revelation came just hours after Grey and her husband landed in Seattle earlier than planned from visiting her Mother and Step-Father in Savannah, Georgia . They returned to Washington after Grey's two unopened Christasia Salons were bombed. At five am yesterday morning Anastasia Grey just twenty two years old and her bodyguard Luke Sawyer twenty seven sped from Grey's Escala apartment after it was brought to their attention that a hit had been made against Anastasia. It is believed that the duo were followed onto the I-5 where driving Anastasia was clocked going at one hundred and thirteen miles per hour in her Audi TTS Coupe as she was chased heading towards Wallingford. Since then we have seen Anastasia and her husband Christian Grey, 28 of Grey's Enterprises Holdings Inc returning to their Escala home seemingly uninjured. Not only has there been Security outside the apartment since before their return but also keeping the press and public away from the entrances are local police officers. The threat against Mrs Grey has been notified as high risk and all precautions are going to be taken. No Statement has yet been made by Anastasia Grey Incorporated. _

I shut the paper and throw it to one side before grabbing then next just as Christian comes into the kitchen dressed in his suit looking the hot CEO.

"Ana don't." Christian sighs looking down at the copy of Seattle Times in my hand.

"I'd rather know what they're saying Christian." I say quietly as I look at a picture of me taken from a distance what I can gather some time ago as I'm alone outside, damn the press! But at least it isn't a picture of me looking terrified.

_Ana's Grey Day!_

I can't help but find that heading amusing as I flick over to page three where the story is. Of course I groan when I see a picture of Sawyer and me in the car and a picture of Christian and me together walking what seems to be from _The Grace_ a while ago.

_Ana Grey, the twenty two year old CEO of Anastasia Grey Incorporated was yesterday morning seen fleeing from her Escala home where she lives with her husband. Pictured above, Ana Grey was caught going over a hundred and ten miles per hour on the I-5 yesterday while apparently being followed by a black Audi SUV. Mrs Grey and her husband CEO Christian Grey pictured to the left, had arrived back from her Mother's house in Savannah Georgia where they had been celebrating Christmas early together. Their vacation was cut short when two of AG Inc. Salons exploded from what we now to be IED bombs. No word has yet been given by anyone from AG Inc and all we know is that Anastasia and her husband returned to their home yesterday evening. It is believed that there is a hit out on Anastasia Grey and that the safety measures usually taken by the Greys have been increased to ensure Anastasia's safety. Agent Colin Thomas of the FBI's Anti-Terrorist Task Force said "Our priority is to catch the perpetrator before he get's to Mrs Grey, in order for us to ensure her safety we have dispatched local law enforcement and FBI agents around her home in order to keep her safe. We want nothing more than to catch the person or persons responsible for the explosions but we will take no risks in regards to Mrs Grey's wellbeing. Ensuring that no harm comes to her is our most important duty. Anyone with any information should call the FBI's Anti-Terrorist Task Force by dialling… "_

"They're all the same." I say closing the paper. "Christian how do they know so much?"

"The FBI and Police don't hold anything back but what they need to such as the sex of the person or some important detail that someone could give a tip about which would prove it to be a valid tip." He explains and I nod my head as he takes the paper from me and dumps it on the side.

"Now have breakfast with me and then I am going to go into work." He says with a smile before he leans over and kisses me. "Don't forget to call John."

"I won't." I say as Gail places our breakfast in front of us. "Thanks Gail." I smile as she moves the papers.

"Throw them away if you or Taylor don't want to read them." Christian says and she nods her head before leaving us to eat.

"I'm going to have a pyjama day today Mr Grey." I say softly as we begin to eat our food.

"Oh are you now?" He asks with a cocked eyebrow and amusement sparkling in his eye.

"Yeah, don't see the point in changing if I'm just going to be lounging around here."

"Good point well made." He states with a smirk making me laugh and relax a little.

We eat and talk like there is nothing going on in our lives. It's nice, that for a few minutes I can completely forget the threat that has been made against me, of course when Christian leaves I'm drowned by the silence and the thoughts come back to me like they never left.


	99. Chapter 99

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**So here is the short build up to the big one hundred!**

Ana does some work (Call R. J. Wilks, call Melissa, see profit margin, flirt text with Christian,) Meet with John Flynn, have lunch with Gail.

After Christian leaves for work Sawyer and I make our way into the library where I get straight into doing some work. I reply to emails, send new emails and make phone calls till I'm blue in the face. At eleven thirty I call R. J. Wilks.

"Ah Mrs Grey lovely to hear from you."

"Mr Wilks how are you?" I ask politely knowing that this is just a friendly catch up.

"I'm well and yourself? I saw you in the papers."

"I'm as well as can be expected." I reply with a fake smile on face knowing it will appear in my voice.

"That's good."

"So Mr Wilks how is the book coming along?" I ask knowing as soon as one chapter is finished it will be sitting in my emails until I edit it, no one is willing to work with Wilks one because he can be quite pushy when it comes to working with editors and two everyone knows how much of a big deal signing him to Grey's Publishing was.

"It's good. I'm just working on a re-write of the first chapter and I'm hoping to have it with you by the end of the day."

"That's fantastic, I look forward to reading it."

"Is that everything?" He asks and I know it's because he wants to get back to his book.

"Yes, I was just checking in hoping you were on schedule." I reply.

"Well so far so good." He chuckles.

"I'll let you get back to work Mr Wilks. It was lovely to speak with you."

"You too, have a good day." He says before hanging up.

Just as I'm about to start working my phone rings.

"Ana Grey." I answer still looking through the piles of files in front of me for the ones I need.

"Ana, I have your finished book here and I'm on my way to Escala to bring it to you. I heard I might have some problems coming in?"

"Oh hey Hannah, I'll make sure you can get in. You have my finished book?"

"Yes, Hope says that copies are being delivered around the world, she didn't want to disturb you with it considering everything going on." Hannah chuckles and I know that Hope was doing what she thought best by her boss and not best by the company and I find some new respect towards her for that."

"So when do the books go on sale?" I ask nervously.

"Technically tomorrow morning but many stores in the US will put the books on the shelves today. The Barnes & Noble commercial doesn't go live until tomorrow but the eBook version of Fifty Shades is available to buy online now at the very low price of five dollars and ninety nine cents." She adds a commercial over enthusiastic voice at the end that makes me giggle.

"Ok how far out are you?"

"I'll be there in ten." She says before hanging up and I realise I've drilled this abruptness into her without trying the way Christian has to me.

I go through to the great room and switch on the TV. I can't be bothered doing any more work and I want to sit back and hold my dark and twisted BDSM book in my hands. Sawyer has informed Ryan and Prescott of Hannah's arrival and I know she'll be allowed to come straight in. I think it's amusing how he knows her car plates as well as he knows mine or Christian's and the fact that he gets to see her today has definitely excited him some.

When the elevator pings I jump to my feet only just about managing to contain myself from running to meet her.

"Ana!" She hurries in the book in her hand.

"Oh my God give it to me!" I say excitedly and she doesn't hesitate in passing the book over to me.

I flick it to the back to see the reviews and I'm completely stunned.

_Rose Trevelyan's writing is mesmerising, unable to put it down! – Katherine Kavanagh, Seattle Times._

"Oh my God. Luke!" I gasp handing him the book.

"Kate read it?"

"She doesn't know! I only told my Mom about the book and that in fact I wrote it!" I say unsure whether to be happy or sad about this.

"Are you going to tell her?" Hannah asks and I shrug my shoulders, I don't know if I should, Kate saw the contract but she has no idea what Christian and my sex life is like as I never confided in her but now, what if she thinks our sex life is like the book? Not just our sex lives but our day to day lives?

I glance up at the TV just a special news alert pops up.

"Turn it up." I say to Sawyer and he quickly does as I ask.

"… I'm stood outside Grey's House the home of Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc. and Anastasia Grey Inc. Just moments ago an explosion sounded on the twenty second floor…"

"Oh my God! Christian!"


	100. Chapter 100

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Ok so for my hundredth chapter I have to start by saying this –**

**When I started Fifty Shades Unwritten I had no idea what I planned to do with it. I just knew that I didn't like Ana having a baby so soon in the book and that I wanted to change that. I have written this day by day so there are no big jumps in the time frames. There are a few mistakes, Ana wearing leggings in one chapter the next she's in a skirt and she clearly had no time or place to change, at first Carrick says three salons but then there are four and I'm sure if you scrolled through each chapter with a fine tooth comb you'd find many more. Then there are my hints. They still haven't all been revealed but I hope come Christmas Morning in the story you'll go "I get it now!" even if you don't I will be because I was dropping hints all over the place with no idea what they were actually leading up to! **

**Now for the thank you's!**

**Liz – I wait for your reviews because they just make me smile like an idiot. You're so supportive and I'm truly in awe of you, thank you so much for being a support system through the last 100 chapters as well as a dear friend, I love you very much!**

**Nard – You're AWSOME! Thank you for all your amazing comments and words of wisdom, you have been a real support with this story and I think you're a star!**

**Chochi Caoile Aberin – I am truly honoured that you chose your fan fic user name from this story. I also agree that Rose Trevelyan has a nice ring to it and I feel honoured that you used this!**

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"…That's Christian's floor Luke! Oh my God!" I can't breathe, I can't think, my head is spinning and I fall onto my knees in pure agony.

"Ana I'm sure he's ok." Luke says kneeling down beside me while Hannah continue to gawp at the TV in shock, I'm sure she's just realising that she's lucky to be here with me instead of at the office on the twenty first floor.

"Sophia!" She gasps grabbing her cell phone.

She tries to ring but there's a noise letting us know that the signals are down and as my heartbeat thumps wildly inside my chest I know that I would get the same if I tried to call Christian.

"I need to go to him." I manage to splutter through my gasps.

"No Ana, you need to stay here and wait." Sawyer says firmly.

"That's my husband! Luke! My Christian's in there!" I hiccup pointing at the TV. "Now you can either come with me or stay here but I. Am. Going. To. Grey's House. Now!"

He knows that I'm not backing down on this as I climb from the floor and run to get the keys for the TTS and pull on a pair of sweats and a hoodie over my pyjamas and my converse.

"Hannah baby stay here, man the phones. If you can call us if you hear anything." Luke says clutching her face in his hands.

"Be careful." She whispers and he manages a small nod before he kisses the top of her head and hurries after me.

In the garage Ryan looks at us wide eyed.

"What's going on Mrs Grey?" He asks.

"Christian." Is my only reply as I jump into the TTS with Sawyer straight behind me getting into the passenger seat.

Once again I display my ability to drive for NASCAR as I get out of the Escala garage and put my foot down as much as I can considering the traffic. We get nearer to Grey's House and then the cars are at a standstill with people hanging out of their doors looking towards the billowing smoke. I find a space to pull over and do it quickly glad I changed.

I dive out the car and with the sound of my heart pulsating hard in my ears I break out into a run with Sawyer hot on my heels.

I can't breathe as it is but the nearer we get to Grey's House the combined effect of the smoke and debris and my furious running is making each breath I take a challenge. I see Sawyer beside me also struggling but neither one of us stop. We get to Grey's House and I see Taylor stood talking to an officer of some kind.

I go to run under the police cordon but an officer stops me.

"Get your hands of me now!" I scream but the officer doesn't give in.

"I'm sorry Ma'am only law enforcement are allowed here."

"My name is Ana Grey and that is my building now get your fucking hands of me!" I growl. Sawyer has somehow caught Taylor's attention and he runs up to us. It's obvious he's hard at work trying to find out what's happening.

"Let her go." He says to the officer while simultaneously grabbing me and pulling me over to him. He doesn't let go of me, as if he's scared that if he does I'll run into the burning building.

"What's going on Taylor? Where's Christian?" I ask as tears fall quickly down my face.

"I don't know Ana, I haven't been able to get hold of him, all I can tell you is they're evacuating as quickly as possible, the first ten floors are out and are safe but then the damage starts on the eleventh floor." He tells me as I hiccup a sob into his shoulder.

"What if he's hurt?" I cry and Taylor stops walking to grab my shoulders and look me in the eye.

"I can't promise you that he's ok Ana, I wish I could." He says looking straight into my eyes and I know he's as desperate as me to find out what's going on. "But I will promise that I will find him and I will do everything I can to make sure he comes back to you."

"Ok." I hiccup as I try to keep some semblance of calm about me that's just not happening.

"Good. Now, I need you to stay with Luke over here with the evacuated staff, I'll have someone bring you news as soon as they can. They will need to ask you some questions though ok?"

"Ok." I say again and Taylor completely shocks me by hugging me tight and kissing the top of my head in a fatherly manner.

"I'll be back." He says quietly before handing me over to Luke.

"Oh God Luke!" I hiccup, he says nothing, just keeps his arms around me from behind as we both face the destruction site that is Grey's House.

The smell of burning building burns the canal of my nose. It's a rancid smell and I'm sure it's a smell that will haunt me for years to come. I can't take a deep breath through my nose without causing a stinging sensation in the tear ducts of my eyes. I swallow hard at the lump in my throat but the burn follows a rancid taste on my tongue and the rancid feel of bile rising. The day is dark. It wasn't earlier but now the billowing smoke from the twenty second floor of Grey's House has turned the day into what resembles dusk at just eleven thirty am. It's a sight like no other. The smoke creates almost magical swirls into the sky and disappears into the now dark cloud that hangs over Seattle.

The echoing calls of panicking people carry to my ears. Screams of fear, calls of worry, and the crackle of the flames high above us isn't drowned by the sirens of first responders or shouts of instruction from those who are fighting to save the people still inside the building.

"We're bringing out the eleventh floor! We have a blockage on the stairs between eleven and twelve we're going to have to move before going up!" A Fire Marshal close to me yells to another and I tighten my grip on Sawyer's arms which are still wrapped firmly around my waist, I know that he is scared that I'll run into the building to save my husband.

"Please let him be on the eleventh floor, please let him be on the eleventh floor." I barely register that I'm actually muttering this mantra out loud and not just in my head.

"He's going to be ok Ana, he loves you too much to leave you." Luke whispers into my ear but this just makes me worry more, I need him to come home to me, I need to know that he wasn't on the twenty second floor.

Just as the door opens and a crew of workers hurry out a loud bang deafens us all.

Screams of panic. Shouts of first responders. My mind begins to shut down with the fear and anxiety that rushes its way with my body.

I know I won't survive if Christian's gone. He is my first breath and my last. He is my everything and without him I am nothing. Everything I am I am because of him.

Survival is overrated, I know that. In moments of my panic when Jack Hyde kicked me repeatedly I wanted nothing more than to be somewhere else. I let my mind shut down. I needed my mind to close and I know that the survival instinct is overrated. Christian has better instinct than I have, his survival instinct should be heightened. I close my eyes and think of him. Think of sending him a message and hope that somehow he will get it, that maybe our marriage and new lives together have given us a bond that no one could ever understand. It's stupid but I can hope, I have hope.

"Ana stand up come on."

I vagely hear Luke calling to me and I realise that my knees have buckled and he's holding me upright. I let him pull me up to my feet and he pulls me tighter into his chest as I grip at his arms. I close my eyes and pray, I can only pray. He was bought back to me once, please let there be a second time he defies the odds and comes back to me.

I open my eyes and the sight in front of me remains the same. I hear cries of panic and fear in my eyes echoing my own feelings of complete loss and panic.

Once more I squeeze my eyes shut. I need to wake up already! This is not happening! This is a nightmare, my worst nightmare come to life. I open my eyes once more and again nothing has changed. I look frantically around for a sign or someone to tell me something.

_If things are going untowardly one month, they are sure to mend the next._

The Jane Austen quote comes to mind and I can't help but wish for it to be somehow true but then Christian and I are married and since before our wedding our lives have been going untoward yet it doesn't seem to mend, just get worse and worse and I don't know if my heart can handle any more of this. If my heart can then my mind might not.

"Please let him be ok, please let him be ok, please let him be ok." I chant to myself out loud as the doors open and what I guess is the twelfth floor patrons come running out covered in dust.

I watch as EMT's run to meet the injured while the ones who are ok are led to the other evacuees or run off in their own direction to what I see is fearful family members who relax at the sight of their loved ones.

Three explosions, one right after the next. They shake the ground like an earthquake and Luke pulls me down to the ground as debris lands only feet away from us. I am shaking with fear but not fear of being hurt, fear that my husband may still be alive and hurt inside the building.

There is a moment. Just a moment after the rumble stops, of complete silence. It's deathly. It's moments of pure calm but one broken cry reverberates around springing people back into action.

"Shh Ana, he's going to be ok." Luke wraps me tight in his arms on his lap and that's when I realise that broken cry was my own. It was me who was screaming in desperate need of information from my husband, or anyone who can reassure me of any news.

"Mrs Grey!"

"Andrea!" I call jumping to my feet and running to the shaking woman.

"Is he here?" She asks and I shake my head as she wipes the dust from her face. "I was down in PR organising the press release on Elena Lincoln's capture when the first bomb exploded. I'd been down there for a couple of hours. He was scheduled to be in a meeting on the sixteenth floor at eleven thirty, the first bomb went off at eleven twenty six but I don't know if he made it down or not, he could be anywhere!"

My whole world is crumbling in front of my eyes. I have no control over how my body is vibrating, shaking and Sawyer wraps me up in his arms as Andrea hurries off. I'm glad she's ok, that's one person who I would have thought to have been in the explosion that wasn't and somehow that renews some hope inside of me.

"Ana!" Taylor rushes over to me and the only thing I can focus on is the panicked look in his face.

"Is he ok? I need to know that he's ok!" I sob as he takes me from Luke's arms into his own.

"I don't know, there's another blockage stopping them from getting to the Thirteenth floor, a part of the stairwell has collapsed. They're trying to find a safe way around it so that they can get up there." He tells me and I whimper like an injured animal as this news brings me no comfort.

"The last three explosions, where?" I ask and he looks at me gravely.

"The basement."

"What does that mean?"

"That the building isn't safe anymore." He replies and I break in his arms. "Shh, Ana he's going to be fine, I'm sure he's fighting on whichever floor he is trying to get people to get him down to you ok? I just know it."

I hope Taylor's right because with each minute that ticks by my hope is slowly diminished.

"The press want you to make a statement, can you handle it?" He asks and I look up into his eyes unsure. "You don't have to, I could do it but someone needs to say something and PR says it should be you seeing as Christian is still inside, maybe you can be reassuring to the families still waiting on news."

"I can't." I panic.

"Ok you don't have to but it might be good Ana, the press are badgering the first responders and it could be delaying them from getting to the people still inside." He tells me and I realise he's right, I have to ask them to please let the first responders do their job and at least while I'm talking to them they won't be harassing the people trying to get to my husband.

"Ok I'll do it." I whisper and I see Taylor signal Sawyer over and they both help keep me standing as we head over to the area where the press are cordoned off.

Questions are shouted, my name called, flashes of cameras and thrusts of microphones all in my direction. It unnerves me but I hold tight to Taylor while Sawyer holds around me and they reassure me.

"We have very little news." I say my voice shaking unnaturally as I speak. "All we know is that there have been five explosions three of which have happened in the basement which has disturbed the foundations of the building, one on the twenty second floor and the other on the twenty first. At the moment floors ground to twelve have been evacuated but damage to the stairwell between the twelfth and thirteenth floor is causing the first responders some difficulty. There is no news from inside the building. Christian…" My voice cracks and Taylor and Sawyer both squeeze me tight to calm me down some. "… is believed to still be inside the building. There is no word on which floor he is or if he is injured or worse…" Again my voice cracks and I hiccup a sob that I'm barely containing. "I'll bring you more news when I have it." I manage before Taylor and Sawyer lead me away from them allowing me to break down.

Taylor's phone ringing barely catches my attention but his voice on answering brings all my attention to him.

"Sir?" He asks and I grip tight to Sawyer. "I'll pass you over now."

"Christian?" I ask my voice shaking.

"Baby it's me…" He coughs and splutters and my heart cracks, at least he's alive!

"Baby are you hurt?"

"No baby I'm just… there's so much smoke…" He coughs again and I breathe slowly as not to panic. "I'm on the eighteenth floor baby."

"How many people are there with you?" I ask trying to hold it together.

"Twelve, Sophia is with me too Ana but I don't know where Hannah is…"

"She's at Escala, she bought the book over to me she's fine we were talking when the news came on. I'm so glad you're ok! They're coming to get you Christian!"

"I know, be strong baby it won't be …" The phone cuts off.

"No! No, no, no, no Christian!" I plead.

"Where is he Ana?" Taylor asks holding my shoulder.

"Eighteenth floor." I say quietly.

"I'm going to get him."

"Be careful!" I shout as he hurries off. "I can't lose either of them Luke." I whisper as he brings me into a tight bear hug.

"You're not going to Ana, he's going to be ok."

They finally bring down the occupants of the thirteenth floor and the minutes tick by slowly. I haven't heard anything more from Christian though I still have Taylor's phone. I hope that they're all ok, that there are no fatalities. My floor was obviously empty, I wasn't there, Hannah wasn't there and Sophia is with Christian. I can only thank God that they're both so far ok.

A rumble beneath us makes my heart rate stand on edge. Everyone goes quiet and listens closely to the sound of an earthquake.

"Was that another bomb?" I ask Luke fearful.

"Not that I could tell." He replies honestly.

"Is the building going to fall?" I gasp thinking of the twin towers, I now have an inkling of what those families must have gone through while they waited for news of their loved ones.

"I don't know Ana." He admits. "But if I know Christian he would have made sure it was safe because of 9/11 he would have taken extra precautions."

"You're right." I agree with a sigh before turning back to the building.

It seems that they were able to get to floor 14 and 15 quite quickly meaning they're only three floors away from Christian. Ambulances leave with the injured and return for more.

"Ana!"

I spin around and see Grace and Carrick being let over the cordon to join me. I run over and wrap them both up in my arms. Carrick is in visible shock while Grace cries softly on my shoulder.

"He's ok." I manage quietly.

"You've heard from him?" Carrick asks and Grace lifts her head to look at me.

"He's on the eighteenth floor with Sophia. He said he's not hurt but he was coughing and he said it was smoking, Taylor has gone in to get him." I say while nodding my head to answer Carrick's question. "It was just after I was done talking to the press that he called, the phone lines are down though so they must have just had a few moments, it cut off on us."

"Oh my God." Grace looks up to the top of the burning building and I know she is thinking the same as me, will they get Christian down before the flames arrive their floor.

"Why did Taylor go in? He's risking himself."

"He was gone before I could stop him." I say quietly. "He was so determined. The first responders have managed to get to the fifteenth floor, they're working on getting up to the sixteenth now."

"I'm going to try and find a cell signal to call Mia, she with Kate, Ethan and Elliot at Escala."

"Hannah's there too." I say and they nod, I guess they went over there first before coming here.

"He's strong Ana." Grace says as she hugs me tight. "He'll be ok."

"I know." I say though there is no conviction behind the statement, the problem is I don't know and it scares me.

Grace clings onto my hand as I hold onto Sawyer. She looks up at the building and I know that she is experiencing everything I did on arrival, the sounds, the smells, the tastes.

It's almost as if every sense is fear. You see Fear, you feel Fear, you taste Fear, you hear Fear, you smell Fear. Most unnerving is that each sense of fear is your own. You're scared and it's your fear that you're attuned to and not others as you first think.

Yes you can see other peoples fear and hear the echoing cries of fear but still it's your own fear you hear, the thumping of your heart in your ears, the erratic gasps of your breath and the sound of your inner most fearful thoughts. It's the same with smell. You can smell the fear and anxiety as if its manure and it fills your nostrils but it's your own fear that overpowers you, it's your own sweat that fills the ridge of your own nose and that sweat is caused by your fear, because it's so cold. That's the feeling. Cold, empty feeling that is caused by your fear. How can it not when you're thinking of your loved ones being lost in a building either succumbing to the smoke or the flames, either way the overriding fear of never seeing them again makes you hot and cold. Then as previously stated there's the taste of fear. It's quite an acquired taste that I'm sure like me many would prefer not to have to experience again. It tastes vile and is a combination of dry mouth and bile rising in your throat burning on your tongue. The fear you see is unlike anything else. You see other peoples fear but you instinctively know that you look like that too. You know your eyes are bloodshot and your nose is red from running, you know that you're physically shaking and that your fear is reflected most in the pools of your eyes, which is like a mirror showing the flames and smoke you see to the person trying to look into your hurting soul.

"He's gonna be ok Grace." I say quietly and she squeezes my hand in reply.

"Anything?" Carrick asks resting one hand on my shoulder while an entire arm encompasses Grace tightly.

"Nothing." I reply looking down at my phone just as the main doors open once again and a crowd of people spills out of the building. "Sixteenth floor." I say quietly, more to myself knowing that only the seventeenth floor before they get to Christian and he'll be ok, he has to be ok.

"Please let him be ok, please let him be ok, please let him be ok." I whisper it even though I know that Grace, Carrick and Luke can hear me. This waiting is making me go mad. I don't know if he's still ok, I know he can't breathe properly, my own breaths have been accompanying coughs from inhaling the thick smoke cloud we're standing in but I don't care about a bit of smoke inhalation right now I just care about Christian.

In five days we're supposed to be celebrating our first Christmas together. We're supposed to sit down and exchange ten really lame but significant gifts to each other that I will openly admit I have spent hours making perfect. I want Christian to see those gifts and know from them how much he means to me. I am selfish enough to say all I want is him in my arms and to be allowed to have this Christmas with him, first of what I hope to be many. I am twenty two years old and the thought of being a widow at twenty two is enough to even run the easiest options of suicide through my head. I cannot and will not survive without him, I need him to live for me, I can't do any of what I have done in the past few months without him.

Another rumble beneath us and I hear the echoing panic rising around me. Oh God I need him to be ok! I already know that multiple sessions with Flynn or possibly another psychiatrist is going to be in order after this. I know that for weeks, months possibly even years I am going to remember this moment, there are going to be sounds or smells or sights that are going to make me remember the terrifying hours I have stood waiting to hear about the only man I have ever loved, the only man who will ever know me intimately.

I look at Taylor's phone and see it's now heading on for three pm. Time has gone by so fast but each second also feels like a lifetime. It's suffocating this unknowing.

"Please let him be ok, Please let him be ok, please let him be ok." With each time I say the mantra Grace squeezes my hand and I hear her whispering along with me. A small sob breaks through my lips but I will not break down, _he is going to be fine! _I have to believe that. I have to or I will break and I will not survive.

I look down at Taylor's phone in my hand willing it to ring, just once, just to give me some inkling that he's alive. Nothing happens though and I'm left feeling more and more desperate. They finally evacuate the seventeenth floor. So many more of them are injured and I know that the chances are Christian is worse off than what he said on the phone. There is also no sign of Taylor. I hope he's ok too, I would hate to have to break the news to Gail that something had happened to him while he was trying to save Christian.

My mouth is dry, my breath is hitched. Each second that I have to wait for Christian is a second too long. I have no idea what's going on around me. I'm deaf to the noise around me. I feel like I'm in a bubble, where everything is happening all around me but I'm on my own in this little space and the anxiety surrounding me is palpable.

_The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause. _

The Mark Twain quote rings true in my ears. This is the rightly timed pause in the novella that has become my life. It's a movie, TV show, whatever, this is the pause, the commercial after the cliff-hanger. My breathing is shallow full of hope and anxiety as ones breath would be just as the commercial breaks hit or they turn the page to find a cliff hanger till the next book.

The tension inside of me has me rigid. I need him now. My survival depends solely on his survival.

"They're coming out!" I hear called.

I grip tight to Grace and my breathing completely stops. Each second is like a minute as my eyes glue to the glass doors of Grey's House. I'm not even aware of the tumbling rain hitting my skin like small bullets, drenching through my clothing to my skin, neither do I notice the crackling of thunder high above the city limits. All my attention is on those doors being held open by first responders.

And that's when I see him.

He's dirty. I can see the black soot on his face. He looks rugged. But he's alive, he's breathing, he's walking! I don't know how but my legs begin to move. They carry me without me even being aware. Step by step my speed picks up until I crash straight into him.

His arms wrap tightly around my waist and mine around his neck. His lips smash roughly into mine. We're all teeth and tongue as the past hours of worry, fear, anxiety is finally leaving our adrenaline surviving bodies.

Seconds, minutes, hours, I don't care how much time is passing us by as he kisses me, holding my body close to his. I can taste him, I can touch him, I can smell him, I can see him, I can hear him, he's alive and he's hear.

He drops the kiss and presses his forehead against mine. The combination of water and sweat has caused my bangs to glue to my skin but I don't care. Tears fall from both of our eyes and they're not masked by the heavy falling rain.

No words need to be spoken. Not for the minute anyhow. We just bathe in the feel of each other once more. A moment for the past four hours neither of us were sure we would get again.

"I was so scared." He says quietly, his grey eyes burning with intensity but I can see that echo of fear.

"So was I." I reply swallowing hard.

I'm vaguely aware of a silver foil blanket being put over my shoulders but my eyes don't leave Christian's. My arms stay firmly around his neck while he pulls the blanket around me.

"You're wet." He says laughing a little and I can hear the relief in his laugh.

"So are you." I say and he flicks his head making rain spatter one way.

"Christian." I guess Grace couldn't hold off anymore.

I step out of the way so Grace can hug him and Carrick wraps his arm around me shoulder.

"He's ok." He says and I nod keeping my eyes on Christian still, I'm aware I'm trying hard not to blink in case I'm dreaming.

"Yeah." I manage to croak, tears are still streaming down my cheeks though, tears of absolute relief.

"Ana." I hear behind me.

I turn around to see Sophia. She looks just as rugged as Christian, covered in streaky soot.

"Sophia." I smile wrapping her up in my arms tight while Carrick goes to see his son. "I'm so glad you're ok."

"Hannah?"

"My apartment." I tell her as Sawyer and Taylor come over to us.

"Mr and Mrs Grey we need to get you two out of here, it's not safe." Taylor says while Sawyer looks around vigilantly.

"Christian will need to be checked over." Grace says with a don't-argue-with-me look on her face.

"Mom I'm fine." Christian say putting his arm around her shoulder and kissing her head. "I just want to go home, have a brandy and hold my wife." He says smiling at me.

"Sir we don't believe it safe to go back to Escala until it has been checked thoroughly." Taylor says and Christian sighs and shakes his head.

"Ok, make arrangements for us."

"We want you out of state Sir." Taylor says and my eyes widen. "We've called Ryan and Prescott there's a bomb squad checking out AG Inc. jet and I've informed Cassie Richards of the location. I'll make hotel arrangements when you're in the air, Sawyer will accompany you and I'll follow down tomorrow once I know Gail is in safety."

"Gail can come and stay with us at Bellevue." Grace says quickly.

"Thank you Dr Trevelyan." Taylor says and I see the genuine gratefulness in his eyes.

"No problem, Gail is family." Grace says giving me a smile that I manage to return.

"It's five days until Christmas." I state and Taylor looks at me apologetically.

"I'll do what I can to have you home Ana." He says and I manage a nod as tears fill my eyes.

"We need to get going then." Christian says pulling me into his arms making the sheets around us crinkle loudly.

"Prescott, Ryan and Hannah have packed you both a bag, you can go shopping once you're there."

"Where are we going?" I ask clinging tightly to Christian.

"For now you don't need to know, Sawyer will tell you once you're in the air."

"Ok." I say shakily, I'm so scared and I know Christian senses my fear as he holds tight to me.

"We need to go now Sir." Luke says and I nod as Christian pulls me away. "We're going to have to take a cab." He says as we hurry pass the press firing questions at us. "As we left the TTS in the middle of the street we can't be sure no one has tampered with it and we have no time to find out."

Christian signals a cab and one quickly comes to a halt.

"Boeing airfield." Sawyer says as he jumps into the front passanger seat and Christian and I sit cuddled up in the back.

He brushes my bangs from my forehead and drops feather light kisses all over my face.

"Everything's going to be ok." He says quietly.

"We have to go into hiding Christian. Nothing about this is ok!" I say stressing every word trying and hoping it will sink in for him.

"I know." He says rubbing his nose into my hair. "You smell of smoke."

"I've been stood outside a burning building for nearly four hours, I'd be surprised if I smelt of anything else." I manage a weak laugh though it's not a laughing matter.

"Sir I'm going to need you to remove the battery from your cell." Sawyer says and Christian's eyes widen. "Please Sir, I'm going to get us a disposable as soon as we land but we cannot leave anything to chance, you have trackers in all phones and until we know that someone else hasn't hacked into the tracing system we need all phones off."

"Ok." Christian says. "You left your phone at home didn't you?"

"Yes how did you know?"

"Before I called Taylor's cell I called yours and Hannah answered it." He replies and I nod, I was in such a rush I didn't grab any of my things. I hope that Ryan and Prescott has packed more than just clothes, at least I need my wallet.

We arrive in Boeing ten minutes later and Christian hands a generous two hundred bucks to the driver telling him to remember that he never saw us or drove us anywhere. We then run onto the jet and are met by Ryan and Prescott.

"Your clothes are here, pre-paid cell phones here, we've packed your laptops, and Hannah insisted that your book was packed. You have enough clothes for three days and we hope to have you home before Christmas." Ryan says and I can't help but hug both him and Prescott.

"Be safe." I tell them as I step back into Christian's arms.

"Thank you." They both say before exiting the plane.

We quickly sit down and buckle up. I'm vaguely aware of Lois' presence as she buckles herself up.

"As soon as we're in the air we need to change." Christian says as I shiver in my foil blanket, I feel like a turkey being prepped to cook.

"Ok." I manage to say as my teeth chatter.

Christian pulls me as close to his side as he possibly can as the jet begins to roll down the runway. I rest my head on his shoulder, feeling more than relieved that he is here with me.

We stay holding onto each other until the light signals the release of our seat belts. Christian pulls both of ours off and grabs our bags before heading towards the pretty spacious bathroom. We dry and change in silence but we steal glances towards each other. We wash in the small sink side by side stealing small touches of each other. He's here and that's all that matters to me right now.

I dress in a pair of jeans and tank with one of Christian's work out hoodies that I've stolen from him. Once we're both dressed he pulls me in for a kiss. It's not desperate this time. It's tender, loving and caring.

"I would have died if you hadn't of made it out of that building Christian." I say quietly.

He slips a finger beneath my chin and tilts my head up to meet his.

"But I did. Please don't talk like that Ana." He says softly as tears pool in my eyes.

"I died, over and over and over just thinking of losing you." I say as my tears fall.

Christian knows I need to cry. He takes a hold of me and pulls me out of the bathroom and into two of the chairs. A meal and drinks has been laid out for us but right now I just need to cry. Christian sits in the corner and pulls me onto his lap and I curl instinctively into his chest before the dam finally breaks.

I am hysterical but Christian doesn't try to stop my tears. He runs his hands through my hair and over my arms and back, a reminded to me always that he's there and he's not back in Seattle inside the burning building where I thought I would never see him again. I finally cry myself into disturbed sleep.

_The building is burning. Another explosion. People screaming. I can't think, I can't breathe. It happens. Just like nine eleven the building begins to rumble. Luke drags me backwards but I can't move my feet are fixed firmly to the floor, I am paralyzed by fear. The building comes down. It's like in slow motion, one floor at a time. It's almost like it's being pulled by a vacuum into itself, it's almost fascinating. _

"Christian!" My own scream wakes me.

"I'm right here Ana, right here baby, please, shh, I'm right here."

I cling to the lapels of his jacket tightly as I try to regain control over my breathing.

"I'm sorry." I whimper as I reduce my grip on his jacket.

"It's ok Ana, shh, it's ok." He says.

"How long was I asleep?" I ask not moving from his lap.

"About twenty minutes. Now you're awake we should eat." He says and I climb from his lap and go round to the opposite side so I can look at him.

Lois has prepared a couple of subs with orange juice and fruit salad for afterwards. I am suddenly aware of how hungry I am and happily tuck in.

"I think it's going to take a few session with Flynn before either of us begin to deal with what happened today." Christian says in a manner one would if speaking about the weather.

"Maybe we could do a session or two together." I say quietly and he smiles and nods.

"I need you to know Ana, that the whole time I was in there I was thinking of you." He says with a soft smile. "I need you to know that I love you."

"I know." I say reaching over and taking his free hand. "I was praying that you'd be ok, at one point I remember chanting 'please let him be ok'." I admit shyly and Christian smiles.

"There was no hope of me letting anything bad happen to me."

"What about Olivia?!" I ask suddenly, she's the only one I don't know anything about.

"She flew out to LA yesterday to send Christmas with her Mom." He says and I relax again.

"You all made it out ok." I say hoarsely and Christian nods.

"So far no fatalities, but Taylor will update me on the nineteenth and twentieth floor, the twenty first and the twenty second were empty when the bombs went off." He says and I relax just that little bit more.

"So do we know where we're going yet?" I ask and he smiles and nods.

"We're going to New York." He smiles brightly and I can't help but smile back.

"To your apartment there?"

"Our apartment there, I have Miss Lloyd the housekeeper knowing we're on our way, there's already some clothes there for you from when I told her I wanted stuff there for you when we got married so we don't have to worry about a thing just try and relax and enjoy ourselves." He says and I am suddenly reminded of why we're going to New York.

"We're going into hiding." I say quietly and Christian sighs softly.

"The police know who Elena hired, they found emails and phone calls and she was dumb enough to call him from prison so they know who it is they're looking for and they're setting up a sting. They hope to have the bastards in custody by tomorrow but of course he may go into hiding now too." Christian explains and I nod my head.

"I want to be in Escala Christmas day Christian."

"As do I." He replies. "and we will be."

I like how sure he is, I wish I could have the same certainty but I can't, I am deathly afraid of all of this.

"Luke when we get to New York will you please call Hannah?" I ask and he nods. "I think she'll want nothing more than to hear your voice."

"Thank you." He says and I manage a small smile.

"No Luke, thank you, you kept me sane for the four hours I didn't know where Christian was and I'm more than grateful to you for that." I explain and I see Christian smiling at me through the corner of my eye, I think Luke Sawyer will be having a nice big Christmas bonus this year.

We finish our meal in more silence but it isn't awkward. I know Christian, like me, is reflecting on the events that have happened. I know that for a long time I'm going to be fearful of both of our safety. I also know that until these freaks are captured I'm not going to get a full night's sleep and I won't be able to walk down the street without looking over my shoulder. It's a sad life but I know myself well enough to know that is how it's going to be.

"What will happen to Grey's House now?" I ask as Christian stares out the window.

"I don't know, that's what I'm trying to figure out." He says. "Luckily all documents are saved on the computer as well as in files stored on special encrypted software that is available to each employee from their personal laptops which they don't bring with them too work, so I haven't lost anything to important." He states quietly.

"I'm going to let Hannah and Sophia be off until the New Year, let them recover from this, Roach, Mitchell, and Melissa can handle the businesses."

"That's wise." He says with a nod. "Everything else can be done in the New Year."

"Did you hear from Ros?" I ask remembering another person who would have been in the building.

"She was over at the court house, finally the verdict came in this morning."

"And?" I ask glad to speak about something normal.

"They're guilty, they will be paying out lump sums of cash which will bankrupt them and I will be the proud owner of their company by the twenty seventh of December."

"Congratulations Mr Grey." I say lifting my orange juice towards him before polishing it off.

"I won't really be doing anything with it until the New Year anyway." He shrugs. "I have to focus for now on Grey's House and rehousing my employees until I can either buy a new building or rebuild Grey's House." He shakes his head, I know he's got a lot on his plate and I'm going to have to do everything I can to make sure over the next few weeks that I am on my best behaviour.

Lois clears our table while we fall into silence again. Christian keeps his hold on my hand and just every now and again I catch him looking at me as he runs his thumb over my knuckles ever so softly.

"What is it?" I ask him knowing that there is something deep playing on his mind by the look of contemplation and almost sickness in his eyes.

"I'm trying to imagine what it would have been like if the roles were reversed." He says quietly.

"Don't." I say shaking my head, my voice cracking under the strain. "Don't put yourself through that Christian, please?" I ask him, I'm actually pleading with him because I know he worries enough about my safety as it is and if the roles had been reversed he would never let me out of his sight ever again.

"I need you to do something for me Ana." He says and I see pain in his eyes.

"What?" I ask carefully knowing this could go so many ways.

"Until I have dealt with this, gotten help from Flynn and am able to move on properly, will you work from home?" He doesn't look at me while he asks and I find myself glad he isn't because I'm seething.

"Wrapping me up in bubble wrap isn't going to help you deal with this Christian." I say almost threateningly, he is in no way putting me on damn house arrest!

"I know that!" He snarls angrily. "But I need to know you're safe Ana, what if someone would have gotten to you while I was trapped in that building unable to do anything?" He spits.

"I was with Luke I was safe!"

"You could have been shot at from a distance? One bullet Ana and your life could have been gone and I couldn't… I'd never be able to live if anything happened to you!" His grip on my hand is so tight it hurts and as I pull away his grip tightens.

"Christian." I whimper. "You're hurting me, let go!" I'm near tears.

Christian quickly removes his hand just as Sawyer jumps over to us. He glares at Christian as I cradle my hand near my chest.

"Ana are you ok?" Sawyer asks looking at me softly before flashing a dirty look towards Christian.

"I'm fine." I say quietly, looking anywhere but at my husband or my security guard.

"Can I see your hand? You may need an ice pack." He reaches over to my hand but Christian jumps to his feet.

"Don't touch my wife." He spits.

I stand and slowly put away the now clear table so I can stand in between the two men who if looks could kill would both be dead.

"Both of you calm down." I say knowing they're both angry.

"Ana…"

"Don't Christian." I hiss. "Luke's just making sure I'm ok. He's like you, protective." I say firmly and I see the tension leave his shoulders a little. "Luke, go sit, I'm fine he didn't try to hurt me." I say and he scans my eyes for a sign that I'm being untruthful.

"You heard her_ Luke_."

"Christian!" I snap.

"What Ana? Do you want to Luke to get into your panties is that it? While I was trapped in that burning building was he a great comfort to you? Holding you tight and protecting you? Making sure you were ok?"

"Where is all this coming from?" I ask pushing Luke back with my elbow when he tries to step in.

"Taylor told me!" He yells. "When I was in there that man was holding you Ana!"

"Making sure I was ok? Christian I could barely stand at the thought of you in there! Trapped? Hurt? Dying? Dead? I had no idea if you were alive and Luke made sure I could stand!"

"You shouldn't have even been there!" He screams. "You should have been at Escala!"

"That's what this is all about! Finally he speaks some sense! How did you expect me to stay there when you were in that building?! I needed to be there Christian!"

"No you needed to make sure you were safe! Those people who bombed the building wanted to kill you, not me! You! While I was in there I was ok with the knowledge you were at Escala safe until Hannah answered your damn phone and I find out you wanted to play the fucking hero!"

"I didn't … what the… Christian! I wanted to be close to you! I needed to be there for when they brought you out dead or alive, I never once tried to run into the fucking building so you can put away the damn hero jibe! I'm so fucking sorry that I wanted to be there, wanted to be as close to you as I could without getting myself killed in the fucking process!" I am hysterical, tears dripping down my face, snot pouring from my nose but I don't care, I am furious and hurt.

"Ana come sit down." Luke says his hands on my shoulders.

"Get your hands off my wife!" Christian threatens standing closer to us to the point I'm scared Christian will try and get to Luke by going around me but I know that Luke isn't scared of Christian.

"Baby please." I whisper reaching out for him. He takes my hand and pulls me away from Luke and wraps me up tight. I look to Luke and give him a small nod and he steps away sinking back into a seat but this time one facing towards us so he can keep an eye out.

"I was so scared." Christian whispers. "Not of dying, not of burning to death or dying from the smoke, I was scared that something would happen to you while you were down there, I was so scared Ana I haven't felt fear like that in so long because there was for once nothing at all I could do about it, the phone signal was down and I was completely trapped and a thousand and one thoughts ran through my head and I was more scared about coming out and finding out something had happened to you than I was about dying myself because Anastasia my life is nothing without you, my whole world is nothing and if I lost you I know one hundred percent that I would take my own life because I couldn't bare to live without you. I need you to understand that, I need you to know how hard it is for me just to be at work not being sure what is going on with you. I have to check your cellphone signal every now and then just to make sure you're ok, I send emails just to know you're ok."

"Christian." I whimper as he finally sits down with me on his lap.

"I can't handle it Ana, I can't handle the mere thought of something happening to you, you're not my wife, you're my life and the only one I ever want to have. We're soul mates Anastasia and we belong together."

I close my eyes and hold tight to Christian. He runs his hands all over me, soothing me to the point of relaxation.

"Luke." I hear him say but I don't open my eyes, I think he thinks I have fallen asleep.

"Sir?" Luke replies and I'm glad to see he hasn't stopped respecting Christian even after everything that has just happened.

"I wanted to say sorry for my outburst." Christian mumbles. "I didn't mean any of it, I appreciate that you're protective of my wife, that you would do what you did for her… it means so much to me."

I am completely in shock. Has a near death experience done something to Christian's brain? I will have to ask Doctor Flynn about this and soon because I need to know if this is a new Christian or a temporary new Christian or what so I can handle it.

"Sir, if I may?" He says quietly and I think Christian nods because he continues. "Your wife, she's like a kid sister to me. She's so supportive of me, she's a dear friend and I am lucky to work for such an amazing woman. She's a star Christian and yes I love her, very much so and I am very protective of her damn anyone who ever tries to hurt a hair on her head but I don't love her in the way that means I want to get into her panties…" He laughs softly as I disguise my smile in Christian's chest. "I love her the way I would a sibling. I'm not saying she's not beautiful…" I can hear the frown he has etched on his brow in his voice and I wonder if Christian pulled a face at the comment that he doesn't want in my panties, but in saying that Christian thinks everyone wants to get into my panties. "I mean she is a very beautiful woman but her beauty for me is like that I would see in my sister if she was still alive. I believe myself to be truly honoured to have met her and be a big part of her life."

There's a moment of silence and I am aware of the shock I'm feeling at his words, sister was still alive? He had a sister? I wonder what happened to her.

"Thank you Luke." Christian says and there's so much sincerity in his voice if I wasn't pretending to be asleep I'd kiss him. "And Ana I know you're awake."

Busted.

"Hey." I peek up at him and glance over at Luke who looks horrified. "I didn't know what you were going to say, I didn't mean to overhear…"

"Yeah right." He says teasingly with a smirk as I sit up and slide into the chair beside Christian.

"Oh and for the record, I love you like family too." I tell him and he smiles and nods while Christian leans in and kisses my forehead.

"My wife with the very big heart." He says kindly just as Lois steps in front of us.

"It's time to put your seat belts on we'll be landing shortly." She says before taking to her own seat.

I buckle up quickly and resume taking Christian's hand as we get ready to descend into New York. I must admit I'm excited to see 'our' Manhattan Apartment, maybe we'll be able to go to Times Square and visit the statue of liberty and all sorts of famous locations while we're there, maybe we can treat this like a holiday and forget about the threat against our lives. Just maybe.


	101. Chapter 101

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**So my 101****st**** Chapter is dedicated to the lovely Kayla or KayMarie3817 for winning the quiz we played on my facebook! Well done!**

This isn't an apartment block. It's a castle, a big white, with flags, fairytale castle. I can't believe it. I think I'm in a state of shock as Christian stands on the sidewalk with his arm wrapped tight around my shoulders.

"So which one is yours?" I ask looking up at the huge building called The Plaza.

"The top floor." He states. "And it's ours baby." He adds rubbing his nose against my temple while I continue to gawp at the building.

"Christian this place is huge." I say.

"Wait till you see inside." He chuckles sliding his hand into mine. "Come."

"Good evening Mr Grey." The doorman smiles.

"Good evening Todd, may I introduce my wife Anastasia. Ana the door man Todd Wilmslow."

"Pleasure to meet you Mrs Grey." He bows and I find it quite amusing.

"You too Mr Wilmslow." I reply with a smile just before Christian can lead me away.

We step into the building and I am once again completely floored. It's beautiful! All marble and gold and looks again like something out of a fairy tale and not real life. It's not particularly busy but it reminds me of a hotel and not an apartment building as there is an attended lobby just like there would be at a hotel and there are luggage carts around.

"Come on." Christian tugs at my hand and guides me to the elevator.

It's busy in the elevator and Christian holds my shoulders tight as people gawp at him, or maybe us, I don't know if they know who he is but if they do I'm sure they're wondering what we're doing here and not in Seattle where bombs were going off just a few hours ago.

By the time we arrive the top floor we're alone and the elevator opens to reveal what is obviously a small entrance lobby with red walls and black carpeted floor, Christian opens the door and pushes it open allowing me to enter first. I'm floored. I enter the living room in front of me and it's almost a duplicate of Escala. It's as clinical as Escala with white floors, wooden flooring, paintings everywhere but it does have different furniture. A small couch in black and this time the grand piano is white with a red cushioned stool.

"Mr Grey." A brunette walks to us and I grip tightly at Christian's hand.

"Miss Lloyd." He says sounding annoyed. "Ana this is the housekeeper Miss Lloyd, Miss Lloyd my wife Anastasia." He says and I can't help but smile up at him fondly as surprise grips her.

"Anastasia, lovely to meet you." She smiles.

"You too." I say with a fake smile on my face now, I don't like her at once and yes it is because she's brunette.

"Miss Lloyd could you make reservations for us at Palm Court?" He says before leading me out of the room. We land in a corridor as white and clinical as the living room and he leads me to one door and pushes it open. "This Mrs Grey is our bedroom." He tells me before we go inside.

It's not a bedroom, it's a damn suite. It's huge, bigger than our bedroom at Escala. Decorated in the same white and blue

"It has a bathroom and closet through those doors." He says and I manage a nod as I sit on the blue duvet looking around in shock, Christian definitely goes for a theme and sticks to it, even cross country.

"This place is beautiful." I say going over to the square window, it lacks the floor to ceiling windows of Escala but that doesn't bother me one bit, I like the small more normal windows for some reason.

"It's alright. Half the building is a hotel, I used to stay here on my trips to New York but the more I'd come the more I realised I needed my own place out here and then I found out that there were apartments within the hotel just higher up. I don't know why the elevator was so busy, the one we used was for the apartments and function rooms so unless there's a big function going on we shouldn't be in an overcrowded elevator like that again." He states.

"How many apartments are there?" I ask wondering how much of this building is actually a hotel.

"One hundred and eight one apartments. Some four bedrooms like this, some with less." He explains. "The restaurant we'll have dinner in is also in this building."

"There's a restaurant here too?" I ask in surprise, this is overwhelming to say the least.

"Restaurant, Health club, champagne bar, spa, and most importantly, a boutique which is where you and I are going now." He says offering me his hand.

"Now?" I ask in surprise.

"Yeah, we'll both need something nice to wear for dinner." He states and I let my hand slip into his and let him pull me towards the door.

We leave the apartment and go down to the boutique. Christian instantly sees that it isn't a clothing boutique but a gift shop, all white and clinical I feel mildly uncomfortable in there anyway.

"Ok, we're on Fifth Avenue there has to be somewhere else we can find something. Come." He takes my hand again and it isn't long before we're out on the street.

We decide to walk up and Christian comes to a stop outside Barnes and Noble. I'm confused at first until I look at the window.

"Oh my God." I say quietly.

"Mrs Grey, I do believe that is your book." He says looking at the huge poster of the front cover of Fifty Shades.

"I do believe a certain Rose Trevelyan wrote it." I say with a snigger and he smirks and pulls me inside.

"Excuse me how many copies of Fifty Shades do you have in stock?" He asks the startled cashier.

"Christian!" I whine pulling at his hand.

"We bought five hundred, I'm not sure how much we've sold though." She says nervously as Christian ignores me tugging hard on his hand.

"I'll take two hundred copies."

"Christian! No!" I say angrily. "I can get as many damn free copies of that book as I want." I state but he turns to look at me while the cashier looks at us worriedly.

"I know that, but I would like to see my wife on the New York Times Best Seller list." He says sweetly as he runs his hand down my face, I know what he's doing and it's not going to work.

"And what exactly do you plan on doing with two hundred copies of my book?" I state and I spot the Cashiers eyes widening in surprise.

"Well gift them to people, Mom, Mia, Kate…"

"You are not giving a copy of that book to your Mother, it will give her a heart attack Christian!" I hiss, I cannot let him give Grace a copy of that book, or Mia for that matter, not when we do eventually plan on letting it slip that I wrote it.

"Ana baby she will love it."

"No Christian it's an erotic romance, and there are things in there that your mother will only have imagined in her wildest fucking wet dreams!" I state and he blanches at my words.

"I don't understand why you can't be proud that you wrote a book that is available around the world, baby it's going to be amazing and Mia will read it anyway…"

"Not the point."

"Totally the point and how do you know that Grace hasn't done some of this stuff." It's my turn to flinch, I don't want to think of Grace and Carrick's sex life.

"Don't you think this book is going to raise questions about our sex life?" I hiss and he laughs loudly while the cashier continues to look on in shock.

"Oh baby, I wouldn't dare treat you the way Richard treats Maggie, I wouldn't make you wear a collar or anything, you're my wife Anastasia Rose Grey, not my submissive."

"You're still not buying two hundred copies of my book."

"Make it three hundred." He says turning to the cashier.

"Christian Grey don't you dare." I hiss.

"Or what?"

"I'll cut you off." I state folding my arms across my chest in a huff.

"Oh will you now?" He asks looking amused, damn him! "We'll have to see about that." He says pulling me into him and rubbing his nose across my cheek.

"Not going to work." I state as he blows into my ear but the problem is it is working. "I'll tape my legs together." I joke and he laughs seductively.

"That wouldn't stop me." He says before kissing me gently and then turning back to the cashier.

"Three hundred copies." He says.

"Don't." I warn her and she looks terrified of us. "Baby I own the company that published the book, if you want copies for everyone then I'll get you them, please don't waste money…"

"Don't start on the money Ana." He whines petulantly. "Please don't, you and I both make more than enough fucking money…"

"Yes and you buying three hundred copies of my book is putting more money in my bank account." I say and he smirks and nods. "No Christian!" I stop my foot and he just laughs at me, he actually laughs at me.

"Either let me buy the damn books now Ana or I'll get Sawyer to come in later and buy them while you're pre-occupied."

"Ok!" I throw my hands up in the air admitting defeat. "But three hundred copies of my damn book then." I give up and admit defeat less than gracefully.

"Three hundred copies." He smirks to the shocked cashier.

She nods and logs into the computer and then frowns. I wonder what's bothering her until she turns the monitor to face Christian and I.

"You've only got fifty in stock?" He says in surprise and she nods.

"It's a popular book Sir, we have a shipment of two thousand arriving from Seattle tomorrow." She says and I am shocked.

"It's only the first day of release." I say quietly and she nods her head.

"Uh Ms Trevelyan?" She asks looking at me and I laugh as Christian glares at her.

"She's Mrs Grey, Trevelyan is a damn pen name." He says and she blanches.

"My apologies, Mrs Grey would you mind signing my copy?" She asks pulling what's obviously a half read copy from beneath the counter.

Now it's my turn to look amused as she holds her book out to me.

"I don't see why not." I say quietly and she grins and passes the book over with a black marker pen.

I open the front cover and take the pen and Christian moves out of my way so I can lean on the counter.

Sorry about my husband, Love …

I hear him laughing behind me and I know he's read over my shoulder. I pass it back to her and she grins happily.

"What do I put?" I ask turning to Christian.

"What do you mean?"

"Well do I sign it Rose Trevelyan or Ana Grey?"

"Ana Grey." He states at once and I manage a nod before I finish writing.

"Thank you so much." She gushes. "Mr Grey would you like to buy the remaining copies?"

"No, I'll come in tomorrow." He says before taking my hand. "Just in case there are other people who want to buy them who come in."

"Yes Sir." She states with a smile still clutching at my book.

"No problem, come Ana." He reaches for my hand.

"Bye." I say to her as Christian tugs me towards the exit.

"You still can't give that book to your mother, Christian Kate is going to freak when she finds out I wrote it, you know that right?" I ask and he shrugs his shoulders, he really doesn't give a damn. "People are going to ask questions Christian and I don't know if you noticed but I'm not the greatest of liars."

"Anastasia." He sighs as we continue to walk down the side walk. "It doesn't matter, people can speculate all they want, all you have to do is skirt around the truth. When they ask if we practise this lifestyle you ask 'Does it look like I wear a collar?' and they'll take it as a no, if they push you continue to skirt around the truth things like I've never had a problem sitting down after having sex with my husband and laugh, they won't question you too far." He states and I nod before he pulls me into Armani Exchange.

"Good evening Sir, Ma'am." A man easily in his fifties greet as soon as we're through the door.

"Good evening." Christian replies politely but I can also see him squaring his shoulders and standing up a little taller. "Have you any female personal shoppers on hand?"

"I'll fetch Lorena. I'll be one moment." He says with a nod of his head before he disappears.

"Do you have to be so brusque?" I ask him and he shrugs.

"It's just my way Ana, people listen, yes it's intimidating and it's rude but it works and it stops people walking all over you. Heck you should try it once in a while and see how much quicker you get what you want." He states.

"I would much rather wait and get a thank you at the end of it." I say just as the man comes back with a thirtyish year old raven haired woman.

"Good evening, I'm Lorena Michaels how may I help you this evening?" She asks with a pearl white smile.

"My wife would like a cocktail dress, something classy and comfortable and not too short." Christian speaks for me.

"I can decide for myself." I tell Christian really not liking his tone.

"Ana we don't have much time." He states.

"Whatever." I shrug, I'm not in the mood to be his best friend and the good little wife after his show in Barnes and Noble.

"Right this way." Lorena continues.

"I'll wait here." Christian states and I just nod as I follow Lorena deeper into the store.

"So Mrs…"

"Ana." I reply with a smile.

"Ana, what do you have in mind?" She asks me.

"Just what my husband says, sorry about that I'm just not in a great mood with him right now." I state with a smile and she smiles back and nods her head as if she completely understands what it's like to be in a bad mood with her husband.

"Any particular colour?" She asks as I look around at the dresses surrounding me.

"I know nothing about clothes shopping." I admit and she smiles.

"Well with your skin tone, hair and eyes I'd go for something blue." She says. "A very block colour nothing too dark nothing too light."

I stand back and watch as she wizzes around collecting dresses and I'm even more shocked when she places them all on a rack and has me follow her through to the back where the changing rooms are located.

I try each blue dress on, one right after the other until she decides we've found 'the one'. I'm more than happy when we've found it because it means we're done and when I go to Christian he's stood waiting with his wallet in hand.

"Find something?" He asks wrapping an arm around my shoulders.

"Yup, it should make sir very happy." I say sarcastically and he laughs and kisses my head.

"I'm always happy with you." He says and I look up at him through the corner of my eye. "What?"

"You're not always happy with me Mr Grey, I can recall a few instances when you've been less than happy with me." I quip as we walk towards where my dress is being boxed and wrapped.

"Oh can you?" He asks.

"It involved you and a very twitchy palm." I whisper into his ear and he grins at me.

"That's when I'm at my most happy." He says making me laugh.

We leave the store and Christian happily carries the bag containing the box that contains the dress. We walk down the busy side walk and I'm happy with my hand tucked into his as we walk into Bergdorf Goodman.

"Why are we here?" I ask Christian looking around in surprise.

"Shoes." He simply states and I shrug, he obviously wants me to buy something to wear for tonight, I thought he said there were clothes for me at the apartment anyway?

"Christian?" I ask as we walk around the store.

"What?"

"Was Miss Lloyd your sub?" I ask carefully and I feel his hand tense in mine.

"No she wasn't Anastasia." He says through gritted teeth.

"She's brunette." I say knowing I'm stating the obvious.

"She wasn't when I last saw her or when I hired her." He says and I stop to look at him, I can see he is not pleased at all.

"She wasn't?"

"Are you doubting me?"

"No. I'm just confused as to why you're so annoyed about it."

"I'm not, not really I just always avoided having brunette's working for me, old habits die hard I guess." He shrugs and I manage a nod, I don't want him worked up by this. "I'm not attracted to her, not in the slightest." He warns and I nod again before he pushes me towards the shoes section that's as big as our bedroom, if not bigger.

I choose a pair of pearl platform satin sling backs by Nicholas Kirkwood at nine hundred and ninety five dollars. Christian seems happy with my choice even though he has no idea if they'll go with the dress I've bought.

"See it wasn't that excruciating now was it?" He teases as we head over to the purse department.

"No but I like shoes." I tell him and he smirks and shakes his head at me.

"Buy all the shoes you want then baby." He says and it's my turn to smirk.

"Don't go giving me ideas." I tell him teasingly, because I easily could spend a fortune on shoes without thinking about it if I tried hard enough.

I shop around for a clutch and eventually decide on a Christian Louboutin lace clutch at one thousand one hundred and ninety five dollars, Christian was eyeing up a smaller clutch in silver at three thousand dollars but I manage to tell him I prefer the lace one as a design not for the price tag which makes him relent. We quickly pay before we head back to the apartment.

"Your reservation is for eight o'clock." Miss Lloyd says as I head for the bedroom with our purchases.

Christian follows me in and heads straight to the bathroom. I hear him opening the taps as I hang up the dress and put the shoes and clutch on the dresser ready for when I get dressed.

"Read for a bath Mademoiselle?" he asks me as he leans on the door frame.

"Isn't Mademoiselle Miss in French?" I ask him curiously.

"Yes?" He questions.

"Well last time I checked I was a Mrs." I say and he laughs an nods.

"Exacte Mrs Grey." He says as I smirk at him. "Come, a hot bath awaits."

I happily take his hand and let him lead me into the cream marble bathroom with gold surrounds. It's beautiful, the lighting low and relaxing giving the room a sensual feel, the heat from the bath warming me instantly while the steam rises and covers the mirror and shower surround.

Christian pulls me to him and unzips my hooded jacket letting it fall unceremoniously to the ground. I begin working on the buttons of his shirt only stopping to let him peel my tank over my head before I continue. He undoes my jeans and pulls them off making me hold onto his shoulders as I step out of them.

We're completely out of our clothes when there's a knock on the bedroom door.

"Mr and Mrs Grey?"

"Luke?" I say to Christian and he nods grabbing two robes from the back of the door and handing one to me.

Once in them he goes over to the door and opens it for Luke to step inside.

"What's going on?" I ask clinging to Christian's hand.

"You need to see this." He says and Christian and I follow him through to the living room where the TV News is on.

"A source has revealed that the new Erotic Novel Fifty Shades was written by none other than Ana Grey of Anastasia Grey Inc. Ana and her husband Christian Grey of Grey's Enterprises Holdings were overheard arguing about the book at Barnes and Noble on Fifth Avenue New York earlier this evening. They were then spotted shopping at Armani Exchange and we have amateur footage of them shopping at Bergdorf Goodman." The screen changes to footage of Christian and I hand in hand inside the store both of us holding up handbags, it's quite amusing because we're discussing me preferring the one I'm holding which is two thousand dollars cheaper than the one Christian is holding. "Ana Grey, owns the publishing company Grey's Publishing Seattle which published the book Fifty Shades by Rose Trevelyan. Researchers for ABC news found that the pen name is a combination of Mrs Grey's Middle name and her Mother in Law's maiden name. Grey's Publishing and Anastasia Grey incorporated have yet to confirm or deny this rumour. Most surprising is the fact that the duo are seen in New York just eight hours after Grey's House was the victim of five bomb explosions which saw Christian Grey trapped inside the burning building for four hours. The power couple were seen fleeing the horrendous scene just minutes after Mr Grey was finally freed from the building. Police say they have suspects in their investigation. In other news…"

"Well that didn't stay a secret long." I huff folding my arms across the chest.

"She sold us out." Christian says angrily.

"May not have been her Christian there were other people in the store." I tell him knowing he would go and have words with her otherwise.

"Well watch as that book flies off the shelves now Mrs Grey."

"The reason I didn't want it known it was mine was because I didn't want people to buy it just because it had my name on the cover." I state.

"Technically it still doesn't." He says with a shrug.

"Oh the reprint will." I tell him. "Hope was only going to have Rose Trevelyan on the earliest copies and as soon as we let the world know it was my book they were going to change it."

"Why?"

"Then there would only be a few thousand books with Rose Trevelyan on making them more valuable in the future." I shrug and he nods in understanding. "But right now I don't care Christian, can we have a bath before dinner."

"Sir, your location is now compromised." Luke says and Christian sighs.

"Do we need to move?" He asks and Luke looks lost. "Have you contacted Taylor?"

"Not yet Sir."

"Call Taylor, find out what he wants to do, if we don't have to move I'd prefer not to, have a couple of days here before Christmas in Seattle."

"Ok." Luke nods and finally Christian takes my hand and leads me back to the bathroom.


	102. Chapter 102

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

"So baby, we're going to be in New York for two full days, what would you like to do while you're here?" Christian asks as we sit in the champagne bar after a lovely dinner.

"Hmm, I don't know." I shrug even though there's a list forming in my head of the things I'd like to do while here in New York.

"Anastasia, you can see and do whatever you want, I want to show you New York and I want to see New York with you by my side, experience it all with you." He says clutching at my hand. "Whatever it is Ana, money is no object."

"Ok, I want to see a show on Broadway, I want to visit Central Park and Times Square. I want to see the statue of Liberty." I tell him and he grins and nods with each of my requests. "I'd also like to walk more of Fifth Avenue."

"I want you to shop Fifth Avenue." He says stroking his thumb across my knuckles.

"What do you mean?" I ask with a frown.

"Well those clothes Miss Lloyd bought are nice but they're not very Ana Grey. I think you should take the black Amex card and shop Fifth Avenue."

"Hmm, I could try." I say thoughtfully, he's right in saying it's obvious Miss Lloyd didn't know what I would look like or what I was in to because the clothes are not really my style, even though there's only three complete outfits there and a couple of dresses, it's almost like Christian told her to buy them hoping to give me the Amex and have me shop Fifth Avenue.

"Good, I'll take you shopping, we don't have to stick to Fifth Avenue and I'll have Sawyer organise a car so we aren't stuck carrying everything all day." He smiles and I manage a small nod, I am not really one for the big shopping spree but I can't wait to have a full New York shopping trip the way only a girl can dream.

"Ok." I nod.

"Anything else?" He asks and I think hard about what I know of New York and what I'd like to do.

"Haven't we thought of enough so far?" I ask and he shrugs at me.

"We can go shopping tomorrow day, which will include a visit to Times Square and then we can hit Broadway tomorrow evening and we can do Central Park at night after a show unless you specifically want to do it in the day time and then we can do it the day after…"

"No night is fine." I tell him, I actually know that Central Park can be romantic at night if you know where to go.

"Ok so what about the day after, a visit to the Statue of Liberty, then what?"

"Madame Tussauds?" I ask and he chuckles.

"You know they approached me a couple of years ago."

"They did?" I ask in surprise. "So there's a wax work of you?"

"No, I said no. Under no circumstances."

"Christian! You'd make a very handsome wax work and your loyal fans could wish they were me!" I say playfully and he laughs loudly.

"I'm just a business man Ana." He says.

"No you're the business man." I correct him. "The man most women wish wasn't married."

"Fair enough." He shrugs. "But I am for your eyes only."

"Ok but can we go to Madame Tussauds?" I ask him and he glares.

"Why would you want to go there Ana?"

"Because it could be fun."

"Half the people in there Ana I could arrange for you to meet the real deal." He says. "Why would you want to gaze at wax versions of them."

"Ok no to Madame Tussauds then." I say rolling my eyes.

"Mrs Grey I do think you just rolled your eyes at me."

"I didn't." I say even though I know I did, I didn't try but I still did.

"Liar." He sings making me laugh.

"There's the New York Public Library." I say quickly but his gaze has already darkened.

"I think I need to teach you another lesson Mrs Grey." He says under his breath making my insides quiver with delighted anticipation.

"Ground Zero?" I squeak but he's shaking his head at me.

"Bed." He says but I shake my head back.

"Delayed gratification." I tell him making him snigger.

"Now Mrs Grey." He says reaching for his wallet.

"Really?" I ask my voice squawking again.

"Really." He says chucking down a couple of hundred dollar bills before reaching for my hand and pulling me out of my seat.

We head over to the elevator and once inside I can see it's taking a lot off Christian not to take me there and then.

"Are there any nice restaurants we can go while we're here?" I ask Christian. "I mean it would be nice to eat somewhere else other than just the hotel."

"I'm not thinking about eating food right now Ana." He says huskily and I feel my core clench delightfully.

"What are you thinking of eating Mr Grey?" I ask my own voice just a breathless whisper.

"I think you know Mrs Grey."

"Do I?" I ask and he smirks with a cocked eyebrow.

"I'm going to eat you."

I manage not to moan at his whispered confession but as soon as the elevator is empty his lips crash onto mine. He pulls me off my feet and my legs wrap around him just in time for the doors to open on our floor. We stumble out and Christian manages to open the door keeping his lips on mine the whole time.

I know we're in the apartment and I hear Christian kicking the door shut as he carries me. I devour Christian's lips not caring if there is anyone about. I even open my eyes momentarily and I don't care when I see both Sawyer and Miss Lloyd trying not to gawp. I giggle when my back crashes into the door of our bedroom while Christian struggles to open it. Once inside he kicks it shut and drops me onto the bed making me bounce.

He pulls me to standing and pulls my skin tight dress over my head quickly. My hands work quick at his jacket and then his shirt as he slips my panties off but then I have to let go for him to take off my bra. My hands go to his trousers but he stops me.

"Someone rolled their eyes at me." He smirks and my insides clench heavenly.

"Oh did they _Sir_?" I ask and he nods with a smile on his face. "Well what are you going to do about it?" I ask playfully and he is quick to sit on the bed and pull me over his lap, trapping my legs in between the two of his.

"I'm going to spank you Mrs Grey, that's what I'm going to do about it. Then I'm going to fuck you hard."

"Oh really?" I ask as he massages my behind tenderly.

"Really." He breaths before he takes his hand away and brings it back with a ringing slap.

"Ah." I moan loudly. "One." I gasp, counting is automatic now.

"Good girl." He whispers as he massages the skin again. "How many do you think you deserve Ana?" He asks but before I answer he brings his hand down a second time.

"Two." I say not answering his question.

He hits me a total of twenty five times, the last one making me scream but thought it hurts somehow it doesn't. I don't really get the chance to think about it before he's slamming hard into me. He lifts my legs up, places them together and on his shoulder.

"See taping your legs together wouldn't stop me." He chuckles and I can't help but giggle. "Ah my favourite sound." He says before he pulls out and thrusts hard into me.

"Oh God!" I yell but Christian begins pounding hard, relentless, grunting with every thrust as I cling onto the bed sheets. "Ahh Christian!" I scream as my climax takes over my body and I begin to thrash widely beneath him.

"Ana!" He grunts spilling his seed into me before collapsing heavily onto my chest.

"Ugh." I grunt but when I goes to move I hold him tighter to me. "Stay there." I say knowing that he's fully implanted inside of me.

I run my fingers through his hair up and down his back to his behind giving him a tender squeeze until I feel him twitch inside of me.

"Round two Mr Grey?" I ask and he looks up at me, his grey eyes just peeking through his long lashes.

"What have I done to you Ana?" He asks as he flips us over so I'm on top of him.

"What do you mean?" I frown taking in his hands in my own, lacing my fingers with his.

"I mean I've turned you into a little vixen." He says just as I begin to rock my hips. "Oh Ana." He moans his eyes flickering shut.

I keep up a lazy tempo until he gets bored and flips us over again. I plant my feet on his chest and he leans far over, it opens me wider and makes him able to push deeper. He keeps up the slow pace but as he hits deep it pinches slightly, it's good though and it isn't long before we're both spiralling over the edge again. He collapses beside me and we lay just listening to each other breathing, the cold night on our cool skin.

Once his breathing has calmed he climbs out of bed and goes over to the bathroom. I know him well enough to roll onto my stomach holding the pillow beneath my head.

"Good girl." Christian smiles coming back into the room, I'm half asleep so I don't reply just flash a smile in his direction. "I'll do this then we can sleep." He says.

I let him massage cream into my sore behind and then climb off the bed just so we can climb under the duvet. Sleeping nude wrapped up in his arms is my bliss.

"I want to take you somewhere tomorrow." He says. "After shopping, well technically we still will be shopping."

"Where?" I ask sleepily.

"I thought we could visit an erotic shop."

"Excuse me?" I say jerking awake.

"Well I thought maybe, I mean we don't have to if you don't want to but there are plenty of places in New York we could go buy some toys."

I blush scarlet at the thought.

"Have you been in one before?" I ask.

"That's a stupid question, where else do you think I get the toys we use from?"

"Online." I reply honestly and he laughs.

"Some I do, others require me to select them myself." He explains. "We don't have to I was just thinking tonight when I was spanking you that you'd find it much more pleasurable if you had some of those jiggle balls inside you but if it makes you uncomfortable we don't have to."

"No we could go." I say thinking it may be fun to help him buy the toys.

"Ok, I mean we don't have any here but I do want to bring you back here in the future. It would be nice to have some stuff here just to play with."

"It's fine Christian, we can go tomorrow ok?" I say with a smile and he leans over and kisses my head before pulling me into him.

"Sleep now baby." He says and I let sleep overtake my body.


	103. Chapter 103

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

I'm woken by Christian kissing up and down my neck. It makes me smile as I roll over to face him.

"Good Morning Mrs Grey." He beams happily at me.

"Good Morning Mr Grey." I reply with a grin of my own.

"So, shopping?"

"Breakfast first I'm hungry." I say making his smile widen.

"Well we should change quick and go see what Miss Lloyd has made for us." He says snuggling his nose into the crook between my neck and my shoulder.

"Ok." I reply with a smile.

We both climb out of bed and go straight into the bathroom. We enjoy a placid shower quickly before we get changed. I choose one of the pairs of jeans that Miss Lloyd has chosen, they're a pair I already own in New York, white pair of skinny fit jeans. I put them on with my converse though I know they look better with heels the only colour heels there are apart from the peep toes I bought are black and I know that these particular jeans look great with block coloured closed toe heels. Then pull on the plain white tank top to go under the navy blue dress coat. We walk into the kitchen together where Miss Lloyd is finishing the breakfast and I smile seeing a full English breakfast ready to be devoured.

"It's cold out there this morning Mr Grey." Miss Lloyd says.

"Baby do you have any other shoes?" He asks and I know it's because my feet will get soaked because of the snow.

"I need to buy some nice heels to go with these jeans." I tell him and he smiles.

"Well we'll get that done quickly then." He says and I laugh and nod, I want a nice pair of block heels and then outfits for Broadway tonight. "What would you like to see in Theatre?"

"I don't mind, I just want to go." I say with a smirk.

"Hmm Phantom of the Opera?" He asks and I nod, I know Kate will be so jealous as she loves anything musicals.

Sawyer comes in with the morning papers and it's no surprise that Grey's House demise is on almost every front cover. Some of the tabloids have combination of the book and Grey's House.

"Do they have nothing better to write about?" I ask throwing down one of the tabloids seeing as it's only discussing the fact that the book is mine.

"No they don't baby."

"Sir if I may what are the plans for today? I've already seen some of the paps near by."

"Paps in New York are a little different to Seattle Sawyer, they won't approach us just follow us around all day snapping pictures. None of them will get to close." Christian tells him as I continue to eat, I don't want today spoiled by paparazzi.

"So that means erotic chop out of the question." I murmur and Christian looks at me funny. "What?"

"Research for the next book?" He suggests.

"Oh yeah, ok, have fun explaining that to your Mom." I say and he grins his boyish smile. "What?!"

"We'll try and ditch the press but if we don't manage it so what? Erotic shops sell much more than just sex toys."

I catch Luke looking at us and blush scarlet, I don't care if he knows what Christian and I get up to it's still not something I want to be having a conversation about.

"Like what?" I ask quietly.

"Sexy lingerie." He whispers making me blush an even deeper shade of red. "Now eat up, let's go shopping."

After breakfast Christian and I step out into the New York air. Our first stop is Bergdorf Goodman so I can buy a nice pair of heels to go with my jeans.

It doesn't take too long for me to settle for a pair of Giuseppe Zanotti Crystal-Heel Suede Pump in red. It would have taken less time if Christian wasn't trying to persuade me to buy a similar shoe in another colour as well, he wasn't happy with my explanation that we had a thousand different shops to look in, he would have been happier if I'd agreed and still spent a fortune in all the other stores too. I don't think he'll ever get over my discomfort for spending ridiculous amounts on things I don't need.

As we walk Fifth Avenue again Christian drags me into an electronic store and buys another Nikon as his is in Seattle and he has the guy in the store set it up so he can carry it around with him and like 'real tourist' he says until he snaps a picture of me when I'm not looking.

We continue to shop and we're both aware of paparazzi following us but we try to ignore them. I laugh when Christian takes a picture of a paparazzi making him blanch in surprise.

"See they don't like it." Christian says while I giggle but then he snaps a picture of me making me frown. "I'm your husband, I should be allowed to take pictures of you when you're not looking." He says making me laugh again.

Christian pulls me into Cartier making me frown again but then he happily explains all my jewels are in Seattle and I need something for this evening. I decide on a simple single diamond drop chain with matching earrings. Christian says he likes them but I know he's not happy because he still thinks I'm being conscious of the price tags.

"Next store we go into I'm going to tell them to cover all the price tags." He mutters while we have the diamonds wrapped and placed in a small card bag with ribbon handles.

"Oh Christian." I sigh. "I'm never going to get used to just having money."

"Why?"

"Because for me growing up it was a case of looking at the price tag and thinking 'either I have just this at whatever price or two of those which may not be as nice but I need two and only have this amount'." I tell him making him frown, he really doesn't get it. "It's like this, say you had to get a new pair of trousers for work and you only had two thousand dollars to buy them with, you have the Georgio Armani ones which are one thousand nine hundred and ninety five dollars or you can have two from Emporio Armani for nine hundred each. You prefer the Georgio ones but then you could really use two pairs. What do you do?" I ask him and he shrugs. "You buy the Emporio ones because you need the two. That's what it was like for me growing up except it was Wal Mart and not Armani ok? I'm trying not to look at the price tag but I don't like paying five thousand dollars for diamonds that are going to stay in the safe here in New York for the next time we visit." I explain and he sighs and rubs his forehead, he really doesn't get him.

"Try baby, money isn't an object. Just think of it like this, you have an unlimited amount in this account, or a budget on your account or a bigger budget on the joint. You have more than enough between three accounts to buy everything in Neiman Marcus without having to think about that cost and you could put it on any card and it wouldn't dent it."

"Christian?" I ask and he looks at me confused. "How much money is there in my account?"

He swallows and I know at once he's deposited more money in there.

"Christian!" I groan.

"I don't want you going without." He tells me with a shrug. "I want you to be able to walk into a store and just buy it because you like it without looking at the cost, can you try that for me today?"

"Fine." I say sighing. "I'll try."

"Good, otherwise I'm going to buy everything you look at whether you like it or not." He says as we walk out of Cartier.

"Fine." I reply with a smile because I know he will too.

After Cartier we stop at Diesel which makes it Christian's turn to shop too. We wander around hand in hand trying to ignore the public who are visibly taking our picture and recording us on their cells.

"What do you wanna bet that we'll be all over TMZ website before we arrive home?" Christian whispers with a smile.

"You think it's a good thing?" I ask in shock.

"Not a good thing but it's not a bad thing either baby, all publicity is good publicity." He says. "Especially with your book out and people now knowing you wrote it."

"That was you plan all along right? Get out get seen?" I say as he stops to look at some jeans.

"No, not really, but it's the reason I didn't cancel because of the press. After all the rumours about our marriage being on the rocks let's show them that we are fine and are happy doing normal couple stuff not on the red carpet at some event or other." He tells me making me sigh. "Come on babe this way they can't think we're just putting on a happy face." He lifts his camera and snaps a picture of me making me hit him in the bicep. "See lovely picture with no happy face." He says showing me the picture, it looks awful. "You look relaxed, like you do in Jose's photos."

"Ok." I concede. "Whatever." He laughs at me making me smile again.

I lean up and kiss is cheek and he pulls a face before kissing me properly.

"Let them sell that." I say and he smirks and laugh.

"Oh baby your book is going to be best seller by the end of the day."

"I hope so." I murmur because it's true, I want my book to be out there but I can't help but be a little embarrassed about how much I do want it out there and with my name out the closet I can't stop the reasons people will buy it so I've decided to just use it to my advantage.

"What do you think of these?" Christian asks holding a pair of jeans up to me with a white belt around the middle.

"Hmm, they look like the kind of jeans that punks wear half way down their ass." I state and he laughs. "I like them though, as long as you wear them properly." They're dirty wash and with the white belt it clashes but in a great way.

"I will wear them properly, I don't think Seattle or New York want to gaze at my ass hanging out of my trousers."

"I wouldn't be so sure about that." I quip before giggling, he smiles happily and leans in rubbing his nose against mine.

"You are incorrigible Mrs Grey." He says.

"As are you Mr Grey." I reply before he drapes the jeans on his arm.

"I think I'll take these." He says.

"Don't you dare wear them with your ass hanging out Mr Grey."

"What will you do about it Mrs Grey?" He continues flirtatiously.

"I may have to put you over my knee." I say before walking off with a smirk and I hear his snigger as we head deeper into the store.

He smacks my ass making my yell and jump. I turn around but he's already walked past me laughing. I run up behind him and jump onto his back as he continues to laugh making sure he catches around one of my legs.

"You're definitely incorrigible." I tell him making him laugh even more. "I love you."

He really is playful fifty today at his best and I definitely want to keep him like this for as long as I possibly can.

"You can put me down now." I tell him but he continues to walk without dropping my ankle. "Christian!" I whine but it doesn't work so I latch my mouth onto his ear lobe and suck gently.

"Ok Ana!" He relents before finally letting go so I can slide carefully back onto the floor making sure I don't trip in my red stiletto pumps.

"These are nice." I say pointing out another pair of jeans to Christian. He comes over and looks at them like he's unsure. "Could get you a pair of high tops to go with them."

"You think I should wear high tops?" He asks amused.

"Would make a change." I tell him and he nods and grabs the jeans in his size, I like that he appreciates my opinion.

We continue to walk until we arrive at the ladies section and Christian instantly picks up a pair of bright red jeans.

"Red jeans?"

"Nude heels." He states and I can't help but laugh, he does know his fashion.

"Ok Red Jeans it is." I smile as he grabs my size from the rack and drapes them over his arm as I continue to browse.

I grab a simple pair of boot cut jeans in dark blue and as I'm about to drape them over my arm he takes them from me and drapes it over his own.

"I'll carry, you shop." He tells me and I shrug, I don't mind so much here as things aren't quite as expensive as in Bergdorf Goodman.

Over at the dresses Christian sees me eyeing a shirt dress with a thin belt.

"Do you like it?" I ask him unsure myself.

"Ana it looks like one of my shirts with a belt around it, you can help yourself to my shirts anytime." He says sniggering and I walk away shaking my head, he really is in a very playful mood as I was expecting more along the lines of 'you're not going out dressed like that'.

We hit Niketown next and I'm chuffed when Christian buys a pair of Nike high tops. I love them he's still not so sure but goes with them anyway, he thinks they're more Elliot's style than his own.

We cross the street and walk into Louis Vuitton where I am in shoe heaven. Christian calls Sawyer and has him bring a car out while he buys us both a luggage set. His explanation was that he knew I'd want to take some of the stuff back with me to Escala and I'd need a way to get it on the plane easily. I think he just wanted me to be able to tell Kate I had a Louis Vuitton Luggage set because she'd mentioned wanting one a while back when she was over.

I buy a gorgeous pair of burgundy red heeled ankle boots and a pair of pink sequined black pumps that Christian 'hinted' that he liked. Then we hit Yves Saint Laurent next door.

Christian buys another pair of high tops and I grin smugly on the inside, I knew he liked the shoe, it may be just the bright colours of the Nike ones he's not so sure on. I try to avoid buying anything in this store until Christian chooses three pairs of heels and two purses and I change my mind.

"I told you I'd do it." Christian warns.

"I'll choose something, I just don't understand why you want me to buy so much." I tell him as I look at the shoes trying to choose some for myself.

"Because we don't know when we'll be back here baby and we're on Fifth Avenue New York, I want you to buy something in each store and remember your first time being here."

"I'll always remember."

"Just spend Ana? No questions? Please?"

"Fine." I groan, this is an argument I know I'm not going to win.

I choose a flannel hand messenger bag that I know will come in use for work and a pair of sepia coloured peep toe booties with black lace up back that matches. I don't mean to be ungrateful this is just so hard to get used to. I repeat to myself not to look at the price tags in coming stores when we finally leave.

Next we hit Coach and I buy a red trench coat which Christian seems to like as I try it on to make sure it suits me, according to him it matches my shoes and he insists I put it on to leave the store and put my blue on in the bag. We leave and go to Victoria Secret and I think Christian's more excited than me as he orders me to spend minimum five thousand dollars while we're here.

I instantly know that I won't spend that much on underwear but I will be able to if I buy some sleep wear and maybe some teddy's while I'm here too. Christian is the only man in the store that doesn't look out of place or uncomfortable. He keeps a hold of my hand and even gives me his opinion on some of the pieces that I pick up. I like one black bra that has a tan padding on in Body by VS. He picks up the same bra in pink, yellow, white and tan too and gives me a don't-argue-with-me look.

I find the matching panties with the help of a sales assistant and even surprise Christian when I pick up a couple of garter belts with a smirk on my lips. After nearly two hours in the store we leave with ten bra's and matching panties, five garter belts, three baby dolls, a dress, couple of pairs of jeans I even got a dress for tonight which surprised both Christian and I and we still didn't hit the five thousand dollar mark. Christian is still pleased though, I think the five thousand dollar bench mark was set so high so I wouldn't hold back on everything I actually liked.

"I'm hungry now Christian." I tell him as we leave. I know we've not done half the street yet but I'm exhausted.

We head back to the apartment together smiling and joking as if everyone and everything else is nothing to us except for each other.


	104. Chapter 104

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

After eating I make my way through to the bedroom where all the shopping has been placed. I see all the bags on the bed and I think Christian and I could open up our own store with everything we've bought. Out of the corner of my eyes I spot five plain black bags and I know they're not anything Christian or I bought. We only went to named stores and those names are on each of the bags.

Letting my intrigue get the better of me I sit on the edge of the bed and open the first bag pulling out the item inside. I'm shocked to see a box of gold handcuffs, twenty four carat gold handcuffs at that. Just as I'm about to check the second bag Christian bursts into the room.

"They got them." He says ecstatically.

"Got who now?" I ask looking from the bag to Christian's excited face.

"The bombers, all three of them."

"What?" I jump to my feet letting the second bag and handcuffs drop onto the floor.

"They got the bombers Ana!" He says excitedly.

"How?" I ask in surprise, I am completely stunned at the news.

"They were trying to board a plane to Mexico, they were going into hiding because they knew the cops were onto them but their passports had been flagged. They were caught at Sea-Tac and have been arrested." He explains and I can't help but grin excitedly forgetting all about the black bags as I jump into Christian's arms hugging him tight.

"Oh she got them then." He says pulling away from me. I watch as he picks up the hand cuffs and the fallen bag.

"Who's she?" I ask him.

"Miss Lloyd, I emailed her a list and just told her to show it to the cashier. I chose everything out Ana, I told her she didn't need to concern herself with what was on the list and even if she looked who cares." He says with a shrug and I relax a little knowing he chose the items.

He empties all four bags.

"I think we should play with these to celebrate the bombers capture." He says smirking and I get wet just looking at him.

"Oh do you now Mr Grey?" I ask him seductively.

"Yes Ma'am. And, I think because you've been such a good girl you can pick what we play with first."

I am stunned again. Christian hasn't ever let me choose a scene before. He begins to move the bags from the bed into the closet while I look over the items bought. As well as the handcuffs there is a seven piece fantasy restraint kit, two floggers one cowhide with lots of tassels and one with only three tassels with beads on the end, a bath tub kit with what looks like a candle and vibrator, Luna beads or what I know as jiggle balls in two weights, vibrating nipple clamps, anal joystick and a bottle of lube. I see the receipt in the last bag and am floored to see that he's spent over six hundred dollars on sex toys.

I grab the 7 piece restraint kit, the cowhide flogger and the anal joystick and lube and move everything else over to one side. I strip quickly down to my panties and I guess Christian is putting away the shopping when I kneel down at the end of the bed how I would in the playroom.

I hear Christian re-enter the room and he sniggers. I daren't look up at him because I don't want to be punished, I want this to all be about pleasure.

"Well, well, well Mrs Grey, seems like you really have a taste for this." He says and I smile to myself, my inner goddess hugging herself with glee.

"Stand." He growls and I do as he says keeping my head down. I see his shirt drop the floor and again I'm smiling to myself.

He walks to me and grips my hair pulling my head back and before I get the chance to think his lips are devouring mine. I moan into his mouth already wet with anticipation.

"Don't move." He tells me as he picks up the toys from the bed. I see him checking them out one by one. "Open your legs wider bend over and clasp your ankles." He tells me and I do as he asks as I hear him opening one of the packages. I manage to just about see his hands and see him turning the anal joystick in his hand. I am excited and I feel myself naturally relaxing my behind for this intrusion.

I see him place lube on his finger and on the joystick before stepping up to me.

"Such a perfect ass." He says teasing the entrance with his finger before slowly thrusting it in, I let out a deep moan, it still feels so forbidden but so good.

He thrusts his finger back and forth a few times before removing it completely and then he thrusts the tip of the anal joystick inside. It has five graduating balls and is made out of sterling steel. I feel each ball pop inside until it rests fully with the entrance shrinking around the small pipe that extends to the handle.

"Good girl, stand up." He tells me.

I stand slowly knowing if I move to quick it gives me head rush. As I slowly move my body I feel the joystick move and settle in its position inside me and it feels so good.

Christian opens up the seven piece restraint kit and looks at the instructions, I know he wants to make sure he doesn't hurt me and doesn't do something wrong and I'm guessing he's never used a kit like this before having all his implements in his playroom.

There are seven parts, one leather cuff for each ankle and one for each wrist, two extendable tethers. I places the cuffs on my ankles and on my wrists and places the tethers to keep my arms down.

"Try and lift your arms." He tells me quietly. I do as he asks and find I can only lift them about an inch or so without having the extreme need to lift my foot too. "Good. That should keep you in place." He says lifting up the leather blind fold that was also in the pack. "Now say bye bye." He smirks slipping it over my head and I find myself in darkness.

I hear another package opening and I hope it's the flogger and that he hasn't decided to use anything else on me. I find I was right when he begins to run the thick soft tassels up and down my back and stomach, over the valley of my breasts, over my behind and up and down my thighs avoiding my core at every possible way.

I'm one ball of tingles when the first hit is on my behind. It doesn't hurt one bit, only hits the anal joystick a little making it move a little inside of me and it feels so good. I moan deeply in response. The assault on my behind continues and with each one I edge closer to nirvana before he stops. I hear the flogger hit the floor just before his mouth assaults my already hardened nipples. He sucks deeply, nips softly, twirls his tongue around sensually and I'm so sure he's going to let me come this way when he pulls away. I moan in frustration until I hear his zipper come undone and suddenly I'm exhilarated once again.

I feel his breath against my face and I feel him right in front of me before he wraps his arms around my waist.

"Lift your legs up, wrap them around me."

With my sight missing I expect it to be a difficult process but I feel his skin against my heels and pressing them down hard I can tell it's behind especially with the moan he lets out. I feel the wall against my back before he thrusts hard into me. His hand grabs one of mine and lifts it onto my shoulder and then he switches hands lifting the other one. I manage to wrap them around sort of even with the restraints. Then he begins to thrust long and hard. With each stroke the anal joystick moves and it's sensational. I am a ball of trembling mess already having been denied an orgasm twice. I feel him getting rougher and I know it's because he's closer. I call out because I'm so close and then his hand is on my behind pulling at the joystick slowly. Then it comes, it takes over my body making me vibrate around his hard shaft. I'm his undoing as I feel his hot seed spurt inside of me, me milking him for all he's worth.

"Oh Ana." He lowers me carefully to the ground as soon as he's withdrawn from me and he takes the blindfold off. We're both panting as he begins to remove the cuffs from my wrist.

"That was good." I moan as he begins to rub my wrists and then my ankles before carrying me to the bed and laying me down.

"Yes you chose well." He says laying me on my stomach and straddling me before massaging my shoulders.

"We have more than enough time to use everything else Mr Grey." I tell him and I hear his snigger.

"Not now we don't because you need to get showered and dressed we have dinner reservations and then we're going to see Wicked. I wanted us to have a box and I couldn't get one for Phantom."

"I've been dying to see Wicked." I say excitedly. "I just didn't think you'd enjoy it."

"I'll enjoy anything as long as you're there with me." He says dropping small kisses along my shoulders.

"Baby I thought you said we had dinner restaurants."

"We do."

"We won't be going if you continue doing that." I say with a snigger as I know I'm getting turned on again.

"We have enough time to wither get dirty now again and have separate showers or have joined showers and we don't have to be so quick."

"Hmm no, I think delayed gratification is in order Mr Grey. I'm going to shower." I manage to dive off the bed and run into the bathroom leaving him stunned. I'm truly spent and I think if we went again I'll be too tired to go to dinner and a show and as he hasn't followed me I think he's worked it out too.


	105. Chapter 105

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**TYPO'S – I'm aware there are a LOT in this story but I am trying to get these chapters up for your reading pleasure as quick as I can therefore I don't proof read and in saying that even if I did proof read what are the chances I'll notice them all? Zero to none that's another reason I don't waste time double checking, this is fan fic not a book going into publishing! I don't mind you pointing them out though I find some of them make me smile at my stupidity (forgotten to take off her panties chapter 104 anyone?!) lol! **

We walk into the restaurant together. I am displayed precariously on Christian's arm. I'm wearing my navy blue dress coat over a full length purple maxi dress that tightens and bunched at the waist. It's V neck, it's actually a multi way dress but I chose to wear it with the low v neck without a bra using skin tape that I was given free in Victoria Secret with it to hold it still on my breasts so I don't have a nip slip.

We've already endured the paparazzi all day but they were seen by Sawyer when we left the apartment and we know they're outside the restaurant too. I don't mind them too much, they don't get in our faces and the pictures according to Christian who's looked, on the TMZ website are really great and just has a short story about us extravagantly spending in New York but not making a dent in either one of our bank accounts.

"Table for two Grey." Christian says and I'm snapped out of my revere back into the room I'm in. "You ok?" Christian whispers and I smile broadly and nod, now I know my life isn't at risk I'm far more relaxed and looking forward to a great evening.

"Right this way."

Christian and I are lead to a single candle lit table set for two. Ever the gentleman Christian helps me pull off my coat then pulls off his own black suit coat handing them over before he pulls out my chair. I smile at him as I sit down as gracefully as I can manage in my long dress and pearl stilettoes.

He sits down opposite me and is handed a wine menu. His eyes don't leave mine for a moment and mine stay on his. He looks so sexy in the dim light with the candle light flickering on his face.

As his eyes go down to the menu my eyes look around the dining room. We're at Per Se one of New York's most expensive restaurants according to the website about. com. The high back chairs are cushioned with black leather, they're comfortable.

"Moet et Chandon Dom Perignon nineteen seventy one." Christian tells the wait I didn't even see approach.

"Yes Sir." He says before walking off.

Christian passes me a dinner menu and I smile lovingly at him, he returns it and I know he's more relaxed like me too. We've had such good news today and such a great day so far.

"We have plenty of time for three courses Ana." He says as the wine is brought over.

"Ok." I smile as a small amount is poured into his glass for him to taste.

I watch him over my menu. I love how the glass barely touches his lips and a tiny amount of liquid just hits his tongue before he gives a nod for our glasses to be filled. The waiter leaves and I take a small tentative sip of my wine. It's delicious and I see Christian checking as I set down the glass.

"Ok?"

"Lovely." I reply before letting my eyes go back to my menu.

"Decided?" He asks after some time has passed.

"Yes, I'll have the Melon soup to start." I say and Christian smiles and nods like he's ok with my decision. Is he allowed to have a say on what I decide to eat? "Then the Snake river farms' callote de boeuf for main and then the glace a la vanille."

"I'll have the same." He says and my eyes widen in surprise, that's why he liked my soup he was planning on just having the same.

"So Mr Grey when do we fly back to Seattle?" I ask before taking a small sip of my wine.

"Tomorrow afternoon. We'll visit the Statue of Liberty in the morning if you still want to do that and then I want to run to Bvlgari I can do that while you pack whatever you're taking back to Seattle." He says like it's talking about the weather.

"So it's safe for us to go back?"

"Yes." He nods firmly and I smile, I can't wait to get home.

"So I don't mind missing the Statue of Liberty, seeing as we're together till death us do part and all I'm sure we'll come to New York again." I say and he nods in agreement. "Actually I would really like to go to Tiffany's and Co." His eyes widen in surprise but I see the smile playing on his lips.

"Ok." He nods.

"I mean it was the one place on Fifth that I really wanted to pop by and didn't because we got caught up in Victoria Secret." I smirk and he laughs softly just as our starter is served.

The soup is delicious! I wasn't too sure but it was the one thing on the menu that I found personally appealing. I love it and would definitely have it again.

"So Tiffany's it is." He says. "Go wild Ana."

"You know I won't."

"Can I order you to?" He asks carefully.

"You could but I would defy you then you'd have to punish me." I say quietly as I'm aware of other diners nearby.

"Hmm, I like that idea. Ana should you not spend at least ten thousand dollars in Tiffany's and Co tomorrow I will spank you thirty times with my hand and then I will fuck you for my pleasure and not yours then I'll insert the Luna balls before we board the plane here in New York and I will not touch you until we get back to Escala."

My eyes almost pop out of my head. That sounds excruciating and I know that he knows now I will spend, just to avoid that punishment, I couldn't bare it! Five and a half hours with the jiggle balls in after being left frustrated after a harsh spanking. Hell to the no I could never handle it!

"Ok." I breathe and he smiles and nods as our empty bowls are cleared away just for our mains to be deposited in front of us quickly.

Again the food is beautiful and I eat begin to eat heartily.

"So you'll spend?"

"Hell yes." I say quietly and I see him laughing. "It's not funny, we're married and you can still scare me."

"I don't mean to scare you baby but God I would have so much fun out of this."

"Well you may I would not and I have you and never want to have to masturbate but you do that to me and believe me I would be in the on board bathroom before we even left New York air space." I tell him and his look darkens.

"You would do that."

"No." I admit making him chuckle.

"Good." He smirks. "The only time you're ever to touch yourself is with me watching Ana."

I squirm in my seat, his words turning me on to the max.

As our desserts are served I feel Christian's foot against my leg. I flash him a wide smile as he rubs tentatively at my calf. I'm already turned on too, I don't need him to be like this with me when he already has me eating out of the palm of his hand.

After we're done Christian pays the bill and he helps me into my coat before we leave. The car picks us up and I snuggle up to Christian as we're on our way to the theatre.

"Ok?" He asks running his hands over my now overgrowing bangs.

"Yeah." I smile happily. "I've had the best time these past couple of days, thank you."

"Hey don't thank me for anything, the only reason we were here was because people were bombing us left right and centre."

"I don't care." I shrug. "I'm just glad we are here and we're together." I say and he leans over and kisses me. "We'll have to come back sometime in the New Year, just a weekend, no work, no phones."

"I don't look forward to my emails when we get back." He says but there's a hint of amusement there that makes me smile.

"Neither do I but I think it will be worth it." I say playing with the Cartier diamond around my neck.

We pull up outside the theatre and Christian exits the car first. We're almost blinded by Paps and I am almost certain we're not the only people photo worthy who are here this evening.

"Mrs Grey what are you wearing?"

"Mr Grey what will happen to the jobs of those at Grey's House?"

"Ana did you write the Erotic Novel that is Fifty Shades?"

Christian walks up the woman who shouted that question with me on his arm. She shifts uncomfortable as he kisses my head and glares at her.

"Anastasia Grey is Rose Trevelyan." He says to her before walking away, I flash her a wry grin before following Christian inside.


	106. Chapter 106

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Ok let's start with this I KNOW that Kristin Chenoweth and Idina Menzel are no longer staring in Wicked on Broadway or West End but for the sake of this they are because out of all I have seen on youtube my faves (I'm going to see it Live next year but haven't been yet though for the songs it is my fave EVER musical coming close second is Funny Girl) **

**This chapter is also so unrealistic but I wanted something fun for Ana without Christian in New York with someone famous so I kinda went with this. Ok? LOL! Love or hate let me know so I can see whether it's something I can use again or avoid at all cost!**

After the curtains have closed Christian and I are on our feet still clapping along with the audience. I loved every minute of the show and even bought Christian and myself t-shirts while he bought me a 'Keep calm and defy gravity' notebook which made me giggle a lot.

As I gather my clutch and pull on my coat a very flustered looking theatre worker comes into our private box.

"Mr and Mrs Grey?" He asks.

"Yes." Christian says as he continues to help me into my coat.

"I have been asked to invite you both backstage to meet the cast." He says and my eyes widen as a gasp passes my lip.

"I'll take that as you want to go Mrs Grey?" Christian says dryly but as I look at him I see the amusement.

"Oh yes." I manage to whimper, I am containing my squeal of joy.

"Right this way then." The small man smiles.

I beam excitedly and Christian takes my arm as we follow the man. The walk is quite long and I am on the edge of pure glee and utter joy, or heaven and nirvana or something like that, words can't really describe how I'm feeling right now as this is beyond my wildest expectations.

We arrive outside a door and the man knocks.

"Come in." I look at Christian as we both recognise the high pitched nasally voice of Glinda the good witch or the real life KRISTIN Chenoweth.

The man opens the door and steps inside.

"Mr and Mrs Grey Ms Chenoweth." He says before stepping aside and allowing us to enter.

She looks as dazzling as she did on stage even though the make-up is gone and she is sitting in a white fluffy robe. I am star struck as she smiles from Christian to me.

"Ah Mr and Mrs Grey wonderful to meet you." She beams and she comes over and air kisses us both.

I'm still in shock but Christian is a pro.

"Lovely to meet you Ms Chenoweth, fabulous performance this evening." He says.

"Charlie fetch Idina and the champers please." She says batting her eyelids at the short man beside Christian.

"Yes Ma'am." He says before hurrying out the door.

"Please take a seat." She smiles signalling to a plush white couch.

Christian and I sit down carefully. I still haven't said anything because I am that much in shock but my eyes fall on the book on the vanity.

I pull away and smile at the woman beaming at me.

"If I Ms Chenoweth , how did you know we were here?" I ask her carefully, I don't want to insult her.

"Please call me KRISTIN!" She says with a wave of her hand just as she would on stage making me giggle. "It was all over TMZ, I had a look during half time and saw pictures of you both coming in, I had to grab my opportunity to meet Seattle's power couple now didn't I." She says laughing and I hear Christian laughing beside me too, I think KRISTIN is really having a nice effect on Christian.

"KRISTIN you didn't?!" Idina Menzel bursts into the room, all the green makeup gone and also dressed in a fluffy white robe.

"Uh-huh I did. Idina meet Mr and Mrs Grey." She says.

"Hi." Idina smiles and I see her true facial beauty now, without all the green stuff she's absolutely dazzling.

"Pleasure to meet you." I manage as Christian and I stand. She air kisses us to.

"I think the pleasure is all mine Mrs Grey." She replies and I am surprised as ever to see these women eyeing me more than Christian.

"Ana, please." I say quietly, I'm feeling a little shy and overwhelmed.

The small man, Charlie, comes in with a bucket and a tray of glasses and he happily pours us all a glass of champagne. We sit once again I am in awe of the stars in front of me and I can't help but think of a certain Katherine Kavanagh who is going to freak when she finds out about this.

"So Ana, is it true?" She asks picking up a copy of Fifty Shades and I blush scarlet and manage a weak nod. "Oh my God I have read this book twice it is so amazing!"

"Really?" I manage to splutter.

"Hell yeah, it's so dark and twisted yet sexy and romantic, never read a book like it."

"Wow." I say in shock.

"Would you mind signing it for me?" She asks and I shake my head, of course I wouldn't.

"I'll fetch my copy." Idina says getting to her feet, heck two of Broadway's stars are reading my book, this is news!

_Kristin, Amazing performance! Love Ana Grey X_

"Oh Thank you!" She beams reading over it. "Perfect."

When Idina returns she passes her book over to me with a beaming smile. I'm completely overwhelmed as I sign it similar to that of Kirstin just so they're original, same but different.

Idina, Beautiful performance! Love Ana Grey X

"Thank you so much Ana, I love this book and I cannot wait for the sequel I mean any hints for when it will be out?"

"It's not finished yet." I admit. "But I'm hoping for some time near March." I say aware of Kristin typing away at her phone and then Idina's phone beeping wildly.

"Kristin there was no need to tweet me too." She says frustrated. "I tweeted a separate one."

"Tweeted?" Christian asks and I smirk, something he's not up to date with.

"Twitter." I tell him and he nods getting the message.

"Are you on it Ana?" Idina asks and I shake my head.

"Girl you need one!" Kristin says hurriedly. "I mean we'd follow you."

"Follow?" Christian buts in again, I think he's feeling a little left out from this conversation.

"Yes, I'll show it to you when we're home." I tell him, I may have to make an account but what would I tweet about?

"You should make one Ana, great way to find out what people is saying about you."

"Why would she want to do that?" Christian asks making me smile again, he's so lost and confused I can't help but find it adorable.

"She'd get real messages from real fans directly to her, I mean she couldn't reply to each and every one but she can leave messages to everyone simultaneously just things like 'love the support' and such. Really for people of your wife's popularity, Twitter is vital."

"My wife's popularity huh?" Christian says and I shrug my shoulders.

"She's an author. I give it a week before this book ends up on NYT Bestsellers list." Idina states and Kristin nods in agreement.

"Two till it goes to number one." Kristin adds and I smile, I can't believe they think that!

"Really. I think you've become more popular than me Mrs Grey." Christian teases and I feel shy and exposed suddenly, the amount of popularity I have thanks to Christian is more than what I can handle as it is.

"Not yet, give it till after Christmas when her picture is plastered everywhere."

"Everywhere?" My voice squeaks.

"Hell yeah Ana your book is amazing, there is nothing in the WORLD like it, what do you expect?!" Idina teases.

"Exactly."

A knock on the door stops the conversation and Charlie re-appears.

"Ms Chenoweth, Ms Menzel, the press are getting impatient." He says.

"Ok we'll leave now." Kristin says pulling off her robe to reveal a black sparkly dress, Idina doing the same revealing a red lace dress.

"I'll call to have the car brought around." Christian says pulling out the disposable cell he's been provided with, I know he's missing his BlackBerry like hell.

"You should both come out for a drink with us tonight." Kristin says happily as we stand up.

"I don't think so." Christian says as I look at him pleadingly. "Not tonight Ana."

"We're going back to Seattle tomorrow." I tell him petulantly and he sighs, I know he doesn't want to but I know he also doesn't want to say no to me.

"Ana I'm exhausted after today." He says stroking a hand down my cheek.

"Please? If you don't want to come I'll take Sawyer." I say in a sing song voice and I see him relenting.

"Sawyer is to be no more than two feet away from you Anastasia I mean it." He warns a hint of anger there.

"Who's Sawyer?" Kristin asks.

"My security guard." I say pulling a tongue making the woman giggle like a school girl. "He won't I swear!"

"Idina and I both have a security team with us, two each, he can hang with them and we won't let her out of our sight." Idina says clutching onto my shoulders.

I can see Christian reeling, he really doesn't want to say yes but he is stood in front of three women who is willing him to say yes.

"Ok, Sawyer sticks with you and I want you in by three am Anastasia no later."

"Yes Gramps we'll have her home by curfew!" Kristin teases and I can't help but laugh, I love these two more and more each second.

"No stupid pictures in the press Ana I mean it."

"Ok!" I whine. "I won't get drunk I just want to chill."

I can see now that I will pay for this but it will be totally worth it.

"Please babe, we don't know when we'll be back in New York again." I say desperately.

"Where are you planning on going?" Christian asks looking from Kristin to Idina.

"Ph-D rooftop we have our names down for the VIP lounge, she'll be safe and we will make sure she's home in time. Please?" Kristin and Idina bat their eyelids and Christian holds his hands up in defeat and I receive a high five off both women.

"If anything happens to her, I'll hold the two of you personally responsible." He states.

"Fine!"

"No Problem!"

I laugh at the two, they're like a comedy duo.

"I'm really not happy about this Ana, you don't know New York, and I would prefer to know who their security team are, have Taylor check them out first, even if Taylor was here I'd let him take you." I can see the worry in his eyes and I know I'm guilt tripping him and feeling bad.

"Maybe tonight's not the best night ladies." I say keeping my eyes on Christian. "Maybe when I come back?"

"We'll arrange something." Kristin hands me her phone and I type in my number with a smile. "Even if Mr grouchy here doesn't come with you you're going to have to come to do book signings and stuff soon so you'll just have to make time for the two of us."

"I will." I reply with a smile.

I receive hugs of both women and we all walk out together with the Paps screaming at us. I grip tight to Christian's hand but Kristin and Idina take it all in their stride. We arrive by a large black SUV and the ladies stop, I take it this is their car.

"Soon?" Idina asks and I nod.

"Soon." I receive more hugs and cheek kisses and I watch as they get into their car before Christian and I head to our car just behind.

"Next time, arrange to meet with them and I'll have you bring both Sawyer and Taylor, I don't like the thought of it just being you and Sawyer if something happens. Thank you for not going Ana."

"It's ok, I'm exhausted anyway and I'm not dressed for clubbing." I say shrugging my shoulders before climbing into the car.

"You're disappointed." He sighs as he climbs in beside me.

"Of course I am, I just got invited to go clubbing with two of the most amazing women on Broadway who are fans of my book as much as I am a fan of their singing. I'm disappointed but I don't mind."

"I don't want to disappoint you." He sighs taking my hand as we drive away.

"You don't, we compromised, next time I come to New York, if I make the arrangements beforehand and bring both Taylor and Sawyer then there is no problem me going. I get it, I'm disappointed it couldn't be tonight but I'm not disappointed with you." I explain to him but he doesn't seem to get it.

"You're not?"

"No. If you'd said no full stop no chance in hell I'd be a little more than just disappointed with you Mr Grey." I giggle and he smiles, I think he finally gets the message.

"Thank you for agreeing to my compromise."

"No problem, now take me home get me into bed and help me sleep." I tell him and he gives me a look that says I won't be sleeping for a while.


	107. Chapter 107

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Just a filler!**

After breakfast Christian and I go our separate ways on Fifth Avenue. Luke Sawyer is tailing me, though Christian thinks I don't know. It's just obvious when I get that feeling of being followed and I glance back to see the tall dark haired man with his eyes glued on me. I pretend to be alone, it's almost as good as the real thing.

Walking into Tiffany and Co. Christian's warning or threat rings in my ears. I have to spend ten thousand dollars or I'm going to be given the worst punishment he's ever given me. Give me being spanked over being left frustrated any day.

I realise I didn't ask if I had to spend the whole ten thousand dollars on me. I could easily spend ten thousand dollars on other people but I don't want to disappoint him or be punished so I pull out my phone and fire off a text.

*DOES IT MATTER ON WHO I SPEND THE 10G?*

I send the message just as an immaculately dressed man comes over with a wide pearly smile on his face.

"Can I help you Mrs…" He waits for my name.

"Grey. Ana Grey." I say shaking his hand and he smiles politely, I feel so out of my depth being in here on my own, at least Christian knows how to command in these situation whereas I feel just so lost.

"Mrs Grey are you looking for anything in particular?"

"Not really, I'm just here to spend." I say with a smile and he chuckles softly.

"First time in New York?"

"That obvious?" I reply making him laugh again, he's obviously a pro at chatting up women and getting them to spend. "Excuse me." I say when my phone rings.

"Of course."

"Ana Grey."

"If you spend a penny of your budget on anyone else Anastasia I will call by there and spend fifty thousand just on you." Christian's voice snarls at me.

"Christian." I sigh. "I can't spend that much money, I just can't." I say desperately, I wish he would understand.

"Please Ana, I just want you to not think about the price? I've given you a budget so you can play with it's not like I've given you unlimited."

"Christian you've given me a minimum budget of ten thousand dollars! That's Ridiculous." I hiss as quietly as possible but I'm very aware of the man listening intently.

"Well I'll have fun punishing you later Anastasia, I have to go I'm in the middle of Bvlgari." He hangs up leaving me flustered and knowing that I have no choice.

"So." The man says and I realise he's wearing a name tag, George.

"So." I say. "Let's shop." I say shrugging.

"So there's nothing in particular you're looking for. We have the Tiffany locks collection which is popular right now. Do you have anything you're more into? I mean you're not wearing rings other than your wedding and engagement ring, you're wearing a charm bracelet and a diamond drop necklace no earrings."

"Well the necklace I just forgot to pull off from last night, the charm bracelet was my birthday present from my husband and the rings are self-explanatory." I chuckle as I see him gazing at the rings, I know they're even more expensive than engagement and wedding rings from Tiffany's.

"Ok." He says.

"Is it possible for me to just browse?" I ask. "I mean I will be spending." I say thinking of the ten thousand dollars. "But maybe I'll just know what I want when I see it."

"Ok." He smiles and leads me over to one of the numerous closed racks. "These are Tiffany Locks, very popular, Leighton Meester, Jessica Biel, Ashleigh Greene, and even Taylor Swift have been seen sporting Tiffany Locks." He says as she browses, she actually really likes the pieces.

"I don't want anything too big or that's going to move around too much. That ring is nice." I point to a gold band and the glass cupboard is opened and I get to try it on. It's a beautiful fit on the middle finger of my right hand and I like it even though it's thick. It has an open area shaped as a key hole with a diamond on either side followed by the Tiffany T & Co. NY logo.

"It fits beautifully, it's eighteen carat gold." He says as I continue to admire it.

"Yes. I think I want this." I say trying not to look at the price tag.

He signals someone over as I slide the ring from her finger and it's instantly placed back in the box and taken away, ready for when I hand the Amex over.

I can't help but think that's one thousand three hundred down and eight thousand seven hundred to go. I know if I looked around carefully enough I could find something costing more than ten thousand dollars that I like but I won't. I'll buy some things I can wear every day and some dress jewellery, as I know I'll need them, to leave here in New York in the safe.

"I love those!" I say excitedly seeing a design I recognise.

"Ah the Jean Schlumberger Lynn design, these ones have an eighteen carat rose gold x and four platinum diamonds in each."

"I have always loved that design." I say as he nods over to the same guy who took the ring. "Have you got them in gold… gold." I say awkwardly and he smiles and nods pulling out the box. "I'm more likely to wear the gold ones than the rose gold." I tell him and he switches them over before they're taken away.

"Would you like to see more of this designer?"

"Yes please." I say with a smile and I'm lead away to another cabinet. "Thant necklace matches the earrings." I say pointing even though I'm not sure.

"Yes that is the exact match though most of her designs have the same x pattern."

"I want that necklace." I say knowing I can wear them daily because they're not huge.

"Of course." He smiles and I know I'm half way through my budget as he removes the necklace I move on to another necklace because I am beginning to enjoy myself now.

"Ah Tiffany Keys." George smiles coming over to where I'm looking.

"Yeah they're all so beautiful." I say and I know he realises that I'm trying to choose which one I want. "I like that one, it's so simple."

"With the pendant you can either just take the pendant or there are chain options, link, bead or oval."

"That one with the bead." I say and again he calls someone over while I do the maths in my head. "Maybe a bracelet to finish." I say knowing I'm almost done. "And cufflinks."

"Ok." He smiles.

I happily choose a Elsa Peretti tear drop bracelet in gold, a Tiffany Metro ring and a Tiffany Metro Bangle taking me over the minimum budget of 10,000 to 11,350 and I know Christian will be proud.

I also buy a pair of Paloma Picasso love and kisses silver cufflinks for under three hundred dollars but I only bought them one because I think they're cute being love and kisses and two because I really felt awful spending more than eleven thousand dollars on myself.

When I leave I see Luke and signal him over. I don't feel confident at all walking down the street with over ten thousand dollars of Tiffany Jewellery.

"Everything ok Ana?" Luke asks as we head back towards the apartment.

"Yeah I just, this is a lot of jewellery to be carrying without back up." I say signalling the bag in my hand and he smiles and nods as we walk down the street.


	108. Chapter 108

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

I arrive back in the apartment with my purchases and make way to the bedroom where I see Christian happily on his BlackBerry. I'm relieved when he sees me he puts it away. These past couple of days have been the best without his hand glues to that damn phone and with mine still being in Seattle I haven't been on mine either. I'm going to make us leave our damn phones behind the next time we come to New York too.

"Hey baby have fun?" He smiles broadly as I place the bag on the dresser under the window.

"Yeah it was alright actually." I smile as he grins a boy like smile towards me, his hand reaching out.

"Let me see." He says and I pass him the bag before climbing on the bed beside him.

I watch as he pulls each item out one at a time and admires them, except for the cufflinks which make him frown.

"I paid for them with a different card." I tell him. "They're love and kisses, I thought they were cute when I saw them." I say while resisting a roll of my eyes.

"They're lovely baby." He smiles before kissing the top of my head making me smile.

At the bottom of the bag he finds the receipt and I smile to myself as he reads it.

"Wow, good girl, over budget by more than a grand."

"Couldn't resist the ring and matching bracelet." I say with a shrug.

"You shouldn't have to resist at all, that's what I was trying to get you to understand." He chuckles rubbing his nose up and down the side of my face.

"I think I get it now ok?" I say hoping he won't give me an 'assignment' like that again.

"We'll see." He says as I close all the boxes and put them back into the bag.

"Well I think we can agree that I more than passed Mr Grey which means you won't be punishing me today." I say chuckling.

"There's more than enough time for you to do something to deserve punishment Mrs Grey but you've pleased me today and I'd like to please you too." His words alone turn the switch on inside of me. "How about we use the rest of those toys?" He suggests.

"Ok." I manage to say.

"Strip then Mrs Grey. I'll go put your shopping in the safe till you decide what's staying here and what's coming with you to Seattle." He climbs off the bed and as soon as he's out of the door I am peeling myself out of the dark blue jeans and red coat I wore to go out until I'm in just my panties bought from Victoria Secret.

I kneel down just in time for Christian to come in and I hear his shallow laugh. I watch his feet walk past me and I know he's recovering whichever toys we're going to play with today. The sound of packages opening raises the excitement level and I'm even more thrilled when he puts the iPod on and I know when S&M by Rhianna comes on it's on shuffle and the choice of song wasn't his but the irony isn't lost on either of us when I hear his snigger.

"On the bed, lie on your back hands above your head."

I dive from the floor onto the bed and put my arms back. He climbs onto me, straddles me and dangles the 24 carat gold handcuffs in front of my eyes. I smirk as he leans over locking the first cuff around my right wrist and then taking it through the head board before locking the left wrist. He climbs off the bed, walks round to the end and pulls my ankles stretching me out to full capacity before he climbs back on and straddles me once again.

He doesn't waste any time in letting his lips clash onto mine. I moan as my hardening nipples scrape along his shirt. His lips leave my mouth and travel down to my jaw where he nips softly before he trails kisses down my chest. He fingers my nipples and looks deep into my eyes. He takes the palms of his hands and lightly places them on my nipples before rolling them in circles. It feels amazing and makes me moan deeply and arch my back for more of his touch.

He takes his lips to my right nipple first and changes to his fingers on my left. He sucks, licks and bites while flicking, rolling and pinching before he switches. Before he's done I come violently beneath him making him smile as I keep my eyes on his.

"Good girl." He says before he reaches over to the side table.

I see him grab the vibrating nipple clamps and he turns them both on before he latches them on. I gasp at the pain but arch my back at the pleasure they cause. They're heavier than I'm used to, the small weights on the end pulling down on them more than I've experienced before, it's so good though.

Christian climbs off me and I see him grab the knotted flogger. With only three beaded tassels on I expect it to be a little harder than the one from yesterday but I smile when he places his hand through the loop at the end and grip it tight in his hand. I see the dominant in him in his eyes, the control he has is what he loves and this situation is what he craves, what he desires. He peels my panties off quickly, like there's a rush to do it.

With a flick of his wrist he brings the flogger down on my left breast making one of the beads hit hard against my already captured nipple. I hiss at the pleasurable pain just before he hits the right breast making me do the same again. He flicks his wrist continuously and the small bites rain down all over my body except for the one place that is screaming for contact. He finally stops with the flogger and I am panting and wanting, needing him to thrust something inside of me, give me some contact down there. He quickly strips out of his clothes then climbs back on the bed. He sits down and brings one leg over his hip then the other, then he awkwardly scoots down so his feet are by my head, I'm as confused as ever but I say nothing while he lets go of my legs to lift my lower back up.

I barely register what he's really doing until he thrusts deep into me. I moan deeply as he bends over and begins to kiss my stomach while his hands guide me to do the thrusting. It feels so different but so good. The stimulation of the nipple clamps and my already sensitised skin has me teetering on the edge already and it isn't long before I'm exploding. His grip on me stopping me from contorting as he plucks the nipple clamps off continuing my intense orgasm and tipping him over in the process.

He drops his head onto my stomach as I lie there spent and panting. I feel amazing and this new position has me able to adjust my hips so he slips out of me.

I see him grab the keys and its only seconds that it takes for him to uncuff me and roll me onto my stomach and begin to massage my shoulders.

"That was amazing." He says running his nose up and down my back making me giggle.

"Yes it was. Where did you get that position from?" I ask him not thinking really before speaking.

"The Karmasutra." He says and I turn to look at him to see him blushing scarlet. "I knew Vanilla could be great in other … shapes but I didn't know what those shapes were. I did some research." He shrugs and I can't help but giggle, I think it's sweet.

"It was a good position."

"Not the most comfortable." He says making me giggle again. "Now we still have time to spend before the jet back." He says pulling me up to sitting.

"I'm hungry." I say and he smiles.

"If I'm right we have two new toys to play with still."

"Oh do we?" I ask aiming for nonchalance.

"We do. I think you should wear the heavy Luna balls while we go out for lunch then we'll come back and I'll run us a bath… what do you think."

"I think it's a great idea." I reply only agreeing because the thought of more kinky fuckery with Christian has the wetness pooling between my legs.

I watch as he reaches over to the side table and bring over the box containing the Luna balls. He chooses the heavier pink pair and I expect him to put them in my mouth but I smile when he puts them in his own. He pushes on my chest gently as a signal for me to lower back down while he goes on his knees, sitting back on his toes while parting my legs and shifting so my behind is on his thighs.

My eyes are fixed on his as he begins to stroke up and down the length of my thighs while still sucking on the Luna balls, it turns me on big time and when he begins to tease my clit with his thumb he's so close to tipping me over the edge again until he stops.

"Christian!" I whine but he's having none of it as he pops the balls out of his mouth and inserts them one at a time.

"Now get dressed, I'll go book us a table at Fig and Olive for lunch." He says climbing off the bed.

I sigh feeling frustrated and head into the closet but not before Christian takes the time to spank me once making me yelp and pushing the balls deeper inside of me. They massage deeply with every damn step I take and I know it's going to be hours before we're in the bath and he lets me come again.

I pull on my red skinny jeans from Diesel and the Yves Saint Laurent peep toe booties with a simple white tank top and my navy blue dress coat with its gold buttons. Christian comes in just as I'm tying my hair into a high pony tail and he kisses my cheek. I finish off my look with the rings from Tiffany's that as they aren't dress rings I think I'll find myself wearing all the time.

"Ready to go?"

"Yup." I smile allowing him to help me to my feet. "So you managed to get a reservation?"

"Yeah, day before Christmas eve I expected them to be busy but they said they had a table for us. I mean it isn't known for being the best restaurant but I like the food." He shrugs.

Christian and I leave the apartment and we instantly spot paparazzi. I'm not used to ignoring them as much as Christian and while he holds my hand and talks about Seattle I'm conscious of them catching God awful pictures of me when I'm least expecting it.

Once inside the restaurant I'm even more annoyed to find we have a window seat whereas Christian shrugs it off. I'm more in my element at this restaurant. Even though there isn't much choice on the menu one three course meal is only twenty four dollars and seven cents unless you go for one of the more expensive mains which adds a few dollars here and there.

Christian orders the wine while I try and decide what to have. I barely notice him playing with my hand until I look up and my eyes link to his in a warm loving smile.

"You decided?" I ask and he nods. "What are you having?"

"The Pea and Mint soup, the grilled fillet minion skewers and the Strawberry Crostini."

"Hmm, I'll have the same." I smile and he nods his head before signalling a waiter. "I wish we could stay here." I say dreamily after Christian reels off our order to the waiter and turns his attention back to me.

"So do I." He admits. "But GEH and AG won't run themselves alone for long. Think of all the work we're going to do when we get back."

"Ugh don't remind me!" I groan and he laughs lightly. "I mean I don't even want to know how many emails are flowing in my inbox between the three companies."

"I had a look through mine, it was like a nightmare!" He says with so much amusement he makes me giggle, I'm glad I haven't sipped the wine in my hand before he said it or I would have performed a spit take.

"So do you know what you're going to do about GEH?" I ask him and he sighs and nods his head. "Well?"

"I'm going to demolish it. I've already made a bid on a smaller building. I want… don't get mad but I've put a bid on the building as AG."

"What? Why?" I ask thinking that he has had to for some legal reasons or something.

"Because you can keep the building when Grey's House has been rebuilt." He says with a shrug like he's talking about the weather.

"Keep the building?"

"Yeah, you need your own office building, your own team Anastasia, you're making more and more money and you need to focus on your second and third book while someone else manages more of the businesses, quite frankly I think you need a Ross."

"A Ross?" I ask laughing and he nods and grins. "And how do you recommend I find myself a Ross Mr Grey?"

"I already have someone in mind, I think you'll like her."

"Oh and who is she?" I ask trying not to sound uninterested, she would just be a partner, one step beneath me with a lot of power.

"Her name is Wendy McMillan, she used to be a partner in the Jet company that I bought."

"Ok?" I shake my head just as our starter is served.

"She's great, knows the job, I know her some, she was very welcoming when I was out in England, she manages the company from Seattle, or she used to before she lost her job and she had no part or blame in what happened to the Jets so I think you should meet her, consider her for the position while you focus on the more important aspects she can sign all the paperwork. You need Wendy Ana."

"I'll meet her." I tell him knowing I do need someone to take some of the pressure off especially with two Salons now gone I'm going to focus on moving the Salons out of state and buy another publishing deal, I hope that Manhattan Publishing House is still going down because now would be a great time to put in an offer and a hell of a reason to have to come back to Manhattan in the future.

"Good, we can sort all that out after Christmas though, until then Mrs Grey I want you to work on finding a partner for Sawyer with Taylor."

"What? Why?" I ask in a panic, he can't be thinking of getting rid of Sawyer can he?

"Because I know you well enough to know you're going to want to come back here and are going to bring your businesses out here and that means a lot of travel and I'm not going to be able to come with you half of the time and I don't want you to be just you and Sawyer."

"He doesn't fancy me!"

"I know that!" He replies making me relax some. "I just … Taylor is my right hand in the way Sawyer has become yours and I don't want to have to send Taylor out here with you leaving me down a hand, I would much rather you have someone else you trust and that Taylor has hired."

"Ok." I nod. "I think it would be a good idea."

"Prefrably a woman."

"I'm not hiring someone on their sex, that's against the law." I tell him making him laugh and myself smile but I understand his point, if I have two security guards with me every time he will definitely let me come back out and hang with Idina and Kristin and I want nothing more than that!

"Ok, just get someone good Ana, trust Taylor's opinion."

"I trust that man with your life Christian." I tell him and he gets the point quickly as it's the same for him and Sawyer.

We enjoy our meal and discuss Christmas with his Mom and Dad's before we head off back to the apartment. Each step is agony on the way back with all the laughing having made the Luna balls massage me deeply. I am tittering on the edge of a major orgasm and Christian knows it too as he strolls down Fifth Avenue.

Once in the apartment we go straight through to the bathroom. I strip out of my clothes laying them carefully on the side so they don't get creased while Christian runs the water and brings through the small three piece kit. He drops the lavender bath bomb into the water before lighting the lavender scented candle then I watch quite fascinated as he plays with the multispeed waterproof purple vibrator.

"Come here." He says turning the taps off in the large centre floored bath tub. I quake as I move towards him, already so close but yet so far away from relieving this ache inside of me. "Bend over, grab the edge of the bath and spread your legs." He says.

I do as he says and he fondles my ass some.

"Would you like me to spank you Ana? For your pleasure and mine?"

"Please." I whisper and as soon as the word leaves my mouth he draws his hand back and hits me. "One." I mutter.

After a totally of fifteen counts he tugs the Luna balls and it sends me spiralling over the edge.

"Oh Christian!" I moan loudly as he holds me upright against his chest to stop me sinking to the floor.

"Good girl." He breathes into my ear. "Now get in the bath."

I do as he says enjoying the feel of the hot water against my now sore behind. I watch as he strips from his clothes and moves when he signals me to so he can climb behind me.

"This is heaven." I say as he massages my shoulders.

"Hmm it's close." He agrees. "But heave for me, is when I'm planted deep inside of you and you're screaming my name in ecstasy." He whispers into my ear, his words, even though I've orgasmed so many times today turn me straight back on again.

His hands drift from my shoulders straight down to my breasts and he begins to fondle them at once. I moan and relax my head back onto his shoulders, pushing the mounds deeper into his hands.

"Like that baby?" He asks softly, I just moan in reply unable to find words. "Good girl." He breaths.

His hands leave my breasts and I hear the tell-tale noise of the vibrator until it's submerged in water. He presses the tip to my clitoris.

"Oh God." I drop my head forward in pleasure as Christian lifts one of my legs and drapes it over the edge of the bathtub and then switching hands with the vibrator he does it to the other leg too. He takes me right to the edge before he withdraws leaving me panting, breathless, needy.

"Christian?" I ask but he's peppering my shoulder with kisses and won't answer me.

"Ana, turn around to face me but put your legs back over the edge of the bath." He says finally and I am quick to do as he asks, I am intrigued and very aroused.

He slides me right to his throbbing shaft before he puts the vibrator on it's max speed and places it to my clit again. He then thrusts hard inside me and with my legs over the edge of the bath I grip tight to the sides to stop myself falling backwards into the water.

"That's it Ana." Christian spits through gritted teeth, he's barely moving his hips but my guess is he's receiving some of the vibration from the vibrator as well as my small thrusts in meeting and the pulsating of my insides.

I come hard and loud, gripping tight to the edge of the bath to stop myself plunging backwards as Christian reaches his own glorious ecstasy. He drops the vibrator out of the bath as I pull my legs into the water and curl into his side.

"No more." I say panting.

"No more." He agrees. "You're going to be very sore later in there Mrs Grey." I can hear the amusment though I don't find it very amusing.

"I'll put some cream there as soon as we're back in Seattle, you're insatiable Mr Grey."

"Am I?" He murmurs dryly and I think for a moment I've offended him until he smirks. "I like you being sore."

"I know, you've said that before."

"Hmm." He replies running his nose up and down the side of my head. "We need to wash now, get out and dressed, make sure Miss Lloyd has packed everything we plan on taking back with us home. We will be in Seattle in eight hours or so."

"Can you get Lois to make the bed for us on the plane?"

"Tired baby?"

"You exhaust me." I say dryly making him chuckle. "But I love it."

"Ok sleeping on the jet it is." He says grabbing the body wash. "Now let me make you squeaky clean Mrs Grey."

"Had enough of making me dirty Mr Grey?" I reply making him grin like a Cheshire cat.

"Oh no Ana, no, no, no I could never get enough of making you dirty but we have a plane to catch and you're already going to be sore, I don't want to risk not being able to fuck you for days."


	109. Chapter 109

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

Lying on the make shift bed on board AG Jet I snuggle into Christian's side. We'll be landing in about an hour, back in Seattle, back to the real world.

Christian lifts my right hand from his chest and plays with the bands on my fingers.

"I love them." He says.

"Do you?" I say dryly knowing he's going somewhere with this.

"Yeah, you like them don't you?"

"Yes." I reply waiting for him to get to the point.

"I love them because you bought them for yourself without thinking about the cost. I love that you're wearing them now and I believe you'll be wearing them daily because they're that type of ring."

"You like them because they're expensive and the whole world can see it." I say and he grins and nods. "You're incorrigible."

"I know." He replies pulling me into him so he's spooning me. "I don't want to go back."

"Neither do I."

"We've been in our bubble now for so long."

"We have." I agree.

"I love being in a bubble with you."

"I love being in a bubble with you too." I say quietly, he's obviously feeling sentimental right now.

"I want kids soon Ana, I want to share this love we have for each other with a family." He says quietly and there's the thunder and lightning in what had been a very lovely summery conversation.

"Not now Christian."

"The conversation? Or the kids?" Christian asks and I hear the fear in his voice.

"The conversation, can we leave it till just before I'm due for my next shot? We can decide then and see where it leaves us." I tell him, I don't want to be thinking about this for the next six weeks when I can wait five weeks before trying this conversation.

"Do you think we'd make good parents?"

"I think being a parent is all about trial and error, we'll make mistakes just like our parents did." I reply honestly, it's the one thing I've always been sure about when it comes to having kids, it's also something I thought a lot about after losing little blip.

"Ok." He says, I guess he doesn't want to talk about that anymore. "I think you'd make a great Mom, you have the biggest and kindest and most loving heart of anyone I have ever met."

"You'll make a great father too Christian." I tell him knowing it's one of his insecurities. "Our kids would want for nothing especially not love, not from either of us."

"You think?"

"I know baby." I tell him and he kisses the back of my hand awkwardly. "We need to get into our seats before we land in Seattle." He says bringing the conversation to a complete close, not that I mind one bit, it's a deep conversation and after our amazing time in New York.

We pull on our pants beneath the duvet and climb to our seats before putting on our shoes. I hit Christian in the bicep and point out Luke Sawyer who is dozing in his seat.

"Man's worked hard these past few days. Let him sleep." Christian says kindly as I cuddle up in his side.

It was less than an hour later when we landed at Boeing. Taylor was stood waiting for us and in my excitement I rushed over and hugged him tight, it was more surprising that he awkwardly hugged me.

"Glad you're ok Taylor." I smile pulling away and adjusting myself just as Christian rested his hand on my shoulder.

"You too Ana." He smiles politely before going to help Luke with the luggage.

"Ready to go home Mrs Grey?" Christian asks as we head out to the car.

"Yes." I nod firmly, New York was lovely but I am looking forward to getting back into the real world and doing some work. "I was thinking until you sort out Grey's House the second after Christmas maybe Hannah and Sophia can bring their computers to Escala and we can work from the library."

"Sure if that's what you want to do, I won't be around."

"Ok." I smile as he opens the door for the SUV.

Luke and Taylor ride in the front while Christian and I sit quietly in the back. I think he like me is reflecting back on the wonderful couple of days we had in New York. It's no surprise when I spot the press at the entrance of Escala and they go wild when they see the car approaching.

"Ugh vultures." I groan and Christian laughs, there's definitely a difference between the New York Paps and the Seattle ones.

We exit the car we head into the elevator leaving Taylor and Sawyer to sort out the luggage. We go upstairs and Mrs Jones beams while I rush over and hug her tight. Unlike Taylor she holds me just as tight back.

"I'm so glad you're both ok." She says as I step back and we hold just onto each other's arms. She lets go for a moment and tucks my hair behind my ear. "You look good Ana."

"I think we needed a break, not the best way to have one but we needed it." I smile just as Christian comes over and as he wraps an arm around me he puts his hand gently on Mrs Jones shoulder.

"Glad you're ok too." He tells her and she smiles and nods her head, this has to be the most friendly I have ever seen Christian with Mrs Jones and I love it.

"Have you any idea what you want for Dinner. Whatever you want I'll pop to the store if we need anything."

I look at Christian and he shrugs his shoulders and I know that means I can choose.

"Can we have some of your home made melted cheese beef burgers?"

"Of course Ana."

"Thank you. I have had enough of very posh restaurant food for a few days, I don't think Miss Lloyd is aware that simple is often best." I say making Christian laugh, every time Miss Lloyd cooked while we were there she had made over complicated restaurant food and it was so obvious she was trying to impress Christian though he like me found it annoying but we just left her to it.

"Ok Melted cheese inside Beef Burgers it is, fries with that?"

"Oh yes!" I moan at the thought making Gail and Christian laugh.

"Come on let's go relax, we'll eat whenever it's ready Gail." Christian says taking my shoulders and leading me towards our bedroom.

As soon as we're in the bedroom I see my Mac and BlackBerry beside the bed. I quickly turn both on and Christian sniggers and laughs.

"Baby are you going to do some work?"

"Why?"

"If you are then I'll go to the study and do some too."

"I think we should. I don't want to be thinking of Mergers and Acquisitions on Christmas day."

"Ok." He leans over me and kisses me lightly before letting me go back to my computer while he leaves for his office.

I check my texts which seem to all be off Kate until see one from a number I don't recognise.

***SHAME BOUT THE CLUBBIN! RAIN CHECK SOON! U SHUD GET TWITTER! KRISTIN XX***

I smile happily and quickly reply.

***FORGOT 2 TELL U LEFT PHONE IN SEATTLE WHILE IN NYC! DEFO RAIN CHECK SOON! WILL CHECK OUT TWITTER! ANA XX***

After knocking send I log into my emails while at the same time open the internet and go into Twitter. I don't know if there is really a point having a twitter but maybe it would be a good way to see what my readers have to say and what they would like to see. My email inbox is exploding and I quickly begin to go through them.

* * *

_**To:**__ Anastasia Grey_

_**Subject:**__ Fifty Shades_

_**From:**__ Hope Hewitt_

_Hey Ana, _

_Book is flying off the shelves now! Especially since the world find out it was yours. I saw you and Christian confirm it on TMZ when you went to the theatre. We will need to release an official statement even though we've already changed the name on the books to Anastasia Grey. Also hundreds of offers for you to appear on chat shows and stuff across the world, I sent you them as they came in so you'll have loads of emails when you finally do read them! _

_Also you're about a day away from making it onto the NYT Bestsellers!_

_Also we need a meeting down in design and tech because there is a screaming demand for you to have a website specifically about you. Your fan base ranges from teenagers around fifteen all the way to grandmothers age eighty so we have to do something to suit everyone. Let me know if you'd prefer to leave it till after Christmas or whatever. _

_Also we've not released a date for the second book. Have you any idea so we can at least give the fans a month? And have you checked out Twitter? _

_Let me know what you think when you can_

_Hope Hewitt_

_Editor, Grey's Publishing_

* * *

I re-read the message a couple of times before I decide to reply.

* * *

_**To:**__ Hope Hewitt_

_**Subject:**__ Fifty Shades_

_**From:**__ Anastasia Grey_

_I'm still in awe at the success of the book, even more so since it was revealed who I am! NYTBS is a dream for every author, thank you Hope for making it possible. _

_I will discuss chat shows with Christian and get back to you, I think it's fair he should have a say in that. _

_A website is a definite must for ever author. Get on to D&T and see what they can come up with before we do anything official just don't make it blue, I don't want AG Inc and the books to be linked too much, I wouldn't want to see any investors begin to read the book that would be embarrassing! _

_I'm looking at finishing the book for February can't be more precise than that so I would say March for the release unless you want to build it up and go for end of March early April. _

_Kristin Chenoweth tells me I need to get on Twitter too. Looking into it now. It might be the best thing I could do really but I don't know how much I'd get to use it! Remember I'm a business woman as well as an author!_

_Thanks for everything again_

_Ana Grey_

_CEO, Anastasia Grey, Inc. _

* * *

After knocking the send button I begin going through the rest of Hope's messages. There's invites to shows from the View and Late Night Show, Ellen, Tyra Banks show. These are programmes Kate and I would watch when we were bored and didn't have school and they want me! It's shocking to say the least! It would mean spending a lot of time flying. LA, New York, even some British Chat shows want to meet me such as BBC Breakfast and Loose Women.

I write the list of everyone who wants to have me on their show and write an email to Christian.

* * *

_**To:**__ Christian Grey_

_**Subject:**__ Fame?_

_**From:**__ Anastasia Grey_

_The above attachment has a list of show names, each one has contacted Hope Hewitt in regards to having me appear to discuss Fifty Shades. What do you think?_

_Ana Grey_

_CEO, Anastasia Grey, Inc. _

* * *

I knock the send button half hoping he'll say no. I'm not one for lying on National TV but there is no way in hell I can say that Christian and I practise BDSM. I think we'll have to have long discussions about what is ok to say and what isn't.

* * *

_**To:**__ Anastasia Grey _

_**Subject:**__ Chat shows_

_**From:**__ Christian Grey_

_Well it seems you're very popular Mrs Grey. Of course if you want your second book to sell half as well as the first book you will need to go on these shows. I would wait though until you have a set date for the release of the book so you can promote it while you're there!_

_We will also need to have a full discussion about what is allowed to be said and what has to be avoided at all cost. I wouldn't appreciate you telling Ellen DeGeneres that I wanted you as a Submissive before you became my girlfriend and now wife. _

_Christian Grey_

_CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc. _

* * *

Well at least he didn't say no.


	110. Chapter 110

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Just a short one here to move along!**

Christian and I sit at the breakfast island eating our burgers and fries. I moaned at the first bite having missed Mrs Jones cooking more than I first thought.

"Mr and Mrs Grey."

We turn to see Taylor entering and Christian stands and walks to meet him.

"I was going through the mail. Found this." He hands something over to Christian and I try and see what it is but I can't.

"Thank you Taylor." Christian says before turning to me with a smile. "Here." He passes whatever it was Taylor gave him over to me and my mouth falls open and my eyes widen when I see it's a copy of Business Management Magazine with me against a grey background, a wide smile on my face, my arms crossed in front of my chest, my just cut hair brushed down and over my shoulders, my blue eyes sparkling screaming power.

"Wow." I manage to say and Christian grins at me.

"Getting with Ana Grey." Christian laughs a little as he reads the headline and I hit him gently with the magazine before pulling off the plastic covering and allowing the magazine to fall out.

I flick it over to the first part which is one page and then flick over to see another two pages. I have a three page spread in a magazine. There are eight pictures in total. A few that were taken in my office, one of me behind my desk, one looking out from the window, another of me pretending to be on the phone then there are others that have been taken from different places one of me walking down the street, another of me getting into my car, one of my wedding photos and I frown knowing the photographer or someone must have sold it to them and another one of Christian and I walking hand in hand.

"_Less than a year months ago Anastasia Steele was just a twenty one year old university student cramming for finals when she met multi-billionaire bachelor Christian Grey then twenty seven. Now twenty two Anastasia Grey is the CEO of a Multi-million dollar company even though she's yet to make her first million dollars. _

_The couple from what little is known about the beginning of their relationship hit it off right away. The earliest picture of the duo was taken at Anastasia's graduation where she received a degree in English Literature. Two weeks after graduating Anastasia became an Assistant Editor at Seattle Independent Publishing and it took only just over a week for her first promotion to acting editor and three weeks later the position was made permanent. _

_Jerry Roach SIP's former president was happy to tell us this 'Anastasia Steele was always promising, giving her the editing job even with so little experience was the right thing for us as a company to do, she had drive that many young editors miss.' It was just a week or later when Anastasia Grey was blackmailed by her former boss from her assistant days and she took three months away from the industry only to return when SIP changed its name to Grey's Publishing and she had taken over as President._

_Anastasia visibly enjoyed her job as president, her first order as boss was expanding to Children's Literature. Those who knew her weren't at all surprised when two weeks later her husband gifted Grey's Publishing to her and she became CEO. It was a gift that she had been told she would receive on the day of their first Anniversary when she had learned to manage the business but Anastasia proved to everyone including her husband that she knew what she was doing and he gifted her the company after she won the Alain Thompson Award._

_The Alain Thompson Award was set up to award the famous Alain Thompson for his generosity to Seattle Grace Paediatrics. Anastasia Grey when asked about her inspiration she happily smiled and said it was her mother in law Doctor Grace Trevelyan that was her inspiration. She spoke fondly of her mother-in-law and said 'she is a wonder to behold, a true inspiration and she loves her work and does it well... Admire, Cherish, Love they're just a few words I'd use to describe Grace Trevelyan-Grey' Doctor Trevelyan works at Seattle Grace hospital and when she agreed to comment she had this to say about her daughter-in-law. _

'_Ana has the biggest heart of anyone I know. She's kind and loving and generous. Not only did she save my job and help save the Paeds unit at Seattle Grace but she also saved my son, she gave him a new life. I love her dearly.'_

_Anastasia's donations have managed to pay for a new ward at Seattle Grace Paeds and it will open in late January twenty twelve. Anastasia also agreed to open the ward which will be adequately named the Anastasia Rose Ward._

_Anastasia mentioned that family was important to her but expressed no desire to rush into expanding her own but that she would in the future like to have children. She sees family as a blessing and she feels blessed to have a wonderful family…"_

I close the magazine and eye Christian, he doesn't see, too bothered by what he's read.

"I don't want to read it now, I want to finish my food." I say quietly, I feel very uncomfortable reading an article about me.

"Ok." Christian says taking the magazine and moving it out of the way.


	111. Chapter 111

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Just a short one here to move along!**

Waking up on Christmas Eve in Christian's arms is the best feeling ever. I look at him sleeping peacefully and I can't wait to see his eyes tomorrow when he opens his presents. I know he's going to be like a child as he was on his birthday, he loves gifts and I hope he loves what I have bought him just as much.

"Morning." He mumbles shifting a little. I smile knowing he's slowly waking up.

"Morning." I reply softly making him smile as his eyes flicker open.

"It's Christmas Eve Mrs Grey." He says with a childlike smile.

"Yes it is." I nod. "Tonight we put all the presents under the tree so they're there waiting for us in the morning."

"We've already got most of them there."

"Except the ones off each other." I remind him and he nods happily before leaning over and giving me a small kiss.

"What are your plans for today?"

"Oh no you're not working today Christian, it's Christmas Eve and we're going to be very Joe Public and go to the supermarket to buy the chocolates and the nuts and prepare our Christmas Eve meal so Gail and Taylor can have the night together."

"Supermarket?" He asks.

"It's stuff my Ray and I used to do Christian and I'd like to keep doing them." I say quietly and he grins and nods before kissing me lightly. "If that's what you want to do baby then that's what we'll do."

"Yey!" I say happily. "Then I'm going to shower."

"Breakfast first." He says gripping me tight.

"Yes Sir." I say in a deep voice adding a mock salute making him chuckle.

"Come on then."

We walk into the kitchen together as Mrs Jones is making breakfast, she turns around and I see small Santa hat earrings in her ears.

"Oh Gail they're so cute." I say admiringly.

"Good thing I got you a pair too then." She smirks pulling a pair of pink dangly Santa hat earrings from her pocket.

"Aww they're so sweet thank you." I grin before instantly slipping them into my ears. "What do you think?" I ask my hands out to the side a fake pout on my lips as I turn between Christian and Gail making the two of them laugh.

"So what do you two want for breakfast this morning?" She asks kindly, I can definitely she's a Christmasy person by how happy she is.

"I don't know. Christian?" I ask seeing him going over to the iPod dock.

"You choose baby." He says without even looking at me. I pull a face behind is back making Gail supress a laugh.

"Chocolate Pancakes?"

"Chocolate Pancakes it is." She smiles just as Frosty the Snowman begins playing over the speakers. I turn to see Christian grinning and I laugh, he is definitely childlike this Christmas and I love it.

"Dance with me Mrs Grey?" He asks coming over with his hand out to me.

"Why not." I shrug before slipping my hand into his and letting him lead me.

We dance hand in hand idiotically to the music. It has us both and Gail laughing hysterically until our breakfast is ready and Christian and I continue to listen to the music while we eat.

After we're done Christian explains to Mrs Jones how to use the iPod dock if she wants to listen to the carols as she works while we head off to shower.

Somehow we manage not to get over excited and get done in the shower quickly. In the closet I watch Christian easily pick an outfit out leaving me frowning.

"Wear the Diesel Jeans, the blue ones with the burgundy Luis Vuitton boots and choose whatever shirt and your red coat from Coach."

"Yes Sir." I laugh quickly finding the items I bought in New York.

Once I've pulled my hair back into a high pony tail I meet Christian in the bedroom where he's all set to go with the keys of the R8 in his hand. I garb my purse and happily follow him out.

"Bye Gail!" I call over the music as we head for the elevator.

"Bye!" She replies still dancing as she cleans, I think it's so precious!

Christian drives and I sit in the passenger seat relaxing as we listen to some Christmas carols play on the radio. This is bliss and I hope the rest of our holiday continues like this. I'm looking forward to going to Grace and Carrick's tomorrow followed by going to see Ray in a few days. Then I wonder what we will be doing for New Year, whatever it is I hope it's not something stuffy, I don't know why but I definitely know I want to let my hair down and party.

We arrive outside the supermarket and I quickly get a trolley before handing it to Christian. He looks at me with a cocked eyebrow and an amused smile making me laugh.

"You're the man Christian, you push I shop." I tell him and he laughs before nodding and following me inside.

Christmas Spirit is definitely in the air. Carols are played over the tannoy while the staff all wear different Christmas head wear from Santa Hats to Elf ears. There's tinsel hanging on the shelves and trees dotted around the place covered in lights and ornaments making me feel all warm and giddy.

I begin packing the trolley with Christian adding a few items of his own. We choose varieties of chocolates, nuts, fruits and I even grab ingredients to make cookies with icing and trimmings for them.

"Can I make the cookies with you later?" Christian asks surprising me.

"I'd like that." I reply with a grin, I really would but I thought Christian would disappear into his office this afternoon even though I'd asked him not too.

"Ok." He grins nodding as we head for the check out.

We load up the conveyor together, aware of each other's movements and it feels the most normal thing in the world, the most normal I have felt since I met the man I married.

I'm aware of the cashier checking out my husband but I'm suddenly distracted by a tap on my shoulder.

"Yes?" I say turning around to see a girl maybe a couple of years younger than me with bright green eyes and black hair with crazy pink streaks.

"Mrs Grey?" She asks uncertainty dripping from each word.

"Maybe, who's asking?" Christian replies for me and I see her grin widening.

"I'm Marisa Cole and I am a huuuuuuge fan of your book, could you maybe sign it for me and let me have a picture with you."

I'm stunned. Christian sniggers behind me while the cashier audibly gasps.

"Uh, sure." I say not knowing how else to react.

She pulls her copy of my book out from her bag along with a pen and I open it up and quickly sign it with just my name.

"Thank you." She beams excitedly, she's like a toddler on Christmas morning.

She has her iPhone out and I'm surprised when Christian extends his hand to her. I realise he's going to take the photo and she grins gratefully at him.

"Say Crackers." Christian says making me laugh, he's in full on playful fifty mode and it makes me so happy.

The picture is taken and Christian hands the phone back over.

"Thank you again Mrs Grey, my friends are never going to believe this they'll totally think I photoshopped the picture or something. Sorry to disturb you while you're shopping."

"It's no problem." I say I actually just want her to go, this is so embarrassing as many more people have stopped to look at us.

"Thanks again." She smiles before turning on her heels and leaving. I just watch her go trying to make sense of what just happened.

"Anastasia Grey, my wife, amazing author."

"That was awkward." I say turning back to the check out.

"No baby that's what happens when you write one of the best novels of the year." He says dropping a kiss onto my head before passing his card over to pay for the groceries.

"It's not that good." I say quietly.

He stops and turns to me putting his hands on my shoulders.

"Anastasia Rose Grey, your book is fucking amazing, half of the country want to know you, they want you in their stores doing signings, they want you on their shows to talk, don't you get it Ana, you made your own name on your own merit, you achieved what you wanted to all that time ago when you took over Grey's Publishing. It may not have been the way you thought you'd do it but you did it."

"Ok." I nod though I'm still not so sure, I mean having Kristin Chenoweth and Idina Menzel be fans of my books felt ok because they had seen online that I was at the theatre but this girl recognised me though there is no picture accompanying the bio. It's obvious to me that she checked me out online and has seen me in the papers seeing as even today Christian and I are in one of the first ten pages of all the papers.

"Believe it Ana because it's happening." He says as he begins to load the cart back up, I just nod, I don't know how to deal with it at all as I know I wasn't made to be famous.


	112. Chapter 112

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

"We're already on TMZ." Christian smiles coming over with the iPad.

There's no surprise when I see pictures of Christian and myself entering and exiting the supermarket.

"What's it say?" I ask as I begin putting the chocolates around the room how Ray and I used to do so you could just grab one as you walked past and putting nuts and fruits in bowls on common surfaces too.

"It says, Mommy's favourite porn writer Ana Grey and multi-billionaire Christian Grey were seen joining in the festive spirits in downtown Seattle today. The couple were seen buying their last minutes when they were approached by a fan. Anastasia 22 happily posed for a photograph and signed a copy of her hit novel Fifty Shades."

"Do they really have nothing better to do?" I laugh before popping a nut into my mouth.

"Nope baby they don't."

"Mommy's favourite porn?" I say and Christian laughs as he puts the iPad down on the counter where all the cookie ingredients and cutters are and pulls me into his arms.

"You write Mommy Porn." He says teasingly.

"That girl was around my age, maybe even younger Christian I don't think she's a Mommy."

"Whatever, your books good." He shrugs and I smile, I love how supportive he's being about this book, I really thought he would hate it especially the BDSM tone throughout it and the certain areas that was taken directly from our lives.

"Mr and Mrs Grey?" Taylor enters and we both turn to look at him but Christian keeps his arms around me.

"Yes?"

"Miss Kavanagh and Mr Grey have just arrived."

"I didn't know Kate and Elliot were planning on coming." I frown and Christian shrugs, I don't think he knew either.

"Let them up Taylor." Christian says letting go of me so I can put the cookie stuff away for now.

Kate and Elliot walk in all smiles and hand in hand, they're so sweet together.

"Hey guys." I smile walking back to Christian's side.

"Hey Ana." Elliot hugs me but Kate looks a little resilient.

"What is it Kate?" I ask uncomfortably.

"I need to talk to you." She says quietly.

"Uh ok, we'll go to the library." I say grabbing her hand and pulling her away, I know something's wrong and I know she won't say in front of Christian.

We leave the men behind and I look at Kate to see a stone cold look on her face. I wonder if there's something I've done that she's bothered by. As soon as I've shut the library door I turn to see her hands on her hips and a glint in her eye that scares me.

"What?" I ask frowning.

"Fifty Shades." She says and I swallow hard, I should have known.

"It's my book, what about it?" I ask carefully.

"How much of it's true?"

"Excuse me?" I ask keeping cool even though with Kate it's impossible.

"Ana I saw that email! What's he done to you?" She yells as I try to control my breathing and not show anything on my face.

"Nothing Kate, it's just a book." I say coolly.

"No! No! No Steele! I know you! And I know what I read in that email! Does he treat you like that? Are you his Submissive with more?!"

"I am his wife!" I yell unable to keep my temper in check, I'm not scared of her, she's on my territory here.

"And? Does he hit you Anastasia? Does he beat you then fuck you?" She's screaming at me and it's quite scary but I'm not going to let her win this one.

"What the hell has that got to do with you Kate?!" I yell.

"You're not denying it? You're honestly standing there and tell me that what happens in that book is ok? That you live like that and there's nothing wrong with it?"

"I don't live like that Kate it's just a fucking book!" I shout just as the door opens to reveal Elliot and Christian, I guess we could be heard.

"No! Ana No! It's not just a fucking book! What's he done to you?! He get into your head that much that you married a man who likes to beat you?"

"Shut up Kate!" I shout as Christian and Elliot stare in complete shock. "It's just a fucking book!"

"No Ana I read that damn email and remember it clearly, he may have burnt it but it never stopped me asking what the fuck it was all about! It was a contract wasn't it? You were his toy?"

"Shut the fuck up Kate!" I shout I don't know what to do, the panic is gripping me now because I know she knows.

"Katherine I think Ana would like you to leave." Christian says dryly.

"Don't you dare Grey, you're a fucking sadist! You beat her so much she's scared to tell anyone? Scared to leave you?" Kate snaps, I look at Christian to see him standing his own well, Elliot's eyes are wide and shocked, I don't think he has any idea what's going on.

"What the hell Kate?!" I yell. "Get this into your head, it's a book, a story, make believe!"

"Obey him in all things? Do you do that Ana? Does he punish you when you don't? Beat you with Canes and whips."

"Christian would never hurt me!" I yell, at least that's the truth.

"Use your body as he sees fit?" She continues and I realise that she has got the damn email memorised.

"NO!"

"Has he corrupted you so much you enjoy being punished Ana? Whipped and flogged?"

"No Kate get it into your head!"

"Fisting? Clamps? Suspension? Do you let him do all that to you Ana? Or does he do it anyway without your consent."

"Ok Kate I think that's enough." Christian snaps, I see him glaring at her while I try to hold back my tears.

"Is it Grey, because the second she admits it you won't have any man bits fucking left!" Kate shouts.

"Kate what's this about?" Elliot asks awkwardly, I know he's really uncomfortable because it's his future wife and his brother and sister in law and he's stuck because he doesn't know who's in the right and who's in the wrong.

"Ana, Christian do you want to tell him or should I?"

"There's nothing to tell!" I tell her desperately.

"Isn't there, you know I could make this front page news on the day after Christmas, Christian Grey Dominant! I think it would sell more copies than it has all year!"

"That would be slanderous Kate and I don't think you'd like to find yourself in a position where I drag you into a court room." Christian says and I am stunned, she deserved that but still she's my best friend and I know she's just worried about me.

"Christian what's she on about?" Elliot asks.

"Anastasia wrote a book about BDSM, it's very dark and twisted and Kate seems to think there are elements of truth in it." Christian says calmly.

"It's not just the book! I found and email in Ana's bedroom that discussed contracts and fisting and suspension and no touching yourself without permission, the email was from Ana to Christian."

"It wasn't true." I shrug an idea coming into my head. "I was working on the book, Christian was helping me that's all." I feel really awful for lying.

"Why don't I believe that Ana?" She asks desperately. "Because it says in the Bio that you only started writing the damn thing a few weeks ago and it went through publishing so quick because it was so good."

"What do you want me to say Kate?" I ask her. "I'm not going to say yes to something when the answer is no. Christian and me are nothing like Maggie and Richard, they're characters in a book, I was bored and researching BDSM for a how to book that came into the office that ended up on my desk and it inspired me."

I hate lying but I have to but there's nothing more I can do about this.

"You've lied once Ana, how do I know you're not lying again?" Kate asks.

"You just have to trust me when I say Christian would _never _hurt me."

"I don't think I can."

"So what are you going to do Kavanagh? Go to the paper? My Parents?" Christian hisses, I guess he's had enough of letting me handle this.

"No." Kate says shaking her head. "I just have to trust you Ana." She says dryly.

"Thank you." I say before she pulls me into a hug and as she buries her head in my shoulder I hear her whisper.

"I love you but I want you to tell me everything." She says and I realise I will have to tell her, how do you think she'll feel in signing an NDA? Is all I can think.

"Ok."

"Sorry." She says stepping back.

"It's ok, I'm sure I'd react the same." I shrug even though we both know that's not true.

"Maybe you two should leave now so Anastasia and I can go back to enjoying our day." Christian says and Kate looks at me while she nods.

"Ok." She says quietly.

Elliot takes Kate's hand while I just stand there still stunned. Christian's hand on my shoulder makes me jump but when he doesn't pull back I eventually sing into his touch.

"I shouldn't have written that damn book." I hiss and he slips his arms around me from behind.

"Let her think what she wants." He says. "She won't print anything Ana she wouldn't be so stupid."

"But how many other people are going to think we live our lives like that? It's a book! It's loosely and very loosely based on our lives. I can't do this Christian I can't lie and lie about the book being all fiction, Kate didn't even buy it!"

"Kate saw a very disturbing email from you to me too." He says softly. "No one else will have seen that."

"I don't know if I can do it." I say quietly.

"Yes you can Ana, you're a star, you've written a book that's so close to landing on the best seller list, so fucking close and if it isn't on it by the end of today it will be by the twenty sixth."

"I feel so shitty." I say tiredly.

"Why don't we go lie down for a little while then when we wake we'll make cookies and go back to enjoying our Christmas Eve?"

"Ok." I nod and he beams before turning me around and kissing me softly. "I love you Christian."

"I love you too Anastasia, more than you could possibly know." He says quietly before kissing my lips once more. "Come, bed."


	113. Chapter 113

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

"Ana, baby wake up." Christian leans over me and I smile sleepily up at him.

"Everything ok?" I ask as I stretch out and he nods and smiles gently at me.

"I just think you've been sleeping long enough and I want to make cookies." He says and I see the child in him grinning at me and it melts my heart.

"Ok I'll get up." I say pushing myself up to sitting. "Past me my jeans."

Christian scoops my jeans off the chair and I pull them on quickly before I grab my tank and tug it over my head. We head into the living room together and I'm floored to see Kate sitting there.

"Christian what's going on?" I whisper but Kate hears me and turns around.

"She's signed an NDA on my request. I'm going to the study, you two talk." He says but before he walks off I grab his hand.

"What about?"

"Tell her everything. Or everything you want her to know, drink some wine, we can make cookies later but I know you were only letting it go earlier because you wanted to avoid any more of an argument with her and the two of you are always going to have this hanging over your head unless you talk about it now."

I see for the first time Christian's being the mature one in the relationship. I can't believe he's had her sign and NDA… well actually I can but I'm surprised Kate actually agreed to sign it.

"Ok." I sigh as he kisses the top of my head.

"Good girl, enjoy some chocolate and drink some wine and talk to your best friend. I'll be I the study if you need me."

I nod and watch as he walks away and I turn to Kate who really for the first time since I've known her looks like a lost puppy.

"I'll get the wine." I say quietly before going over to the fridge.

As I get out the bottle and glasses I can't help but wonder what exactly I'm supposed to tell Kate. I mean she's signed an NDA so I can tell her anything but I don't feel it my place to tell her about Christian's past and his issues.

As I go over to Kate I see she looks as nervous as I feel. I put the glasses down and serve the wine before sitting down with the glass in my hand. I look at her with her own glass and it looks like Christian gave her a good talk too. I'm so mad with him, so mad, but for now I'm going to have to just hold that anger back in order to talk to Kate.

"I'm not Christian's Submissive." I say and I see the surprise followed by relaxation in Kate's eyes. "I never have been either." She relaxes a little more. "Not that he didn't want me to be."

She sits back on the couch as I curl my legs up and take a long sip of my wine, this is awkward.

"Does he hit you?" She asks.

"Not like Richard does in the book." I reply and I see her eyes widen. "I wasn't lying when I said he never hurts me."

"Ok." She nods. "Do you have to wear a collar?"

"No." I laugh a little. "I asked Christian when he first told me he wanted me to be his sub and I'd done some research on it if I was required to wear a collar and he said he's never collard anyone but I wanted my book to be darker."

"Ok." She sighs a sigh of relief but I know she's still not completely sure.

"Come with me." I sigh putting my glass on the table, I know there's only way to get over this and I don't care if Christian doesn't like that I'm doing this but I feel it's necessary.

We walk out of the living room and I stop to grab the small gold key before heading for the stairs. I'm as nervous as Kate but I don't care, this is necessary, if she's ever going to understand anything about Christian and my sexual relationship she needs to see this. I just wish it wasn't under these sorts of circumstances.

I walk straight to the door and unlock it and glance nervously at Kate. Her eyes are telling me to open the door. She's read the book so I suspect that she knows sort of what's waiting for her behind the door.

With a click it's open and I just push it letting Kate enter first. I hear her audible gasp and I see that she's stood inside in shock.

"It's not like the book at all." I tell her entering behind her and shutting the door. "It's not about pain."

"But it is about domination."

"Too some extent. In this room I am Christian's to do with as he pleases subject to the limits." I say quietly.

I'm surprised when Kate steps forward further into the room and I just take a deep breath and wait for her questions because I know she'll have them.

"So the Suspension and the fisting?"

"Hard limits, we don't so those." I say seeing her looking up.

"But he has with other people?"

"Yes."

"How many?"

"15." I reply and her eyes widen in surprise.

"Elliot said he never dated until you." She says and I smile.

"That's true. I was his first girlfriend." I reply with a smug satisfied grin and I see a smile break out on her face.

"So the others?"

"Just his subs." I say with a shrug.

"Just like Maggie in the book." She points out and I nod, she misses nothing and retains much information, this damn girl was made to be a journalist.

"But the book is only loosely based on Christian and I." I tell her as she runs her finger across the spanking bench making me purse my lips, I wonder if she knows what it is.

"Does he hit you?"

"Yes." I say quietly and she turns to me with wide eyes but I can see the amusement.

"He hits you but doesn't hurt you." She says and I nod and I see her relaxing some more. "So what are the rules?"

"We have none, I'm his wife." I tell her and she nods.

"So you don't get punished?"

"Oh I do." I laugh awkwardly. "Just not for breaking rules."

"What for?" She asks as she picks up the brown pleated ridding crop, my personal favourite.

"Mainly for rolling my eyes." I say with a chuckle and Kate's mouth pops open. "He hates it when I roll my eyes."

"Ok." She nods hitting the riding crop across her hand. I watch as she closes and opens her hand. "Doesn't hurt." She says. "It's like when you knock your hand on something, it's shock and it tingles a little and you'd say to someone it stings though it doesn't."

"Exactly." I say quietly and she places the riding crop back, even though everything is cleaned I don't want to tell Kate that the riding crop has been used to hit every inch of my body other than my face.

"So other than spanking…" I giggle, hearing those words out of Katherine Kavanagh's mouth is hilarious and she smiles.

"What else do you want to know?" I ask.

"So you don't have a contract, you don't have rules, when do you actually do all this then?"

"Whenever we can." I reply with a shrug. "Sometimes we take stuff from this room to the bedroom."

"Like what?" She asks in surprise, I know she can't really see any of the smaller stuff so I point her to the museum chest.

I watch as she wanders over and then opens the top drawer, the butt drawer.

"Can I touch these?" She asks and I know she's asking if they're clean.

"Yes." I nod and she picks up one of the larger ones.

"This goes in your ass?" She asks looking at the object confused.

"Yes Kate." I say quietly and she places it back in the drawer.

"Anastasia Rose Steele virgin till twenty one is a sex devil." She says making me giggle.

"What else do you want to know Kate?"

"Does he tie you up?"

"Yes."

"Elliot ties me up too." She says and I must admit she's just shocked me.

"He does?" I ask and she smiles and nods.

"And we use B.O.B's."

"B.O.B's?" I ask.

"You know battery operated boyfriends? Vibrators?"

"Second drawer." I tell her and she nods and opens up the drawer filled with a large variety of vibrators.

"Jesus Mary Joseph, I thought my collection was big." She say in a surprised whisper and I fail to look surprised.

"So you do kinky fuckery too." I say smugly, she obviously can't say much about Christian and I when she gets up to this sort of thing too.

"Kinky whatery?" She asks and I laugh.

"Kinky fuckery, it's what Christian calls what we do more in the bedroom than in here, where we just… play." I say and she grins.

"Kinky fuckery, I love it." She giggles and I can't help but break out laughing. "We don't do it to this extent but there was some stuff in your book I'd done similar too."

"That's good to know." I say unable to mask my amusement.

"I was just telling Elliot yesterday that we should invest in a spreader bar."

"Ah." I walk over to where the spreader bars are kept and show the different ones to her. She looks at them as she would objects in a store and I can't help but giggle, it's so not what I expected but I am now relaxed.

"You'll have to ask Christian where he gets all this stuff from."

"Online mainly. I used some of the websites to research for my book, a lot of the stuff in there Christian and I don't do."

"Has he ever hurt you?" She asks me as I put the spreader bars away.

"Once." I admit. "When you were in Barbados, we broke up for five days, he beat me with a belt." I say and I can see the horror in her eyes. "I told him I wanted to know what it was like, how bad it could actually get and he showed me."

"Jesus." She says and I nod.

"After we got back together we agreed, no rules, no pain, no contract."

"That's good. So you're happy?"

"Happier than I ever thought possible Kate, at first all this confused me and I was always so unsure how to act around Christian because he wanted me to follow all his damn rules yet he liked my smart mouth and it was such a fine line to tread and I wasn't very good at treading it. In here though, this is his world, in here I give him everything but we have safewords and he would never do anything that we've agreed not to do." I tell her the truth because I need to, it feels good to be able to tell someone about everything that happened at the start of the relationship.

"Have you ever safeworded?" She asks and I nod and her eyes widen in shock again. "Why?"

"Orgasm denial." I say quietly and she continues to look at me in horror. "Remember when you and I went out for drinks and Jack Hyde broke into the apartment when Christian was in New York?" She nods and I take a deep breath before continuing. "The next day after I got home from work, he blindfolded me, fed me, it was so kinky yet somehow romantic then he brought me in here got me naked obviously then put me on that." I point to the cross and I see Kate looking at it carefully.

"Cuffed you to it?" She asks and I nod and give a small smile, I have enjoyed all my time on the cross other than the orgasm denial.

"Christian was so mad, with me for going out with you, making him question his own judgement, for not being here when I should have been which would have led to Hyde possibly getting me…" I sigh heavily knowing what Hyde did after Kate pulls me in for a hug and she holds onto me for a moment. "I'm good." I tell her knowing if I don't tell her now then I never will.

"So then what?" She asks knowing what I'm like.

"So then I was up there, blindfolded and he put some music on and I remember hearing him riffling through the drawers. Then he started touching me and he kept bringing me close to orgasm and then stopping."

"What?" Kate gasps and I snicker.

"Doing it once or maybe even twice is fine because when you finally do orgasm it's so much more intense but he just kept doing, it didn't take me long to figure out what he was doing. After a while he took me blindfold off and he kept telling me I was the most frustrating woman he'd ever met and he wanted me to know how I made him feel and I realised he wasn't going to stop and I safeworded, we have two Yellow and Red just like in the book and I said Red."

"What happened?" Kate asks in shock.

"He was horrified, he didn't expect me to do it and he was so apologetic afterwards and we just … had sex and talked some too obviously."

She grins wickedly making me giggle, this is so nice to be able to talk freely with her.

"So does he punish you like Maggie gets punished in the book?"

"Like…"

"Well other than spanking and the orgasm denial…"

"Not that I remember but in all honesty I should actually read the damn book I can't remember every bit of it." I say chuckling.

"Has he punished you in … other ways?" She asks and I think for a moment before managing a nod. "When? How?"

"It was on our honeymoon." I say and her eyes widen again. "We were on the beach in Monte Carlo, the last leg of our honeymoon. We'd been in the sea and Christian had dunked me, got me particularly frustrated. I climbed out of the sea and knowing it would piss him off I took my top off and lay on my front. I fell asleep in my chair and I must have rolled over in my sleep. He was furious Kate!" I giggle at the memory but she doesn't look too happy yet. "Back on the boat we had some nuts and drinks then he took me to bed, we played and went to sleep. Anyway I woke up the next morning and was looking in the mirror when I saw he'd dotted my chest in fucking hickeys."

Kate's mouth made a perfectly shaped O in surprise and I nodded.

"I threw a brush at him for his punishment." This makes her giggle which in turn makes me smile. "There's not much more I can tell you Kate, that's it. Does that settle with you?" I ask and she smiles and nods. "Good, now lets get out of here being in this room makes me horny." I make her laugh as we head for the door.

"Thank you Ana and I'm so sorry for everything earlier I was just so mad, not at you but him I thought he'd brainwashed you or something, I mean he was your first so how was I to know you didn't think that's just what sex was."

"Oh Kate." I smile hugging her tight. "I'm glad I was able to talk to you."

"Email me some of those websites, I'd love to see what Elliot and me could do with a spreader bar." She says making me giggle.

"Are you going to stay for a drink?" I ask and she shakes her head.

"No I'm going to spend the rest of Christmas Eve with my future husband."

"Ok. Thank you for letting me explain and for signing the NDA."

"Ana I was so desperate to know anything I would have signed anything!" She says as we head down to the elevator.

"I don't like that he made you sign one thought."

"You both are powerful people Ana, this coming out in the press could ruin your rep, you don't need that." She says softly.

"Kate I've had offers to go on TV in New York and California, they're going to ask me what my sex life is like."

"You're smart, you'll figure out how to give them just half the truth." She says with a shrug before stepping into the waiting elevator. "I'll see you tomorrow." She smiles as the doors close.

"Tomorrow." I say quietly, I feel like a whole weight has been lifted from my shoulders now and I know I can be go and enjoy the rest of my day with my husband.


	114. Chapter 114

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

Christian and I are both in the kitchen with all our cookie stuff spread over the counter. The cookies are already in the oven and we're putting away everything but the icing and decorations. I'm making dinner now, Christian decided he wanted me to make something rather than warm up something that Mrs Jones had left us so I'm making pasta, potato and bacon salad.

"What did you say to Kate to get her to come back?" I ask as he chops the new potatoes up.

"I told her you had a lot she needed to know but I needed to talk to her first." Christian replies without lifting his head from his chopping, he looks so sweet chopping away.

"How did you get her to sign the NDA?" I ask, I really am curious as to what happened leading to mine and Kate's conversation.

"Well when she got here I told her you were asleep and I told her that if she wanted to know what that email meant then you would tell her as long as for my benefit she would sign an NDA, if she didn't sign she didn't get to know. She didn't hesitate Ana, I didn't make her sign she wanted to because she wanted to know."

"Well now she does."

"Everything?"

"No, I left out your past and your tendencies to beat little brown haired girls, she didn't need to know that." I reply with a shrug and he nods slowly.

"Does she know about the fifteen?"

"She knows there was fifteen but that's all." I reply and he nods, he seems ok with all of this.

"Good, now then there is your potatoes wench." He says and I quickly finish up by adding the chopped bacon and sauce and mix it all up while Christian sets up placemats.

I pull the cookies out of the oven and put them on a cooling rack. They're so adorable in Santa hats, Santa's, snowmen, snowflakes, Christmas trees, there are over one hundred cookies we made so many. I put the second batch into the oven and sit down to see Christian has served the wine and has dinner on two plates for us.

"Merry Christmas Mrs Grey." He smiles handing my wine to me.

"Merry Christmas Mr Grey."

"I think we should exchange one present each tonight." Christian says as we tuck into our dinner.

"You do huh?" I ask and he nods happily.

"One of the ten." He states and I can see the twinkle of excitement in his eyes.

"Ok one of the ten, tonight." I reply with a smile.

"We have to sit by the Christmas tree like we have to in the morning." He says and I see the childlike grin on his face and the light in his eyes.

"Ok." I smile. "First one up has to come and turn the fire on." I tell him and he nods in agreement with a beaming smile.

We eat happily and once we're done Christian loads the dishwasher while I clean the counter ready to decorate the cookies including colouring the icing which Christian finds exciting.

"Ok so what do I do?" Christian asks.

"You haven't decorated cookies before?" I ask and he shrugs.

"I think I did with a Grace a few times but that was years ago."

"Ok." I say rolling up my sleeves. I pick up one of the small icing tubes and show it to Christian while picking up a Santa clause cookie. "Here."

He takes it and I pull him in front of me wrapping my hand around his.

"Follow the outline of the cookie, squeeze lightly on the tube until it comes out." My thumb and forefinger are covering his and I squeeze gently.

After a few seconds the black icing begins to exit the tube and Christian and I follow around the cookie. He grins happily at me when we've gone all the way around.

"Now trace where his clothes would be." I say and he nods and we draw a line with the icing under Santa's neck.

"Ok good now the red liquid icing." I say picking up the bowl, Christian eyes it. "Take the spoon and put some on the cookie where it should go."

With a boyish smile Christian takes the spoon and dribbles icing all over the cookies body till it's all covered bar the face and he grins happily.

"Ok and take more tube icings the smaller ones than the black one and draw in the details." I tell him and he nods and takes the small back of tiny tube icing.

I watch him carefully as he draws the face and adds buttons and even the fluff and belt.

"Now we put it to dry." I say moving the cookie onto a cooling rack.

We do around thirty cookies while listening to music play and talk happily about Christmas day. We're both so excited to be sharing our first Christmas together.

"We'll have to wait for the others to cool." I say having just taken the second batch out of the oven.

Christian has his finger in his mouth and I know he's eating the icing.

"You know we'll run out of icing if you keep eating it." I laugh and he shrugs before putting some more of the green liquid icing on his finger.

"Here." He says reaching towards me.

I open my mouth but before I see the smirk in his eyes he flicks his finger across my nose.

"Christian!" I groan wiping it with my finger and then putting it in my mouth.

"What?" He shrugs feigning innocence. I go back to my cookie but as soon as I see my chance I put some icing on my finger and wiping it across his cheek.

"Ana!" He laughs.

"What?" I reply with a grin.

"I'm going to get you now." He says picking up a bowl and spoon.

"No! No!" I shout and run to the other side of the island.

"I will get you Ana." He says but I shake my head, I know he's going to put it in my hair or something this time and there will be no getting it out without a long hot shower.

He dives for me and I run to the other side of the couch making him run after me. I run all the way around and into the kitchen again before grabbing a bowl which happens to have the tiny silver ball sprinkles.

"Damn." I say realising it's not going to get him back as good but I throw one of my shoulder anyway.

"Ah Ana!" He laughs which means I definitely hit him.

Trying to turn to see where he is I trip and crash onto my front.

"Jesus Ana!" He gasps rushing over to me but I'm a ball of giggles which makes him smile as he leans over me. "Hmm." He says straddling me. "No running now."

I grab one of the balls that have gone all over the floor and throw it into his face making him growl while I giggle.

He picks up the icing and I wiggle wildly not caring about the obvious bulge in his pants that's pressing into me.

"Payback."

"You started it!" I say trying to fight him but he just isn't having any of it.

He tips the spoon just above my face and as I move it spreads everywhere.

"Christian!" I giggle. "Stop please!" I laugh but he doesn't instead he leans down and begins to lick across my face.

"Hmm green icing and Ana, beautiful." He says before he grabs my tank top at the hem and peels it up over my head. "Such a fine delicacy would be a shame to waste." He tells me as I begin to comply.

"Christian it's going to stain my body please don't." I laugh but he takes my tank and uses it to tie my hands together.

"Hush now." He says picking up the icing and I groan still trying to buck him off while he trickles the icing down my stomach.

He pulls my breasts from the confides of my bra and dribbles more of it over my nipples making me wanting.

He begins to lick and suck and I still try to buck him off just because I know he likes that but I don't want him to stop anymore.

"So impatient Ana." He murmurs before sucking at my nipple.

"Oh God." I moan arching up to him.

"Much better." He smirks. "Now let's get these jeans off."

He makes quick work of removing my jeans and panties and then takes the icing and trickles a path down my abdomen, across the inside of my thighs then dribbles it right on my core.

His lips follow the path of the icing making me wanton. I'm struggling now but not to fight him but because my centre is screaming for some attention.

When he finally sucks on my clit I let out a deep satisfied moan. He laps up all the icing before standing and removing his own jeans.

He thrusts into me quickly and I buck my hips to meet his every move, even though I wish he'd let me such icing off him, I can imagine it being extremely tasty. We climax together and he lies beside me panting. I look down at my body and see the green stains and I can't help but giggle.

"What?" He asks laughing some too.

"I'm green!" I giggle and he smiles.

"Well it's not quite as nice as seeing you pink Mrs Grey." He says and I laugh at his chosen reply, so typically Christian.

"This is going to be the best Christmas ever." I tell him and he nods in agreement.

"Now Mrs Grey lets get you showered, clean up and swap one gift so we can go to bed." He says getting up.

I let him pull me to my feet and he hoists me still tied up in my shirt into his arms.

"Shower." He says walking bare bottomed through to out bathroom.


	115. Chapter 115

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

We sit by the Christmas tree all dress in our Pj's and ready for bed. We've brought out all the presents and placed them will all the rest under the tree. It looks so amazing, like something out of a movie or something where you know that most of the gifts are just wrapped empty boxes for decoration.

"So which one are you going to give me tonight Ana?" He asks and I know here we're starting up our own family tradition, where we exchange one gift before going to bed on Christmas Eve all because Christian is as impatient ad he could possibly be.

"Hmm." I say holding the one I've chosen in my hand. "In all honesty Christian I don't know if this gift is actually more for me than it is you." I smirking and he cocks his head to the side, gazing at me inquiringly.

"Well Mrs Grey I hope it's for me otherwise we have a problem." He smirks making me giggle.

"Here." I say passing it over to him before I change my mind, this gift I've been so uncertain about ever since the idea popped into my head.

"And here is yours Mrs Grey." He smirks passing the gift from his lap over to me. "I'm in the same predicament as you."

"And what's that?" I ask cocking my head in the same way he did just moments before.

"I don't know if the gift is more for my benefit or yours." He says and I swallow hard wondering if we had similar ideas because the gift boxes are the same size approximately.

"You go first." I say quietly.

"No I think we should open them together." He replies and I manage a weak nod.

We both turn our attentions to our gifts and slowly unwrapped them. Inside the sparkly blue paper I find a box from Victoria Secret. I glance up at Christian who smirks as he opens his own box. I'm more nervous now to see what he thinks of what I have got him than what he's gotten me but I open the box anyway.

I pull out the red fabric and gasp, I find a sparkly sequined red santa hat with a red net baby doll with white fluff on it and matching thong panties. I giggle knowing I will have as much fun wearing this outfit as Christian will have pulling me out of it.

Looking over at Christian I see him reading the papers in his hand. This is terrifying because I don't know how he'll react at all. I see him turn one page after the other but I can't see his eyes to gauge his reaction.

"Well?" I dare breathe when he closes the documents.

"I don't want you to do this for me." He says quietly.

"It's not just about you Christian it's about me too, I want it, I _need_ it." I say desperately. "But if you don't want to just shred it, it was a dumb idea anyway…"

"No it wasn't." He says shaking his head. "I just didn't want you to make yourself do this if it wasn't what you wanted."

"I do and it's only for a four weekends Christian and if work gets in the way then the weekends are added to the end until four are done but if you don't want to then it's fine it was just an idea."

"Why?" He asks and I still don't know how it feels.

"Because I need this." I tell him. "I want it and I thought it was something I could do for you at the same time getting something I need but if you don't want to its fine don't sign it."

"I will sign it, obviously I will Ana I just want to make sure it's what you definitely want."

"Absolutely." I smile and he beams at me.

"It doesn't start till the new year Mr Grey so don't go getting any idea's." I warn him and he chuckles.

"I like your additional clauses." He states.

"You do?" I ask in shock.

"Yes, it stops me from being able to … abuse my position."

"Well I wouldn't want you screwing up my affairs just because for two forty eight hours a week I'm your submissive and not your wife."

"My submissive wife, you're always my wife." He says with a smirk.

"I like that." I reply grinning.

"So what do you think of your gift?" He asks cocking his head to one side as he moves our Dom/sub contract one side.

"I love it but I think it's more for you than it is for me." I say with a smirk.

"Too right, can my first weekend be this weekend?" He asks.

"No, it's Christmas, the contract starts in January, I've already dated it January first so …" I pull out my tongue and blow a raspberry and his eyes darken.

"Fine. Come Mrs Grey lets go to bed and tomorrow we can see everything else Santa has bought."


	116. Chapter 116

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Thanks to Bea for some of the gift ideas!**

"Wake up Ana!" Christian pushes me gently making me groan. I open my eyes and see through the glass it's still dark outside.

"What time is it?" I ask as my eyes slip back shut.

"Six, come on I want to open presents!" he says pushing me again, he makes me laugh softly as he makes me think of any future children of ours on Christmas morning.

"It's too early." I say.

"No it's not I let you sleep an extra hour, the fire is on and the room is nice and warm now grab your robe and come on." He pulls the duvet from my body making me moan unhappily.

He throws my robe on my head and I realise I have no choice but to get up.

"Ok let me use the bathroom." I say with a smile as I pull my knee length fluffy robe over my pink pyjamas, it's too cold for nighties lately.

"Hurry!" Christian yells after me and I can't help but laugh.

After using the toilet and brushing my teeth I make my way into the living room to find Christian pouring too glasses of champagne.

"Champagne at six am?" I ask as he passes me the glass.

"Champagne, chocolate, fruit and nuts while we open our gifts." He tells me with a huge smile and I see he's moved the coffee table and on it is a large tin of celebration chocolates with bowls of fruit and nuts on either side. I then spot the three tripods and I look at my husband expectantly.

"I wanted to record this morning, our first home movie." He says and I can't help but smile, nothing could possibly be sweeter. "They're such high quality we can take stills from them for our thank you cards too." He explains and I nod excitedly, this is already the best Christmas ever.

"Well then Mr Grey I do believe it's time for us to open our presents." I say.

"Not before I kiss you." He smiles and I happily return his kiss before letting him lead me to the large cushions on the floor.

"Cushions?"

"I needed to know where we were sitting to aim the camera's." He shrugs and I smile, he's thought of everything. "Now you first." He says passing me a small wrapped square covered in gold ribbon.

I smile and open it slowly knowing that it's annoying Christian that I'm not just ripping the paper off. My gasp echoes around the room when the small Bvlgari box is opened and I see a Christmas tree gold charm.

"Our first Christmas." He says and I smile before leaning over and kissing him.

"It's perfect." I smile before placing the box on the coffee table. "Now Mr Grey." I find one of the presents I wrapped for him and I'm not surprised when he tears off the golden wrapping paper to reveal the contents.

"Calvin Klein boxers?" He eyes me as I laugh.

"To replace the ones I stole from you the day I met your Mom." I say laughing and he grins happily and leans in to kiss me.

I hide the excitement as Christian passes me the next gift from him and I open it slowly just as I did earlier. I find a box of Twinning's fruit tea and I am in hysterical laughter.

"I thought you might want a change." He says with a grin of his own.

"Aww baby I love it." I smile kissing him again, I know all we're going to do this morning is exchange kisses.

I look at the gifts are from me to Christian and carefully choose the next one. I hand it over to him sheepishly and I see him eyeing me before he tears the paper off.

"Anastasia Grey." He says and I bite my bottom lip to stop myself from laughing. "What possessed you?" He asks mockingly and I see the amusement in his eye.

"Well I just thought maybe sometime you could have the toys on your body for a change, it's more of a gag really I don't expect you to use it." I say trying my hardest not to laugh but Christian's amusement is palpable.

"Anastasia where did you get this?" He asks waving it.

"The pharmacy."

"You went into the pharmacy and bought a cock ring?"

"Yes." I say hiding my face behind my hand.

"I think it's brilliant." He says peeling my hand from my face. "Can't promise we'll use it though but I love the thought." He kisses me while I giggle.

It's my turn to open a gift and I receive a small envelope. I'm wary as I open it but I gasp in surprise at it's contents.

"You like?"

"Yes, but Christian these gifts are expensive, not inexpensive …"

"They're inexpensive to me." He shrugs and I give him a mock frown before leaning over and kissing him.

"I love it. Ten whole evening classes learning how to do nails is just what I need, maybe I'll be able to help out in the salon then when someone calls in sick."

"I knew you wanted to do it so…" He shrugs as I pass him his next gift.

It doesn't take us long to open the ten. I have received, on top of the Christmas tree charm, Twinning's and classes, A digital photo frame already filled with a slideshow of our pictures, most of which were taken my paparazzi, a Portland key chain, an apple charm for our first time in NYC, a Wicked signed CD which shows he's been in touch with Kristin or Idina since our trip and had this signed by all the main stars, the business management magazine cover framed in a beautiful silver frame to be hung in my office and one playroom scene devised by me.

Christian also seems happy with everything I got for him, on top of the boxers and the cock ring I bought him my very own playlist for him, a desk calendar made up of photos he took of me on our honeymoon, his very own Charlie Tango helium balloon, a personalised mug saying 'stow your twitchy palm', an invite to watch my next Brazilian, a t-shirt with 'Hot but Married CEO' on and a bottle of Bollinger.

Next we're going to swap the one expensive gift, or the main gift we've gotten each other before we both find out what else we've got under the tree. I pass Christian an envelope and he smiles as he opens it. His breath hitches and my inner goddess jumps up and down clapping her hands, I blame her if he doesn't like it as it was her idea.

"You've arranged this?" He asks and I bod shyly. "Anastasia, my beautiful wife."

I chuckle as he pulls me in for a soaring kiss. I am so happy he likes it.

"So I get to have you in the elevator at the Heathman."

"Yes." I say and he beams excitedly and I'm just hoping he doesn't ask me how much it cost, I don't want to admit to him I'm paying six thousand dollars for this because he'll think it's a ridiculous amount of money but it will cause problems for the hotel too.

"Well here's yours, I hope you like it and it comes in use." He says passing me an envelope.

This envelope is heavier and I open it and spill the contents to find a key with a red double decker bus keyring. I take out the piece of paper and I gasp, he has got to be kidding me!

"You bought me a house?" I ask in shock.

"Yes." He nods.

"A house in London?"

"Yes." He replies as I look at the deed to find there are also the real estate details with pictures. "It's fully furnished and decorated but of course you can do what you want with it, it's yours."

"Why?" I ask him shock.

"You love London. If you don't like it we can sell it."

"I love it." I tell him before jumping onto him. "Thank you so much, it's too much but I love it I do." I say before kissing him heavily, I can't believe he's bought me a damn house in London.

"I'm very happy you like it Ana." He smiles as he holds me. "Mrs Farrah is the housekeeper, she's older than Gail but she's wonderful, she used to work for the family who used to own the house but they went bust, they wanted to sell quickly and I heard they were letting the staff go and I kept her on, she's lovely I think you'll like her."

"I can't wait to meet her." I reply with a grin, I really can't this is unreal!

"Good now can we open the rest of our presents?" He asks and I giggle and nod.

We don't bother watching each other opening the rest, just show each other off who we've had what.

I received a beautiful Swarovski crystal silver plated Jewellery box from Grace and Carrick engraved with - _To our daughter Anastasia on her first Christmas as a Grey love from Grace and Carrick_ – which made me weep with joy, it was the most beautiful engraving ever, Christian received USB cufflinks with his initials engraved from them. He happily informed me that Grace loved anything personalised. Gail and Taylor gave me a personalised copy of Jane Austin's Emma with the name in the book being changed to mine which also brought tears to my eyes it was so thoughtful, Christian received sail ship cufflinks and I laughed knowing people where buying him what they knew he's use. Mia bought us both a personalised crystal vase with – _To Ana and Christian, Happy Christmas, Mia xx_ – Which was sweet though Christian looked at it like he'd never seen one before. My Mom and Bob bought us personalised (What is it about everyone personalising everything?) candle holders with two bright multi-coloured candles that I think my Mom made herself but our names on the holders are beautiful. We even received bottles of wine from the security guards, good wine too and I received a messenger bag from Hannah and a beautiful hat, scarf and gloves set from Sophia. Kate and Elliot bought us a tracksuit with Mr Grey on the back of Christian's hoody and Mrs Grey on mine, I can't wait to wear it and Christian thinks we should visit the gym together and wear them.

Christian isn't bothered about Breakfast this morning both of us having eaten loads of chocolate while opening our gifts and he knows we'll be having a big lunch and dinner with Grace and Carrick. Elliot, Kate, Ethan and Mia are going over to the Kavanagh's for lunch so it will only be Christian and I joining them for a smaller lunch then the Kavanagh's and Grey's are all having a very big dinner over at Grace and Carrick's.

While Christian showers I decide to call my Mom and then Ray. I feel like I'm really missing them this year.

"Hey Mom." I smile when she answers.

"Morning baby everything ok?"

"Yes I wash just calling to say Happy Christmas and say thank you for the gift they're really beautiful."

"Oh Happy Christmas baby. Thank you so much for the kindle, I was just downloading your book onto it."

I freeze.

"Ana?"

"Mom you don't want to read that." I chuckle, oh my god this is horrible.

"Why not my baby wrote a book that's on the New York Times Best Seller List of course I'm going to read it!"

"Mom please don't, it's really not your type of book…"

"I think I should be the judge of that."

"Mom, it's an erotic novel and I don't want you to read it…"

"I know what it is Anastasia." She says softly.

"Yes Mom but I don't think you want to read it knowing I wrote it." I say quietly, this is embarrassing.

"Nonsense Ana, I have you so it's proof I'm not celibate."

"Mooooom." I moan, this is awful.

"Don't be so petulant Ana, I'm reading the book whether you like it or not, Bob says Happy Christmas and thank you very much for the golfing set."

"No problem." I reply quietly. "I've got to go, talk to you soon."

"Bye Ana love you."

"Love you too." I say before hanging up, now I really didn't think that conversation would go like that.

I dial out Ray and have a two minute conversation with him before Christian leaves the shower and it's my turn. I exit all washed and see Christian dressed and sat up on the bed with his laptop.

"No work." I say firmly as I grab my Victoria Secret black and white dress from the doorframe.

"I'm not working."

"Then what are you doing?" I ask him trying not to sound annoyed.

"Checking the worldwide sale of your book." He replies. "It's very popular in England did you know that?"

"I've not really been looking, if it sells it sells." I shrug, I don't want to think about the book or work or anything today.

"Hmm, that dress is nice." He says as I pull it on.

It's knee high, full skirt with cap sleeves and scoop neck that shows enough cleavage to be modest.

"You chose it." I remind him remembering back to New York as I pull on the black and pink Louis Vuitton shoes he also chose.

"They go nice with the shoes." He adds and I smile as him as I braid my hair over my shoulder.

"Ready to go?" I ask just as my phone beeps.

"Yes, have you got your overnight bag?" He asks as we're staying over in Bellevue tonight.

"Right there." I say nodding my head to the two Louis Vuitton luggage pieces with mine and Christian's overnight stuff.

**HAPPY XMAS 2 U AND MR G! LOVE KRISTIN! X**

I smile at the screen of my phone, she's so sweet it's unreal.

**HAPPY XMAS! LOVE ANA AND CHRISTIAN X**

"Who are you texting?" He asks me as he grabs the luggage.

"Kristin Chenoweth, she text saying happy Christmas, I was just returning the favour." I tell him and he manages a nod before heading out the door, I hope today carries on as a nice day, I don't want any arguments, not on our first Christmas because then it's just setting us up to argue every Christmas.


	117. Chapter 117

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

"Merry Christmas Ana." Grace smiles giving me a hug and a heavy kiss on the cheek. I step to the side and receive the same greeting from Carrick while Christian greets his mother.

We step inside and the smell of cooking greets us, it's so homey and it makes me think of Ray, I know he's gone to spend Christmas with Jose snr and his son but I still wish I was with him, even though Christmas with the Grey's will be wonderful, I know that much.

"Here." Carrick smiles passing me a glass of deep red wine.

"Thank you." I reply gratefully as Christian takes my coat and scarf.

I sit down and my attention is bought to a bookmarked copy of Fifty Shades. I begin chanting a mantra in my head as I reach for it. _Please say it's Mia's! Please say it's Mia's! Please say it's Mia's!_

"Grace has been particularly attached to that book Ana." My worst fear confirmed. "You should sign it for her."

"Maybe later." I say quietly, this is horrible, even Carrick has to know what this book is it's been on commercials that it's an erotic novel!

"Everything ok?" Christian asks sitting beside me.

"Your Mom is reading my book." I tell him waving it a little in my hand.

Christian snorts so I hit him over the arm with the damn thing, I didn't think this through when I wrote it. I didn't think about the repercussion of writing it at all and now I'm feeling it. I guess I'll be ok once I know everyone's read it and know their reaction to it.

"It's a good book baby, look…" He pulls his phone and types a few buttons before passing it over.

"Twenty eighth?" I ask in shock.

"Yeah and when you woke this morning you were only in thirty third Ana, your eBook has sold fast today, I guess everyone downloading it onto their iPad's and Kindles." He tells me.

"Oh wow." I say handing him the phone back, he's right the book is selling much faster than anyone thought.

"Yeah, you will need to see Hope tomorrow, arrange going to New York and LA in the New Year, do some appearances and signings before the second book comes out."

"Yes Sir." I tease and he kisses my head.

"Has to be done Ana, your people want to see you." He says making me snigger, this is never going to sink in. "You also need a manager."

"A Manager?"

"And a publicist."

"Really." I tease making him laugh.

"Yes really Ana, you'll be located in Grey's Place."

"Grey's Place?" I ask him, he's confusing the shit out of me right now.

"The home of Anastasia Grey Incorporated, temporary home of Grey's Enterprises Holdings."

"Right enough of this work talk now, Ana, Christian here are some chocolates, Lunch won't be for another couple of hours so help Carrick pick out a movie." Grace says placing a large tin of chocolate on the table and filling up our wine glass.

"Ana you should pick." Carrick says. "We've got almost every Christmas movie you could possibly think of." He adds while Grace takes off her apron.

"Uh The Grinch." I say with a wicked smile and Christian laughs beside me.

"The Grinch?"

"Yeah there's nothing wrong with a bit of How the Grinch stole Christmas." I tell him and he shrugs as Carrick finds the movie.

Christian pulls me into his arms as Grace sits down with my book, I guess she won't be so interested in the movie then.

I sip at my wine and look at the raging log fire knowing this is exactly how I want Christmas to be for any future family we have. I want them to feel loved and happy and for one day of the year have no cares or worries whatsoever.

After watching the Grinch we all go into the dining room for lunch. We drink some wine, pull crackers and enjoy time as a family but I can see Grace watching me with a questioning look and I have to hold my tongue when she finally brings up the topic I'd been dreading.

"So Anastasia what inspired you to write Fifty Shades?" She asks innocently, I choke on the small piece of roll I've just put in my mouth and it takes a moment and a large gulp of wine for me to be able to breathe again, Grace doesn't seem fazed one bit but looks at me expecting an answer.

"Isn't it amazing Mom? Twenty eighth on the best seller and still climbing." Christian says proudly as he rubs my back, I don't know how he can be so unfazed by this. Grace continues to look at me though so I know I'm not going to get out of this one.

"A how to manual that came into the office." I say confidently, the lie I devised to Kate now the mantra in my head. "I had to do some research into the topic and let's just say it spanned from there." I say with a shrug, _impassive Ana!_ My subconscious gives me the thumbs up.

"So what's the book about Ana?" Carrick asks and I bow my head for a moment, before I can come up with an adequate answer Christian answers for me.

"It's an erotic romance Dad, a topic I believe Anastasia isn't comfortable with across the dinner table." He says as I gratefully take a sip of my wine, _thank you Christian!_

"Oh right, of course. Are you going to be doing any publicity with the book Ana?"

"Well I've already had offers to go to New York, LA and London to do some promoting once we've done there I'm sure I'll hit other places." I reply carefully, I know Christian's fully behind me though so I know I don't need to worry about that but I'm really not comfortable talking about the book especially not with my Father-in-Law.

"That's going to take time away from you two trying for a family." This time it's Christian's turn to choke as Grace looks from me to him carefully.

"We have plenty of time for Children Mom." Christian says carefully and I know he's eyeing me, if I could get pregnant tomorrow and agreed Christian would have me barefoot in the kitchen impregnated with his child.

"I just thought as you'd gotten married that Children is the next logical step." Grace says gently, I don't think she means anything by what she's saying but I don't want anyone upset over the dinner table.

"I just think I'd like to focus on my career for a little while, being pregnant and having a child would get in the way, I have two more books to come out following Fifty Shades, Christasia Redmond is yet to open and on top of that I have one publishing company to kick start. It's a lot to do and as much as I want children in the future, now is really not the best time and I'm only twenty two, plenty of time." I say it all with a smile on my face and I even dare a glance up at Christian who is also smiling, I don't know if he's just playing along with me for the sake of the holiday or if he's genuinely agreeing with me, I don't care either way we're not having this conversation till a few days before I'm due for my next shot.

"Smart head on you there Ana." Carrick smiles reassuringly towards me and I am grateful that this conversation has also come to a close.

As dinner wraps up Christian and I send Grace and Carrick to relax while we tidy up the dining room and re-lay the table ready for dinner. I can't wait for everyone else to get here, I've faced the inquisition that is Grace and Carrick now so I'm free to only face Mia as Kate now knows the whole truth or most of it anyhow.

"I'm exhausted." I say with a yawn, it's been a long day thanks to Christian and his childlike wakeup call this morning.

"Why don't we go nap, Mom will wake us up when everyone else is here."

"I like that idea." I smile.

I take hold of Christian's hand and he pops his head around to Grace and asks her to come and get us later and then we go up to his childhood bedroom. I peel my dress off and hang it up and climb into the bed and Christian strips down to his boxers before joining me.

"You handled all that well." He says quietly.

"You think?" I ask.

"Yes, it's proof to me that you can handle the media, you can do these TV interviews and stuff baby just have some faith in yourself, please?"

"I'll try." I reply.

"You can always have an appointment with Flynn before you fly anywhere and that way you'll be able to handle anything stressful that comes up. By the way I bought him your book for one of his Christmas gifts."

"Christian!" I gasp in horror.

"He knows everything about us Ana, he's going to find the book far more entertaining than anyone because he does."

"But still…"

"But still nothing Mrs Grey, he'll love it and I'm sure he'll enjoy a very deep conversation with you about it, now get some rest." He kisses my forehead and lays back down and I let myself fall into a blissful sleep.


	118. Chapter 118

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

I wake up to find Christian watching over me in his usual creepy yet so cute way. He smiles down at me and leans in to kiss me softly. His lips are always so soft when he's not long woken up.

"Everyone here yet?" I ask and he shrugs his shoulders in reply.

He snuggles up into my side without a word and I can't help but smile. He holds to me tight, like I'm his lifeline and I realise he is my lifeline, he's my everything and I can't imagine doing all this without him. When he walked into my life he turned it upside down but I don't regret any of it. Not a single second with Christian in my life is a wasted second.

"Babe." I say quietly.

"What?" He asks the sleep still thick in his voice.

"What are the plans for New Year?" I ask him carefully.

"My Mom and Dad usually throw a huge party here and everyone gets really drunk." He says and I smile.

"Sounds like a good night."

"It is, still quite stuffy until after the midnight fireworks but then there's a DJ and even the oldies stay and party for a couple of hours." He says and I look at him to find a wicked grin on his face.

"So we're coming here?" I ask.

"I don't mind, if you want to go and do something else we can." He says softly.

"I really don't care what we do as long as I see the New Year in with you." I say and he smiles his boyish smile and I melt as always.

"Come on we should get dressed and go downstairs." He says pushing back the cover but then he sees my bra and panty clad body and his eyes glaze over and darken with desire. "On second thought…" He says and I grin happily as he dives out of bed and locks the door before coming back over to me. "Mrs Grey I must say you look so beautiful."

"You're not too bad yourself there handsome." I reply with a cheeky smile as he climbs on the bed parting my legs.

"This is going to have to be quick and quiet."

"I guessed." I reply as he pulls my breasts out of their cage causing the wire of my bra to push them up higher.

"These are my most pride possession." He says cheekily and I hit his shoulder playfully. "Hey, stop that Mrs Grey or I'll take you over my knee."

"Do it."

"You seem to like topping from the bottom lately." He says sitting up and slowly pulling me over his knee.

"I like it when you spank me, sue me." I say with a shrug as he starts to massage my behind.

"Well I'll make sure to do it more often then." He says and I giggle just before the first hit comes down. I can tell at once that it's a sensual spanking and not a punishment by the sting of the blows. He rains fifteen down on me before peeling off my panties and adding ten more.

"Do you feel better now Mrs Grey?" He asks stroking my hot wet core with his finger.

"Ugh." Is all I can manage.

He puts me on the bed on my front and slams into me from behind. I manage not to call out as he begins a relentless pounding. He looms over me, his chest to my back, his hands nimble as he rolls and pinches my nipples and it isn't long before I come apart gloriously and as quietly as I can manage.

"Now it's time to get changed." Christian says as he stands and pulls his boxers back on, I don't even remember him taking them off. "Come Ana or I'll take you over my knee again and it won't be for your pleasure." It works and I dive from the bed and into the bathroom.

It takes less than ten minutes for me to change and sort out my hair and makeup before going downstairs. Grace is in the kitchen when Christian and I walk in and she puts her finger to her lips.

"Carrick is sleeping." She explains and Christian and I just nod softly.

I happily take a seat at the island while Christian pours us both some juice. Grace happily hums some tune that I can't make out as she continues with dinner preparations and as I suspected she would she refuses my offer of help.

When the door goes Carrick yells he'll get it so we know he's now awake. Grace switches the stereo onto Christmas songs just as Mia's squeal echoes from the hall.

"Merry Christmas!" She yells and Christian takes my hand as Grace removes her apron and we go over to greet everyone.

Mia, Elliot, Ethan, Kate and Mr and Mrs Kavanagh all enter the hallway and it takes about ten minutes for us all to greet each other. I find Kate holds onto me for a little while longer than anyone else but I don't mind, I know she's still apologising for her behaviour when she thought Christian was abusing me. I'm glad she knows now, she knows the truth and she knows that Christian and my sexual relationship is healthy… well as healthy as it could be for us anyway.

We all go into the living room and are surprised when Grace hands each of us a foot long stocking filled with gifts. Inside are candy canes, some body spray and deodorant, silly plastic key chains, a small cork with a large plastic gem for a wine bottle that Christian instantly loves, a magazine suited to each of us, a personalised book mark and monogramed handkerchiefs. It takes nearly an hour for us to all open our stockings and take turns in thanking Grace and Carrick before the champagne is popped open and Carrick disappears to make his lethal cocktails.

The music is on, the fire is crackling, the atmosphere is perfect. I happily cuddle into Christian's side as we begin a game of charades. We have so much fun and as we all begin to get tipsy it becomes louder until Grace finally grabs us ladies to go and help lay all the food out.

When we sit down I realise I have really had the best Christmas ever. I'm surrounded by family and even though the only thing that would make it perfect is Mom and Ray I know that this is the closest it's ever going to get, unless I bring them out for Christmas one year.

"Ok?" Christian asks when he sees I haven't started eating.

"Yeah, everything's perfect." I say softly and he grins and kisses the top of my head lightly.

"It won't be if you don't start eating, and drink some water too you Kate and Mia have enjoyed your fair share of my Dad's cocktails."

"I switched my glass for a water on the third." I tell him and he looks at me as if trying to gage if I'm lying which I'm not. He nods and smiles before pushing his elbow into mine urging me to eat.

"So Ana what did my brother get you for Christmas?" Elliot asks, I've just been listening happily to Mia and Kate discuss their gifts to each other.

I suddenly feel very self-conscious as everyone around the table quietens and looks at me.

"He got me a house in London." I say with a soft smile.

Mia and Kate squeal at exactly the same time making Christian laugh as I grip his hand.

"A house?"

"Yeah." He says for me.

"What did she get you?" Ethan asks.

"Something I'd recommended I'd get her a long time ago." He says. "A chance to relieve an old dream."

I love that he has been able to get everyone to gush over what I got him without revealing at all what it is!

"I thought you were getting each other non-expensive gifts."

"We did that too though Christian doesn't know the meaning of inexpensive." I say with a cheeky smirk and he nudges his nose into my temple playfully.

"I do know the meaning and what I got Ana was inexpensive to me. She didn't even keep to the rules either!" He says and I smirk as I truly didn't, especially not with the contract because that's probably the most expensive thing I could have given him, myself, all over again.

After a great meal it's back to the living room for more drinks, with chocolate and movies and I already know I'm going to have put a lot of weight on. When my phone rings I'm surprised to see Sawyer's name flash.

"Ana Grey." I say as Mia sets up the scrabble board for us to play as couples.

_Ana she said yes! _

"What?"

_Hannah! She said she'd marry me!_

"AHHH!" I scream jumping to my feet. "Oh my god congratulations!"

_Thank you! I didn't think she would not this soon!_

"Oh wow…"

"Ana what is it?" Christian asks pulling my hand.

"Luke asked Hannah to marry her and she said yes!" I say excitedly.

"Wow give them my congratulations."

"Christian says congrats too Luke."

_Thank you, I was so excited I had to tell someone, Merry Christmas Ana!_

"Merry Christmas Luke." I reply before hanging up and cuddling up on the couch with Christian again. "I can't believe they're getting married."

"They wouldn't have met if it wasn't for you." Christian says running his hand through my hair.

"I know, I'm so happy for them! I can't believe it."

"Just hope their relationship doesn't go sour or you'll have to choose between them." Mia says innocently and Christian and I look at her, she's completely right of course.

"We'll cross that bridge if we ever come to it." I say with a shrug, I don't ever want to think about losing Sawyer or Hannah right now.

"Aww a Christmas proposal so sweet." Kate gushes and I nod in agreement, I wish I could have seen it though because I know Sawyer well enough to know he was a trembling mess but it was as romantic and as sweet as Hannah could have dreamed.

"Wwww if they have an engagement party you two will be invited!" Mia says. "Ana you'll have to help me choose your dress!"

"I think Anastasia is capable to choose her own dress and I don't think it would be appropriate for us to attend even if we are invited." Christian says and I see Mia's eyes widen in shock.

"Why not?" I ask turning so I can look at him.

"Because we're their employers."

"They're also my friends." I tell him sternly and he snorts. "What I can't be friends for the people whose wages we pay?" I snap, I hate that he doesn't get that I'm friends with them as well as have them working for us. "Christian I see them every day, I talk to them almost as often if not more than I talk to you on some days because we're both so damn busy, I trust Sawyer with my life and Hannah with my everything else."

"Ok. Point made Anastasia." He says and I know by the use of my full first name that I'm being warned to drop it because now is not the time of place for an argument but I also see he agrees with me by his wording.

"Now come on Scrabble then bed!" Grace calls as she starts topping up everyone's wines.


	119. Chapter 119

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

Waking up the day after Christmas feels amazing. Though I feel bloated and full still from everything I ate yesterday and I know I have a slight hangover from how drunk I got with Kate and Mia last night I don't care, everything is perfect. What's even better in my mind is that the day after Christmas is a Sunday which means my routine doesn't get messed up and it's back to work tomorrow until Saturday when it's New Year's Eve. I can't wait to see the New Year in with Christian who is still sleeping beside me now.

I can't help but reflect back over the year that has been two thousand and eleven. If someone had asked me in January what I thought I'd be doing at the same time a year ahead it definitely wouldn't be where I am. Last year I was so focused on just graduating University with a four point oh GPA and now I'm married to a Multi-Billionaire CEO, I own two publishing companies and two salons, I have my own book out and selling, I have a house in London and most importantly I have Christian right here by my side through thick and thin.

The year can only be described as a whirlwind and something tells me that two thousand and twelve will be just as bad or good depending how you look at it because if you forget about Elena and Jack this has been the most amazing year ever, I couldn't ask for more if I tried!

"Ana?"

"Hey baby." I roll to face Christian and just for a moment I see him completely relaxed with everything.

"Morning." He smiles pulling me into him and kissing me, I can feel his erection up against my thigh.

"Someone's happy this morning." I say with a giggle.

"I wake up like this every morning you're in my bed Ana, my body just fucking reacts to you." He says running his noes up and down the crook of my neck.

"Well if you told me that I'd be more than happy to deal with it every morning I'm with you Mr Grey." I tell him with a wide smirk on my face.

"Would you know Mrs Grey?" He asks rubbing his erection against my inner thigh so it bumps against my already throbbing clit.

"Yes." I reply as he latches his teeth to my jaw and nips playfully.

"Then hop on board Mrs Grey and enjoy the ride." He says pulling me onto him.

"I cannot believe you just said that!" I laugh loudly until Christian covers my mouth with his hand.

"Shh." He says reminding me that we're not at home where the chances of us being walked in on are slim to none.

I kiss him deeply and fight my tongue against his. I want him so bad it's indescribable. I don't hesitate in pulling off his boxers and letting his hard shaft spring free. I grip it in my hand and Christian moans deeply as I begin to move taking the time to stroke around the tip with my thumb before pulling down. I then take him into my mouth making sure to graze my tongue against him. He groans deeply.

"Ah Ana don't…" I know he's close and he wants to bury himself inside of me so I straddle him and let him peel my silk nighty from my body before taking him in my hand and guiding him inside of me.

"Ah!" I gasp as I hit the end and take a moment just to feel the full sensation I have. Christian pulls me down and kisses me ferociously and I kiss him back with as much power as I can manage.

"Move baby, fuck please move." He groans. I take his hands and use them to guide myself up and down along his shaft. He let's go of one hand and tweaks at my nipples causing me to call out and as much as I try I can't hold the noise level down and I know someone is going to hear us.

I feel the sweet tightening in the pool of my stomach and I know I'm close.

"Christian." I moan.

"That's it good girl, come for me Ana." He says pushing me up and taking his turn to pound hard into me from beneath me. I begin to quiver as I come gloriously and Christian follows behind me grunting my name in ecstasy. I collapse onto his chest with him still firmly planted inside of me and he wraps his arms around my sweat filled body.

"That's a great way to start the day." I say blissfully happy.

"I'm going to hold you to letting you sort me out every morning Mrs Grey." He chuckles before pulling out of me making me moan again. "But now let's get changed and go down for Breakfast, see if Mom and Dad has any plans for today."

"Yes Sir." I say mockingly and he looks at me with amusement.

"Now." He says and I jump to my feet with a smile on my face. "So are you going to tell me what you were thinking about before I woke?" He asks as we gather our clothes and pull on robes to head across the hall to the bathroom.

"What makes you think I was thinking about something?" I reply trying to act innocent and failing miserably.

"You get this look on your face when you're deep in thought, like you're a million miles away inside your head." He smiles and I giggle, he has a way with words.

"I was just thinking about where I was this time last year, how two thousand and eleven has been the best year of my life."

"And Two thousand and twelve will be even better." He promises and I know he's right, it will be.


	120. Chapter 120

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

After a family breakfast Christian and I say goodbye to our family and head for home. I manage to persuade him in the car that we should have a clean up, not only could we have fun but I really didn't want to leave the Christmas mess for Gail when she returned the next day. Christian agreed with me for once without an argument, I guess he's still in the holiday spirit.

After arriving at Escala we get straight to work and by lunch time we're about half way through the mess we managed to make in just one morning. I make Christian and I sandwiches out of the leftover Turkey that Grace insisted we bring back and after we eat we get back to work, with music blearing I feel great and so normal for once.

By the time we're done everything is in its place and the apartment is sparkling, Gail will be proud! Christian decides we should head to the Mile High Club for dinner and I happily get changed into a cream jumper dress with full skirt and a pair of heels, letting my hair fall down around my shoulders framing my face and the Tiffany and Co key necklace.

Neither one of us are surprised to see the club busy but Christian and I are shown straight through to the private dining room and are served without hesitation. Christian doesn't drink because he's driving but he doesn't stop me having a couple of glasses with my dinner, I'm surprised he wasn't pissed off at me at getting drunk with Kate and Mia but I guess with us being at his parents' house and it being Christmas he let me off.

When we arrive back at Escala Christian leans into me in the elevator. I wonder what he's doing until I hear his whisper.

"Playroom in fifteen minutes wearing your gift." He says.

I run into the apartment leaving him trailing behind me, I know he can take his sweet time but he said fifteen minutes and I need to change quickly. I find the red baby doll and thong panties in the drawer where I kept them and I pull them on quickly grabbing my robe I rush upstairs and unlock the door. I'm quick to strip off the gown and hang it up before falling straight into the position Christian will expect me in.

"Good Girl Ana." Christian breaths as soon as he's in through the door. Just his voice when he's in Dom mode makes my insides quiver. "You look so beautiful." He says and I feel him kneel behind me.

I keep perfectly still and silent as he braids my hair at the same time sucking at my earlobe and kissing or licking my neck driving me insane.

"You were a very bad girl in my Parents' house Ana, you got so drunk."

Of course he didn't say anything because Kate would defend me, instead he waited until he got me in here. Damn.

"I'm going to spank you, with a riding crop." He says and I close my eyes, his words are digging deep inside of me, turning me on to full. "Then I'm going to fuck you for my pleasure and if you want to come Ana, you're going to have to make yourself come."

Bastard! I should have known!

"On the spanking bench."

I know he's setting me up for when the contract comes into play and I already know I won't come tonight because as his sub I wouldn't touch myself, otherwise it would give him grounds to punish me again. The thought is frustrating and with the contract not in play yet I have every right to masturbate if I want to but the funny thing is I don't, even though I know when the time comes and I'm left hanging, it will relieve me of the intense pressure I want Christian to be the only one making me orgasm.

I lean over the spanking bench quickly and Christian goes straight to fondling my ass. I've already seen a glimpse of the riding crop and I'm not surprised to see him using the heaviest one he's ever used on me. This is going to hurt and I know if it gets too much I have to safe word, this will not ruin my marriage.

"I'm going to hit you thirty times Anastasia. Then I'm going to fuck you and go to bed, you will not come unless you make yourself come, you will only call out to count, if you do call out I will add another hit do you understand?"

This is exhilarating.

"Yes Sir." I reply bravely though inside my inner goddess is begin for the first hit.

His hand leaves my behind and the crop rains down on me.

"One!" I call, fuck that hurt.

Christian doesn't ease up and by twenty five I'm near tears and Christian stops.

"Good girl Ana, I will not push you over your limits. Now part your legs, this is going to be fast, don't come I'm warning you." He says sliding a finger in between my legs over my wet centre.

He slams into me and I call out before biting on my bottom lip knowing that Christian the Dominant prefers his women silent. I grip tight to the bench as he punishes me relentlessly until I feel him spurting inside of me and I can collapse in a heap over the bench.

"Come, bed, I need to put some cream on that delectable behind." He holds my baby doll up my back and I know he's staring at my bright pink behind. "Need me to carry you Ana?" He asks and I manage to nod weakly.

He hoists me up in his arms making sure that my behind is in the gap between his arms so he isn't rubbing up against it. Other than the time with the belt I know that was the hardest he's ever hit me, surprisingly though I didn't want him to stop, I wanted him to hit thirty but another part of me is relieved he saw me reaching my breaking point and he stopped.

I hang my arms around his neck and hold my face into his neck as he carries me into our bedroom. I roll onto my front. Christian goes into our bathroom and is back within seconds with the cream. He pushes my baby doll up and reveals my behind and I hear his sharp intake of breath.

"What?" I ask him worrying.

"Nothing baby, your ass is just so pink." He says kissing it softly. "I want to fuck your ass Ana." He growls.

"No more, I'll come!" I panic but he strokes his hand through my braided hair.

"You can come." He says and I relax and let him pull me up to my knees.

He strokes his nose up and down my spine and strokes my core making me whimper. He enters my behind with his finger first, and the overload of sensation has me quivering, I tip over the edge gloriously and as I'm coming undone Christian slams into me.

"Ahh!" I scream.

"You ok?" He's panicked.

"I'm fine. Just shock." I say catching my breath.

He reaches over and pulls me by the shoulders so I'm upright on my knees just like he is. His rhythm is slow and purposeful and as one hand plays with my breasts the other plays with my clit. We climb higher and higher together till we both come undone loudly.

We lay side by side panting as we come down from our highs.

"You're fucking amazing." Christian says nuzzling my hair.

"You're not to bad yourself." I tease making him hit my lower thigh, he kindly avoids my now throbbing ass.

"Let me put some cream on you Ana before we get into bed." He says straddling me quickly and grabbing the cream. I now enjoy the feel of his hands moulding my sore behind, rubbing cream into me and taking care of me and I no longer feel humiliated or degraded in anyway, he's my husband and all he's doing is making sure I'm taken care of. When he's done I stay on my front knowing that if I lay any other way I'm going to chafe.

"Night baby." Christian says turning off the light. He lays on his side and wraps one arm over me understanding that I need to stay still for now.

"I love you." I say quietly before falling into blissful sleep.


	121. Chapter 121

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**What are the chances of Fan Fic beginning a DON'T LIKE DON'T READ policy? LOL! Thanks to EVERYONE who's supporting me through this never ending novel that is Fifty Shades Unwritten. **

I knew it was going to be a busy day from the moment I woke up. I had to finish the insurance papers for the blown up salons and visit Grey's Publishing to find out exactly what Hope wants to do with Fifty Shades. Christian and I manage to keep our hands off each other as we wash and change and I can see from the still pink colouration of my behind that I won't be sitting comfortably today.

We walk into the kitchen together and are surprised to see Gail and Taylor waiting for us.

"Sorry to disturb you this morning Ana, Mr Grey." Gail says and I see she's holding onto Taylor's hand.

"We have some news, and some questions." Taylor says awkwardly.

"Ok go ahead." Christian says and I look up to see that he's completely impassive.

"Ok well Jason asked me to marry him yesterday."

"Ahhh!" I scream rushing over and hugging Gail tightly. "Congratulations!" I say giving Taylor a less enthusiastic hug before stepping back to Christian.

"Congratulations to you both." Christian says politely and it's so tempting to roll my eyes at him.

"We've decided to get married in Vegas." Jason says and I can see the love for Gail in his eyes. "We'd like to go New Year's Eve, get married in the day time and see the New Year in as husband and wife."

I can't help but 'aww' that is so romantic.

"We'd also like to ask you both to be there."

My mouth falls open. They want us at their wedding? I'm so surprised and shocked and I'm waiting for Christian to answer when he slips an arm around me.

"What do you say baby?" He asks me and I'm sure my heart stills.

"We wouldn't miss it for the world." I say smiling.

"I hope you'll allow me to cover the cost of the hotel." Christian says. "We'll all fly out on the jet too unless you want to travel separately."

"That's perfect, thank you Mr Grey." Gail smiles ecstatically. "Now how about some breakfast." And just like that it's back to normal.

After eating Christian heads off to Grey's Place, he says he'll call me when I can go over while I go to Grey's Publishing to meet with Hannah and Sophia.

The office is alive and I know people are still excited about the holiday.

"Hey Ana." Claire smiles as I head for the elevator.

"Hey Claire good holiday?"

"It was alright." She shrugs but I see the smile on her lips.

I take the elevator up to my office and I smile when I see Hannah, Sophia and Sawyer waiting there.

"Good Morning." I smile before hugging Luke and then Hannah tight. "Now let me see that ring."

Hannah excitedly shows me the ring and I give a nod of approval to Luke who's grinning like the cat who got the cream.

"Hannah it's amazing." I smile.

"Thank you."

"Congratulations to you both." I say and Luke smiles and nods at me. "Now Luke head over to Grey's Place and Taylor and you are going to find me a second guard, your job is safe so don't worry about that but there's going to be a lot of travelling over the next few months and Christian wants two people with me at all times, I trust your judgement." I say as I know Sawyer was momentarily stunned thinking he's going to lose his job.

"Yes Ma'am." He says before kissing Hannah's head and heading off.

"Sophia go over to Christasia Seattle get me last weeks paperwork, get it into the computer and send it over to me. Hannah you and I have got some talking to do." I grin and as Sophia leaves I take Hannah with me into my office. "So as you know my book is pretty popular."

"Yeah it's amazing, I loved every minute of it." She says making me blush scarlet.

"Anyway, I'm going to have to travel, a lot and I want you to travel with me."

"With you?" She says her eyes widening.

"Well the bonus is Luke will always have to be with me, so you won't miss him as you'll see him and you'll be my PA everywhere we go."

"Wow." She says and I know her answer already.

"There will be a pay rise, a small on but with the wedding coming I suspect you'll want it. It will require you to really be on the ball with my appointments, be in constant communication with drivers and the security to change plans at the last minute, you know what the job involves it will just mean you'll be doing it while in the car or walking or in a TV studio or bookstore rather than from behind a desk. So do you want it?"

"Yes!" She replied excitedly. "Of course!"

"Good, I think Sophia knows enough she can handle both your jobs and Christian is hiring me a second in command so she'll be able to run everything while we work on selling more of my book." I smile happily, I am ecstatic with how well Fifty Shades is doing.

"While we're here now Ana, I was just wondering if you'd consider being my maid of honour."

I drop my phone in shock. I can't believe she's just said that. She wants me to be here maid of honour?

"Of course." I beam and she hugs me tight.

"Thank you, I mean I was scared you would think it was unprofessional but I couldn't think of anyone else I wanted." She says excitedly.

"Thank you for asking me." I reply just as my phone signals an email and it's suddenly back to work.

**To:** Anastasia Grey

**Subject:** Grey's Place or Ana's Palace?

**From:** Christian Grey

Sawyer is on his way to pick you up with the selected new security to bring you and Hannah over to Grey's Place.

Christian Grey

_CEO, Grey's Enterprises Holdings, Inc. _

We leave quickly and meet Sawyer outside where he's stood with a young man around Christian's age with a full head of messed up curly raven hair and emerald green eyes. He's wearing the regular suit coat and I can tell at once he's carrying a gun under his jacket. He's square jawed and I would even go as far as to say handsome, not as handsome as Christian obviously but still pretty good-looking.

"Anastasia, this is Gary Barton and he is your second CCP." Sawyer says politely.

"Mrs Grey." He says nodding his head.

"Barton." I reply with a nod of my own, I see Sawyer smirking as he opens the door for Hannah and I and I flash him a wicked grin as I climb into the back of the SVU. "So Ana's Palace?" I ask Luke with a wink and he shakes his head laughing before closing the door and climbing into the driver's seat.

"Ok Ana, we have the visit to Grey's Place now, we need to be back by twelve for your lunch meeting with Hope Hewitt to discuss London, New York and Seattle Appearances and signings, can you think of any that you don't want to do?"

"Nope. I have no reasons to refuse publicity but don't take my word on it as Christian may have something to say on that." I say and she nods happily before looking back down to the iPad in her hand.

"Ok then the insurance company need you to sign the papers so they can pay you for the two Christasia Salons and you need to call Redmond ready to open up next week. R. J. Wilks needs to be contacted about his first chapter, that should have been delivered into editing on Friday but hasn't, IT want to talk to you about your website for the books, you need to sign off on the go ahead to put it live. Then there's Amber Saffron who you said you'd contact about her novel."

"Cancel Amber Saffron, her background check revealed she was a prostitute up until a year ago and I don't want anyone like that signing with Grey's Publishing unless they've done something amazing to achieve recognition, send her an apology email." I say brushing it off like it doesn't matter though inside I know the woman is going to hurt that she's been rejected.

"Ok… then we have a conference call with Portland to schedule a meeting with head of departments."

"Ok sounds good to me." I say just as we pull up.

I look out to see a building that looks like it's made of glass. Luke opens my door and I step out still looking at the black windowed walls that stop you from being able to look in but leaves you able to look out. I am in shock. It's around ten stories from what I can see and it already has Anastasia Grey Inc. on the doors in the logo that was designed in baby blue, white and black. I look at Hannah whose eyes are wide and I'm sure that's how I looked when I stepped out.

"Mr Grey is in your office on the tenth floor, you'll need this to get there." Luke says handing me a key card. I smile and nod before grabbing Hannah's hand and dragging her with me, Luke and Barton a foot behind us.

Inside looks amazing. The walls are painted baby blue, the freshness clinging to my nose as I catch a couple of painters at the furthest wall. A large Anastasia Grey Inc. logo hangs on the wall and it even has lights coming from it. There's a huge marble reception area where I see Olivia and Andrea already hard at work. There are four white leather couches with black cushions and eight matching arm chairs in what I see to be a waiting area, or a place I'm sure quick meetings would be held on occasion. I'm even more shocked to see the portrait of me from Business Magazine on the wall beside the couch with a plaque beneath it saying -

Anastasia Grey Founder and CEO of Anastasia Grey Inc.

On the other side of the logo is a large certificate stating my win of the Alain Thompson Award.

"Wow." I hear Hannah say and it makes me smile.

The floor is black marble; it shines almost as if there's silver glitter all over it. By the door is a large white foot carpet, a great idea in my mind considering this floor would be severely hazardous in wet weather which is ninety percent of Seattle's weather.

Sawyer points out the silver elevator off to the right hand side and I see that there are doors lined up on the left, four of them in total and I wonder what's there but have no chance to ask anyone seeing as Hannah is already pulling me by the hand.

Inside the elevator I swipe the card in my hand and we rocket up to the tenth floor. The four of us exit the elevator and I'm surprised to see I'm already in the office. There's no entrance hall. Even better is seeing Christian sat behind a glass desk in a large white leather office chair while speaking on the phone. I look around as he finished his conversation and see a bookshelf holding just my Fifty Shades, a large canvass of the front cover of Fifty Shades against the wall and the smaller framed front cover of Business Management Magazine. There's also a large bouquet of exotic white and blue flowers and a card. I walk over to it happily taking the card glancing at Christian who's not paying me any attention.

Mrs Grey, Thank you for your interview with Business Management Magazine, all the best with the book and your businesses.

I think it's incredibly sweet and I signal Hannah over and she dutifully comes the iPad on her arm ready for me.

"Send a thank you to BMM for the flowers." I say showing her the card and it takes second for her to begin hammering her fingers on the machine.

"Ana." Christian says and I turn to see him standing and smiling.

"Ana's Palace?"

"Much better than Grey's Place don't you think?" He smirks. "It is your palace." He says seeing my reluctance and I manage to laugh and give him a genuine smile.

"Ana's Palace." I say with a nod and he grins widely.

"Ok just a couple of things I need to go through with you and Hannah." He says picking up a notebook from his desk and I cross my arms while Hannah stands beside me waiting for Christian to start.

"Ok so Tuesday fourth of January we are needed in court for the sentencing of Elena Lincoln and her co-conspirators, we'll be unavailable all day." He says and I glance at Hannah to see her taking it all down. "Wednesday fifth we have a meeting at two o'clock with the insurance company about the Salons and Grey's House, Thursday sixth we're going over to the big house to see of some final details with Gia because the decorating is about to begin. Put that down for five and we'll go for dinner afterwards." Christian looks at me and I nod and Hannah sees her moment to interrupt.

"Sorry to interrupt Mr and Mrs Grey, uh Luke and I are hoping you'd come to the engagement party." She says shyly.

"You've asked me to be your MOH Hannah of course we'll be there." I say with my eyebrows raised to Christian almost daring him to challenge me.

"When is that Hannah?" Christian asks.

"Sunday the eighth." She replies with a genuine happy smile.

"Have you chosen a location or paid a deposit?" He asks and I fold my arms wondering where he's going with this.

"Not yet Sir." She replies.

"Then I would be more than happy for you to have it at the Mile High Club, use of the private dining room and a buffet supplied all anyone will need to do then is buy their own drinks."

"Wow." Hannah is stunned and I'm not surprised because I think I am too. "Thank you Mr Grey."

"Call it your engagement gift from Ana and I." He says with a gentle smile and I grin at him, I'm so proud of him right now it's taking all my strength not to dive onto him and kiss him.

"Thank you so much." She says too both of us even though I knew nothing of it.

"Ok so we have that on the eighth, say seven?"

"Seven's fine." Hannah smiles as she puts the details into my planner.

"Ok then you're going to New York for a week."

"I'm what now?" I ask him completely stunned.

"You're going to New York, the two of you and Luke and that new guard too." Christian says passively.

"What for?"

"You have a week of TV filming's, some live, some pre-recorded and you have a book signing at Barnes and Nobel on fifth too."

"What are you now my manager?" I ask him teasingly but when I see the serious look on his face I know that's exactly what he's thinking. "Name your price." I tell him and he shakes his head. "Christian Grey, name your price!" I snap.

"I'm not going to take a percentage of your profit Anastasia."

"Yes you are like any real manager would do." I tell him, I actually like the idea of him Managing my writing career but I'd also like him to make money from it.

"No."

"seven point five percent it is unless you have a counter argument." I tell him.

"No Ana."

"I'll sort the details Hannah email Hope please." I tell her even though Christian is glaring at me. "Managing me is going to get in the way of your world of M&A Christian at least make some money from it, for me please?" I add a flick of my eyebrows and I see him relent.

"Five." He says.

"Seven point five, most would take fifteen."

"I'm not most. Five percent or no deal Ana."

"Five it is." I say happy that he's going to accept something and if the book continues the way it is then he'll easily make a few thousand even with just five percent. "So when are we going to New York?"

"We're not, you are."

"You're not coming?" I ask in shock.

"I can't Ana I have too much going on here." He states and my shoulders sag sadly. "It's seven days Anastasia, and you need this. I'll email Hannah the itinerary when I have it."

"Is that everything?" I ask him still feeling a bit down.

"No, New York flight from here on the 16th flight back on the 22nd, then on the 28th opening of the Anastasia Rose Children's Ward at Seattle Grace in the afternoon, celebratory dinner in the evening black tie and of course before all of that we're going to Vegas on the 31st and we'll be back on the 1st."

"Busy month." I say and he nods.

"You'll be going to London at the end of the month for two weeks once I've agreed to the conditions with the companies down there, you're going to a few of the major cities to do signings as well as appear on a few of their chat shows and then we're aiming for LA the beginning of February."

"Ok." I say nodding, I can't help but feel overwhelmed. "Christian don't you think I should do a signing here in Seattle first?" I ask him and I see him think for a minute.

"I'll get on to Barnes and Nobel, how are you for the eleventh? I'll get on to PR to start publicising as soon as I get Barnes and Nobel to give me the thumbs up."

"Twelfth is fine Mr Grey." Hannah says from beside me.

"Ok, I'll call them and then I'll email you the details Hannah."

I'm still quiet, this is too much I feel like everything is happening so fast!

"Ana?"

"What?" I ask and he gives me a boyish smile.

"Ok?"

"Fine." I reply managing a smile from somewhere.

"Good." He replies with a wider grin. "Last but not least. Choose a colour."

"A colour?"

"For this room."

"Oh." I say looking around, I don't know what colour!

"Can I get like a darkish grey?"

"If that's what you want." He smiles. "That would go nice with the painting we got when we were in Portland."

"The exhibits?"

"No the river one."

"I thought that was for the house?" I say and he shrugs.

"I think it would be better in here, it has like a calming influence and if you go for grey as a colour it would also give more focus on everything else in the room." He says looking over at my book cover and picture.

"Ok then I'll leave you to it Mr Grey." I say giving him a smile.

"Hannah make sure she has time for lunch." He says as he dismisses us.

"Yes Sir." She says before we step into the lift and just as the door closes Christian flashes me a wink.


	122. Chapter 122

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**December 27****2011**

It turned out that Christian had already been in touch with Hope Hewitt making any meeting between me and her pointless. Luckily Hannah ordered us lunch and she, Sophia and I ate together talking weddings. It was nice but now sat in my office with my schedule for the next month in front of me I know I'm going to be busy. I pick up my phone and call Hannah who's only outside the door at her old desk with Sophia but this will only take a minute.

"Ana?"

"Can you call Doctor Flynn's office, schedule me an appointment with him for me for this week, an evening or lunch will do, just anywhere we both have a gap."

"No problem." She replies and I hang up without a goodbye, damn Christian rubbing off on me.

I am already stressed and it hasn't even begun yet. I know that January is going to be the most important and busiest month of my life or at least I hope it's the busiest because I don't know how Christian is planning on fitting any more into my calendar. The only thing that's good is knowing that I have a date for NYC which means I can contact Kristin, I grab my phone just as my email pings, another from Christian.

**To:** Anastasia Grey

**Subject:** Twitter

**From:** Christian Grey

Anastasia, looked into Twitter all morning, Kristin was right you need one, so I've set you up and account. I'll put onto your cell this evening and you can begin to Tweet. Tell Kristin you're atAnaGrey and have her spread the word.

I hope you've eaten!

Christian Grey

_Manager, Anastasia Grey & CEO Grey's Enterprises Holdings, Inc. _

I love that the Christian Grey has looked into Twitter, I love even more that he's set up an account and I hope the end of his email changes back and not a permanent change, that would be so embarrassing.

**To:** Christian Grey

**Subject:** Manager

**From:** Anastasia Grey

Enjoyed a sub with Hannah and Sophia while discussing weddings! Love your email footer you should keep it ;) I hope you too have eaten Sir :)

Love you and the Twitter idea will let Kristin know now!

Can you fit in a night out for me in NYC? You promised!

Anastasia Grey

_Wife, Christian Grey & CEO Anastasia Grey, Inc. _

After knocking send I garb my phone and type out a text to Kristin knowing I'm just procrastinating from the pile of paperwork on my desk.

**WILL BE IN NEW YORK JAN 16 FOR 7 DAYS! ALSO HAVE TWITTER ATANAGREY. ANA XX**

I knock the send button the sign the form on the top of my pile before I receive and email from Christian.

**To:** Anastasia Grey

**Subject:** NYC Night

**From:** Christian Grey

As long as CPP is with you at all time I have no issue with you meeting with the girls at a club where you have VIP area and no pictures of you stumbling out of a club drunk either, anything bad Ana and it will be the last time I let you do something like this.

Christian Grey

_Manager, Anastasia Grey & CEO Grey's Enterprises Holdings, Inc. _

I don't bother replying because I don't want to argue but that email made me feel like a child once again. I know the night I do go out Christian's going to be on edge wondering if I'm ok and in touch with Sawyer all evening. As long as I get to enjoy myself and show Christian that I can have a night out with friends without him worrying he may let me do it more often. My vibrating phone brings me out of my thoughts and I see Kristin is calling me.

"Ana Grey." I answer.

"Hey Ana, Kristin here." She says sounding her usual adorable self.

"Hey Kristin." I say happily.

"So NYC you, me and Idina night out?"

"Absolutely. Oh my friend Hannah will be with us too and I have to have too security and Christian will want to know in advance where we'll be going."

"So protective, I need someone like that. We'll go to Ph-D, private booth in the VIP lounge and of course your friend is more than welcome, it's more the merrier and Idina and I have security too so don't worry about it." She says kindly, I can't wait to see her again. I think it was her batting eyelashes that almost made Christian relent the last time.

"Sounds perfect to me."

"So what will you need to do in New York Ana?" She asks and I relax in my chair guessing she won't be rushing off the phone just yet.

"I have to do some interviews and stuff for the book, you know Chat shows and I'll have a signing at B&N on Fifth."

"Oh Idina and I will so be coming, we'll book it in advance so the understudies can have a matinée while we come hang with you at your singing."

"That would be great! I'm going to bring Hannah to watch you perform and we'll go clubbing after, she'd love Wicked."

"That's perfect, I'll book you a box so you don't have to pay to see it a second time."

"Money is no object." I say reminding myself suddenly of my husband.

"I know that." She says in her stage voice making me giggle. "But still what's the point paying a few thousand for a box when I can get it booked for free! And if you say you're going on air more people will book tickets to go and then you'll make my bosses happy."

"I'll keep that in mind." I laugh, this girl is amazing.

"So what have you got planned for the rest of today?" She asks, I guess she's not busy at all then.

"I have to finish signing some insurance papers, then I have to call my second salon, that opens next week and then I have a conference call and then I'm done." I say happily, today would have felt longer if I had to sit with Hope too and now I'm more relieved than ever that Christian is managing my book.

"Busy day. I should go, I have to sit with Idina while she gets green'd up." She chuckles making me laugh, her laugh is infectious.

"Ok, no problem."

"Oh by the way I've tweeted your twitter to all my fans, and Idina says she'll do the same."

"Aww thanks Kristin." I say gratefully.

"No problem, half the cast are already following you, everyone is talking about your book Ana. I'll talk to you soon, tweet me later."

"Bye." I smile before she hangs up leaving me to relax and get back to signing my papers.

It takes near enough all day to get everything done but I'm all done by five pm and I gladly say goodbye to Hannah and Sophia and drive my Saab home alone. It gives me some time to reflect on everything that's happened and is happening. Christian confirmed my signing at Barnes and Nobel here in Seattle on the twelfth and I'm already scared that no one will turn up. I guess if they don't then they don't and if they do they do.

Arriving the apartment I'm glad to see Christian is already home and I'm even happier kicking off my shoes and accepting the glass of wine he's already poured me.

"Long day?" He asks.

"I've had longer." I reply after taking a long sip of the cool fruity liquid.

"I'm sure you have." He replies sitting beside me and suddenly I'm aware Gail isn't here though there is clearly food cooking.

"Where's Gail?"

"I asked her to give us a moment I wanted to talk to you." He says and my heart begins pounding in my chest, he looks so serious.

"What about?" I ask quietly.

"Do you think you and I could manage a week without Gail and Taylor?" He asks seriously and I laugh, he had me so worried.

"Of course we can." I reply. "I can cook and shop and clean Christian it won't be a problem."

"Ok." He sighs a huge sigh of relief.

"Why though?"

"I thought we could pay for their hotel and sort out their flight home from Vegas so they can have a honeymoon and maybe in the summer we can take a two week holiday and they can take another one of their own?"

"That sounds wonderful and I'm sure they'll love it." I smile, he can really be considerate.

"Good, now give me your phone, let's go sort out Twitter, then we'll eat and go to bed, you look beat."


	123. Chapter 123

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**28 December ****2011**

Over at where is now permanently known as Ana's Palace I sit in the entrance lobby with my iPad on my lap just happily watching the coming and going. Until the New Year my schedule is quiet so I'm trying to enjoy the peaceful relaxation that comes with people watching. It's something Ray and I used to do and I still love just sitting and watching people, you can learn so much and it's also a great way to write characters for a book, Ninny or Grandmother in Fifty Shades came from a woman who once lived down the street from us in Montesano, she always thought and behaved like she was upper class royalty or something but it couldn't have been further from the truth. Her clothes were moth bitten and her hair grey and matted thrown into a tight bun on the top of her head. The only jewels she wore was the cat brooch and I'm sure it wasn't even real. Her gazillion cats were also something you couldn't fail to notice. However Ninny in my story is Upper Class and not far from royalty, she's still based on little Ms Coldwell the cat lady.

Christian's up in my office, he and the rest of GEH are going to be based her until Christian has found a new building big enough for Grey's House and he isn't buying it until the insurance have paid out. I understand his CEO babble enough to understand there would be delays in the payments if he started spending on property quickly so he's taking a back seat and waiting. Something actually tells me he bought Ana's Palace before GEH was bombed, I wonder if it would have been a Christmas present?

This afternoon I'm taking off with Gail to go shopping. She wants to find a simple dress for Vegas at Neiman Marcus meaning I can find my own dress and a dress for the engagement party. Christian also happily mentioned the need for all new never seen before Ana Grey outfits for the chat shows meaning dresses galore will be bought. I don't mind too much though, after the ten grand challenge at Tiffany's I know I can spend without actually looking at the price tags. He hasn't given me a minimum budget this time but he has said ten outfits and ten pairs of shoes minimum because I'll need to change during the day as some days will have two or three events. It's stupid but I don't mind because it's for my book, it's selling my book that does matter.

"Ana ready to go?" Sawyer asks as Barton hangs back from him.

"Sure." I smile locking the iPad before putting it in my purse.

I happily follow the two men out the door and into the waiting SUV where Gail is sitting excitedly.

"So Neiman Marcus?"

"Absolutely." Gail smiles.

The whole way to Neiman Marcus I happily listen to Gail talk about the reason she and Jason decided to go to Vegas which was mainly because they didn't want the fuss of a big wedding just a wedding with Christian and I there as their witnesses and friends. I don't tell her about their honeymoon that Christian has planned, he's going to give it to them after they're married as a surprise.

"Ladies." Gary Barton smiles when he opens the door. I look at Luke who's smirking and shaking his head making me laugh lightly.

Inside the personal shopper approaches us, it was once Caroline Acton but she now has her own separate company.

"Hi I'm Melinda." She smiles her pearly whites and flickers her honey blonde locks over her shoulder.

"Why don't you go with her Gail, I've got so much to find." I tell her and she looks at me not liking that idea.

"I really want to choose my own dress." She says.

"Ok, Melinda can come with me." I say knowing that Gail wanted to just ask me my opinion when she'd decided.

"Thank you." She smiles before going off leaving me with Luke, Jason and Melinda.

"So what are we after today?"

"Dresses and shoes for TV interviews, book signings and a night out in NYC." I say and she nods her head and leads me away.

It doesn't take me long to dislike Melinda even more. She asked me what I liked and what I wanted I told her and she still recommends skimpy dresses that Christian would faint if I dare wore on TV.

"No I'm really after something else." I say after about the tenth dress. "Something like that for the day time." I point out a beautiful cream coloured dress, it's chiffon, with a boat neckline and button back, long sleeves with barrel cuffs and a waist to mid-thigh skirt. The back of the dress has a stunning silver embroidery which would look great with my hair braided over on shoulder or curled and clipped to show it off.

"That's by Dolce Vita at two hundred and twenty dollars." She says picking the dress up.

"It's beautiful." I say holding it up against me in the mirror. "One down." I say happily.

Again it's obvious Melinda didn't listen to me, I'll have to tell Hannah to make a complaint because she's so unhelpful but I feel bad sending her away now.

I eventually like one of her chosen dresses. It's black and pink floral intarsia jacquard with puckered texture, crew neckline, cap sleeves, form fitting through the hips, A line mini from below the hip to above the knee.

"Alexander McQueen, one thousand, seven hundred and sixty."

It takes a lot for me not to 'change my mind' and let her put it with the other dress. Gail comes over smiling and I see a dress in her hand, she places it down gently before sitting beside me and we watch Melinda continue looking.

"How's it going?" She asks.

"Nightmare this woman has no clue, I have two dresses, I think she held up about a hundred!" I reply making Gail laugh just as Melinda steps up to us with five more dresses in her hand.

It seems that Melinda has finally start to pay attention. The first dress in the pile is a beautiful printed knit top with diagonal rib felt skirt in blue, it has a round neckline, sleeveless with full shoulder coverage, solid band at waist, hem that falls about two inches above the knee.

"Milly, five hundred and twenty five dollars." She says as I nod and she puts it in the yes pile.

The next dress is a medallion lace over contrasting underlay in turquoise with square neckline and back and three quarter length sleeves falling to mid-thigh and completely form fitting. It's by free people and costs eighty eight dollars, much better price in my eyes and I really like the dress and Gail even gives her nod of approval.

After four hours I finally have the dresses and shoes I need for New York and Vegas and Gail has her dress and shoes and we head home. Christian is there waiting when I step in and Luke and Gary carry the shopping to the bedroom quietly.

"You spent?"

"Too much." I say laughing and he smiles and kisses me.

"I bought thirteen dresses and fourteen pairs of shoes."

"More shoes?"

"I wasn't sure which ones went with one dress better so I bought both and thought I'd decide on the day." I say with a shrug and Christian beams, I guess I'm spending the way he wants me too now.

"Good, I can't wait to see you wearing them all. We need to pack for Vegas this evening."

"Yes we do, then we can be ready to go on Friday I'm glad we'll have three days out there too, thank you for that." I say with a smile.

"Well I don't know when we'll go again so I thought you'd appreciate seeing some of Vegas."

"I will." I reply with a grin. "I really will."


	124. Chapter 124

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Thursday December 29****2011**

After a really long day doing near nothing but plan everything for the coming weeks I am exhausted when I arrive John Flynn's office at six pm. I'm quickly in and I'm not surprised when I see a copy of my book on the table.

"Ana." He smiles signalling the couch to me.

I smirk and happily sit down taking the weight off my sore feet.

"So how are you?"

"Great." I reply sarcastically and he chuckles, I've always liked Flynn, he relaxes me a lot.

"Ok so what did you want to see me about?" He asks even though I know he is dying to talk about my book.

"I just don't know how I'm going to handle the New Year. I'm sure I'm going to have to schedule toilet breaks John, I've got that much going on." I say sighing and rubbing my forehead.

"Ana, you're a star, you've written a book and people want to read it, they want to read more and most importantly they want to see you and know you."

"I don't understand it though John, I'm just an author, I could name you author's that most people haven't heard of!"

"Yes but they didn't make the Best Seller list in the first full week of selling either." He says and I sigh.

"I thought all the fame would be connected back to Christian, that's how it started. People bought my book because I'm Christian's wife but word of mouth has made the book popular and it's not because of Christian's name, it's because what's in that damn book." I snap and John raises and eyebrow.

"You're blaming him."

"Too right." I reply with some amusement.

"He was the inspiration behind the book." He states the obvious.

"Yes, or his lifestyle was."

"Your lifestyle."

"Not that much." I reply with a shrug and his eyebrows raise at once. "Those characters are not Christian and I John, loosely based yes a little but not much at all." I say.

"Really?" He says sceptically and I sigh heavily.

"Maggie isn't me John." I tell him firmly but his smile says he doesn't believe me at all.

"Hmm, I'm not sure I agree with that Ana." He says after a moment of silence.

"Then enlighten me." I say sitting up and leaning forward to listen to him more.

"Well, she has the same defiance that you have, same want for more, same self-image issues." I can't resist rolling my eyes.

"Maggie and I are nothing alike." I state, she's not me, she's nothing like me.

"I don't believe that at all." Ok we're seriously going around in circles here.

"Well you can believe what you want John Maggie isn't me in the same way as Richard isn't Christian." I tell him firmly.

"Again I disagree, he has the same concerns about her safety and same concerns about her eating habits, Maggie's the first woman he's wanted more with, he loves her yet he doesn't know it much like Christian was with you in the beginning." He says and I sigh, he's right on the money there.

"But that doesn't mean anything it's just coincidental." I tell him, I wasn't purposely writing Richard as Christian, he was just supposed to have a similar lifestyle before Maggie and the only thing Maggie and I should have in common is the want for more.

"I don't think so. In the book Ana Maggie's issues with self-image is obvious especially when she's at the gym and she takes off her hoody and she mentions her toned stomach I believe the quote would be 'the only part of my body I've ever liked'."

"Your point?" I reply wondering where he's taking this.

"What's the part of your body you've always liked?" Ok now John Flynn has managed to completely shock me.

"What?" I ask still in shock.

"When you look in the mirror, what part of your body do you look at and think I wouldn't change it. I'm happy with it." He asks and I know he's serious.

"Hmm, I don' t know." I shrug, I don't really think of my body like that, I see my body as Christian's possession more than anything else these days.

"I want you to think about that for our next session Anastasia." He says and I nod weakly.

"Ok." I reply.

"Good, now about your schedule. I want you to schedule yourself two hours a week for you, a hot bath, a glass of wine with some music, a good book, anything but for you ok?"

"Ok." I nod, I'm still thinking about my body here.

"Good. Now we still have some time so how about we discuss more on Fifty Shades?"

"Ok." I shrug, what more could he want to say?

"So how much of it is based on your lifestyle?" He asks.

"Some of it is taken from mine and Christian's life but you know that."

"I do, my question is how much?" He says and I see concern on his face, oh God no, he thinks Christian humiliates me like Maggie is humiliated by Richard.

"My lifestyle with Christian is nothing like Maggie's with Richard." I say firmly.

"You know whatever you tell me will not leave this office Ana." He says and I see he doesn't believe me and is still concerned.

"Believe me John if Christian did half the thing Richard does to Maggie I'd serve him divorce papers." I say sternly. "He doesn't humiliate me in front of the staff, he doesn't ever push me more than I can handle, he's never done anything to punish me other than … other than spanking and orgasm denial." A blush creeps over my cheeks but John doesn't seem at all affected.

"I was thinking about where you have Maggie tied up naked surrounded by mirrors with her neck in a brace so she can do nothing but look at herself."

"What about it?"

"Well it didn't cure her of her self-image issues but it did help her." He states.

"In the book yes it did." I reply. "But it's just a story John, are you going to recommend Christian do the same to me?" I ask him and he chuckles and shakes his head.

"No I was just going to say it wasn't a bad idea." He shrugs.

"The only thing it does is fix her body image issues around Richard but around Christian I have none, around him I feel beautiful." I say firmly and a smile spreads on John's face.

"I'm glad to hear that Anastasia." He says.

"Thank you." I reply looking at the clock, it's finally the end of this session. "Well thanks for seeing me John, it was a pleasure as always." I roll my eyes and he laughs softly.

"Go on, I'll see you when you have time to schedule an appointment with me."

"Yes you will."


	125. Chapter 125

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**So will be putting up Ana's tweets! Hope you love them as much as I love making them up! I don't think the AT symbol works on this site but I've tried and we'll see right? Lol!**

**Friday 30th****December2011**

Twitter is definitely insane. With nothing much to do Gail and I are in my bedroom trying out different hairstyles for the wedding and planning a fake bachelorette party which will be just Gail and I in the suite getting drunk and listening to music while Christian, Taylor and Sawyer go and do their own thing. I can't wait to leave for Vegas. The car is packed up and we're just waiting till it's time to go to the airport before we head off.

I am addicted to tweeting. Especially since I have so many followers who send me messages. Some are just your average person tweeting but I've been tweeted by celebrities too not just Kristin and Idina but Kathy Griffin, Ryan Seacrest (he doesn't like my book!) and Ellen DeGeneres has tweeted about me going on her show repeatedly, I think she's read my book too!

It's great to see my followers go up daily, my book making it onto Trending, people tweeting and telling me they're going to be attending my signings and can't wait to meet me. My life has become a whirlwind and I'm trying to love every minute of it. I won't say it's easy, far from it but I still love it.

Christian told me to tweet I was going to Vegas. I did and now I know it was a big mistake. I have fans in Vegas too and they're all going to be watching out for me and I know the chances are someone will spot me and stop me but I'll put on a smile and sign books and take pictures because that's what will be expected of me. What was the best thing about twitter was the girl from the supermarket on Christmas Eve uploaded the picture of me and her together and sent it to me, I loved seeing it and her message with it was 'Me and my hero' how I can be a hero because of a damn book I don't know but I loved it anyhow.

"Ready?" Christian asks coming into the bedroom looking all relaxed.

"Gail?" I ask and her eyes meet mine in the mirror and she grins and nods.

We head out to the car together, Gail and Taylor take a separate car with the luggage while Gary drives us with Sawyer. I wish we didn't have to bring Luke, he and Hannah could do with spending more time together and I feel guilty for taking him away from her, even though I know she'll be ok in New York when he's with us which is me sort of making it up to her.

Christian happily links his hand in mine as we go. I'm looking forward to what will probably be our last relaxing weekend for a while seeing as from Monday it's all systems go for both of us.

"How's the second book coming along?" He asks casually, though I know it's because they need a final date.

"I have about ten chapters left to write." I admit quietly.

"Know when you can be done by?"

"No, with my schedule I'm going to be writing whenever I can." I admit. "I've been writing some of it on my BlackBerry and emailing it to myself."

"That's good." He says.

"No do you know how hard it is to write a book on a damn phone?" I snap. "Sorry."

"You're stressed." He says quietly and I nod.

"I'm worried Christian." I admit.

"About what?"

"Not being able to handle all of this, I wanted a regular nine to five type of job now I'm going to be working six am till midnight some days especially when I'm in New York. I'm worried I'll not be able to handle it and let down my readers."

"We take it one step at a time, let's get everything coming out of the way first, the wedding, engagement party, opening Christasia Redmond, Seattle Signing and then we'll worry about New York."

"Ok." I say snuggling to him, he can make everything seem alright when I can't see the sun at all through the clouds.

"Tweet your fans Ana, they'll cheer you up." He says passing me my phone.

I smile and quickly find Twitter, it's so easy now I'm used to it.

** AnaGrey:- On way to airport! Las Vegas here we come!**

The replies come quickly and Christian and I read them together, laughing at the jokes smiling at the good lucks and the well wishes, the reply off Kristin comes which is even better.

** KChenoweth: - So jealous of my girl AnaGrey, hitting it up in Vegas! Wish I was there (and so does idinamenzel) xx**

** AnaGrey:- KChenoweth, idiniamenzel wish u both were here 2! xx**

** idinamnezel :- have fun see u here in NYC soon! Xx**

"You three could spend hours on that damn thing together couldn't you?"

"Absolutely." I reply just as we pull into Sea-Tac.

We're quick onto my jet and I love seeing Gail's reaction to it. She is shocked but tries so hard to hide it and I can't help but find it adorable. We sit together, Taylor, Gail, Christian and I at the four person area while Sawyer straps himself in an individual seat towards the front alone with Lois.

"We'll be in the air around two and a half hours." Christian says just as we begin to take off.

As soon as we're in the air Lois does the safety procedure before approaching us.

"Mrs Grey would you like lunch served now?" She asks and I look at Christian who gives a small nod of his head.

"Yes please." I reply.

She is quick to lay the table while I show how the small jet works to Gail from the six seats opposite each other that fold out to make a giant king size bed to the beautiful bathroom. We put some music on the iPod dock to play in the background as Christian opens a bottle of Bollinger. I'm so happy for Gail and Taylor, and even more so that Christian is excited for them too going all out.

We sit down to eat lunch together. Lois serves us a beautiful chicken pasta salad which is lovely with the Bollinger. The air around the table is light and we talk about Vegas and the plans happily, even Christian seems to be in a great and relaxed mood.

The flight time feels much less than it actually is and I'm so happy when we put our seatbelts on because we're descending.

It doesn't take long for us to get to the hotel and I cling excitedly onto Christian's hand as the concierge shows us to our room. Gail and Jason don't know that while they get married tomorrow the concierge will move all their belongings into a bungalow on the resort curtsey of Christian Grey. Me and Christian are shown to the Lanai Suite here at the Cosmopolitan Las Vegas. I already know I won't get to see everything of the hotel while I'm here it's five star and huge!

Christian and I are finally left alone and we go exploring. There is two floors, bar, shower room, living room and kitchen on the ground floor, all the walls a brilliant white with brown and red furniture, I love the high rise brown leather couch on one side of the breakfast island with the red bar stools on the other side. Upstairs we have the bedroom, a bathroom and a TV room. It's amazing, especially the hot tub!

"Right how about we meet with Gail and Jason and find out what they want to do first?" Christian asks coming into the bedroom where I've changed from my travelling jeans and t-shirt into a comfortable day dress and kitten heels.

"Sure." I reply grabbing my coat, it's not exactly hot out there this afternoon.

We meet Gail and Taylor in the lobby of the hotel and they both just look so happy.

"So where first?" Christian asks them as he slips his hand into mine.

"I would like to see the Bellagio Fountain, maybe just walk the strip?" Gail looks at Taylor who nods at her softly, it's so nice to see them relaxed and in love.

"Ok the Bellagio it is." Christian replies and we all head off.

I am beyond excited as we head down from the hotel. The Bellagio is literally around the corner from us around a ten minute walk.

As we watch the show I rest my head on Christian's shoulder. I feel so rested now that I'm away from work, none of what's going on in Seattle is of any importance.

"Ana, Mr Grey, is there anything you would like to do?" Gail asks as she stands in Taylors arms her back to his chest.

"Ana?" Christian asks.

"Well…" I don't know if Christian will like this.

"Well?"

"I've always wanted to ride the New York-New York." I say quietly and Christian grins his boy-like smile and I know he wants to also.

"That's a great idea." Gail beams, I guess when we're in Vegas we all become kids.

"It's about a fifteen minute walk." Taylor says pointing the way.

We all head down and I take a moment to send a tweet because I don't want to forget about my fans when I'm out here, there are so many of them! I had five thousand followers when I checked before I left Seattle and so many of them take time to re-tweet and tweet me.

** AnaGrey:- feeling Voluptuous in Vegas! Heading to the NY roller!**

"What are you doing?" Christian asks just as I hit the send button.

"Tweeting." I reply dropping my phone into my purse.

"You're addicted." He states the obvious.

"I am. No one to blame but yourself Grey you made it." I tell him and he nods and laughs, he seems so carefree right now, I wish we could be like this all the time.

At the rollercoaster we line up for ages before we finally get on. I sit with Christian all excited.

"Hold on Ana." He tells me as the ride begins. I love how he's worried about me being on this, it's safe, hundreds of thousands of people ride this thing daily.

Less than three minutes later we're stumbling over to buy a souvenir photo. I think Christian just aged ten years on the ride as he looks like he's seen a ghost.

"That was amazing!" I giggle as Christian pays for our photo.

He hands it too me and I laugh hysterically, Christian is gripping to his harness so much his knuckles are white, his teeth are on show his eyes wide whereas I'm screaming open mouthed with the wind pushing my hair back and I look so happy. Gail and Taylor's photo is great they're holding hands and both look so happy.

"Right how about some dinner?" Christian asks and we all agree and head off.


	126. Chapter 126

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Ok I really am trying to get to New York which is like half written already, so this might be a bit rushed and unlike my usual stuff. Sorry.**

**Saturday 31st****December 2011**

Christian and Taylor have already left for the Chapel and I have to wait right here in the hotel lobby for Gail. I feel so nervous though I don't know why I mean it's not like I'm the one getting married, I guess I'm just nervous for Gail and Taylor. I spot her on the stairs and I can't help but gasp. She looks so beautiful, not that she doesn't normally but she has this glow about that amplifies her beauty.

The figure hugging Nicole Miller Strapless Lace Bias Gown fits her like a glove, it amplifies her stunning curves. Her blonde hair is pulled up into a tight French twist and she has a beautiful smile on her face as her eyes meet mine.

"Gail." Is all I manage to say and she beams at me. "Ready to go?"

"More ready than I'll ever be." She replies linking her arm into mine.

We walk slowly which is good for me in my navy blue J. Mendel high-low gown and Kani criss-cross platform sandal which are five inches high but still leaves a small train on the dress.

Once outside the hotel Sawyer helps us both into the SUV and it isn't long before we're on our way. Gail keeps a hold of my hand and her knees bounce up and down.

"Everything's going to be great Gail." I tell her and she looks at me and smiles.

"I know, I've just been waiting for this for so long now." She admits and I smile, I'm not surprised I mean it's obvious that she and Taylor have been together since before Christian and I and we've been married four months now.

The drive is pretty short and Christian meets us outside the chapel and like a gentleman opens the door for us.

"He's inside." He says kindly seeing a worried look crossing Gail's face.

"Ok." Gail nods taking a deep breath.

The three of us walk to the Chapel of Promise where the ceremony will be held. I hug Gail before Christian takes my hand and walks me inside. It's a beautiful room with red carpet, white walls with white draping, the seating are red old fashioned couches. Christian and I take the front two and Taylor smiles at us just the music begins. Christian and I stand and watch as Gail walks down the aisle, her eyes never leave Taylor's. They both look so happy and it's a beauty to see this.

When Gail arrives at the front the music stops and a young woman in a trouser suit steps forward and nods to Christian and I sit down for the service to begin.

"We have gathered her to witness the joining in Holy Matrimony of Gail and Jason."

The service takes less than ten minutes between the saying of vows and sharing of rings before we head out with Mr and Mrs Taylor. It's so amazing to see them looking so happy and when Christian hands an envelope to them I'm confused and even more so when Gail wraps him up in a tight hug.

"Just enjoy the rest of your day." Christian replies as the photographer steps forward.

We spend half an hour taking photos with the newly-weds before we wave the couple off.

"What was that about?" I ask surprised at Gail's reaction to the contents of the envelope.

"I just organised a dinner for them that's all." He shrugs. "Now may I take my wife to dinner before we start our own New Year celebrations?"

"Of course." I reply with a smile and he signals down a cab.

We hop inside and Christian gives the name of our hotel.

"So Mr Grey what are our New Year plans?" I ask him.

"Well Mrs Grey, if you wouldn't mind I'd like to see the New Year in with you naked in our bed." He says seductively.

"That sounds perfect Mr Grey." I smile before he kisses me. "I just want to see my New Year in with you, my darling beautiful husband."

"Good because there's nowhere else I'd rather be than with you, my beautiful and sexy wife."

I blush when he calls me sexy and he tilts my head up to meet his.

"I will just do as Richard does to Maggie." He warns teasingly, I know he would never dare.

"I love you." I say and he kisses me softly just as the car pulls up outside the hotel.

"I love you too." He replies before paying the cab driver.

After a beautiful dinner and a hot bath and three rounds of sex Christian and I are cuddled up in bed just waiting for midnight. It's now five to the hour and I am so happy it feels too good to be true. We've already heard from Gail and Taylor, just a quick text message saying thank you and they'll see us in one week's time, I knew we wouldn't see them before we left, they're newly-weds on their honeymoon.

Christian holds me, my back to his chest as we watch the count down on TV. We're both so blissfully happy sitting drinking cocktails with a bottle of champagne chilling for midnight.

"Ten." Christian whispers in my ear as the last ten seconds begin on the TV.

"Nine." I reply with a smile.

"Eight, seven…"

"Six, five, four." We both count together quietly.

"Three, two, one."

"Happy New Year Mrs Grey." Christian says as I lean back to look at him.

"Happy New Year Mr Grey." I reply as he beams happily at me.

He leans down and kisses me and I return the kiss with as much passion as him. It isn't long before he's looming over my naked body, my robe open but still on. His hands stroke up and down my stomach and he looks at me with so much love in his eyes.

He kisses me gently and teases my entrance with his shaft, as always I'm wet and waiting and he slips inside me easily making my back arch up at the intrusion.

"Oh Ana, happy New Year baby." He says as he looks into my eyes and thrusts slowly with so much purpose.

"Happy New Year Christian." I reply my eyes looking into his soul through those grey eyes of his. For the first time in so long we both feel completely at peace, there's nothing at all to worry about right now just us and this moment.


	127. Chapter 127

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**The dresses are real from Neiman Marcus, if I don't describe it you can check it out by the real name which I do write on their website!**

**Sunday 1****st**** January 2012**

Being back at Escala is great, I enjoyed Vegas but it definitely isn't my scene really I prefer New York any day of the week to Vegas. It was also really strange not having Taylor fly back with us, not so much Gail but definitely Taylor but being back at the Apartment without either of them feels odd. It's like there's something out of place.

"Anastasia." Christian calls coming from his study with the iPad in his hand.

"What?" I ask turning from my laptop where I've been catching up with emails.

"Here." He hands the iPad over to me and my mouth falls open in complete shock.

"Oh my God." I manage to whisper.

"You did it baby, you did it." He says sitting down next to me and moving my laptop onto the coffee table. "You're on the top of the New York Times Best Seller list Ana."

"Ah!" I scream jumping to my feet. "Oh my God this is so unreal!"

"No baby it's real." He says jumping up and taking the iPad from my hand.

"Oh my God, this is… Christian!" I jump into his arms and he lifts me up and kisses me hard.

"You're not only a New York Times Best Selling Author now Ana, you made it to the number one spot."

"Please tell me I'm not going to wake up in five minutes and find out I'm dreaming." I tell him and he laughs.

"No baby you're not going to wake up any time soon."

I squeal loudly, I feel so excited it's amazing.

"I think we should go out tonight and celebrate." Christian says as I sit down on the couch and curl up into his side looking at the iPad.

"You do?" I ask.

"Yes."

"I don't." I reply and I know he's looking at me in surprise. "I'd much rather celebrate in the playroom."

"I guess we could do both, go out to dinner first and then we'll go to the playroom afterwards and celebrate until you can't stand no more. How does that sound?" He asks.

"Perfect."

"Ok, I'll go and make us some reservations, you should tweet your fans and plan something to wear."

I head through to the closet and grab one of the dresses I bought for New York. The truth is I can always buy more if need be so I know it doesn't matter about being seen in dresses I'm going to wear for TV.

**AnaGrey:- No1 on the NYTBS List! Going 2 celebrate with hubby! :D**

I pull on my Nicole Miller Cold-shoulder blouson dress with Stuart Weitzman Chantilly lace peep toe pump in silver before I check my twitter again.

**KChenoweth:- Congrats chick! Knew you could do it! #FiftyShades get it trending! :)**

**AnaGrey:- Thanks KChenoweth! #FiftyShades on the top spot, dream come true!**

**Idinamenzel:- Ahh well done AnaGrey #FiftyShades no1 on NYTBS in the new year! Happy 2012!**

**AnaGrey:- Happy 2012 idinamenzel! Thanks 2 every1 who bought #FiftyShades getting it 2 no1! Luv u guys!**

**KChenoweth:- Ah 4got it was 1****st**** Jan! Happy 2012 AnaGrey what a way 2 c the Newyr in?! #FiftyShades**

"Ana are you ready to go?" Christian asks coming into the room.

"Yeah just a second." I reply with a smile.

**AnaGrey:- Happy 2012 KChenoweth! Off out now, tweet l8r! #FiftyShades**

I throw my phone into my clutch and take the hand Christian offers me.

"Where are we going?" I ask him as I snuggle into his side.

"I thought we'd go to art of the table." Christian replied and I smile, we've not been there before but I wouldn't be surprised if Christian's preferred places have been booked up for weeks.

We take the R8 and Christian drives. Music plays in the background and I can't resist taking my phone out to check twitter. One name catches my eye and makes me smile.

**TheEllenShow:- #FiftyShades no1 on NYTBS1 Well done AnaGrey! Happy New Yr 2 U can't wait 2 have u on my show Jan 17!**

I read it out to Christian and I see the smile on his lips before I reply.

**AnaGrey:- Thank u TheEllenShow! Can't wait 2 be in NYC and on ur show 2 tlk bout #FiftyShades x**

I put my phone away after sending the message knowing that this is mine and Christian's time to celebrate and not everyone else.

The restaurant is busy and it doesn't take me long to find out why. The food though there is one menu and everyone just eats those four courses, is beautiful and tasty, the wine crisp and delicious and the atmosphere warm and friendly. Christian and I talk about New York and happier topics not the obvious bad things we could discuss such as the sentencing.

"Excuse me."

Christian looks over my shoulder as I turn to see four women around their early thirties dress up just like I am who I believe is sat on the table just behind us from the looks of the four men there looking in our direction.

"Yes?" Christian asks them seeing as I don't say anything.

"We're sorry to interrupt but we're huge fans of yours Mrs Grey and we were hoping we could get a picture?" One of the women waves the camera in her hand and I feel really awkward as I look over to Christian.

"Go on." He sighs and I remove the napkin from my lap while he takes the camera making the woman smile happily.

I stand in the middle and smile best as I can, I don't think Christian is happy but he takes the photo and hands the camera back and even tells them about the signing at Barnes and Nobel on the twelfth.

As I'm about to sit down when the concierge approaches us looking mildly uncomfortable.

"Mrs Grey?"

"Yes?" I ask looking at Christian then back to the concierge.

"I'm sorry to disturb you but the Chef has found out you're here and would love the chance to meet you and hear what you think of the food." He says trying to appear confident but failing.

I hear Christian sigh with frustration but I blame him for bringing us here and I smile at the concierge and nod.

"It shouldn't take long." I say to Christian who sits back in his chair and nods his head knowing that he can't interfere in this because it's a part of my work.

I follow the concierge back into the kitchen and I'm surprised to see a relaxed atmosphere, even more so when a woman walks up to me with a huge grin on her face.

"Ana Grey, so lovely that you're here I'm Louise Harrow."

"Thank you." I reply and I know she's the chef.

"I'm a huge fan of your book."

"Thanks." I smile, I can't help but be uncomfortable when people complment me or my book.

"I'm not going to be able to make it to the signing as I'll be busy here but would you mind?"

Someone hands her book over to her with a sharpie and I smile and take it from her.

_Louise, Food was delicious! Thank you! Ana Grey._

"Thank you so much, Marco sort out a bottle of champagne for Mr and Mrs Grey's table and scratch their bill." She says shocking me even more. "Would you mind having a photo?"

"No of course not." I reply which is the truth she's just given us our meal for free a meal costing seventy five dollars each that I would happily pay double for it was that lovely.

I stand next to Louise and she comfortably buts her arm around my waist pulling me close so I slip mine over her shoulder and smile brightly as the picture is taken.

"Thank you." Louise smiles showing me the photo I'm glad I held around her shoulder as I had to bend down a little because my shows make me nearly six foot.

"You're welcome. Thank you for such a delicious meal."

"You should come again." She smiles and I nod happily as the concierge extends his hand to the door.

"I will thanks again." I smile and I wave to everyone who'd been watching us before heading out to the table where a bottle of champagne is waiting and a very anxious looking Christian.

"Hey you were gone a while." He says greeting me with a peck on the cheek before I sit down. The concierge opens the champagne and pours us a glass leaving me and Christian sitting in awkward silence.

The concierge leaves us and I exhale a little, I'm apprehensive about Christian's mood at the moment.

"So did you order the champagne?" He asks handing me my glass before picking up his own.

"It was a gift from Louise the Chef." I reply and he nods before taking a tentative sip.

"Nice." He says before taking another but I can see he doesn't look pleased.

"She's also gifted us the whole meal." I say quietly looking away.

"She did what?" He asks after a few moments silence.

"She told the concierge to clear our bill." I say and he sighs and puts down his glass.

"Did you try to refuse?"

"No Christian I was in a state of shock." I reply and he runs his hand through his copper locks and I know he's pissed.

"Ana we can afford the meal." He says.

"I know that. I don't think she gifted it to us because she thought we couldn't afford it Christian, it was her being nice because I signed her book and took a photo with her. Haven't you heard it's like this the rich stay rich." I snap, I won't let him make me feel guilty about this.

"Whatever."

"Oh come on don't tell me you've not been given things for nothing because of who you are Christian." I spit but the look on his face says I'm wrong.

"I'm not famous Anastasia, not in the way you've become anyhow." He replies taking a hold of my hand.

"What do you mean?" I ask him.

"The only time people were interested in me was when something happened, good or bad, buying or selling a new business or the bombs or the plane crash, or getting engaged to you and then getting married, that's the only time people give a shit about me and my life. Ana you're already more famous and more popular than I have ever been." He says and I know what's gotten him, he can't handle it because he's not in control of it.

"I never asked for any of this." I tell him and he sighs and I turn away to take a long sip of my champagne.

"I know you didn't." He replies. "But it happened and we have to deal with it."

"How? I have no idea what I'm doing Christian! I wrote a damn book now I receive tweets from Ellen DeGeneres and stopped for pictures and autographs at restaurants." I snap and he wraps an arm around me, I know he's just as frustrated as I am about this.

"I think you need to focus on your writing career and your fame." He says quietly.

"What do you mean?" I ask him.

"Let me handle the salons and the publishing houses." He says and my eyes widen. "Not take them from you, they'd still be yours but let me merge them into GEH and I'll run them so you can focus on your writing and everything else."

"But I love being a business woman."

"And you still will be, you'll be able to buy and sell, every decision will be yours I'll just handle everything else while you focus on being you."

"That's not fair Christian, the only way I could possibly do that is buy gifting them to you."

"No way." He replies shaking his head.

"Why would you want to take them on, you have enough going on in the world of M&A." I snap, I don't understand where he's going with this.

"Ana you're going to New York in fifteen days, you're going to London a couple of weeks after that, the truth is right now you don't have time to manage Anastasia Grey inc on top."

"What are you asking me to do Christian? Do you want me to sell AG to you?" I ask him and he shakes his head and sighs, I guess he's feeling frustrated that I don't understand what he's trying to tell me.

"Just let me manage it, give me some of the power so I can manage it for a while, they'll still be yours, when you have time you'll still do as you do but when you don't I'll do it all."

I close my eyes, I don't understand this is frustrating.

"I mean let me be your Ross."

"Oh." Now I'm with him. "Ok."

"Ok?"

"Yeah ok." I nod and he smiles. "But I want you to take a percentage of the income."

"No."

"Christian!" I sigh exasperated, he does my head in sometimes.

"I don't need it."

"Neither do I but Ross owns a small percentage of your company, I'll gift you ten percent of the company."

"Ross owns three percent."

"Is that all?"

"It's more than she would make on a wage because the company is so huge. Ana listen to me, our vows, what's mine is yours I said."

"But I didn't."

"Fair enough but the context is the same Anastasia, just let me be your second in command at AG."

"Don't you have enough of your own to do?" I ask him, I am so frustrated right now.

"Ana, I can handle AG on top of my own, I'll build the company up like I did my own all you'll have to worry about is the numbers at the end of each year."

"I like running AG though." I sigh.

"You still will, when you have time but when you don't then I'll run it."

"Fine." I give up, I can't argue this with him anymore, if he wants AG then he can damn well have it.

"Ok, we'll sort out the details, all you'll have to do is sign some papers to say that I have power to say what happens in the company."

I frown and he looks confuse.

"Christian?"

"Yes."

"You already have that power, I signed your name to all the papers when I created AG Inc, you could call up tomorrow and liquidate my businesses or sell them or anything." I tell him and it's his turn to frown.

"Why did you do that?"

"Because I knew nothing about running a business, still don't in fact and just thought I'd be making everything easier if things went wrong you could pull the plug before I bankrupted us or something." I explain and he smiles softly. "What?"

"You're a very clever girl." He says before leaning in to kiss me. "Now I'm exhausted and jet-lagged so why don't we head home?"

"Sounds good to me." I reply with a smile, suddenly I feel lighter, like a whole weight has been lifted off my shoulders.


	128. Chapter 128

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Ros autocorrected to Ross in the last chapter and the last time I wrote the name too, sorry! Also I kinda say what happens in this chapter without writing it all out, I'm trying to skip quick to New York so it is only going to be pieces of their day by day lives until then ok? Love Steff xx**

**Monday 2nd January 2012**

At Ana's Palace I'm in a state of shock. My office is nothing like I imagined by everything I could have possibly wanted. The charcoal grey walls make the office look somehow warm, the painting of the river bought in Portland is hung on one of the walls beside my glass desk, behind the desk is the cover of Fifty shades and on the wall to the right of the desk is my framed picture each of these have a spotlight which brightens up the dark room. There's a brilliant U shaped couch in electric red leather with and off to the side is a breakfast island in silver with silver and red chairs all of which hold fluffy cream cushions. My desk chair is also this electric red leather and I think I'll have to avoid ever wearing a red dress sitting in that thing.

"Well?" Christian asks nervously.

"Christian it's amazing." I manage to say, amazing isn't the right word though because this is beyond amazing.

"You like it?"

"Like it?" I ask turning to look at him and he still looks nervous. "Christian I love it." I say before jumping into his arms.

"Good, I'm glad you do." He smiles before I kiss him deeply, his tongue instantly replying to mine.

He pulls me with him to the couch and we fall heavily onto it still making out like horny teenagers. His hand slips up my knee length grey pencil skirt and I feel his finger swipe at my panty clad core.

"Ah Christian." I whimper.

"I plan on doing this as often as I can because when you go to New York, England, LA, you're not going to be here for me to do this too." He says before he tears my panties down my legs quickly. I'm wanting, badly wanting him and when I hear his zipper come undone and feel him move my legs I let him guide me. One leg is up over the top of the couch and one foot firmly on the floor while Christian thrusts hard into me. It feels perfect and even though someone could walk in at any minute it somehow makes it more exciting than just plain office sex, at Grey's House we always locked the door and Christian warned everyone not to disturb him, here there has been no warning and the door is definitely unlocked.

I explode around him just as he begins grunting and climaxing inside of me. It feel perfectly, we're a perfect match to each other and even though his words stick in my head about not being there for him I still feel happy and content laying in post-coital glow with him.

"Amazing as always." He whispers kissing my head.

"Yes you are." I reply. "But now we gotta move Mr Grey as you and I both have work to do."

"You Mrs Grey should focus on writing your second book, what else have you got planned for today?"

"I have a meeting with R. J. Wilks and the editor to sort out his book, he should have finished minimum ten chapters so far and he hasn't, we have pushed the release date back twice and it's costing us a fortune."

"Let the editor handle it." Christian replies. "That's what they're paid to do Anastasia."

I know better than to argue when he calls me Anastasia.

"Fine, I also need to pop by Christasia Redmond, they opened today."

"Send Sophia or Hannah."

"Ok."

"Anything else?"

"Nope that's my day." I reply.

"Ok then you're going to sit at your desk Mrs Grey and write more of your book and at noon I'm going to come up and with some lunch and we'll eat, then I'm going to take you on the breakfast island and then at five o'clock we'll go home and you'll cook dinner."

I look at Christian who obviously had all this planned in his head beforehand.

"If you want me to cook I need to go grocery shopping, Gail does hers on a Monday which means there won't be much there."

"We could always go out?" Christian suggests.

"Is that a good idea?" I sigh thinking back to the restaurant.

"Why?"

"Well… you didn't seem too happy at the restaurant yesterday."

"What do you mean Ana?"

Oh no this is going to be a fight I just know it.

"Well when those women came to have a picture with me and then when I was asked to meet the chef, you looked almost … well miserable." I say feeling awful for saying it out loud but it's been what I've been thinking about since last night.

"Ana, oh baby, no." He shakes his head and pulls out of me making me wince.

I sit up and pull on my panties as he tucks himself back into his trousers.

"I wasn't miserable I was just… well lost." He says sheepishly as he stands in front of me.

"What do you mean?" I ask feeling confused.

"It's all new to me too Anastasia, I don't know how to act, I don't know how you want me to act in that situation." He says and I see him looking so vulnerable.

"I don't understand." I say quietly and I know I'm frustrating him.

"In the restaurant yesterday, when you went to have your photograph taken with the chef you seemed so confident, I didn't know if you wanted me to come with you or not, or if you were ok to go alone." He says kneeling down in front of me.

"I wasn't confident Christian, it was just putting on a face." I tell him and he cups my cheek and strokes me softly. "I wanted you there but you looked like you'd have rather have been anywhere else that's why I said I'd be right back."

"You wanted me there?"

"Of course I did, you always keep me feeling so strong, when you're around Christian I am confident and comfortable in my own skin. You remind me I deserve this, that I worked for the fame and the fortune that's come with the success of Fifty Shades and I wouldn't feel like that if it wasn't for you. I wanted you back there with me meeting the wonderful chef that cooked our fantastic dinner. I always want you there." I have tears in my eyes as Christian pulls me to him. I let him pick me up and sit down cradling me.

"I'll be there, all you have to do is tell me and I'm there Ana." He says and I finally let my tears go, I'm not really sad but I'm just so overwhelmed with all of this and Christian is the only one I can let go with.

After about ten minutes my sobs have subsided and even though I'm content in Christian's arms I know we've both got work to be doing.


	129. Chapter 129

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

***EDITED***

**Tuesday 3rd January 2012**

I stand in front of the mirror looking over myself. I have my hair pulled back into a tight chignon, my makeup is natural and fresh faced. I'm wearing St John's collection Satin Organza Shawl Collar Blouse with Shelly Pants. Not my usual stuff but considering we're going to court and the press are going to be all over us a pants suit is required in my opinion.

Today Christian and I will watch as Elena Lincoln is sentenced. A fight between the inmates including the bombers means their sentencing will be postponed until the eighteenth January and I'll be in New York unable to attend however right now I can do this.

I look over my shoe racks which were yesterday extended. Christian won't tell me why or who but they're already filled with my shoes and there is still a box full. Apparently in the big house there is one wall in my closet dedicated specifically to my shoes. Damn me for having a weakness about shoes, it's my guilty pleasure, the one thing I tend to splash out on more often than anything else. I had originally chosen my plain black Jimmy Choo pumps but then somewhere in the back of my mind I remembered I am Ana Grey, New York Times Number one Best Selling Author and I decided to go with some statement shoes, the question is though which ones.

Christian comes in wearing his new Armani suit looking his typical CEO self and I see him eyeing up my shoe collection as if the same question is going through his mind as is going through mine. He walks over to the rack and hands me a pair with a smile. They're Estipula Houndstooth Pointed-Toe Mary Jane's by Manholo Blahnik that I had bought to take to New York. "You're going to be on your feet a lot today, comfortable, goes with the outfit and you won't be able to miss them." He smirks before going into his tie drawer. I shake my head and laugh before pulling them on. By the time I'm done Christian's tie is in a perfect Windsor knot and he's smoothing down his collar. "Ready?" He asks as I pick up my purse. "As I'll ever be." I reply taking the hand he offers me. Today I know Christian misses Taylor more than ever as we pull up outside the courthouse and the press go wild. Sawyer and Gary both climb out, while Gary lets us out Sawyer gets ready to lead us through the crowd. Police keep the press back while we're led inside. Carrick greets us with a handshake to Christian and a hug for me before we follow him into the court room. We sit down together hand in hand and in complete silence while Carrick goes to the front to whom I guess is another Lawyer, just then Elena is lead in to through double-doors off to the side in an orange jump suit wearing handcuffs. "Talk about role-reversal." I snigger making Christian crack a smile. "Never thought I'd see Elena Lincoln in handcuffs." Christian chuckles lightly beside me and I can't help but laugh too. "All rise!" A court officer calls and Christian and I stand without a word and without letting go of his hand. "People of the State of Washington sentencing of Elena Marie Lincoln Three counts crime of terrorism, two counts attempted murder in the first degree." "Please be seated." The judge calls. "Ms Lincoln, I believe you have pleaded guilty by your own free will?" "Yes your honour." Elena's voice is hoarse and it surprises me a lot, she sounds so weak and not her strong confident child abusing self. "Then you will articulate your crime." We sit and listen to Elena as she gives details of exactly what she did in relation to the bombings, it's hard to listen to and I feel tears in my eyes as Christian grips my hand. When she sits down I feel like I'm going to be sick. "I believe that the people are invoking their right to reply?" The judge looks at Carrick and the woman. "Yes your Honour, I, Carrick Grey the lawyer of Mr and Mrs Grey will be replying on their behalf." I had no idea that this was going to happen, but in all honesty I have no idea what any of this means anyway. "Your honour, the acts that the defendant has admitted too are a series of Class A-1 and B felonies, the maximum term of imprisonment still wouldn't be enough. Mr and Mrs Grey don't care about their properties, they're wealthy people and properties can easily be replaced. However, what can't be replaced is the hard work that my clients put into those buildings, the dedication, the hours but again, none of that matters. What does matter is that Anastasia and Christian had to run to the other side of the country because Mrs Lincoln was out to get them. They left their families without a word and went into hiding because their lives hung in the balance. Nothing in the world could possibly make up for the hours that their families spent wondering where they were, if they were injured or worse. It's a hard pill to swallow knowing that Mrs Lincoln won't get the death penalty as there is no death penalty here in Washington State. Thank you for giving us this opportunity to talk your honour." Carrick sits down and Christian and I both exhale at once. "We will break for lunch and continue this proceeding after Lunch at one thirty." The Judge bangs the gavel and disappears leaving us to do what we need to do. "Hungry?" Christian asks. "Yes." I say quietly, I've only just realised it's nearly twelve pm and neither Christian nor I ate much breakfast this morning. Sawyer and Gary both lead us out if the court room and into the SUV. "Where to Sir?" Sawyer asks from the driver's seat as he pulls from the kerb. "Mile High." He says calmly but he continues to hold my hand and stroke his thumbs across my knuckles. "We'll need to talk to the press after she's sentenced." Christian's voice breaks the silence. "Ok." I nod. "Do you want to talk?" "Not particularly." "Ok I'll do it." He sighs before turning to look out the window. "My Dad is hoping she'll get life." "Do you think she will?" "Even if she doesn't she'll get minimum thirty years and have to serve twenty of it, she'll be seventy by the time she's out." "Then does it really matter either way?" I ask not understanding the problem. "The more she gets the more it will feel like she's dealt with. Even if she does get out in twenty years Ana I won't even be fifty, you'll barely be in your forties, I don't want to have to face the possibility twenty years down the line that she comes after us." "That makes sense." I reply. "I just hadn't really thought about it." We arrive at the club and are shown straight to the private dining room, I'm guessing that Christian booked this in advanced. It's actually obvious when we're not asked to order and our food is brought through straight away. Once our starter is cleaned away the awkward silence deafens me. I just want him to talk to me but it seems that he has other ideas. We eat our entrée in the same consuming quietness and I am desperate to say something but I guess it's one of those moments where if you have nothing to say then don't say anything. After we finish the two of head back to the car still in silence. I want to say something, anything, but I don't know what to say in this situation and I guess all I can do is be by his side. We arrive back at the courthouse and make our way through the press. Once again Carrick meets us and we follow him through to the courtroom in silence, the only sound other than the clicking of our heels is the voices around us like incoherent mumbling. "All rise!" When the judge enters my breath catches in my throat. I know this is it, Elena Lincoln is about to be sentenced to prison but I have no idea for how long, if this is it for us, or if one day she'll be back in our lives.

While the judge talks I can't listen. I know she's going on about her job but my priority is with Christian. He's concentrating hard on what the judge is saying almost as if it's gospel and somehow I know he's agitated about the verdict, nervous, anxious.

"Will the defendant please rise."

Elena, her lawyer, Carrick and the lady lawyer beside him all stand.

"You have confessed to your crimes here in open court. You have accepted full responsibility and in most cases this would call for a lesser sentence however, you were involved in a terrorist act that could have killed thousands of workers at Grey's House though your intentions were to harm only two people. Ms Lincoln I sentence you to life imprisonment for each Crime of Terrorism, you will serve a minimum of twenty five years for each consecutively before parole is even a possibility, on top of that I sentence you to ten years per count of attempted murder of which there were two, you will serve a minimum of seven years for each again consecutively. So Ms Lincoln, you will serve a minimum of eighty nine years before parole is a possibility."

The gavel swings down and Christian throws his arms around me tight. I hold onto him, knowing this is what we needed. She's out of our lives for good. I can't resist looking over at her and her eyes somehow find mine. She glares at me and I smirk, I deserve the last word here between us. Christian lifts his head from my shoulder and we both watch as she is lead away. It's finally over, that is probably the last time either one of us will see Elena Lincoln again.

"Well that was what we were after." Carrick smiles as he comes over. "Ready to face the press son?" He asks Christian.

"Of course." Christian replies dryly.

I link my hand in his and he guides me out. Carrick stays by our side and leads us outside and the press are quick to gather around us thrusting microphones into our faces. I hold tight to Christian finding this all a bit much.

"Elena Lincoln was today sentenced to three life sentences and two ten year sentences. She will serve a minimum of eighty nine years before parole is even a possibility. This is all the justice Anastasia and I could have asked for. We'd like to thank the press and public for all your support during what has been a trying time for us and I'd also like to thank Carrick Grey for his legal skills, love and support. Thank you."

The three of us walked away while questions were fired at us. Carrick hurried off one way leaving Sawyer to help Christian and I into the car.

"Home?" I ask him and he beams and nods.

"Home."


	130. Chapter 130

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

***EDITED***

**Sunday 8th January**

I stand on Christian's arm wearing a beautiful floor length gown by Mandalay. It has a beaded top half, deep V-line neck, diamond cut back, the skirt is champagne with a small foot long train. I'm wearing a pair of Oscar de la Renta Jewel-Toe d'Orsay underneath it, not that you can see them anyway. Hannah and Luke both look amazing. Hannah is wearing a stunning blue tube tiered fringe dress that falls to her knees, she looks so happy.

"How long do we have to stick around for?" Christian whispers in my ear.

"Christian!" I scold harshly. "I'm her maid of honour, I have to stick around to the end and guess what I want to also, Luke is our friend, he's your friend."

"No he's your security big difference." Christian replies before stalking off to talk to someone he's spotted.

"Ana!" Hannah waves.

I calmly walk over to her with a big grin on my face. I receive a large hug from her and then an uncomfortable one from Luke.

"Where's Mr Grey?" Hannah asks.

"He's here somewhere." I reply pretending to look around for him, I have no interest in talking to him right now. "So have you chosen a date for the wedding yet?" I ask them already excited.

"April twenty fifth." Hannah beams at me, she's so ecstatic I feel so blessed to be a part of this.

"You'll need to mark it on my calendar." I tease making them both laugh as an arm is slipped around my waist.

"Hey baby." I hear in my ear and supress the urge to roll my eyes and put on my own happy face.

"Hey." I reply. "They have a date for the wedding."

"That's great, congratulations." He smiles at the politely his mask firmly in place.

"Thank you." They reply together.

"Baby we need to head off Taylor and Gail will be arriving at Sea-Tac in less than an hour and I told them we'd meet them off the plane."

"Of course you did." I reply softly even though I'm really mad, he knew we had plans today.

"It's no problem Ana, I'll see you tomorrow." She smiles though I know she's disappointed.

I give them each a hug while Christian shakes Luke's hand and awkwardly kisses Hannah's hand, I can't tell which one of the two were uncomfortable but Luke and I shared a look that showed we both wanted to burst out laughing.

Once outside in the car I let rip.

"I can't believe you did that, Gail and Jason would have been fine to get to Escala on their own! Hannah and Luke wanted us there tonight and you go and completely disregard their feelings in order for your own. I don't care that you were bored Christian I'm fucking bored at a lot of your damn functions too but I grin and bear them, all you had to do tonight was be nice and you couldn't even do that. I am sorely disappointed in you." When I finish my rant I see he has the decency to look ashamed of himself but he doesn't reply to me, it's a good thing in one way I guess because he wouldn't like to cross me right now I am beyond furious.

At the airport we meet Gail and Jason with hugs and smiles all around, Christian and I keep up our masks even though I'm sure we both realise that as soon as we're back at Escala and the fight really kicks off they were going to know anyhow.

As soon as we've said goodbye to Gail and Jason after exiting the lift I rush straight to the bedroom. I can't get to the zip of my dress but I happily kick off my shoes falling four inches.

"Are you still mad at me?" Christian asks looking at me like a lost puppy.

"I'm beyond mad Christian Grey, I am furious." I reply. "Now can you unzip my dress please?" I ask because I just want to get out of it.

He sighs but undoes the zip on the back of my dress. As soon as it's lowered I walk into the closer holding the chest up so he doesn't get side tracked by sex. In saying that I know Christian always gets side tracked by sex. I step out of me dress and lay it on a chair knowing Gail's back she'll have it dry cleaned.

"Are going to just ignore me or are we going to talk about this?" Christian asks coming into the closet.

I'm stood in my bra and panties and I turn to him my hands on my hips, the fury running through my body.

"I don't know about you Christian but Hannah and Luke are my friends, I don't have many of them but those two I do have, I care for them and I wanted to be there with them tonight celebrating their engagement yet you decide to have us pick up Gail and Jason, I'm sure they would have been fine getting back here on their own! Hannah has asked me to be her maid of honour and I was supposed to be there for her tonight." I'm beyond angry and he behaved irrational so I have every right to be angry.

"Ana." He sighs as I grab a nightgown.

"What?" I hiss, I don't want any of his excuses right now.

"I'm sorry." His voice sounds like he's awfully sorry but is that because he is sorry or because he wants to get laid?

"You should be." I reply before pulling off my bra.

I hear his sharp intake of breath and before I get the chance to pull on my nightgown he's scooping me up in his arms.

"Put me down Christian Grey!" I yell but he replies with a spank on my panty clad backside. "I'm not kidding Christian! Put. Me. Down."

He drops me on the bed but before I get the chance to push him away he's on me.

"Ana, what the fuck do you do to me?" He asks as I struggle beneath him, he isn't winning this one.

"Get off me Christian!"

"Jesus, you know I love it when you fight me and you're so fucking sexy when you're mad." He says rocking his rock hard erection into me.

"Christian." I moan but not from anger this time, he always uses sex like this and I always relent and this time seems to be no different.

"Tell me what you want Ana." He whispers gliding his nose up and down along my neck.

"You." I whimper, he is my weakness let's just get over it.

"Where?" He asks, _Jesus now he wants me to beg?_

I begin struggling against him again, trying to push him off me. I know I'm arousing him more but I'm not going to beg!

"Ana." He moans into me ear as I continue to wriggle beneath him.

"What?"

"Tell me what you want."

"You the fuck off me!" I shout and he quickly pulls back in shock at my outburst. "Thank you." I hiss getting to my feet.

"You don't want to have sex with me?" He asks looking like a lost boy while I stand in front of him just in my panties.

"I always want to have sex with you but I'm not going to beg when I'm fucking mad with you Christian."

He frowns at my use of language but I don't care.

"I am sorry Ana, please forgive me?" He asks taking my hand.

I sigh and can't resist rolling my eyes knowing I always forgive him, especially when he looks at me with those soft grey eyes that look so haunted.

"I do." I tell him and he happily scoops me up in his arms and lays me down on the bed. "Christian!" I laugh.

"What if I'm all forgiven it should be ok for me to make love to my wife right?"

"I don't want to make love to you tonight Christian." I say and he looks up at me like I've just hit him the face. "I don't want you to make love to me because I want you to fuck me."

His mouth pops open but he regains himself quickly with a seductive smirk.

"Oh my pleasure Mrs Grey." He says quickly peeling my panties down my legs.

His eyes roam over my body. He's completely clothed other than his tie and jacket which were taken off as soon as we were in the car and I'm as naked as the day I was born for his eyes only.

"Christian!" I moan throwing my arm across my eyes in embarrassment.

"I just fucking love looking at you Ana." He says the arousal so obvious in his voice.

I remove my arm in time to see him peel out of his clothes quickly. He drops each item onto the floor and as soon as his boxers are off he's in between my legs.

"Fast and hard?" He asks me and I nod, I'm still angry and hoping somehow that this will work off the frustration. "Hold on tight baby." He says nudging my clit with the head of his shaft.

I grip around my thighs, just below my knees, holding myself wide open to him. He beams at me and holds my knees before in one slam of his hips he's filling me. I jerk upwards, the fullness so perfect.

His thrusts are relentless as he pounds hard into me. The slap of skin on skin echoes around the room drowning out his grunts and my moans. We climb higher and higher and one of Christian's hands leave my knee and his fingers find my pulsating clitoris. He rubs and pinches driving me completely wild until I fall over the edge calling his name out in ecstasy. He follows straight behind me, a string of words completely incoherent except for the word 'Ana'.

He collapses beside me panting and he wraps me up in his arms. I feel so safe now, so relaxed.

"Was that what you wanted?"

"Yes." I reply.

"Good. I'm happy to have helped you." He says in such a serious manner he has me giggling, I love it when he makes me giggle after sex. "Sleep now Mrs Grey."

"Night baby." I say just as I begin to go, with no covers over our naked body we fall into peaceful sleep.


	131. Chapter 131

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Next chapter Ana goes to New York!**

**Thursday 12th January 2012**

"Are you ok?" Christian asks appearing in the mirror behind me.

"No." I reply shaking my head. "Christian I'm terrified."

"Why? You've done the publicity for this, Hannah has already been out and the last count was at two thousand people some of them having travelled from all across the country for this day, we're currently trying to schedule you in to having at least one signing in every state just to stop these sort of numbers happening again because there is no way in hell you're going to be able to sign two thousand books." Christian is so confident about this but I'm absolutely petrified. "Now, tweet your fans and get out there. I'll be ready to stand with Sawyer and Taylor."

"Ok." I nod grabbing my phone.

**AnaGrey: heard there's more than 2000 ppl here at B&N Seattle! This is amazing! Thanx 2 u all 4 2wks top NYTBS!**

I drop my phone into my purse and stand up to straighten out my dress. I'm wearing Tobit Sleeveless jumpsuit with a calfskin belt by Escada. It's comfortable and that's what I needed to be today. To make it more 'me' I'm wearing Georgio Armani Peep Toe Oxford Wedges which are comfortable and stylish.

"Ready?" Christian asks coming to get me. I smile and nod, I'm as ready as I'll ever be.

I step to the door and Hannah steps up onto the stage. She looks so cool, calm and confident and I catch Luke giving her the once over with an adoring gaze.

"Ok!" Hannah calls brining the murmurs of the crowd to utter silence. "She's spent the last two weeks at the top of the New York Times Best Seller List with her book Fifty Shades, she's been announced as one of the nominee's for a Pulitzer prize in fiction, she is Ana Grey!"

As Hannah announces my name the crowd goes absolutely wild. There are screaming girls, screeching women, loud claps and Christian gives my shoulder a small push. I step out with a wide smile on my face as I believe I now know how a rockstar must feel.

Hannah guides me to the table that has been set up for me. There's one of my portraits from BMM magazine on a stand on one side and a pile of my books on the other with one on a stand on top of them.

The first small group of five comes up with their copies in their hands. The first girl to place her book on my table is only about seventeen years old. She has literal stars in her eyes as she looks at me and I give her a brief smile before unclicking the first black sharpie and opening the book.

"So what's your name?" I ask softly.

"Melissa."

"Melissa." I reply before writing in the book.

Melissa, love Ana Grey.

Simple. I know if I don't over complicate what I write I'll get to see more people so I want to please everyone who's come. I catch Christian in the corner of my eye as I sign the next book and he gives me a smile and a nod. He looks so relaxed whereas I feel like I'm about to explode with a mixture of nerves and excitement, I feel like I'm back on the New York-New York in Vegas about to drop.

"Hi I'm a huge fan! I've already put a pre-order down on the second book." The fifty plus year old woman in front of me beams.

"That's great thank you so much. What's your name?"

"Heather." She replied. "You're a very talented writer, I hope you write more after this trilogy." She says her hand gently cupping the one holding the book open while the other is signing.

"Aww thank you." I gush before handing the book back and Hannah easily moves her along.

After about forty I feel my hand slowly begin to pulsate and I know an ache is on its way. As a teenage boy steps up to me I glance at Christian struggling not to laugh, this is not the type of person I expected to be reading my book. I'm even more surprised when he places a copy of BMM in front of me sheepishly.

"You're a big inspiration Mrs Grey." He says and I glance at Christian again to see him glaring.

"Thank you so much." I say trying to sound more enthusiastic. "What's your name?"

"Marcus."

I sign the book with his name and then just my own on the cover of the magazine. He beams at me like I've given him the greatest gift in the world before Hannah moves him along and Luke allows five more people past. The next two to step up to me are a pair of women. One looks like the other's mother. The youngest is wearing a nose cannula and I see she has an oxygen tank in a bag on her shoulder.

"Hi." I smile not knowing what to do or say at this moment.

"Hi." The youngest smiles placing her book down.

"What's your name?"

"Katelynn. K double N"

"Katelynn, that's a beautiful name." I smile, it's the truth, I really do like it and the unique spelling.

"I know you're not doing pictures properly but would you mind Mrs Grey? We ditched the hospital to come out this morning…" I feel my heart shatter as I wonder what's wrong with the maybe eighteen year old in front of me.

"Of course, Christian!" I signal my husband over and he doesn't hesitate in coming to see what I want.

"Could we do a picture? Please?" He sees the pleading in my eyes and he glances over at Katelynn and her Mom and gives an uncertain smile and a nod.

"Thank you." The mother says as I stand up. Katelynn happily let's Christian guide her to the paper backdrop with the title of my book and the publishing company name on it and her Mom picks up her digital camera while Christian grabs at the Nikon around his neck, I know he's going to use this photograph for the website.

"Thank you so much Mrs Grey." Katelynn says stepping back.

"It was my pleasure Katelynn. I hope you get well soon." I say kindly.

"I won't be getting any better Mrs Grey, I have myelogenous lukemia, there's no cure. I'm terminal." She says still with a smile on my face.

"I'm really sorry to hear that Katelynn." I say and without thinking I reach out and pull her into a hug.

She clutches me tight and rests her chin on my shoulder and I know Christian and her Mom are going to be snapping away but I don't care.

"I've dealt with the fact I'm going to die Mrs Grey, but thank you for taking the time to have a picture with me, not only has it made my day but it also gives my Mom something else to remind her of me when I go." I have tears stinging my eyes as we both pull away. "Don't cry."

"I'm glad I made you happy." I say putting on a smile of my own as she reaches over and wipes my tear like it's something so natural, I guess for her with her mom it is.

"Thank you." She walks off and takes her Mom's hand and they both waved at me before Taylor let them out.

"Ok?" Christian asks.

"She's dying." I tell him and I see sadness filling his grey eyes.

"Poor girl." He said.

"Yeah, she said the picture was for her Mom as a reminder of something good when she died."

I leave that sentiment with Christian as I slip into my chair and begin to sign more books.

By one pm Christian is testy and I know it's because he wants me to take a break and eat but I've relaxed now and am enjoying myself tremendously.

After half an hour of expecting me to call a short break he steps up and does it for me.

"Ok everyone, Ana is going to take half an hour to have something to eat and then she'll be back at two to sign more books!" He says. There are a few small groans but as I stand up everyone claps and I happily wave as Christian comes to guide me to the back.

He lays out the packed lunch Mrs Taylor (that's hard to get used to) made for us and we eat quietly. My hand hurts and I'm feeling so tried but there are still so many people out there who want their books signed and I'm not about to let them down.

"You'll finish at five." Christian tells me.

"That gives me three hours." I nod and he smiles gently.

After we've eaten it's back to the same seat and I sign more books and smile for photographs and even Christian seems to relax again snapping away with the Nikon at the crowd and at me as I sign away. I'm actually in my element meeting so many people who have read my book.

At five o'clock the crowd has thinned loads but there are still about fifty people waiting.

"Christian can I please do these?" I ask him knowing they've waited there all day.

"Ok, just sign your name, you've also got three people here who are dying to have you sign their books but they're special." He says before walking off.

I gaze after him confused by as Luke's let another small group in I'm back to signing.

I get through the fifty quite quickly and as I drop my pen I drop my head to the wooden table exhausted making Hannah and Luke laugh.

"I'm done!" I say excitedly.

"Not quite." Christian says walking to me.

Behind him Grace, Mia and Kate stand holding their very own copies of my book in their hands.

"Well I guess three more won't hurt." I say jokingly.

I laugh with my family as I sign their three books, giving a personal message to each one.

To the best mother-in-law in the world - Grace lots of love Ana xx

Kate, hope you learned something, Ana xx

Mia, the best little sister ever! Ana x

"So how was it?" Kate asks as we all head towards the waiting SUV Christian's told us that we should go out for a celebratory drink while he takes the photos to Grey's Publishing.

"It was amazing. I met this one girl, we weren't really doing pictures because of time but she had a nasal cannula and her Mom with her and they asked if they could have one and I was talking to her, found out she's dying, it was so sad but so lovely at the same time, she said that I'd made her day but also given her Mom another memory." I recall Katelynn's story with warmth in my heart, the young woman has inspired me so much.

"Wow, what did you do when she told you that?" Mia asked.

"Hugged her, and I had a tear in my eye and she wiped it away."

"So sweet."

"I want to track her down." I say quietly as we head off towards Zig-Zags.

"Why?"

"So I can deliver her the copy of the second book if she is still alive when it's finished. Maybe give her the first printed copy."

"I think she'd love that." Grace says kindly putting her hand on my knee.

"Thank you."

"You're a kind-hearted woman Anastasia. It's a beautiful part of you." She adds making me smile, today really has been a great day.


	132. Chapter 132

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**NEW YORK IS COMING!**

**Sunday 15th January 2012**

Sitting with my hand locked in Christian's I try to block out all the apprehension I'm feeling. I will arrive at Sea-Tac in less than twenty minutes where I will be saying goodbye to my husband for a whole seven days. It's going to be tough not having him with me but I understand he has so much to do between running GEH and AG as well as plan my upcoming England trip and book signing tour. My book is now in its third week at the top of the Best Seller List and there is no sign of it coming down any time soon. The reception and the reviews are pretty mixed which is great, none of them are bad or really insulting but some people do seem to have grasped the wrong end of the stick and believe I'm setting feminism back over a century, which is ridiculous.

It's the mixed emotions about the book that is causing me to have to spend a whole week in New York. As well as the book signing I have twelve TV chat shows that I will be appearing on from Ellen DeGeneres to Tyra Banks and the ladies at The View. I'm excited, don't get me wrong I know it's going to be absolutely amazing to meet stars I've only ever thought about as being people on the TV but now I get to not only meet them in person but go on their show to discuss my book! I am a little apprehensive though, apparently Tyra Banks is enraged with how much women love Fifty shades because it goes against most women's beliefs and hers in particular when it comes to empowering women and so on and Christian and my new Publicist Victoria spent hours viewing suggested Tyra 'Quotes' about my book in order to prepare adequate answers that tell her she's wrong in a very polite manner.

I'm even going on The Daily Show with John Stuart! Christian and I watched his show on the internet trying to understand why on earth he personally requested I be a guest on his show, I don't seem like the person he'd want to have a two segment interview with but apparently so, I hope I get to laugh with him rather than have him laughing at me and Christian I know will be on the phone with Luke during the filming making sure that no insults are made against me or him, he's particularly worried about that interview more than the rest.

We arrive at Sea-Tac and I feel my grip tightening on Christian, Luke and Hannah are already outside the jet waiting with smiles on their faces and I wish I could be just as happy right now. I know I'll be fine once I'm in the air but I have to admit that I wish Christian was coming with me. Taylor lets us out of the car and we walk onto the Jet, it's hard knowing Christian won't be leaving with us and this next week is going to be a nightmare without him by my side but I know once I'm there and I am working the time will fly by, it's the only consolation I have.

"You make sure you have fun out there." Christian smiles as he wraps his arms around me.

"I'll try." I say quietly, I'm trying not to cry here.

"I know you will, you're going to be live on The Wendy Williams Show in less than twenty four hours and you're going to do amazing!" Christian is beaming, I can tell by his voice and I know he's proud of me, it's an honour that he is this proud of me and I know he's worked hard in getting all these interviews to happen in the same week and keep the Fifty Shades Phenomenon alive, it's a case of as soon as I'm done in New York I have the opening of the children's ward which is more publicity then it's less than a week till I fly to London for two weeks, the best thing is Christian will be flying down for five days of the fourteen so that's not too bad I suppose.

"I love you."

"I love you too, call me when you land." Christian says kissing the top of my head.

I kiss his lips tenderly then watch as he exits the plane. As soon as I watch him go down the steps through the window I sink into one of the four seats and buckle up.

Christian and Taylor drive off just as the doors are closing then come to a stop just past the gate. I see Christian step out of the car again and I notice he's watching us take off.

I watch him till I can't see him anymore and try to relax until the seatbelt sign goes off. Lois stands and does her safety talk while I set up the large table and pull out my laptop settling back in my chair to write more on the second book.

"Can I get you anything to drink Mrs Grey?" Lois asks standing beside my chair.

"Some soda would be lovely thank you." I reply trying to focus on writing for the next five hours.


	133. Chapter 133

After arriving in New York late last night Hannah and I worked through my schedule for today, I'm beyond nervous and excited it's like being on a rollercoaster that isn't going to end any time soon but neither does the adrenaline.

It's now five thirty am and I have just woken up. After only eight hours sleep I expect to feel exhausted but I don't, not yet anyhow, but I know I have to be at the Wendy Williams show by eight am to be in hair and makeup which gives me just about enough time to choose which dresses I'm going to wear. First stop is The Wendy Williams Show which will have me live on air at nine thirty till about five to ten, then I have to be at Ellen by ten thirty and I'll be filming my segment at around eleven thirty and after that I have a table booked somewhere for lunch and then it's to the Daily Show, filming begins at five thirty but they want me there early for hair and makeup and all the sound checks and stuff and then I'm done for the day.

Hannah bounces into my room full of energy already showered and dressed in a lovely grey halter neck dress with a navy one button suit jacket, the iPad is balanced firmly on her left arm while she pokes at it with her right hand.

"Come on Ana, you are falling behind schedule already!" She laughed pushing my drapes open though the sun is only just beginning to rise. "Come on, you need to choose three dresses and have them bagged and ready to go. Wendy Williams is waiting for you."

Exactly an hour and a half later and we're on our way in the SUV that Christian hired with Gary, Sawyer, Hannah and myself all ready for the hectic day ahead.

I arrive at the stage door and am greeted by a blonde haired woman in a suit and a headset. She announces my arrival into the microphone at her mouth and then smiles broadly at me.

"Mrs Grey, lovely to meet you. I'm Kathleen guest co-ordinator here at The Wendy Williams Show, it's so lovely that you could come today." She beams happily at me as she speaks the obviously well-rehearsed line.

"Thank you so much for having me." I smile the line I've been told to repeat like a mantra to everyone by Publicist Victoria Reynolds.

"Right this way." She smiled again and we followed her into the building.

I'm shown down a well-lit corridor and then she stops at a door that has a stick on gold star with Ana Grey in Edwardian Script.

"This is your dressing room." She said before opening the door.

In front of me is a brilliant white room with a white leather couch, coffee table holding a huge gift basket, a huge mirror with lights all around it and a bouquet of flowers on the table in front of said mirror. It's so clean and fresh and beautiful. A small fridge stands in the corner which surprises me.

"Ok so Melissa from hair and makeup will be with you in five, there's a complimentary The Wendy Williams Shoe purple robe for you on the back of the bathroom door." She signals a door I hadn't noticed. "There are matching slippers too, they're yours too keep as are the flowers and the gift basket, many people take the star off the door too, it's held on by Velcro so if you want it just grab it on your way out. If you need anything there's a radio there turn it to channel five and you'll get me. Someone from the crew will be over in about an hour or so to take you on set and show you around so you can get comfortable."

"Thank you so much." I smile, I am severely overwhelmed and need to process this.

"There's soda, fruit and stuff in the fridge again help yourself to any of it. I have to go but again if you need anything let me know."

She slips out the door leaving me to look at Luke and Hannah with amusement. I take the card from the gift basket and read it.

_With love from The Wendy Williams Show. _

It's filled with mainly show merchandise like Wendy Williams mug and T-shirt but there are some other random stuff in there too such as pens and notebooks from their sponsors. The card on the exotic flowers reads –

_Ana Grey, thank you for coming on my show! Love Wendy. _

A knock on the door has Luke on edge as he answers it. Behind it I see Gary and who I guess is Melissa from hair and beauty.

"Ana? I'm Melissa I'm going to do your hair and makeup, you ready?"

"Uh sure."

"Ok why don't you pull on your robe and slippers and sit back in the chair, maybe get a drink and a snack out while I set everything up then we'll be good to go."

I do everything she says just because she said it. I'm too overwhelmed to think on my own two feet.

One hour, two cans of diet cola and half a box of grapes my hair is in very large rollers and my makeup is perfect. Melissa leaves with the promise she'll be back in a little while to undo the rollers leaving me Hannah, Luke and Gary alone again.

"This is surreal." I say and they give me reassuring smiles as another knock comes on the dressing room door.

Again I watch Luke open it with vigilance, I know that he and Gary are both out of their depth here not knowing much but Christian has been in touch with each of the shows making sure their security is up to date and having Welch run checks on each place too.

"Hi I'm Trevor, Stage Manager, are you ready to come and have a look around the set?"

"Like this?" I ask signalling the thick purple robe and my hair.

"Yeah, most people come like that." He says with a friendly smile.

"Ok, can …"

"Yes your security and PA can come too." I guess he's used to this.

I follow him from my dressing room, he shows me the green room quickly and then we move on to the stage. He shows me where I will walk out from, the small doorway and catwalk.

"Just smile and wave, try and look confident." He says. "Do you want to practise?"

"I'm good thanks." I say feeling a little shy, I'm not an actress I'm a writer!

"Ok." He says with another friendly smile.

"Then you go over here, greet Wendy with a hug and an air kiss or two, whatever you're most comfortable with, she's good, she'll bounce off you and then she'll tell you to take a seat." He signals the purple couch and I sit down and look to the empty audience knowing it's going to be filled with people.

"Mrs Grey, Wendy is on her way up to meet you now." Trevor says his finger on his head set, I guess he just heard a voice informing him.

I turn my head just as the Beautiful Wendy Williams steps out with her own hair in rollers and a purple robe and slippers.

I stand quickly and try to relax but her reassuring warm smile says I'm showing my fear.

"It's so good to meet you Ana." She smiles.

"You too, thank you so much for inviting me on your show." I say shaking her hand relaxing a little.

"Trevor we're good here I'll show Ana back to her dressing room." Wendy dismisses the Stage Manager and with a nod of his head he leaves us.

"So who are your friends?" Oops, I forgot about the three other people with me.

"Sorry. Where are my manners?" I say making her smile. "This is Hannah my PA, Luke and Gary my close personal protection."

"You have your security with you?" She asks a little surprised.

"My husband is a tad protective." I smile making a small measurement between my finger and thumb Wendy smiles.

"Ok, so are you looking forward to the interview?"

"I think so." I say pulling a nervous face making her laugh again, she's so relaxed it's lovely to see.

"Well just be yourself, be honest. That's what I always tell my guests. You'll sit right here, there will be a mug of whatever you want on the table if you need to wet your mouth and throat, I'll introduce you before you come out, a small thirty second VT will play and then I'll introduce you again and you'll come out the curtain." She says and I nod, this is so much to take in. "Would you like to see the VT?"

"Uh sure." I say not really one hundred percent sure what VT stands for.

"Chloe roll the tape." She says into a walkie she produces from her robe's pocket.

She holds my shoulders and guides me to a chair and signals the screen behind her. Suddenly the screen comes to life and the video plays.

"From Billionaire's wife, to business woman, to worldwide best-selling author. Anastasia Grey is the envy of women everywhere. From college she married Christian Grey hot-shot CEO and progressed to take over one of his publishing companies, from there she branched to the salon industry and then she brought out Fifty Shades. The Erotic Romance novel first believed to be written by one non-existent Rose Trevelyan shot to the top of the New York Times Best Sellers list, since then the books has sold over three million copies in the US alone." The voice over correlates a series of images from the book cover to video footage at the Seattle signing to pictures of Christian and I at different events.

"Wow." I say when the screen goes off.

"Are you happy with it?"

"It's brilliant." I say with a smile, I don't know what else to do because I just know nothing about all of this.

"That's good." Wendy smiles. "Now we should get you back to your dressing room, one hour thirty till show time." She says excitedly.

Wendy happily guides me back to my dressing room and hugs me before leaving. I look at Hannah and Luke who are stood side by side my mouth open a little and they smile happily at me, I know they're supportive of all of this.

"Hey." Melissa smiles coming back into the room.

I sit straight back down and let her finish my hair and add some more powder before she disappears again. I then go into the bathroom and while I'm there pulling on my dress with Hannah's help we hear another female voice in the dressing room.

"Ana, they need you dressed and mic'd up in the next ten minutes." Luke says through the door.

"We'll be out in two!" Hannah calls back making me giggle.

She zips me up and makes sure my hair is done before dragging me out the door, she's a woman on a mission today and I love seeing her like this.

I'm lead back to the stage side and a mic pack is placed uncomfortably on the back of my dress with a wire going around to the front where the mic is clipped on. I'm asked to talk into it and I say a few random sentences till the sound guy gets thumbs up from someone else.

"Ok go to the green room, we're on air in fifteen minutes, you're on in forty five someone will come and get you when it's time."

We're led to the green room and once Hannah, Luke, Gary and I are left alone I pace the floor anxiously. I don't know what else to do because I'm terrified, what if this all goes wrong? Hannah passes me my phone and tells me I should tweet but I can't yet.

We watch the show on the monitor in the green room and I relax a little seeing how Wendy is with her other guest, some clinical psychologist for something, I wasn't really paying much attention to what was going on. I decide to send a tweet just as it's obvious a break is going to be coming up and I know my segment is next.

** AnaGrey:- First stop on my New York tour, Wendy Williams show, nervous and excited!**

I hate the waiting. Having been here for so long now and the pressure has been building. AI've written a damn erotic novel filled with BDSM no way are any of these hosts going to take it easy on me this week.

"Mrs Grey." One of the tech guys signals me over and he walks me over to the walkway in time for my introduction.

"She is one of Seattle's most powerful women, one half of Seattle's Power couple. Her book Fifty Shades is in number one on the New York Times Best Seller and this week she's in New York for you guys, here she is Ana Grey!"

I take the signal from the tech opposite me and walk out with a smile. The noise is beyond what I imagined with the whooping. I stand for a moment and wave to the audience, my cream Nicole Miller ruched skirt cocktail dress with long split sleeves and v-neck figure hugging to my mid-thigh shimmering beautifully under the light and I pray I don't fall in my Christian Louboutin's roxy muse specchio chain-maille four inch heels.

I walk over the smile gripped to my face. I'm terrified as I greet Wendy with air kisses before sitting carefully on the purple couch making sure I don't flash anything I shouldn't.

"Good morning Ana." Wendy beams.

"Good morning." I reply.

"So just before the break we had a small segment of the hit book that is Fifty Shades read out to the audience. In comparison to most of the book and keeping with regulations the segment was mild."

"Yes." I say laughing softly.

"First of all I have to ask you about your friendship with Kristin Chenoweth and Idina Menzel the Broadway stars. Tell me about that." I didn't expect this question at all and am momentarily stunned but my voice quickly comes back.

"I met the two beautiful ladies when Christian took me to see Wicked when we were here in New York just before Christmas, it was blogged on TMZ that we were here and Christian revealed to the nation that I was Rose Trevelyan and Kristin asked us to join her backstage. We've been friends since."

"You three tweet with each other a lot!" She says dramatically and I can't help but laugh.

"It's Kristin who told me to get on Twitter and once Christian became my manager he looked into it and completely agreed. I am actually addicted." I say laughing, I can feel myself starting to relax.

"Ok so I have to ask about the pen name, Rose Trevelyan."

"Yes."

"How did you come up with it?"

"It's my middle name Rose and Christian is Trevelyan-Grey. It was simple." I say with a shrug.

"But why a pen name?"

"I didn't want people to buy the book because Christian Grey's wife wrote it but as soon as it was rumoured to be true the book was already selling and we let it out the bag." I say, it's the truth so I can handle it.

"Ok so tell us about the book."

"Ok well Maggie she's the heroine if you will, she tells the story, she meets Richard when he spills coffee on her and insists he buy her a new shirt and she lets him because he actually doesn't give her a choice. He takes her out to dinner, contacts her again as he wants her to be his Submissive."

"As in BDSM submissive."

"Exactly." I nod. "Turns out though Miss Maggie is a virgin and he didn't expect that."

"Then he pops her cherry."

"Yes." I laugh, nice way of putting it for day time TV, I'll have to remember that one. "Then he tells her he wants her to be his Submissive and she is surprisingly for it."

"The book is known for its heavy BDSM content, even though it's a romance there is a lot of rough sex and what most women are now fantasising about spanking."

"Yes there's a LOT of spanking in this book."

"Seriously guys from him using his had to using riding crops it's insane. I have to ask about the humiliation Maggie goes through as his submissive. What made you come up with that?"

"It was research. I found some women and men get turned on by being humiliated others by humiliating, it shocked me it really did I thought if anyone dared try to get me to do that they'd find themselves in a court room but the point is that some people do like it and I wanted to play on that, it happens in the BDSM community and I thought it would add a bit of spice to the story, even for people who don't enjoy that they get some insight to Maggie and Richard enjoying it."

"Of course, now you just said if anyone ever tried to do that to you they'd find themselves in a court room, many people have speculated that you and your husband practise this lifestyle behind closed doors." Wendy is deathly serious but I manage to laugh because Christian would never treat me the way Maggie is treated.

"Absolutely not, does it look like I ever wear a collar?" I manage to say. "No Christian and I don't practise this stuff, it's just a book."

"So your relationship in the bedroom is just plain old vanilla."

"There's nothing old or plain about vanilla." I say echoing words Christian once said to me.

"I can't believe someone who's never done any of this can write about it in such detail."

"Research, lots of research." I reply and I see her eyes widen.

"Really?"

"Absolutely, in that book there's hospital details from Britain which I would never have known had I not researched they have the National Health Service which is free for everyone but then wealthier people have health insurance which get them better care." I reply. "I wouldn't have known any of what's in that book without research."

"Ok, so last but not least you're going to be doing a signing this week aren't you?"

"Yes Barnes and Nobel on Fifth Avenue from eight am till one thirty pm on Thursday." I say happily, I am excited for that more than anything else this week.

"Ok so you guys to meet Ana and get your copy of Fifty Shades signed head over to Barnes and Nobel on Fifth Avenue on Thursday get there early because she's only there until one thirty and you wouldn't want to be disappointed! You can buy Fifty Shades from all good retailors or online for Kindle and iPad for nine dollars and ninety nine cents, last but not least Ana when can we expect the second book of the trilogy?"

"March 30th." I reply and Wendy nods.

"So after the break…" I tune out and continue to smile, I pray to God when I go back stage now Hannah will tell me it went perfectly!

AND WE'RE OUT! I hear bringing me back into the room.

"Thank you so much for coming on Ana."

"No thank you for having me Wendy it's been a pleasure." I reply as she hugs me.

"So how vanilla is your bedroom antics?"

"I'm not going there." I say with a smirk making Wendy laugh.

"Everyone experiments Ana, was it with someone before the Christian Grey?"

"I lost my virginity to Christian Grey, so no it was anyone else." I say before heading off knowing that they will return from commercial in a moment.

I step into my dressing room and Hannah jumps to her feet.

"Well?"

"Amazing! Wow Ana you looked like a pro out there and that dress worked brilliantly."

"What time is it?" I ask as Luke begins grabbing my bags to take out to the car.

"Nine fifty." Hannah replies. "We need to be at Ellen by ten thirty."

"Ok so we need to go then." I say. "Have you got one of the cards to leave for Wendy?"

"Yes, I've already had it delivered to her dressing room, the staff are all gutted you can't stick around but they also understand they've had it before. Luke and Gary have taken all the stuff to the car so we're good to go." And on that note we're off and I know this is only just the beginning.


	134. Chapter 134

**Monday 16****th**** January 2012**

** AnaGrey:- Next stop Ellen DeGeneres! I can't wait!**

A part of me is relieved that Ellen is our next stop. I'm excited to meet her but I am nervous too still. I don't think I'll ever get passed the nerves in all honesty but this segment is going over two parts and from what I've seen of Ellen's show in comparison to Wendy she asks the deeper questions, that scares me.

One arrival it's the same, meet a lot of people, hair and makeup (the advantage to already having my hair done rather than re-do it all the stylist has just clipped it to one side and have the waves fall over one shoulder it looks amazing and took two minutes!) Then I met Ellen briefly, she wasn't like Wendy with the meet and greet but she was friendly enough, and she gave off this very happy vibe that seems to have boosted up my excitement.

I'm wearing a gorgeous dress too, David Meister one shoulder lace cocktail dress in sheer pink. I'm hooked up to a microphone again, maybe I should wear something with pockets or pants so I won't have the mic box digging into my back. I give one last glance at Hannah who's at the stage side just as Ellen begins her introduction.

"My first guest is a business woman by day, writer in her free time. Her book Fifty Shades rocketed to the number one spot on the New York Times Best Seller and on top of that she is married to Seattle's former bachelor and multi-billionaire Christian Grey. Please welcome my special guest Anastasia Grey!"

I walk out as confidently as I can manage, which isn't confidently at all. I smile and wave to the camera and to the audience as directed by the tech guys before walking over to Ellen. We air kiss before I sit down in the small brown arm chair.

"So Anastasia, or do you prefer Ana?"

"Ana." I reply with a silly smile on my face, I just need to breathe and relax.

"Ana it is. So how are you?" Ellen asks in her usual bubbly, friendly way.

"I'm great, thank you so much for having me on your show it's great to be here." I say sounding like a stupid teenager as I say the words I know by the end of the week I'm going to be sick of saying.

"I'm so glad you came." She says. "So let's go all the way back to beginning of your story."

"Ok." I say taking a deep breath.

"Christian Grey, the hottest and richest bachelor in Seattle and you bagged him, how did you do it?" She asks and I take a deep breath and think.

"It wasn't anything I did I don't think." I laugh a nervous laugh and Ellen smiles softly and reassuringly. "I went to Grey's House or the former Grey's House now obviously, I went to interview Christian for WSU Vancouver school newspaper for my roommate she had the flu and so I went. That's how we met anyhow. He then stalked me." Everyone laughs and I smile.

"Stalked you?" Her eyebrows had shot up and it makes me giggle, this is ok, this is a comfortable topic though Ellen is really getting the exclusive here no one really knows how we met but Christian and I knew this topic would come up and we knew that most of it could be the truth cutting out the fact he wanted me to be his sub.

"Yup, he found out where I worked made it out he was just popping by to the hardware store out in Portland." I say in mock seriousness before I laugh along with everyone.

"So he chased you."

"After I fell into his office."

"You fell into his office?"

"Oh yes, I'm known for being clumsy hence my agonisingly slow walk over here." I say making Ellen laugh, the more they laugh with me the calmer I am.

"Ok so you fell into Christian Grey's office?"

"I did, I was told to go through and I opened the door and I fell straight onto my face, he had to literally pick me up off the floor."

"Wow."

"Yup. He always says I had him from the moment I fell in through his door."

"That's cute."

"I know." I agree with a small laugh. "So the interview was awful, I'd done no prep I had no idea who Christian Grey even was except that he was a business man and I was reading the questions my friend Kate had given me and I asked him if he was gay, most embarrassing moment of my life except for falling into his office."

"You asked him if he was gay?"

"I did." I nod. "Then he stalked me."

"Wow, so he'd really taken to you."

"I guess so." I smile, it's hard to think he wanted me as his submissive back then but I can't tell Ellen that.

"Then what happened?"

"Then we arranged a photoshoot with him for the paper at his hotel and afterwards he invited me for coffee."

"That was your first date?"

"In one way but he also told me he didn't do the girlfriend thing and told me I should steer clear of him." I say and I manage to laugh though inside I'm screaming at myself to shut up now and be very careful what I say!

"Really?"

"Yes. He saved me after I was almost ran over by a cyclist and I was looking at him as he held me and I was just wanting him to kiss me and that's when he said I should steer clear from him only for a couple of days later he sends me three first edition Tess of the D'Urbervilles to congratulate me on finishing my final exams. I drunk dialled him that night and he rescued me when I was sick and he took me back to his hotel."

"And that's the first time you slept with him."

"Oh no." I chuckle. "I was passed out from alcohol, he just put me to bed and let me sleep, he kissed me the next morning in the elevator and admitted he couldn't stay away, invited me to Seattle, flew me to Seattle and then we started our relationship."

"Wow." Ellen says. "And you both lived happily ever after."

"Ha! I wish it was that easy!" I say laughing. "We've had our ups and downs with the bombing, kidnap attempt, but yeah he is my happy ever after." I smile and the audience coo's bringing my attention to them the silly smile on my face so natural and real.

"So after you got married you took over his publishing business."

"A few months after we were married yes, he gave me Grey's Publishing."

"Had you already started your book at this point?"

"I think I had, I can't remember if it was just before or just after I started writing fifty shades." I reply thinking hard.

"Ok and then you bought salons? Right?"

"I did, Christasia Salon chain, there was for now there's two, two were bombed while Christian and I were in Savannah visiting my Mom and her husband before the holidays."

"Wow."

"Yup." I say nodding.

"Your life is actually drama filled." Ellen says and I laugh and nod in agreement.

"Drama filled that's an understatement!" I laugh.

"Understatement? Interesting. Ok when we come back we'll be discussing Ana's hit book Fifty Shades right after this commercial break." Ellen smiles and we're told we're out for three minutes.

"Are you ok?" Ellen asks and I let out a breath and nod. "You're very nervous."

"I know, I'm just not used to all of this." I say my hand signalling the audience who's listening intently to our conversation.

"I bet, when did you finish school?"

"June." I reply with a shaky breath.

"And since then you married a billionaire and became a millionaire on your own."

"Yup." I say making Ellen smile.

"Ok we're back in 5…" Both Ellen and I straighten ourselves out just as we come back 'on-air' seeing as this is recorded and will air tomorrow.

"We're back and I'm here with Ana Grey New York Times Best Selling Author of Fifty Shades." Ellen says in her usual peppy way as I try to stay relaxed. "So Ana." She says turning to me and I smile. "This book has brought up some controversy hasn't it?"

"Has it?" I ask laughing.

"It's been called Mommy Porn." She states and I laugh and nod. "And questions have been raised about your sex life."

"Yes." I say knowing full well questions have been raised by the public.

"Is it true that people tweet you asking for BDSM hints and tips?"

"Yes! God I don't do this stuff that's in this book but doesn't matter how much I tell them they don't listen to me! It's quite funny in one way but in another it's like, seriously? Give me a break guys I've told you I don't do this stuff does it look like I wear a collar?!" Ellen and I both laugh as does the audience.

"So you are adamant that you don't practise this lifestyle at home?"

"Absolutely not, can you really see me pulling my pants down and being spanked in front of our housekeeper? I don't think so I'd serve Christian divorce papers before he could say safeword." I say making everyone chuckle again, I'm not lying as long as I keep this up they'll get the message.

"So you have a housekeeper like Richard does in the book?"

"Yes." I nod. "Mrs Taylor she's the best, she's a friend."

"But is she like Mrs Laurence in the book?"

"Absolutely not, Mrs Laurence is twisted, Mrs Jones is the best she's been like a third mother to me as well as my own and my Mother in law." I reply and there are more small laughs.

"Ok then so you don't practise this lifestyle like they do in the book but do you experiment?"

"Everyone experiments in the bedroom." I say and Ellen nods in agreement.

"Fifty Shades is a phenomenon though right?"

"Apparently so, from what I've been told more and more women are pushing to practise this lifestyle and 'play' in the bedroom, more whips and vibrators have been sold since the book has topped the charts than in years." I reply and Ellen nods in agreement.

"That's true I mean we've heard from some Erotic shop who are also selling your book."

"Yeah, I didn't expect that but I'm guessing I'm not the only one." I reply.

"You can buy or download Fifty Shades from all good retailors the details can be found on our website right now, Ana will be at Barnes and Nobel on Fifth Avenue on Thursday from eight am get there early. Anastasia Grey everybody!" I wave to the camera and audience and keep the smile on my face until we're told we're out and I can relax more.

"Thank you so much for coming Mrs Grey." Ellen smiles.

"Thank you so much for having me." I reply as she hugs me before I'm shown off the stage.

Hannah meets me in the back with the gift basket off Ellen and I'm ready to go.

"Ok Ana you're having lunch at P. J. Moran's now before we head off to the Daily Show we need to be there for three thirty so we have about two and a half hours."

"Ok let's go." I say following Hannah out to where Luke and Gary are waiting.

Once in the SVU I sit back with my phone and tweet my fans, I'm so exhausted but I know I have to do The Daily Show before I'm done for the day.

** AnaGrey:- All wrapped up at Ellen! Had a blast! Now to lunch I'm starving!**

I'm let out of the car outside the restaurant and I feel a pang of hurt that I'll be eating alone. Hannah has to make more arrangements for the week and Luke is still teaching Gary how Christian and I like things done so I head inside.

"Ana Grey."

"Of course this way." I'm shown through to the dining room and I have a small booth in the back.

I sit down and gratefully accept the drinks menu while my jacket is taken away.

"I'll have a bikini martini please." I say handing the menu over.

I receive a nod and the lunch menu before the waiter leaves me be again. I scan through the food, nothing really appealing to me. I miss Christian so much and I wish he was here with me, but if he was here he would be pushing me to eat at least two courses and so I have to choose something.

My drink is placed in front of me and the waiter waits patiently for me to give him my order.

"Can I have the Fresh Mozzarella salad to start and then the grilled chicken breast with crab meat in ricotta sauce after thank you." I say handing the menu over, as soon as he's left I take out my phone and email my husband.

**To:** Christian Grey

**Subject:** Two down

**From:** Anastasia Grey

Hey baby,

Missing you millions, done with Wendy Williams and Ellen DeGeneres, still have The Today Show left to do, I'm exhausted and can't wait to fall into bed been up since four am. You'll be pleased to know I'm sat in PJMoran's about to enjoy a salad to start and chicken for main.

Love you always

Anastasia Grey

_CEO, Anastasia Grey, Inc. _

I knock the send button just in time for my starter to be put down in front of me and I suddenly realise just how hungry I am. I barely touched my breakfast due to the nerves in my system and now I'm more relaxed I'm starving.

I enjoy my salad and when the waiter takes the empty plate away I take the time to check my emails to see one from my loving husband.

**To:** Anastasia Grey

**Subject:** You looked great

**From:** Christian Grey

Wendy Williams was live Anastasia, you look fantastic, that dress was a little short but fitted you well and you didn't show anything you shouldn't have! Looking forward to seeing Ellen tomorrow and The Daily Show tonight, don't forget to watch what you say, it's a comedy show and it has a habit of drawing out things you don't want to say and making a joke out of it, you'll be on air 11pm there in NYC.

Glad to hear you're eating, PJMoran's, isn't that a seafood restaurant/pub? If I'm right please don't drink too much before your interview.

Love you too

Christian Grey

_CEO, Grey's Enterprises Holdings, Inc. _

I supress the urge to roll my eyes as my main course is put down in front of me and as I eat I type out a reply.

**To:** Christian Grey

**Subject:** Water and cocktail

**From:** Anastasia Grey

Notice the singular in my subject? Sipping one Bikini Martini in between sips of water with my meal.

Anastasia Grey

_CEO, Anastasia Grey, Inc. _

I knock the send button and hope he believes me before I finish my meal. I pay quickly when I'm done and I see the SUV waiting outside as I step out. Gary jumps out and opens the door for me and I smile as I hop in, the car smells of hot subs and I'm happy knowing everyone has eaten.

From the restaurant we head towards eleventh Avenue where The Daily Show is filmed. I'm extremely nervous for this one as it's a comedy but I guess I'm going to have to grin and bear it.


	135. Chapter 135

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Obviously to write these interviews I've have to sit through hours of the actual chat shows because some of them I've never even heard of! I have fallen in love with The Daily Show, I love American news/politics and what a fun way to find it out haha!**

**Monday 16****th**** January 2012**

Arriving at the daily show I go through the same routine as at Ellen and Wendy, this time though I'm scared not just nervous but scared. I don't really watch this show but Christian and I both made a point of looking at clips online to see what type of people would be interviewing me, what they asked and how they asked them.

As I walk with Hannah to the green room I can't help but wonder what this guy is going to ask me. He's funny I'll give him that but I don't really want to be laughed at so that means I have to laugh with, I don't know if I can do that.

We watch the first half an hour of the show being recorded, it's hilarious and as I laugh I relax but when I'm collected to go to the entrance of the stage I begin to shake. I can't help it because I know I'm going to screw this up somehow. I'm wearing a gorgeous dress by Erin Fetherston, it's the shirred Metallic-Dot dress, it's strapless and only mid-thigh so I know Christian is going to hate it but I think it's cute. With it I'm wearing B Brian Atwood Cassise Metallic Leather Chain-Strap Sandal, they're high but gorgeous and as this is on at eleven pm at night it's ok to be a little risky with my clothing choice.

"… Here she is already Ana Grey!" I step out with a wide grin, he's been saying through the show I'm coming so the greeting's quite straight forward. He steps around the desk and I get a hug and an air kiss before he steps back around the office and nods for me to sit before him. I make sure to watch my skirt as I sit. "She's here everyone!" He yells like a child at Christmas, or Christian at Christmas.

"Hi." I say meekly with a small smile as I wave at the cheering audience.

"You are the woman who have made it ok for men to beat the shit out of their women."

I gasp as the audience laughs, I know he's kidding but he can't say things like that can he? I manage to laugh because it's true it is funny.

"You're also the woman who is responsible for every woman wanting a playroom."

"I believe so." I nod, I can't help but think I'm the woman with a playroom but of course I can't be saying that now.

"Ok so…" He bends down behind the desk and then I see two pairs of silver handcuffs deposited on the desk followed by a black leather riding crop. The audience giggle nervously as I wonder what on earth he's doing. "You know what these are right Ana?"

"I do." I say trying my damn hardest not to blush.

"Good." He says. "Now I have a fantasy that I want to share with you."

"Oh?" I blink hard, please tell me I am in some crazy dream and am about to wake up, I think he wants to spank me!

"Yes. It's been on my mind since your manager and husband confirmed you'd be coming on my show. You think you can fulfil my fantasy for me Ana?"

"I can try, depending on what it is. You know be reasonable and remember I'm married." I say playfully though I mean ever damn word.

"Ok, I want you to spank me, with this." He picks up the ridding crop and I feel my cheeks heat up as I blush.

"Oh." I manage to say well at least he doesn't want spank me with it, that's a plus right?

"Will you do it?" I am totally put on the spot and I glance nervously at the audience, it only takes one of them to get a chant going.

"Do it! Do it! Do it!"

John Stuart walks around the desk and pushed my chair away from it a little, luckily it's on wheels he then hands me the riding crop and bends over the desk.

"Do it! Do it!"

I know I have to do something so I stand up with a stupid embarrassed smile. The audience cheer and John flashes me a daring grin.

"I don't want to hurt you John." I say gripping the riding crop in my hand.

"I bet you don't." He says seductively making everyone laugh.

"If this hurts you have no one to blame but yourself."

"Ok." He says sticking his ass out further towards me.

I don't have the guts to do it hard to him so I stand side on like I know Christian has done to me in the past and make sure to hold my wrist stiff, it always hurts more when Christian adds a flick of the wrist. I do it quickly and John jumping up rubbing his behind with a small yelp has me and the audience laughing hysterically.

I sit back in my chair and watch as he collects the handcuffs.

"You've been a very naught girl Mrs Grey." He says in a very old Mom like voice making me giggle. "I now have to punish you."

Oh fuck! He quickly wraps the handcuffs around my wrists and then puts the other end of each around the chair.

"Please tell me you have the key!" I say squeaking as I pull at my wrists.

"Right here." He says tapping his breast pocket, at least that's something. "Ok." He goes back to his own side of the desk and I wonder how quick I can make a getaway. "What are you doing?" He asks seeing me looking around the bottom of my chair.

"Trying to guess if I could roll myself out of here… hold on." I cross my ankles and gently check that I won't flash. "I wouldn't want to show my panties on TV." I say making everyone laugh again, laughing with me, that's what's ok with me. I then use one foot to push myself to the side and then bring myself back. "Ok I'm good to go." I say as John laughs.

"Ok, so Mrs Grey, Ana." He says seriously. "Fifty Shades."

"Yes."

"Erotic Novel."

"Yep." I nod.

"How many of you here have read it?"

Quite a few cheers fill the audience and I can't help but beam with happiness and pride.

"Popular book." He says turning back to me as I nod. "Now it is being talked about too isn't it?"

"Yes." I nod knowing he's going to go to the bad sides of this book.

"Tyra Banks."

"Yes, she doesn't like it, or doesn't get it. Or I'm a really awful writer and everyone who does get it have read it wrong." I say cheekily.

"That way Tyra's point of view is right." He nods understanding as the audience laugh again. I wonder if they're being cued to laugh.

"You're going on her show."

"On Friday yes." I nod, I'm not particularly excited about it either but I smile as if I am.

"Ok so we won't broach her hating it because it's anti-feminism and it's a disgrace that a woman has written a book that sends modern feminism back over a century." He mocks Tyra and has the audience laughing hysterically while I just giggle uncomfortably. "Ok, anyway we'll skip Tyra and go to Ryan Seacrest."

"Ok."

"He read your book?" John asks with a wicked gleam in his eye.

"Apparently so." I nod unsure where this is going.

"He tweeted a not so nice tweet about your book." I laugh at this comment. "Do you know what he tweeted?"

"Yeah it was something like, Fifty Shades is a modern version of medieval torture with sex, nothing erotic about that." I say remembering having the tweet sent to me by hundreds of fans.

"Yes he did say that he also said on his twitter. 'Fifty Shades writer Ana Grey isn't kinky she's sick and twisted.'" I gasp as does the audience, I didn't know this. Did Christian? Is he lying?

"Really?" I ask feeling really hurt.

"Yeah, that is a direct quote, Fifty Shades writer Ana Grey isn't kinky she's sick and twisted."

"How boring's his sex life?" I spit in a manner that makes me out to be getting one up on him, hiding the hurt. "I mean if he's even getting any I mean come on, have you seen the guy? His problem I think is that he hasn't had any in such a long time and he hoped Fifty Shades would provide him with what he needed to get off and it didn't." I can't believe anything coming out of my mind, I'm so bitchy! Christian is going to freak out! But I have the audience and John laughing with my manner and words so that's good it's a comedy show so I beam happily.

"Also there's Perez Hilton."

"Oh."

"He's ready your book."

"He has?" I am surprised, who'd have thought?

"Well actually from his blog you can't tell if he has but I suspect he has." John clarifies with a smirk.

"He blogged about Fifty Shades?" I ask in surprise but John shakes his head leaving me confused.

"He blogged about you." Oh now that makes more sense.

"What did he say about me?" I ask uncertain if I really want to know. John lifts the paper up from the desk and looks apologetically at me before reading.

"Ana Grey is a fake, she's an English student who made Billionaire hunk and heartthrob Christian Grey be infatuated with her. How she got him to put that ring on her finger I don't know but what I do know is that she is a money grabber and now Fifty Shades is close to making it's fifth million dollars she will be gone because she won't need him no more. Don't worry though Christian, we're all here for when the skank goes."

I am speechless, who the fuck does he think he is.

"Son of a bitch." I manage to say once I'm over the initial shock.

"Anything to reply to that?" John asks looking serious still.

"Yeah, I love Christian, he asked me to marry him and I said yes because I love him, we got married after a short engagement because that's what he wanted, and money doesn't interest me it never has and it never will. I love my husband for the kind hearted loving man he is, I don't see the CEO you all have seen portrayed in the media as Mr Grey, I see Christian the man inside."

The audience coos.

"Well there's your answer Perez, don't screw with true love!" John says picking the mood straight back up. "So Ana you're in New York because of your signing which is at Barnes and Nobel on Fifth avenue on Thursday."

"That's right, eight am till one thirty due to my appearance on The Rachael Ray show I won't be able to do any additional signings so I'm hoping to get through as many as I can but they are limiting the amount allowed to wait so get there early is the message."

"And your second book?"

"Thirtieth of March." I smile.

"There you have it ladies and gentlemen Ana Grey! We'll be right back with more."

"We're out."

John comes over with the handcuff keys and quickly undoes them before giving me a hug.

"You ok with that Perez thing."

"You know I knew it couldn't be sunflowers and roses all the time. I guess it's just a shock to hear something so personal, say what you want about the book but no one has right to comment on my marriage." I say angrily, I can't wait to speak with Christian now, I just wish I could have his arms around me too.

"Perez Hilton is an ass and will do anything for attention, Fifty Shades is a phenomenon as are you, he is feeding off that. Ignore him Ana because believe me most don't agree with him."

"Thank you and thank you for having me on the show it was a blast." I smile and I receive another hug before I have to hurry off backstage.

Hannah and Luke look at me unsure what to do or say.

"Luke have Gary ready with the car, Hannah get everything packed, I need to call my husband."

"Ana, there's a crowd gathered outside the studio, they've been barricaded off but they want autographs and pictures. Think you're up for it?"

"I've had the all clear from Mr Grey as long as I am by your side and Hannah is in the car." Luke adds and I know I have to do this and give them a confident smile and a nod.

We head out and Hannah passes me a sharpie. Outside the door there's about fifty people and they all cheer and wave papers, phones and camera's in my direction. I lean in for pictures and sign as many pieces of paper as I can as I take a slow walk to the car. Luke stays shoulder to shoulder with me watching front and behind as I say hi to people until I make it into the safety of the car.

"Mr Grey for you." Hannah says as Luke shuts my door.

"Christian?"

It's me baby is everything ok?

"You're going to freak Christian but please don't be mad with me." I say close to tears.

_Ana what happened are you ok?_

"I'm fine." I sniff trying to stop my tears. "It was great to start, silly joking around it was fun and then we got onto the more serious stuff, have you seen a blog by Perez Hilton about me?"

_No but I am typing it in now._

I take the tissue Hannah is holding out to me and wipe away my tears as quick as I can.

_Son of a bitch. _

"I'm sorry."

_You didn't do anything Ana, but this son of a bitch is going to pay. _

"Don't, just leave it I dealt with it."

_How?_

"By just saying it wasn't his business and that I love you. He has money and lawyers too Christian, just forget about it ok, it was a shock is all oh and Ryan Seacrest called me sick and twisted but I made a joke of him."

_Good girl, don't take any shit Anastasia._

"I won't. Just whatever they air tonight please don't be mad."

_Ana… why would I be mad?_

"Nothing just don't ok? Call me in the morning I don't care what time it is I'm on Good Morning America at seven fifteen but it won't be a long segment then I don't have to be at the Late Show until five pm. Just call me ok?"

_Ok baby just don't let this get to you ok? We'll ignore it for now._

"Thank you baby, I love you."

_Love you too, make sure you eat and get to bed early it's been a long day for you._

"I will bye."

_Talk to you in the morning._

I hang up and let out a frustrated breath. I get that Ryan Seacrest doesn't like my book and I truly doubt that Perez has even read it but these attacks were personal towards me not my book. It stirs up some memories long buried in the past that even Christian doesn't know about.


	136. Chapter 136

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Monday 16****th**** January 2012**

Hannah, Luke and I sit on the couch in the living room eating the home made pizza that Miss Lloyd made at my request. Hannah and I are bathed and are in our pyjamas while Luke is waiting to go and switch patrolling shifts with Gary. We sit with the TV on and having just watch my visibly uncomfortable interview with Wendy Williams we're now waiting for my segment to come on The Daily Show. It's mad to see how much they've already cut out of the show and I wonder how much of my segment has been cut down.

"Here she is Ana Grey." John's voice carries from the TV and Luke, Hannah and I turn our full attention to the screen knocking the volume up a little.

I have to admit I look good in that dress and my legs look longer making me look tall. I don't at all look uncomfortable like I did on the Wendy Williams Show. My reaction to the handcuffs is hilarious and I find myself enjoying it till my phone vibrates.

"Guys turn it down please?" I ask seeing Christian's name on the caller ID. "Hey baby."

"Hey, I managed to get the show streaming on my computer."

"Modern technology." I note and I hear him smile.

"Hmm, you look sexy in that dress Ana."

"Thank you." I say just as I watch John bend over the desk.

I hear Christian's breath catch in his throat as I hit the man with the riding crop. It's funny watching him jump and rub his ass but my face is comic, I look scared.

"Jesus Ana." Christian breathes.

"He asked for it." I say just as he says the line about being punished, he sounds playful not at all seductive but more strict old teacher and it's funny and I hear Christian laughing on the other side of the phone as the handcuffs are slapped on my wrists. _Please don't be mad,_ I chant in my head.

"You look good enough to eat like that Ana." He growls huskily.

"Thank you." I whisper just before I watch myself try and move the chair it looks so ridiculous it's hilarious and Christian and I both laugh.

"You were enjoying yourself."

"It was fun, not what I expected but I was really having fun." I say trying not to think of Ryan Seacrest and Perez Hilton.

I think I stop breathing when Ryan Seacrest is mentioned. I wait for Christian to hear what's being said. I can see the discomfort on my face on the screen and as sad as it sounds I feel sorry for myself, for looking like a damn lost puppy. _Grow a pair Grey!_ My subconscious scowls.

I watch myself become a bitch right in front of me. Christian's laughing at my reply and I relax a little.

"Good girl Ana." He says and I smile proudly.

On the mention of Perez Hilton I feel sick. I know Christian's going to be furious. I listen to the words John reads out once again and I feel anger building inside of me and I know Christian's about to explode.

"Who the fuck?!" Christian shouts making me pull the phone away from my ear some. "Fucking ignore it Ana, he carries on and there will be war."

"Just leave it Christian, let them hate whatever." I say trying not to sound hurt though the words sting.

"He called you a skank Ana, and the man has never fucking met you to judge you like that."

"I know but just leave it ok? It's nothing please Christian."

"He upset you."

"So? It's going to happen Christian." I'm begging him here to leave well enough alone.

My phone signals another incoming call and I look at the screen seeing Kristin Chenoweth on the ID.

"Christian baby, Kristin is trying to get through the line, can I call you back?"

"Sure." He sighs before hanging up.

"Ana Grey." I answer quickly.

"Oh my God Ana!" Kristin squeals. "You looked so hot on Wendy this morning and just watched you with Idina now, amazing!"

"Thank you."

"Ignore Perez and Seacrest they're wannabe's Ana, jealous."

"I will, getting Christian to on the other hand…"

"What? Hold on a sec Ana Idina has something she says I need to see."

I hold the line and I can hear the two women whispering but can't make out what they're saying.

"Ana?"

"Yeah?" I ask carefully.

"Do you follow Ryan Seacrest and Perez Hilton on Twitter?"

"No. Why?" I ask knowing there's a reason for it.

"Uh they've been tweeting about you through the show. Listen I'm going to hang up and text them all to you."

"No, I'll go on the computer and look now, how bad are they Kristin?"

"Well they're not good."

"Ok, thanks I'll talk to you in the week ok?"

"Ok take care." She hangs up and I run through to the bedroom and grab my mac before sitting on my bed.

I log into Twitter quickly and find Perez Hilton in one window and add another tab for Ryan Seacrest. What I see brings tears to my eyes quickly.

**PerezHilton: Ana Grey looks like a giant gold vibrator, I wonder if that was her inspiration for her book.**

**RyanSecrest : PerezHilton you're 2 funny, I thought her cuffed to the chair was gr8 thought she might cum on air. **

**PerezHilton: Ana's not a writer, someone else wrote it and put her name on it**

**RyanSeacrest: Who got the most pleasure from that spanking Ana Grey or John Stuart? Vote now!**

I grab my phone and call Christian as the tears drip down my face.

"Ana." He says softly on answering.

"Christian." I whimper.

"Baby what's wrong?"

"They've been tweeting about me." I say hiccupping.

"Who?"

"Perez Hilton and Ryan Seacrest." I cry.

I hear Christian on his laptop and I know he's going to blow a gasket.

"Fuck!" He yells. "Shit Ana, who the fuck do they think they are? Bastards."

"Christian."

"Ignore it all Ana, it's not true any of it and you know that you looked fucking amazing in that dress." Christian, bless his soul, is trying to make me feel better about this. "Do you want me to fly out there?"

"No." I say weakly though the answer I'm screaming inside is yes! "I'll be ok, I can handle this it's a shock I guess."

"Just fucking ignore it, if they bring it up in interviews either say something like you did about the lack of sex in Ryan's life or say nothing and skirt around the subject. Leave it with me ok?"

"Ok." I manage.

"Now it's late, get some sleep you have to be up in five hours."

"I love you."

"I love you too." He says before hanging up. I climb into bed feeling like crap and hoping that tomorrow will be better.


	137. Chapter 137

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**I am not fan of or hater of Perez Hilton or Ryan Seacrest, this is just a story and I mean nothing against them personally I just needed two big names and these were randomly selected. My apologies in advanced to the way they will be portrayed in coming chapters. **

**Tuesday 17****th**** January 2012**

After arriving at Good Morning America with my eyes covered by a large pair of sunglass, it's caused some problems since being on the show. I only slept for a couple of hours, this thing with Seacrest and Hilton getting to me more than I should allow it to. The press have already caught on to it, they were hanging out around the apartment this morning when we left and according to Hannah who's checked online it's being called a fight and a quarrel by some, others are calling it bullying. More tweets have appeared since my ten minute segment which Hannah doesn't want me to look at but I can't help it, I'd rather know what they're saying.

**PerezHilton: Someone (AnaGrey) forgot the concealer this morning, see those black bags?**

**RyanSeacrest: We get it, 50 shades is an erotic book or shit porn and AnaGrey's doing an appearance B&N on Thurs we get it! Y so many appearances?**

I barley touch my brunch and warn everyone in the room to lie to Christian if he asks them, I just can't stomach any food right now.

I sit on my bed with both twitter accounts open on my mac while going through my twitter messages on my phone.

**KChenoweth: Behind AnaGrey all the way, she worked hard 4 this. U go girl, 4get the haterz!**

**IdinaMenzel: AnaGrey is a kindhearted kindred spirit doesn't deserve the shit being thrown, u go girl ur better than that!**

**TheEllenShow: AnaGrey was a pleasure to have on the show, catch her today at 11am!**

Seeing Ellen's message I go into the living room with my laptop and phone and turn the TV on while Hannah and Luke join me on the couch.

I watch the interview knowing I did so well but not even half way through the two twitter accounts start going wild.

**PerezHilton: Ana asked him if he was gay? Seriously if he was he would have enough brain cells to see she was a money grabber.**

**RyanSeacrest: She confirms she's clumsy, yeah not that we couldn't tell. **

**PerezHilton: Innocent Ana my ass, bet she stalked him not the other way around. **

**RyanSeacrest: sounds like a love story way she says it, bet it's more of a nightmare though. **

I look at Hannah who can see the messages and she shakes her head. I know she doesn't want me to see them but I need to know what they're saying.

**PerezHilton: She drunk dialled him! OMG! Then vomited on him?**

**RyanSeacrest: What spell has Ana got CG under? Must be some helluva magic!**

I am shaking in a combination of anger and sadness.

"Hannah can you find out if the segment tonight can include all this?"

"Why Ana? You just need to ignore it."

"No, I need to see what Victoria has to say about this." I say grabbing my cell phone.

I knock the number for my publicist and am relieved when she answers quick.

"Victoria Ana Grey, listen uh there's a lot more going on with this Ryan and Perez thing, twitter has been going wild between the two of them since my Ellen segment started."

"But you did amazing, I was just emailing you to tell you to keep doing what you're doing."

"It wasn't what I said that's the problem these two are finding fault in everything! You're my publicist help me fix this or get my side out there!" I am not normally one for being short with anyone who works for me but I'm desperate.

"I'm going to fly out there Ana, I think that would be best.

"You won't be here before I go on David Letterman though and that's where I can say something. You know just email me something!" I hang up and groan in frustration my eyes scanning the new tweets.

**PerezHilton: Couldn't the bombers have made sure Ana was in the buildings when they went up?**

That one hurts and I feel the tears spill over.

"Oh Ana!" Hannah gasps wrapping an arm around me. I sob hard, this isn't fair. I can understand the hate, if they don't like me that's fine but he just wished me dead and that's cruel.

"I need to retaliate." I say my voice shaking as I grab my phone.

"Think first Ana. Rationally."

"What can I say?"

"You need a quote from something, be wise about this." She says and I know she's right.

I scan my brain for the right quote, maybe something from Tess would be suitable.

**AnaGrey: To every bad there is a worse – Thomas Hardy**

"Good one." Hannah smiles as I knock the send button, I can always count on Thomas Hardy for a good quote.

**RyanSeacrest: Porn Writer reads Thomas Hardy, classy. Not. **

"I can't win." I say weakly, I'm already feeling defeated.

"Yes you can, you've done nothing wrong, these are random quotes, think of another. They don't know you're watching their tweets you don't even follow them." Hannah says.

**AnaGrey: Try to be like a turtle, at ease in your own shell – Bill Copeland**

**PerezHilton: AnaGrey googling quotes now, no way she knows who Bill Copeland is.**

_Like you, you mean?_ I think to myself, he's an ass both of them are asses.

I'm beyond furious and in my frustration I throw my BlackBerry. It hits the wall just underneath the TV as I take deep calming breaths trying to somehow calm down though it doesn't seem to be working. This is opening old wounds for me, ones I'd buried so do deep that not even Christian or Doctor Flynn knows and I don't want them to know either, they don't need to know my hidden secrets, they don't affect me and they've not even crossed my mind in so long until now.

"Ana you should call Christian." Hannah tried but I'm exhausted.

"I'm going to get some sleep, wake me about three?" I ask and she smiles and nods letting me hurry off to the bedroom.

In my bedroom I crawl and the covers and wrap myself in a ball before I let the dam really open. I didn't expect everyone to love Fifty Shades and with its popularity I'm not surprised there are haters but what did I ever do to Ryan Seacrest and Perez Hilton? How can they be so cruel? I eventually cry myself asleep.

"Ana." I hear. "Ana Baby wake up. You need to eat something." Ok I have got to be dreaming.

My eyes flicker open and are instantly met with a pair of gorgeous grey eyes. He's here.

"Christian?" Please don't let this be a dream.

"Yeah baby." He smiles.

I throw my arms around his neck and he pulls me up and into him hugging me tight.

"Shh." He coo's as I begin to shake with sobs. "It's ok Ana, shh." He continues.

"I'm so glad you're here." I say through my tears.

"You didn't think I'd let you go through this on your own did you? We'll get them back Ana one way or a-fucking-nother we will get these fuckers." He promises, spitting through gritted teeth.

"Ok. I just want it to stop." I cry, it's not too much to ask is it?

"I know baby. I know." Come on get dressed, Miss Lloyd is making us something to eat then we have to leave for David Letterman.

"I don't want to do it Christian, it's giving them more ammo to use against me." I say as he sits down beside me and wipes at my tears.

"No, Victoria has been on the phone already and this is going to be brought up in the interview, she's also flying down to be here for the rest of the week. We'll sort this out." He promises.

I curl up into his side as I continue to cry and he knows I just need him to hold me for a moment. As my tears dry up and my sobs turn into dry hiccups he scoops me up in his arms and carries my through to the bathroom.

He places me down on the edge of the towel cabinet and I sit and watch him as he turns the shower on and checks the temperature. Then he comes back over to me and unzips my jacket. I help him undress me and then when he puts me in the shower I stand stock still just trying to gather my whizzing thoughts. Christian pulls two towels out of the cupboard then leaves the bathroom. I stoically begin to wash my hair and body, desperate to wash off all the words Perez and Seacrest have said though I know it's of no use. Christian comes back in and I see my 'Mrs Grey' velour blue tracksuit in his arms.

I watch him put it on the heated towel rail and move to wash my body. He leaves again and my guess is he's going to sort out dinner. I quickly finish washing and then climb out of the shower. I dry my body off quickly and happily pull on my underwear and tank top to go under my Mrs Grey tracksuit. I wonder why Christian chose this one for me to wear? I mean it's not like people don't know I'm his wife but then maybe that's his plan.

I step out into the kitchen and I'm surprised to see he's wearing his own Mr Grey Jacket over a white shirt and jeans with his black Yves Saint Laurent high tops he bought when we were here before Christmas.

"Very nice." He says with a playful wink. "Come eat."

The breakfast bar is set out with two subs and a glass of wine each. I'm hungry enough and as Perez and Seacrest are a long way out of my mind I can eat happily. Once I'm done Hannah and Luke enter and Hannah has all the stuff for David Letterman and I know it's time to go.

Christian takes my hand and keeps hold of it the whole way down to the car. He waves at the press and I know he's putting on a show so I begin to play along by smiling and waving too.

"Oh I have something for you." Christian says once we're in the car. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a purple BlackBerry, the latest one.

"Why?"

"I heard yours took a flight against a wall, the screen was smashed." He explains.

"Oh." I blush remembering how it took that flight.

"It's on the same number, your emails and everything is to this phone now so don't worry about anything. It's just a new phone." He explains as I unlock it and begin to play around with it.

"Thank you baby." I smile and he leans in and kisses the tip of my nose.

"No problem." He smiles as the car pulls away and heads off to David Letterman.


	138. Chapter 138

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**I mean no disrespect towards Perez Hilton or Ryan Seacrest I am just using their names for this story because I can and not because I think they're like the way I've portrayed them in this story. **

**Tuesday 17****th**** January 2012**

I sit in the dressing room having my hair done while Christian does everything he can to keep a smile on my face. I know he wants me to relax before I go on but I can't help but let my mind wander over everything that Perez and Seacrest will tweet about me afterwards.

"I have what you requested Mr Grey." Hannah says coming into the room with Luke and I can't help but look at them in the mirror as Christian goes over to greet them. He takes the bags from Hannah and comes up to me with a wide grin on his face and he happily passes me the bags.

Inside I find a gorgeous pair of bootcut jeans from Diesel, a pair of Jimmy Choo cream stiletto ankle boots and a purple cowl-neck jersey. I like them and I know Christian has bought them for me to wear to go on tonight but I can't help but wonder why. Did he not like my chosen outfits for the past shows? Is there a problem with the pink and blue dress I'd chosen for tonight? I can't help but be a little bit suspicious but I'm too tired to argue with him and with too much else going on in my mind a fight with Christian is the last thing I need. My hair is curled this time into tight curls a little thinner thicker than the other ones I've had.

Once my makeup is done I slip into the bathroom and quickly change into the outfit that Christian has chosen for me. The inside of the boots are so fluffy and warm and they fit like a glove, all the clothing do. I step out and Christian beams up at me, it's nice to see him able to relax when inside I am screaming out because I don't want to do this. By going on this show I am just subjecting myself to more torture by Perez Hilton and Ryan Seacrest and why would I want to do that, but of course there are people who are expecting me to be on and I can't let any of them down.

"Are you ok?" Christian asks as he helps but my silver thin hooped earrings into my ears.

"I'm ok." I say quietly but I know Christian doesn't believe me by how he stops and turns my face in a way that he's insisting I look at him. "I'm fine."

"Ignore them Ana, you have millions of people who love your book and they love you, why do you think you're going on almost every chat show in New York, you're a star Anastasia." Christian sounds so genuine but I don't want him to be like this I want him to suggest we go home to Seattle and hide away for the next one hundred years.

"Christian, if this carries on is there…" I don't know if this is a subject I should broach but by the way Christian is looking at me expecting me to finish my sentence I know I have to mention it now. "Is there any way you'll be able to get me out of the rest of these shows?"

"I'm sure there is Ana but I won't. Ignore them Ana you're so much better than them. You're beautiful and talented two things alone those fuckers are not ok?"

"Ok." I say quietly though I don't believe him, if it was true what reason would they have to say such absurd things?

Christian and I are then led through to the green room to meet David Letterman. He greets me with a smile and an air kiss and happily shakes Christian's hand. We sit down on the comfortable black leather couches.

"Right then Ana." He smiles, he has this relaxing quality about him and I find myself worrying less about what's going to happen tonight. "We're obviously going to discuss the book, that's our number one priority but we also want to discuss Perez Hilton and Ryan Seacrest."

"Ok." I say as Christian takes my hand in his own and strokes his thumb across my knuckles.

"Good." David smiles. "Ok then, well I should go and start the show. I'll see you on set in about an hour."

I watch him go before I slump into Christian. I can't help but be worried about tonight now that I know the topic of Ryan Seacrest is going to come up but having Christian holding me and softly stroking my hair I can't be anything other than content.


	139. Chapter 139

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**I mean no disrespect towards Perez Hilton or Ryan Seacrest I am just using their names for this story because I can and not because I think they're like the way I've portrayed them in this story. **

**Tuesday 17****th**** January 2012**

I find myself laughing along to the introduction to the show. David Letterman is warming up the crowd and he is incredibly funny. He then takes a break and disappears off the stage while a stage guy comes to the green room to Christian and I with two bottles of cold soda in his hand. He looks only about sixteen and I wonder if he even goes to school.

"Ok so I'll come and get you when you're needed, we'll record the intro in about ten minutes, it's about twenty minutes to thirty minutes long then we'll cut some of it out before we air, then it will be announced that you're the first guest and we'll take a small fifteen minute break before you're on. Any jokes Dave makes about you don't take them personally chances are he didn't write them or they popped into his head and he doesn't mean ill towards you it's just he needs to have the audience laughing, just try and laugh with him."

"Ok." I manage to say, it won't be that bad will it?

As the show passes I find myself becoming more and more nervous. How can it be that I'm more scared doing this than I have been doing any other interview?

When the break is announced a tech comes in to set me up with a microphone. I see Christian looking more than uncomfortable as the mic pack is put on the back of my trousers and the wire fed up my top to be hooked on the top hem of my jersey.

"Ok we'll see you up there in five." He smiles kindly before walking off.

Christian stands and comes over to me.

"Do they always do that?"

"Of course, except when I'm in a dress the wire is just tucked in all around and brought under my arm rather than up my top." I explain as I adjust the mic pack and wire making them more comfortable.

"Hmm." Is all Christian says, I guess he's re-thinking having me in trousers and a jersey rather than a dress now.

"Ok, I should head up." I say taking a deep breath.

"You'll do great, just be yourself up there baby." Christian says wrapping his arms around me.

"Ok." I smile and he kisses me softly so not to smudge my lip gloss.

"Good luck." He beams.

I head out and up to the stage side just as the show starts recording again. Dave makes a few more jokes and I supress a laugh not wanting it to carry out on set. I'm then announced as a guest and take my cue from the band playing to walk out. My smile is wide and as natural as it can be. I feel more confident in my jeans than I would in a dress as Dave steps down to greet me. He kisses my cheek then helps me up onto the platform stage and while I wave once more he steps behind his desk again. The applause and cheers are generous which is nice, I was wondering if there was a chance I'd get booed. I sit down and mentally take a deep breath.

"Ana Grey everybody!" Dave announces making more applause ring out around the studio. "Thank you so much for coming on tonight."

"Thank you for having me." I reply, I don't know why but knowing Christian is in the dressing room makes me more nervous.

"You're very welcome, so Ana Grey, New York Times Best Selling Author three weeks in a row heading for the fourth, how are you?" He grins and shifts his black framed glasses up his nose.

"I'm very well thank you, excited to be here in New York and on your show of course." I sound so plastic.

"That's great." He smiles picking up a copy of Fifty Shades. "So I have here a copy of your book."

"Yes."

"I believe that some critics have said that the content is too hot for TV."

"Have they?" I ask chuckling, I know they have.

"Yeah, so I thought we'd read a small section out of it." I see him opening a bookmarked page. "Ah right where… here it is ok. So. ' It awakens me slowly and I look in time to see his hand travel down along my side before dipping into the curve where my thigh meets my groin. He touches me … there. His long finger circulates my throbbing clitoris before stroking straight down and up my wet centre. "So wet." He moans appreciatively as he cups my sex, his palm resting on my pubic bone while his finger continues to stroke up and down making me whimper needing more. "I want you."

I've hidden my face behind my hands in complete embarrassment. He reads it as if he's actually reading the story out to someone, putting on voices as if he's acting the scene out. I can't believe how embarrassed I am over this. An applause rings out and I look up to see Dave has closed the book and I am more than relieved.

"That scene?"

"When Richard takes Maggie's virginity." I say and he nods.

"The book is an amazing piece of literature even though it's explicit." He says.

"Thank you." I smile.

"If you want to buy your own copy of fifty shades the details are on my website now." He says to the audience and camera. "So Ana, what inspired fifty shades?"

"It was a how to manual that came into my office as something we could possibly publish, it had me going online and doing some research and this thing just formed."

"What made you want Maggie to be a virgin though? She's twenty two that's a bit extreme. I mean I've never heard of a twenty two year old virgin."

"I think a man would get a lot of pleasure if the woman he has is untouched. He's the only one going there, she's pure." I explain knowing how much Christian loves it still that he is the only man to have ever touched me intimately.

"The rumour is you were a virgin when you and your husband got together." He says but I just lift my eyebrows not saying yes or no, it's not that I'm not allowed to share it, me losing my virginity to Christian was one small detail we were both ok with being public knowledge but I don't want Ryan and Perez making jokes on that. "You're not going to confirm or deny?"

"I don't think when or how I lost my virginity as a necessary topic of conversation." I reply with a playful smile which earns me a small laugh from the audience. "I mean are you going to tell me when you lost your virginity and with who?" His face falls. "I didn't think so." I tease making the audience laugh again.

"Ok, so you're in New York promoting the book by doing apperances, you've been on Ellen, Wendy Williams, The Daily Show and Good Morning America and now you're here. What else have you got to do?"

"Uh I have live with Kelly first thing tomorrow, then I think it's The View, Late night with Jimmy Fallon, then it's the signing Thursday at Barnes and Nobel and then Rachael Ray and then Tyra on Friday."

"Wow you've got one hell of a schedule and I believe you're fitting in a visit to wicked?"

"Yes that's Thursday evening I'm taking a friend of mine to see Wicked and then meeting with Idina and Kristin after." I smile, I can't wait to see the duo again.

"So you're going to be exhausted for your Tyra taping?"

"I guess." I shrug, I hadn't thought much about it.

"She's apparently furious with you."

"I heard." I laugh. "Apparently my book is very anti-feminism though I've also been told that though Maggie is the submissive in the bedroom she's the strongest in the relationship, she takes charge of situations, she pushes and fights for what she wants and doesn't give up so I don't agree with Tyra but I look forward to really getting into it with her."

"That's good, just make sure she doesn't eat you up and spit you out."

"Don't scare me David!" I laugh. "I already feel petrified!"

"Ok so now onto Twitter and Ryan Seacrest and Perez Hilton."

"Ok." I say my mood changing in the blink of an eye.

"They're not exactly fans of yours."

"That is putting it mildly." I say with a small nervous laugh.

"I have on tweet here that I'm sure you'll love, do you know who Kathy Griffin is?"

"She's the comedian, My friend Kate and I have seen a couple of her specials, she never fails to make me laugh." I smile, she's an amazing comedian, a bit crass and rude but great.

"She says: Ryan and Perez are just scared because Ana's let their secret out, I mean we can all imagine Ryan with a gag in her mouth being whipped."

I nearly fall out of my chair laughing.

"I'm not done, continued into a second tweet, Ryan wearing a dog collar while Perez rides her hard, can't get that image out of my mind now, ugh."

I can't stop laughing, I forgot that Kathy Griffin always called Ryan Seacrest a girl.

"That's brilliant."

"There's a third tweet from the lovely KG too, and it says, What Seacrest and Perez are doing to AnaGrey is bullying, let's stop bullying now!"

My laughing quickly subsides.

"Would you say it was bullying?" Dave asks in all seriousness.

"I don't know." I say quietly. "You know in all honesty I try to ignore it, I know it's going on, I know some of the things they've said like they've been printed in my mind but I'm trying not to let them get to me, so they don't like me or my book, so what, they think I'm a gold-digger, so what? They're just their opinion and my opinion of them is that I've met school bullies who had worse things to say, their words don't affect me, they don't bother me and they're not going to make me go away either." By the end my voice is stronger and the round of applause that rings around the studio makes me feel stronger too.

"Of course you have two more books to follow this one?"

"Yes the next one in the trilogy is out on the 30th March." I reply with a smile.

"Well then, they can go do as Kathy suggests while you bring us another wonderful piece of work I'm sure my audience would like to join me in saying congratulations on the success of the book, all the best for the success of the next and good luck to you on your signing on Thursday." The applause continues and I look at the audience with a smile. "You can catch Ana Grey at Barnes and Nobel on Fifth Avenue this Thursday from eight until one, she'll be signing copies of her New York Times Best Selling Novel Fifty Shades. Stay tuned we'll be right back after this."

"And we're out!"

I let out a harsh breath as I finally feel myself relax.

"You did well Ana, you really stood up for yourself." Dave smiles.

"Thank you, I don't know where that came from." I admit as I stand to have the mic removed.

"Hey every one of us have some fight in us." Dave smiles. "Thank you so much for coming on, you've been an absolute joy."

"No thank you for having me, I enjoyed myself." I smile.

"You'll come again with the second book?"

"If you'll have me I'll be here." I reply before receiving a hug and an air kiss.

"I'll have my team in touch with yours." He says as I'm led away.

I meet Christian in the green room and collapse into his embrace. He kisses my cheek and temple hard before I let him get to my lips.

"You did so well, Ryan and Perez won't know what's hit them."

"What do you mean?"

"Your fans are already going wild about this Ana, think how wild they'll be after this airs tonight?"

"I don't even want to think about it Christian I just want to go back to the apartment and have you make love to me."

"Ok. Let's go." I smile happily as Christian takes my hand and leads me out.


	140. Chapter 140

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**I mean no disrespect towards Perez Hilton or Ryan Seacrest I am just using their names for this story because I can and not because I think they're like the way I've portrayed them in this story. **

**Tuesday 17****th**** January 2012**

Christian and I stumble into the bedroom. We're already lost in one another, nothing matters to me more than this moment. We tug at each other's clothes and Christian doesn't even try to stop me or slow me down it's like he knows that I'm desperate for him. By the time his shirt is off he pushes me down onto the bed just in my bra and panties. He pulls his shoes and socks off while I watch him and catch my breath. He pushes his trousers and boxers off and steps out of them quickly before coming to me.

He attacks me, literally. He tears my panties from my body and tugs my breasts out of the confides of my bra. He grabs my breasts, one in each hand and squeezes them and tugs at the nipple. It's painful but so pleasurable too.

"Christian." I moan. "Now." I beg.

"Now?" He asks teasing my entrance with his erect shaft.

"Yeah now." I say wrapping my legs around his waist resting my heels on the top of his behind and pushing him hard while raising my hips.

He thrusts hard.

I call out in agony but pleasurable agony as he slams repeatedly into me. All coherent thought has left me which is exactly what I needed tonight. I climb, higher and higher, like a symphony and I fall over the edge in a glorious climax. Christian's falling with me. I can feel him coming undone inside of me and it feels even better than ever before.

He falls heavily onto my chest and I wrap my arms around him tight.

"Oh no Mrs Grey. No canoodling right now. Time to eat." He says pushing himself up and pulling out of me.

"Oh Christian." I groan.

"I know you've barely eaten today. So unless you want me to take you over my knee you'll get up. Now." He replies.

"I'd much rather be taken over you knee right about now." I say seductively.

"Oh would you Mrs Grey?" His voice is husky and I know I'm playing dangerous territory but I'm in the mood to.

"Oh yes." I nod. "Would you love to see the white skin of my ass turning pink beneath your hand?"

"Hmm." Christian says.

"Then fuck me? Real hard? All over again?" I ask trying to make my voice real low and seductive and by the look on Christian's face it's working.

"Stand." He growls.

I manage not to squeal and smirk as I jump to my feet. In seconds I'm across Christian's lap and I push my behind up begging him to just take me.

"Oh Ana baby." He says quietly. "You're really suffering."

Oh and that's a turn off. I sigh and push myself off him and I know that was what he was aiming for when there was no resistance. I go to the bathroom pulling the door shut behind me making sure it bangs. I am really not in the mood for this right now.

"Ana." Christian sighs coming into the bathroom behind me.

"What?" I ask fighting back tears.

"Please talk to me." He whispers looking like the lost little boy.

"Why did you think I was suffering?" I ask turning to face him.

"It was fairly obvious." He shrugs.

"Really? I'm on your lap begging to be spanked and fucked hard and you decide to say that I'm suffering. What am I suffering over Christian? If it's so obvious?" I snap, I am hurting I have every right to be mad right now.

"I spoke with Flynn."

"I should have known!" I sigh exasperated.

"Ana, please I just want to help." He says quietly.

"Help with what Christian? What exactly do I need help with because last time I checked I was doing pretty ok?" I snap, my voice getting louder with each statement.

"Doctor Flynn seems to think…"

"I don't give a shit what Doctor fucking Flynn thinks Christian. What do _you_ think?" I'm beyond furious and I can see that Christian has no idea how to handle this but I'm not ready.

"Ana."

"I can't do this Christian." And cue the flood gates, why does he only have to look at me with those sad puppy dog lost little boy eyes and he can extract every piece of information out of me.

He pulls me into his chest and holds me tight.

"This is about Perez and Ryan." He sighs.

"No! No it's not!" I sob.

"Then what is it?" He asks but I can't talk, I can't tell him because I've hidden it for so long and I don't want him to know now. "Talk to me Ana, baby please."

"I can't." I hiccup.

He scoops me up in his arms and carries me into our bedroom. I sob as he lays me down in our bed and I'm happier when he climbs in beside me and wraps me up in his arms.

"I hate seeing you cry." He says softly as he pushes my hair out of my face. "I just always want to know what's going on with you. Is it something I can help you with?"

"No." I cry. "It happened so long ago Christian."

"Then why is it hurting now?"

"I never dealt with it, I just moved on or tried to and now all this shit with Seacrest and Perez have brought it all back and I feel like shit Christian! I feel like absolute shit and there's nothing I can do to change that because it's too late." I don't even know if Christian can understand me through my sobs.

"Baby, tell me, please just tell me." He's begging because he's out of control, this is something he has no control over.

"I was just a teenager Christian, it was so long ago." I cry.

"Shh, just tell me about it baby. Just tell me."

"It started with Mom's husband number three." I say trying to catch my breath and calm down so Christian can understand what I'm saying. "I went with them and left Ray. He would always tell me how I was ugly and how I looked nothing like my mother, and then I went to school and I was the new kid and I was too skinny, eyes too big for my face, legs too long and upper body too short." I hiccup and wipe the tears away from my face as I begin to calm down some. "Then I started having trouble eating. The worse they were the harder it was to eat and I was already so thin. Mom was at her wits end with me and so I went back to Ray. Things just got better, I went back to my old school and was with my friends."

So many things started making sense to Christian right at that moment and I knew it.

"That's why when you're stressed or finding something particularly tough you're put off your food." He says quietly.

"Yes." I sob. "It's always been like that, it's not that I want to be but everything becomes so tasteful and I struggle to swallow like someone's hands are wrapped around my throat."

"Oh Ana." He sighs. "Why didn't you tell me all this before?"

"Because it's in the past." I cry. "I was fine."

"No baby you've not been fine because you've never had help, have you ever told Doctor Flynn?"

"No." I shake my head. "I couldn't."

"That's why you think so little of yourself too isn't it?"

"Yes." I cry.

"And all this with Ryan and Perez has bought it all back."

"Yes." I hiccup. "I've not really thought about it in so long Christian but all of this, they wished me dead Christian, they said they wished I was in the salon when it blew up and you know what came into my mind?"

"No baby please don't say it, don't say it Ana please?" He pleads, I know it's because he knows what I'm going to say but I have to tell him.

"I wished I was there too, then none of this would be happening."

Christian holds me tight as I cry hysterically. He runs his hand through my hair, kisses me all over my head and face as I'm sure he replays the words I've said over and over again.

"When we get back to Seattle, you'll go and see Doctor Flynn and you'll tell him all of this and then you'll get better ok? You'll get better and be able to move on and handle all of those haters." He promises as I begin to tire out in his arms. "I love you no matter what Anastasia." I hear just before I give in to sleep.


	141. Chapter 141

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**I mean no disrespect towards Perez Hilton or Ryan Seacrest I am just using their names for this story because I can and not because I think they're like the way I've portrayed them in this story. **

**Tuesday 17****th**** January 2012**

"Ana. Ana wake up baby." I hear Christian's voice calling me but I want nothing more than to ignore it right now. "Ana come on."

"Go away." I moan rolling over.

"It's late baby come on wake up."

I blink open my eyes to see a gorgeous pair of grey slate ones peering down at me.

"Hey."

"How long was I asleep?" I ask groggily pushing the duvet from me and sit up just to have Christian pass me a cold glass of pineapple juice.

"Just a couple of hours. You've missed dinner time and I've sent Miss Lloyd home but she made us some mac and cheese to warm up." He explains as I take a long sip.

"I'm so tired." I say quietly, exhausted might be a better word.

"I know baby, you can go straight back to sleep after we've had dinner and you're going to be on David Letterman in an hour and a half, think you can stay up to watch that?" Christian pushes my hair and softly tucks it behind my ear.

"Ok." I nod cuddling up into the side of his leg.

"Ana."

"Fine." I push myself away and he kisses me before jumping off the bed.

"If you fall back asleep I'll tip ice water over your head." He warns before hurrying off.

I take a deep breath and grab my phone from the bed side cabinet. I can't resist logging onto Twitter, I know I shouldn't but I can't help it, somehow I think it's better to know what's being said about me. First though, check messages of support.

**Kathygriffin: Catch AnaGrey writer of great porn #FiftyShades on Late_Show tonight!**

**KChenoweth: Ahh AnaGrey on Late_Show, watching with IdinaMenzel 2nite**

The messages from just random people are heart-warming and I don't know if I want to see what the latest is from the other two. I decide not to bother and quickly pull on a robe and go and find Christian.

I find him in the kitchen putting mac and cheese on plates while the TV is on ready for the Late Show to begin. I don't know if I want to watch it back.

"Christian will you put the TV off?" I ask him as I take a seat on the bar stool.

"Of course, why?"

"I just don't think I need to watch it back, I was there and in all honesty I don't want to see it." I reply and he gives me a reassuring nod of the head before he places a small portion in front of me.

"If you want more there is more, if not just eat what you can." He says quietly and I'm so grateful because I know at the moment he's struggling in himself because he's lacking control left right and centre. Between my eating habits and sleeping habits and self-esteem issues I know Christian is screaming inside. I know him well enough to know that but he's trying, he really is and that means more to me than anything.

**Tuesday 18****th**** January 2012**

Christian is in full controlling fifty mode from the moment we wake up. I find out he had Hannah and Luke booked into a suite downstairs last night but this morning they're in the apartment rushing around bowing down to Christian's orders. I feel sorrier for Gary though because I really fancied white chocolate and happened to mention it to Christian while I was in the shower and he was quick to order Gary to fetch white chocolate and then a list of breakfast cakes and donuts and everything else he thinks I might fancy.

"Hannah, have you got Ana's outfits ready?" Christian asks as I bite into my second custard donut.

"I can get my own outfits packed." I say but he silences me with a look.

"Yes Mr Grey, the red jeans with the alligator pumps, white tank top and navy single button jacket. Then for Live with Kelly the white leggings with the grey cashmere dress and the under knee clog black boots from UGG and for Jimmy Fallon we have the Alice and Olivia petunia bell sleeve dress with the Valentino's we're good to go." Hannah smiles politely.

"Ok good."

"Have you chosen every outfit for me from now on?" I ask him as I tuck into my fourth donut.

"No I just went through the wardrobe and decided on which outfits, shh, you're going to be stress free from now until we get back to New York." Christian says making me shrug my shoulders, I'm too busy to care about him taking control, if anything it's letting me relax and just chill out while he stresses over the finer details. "Ok are we ready to go?" Christian asks looking from the security to me.

"All ready." I say grabbing one last donut onto a napkin before jumping off the stool. Christian chuckles and shakes his head, I think he'd get me a hundred donuts if it would get me to eat.

We all make our way down to the car Christian holding onto my waist the whole rime especially as we push through the press.

"Ana, lunch time I have a surprise for you." Christian whispers before helping me into the back of the SUV leaving me with a hundred and one questions.


	142. Chapter 142

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**I mean no disrespect towards Perez Hilton or Ryan Seacrest I am just using their names for this story because I can and not because I think they're like the way I've portrayed them in this story. **

**Wednesday 18****th**** January 2012**

"And we're back! Live with us now is Anastasia Grey New York Times Best Selling Author of Fifty Shades."

I try not to look uncomfortable as I sit in my leggings and dress on the tall stool in front of the camera which I know is feeding Live. I was shaking with nerves the whole time I was getting my hair and makeup done and Christian being on his phone with someone the whole time didn't help either. I don't know what he's up to but he mentioned two surprises rather than one and that's all he'll tell me.

"So Ana." Kelly smiles. "I know this question is asked all the time but other than this how to book what was your inspiration to go ahead and write Fifty Shades, what made you pick up a pen or sit in front of your laptop and actually write the book?"

Ok I am totally unprepared. I look from Kelly to the audience trying to come up with a satisfying answer but I know I won't I mentally reach out to Christian because I know I can't lie here, and somehow I think the truth should be out there, I don't know why but I do know I am fed up of lying to the world about everything.

"I was told I should write down to supress … to supress some bad feelings after a traumatic event." I say knowing this is going to be probed, I'm hoping if Christian doesn't agree with this he'll come storming out here and stop me.

"Traumatic event? We know from the news and stuff regarding you and your husband you have been through your fair share of traumatic events."

"That's right." I chuckle, to be fair Christian and I have been through more than most. "I was blackmailed and almost kidnapped near eight months ago now and it was from then."

"What bad feeling could you have from being blackmailed and almost kidnapped?" Kelly asked sympathetically.

"I was…" I close my eyes and swallow hard, this is a real big decision I'm making here and I suspect Christian will be furious but it's time the truth came out. If I choose for it to come out then it isn't as bad as me accidentally slipping up. "I was expecting when it happened and the beating I took caused me to miscarry." I say quietly.

Kelly reaches over a hand and places it gently on my knee while I struggle to smile and shake my head.

"I blamed myself, for months I thought it was all my fault and I felt so guilty and then a dear friend told me that I should write. Every time I had a moment and I felt that guilt deep inside of me that I should write and that's how Fifty Shades was written." I say keeping it together, it's not like I'm trying to win sympathy or anything I don't want people to feel sorry for me but I am so fed up of hiding behind this lie of a how to guide.

"Did help?"

"With a lot of therapy." I admit with a chuckle and Kelly smiles reassuringly.

"Well something good came from something bad though your book if I do say so is amazing, I couldn't put it down and I am ready for the second." Kelly beams. "However this story isn't filled with this heartache that you were suffering when you wrote it."

"No."

"How was it writing something so sexually motivated when you were feeling so … so low?"

"I guess it was because I was trying to feel anything but low. When you're having sex your mind fills with all these endorphins, you feel on top of the world and I think when I was writing Fifty Shades that was what I was clinging onto, I was trying to cling on to those great moments where nothing or nobody could hurt me or affect me in anyway other than this pure feeling of euphoria that my husband had given me." I say talking as if this is something I've rehearsed from a script but with so much passion there. I move my hands as I speak, pointing to myself, rolling them, trying to get my point across.

"That makes sense but there are moments in the book that some people have said are filled with so much hurt too. For example Maggie's back story."

"Maggie's backstory is something I think was needed in the story, I mean this book has a lot of sex and very kinky BDSM sex at that but that isn't the focus of the story, the focus is the romance and the healing that Maggie goes through. She falls in love and in the process she begins to heal all the heartache she suffered as a child and the later developments of her teenage years we get to witness Richard healing her."

"But of course we find out towards the end Maggie may not be the only one who's fifty shades." Kelly points out and something tells me she's read this book more than once.

"That's right, everyone has a past. Some have a worst past than others but the things we've been through mould us into who we are in the present day. Whether it's school bullying or child sexual abuse we are who we are because of those incidents. They've inflicted us and helped us with decisions just as much of not more than the good influences and incidents in our lives." I say and I'm surprised when I stop to take a breath that I get a round of applause that puts a smile on our face.

"So you think all the trauma you and your husband have been through since you've been married affects decisions you make now? With your life?"

"Of course." I reply with a nod as I pick up the glass of water from the table. "I mean coming out here to New York required me to hire a second security guard because Christian originally wasn't coming out with me. It also finds me hearing a car backfire and I wonder if there are more bombs even though the bombers are locked away in a tight hole and are never going to come back but I can't live my life in that fear. It influences my decisions though, every single one I make is influenced by the bombing, the car accident and the attempted kidnap."

"I'm sure everyone in our audience can agree with you there. I'm sure everyone goes through some hardships in their lives and can definitely empathise with you on some level."

"I agree." I smile.

"So book number two, give us some spoiler?"

"Uh there's a lot more kinky sex." I reply with a cheeky smile.

"More?"

"Oh a lot more, I have had so much fun writing these scenes I mean they take up so much energy because I have to sometimes just close my eyes and play the scene out before I begin to type and then it's step by step I have to replay it and replay it and sometimes I even get up out of my chair and position myself and try and picture it, where would her hands be? Where would his hands be? How would he tie this rope? Where would those handcuffs be? How could his feet be there when her hands are tied like this? And so on and I find the sex scenes to be the most time consuming too because they don't develop the story much they're just sex."

"Ok so Fifty Shades part two. In stores March thirtieth. Thank you so much for coming on its Anastasia Grey everyone." The round of applause rings out just as the theme tune begins to play.

"We're out!"

"Thank god." I breathe just as I see Christian waiting for me. "Thank you for having me on Kelly."

"No problem! I loved your book that's the God's honest truth and roll on book two and three because I cannot wait to see what you have in store for this pair."

We share a quick hug and hurry off to Christian just to be wrapped up tight in his embrace. So much for him being furious.

"There was my brave Ana." He whispers in my ear.

"You're not mad?"

"No." He smiles down at me. "I can't be mad Ana you just told the truth. I think I get it. I may need to talk it through with Flynn but I get it, you couldn't lie anymore, it wasn't fair that I expected you too."

"Who are you and what have you done with Christian Grey?" I ask with a wide smile.

He smiles back and shakes his head softly as he lowers his head to mine. I kiss him gently before I am hurried back to the greenroom to grab the rest of my things and it's off to The View.


	143. Chapter 143

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**I mean no disrespect towards Perez Hilton or Ryan Seacrest I am just using their names for this story because I can and not because I think they're like the way I've portrayed them in this story. **

**Wednesday 18****th**** January 2012**

The View had been particularly tough, with five woman firing questions at me left right and centre I wanted the ground to swallow me up. Luckily the topic was the book and that was it, they were funny and kind throughout which relaxed me and no mention of Ryan Seacrest or Perez Hilton was an absolute bonus. Now we've left the studio with more gift baskets and we're headed to lunch.

We walk into the restaurant and I see Christian looking around. I know he's seen someone or something as he practically drags me across the room.

"Christian, Ana."

"Doctor Flynn?" My mouth falls wide open. "You flew him out here?" I gape at Christian.

"I did." He nods.

"Why?" I ask.

"I think you might need him." Christian explains.

"Christian he has a wife and children in New York!"

"Who are at the hotel." Flynn points out.

"Not the point. What about his other patients?"

"Rescheduled." Flynn says.

"Let him talk!" I warn.

"Ana." Christian whines.

"I don't need a shrink Christian I need to wash my hair and get ready for Jimmy Fallon, that's what I need to do."

"Not till you've spoken with Flynn, _we've _spoken with Flynn."

"No offence to the expensive chartlan but I don't need to talk to him, I'm dealing with this, I've been dealing with it since I was thirteen Christian!" I snap not caring that I am bringing unneeded attention to us.

"Ok we're going through to the private dining room I have booked right now." Christian grabs my arm and practically drags me away and Flynn follows dutifully.

I manage not to say something until the waiter leaves us alone.

"This isn't necessary Christian." I say firmly.

"Isn't it Ana, because I bought Flynn and his family out here for us both not just for you. Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to find out what you went through last night? You're my wife, we've been married nearly nine months and you never told me about your past, you told me you didn't have one."

"I thought you meant a sexual past Christian which you know I didn't have or have you forgotten the evidence of that on your bed sheets?" I reply sarcastically. "I know you're upset by what I told you last night but it's in the past just like you're history is in your past."

"Really? Then why is it that I struggle with what happened in my History every day and if it didn't bother you Anastasia you wouldn't have severe self-esteem issues and eating issues when you're really stressed and you wouldn't have broken down last night."

I cover my eyes with both my hands and take a deep breath. I can't think. Everything in my mind is so jumbled and I can't think straight about anything.

"Ana?" I hear Flynn's voice but I can't take my hands away from my eyes, my tears are so close to falling but I'm stronger than this. I know I am.

"Ana baby look at me." Christian's hands pry my hands down from my face. "Don't cry." He whispers.

"I don't want to deal with this with force Christian I need to do it in my own time in my own way, I know it's hurting you I get that, I really do but this is my past, my history." I whisper.

"Ana, if I may." Flynn crouches down in front of me. "I think you've buried this so deep for so long that you're scared to face it, to bring it all up again but you need to, to move on properly you need to face it and deal with especially now with these two other men. It's obviously brought it all up again Ana."

The tears fall down my cheeks as I shake my head. I squeeze my eyes shut just wanting to will all of this away but it obviously doesn't work.

"Christian." I whisper and Flynn moves out of the way for Christian to be able to move in and wrap his arms around me.

"Shh baby I know, God I know it's hard, it's going to be hard but we'll get there ok? Together we'll get through this." He rocks me softly as I fight my tears back, I don't want to cry anymore about this.

"I just don't want to dig it all back up again Christian, please?!" I beg.

"Ana." Christian sighs. "For once will you please listen to me? You need this baby, we need this, I need Flynn's help to deal with all of this, your fame, Perez and Seacrest, husband number three and the kids at your school. I need you to tell me everything and do with Flynn there so he can help us both through it."

"Can we wait till we're back in Seattle? Please? There's still so much to go through this week Christian and I can't handle it all." I plead, I don't know what's wrong with me at all but I'm so emotional and I can't get any control of it.

"Ok, we can wait, baby we can wait till you're ready but I need Flynn ok? I need Flynn here right now too because I can't handle it all, I need someone and with all this going on for you well you can't be there for me right now and that's ok because I understand that."

He's all grown up. Right in front of me is a new shade of Grey. Mature Shade and I have to admit that I like it and love it just as much as I love his other fifty shades. I throw my arms around him and sob into his shoulder. He kisses me softly and coo's softly into my ear.

"I love you Christian."

"I know you do." He replies. "I love you too. Now, how about some lunch."

"I'll go clean myself up, you order for me. You know what I like." I kiss him softly before making my way to the bathroom, I'm doing it for two reasons. One being that Christian needs a moment with Doctor Flynn and two I really need to wipe the mascara streaks off my face.

In the bathroom I wash off all the makeup and take the time to use the facilities and calm down. I feel sick and dizzy but I guess it's just a mixture of being overwhelmed and tired. I shake my head to gather my bearings before I take a deep breath and head out to the dining room where Christian and Doctor Flynn seem to be having a great conversation which involves smiling.

"Hey." Christian smiles as I sit in my seat.

"Hey." I smile back and reach over and kiss his cheek. "Ok?"

"Perfect." He smiles. "You?"

"I'm good." I nod just as our food is brought through. "Jesus Christian did you order an extra-large portion?" I ask him seeing the size on the Mattachana on my plate.

"No baby just…" He swallows and looks at Doctor Flynn. "Just eat what you can." He says and I know it's because of what happened minutes ago that he knows I won't be able to eat much.

"Ok." I smile and happily tuck in.

Christian and Flynn talk fishing and sport until we've eaten and then I'm pleased when Christian says it's time for the second surprise. I'd forgotten there was supposed to be two surprises and I'm now hoping that it's Kate or Mia.

I'm surprised however when we turn up outside a tattoo parlour.

"You're getting a tattoo?" I ask in shock, I never thought Christian would ever get a tattoo.

"No, we both are."

"No way!" I say pulling away from him.

"We're getting henna tattoos made." He says with a smirk.

"Henna?"

"Yeah, maybe we'll be able to get real ones someday but right now I think you and I should get Henna done, you are getting a word of inspiration on your wrist. Olivia and Andrea both got word of inspiration tattoo, a word that means something to them on their ankles too so no one can see them but I think you should have one on your wrist, I think you should have the word beautiful in calligraphy and if you like it then maybe you can get a real one." He explains but I'm sceptical as he pulls me inside.

"I don't think I want the word beautiful tattooed on my wrist Christian, ever. I have to be at Jimmy Fallon in three hours I am on air in four and a half and the last thing I want to be doing is hiding a damn tattoo."

"You won't be hiding it, you'll be showing it off."

"Oh and that won't be shocking, suddenly having a tattoo that says beautiful on my wrist?!" I am beyond angry that he's taken this decision without me.

"Just come Ana." He sighs before pulling me inside.

For the next two hours I sit and watch Christian have my name in Henna Tattoo on one of his pecks and then have Beautiful inscribed on my wrist.

"You know, I like yours. You should have property of written above it." I say as we get back in the car.

"Really? Property of Ana Grey?" He asks playfully and I grin and nod making him laugh.

I look down at my wrist where the word beautiful is written to face me. I surprisingly find the writing beautiful but I don't like the tattoo, I could never have it permanently written.

"Maybe now you'll start believing it." Christian whispers before kissing my head and we drive towards Jimmy Fallon happier than we have been since first thing this morning.


	144. Chapter 144

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**I mean no disrespect towards Perez Hilton or Ryan Seacrest I am just using their names for this story because I can and not because I think they're like the way I've portrayed them in this story. **

**Wednesday 18****th**** January 2012**

Being on Jimmy Fallon was great, he also kept with just the book and my liking of New York which I must admit put me at ease. It's nice not to have to worry about the topic of conversation and just enjoy myself as we record. I'll be on TV tonight yet again. I don't think I'm quite used to the attention but I will be I'm sure I will be with the amount of asks I have had about returning to the shows when book number two comes out.

Now I sit opposite Flynn trying to keep my calm. I agreed that I would talk to him so here I am, in mine and Christian's apartment, trying to figure out what to say.

"Are you going to say anything to me or are we going to sit here in silence?" Flynn asks with a kind and playful smile.

"I'm quite enjoying the silence." I quip making him laugh softly. "Truth is John I have no idea what you want me to say."

"You think I want you to say something?"

"You asked if I was going to say anything." I reply, I know what he means but I'm really not in the mood to be co-operative.

"Are we going to talk around in circles because if that's the case I'm sure Rhian and the boys would much rather me be in the hotel room with them." And there's the guilt card. I blow out a breath and rub my hand across my forehead hoping that it would somehow push away my dizziness.

"I'm sorry." I say sincerely. "But Christian flew you out here for him, not for me."

"He flew me out here because he was desperate because he had no control at all, not even the slightest bit and he was scared Ana, he was so scared because he couldn't take it out on you, in no way could he take it out on you sexual or verbal." Flynn replies.

"I wanted him too though." I say quietly.

"What?" Flynn asked.

"I said I wanted him too, I … ugh!" I push the palms of my hands into my eyes and rub trying to get a clearer picture in my mind.

"Wanted him to what Ana?"

"I … I wanted him to take it out on me sexually. Ok? I … I practically offered myself on a silver platter because I needed it too but then he didn't want to or whatever." I explain trying to hide my embarrassment, Christian might be able to talk about our sex life openly with the shrink but I can't.

"I heard but I was also told it was obvious something was wrong with you and he saw that and he didn't want you to regret it afterwards." Flynn suggests but all I can do is shrug.

"I'm going to get a glass of water." I say quietly but as I get up I'm hit with a wave of light-headedness.

"Ana are you ok?" Flynn's jumped to his feet in front of me.

"Yeah I'm fine." I reply. "I think I just got up to fast."

"Ok sit down, slowly." Flynn helps me back into my seat. "I'll get your water."

I lie back on the couch and take a deep breath. I feel sick, beyond sick and breathing is difficult. I bolt from the couch and make it to the bathroom in time to collapse in front of the toilet and vomit.

"Ana." Flynn pulls my hair back as more comes and I grip tight to the edge of the porcelain.

"Call Christian." I whisper knowing my husband is in our bedroom.

"Ok." I hear Flynn running out of the bedroom just as I throw up some more.

"What's going on with her?" His voice carries to my ears from a distance and I just want to call out to him but I can't because of projectile vomit. "Ana."

"Christian." I gasp falling to the side against the tile wall.

"Are you ok baby?" He asks coming to sit on the floor and pulling me into his lap.

"I feel like I'm dying." I mumble, vomiting is exhausting.

"What's wrong with her Flynn?"

"Could be any number of things Christian, Ana other than the dizziness and the vomiting have you been having any other symptoms?" He asks kneeling down in front of me.

"No." I mumble.

"Christian?"

"Unless developing a sweet tooth, tiredness, and being over emotional are symptoms? None that I've noticed." Christian replies but my eyes meet Flynn's and my heart begins pounding in my ears.

"Ana?" Flynn asks.

"God no." I whisper.

"John?" Christian asks as he push my bangs out of her face.

"Christian she might be pregnant." Flynn says.

"No, the injection." I say shaking my head.

"Ana you and I both know they're not one hundred percent effective, it happened to you before."

"No." I shake my head more, I can't be, not now.

"We need to find out I'll call Sawyer and have him go to an overnight drug store get like ten stick tests I want to be sure."

"You need to get Ana to bed Christian."

"Do you think you're going to be sick again baby?" He asks me gently.

"No." I reply.

He lifts me up in his arms easily and carries me into our bedroom. I'm happy when he lays me down on the bed and I can close my eyes hoping to be able to give in to the exhaustion.

"Could it be anything else?" I ask knowing that Flynn is still in the room.

"Well… it could be a lot of other things if you minus your sweet tooth." Flynn replies.

"It's coming to the end of the injection, I'm due for the next one in two weeks." I reply. "If it wasn't effective wouldn't I have gotten pregnant sooner?"

"Not necessarily, even having sex like clockwork Ana sometimes it just doesn't work, you've had one miscarriage only eight months ago."

"It's too soon. I'm not ready. I told Christian I wasn't ready for this." Tears well up in my eyes and John sits down on the bed beside me and takes my hand as I cry. "I'm not ready for this."

"You have a few months Ana, if you're pregnant you have a few months." Flynn reassures.

Christian comes into the bedroom after a few minutes and Flynn leaves without a word.

"Ana, I've got a few stick tests." He says.

"Sawyer works fast." I say quietly.

"They thought Hannah was pregnant a couple of days ago, bought a few stick tests first two were negative and they didn't want to be disappointed over and over again."

"Ok let's do this." I say quietly.

Christian comes into the bathroom with me and for once I don't mind him seeing me pee. I set the stick test on the side while Christian reads over the instructions.

"How long do we have to wait?" I ask quietly.

"Five minutes."

Five minutes later and I cling onto Christian as he picks up the stick test. He turns it around and I close my eyes.

"Negative." He says quietly.

I relax at once even though I know Christian is disappointed.

"I'm sorry."

"Hey you're on the injection, it wasn't meant to happen. We'll discuss this and then we'll try when you're ready ok?"

"Ok." I reply quietly.

"Now let's get you into bed, you're sick."

"I think it's stress Christian." I say quietly as he picks me up. "I'm exhausted because I'm stressed, I'm light-headed and dizzy because I'm stressed, I'm sick because I'm stressed. I'll be fine once I've gotten some sleep."

"Then sleep."


	145. Chapter 145

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**I mean no disrespect towards Perez Hilton or Ryan Seacrest I am just using their names for this story because I can and not because I think they're like the way I've portrayed them in this story.**

**Real Mix feelings about a possible pregnancy half my readers want it half don't, you really all need to make your arguments in your reviews to help me along because a part of me wants her pregnant and a part of me doesn't want her pregnant so let me hear your POV! **

**Thursday 19****th**** January 2012**

"You're trying to get me fat." I tell Christian as I bite into my third custard donuts of the morning, he knows I like them, he knows I'll eat them so he had Sawyer run to the bakery yet again this morning.

"No just healthy." He smirks.

"Oh yeah and sugar covered custard donuts are the most healthy breakfast food you can get." I reply sarcastically making him grin widely.

"I'd rather you eat ten of those things than nothing." He replies.

"So would I." I smirk picking up a fourth.

"We have to be at Barnes and Nobel in one hour."

"We're walking right?"

"Yes, much too close to ride from here, we'll be there from seven thirty and your hair and makeup will be done and you'll meet your public at eight as planned." He smiles switching the TV on to Good Morning America.

"They're outside B&N!" I say pointing at the TV were a huge crowd is on the TV with a reporter.

Christian turns to me, he's in just his pyjama bottoms and he looks good enough to eat. My eyes fall onto my name on his chest and I love it, I can't believe he's gone to that extreme.

"What?" He asks catching me staring.

"You didn't just get a henna of my name, you got it on your chest. You hate it still when anyone other than me touches your chest." I say quietly and he sighs and walks to me.

"It wasn't the easiest thing I've ever done Ana, and I have been waiting for you to ask me about it."

"You have?" I ask as he takes my hands his thumb running softly over the Edwardian script 'Beautiful' on my wrist.

"Yeah, you know why?"

"No."

"Because now I can explain to you why I did it. I got this on my chest because I wanted to push myself over my own limits just like you've been doing. I didn't have to do it but I did, also because I'm hoping it will help you with pushing yourself in a different way. I let someone touch my chest, I didn't want to, I could think of a million other places I could have had your name on my body but having it on my chest is more significant because if it wasn't for you I could never have gotten this done."

"Ok." I frown, I really don't get where he's going with this.

"You are struggling with everything because of Ryan Seacrest and Perez Hilton digging things up from your past, you need to let me help you in the way you helped me and this tattoo is a reminder of how you helped me. If you like this I want to get a permanent one even though I know you hate tattoos, I want your name Ana, on my chest, the place I hated anyone touching."

"Wow." He's floored me. Seriously floored me. "You want a permanent Tattoo of my name?"

"Well maybe just Anastasia in the same script as you have on your wrist." He shrugs.

"Not property of?" I ask with a smirk making him laugh.

"No not property of." He says quietly.

"I'll think about it."

"While you think about getting help?"

"Yes." I breath quietly. "I will Christian it's just going to take time ok?"

"I know baby." He leans in and kisses me. "Now let's go get ready."

Forty five minutes later and I'm dressed in purple skinny jeans, black tank top and a braided cashmere cardigan with Sergio Rossi Mixed-Media Mary-Jane Bootie.

"You look amazing." Christian smiles as I step out into the living room. He's wearing his signature white shirt with a pair of jeans and his Nike High Tops.

"So do you." I say appreciatively.

"Are you flirting with me Mrs Grey?" He teases.

"Yes." I say in all seriousness before I laugh. "Absolutely flirting with my husband."

"Hmm good. I don't think he'd be very happy if you were flirting with someone else." He mumbles as he pulls me towards him and buries his face in my still damp and unstyled hair. "Ready to go?"

"Absolutely."

We head off together with the security team which now includes Taylor, I wonder when he arrived or flew out or whatever but I don't ask. The crowd squeals when I arrive and I manage to smile and wave while clutching tight to Christian's hand while the store security lets us in through a side door.

"Hi Mrs Grey it is lovely to have you here." I instantly know she's the store manager.

"Hi thank you for inviting me." I say with my own smile.

"Mr Grey." She even recognises my husband, obviously done her research. "Ok so we'll open the doors at eight am and have you done by one because I know you're filming Rachael Ray this afternoon."

"Ok." I nod.

"What's the latest head count?" Christian asked.

"We started turning people away when we hit five thousand."

"Five thousand?" I ask in complete shock.

"Yeah, we hit Five thousand at around six thirty this morning."

"Oh my God." I manage to mutter, five thousand people want me to sign their book today.

"Yeah, we have plenty of English Breakfast tea, soda, coffee, anything you need just let Melissa here know."

"Oh my god you're the one whose book I signed first ever." I say recognising the young woman.

"Yeah, it's an absolute pleasure to meet you… again." She says nervously.

"Thank you."

"Ok hair and makeup." The manager smiles and leads us through to a back office.

"Victoria?" I'm gobsmacked to see my publicist.

"Anastasia, darling!" She laughed coming over to me.

I hug and air kiss the extravagant purple haired blonde streaked beauty in front of me. Christian hired her and I love her, she's amazing.

"So how are you handling everything?" She asks taking my hand from Christian's leading me over to a seat.

"Great." I smile as she signals the blonde haired teenager over, I guess she'll be doing my hair and makeup.

"You're doing great too, I haven't missed an airing and you're doing amazing. They love you, all of your interviewers have been in touch asking about the second book and further appearances I have also sent along the details to Christian about the next move, Hollywood want a movie."

"A Movie?" I ask in shock.

"A movie, Fifty Shades the movie to be exact."

"Ok…" This is news.

"Nothing for you to worry about right now they want to wait till the second book is out to make sure that it still has a large and different fan base." She explains while the blonde massages my head.

"Ok." I say.

"Right well you relax, have you hair and makeup done and I'll go and sort out everything else." She says dramatically. "Mr Grey I trust you got the email I sent you?"

"Yes and I'll discuss it with Ana when she returns to Seattle, right now she has a lot to focus on, two more interviews and a signing ok?"

"Ok, would you like some coffee?"

"Yes please." He says dismissing her.

She hurries off and Christian grabs a chair pulling it up next to me while I watch Melissa curling my hair with a hot iron.

"I don't like her and the way she works."

"You championed her when you hired her." I reply.

"Do you like her?" He asks me.

"Yes, she's straight, knows her stuff and she actually seems to care about me." I say.

"She cares about the amount of money you're paying her." Christian replies.

"Either way, she's great ok? Don't fire her."

"I can't, she works for you not me." He says and I smirk.

"Good." I smile.

Forty minutes later and I am ready to face my fans. I am excited this time. Last time was so much fun and this time is going to be just as much fun. First of course are the publicity photographs. I pose with Christian, the store manager and individually with a copy of my book and then I sit at the table with five sharpies in front of me and the first small group is let through. I smile for photographs without coming out of my chair and sign books for each individual with a smile on my face.


	146. Chapter 146

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**I mean no disrespect towards Perez Hilton or Ryan Seacrest I am just using their names for this story because I can and not because I think they're like the way I've portrayed them in this story.**

**Thursday 19****th**** January 2012**

"My hand really hurts." I complain as we drive over to Rachael Ray in the back of the SUV.

"Just keep the ice on it for now." Christian says before lifting my sandwich to my mouth.

I frown before biting into it. I really did sign as fast as I could but I didn't get through all five thousand and I'm pissed as hell.

"You have a second book to finish, more signings, your hand will get used to the pain." He says taking a bite of his own sandwich.

"Now I have to go on Rachael Ray who is apparently fascinated with all the food I mention in my book." I say. "And we're going to cook some Bruschetta."

"Sounds like fun." Christian smiles.

"I guess so." I smile too, he's right, cooking with Rachael Ray is going to be fun.

"You have a long segment, you sure all she's going to talk about is cooking?"

"No idea." I reply knowing that my segment is nearly forty minutes or air time but about an hour of filming.

"Ok, well your hair looks amazing like that." He says. "I hope they don't change it."

My hair is in a French braid from the left corner by my forehead in a diagonal to the right and then it's all curled and clipped above my ear.

"I'll ask them not too." I say with a smile as he picks the sandwich up to my mouth.

We arrive at Rachael Ray just in time and as I'm scooped off to makeup and plonked down in a seat Rachael Ray herself comes into my room with a gorgeous smile on her face.

"Anastasia Grey!" She beams.

"Hi Rachael." I smile as she bends down and hugs me tight.

"I have been looking forward to this day for sooooo long!" She says dramatically making me laugh.

"Me too." I say just to be polite.

"We're going to have fun out there ok? I will want to know all about the signing and the second book but most of all about the food in the first book. I'm going to harass you with questions just … just be my best friend out there." She laughs, her laugh is infectious and I laugh too. "Ok I'm going to change and I'll see you out there."

"Ok." I smile and she gives my knee a squeeze before she hurries off.

I take a deep breath and smile as my face is changed from simple and fresh to simple and fresh in a different way in less than twenty minutes.

"You ok?" Christian asks handing me a takeout cup of tea.

"Yeah, good to go." I smile. "Well I need to change." I laugh.

"Your outfit is hanging up in the bathroom, just drink your tea, I'll help you out of your tank so we don't wreck your hair." Christian continues, I think he may be finding different ways of controlling things so that he doesn't try to control the uncontrollable.

"Ok. You know, do you think you could get me more custard donuts?"

"I know I can do my very best, they may not be here until you're finish up though." He says rubbing his chin. "Are you hungry?"

"A little, more than anything I just really want custard donuts." I say with smirk and he laughs and shakes his head.

"If you're hungry there's muffins in the basket, I'll send Gary to find some custard donuts." He kisses the top of my head and walks out the room with his phone in hand and I know he's calling Gary.

I chuckle and slip into the bathroom to pull on my outfit.

Ten minutes later I step out wearing a pair of white bootcut jeans and black top with Metalic suade jacket and Christian Louboutin black ruched wedge. Christian winks playfully at me and I can't help but smile happily at him and let out a small breath which makes my bangs fly softly.

"You look good enough to eat." Christian says.

"Hmm, that makes me think of custard donuts." I say and his head signals a box beside him. "Oh you are a star, and so is Gary." I say grabbing one.

"I know." He smiles wrapping his hand around my waist. "Would it have really been such a bad thing if that pregnancy test would have been positive?" He asks shocking me.

"I don't think now is the right time for this conversation Christian." I say quietly as I break my donut in my hands.

"You were devastated. At the mere thought of being pregnant you were devastated. Why?"

"I don't think that now is the time to talk about this." I say in a whisper.

"Then when Ana? Because ever since we lost little blip I have wanted to have this conversation and tell you that I want babies with you, we're married, it's not like we have to worry about money but you … are you … do you not want to have my children?"

"I want kids Christian. Just not right now. We're in a good place. My career is kicking off, our marriage is better than it's ever been, we've both got some issues we need to work through me especially, right now we're so busy, and … and I'm not ready to include a child into this life of ours and I'm scared too, of what type of Mom I would be and I need to work through those issues. I want children, I want children so much but just not right now. Can we wait? And have this conversation when we're back in Seattle and my schedule has slowed down some?"

"Ok." He nods, and I'm so relieved to hear that. "We'll wait, but your next shot is in two weeks, we have to talk about it before then."

"Ok." I nod giving him a small smile. "We fly back to Seattle tomorrow night. So how about on the plane? It's six hours long near enough, we can cuddle up on the make shift bed and talk." I say quietly.

"We'll talk."

"Mrs Grey, we need you."

"Ok. I'll see when I'm done." I lean in and kiss him and smile, he's trying so hard to be Mr less controlling and Mr talkative adding new shades every second.

I head up to the side of the stage and get mic'd up while Rachael begins her show. I like watching her, she's great and so adorable with her smile and laugh.

"Ok right now I want you to give a wild round of applause for my special guest, Anastasia Grey!"

I grin as I walk out, I'm still pumped from the signing and as I hug and air kiss Rachael Ray before sitting down at her little kitchen table.

"Oh Ana it's so good to have you here." She beams.

"Ah it's good to be here." I grin knowing I'm just glad not to be in the dressing room with Christian talking about future children of ours.

"You're nearing the end of your fourth week on top of the New York Times Best Sellers list with Fifty Shades, tell me how does that feel?"

"Ugh he feels am-az-ing." I say feeling Rachael's enthusiasm. "I mean I just wanted to make it on the list, being number thirty five was fine with me but then to shoot to the top was just … ah it was a dream come true then to stay on there for nearly four weeks…" I shake my head, words just can't describe how I feel right now.

"This book, it's an erotic romance with a lot of twists and turns."

"That's right." I smile.

"You've talked briefly on Live with Kelly about how feelings of guilt was what pushed you to write the book, how a friend suggested writing as an outlet, would you suggest the same thing to someone else?"

"I don't know. You see for me as an ex-English Literature student writing my own book was a logical step, I consulted my favourite books a lot when writing. When I needed a break from Maggie and Richard I'd pick up a copy of Tess of the D'Urbervilles or Wuthering Heights or Pride and Prejudice and get lost in those characters and sometimes they'd give me an inkling of where I'd next need to take my story but if you're not into writing and you're not into reading then maybe writing isn't an outlet for you with your feelings, I'm sure you'd love to put together ingredients to make something special as an outlet rather than write a novel." I explain, I'm so relaxed right now it's wonderful and I can really enjoy myself more than I have before.

"You're right there I don't think I could write something like this, it's very creative, the detail you go into in some sections makes it, I don't know about everyone else but for me it makes it almost as if I can see it, from the clothing Maggie wears, to the description of Richard's house to the detail about the food."

"I love creative descriptive writing, I once, when I was in school, did a piece on writing about going to get takeout and for years my English teacher in school had it up on the wall beside her desk. I wasn't much into just writing stories or scripts but I could describe things and I loved making a place up and describing it."

"I want you to read out this marked section here." She hands me over a copy of my book and I open it on the book marked page and see a small section pencilled in.

"You want me to read this out loud?"

"Yup." She nods.

"Ok." I smile and take a deep breath. "I step into a beautiful cream walled foyer with a winding stairs case on my left that leads up to the balcony overlooking us. A dark wood banister winds around the top indoor balcony holding up a white fence. The door ways surrounding me are all dark wood too and they complement the room perfectly. A large drop chandelier hangs from the upstairs ceiling all the way to about eight foot from the floor. A shag rug holds a beautiful black glass table with a stunning bouquet of flowers while just slightly behind it on either side are long backed cream chairs with dark wood legs and surround and simple cream and black cushions. To the right a naked armless female statue stands out oddly. Beneath the right foyer window a cream and dark wood chaise lounge with one solitary cushion also seems to fit the room yet out of place. To my left beside a doorway is a glass and dark wood cabinet holding nothing but with a mirrored back I think that's the point. A large mirror stands on the opposite wall and on either side large openings leading into other rooms or room, the same on either wall too and in the corners between the four openings are two small glass cabinets matching the larger one with the mirrors holding smaller flower displays."

"I can just see myself in that room." Rachael says almost dreamily. "It's so well written, I love it!"

"Thank you." I smile closing the book.

"So the second book comes out on the 30th of March, what can we expect from it?"

"Well like I've said before, more sex a lot more sex actually and more of Maggie's antics and we get to meet different shades of Richard too." I smile.

"Have you named the book yet?"

"Yes it's called Fifty More Shades." I smile.

"Why?"

"Because we get to see more, it was for a while debated between Fifty Shades More or Fifty More Shades and I decided with the latter to make it clear that I meant more shades, more sides of these people and I have aimed to have fifty more shades of the two characters."

"Have you been counting them?"

"I have." I laugh.

"Is the book finished?"

"No." I say shamefully. "I'm aiming to have it finished by the end of February but we'll see, I'll have it done in time for the release date and that's what matters most."

"Too right, now I want to talk to you about the miscarriage if that's ok?"

"Ok shoot." I say calmly.

"Everyone's asking what actually happened, do you mind going into it?"

"Not at all. Uh a man, a man I knew who also sort of knew my husband kidnapped my sister-in-law and blackmailed me for a lot of money. I uh, I had to go to the bank, pick up the money and tell my husband I was leaving him and lucky for me I knew I had a track on my cell phone so I gave a dud to the other person involved to get rid of and put my cell phone in the bag with the money so we could track it. I was beaten, out on the street by the person blackmailing me but luckily my husband had already tracked me and I was found before anything more serious could happen and my sister-in-law was fine but on arrival at the hospital it turned out that the kicks had been hard enough to crack a couple of ribs and also caused my water to break, I was only a few weeks into the pregnancy and I miscarried as a result." I explain calmly.

"I'm so sorry to hear that, it must have been really tough for you and your husband." She cups her hand over mine on the table and gives me a sincere apologetic smile.

"It was, but we're strong, we dealt with it and we've moved on."

"Are you going to try again anytime soon?" She asks making me think to the conversation Christian and I just had.

"I don't know, we're both busy, we've not even been married a year yet. The first pregnancy wasn't planned either. I guess it's something that may or may not be on the horizon." I say not giving anything away about how I feel about a possible pregnancy right about now.

"Ok onto other subjects, I have you hear for a while so I want to talk to you about Perez Hilton and Ryan Seacrest."

"Ok." I smile, there's not much to say on this matter that hasn't been said already.

"They're really giving you a hard time. Most people are calling them school yard bullies, what do you have to say on the matter?"

"You know a few days ago I would have shrugged it all off and said it didn't matter but you know it does matter, not that they don't like me or my book because I really couldn't care less that they don't because millions of other people do but the problem I have is what they're saying, it's cruel, yes my shoulders are big enough and I can take what they're dishing but to say on twitter that they wished I was in one of my salons when it blew up is beyond. It's not just hurting me, it's hurting my husband and that's not ok with me. They've called me a gold-digger but you know they're not the first to do that but my book is already in its fifth million, and Anastasia Grey Incorporated has almost hit it's first. I am doing pretty damn good on my own. Christian has always said that one thing he loves about me is that I have never been interested in his money. He'd buy me things and it would make me feel cheap and uncomfortable, it made me feel like a prostitute he was paying for sex so if that makes me a gold-digger then I guess I am one. Their childish name calling, I heard worse when I was in school, I've heard it all so bring it, it didn't get to me then and it won't get to me now." A round of applause echoes around the study and I look around at the audience and smile as Rachael gives my hand a squeeze in support.

"You've had a lot of people both celebrities and fans sticking up for you." She says.

"I have, I really owe Kristin Chenoweth, Idina Menzel and Kathy Griffin a huge thank you, their messages over the past few days have really helped me out when I've been at my lowest." I smile.

"I've been keeping an eye on their tweets in particular, Kathy Griffin really has a way with words." She chuckles.

"Oh yeah, you couldn't repeat all of them on day time TV." I laugh as does some of the audience members who I suspect who has seen them too.

"No you couldn't. Now we have to talk about the food, I love food and you go into some pretty interesting details about food in this story." Rachael flicks over to another marked page in the book and scans it quick with her eyes. "Ah hear it is, Crab parcels with shredded spring onion and sweet chilly dip. Where did you come up with that?"

"I trolled the internet mainly, I love cooking though I don't do it often as we have a housekeeper cooking Monday to Friday and she also cooks things to warm up on the weekend which is great when we don't go out to some charity event or other." I explain with a chuckle.

"When you do cook what do you do?"

"Uh muffins, cake, that's about it. I think now that I'm going to be stepping back more from my businesses to write my second book more I think that maybe I can get in the kitchen more." I chuckle, I don't think Gail would like that somehow.

"Well we're going to take a break now and then when we're back Ana and I will be making some Italian bruschetta."

We wait for the signal that we're out before aprons are brought over and we go over to the kitchen area. The bread is already cooking and it smells amazing.

It takes half an hour for us to record the cooking and we have a lot of fun but I'm relieved when it's over. I head backstage to Christian who wraps me up in a kiss.

"What's that for?" I ask when he pulls me away.

"I can't kiss my beautiful wife when she comes from filming a TV show where she looks good enough to eat on the screen without questions?" He asks playfully.

"Ok yes you can." I chuckle before kissing him back. "I'm done and ready to go home to start getting ready for Wicked."

"Ah yes the big night out, my nerves are going to be shot when you arrive home you realise that right?" Christian asks stroking his hands up and down my back.

"Oh yeah." I nod.

"And it's Taylor, Sawyer and Gary going with you."

"Taylor too? What about you?"

"I am staying in to watch TV, do some work, I'll be fine." He promises.

"Ok, well I fancy hitting Fifth Avenue to get a dress for tonight." I say and his eyes lighten up.

"You want to go shopping?"

"Yes." I nod. "Bergdorf Goodman and I should get re-aquainted."


	147. Chapter 147

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**I mean no disrespect towards Perez Hilton or Ryan Seacrest I am just using their names for this story because I can and not because I think they're like the way I've portrayed them in this story.**

**Thursday 19****th**** January 2012**

After spending two hours with Christian at Bergdorf Goodman, showering, having a great meal and just spending time with Christian, Hannah comes up to meet me all dressed and ready to go.

"You look fab." I smile seeing her dressed in a beautiful silver cocktail dress.

"You don't look too bad yourself." She smiles.

I'm wearing Notte by Marchesa one shoulder draped cocktail dress in Melon. It drape's down one side with a pencil skirt all silk with a gold sequin and diamanté embellishment on the shoulder with a gorgeous pair of Valentino rockstud sandals.

"Ready to go?" I ask and she nods holding tight to her clutch bag, I think she's uncertain because of Christian.

"Stick with security, if the girls change their plans you come home Anastasia do I make myself clear?" Christian asks.

"Yes Sir." I mock salute him as his eyes go dark.

"Get out of here before I lock you up." He says seductively.

I kiss him before stepping into the elevator leaving him to his own devices while I go and have fun with a friend for what feels like the first time in forever.

Hannah is at once overwhelmed. As soon as we step out of the car Paparazzi are on us and even though she's dealt with it over the past few days with me this is different because she's in the limelight too. I pull her to my side and hold around her waist as I let photographers take pictures of us. I know they'll be on TMZ website before the musical is even finished.

"Just smile." I whisper to Hannah and somehow she manages to paste on a grin.

We step into the theatre and I give my name. As promised Kristin Chenoweth has secured a box for us and we're guided up there. A bottle of champagne is waiting for us too which is a surprise and I happily sip away as the lights dip and the curtains open.

Two and a bit hours later Hannah and I are led backstage to Kristin's dressing room. We walk in to find her already dressed in a beautiful little black dress with a silver embellishment around the bottom and top hem line.

"Ana!" She squeals pulling me into a tight hug, I can't help but hold her tight because she's been a good friend over the past few days.

"Kristin, ah it's been too long."

"You're telling me, just waiting on Idina then we can get outta here!" She says excitedly holding both of my hands and squeezing them.

"I have been looking forward to tonight all week, oh and of course Hannah Kristin Chenoweth, Kristin my great friend and PA Hannah."

"Lovely to meet you, we're gonna have a great night so don't you worry about nothing!" She says seeing how shy Hannah is.

"Ok." Hannah nods just as Idina comes in.

"Hey Ana!" She smiles pulling me into a hug.

"Hey Idina." I reply happily.

"Ok we all set?" Kristin asks, I know she's the most excited one of all of us.

"Yeah, cars and security are good." Hannah says consulting her BlackBerry.

"Hannah!" I groan. "You're not working so put that damn phone away and we'll take things as we find them ok?"

"Fine." She sighs putting her phone into her clutch.

As we step out of the backdoor Kristin and Idina sign autographs for those who have waited. I'm surprised as hell when my name gets called and Hannah walks over to the security who are on red alert.

We sign for only fifteen minutes before we all climb into one SUV together. In front and behind us are other black SVU's containing our security but surprisingly none of us are bothered by it.

"So!" Kristin yells passing over tiny bottles of wine coolers and a glass. "Tonight we don't think work we just party!" She says.

"I can totally agree with that!" I say happily, I feel more relaxed tonight than I have done in weeks and I am not going to complain or think of anything that's going to disrupt that.

By the time we've finished our wine coolers we arrive outside Ph-D's and I am buzzing with excitement. We're stopped by our security guards and I look at Taylor and Sawyer expectantly.

"Well?" Idina asks impatiently.

"We've heard a rumour." A guy I guess is either Kristin or Idina's security says.

"Which is?" I ask looking at Taylor.

"That Perez Hilton is here tonight with his crowd which apparently includes Ryan Seacrest." Taylor says awkwardly.

"Does Christian know?" I ask.

"Yes."

"And?"

"He says it's your decision, there's seven of us here so they're not going to be able to get to you Ana but it's your decision." Taylor explains.

"Let's go in, they're not going to say anything, they have to hide behind a computer screen." I say with a shrug.

"Ok." Taylor nods and we all head inside skipping the line so that we can get into the VIP area upstairs.

"Right then ladies what can I get you?" A small woman on roller skates asks as soon as we've sat down in a rounded booth with blue leather padded backs.

"We'll have a bottle of champagne with four glasses then I'll have a martini two olives. Idina?" Kristin takes charge naturally and it brings a smile to my face because she stops me feeling out of my depth.

"I'll have a bloody mary." She smiles before looking at me.

"I'll have a sex on the beach Hannah?" I ask.

"Uh the same, sex on the beach please." She says timidly, I know she's even more out of her depth than I am.

"Oh no." Kristin nudges me as the waitress walks away and I look in the direction she's nodding her head to see both Perez Hilton and Ryan Seacrest, what on earth possessed them to be here tonight? It's been on Twitter for days that we were coming here and I know I sound paranoid but I really think they came here on purpose I mean don't the two of them live in LA?

"Come dance." I say to Kristin.

"Sure thing." She beams, I know she understands that I'm not letting them get the better of me.

We head over to the upstairs dance floor just as Britney Spears Hot as Ice begins on the speaker. Kristin and I dance like we have no care in the world, she hold around my waist and bumps her hip against mine making me laugh. It's so much fun and I feel my age. I roll my shoulders with hers and she turns and grinds against me making me howl with laughter, I can't imagine Christian being happy if he knew but he's not here and it's just Kristin, not some man. The song ends and we head to the table to have our drinks and I laugh along with my friends until I have a tap on my shoulder.

"What's up?" I ask Sawyer when I find him behind me.

He leans right into me from behind and points to where I see Taylor arguing with Perez Hilton.

"What's going on?" I ask him.

"No idea Ana, he just marched off without a word."

"Thanks." I say with a small smile and I grab my champagne and make my way over there. "Everything ok Taylor?"

"It is now." He says and I catch him handing an iPhone back over to a very disgruntled looking Perez.

"What's up?" I ask him seriously.

"They were recording you and Ms Chenoweth dancing." He says. "I asked him to delete it."

"You mean more like threatened to beat the shit out of me and you work for Christian Grey which means you're good at what you do." Perez snapped and I can't help but giggle. "What are you laughing at bitch?" Taylor dives for him and before I can even get my head around it Taylor is holding Perez by the scruff of the neck and Perez security are around us too.

"Put him down Taylor." I say my hand on Taylor's arm.

"I think you should apologise to Mrs Grey." Taylor says.

"Taylor!" I yell.

Taylor drops him and I step in between them.

"You don't have to apologise to me because you wouldn't mean it anyway, but mind your mouth around my security, Taylor's like a father to me and he's extremely protective, the next time I won't stop him do I make myself clear?"

"He doesn't work for you Anastasia, he works for your no good blind as a fucking bat husband who's obviously so awful in bed that you've got to get your needs from writing porn."

He couldn't have said anything worse in my eyes and I don't think twice in throwing my drink over him.

"My husband is a better man than you'll ever be Perez. He's loving, he's kind and guess what, he drives me so wild sex with him is better than anything else in the world." I hiss into his ear so that no one else can hear me, not even Taylor who's got a hold of my arm. "Remember that the next time Ryan takes you to bed." I say with added seduction before I finally let Taylor pull me away.

"Mrs Grey?" Sawyer asks his phone in his hand extended to me.

"Christian." I say putting the phone to my ear.

"Is everything ok?"

"Everything's fine. Don't worry Christian ok?"

"I can't help but worry baby, I was trying to call Taylor and he wasn't answering then I call Sawyer who says the two of you are over with Perez Hilton what the fuck Ana?"

He's furious and I'm in trouble.

"He just recorded me dancing, Taylor got him to delete it and he said something things, it's fine Christian I dealt with it ok?" I say feeling quite pleased with myself.

"You call throwing your drink on him dealing with it Ana?"

"What? How did you…"

"Ryan Seacrest tweeted it. Home. Now."

"Yes Sir." I sigh, this was a disaster. I hang up the phone and hand it to Sawyer. "Ladies sorry to cut this night short but Christian is not impressed with me in the slightest so, I should go."

"Aww Ana we just got here." Kristin sighs.

"I know, but he wants me home." I explain.

It takes ten minutes to hug and kiss the girls before we finally leave. Hannah wisely chooses to say nothing to me because I am beyond furious and Christian is going to be sorry about this.

Back at the apartment Christian walks to meet me but I put my hand up to stop him from saying anything.

"I am going to shower, I am going to bed and we will talk about this in the morning." I say.

"Ana…"

"I have had a few to drink Christian and I don't want an alcohol fuelled argument with you, let me sleep on this." I warn and he manages a nod and lets me go.


	148. Chapter 148

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**I mean no disrespect towards Perez Hilton or Ryan Seacrest I am just using their names for this story because I can and not because I think they're like the way I've portrayed them in this story.**

**Friday 20****th**** January 2012**

When I wake up I reach my hand out to where Christian should be. His side of the bed is empty and cold too. I know he didn't come to bed last night. Sighing, I rub my eyes and push myself out of bed to go and find him. I need to apologise to him for last night because I wouldn't have seen his point in my alcohol fuelled state. He was worried and he had every right to be.

I find him lying asleep on the couch and I smile. He looks so peaceful and I don't want to disturb him but I can't resist and walk over to him. I climb onto the couch and wrap my arms around him. I acknowledge him shift and grip onto him tight so I don't fall off the edge.

"Ana?" He groans groggily.

"Yeah." I say in a whisper.

"Come here." He taps the gap on the inside between his chest and the couch and I am happy to climb over allowing him to wrap me in his arms.

"You didn't come to bed." I say quietly, not being able to see his face is a slight disadvantage.

"I didn't think you'd want me there and the security guys are using all the guest rooms." He says quietly.

"Of course I wanted you Christian. I just wanted to avoid a fight. We were both angry and I'd been drinking. I don't ever want to argue with you and will do what I can to avoid it." I say quietly hoping he understands my point of view on this.

"Ok." He sighs. "I'll know next time."

"Yeah you will." I smile, mature Christian, I hope he sticks around when we go home to Seattle.

"It's only six am, what time do you need to be at Tyra?" He asks stroking his hand up and down my arm.

"Eight." I reply, I know this is going to be the hardest interview of the lot.

"Then why don't we throw on some clothes quickly and head out to breakfast?" He asks.

"I really am not in the mood to go out to eat Christian? Can we go for lunch somewhere instead? What time are we flying back?"

"The flight is at six pm, we should be done at Tyra by around ten. So we can do lunch."

"Cool, come shower with me?" I ask worried that he doesn't want to be intimate with me right now.

"Sure." He smiles. "How about I make you breakfast?"

"How about we make breakfast together?" I suggest not fancying having Christian burning down the kitchen this early.

"Sure." He smiles. "Come on." He rolls off the couch and picks me up too before we both head into the kitchen.

"What do you want?" He asks going into the fridge.

"Hmm Scrambled Eggs?" I suggest knowing that if I guide Christian he couldn't possibly get that wrong.

"Scrambled Eggs it is." He smiles pulling out a large tray of eggs and placing it on the counter.

We work together making Scrambled Eggs and Toast and then sit at the breakfast bar to eat it.

"So are you going to tell me why you threw a drink over Perez Hilton?" He asks, I should have known this was going to come up.

"He just said a few things." I shrug.

"Well what did he say exactly?"

"Does that really matter?"

"Yes." He replies at once and I know I can't lie to him.

"He said some things about you." I say quietly and I spot his fork stop moving as all his attention is put on me and he's waiting expectantly. "He said your no good blind as a bat husband who's obviously no good in bed that you've got to get your needs from writing porn." The words have been on a loop in my mind since they came out of Perez Hilton's mouth.

"And that's why you threw your drink on him?" Christian asks.

"Too right." I say making him smile.

"You were defending me."

"Yes." I nod and his smile widens and he leans in to kiss me just as there's a cough bringing our attention to Taylor.

He stands with a pile of Newspapers in his hand and somehow I know that they have something to do with me from last night. Christian signals him over and he places the papers on the breakfast bar before Christian dismisses him with his hand. I pick up the top copy of New York Times to find a smiling picture of me hand in hand with Kristin Chenoweth just as we make our way into Ph-D's. The headline screams _Grey's Girls! _

_Anastasia Grey New York Times Best Selling Author was last night spotted with two of Broadway's Biggest Stars Kristin Chenoweth and Idina Menzel and a close personal friend heading into Ph-D's last night. Also spotted heading into the club was Ryan Seacrest and Perez Hilton who have been feuding with the writer on Twitter this week. Sources close to the Blogger said that Anastasia argued with Perez inside the club and even threw a glass of champagne over him. Anastasia and her friend were then spotted leaving the club after just an hour there. No statement's has been made by Anastasia Grey at this time. _

"Ok." I say putting the paper down, it doesn't seem that bad.

"Could have been much worse, we don't need to release any statement about this Ana so don't worry about it ok?" Christian smiles as he places his own paper down.

"Ok." I nod.

"I would like to know what you said back to him because I know you." He says with a smirk.

"I just said something about you being a better man than him especially in bed and that he should remember that the next time he and Ryan went to bed. It shut him up." I say awkwardly but Christian seems impressed.

"That could have backfired."

"I know." I shrug. "But I couldn't just stand there, Taylor had already grabbed him for calling me a bitch and I had to do something."

"He called you a bitch?" Christian's eyes darken and I am worried about what he's about to do or say next.

"Yeah but Taylor dealt with it ok?" I say my hand landing on his arm. "Baby let's just forget about it." I say desperately, I don't want this week to be overshadowed by Perez Hilton and Ryan Seacrest, I have had an amazing week except for those two.

"Ok. We need to get ready for Tyra." He says leaning in to me.

"Yeah." I say quietly wrapping my arms around his neck. "Yeah we do."


	149. AUTHOR'S NOTE

I don't make a habit of putting A/N's in the middle of stories but I have seriously had enough with so called "Guest" reviewers. I have no problem with criticism, if anything I welcome it. However, I do feel hurt when I'm called a bitch in reviews, those reviews are deleted. This AN is to address this review that was left, I want to answer it and as it was left by a guest reviewer it's not possible to PM them, this will be deleted when I finish the TYRA chapter which I won't finish for a while, it's a tough one to write.

So this is the review with my reply omitted in each section.

From: Guest

:"Ok so Tuesday fourth of January we are needed in court for the sentencing of Elena Lincoln and her co-conspirators, we'll be unavailable all day." You do understand that Elena was arrested just before Christmass right? Usually it takes time for someone to be prosecuted before they are sentenced, especially doing the holidays?

**MY REPLY - Well yes I am well aware that during the holidays trials and stuff are held back HOWEVER Elena Lincoln was pleading GUILTY so there is no trial, there's no need for a trial when the accused is pleading guilty, only for the charged/accused to stand in open court and admit guilt either because of a plea bargain in place by the DA's office or in hope of the judge giving them a leaner sentence. Sorry I have an obsession with New York law and it's really not that much different in Washington D.C. so uh I knew what I was talking about when I went with that idea.**

I know you want to speed the story along but maybe you should have Anna doing less and not be running around like a chicken head so you can focus on a good plot?

**MY REPLY - There is absolutely no fixed plot in this story, it's like a soap opera. You know? Where there's no ending at all? It just goes and goes and goes? I think I mentioned that at like chapter 30? you obviously paid no attention to that author's note.**

Just a suggestion cause I know this won't get posted. I noticed the only feedbacks that are posted are the positive ones as if no one will ever give you a negative feedback with the kind of story you're writing.

**MY REPLY – THE ONLY feedback that has been deleted is from the person who called me a bitch on two occasions, NO other reviews are deleted, I don't have the time or energy to go through this website deleting reviews. I read them in my email inbox and reply if necessary that is it. You obviously didn't go through all 1700+ reviews otherwise you'd realise that this statement is a load of crap.**

You're all over the place with these characters. One minute Christian is being trapped in a burning building and the next few hours he's out shopping in New York as if nothing happened! Yes, he's filthy rich but even the rich need a minuted to come to understand their bad luck. Somehow you've managed to turn these two Charachters into laughing stocks as if they are celebrities or something.

**MY REPLY – Actually I've built the characters up, taken what E L James gave me to play with and made them my own, like MOST good fan fiction writers do, and by the way seeing as this story is from ANA'S POV we don't see what happens to Christian, his thoughts and feelings, not much anyhow and I guarantee you if we did we'd see how Christian was putting on a mask after the bombs for Ana and he had long conversations with Flynn about it back in Seattle but I'm sorry that I'm sticking to Ana's pov like James did through most of her book. **

Both Christian and Ana are very private people but less than a year after they met and married they are all the sudden celebrities? Yes, I know this is make believe but when you take two great characters such as these two and turn them into what you've turned them into, it makes people upset.

**MY REPLY – Uh it was E L James who wrote that The Nooz website reported on Christian's engagement, so she set the platform up for him to be a celebrity, I expanded on it to suit MY STORY. Those so called people who are upset with me? Ha! I really don't care, they just need to switch off and stop reading but for those 20-30 people who positively review EACH AND EVERY CHAPTER I will continue this story FOR THEM now if you don't mind, don't waste my time with this garbage again. **

**To all my darling readers who got excited thinking this was finally the Tyra chapter I'm sorry that you were let down seeing this appear. After this review it has made me re-think the entire 3000 words I have so far written for that chapter and so it may be a good 12 hours before it's up and on the site. Sorry guys. **

**Steffie Dawn. **


	150. Chapter 150

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**I mean no disrespect towards Perez Hilton or Ryan Seacrest I am just using their names for this story because I can and not because I think they're like the way I've portrayed them in this story.**

**I'd really like to start this off by saying THANK YOU! To everyone who reviewed chapter 149, it really lifted my spirits, I've never been so put out by reviews before but I went from one reviewer calling me a bitch to that, don't get me wrong I've been called worse but it did get to me when it shouldn't have. I've been hammering this chapter out as quick as I possibly could to make it up to you guys for making you think it was out yesterday! I hope it was worth the wait!**

**I would also like to add, some of you have said in the reviews that there are some things you don't like which is fair enough but I would love for you to tell me at the time review that chapter and say what you didn't like about it so I don't make the same mistake twice, this is as much your story as it is mine!**

**Steffie xx**

**Friday 20****th**** January 2012**

"Knock, knock." I turn around to see the gorgeous and tall Tyra Banks stood in the doorway of my dressing room, I glance to Christian who's stood up from the couch and try to relax.

"Hi." I smile as she comes over and hugs me.

"Hi thank you so much for coming on."

"Thank you for inviting me." I smile.

She moves to Christian and he holds her hands allowing her to air kiss him but not touch him, he's still a little uncertain when it comes to strangers and with Tyra being almost as tall as him too I'm not surprised that he's wearier of her.

"I'm so glad you're both coming on, it's going to be amazing!" She almost sings, I'm star struck because Kate and I used to watch America's Next Top model all the time and I loved Tyra and how fierce she was, always wishing I had the guts she had to stand up for myself.

"Thank you for having us both." Christian smiles slipping his hand into mine.

"You're more than welcome, we originally asked for you both but of course Mr Grey you turned us down stating you weren't flying out here. What changed?" Tyra doesn't wait to get right in there and it makes me giggle in turn making Christian smile.

"Ana needed me here." He says his grey eyes burning into me making me blush.

"How come?" Tyra turns to me and I feel myself struggling under her gaze.

"Uh, Ryan Seacrest and Perez Hilton."

"Oh Giiiiiiiiiirl! You don't need to worry a thing about them ok? They're just two very jealous people who somehow feel threatened by you! They're like parasites, school bullies that neither want nor deserve any of your attention ok?" She says pulling my free hand into hers and giving it a squeeze.

"Ok." I smile and nod, I like her, even though she hates my book.

"Good, now can I steal you from the hands of Mr Grey for a few minutes? Come down to my dressing room?" She asks batting her eyelids towards my husband and for once, not in a way that means she fancies him.

"Uh sure." He shrugs before kissing my temple. "Laters baby." He winks, oh he really knows how to put on a show.

"Laters." I whisper before letting Tyra pull me away.

"We'll need Christian in a bit but before that, well I heard a rumour that you are a fan of ANTM."

"My friend Kate and I would watch it together on the couch and during the commercial breaks we'd flash ridiculous poses at each other for kicks." I say with a small laugh.

"That's great, you know you have the face for modelling, a little on the short side but you could definitely do beauty modelling." She says turning me down a corridor as my eyes widen in shock, I'm stunned. "Seriously, I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it. Ah here." She turns into her own dressing room which is huge in comparison to the one I'm staying in and obviously decorated to Tyra's tastes.

"Take a seat." She says signalling the desk chair in front of her mirror as she leans over to the vanity and switches on a large straightening iron. "That will take a minute to warm up." She states as I look over the large makeup collection on the desk.

She unwinds a rolled up package to reveal a large set of makeup brushes before turning me away from the mirror. I'm guessing Tyra is doing my hair and makeup.

"Ok just relax." She tells me as she walks over to the stereo turning it on low. "So you ready to face me out there?" She asks teasingly.

"As ready as I'll ever be." I say quietly as she rubs cream into my face.

"Ok, don't take anything I say personally ok? I don't think badly of you or your book, I really enjoyed it, it's a great story and you're a talented writer but I do have opinions on the book. That's all."

"That's fine." I say, even though in all honesty I wouldn't care if she hated it. Everyone isn't going to love Fifty Shades and what it's about and that's fine with me.

"Good, ok so we'll talk about the book, then your marriage are you good with that?"

"It's fine with me." I say thought I don't know how Christian will feel about it.

"Good, it will just be a conversation, it may get a bit heated out there but whatever you go with I always tell my guests to stand their ground, argue me back if you don't agree with what I say and don't be afraid to stand up for what you believe."

"Thanks." I say appreciating that, even though I don't know how I will handle being under her gaze.

Half an hour later my hair and makeup is done. My brown hair is in very loose waves, almost as if I came out of the shower and let it dry naturally. My makeup is unlike anything I've ever had done before all dark and smoky but beneath my bangs it makes my eyes look all mysterious. I love it.

"Ok go and dress then once I'm ready we'll go and do some photos will Christian be ok with that?"

"I have no idea." I say with a shrug, I know he's in a good mood so far so chances are it will stay that way.

"Ok." Tyra smiles leading me back to my dressing room. "I'll see in a little while."

I step into my dressing room and Christian cocks his head to one side regarding how I look.

"What do you think?" I ask as he has his 'makeup' done.

"Looks good, too much on the eyes." He says.

"Hmm, I thought you'd think that." I say quietly, he's always preferred the natural look.

"But go with it, I'm sure it will look fine on camera." He smiles and I nod my head, I think he's either putting on an act or he's genuinely looking forward to this.

"Ok." I smile before grabbing my clothes and stepping into the bathroom.

Ten minutes later I step out again wearing 'rust' coloured skinny jeans with plain black Jimmy Choo pumps and Parker sequined tunic in blue and black. Christian grins at me, he's dressed in his diesel jeans with the Yves Saint Laurent black high tops and a light blue shirt with the top two buttons open. I spot he's wearing my wedding gift to him cufflinks, the intertwined A and C as he beckons me over. I slip my hands into his and let me pull me in.

"You look amazing." He smiles before kissing the top of my head lightly.

"As do you Mr Grey." I smile before returning the kiss. He wraps his arms around me and I snuggle my head into his shoulder happily, I could really stand here like this forever and ever.

"Knock knock?" Tyra smiles from the doorway making me jump in the process. "Sorry to interrupt but we're wanted in the photobooth." She says.

Christian slips his hand into mine as we follow Tyra up the corridor. We find ourselves in like a corner of the corridor that is blue screened and we're introduced to the photographer. Tyra instantly has Christian and I in different poses. I feel ridiculous though Christian is so confident. He pulls me into his side and I rest my hand on his shoulder, my forehead pressed to his temple and eyes downcast with a smile like instructed while Christian is guided into a bowed head with eyes at the camera by Tyra. I hope the pictures look good at the end of this because it's so uncomfortable and I know I'm no model.

After some with Christian Tyra has me do some alone while Christian watches. I look at him between each pose and he stands with one arm around his chest his other hand beneath his chin, his finger rubbing his lip as he looks amused at my discomfort.

Christian refuses to do any alone but happily joins in for some with Tyra and myself, these ones are more fun to do than the last which is great.

"Ok so Ana, we'll bring you out first, talk a bit about the book then after the break we'll bring Christian out y'all good with that?"

I nod as does Christian, this is an hour segment for me and it's going to be long and tiring and mind boggling, I know that much.

"Ok well I'm going to head on up, if you want to wait in the green room Christian then Ana and I will be upstairs."

Christian kisses me lightly and heads off in a different direction to me.

"Don't be nervous." Tyra says but I can't help it. I'm petrified.

Upstairs the two of us are mic'd up and then Tyra is signalled to get ready to head out while I take a seat on the white couch. The theme tune hits my ears and I close my eyes tuning everything out for the moment.

Tyra walks away and introduces her show. She looks amazing and she's so confident in her own skin. She mentions me and then a video tape begins to play with pictures and video clips of me.

"Anastasia Rose was Steele now Grey shot to fame when she married Seattle's bachelor Christian Grey. Everyone wanted to know the twenty one year old university student who stole the heart of the man everyone wanted. From fame to fortune Anastasia built a company on her married name buying her own publishing houses and salons. During this whirlwind Anastasia wrote Fifty Shades, an erotic romance with BDSM tendencies throughout from Bondage to Humiliation. It took two weeks for this book to shoot to the top of The New York Times Best Sellers list where it has stayed for four consecutive weeks. The world has gone mad, not only for Fifty Shades but the author once known as Rose Trevelyan, Anastasia Grey."

"Here she is…" I get up and stand at the entrance of the catwalk. "Anastasia Grey!"

I let out a breath as the doors open and paste on a smile. I walk out to the cheers and round of applause and I wave to the audience before walking to hug and air kiss Tyra.

"Sit down." She tells me softly and I slip into the wide white armchair. "Ana!" She says excitedly.

"Tyra." I reply with as much enthusiasm.

"Oh my God our names rhyme! How cool is that!" She is a bundle of energy which is quite amusing to see. "I have to start by saying, Anastasia you have got to be the shyest celebrity I've ever met."

"Really?" I ask.

"Hell yeah." She smiles turning to the audience. "I dragged Ana to have her hair and makeup done and then we took photo's which you'll see at the commercial break and she would only speak when spoken too and she blushes, you blush." She turns to me just as I blush. "You blush a lot."

"I guess." I shrug with a small smile.

"Yeah, I expected you, from what I've seen so far on the chat shows and in the papers and online you seem like such a confident young woman, so strong but you're so shy and I think it's so Ana Grey, we're going to straight in there and talk about this book."

"Ok." I say nodding as the audience goes silent paying rapt attention.

"What is Fifty Shades? We'll start there."

"Well it's a romance between a twenty two year old librarian and a politician based in London."

"There's a lot of sex in the book, wild sex at that."

"Yes there is." I agree with a chuckle.

"What made you take this route with the book? You know it would have been a great book focusing more on the romance don't you think?"

"No I don't, the point of the story is this man Richard Howell, this powerful enigma wants a submissive but when he finds Maggie Williams who's this fragile virgin with a dark past who wants more from him she turns his world upside down because as much as she enjoys the submissive sex she wants more and he can't stay away from her so he agrees to give her more."

"What do you mean by more?" She asks.

"You know hearts and flowers, the typical romantic relationship with dates and stuff, he just wants an object to fulfil his sexual needs at the start but she's like yeah ok I'll do that but I want more than that, I want romance and a relationship and I didn't drag out that he wasn't sure about it because I wanted it clear that it was basically love at first sight especially after he takes her virginity how could he refuse more to her?"

"That fascinated me most about this book, the fact that the main character was a virgin at twenty two." Tyra says making me smile.

"She was sexually abused by her father until she was seven years old, that comes into it, I mean she wouldn't trust just anyone with her body and she makes it clear she's never really been attracted to anyone before until Richard and he refuses to take her into his world because she's a virgin but she persuades him to take her virginity and he does."

"I found it really weird if you will that she went from this virgin to this submissive because he proves to her that she can do it, that she has the submission in her."

"When I was writing it I was really trying to get into her state of mind, if someone is going to enjoy being submissive they have to enjoy pleasing their Dominant, they have to want to please and avoid punishments. Maggie finds him praising her just calling her a good girl exhilarating and yes she's confused by it and frustrated by it but that doesn't stop her because she wants to please Richard, she gets the same pleasure from pleasing him as he does and I don't mean sexually I mean sticking to their rules." I explain the best that I can.

"That's one thing that bothered me too, the rules. How can they have rules in a relationship? It takes away the equality."

"They're both consenting adults." I say firmly. "She knew what he wanted, he knew what she wanted and they worked around it."

"Ok." Tyra nods.

"It's like merging two businesses together, one usually speaks out and attracts customers that are female teens, the other one attracts older women, when they merge they want to call out to both so they write out a system of how they can do that. Well that's what this relationship is."

"A merger?" Tyra looks shocked.

"Yes." I shrug. "It's a business arrangement in a way though there are feelings and romance and love involved. As the needs change so does the arrangement, the contract."

"Many people." Tyra starts and I know this is going in for the kill. "Have stated that this relationship, Maggie and Richard, is emotionally abusing and sometimes even physically abusing."

"Richard emotionally and physically abuses Maggie?" I ask to clarify.

"Yes."

"I don't see that." I say with a shrug.

"Don't you?" Tyra asks surprised at me. "I think it's blatantly obvious, he spanks her across the breakfast bar while the housekeeper is in the room!"

"But she consents." I reply firmly. "All she has to do if she doesn't want it to happen or stop at any moment is say red and play stops. Have you got a copy of the book handy?"

Tyra passes me over a copy of Fifty Shades and I quickly find the page where it happens.

"He begins to stroke my backside and as he does he grasps my hair making me have to tilt my head back at that moment Mrs Laurence's eyes meet mine and she genuinely looks sorry for me. I flash her a small smile because as **strange and as awfu**l as it sounds I'm **actually enjoying** this. It feels wrong on a hundred different levels but **it feels good**, I know he's giving me every inch of himself here and I'm returning the favour **and it feels amazing**. At the first hit I cry out jerk inwards arching my back out." I press on certain words. "You see, she likes it. That's the point I'm trying to make by reading this section out, she finds it strange and awkward and uncomfortable but at the same time she's enjoying it. Further on in the chapter she says "I just wanted to please you." And they all see she is submissive, it's not something she has to try hard to be because the whole point of submission is wanting to please your Dominant."

"But it's objectifying women!" Tyra says visibly frustrated.

"Yes. I don't deny that but Dominance and submission is about the woman wanting to be objectified as much as the man wants to objectify her or it is in this book, there are numerous male submissives and female dominatrix out in the world but does that anger you? does it make you just as mad that women objectify men? Of course it doesn't." I reply earning myself a round of applause from the audience which I can't help but feel smug about.

"We'll be back after this break with the one and only Christian Grey!" Tyra announces making the audience holler. "See you after this break." She says to the camera.

As soon as we're out Tyra and I move over to a couch and I'm asked a bunch of questions relating to my relationship with Christian which he will be asked on air apparently. I shift uncomfortably at some of them but when they're done Christian comes to sit beside me while I hold onto the cards with the scribbled answers to my questions.

"And we're back with my special guest Anastasia Grey and her husband Christian Grey!" Tyra makes some comical deep voice as the audience cheer and clap for us. Christian slips one hand into min across his lap while the other rests behind me on the couch. He smiles and I know he's putting on a face for the camera right now.

"Ok so during the break Christian we asked Anastasia a series of questions about herself and your relationship, we're about to ask you the same ones and see if they match up." Tyra says and I feel Christian shifting beside me.

"Ok." He says in his CEO voice.

"Ok, so question one, where did Anastasia first say I love you?"

I swallow hard as Christian's grip in my hand intensifies. I know he's trying to think how to word the answer like I had to.

"Uh her bedroom at my apartment when we slept apart." Christian says awkwardly.

"Ana?" Tyra asks.

"He's right I just wrote the spare bedroom." I say showing the card with a smile and Christian's grip on my hand loosens some.

"Where did you go on your first real date?"

Christian snorts and I can't suppress a smile, I wonder if his answer will be the same as mine or not on this question.

"Heathman hotel in Portland." He answers.

"Darn I didn't think of that one being our first real date." I say awkwardly.

"What did you write?" He asks.

"Gliding in Savannah." I say turning the card over.

"I thought our dinner at the hotel was a date." He says quietly.

"I don't think we did the conventional dating in all honesty." I say to Tyra and she smiles and nods.

"I just pursued Ana, didn't give her much of a choice." Christian makes it sound like a joke getting the audience to laugh.

"Ok so question number three what are Ana's nervous habits?"

If anyone in the world is going to know the answer to this one it's Christian, I wouldn't be surprised if he points some out that I didn't even know about.

"Uh blushing? Biting her lip, rolling her eyes, and knotting her fingers." Christian says.

"Ana?" Tyra asks.

"Blushing, lip biting, eye rolling." I smile turning the card over.

"Do you knot your fingers?"

"Yes." I laugh softly.

"Ok we'll move on now." Tyra smiles. "Ok Christian, when you first laid eyes on Ana, or the first time you realised what she meant to you, did you ever imagine she would become this successful on her own?"

"I knew she would do something special." Christian says looking at me adoringly, he melts my heart. "I mean what that would be I could never have told you but I thought she'd done it when she won the Alain Thompson Award, I thought that was where she was going and that was what she was destined to do, you know help people by fundraising and stuff but then she told me she'd finished her book and I read it and that's when I knew, I knew then before she'd even considered putting her real name on it, I knew it would be amazing." The audience gush as I smile at him, he looks so relaxed and I don't know if he's putting on a show for the camera's or not but this is so sweet.

"How was it for you Christian when you realised hold on a moment, she's not just my wife anymore, she's Anastasia Grey New York Times Best Selling author with millions of adoring fans?"

"It was a shock, I mean I was used to the press, I think Ana herself was starting to get used to the press in Seattle but then it's like wham! Everyone wants to know who she is, they want her on twitter, they want to know everything about her as an individual and not just because she's my wife and it's amazing but then there's no peace. I thought I struggled to have a private life before it is nothing in comparison to what it is now."

"You're both quite private people though aren't you?"

"We have to be." I say with a shrug. "You know our lives is our lives, doing this New York tour for me was allowing everyone a sneak look into my life, our lives but I only put things on Twitter that are public knowledge, I mean some celebs tweet about the colour of their toes and stuff, I don't do that, that's for me to know and Christian not the world."

"But you only just recently brought it to the public's knowledge that you had a miscarriage, months ago, most people in the public eye get that out there quickly."

"First off I wasn't who I am now then, I as just Christian Grey's wife then. Secondly we'd not told anyone we were expecting. It was our thing you know? When we lost the baby we grieved, we dealt with it together. We didn't need the whole world joining in that with us." I say and I feel Christian nodding slightly behind me.

"That's understandable, it's nice that you do fight so hard to keep some of your life hidden from the public, I think some celebrities leave too much out there for people to know." Tyra smiles softly. "Ok we're going to turn to the audience I'm sure they have a few questions to ask. Emily Barry from Mississippi."

"Hi Tyra, Hi Ana, Christian." A chubby, red haired woman in her early thirties stands in the audience.

"Hi Emily, what's your question?" Tyra asks.

"Anastasia, hundreds of women across the globe are saying Fifty Shades have spiced up their sex lives. What do you feel about this?"

"Ana?" Tyra asks.

"That's great, I'm glad to be of help." I chuckle lightly. "I honestly think it's great, some people who are married for years let things go in the bedroom because the same old dance gets boring, I'm glad to be of some assistance helping spicing up marriages and relationships. I hope that Fifty More Shades brings even more." I smile.

"Thank you Emily. Lola Johnson."

"Hi Tyra, Hi Ana."

"Hi Lola." I say.

"So you went from English student to married woman running businesses to NYT bestselling author. Do you ever feel like you're going to wake up and find out all of this has been a dream?"

"Every day." I smile. "Sometimes I'm so overwhelmed and I want to wake up and find out this is a dream because it's so much to handle but other times I am scared to fall asleep in case I wake up and everything's changed because it was a dream."

"Ok and Trey Jones."

"Hi Ana, Christian." He nods. "If you could give Maggie one piece of advice to go with her into the second book what would it be?"

"Trust and love Richard with everything you have, as he loves and trusts you." I say quietly. "That doesn't give anything away to the second book but sometimes I wish someone would have been there to remind me, before Christian and I were married to just love him and just trust him and let everything else just happen." This receives more coos from the audience.

"Ok well that's it for today." Tyra smiles. "Thank you so much to Anastasia and Christian Grey for coming on the show today, it's been a pleasure. See you all soon everybody!"

"And we're out!" Those words are welcomed allowing me to stump back in my chair and relax.

"Ana you really were ready for me today." Tyra smiles excitedly.

"I had an idea what was coming, I will defend my book to the end. Some people may see my book as an abusive relationship, that's because they're not really looking at it from all aspects and the real hard core feminists out there are applauding it because though Maggie loves giving some submission she also trusts her instincts and fights tooth and nail for her beliefs and rights such as her right to attend kickboxing." I say with a smile.

"You did your research."

"I read my reviews, a lot of them, the good the bad and the plain ugly." I explain getting to my feet. "You made a good point Tyra, but it was just a point of view, it was your opinion and not everyone who reads the book agrees with you and me, the writer, I definitely don't agree with you."

"That's fair enough, you're right, it is just my point of view but I am pleased you came on here and let me express it with you here where you could defend your book."

"Thank you for having me on to defend it, some people wouldn't be so generous, some would be bad enough to express their opinion and try to stop me from replying."

"Never." Tyra smiles.

"I know."

She hugs me tight and then shakes Christian's hand before we head off. I couldn't be more relieved if I tried to be.


	151. Chapter 151

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**BTW I've realised I have been a bit off in timing from the book throughout this story. They married around July/August but I started this story in October and said the thing with Jack happened 3 months before making it July when the thing with Jack happened which is six months before this where I have been saying eight months it gets hard to keep a track on time when you're in your 150 chapter! I am going to go through it and change it, obviously I can't change everything but we'll stick with what happened with Jack in July meaning they married in June, sorry for ANY confusion that brings so when Ana said eight/nine months since Jack it's only been SIX! Again I'm really sorry for any confusion this brings!**

**Friday 20****th**** January 2012**

After a really quiet long lunch it's time to head for home. Christian sits beside me on the jet and I'm extremely surprised when Flynn walks on escorted by Taylor.

"Ana, Christian." He smiles sinking into the seat opposite us.

"Where's Rhian and the kids?" I ask knowing they were in New York.

"They flew home this morning, we won't arrive Seattle till gone one am and Rhian doesn't want the kids up that late." He explains and I manage a small nod of my head, it's completely understandable but I also know this what Christian wanted. Taylor, Sawyer, Hannah and Gary are all sat in the separate seats further down.

The doors are closed and it isn't long before we're in the air. I see Hannah on her laptop and I know she's going through everything for the office next week that she can. Taylor, Gary and Sawyer have headphones in and I know Christian asked for this, it's now just John Flynn, him and I.

"So we have just under six hours to get through as much as we can." Flynn says just as Lois approach.

"Would you all like something to drink?" She asks politely.

"I'll have a diet coke please." I say quietly my eyes hooked on John's face.

"Same please." John replies his eyes staying glued on mine like he's trying to read my reaction.

"I'll have the same too." Christian says giving my hand a soft squeeze.

Lois nods and moves on to everyone else letting us go back to where we were.

"What do you mean by as much as we can?" I ask still look at the Doctor like I'm hoping his face will give something away.

"A lot has happened this week Ana, and you and Christian both need to talk with each other."

"What and you're going to play referee?" I ask with a snort.

"No, I'm here to make sure you both help the other understand what you're trying to say. So where do you want to start?"

Lois places thee glasses of diet coke with ice on the table and then hurries away. I pick mine up and take a small sip not even sure what the point of this is.

"I'll start with, Christian I thought we were going to talk on the way back to Seattle, just you and me." I say turning to my husband.

"And I thought we needed Flynn here too." He shrugs and I sigh.

"That bothers you Ana." Flynn notes.

"Yes. Not that you're here but the fact that Christian didn't mention or discuss it with me first. It makes me feel like I have no say in this, it would have been a bit of a waste for you not to travel with your wife and children had I not been inclined to talk to you." I tell him calmly even though I'm anything but calm, I'm angry, furious.

"Christian?" Flynn prompts.

"I just think that we both know where we stand on the issue Ana, I know that you don't want to have children yet and you know that I do but we need someone to help us figure out why, the deeper meaning so we can make a real decision about it." Christian says and for once in his life he sounds mature and adult-like in a conversation and not a petulant teenager.

"Can you understand that Ana?" Flynn asks.

"Yes." I nod. "But the only decision there is has already been made."

"Ana!" Christian snaps.

"What?" I turn to look at him. "I'm not ready Christian, I don't want to try for a child yet, I am not ready and it's my body and my decision to make. You can tell me how much you want a child till the cows come home but at the end of the day the decision solely lies with me, if I'm willing to carry a child for nine months and I'm not, not right now. And yes that may sound very selfish but I don't care."

Christian looks like I've just smacked him over the face but I can't make it any clearer that I'm not ready to be pregnant and be a mom why should I?

"Anastasia, maybe you could explain why you don't want a child right now. Maybe that would help Christian understand rather than you just saying that you don't want to."

"It's not that I don't want to John, it's that I don't want to right now." I say quietly. "I'm just not ready."

"What are you not ready for?" Flynn asks giving a warning look to Christian to keep his mouth shut.

"I'm not ready to be a Mom, I'm not ready to be pregnant, I'm not ready for the constant worry about making sure this next child survives because I don't think I'd survive if we lost another." I say tears pooling in my eyes.

"Ana." Christian sighs wrapping an arm around me and pulling me close to his chest.

"I've got so much else going on in my mind, I was sick from stress the other day and you can't be as stressed and worried as I am when you're pregnant." I say hiccupping sobs.

"Can you understand that Christian?" Flynn asks as Christian rocks me softly.

"I guess I can." He whispers though I'm not sure he's being honest.

"Do you know what implications stress can have on a pregnant woman?" Flynn asks him and I feel him shrug though I can't see it. "High blood pressure, premature birth, low birth weight, preeclampsia. It could be dangerous not just to your baby but to Ana too and I wouldn't advise getting pregnant right now, not with Ana's career making her so worried, the bullying, her past that has never been dealt with. Can you see all the factors here that need to be looked into?"

I don't like being talked about as if I'm not here but I hope Christian is really taking in what Flynn is saying.

"It could be dangerous to Ana?" He asks his voice hoarse.

"Yes, if she's stressed and worried during her pregnancy and it causes complications which is going to make her even more stressed and worried, it could cause severe problems during the pregnancy and delivery that could be dangerous to Ana's health." Flynn is being straight with Christian and I like that.

"Ok." He nods. "Then I guess we don't even dare think about trying for a baby right now, it would kill me if anything happened to Ana."

"Ok, so you're on the same page for now." Flynn nods. "Now how about we talk about your past Ana? Unless you want to wait until Christian's not with us."

"No it's ok." I say sitting upright again but keeping my hand in Christian's.

"Ok why don't you start wherever you're comfortable?"

"Ok." I nod taking a deep breath, I've not thought about this in so long it's so hard to voice it all now. "It was after Mom married Stephen, her third husband. I was fifteen and I went with them to Vegas to live for a little while. I should have known that Stephen didn't want the teenage daughter running around, he always made me feel uncomfortable and gave me a sense that he didn't like me but then once in Vegas he was always so… so hard on me, if I asked my Mom something like if she liked what I was wearing he'd wait till Mom was out of earshot and tell me I looked fat or skinny or ugly or something and it just went on and on and then I started a new school and it was the same there, I was the new kid and everyone wanted to push me about, there was this gang of girls who were all seniors. They started on me the first day at the school and they picked on me every single day until I went back to Montesano. That's it." I talk rapidly until the end, the final two words just a whisper.

"That's it?" Christian growls and I know he's angry, but whether it's at what happened and the people involved or that I never told him before.

"That's it." I say looking at him again and I can see he's beyond furious.

"Do you really think that what happened can be summarised like that Anastasia?" Flynn asks making me peel my eyes away from Christian.

"It's what happened." I shrugged. "It was years ago."

"Only seven ish." Flynn tells me like I don't know.

"Seven years is a long time." I say quietly.

"Did the girls ever turn physically abusive?" Flynn asks making Christian's eyes snap towards me.

"They never hit me." I say quietly. "But they did used to trip me up or pull on my satchel to make me fall."

"Ana." Christian whispers.

"I'm ok, it was so long ago Christian." I say giving his hand a squeeze.

"How did it make you feel Ana? When your step-father or these girls would say things to you?" Flynn asks ignoring Christian and keeping his eyes fixed on me and giving nothing away.

"Worthless." I say quietly letting my eyes drop to the condensation covered glass in front of my while Christian inhales sharply.

"Do you still feel like that?" Flynn asks.

I don't even breathe. How can I say that yes, sometimes I feel worthless in front of my husband who makes sure I want for nothing?

"Ana?" Christian prompts.

"Not all the time." I say quietly and Christian' grip on my hand tightens.

"When do you feel like that Ana?" Flynn asks.

"Well when… when Ryan Seacrest and Perez Hilton say things on twitter." I say embarrassed that I've let them get to me like this.

"Ana." Christian exhales my name. "Baby you're far from worthless." He says.

"I know that." I say quietly. "One of them wished me dead Christian." I say seriously. "How do you think that made me feel, when I read that?"

"I know baby." He says pulling me in for a tight hug.

"I love you." I whisper not knowing what else I could possibly say in this moment.

"I love you too Ana and we've got time for babies, we don't have to have them now." He says honestly.

"Thank you. I'm just not ready Christian, blip was too soon and now we don't have to rush into parenthood." I tell him honestly.

"I know."

"Anything else we should discuss?" Flynn asks looking from Christian to me questioningly.

"Ana?" Christian asks looking at me I shrug, I'm sure there's a lot of things we need to discuss.

"How about how this week has been for you Ana, I'm sure you've barely had time to breathe." He chuckles lightly and I can't help but smile.

"I don't think I've really had the chance to process everything." I say quietly. "I mean I've gone from just being plain old Ana to this person I don't even recognise. It's a lot to take in."

"What do you mean you don't recognise yourself?" Flynn's intrigue has peaked right in front of me, his eyes wide, questioning and somehow warm.

"I don't know. I'm doing things some people only ever dream about, I've met Ellen DeGeneres, Tyra Banks, Rachael Ray and so many more, I've been on TV more this week then I ever thought possible doing something other than giving a press release. I've talked about things I find uncomfortable to talk about on live TV. I wore clothes, had my hair and makeup done and let people including myself create a persona that isn't me." I explain as best as I can but it's hard to articulate what this week has been like for me.

"Is that how you feel, that when you were dressed up and ready to go that you had to be someone other than yourself?"

"No." I reply shaking my head a little. "I felt like I was expected to be someone other than myself."

"Who made you feel like that?"

"No one in particular." I shrug knowing I'm not explaining myself right. "But I knew people would be judging me on how I was dressed and how I had my hair done and stuff when I actual fact that's not me, I don't give a damn about designer labels or if each hair on my head is in place but that's what I looked like on the TV."

"Is that what you think?" Christian asks before John can say anything. "That people were going to be judging you on what you were wearing and how you looked and not what you were saying?"

"Yes."

"That's just not true Ana." He sighs running his hands through his hair. "Honestly, when we get home we're going online and I'm going to show you all the blogs and stuff about your appearances, people writing about what you were saying. Yes there are comments about how you looked and stuff in them but most of them delve into what you said trying to decipher it, commenting on your facial expressions and saying what they mean, body language experts discussing your body movements in comparison to what was coming out of your mouth. People were interested in what you had to say Ana." He's visibly frustrated with me, which I don't blame him for.

"How do you know?"

"I have a Google alert on your name." He says quietly.

"You've taken stalking to a whole new level." I say in mock disapproval making him grin his I'm-only-twenty-eight smile.

"Anyone can stalk you on Google Anastasia." He says with a gleam in his eyes making me snort and shake my head.

"How has Ana's fame impacted your life Christian?" Flynn asks and I get to relax some now that the tables have been turned on my husband.

"It hasn't." He shrugs. "Not really."

"But you flew out in the middle of a work week to be with her, how has that affected your work?"

"I had Ros managing Grey's Enterprises and Wendy is doing a fine job on running AG." He says calmly. "When Ana was working so was I, on my phone or on my Mac."

"So you've been able to continue to work while travelling with your wife?"

"Yes." Christian nods. "I won't always be able to be with her but we'll discuss that when the time comes."

My mind fleets to the coming London trip, two weeks in England that Christian's planning on being there with me for five days in the middle of the fourteen, at least that was the original plan.

"How have you been knowing what has been said about Ana by Perez and Ryan?" Flynn asks.

"I've not reacted to them." Christian says. "I've wanted to don't get me wrong, I've wanted to get Lawyer's involved for slander and deformation of Character but then I realised you were right, it's not fair on Ana if she doesn't want to drag them into court then she shouldn't have to it's her decision."

I am completely floored, it's obvious that Christian and Flynn have discussed this in great detail when I've not been around. I'm glad though, that Christian actually listens to Flynn because I wouldn't know how to handle all of his insecurities when I'm so fogged up by my own.

"Ana can you tell me what happened in the club the night you threw your drink over Perez Hilton?" Flynn asks bringing his attention over to me once more.

"He said some things about Christian. I reacted."

"How did it make you feel?"

"How did what make me feel?" I ask confused, does he mean what was said about Christian or throwing my drink?

"Throwing your drink over him, how did that make you feel?"

"Powerful. Like I was taking control of the situation away from him for once, he was man enough to say things over the computer so he was man enough to take me finally reacting. It felt good to finally say something, have my own voice." I say with a smile, There's been a lot less from Ryan and Perez on twitter since that meeting at Ph-D's so I'm relieved and empowered by it all.

"That's good." Flynn smiles reassuringly. "You did take control, maybe it wasn't the mature or best way to do it but you did and that's really good Ana because you showed them that they weren't winning that you were still strong enough."

"What I don't understand is what they have against me." I tell him quietly even though Christian can hear me I hate admitting weaknesses in front of him, I sometimes think he needs me to be strong and sometimes I just can't be.

"Well it could be multiple things, I can't say for sure." He gives me an apologetic smile. "But from what I've researched on them both and what I've seen said about you I believe that they're testing you in a way, in the worst way but still… the industry you've walked into Ana, being a celebrity, it's dog eat dog and I believe that they're somehow seeing if you're up for the challenge. Maybe not consciously, maybe they haven't sat down and decided together but subconsciously without realising it."

"Ok." I say though I don't think he's making any sense.

"How about some dinner." Christian says signalling over to Lois, and just like that the conversation is over.


	152. Chapter 152

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Saturday 21st January 2012**

It's just before one am when we finally walk into Escala. I am beyond exhausted and walk straight from the elevator to our bedroom, Christian following dutifully behind. I don't know if he's realised I'm mad at him. I kept up quite a good act in front of Doctor Flynn but I recall telling him we'd discuss things with Flynn back in Seattle and that on the jet ride we were going to talk just the two of us. He never listens and sometimes I need him to just listen.

"Are you giving me the silent treatment?" Christian asks as I turn the shower on.

"No." I say stripping out of my clothes.

"Are you mad at me?" He asks looking like a lost little boy.

"Yes."

"How mad?"

"Furious." I reply before stepping into the shower.

I catch him running his fingers through his hair before he turns on his heels and leaves me be. I don't want a fight, I just want my anger to subside and move on from this but I don't know how long this anger is going to last so it's easier to keep Christian at arm's length for the moment.

"Ana." I turn to see Christian standing beside the shower with a piece of paper in his hand, at closer inspection I notice it's our contract. My Christmas gift to him. I swallow hard knowing he's going to cash one of his weekends in right now. "Come here." He orders.

I switch the shower off and climb out, accepting the towel he offers me. I downcast my eyes from him, if he wants to play he can play doesn't matter how mad I am. Actually, this past week didn't involve a lot of sex and I'm yearning for the touch of my husband, I'm getting wet just thinking about it.

"Look at me." He orders and I let my head rise a little and my eyes flick to meet his grey gaze. "I want you to tell me why you're mad at me."

"You said that we would talk on the plane, we'd talk to Flynn back here in Seattle but you changed your mind without informing me… Sir." I say shyly, why am I suddenly so shy? It's unnerving.

"You didn't like that Flynn was on the plane to talk to us?" He asks looking bewildered.

"No, I mean, yes I mean. Ugh." I drop my forehead into the palm of my hand as I try and gather my wayward thoughts. Right now I just want him to take me to bed and do some kinky fuckery to me and then let me sleep. He peels my hand down from my face and tips my head up by my chin.

"Talk to me Anastasia."

"I just was looking forward to cuddling up and talking to you and then you brought Flynn in to it without telling me. That's all I just want to be told when things are being changed, our plans Christian! I just wish you'd told me but I'm not mad because I also realise that the conversation wouldn't have gone the way it did had it not been for Flynn I don't think you'd have understood what I was saying and I wouldn't have understood what you were saying so if it wasn't for Flynn I think we'd have spent the whole six hours on the plane fighting." I explain best as I can.

"Oh Ana." He wraps me up tight in his arms. "I know, that's why I asked Flynn to fly with us to avoid us fighting. I think it anyone in the world can make us understand each other and stop us from having a fight then Flynn's our guy."

"I'm sorry." I mumble into his chest.

"I know baby. Now come, bed. We have two whole days of playing in the morning and I will expect you up to make breakfast tomorrow. Taylor and Gail have taken off for the weekend, Luke is with Hannah and the rest of the security have the weekend off because we're not leaving Escala."

"We're not?"

"No. I have plans Mrs Grey." He smirks and somehow that look burns deep inside of me sending signals to my hot core.

"Yes Sir." I manage to say breathlessly.

"Bed." He smacks my ass playfully and I head into the bedroom to dry off while he jumps into the shower.

Two whole days of being Christian's submissive. This is either going to be fun or a disaster. I am hoping for the former.


	153. Chapter 153

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Saturday 21st January 2012**

The alarm I set last night wakes me and I knock it quickly off hoping it doesn't wake Christian. When he rolls onto his back and lets out a small breath that's close to a snore I let out a breath I wasn't aware I was holding. I crawl out of bed as quietly as I can manage and pull on my silk robe before sneaking out of the bedroom. It's only six thirty which is way too early but knowing Christian he won't sleep in just because we were up late last night and I know he's expecting me to cook him breakfast this morning so it's breakfast he's going to get.

I switch my iPod on and switch it to a playlist I made with a mix of artists whose songs are upbeat from Avril Lavigne to Pink. Avril Lavigne's What the Hell blares into the earphones and I happily slip them into my ears and tuck the iPod into my bra as I don't have any pockets it's the most convenient place. I begin an awkward jig around the kitchen knowing no one will see me as I pretend I can dance. I dig through the cupboard and fridge, well stocked as always and find ingredients I know I can put to use. Christian didn't specify what he wanted for breakfast so I decide to make what I fancy and if he doesn't like it then I'll make him eggs later. I decide to do one of my Mom's old recipes that I think she may have invented that turned out pretty well. Sweet French toast with natural yoghurt and fresh fruit, as always the fridge is stocked with blueberries, strawberries and raspberries and fruit of all kinds.

I get to work just as Train's hey soul sister begins to play in my ear. While the toast cooks I make a smoothie, juggling back and forth between checking on the frying bread and the blender. I get the fright of my life as a pair of strong muscular arms slip around my waist.

"Jeez you just frightened the living daylights out of me." I laugh slipping my earbuds out. Christian cocks an amused eyebrow at me. "Sir." I smile sweetly and he laughs and nuzzles his nose into my hair.

"Good morning Anastasia." He says sweetly.

"Good morning Sir." I say batting my eyelashes. "Breakfast is almost ready so take a seat." I say heading to get the placemats out of the drawer.

"Yes Ma'am." He says playfully making me laugh, oh he's in a very good mood this morning and I know it's because he has a whirlwind of plans for us for the next two days. "What are we having?" He asks as I put the place mats and cutlery down in place.

"Sweet French toast and Strawberry smoothies. Unless Sir would prefer something else." I say down casting my eyes.

"Hmm sounds wonderful and look at me Ana, please? I love it when you look at me." He says tilting my chin up. I smile as my eyes meet his, maybe he doesn't want a full sub just some playtime.

I serve up the breakfast adding sugar and fruit and yoghurt to the toast and then pouring out smoothies into two tall glasses. He looks amused as I place the food in front of him.

"Honestly Christian if you'd prefer some eggs it wouldn't take me two minutes to whip some up for you." I say nervously, I know he likes his routine to some point and he almost never eats anything but egg white omelette for breakfast.

"And not eat this beautiful looking breakfast you've cooked up Ana? I don't think so." He smiles as I sink into a stool beside him. "You woke up specifically to make breakfast?"

"Uh-huh." I nod shyly.

"I thought I heard the alarm." He says quietly. "You didn't have to."

"You've cashed in a weekend." I shrug and he beams.

"That I have Mrs Grey."

We eat breakfast happily reflecting on the week we've had and the week we have coming up. My mentioning of wanting to go and do some work for AG rattles Christian, he wants me to focus on writing Fifty More Shades but I have so much I need to do at the office, he relents to me when I say I may get more done in the office but he says I'm only allowed there two days of five.

He raises an eyebrow towards the ceiling when I slip the iPod from my bra.

"I had nowhere else to put it." I shrug putting it down and wrapping the earbuds around it to stop them getting tangled.

"Fair enough, lucky iPod." He smirks making me giggle. "Ah music to my ears Mrs Grey."

"We aim to please Mr Grey." I giggle again. I don't know what's wrong with me this morning but I feel like I'm seventeen again where I'm giggling about nothing in particular and want to dance around my bedroom to rock chicks pretending I know how to head bang and sing well when in actual fact none of that is true.

After we've both eaten Christian leads me to the bedroom informing me he'll have to go into the study later on to do some work that he was unable to do from New York and that I can clean up the mess then. I don't mind because I know he's got something in mind right now and I'm excited, the nervous butterflies in the pit of my stomach telling me I'm ready and willing for him and his sexpertise.

"Here." He passes me a Victoria Secret box. "I bought this for you after you'd gone to New York knowing I'd have to cash in one of my weekends this weekend thinking I wouldn't see you at all."

I open the box and find two blue baby dolls, one in light baby blue and one in a darker blue. I look at Christian who's got an uncertain smile on his face.

"I was thinking you could wear one of these today." He says picking one of them up and I know that they're both completely see through. "Just one of these."

"No panties?" I squeak.

"It's only you and me here baby. No one else but me will ever see you like this." He says knowing I'm thinking of Maggie and Richard in Unwritten who play with humiliation a lot.

"I know that but no panties?" I ask again and he shrugs uncomfortably. "Ok." I say quietly and his eyes light up like Christmas lights.

"Really?"

"Yes Sir." I nod and he gives me an impish smile.

"You choose which one." He says. "The other can be for tomorrow. I will expect you to meet me in my study in five minutes." He declares.

I nod and he walks out in his dominant role while I quickly try and decide which baby doll to wear. The darker blue one is a halter neck open neck whereas the lighter blue one is square necked with two thin straps with beautiful embroidery though more see through if it was a little longer and maybe white and not see through I would wear it as an actual dress. I decide on the lightest one and pull it on. It barely falls to the upper part of my thighs and I look in the full length mirror I see that everything is visible.

An idea comes to mind and I slip into the closet and find my five inch nude pumps. I know Christian loves my bare legs in heels, he loves seeing me put my shoes on before my dresses when I'm in lingerie and I hope this idea doesn't blow up in my face now. I ruffle my hair up some so it has that just woken sexy look even though I never think it works on me and head to his study. I feel quite self-conscious and aware as I walk from the bedroom to the office, apprehensive that Taylor is going to come around the corner even though he isn't here.

The door is wide open and Christian's eyes leave the documents in front of him to roam across my body. I feel really self-conscious and shy suddenly.

"Ana." He breathes. "Come here." I bite my bottom lip as I walk slowly towards him hoping I look sexy and not clumsy like I feel. He turns his chair to face me as I walk around his desk and I see his erection through the cotton of his pj bottoms. "What are those?" He asks.

"Stilettoes Sir." I say quietly.

"Did I say you could wear stilettoes Ana?" He asks.

"No Sir." I reply still quiet and shy.

"Then why did you wear them?"

"Because you always like me to put my shoes on before my dresses, you like the image of my shoes beside you ears." I say quietly and he groans, his eyes slipping shut just as my words.

"You can keep them on." He says. "But for disobeying me I am going to spank you Mrs Grey."

"Yes Sir." I say trying to hide the excitement.

He turns his chair to face the front of the room and gently pulls me over his lap pulling my dress up his back and revealing my bare behind. I hear one of his drawers open but I don't know what he's doing because one of his hands is pushing down just below my neck.

"I will hit you fifteen times Anastasia I want you to count each one." He says already massaging the skin of my behind.

"Yes Sir." I say quietly already aroused though he's barely touched me yet.

"Good girl." I can hear the smile in his voice.

His hand leaves my ass just seconds before a sharp sting hits me.

"Ah! One!" I call knowing at once that wasn't his hand.

"Why am I spanking you Anastasia?" He asks massaging the tender sting away.

"Because I disobeyed your orders sir." I say just as his hand stops and leaves, I brace myself for the sting just in time. "Two." I choke.

"Will you disobey my request again Anastasia?" He asks going back to fondling me heavily, soothing away the ringing sting.

"Probably." I shrug. "Ah!" I gasp, that was harder and that was his hand.

"Don't use your smart mouth on me this weekend Anastasia." He warns.

"Yes Sir." I reply trying to think of anything but that ache that's in my lower stomach and the soreness on my ass.

"Good, that one didn't count." He says massaging me once again.

Twelve hits later and he pulls me up to standing and kisses me heavily, his tongue forcing it's way into my mouth. He guides me to the end of his desk and pushes everything out of his way before bending me over it. His finger slides through my folds and I groan huskily.

"Always so ready for me." He breathes deeply. "I love that."

His finger leaves me just seconds before he slams hard into me causing me to jerk forward in reaction.

"Ah!" I gasp painfully. His skin whacking against my sore behind just a little too much.

"Are you ok?" I know he knows he may have hurt me.

"Can I have a second Sir?" I ask quietly as I catch my breath.

"Ana did I hurt you?" He asks panicking.

"I just need a second to adjust Christian. Just a second." I say quietly, I don't want him to worry that he's hurt me, it didn't hurt that much it was more shock than anything else. I didn't expect for it to hurt my sore ass when he slammed into me.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm good, move Christian." I plead pushing back against him.

"Don't come Ana." He growls before picking up his punishing tempo once more, though he's not as rough as what I expect him to be, probably because he still thinks he hurt me.

He comes gloriously just seconds before I was going to fall off the edge. He withdraws from me slowly as if daring me to tip over the edge.

"Don't move." He says quietly.

I stay grasping onto the desk with my head down and catch my breath. I hear him moving around but don't dare look. I then hear the tell tale sound of a bottle cap opening and I expect his cold hands covered in cream to massage my behind but all I get is a finger sliding down the crack between my cheeks and over the small hole.

"We're going to play a game." He says quietly spreading more lube around the ring. "You up for it Ana?"

"Yes Sir." I say just before he pushes his long finger into me while I focus on being relaxed for him. He begins a slow thrusting and I grip hard to the table. It stops all too soon.

"This is a butt plug, it's a little different to the ones we've used in the past." He says teasing my entrance with the lubricated toy. "I want you to wear this for a few hours." He says.

I swallow hard. Oh God this is going to be a nightmare.

"You're not to come Ana." He adds and I know nightmare doesn't even come close to explaining it.

"Yes Sir." I manage before he begins pushing the plug into me.

It's small, smaller than some of the ones we used before he penetrated me himself there the first time. It takes me back to almost the beginning of my anal training. It also has some small beads in it, each one getting bigger as it pushes into me.

"There." He says before giving my ass another smack pushing it in deeper and making me groan. "Now you have a kitchen to clean wench." He says playfully.

I push myself to standing slowly letting the toy adjust in my body. It's quiet uncomfortable as the largest part stays out of my body keeping my cheeks separated, I know it would be extremely hard to sit down in this.

"Get work." Christian smirks.

"Yes Sir." I say and I walk slowly towards the door, aware of the toy moving with every step. I grab the door handle and freeze. A low humming vibrating deep inside me has me turning to face Christian who is suppressing a laugh.

I take a deep breath through my nose and turn back to the door just as the vibrating stops. Oh God, it's a damn vibrating butt plug. This is going to be hell. I make it into the kitchen before the vibrating starts again, this time stronger than the first time and I have to grip the breakfast bar and moan deeply, it feels so amazing and I know I'm going to come if Christian doesn't stop soon. I feel the tightening in my lower belly and I try to hold on just as it stops. I let out a breath and get on with cleaning up our mess from breakfast.

Four times in total the damn thing vibrates as I clean, once so strong that I almost dropped the glasses in my hand and because I was rooted to the spot the glasses clink softly against each other as my whole body vibrates.


	154. Chapter 154

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Saturday 21st January 2012**

I'm just wiping down the counter tops when Christian comes out of his office swinging the remote control around his fingers, a smirk on his face.

"My Mother just called." He says, a frown passing his brow.

"Oh." I say surprised, it's not even nine am yet.

"Yes, she's making a congratulatory dinner for you tonight." He says. "So we won't be able to enjoy our weekend here without having to leave."

"Oh." I say only slightly disappointed, at least I'll get a small break from being Christian's submissive.

"Yeah. But we have until then to play. Come." He says extending his free hand to me.

I slip my hand into his and let him lead me upstairs. The playroom!

He unlocks the door and as soon as we enter he just nods his head to the side and I instantly go to kneel. Full submissive Ana makes her appearance and my inner goddess gets into position panting like a dog. The vibration on the butt plug is turned on full and I gasp in pleasure as Christian walks off, I know he's grinning smugly but I make do to ignore him and try and focus on breathing and not coming.

I hear him at the museum chest and I close my eyes in anticipation, he obviously has something planned because he spends no time at all looking for what he needs before coming back to me.

"Stand." He growls, full Dominant fifty has arrived.

I stand and he instantly goes to my hair. I stay still trying to ignore the vibrations as he braids my hair. I'm so close to coming but somehow I have the inner strength to hold off. He finishes my hair and pulls my head back by the braid.

"My Ana." He breathes into my ear before taking my lobe into his mouth and sucking heavily, his tongue fellating the lobe.

"Ah!" I call out exploding. Christian chuckles and I know it was his plan all along. The vibrations shut off and I feel the plug removed from me as I continue my glorious climax, it's prolonged by him removing the toy from me.

"Tut, tut, tut Ana, you came." He says playfully and I know I'm in trouble. "You know what that means." He says.

I hear the butt plug fall to the floor and then Christian grasps my hand and pulls me over to the spanking bench.

"Sit down and face me." He says. "I'm going to spank you now Ana." He says and I frown, how can I be spanked if I'm sitting on my ass and facing him? He smirks at my confused expression but walks away from me without a word. When he comes back he has my favourite brown plaited leather riding crop in his hand, the one from my dream.

"We aim to please Mrs Grey." He smirks seeing the glittering in my eyes at the weapon of choice. "Arms up." He says.

I do as I'm told and he pulls my baby doll off making sure to have his fingers glide over every inch of skin as it comes off, leaving goose pimples in their wake. He drops the thin fabric onto the floor and his eyes gaze over my visible skin.

He leans down and blows on each of my nipples, the cold causing them to harden more than they were in the teddy and then he pulls away.

"I think you've seen too much Mrs Grey." He says taking an eye mask from the small back pocket of his PJ bottoms.

I let him slip the mask over my face rendering my world into darkness. He then takes my left wrist and I feel cold leather wrapped around it at an almost ninety degree angle from my body and I can neither lift nor lower it. He repeats the process at the right one. Then it's my ankles. He separates my legs and I am trussed up and helpless sitting on the bench my arms and legs making me a star shape.

"So wet for me as always Ana." He says and I know he's looking at my wet and hot core.

I then feel cool leather gliding over the valley of my breasts then underneath in a figure eight.

"This is a punishment Anastasia." He says, the words gliding silkily over his tongue. "Why am I punishing you?" He always makes a meal of this but I find that it makes my apprehension brew and makes the physical act worth the wait.

"Because I came without permission Sir." I say confidently as the leather begins to flick lightly at my right nipple.

"Yes you did." He says. "Count Ana." He says just before the leather leaves my nipple. I wonder what he means just before there's a sharp sting across my left breast.

"Ah!" I gasp. Shit! He's never done this to me before, I can't help but wonder if he got this from my book or if he has done this in the past on one of the fifteen.

"Count." He growls.

"One." I say quietly.

The next slap rains down on my right breast.

"Two." I gasp.

He never hits the same place twice, the leather of the riding crop hitting from left to right, side to side, up and down and I know my breasts are going to be Christian's favourite shade of pink when he's done, some slaps are sharp just against my nipple, they cause me to hiss in a mixture of pure pleasure and pain.

"Tw – twenty." I stutter before the riding crop falls to the floor.

He is quick to uncuff me and then he picks me up. Being blindfold is a disadvantage but when I feel cool silk on my back I know I'm on the bed. He parts my legs and enters me slowly.

"You may come this time Ana." He says as he begins a slow, sensual rhythm. I rock my hips naturally to meet him but he pins my hands above my head so I can't touch him. I come undone after a few short thrusts but Christian is a damn stallion and I know I'll come a second time before he comes undone.

"God Ana." He growls as he rocks into me. "So good." He hisses.

I begin to vibrate again and I am scared that I'll pass out this time. Christian slams hard into me before he cries out my name, he becomes my undoing for the third time this morning.

"Christian!" I cry out unable to resist calling his name.

He peels the blindfold off my face and I smile up at him.

"Ok?" He asks.

"Hmm." I nod and he smiles.

"Are you done?" He asks.

"I don't think I could go again without passing out." I say quietly and he smirks.

"Your breasts are the most glorious of colour." He says. "I want to fuck them Ana." Oh my God, we've both been wanting that to happen for a long time.

"Go ahead." I say quietly and he smiles broadly before rushing off the bed. He comes back with massage oil and I watch him carefully, this will be another first for me though somehow I know it won't be for Christian.

"Lie back." He says and I lie down on the bed and take a deep breath. He squirts some of the oil into his hands and rubs them together, I watch him carefully as he brings his hands down to my sore breasts. He massages them and it feel so good and I feel the desire pooling between my legs once more. He doesn't rub me till my breasts are dry, his hands are still quite moist when he grasps himself and begins to work his semi-erect cock back to full standing ovation. It's such a turn on to see him pleasuring himself and I want nothing more to take him in my mouth. He smirks at me when my eyes meet his.

"Come sit at the end of the bed." He says climbing off still grasping himself.

I shift to the edge and he stands in front of me and frowns.

"Kneel." He says and I quickly move. "Good girl." He smirks. "Now hold the side of your breasts and push them together a little."

I swallow hard, please don't let me get this wrong and make a fool of myself. I do as he asks and he smiles and steps right to the edge of the bed, he pushed his erection right in between my breasts and then puts his hands on mine and squeezes my breasts in further so I'm trapping his cock in between them. I look up at him as he begins to rock his hips back and forth. He smiles at me and I let my eyes travel down. Oh my God, he's fucking my breasts or my breasts are fucking him I don't know which way to best describe this right now. I watch how the skin moves and it's so erotic, I really want to take him in my mouth. He rocks harder and I begin to push my breasts harder then loosen some, adding a pulsating rhythm to the rocking of his hips as I rock my chest a little.

"Oh fuck Ana!" He growls letting go of my hands to wrap one of his in my braid the other resting on my shoulder. He let's me do the work. "Oh God." He moans.

I whimper, this feels so good to me, seeing him like this.

"I'm gonna come Ana." He warns. "Open your mouth."

I open my mouth just in time as his seed fires off. It literally goes everywhere, over my chin, some in my mouth, over the tips over my neck and chest. He steps back and lets go and his eyes wander over me.

"Fuck." He growls. "That's a hell of a sight." I take a finger to a wet part of my chin and slowly wipe before taking my finger into my mouth. Christian growls and I do it again. "Fuck Ana." He says looking down and I see his cock is twitching again, Jesus he's a stallion, really how the fuck could he want to go again. He picks up his pyjama bottoms and begins to wipe at my chest while I continue to clean up my chin as if I was taking icing off the edge of a cake. He groans every time he sees me do it.

"Another round Mr Grey?" I ask.

"I think I'm the one worrying about passing out right about now Anastasia." He admits laughing a little. "But we aim to please." He throws his pyjama bottoms on the floor obviously happy with my now dry chest. "Stay here." He orders.

He climbs off the bed and I watch as he pulls down the sex swing. I smile, it's only been used once but I am already wet and ready for more.

"Come here." He says after adding another section. I saunter over to him and he lifts me up around his waist. "You're a little vixen." He says. "What happened to my innocent little Ana?" He asks with a cheeky smirk, he knows that he is what happened to innocent Ana.

He puts me down on the floor then he sits in the swing, taking time to make sure a part of it is supporting his back.

"Climb on, slip your legs into these gaps." He says signalling small gaps on either side so I climb on and straddle him. He guides himself straight into me. "Do you know how to push yourself on a swing Ana?" He asks and I nod. "Then go ahead." He kicks off from the floor and we begin to rock back and forth. I used to love the swing in the playground when I was younger so I automatically begin to rock myself back and forth. My eyes widen and Christian beams at me. Wow. As I keep us rocking back and forth on the swing I am fucking him. It's such an exhilarating prospect but I also know I'll never look at a swing the same again.

"God Ana." Christian growls griping my ass tight in his hands as I hold the straps above us still rocking us back and forth trying to keep up an even tempo as I enjoy all the feelings flooding through me. Christian's hands go to my breasts and he grasps my nipples, using them to rock us even more, it's painful but so pleasurable.

"I'm gonna come Christian." I gasp out. I've never said anything like it before f my own accord just before my eyes roll back in my head I catch his wide eyed shocked expression, though he also looks pleased.

"Tell me again." He rasps out.

"I'm gonna come." I spit.

"Tell me when." He says.

"Ah I'm coming Christian!" I yell just as I begin to contort above him. He lets go of my nipples and picks my hips up a little before thrusting deep in and out. "Christian!" I rasp.

"Fuck Ana!" I growls as he comes undone deep inside of me. I fall heavily on his chest juast as we both begin to come down.

"Oh my God." I whimper, he's still deep inside of me.

"Wow." Christian pants.

"Yeah." I smile looking up at him. He kisses my forehead lightly.

"I think that's enough for now." He says amused and I can't help but giggle as that means there's more yet to come.

"I think I'm actually glad to hear it Mr Grey." I say playfully making him laugh.

"How about some lunch?" He asks.

"What would Sir like?" I say pushing myself upright.

"Whatever Ma'am can make up. I think we should cook lunch together and naked." He smirks.


	155. Chapter 155

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Saturday 21st January 2012**

In the kitchen Christian and I whip together a sandwich. It's quite strange being naked in the kitchen but I take every opportunity to gaze over Christian's body. I know he's caught me but he says nothing just gives me a small smirk.

"Mmm." Christian says enjoying the food in his mouth.

"Good?" I ask him and he nods.

"We worked up quite an appetite." He says playfully making me laugh, we really did. I think I'm going to be sore by the end of this weekend but I really don't care. "Your breasts are still pink." He says nodding his head towards my bare chest.

I glance down and I want nothing more than to cover up. My breasts are still a light shade of pink and it's strange to see, it almost looks like that time I sunburned out in Savannah with my Mom when I was nineteen after rolling my strapless two piece bathing suit down to just above my nipples.

"Have you ever done that before?" I ask not sure if I want the answer.

"What?" He asks the confusion evident on his face.

"You know… spanked one of your subs breasts." I say uncomfortably squirming in my seat adding more pressure onto my sore behind.

"Why do you ask?"

"Because you've never done it to me before but Richard does it to Maggie in my book." I say.

"Oh so you're wondering if I got the idea from you or not." He smirks.

"No." I frown. "More along the lines of if it's another first for both of us." I say quietly and a small apologetic look appears on his face and I know I am not his first. "It's fine." I say shrugging. "I was just wondering."

"How about some dessert?" Christian asks climbing off his stool and taking his empty plate to the dishwasher.

"I'm good." I shrug.

"Well I want dessert." He says his eyes glazing over and somewhere in the back of my mind I'm thinking Ben and Jerry's and Ana.

He goes straight to the freezer but then comes out empty handed with a frown.

"We'll need to have Mrs Taylor make sure the freezer always has ice cream." He says as he walks to the cupboard.

I clean my plate away and wipe down the counter and when I'm done I see Christian standing with a bottle of chocolate sauce.

"There's no ice cream to go with that." I quip making him glare at me.

"I warned you about your smart mouth Anastasia." He says making my insides quiver, I don't know if I can handle another punishment, my ass is sore, my breasts are sore and there is no way in hell I'm going to let him put me through orgasm denial like he did before.

"Sorry Sir." I say dropping my eyes to the floor.

"Hmm, it's going to take you a while, I've been letting you get away with far too much recently." He says with a smirk making me giggle. "My music." He says with a small gasp and a playful smile. "Come here." He demands.

I walk to him slowly wondering what he's going to do to me this time.

"Would you like some chocolate sauce Ana?" He asks me and I manage a small nod, he's going somewhere with this, punishment wise, I just know it. "Kneel." He growls.

I quickly fall to my knees and he grins undoing the cap of the sauce. He rolls the bottle in his hands a little, as if he's warming up the contents. He then turns the bottle on it's head and I watch as the sauce trickles out of the bottle and onto his already erect shaft. I'm almost salivating at the thought knowing what he's going to do next. He closes the cap and places it onto the counter, his cock is covered in chocolate sauce.

"You know what to do Ana, no hands." He says stepping closer to me.

I wrap my mouth around him just before the chocolate drips to the floor, instead it drips onto my chin and it reminds me of his come earlier. Christian grips my head and begins to thrust hard into my mouth, he's in charge, this is my punishment. I try and lick and suck but it isn't easy with the rhythm Christian has created. It's hard, relentless and my mouth is also filled with chocolate sauce that I can't swallow. He comes hot into my mouth.

"Ana!" He breathes, he's stopped thrusting now and allows me to work. "Clean me up baby." He hisses through gritted teeth. I pull back just to swallow his ejaculation and the chocolate before I get to work at cleaning him up. I lick and suck every inch of his cock making it hard once again before I take my mouth to the hard sacks which also have some chocolate there. Christian gasps when I suck there and I know it's because I've never done it.

"There." I breathe pulling away. "All clean."

He picks my up by the shoulders and the grasps around my waist.

"You are insatiable." He says and I can't help but smile. He kisses the corner of my mouth. "Mmm chocolate and Ana." He says swiping his tongue along there, I guess there must be some chocolate there. He picks me up and places me on the counter. "My turn." He says seductively. He picks up the chocolate sauce and then parts my legs, I'm already wet and wanting.

He makes me watch as the sauce dribbles onto my clit, it's a sensation feeling, this sticky syrup landing on the most sensitive part of my body but then he pushes my shoulders back gently as a hint for me to lie back before he adds more sauce to my folds. His mouth then gets to work. He sucks hard at my clitoris making me whimper and wither but he places a hand on my lower belly to hold me in place. He then goes to my core and as he buries his tongue inside me my toes point and curl in pleasure. It doesn't take long for me to come undone and he laps up the remaining chocolate in seconds.

"Chocolate sauce and Ana." He smiles licking his lips.

"Better than Ben and Jerry's and Ana?" I ask with a cocked eyebrow.

"Hmm? I can't be sure. It's been too long. I'll have to get Mrs Taylor to get some Ben and Jerry's and try again, then I'll give you my verdict." He says as if it was a business transaction making me laugh. "Jesus where has today gone?" He says looking at the clock above the cooker, it's twenty to three already, it's gone so fast.

"What time do we need to be at your Mother's?" I ask as he helps me down off the counter.

"I said we'd be there for five. Come it's time for a shower. We may have time to get dirty first and then I want to play Mrs Grey."

Those last five words are a threat and promise that leave me feeling wanton.


	156. Chapter 156

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Saturday 21st January 2012**

Christian and I share a placid shower, the only touching is that of us washing each other's body and hair, removing the build-up of grime and sweat from our day of kinky fuckery but I know it's not over, he had something up his sleeve for when we go to his parent's house and I don't know if I should be scared or excited.

While I dry my hair, sat on the bed in just my underwear Christian does a disappearing act. I know it has something to do with this game he wants to play tonight. My hair is dry and in loose waves the way Tyra recommended me style it back in New York when I was on her show just as I stand to go and choose a dress Christian walks in to the room, his eyes going straight to me.

"Ready to play Ana?" He asks mischievously, I am actually scared but nod anyway.

He shows me too objects. One looks like upside down horses legs, one thicker and shorter than the other and then the other is a piece of leather with metal and padlocks. I look at my husband for an explanation.

"This is a double ended anal vibrator." Christian says. "It only vibrates on that end but this end is inside you too."

"Remote operated?" I ask and he shakes his head.

"It will be on all the time." He says and I swallow hard. "On the lightest setting you'd only come if you'd sit and grind against it." He adds but that doesn't make me feel any better.

"And this?" I say picking up the second object.

"Chastity belt." He says and I know what that is, I use on in Fifty Shades so I know exactly what that is.

"I wouldn't be able to go to the toilet." I say quietly and Christian nods his head. "I'm not so sure about this."

"All you have to do is safeword Ana and I'll get you out of it, even if we're in the middle of dinner, I'd find a way."

"Ok." I say carefully, not agreeing but not brushing the idea away either.

"Do you want to try this out? See how it feels before we put on the chastity belt?" He asks and I nod softly, I don't know if I'll do it but I'll try here at the apartment first and I can always change my mind. "Ok bend over on the bed and take off your panties." He says as his hand goes into his pocket. I do as he asks as he takes out the lube. "Open your mouth." He says softly.

He guides the thickest part of the contraption into my mouth and I suck without needing to be told. I expected the vibrating panties or butt plug or the balls but not this, I wonder how long Christian has been planning this weekend even though I know his Mother inviting us to dinner wasn't a part of his plan it's an added exciting twist for him.

"Enough." He says slipping it out of my mouth. I watch as he lubricates the thinnest and longest shaft before he parts my legs further. He's extremely careful in making sure I'm wet and ready for him while he adds lube to me too. I grip tight to the bed sheets as he begins to push the thinnest end into me first then slowly guides the thickest end so they're both in about half an inch. He then progresses to push it all in. I feel myself being filled up on both ends and it's a rather intriguing feeling.

"There." He says softly before I hear a small flick and then the vibrating begins. It doesn't matter that only on end vibrates. Because of the fact that both ends are only separated by a thin wall I feel the vibrations on both side. It's a low hum, it's a great feeling but I can also tell Christian's right that this will in no way make me come on it's own.

"What do you think?" He asks as I awkwardly stand up, he's holding the toy in place with his hand, I guess without the chastity belt it wouldn't stay in place. I take a deep breath and shrug. "It's supposed to be fun." He says.

"I don't think it will be." I say quietly.

"Ok then we'll do something else, what would you prefer Ana?" He asks me seriously.

"I don't know, Christian it kinda takes the fun out of it like this."

"Ok, I'll surprise you. Don't wear any panties." He says. "Bend over let me take this out."

"Maybe we could use this tomorrow, when it's just you and me here." I suggest knowing he's really looked forward to playing with this new toy of his tonight.

"Maybe." He sighs.

I wait patiently as he removes the contraption out of my body before I get ready and Christian makes another disappearing act leaving me wondering what else has he got up his sleeve tonight.


	157. Chapter 157

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Saturday 21st January 2012**

Arriving at his parent's house I'm apprehensive. I know he has something up his sleeve, or in this case in his pocket. He's been fumbling with something the whole way while he was driving and now as we step out of the car he still has his hand in his pocket, the other in mine.

"Hey!" Mia squeals running out of the house. She pounces on the two of us wrapping us both up in a mini group hug.

"Mia." Christian says dryly.

"Christian." She says sarcastically rolling her eyes before she pounces on me once again. "I saw you on everything! Ana you're just amazing! You were like so sophisticated!"

"Mia! Let them at least come indoors before you badger them!" Grace scolds from the door way.

Mia rollers her eyes once more before bouncing back into the house allowing Christian and me to be greeted by Grace and Carrick.

"Hello sweetheart, oh you're looking well." She smiles at me.

"Thank you." I smile knowing I have a particular glow about me this evening thanks to a day of Kinky Fuckery with my husband.

"Christian!" She moves to her son while Carrick wraps me up in a fatherly embrace, I think I'm missing something because both Carrick and Grace share a look that has Christian looking at me questioningly.

"Right come on let's get some drinks." Carrick smiles taking my arm and leading me to the front room. "We've got some sparkling cider." He informs me making me frown, am I suddenly not allowed to drink alcohol or something.

In the living room Kate and Elliot both take it in turns to greet Christian and I and seeing Kate with a glass of wine while Carrick passes me a flute of sparkling cider and a frown and flash of anger flashes Christian's face. He grabs my hand and pulls me out of the room quickly.

"Christian!" I growl as he pulls me up the stairs. "What the hell?"

"I think my family think you're pregnant." He says quietly when we are half way up the stairs.

"What?" I growl.

"I called my Mom, when you were in New York, told her how you'd been and she asked if there was a chance you could be pregnant, the shot failed once so I said that it was possible." Christian explains.

"Oh." I say. "Then we have to tell them now that there isn't a baby so I can have a damn glass of wine and stop receiving looks from everyone because from the looks I got of Kate and Elliot they're thinking it too."

"Ok." Christian runs his hands through his hair. "I think now though that they're expecting us to tell them tonight, hence the family dinner."

"Well we can go down there, you can get me a glass of wine and we can correct them! I am not pretending all night that I'm something I'm not Christian, I know they'll be disappointed but that's not the point, they need to know the truth." I say angrily, this night is already ruined for me.

"Ok we'll tell them now." He says reassuringly pulling me into his arms. "I'm sorry Ana, I called my Mom a few hours before we did the pregnancy test but I didn't want to scare you because I knew that you wouldn't have been happy about it and you'd have stressed worse because of it Mom just told me to watch out for other symptoms and when you were sick I knew we had to know."

I sigh softly and hold myself as tight to him as I can.

"I know you're ready Christian." I say quietly. "And as soon as I am you'll know."

"I know baby." He smiles. "We've got plenty of time, you're still in your early twenties, a baby yourself." He chuckles and I can't help but smile, he's completely right we have plenty of time.

We both go downstairs hand in hand and Christian makes us both a glass of wine. I avoid the looks I get from everyone as I take a small sip feeling them judging me. Christian slips his hand into mine.

"Uh I know you all are expecting news that there's a baby Grey on the way but the test was negative, we're not pregnant." Christian says.

The silence is deafening. Christian kisses my hair softly and I give him a smile and take a long sip of my wine.

"Well then, more excuse for you to keep trying." Elliot says making everyone laugh and breaking the awkward tension at once.

"Ana do you have a moment?" Grace asks as Christian begins teasing Elliot making both Kate and me laugh.

"Sure." I say following Grace out of the room and down to the kitchen.

"Gretchen give us a moment please." Grace says to the housekeeper and she nods once and hurries off. Grace pushes the door shut and pulls out a stool for me from beneath the island. "I don't want to lecture you Anastasia." Grace says softly as she sits down opposite me resting her hand on my knee. "But if you're trying for a baby it may be harder than usual because of the miscarriage and of course there's the injection, I know you're coming to the end now but it may take a few weeks for it to completely clear out of your system you know that right?"

"Grace." I say softly shaking my head and taking her hand in my own. "Christian and I aren't trying for a baby right now." I say quietly. "I have some … daemons I need to deal with first." I admit, I feel safe talking to my mother in law.

"What do you mean?" She asks confused.

"Well after everything that happened in New York, with those celebrities on the internet they've bought some things up from my past that I never dealt with so with Flynn and Christian's help I'm going to deal with those first. I'm in no way the right frame of mind to be thinking about carrying a baby."

"But Christian wants a baby." She says with a smile.

"I know." I beam. "I think if it had been positive his reaction would have been very different this time around but it wasn't an next week I see Doctor Greene and I'm getting my next injection. We have time Grace, plenty of time to have babies, now isn't the right time. I was sick, exhausted, displaying numerous signs of pregnancy because I was stressed and my mind or body couldn't handle it. If I was pregnant now it would cause a lot of issues that Doctor Flynn explained to Christian and he's not a midwife or paediatrician so I'm sure there are more issues than low birth weight and preeclampsia that we'd have to worry about."

"Ana." She says softly. "You don't have to explain yourself to me but when Christian didn't call I thought it meant that you were and you wanted to wait to tell us, I mentioned it to Carrick and Mia overheard and she told Elliot who obviously told Kate. You and Christian will know when you're ready and when you are we'll be happy for you."

"Thank you Grace." I say sniffing back my tears as she pulls me into a hug.

"My sweet girl." She says softly running her fingers through my hair gently, soothing me softly. "You need to take better care of yourself, keep this stress level up and you'll make yourself sick."

"I know." I sigh holding onto her like she's my lifeline just as Christian walks in. He smiles softly at me.

"There my two favourite women are." He smiles as Grace and I separate.

"I think you should take Anastasia home and take care of her." Grace says slipping my hand into his. "Don't worry about dinner, I'll pack some up for you to take with me. She needs rest Christian, plenty of it to before she goes to London or she'll be worse than she was in New York." Grace transforms into Doctor Trevelyan right in front of our eyes and both of us know better than to argue with her.


	158. Chapter 158

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**FILLER ONLY sorry it's so short!**

**Saturday 21st January 2012**

Back at Escala after eating the food Grace packed for us Christian and I are both in bed on our laptops. I'm writing more on Fifty More Shades and I suspect Christian is working. We haven't really talked but I think Grace could tell how bad things had gotten for me out in New York, I love her, she's truly a magnificent human being and I'm so blessed to have her in my life.

"Cancel any plans you have for next week." Christian says breaking the silence and bringing my fingers to a halt on the keyboard.

"Why?"

"We're going on holiday." He says. "We'll take our computers but how does seven days and eight nights at a private villa and beach in Greece sound?"

"Greece?" I ask shocked. "As in Greece in Europe?"

"Yup." He grins his boyish smile at me.

"Just like that?"

"Just like that." He beams.

"How?" I'm speechless.

"I know someone who owns three villa's out there, they buy them and rent them out but it's the off seasons so they're not renting any of the three out and so at this short notice they were happy accepting the amount I offered."

"Ok." I nod. "Greece?"

"We both need a break." He smiles. "We'll be taking Taylor and Gail and Luke and Hannah with us, they'll be staying in a separate Villas, the three Villas are really next door to each other look." He passes me his computer and shows me an aerial photograph of three villa's only a few feet apart with a pool outside each one. "That way everyone gets a break but we have necessary security, you have Hannah on hand to deal with anything you need and Gail can keep the villa for us."

"Just like that?" I ask again.

"We're flying out tomorrow afternoon." He smirks, so for the past two hours while I've been writing Christian has been planning a getaway to Greece, this man is just… he has more money than sense. "You need a break Ana." He says and I know he's expecting me to be pissed but I'm not, he's right.

"I can't wait." I smile. "Show me more pictures."

He goes through the pictures and I see the decking, sun loungers, the pool that's so blue it sparkles. The villas inside are quite small with cheap furniture and artwork on the walls but I don't care the blue fabric love seat looks so comfy and I can imagine a steamy make out session taking place on it. The bed in the master bedroom is huge and looks like you could fit all six of us into it quite comfortably which make sme smile, then there's the picture of the pergola and I know it would be beautiful to watch the sunrise and sunset up there with Christian.

"We're going to Greece." I say looking at my husband.

"We're going to Greece tomorrow, the team are already sorting out the plane, flight plan the lot Ana." He beams at me.

"We're going to Greece!" I say a little more excited.

"Greece." He nods and I know he's happy to see me this excited. "Ionian Island to be exact." He says and I give a Mia style excited squeal.

"We're going to Greece." I say again making Christian laugh.

"How about we celebrate that we're going to Greece and then we need to sleep we have to be up early tomorrow to pack, everyone will be meeting us at the airport so we'll need to pack ourselves." He says closing his laptop.

"Hmm sounds wonderful." I say closing my own.


	159. Chapter 159

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Sunday 22nd January 2012**

Stepping onto AG Jet I am over the top with excitement. It's been a whirlwind of a day so far from my early wakeup call that was a disaster when Christian decided to go down on me and find out our play date yesterday has resulted in me being red and inflamed and very sore. He couldn't be more apologetic but at least he let me put on the cream myself after he called Grace to make sure there wasn't something seriously wrong with me. I don't like that he called Grace to discuss the colouring and feeling of my private anatomy either but she's a doctor she's heard it all. Most importantly she's given me a week's worth of antibiotics though most likely and most embarrassingly it's just inflamed from over use. I've also found walking to be particularly difficult and am wearing a long dress with no panties hoping that airing myself a little will soothe the sting.

Then of course there was packing. Christian's even decided a bit of nudity on the beach will be fine seeing as no one will be able to see us once he gives strict orders to the staff not to bother us but I had fun digging out all of my bikini's remembering back to my honeymoon, at least the finer points of my honeymoon.

"Travelling will be much easier and more comfortable when my jet is up and running." Christian says rubbing his hand through his hair.

"You don't like my jet?" I ask him teasingly.

"I love your jet baby but mine's going to be a bit bigger to fit more people, yours is great for small amounts."

"Christian, she holds fourteen, it's more than enough for me." I say with a smile.

"I'm glad to hear it but I still want my own with a bedroom that would make flying to Greece far cosier." He shrugs.

"Boys and their toys." I mutter playfully while suppressing the eye roll that I want to give.

"Yes, this is your toy I want my own." He says with a fake pout on his lips making me giggle.

Christian and I slip into the booth for four, he opposite me while Taylor and Gail opposite one set of single seats opposite each other and Luke and Hannah has the other set of single seats.

"It will be a fifteen hour flight." Christian informs us all. "There's plenty of blankets and stuff if anyone wants to sleep but I have plenty of alcohol and the iPod with the large speakers to kick this holiday off like a bunch of students." He smiles as everyone laughs, I can see that Christian is really making this a holiday and I can't help but wonder if he's had this type of holiday before. I know he went with Grace and Carrick and his siblings on holiday but I remember back to Kate and Elliot in Barbados and wonder if he's ever had just a holiday with friends since he's been an adult. I somehow doubt it.

"Ladies and Gentlemen this is your captain Cassie Richards speaking we will be taking off shortly and are expected to arrive at Kefalonia International at four pm local time. Please ensure your seatbelts are buckled up, sit back and enjoy the flight."

I smile at Christian as Lois slips onto one of the benches that also turn into a bed and buckles up.

As soon as we're in the air Lois does the safety stuff and then the alcohol is brought out and it's like a bunch of grad students and not six adults flying. Christian puts his iPod on and the music fills the cabin. I recognise the song as I'm yours by Jason Miraz and I look at Christian who gives me a knowing smile, it's the playlist I made him and I can't help but smile sheepishly as Lois serves up the champagne for us all.

"I'd like to just say thank you so much to our friends for joining us on this holiday and I look forward to us having a good time in each other's company." Christian says making me smile, he really does consider these people our friends and that warms my heart. "Greece." He says raising his glass.

"Greece!" We all echo and everyone relaxes into being themselves as people and not employees and employers.

"So Hannah spill what's the latest on this wedding then?" I ask as she and Luke cuddle up on the bench.

"We've discussed dates, we're looking at June." She smiles.

"Have you chosen a venue yet?" Christian asks and it makes me happy to see him joining in on the conversation.

"Yes." Hannah beams. "Saint James Cathedral, Mom's a strict Catholic so she wouldn't have it any other way but it's so beautiful." Hannah gushes.

"It is." Luke agrees with a sheepish smile.

"You'll have to help me with the bachelor party Grey." Taylor calls from where he's sat with Gail on his lap both of them sipping champagne.

"I will." Christian smirks and Luke chuckles and shakes his head, I'm guessing that Taylor is the best man then.

"I'm going to have so much fun planning the bachelorette party." I smirk making Hannah laugh.

"I was actually thinking of having a small Bridal Shower to please my Mom, she would hate a Bachelorette party." Hannah sighs.

"We could do both." I say and her eyes widen. "We could have a bachelorette party at Escala or the Mile High Club or anywhere for that matter to please your Mom then you, me, Sophia and whoever else you please can have a proper party."

"Within reason." Christian says playfully.

"Hmm I think five stripers should cover it." I tease making both Luke and Christian growl and making Hannah and I laugh loudly.

"No stripers." They both say.

"No lap dancers or stripers for you either." Hannah warns looking over at Taylor who raises his glass towards her with a smirk making me laugh more but Hannah looks deathly serious, it's quite a cute look on her.

"Who's for cocktails?" Christian asks. "Or liquor for us who don't want the fruity concoctions you ladies call drinks."

"Sure." I smile and everyone murmurs agreements.

Lois serves us all with cocktails and somehow I know we're all going to be merry arriving in Greece but I think that it may be Christian's plan, to get everyone to relax.

"So have you chosen a colour?" I ask moving over to sit with Hannah as does Gail as the men start talking work which is a boring topic for all of us.

"Yes, Orange and Fuchsia, hold on!" She squeals excitedly as she goes to her purse and she brings out three wedding dress catalogues. "We should browse while we can." She says and I nod as does Gail in complete agreement.

"Why don't you ladies move over here?" Christian suggests getting up. "You need the table more than me for the magazines and drinks."

"Yes Sir." I agree with a wink making him growl and bite the air making me pull a tongue at him, I am in such a great mood as is Christian and it's perfect.

For two hours Gail, Hannah and I gush over wedding and bridesmaid dresses from the magazines discussing each dress that catches our eyes in intricate detail.

"Ladies how about some food?" Christian asks coming over to us.

"I think you keeping our glasses topped up has provided us with a wicked liquid lunch." I giggle as does Gail and Hannah, not once has Christian allowed Lois to let out glasses go empty and the three of us are more than a little merry.

"Yes well you can get as drunk as you like but you will eat." Christian says with a playful smile, I really think he wants this to be a relaxing holiday without any arguments at all.

"Ok." I nod as we all shut the magazines.

Hannah puts them all away and Gail goes to sit with Jason while Luke comes over to the four table to us. Lois serves up a beautiful lunch and we all eat and laugh and drink and I know that the rest of the holiday is going to be like this, or at least I hope it is!


	160. Chapter 160

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Monday 23rd January 2012**

The Greek villa is amazing. That is the only word I can use describe it. Turns out that Mrs Taylor won't have to lift a finger all week on our behalf as there is a maid service that comes in to the villa's every day to clean and Christian and I will either go out to eat or will cook for ourselves.

Hannah and I are wearing the skimpiest bikini's we own while Gail relaxes in a swimming costume and sarong though for her age she has a body I'm sure most would envy. We sit in the garden of Christian and my villa on the lounge chairs all 'working' or so our men think. I am going through the emails and accounts of Anastasia Grey Inc which is technically working. Hannah is reading a book on her laptop while Gail is reading Fifty Shades. The men are all at the grill and every now and again us women peak over the edge of our sunglasses to admire our man.

It's nice for me to see Christian relaxing with Taylor and Luke. The three of them have been to the grocery store together and bought all the alcohol they could manage and plenty of food and now they're sipping beers, listening to music and grilling food like real men.

"It's so hot." Gail sighs contently as she fans herself down with a large white fan.

"Hmm, that water looks appealing." I say peaking over the top of my laptop where I was replying to Hope Hewitt.

"The sea or the pool?" Hannah asks taking a long sip of the ice filled wine that Christian served us up with on his arrival back from the supermarket.

"Both." I reply laughing. "But I don't think the sea is on the agenda for today."

"No but I really think I'd love to jump into that pool." Gail smiles.

"Come on then." I smirk shutting my laptop.

Gail marks her book and Hannah switches off her iPad before taking the hand I'm offering. The light blue water shimmers under the slowly setting sun and I have been dying to ruin the tranquillity of it since our arrival. Gail slips off her sarong and places it on the chair while Hannah and I flick off our sunglasses before we all clasp hands, me in the middle.

"Ready?" I ask.

"One." Gail says taking a deep breath.

"Two." Hannah smiles looking right at me.

"Three!" We take five running steps before launching ourselves into the air, catching our breaths just before we plummet down with a splash. I kick myself up to the surface and pop up to see a very amused looking Christian snapping a photo on the Nikon while Luke and Taylor laugh amused.

"You're a bit wet." Christian says as I swim towards him.

"Just a little." I smile wrapping my hands around his neck.

"Don't you dare Ana." He says almost knowing exactly what I'm going to do. "The camera isn't waterproof." That's all there needs to put a damper on my plans.

"I will get you before this holiday is out Mr Grey." I smirk.

"You have five days before we fly back."

"Technically four." I say and he shrugs, I am opening the Anastasia Rose Ward on the twenty eight so we have to fly back on the twenty seventh, not that I'm complaining a holiday like this is exactly what we all need, Hannah and Gail and Luke and Taylor included.

"Here you go ladies!" Taylor yells throwing a huge pink blow up ball over mine and Christian's head over to Gail and Hannah who holler happily.

I'm used to seeing Taylor in shorts and sunglasses from our Honeymoon but seeing Luke Sawyer is an experience and a half, he is like a brother to me but I must admit he's an attractive son of a bitch and I can see what Hannah sees in him. Ok he's no Christian but he's still quite good looking in a pair of navy blue surfer shorts, no shirt and a pair of sunglasses.

"I was thinking the six of us could go take a walk into Skala village tomorrow and then go to the water sport centre."

"Water sports?"

"Yeah, jet skiing, kayaking, canoeing and a lot more."

"Sounds like fun." I smile knowing Christian is going to be struggling to stop himself from stopping me doing anything unsafe. "Will we get some time alone?" I ask him.

"Yeah, we will baby but I thought you'd really enjoy a holiday with our friends too." He says with a smile, our friends, he's finally admitting it.

"I will." I smile pushing up out of the curved pool to kiss him. "More than you know."

I kick away from the edge of the pull and flick some water into Christian's face. He wipes it away laughing making me giggle happily as I go over to Gail and Hannah were we begin to play piggy in the middle with the giant blow up ball.

"Food's ready!" Luke calls over to us as Christian begins lighting some fly deterrent candles around the table, it's slowly beginning to turn to evening.

I push out of the pool and wipe down my body with one of the towels, Hannah and Gail doing the same. I then pull on a small flimsy white cardigan that Christian has gotten out of my suitcase for me.

I plop myself down in one of the wicker chairs around the glass table that Luke has set. The view is absolutely breath taking. To the left and slightly in front is the brilliant blue sea that spreads out for miles and miles. Directly in front of me is the edge of the island with twinkling lights coming from houses and street lights just beginning to turn on.

"You ok Ana?" Gail asks sitting down opposite me.

"Hmm." I nod and smile. "I just can't help but think I'm a very lucky girl." I say as the men put the food down on the table, burgers, sausages, salad, bread rolls, skillets, and so much more, they have really been busy.

"Me too." She admits with a girly giggle that I don't get to hear often coming from Gail, I can't help but laugh to, her laugh is one of those that makes everyone laugh along.

"I was wondering, seeing as most of us slept on the plane on the way here and are pretty wide awake, if you all fancied going to the bar just down the road after dinner?" Christian suggests as Taylor finally sits down having turned the grill towards us to help keep us warm as the evening begins to cool.

"Sounds good to me." I say knowing that Christian and I can go even if no one else is up for it.

"Sure." Gail nods as does Taylor.

"Yup sounds great." Hannah smiles as Luke nods.

"Ok, we'll clean up after dinner, get changed and head on down." Christian smiles. "We'll need to organise a mini bus or something tomorrow too, we're not far from everything but it would be good to have a way of getting around if we want to move further into the island."

"I saw a car hire service near the supermarket." Taylor replies.

"Wow Taylor this is delicious." I comment after swallowing a large bite of beef skillet.

"Thank you." He smiles.

"Hey Luke and I helped."

"Yeah with the salad!" Taylor teases throwing a cherry tomato at my husband hitting him square in the head.

"Hey!" He growls throwing one back making everyone else laugh.

"Now now boys play nice!" Gail says having all of us laughing again.

"Oh I love this song!" Hannah says excitedly with a look to Luke just as the first beats of raise your glass by Pink comes blaring over the iPod dock.

Christian knocks the volume up with the remote control as Hannah garbs my hand from my left and begins to roll her head and rock her shoulders. I can't help but laugh and move with her.

"So raise your glass if you are wrong in all the right ways all my under dogs!" Hannah sings along happily.

"We will never be never be anything but loud and nitty gritty dirty little freaks!" I sing with her and she drags me to standing and I happy walk over to a free area of the decking and dance like we'd be in a night club with her.

"Gail!" I shout and Hannah goes over and grabs the housekeepers hand and drags her up to dance with us.

Christian laughs and grabs the Nikon happily taking our picture as we rock and grind to the music with random sexy looks thrown over to our men as we dance.

"I think it's getting a bit hot out here!" Luke says and the three of us turn to look to find him holding the hose pipe.

"Don't you dare!" Hannah squeals but that of course only encourages him to open the tap and squirt us.

We all squeal and run as he turns it off laughing along with Christian and Taylor while the three of us grab towels frowning and pretending to be pissed with one Luke Sawyer.

"Aww baby are you sulking now?" Christian asks as I sit on his lap with my arms wrapped around his neck.

"Nope, I'll get Luke back before this holiday is out." I say with a laugh and Hannah and Gail completely agree with me.

"I wouldn't like to be Luke Sawyer with your wife out to get him." Taylor laughs making me poke my tongue out at him while Luke and Christian laugh.

"Right how about we start cleaning up?" Christian asks.

Between the six of us we get to work quickly, wrapping up the left overs and putting them in the fridge, doing the dishes, drying and cleaning them while Christian reminds us all there's a maid and pool maintenance who comes every day to do the beds, clean the villas, replace the towels and so on. It's going to be nice not having Gail doing it all and having her just relaxing and I know she appreciates this break too.

"Right then come and change." Christian says to me.

"See you in a bit!" I say to everyone as they head off to their own Villas, it's quite funny knowing that each Villa has enough room for six, with one room of bunk beds another with a queen size double and the master upstairs where Christian and I that has the very big bed and separate bathroom when there's only six of us and we've got one of the Villas each. There's green grass surrounding the pool and separating the buildings are white stone walls with white wooden gates which can be locked if you don't know the people staying in the other Villas but as we all do they're not padlocked and we can come and go as we please, Christian and my Villa is the one in the middle with Hannah and Luke on the left and Gail and Taylor on the right.

I pick out the Heartloom beaded blouson navy dress, it has a beaded georgette fabric shinning with every movement, a wide scoop neckline and half batwing sleeves that fall to my elbows, the top is loose with an elastic waist tight and a rounded hem line at mid-thigh.

"You're wearing that?" Christian asks with a raised eyebrow as I pull on a pair of plain black Jimmy Choo pumps.

"Why what's wrong with it?" I ask knowing that Christian only asks if I'm wearing something if he doesn't like it.

"It's a bit short."

"We're in Greece Christian, no paparazzi, no public who know us, just you, me and our friends and it may be evening but it's still warm and I guarantee it will be hot in wherever we're going, this is light and summery but suitable for evening."

"Fine." He shrugs knowing he won't win this fight, he never has won a fight with me about my chosen clothes, not even when I hurried out of the apartment on his birthday wearing the dress that was even shorter than this one.

I manage to put a loose fishtail braid in my hair having it fall over my shoulder and I pull on the tiffany keys necklace so it hangs between my breasts and the crosses with diamonds earrings from Tiffany's too.

"Ready to go?" Christian asks passing me my plain black clutch.

"Yup."

I follow Christian down the narrow staircase and laugh when I see he has to duck at one point to avoid hitting his head on the roof. Gail, Taylor, Hannah and Luke are sat in the living room all ready to go.

"Love the dress Ana!" Hannah beams as she stands with Luke's hand firmly in her own.

"Yours too!" I smile, she's wearing a simple flowery dress that falls to her knees, with a full skirt in black and pink. "You too Gail I love that colour." I smile, Gail's wearing a full length halter maxi dress in aqua with black and purple patterns all over it.

"Ok enough let's go!" Christian says making us all laugh.

The six of us exit the villa through the front door and walk hand in hand with our men. It's so nice, it's only dusk so it's not too dark but the street lights are already on lighting our path. We walk for about five minutes, all of us quiet and looking around us and admiring the beautiful Skala village.

Christian guides us into a small bar, it's alive from the moment we walk in with what I can tell to be locals. Not many tourists around in the middle of January.

"English?" Christian asks the barman and he nods and smiles at us all.

"American's?" He asks with a thick Greek accent.

"Yes." Christian smiles wrapping an arm around my shoulder. "Can we have six Ouzo shots? And do you have a drinks menu?"

"Yes of course here." He passes Christian a pile of drink menus and he hands them around while the barman gets on doing the shots.

We're all relieved to see they do some Cocktails that we all know and love as well as some beers so we're all quick to place our order.

The drinks are brought over and we all do the shots together. It's hot in my mouth and has a taste like cinnamon on it. Not my drink of choice.

"It's the aniseed." Christian tells me while I roll my tongue beneath my teeth.

"Uch!" I say making him laugh as a second round of shots is placed on the table.

"We didn't order these." Christian says to the bar man putting them down.

"On the house!" He tells Christian.

Christian thanks him and once again we knock a shot back just as we find out it's Karaoke night at the bar.

"Wwww Ana Gail we have to sing!" Hannah yells as a file with all the songs is placed in front of us. There's literally world music in the file from Greek to British to American and so much more.

The three of us finally agree on One way or Another by Blondie. The men are quite amused when we get up on the stage, the Ouzo having worked it's way into our systems giving us all plenty of Dutch courage.

We dance or more rock our heads and shoulders and wave our arms oddly to the introduction but while our men chuckle while watching us the locals are already eating it all up.

"One way or another I'm gonna find ya, I'm gonna getch ya getcha ya getcha ya getcha ya…"

The three of us sing it to our men provocatively, they eat it up happily and when we finish the three of them give us a standing ovation making us laugh happily as we step off.

"Your turn." Hannah says to the men who all shake their heads as a small Greek man begins a really bad rendition of RESPECT by Aretha Franklin.

"You wanna listen to that all night?" I ask across the table to the men who instantly grab the file and begin looking for a song.

I pick up one of the song forms which is only the size of a business card and Hannah smirks knowing what I'm up to as she passes me a pen.

The boys get up after another shot of Ouzo between them and Hannah, Gail and I shift so we're sitting together hand in hand. We laugh when the opening notes of Bon Jovi's living on a prayer begin to play. I know Christian can sing but this song… Hmm we'll see.

The three of us rock along to the music, the verse begins and I have to admit they're not that bad even with them all trying Bon Jovi impersonations with their voices. When it comes to the chorus neither Luke nor Taylor can quite hit the high note, Christian manages with a bit of struggle that's evident in his face but it's so cute and I can't resist grabbing the Nikon and snapping photos like he was of us. When the three of them air guitar in the instrumental I can't help but laugh hysterically and snap more pictures. On the key change the three of them don't bother with the high "Woahoh" because they know by now they can't do it.

When they step off Gail, Hannah and I holler for them as everyone in the bar cheer happily and we're given another free round of Ouzo.

"I think they want us drunk enough that we'll all be on that thing all night." Christian says as Taylor orders everyone another round of cocktails.

"Hmm maybe." I shrug, I don't know but I think I need a water I already have a nice hum about me and if I carry on I'll be drunk all too soon.

"Christian Grey is up next singing Don't stop believing." I slap my hand to my mouth to stop my giggle as Christian turns to me.

"You didn't?" He asks and I nod and giggle.

"You're coming with me."

"I can't sing!"

"Yes you can come on!" He pulls me up to the stage with him and I growl and petulantly growl as I'm handed a microphone.

"Glee Version?" The karaoke guy asks, I think he's British, his English sounds like he is.

"Please." Christian nods, even Christian Grey knows the Glee version of don't stop believing. "Come on Ana, you wanted it you're going to get it." He says taking my hand.

"Just a small town girl, living in a lonely world, she took the midnight train going anywhere." Christian sings his eyes not leaving mine.

"Just a city boy, born and raised in south Detroit, he took the midnight train going anywhere." I swallow hard wondering if I've unsettled him choosing this song particularly with the mention of Detroit but the smile on his face and the rock in his shoulders tells me to relax and think nothing of it, he hasn't or if he has it doesn't bother him.

"Seeing her in a smoky room."

"The smell of wine and cheap perfume." I add as he slips his hand into mine and rocks it to make me move.

"Fought a smile that could share the night it goes on and on and on and on."

I cast a glance over to our table as the chorus kicks in. Taylor has the Nikon while Luke happily records us on his phone, it's tempting to flick a finger but knowing the small risk of the video being leaked I don't and just turn to Christian with a smile and continue singing.

"Hiding somewhere in the night!" Christian pulls me into him so my back is to his chest and he rocks me side to side.

"Working hard to get my fill everybody wants thrill…" I sing as Christian continues to rock me and plants a kiss on my temple, he comes into the song but doesn't let go of me continuing to rock me, I can't help but wonder how drunk he is or if he's just being playful and happy fifty, is he relaxed and happy like I am or is he just trying to please me? I don't know but to be honest I don't care either.

"Don't stop believing, hold on to that feeling, streetlight people…" We sing together still rocking from side to side a little more enthusiastically now.

"Don't stop!" We finish gaining whoops and hollers not only from those on our table but from others in the bar too which is nice. We laugh happily as we return to the bar grateful for the cold cocktail and beer that is passed to us.

I take the Nikon and have a look through the pictures Taylor took, they're quite cute if I do say so myself and Christian looks so happy as do I.

We stay for another hour listening to the locals on the karaoke and drinking till we realise we've all had enough to drink and should call it a night.

"Piggy back?" Christian asks as we step out into the cool night air.

"Think you can carry me without dropping me?" I ask and he nods.

I jump onto his back and grab around his shoulders while he holds my calves in place.

"I'm drunk." I whisper into Christian's ear.

"Me too." He replies with a laugh. "You more than I though Mrs Grey."

"Hmm, I don't know." I say laughing but he's right, I am more drunk than he is. "I want to get you naked and sweaty." I say quietly but not quietly enough as Taylor and Gail begin laughing.

"Shh Ana." Christian scolds me mockingly.

"What? It's not like they don't have the same idea about each other." I say earning more laughs even from Christian.

"I need to gag you when you're drunk Mrs Grey you have a loose tongue." Christian teases.

"You can gag me in the bedroom if you want Mr Grey there would be no complaints here." I say laughing, it might not be bad thing that Hannah and Luke are lost in a conversation of their own, Hannah has signed and NDA too but I think she's the only one who doesn't know about mine and Christian's lifestyle.

"Shh Ana or the only place you'll be going is the pool." Christian teases.

"You'll just be coming in there with me." I tell him and he laughs softly.

"Not tonight." He says and I hear the silent promise that's in those two words.

At the front of the villas we all say goodnight with an agreement to meet at ten am in our villa in the morning. Christian continues to carry me all the way upstairs to our bedroom and he happily deposits me on the bed.

"Water." Christian says going back down the stairs letting me fall back onto the huge bed and try and stop the room from spinning.

He comes back up with a jug of ice water and two glasses and while he pours us both a drink I happily peel my dress of leaving me in my bra and panties.

"Here." Christian passes me water while his eyes roam my body. I'm so thirsty and happily down the whole glass and shakily pour myself a second while Christian strips down to his boxers. "Like what you see Mrs Grey?" He asks as my eyes roam over his body.

"Uh-huh." I say nodding as he downs his own water. "I think you like what's in front of you too." I say my eyes on his boxer covered erection.

"There's no denying that here, I've had this since you dove into that pool earlier."

"I would have happily dealt with it before we went out."

"There was no time."

"We have time now."

"There's nothing worse than drunken sex Ana." Christian sighs.

"Really?" I ask not wanting to know how he knows that.

"It's harder to come." He says shaking his head. "Sometimes some don't come at all. So if you don't mind I'd rather wait until morning and enjoy it with you."

"But I'm horny now!" I whine, being drunk has definitely given me a lose tongue.

"Lay down then." He says taking my glass out of my hand.

I quickly do as he asks and close my eyes to stop the ceiling look like it's spinning. He pulls my heels off and begins to massage my feet, it's so good, I can feel myself slowly drifting away.

"Sleep baby." Christian says.

_Son of a bitch!_ Is the last thought I have before falling asleep.


	161. Chapter 161

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Tuesday 24th January 2012**

Due to everyone feeling particularly hung over this morning instead of an outing to do some water sports we're all sat on the private beach with chilled juice and fruit. Christian and I are pretending to argue this morning due to me being unable to stay awake on him last night but it wasn't like he made it easy on me either. Everyone though is in a great mood and it's so nice to be able to just have fun and actually act my age.

Hannah, Gail and I are on sun loungers sunbathing, or working in Hannah and my case. I'm catching up with some stuff from AG, as good of a job Christian does running GEH he's not so competent in running my company, or not the way I want it ran anyway, it seems like he's letting Wendy do most of the work and yes she's a lovely woman but she's not Christian or me and the two salons and two publishing companies aren't hers so she isn't going to show them the same TLC that I would if I was there.

I must admit even from behind my sunglasses and my laptop I can't resist looking over at Christian who's playing Frisbee with Luke and Taylor. All of them in long surf shorts and topless with bodies to admire and I know that Gail and Hannah are having the same difficulty concentrating on their task as me.

Our little beach is only two hundred meters from the villas. It's only about twenty five foot wide if that and secluded by rocky mountains. It's so cosy and with the hot January sun beating down on us, the cold drinks and fruit, it's all just perfect and I can't help but love this little bubble. I turn back to my emails hoping that getting some of these done I'm going to be able to relax just that little more.

_**From:**__ Hope Hewitt_

_**Subject:**__ Fifty More Shades_

_**To:**__ Anastasia Grey_

_Hey Ana!_

_I hope you're well, you did amazing in New York! We need to begin discussing the promotional stuff for Fifty More Shades, we're going to get a couple of billboards up so we need a photoshoot and we need some headshots for the bio. We also have some options for the cover, so can you let me know when you're going to be free in Seattle so I can make arrangements? _

_Hope Hewitt_

_Editor, Grey's Publishing Inc. _

_**From:**__ Anastasia Grey _

_**Subject:**__ Fifty More Shades_

_**To:**__ Hope Hewitt_

_Hi Hope, _

_I will be back in Seattle on the 28__th__, I have a thing on that day but I'm pretty much free then until the 31__st__ which is when I fly to London for fourteen days so it will either have to be the 29__th__ or 30__th__ or when I get back from London on the 14__th__ of Feb. I understand the need to put a rush on this so if you can't get a photographer I have one in mind who I'm sure would be more than happy to jump in if you can spare the time on the 29__th__ or 30__th__. _

_Ana Grey_

_CEO, Anastasia Grey, Inc. _

I knock the send button and instantly pull up a blank email with only one person in mind.

_**From:**__ Anastasia Grey _

_**Subject:**__ Photographer needed!_

_**To:**__ Jose Rodriguez _

_Jose! How are you?! It feels like too long since we last spoke. _

_Listen, here's the thing. I may need a photographer on the 29__th__ or 30__th__ of Jan to do a few headshots and posed stuff of me. Are you available? I'll have the jet pick you up and return you to Portland if you can and of course you will be paid for your time! Let me know as soon as you can!_

_Ana Grey_

_CEO, Anastasia Grey, Inc. _

I hope that Jose can do this for me, I think I'd be much more relaxed if we had Jose but I am surprised that Hope hasn't gone through Christian or Victoria about this, normally they would do all this stuff and just give me the dates. I suspect it may have to do with Hope not having the energy or time to waste going through my publicist or manager to get the job done and she knows I won't mind sorting this out myself.

With the time difference I know that I won't get any replies directly so I happily go on to look through other emails. The one that catches my eye is a forwarded mail from Christian from two days ago, it's obvious that I need to check my emails more often.

_**From:**__ Christian Grey_

_**Subject:**__ BlackBerry_

_**To:**__ Anastasia Grey_

_Babe,_

…_has contacted me in regards to you filming a two minute commercial for their newest phone towards the end of February, the phone is due for release on the 3__rd__ of March. I didn't say yes or no and didn't mention it to Victoria in case you weren't interested. It's your choice but if you want my advice I say do it who knows what it could do to the sale of 50 more shades which will be coming out not long after the commercial airs, people will get you on the BlackBerry commercial and the commercial for the book at the same time, it will attract more people, more fans. _

_Love you_

_Christian Grey_

_Manager, Ana Grey & CEO, Grey's Enterprises Holdings, Inc. _

I can't help but laugh at Christian's sign off, it's cute but unnecessary but somehow I know that it's one of his ways of showing his pride in me and it makes me smile broadly to know that he is proud of me.

BlackBerry want me to do one of their commercials, that's sweet right? However I am no actress, never took part in drama club at all through my schooling or as an extra-curricular in college so how on earth can I be expected to do a commercial to go on TV. The only thing that really attracts me to this is that it will be airing at the same time as the commercial for Fifty More Shades. Christian's right, having the two adverts on would push more people to buy the book, increase my fan base possibly or even have people buy it just because they've seen me on the commercial. I guess there's no harm in trying.

_**From:**__ Anastasia Grey_

_**Subject:**__ BlackBerry_

_**To:**__ Christian Grey_

_If you see no reason not to neither do I. So go ahead and tell Victoria and get the ball rolling. _

_Ana Grey_

_CEO, Anastasia Grey, Inc. _

"Babe!" Christian yells just as I knock the send button.

"What?" I call back taking my eyes from the computer to see him stood near the sea with the sun behind him making him glow in a surreal way, damn I would love to jump him right here and now.

"Come swim!" I realise that neither Hannah or Gail are beside me and have joined their men in the sea.

I close the computer and carefully put it beneath the lounger so it's under the sun and make sure everything is in the cooler before finishing off my drink before it goes warm and then I'm ready tp join Christian.

I kick off my flip flops and run down to meet him. He catches me around the waist and gently puts me down while attacking my lips.

"Put her down man!" Taylor yells. "Let's keep things PG Grey!"

I can't help but giggle and pull away. Christian laughs and shakes his head before scooping me up in his arms and carry me into the sea.

"Don't you dare." I warn him and he kindly puts me in the water when it's only ankle deep. We walk out deeper until it's nearly shoulder high to me and we're still in the confides of the cliffs, this is what I call privacy.

"Right come on ladies up you get." Christian says pulling me to him and then turning around.

"Excuse me?"

"Couple's version of piggy in the middle." Luke explains as he struggles to pull Hannah on and keep hold of the large pink ball.

"Ok." I say letting Christian pull me up so that I'm sitting on his shoulders, my legs dangling down over his chest.

We play continuously for two hours with Gail, Hannah and I falling into the sea with a splash multiple times. At midday we head back to the villas for lunch.

"We ladies will make lunch, why don't you boys kick back and relax." I say with a smile as we arrive in the back garden of our villa.

"How about we get the games out Taylor?" Christian asks and I can't help but laugh knowing Christian and Taylor both brought a lot of beach and garden toys to play with us like the kids they are.

Us ladies grab some wine in the kitchen and I can see Gail getting a little flustered having Hannah and me in the kitchen too, if I wasn't having so much fun with the two of them I'd offer to leave her do it or that she should go out and relax.

"The boys bought well." Gail says picking ingredients out of the fridge.

"Who'd have thought seeing as neither one of them shops for themselves?" I say picking at the Strawberries on the island.

"Hmm." Gail nods, I know she's trying to decide what to make. "I think we'll go with bacon, new potato and feta with summer greens salad and stake rolls, we should all be happy with that."

"Ok just tell us what to do and we'll do it Chef!" Hannah teases making Gail and I laugh, this should be fun.

"Ana, slice the runner beans, cut up the bacon, halve the cherry tomatoes, and dice the feta that's for the salad, Hannah slice the big tomatoes, the red onions and rip the spinach for the sandwiches. I'll get the stake on and then I'll get everything cooking."

We get to work with the iPod on. I catch the boys through the window when washing the ingredients at the sink and I see Christian jumping on Luke's back after what looks like a goal through the small goal that they bought at the supermarket yesterday. It's so nice to see Christian being like this, just a twenty eight year old on holiday and I know all the pictures we've captured will put a smile on Grace's face. I think the next time we do something like this it would have to include the Grey's.

I move to the counter and get to work and I can't help but think what a holiday somewhere like this would be with the whole family, Kate and Elliot, Ethan and Mia, Mr and Mrs Grey Senior, Grace and Carrick, the Kavanaghs, Ray, Bob and my Mom. It would be brilliant but I don't think it could happen. Ray and my Mom have never left mainland USA and I don't even know about Bob. Maybe Mr and Mrs Grey may be a little too old for the holiday I'm thinking of too and somehow I know Christian wouldn't relax like this in front of his parents. But then again, Ethan, Elliot, Mia and Kate with us could make a holiday like this even better. Like this, without Security in so many words even though Luke and Taylor are here if needed is amazing and for the first time since I said 'I do' I feel like I'm just a normal, happily married twenty two year old and that I don't have to worry about the press, or businesses, or twitter, or anything else for that matter, no cares.

The only thing is though I know if Christian and I had never worked out Jack Hyde could have carried out his threat, I'd still be living with Kate in the apartment and I wouldn't have seen any of the things I have and wouldn't have been to the places I've been, from New York to Greece to London. I want for nothing, and yes, Christian's wealth set me up but if we had a prenup and ended up divorcing now I still would want for nothing for a while, Fifty Shades has made me a Multi-Millionaire on my own and Anastasia Grey Inc is close to making its first million too not including the insurance money and the money from the sale of the land of the two bombed Christasia Salons which put a comfortable amount away in my accounts.

"Right the two of you, out of my kitchen!" Gail announces when all the food is chopped and diced. "Go on, take the juice and wine out and get the boys to calm down some before I finish cooking."

"Call us when you need it brought out Gail." I say popping a cherry tomato in my mouth.

"Ok, now shoo!" She teases.

Hannah and I happily take the dishes and the wine and juice outside and lay the table while the boys continue to play.

"This is nice isn't it?" Hannah smiles as we lay the table.

"Yeah." I smile.

"Thank you Ana." She says resting her hand on my arm.

"For what?" I ask not understanding, it was Christian who invited them, it had nothing to do with me.

"For giving me a chance, an opportunity to work for you. I mean we both had reservations with me being older than you but you've backed me up every time and I'm really grateful, thanks to you I met Luke and I live comfortably and all of this is added bonuses that I can guarantee you never popped into my head when I agreed to work for you, not even when I became your PA and went to New York with the book did I expect to find myself here."

"You're more than an employee Hannah you're one of my closest friends and even if there wasn't an NDA in place I know I could confide in you." I tell her gently and she smiles and nods.

"You know you can right? I mean talk to me and confide in me."

"Works both ways." I tell her pointedly and she beams and nods. "Anytime Hannah you have my phone number on speed dial, if you ever need to use it."

"I know." She smiles just as Gail steps out with a large plate of fresh Stake rolls.

"Need any help Gail?"

"No you just sit down, only the salad to come, call the boys though."

"Boys!" Hannah and I call grasping the men's attention. "Food!"

The three stop their game and hurry over slipping into seats quickly making Hannah and I laugh, the word food alone bringing them over, I'll have to remember that one.

"Mmm looks good babe." Taylor says as Gail places the salad down and slips into her seat.

"Wow." Christian says as I begin passing the tray of rolls around.

"They're stake rolls or subs whatever you want to call them, they have steak, red onion, tomato, spinach and mayonnaise on them." Gail says as we all help ourselves to all of them.

"And the salad?" Christian asks as I pile some onto my plate feeling famished.

"It's feta, bacon, new potatoes, runner beans, podded and broad peas, egg and vignette as a dressing, you two did good when you went shopping." Gail smiles and Christian beams at the compliment.

"Wow Gail this is delicious." I say swallowing a mouthful of the beautiful salad.

"Thank you, I must say your chopping skills… exemplary." She teases making everyone laugh while I pretend to scowl.

The steak subs are amazing too, I thought they just looked good but no they taste amazing too and I manage one and a half subs with a plateful of salad before I'm done.

"How about a game guys? We'll get the net out?" Christian asks as Taylor and Luke begin to clear the table.

"I am too full to even move." I say as Hannah tops up my juice.

"Ok well you chill, I'm going to help clean up and then we'll see how you are." He smiles before kissing the top of my head.

"Have fun." I say playfully.

Hannah, Gail and I move over to the lounge chairs and we're surprised by the pool maintanence guy coming over.

"Sorry I didn't mean to scare you." He says and he has a broad American accent.

"No problem, we just didn't expect anyone coming through that gate." I laugh as I pull my cardigan around my shoulders covering my bikini clad body.

"I'm just here to do the pool, it shouldn't take long." He says and I somehow know the maid is either on her way or already inside.

"Sure." I smile.

"You're American's." He points out as he begins to work.

"Yup."

"Where from?"

"Seattle right now." I say and he nods.

"I lived in South Carolina before I married and moved out here." He says. "I don't miss it if I'm honest."

"I'm sure you don't this place is beautiful, or what we've seen of it anyhow." I giggle knowing our plans have been side-tracked.

"Aye." He agrees.

"Babe." Christian smiles wrapping his arms around me from behind.

"Hmm what?" I ask bending my head back so I can receive a kiss.

"We were all talking and thinking we should go for a walk into Skala, you up for it or your head still hurting?" He teases.

"Nope I'm good." I smile.

"Then go change and we'll go." He smiles before kissing me again.

"Ok." I smile.

Upstairs I quickly pull on a pair of white denim hot pants and a boob tube in pink with my big white sunglasses and white wedges. I pull my hair into a messy bun hoping to catch some sun on my shoulders and neck so I'm not stripy when we get back to Seattle.

We all meet out front and head off. It's so nice just relaxing and I find myself wishing more and more than we didn't have to go back to the real world, I like this bubble.

The walk into Skala takes nearly half an hour but the views around us is breath taking. We find out after two hours of walking around the main village with it being the off season there isn't anything particularly for tourists to do. It doesn't bother any of us in the slightest though, that means just chilling out at the Villas and enjoying ourselves, it's not like we're here for long so we won't exactly get bored and Christian and I still have work to do. How he's managed to dissect the blackberry from him hand for this long surprises me, I guess it's to do with the time difference, there's ten hours time difference between Seattle and us here.

We stop off at the supermarket on the way back and buy more alcohol and food than is probably necessary. With Gail taking charge of the food we know we're going to eat well and Taylor has said he'll get the grill up and running when we get back and Gail has made sure she has everything she needs. I guess it will be nice for the two of them to spend some time cooking together to, this holiday is for all of us to spend time with our spouses before London, or that's how it feels anyhow because Taylor will be coming with Christian down to London for five days and he won't be able to see Gail and though Christian will be with me for five of fourteen days that isn't much and then Luke and Hannah will be working and I know Luke will put my life before spending time with Hannah any day of the week. I do question though whether or not a threat would ever be made where Luke would have to choose between Hannah and I, I know he's choose her, though his life wouldn't be worth living if anything happened to me and Christian got a hold of him. Somehow though I know he'll never be put in that situation, it's just a morbid thought of mine.

Back at the house Gail and Taylor get the grill going while Hannah, Luke, Christian and I set up the volleyball net and get into a game against each other. It's fun and it includes a lot of touching which I know means sex for me tonight! It's great and I couldn't be happier.

"Dinner's ready!" Gail calls brining our game to an end.

"Well done guys." I say to Hannah and Luke, they beat us forty five to thirty nine fair and square.

"Ok so there is Mediterranean turkey kebabs, spicy chicken wings and drumsticks, lamb and mint burgers, thai chicken, mini beef burgers in pitta, rib eye bruchetta, glazed ribs and there's all sorts of different bread. Remember to cover everything after you've helped yourself and the leftovers can be used to make lunch tomorrow."

"Wow Gail why so much?" Luke asks his eyes wide.

"This way you get a bit of everything, everyone eats, everyone's happy." She says as she finally sits down.

"Let me get you some wine Gail, you relax and enjoy." Christian smiles, she's really gone all out.

Everyone helps themselves to a little bit of everything, mixing the meat with the salads and the breads and making up their own concoctions. I must admit everything is beautiful as always by Gail and I enjoy as much as I can till I'm fit to burst.

"You ate well." Christian smiles as I roll up my napkin and put it on my empty plate.

"It was good food and I was hungry." I shrug and Christian smiles.

"I'm going to start writing down everything you seem to enjoy to eat and have Gail cook them all the time." He says teasing my bare thigh with his fingers.

"Ok." I say happily, I'm sated and it's great.

"I want to take you somewhere in a little while ok?" He says.

"Yes Sir." I nod playfully thinking he's talking about something sexual.

After everyone who didn't cook helps clean up and put the left overs in the boxes Gail bought and stuff everyone heads their own way, it seems that it wasn't only Christian who had a plan of some alone time.

"Go and hop in the shower or bath, don't be more than an hour or there will have been no point to any of this." He says turning off the candle lanterns.

"Yes Sir." I say still thinking he's talking something sexual.

I run myself a cool bath and wash off the Greek humidity from my body before jumping out. I expected Christian to join be but as he didn't I slip into a maxi dress and a cardigan before going to find him.

I find him standing on the balcony with a soft smile, two chairs right next to each other and facing West with a bottle of champagne from the supermarket and two glasses with a bowl of strawberries.

"What are you doing?" I ask him as he pulls me into his arms.

"I thought we could watch the sun set together." He says and I smile up at him, that's so romantic.

He sits in one wicker chair and rather than taking the second I sit on his lap and pour us both some champagne. As the sun sets slowly we eat strawberries and drink cheap champagne enjoying the way the sky changes from blue to orange and yellow to orange and red to purple-blue to navy. We don't talk just eat and drink.

"You're falling asleep on me." Christian teases jerking me awake.

"I'm so tired."

"Then bed Mrs Grey." He says scooping me in his arms before standing.

I let him carry me down to bed and change me, too exhausted to do it myself and happily I curl up with him and sleep.


	162. Chapter 162

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**WITH LONDON COMING UP I'D LOVE TO KNOW HOW MUCH OF THE INTERVIEWS YOU WANT WRITTEN OUT, THEY TAKE A LONG TIME TO WRITE AND I DON'T KNOW IF TOO MUCH OF THEM GET BORING, I CAN EASILY SKIRT AROUND WRITING THEM ALL OUT BUT I CAN'T AVOID WRITING IT ALL OBVIOUSLY.**

**Wednesday 25th January 2012**

Breakfast is a quiet affair, just Christian and I out on the balcony with some granola and Greek yoghurt. It's nice and relaxing, just to sit here and chill with my husband and not think or worry about anything.

"I got your reply to the BlackBerry email." Christian says.

"Oh yeah?" I ask trying to gauge his reaction but his face gives nothing away.

"Yeah, do you really want to do it?" He asks.

"It's not really my think acting, but it sounds like fun." I shrug.

"Ok. I'll get onto them when we get back." He smiles and I instantly react, sometimes Christian Grey has me on edge of my nerves, I never know how he's going to react one thing then the next.

"Thank you for organising all of this Christian." I say as I finish my breakfast.

"What the Villas?"

"No all of this, brining Luke and Hannah and Gail and Taylor, it's amazing and I'm having so much fun."

"Me too." He smiles taking my hand in his own. "It's an amazing holiday."

"I just hate we have to fly back in two days." I sigh. "This is the most relaxed I've been in so long."

"I know." Christian looks just as down about our return to Seattle as me. "We're going to need a holiday again after you arrive home from London."

"I have all the book things to do Christian, no rest for the wicked and all." I say knowing when I arrive back in February it's going to be all systems go to get the book out.

"I know, but how about we escape somewhere hot towards the end of February, just you and me?" He asks.

"You have a business to run as do I!" I chuckle.

"You'd be surprised at how easy it is to do everything I need to do by email and have Ros attend all my meetings and Wendy is doing an amazing job with the companies, she's implemented all your ideas into Grey's Publishing Portland and it's garnered results the place is finally making money and a lot of money at that and it's ready to branch out."

"Exactly and I want to be there to make the branching out happen Christian, it's my first solo publishing house venture, you did Seattle, you bought it and changed it and then gave it to me, Portland is my baby." I explain and He shrugs.

"Just think about it, we don't have to go away and not work but how does seven days and nights in Jamaica or Barbados?"

"Hmm sounds perfect." I smile.

"It will be much warmer than here." Christian tells me. "I'm not sure if you want the heat because this is just warm."

"Warm?"

"Yes." He smirks knowing that I've found the hot humidity quite annoying.

"I don't know babe." I admit.

"Why don't we go down and do some work and you can think about it, your schedule is on your laptop, see if there's anything you can square around, even if it's just five days or something and we can go without security somewhere secluded like this where we wouldn't need security."

"Ok." I nod. "I'll look but even if we can't I love the idea."

"Ok." Christian smiles grabbing the breakfast tray.

We both head downstairs and get to work, I try and play around with my schedule a little but I need to take a break from it so I happily turn to my manuscript.

I don't know how long I've been writing but I'm shocked when I realised I'm done.

"Christian?"

"Yes." He says lifting his head up from his computer to look at me.

"I'm done."

"Done? As in the book?"

"Yup." I smile. "It's finished."

"Wow, send it to me then." He smiles.

I quickly attach the eighty thousand words to an email and send it to Christian and I can't help but chuckle at him settling down to read it. I top up his drink and my own before going for a dip in the pool, even in the shade it's really humid and as much as I love the lack of rain I hate the humidity.

I swim a few lengths of the pool slowly, enjoying the feel of the cool water on my skin as I push through the water. My mind gets to drift once again and I find myself thinking about what my life would be without Christian once again.

I would have nothing if it wasn't for Christian Grey. I would be Anastasia Rose Steele assistant to an editor who would have probably sexually assaulted me or worse raped me, it's a scary thought and I know I have Christian to be thankful for all of this, though I never asked for any of it or ever wanted any of the add-ons that came with Christian I can't deny that I enjoy it all, the holidays, the clothes, the wanting for nothing and I know I will spend my life trying to let Christian know I'm thankful, though I know Christian would say he wanted nothing but me. I love that about him, that he loves me the way I am, he didn't expect me to change not really even though when he was thrusting his money up on me I don't think he understood my objections but I know he never did it to try and change me, his views were that I deserved to be wearing the best not that I should change me.

I wonder if he thinks I've changed in the seven months we've been married. I mean, I have changed some as would anyone. I've grown up, I've had to grow up. I'm not exactly the little innocent Anastasia Rose Steele that he fell in love with and wanted as a Submissive. I'm Anastasia Grey a multi-million dollar author. My book made multi-millions and of course it has changed me some. How I couldn't really say, I think an objective outsider would need to say that.

"Christian!" I scream as he bombs into the pool splashing me and putting my length to bed.

"Oh I'm sorry baby." He teases swimming over to me.

"No you're not." I laugh as he wraps his hands around my waist and I wrap mine around his neck.

"I read the first chapter."

"And?"

"I didn't want to put it down, you got me from that first page Ana and I'm dying to know what happens next."

"That's good, that's the affect I was going for."

"When do you get the answers?" Christian asks as we bob along through the water.

"Around half way through and then there's another turn in it."

"Ok." Christian nods accepting it. "You look so sexy like this."

"Oh so I'm not sexy any other time?"

"Fuck you're always sexy Anastasia." He chuckles rubbing his nose against mine. "I want to take you in the pool." He says.

"Won't we get seen?" I ask looking nervously around towards the other two villas.

"I can promise you that everyone else is a bit pre-occupied." He says his fingers in scouts honour or something.

"Did you boys schedule time away to have sex with your women?" I ask him in all seriousness and his replying chuckle confirms it. "Why?"

"Because you ladies have been getting quite drunk with each other and exhausting each other by playing leaving us boys not getting any." He explains making me chuckle.

"You had some yesterday morning."

"A quickie before we had to meet everyone." He points out.

"So you're getting some aren't you?" I reply with a shrug and he shrugs back playfully.

"I'm going to take you in this pool Ana, then I'm taking you inside and taking you on the couch and then I'm going to carry you upstairs and I'm going to do you on the bed, then I think if you're still awake and able to walk I'm going to take you on the balcony."

"Really?" I ask and he nods with a wicked gleam in his eye but his promise is has turned me on and I'm ready for round one.

"Really." He says before clasping his lips to mine and pushing us so I'm floating backwards.

My back comes into contact with the pool edge and Christian's straight at the string of my bikini.


	163. Chapter 163

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Yes I skipped writing the sex, so what? It gets boring to write after a while because it doesn't progress the story, it isn't the last though so don't worry, some kinky fuckery on the way at some point just not right now!**

**Thursday 26th January 2012**

It's obvious that it wasn't just Christian and I that spent yesterday just having sex. Hannah and Gail are both as chilled out as me which is great. We've all enjoyed a beautiful breakfast and are now out in the garden with alcohol and snacks. The boys have bought out the soccer net and the rubber rings and are happily playing while us ladies have mixed up some cocktails and are sunbathing with them.

It's horrible thinking about tomorrow, when we'll be flying back to Seattle and back to our normal lives. I wonder if anything will be different with us all, we've blurred the employer/employee boundary completely but somehow I know Christian will have it straight back up from the moment we arrive in Seattle, he will no longer be Christian but Mr Grey, I have never kept up such a strict boundary so I'll still be Ana to everyone but Taylor, he still insists on calling me Ma'am and as much as I hate it he's the only one who's allowed to call me Ma'am.

Watching Christian and Luke on the large rubber rings playing wrestling of some sorts where they link hands and tip each other off is amusing. It's madness to think that once upon a time Christian couldn't have played this game out of fear of someone touching his body. I can't resist snapping as many pictures of him as I can, I know Grace and Carrick will love seeing this side of him and I hope they'll get to see more of it too.

"Are you ok Ana?" Gail asks coming to sit beside me and bringing my attention from the play fighting men.

"Yeah you?"

"You seem deep in thought." She says taking the pitcher from the table and refilling my glass for me.

"I just can't stop thinking about Christian before." I say with a soft smile. "When no one was allowed to touch him at all."

"You've brought him a long way Ana, Jason and I have loved watching him change bit by bit day by day." She smiles and I can't help but smile back, I know she cares and loves for Christian in a motherly way, it's just the way Gail is so I'm sure it's just as nice for her to see the changes in Christian, as small and as insignificant as some would see them, to us he's come leaps and bounds.

"Ana!" Christian calls from the water. "Come play!"

I smile at Gail who nods her head towards the pool. I rush off to where Luke, Christian and Hannah are. After peeling my cardigan off and dropping it on the side I dive in letting the water completely rush over my body making sure to stay submerged in the water and surface right in front of my beautiful husband.

"Arms up." He says.

I frown but do as he asks surprised when he manages to pull me up onto the rubber ring too so I'm side on in his lap.

"Hello there." He smiles as I snuggle into him.

"Hey." I beam.

"Wanna play?"

"What are you playing?" I ask looking over at Hannah who's looking particularly amused.

Christian describes the game to me in great detail. I think he or Luke may have made it up but I decide to go with it anyway and straddle him like Hannah is doing Luke. I clasp her hands as if making a bridge and wait for Taylor to tell us to start. I think he's playing referee from his seat beside the pool.

We have to get each other into the water by our hands only, we're not allowed to clasp any other area on the other's body and the men aren't allowed to hold us. Somehow I think this is the boys version of mud or jello wrestling as they are ever going to get. Hannah and I start on Taylor's say so and it's a struggle. For someone so petite Hannah is strong but Christian's kinky fuckery and Lola's work outs have built up my strength too. Somehow both Hannah and I end up in the water at the same time and come up laughing. According to Taylor we were fighting for nearly five minutes and Christian concludes that the game is no fun and jumps into the water, however, I know he's struggling to hide his bulging erection that I knocked against a few times in my conquest.

I go and swim with Christian for a bit, wrapping my arms and legs around him like a vine he carries me around the pool.

"Good time?" He asks as he walks through the water holding to me tight.

"Yeah. Thank you Christian."

"For what?" He asks me knowing that I mean for more than carrying me around the pool.

"Just being you." I smile and he grins his I'm only twenty eight smile that I've seen appear more on his face these past couple of days than I have I think in our whole relationship.

"Well you're very welcome." He teases. "You know, Gia emailed, the house should be finished by the end of the week."

"Really?" I ask not particularly impressed.

"Something wrong?" He asks still wading through the water.

"I just think the house may be too big right now." I say quietly but Christian's blank look tells me he has no idea what I mean. "Gail and Taylor will be living above the garage in their own apartment, we'll have the whole house to ourselves, it just seems like it's too big for just you and me right now."

"What are you saying Ana?" He asks with a blank look on his face that gives me no indication if he understands what I'm trying to say.

"I think maybe we should stay at Escala until we decide to start a family." I explain and a wide grin spreads on his face.

"You want it to be our family home?"

"Yes." I nod enthusiastically, I'm just glad he doesn't look completely hurt by my idea.

"I think that we can do that." He smiles.

"I just like living in Escala, it's perfect for us right now and then when we start a family we can move into our family home." I say with a shrug but his answering grin has me relaxed.

"Listen Ana, I think that's a great idea ok? So don't think I'm going to bite your head off or something."

"Sorry." I reply snuggling my head into his shoulder.

"Did you think I'd reject the idea?" He asks me carefully.

"No I just… I just didn't know if you'd think it a bad idea."

"No baby I don't. I like the idea completely, I agree that it may be for now too big for just you and me."

"I love you Christian Grey."

"And I you Ana." He says dropping a tender kiss onto the top of my head.


	164. Chapter 164

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Yes I skipped writing the sex, so what? It gets boring to write after a while because it doesn't progress the story, it isn't the last though so don't worry, some kinky fuckery on the way at some point just not right now!**

**SHORT FILLER!**

**Friday 27th January 2012**

Packing to head home is no fun. I don't want to leave this bubble of ours and go back to Seattle, back to our real lives. It's been great here with our friends but I know Christian is desperate to be back. He completely let go this week and I know he's vying to be back in control of his empire… and mine too from the way he's been talking.

He's looking back to relaxing on the plane with my manuscript. Fifteen hours on the plane and he thinks he'll be able to stay awake and read it all before we land. I wish him luck, I am going to curl up in my seat and sleep seeing as I didn't get much last night thanks to Christian and his wandering fingers … and tongue… and well you get the picture.

"You nearly done?" Christian asks coming into the bedroom.

"Yeah." I sigh zipping up the suitcase.

"You don't want to go do you?"

"Nope." I reply.

"We'll have another holiday. Ros is fine with working on a higher salary when we go and Wendy loves running AG, just you and I for two weeks somewhere really hot, maybe a boat?"

"Sounds perfect babe." I smile leaning in and kissing him. "I'm going to miss you when I go to London in three days."

"I'm going to miss you too." Christian replies looking a little more upset about it than me. I know it's going to be hard on both of us especially seeing as he ended up coming out to New York to me and this is going to be hellish because I'll be so far away from him.

"It's gonna be ok though right?" I ask looking up at him, like I'm asking him to tell me how the two weeks is going to be as if he's psychic or something.

"You're gonna do great." He speaks to me as if I'm a child who needs reassurance but in all honesty that's how I feel right now. "I know you are."

"I don't know how Britain has reacted to my book." I say quietly.

"Your sales in Britain are through the roof Ana, believe me babe they're going to love it and from what we've seen of the talk shows on YouTube… it's going to be fine." Christian reassures wrapping his arms around me tightly.

"I love you Christian." I say quietly.

"I know you do baby, as I do you."

We head on out to the awaiting minibus that's carrying us to the jet which will be taking us back to Seattle. Everyone is far more subdued now than they have been since we stepped onto the jet back in Seattle five days ago. I'm really going to miss this bubble. It was different to my honeymoon because I had other people here, it was nice, but I have to admit I am looking forward to a holiday with just Christian and I, somewhere private, solitary.


	165. Chapter 165

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Saturday 28th January 2012**

Christian is holed up in his study and it's driving me mad. It's Saturday and we have to be at Seattle Grace in two hours. I'm washed and my hair is done with the help of Gail into a beautiful pony tail with a quiff and my makeup is a little like Tyra did it on her show, darker than my usual but also a little lighter than Tyra did it because she went a bit too dark for my liking. I'm now trying to decide what to wear. What would a person wear to open a ward in their name? I know it's going to be in the papers tomorrow hence my panic to look good, somehow I know there will be a mention of my coming book and already released book and I need to look good, I need to look like Ana Grey bestselling author.

"Hey."

"There you are." I smile as Christian walks into the closet.

"What are you doing?" He asks looking at the three outfits I've laid out.

"Trying to choose what to wear." I shrug.

I have laid out my red skinny jeans with crock nude heels and a white tank top and grey cardigan, then there's the French Connection red and blue belted dress with a wide scoop neckline sleeveless wide shoulders, floaty mid-thigh hem and stripped upper half with a pair of black shinny pumps then the black zen wide pants with ombre off the shoulder three tone top.

"I'd go with these pants and that top." Christian takes the red jeans and the off the shoulder top. "Then those shoes." He takes the black pumps.

"Really?" I ask uncertain.

"Absolutely." He smiles kissing the top of my head. "Wear it with your Tiffany keys necklace." He adds. "And these?" He pulls the Luna balls out of his pocket and I purse my lips, I'm not sure if now is the time to wear these. "Come on Ana, it adds colour to your cheeks and only till we come home to change for dinner?"

"Ok." I say laughing, I guess there will be time for us to have sex before we get changed to go to the celebratory dinner at the Fairmount.

"Good." Christian smiles. "Come here then, I need to shower while you change."

I walk over to him and he bends me over the ottoman and parts my legs. He pushes my robe up my back and massages my ass and I guess he has the Lena beads in his mouth. He pulls his hand back and spanks me lightly, it doesn't sting at all just feels pleasurable. His finger strokes through my folds a few times and he makes me want him and when he slips his finger inside of me it's torturous because I know that I'm not going to come but my body is pushed right to the edge before he withdraws. He slips the balls inside of me and pulls my robe down before pulling me to standing. I take a moment to let the balls adjust and settle in this upright position.

"You're glowing now." He smiles before walking off and to the bathroom leaving me feeling sexually frustrated.

I change into the clothes Christian chose for me, every movement causing the balls to massage deep within me and it's pleasurable and also makes me desperate to take them out and jump in the shower with Christian but if I did that we'd be late.

Seeing as I'm ready before Christian I head into the kitchen where Mrs Jones is cleaning up from breakfast.

"Hey do you want anything to drink?" She asks with a smile, we've been much closer since our return from Greece and I see her as another mother figure in my life but a friend too, someone I could confide in if I needed too.

"Yeah a tea would be lovely Gail." I smile sinking onto a stool at the island while she gets the kettle going.

"Are you looking forward to today?" She asks casually, we also talk a lot more and freer without worrying about what Christian will think, I mean he even has her and Taylor call him by his first name when we're at home and there's not company around.

"Ugh." I shrug. "I don't know, I mean it's great don't get me wrong I'm honoured that they're opening a ward in my name but I don't like the whole fuss that's going with it you know?" I say sighing, it's the truth, I am honoured but they're making such a huge fuss about it.

"Just take it in your stride Ana, you earned this."

"I just gave them money Gail." I say with a shrug. "It may have been able to pay for the ward but I just gave it to them, I didn't raise it or anything."

"No, but they are just showing you that they appreciate it."

"I know." I shrug, I do know I mean I just wish it wasn't this way with the press and the sick children that I'm going to spend time with.

"Hey babe." Christian smiles as he comes into the room just as Gail pours my tea. He looks great in a pair of jeans and a white flannel shirt with his Yves Saint Laurent high tops.

"Hey."

"Would you like something to drink Christian?" Gail asks as she passes my tea over.

"A coffee would be great Gail thank you." He replies with a dazzling smile that has most women's panties dropping, not Gail though, I think that's why I like her so much! "Excited?"

"Whoo." I deadpan with a wave of my hands in a sarcastic appearance of enjoyment.

"Aww Ana." He teases.

"What? I'm not allowed to not be excited about this?"

"No of course you are I just don't understand why you're not."

"It's the fuss Christian." I shrug. "I just don't want the fuss."

"I know, just grin and bear it and try and enjoy it." He says as Gail puts his coffee down.

"I will." I smile before leaning in and kissing him.

"Good." He smiles before turning to the coffee.

We drink our drinks in near silence and then Taylor comes to get us. Only he and Luke will be accompanying us this afternoon whereas this evening Ryan and Gary will be with us too, our own damn entourage. I miss Greece and our bubble.

Once in the confides of the SVU, Christian clasps my hands and gives me a reassuring smile. I don't know why I'm so apprehensive about this. I think I should be grateful that I have an appointment with Flynn, I'll have to remember to bring this up with him.

At Seattle Grace we are shown straight to Grace's office. She looks great in her white coat with a pink t-shirt and a black and pink flowery skirt.

"Christian! Ana!" She beams. "Oh you both look fantastic! Did you have a good time in Greece?"

"Yeah it was great." Christian replies giving me a tight smile.

"You both caught some sun, it looks good on you." She smiles stroking my cheek. "So Ana." She says stepping away. "You got your speech written?"

"I do." I smile, that was one of few things I got done while in Greece.

"You wrote it yourself?"

"Of course." I frown not understanding.

"I'm sorry sweetheart I didn't mean anything by it but you've been away and you have a publicist I thought maybe you'd have had her write it."

"Mom, we went to Greece but we did work out there. Anastasia finished her book and made some adjustments to AG while I put all my focus on GEH." Christian tells her gently though I can see he's as annoyed as me at the thought that I wouldn't write it myself.

"Doctor Trevelyan?"

"Yes Maisie?" She turns to the door where a young intern is standing awkwardly.

"Everyone's ready for you all."

"Of course, we'll be right out." She says turning to me with an excited smile. I try to look at lease happy about this who-ha though it's not easy when I just want to crawl behind a rock and hide. "Come on both of you, the press and public are waiting."


	166. Chapter 166

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Saturday 28th January 2012**

"Big Christian!"

"Hey Little Christian!" Christian kneels down and picks up the small boy called Christian he met before Christmas, both of them smile at each other as my Christian places little Christian on his hip and stands to one side. He nods to me in encouragement and I follow Grace to the front where she takes to the podium.

"Today is a very special day for us all here at Seattle Grace. We've been worrying for months and months about how we were going to keep the paediatrics unit open with the funding drying up. Children were being transferred elsewhere for their care, it was awful to see what had once been a lively and happy unit become smaller and smaller and treatment becoming tighter and tighter. It has been said before that it only took one Angel to turn all that around and today we're honoured to have that Angel here with us to open up the Anastasia Rose ward. Here she is Ana Grey."

I step forward and hug Grace tight, I feel like I'm putting on an act for the cameras in some way, this unit and this ward matter to me, but the fuss is for the cameras. I'm just relieved in so many words that I get to be in a position to help these children, that I don't have to sit back and watch them suffer being unable to do anything about it.

"Thank you so much for the introduction Doctor Trevelyan." I smile as I take to the podium. "It was only three months ago I received the Alain Thompson Award for my donations to Seattle Grace Paediatrics, it was an honour in and of it's own but then finding out I helped pay for this ward was even better. It's an honour to stand in front of you all today to open the Anastasia Rose Ward, I feel both blessed and honoured to be in this position, with all of you. While flying home from Greece yesterday, on the fifteen hour flight I sat with my Macbook wondering what more could I do, how can I do something more for a unit that has stolen a piece of my heart. Then I remembered the beautiful little girl I met before Christmas, the fun loving little girl whose favourite movie was Anastasia and who insisted on calling me Anya after the character in the movie. Sadly the little girl in question died just twenty four hours later. It broke my heart and she stays with me, every time I think of this unit, this ward, I think of that little girl. It's what makes me want to do more, and it's what inspired my first children's book. It was written on that fifteen hour flight from Greece and it's called Christian…"

"That's our name!" Little Christian shouts making me look over to my husband and the young boy who are both smiling happily.

"The proceeds from the book will go in their entirety to Seattle Grace Paediatrics, being published by Grey's Publishing Seattle means that the decision lies with me to do that. I'd like to now read you an excerpt of that book…" I take a deep breath and change the page to the print out of my book, as it will be a story book for kids it will have pictures so working with an illustrator is going to take some time, my drawing isn't the best. "Christian was a very poorly Crocodile." I say capturing the attention of all the children. "He had a bump on his tail and spots on his nails and no one knew what was wrong. Mommy Croc and Daddy Croc took Christian Croc to the hospital. He was poked and prodded, stuck and stabbed but not a single doctor knew what was wrong. Christian Croc didn't like the hospital, it smelled oddly and made his nose feel funny and he wanted to go home. But Christian Croc was poorly so his Doctor said. "You have to stay here Christian, till we can make you better. I'm sorry but you're just too sick." So Christian the Crocodile began to cry, big, giant, crocodile tears slipped down his cheek while big wails and cries and sobs echoed loudly out of his mouth. Christian Croc didn't like the hospital but he had no choice, he had to stay to get better." I look up at Christian who's grinning as everyone begins to clap. I'm pretty pleased that I have been able to go from writing Fifty Shades to writing Christian a children's book and I know they'll have to have different names on them to make sure twelve year olds who liked Christian doesn't decide to give Fifty Shades a go just because it was written by me. Even though I doubt it would make much difference.

"Ok so Ana, here are the scissors." Grace smiles. "In five…" She nods and I head over to the ribbon with the scissors in hand. "Four, three, two, one. The Anastasia Rose Ward is official open!" I cut the ribbon receiving another round of applause, I look towards Christian who's smiling brightly as Grace takes the cloth from the hidden plaque and I'm surprised to see the image from the front cover of Business Management Magazine without all the writing with the name of the ward engraved in a golden plaque.

I smile proudly, allowing Victoria my publicist who seems to have turned up out of nowhere guide me into poses for the cameras before I finally am swept away by Grace to shake the kids hands, and hug some of them too. I'm exhausted by the time I'm done but I still have an appointment with Doctor Flynn to go before I can collapse into bed.

"You named a book after me." Christian beams as we step into the SVU.

"Well I didn't dedicate my first book to anyone so I thought that would make up for it." I explain and he nods and smiles happily, I think he's really happy about my decision to name a book after him.

"So what happens to Christian the Crocodile?"

"He has to take lots of medicines, go through more tests, and then after a long time in the hospital he gets better. It's to give those kids some hope and maybe help explain being in the hospital for future children. The next one won't be about a hospital but a sick animal in a different setting maybe. How does Elliot the Elephant sound?"

"You'd name a book after my brother?" He asks surprised.

"One book after each one of the Grey's." I smile. "And Kate though she won't be a Grey until December."

"Wow, you think you have enough ideas for that?"

"Maybe." I smile, I like to think I have.

"So Elliot the Elephant?"

"Kate the Koala."

"Mia the Monkey?"

"Will she hate me?"

"No." He chuckles. "Grace the Gorilla?"

"Christian!" My hand flies to my mouth.

"What? It was the first animal that came to my head starting with the letter G!"

"I can't believe you said that." I chuckle, only Christian.

"I wasn't calling her a Gorilla!"

"I know!" I laugh thinking he's a little hurt about me laughing. "I know you didn't mean too baby."

"So Grace?" He asks making me giggle again.

"I don't know, I haven't thought that far ahead." I shrug making him smile.

"Ok, well I like that you're using your powers at Grey's Publishing to publish these books." He says with a soft smile that melts my heart.

"I'm on the New York times best seller."

"Number one on the New York Times." He corrects making me smile.

"Six weeks." I reply and he nods, I still can't believe it, each week is a blessing on its own.

"Do you want me to wait for you while you see Flynn?" Christian asks as we pull up outside the Doctor's Office.

"No you go home and have someone pick me up later." I reply leaning in to kiss him. "I love you Christian Croc."

He mocks biting me making me giggle as I climb out of the car. I am so happy but I know I have a lot to talk about with Flynn today meaning this session is going to drag.


	167. Chapter 167

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Saturday 28th January 2012**

I've been sat with John Flynn for ten minutes explaining him my emotions from today, he doesn't seem to get it but I am really tired of explaining this to him too.

"It's undeserved attention that I don't want." I sigh hoping Flynn will be able to decipher these feelings for me.

"Do you feel like you don't deserve it?" He asks, finally saying something to me in reply and I nod. "Why?"

"Because I don't deserve it."

"What makes you feel like you don't?"

"I just don't." I shrug looking right into his inquiring eyes. "I gave them money, it's no big deal."

"You gave them a lot of money and help them raise more." Flynn points out and I just shrug, he doesn't get it.

"That's nothing." I reply with a sigh.

"One point seven million is nothing?"

"It is too me." I reply dryly, I've made my millions with Fifty Shades, and with Christian's wealth on top it really is nothing and the amount is insignificant.

"But that's because you're a very wealthy young woman."

"Yes but…"

"But nothing." He interrupts me. "One point seven has helped open a ward and buy lifesaving equipment Ana, don't you see that some children's lives will be saved because of the money you donated and helped raise?"

"You think that?" I ask wondering if he's just saying this to try and make me feel better about all this.

"I know that." He says firmly. "They've bought a scanner for the new ward that can detect tumours five times sooner than MRI's or CT's. That machine will save children's lives Ana, lots of lives and that's because of your money." Hearing this was just what I needed. To me, the one point seven million was insignificant, it was just money that I didn't want or need, but having it put in the prospective of that machine that would save lives, or help in saving lives, it made me see that the fuss wasn't for nothing, they were celebrating lives that would be saved in the future because of that money.

"Do you still feel undeserving of the fuss now?" Flynn asks after giving me a moment to reflect. I smile lightly and shake my head and he grins back at me.

"No." I manage to say.

"Good, now then let's talk about Ryan Seacrest and Perez Hilton."

"Why?" I ask stunned at the sudden change in direction.

"Don't you think it needs to be talked about?" Flynn asks and I shake my head in reply. "Why not?" He asks the look of intrigue taking over his normal stoic mask.

"It just doesn't." I shrug.

"Don't you think that maybe some of the things they said about you online is possibly connected to your earlier feelings of being underserving of the attention from Seattle Grace?"

"Possibly." I shrug, he's right it is completely possible but I hadn't really thought much about it.

"So do you now see a reason why we maybe should talk about it?" Flynn inquires, and I sigh, this man is good at what he does. I give him a nod and he smiles reassuringly while deciding what to lead with. "What sticks out most about what they said about you?"

"One of them said it would have been good if I would have been in the salon when it blew up or something along those lines." I reply with a shudder, the thought of that still scares me. How can people wish death upon another human being like that?

"Is that it?"

"They didn't get why I was doing so many appearances." I shrug.

"Do you feel like you shouldn't have been doing so many appearances?"

"They invited me on their shows and I went. They approached me not vice versa."

"Do you feel like you didn't deserve to do as many appearances?"

"We're back onto that word? Deserve?" I ask turning the tables on our good old expensive chartlan.

"Yes, now answer the question." Flynn is obviously up to something to I'm going to try and humour him.

"Oh yes, I did feel like I didn't _deserve_ to do so many appearances, be treated so well by the hosts and stuff, what's your point John?"

"I'll get to it." He smiles at my obvious frustration. "When you were in Vegas only fifteen years old, did you feel like you deserved to be treated like that by your step-father, and the kids at your school?"

"What difference does that make?" I hiss, I don't want to talk about this right now, not today.

"How you feel about what happened to you when you were fifteen will influence how you feel about these two men and many other things in your life." Flynn explains kindly, he's never one to react, I like that about him.

"And?"

"Ok, a fourteen year old girl, she wants to go to Cheerleading. At Try outs the other team members call her fat and ugly telling her she needs to lose weight before she can even be considered a member of the team. Does she deserve to be treated like that?"

"No of course not…"

"Thirty year old man with a lazy eye, his co-workers tell him to look at them and then laugh about it Does he deserve that?"

"No but…"

"Fifteen year old girl is called ugly and skinny by her step-father and kids at school. Does she deserve to be treated like that Ana?"

"No." I manage to whisper, a lump penetrating my throat making it hard to speak.

"Twenty two year old girl writes a book that's not within the main stream, she's invited on shows to discuss it and two men decide to bombard her with hate mail and vicious comments against her appearance even going so far as to say maybe she'd be better off dead. Does she deserve to be treated like that?"

I'm trying to hard not to cry that it's impossible to speak. I shake my head as I grip the edge of the couch turning my knuckles white in the process. Tears fall softly down my cheeks and I try desperately to stop them.

"It's ok to cry Ana." Flynn says passing over a box of tissues.

"Thanks." I manage to say in a harsh whisper.

"Do you see my point?" I nod. "Say it to me Ana?"

"I didn't deserve it." I manage to say quietly. "I didn't deserve the name calling from Stephen or the kids at school and I don't deserve it from Ryan and Perez."

"Exactly." John smiles. "Now I'll see you when you get back from London but if you need to talk any time sooner don't hesitate in calling me Ana, we can do a session over the phone if necessary."

"Thanks John." I reply surprised at how fast the hour has gone. I shake his hand before heading out surprised to see my husband in the waiting room.

"What are you doing here?" I ask as I hug him.

"You've been crying." He says tilting my head up by my chin so he can see my face.

"I'm ok." I tell him quietly just as John leaves his office locking the door behind him, I guess I must have been his last patient.

"Christian."

"John." The two shake hands while Christian keeps a tight hold of me with one arm.

"Ana." He smiles at me. "Don't forget what I said, any time."

"I know, thanks John." I reply.

"I'll see you Monday Christian." He says before walking away.

"See you Monday." Christian calls after him while turning to me. "Are you ok?"

"I'm fine." I try and smile but I'm still thinking about mine and John's conversation. The words deserved and undeserved ringing in my ears. I had never thought about what happened to me in Vegas in that way, I never thought if I deserved it or not yet John managed to make me realise for the past seven years I believed I deserved to be treated like that and he's shown me that I didn't.

"Ana." Christian says still looking into my eyes.

"I'm ok Christian." I tell him leaning in for a kiss. "Just some things are hard to talk about."

"What did you talk about?" He asks taking my hand and leading me out, he waves goodbye to the secretary as we go.

"About the Seattle Grace thing, Vegas, New York." I reply with a shrug, I really don't want to go into detail about it right now.

"Ok." Christian replies sensing my discomfort. "Now you're flying to London in twenty four hours so I am taking you home, and I'm going to make sweet love to you, then I'm going to take you into the playroom, then we'll eat dinner, then have a kinky fuckery shower then some sleep and then tomorrow I am talking TPE." He says snuggling his nose into my hair.

"Doctor Greene is coming around tomorrow to do my shot." I tell him.

"Why? What time?"

"Ten am, and because I'm due to have it on Tuesday but because I'm going away to London she's coming tomorrow because I should have seen her Friday but because we were in Greece I had to reschedule luckily Doctor Greene likes us and the amount we put in her bank account." I tell him making him chuckle.

"Well once Doctor Greene leaves, TPE."

"You're lucky I love you Christian Grey." I say kissing him lightly.

"Hmm I know." He replies.


	168. Chapter 168

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Saturday 28th January 2012**

As ordered I'm in the playroom, completely naked except for the Luna balls deep inside of me. I'm kneeling as always and with my bowed head I can see the string just hanging out, I want nothing more than to take them out. I wonder if Christian's forgotten about them. I did when I was sat down with John, being stationary and talking about emotional things will take your mind away from everything else, pleasurable balls inside you included.

Christian comes in his Dom jeans he moves away from me and I head him moving something about. He then comes to me, his bare feet coming to a stop right in front of me. I want nothing more than to lean forward and kiss his feet, suck on his toes. I know that's pleasurable, Christian's done it to me enough times for me to know. I hear him take a deep breath and I squirm uncomfortably, I'm already a wreck because of the Luna balls and I don't know what he has planned for me but it's driving me mad.

"Stand." He growls.

I quickly stand as gracefully as I can manage, he pulls me in close before his hands go to my core. He teases my clitoris while holding me tight. Is he going to make me come like this?

"Please?" I gasp having been wanton all day.

"Shh Ana." He says still teasing at my clitoris. I climb higher and higher before he suddenly pulls at the strings of the Luna balls making me climax gloriously. I sag against him and he keeps me standing upright against his chest. "Good girl." He breathes into my ear. "We're going to do some rope play now." He says taking my hand and guiding me across the room. I spot a chair that I know he's pulled from the library with a towel across the seat. He guides me to sitting before going across the room. I know I'm not supposed to be looking up but I watch him intently as he gathers up today's objects of choice. He comes back to me with many different pieces of rope and a vibrator. I eye him but say nothing, he's in charge.

I let him control my body as he places me in position. He ties my wrists to the arms of the chair then he puts a rope around the top of my breasts and below my breasts tying them behind the chair so I can't move my chest forward at all. He then opens my legs and bends them at the knee, taking the time to put rope around them so I can't straighten them out at all. He then ties just below my knee to the arm of the chair right by my wrist. It's quite extraordinary being able to watch him work, the concentration on his face, his tongue just poking out of his mouth as he focuses on tying each rope not too tight not too loose. Lastly he ties my ankles to the lowest part of the arm of the chair, my heels just rest on the edge of the seat.

"You look amazing like this Ana." He says taking a step back and admiring his handiwork, I can see the carnal lust in his eyes as if he wants to just pounce on me right there and then but as always Christian is in control and as he picks up the pink vibrator with crystallised base I somehow know I'm about to be tortured. "I want to gag you." He says his head cocked to the side seeking my permission. I give him a small nod and he grins happily as he walks away. He comes back with a simple piece of cloth and he puts it in my mouth before wrapping it around my head to close it, not too tight, not too loose.

I watch as he goes over to the iPod dock in the room. He takes his time, each movement with purpose and I can't help but wonder how amazing he looks while I'm sat in a chair bound and gagged.

The song that comes on has me feeling just a little relaxed, I recognise the piece from somewhere, it sounds like something from wedging with violins possibly Cellos I don't know what they are but they have me wondering what Christian is going to do to me.

He steps in front of me and rubs his nose up and down my own, my eyes drift closed enjoying the feel of him this close to me. Often enough in the playroom I can feel disconnected from my husband. This doesn't though, this has me feeling close to him. He steps back and I watch as he turns the vibrator on with a wicked smirk on his face.

He presses it straight onto my clit with a lot of pressure and I sort of jerk awkwardly, I can't really move but I do react to him and to the object he's holding tight to me. I whimper as the pressure decreases and his eyes meet mine, I can see the joy radiating from his eyes, he likes me like this. I will never understand why really but he gets pleasure from this, more than he ever while vanilla though he says he enjoys vanilla, it will never give him the satisfaction that this does.

He keeps up a pulsating pressure with the vibrator on my clitoris, increasing and decreasing the pressure as I squirm as much as I can, my hands clenching and relaxing awkwardly with against my bound wrists. He takes the vibrator and circulates my outer folds before climbing it up through my pubic hair over my belly button before drawing a figure eight around my breasts before going to one nipple and then the other. I moan and jerk my back shifting only a few millimetres against the rope I know is going to leave small red welts on my chest arms and legs, I wonder how that will make Christian feel. Maybe I'll be able to hide them before he sees. He takes the vibrator down again and back to my clitoris. I'm still overblown with sensitivity there from my first orgasm and I realise that was his plan, have me sensitive so I'm far more reactive to the vibrator.

Christian isn't touching me at all. It's quite awkward that I'm experiencing all this pleasure from the tiny head of a long metallic pink vibrator. He drags the toy through my folds, up then down all the way to the brim of the entrance of my behind. He pushes the toy in just a tiny amount so I feel the vibrations around the entire ring. I shake my head wildly not for him to stop but because it's so much, all the sensation on one tiny area of my body.

As he pulls the toy out I am desperate for more. I'm right at the edge now and I know he won't let me come just yet. He drags the toy around my outer lips again then up over my pubic bone at a slow and leisurely pace stopping at my belly button letting me feel the vibrations around there before he draws another figure eight around my breasts and goes to one nipple then the other, the lack of contact directly at my clitoris bringing me from the edge. I moan in frustration but I'm thankful when he kneels in front of me and takes my big toe into his mouth. He sucks and scrapes his teeth along the bottom before standing again and placing thrusting the toy inside me at last. He keeps up the pace in perfect synchronicity with the music.

It isn't quite enough to build me up quickly but then he lowers himself to his knees and sucks my clitoris into his mouth, finally pulling me over the edge. He steps away to watch as I come undone, the vibrator still shaking but still inside me as I fight against my restraints coming undone.

I go limp against the back of the chair as Christian begins to undo my restraints. My eyes find his as the music continues to play in the background. It's a beautiful piece, so happy and unlike what we normally have in this room but I like it and I give him a smile as he undoes the final rope, freeing me.

He scoops me up in his arms as the piece continues, I'm sure it restarted at least once at some point but I can't be sure, I wasn't really paying attention to it. He lays me down on the sex swing so one padding is under my knees just on my thighs, the other is right on my butt and the other is beneath my shoulder blades. I grab onto the harness as he stands with himself hanging out of the confides of his jeans right in between my legs. He pulls me into him and I feel him filling me up. He takes it slow, the rhythm matching that of the music, this may be kinky fuckery but I see it more as vanilla with a twist because he looks into my eyes and takes his time feeling me.

We come undone together, in perfect unison and He picks me up from the swing and carries me over to the bed. I hope no more because my body wouldn't be able to handle it. He stands and tucks himself away before getting my robe. As he does I know he notices the red marks across my chest. His fingers trace them slowly, his face impassive so I have no idea what he thinks of them. I hope he isn't upset with himself because he can certainly do that to me again. He smiles at me and I think we're ok as he picks me up in his arms and carries me off to bed. I must say I'm looking forward to tomorrow. TPE.


	169. Chapter 169

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**TPE – IT STANDS FOR TOTAL POWER EXCHANGE for those who don't know! It means where the Dominant has complete control over the submissive's life, also often called TPE 24/7 or 24/7 it usually means living the D/s lifestyle ALL the time but they're just going to be living it for the next 24 hours is all!**

**Please don't hate me if the outcome of this chapter isn't what you wanted, I'm sorry but I really can't please both team Pregnant Ana and Team no baby it's just not possible! I love you all though so I hope you stick with me regardless of what I do with it!**

**Sunday 29th January 2012**

After Christian and I have breakfast I take a shower in our bedroom while he disappears up to my old room. I know it's because after Doctor Greene's visit we're going TPE and I am both excited and apprehensive about what that's going to mean for me. After my shower I gaze in the mirror at the red welts around my breasts, wrists, thighs and calves. I don't think Christian's had a look anywhere other than at my chest but I know he's going to see them when we play today, I hope it doesn't stop him. He didn't seem to bothered about the red welts around my breasts that he saw yesterday, I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing but we'll see. I pull on a white tank and a pair of jeans using my wedding watch and honeymoon bangle to hide the markings from Doctor Greene. Remembering back to her statement to Christian the first time we met makes me cringe as always, if only she knew what he wanted from me then.

I head into the great room with a sketchbook and begin drawing Christian the Crocodile. My drawing isn't that great but I think I can draw a decent crocodile as a beginning to the rest of the images. It will be primarily in primary colours of course to make it suitable for little children.

Christian joins me on the couch, he moves me momentarily while he sits in behind me so my back is to his shoulder while he works on his laptop.

"That's good." He says looking at my drawing.

"It's Christian." I tell him making him laugh softly.

"Is that how you see me? As a crocodile?" He teases.

"Oh yes, you know the long green tail and sharp teeth." I say acting nonchalantly.

"I'll show you later what I can do with these teeth Anastasia." He threatens before sucking my earlobe into his mouth making my breath hitch in my throat, promises, promises.

Taylor's cough from the doorway brings Christian's teasing to an end quickly.

"Doctor Greene." He says just a second before the Doctor steps in with a smile.

"Mr and Mrs Grey." She smiles as Christian and I place our belongings on the coffee table and stand to meet her.

"Hello Doctor Greene, thank you for coming on such short notice." I say politely.

"It's no problem." She replies with a smile. "Should we get this done?"

"Right this way." I say signalling towards Christian and my bedroom. I know she's a little confused as last time she was here it was a different bedroom but I don't care. "I won't be long." I smile leaning up on my tiptoes to kiss my husband's cheek.

"I'll be here when you're done." He replies with a smirk. Yeah yeah, TPE, I know.

Once in the bedroom Doctor Greene organises her bag and everything she needs. She passes me a clear plastic tub and I eye it carefully.

"Just to be sure, it's precaution when on any form of birth control." She explains.

"I took a test in New York, it was Negative." I tell her not really wanting to pee in a cup right now.

"Well then so should this be." She replied obviously not taking no for an answer.

I slip into mine and Christian's bathroom and do the deed. I know I'm not pregnant, the test in New York was negative, but I can't shift the apprehension and the what if circling my mind.

"Ok then, if you want to slip off your trousers and panties and cover yourself with a towel this should only take a second." She says kindly, I forgot how much I liked Doctor Greene.

I do as she asks while she slips the stick into the pot of pee. I can't see it from where I'm now lying ready for the internal examination before she gives me my shot so I can get on with my life.

"Anastasia." She says turning to me.

"Yes?"

"You won't be having your shot today." She says picking up the stick with her gloved hand, it's blue, it's blue which means… I'm pregnant.

"I'm p-p-pregnant?" I ask in shock.

"Yes." She says while I push myself up right.

"No." I say shaking my head. "NO, no, no, no, no." I am having a major meltdown. "I'm gonna be sick."

I clutch the towel around my waist and bolt into the bathroom making it to the toilet just in time to empty my breakfast. Oh my God this is not happening now. He'd agreed with me to wait. He'd agreed that this wasn't the time. I vomit more into the toilet just as Doctor Greene enters the bathroom. She rubs my back softly as I clutch tight to the toilet scared to move, scared to breathe.

"Are you ok Ana?" She asks softly after a moment or two has passed.

"Yeah." I breathe grabbing some toilet roll and wiping my mouth before flushing the chain. "I'm fine." I lie, this is far from fine this is my nightmare coming to life right in front of my eyes.

I push myself to standing still holding the towel around me as I flush the chain. Doctor Greene walks away from me as I go to my sink and wash my hands and I'm surprised when she comes back with one of the robes from the back of the bathroom door. She helps me slip it on and I know she can see and feel my body shaking. Slowly she guides me back into the bedroom and sits me down on the bed.

"What time are you flying to London tomorrow?" She asks as I try to focus on breathing.

"One pm."

"Have you got plans in the morning?"

"Uh I'm meeting with an illustrator at nine for the children's book then nothing."

"Can you be at my office for eleven?" She asks looking through her diary.

"Sure." I nod.

"Then I can do the internal exam and the ultrasound then." She says taking my hand. "And we can discuss your options then too ok?"

"Options?" I ask my voice squeaking.

"Well there's abortion, adoption and keeping it we'll discuss it in detail tomorrow." She explains.

"There's no need Doctor Greene this is my child." I say quietly, I know I'm in shock but there's no way in hell am I aborting my child or giving it away either. "I've been drinking, quiet excessively over the past week we went on a graduates style holiday to Greece and I went out in New York." I tell her feeling scared and vulnerable.

"We'll talk about it all Ana, some people drink heavily through their pregnancies and have perfectly healthy babies. Stop now and it will help." She tells me gently, I can see why she's a well-liked OB/GYN.

"Ok." I nod my mouth dry.

"Ok, I'll see you tomorrow." She says cleaning up her belongings.

"Sure." I nod still in a state of shock.

I lead her out and Taylor comes to take her to the elevator while I go over to Christian. I can see by his face he's concerned as I sit down on the couch still shaking a little.

"Ana is everything ok?" Christian asks.

"Fine." I reply though I'm anything but fine, I'm pregnant and I'm scared.

"You look like you've seen a ghost." He says tucking a loose tendril of my hair behind my ear.

"Do I? I hate seeing Doctor Greene, she's lovely but it can be quite intrusive." I say, I know it's wrong but I'm not ready to tell Christian yet. "So TPE?" I ask changing the subject and he smirks.

"Oh yes, you're mine all day." He smiles peeling open my robe. He groans seeing that my bottom half is naked and he instantly places his finger and drags it up my folds. I wither, it's quite uncomfortable because I'm not ready for him, I'm dry.

"Ana?" He questions looking at me.

"What?"

"Do you need some time? How about a drink to relax after seeing Doctor Greene?" He suggests, I know he's disappointed that my body hasn't responded to him but how can I tell him it's because I'm pregnant, I know he wants a baby but I'm just not ready.

"Yeah sounds good." I smile.

"I know it's early but a glass of wine?" He asks.

Wine. Just a drink. But I know I can't say yes, not if this baby is going to progress healthily.

"No just a tea for me." I say.

Christian frowns but nods anyway and goes to the kitchen. I sit and stare into the off fire. I'm only twenty two and here I am married, a millionaires off my own back thanks to Fifty Shades and also pregnant. I'm going to be a Mom soon.

My hand automatically goes to rest on my stomach where a baby is growing. My baby. Part me, part Christian.

"Christian we need to talk." I tell him, I know I have to tell him now or I won't, the longer I put it off the harder it will be. At least I know his reaction will be better than last time considering that he wants this.

"Ok give me a second."

"No, now." I tell him knowing I'll lose my nerve if I have to wait.

He comes over looking quite amused, I know it's because of my demand considering today is supposed to be TPE me giving everything to him.

"Ok so what's up?" He asks sitting on the coffee table in front of me.

"Christian I'm pregnant." I splutter quickly, I don't pussyfoot around it know if I did it would be harder.

"You're joking?" He asks and I shake my head.

"I needed a minute to come to terms with it myself before I told you." I say quietly.

"You're really pregnant?" He asks in shock and I nod.

He collapses on his knees in front of me and puts his hand over mine on my stomach before lifting his eyes to mine.

"We're having a baby?" He asks and I nod again he leans in and presses his forehead to mine his hand still on top of mine on my stomach. "I'm gonna be a Dad." He whispers.

"You're going to be a great Dad Christian." I tell him and he smiles at me before leaning in and kissing me hard. I open my mouth to accommodate his tongue and I relax a little, this was the reaction I was hoping for last time.

"How far along?" He asks pulling away to catch his breath.

"I don't know, I have to see Doctor Greene again tomorrow at her office so she can do a scan." I explain and he nods excitedly.

"Can I come?" He asks and it's my turn to smile.

"Of course you can. I want you too." I reply relaxing a little more with each second that ticks by.

"Can't be that far along right? With the New York test being negative."

"Those things don't always work Christian, or it could have been too soon to tell." I tell him with a shrug and he nods in understanding but still looks a little confused.

"What is it?"

"I don't think it's a good idea to go to the playroom today." He says coming to sit beside me.

"Why not?" I ask him in shock.

"Well I wouldn't want to hurt you or the baby." He explains and I can't help but laugh, if I thought I knew nothing about pregnancy or babies I was wrong, Christian on the other hand knows nothing at all.

"Christian, our baby is in a sack of water, it couldn't be safer if we tried to make it." I explain and he sighs.

"We lost one baby." He says quietly.

"I know, but unless you're planning on stomping on me Christian I think we're good." I say chuckling a little because I don't want to think of little blip right now and I want to try and enjoy this.

"Ok." He says. "But I'd much rather just take you to bed and make love to you."

"What about TPE?" I ask having looked forward to it myself.

"After lunch, let me do some research first maybe call my Mom."

"Don't call your Mother, she's not to know, not till we know how far along I am." I tell him firmly.

"Why?" He asks looking a little confused.

"Because normally you don't tell people till after the first trimester, some people say it's bad luck and right now we need all the good luck we can get." I explain resting my hand on his cheek. "Please let's wait? Enjoy it for ourselves for a while?"

"Sure." He smiles leaning in and kissing me lightly. "We can wait. Now can I take you to bed?"

"Yes Sir." I reply letting him scoop me up. Maybe now is the right time.


	170. Chapter 170

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Sunday 29th January 2012**

Christian and I sit at the breakfast island after an intense love making session eating mac and cheese. He has his laptop out and whatever it is he's looking at has his attention completely. It's quite funny but I know he's doing research whether it's pregnancy or fatherhood what I also know is Christian will be taking no risks. Am I really ready for overbearing megalomaniac to return?

"Hmm." He frowns.

"What is it?" I ask knowing he was trying to catch my attention by being vocal.

"Apparently I should avoid blowing on you while engaging in oral sex as it can cause a blockage of a blood vessel called an air embolism and be fatal to both you and the baby." He says.

"I think if you read that correctly it means blowing air in not on like you normally do Christian, blowing air any time directly into me could cause an air embolism." I try and explain though he looks completely frustrated. "Christian hundreds of women get pregnant every day, we're not the first and neither will we be the last to do this. We'll be just fine."

"I just don't want anything to happen to you or the baby." He explains looking like a lost puppy.

"And it won't." I reply. "We'll take precautions and be careful but you can't wrap me up in bubble wrap and keep me here until I give birth Christian, I have to fly to London tomorrow." I tell him and I am shocked when his face turns ashen in front of my eyes. "What?"

"You can't go to London now."

"Of course I can Christian, I have to it's my job, these interviews have been arranged for weeks." I reply, I knew this was coming, maybe I shouldn't have told him till I got back from London that way I could go without all this.

He begins typing hard at the computer and gets lost in research no doubt about flying while pregnant. After about ten minute he sighs and I know it's because he hasn't come up with a reasonable reason for me not to fly tomorrow.

"I don't want you to go to London."

"Christian I have to it's my job." I tell him. "Luke and Gary will be with me, and Hannah and you're flying down on Thursday Christian for four days, come on we'll be fine." I insist, I know more than anyone that he wants to ban me from going but he's also trying so hard. I can see the internal battle he's facing, the control freak verses the loving husband and so far the husband is winning, either way I am flying to London tomorrow.

"Ok." He sighs. "I don't want you to but I understand your point." He says.

"I need to get as much done before I blow up like a balloon Christian and can't do anymore. I know you're scared, and worried because I am too and that's normal but we'll do this. Together we can do this." I say taking his hand in my own. "We can and we will do this."

"Ok. Where do we start?" He asks making me chuckle.

"We start with the appointment tomorrow and find out how far along I am. My guess is that the test in New York was wrong because of the dizzy spells and the continuous craving for custard donuts."

"You're still craving those?" Christian asks in surprise.

"Yes but I haven't been eating them because I didn't want to put too much weight on." I say sheepishly.

"Ana, baby, I'll buy you a damn donut shop if that's what you want, whatever you want you can have ok?" He says pulling me from my chair and onto his lap.

"I know, starting with going to get custard donuts because now I know I'm pregnant I don't think putting on some weight really matters." I say making him laugh a little while he snuggles his nose into my hair.

"We need to think about moving into the big house."

"We need to do that before I'm in my third trimester too." I tell him and he nods.

"Maybe we can start moving slowly, we're not really taking much from here we've got the place furnished just the personal stuff really." He replies and I nod this time, he's right other than clothes, jewellery and the important stuff we're not taking much from Escala to the big house.

"I think we should move after I come back from London." I tell him. "We can be settled there before our baby comes."

"That's a good idea. We'll need to get a nursery done."

"We should wait till we know the sex."

"Are we going to find out the sex while you're pregnant or wait?" Christian asks, I still can't believe I'm pregnant all these questions are shocking me more.

"I don't know, we can decide closer to the time." I reply.

"We'll need to find you a midwife." He says.

"I'll need to join an antenatal class and plan the birth. I always thought I'd have a home pool birth…"

"No you're going to a hospital with drugs and doctors. Don't try to kill me Anastasia."

Anastasia, I know he's serious when he uses my full name.

"Ok hospital it is." I reply chuckling, I can see why Christian wouldn't want me to give birth at home. "But no drugs, I want to do it naturally."

"Ok." He nods knowing that he can only push me to see things his way so far. "How about we go get you those custard donuts now?"

"Sure." I smile, maybe today wasn't TPE day but I am beginning to like how this day turned out.


	171. Chapter 171

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Monday 30th January 2012**

Arriving at Doctor Greene's office I am nervous. Christian however seems to be excited and hasn't shut up about what he will do with our son or daughter at different ages. It's cute, adorable even but I'm too nervous to really pay attention.

"I can teach him how to fly an aeroplane, take him gliding." He continues.

"You can do those things with a daughter too." I tell him making him laugh.

"Yeah I don't think so." He replies.

"Why not?" I reply turning to look at him. "Maybe a daughter would love to learn how to fly with her Daddy."

"If I have a daughter she'll be grounded until she's eighteen and graduated so I can make sure no boys drool over her especially if she looks anything like her Mommy." He says making me smile, I know he's not serious but I still think it's sweet.

We wait together in the waiting room and when our name is called I'm even more nervous than I thought I would be.

Christian holds my hand while we go into the office and Doctor Greene greets us with a wide encouraging smile.

"So Mr and Mrs Grey, let's see your baby." She says nodding her head towards the curtain. "Slip off your panties and hop on the table." Today I was clever enough to wear a dress so that I wouldn't feel so exposed.

I go behind the curtain and take off my panties and thrust them into my handbag, when I come out Christian is sat beside the table and Doctor Greene is putting the condom on the Doppler. I climb onto the table and place my legs in the stirrups and Christian, while looking highly amused at Doctor Greene adding lube, takes my hand.

"Ok Ana you know how this works, it will be a little uncomfortable ok?" She says gently as she turns the machine on.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. It is more than a little uncomfortable.

"Ok we should be able to find a foetal heartbeat like this depending on how far along you are." Doctor Greene smiles.

I open my eyes and turn to the screen, casting a glance at Doctor Greene I see she's a little deep in thought.

"Is everything ok?" I ask her.

"Yeah, it seems like you might just be a little further along than you think." She says slipping the machine out from inside me. "I want you to put on a gown and I want to ultrasound your tummy, see what we can see."

"Is everything ok with our baby?" Christian asks.

"Yes, the heartbeat was there, I just think we might get to see more with a regular ultrasound." Doctor Greene assures as she passes me a gown.

I slip behind the curtain once again and pull my panties back on before pulling on the hideous large gown. I then climb back on the table, still uncertain about what Doctor Greene means as she holds a paper blanket to cover me up once I've rolled the gown up.

"Ok this will be a little cold." She says picking up some gel.

I lay completely still as she deposits some on my stomach and Christian gives my hand a squeeze as she picks up the hand Doppler. I swallow and try to relax.

"This is a little personal but when did you last go to the bathroom to urinate?" She asks as she places the Doppler on my stomach.

"Before breakfast."

"Have you drank since then?"

"I had a mug of tea with my breakfast and some juice on the way over." I reply honestly even though I don't understand why she's asking.

"Ok when we schedule an ultrasound you'll need to drink about five hundred mils of water about an hour before the scan and not go to the bathroom, it helps to get a good picture." She explains while looking at the monitor. "Ok here we go." She smiles turning the screen towards us. "That right there is your baby."

Christian tilts his head to the side, it's quite amusing to see him act like this. I turn my attention to the small sepia shape that is our baby.

"It looks like a jelly bean." Christian says, I think he might be thinking out loud. "Don't you think so Ana?"

"Hmm. Yeah possibly. Jelly bean." I laugh, I guess this baby has a nickname already.

"Let's see if we can hear the heart beat." Doctor Greene flicks a switch and moves the Doppler a little, pressing it harder against my stomach. "There we go."

"It sounds so fast." I say listen to the drumming that's filling my ears.

"That's a very healthy heartbeat." She smiles at me as Christian and I continue to look at the jelly bean. "From the size I would say you're about nine weeks pregnant, seven weeks after conception."

"But I've not really had any symptoms, no morning sickness at all." I tell her.

"Then you're an extremely lucky woman so far Mrs Grey." She smiles, she's extremely patient with us which is nice.

"How big is the baby?" Christian asks.

"About fifteen to sixteen millimetres which is a healthy size." She replies. "Would you like me to print you both off a picture?"

"Please." We both reply together.

"Ok." She takes a couple of still shots while we continue to watch the baby and listen to the heartbeat. "Right here you go." She passes one to Christian and one to me before switching off the machine and gathering blue roll for me to clean myself up with. "Do either of you have any questions so far?"

"Yeah she's miscarried once what are the chances of it happening again?" Christian jumps straight in there.

"Anastasia is already further along now than she was when she miscarried the first, also the first miscarriage was due to trauma so I'm not too worried, if there's any blood even spotting or cramps I'd like you to call me. You have my personal number I don't care what time it is. I have also contacted a friend of mine who's a GP and Midwife in London who is more than happy for you to contact her if you have any problems."

"Thank you." I reply still wiping the jello from my stomach.

"You also need to start thinking logically about the birth, how you want to progress through the pregnancy, I've got a new Mom package ready for you to take with you it tells you everything you need to know and there's stuff in there for Dad too." She continues, this process feels far easier with her. "There are numbers for midwives here in Seattle and hospital details, you'll be able to contact them to have a hospital visit which will help set you up for the birth, there's details of local antenatal classes and antenatal instructors if you'd prefer to have someone come to your home and do it one on one with you, of course you're both powerful people and that might be what's best suited for you."

"Thank you." I say again, she's really thought of everything and the extra's Christian and I may need.

"Ok so any more questions?"

"Is it safe for her to fly?" Christian asks.

"Yes, she's still in her first trimester…"

"She's still in the room." I interrupt not liking that they're having a conversation as if I'm not here.

"Of course, apologies, my advice is the same to everyone going on a long haul flight, eat and drink regularly throughout the flight, make sure to take regular walks, don't stay seated for too long if you can get hold of some travel socks to stop deep vein thrombosis that might be a good idea."

"I will." I nod knowing I can pick some up at the airport if I get there soon enough.

"Ok, if you want to get changed then and I'll get everything together." She smiles.

I slip behind the curtain and quickly change back into my dress and heels. I can't help but stroke my hand down my stomach knowing that my child is growing in there, it's a mixture of emotions for me, ones I will have to discuss in detail with Doctor Flynn on my return from London but for now I'm going to try and relax and enjoy this pregnancy.

I meet Christian outside and I accept the large pink plastic wallet filled with everything I could possibly need before saying goodbye and heading to make an appointment for when I return from London. I can't wait to start really feeling pregnant.


	172. Chapter 172

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Monday 30th January 2012**

Once on the jet I'm a little more anxious about everything. It's been a whirlwind of twenty four hours and I am now sitting on a plane bound for London to do a series of TV interviews and signings will being pregnant. Christian and I have agreed that his family will find out first followed by a trip to tell Ray and then my Mom, my Mother last because she wouldn't be able to hold off telling Ray and I want to do that myself.

I can't help but think, as the jet taxis down the runway, about how everyone will react. Mia and Grace will be ecstatic, Kate I'm sure will be happy as will Elliot, Carrick I'm not too sure about as he agreed with me that we could wait and that we had plenty of time. Though he and I get on great and he like Grace considers me his second daughter I still wonder if he thinks I was after Christian's money. Not anymore of course because I have my own but Christian has more, much more and I guess I'm scared Carrick and others will think that this is just another way for me to trap him. As if anything ever did happen between us and we divorced not only would he be paying a heck of a lot of alimony but also he'd be paying child support. Ray I think will be ok with it, not too happy because I am so young but he did say he wanted to bounce some grandchildren on his knees before he passed on and that could only mean he wanted grandchildren eventually right? My Mom I think will have a lot of advice that may mean something or not mean something depending on what the advice is, I don't think she'll pass judgement either, she was young having me but the difference between me and her is the lifestyle, I am moving into a near mansion with my husband and I'm financially better than I ever thought I would be. I've paid off my student loans and have four businesses that make a decent amount of profit each month plus on top of that I have my book which has made me a millionaires. My Mom's life and my life at the same stage in our lives is a million miles apart.

I am now going to be stuck on a plane for nine hours. It's going to be a long nine hours but I'm going to use the time to write Kate the Kola and go through this month's profits that I downloaded from my emails earlier this morning. I have to make sure all the figures match up to the bank statements and sign a few tens of forms for Wendy back at Ana's Palace.

"Hey Ana." Luke smiles coming over with a pile of newspapers.

"I'm in all of those?" I ask as he places them down on the table beside me before sliding in opposite me.

"Yup."

"Anything good?" I ask hopeful.

"All good, mostly about your Seattle Grace thing." He explains with a smile.

"That's good, so nothing bad?"

"Nope."

"Makes a change." I laugh closing the file I'm going through.

"Writing?"

"Business stuff." I shrug putting the file on top of the other pile I have to go through. "I miss just going to work, sitting behind a desk and getting on with my day."

"Instead of flying half way around the world to meet your fans and go on TV?" He mocks.

"Yup." I nod. "You know, when I hit my third trimester I'm going to work from Ana's Palace and just focus on business before I take maternity leave where I'll write the last in the Fifty Shades Trilogy." I explain, Luke was ecstatic finding out I was pregnant, as was Taylor and of course Gail and Gary know and the rest of the security. I also told Hannah who is flying after us as she's gone to see her OB/GYN to make sure she didn't have a false negative too.

"That sounds like a plan." Luke smiles as Lois comes with drinks for us.

"Mr Grey requested that you drink some water too, I have both still and sparkling whenever you want." She says placing down my requested diet coke.

"Thanks Lois." I smile at her, she's a lovely girl and always on form when I've flown. "I'll need to go to Portland and drive to Redmond before I hit thirty two weeks. I'll be lucky if Christian even lets me behind a wheel of a car when I start to show." I tell him laughing as I unconsciously stroke my still flat stomach.

"I'll be happy to drive you around Ana." He teases, he knows that driving myself is one way I can show my independence.

"I'm dreading announcing to the world I'm pregnant." I confide in him, this is another bonus of him knowing, I can talk to him.

"How come?"

"Remember my engagement?" I ask him and he nods thoughtfully. "Well I was a nobody then, the nobody who'd stolen Christian Grey's heart now? I'm Ana Grey the multi-millionaires author and wife of Christian Grey, the press are going to go wild especially seeing as I said in New York that we weren't trying for a family, they're going to know this was an accident."

"They'll know, but you don't have to confirm it Ana, you don't have to tell anyone anything just release a statement." Luke replies, he knows our life well enough now to know how it works.

"Christian thinks it might be better to sell the story to a rag mag with pictures. Do an interview and then the papers can report it after or release statements then choose the highest bidding rag mag to sell the story with pictures so we actually get our words out there."

"Might not be a bad thing."

"I don't think Christian and I need any more publicity and we've done everything we can to avoid being in the rag mags declining all interviews and photoshoot opportunities." I reply, it's not something I've ever wanted to do.

"Discuss it with Christian, decide together." Luke tells me and I nod, he's right it's all I can do. "So are you excited to get to London?"

"Yeah I can't wait." I reply with a beaming smile.

"Christian's hired a black Rolls Royce for you to be chaperoned around in." He tells me, shocking me.

"Really?" I ask excitedly.

"Yup, it will be at Heathrow when we land." He smiles, I guess he's looking forward to driving it too.


	173. Chapter 173

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Tuesday 31st January 2012**

We land at Heathrow at six am, Luke, Gary and Lois unpack the luggage while I gather my personal belongings. It's now eleven pm in Seattle, there's a small possibility that Christian is asleep but something tells me he will be anxiously waiting to find out if I've landed so I knock the call button on my cell phone as I exit the jet.

"Hey."

"Hey Ana, you ok?"

"Yeah just letting you know we've arrived in London." I explain as Luke points out the sleek black Rolls Royce that is ours for the next fortnight.

"That's great baby, are you feeling ok?" He asks sounding really concerned.

"I'm fine Christian and so is the jelly bean." I tell him making him laugh.

"Jelly bean?"

"You chose it." I shrug, it was him who said that the baby looked like a jelly bean and there is no way I'm changing it now.

"Ok Jelly bean it is." He laughs. "So what's your first stop?"

"Nothing this morning just The One Show this evening."

"Live?"

"Yeah."

"Ok, well have fun baby, get some rest too if you can just don't sleep too long and make sure you drink plenty of water."

"I will, baby I'll be fine." I tell him laughing slightly, I know he hates being this out of control and it's worse because it's not just me.

"Ok and Flynn says congratulations and if you need him just call." He adds.

"Ok, just don't tell anyone else Christian I don't care if there are NDA's in place ok?" I ask him, I would have liked to be with him when he told Flynn but I understand that Christian will have needed to talk through some of his emotions about it with the Doctor so I don't mind too much.

"I won't. Now get going, behave and have fun I'll see you Friday."

"See you Friday I love you."

"I love you too." He replies before I hang up.

Luke guides me to the Rolls Royce and opens the door with a playful wink. I feel like I've fallen out of real life and into a movie as I step into the plush cream interior car. It's amazing all cream leather and spacious. As we pull away from the airport I can't help but be excited to finally see my London property with my own eyes.

The house is huge. Just from outside I can see its four stories high. The off white brick houses stand in an almost half circle and all the houses look the same from the outside with black doors and old style double glazed windows. Mrs Farrah opens the door and I smile at her. I feel like I'm in a movie of some sort as Sawyer opens my door and his hand helps me out of the car.

"Ma'am." He teases.

"Good morning Mrs Grey." Mrs Farrah smiles at me as I walk to the door while Sawyer and Gary pull all of the cases from the trunk of the sleek black town car.

"Pleasure to meet you Mrs Farrah." I reply politely as I step into the house.

I enter into a narrow white walled long entrance hall. Just beyond the entrance arch is a set of wooden double doors with golden handles.

"Can I get you anything?" Mrs Farrah asks as Sawyer begins to bring in the cases

"Not right now thank you." I smile before heading in further.

"Would you like me to show you around?"

"I'd much prefer to explore alone." I tell her and she smiles and nods, I guess she can see how child-like I am at this moment.

"I'll help show the cases to your room." She says and I nod before heading straight for the double doors.

I open both doors pushing the handles as I walk. I find myself in a large living room with huge golden drapes around the two glass double doors that open up onto a small terrace. All the furniture in the room is gold and cream from the large three seat couch to the beautiful old fashioned chase lounge. The electric fireplace is black, gold and wooden and compliments the room with its cream painted walls and golden chandelier. I turn my head and see an archway held up by two off white pillars. Through the gap is a library and I am in heaven. The furniture is the same gold and cream but the dark wood shelves filled with hundreds of books look amazing. There is one window covered in the same large gold drapes and tie backs. Knowing I'll spend a lot of time in that room when I'm here I make my way back out of the room and into the hallway shutting the doors behind me.

I walk down the entrance hall and find two sets of doors, one on the left and one on the right and opposite me is what I clearly see as an elevator. I decide to go left first and find myself stumbling into a beautiful modern fitted kitchen. It's huge! The floor is an orange brick tile, with white walls and cupboards with silver handles, large chef's cooker and smaller ovens on the wall. There's a breakfast island and all the counter tops match it with orange-brown marble. A long golden low light hangs with five green shades above the island and I know it will be comfortable to sit there and eat.

Heading out I don't hesitate in entering the room opposite and I'm honestly not surprised to see a dining room with an oval shaped dark wood table that seats ten comfortably. The walls are cream and the drapes gold just like in the living room and library.

This time I head for the elevator but as I knock the button I see the winding stairs beside it and decide to walk up. The winding stair case leads me to the first floor and I walk through the first door I see finding Luke and Mrs Farrah with what I know are Luke, Hannah and Gary's suitcases.

"Staff quarters." Mrs Farrah says, "The entire floor, there's a kitchen there…" She points to two frosted glass sliding doors which are slightly open and I see the grey and green modern kitchen. "Three bedrooms that way only one bathroom just there."

"Ok." I smile before heading back to the stairs, obviously one part of the house that isn't mine and I can't explore, not that I mind.

I head upstairs and I see only two doors. I go into the one on the left and see all my suitcases. I almost trip on the large circular step coming from the door as I step into the mint, white and gold room. I know it's the master bedroom and it's amazing. The walls are mint and the large drapes a darker green but they complement each other beautifully. There's a large white and gold metal framed bed with a thick mint duvet and pillows with gold and green scatter cushions. There's also a golden chaise lounge with more cushions, two doors that have been blended into the walls and a golden couch. There's another electric fireplace with gold and dark wood surround that just makes the room.

Taking the first door I find myself back in the twenty first century in a beautiful two person modern bathroom. The bath looks like a bottom of a toy sail boat without the sails, there are two sinks with long umbrella handle type faucet standing about a foot apart, a large three mirror cabinet on the wall brings them together perfectly. On the opposite wall are two large towel warmers and between them another archway. I walk through it to find myself in what is clearly a makeup boudoir or something. With strong lighting, marble counters with another sink loads of empty shelves and cupboards just waiting to be filled with my stuff, large wall mirrors with antiquate gold detail a smaller mirror sticking out of the wall and a couple of small hand mirrors on the top, I know that this room is one that both Kate and Mia would die for.

I'm shocked when Mrs Farrah walks in with my vanity bag.

"Oh Sorry Mrs Grey I was just unpacking your belongings.

"That's fine, I was just going." I say with a smile before leaving her to it, I just hope I can find everything afterwards.

I go into the next door from the bedroom and find myself in a golden wardrobe with dim lighting and loads of racks, my suitcases now in the middle and unzipped. I head out of the room and go into the room opposite my own to find myself in an office. I love Christian! I know it was a bedroom but now it's a dark wood office with filing cabinets and everything I could possibly need, that's it I want to live here forever! I wonder if I can persuade Christian to up and leave Seattle and America.

Up more stairs and I find myself in two more bedrooms one in a blush rose pink with similar furniture to my own and the other in a lemon yellow. So beautiful and I know I'll have to bring Kate and Mia, or I wonder if Idina and Kristin would fancy a girls holiday here?

I head back down the stairs and make my way into the kitchen. I know I didn't exit onto any terraces but I'm here for two weeks and I have plenty of time to fall in love with every aspect of my beautiful London house.

Seeing a box of Twinning's English Breakfast Tea on the worktop I locate the kettle and switch it on. I can't help but love how the bathroom and kitchen are so modern while every other room is like something from the early twentieth century if not earlier than that. Not that I'm complaining because it's perfect!

"Ana." Luke smiles coming into the room.

"Hey Luke, tea?"

"Uh Sure." He smiles sitting down at the breakfast bar while I make us both a cup of tea. "Hannah has arrived in Sea-Tac, she says she'll see you in twelve hours."

"She'll be here for my appearance on BBC Breakfast?"

"Should be, I'll have Gary pick her up and then bring her straight to the studio."

"I have to leave there for ITV for This Morning straight after, I'm on BBC Breakfast at six."

"I know Ana, I have your schedule as does Hannah. We have everything down to the traffic calculated as close as possible, we know your schedule is jam packed tomorrow."

"Good." I chuckle.

It's going to be a long day every day for the next two weeks. It starts off with BBC Breakfast tomorrow morning first then This Morning for a different channel ITV I think. Then I have The One Show on BBC this the evening and between and I have a book signing at a WHSmiths on Wednesday too.


	174. Chapter 174

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**For Chapter 200 I am going to purposely make it land on a weekend and it's going to be the TPE weekend, both days in one chapter. I have already started writing it!**

**I felt really bad when I got a message in the last chapter from a "guest" saying that they loved me but the story had gotten boring and they were switching off, that's fine with me but it's quite funny when the twist happens in this chapter and seeing as I'm now writing chapter 185 I've known this twist was coming for days!**

**Tuesday 31st January 2012**

Arriving at the One Show I'm far more nervous than I was arriving at any of my New York shows. According to sales percentages the book is as popular in England as it is over in the US, that's not a bad thing obviously but I haven't really kept a track on the British Media's reception to the book so I don't have any idea what to expect on this show. What I do know about this show is that there are two presenters, one male and one female Alex Jones is the woman, she's welsh with a brilliant accent and her male counterpart Matt Baker is a charming man and together they're comedy gold. Or at least I find them funny.

I'm lead to the funky couch in a wide open space studio with only a handful of crew around as a so called audience. I get a reassuring smile from both presenters' just seconds before they go live on air with one camera.

"Our guest tonight is an American beauty who's written a multi-million dollar selling novel that's more than a little steamy, it's about to get hot in here with Ana Grey." The crew clap and holler making me smile as one camera pans onto me.

"Thank you so much for being here." Matt smiles running his hand through his hair like Christian does.

"Thank you for inviting me." I reply with a smile smoothing my hands down what's become my favourite pair of red diesel jeans.

"So you wrote the hot novel Fifty Shades." Alex begins as I nod, she's so pretty with dark hair and dark eyes. "We here are far more interested in the sex than the stories let's be honest."

"Ok." I say wondering if anyone isn't more interested in the sex.

"There are some steamy scenes in there. Most scenes, the one you give a play by play on are very detailed BDSM scenes. What can you tell us about the BDSM culture?"

"Well for a start my book doesn't really have the full Dominant submissive relationship, each and every relationship like that is unique in it's own way. However, in this story the couple have a pretty heavy BDSM sex life, once Richard decides he wants more with Maggie they try to have some semblance of a normal relationship."

"Richard, he's the Dominant of the relationship right?"

"Uh-huh." I nod.

"He's quite a character."

"You'll find out more about him in the second book, in the first he gives off a lot of mixed signals, he's over-protective, dominant, strict then all of a sudden he's loving and caring." I explain not wanting to give away too much.

"So we find out why he's like that in the second book?"

"Yes we do." I reply not saying any more.

They bring on a psychologist who has apparently read and analysed my book, he's an amusing older man and I can't help but think my book wasn't written for his demographic.

"Doctor Daniels you have a lot of opinions about the book and the lovely Ana Grey."

"I do." He replies, I thought he'd just have opinions on my book but apparently he's analysed me too. "From analysing Maggie and what I've seen in the press I've been able to see what you've written about yourself within your characters not just Maggie but Richard, Ninny and Mrs Laurence too."

"Ok." I reply actually quite looking forward to hearing this.

"You clearly have issues with your self-esteem, you're unsure of yourself and everything you do. We see this through Maggie and Richard, they're both so uncertain of themselves yet you're obviously self-contained which you show through Ninny and Richard…"

"So wait up you're telling me that I've written these characters and what? They're different parts of my personality?" I ask thinking this guy is talking out his ass.

"Not so much each character showing your different areas but more your areas coming out in the characters."

"That's totally untrue. I'm not self-absorbed like Richard can be and I'm definitely nothing like Mrs Laurence, they're characters, each characters has its good parts and its bad parts Richard can be the most loving guy but he's so controlling whereas Maggie has severe self-esteem and body issues but she's caring and highly emotional. I don't see myself as any of these things." Ok so I'm lying a little bit, I know I have issues with my self-esteem and body image and yes I wrote Maggie like that because of knowing my own flaws but seriously there isn't that much in common with Maggie and me.

"So you wouldn't say you have any issues with your body?"

"No." I lie just as a picture of Christian and I come up on the screen.

"This is you and your husband correct?"

"Yes?" I have no idea where he's going with this.

"See how your husband is stood, like he's displaying you? He's confident, his shoulders are back his chin is up and he has a confident smile on your face whereas you, you're turned in to your husband as if you're shielding yourself from the camera's your hand is on his chest as if you're scared of letting him go, your shoulders are sagged and your chin is pointed down, you have a beautiful smile but it's not a confident smile."

"I'm going to completely disagree." Alex cuts in. "I see her hand on his chest as a way of pointing out he's hers which I would do to if he was mine." She chuckles.

"Ana you look more in love with him than you do unconfident."

"That's true." I reply. "I wouldn't say this picture says anything about my body image or my self-esteem and I think the British psychiatrist I'm good friends with Doctor Flynn, I'm sure he would disagree too." Or at least I hope he would disagree.

"Maybe so."

"So Anastasia you're here in the UK because you're doing a series of appearances and book signings." Alex says moving the conversation along.

"That's right." I smile.

"Starting with Waterstones London on Thursday."

"Yes then WHSmith's Cardiff on Friday, then Waterstones Liverpool on Monday, Waterstones Manchester on Tuesday finishing with WHSmith's in (SOMEHWERE IN SCOTLAND) on Thursday of next week." I reply.

"Details of those appearances can be found on our website now." She smiles before introducing the next segment, I have to sit here for all of it, engage in the conversations including British weather which apparently has had a considerable amount of snow lately.

"Do you have a lot of Snow where you are Anastasia? Seattle right?"

"We get snow in the winter, we had a bit in December but mostly in Seattle we have rain." I reply.

"Very much like Wales where I'm from." Alex laughs making me smile, she has one of those laughs that once she starts so does everyone else.

When the show is done I'm pleased to see Sawyer waiting patiently for me. I take pictures with the cast and crew and sign a few books ending up being there for an additional hour before I finally get to leave and head for home.

We step outside and it's obvious to me that Sawyer is looking around carefully. Not that he doesn't always, but he looks like he's actually looking for something, or someone.

"Everything ok Luke?" I ask and he gives me a small smile and nods as Gary opens the door of the Rolls Royce for me. As I sit I see them sharing a look, what the hell aren't the telling me?


	175. Chapter 175

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Lots of emails!**

**PS - Thanks for ALL your support through this site and facebook it means more to me than you could possibly know I'm working on the big 200th Chapter, looking at 20,000 words and two whole days of Kinky fuckery! I think it's probably the dirtiest chapter I have ever written already and I'm barely 5,000 words in! Here's a small preview (I'll let your imaginations run wild as to what it means!) - **

_"Knees on the couch, bend over and grab the back, ass to me." He says gruffly as he pulls his erect shaft from his jeans. I do as he says while he begins adding lubricant to himself. He then begins to tease my hole, his wet, slimy finger just prodding while I try to be relaxed. I enjoy the sensitive feel of his finger but all too soon it disappears and he slams hard into me. He begins up a punishing tempo, each thrust hard, his balls slapping against my thighs as goes as deep as he possibly can before withdrawing. I feel his orgasm edging nearer and he avoids touching anywhere other than my hair and hips, he wraps his hand around my braid and pulls my head up as he begins to twitch. He spurts off inside me, groaning with each additional thrust before he stills completely._

_"Twenty five points already Anastasia." He purrs running his fingers down my teddy clad back. "Very good. Now let's get you naked."_

**Hihihi!**

**Wednesday 1st February 2012 5:30am – England 9:00pm – Seattle **

**To: **Anastasia Grey

**Subject:** Fun?

**From: **Christian Grey

Are you enjoying yourself so far?

Christian Grey

Manager, Ana Grey, & CEO, Grey's Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

**To: **Christian Grey

**Subject: **Loving it

**From: **Anastasia Grey

I am loving it so far! I miss you though.

Ana Grey

CEO, Anastasia Grey, Inc.

**To: **Anastasia Grey

**Subject: **Missing you too

**From: **Christian Grey

My bed is cold without you Ana, how is Jellybean?

Lonely Manager, Ana Grey, & CEO, Grey's Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

**To: **Christian Grey

**Subject: **Jellybean

**From: **Anastasia Grey

Is just fine too. Has eaten plenty of Custard Donuts to keep him or her happy.

Ana Grey

Bloated CEO, Anastasia Grey, Inc.

**To: **Anastasia Grey

**Subject: **I believe …

**From: **Christian Grey

Mrs Farrah has been more than accommodating when it comes to your cravings. Any other symptoms yet?

Christian Grey

Manager, Ana Grey, & CEO, Grey's Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

**To: **Christian Grey

**Subject: **I'm tired

**From: **Anastasia Grey

But I don't know if that's a symptom or my body adjusting to Greenwich Mean Time.

Ana Grey

Snoring CEO, Anastasia Grey, Inc.

**To: **Anastasia Grey

**Subject: **Could be either

**From: **Christian Grey

No sickness? That's good.

Christian Grey

Manager, Ana Grey, & CEO, Grey's Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

**To: **Christian Grey

**Subject: **Nausea

**From: **Anastasia Grey

I may not have been sick but I do feel slightly nauseated in the mornings. We shall see in three weeks if I make it out of my first trimester without any sickness.

Ana Grey

CEO, Anastasia Grey, Inc.

**To: **Anastasia Grey

**Subject: **Very well

**From: **Christian Grey

Please take care of yourself and Jellybean, stress will be harmful to you both.

Christian Grey

Worried and anxious Manager, Ana Grey, & CEO, Grey's Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

**To: **Christian Grey

**Subject: **I'll do my best

**From: **Anastasia Grey

but stress is in the job description. I have to go now, will be live on air in thirty minutes!

Ana Grey

Apprehensive CEO, Anastasia Grey, Inc.

**To: **Anastasia Grey

**Subject: **Enjoy

**From: **Christian Grey

And let me know how it goes. I shall be with you in about 48 hours.

Christian Grey

Manager, Ana Grey, & CEO, Grey's Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

As Luke, Hannah who arrived late last night, Gary and I head out of the house I'm really annoyed to see Luke and Gary both on edge looking around us. I frown because they're hiding something from me that is obviously raising some concern to them.

"Luke what's going on?" I ask him as we are all in the car, he and Gary in the front with Gary driving.

"What do you mean?" He asks acting nonchalantly. I wonder if Christian knows.

"Well when I came out of the One Show yesterday you were looking around carefully and you both did it today so what are you looking for?" I ask trying not to sound worried but I have to admit my security on red alert means my heart is too.

"It's nothing Ana don't worry about it." Luke says calmly.

"Don't tell me not to worry, don't fucking hide things from me Luke. Does Christian know? Taylor?"

"We've not confirmed anything yet Anastasia. Until we do no, Taylor nor Christian know." Luke explains.

"Confirm what Luke? Please?" I say desperately, a hundred different scenarios are running through my head right now and none of them relaxing me.

"Do you remember the young boy who came to the Seattle signing with a copy of the BMM magazine and your book?"

"Yes." I reply, he was the anomaly we haven't had anyone in that age group come since. I don't know if it's because no one that age reading or because they're embarrassed to be at a signing of so called Mommy porn.

"Well we've seen him around a lot since the signing." Luke explains. "And I thought I spotted him when we headed to The One Show yesterday."

"You think he's what following me?" I snort, it sounds ridiculous but then the look on Luke Sawyer's face says I hit the nail right on the head.

"Seriously? How much has he been 'around'?" I ask nervously, how could I have missed it is also the question.

"He was definitely at Seattle Grace but there were a few of your fans there who'd managed to get in. I also noticed him a few times in New York, he'd managed to get into the audience of some of the shows. Outside some of the restaurants but I thought maybe I was just being paranoid but following you to London is definitely on a list of Stalker behaviour that I'm not comfortable with."

"He's probably harmless." I say quietly as I begin pondering what this means.

"Probably doesn't give me any satisfaction, if Gary confirms that this is him we're informing Taylor and getting his picture to Welch. Do you by any chance remember his name?"

His name. That's a fucking tough question. I think back to the first ever signing I did at B&N Seattle. The boy with the magazine that both Christian and Luke found highly amusing.

"Marcus." I say. "I didn't get his surname but his first name was Marcus."

"Marcus. That's a start of we have to get Welch involved and tell Taylor." Luke says. "Don't worry about it Anastasia. You're right he probably is harmless but we're not taking any chances."

The conversation comes to a stop as we pull outside the BBC studios, the same place as the One Show is recorded funnily enough.

After being on the show for nearly ten minutes I leave and head off to the ITV Studios for This Morning. From what I've seen online it's a quite laid back morning show with Holly Willoughby and Philip Schofield ending up in fits of laughter often throughout. I find myself looking around a lot as we drive, and even more so when we pull up outside. If this isn't paranoid I don't know what is but yes he's probably harmless but there's a chance he's not too.

After I'm done laughing along with the presenters who really are a load of fun we head out to lunch. At Skylon restaurant I find myself still looking around carefully, I know that it's stupid but I am on edge. I try to relax and enjoy my food but it's not easy and I feel nauseated too, I don't know whether it's from nerves or from the intruder inside of me.

**Wednesday 1st February 2012 7:00pm – England 11am – Seattle **

**To: **Christian Grey

**Subject: **How are you?

**From: **Anastasia Grey

Had an amazing time at This morning and BBC Breakfast, how have you been?

Ana Grey

CEO, Anastasia Grey, Inc.

**To: **Anastasia Grey

**Subject: ** Lonely

**From: **Christian Grey

It's lonely here without you!

Christian Grey

Manager, Ana Grey, & CEO, Grey's Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

**To: **Christian Grey

**Subject: **I know the feeling

**From: **Anastasia Grey

I miss you so much, I can't wait to see you. What are you doing?

Ana Grey

CEO, Anastasia Grey, Inc.

**To: **Anastasia Grey

**Subject: ** Reading

**From: **Christian Grey

I'm sat in your office at AG reading The Bloke's guide to pregnancy

Christian Grey

Manager, Ana Grey, & CEO, Grey's Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

**To: **Christian Grey

**Subject: **That's just too Funny!

**From: **Anastasia Grey

I think that's adorable too! You're going to be a great Dad Christian!

Ana Grey

CEO, Anastasia Grey, Inc.

**To: **Anastasia Grey

**Subject: ** Maybe you should read

**From: **Christian Grey

…something too, you're already nine weeks pregnant and we have no idea what to expect.

Christian Grey

Manager, Ana Grey, & CEO, Grey's Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

**To: **Christian Grey

**Subject: **Hmm…

**From: **Anastasia Grey

I'm enjoying Tess of the D'Urbervilles right now, much more fascinating. Thinking about the time you gave me three first editions and our teasing with quotes.

Ana Grey

CEO, Anastasia Grey, Inc.

**To: **Anastasia Grey

**Subject: ** You chose debasement

**From: **Christian Grey

And I look forward to reminding you of that when you come back here, you owe me TPE!

Christian Grey

Manager, Ana Grey, & CEO, Grey's Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

**To: **Christian Grey

**Subject: **I did.

**From: **Anastasia Grey

However I think I should have gone with High Ideals, you're my Angel.

Ana Grey

CEO, Anastasia Grey, Inc.

**To: **Anastasia Grey

**Subject: ** I'm glad

**From: **Christian Grey

High ideals is much more us don't you think? You should get some rest you've had a busy day.

Christian Grey

Manager, Ana Grey, & CEO, Grey's Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

**To: **Christian Grey

**Subject: **I'm going

**From: **Anastasia Grey

Maybe I'll have to play with the gift you placed in my suitcase first though, I'm as horny as hell talking to you and you're not here to do anything about it.

Ana Grey

CEO, Anastasia Grey, Inc.

**To: **Anastasia Grey

**Subject: ** You found it then

**From: **Christian Grey

I don't know if giving you that gift was such a good idea now, you should be horny and wet for me.

Christian Grey

Manager, Ana Grey, & CEO, Grey's Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

**To: **Christian Grey

**Subject: **Yes I did

**From: **Anastasia Grey

After Mrs Farrah unpacked for me, I think she may have had quite the shock seeing a rabbit vibrator with a message attached from you in my case. And I'm always wet for you Christian, I only have to think about you before I'm dripping and wanton.

Ana Grey

CEO, Anastasia Grey, Inc.

**To: **Anastasia Grey

**Subject: ** Dripping and Wanton

**From: **Christian Grey

For me always baby. You should get the iPad out and let me see you put that toy into action.

Christian Grey

Rock hard Manager, Ana Grey, & CEO, Grey's Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

**To: **Christian Grey

**Subject: **Lock the office door

**From: **Anastasia Grey

And give me five minutes. I like you rock hard Sir ;)

Ana Grey

Hot, wet, and horny CEO, Anastasia Grey, Inc.

I know this isn't the best thing to be doing. Christian has no idea that I may have a stalker but I know as soon as he does know I'm on lockdown.


	176. Chapter 176

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Short filler!**

**Thursday 2nd February**

"Morning Ana." Hannah smiles as I enter the kitchen where everyone is eating breakfast including Luke and Gary. I guess they've already been to sort out the car which means it's almost time to go to WHSmith's. I must admit I am a little apprehensive about it because of my apparent cross country stalker. It doesn't make sense to me, he was just a teenager right? I see Luke and Gary exchange a look between them and it pisses me off.

"So Luke where did you vanish too last night?" I ask him, I caught him slipping out the front door when I was going to have my vibrator/iPad session with Christian.

"Huh?" He asks looking nervously towards Gary then back at me.

"Please don't hide things from me Luke." I say quietly. "Where did you go last night?"

"It's best you didn't know Ana." He says quietly.

"Luke please!" I shout in frustration. He jumps out of his seat and extends his hand to me, his face telling me not to argue with him. I glance at Hannah who just shrugs, maybe she knows or maybe she doesn't want to know but either way she doesn't seem bothered when Luke leads me out the kitchen and into the dining room. "Well?"

"Gary and I are packing."

"Excuse me?" I ask confused but then he opens his jacket and reveals a gun.

"Luke! Guns are illegal in the UK! You can't be carrying a concealed weapon down the street here!" I say in a whispered shout, I don't want Hannah or Mrs Farrah to overhear.

"See why I didn't want you to know?"

"Where the hell did you get that from?" I ask him angrily, I know Christian hates guns but the security carry them everywhere with them but I am not happy about it right now because this isn't America, this isn't Seattle the gun laws are very different and very strict out here. It's one of the things Christian loves about the UK because even their police don't carry weapons unless they're in a certain unit. He likes that, I'm not so sure, either way if Luke or Gary get caught with guns they'll end up in a British Prison.

"Taylor told me about a dark alley to get a gun if I needed one. We need to do our jobs Ana and with this Marcus fellow around I'd rather be sure I can stop him if he tried anything." Luke explains. I know it's my safety he has in question here but the problem is that he's breaking the law and not in America but the UK where the judicial system is completely different!

"You don't even know if he is here Luke and I doubt it very much that you would need a gun to handle him." I reply crossing my arms across my chest. "I don't want that thing around. How do you even know if that guns legit, what happens if you have to shoot it and end up with additional charges because there's a few bodies on it?" I snap, I am beyond angry with him.

"You have a choice here Ana and I am not giving it to you lightly. You either let Gary and I do our jobs and that means being oblivious to the fact we're carrying guns or you refuse to let us carry them, we cancel the signing and we call Christian and Taylor to fly down, it's your choice." He says and I know by the look on his face that he means it too. I can't believe the difficult situation I'm finding myself right now, I can't cancel the signing I just guess I have to let Luke and Gary carry their guns. I know the chances of them having to withdraw them are very slim but still…

"Fine." I sigh. "But don't expect me to pay your bail if you get locked up." I tease making him laugh a little.

We head on out and get ready to go. I can't wait to meet all my British fans!

At WHSmith's it starts off pretty much like New York and Seattle. The staff are friendly and efficient which is perfect for me and relaxes me. As I begin to sign books I am surprised at the gifts that are given to me. Bag upon bag of goodies from dildos to pieces of jewellery, it's insane! I never expected this at all but they all say it's a thank you for coming to Britain or a congratulations for being on the NYTBS. Whatever their reason they thought of buying me gifts, I guess it's a British thing.

I sign a total of four thousand five hundred and sixty nine books. The seconds the words sixty nine passed Hannah's lips Luke and I burst into a fit of laughter. It's not a surprise though as Luke has read my book and the two digit number makes at least one appearance.

After getting back to my London home I am exhausted and I go straight to bed knowing there is no point in contacting Christian because he's in the air, flying towards me.


	177. Chapter 177

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Friday 3rd February**

"Ana."

My eyes pop open to meet the adoring gaze of my beautiful husband, his grey eyes soft in smile warming my heart this early.

"Christian." I breathe excitedly. He scoops me up in his arms and snuggles his nose straight in my hair. "I missed you."

"I missed you too." He replies snuggling as deep as he can into me. "So fucking much."

"We're going to have to figure something out Christian, I don't think I can do all this travelling without you." I admit to him even though these past few days without him has given me some genuine time to think, about the future about our Jellybean.

"I know baby it kills me every time I have to say goodbye to you." He says making me smile, at least I'm not the only one in that situation.

"Hmm, as much as I love snuggling with you I gotta pee." I say pushing his arms around me so I can sprint to the bathroom, I held off as long as I possibly could.

"We need to talk Ana!" He calls after me and he walks into the bathroom making me groan.

"Christian, trying to pee here!"

"Sorry." He rolls his eyes and goes into the boudoir. "Yeah we need to talk."

"About what?" I ask already with an idea in mind.

"About your little stalker."

"So Luke told you then?"

"He called Taylor after he and Gary confirmed that he was at your signing yesterday." Christian tells me as I begin to wash my hands allowing him to re-enter the bathroom.

"I didn't see him."

"You weren't supposed to." Christian replies. "I spoke with Flynn, he's going to try and find out if this boy has any mental illnesses."

"You already know who he is?" I ask in shock, Christian really knows no bounds.

"I knew who he was the day after the signing, I thought it was a little strange to see what we thought was a teenage boy at the signing." Christian replies making me turn to eye him, what is he holding back?

"Come on Christian tell me everything." I push knowing he will, that he's just biding him time.

"His name is Marcus DeAshville."

"Mr and Mrs DeAshville's son? The ones who bought the week at your parent's house at the auction?"

"The very same." He says as I gawp in shock. "He's twenty five and has a trust fund around half the size of your bank account."

"Half the size?" I ask cocking an eyebrow, questioning how he knows yet again how much money is in my accounts.

"Yup." He says confirming he's had a look through my accounts.

"Ok, so what now?" I ask turning to face him. "I mean is he dangerous? What does he want with me?"

"Flynn thinks it may just be an obsession. He's obsessed with you and he wants to be near you. He thinks that Marcus is probably harmless but I'm not taking that risk. I've talked to my dad and if he so much as comes to near to you we can get a restraining order." Christian smiles coming to wrap me up in his arms. "I don't want you to worry about it though Ana, Luke and Gary have their orders."

"Which are?" I ask him carefully.

"To protect you with their lives." He smiles down at me, I should have known that. I lean up and capture his lips with my own. Our first kiss since I left Seattle for London.

It deepens and as Christian scoops me up I know exactly where this is going. He places me on the bed softly and then peels my nightgown off and pulls his own t-shirt off over his head. He lowers his lips to mine once again as my fingers play with the button of his jeans. I get it undone but he's impatient and climbs off me. He rips off his shoes and socks and peels down his trousers taking his boxers with him. He's then on top of me quickly, my legs are open, calling to him excitedly.

He plunges into me and I buck at the intrusion. I let him set the tempo, my hips rocking to match him as he fondles my breasts, pulls at my nipples and devours my mouth. It may have only been five days but it feels like a damn lifetime. He holds around me and pulls me over onto him so he's on the bottom.

"We should get used to this position." He says his fingers dropping to my stomach. It makes me a little uncomfortable to think about Jellybean while he's planted inside me so I take his hand in my own and get to work setting a tempo. He grabs my hips and lifts me up, he's so damn impatient and begins to thrust into my fast and hard from beneath.

"Ah Christian!" I call as I begin to come undone.

"Ana!" He calls right back as he lowers us both and spurts inside of me. "Fuck." He grunts as I fall onto his chest in a sweaty heap.

"I missed you." I say making him laugh.

"I know baby I missed you too. So what's the plan for today?"

"Nothing until five, have to be at Jonathon Ross at five." I say as he wraps his arms around me, the cool air biting my skin but I feel so warm here in Christian's arms that I make no attempt to move.

"Ok well you should get dressed for breakfast and then come back up here and spend the whole day with me, or until you have to start getting ready to go." He says happily.

"Sounds good to me." I smile climbing off of him, we both groan as he slips out of me, the loss of contact almost painful for both of us.

He comes through to the closet with my and his eyes open wide.

"Ana?" He asks looking at the huge variety of gift bags, there's more than eight hundred gift bags and that doesn't include all the flowers that are now doted around the house.

"They're from fans." I explain with a shrug as I pull on some underwear.

"People gave you these at the signing?" He asks pulling a very large black veined dildo out of the bag nearest to him making me giggle.

"Uh-huh."

"Why?" He asks the confusion evident on his face.

"Well I guess it's a British thing." I shrug.

"Yeah but…" He points dramatically at the dildo and I shrug.

"It's an erotic book. I guess people thought it would be funny to give me sex toys." I reply pulling on a pair of jeans, cami and cardigan.

"Ok." He shrugs but I can already see his mind getting to work as he begins to look through the other toys. "That damn toy is bigger than me." He grunts under his breath making me laugh.

"It's just a toy Christian." I tell him shaking my head, I can't believe he's jealous of the girth of a silicone dildo.

I drag him down to breakfast and hug Taylor hello much to Christian's annoyance. I really feel for Gail right now who's back in Seattle while we're all here. I'll have to give her a call later for a chat, make sure she's ok.

I eat a pretty healthy breakfast of oatmeal or something called Ready Brek which is lovely with blueberries and apple slices. Christian just watches me as if he's amazed by me, he has this silly puppy dog smile on his face and his eyes don't leave my face. It's actually kind of annoying.

Once I'm done we head back up stairs. As soon as we walk into our bedroom he's peeling my clothes off. He lays me down on the bed and disappears into the closet and I know he's going to find some toys, which is funny because there's a range of things there from handcuffs to bondage rope that I know he'll have hours of fun with.

"Come here." He says coming out of the closet.

I frown and stand up wondering what it is he wants, I was really looking forward to come kinky fuckery with Christian. He has an armful of toys so I guess that he's not planning on doing something else.

"On the chaise lounge." He says.

Oh this is new. I excitedly get on the golden chaise lounge while he disappears into the bathroom. I hear water running and wonder what he's up to as I lie completely naked on the gold chaise lounge. He comes back and places the toys down beside the bed. My surprise is hidden when I spot the big black veined dildo but I must admit I'm scared, it definitely is a lot bigger than Christian, I don't think there's a man alive that's that big and that wide actually.

"Someone bought you a toy cleaning set so I gave everything a good clean." He explains as he strips down to just his Diesel jeans.

"Sure." I reply looking at the variety of handcuffs, nipple clamps, vibrators, dildos and ropes that he has.

"This is going to take some time to set up so I'm going to cover you with a blanket." He says walking over to the bed.

I don't reply but I can't help but wonder what he's got in mind as he grabs the small fleece blanket off the bed and places it over me making sure that my arms are out. He picks up the box of black bondage rope and gets to work on my wrists. He wraps them together tight with a figure eight, right in the middle of the ten meter rope. I guess it's for suspension and that's why it's so long. He takes my arms and lifts them over my head then takes each side of long rope and takes it over the top of the lounge and then down. I can't see him but I can hear him wrapping the rope and I know the only place he could be wrapping it around is the small wooden legs of the lounge. When he stands I pull at my wrists to find I can only bring them about an inch away. Christian smirks at me and I can't help but smile back at him.

He opens my legs so that I'm straddling the lounge and picks up two different pairs of handcuffs, my guess is he couldn't find two the same. One's pink and fluffy the other is leather but I know neither will leave marks as he locks one around each ankle. He then locks the other side around the bottom legs of the lounge and I am completely bound at his mercy. I wonder what he's got planned.

"I'm going to blindfold you now Anastasia." He smirks and I get this uneasy feeling in my stomach, something telling me this is going to be a punishment that I'm sure I don't deserve. My mind goes into overdrive, trying to think of something I may have done that Luke or Gary would have told Taylor who would then have told Christian but with the adrenaline running through my mind I lift my head so he can slip on the pink silk eye mask.

I relax back when he's done and my apprehension is heightened. I feel something between my legs but I have no idea what it is, it's cold and wet but all the toys are probably a little wet from his washing. He's teasing my entrance with something, it's rounded head just teasing while his fingers work at my clitoris. I moan softly, it feels so good but it does nothing to stop the apprehension.

I feel whatever he has pushing against me and I swallow hard, I know what that is and there is no way that's going to fit in there.

"Don't tense Ana." He growls but I can't help it, I'm doing whatever I possibly can to resist him from putting that in there.

He teases at my clitoris more and pulls the toy away, I relax at once but it was the worse thing I could have done as the toy is thrust inside me. Not completely, I can tell that the big black veined dildo isn't all the way in but it's in enough.

"Christian!" I yell shaking my head frantically, I don't want this but I know if I safeword it will stop all play and it will be a while before Christian and I have kinky fuckery again.

"Do you like this Ana?" He asks pushing the toy deeper inside of me, I feel it stretching me wider than I've ever been stretched before and I feel like I'm about to be ripped in half.

"No Christian." I moan as he pushes it even further, inch by inch he's going to push it in and I know it's going to hurt.

"Do you want a cock this big?" He asks pushing it again.

"No Christian please no." I say frantically, it's not that I don't want to play but this is going too far, his voice is stern and I know without seeing him that his posture is cold, his face disconnected and that he's in full Dom mode.

He pushes it further and I know it's as far in as it could possibly go, it feels deathly uncomfortable hitting a spot I love when Christian pounds hard into me but I don't like this at all.

"No Christian!" I beg feeling him pushing it a little more. "No stop!" I beg as tears fall from my eyes. That's when he pulls the toy out and removes the blindfold. He leans over and kisses my tears but I turn my head away, I don't want him to touch me right now.

"Ana." He whispers softly but I can't look at him, he just went too far once again. How can he not know when enough is enough? "I'm so sorry." He whispers being clever enough not to touch me.

"What was I being punished for?" I ask him as my tears stem.

"You worked that out huh?" He asks sitting on the edge of the chaise longue so he can look at me.

"I know you Christian, I know when you're punishing me because you're cold and disconnected. So why? What did I do?"

"Questioned Luke about the guns. I know I hate guns Anastasia but the men can have rifles if that means you're safe." He says. "And you only allowed them to have them so they wouldn't tell Taylor or me putting yourself at risk yet again. It's not just you now Ana! It's our Jellybean too!" I can see that he's angry.

"I just don't want to see the security in jail Christian, what would that do to me if they ended up in prison while you and Taylor were still in Seattle?" I ask him and his face pales, yeah he hadn't thought of that obviously.

"Baby I'm so sorry." He says leaning over me and attacking my lips.

I kiss him back feverishly, he may have hurt me a little with the silicon dildo but I still want him to touch me, show me he loves me.

"I'm sorry too." I say.

"I know." He replies kissing me while he removes his jeans. He's on me in seconds. Being bound, I can't do anything as he plunges into me and begins to rock hard and fast, the desperation evident in his face as well as his movements. I do the only thing I can and rub my nose across his forehead and kiss every inch I can get hold of. I cry out as my orgasm washes over me just for Christian to follow seconds after, stilling his thrusts and calling out my name. He withdraws quickly and begins untying me. Once I'm free he scoops me up and takes me over to the bed but he doesn't let go, he sits down holding me tight.

"I'm sorry, are you ok? Are you hurt?" He asks.

"I think I may be walking like a duck for a few hours." I tell him laughing, I never told him I felt like that after I lost my virginity to him. I never told him that for a while it felt like he was still planted inside of me every time I moved but we didn't have then what we have now.

"I'm sorry baby. I didn't think. I didn't mean to hurt you." He says.

"I know it was just too much, it was ok but then it was too much." I say reaching up and running my fingers across his cheek.

"You have to stop me."

"I did." I reply and he smiles and nods, proof he was going to carry on before I made him stop.

"I love you, you're the only one that can make me feel like this."

"That toy is going in the garbage." I warn him and he smiles and nods, I'm not giving him the chance to use it on me again.

"You know some men are actually just too big for some women." He says. "One of my subs, I was too long for her."

"I didn't need to know that." I tell him and he chuckles.

"I'm sorry. I just thought you should know how lucky that you and I are a perfect match."

"I know." I smile leaning up to kiss him. It's true, he fits inside me like he belongs there.


	178. Chapter 178

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Saturday 4th February**

Yesterday was great, Christian and I stayed in bed most of the day and then I filmed Jonathon Ross which was a boatload of fun and then we watched the show together while eating popcorn and drinking soda. Today Christian and I are staying in bed and not moving again. This time I don't even have to film anything or go anywhere and so Christian has decided that we will spend all day naked and he has no complaints off of me.

Christian isn't flying back on his new GEH Jet until eleven tonight so that he will be in Seattle around eleven pm so he will arrive back in Seattle at one am enough to get some sleep before having to be in work. It's problem of time differences solved just like that.

I'm lying still tied up and blindfolded to the chaise lounge after a round of kinky fuckery where Christian decided on some orgasm denial. I managed four misses before I couldn't handle it anymore and he let me come. I can't sense Christian beside me anymore but I can hear him a little way off.

"Christian?" I ask but no reply comes. "Christian!?" I shout a little more panicked.

He walks to me and slips off my blindfold, my breath calming instantly from the state of panic I was in.

"What were you doing?" I ask wishing he'd start to untie me already.

"Packing." He states before walking away from me and into the wardrobe, I can see him now but that says nothing, none of his stuff are in the closet.

"Christian!" I yell bringing him back into the bedroom. "What do you mean packing? And can you untie me already?"

"No I won't untie you and I'm packing your things." He explains.

"What?! Why?" I ask him angrily, what on earth is he playing at?

"I know you well enough Anastasia." He calls as he heads back into the wardrobe.

"What do you mean? Christian untie me!" I shout after him but this time he doesn't reply.

I slump back against the chaise lounge, not that I can lift myself off more than a couple of inches. He comes into the bedroom with my small carrier from the brown Louis Vuitton luggage set we bought in New York.

"God you look amazing like that." He groans as he places the bag beside the door, his eyes never leaving mine.

"Untie me!" I yell tugging on my restraints, I don't like being like this right now and if he doesn't start to untie me soon he won't be tying me up again for a very long time.

"Not until I know you're not going to fight me on this." He replies moving his obvious erection to make it more comfortable.

"On what?" I ask confused, I have no idea what he's playing at as he slips back into the wardrobe.

"On the fact that you're returning to Seattle with me." He explains.

"What?" I yell. "Christian no! I have things to do I have plans, you can't do this!" I yell tugging frantically on my restraints, my arms are actually starting to ache and the cold air hitting my clitoris is uncomfortable. Christian comes back in with one of my larger wheelie suitcases and deposits it by the door.

"If you don't untie me right now Christian Grey I won't ever return to Seattle do I make myself clear!" I growl but he laughs, he actually laughs. Does he realise that this is winding me up further. "Now!" I guess he knows I won't make good on my threat. "I'll scream."

"Go for it. I'll just gag you when the noise gets on my nerves. No one is going to come running." He says making me frown, wouldn't Luke come running up here if he heard me screaming?

"Ahhhh!" I scream but Christian's grin just pisses me off. He walks back into the closet while I fight against my restraints once more. Jesus Christ he's in so much trouble when I get out of here. I'm not just angry I am on fire with fury. "Let me out Christian!" I shout just as he comes in with the largest suitcase, he's obviously not folding my clothes neatly just ripping them off the hangers and that pisses me off even more. "What's your plan Christian huh?" I ask as he goes back into the closet. "You've tied me up to stop me stopping you unpacking but how are you planning on getting me on the jet? You going to have Taylor and Luke take me still tied up to the Chaise lounge?"

"I have my ways." Christian says dryly bringing through the last bag still empty as it's my carry on for the laptop, iPad and cell.

"Untie me!" I growl bucking against my restraints.

"Nope." He replies packing up my Mac and iPad before going back into the wardrobe. I pull on my restraints once more, grunting as I do. I'm going to fucking kill him when I get out of here.

He comes in carrying a pair of jeans, my brown flat boots with laces that sit below the knees, a white tank and a cardigan. I eye him carefully as he takes my panties from the pile and approaches me. My eyes don't leave him as he undoes my right leg by taking the cuff from the chair rather than my leg. As soon as I feel that the cuff is undone I pull roughly at my leg causing a gasp to echo from Christian, I may have just hurt him but I don't care, I can't believe he tied me up like this.

"Will you make this easy for me?" He asks.

"No." I growl angrily, he doesn't think I'm going to bow down to him now does he? After he's gone to so much effort to make it hard for me to argue against him anyhow? "Untie me Christian." I sat tugging on my wrists while I tuck my foot as far away from him as I can manage.

"Fine." He sighs and I can't help a smile of victory to display on my lips as he leans over me for my wrists.

However I didn't anticipate that Christian was cleverer than me. As one of his hands keeps me occupied above my head he grasps tightly at my leg and doesn't matter how much I struggle it doesn't stop him because his grip is that tight, I know he's bruised me too and I will make him pay for them.

He pulls my panties onto the free leg while I continue to writhe and wriggle trying to stop him from being able to get me anymore but he's stronger than me and gets my leg to the floor and chains me up once more. He brings goes for the left leg but this time he's ready for me and no matter how much I struggle against him he manages to get my panties on, lift them to my thighs before locking the leg back to the leg of the lounge.

"I won't fight you anymore Christian." I sigh defeated. "Just let me change myself." I ask him and he looks at me, questioning what I'm genuinely up to and in actual fact I'm not up to anything, I just want to dress myself.

He undoes the rope around my wrists and passes me my bra, t-shirt and cami but he doesn't untie my legs. I quickly change but cross my arms almost daring him to tie me up again.

He uncuffs one of my legs and pulls my jeans on for me, I don't fight him hoping he believes me but once my jeans are in place he cuffs me back to the chair before pulling on the other leg and cuffing that one back too.

"I'm sorry Ana." He says leaning in to kiss me but I turn my head away from him, he is not getting away with this that easy.

He sighs and grabs my socks and I lay back as I feel him at my feet, I think he's trying to put my socks on without removing the cuffs, doesn't he realise that I'm not going to fight him? I'm not going back to Seattle without a fight but this isn't one I want, he's exhausted me with his workouts this morning.

I hear him zip up my boots and sit up again to have a look. Bastard! The cuffs are no longer on but my legs are now bound tightly together. I should have been paying more attention.

"Christian? What are you doing?" I ask him furiously.

"Making sure you can't run." He replies. "You're coming back to Seattle, call it custodial interference."

"What?"

"This isn't about you Ana, not completely. It's about Jellybean too." He says grabbing around my waist. He hoists me up and over his shoulder and I begin hitting at his back.

"Christian Grey you put me down right now!" I shout as he marches out of the bedroom. "Put me down!" I shout louder as he clicks the button for the elevator. He's a dead man.

"Ana just shut up or I won't think twice in gagging you." He says just as I spot the thin bar gag hanging out of his back pocket, he's for real.

"Put me fucking down Christian I swear to God."

"Or what?" He asks with a hint of playfulness. "What are you really going to do about it Ana?"

"I can think of a number of things Christian." I shout just as we arrive on the ground floor. "I swear to God put me fucking down you son of a bitch!"

"Nope." He replies going straight out to the car. I see Taylor in the front of the car as Christian opens the back door and puts me inside.

"Let me go!" I shout kicking at him, I don't care about injuring him right now but I do care that he has gone way to far this time.

"Ana I'm warning you." He says. "I'll untie you once we're in the air."

"I'm not going to Seattle Christian!" I shout as he climbs in beside me. "I mean it let me go or the fucking next time you see me it will be in a fucking courtroom." Yes I'm furious, no I don't really want a divorce but I'm not the one being unreasonable here.

"If that's what you want." He sighs, I see his shoulders sagging but he doesn't look like the lost boy.

Taylor just pulls away from the house while Christian straps me in. I turn my head away from him, tears spilling down my cheeks. I feel like a prisoner or like I'm being kidnapped. What right has he got to do this to me? What's his reasons? He doesn't tell me anything.

"I will protect you." He says leaning into me while I struggle to lean away. "I vowed to protect you. That's what I'm doing Ana, that's all I'm doing."

"Fuck you." I growl making him blanch away, good.

We arrive at Heathrow and Taylor takes us straight to the plane, we don't have any luggage anyhow. I don't even bother to look at Christian's new jumbo jet as he pulls me out of the car. As I cry I don't snuggle my head into his chest like I want to instead make sure that I'm facing away from him while he carries me on board. He places me on one of the navy leather chairs before he talks to Taylor.

"You'll have the luggage?"

"Yes Sir."

"We'll see you in a few hours then." He replies and Taylor nods his head before disappearing off the plane without a look to me.

I bow my head as Christian goes to the front of the jet. I guess he has to talk to his crew about something. He had this planned, I already know that this was planned before he even arrived in London. Son of a bitch. I don't know if I'm more hurt or more angry but what I do know is that Christian is going to have a lot of making up to do after this, that's even if he'll want to make up after this.

I turn to look out the small round window and I can't help but think of the small life inside of me. Christian wouldn't be reacting this irrationally if it wasn't for the intruder and I thought it was me who was supposed to have irrational mood swings.

As Christian comes back towards me I see the Jet doors begin to close. He walks to me and kneels in front of me.

"Don't touch me." I growl without even looking at him, I'm so angry.

"Fine." He replies casually. "Just put on your seatbelt."

I do as he said and he goes to the seat opposite me. He doesn't look lost, or confused, he looks normal, good. How can this man that I love so much cause me so much pain? Pick your fights my Mom said but this is one fight that I wasn't willing to lose but as we begin taxiing down the runway I know I did lose and I lost big.

Christian's back kneeling in front of me as soon as the seatbelts sign goes off. He unwraps the rope from around my legs, finally freeing me.

"Ok?" He asks going to touch my face but thinking better of it. I don't reply, it's pretty obvious that I'm not ok and him asking was stupid.

"You know what you did was just kidnapping." I tell him pointedly as he sinks back into his own seat.

"Call the cops when we land." He replies waving my comment off like it's no big deal. "Would you like to see around the jet?"

"No, I'd like to know where the bed is."

"There's three, two rooms, ones a double ones two singles." He says smugly, yes he loves his new Jet.

"Where?"

"I'll show you."

"I'd rather you didn't." I reply and he sags in his seat again.

"Straight down to the back, the double is on your left the single on your right, bathroom right in the middle."

"Thank you." I reply getting out of my seat. I head straight into the single bedroom knowing in a single bed it's harder for Christian to join me. I barely look at the navy blue, gold and white themed room as I sit on the bed to tug off my jeans and boots. I'm tired, exhausted from our morning of kinky fuckery and afternoon of fighting and I just need to sleep. I climb beneath the crisp new duvet and close my eyes letting sleep completely engulf me.


	179. Chapter 179

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Saturday 4th February**

Back in Escala and I still have nothing to say to Christian. I greet Gail and give her the cookbook I bought for her before going straight to our bedroom. He follows me in and just watches me as I grab some pyjamas, I just want to sink into the couch, watch lame TV and sulk but I don't think Christian's going to allow that.

Seeing him still watching me I throw the pyjamas on the bed and march out of the room. I grab the keys for my TTS and watch as Christian stops me from being able to get to the elevator button.

"Move. Now." I say threateningly.

"Are you leaving me?" He asks, he doesn't look to pained about it.

"Do you want me to leave?" I ask him seriously and he sighs and shakes his head. "Then no, I'm going for a drive."

"Ok." He says moving out of my way, knocking the button for me.

I step into the elevator and look anywhere at him, he's not getting more than that out of me until he apologises and gives me a fucking decent explanation.

In the car I realise I need to see someone, to talk to someone. I also know that my choices are limited. I grab my cell and place it in the hands free set and knock the speed dial for Kate before exiting the garage. She'll be able to talk about this with me.

"Kavanagh."

"It's Ana." I say, does nobody check the caller ID anymore? "I need to talk."

"Aren't you in London?" She asks.

"Not anymore." I sing and I instantly hear her sitting more upright wherever she is.

"I'm at Bellevue."

"I'll be there in twenty." I say before hanging up, the last thing I need is to face my in laws but I have to talk to someone or this is going to drive me mad.

The whole drive to Bellevue I reply what happened, from the moment Christian left me on the chaise lounge to pack up my belongings which are from what I understand somewhere above the Atlantic Ocean.

I pull up outside the house and decide not to head in and face the entire Grey inquisition. Instead I send a text to Kate informing her I'm outside and wait for her to join me. She rushes out of the house in a pair of jeans and a cardigan and climbs into my passenger seat.

"How long have you got?" I ask her.

"As long as I need." She replies and I quickly put the car into reverse and turn around.

I drive us off, not feeling comfortable having this conversation outside Christian's childhood home. I drive to Kelsey Creek Park that's not too far from the Grey's here in Bellevue. Kate wisely doesn't ask me anything, I need to just have her here for the moment.

I find a spot to park and pull over before slumping in my seat ready to tell her everything.

"So what's he done?" She asks as soon as she can. I chuckle, even if it wasn't Christian she'd ask me that.

"Can a husband kidnap a wife?" I ask her seriously making her face drop.

"What?"

"I think Christian just kidnapped me." I tell her and her eyes widen as those words register in her mind.

"What do you mean kidnapped you Ana?"

"I mean took me against my will from London and brought me back to Seattle." I tell her, I wish I had a camera, her face is a picture.

"How?" She asks.

"Well you know… what we do…" I say awkwardly and she nods. "Ok so we'd just had really amazing kinky fuckery on the chaise lounge in my bedroom, I was tied up and blindfolded and Christian… he left me there and started to pack my things up."

"Oh my God." She gasps quietly.

"Then he helped dress me, allowed me to dress my upper half and keep use of my hands but while I was trying to figure out what was going on he tied my legs up with rope and carried me to the car, then from the car to the jet. He untied me once we were in the air."

"Fucking hell." Kate says completely gob smacked.

"Why?"

"I have no idea Kate." I reply.

"Oh Ana." She says undoing her seatbelt and leaning over to hug me as I begin to cry.

"Is it wrong that I feel violated?"

"He took your free will away Ana, there is no biggest violation." She says wiping my tears with her thumb.

"I'm so angry."

"I bet you are. Do you want to come stay at mine and Elliot's tonight?"

"No I think the guest room will be far enough." I chuckle. "My husband kidnapped me."

"Call the cops."

"That's what he said when I pointed it out to him." I reply with a small smile.

"It's up to you Ana but I can tell you that Grace and Carrick were excited when I said you were coming over, why don't you come and have a cup of tea before heading back?" Kate suggests.

"I need to figure out what to do about Christian first." I tell her with a sigh.

"Easy." She smirks. "Ignore him until he gives you an explanation."

"This could ruin us." I tell her and sighing she nods in agreement, I don't want to lose Christian but how can I ever trust him again, especially when it comes to bondage? How can I let him tie me up and blindfold me again?

"And it wouldn't be your fault, he kidnapped you Ana and without an explanation. If it was Elliot I'd have his balls on my mantle."

"Hmm." I reply laughing. "That's not a bad idea." I add making her laugh.

"Come see your family Grey." She says nudging me.

"Buckle up then." I say starting the engine. She's right. I have to ignore him till he explains, I deserve an explanation.

Back at the house Kate can see I'm hesitant.

"Ana they're worried. Come at least and let them know you're all right."

Sighing I release my belt and climb out of the car. I know I look a mess and it's obvious I've been crying but a cup of tea and even a hug of Grace feels like a good thing right now. I follow her inside and I'm quite relieved when I noticed Mia isn't here. Grace instantly comes to my side and wraps me up in a tight motherly hug.

"I thought you were in London for another week." She says softly. I just give her a small smile and no answer because I should be in London for another week. I could possibly call and organise my jet but in saying that Christian's probably already cancelled the signings and interviews by now.

"Come on let's get you a cup of tea." Grace smiles taking my hand I give Kate one last smile before I head with Grace into the kitchen.

I sit down on the stool she points out to me and I watch as she pulls out the box of English Twinnings tea and switches on the water. She doesn't ask me anything as she busies herself making us both a cup of tea but as soon as the cup slides beneath me Grace looks at me expectantly, she wants to know.

"What happened?" She asks walking around to me and sliding onto the stool beside me but facing me.

"What do you mean?" I decide to go to nonchalance, I'd scare Grace for life if I told her the truth.

"Oh come on Ana. You're home from London a week early, you've been crying and you called Kate. When Carrick and used to fight I'd always go to my best friend, she's the person who always sided with me and told me I was right even if I was wrong."

"With all due respect Grace, I'm not one of those people who always think I'm right but this time I am." I tell her angrily, I have severe mood swings but of course Grace doesn't know that.

"Talk to me Ana, what happened?" She asks taking my hand in her own. I shake my head, I can't possibly tell her. "Just because Christian's my son it doesn't mean I'll automatically side with him."

"I know that." I reply giving her hand a small squeeze. "I just can't tell you right now because I don't even know."

"What do you mean?" She frowns.

"Christian…" I sigh, I have to say something or she's going to call him. "Made me come back to Seattle against my will." I say rubbing my forehead.

"I don't…"

"You don't need the details Grace but it wasn't that I was reluctant but I refused to come back, I had a week worth of work to do there, work that I was looking forward to that had been planned for ages. It doesn't matter how but he brought me to his jet against my will, I was kicking and screaming."

Grace looks horrified and I sigh and shake my head, I shouldn't have said anything.

"Did he hurt you?" She asks.

"I'll have a few bruises by morning but so will he." I reply angrily, I am furious with him and I can't shift that.

"Jesus Anastasia, why?" She asks, she's in complete shock not that I blame her.

"That's the thing Grace. I don't know."

"He surly would have a good reason."

"If he does he's not sharing it with me." I say tears stinging my eyes. "I know Grace, deep inside I know something is worrying him and it's my safety that's made him do this. He's always irrational when it comes to my safety but he went too far this time Grace."

"Are you leaving my son Ana?" She asks and I shake my head.

"Not yet." I admit and she sighs softly.

"You're right in saying something must be worrying him for him to react like this. Maybe you need to see Doctor Flynn, the two of you together." She suggests.

"I need to see him on my own first Grace." I tell her quietly.

"Is this all Anastasia?" She asks looking at me really worriedly. I want to scream no, tell her I'm pregnant but I can't muster up the courage, scared she'll use the baby as an excuse for his behaviour like he did. _It's not just you now Ana. _He said.

"I should go." I say taking my hand from hers.

"You're welcome to stay here the night." She says and I smile warmly at her, she really is a sort of mediator between us.

"I think the guest room back at Escala will be sufficient." I reply giving her a tight hug. "I'm so sorry Grace."

"Whatever for dear?" She asks running her fingers through my hair as I hold her tight.

"Bringing this to you. I shouldn't have."

"You should always." She replied sternly. "I love you Ana, as much as I love my other three children." She says staring me straight in the eye. "If you and Christian are having difficulties then I want to help you through them."

"Thank you." I say. "Give my love to everyone."

"I will." She says knowing that means I'm not stopping to say goodbye to anyone else. I nod and give her a small smile before hurrying off.

As soon as I'm in the car I knock the cell number for Flynn. I quickly tell him I need to see him and I'm sorry but it can't wait. I think by the desperation in my voice he knows I'm serious and he tells me to meet him at Beth's café on Aurora Avenue. As I drive I wonder what I should tell him. In all honesty he's the one I can tell all too and know he'll have some reasonable answers.

I arrive before him and slip into one of the booths that can be seen from the door. I order a Strawberry shake and a plate of brownies knowing I need some food in my system seeing as I didn't eat a thing on the jet pretending to be asleep the entire time. Flynn arrives just as my order is placed in front of him and he orders a coffee for himself, he looks far more relaxed than normal but he also looks worried.

"Do you want to tell me why Christian called me about an hour ago asking if I'd heard from you?" He asks and I shake my head, not for the moment. "He also asked me to call him if I did hear from you."

"And have you?"

"Yes." He replies making me sink, I need to run, he's probably on his way right now. "I didn't tell him where we were meeting, I just said you wanted to talk and I'd see if I could persuade you to at least call if I couldn't persuade you to go home."

"Did he tell you anything else? Why I need to see you?"

"No." He replies making me sigh, I wish he had.

"He refused to untie me after a… a session." I say awkwardly, Flynn is listening intently which does nothing to appease my apprehension. "This was in my bedroom in London." I explain. "He packed my things while I was still tied, half-dressed me allowing me to have my wrists free then he tied me up some more before carrying me to the car and then onto his jet."

"Against your will?"

"Completely against my will."

"Did you safeword?"

"I screamed put me down, stop, please put me down." I reply and Flynn nods.

"Did you think to safeword?"

"No." I reply shaking my head for emphasis. "Do you think it would have worked?" Flynn just shrugs winding me right back up. "Look Flynn my husband has just taken me against my will bound in rope from another country. I wasn't in London escaping from him, I was working. He came to London with that plan in motion. At the same time, when I was screaming for him to put me down, no one helped me John, not Taylor, not Luke nor Gary. I was scared and I felt violated … I can't look at Christian right now."

"When he had you tied up and in the car what was going through your mind?" John asks, I know he's considering my words but he obviously wants more to go on.

"That we couldn't possibly be ok after this." I say quietly. "I don't think I'll ever trust him again."

"Trust him or trust him when you're doing a scene?" He asks and I shrug, I don't know what I mean. "Anastasia your emotions are heightened because of the pregnancy, congratulations by the way…"

"I am not just crazy because I'm pregnant John!" I shout not caring about the attention I've dragged over to us. "My husband kidnapped me."

"I know. I wasn't saying you're crazy because your pregnant what I was going to say is Christian's emotions are also heightened."

"So my pregnancy made my husband crazy?"

"In so many words." John smiles while I shake my head, that's not possible. "Christian's always been protective of you Ana, overprotective but now it's not just you it's the child that he badly wants too. You see your defiance now is putting your unborn child at risk too."

"I had two armed security with me. How much risk could I have been at?"

"We don't know if your stalker is dangerous Ana."

I stop for a moment. Of course. Christian brought me back because of the stalker who at the moment is in London probably not knowing that I'm back in Seattle.

"He could have talked to me."

"Would you have given in?"

"Probably not but he still could have talked to me."

"What he did was irrational and probably scared you but he was only doing what he thought was best."

"Christian always does what he thinks is best John!" I snap. "Christian always does what Christian fucking wants but he's not always right!" I growl, I don't like that it sounds like John is agreeing with Christian.

"Please don't think I'm on his side Ana." John obviously sees what I'm thinking. "I think Christian was irresponsible putting you through unnecessary trauma which could be harmful to both you and your child."

I hadn't thought about it like that. Christian could have hurt Jellybean and that angers me. I'm having this child because of him and for him, I'm not ready to be a Mother yet but I'm still carrying his child, not drinking or taking too much caffeine.

"I would like to know how you feel about the pregnancy." John says and I sigh.

"There's nothing much to say John. I'm pregnant. In about six to seven months I'm going to be a Mom and there's nothing I can do about it."

"You're not happy about it." John states the obvious.

"I had the next year of my life planned out John." I admit. "I was going to finish fifty shades, do as much travelling as I could with the publicity, branch out with AG Inc. I had so much I wanted to do."

"And you think because you're becoming a mother you won't be able to?" John asks frowning a little, I don't think he really thinks I'm that stupid.

"No I think that Christian won't let me."

"He doesn't own you." Flynn points out to me.

"Doesn't he? I mean he just took me from a different country without my consent John so I think he thinks he does own me." I reply bitterly. I don't think my emotions about this are going to change any time soon.

"I think we'll need to talk some other time about that Anastasia, in depth."

"Fine." I reply quite glad it's not mine.

"What are you planning on doing when you leave here?" Flynn asks me.

"Go home, I'm exhausted."

"Ok." Flynn smiles and nods. "Then what?"

"Then… I don't know."

"If you want my advice, take some time for you. Have a hot bath, light some candles, put on some music and eat some chocolate and a small glass of wine every once in a while is safe too. Don't go home and argue with Christian because you need to think of your child." Flynn tells me gently.

"Ok." I nod and he smiles at me. "What if Christian wants to talk?"

"Tell him that you're emotional and tired and would rather not talk about it this evening. He has an appointment with me tomorrow, let me talk to him and I'll see what his take on this is then I'd like to see you both together."

"That's a good idea."

"How about your usual Thursday slot?"

"Ok." I nod and he smiles and gives my hand a squeeze.

"Ok." He says.

I place some money down to cover mine and Flynn's order then follow him out.

"Thank you John." I say sincerely, I did just interrupt his Sunday.

"Anytime Ana, if anything you did me a great favour Rhian's parents are around and they're not my biggest fans." He says with a wink. "Drive safe."

"You too." I reply before heading over to my car hoping that what John suggested works. I'm too tired to argue with Christian right now.


	180. Chapter 180

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Sunday 5th February**

I wake up and look around the fresh white room that is the guest room. I spot at once the chair beside my bed and I know Christian was in here last night watching me sleep. After I arrived home from being with Flynn I noticed Christian wasn't around. Gail informed me that he was in the study and that dinner was ready. I had her make me a plate and I disappeared into the TV room to watch whatever was on so I wouldn't have to eat with Christian. When I brought my plate back out he was picking at his dinner at the breakfast bar. He glanced over at me, then at my plate and inside my head I was daring him to say something about the amount I had eaten, I'd managed to force myself to eat half of the plate, for Jellybean, because if it wasn't for him or her I wouldn't have bothered trying to eat.

Afterwards I went to our bedroom, grabbed what I needed for the night and had the bath that Flynn suggested. It was nice to lock the door and be alone with my Christian playlist half a glass of white wine and a box of chocolates that had been given to me by someone at Christmas. Christian wisely didn't disturb me. After my bath I went to bed and managed to sleep until about three am when I woke to Christian playing a mournful lament on the piano and as much as my heart wept for him I was still angry and I managed not to give in to the part of me that yearned to be with him and I drifted back to sleep.

I know he was here, his scent almost lingers around me but now there's no sign of him in here and of that I am glad. I head down to breakfast and find Mrs Jones almost dancing around and that's my sign that Taylor and them are back.

"Good morning Ana." She gives me a sympathetic smile. "Would you like some breakfast?"

"Just some dry toast please." I reply. "I just need something to settle my stomach."

"Take some crackers with it? I have crackers and root beer in for you."

"Hmm root beer and crackers with toast for breakfast. Sounds good." I give her a smile just as I spot a shadow drifting. Christian freezes and his eyes lock on mine. Gail is about to slip out when I turn to her.

"I'll come and get it in about fifteen minutes." I tell her and she nods uncomfortably as I hope off the stool.

I almost make it to the stairs when Christian's voice brings me to a stop.

"Ana wait."

I turn to face him keeping my face blank as I wait to hear what he has to say. _Please tell me you'll tell me everything._ I chant in my head.

"Stop this childishness."

I manage not to pop my mouth open but my eyes do widen in surprise. _Wrong sentence Grey. _I can't help but think as I turn on my heels and head to the stairs, I hear his sigh but there's no apology and so he's not getting a word out of me, I'm turning mute.

Fifteen minutes later I head downstairs and Gail serves my breakfast.

"Where is he?" I ask and she sighs, I know Christian and I fighting makes things difficult for her.

"He cut a deal with a new building for Grey's house this week, he and Taylor have gone to do some overseeing on the work." She explains.

"Then I'm going shopping." I say with a wiggle of my eyebrows.

Gail shakes her head, I don't know if Taylor's told her what happened yet. If he hasn't then she probably doesn't have any idea what Christian and I are fighting over. After my breakfast I wash and dress in our bedroom in a pair of jeans and pumps pulling on my baby blue dress coat and beret leaving my hair down. I add some make up to take away from the pale look on my face and I head to the hallway to get my keys. I find that both sets of my car keys are missing.

"Gail?" I call knowing she's probably been cleaning.

"Yes Ana?" She asks.

"Uh have you seen my car keys?" I ask and she chuckles and shakes her head.

"Your memory will get worse over the next few months."

"Thanks." I say sarcastically. "I know I put the TTS ones back here when I got in last night and my Saab ones were right next to them as always." I reply rubbing my lip thoughtfully. "Son of a bitch."

I grab my cell phone and knock the speed dial for Christian.

"Ana." He breathes.

"Where the fuck are my car keys Christian?" I growl making him sigh softly.

"I don't want you leaving the house."

"Well I didn't want to leave London either, you gave my no fucking choice in that matter, where the fuck are my keys?" I snap, my anger boiling again.

"I have them."

"There?"

"Yes."

"Fuck!" I snap hanging up on him. I walk back to Gail who's still standing by the key rack. "Any idea which one of these is for the small SUV?"

"Nope. Do you even know how to drive an SUV?"

"Can't be that different from a regular car right?" I ask and Gail shrugs. "Fuck it I'll take Christian's R8." I say grabbing those keys. "See you later Gail."

"Will you be back for lunch?" She asks as I knock the button.

"No, I think I'll go somewhere for lunch." I tell her and she nods as I step into the elevator.

Getting behind the wheel of Christian's R8 I suddenly miss my own. The TTS is great but it's not my R8. I start the engine and I can't resist revving it a few times before heading out. I should have probably asked Luke to come with me but I bet he's sleeping and exhausted and I really could do with some more me time. Just what Doctor Flynn ordered.

I don't know where I'm really going. I have no plan at all until I end up outside Swedish Medical Centre. The one place in the package that Doctor Greene gave me that appealed to me and my internet search added to that interest too. I pull up the car and head inside nervously.

This is something Christian and I are supposed to do together but I need something to calm me right now and thinking of Jellybean seems to be doing that a little, it's a reason Christian will always be in my life if we don't work through this.

"Hi welcome to Swedish Medical Centre. I'm Cara." A brunette girl about my age smiles from behind the counter.

"Hi Ana." I smile back, she relaxes me a little straight away.

"What can we do for you today?" She asks politely.

"Uh well I'm pregnant, first time. My husband and I are interested in this place."

"Ok well come through to the consultation room." She smiles nodding her head towards an open office door. "We'll talk in there."

I follow her through and take a seat opposite her, she's so warming and friendly and relaxing which I guess you want from the place and people you hope will help you give birth to your child.

"Ok so what do you know?" He asks.

"Everything online." I reply and she smiles. "Listen I know that I want to register for the pre-baby classes and deliver my child here."

"Ok so the welcome baby package for first timers are childbirth preparation, baby your body, coping with confidence, newborn and parenting classes, infant safety classes, grandparents classes. All in the cost."

"Money isn't an object." I tell her before she begins talking the loan scheme and the other stuff they offer.

"There's the additional Fit4baby pregnancy exercise classes and a free tour six weeks before your due date which would be?"

"I don't know yet."

"Oh." She says surprise.

"I'm about nine weeks along maybe ten now, confirmed by my OB but she'll give me a date on our next appointment in a week."

"There's always the conscious father classes, would the Dad be interested?"

"I'm sure he will, he wants to be a good dad." I smile and she nods, thinking of Christian as a father makes me soften a little towards him but I'm still as mad as hell.

"Would you like to book the Happy Birthday Intro tour yet?"

"Yes please."

"Would you like it here or at one of our other centres?"

"Here, it's closest to home which will be good if I go into premature labour. It's also closest to my office."

"Ok. You'll get to choose your own midwife, OB, peads nurse and everybody who will be involved in the birth after this day."

"Ok." I smile, this is sort of exciting.

"Right then we have a Happy Birthday Intro tour on Wednesday. Will you be free at four pm?"

"I'll make myself free." I smile.

"Good." She beams scribbling on a card. "After this tour you get to make your mind up whether Swedish is for you and if it is you can decide what you want in detail in the package we'll give you on the day and then once your application and payment has been processed you can relax just that little bit more and let Swedish take care of everything."

"Thank you so much." I say genuinely, this is why I liked the look of this place.

"You're more than welcome Ana, I look forward to seeing you on Wednesday.

I leave with her and she waves at me from reception. I will need to somehow tell Christian about this appointment, I hope he comes because I know he'll want to stake the place out and make sure it's the right place to deliver our baby though the final choice is mine.

I arrive home and the second I'm through the elevator I see Luke and Taylor. They both look furious as I head into the great room where Christian is pacing.

"Where the fuck have you been?" He growls angrily, I say nothing all he has to do is say he'll explain to me. "Anastasia!" He yells. "I have been out of my fucking mind, where have you been? You turned your cell off what if there was an emergency?"

I shake my head and turn around to exit the great room. That's when I see Luke and Taylor in the door way barricading me in. They both have the decency to at least look at me apologetically but that doesn't stop my fury.

"What the fuck Christian?" I growl. "You're trying to make me talk to you?"

"Where were you?"

"Why the fuck does that matter right now?" I yell back at him. "Do you want me to have a miscarriage is that it?" I snap and he blanches before becoming my lost boy. I shake my head and turned to Luke and Taylor. "Move out of my way." I say sternly. They both glance at Christian. "I don't need his fucking permission to leave the room, now move…" I squeeze my eyes shut as a painful cramp hits my stomach Luke rushes to me.

"Ana are you ok?" He asks making Christian walk forward.

"I'm fine." I breathe. "Let me go." I shrug out of his hand that was resting on my shoulder and hurry back out the door. I go straight upstairs into the guest bedroom and rush to the bathroom, my heart pounding in my chest. I tear my pants and panties down and look for blood. There is none and I relax a little but I know that the stress caused the cramp. I won't survive if I lose this baby too.

I turn my cell back on and lay down on the bed side on tucking a pillow over my stomach, hugging it to me tight. I contemplate who to call settling on the one person I know will come straight over. Grace.

"Hello?" She answers, her soft voice relaxing me a little.

"Grace?"

"Ana?"

"Yeah." I say as tears spill down my cheeks.

"Is everything ok?" She asks, I hear her worry, she doesn't even know the half of it.

"Grace I think I might have another miscarriage." I say the tears spilling uncontrollably.

"Now?"

"I'm sorry." I say quietly.

"I'm on my way Ana, do you want me to stay on the phone?"

"Please." I say quietly, I can hear her rushing around.

"Ok, I'm right here. Do you know how far along?"

"Nine to ten weeks. The New York test was a false negative."

"That's ok." She says.

"We were going to wait till the end of the first trimester before telling anyone." I explain.

"I know Ana, don't worry about that now. What makes you think you're having a miscarriage?"

"Christian and I were arguing and I had a really painful cramp."

"Are you bleeding?"

"No."

"Ok that's a good sign, I just need you to calm down Ana. Take deep breaths for me."

"Ok." I say before following her instructions. I can hear the car door and I know she's putting the phone in the hands free set.

"I'm on my way Ana ok…"

"Ouch!" I cry as I feel another sharp twinge.

"You're ok Ana. Just small deep breaths for me ok?"

I start breathing again.

"Are you lying down?"

"Yes on my side."

"Is that comfortable?"

"Yes." I reply, I know she's just trying to keep my mind on something other than a possible second miscarriage.

For twenty minutes she tells me to breathe, I hear Christian's voice when he spots his mother exiting the elevator but she tells him to go to the living room while she comes up to me.

"Ana." She says knocking the phone off. "Oh my darling." She says coming to the bed and sitting beside me.

"I can't lose this baby Grace." I hiccup.

"I know." She replies running her hands through my loose hair. I know it's because if I am having a miscarriage there is nothing that she can really do about it.

"You need to rest Ana." She says. "Just let your mind rest."

I let her pull my head onto her lap and she hums a lullabye I don't recognise as she strokes my hair, it sends me to sleep my mind and body craves.


	181. Chapter 181

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Sunday 5th February**

When I wake I'm alone. I rest my hand on my slightly podgy belly and hurry into the bathroom. I quickly peel down my panties and see there's no blood. That brings my blood pressure straight down. I relax and head downstairs. I hear Christian and Grace in the front room and though I know I shouldn't I can't help but listen to what they're talking about.

"I don't think she wants this baby Mom." Christian says, his voice sounds so broken.

"Maybe she didn't." Grace replies. "But the panic in her voice when she called me said otherwise. Maybe she didn't realise how much she didn't want it till she thought she was losing it."

"I don't think we'll survive if she loses this baby Mom, taking her from London, even in the extreme way I did would have been for nothing in both of our eyes. I trust her Mom, if it was just her I would have let her be in London but I had to bring her home for Jellybean and I knew she wouldn't. She doesn't think before rushing into situations."

"It's one of the things you fell in love with her." Grace points out making me smile though my heart is cracking.

"She's my everything Mom."

"I know that."

"She's so mad with me."

"With every right to be." Grace replies. "Christian what you did was inexcusable. Taking her from London like that, you took away her free will which is probably why she's pushing so hard against you now. I'm not Flynn but I'm sure he'd agree with me."

"That's what he said when I saw him earlier."

"You've been to see him? That's good." Grace replies softly. I'm happy he's been too, maybe now he'll see things a little from my point of view in the same way I'm beginning to see things from his though I'm still pissed at him.

"He said that maybe I could have explained to her first or while we were in the car, maybe then she wouldn't be so mad."

"Then explain to her now." Grace suggested.

"I can't. This can't be another Jack Hyde."

"I don't think this Marcus fellow is anything like Hyde Christian." She replies, her voice melodic and caring, it makes me want my Mom so much.

"I just can't take that risk. I want to tell her Mom, I want to hold her in my arms and tell her that I'm sorry and explain why I did it and explain everything else that's going through my head but I can't, she doesn't need the extra worry."

"And you think fighting with her doesn't add the unneeded worry."

"It's not the same."

"Isn't it?" Grace asked and I could somehow tell she was getting to her feet.

I hurry back up the stairs and climb into bed just as I hear Grace's feet on the stairs. She smiles when she comes in, a genuine warm smile which makes me feel a little better.

"I just want to take your blood pressure then you need to come down and have something to eat and drink, keep your strength up."

I let her have my arm and attach the cuff to my bicep.

"Is Christian still mad at me?" I ask and she sighs.

"He's worried about you." She replies. "Are you still mad at him?"

"A little." I admit as she reads the blood pressure and removes the cuff.

"I don't know the details of what's going on Ana, only what you've told me and what Christian has told me and I know you both well enough to know there's so much more going on. I understand both your points. I know why you're mad with him and I would be too and I know why he's frustrated with you which I would be too. You're not seeing Flynn till Thursday. My recommendation is you come to Bellevue and stay with Carrick and me, that way I can keep a close eye on you and you get to be stress free, then on Thursday you talk things out with Flynn and if need be you can come back to Bellevue but hopefully you'll have sorted some things out with Flynn and be able to talk more with Christian."

"What does Christian think?" I ask her.

"He says it's your choice and he'll understand and support you whatever you decide."

I sigh, I don't know what to do. I want to be here with him in our bed but I know I can't right now. Getting away sounds like heaven but I don't want to impose on my in laws when my feud is with their son.

"It's not a problem Ana, as a doctor I'd prefer to have you come to Bellevue at least for tonight where I can have my own bed and I'm nearby if something does happen."

"Ok." I say and she smiles, I am reluctant but if this is what's needed to be done then this is what I'll do.

I follow Grace downstairs and Christian stands up quickly. His grey eyes meet mine and I freeze, just for a moment. He looks like he's about to turn and leave when I walk to him. I wrap my arms around his waist and breathe him in. I just need him to hold me for a moment. It doesn't matter how much I'm fighting with him he'll always be the man I love.

He scoops me up and sits himself on the couch resting me on his lap. I bury my head in his chest, holding back my cries as best as I can.

"I love you Ana." He says quietly.

"I love you too, always." I reply, my voice muffled by his shirt but by how he relaxes beneath me I know he heard.

We stay sitting there, just breathing each other in for some time until Grace places two bowls of mac and cheese on the coffee table then gets two glasses of orange juice before disappearing. I don't know where she's gone but I don't mind that she has.

"Are you going to stay with my Mom?"

"Yes."

"Ok."

The awkward silence engulfs us as we eat. We both have so much to say. I want to say something but I don't want another fight. I need to be relaxed for the baby. After we've eaten Christian takes the bowls and glasses through to the kitchen and Grace appears with my small Louis Vuitton wheelie.

"I've packed you some clothes." She explains. I nod and give her a grateful smile. "Ready to go?"

"Can I have my car keys?" I ask Christian.

"I'd rather not."

"Why?" I ask him immediately, not angrily but quick enough for him to know I'm not fooling around.

"I don't want you driving yourself right now. I promise I'll explain everything after we've seen Flynn but not now. Luke and Gary will pick you up tomorrow and take you wherever you need to go."

"I have a lot to do tomorrow." I tell him and he sighs and nods, he knows I mean visiting Redmond, Christasia Seattle, GP Seattle and Ana's Palace.

"They'll drive you."

"I'd rather it was Ryan and Gary."

"Fine I'll call Ryan." He sighs, I know he's getting frustrated.

"I still need my keys, my office keys are all on there, each building keys."

"I'm sure you're not the person with the only sets."

"I'd still rather have my own."

"Saab or TTS?"

"TTS." I reply and he whips the keys out of his pocket and holds them out to me.

I cross the room and rest my hand in his, my fingers just touching him as I swipe the keys into my own hand.

"Come home when you're ready." He says showing how broken he truly is about this.

"I will." I reply before heading over to where Grace is by the elevator. Christian following me at a close distance.

I step into the silver doors with Grace and look one last time at Christian.

"I love you Ana." He says, reaffirming me.

"I love you Christian." I reply just as the doors close.

My eyes sting with tears and Grace takes my hand in her own giving it a small squeeze.

"You'll recover from this you know." She says quietly.

"I know." I reply though it's not confident, I really don't know if our marriage can be saved from this point.


	182. Chapter 182

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Monday 6th February**

Waking up in Christian's childhood bedroom was depressing. I didn't waste time in getting up and dressed and even decided to have breakfast at the office because I didn't want to hang around the house. Grace and Carrick have been wonderful even though Carrick doesn't know I'm pregnant, I guess Christian asked Grace not to say anything which I don't mind I know Carrick will be excited, he's that type of man who has this cold exterior until it's his family then he's as warm as can be and I can see him spoiling a grandchild with secret cookies when no one is looking just before dinner.

Gary and Ryan pick me up in the SUV and take me to Ana's Palace. I don't stop to talk to anyone on my arrival just make my way straight up to the top floor, my office. The first thing I notice is the big beautiful display of exotic orange and blue flowers. I reach for the card and sigh.

_I'm sorry. Just trust me. Christian x_

I would trust him, if he could display the same trust in me. I sink into the large red leather desk chair and switch on the computer. As it loads I replay everything once more over in my head. When I went to London I was glad to be getting away, to think about everything mainly about Jellybean because I was so convinced I didn't want it and wasn't ready to be a Mom, it wasn't selfish, I would love and care for my child but it wasn't planned and after we lost little blip I thought the next child I conceived would have been planned. Nearly losing Jellybean however has made me realise just how much I want this baby. It's my baby. My child, my own flesh and blood and it would kill me if anything happened to him or her. I hope Christian has a fucking good explanation because the stress he added onto me could have killed our child and that's not ok with me.

I don't know why but the first thing I do is log into my email looking to see one off Christian. When I see that there is I hesitate to open it. Our marriage is not in a good place right now and I don't think email communication is going to quite cut it for us.

**From:** Christian Grey

**Subject:** Headlines

**To:** Anastasia Grey

Have you seen today's headlines? I'm trying to clean it up now. Please don't worry or stress.

Christian Grey

_Manager, Ana Grey, CEO, Grey's Enterprises Holdings, Inc._

My stomach completely drops as I pick up one of the newspapers from the pile beside my desk. It drops even further when I see the headline.

_**Baby Grey on the way?**_

I quickly turn to page four as direct and see there is only a picture of Christian and me from Seattle Grace, nothing suspicious about that.

_A source for Seattle Sun revealed that yesterday Anastasia Grey was visiting First Hill Swedish Medical Centre on Broadway. The medical centre is known for delivering Seattle's Aristocratic babies with the largest perinatal medicine program in the state and a level three neonatal intensive care unit should anything go wrong with the birth of baby Grey they will be ready. It is rumoured that Ana Grey was signing up for the Have a happy birthday tour, which is a tour designed for people in early pregnancy and contemplating pregnancy. Can we expect an announcement from the Grey Camp in the coming future? _

I shake as I put the paper down. I will never get used to this no privacy thing. It was stupid of me to go to that place yesterday without security. However they don't say I am pregnancy just might be thinking of pregnancy or in early pregnancy and at least it is all just rumours. I turn to my email to reply to Christian.

**From:** Anastasia Grey

**Subject:** Swdish

**To:** Christian Grey

Not worrying or stressing. It isn't worth worrying or stressing over however it is where I went yesterday. We have an appointment on Wednesday at four pm to tour the facilities if you want to come. It's your choice.

Ana Grey

_CEO, Anastasia Grey, Inc._

I knock the send button and check out the other papers, they're all the same except one or two which are more interested in my return from London. The lift doors opening surprises me and I quickly stand to face whoever it is coming to see me.

"Luke." I say dryly seeing my friend and security who is seriously up shit street with me at the moment.

"Ana can we talk?" He asks nervously.

"Sure." I reply my arm signalling the two red leather couches, he's my friend and I don't want this to be formal.

He sits down on one and I sit opposite him, creating a distance between us.

"Listen I just wanted to say I'm really sorry."

"Is that all?"

"No." He shakes his head knowing I'm not going to accept a sorry this easily. "I know you're upset and confused about what happened not just last night but in London too. I would be."

I nod my head but say nothing letting him continue.

"I can't say anything about the why but we had to get you out of there."

"Was I in danger?"

"We believe so." He nods and I sigh and rub my hand across my forehead.

"Why can't you tell me anything?" I ask him and it's his turn to sigh.

"Because we don't know everything yet and until we do there's no need for you to worry, what I will tell you is your house in London is at the moment being searched by a forensic team in the metropolitan police and it wasn't safe for you to be in there. Gary and I couldn't have handled such a big house with just the two of us and we had to consider Mrs Farrah and Hannah too."

"Where's Mrs Farrah now?" I ask thinking of the lovely round and bubbly housekeeper who was so kind and welcoming.

"She's in a hotel, Christian's paying for it. He's leaking the story that you're no longer in London but this Stalker of yours … he isn't harmless Ana, he's far from harmless."

I swallow hard. I knew what they were doing was for my own good but they could have told me, talked to me.

"Was he in the house?" I ask.

"We don't know." Luke replies. "We won't know until the forensics are finished."

That scares me. This man could have been in my house!

"Why didn't you all tell me this in London? I would have come home quietly."

"Would you? Really Ana?"

I think about it carefully. No I probably wouldn't have. I love London, I love being there, I would have tried everything to make sure I could have stayed there.

"I am sorry Ana, maybe I should have talked to you but Christian said with the baby and things you needed limited stress…"

"Don't you think this is stressing me out more? The secrets?" I ask him angrily.

"Well now I do." He replies nervously. "I didn't think, none of us did. Taylor has given Christian a right talking to this morning, I never thought I'd see Jason Taylor giving it to Christian Grey but he did, he went so far as to say he would quit his job but there was no way he was doing what he did again he didn't care about Sophie's schooling if it meant making sure you were ok."

I swallow hard. I hope Christian didn't fire Taylor that would be awful, he needs Taylor as much as I need Luke.

"Where's Christian now?" I finally ask.

"Overseeing things at the new Grey's House." Luke replies. "He's been a mess since you've gone."

"It's for the best." I reply.

"For now." He agrees and I give him a small tentative smile. "He deserves to be put through the ringer, maybe he'll see how he made you feel."

"He's taken my freedom." I say quietly and I know Luke understands what I mean by this.

"Ana you're a multimillionaire. Do you know how much freedom that can give you?" He asks and I look away for a moment, thinking.

"Luke fancy coming shopping?"

"Sure." He beams and I know it's because he sees this as the first step to us being all right.

We head out and I dismiss Gary and Ryan, I have Luke with me now, he's armed and he's one of my best friends, he wouldn't let anything happen to me. They're uncertain but Luke tells them to check with Taylor who apparently will give me what I want within reason.

In the front passenger seat of Luke's SUV I check my BlackBerry to see if Christian replied to my email. When I see he has I nervously open it.

**From:** Christian Grey

**Subject:** Birthing plans

**To:** Anastasia Grey

Do you want me there?

Christian Grey

_Manager, Ana Grey, CEO, Grey's Enterprises Holdings, Inc._

**From:** Anastasia Grey

**Subject:** Stupid question

**To:** Christian Grey

Of course I do. This is _our_child.

Ana Grey

_CEO, Anastasia Grey, Inc._

**From:** Christian Grey

**Subject:** Stress

**To:** Anastasia Grey

I don't want to be the cause of any more stress or worry.

Christian Grey

_Manager, Ana Grey, CEO, Grey's Enterprises Holdings, Inc._

**From:** Anastasia Grey

**Subject:** Just talk to me

**To:** Christian Grey

It would eliminate the stress

Ana Grey

_CEO, Anastasia Grey, Inc._

**From:** Christian Grey

**Subject:** I will

**To:** Anastasia Grey

Just trust me. I'll see you Wednesday if not sooner.

Christian Grey

_Manager, Ana Grey, CEO, Grey's Enterprises Holdings, Inc._

I sigh and drop my phone into my purse and Sawyer takes me to our destination. I know Christian's going to freak out when he finds out but the more he pushes me the more I'm going to push back and that's exactly what I'm doing here. I need my freedom, my free will and my independence.

"So what do you want?" Luke asks.

"Something small, nothing too expensive." I reply wondering what do I actually want.

"Honda, Toyota, BMW or Mercedes-Benz?"

"What would you recommend?"

"Me for you?" He asks and I nod which I know he sees through the corner of his eyes.

"A Toyota Yaris, small and compact."

"Ok Toyota it is." I smile.

Luke drives us to the Toyota dealership. He points out a small blue Yaris to me and I instantly like it, that will be my car and I will drive it from here.

"Can I help you?" The small balding sales man asks approaching us.

"Yes I want that Yaris." I say pointing to the car.

"Ok then would you like to discuss the payment options?"

"Nope I'd like to sort out the paper work so I can pay for it in full now and drive it away today." I reply and his eyes widen only momentarily before he signals the way inside.

Nearly two hours later and I slip into the seat of the Yaris to drive it away. Luke stands by the door as I adjust all the mirrors and seat making myself comfortable.

"Well?" He asks.

"It's perfect. Do you know what I want to do now?"

"nope."

"Get a McDonalds drive through."

"Oh Ana." He smiles.

"I need to go to Redmond anyway so I'm going to grab one on the way."

"Do you want me to tail you?"

"Not really." I reply and Luke sighs. "Can't you have Ryan or Gary come pick the SUV up?"

"I guess I could Gary has the second keys."

I wait as Luke goes to check with the dealer that he can leave the car while Gary comes to pick it up. I instantly find my iPod in the bottom of my bag and plug it in. My car is blazing blue pearl apparently. I can't believe I just bought a damn car. I can be so impulsive. I blame Luke, it was his idea. Or he hinted towards it, whatever. I plug my phone into the hands free just as Luke climbs into the passenger side and adjusts his seat. My five door SE Yaris cost me sixteen and a half thousand dollars, that's not bad at all. It was more than what I wanted to spend really… actually I would have preferred not to spend at all but the point is I would have paid three times as much because just being able to drive myself gives me some control.

"Nice." He says and I nod in agreement, oh Christian's going to freak.

"McDonalds then Redmond." I say putting the car into reverse.

"Sounds good to me." He replies.

I drive to the nearest McDonalds and Luke and I both order food from the drive through. We get half way to Redmond before my phone rings and Christian's name flashes.

"Here we go." I say knocking the button on the steering wheel which answers the phone.

"Ana." I say knowing it's Christian but wanting to give him a moment think before he does something he regrets.

"Where are you?" He growls.

"En route to Redmond." I reply. "I have work to do there so what do you want."

"Why are Gary and Ryan driving back from a Toyota Dealership in the SUV you and Luke travelled there in?" He's very angry and I can't help but find it amusing, _in your face Grey!_ I can't help but think.

"Do I really need to answer that?"

"What have you bought?"

"What business is it of yours?" I growl back pulling the car over in case I crash while arguing with him.

"You don't have a tracker on that car Ana, did you even enquire about the safety features before you jumped in and bought it."

"Of course I did and it's not supposed to have a tracker, this is my car Christian not yours or one you've bought. It's something I bought for myself, impulsively because I wanted it. I need to be able to get around."

"You have three men at your beck and call with two SUV's what the fuck was the point in going out and buying a car Ana?"

"I wanted my cars last night, I asked for my keys you refused to give me them, you gave me the ones for the TTS just because I needed them for the office while at the same time making sure I couldn't take the damn car."

"This is why I don't trust you Ana. You're just so impulsive!"

"You know I wasn't till I met you." I reply before hanging up, that's going to give him something to think about as I start up the car and continue for Redmond.

By the time I'm done there and have landed back in Ana's Palace I'm not surprised that I enter the foyer to see Taylor stood by the elevator. I give him a dirty look as I knock the button. I know he had a go at Christian but I don't know what exactly for.

"He's in my office?"

"Yes Ma'am." He replies.

"I think I'll get off on finance."

Taylor smirks at me and I can't help but laugh. This is so stupid I'm trying to hide from my husband. I land in the office and Taylor allows me to step out of the elevator before knocking the ground floor button. I guess he isn't sticking around for the fall out.

"Anastasia." Christian says dryly.

"Christian. Anything I can help you with?"

"Please Ana stop this."

"Not till you tell me the truth. I've gathered some information from Luke but what about the rest of it, what are you hiding from me?"

"You don't need to worry about it."

"I already am!" I shout at him. "Don't you get that the not knowing has me worrying more, I don't trust you Christian I can't fucking trust you when you're not open with me. What happened to open fucking communication?"

"Sit down Ana." He says softly as he nods his head towards the couch.

"I'd rather stand and not be told to sit in my own office." I reply bitterly. "Why are you here?"

"To talk."

"The whole truth and nothing but?"

"As much as I can tell you right now."

"I think Luke has already done that." I tell him.

"What has he told you?" Christian asks uncertainly.

"That there's a forensic team in my house in London." I say awkwardly.

"Is that it?" He asks and I nod uncomfortably, why do I feel so unsure around him all of a sudden, he's my husband, the man I love and married. "There's a lot more to it than that."

"I guessed."

"Will you let me tell you some of it?" He asks and I nod. "Have you eaten?" He asks going over to my always stocked mini fridge.

"I had McDonalds on the drive to Redmond." I reply and he sighs but says nothing as he pours us both a glad of diet coke.

"Come and sit?" I think he's asking.

I nod and make my way over to the couches allowing him to sit first so I can sit opposite him. I can see he's hurting by the distance I'm putting between us but I need the distance right now. Doesn't he understand that he can still distract me with just a simple touch?

"Was someone in my house?" I ask him seriously and he sighs and shrugs. "You don't know or you don't want to tell me?"

"I don't know." He replies.

"But you suspect there was." I say and this isn't a question, he nods weakly. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't know."

"You don't know or you think I don't deserve an explanation?"

"I don't know. Will you let me talk? You can ask all the questions you have after." He says and I sigh before nodding and relaxing back, my hand automatically going to rest on my tummy which attracts Christian's attention.

"There are no camera's installed in the London house anywhere. It's not that I don't want them there because I do but it's your house and your decision I just hadn't got round to talking to you about it. The alarm system failed your first night there. Gary and Luke didn't want to worry you and instead they took turns in being awake to watch the house. When I arrived I said everyone should go to bed and sleep as the likeliness of someone getting in was slim to none. However someone opened the bottom floor bathroom window and at around four am Taylor woke to someone moving around, he was sleeping on the couch in the living room rather than one of the guest rooms on the top floor. He did a sweep of the house, woke me up when he came into our bedrooms, if someone was there they were long gone. I didn't want to worry you with the baby but I knew I had to get you back to Seattle. I knew you'd argue against it, find some way of persuading me to let you stay and I can't say no to you. So I took the option of you talking away from you so that I could get you back here."

"Ok." I reply after a few moments silence, my mind is in overdrive but I can't voice anything at the moment.

"Do you understand?"

"What you're saying? Yes." I reply. "But it doesn't change anything Christian. You didn't talk to me when it mattered."

"I know." He admits shocking me. "I was angry and frustrated but not with you Ana, with everyone else, myself mainly."

"Ok."

"Ok." He says. "So do I get to see this new car of yours before I go back to Grey's House?"

"Uh sure." I sigh getting up, maybe Christian and I can sort this out after all.


	183. Chapter 183

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Tuesday 7th February**

"Ana?" Grace pokes her head around the door of the bedroom. I've been in here since I arrived back last night and I haven't moved since. My head is on the pillow, my arm around it, the duvet just covering me. I'm not exactly comfortable but I'm not uncomfortable either. "Are you ok?" She asks coming in tentatively, I think she's worried I might bite her head off.

"I'm ok." I sigh as she places a glass or orange juice on the bedside table.

"Are you going to work today?" She asks sitting on the edge of the bed.

"In a bit." I reply though I've not even got out of bed and washed yet.

"Ok." She smiles. "Christian called by last night."

"He did?" I ask in surprise, after he saw my new car we argued further because I wasn't going home to Escala.

"He just wanted to make sure you were ok." She smiles kindly.

"I just can't forgive him yet Grace, he's not told me he's even sorry for what he's done just how I feel about it."

"Well that's not what he told me last night, he said he wished he could go back and do it differently, I think the words he used were he hates himself for what he did." I swallow hard, poor Christian! I just want to wrap my arms around him and tell him it will be ok but it would be a lie so I can't because right now I don't know if everything will be alright.

"He needs to tell me that." I say quietly and she smiles again and nods in agreement, I think she really does understand that things between Christian and I won't be ok for some time. "I should get up."

"Yes you should." She smiles. "I'll go and sort out something for you to eat before you head off, anything you prefer?"

"No anything's fine." I reply as I push myself up.

After getting showered and changed I go down to breakfast. I look at my phone and see it's gone eleven am, I wonder how Hannah is handling working under Wendy without me there, I've got five missed calls from her and at least two voice mails. I check my email and see that Christian has been in touch once more.

**From:** Christian Grey

**Subject:** Moving house

**To:** Anastasia Grey

Is there anything in particular you want to leave at Escala, I packed everything near enough last night and the movers will take things over to the new house today. I won't be going there without you, I want to spend my first night there with you, it was supposed to be a surprise for you when you arrived from London.

I am sorry Ana, I'm really sorry. I didn't think things through and after seeing Flynn again I know that I was completely wrong about what I did. I know that now. I was the one being selfish. I trust you Ana, completely and wholly trust you but I haven't been doing such a good job of showing you that.

Please understand that it was my fear that drove me to do what I did. My fear of losing you or Jellybean. Our child was at risk Ana and it made me irrational. Please find it in your heart to forgive me though I know it's easier said than done.

I love you and our child so much.

Christian Grey

_Manager, Ana Grey, CEO, Grey's Enterprises Holdings, Inc._

His email brings tears to my eyes. I try to eat as I think carefully how to reply. This is breaking my heart! We've had such a good few weeks and now suddenly I'm heartbroken.

**From:** Anastasia Grey

**Subject:** I need time

**To:** Christian Grey

Please respect that. I understand you're sorry, I am too but I can't just jump back into your arms as if everything is going to be ok though I want nothing more than to do that right now.

There is nothing in Escala that I want to stay there specifically. It's a wonderful surprise and I can't wait till we're in a good enough place to be in our home together.

I love you so much Christian, that's why I'm hurt.

PS: Please change your email end note, you don't manage me and I don't like the way it comes across especially seeing as you use this email for business.

Anastasia Grey

_CEO, Anastasia Grey, Inc._

His reply comes instantaneous.

**From:** Christian Grey

**Subject:** I don't understand!

**To:** Anastasia Grey

But I respect your decision. Would you agree to have lunch with me? So we can talk?

PS: My email end note was only like that for you, just as an inside joke but obviously it wasn't funny.

I love you more.

Christian Grey

_CEO, Grey's Enterprises Holdings, Inc._

**From:** Anastasia Grey

**Subject:** Lunch

**To:** Christian Grey

No it wasn't very funny.

Lunch? I'm only just having my breakfast.

Anastasia Grey

_CEO, Anastasia Grey, Inc._

**From:** Christian Grey

**Subject:** Just meet me somewhere then!

**To:** Anastasia Grey

It's killing me not talking to you, not seeing you, I haven't slept a wink since you've gone.

Christian Grey

_CEO, Grey's Enterprises Holdings, Inc._

**From:** Anastasia Grey

**Subject:** Fine

**To:** Christian Grey

Where do you have in mind?

Anastasia Grey

_CEO, Anastasia Grey, Inc._

**From:** Christian Grey

**Subject:** Thank you

**To:** Anastasia Grey

Meet me at Leschi Park, leave the car on South Leschi Place at one pm

Christian Grey

_CEO, Grey's Enterprises Holdings, Inc._

**From:** Anastasia Grey

**Subject:** Sure

**To:** Christian Grey

See you then.

Anastasia Grey

_CEO, Anastasia Grey, Inc._

I listen to my voice mails from Hannah and find they're not important and head off. It's already twelve and it will take me a while to get to Seattle then find the park which I suspect is close to Christian's new office and that why he's chosen it, for convenience.

As I drive I play his playlist. I don't know why, the damn thing does nothing but dampen my mood further but listening to Coldplay Scientist hits deep within me. I'm hurting more this time than I was when we broke up last time. This time though it's far more complicated.

_**Come up to meet you**_

_**Tell you I'm sorry**_

He's doing that now. He's apologised in an email, he's told Grace he was wrong and he regrets it now he has to tell me, be sincere about it and show he understands my point of view in the way I now understand his. I get it. I'm not saying I don't get that he was desperate to protect me and our unborn child he just went the wrong way about doing it. But in all honesty I can't think of a way he could have gotten me back to Seattle without me digging my heels in. I know myself well enough to know that now.

_**You don't know **_

_**How lovely you are**_

_**I had to find you**_

_**Tell you I need you**_

And God do I need him. My life is a dark black hole right now with us fighting. Am I just being too stubborn? I wonder what Flynn thinks. He's heard both sides of the argument. What I don't understand is what do I really need to forgive him, or have I already and I just don't want to show I give in too easily? I mean I'm going to meet him right? I dug my heels in yesterday when he asked me to go home to Escala in my pretty new car but I refused. Grace doesn't seem mad with me, she's not mad with Christian either though so I really don't know what her view is on this. The fact is she doesn't know the whole truth so it's hard for her to have any view I guess.

_**Tell you I set you apart**_

_**Tell me your secrets**_

I can confide anything in Christian but he doesn't confide everything in me. That might be something we need to work on. Maybe it would be best for us to see Flynn on a regular basis. Have him play some sort of mediator in our lives. I know I have a lot of things to personally work through before Jellybean arrives but I really have to save my marriage, if not for me then for my child, I can't for the life of me contemplate bringing Jellybean into a broken home. But then of course I have to think rationally is having Christian and I constantly bickering fair to this child? Whatever we decide to do we have to decide and stick with it and we have six months maybe seven to get there.

_**Ask me your questions**_

_**Oh lets go back to the start**_

Would things have been easier if I'd just been his submissive? I love our kinky fuckery, I love him exerting control over me when it comes to our sex life, being in control in that area doesn't really do it for me in the way having Christian in charge of me does. Could I have been his sub? I didn't really give it a good try in all honesty because I had Christian beat me with the belt to the point I couldn't sit comfortably for a few days.

Running in circles

Coming in tails

We are running around in circles. We always are because this is the same argument we had after we lost Little Blip. No secrets. How many times will something happen before he gets it that I can't have him hiding things like this from me. Having my so called stalker possibly in my house in London was something I should have known straight away about. Christian should have told me as soon as he knew and in all honesty thinking back now, if he'd have told me straight away I might have been scared enough to hop the first plane out of London back to Seattle. In truth I don't know how I would have reacted really but what I do know is what actually happened and what happened can't happen again, It would break us.

_**Heads on a science apart**_

_**Nobody said it was easy**_

That's truth. No one said that Christian and I getting married would be easy. Everyone from Grace and my Mother to Ray and Carrick dished out advice on making a marriage successful. Maybe Christian and I should have listened more. My Mom saying I had to pick my fights has worked, I do pick my fights carefully because sometimes it easier to relent but this time it isn't.

_**It's such a shame for us to part**_

There would be a lot of shame in Christian and I splitting this early on. Especially to all those who called me a gold-digger because they'd think they were right. Carrick would also make us feel shame, he wanted a prenup in place, not that I would want anything of Christian's when I have all things of my own. I would have to change everything to Steele though I suspect, I couldn't carry on using the name Grey if Christian and I divorced could I? I guess in some respect I have to, I sold millions of copies of my book as Ana Grey not Ana Steele.

_**Nobody said it was easy**_

_**No one ever said it would be this hard**_

That's a good point too. No one said it would be easy but no one ever said it would be this hard. I mean Christian and I are literally hanging on by a thread right now and all because we can't communicate or he can't communicate with me, the only time I hide things from him is when he's hidden something from me, tit for tat. That's not very mature though, I can see that now as I think about it. Maybe that's our problem. If I just accepted that sometimes Christian has to have what Christian wants especially when it comes to my safety then I should let him have it. But then I get this niggling feeling that he would push for more and more and I'd end up his submissive wife and not just his wife.

I grab the iPod and knock it off. I'm nearly at the park now so it doesn't matter about music. I check the clock on the dash and see it's five to one just as I pull up in the small wooded carpark. I spot Taylor and climb out and he gives me a small smile.

"Ana." He says with a nod of his head. "This way."

"He's not in the car?" I ask looking at the big black SUV. Taylor shakes his head and I walk beside him. He's very tentative looking around for anything dangerous but I just walk silently beside him. As we turn a corner I hear music beginning to play, I recognise the song but I can't place it. As we edge nearer it gets a little louder and as my eyes fall on Christian he begins to sing.

"Oh her eyes her eyes make the stars look like they're not shinning, he hair her hair falls perfectly without her trying, she's so beautiful and I tell her every day."

I look around with a rose blush on my cheeks. There's no one around and Taylor gives my shoulder a small push as Christian's hand extends to me.

"Yeah I know, I know when I compliment her she won't believe me and it's so, it's so sad to think that she don't see what I see. But every time she asks me do I look ok I say…" As my hand slips into his he pulls me right into him and holds me tight, dropping the microphone to the floor with a clutter but he doesn't stop singing. "When I see your face, there's not a thing that I would change cause your amazing, just the way you are. And when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for a while because your amazing, just the way you are."

Tears spring in my eyes as his grey eyes dig into them. He looks so genuine, like every word he's singing is meant for me. I smile up at him as he kisses my forehead softly and slinks an arm around my waist.

"Her lips, her lips I would kiss them all day if she'd let me, her laugh, her laugh, she hates but I think it's so sexy. She's so beautiful and I tell her every day. Ooh you know you know you know I'd never ask you to change, if perfect's what you're searching for then just stay the same, oh so don't even bother asking if you look ok you'll know I'll say." His eyes don't leave mine as he sings, like he's begging me to believe in every word that he says.

"Christian." I breathe.

"Please Ana. I'm so sorry. What else do I have to do to prove that to you?" He asks as the music continues to play behind us.

"It's just not that easy." I tell him. "I love you Christian, so much. But this isn't going to fix anything."

"I know, but I need you to forgive me." He says looking suddenly like the lost little boy and not the dashing twenty eight year old who was just serenading me.

"I do." I say. "You know I do."

"No I don't." He replies shaking his head.

"It's not just going to be fixed quickly."

"I know." He replies wrapping me up in his arms. "I'll tell you everything. This weekend, you and me on The Grace and I'll tell you everything I swear."

"Really?" I ask looking up at him unsure.

"You deserve that much. Flynn made me see that I shouldn't be hiding things from you, not things like this and he's right. It's going to take time for me to work on it and when we see Flynn on Thursday he'll help us work through this but I need you home now Ana. I can't eat, sleep or breathe properly without you in my life."

As he speaks I see the paleness of his face, the bags beneath his eyes. He does look bad and it makes me feel so guilty.

"I'll come home." I reply clinging to him. "But promise me you understand that this isn't all fixed and we do have things to work through."

"I know. God do I know." He replies breathing me in as much as he can. "I just need you, my life is nothing without you in it Ana."

Right now though I don't know if I'm thanking Christian's serenade or Coldplay for my decision but what I do know is that hiding back in Bellevue isn't going to save my marriage, if anything it just adds more weight to the thinning tether and Christian so far is trying. That means more to me than anything. Just him trying is good enough for now.

"How about you drive us home in that new car of yours, we'll have something to eat and go to sleep? Then tomorrow we'll move to the big house, talk and try and be happy for when we go to the Swedish centre?"

"Sounds good to me." I reply knowing my appetite and sleeping patterns haven't been best since our fight either.

"Let's go home Ana." He smiles kissing me softly. I don't let him linger though, sex will not distract me this time.


	184. Chapter 184

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Wednesday 8th February**

"Christian." I say quietly headlining into the wardrobe where he's going through his clothes one last time making absolutely sure there isn't something he really needs to have in the big house with him.

"Yes?"

"I have a question." I say and he nods and turns to me giving me his full attention, I'm still not sure if he's happy with me after I refused to sleep with him and took to the spare room. "How come the park was empty yesterday?" I ask sitting on the ottoman in front of him as he smiles wickedly.

"Well I had our entire security team stopping people coming in or out for an hour before I got there." He replies.

I knew he would never sing in front of anyone else, I guess that the breadth the people were at were just enough that they wouldn't hear his wonderful rendition of Bruno Mars that Taylor secretly filmed on his phone and Bluetoothed to me last night while Christian slept.

"Thank you." I tell him as I lean in for a hug. "It was really thoughtful."

"And true." He murmurs, I just smile now is not the time for me to point out he doesn't think I'm perfect as that song says or we wouldn't be in the mess that we're in. I'm enjoying being happy even if it feels a little pretend. "I'll never stop apologising Ana."

"I know." I reply with a shrug. "I love you Christian, please know that will never change."

"I love you too Anastasia always." He replies still holding tight to me, I take the chance to nuzzle his chest and inhale his scent. Everything is far from ok but being in his arms I feel safe. I feel him nuzzling his nose into my hair and hold me tight.

We just stand there, for a moment and forget everything that's happened. His hand slips down and for a moment I expect he's going to try something and ruin the moment but when he rests his hand on my abdomen and rubs his thumb softly. I take my hand and put it on top of his and look up at him. His grey eyes sparkle and he kisses my forehead softly.

"We'll be ok Christian." I tell him. "All three of us."

"We will." He agrees though there is a little bit of doubt in his face.

"Are you hungry, Mrs Jones is making lunch."

"Yeah sure." He smiles before dropping his hand and following me through.

The day passes by quite slowly with the movers in to take our clothes and stuff over to the big house, everything but what we need here in Escala for now. Christian and I aren't moving in to the big house till after we've seen Flynn. We split up in the afternoon to go to work for a few hours. Christian feeling a little begrudged that I want to drive the Yaris. It's just more me. Not Ana Grey but Ana Steele, the girl from Montesano. Ok I wouldn't have been able to afford it but that's not the point it's a smaller more subtle car in comparison to the Saab and the TTS.

In the office I try and wrap my head around everything. It's been a heck of a week. Actually ever since Christian and I married it's been a heck of a time we've never been normal exactly have we. At three thirty I head off towards First Hill Swedish medical centre. The place delivers about eight thousand babies a year, saving babies that most doctors would give up on born at twenty three weeks. It makes me relax a bit to know after today my baby and I will be in very good hands.

I pull up my little car with Sawyer in the passenger seat beside the big SVU. It makes the Yaris look smaller than it is. Christian quickly hops out as I open my car door and he comes to meet me.

"Hey." He smiles extending his hand out to me.

"Hey yourself." I reply taking his hand and letting him help me out of the car, not that I need help yet but I'm guessing maybe there will be time where there will be a big baby bump in the way and weighing me down.

We head into the building, Christian's hand in mine as if nothing in the world is wrong. Luke and Taylor keep a few inches behind us watching out for everyone and anyone and probably specifically my stalker. We step in through the large glass double door into a very busy reception. I see numerous couples, young and old, some that are clearly not lovers, others on their own. Cara smiles as I walk in and she passes me a blue folder with Swedish and the logo on the front.

"We'll get going in just a moment, sorry but it's only the wannabe mom or mom to be and a significant other…" She says awkwardly looking at Taylor and Luke.

"Security." Christian says. "They'll go where we go."

"Uh…"

"Listen if our child is born in this facility I can promise you that on that day this place will be crawling with a team of our security." Christian says gruffly making it clear that it's not negotiable.

"Christian maybe they can wait outside for now." I say quietly. "We're only looking around the building what are the chances…"

"Ana they're doing a check of the place too, counting the entrances and exits to make sure we have it covered when Jellybean come."

"They could go and meet with the security team here and find out about are protocols." Cara pipes up.

"I already have your buildings protocols thank you and they're lacklustre." Christian says dryly earning a hit in the chest from me.

"Be nice." I growl. "I'm not comfortable having Luke and Taylor here while we're deciding if this is where are child will be born and how Christian."

"Fine they can wait outside."

"Thank you." I smile and reach up to kiss his cheek.

"Ok if you both just want to sign in." Cara beams handing us a clipboard and pen. We quickly sign our names before Cara steps up in front of everyone. "Ok ladies and gentlemen, Mommies and Daddies we're going to begin our Happy Birthday tour right here in the main lobby. This is where you'll come to all your appointments however if you'll step this way…" She leads the group through a large set of double doors and we find ourselves in a quiet more serene lobby. "This is where you'll rush to when you're in labour. You will need to make sure that all your paper work in the blue file you have is filed correctly and with you when you go to labour so that we can make sure your doctors, midwives and paediatricians all get called straight away. It's much easier if you don't have to try and remember this stuff. In the file is also your birthing plan. The first thing that we'll do is take you through to your room which if you go into labour on time will be already for you, if not you may end up in another room but they're all the same so if we go this way."

We head down a long white walled corridor and we turn into an obvious hospital room. It's huge. Bigger than any hospital room I've ever seen.

"These are the suites. Unless you're having a water birth or C-section this is where you'll deliver your child or in a room just like this. As you can see the room is big enough that the team can work easily around you. We are a high tech maternity unit and all the best technology as you see is right at our fingertips." She points to a large computer. The room is very nice, the bed is quite large, obviously remote controlled, the walls are peach which make the large room warm. There's a large baby bassinette, changing unit, obviously for Mom's who might have an extended stay here too.

"Through here, and attached to every room is the bathrooms." We go inside a large blue tiled room, there's one section that's just a typical bathroom with toilet, bath and shower on the other side is a large birthing pool and lots more equipment. "If you decide on having a water birth you'll be giving birth in a room just like this."

We head off down the corridor and up some stairs. Christian's being really quiet just holding my hand and observing casually.

"Ok through this door is our level three neonatal intensive care unit. Should anything happen to the child we're equipped to handle most worst case scenarios. We deliver more high risk babies than any other maternity unit in the state. And this is why, most Mom's choose Swedish because of the success rate in saving premature babies, and beating most odds all the stats are in the welcome packages you'll receive before you leave."

We head on down the stairs again but end up in a completely different part of the centre. It's just as warm and has just as friendly atmosphere as the rest of the hospital.

"This is where you'll come for your appointments with your midwife before and after the birth. Many of Seattle's top OBGYN's also work in conjunction with us and have their own days and times here so some of you may not have to change OB's if they're registered to practise with us. Now does anyone have any questions?"

I look up at Christian who shrugs his shoulders, he looks a little uncomfortable which is cute because I feel uncomfortable, we're both so out of our depths here.

"How equipped are you to handle birthing multiples?" One woman asks.

"We've delivered five sets of Quintuplets in the last three years. We're ready and equipped to handle mothers who are pregnant with multiples."

I pop my hand up shyly receiving a smirk from Christian.

"Ana?" Cara asks.

"Uh how do you deal with high risk pregnancies pre-delivery?" I ask awkwardly.

"We have an admittance programme, we have a ward for high risk mothers so they can receive the best care and attention while resting and preparing for the delivery, we've had mother's admitted early in their second trimester because of severe bleeding and prefer to be admitted." Cara replies and I nod satisfied with that answer.

"How can we have doctors who aren't registered to practise here involved in the birth?" Christian asks surprising me.

"Usually, given enough notice we can have the doctor registered to practise here for the birth but it would involve a lot of planning to make sure no toes are crossed." Cara replies dryly, she doesn't like Christian very much so far.

"Who are you thinking about?" I ask Christian already knowing Doctor Greene practises here sometimes so I won't need to change OB.

"My Mother." He replies.

"That's something we need to talk about." I tell him dryly. I love Grace but I do not want her in the room when I deliver my child, she should be in the waiting room like everyone else.

"Ok." I nods looking bewildered.

"Ok so if that's everything we'll get you all your welcome packages." Cara leads us all back to the front desk and we all receive a pink folder this time with everything we could possibly need to know about Swedish.

"Ana." Cara smiles coming over to me. "There's a baby your body class coming up next week if you're interested, it's for early pregnancy Mom's only." She glances up at Christian.

"That sounds great what would it involve?" I ask her awkwardly.

"It's just an exercise class to prepare your body for the changes it will face in coming months, help lessen cramping of your growing belly, pelvic floor exercises, and what's called baby your back which is to stop you from causing any damage or pain to your back as you gain weight. It's all designed to help keep you fit and healthy through your pregnancy."

"That's definitely something I'm interested in." I smile, I would do anything to be prepared for this baby.

"Cool, there's also fit4baby which is a little more hard-core with cardio work out, flexibility training, and balance training, it's designed specifically for Mom's up to the seventh month but to help you in the last trimester, you'd probably be a late starter if you're as far along as you said you are but it's never too late to get involved. Daddy can also attend this class and it's five times a week some do all five some only do one it's for you to decide of course.

"Sure." I smile.

"Well here is a calendar of the sessions for next two months, you can book them online or by calling in. Some of them are over in the Ballard building but it makes no difference cost wise or anything once you've paid for the amount of classes you want then you can attend either building."

"Thank you Cara." I smile glad she remembered I showed interest in the workouts when she mentioned them.

"It's no problem, I hope to hear from you again if you decide to go with Swedish." She smiles before moving along to another couple.

"Ready to go?" Christian asks taking the files from me and then taking my hand.

"Yup." I reply allowing him to lead me outside, the first thing he does is pass the files to Luke. "So what did you think?" I ask.

"It is the best medical centre in Seattle and she wasn't lying when she said they have the best neonatal intensive care unit either." He replies but he still doesn't seem to happy.

"Do you not like it?" I ask him as he walks me to the driver side of my car and opens the door for me.

"We'll talk in the car."

I climb into the drivers seat and Christian goes around to the passenger seat. I quickly pull out just wanting to get home as I'm exhausted but I need to know what Christian's problem is.

"So what do you not like about Swedish?" I ask him as we hit the road.

"Their security Ana." He says straight. "Did you know last year a mother gave birth, she was estranged from the father, he walked in to Swedish and took the child?"

"Oh my God." I say in shock. "That's awful but Christian we have our own security and you've made it clear that you'll have an army in the building."

"If they'll allow it." He explains bitterly.

"The thing is Christian you have to decide what's more important, security or our child's health because if something goes wrong the chances of survival are greatly increased if our child is delivered in Swedish and that's why I chose the place." I explain carefully, this is not something I'm going to argue with him about, it's something we have to discuss, understand both points of the argument and then come to an amicable agreement. He's quiet and I cast a quick glance over to him, he's lost in thought. "Christian?"

"I can't think of anything happening to either of you." He says quietly.

"I know it's hard Christian, but it's something you have to be prepared for. I chose Swedish because if something does happen it increases not only Jellybean's chances of survival but mine too." I explain with a lump in my throat, I don't think he realises that some pregnancies and deliveries just go bad, it's just something that happens and he has to be prepared, we both have to.

"Ok. So Swedish it is then. We can work something out with the security."

"Thank you." I reply glad he's taken the right decision in my eyes. "And anyway once Cara finds out it's our baby that's being delivered I don't think she'll reject the idea for security."

"She doesn't know who we are does she." Christian states.

"Not yet she doesn't." I reply. "I only gave her my first name, she didn't recognise you and anyway she had a very strong accent possibly Spanish maybe she's not long lived here or doesn't read the newspapers, the thing is Christian we both know as soon as I'm admitted and someone finds out about it that place is going to be swamped with press."

"I know, that's why we have to be tight on security."

"Maybe you can have Welch and Taylor work something out with the building security, maybe we can pay to have their systems upgraded and stuff before the due date. In some hospitals they put electronic tags on the babies ankle after birth so if someone takes the out of the ward it sets off an alarm and the hospitals go on instant lockdown, maybe we can pay to get something like that." I explain, between us we could sort something out right?

"That's not a bad idea Anastasia, I'll get onto Welch in the morning." He replies just as I turn into the garage at Escala. "So dinner."

"Then bed I'm exhausted." I reply pulling the car into park.

"Hmm, are you sleeping with me tonight?" He asks. I stop and look at him, I shouldn't I really shouldn't not till we've seen Flynn.

"No sex." I tell him and he smiles brightly. "I mean it Christian, no sex or I'll be straight in the guest room."

"Fine no sex." He replies though something tells me he will try to seduce me without making it obvious.


	185. Chapter 185

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Thursday 9th February**

I'm beyond angry. Someone at Swedish sold a picture of Christian and I to the paper. It's obviously one of the other couples but there's a mobile phone picture of Christian and I at Swedish in Seattle times. They still don't confirm I'm pregnant, they couldn't because that would be slanderous if it turns out I wasn't but I've had to reject calls from Kate and Mia all morning. Grace called, she's scheduled a family dinner for Sunday evening so that I can tell the news. We're around the eleventh week now so it isn't like I'd be telling them to early, heck Christian's been commenting already that my boobs are bigger and my belly is slightly podgier so to him I'm showing I guess it's futile to think we can hide it much longer.

Good news for me though is the finished version of Christian, I can't believe it's finished, it's already available for download and will be in stores on Monday. It's so exciting especially with Fifty More Shades not coming out till the thirtieth of March. I've decided to take five copies of the book to the hospital tomorrow so they're available to the kids of Seattle Grace beforehand. I love this book so much because of what it stands for. Should our Jellybean ever get sick we'd be able to use the book to explain to him or her why they have to be in hospital at the same time parents who buy the book will be giving money straight to Seattle Grace, I've not taken any money for the copyright and the book costs five dollars all of which goes straight to Seattle Grace Paeds. I've already started working on Kate, the Koala bear who has a tummy bug and has to stay in bed. All the books in the series are written by Anastasia Rose. I'm not the first nor will I be the last author to write with different names, Sylvia Day, Nora Roberts, they've done it so I can too. I've sent Luke over to Grey's House with a signed copy for Christian, he can display it proudly in his office or wherever that he has a book names after him. He's loved it since I brought it up in my speech.

Tonight is our meeting with Doctor Flynn. I must admit that I'm apprehensive. It could make or break my marriage I think, though things have been going great between us since I came home we're both still walking on eggshells and Christian still hasn't told me everything. He promises after we've talked with Flynn that I'll understand more and then he'll tell me everything this weekend on The Grace. I can't wait to have a weekend on the boat with him, I just hope it will be a good weekend and not a bad weekend, actually right now I'm hoping it's a weekend with some talking and lots of fucking because being pregnant seems to have made me horny and as I've cut Christian off there's nothing I can do about it except maybe sneak off to the playroom and take a spin with a vibrator but what's the point when all I have to do is say yes and Christian will do the job for me?

Time seems to have gone slow today. Or fast. It depends how you look at it I suspect. Every now and again I've wanted this day to be over with and other times I've wanted it to last forever so that this meeting with Flynn can never happen. I've gotten a lot done. I guess that's a good thing. Most importantly I've begun learning the lines for the Blackberry commercial which we're filming in two weeks. I wonder how much my baby bump will be showing then. I'll definitely be in my second trimester by then so most people will know.

"Hi I'm Anastasia Grey, New York Times Best Selling Author, CEO and Founder of Anastasia Grey Incorporated and wife. My Blackberry is my lifeline found constantly glued to my hand, whether to email important information regarding one of my businesses, to call my husband to say I'll be late for dinner or to tweet my fans, I'm in constant communication with someone or something. Without Blackberry my life would be difficult making it harder for me to succeed at each role I play in life. The new Blackberry Pearl G3000 has everything I need and more. With its one touch feature I can minimize an email I'm typing to check the weather or news. I can also download timesheets, spread sheets and even most importantly my schedule making it easier for me to know what I need, wherever I am in the world. Have you got your Blackberry?"

From the email Christian forwarded to me they want me to be happy and quirky like I was apparently on the chat shows I appeared on in New York. I wouldn't ever call myself quirky and I feel a little off when I repeat the words out loud to the empty room. There's also dotted all over information about where the camera I would have to make eye contact with would be. It's really hard to follow and I don't see myself jumping into TV or Movies any time soon.

At twenty to five I head out to my car and meet Luke. He gives me an impish smile knowing I've still not completely forgiven him for what happened at Escala the night Christian exploded but we're on speaking terms. I actually miss him even though he's around, he doesn't know how to behave around me anymore even though I wish he'd just go back to normal already. That's what I want to happen, just everything go back to normal. Of course, life isn't that easy.

Arriving outside Doctor Flynn's I see Christian hasn't arrived yet. I drop my head onto the steering wheel and take a deep cleansing breath. Whatever happens in there I have to remember that I love Christian and he loves me and we're having a baby together. After all, that is what's most important and if we both remember that maybe, just maybe, we can come out on top.

When Christian arrives I meet him at the door of the SUV. He wraps an arm around my shoulders to walk and I can feel the tension rippling through him. We head on upstairs and are shown straight through, Flynn gives us a welcoming smile, shaking Christian's hand and giving me a kiss on the cheek as always. We sink onto the couch giving each other a small gasp but Christian clasps my hand and nods for John to start us off.

"Ok so, this is just to address what happened in London and what has happened since am I right?" John asks settling into his arm chair with his notebook on his lap and pen in hand.

"Yeah." Christian replies giving my hand a small reassuring squeeze.

"Ok, you both know what happened, Ana Christian has given you a small explanation as to why he did what he did but what I want to focus on is the emotions you both felt as personally from speaking to you both separately that's what I gather that you don't understand about the other. I want you to not interrupt each other, give each other a chance to get your points across and then you can have a turn to ask questions."

Both Christian and I give subtle nods and John smiles softly.

"Ok Anastasia, from what I understand from Christian you've not gone into any detail with him about how you felt through everything, why don't we start there and Christian you just listen, let Ana talk."

"Fine." Christian grumbles.

"Ok uh… well in London, while I was tied up…" I blush scarlet, this is so embarrassing to talk about. "I felt confused and … humiliated." I say quietly. Christian just looks impassive making me carry on. "Then I was angry once I knew what was going on and confused because I didn't actually know what was going on. Then by the time we got on the jet I felt violated. Since I've just felt angry and upset."

"Ok Christian have you got anything to ask Ana or say?" Flynn asks when he realises I've said all I can.

"All I can do is say I'm sorry." He replies. "I didn't want to make you feel that way, I'm sorry I did, I'm also sorry about what I did. What I did was stupid and thoughtless."

"Why don't you tell Ana how you felt in London?" Flynn prompts.

"I was scared." Christian's eyes close and a look of pain lands on his brow. "So scared that something or someone could harm you and our child. I was terrified that something could happen to you and frustrated because I know how stubborn you can be and you wouldn't see it like me and that's why I did what I did, knowing that you wouldn't see what was happening as something terrible and dangerous and that you'd throw caution and safety to the wind with no real consideration. It hurt me to do what I did, having you screaming at me to put you down I wanted to Ana. I wanted to put you down but I couldn't the need to get you safe was more important than your thoughts at that moment. Can you understand that?"

I swallow hard. Christian's giving me everything I wanted. Not an quite the why I wanted, not the details but hearing his feelings like that, from his own mouth and seeing the emotions flicker on his face. I feel like such a cow I've put him through absolute hell these past few days.

"Ana what are you thinking?" Flynn asks as I wipe a tear away.

"How awful I've been these past few days. To push you away and be so angry at you." I say turning to tell Christian rather than answer Flynn directly.

"Do you think you're in the wrong?" Flynn asks and I nod. "I'll be honest with both of you and say I don't Ana. Had Christian told you this sooner would it have made a difference?"

"Yes." I reply without a second thought. "I just needed to know why John, why he did what he did and now I do, I understand. Not completely because I don't know what prompted these feelings of fear, not completely but I can understand how they made him feel and how it made him act most irrationally." I explain wondering if Flynn thinks I've gone completely mad.

"So the why as in his feelings is enough?"

"Yes." I reply nodding. "It prompts more questions in me such as why did he feel like this but it makes me understand why he did what he did. It doesn't mean I agree with them, don't get me wrong, it doesn't mean I think what he did was ok but it does make me understand his actions."

"So would you suggest Christian talk to you at least about his feelings?" John asks me and I nod. "Christian can you understand what Ana is saying?" He turns to Christian who bobs his head yes in reply. "What do you think about what she's saying?"

"She's right. I should have talked to her in London or sooner than this." He sighs and I feel like I just want to wrap my arms around him and tell him we'll be ok because if we can keep talking like this we will be. "It's my fault completely I know that now…"

"Not completely Christian. I need to learn to take you seriously when it comes to safety precautions." I reply moving closer to him and touching his cheek softly making him look at me. "We're both at fault here, I wasn't suggesting that I wasn't to blame. If I wasn't so damn stubborn sometimes this could have also been avoided."

"I guess you've both learned here that your biggest problem is your lack of communication. Christian you need to tell Ana how you feel about things even if you don't feel comfortable telling her what is making you feel that way and Ana you need to do the same. My challenge for you is to start, once a week just sitting down together in a relaxed and private setting and talk about your feelings regarding things that have happened in the week. You've both got some big life changing things happening right now and they're going to knock you both. Ana your whole world is changing, your body, your mind and it's a scary time you're going to be over-emotional and Christian it's going to be hard for you to handle when she cries at the drop of a hat or screams at you for something minute but talking about your feelings will help you work through those tougher moments. It's something I know you're both not used to doing with anyone other than myself but you need to do it with each other if your marriage has any hope of working and working well."

"Thank you John." Christian replies.

"Yeah thanks." I agree.

"Just talk. It's not like I'm asking you to write essays. Maybe you can do it Wednesday and then come and see me on Thursday and that way we can talk through what you talked and how it made the other feel?"

"Sure." We both say at once, there's definitely hope for us now, much more than there was an hour ago.

We both head off very grateful to Doctor Flynn right now. He is an absolute Godsend and I think everyone needs a Flynn in their life. Once outside I give Christian the car keys to my baby Yaris and he gives me a smile while he pulls me close and kisses me properly for the first time in days. I moan softly into his mouth, with my amped up hormones and lack of an orgasm in as long as I can remember I'm beginning to worry that he'll be able to make me come from a kiss.

"Christian?"

"Yes?"

"Take me home and make love to me?"

"My pleasure." He runs to open the passenger door for me and sprints round to the driver side. We'll definitely be ok.


	186. Chapter 186

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Friday 10th February**

Things are definitely much better between Christian and I. This morning he asked me to take Luke with me everywhere I go without question as it would help him relax some and I agreed. I guess for now we're following Flynn's advice I just can't help but wonder how long it will last for.

At the office I manage to finish Kate the Koala, sign all the reports needed and get a start on Fifty Shades Forever the third in the trilogy. I'm going to really take my time with the last book and make it perfect. Having already written the epilogue and know where I want to get to makes it much easier, that file is locked on my computer needing a password to get into so as long as I don't forget the password everything will be perfect.

I also have had a very good offer to start my own clothing line. It's stupid why on earth would I want a clothing line? Christian of course things I should go for it but I've told him I need to think about it. I've got offers coming in left right and centre from perfumes to make up to shoes, I can't do them all or at least not at once and with baby Grey on the way I don't want to commit to a hundred thousand different things just for people to pull out when they find out I'm pregnant.

My biggest worry is my businesses. Grey's Publishing Portland is doing much better than I anticipated with each of my requirements being implemented one at a time. I have to go down there on Monday and get ready for the first expansion. The amount of manuscripts coming in are weighing the team down which means I need to hire a team of five editors and five assistant editors to be at the lowest end of the food chain in the fictional department. They need someone to really sift through the manuscripts coming in before they're handed to the relevant departments just as we have in GP Seattle, my old job when I worked for Jack Hyde was to sift through the manuscripts he deemed as decent, I'd then pass them on to him who'd sift through them even more before forwarding them on to their relevant departments, there was ten assistants and ten editors at the bottom, there's now fifteen at GP Seattle and I'm looking to expand that even further to twenty after getting an extension on the building. As that comes to my mind I'm inspired to call my brother in law, I don't often talk to him without Christian but I wouldn't want anyone other than him to lead the project.

"Elliot Grey." He answers chirpily, nothing like the brash voice Christian has when he answers the phone.

"Elliot it's Ana."

"Oh hey little sister how's that brother of mine treating you?" He asks obviously stopping whatever he's doing to give me his full attention.

"All good thanks Elliot, how's Kate looking after you?" I tease making him laugh. "Listen the reason I'm calling is I'm planning another expansion on Grey's Publishing Seattle and the actual building needs expanding to make more offices."

"You want me to have a look?" He asks.

"Please, I wouldn't know where to begin and I don't know if it's something your company does but I'd really appreciate your input and advice even if you can't do it."

"Ok, where are you now?" He asks surprising me.

"I'm at Ana's Palace."

"I'll be there in an hour and I'll grab lunch anything you fancy?"

"Ok and anything's fine." I smile, I didn't expect him to drop everything and come over but I won't argue against it.

"Ok Ana, Laters."

After I hang up I put away all the baby stuff that's on my desk. Between Hannah and Christian I have catalogues and books littering my desk, you'd think it was them having the baby and not me sometimes. I think Hannah bought the catalogues when she thought she was pregnant and I think she's a little disappointed that she's not yet she insists she wants to wait till she and Luke are married.

As I pour myself and Elliot a drink my office intercom system rings. I rush to it knowing it's my fault I forgot to tell the front desk that Elliot would be coming.

"Yes?"

"Elliot Grey here to see you."

"Send him up Sophia." I smile, at least Andrea and Olivia have gone back with Christian now even if half his staff are still here while his building is finished. I don't mind though because half of them have been working on AG stuff and as he slowly takes back his workforce I have to begin hiring more.

The elevator opens and Elliot casually walks in with a box of Chinese in his arm. He deposits it on the coffee table before rushing over and giving me a squeezing hug.

"Nice to see you to Elliot." I quip as he plants my feet firmly on the floor.

"Hey it's been forever since I seen you Ana with you disappearing to New York then London, come on can't blame a guy for missing his sister in law."

"Aww did you really miss me?" I tease putting on a voice like Mia's.

"Nah." He replies shaking his head making me laugh. "Now come eat and we can talk I'm starving, working for a beast of a woman at the moment I swear if I wasn't there over seeing things my guys wouldn't be getting a break." He chuckles slipping onto the couch and kicking his work boots off. I pass him a glass of diet coke and sink onto the couch opposite. "I got a bit of everything because I wasn't sure what you liked." He explains putting a paper plate in front of me before opening all the boxes, I'm not typically a fussy eater so I help myself to a little of everything before tucking in.

"So how was this house of yours in London?" Elliot asks as we begin to eat.

"Oh it was amazing Elliot, like something out of a picture book."

"So my brother chose well?"

"Absolutely." I smile, it's one topic Elliot and I can discuss comfortably and that's properties.

"So is Kate into like the same type of properties as you?"

"What do you mean?" I frown as I continue to eat, I think Jellybean likes Chinese because the more I eat the hungrier I feel!

"Well you like classic houses right, you're the one who persuaded Christian not to knock down the original house with your new place right?" He explains as he picks at his food.

"Yeah I guess what's this about Elliot?" I ask, it would be easier to understand if he just got straight to the point.

"Well there's a piece of land, not far from where your new place is and I was thinking of buying it and building a house from scratch for Kate and I to move in after we're married."

"Oh that's so sweet!" I gush, Kate would love that.

"Yeah but I want to do it as a surprise you know but I'm not really sure what she'd prefer in a house, if she's like you who likes classic or Christian who likes modern I mean Gia had so much fun trying to make your house to suit what you both wanted even though Christian told her just to take what you wanted within the requirements that it was ecologically sustainable."

"Kate's a modern person. You look at her bedrooms, the one when we were in university and the one in our old apartment, they were both high tech and modern, that's what Kate would look for in a house, she once told me she wanted something similar to Escala except with more colour, the glass wall the large balcony…"

"Yeah I thought so I just had to make sure." He chuckles. "I have less than a year to build this house,, most of which I'm building myself once my team has done the layout. Will it be ok if I run the floor plans by you Ana? I'd love your input on this as her best friend and that."

"I'd love to be involved." I smile because I genuinely would, Kate isn't surprised easily but I already can imagine her face when she sees her dream home built up.

"Thanks. So about Grey's Publishing."

"Yeah Grey's Publishing Seattle, ok so what I want to do is bring in ten to twenty more staff but there is very little office space now my options are to completely move the PR team to here once Christian moves his staff over to Grey's House or I expand the building but I don't know if it's possible."

"Have you got the blueprints?"

"Yeah hold on." I head over to the GP Seattle filing cabinet and fish out the blueprints, I can tell from the original blue prints that the building was expanded once and the new blueprints show how but I don't know if it can be done again. "Here." I pass them over to him and he places his plate down before thumbing through them.

"Hmm, I don't know if the building has reached it's capacity, the only thing I could think about is expanding the building upwards adding three to five floors but you're talking two to three years easy with the building needing to be shut down for a few weeks at a time too." Elliot explains.

"So not a good idea." I say disappointed.

"Sorry Ana, you either need a new building or have some of the bigger offices on the top floors split I mean some of these offices could be made into four smaller offices easy and that would take a couple of weeks at the most." Elliot explains and I nod in agreement, my office at GP Seattle is too big especially considering I'm never there anymore.

"Ok well thanks anyway Elliot." I reply taking the blueprints back to the cabinet.

"So is there any truth to this rumour floating around that I'm going to be an uncle?"

I completely freeze, I didn't think that Elliot would have mentioned it like this.

"By how you've frozen I'd say there is." He laughs and I turn around to face him slowly. "I won't say anything to anyone not even Kate."

"Thank you." I reply.

"So already pregnant or thinking about it like the papers say?"

"Already, the New York test was wrong." I explain making his eyes widen in shock.

"Jesus Ana how far along?" He asks completely bewildered.

"Ten weeks give or take a week." I reply and his eyes widen a little more.

"So who knows?"

"Just Christian, security and your Mom."

"My Mom knows and didn't say anything?" He's completely shocked, it's quite comical.

"Yes, I had some cramping and so I called her." I reply. "Why do you think she's called a family dinner on Sunday, it's before the press get wind of the truth. I'd hate for it to come out like that."

"I'm sure you would. I don't know what's more shocking that my Mother managed to keep it to herself or that Christian's actually going to be a Father."

"Christian's going to be a great Father and please don't make him think otherwise." I warn sternly, if anyone could make Christian reconsider being a father it would be Elliot.

"I won't I swear but can I tease him about the sick and the diapers?" He asks his eyes lighting up with amusement.

"As if I could stop you." I laugh just as my intercom goes off. "Hold on a sec…" I hurry over and knock it.

"Yes?"

"Mr Grey here for you."

"Send him up." I reply before running my hand through my hair and looking at the clock, he's a little early.

"Christian here before five on a work day?"

"Yeah we're heading to The Grace for the weekend." I reply and he nods enthusiastically.

"Do you two like ever get any work done?"

"What do you mean?" I frown just as the elevator pings.

"Well you're always running off somewhere, New York, Greece, London, now The Grace."

"London and New York were work." I reply just as Christian and Taylor walk in.

"Christian." Elliot smiles.

"Elliot." He replies shaking his brother's hand before wrapping an arm around me and dropping a kiss onto my forehead, it feels possessive. "What are you doing here harassing my wife?"

"I called him Christian." I say dryly, I feel like I'm about to be accused of something.

"Why?"

"I was wondering if it was possible to expand Grey's Publishing, as in put an extension on the building, I'd be a fool not to call your brother." I explain.

"You've eaten I see." He says, still sounding a little dry.

"Yes Elliot bought Lunch, why are you here? I thought you were picking me up at four." I reply as Elliot watches on in amusement.

"I got done earlier than planned, thought we could have an early start."

"Ok I'll just get my purse. Thank you Elliot for Lunch and for the advice."

"It's no problem Ana, give us a call whenever ok?"

"Sure and let me know if you need any help with the project, I'll do what I can to help."

"You can start by finding out what colours she'd prefer in what rooms, casually drop them into conversation." He chuckles heading for the elevator. "See you guys Sunday, don't have too much fun!"

I chuckle as he disappears but when my eyes catch Christian's I see he's not happy.

"What?"

"Why did you call Elliot?"

"I needed some advice he came over and brought lunch." I reply nonchalantly, it's not a big deal right?

"You didn't call me." He says bitterly and I see why he's pissed.

"I just thought I'd skip the middle man Christian, I thought you would have just contacted Elliot and I decided to do that myself." I explain as I pull out the baby books and catalogues from the bottom drawer and put them in my briefcase. "It's no big deal." I tell him and he shrugs, I think he may be disappointed that I didn't ask his advice. "So ready for a weekend of just us?"

"Well us, Mac, Taylor and Luke." He says and I nod, I shouldn't have expected otherwise.

"Let's go." I say tugging on his hand.


	187. Chapter 187

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Friday 10th February**

I sit contently in Christian's arms as we slowly skip along the water. It's so peaceful to be here in his arms again, all worries and cares seem to have vanished. I know we have a lot of talking to do this weekend but right now I'm enjoying being wrapped up in a blanket and Christian's arms just watching the sunset. It's bitterly cold but I don't care and neither does Christian for a change though he has me wrapped up in a thick fleece blanket like a small child and every so often he rubs my arms and snuggles his nose into my hair.

"It's so beautiful." I say as the sky begins to darken and the last of the sun casts a surreal orange glow across the sky.

"Hmm, we'll be able to watch this from the comfort of our own home soon. Stand on the balcony of our bedroom and just watch the sun disappear and night blanket over us."

"Very descriptive Mr Grey." I quip.

"I try." He chuckles just as the last of the sun vanishes behind the hills in front of us. "Now time for dinner and get you warmed up." He says cradling me before standing.

"I could walk you know." I state and he grins down at me.

"I know, I just want to carry you." He replies as he heads into the boat. He places me down at the table and goes to warm up the meal Mrs Taylor so carefully prepared for us. I love watching him move around the kitchen area as if he belongs there though I know Christian and the word cook would only be in the same sentence if they were filled with does not.

He serves up the lasagne and salad and he puts on some music. It's quite a romantic setting and I really feel like I don't want anything to change it, including our talk which I know will put a damper on our evening.

"So did Elliot help you out?" Christian asks as we begin to eat.

"Yeah turns out the only way to expand the building is up or make some of the larger offices smaller. I think I'm just going to wait till you move more of the staff over to Grey's House and then bring half the PR Department over to Ana's Palace, give them the first choice to work directly for Ana's Palace rather than Grey's Publishing. There won't be a need for a department so big at the publishing house if I've got my own working from Ana's Palace on everything regarding me."

"That's a fair enough point but why don't you want to expand up?"

"Too much hassle, I'll look into buying different buildings now that the land for the two salons have sold and the insurance has paid out I've got some money to play around with." I explain, I enjoy this conversation, just every day stuff.

"That's cool, you're not planning on expanding into another property? Maybe another Salon or Publishing house?"

"Well Manhattan Publishing House is still going, they've not accepted any offers yet. I might put an offer on it and if it works I'll look into getting a salon in New York too." I reply and Christian smiles, I know he'd just push me to do it if I said I wasn't interested in it, he really takes his vows to uphold my dreams seriously at the least. "So when do I get to see the new Grey's House?" I ask as I've felt a little left out that I haven't been to see it.

"I'll take you after we move into the big house on Monday if you want." He smiles and I nod, I can't wait to move into our family home.

When we finish with dinner Christian sorts out the dishes then takes my hand. By the look on his face I know that it's now we're going to talk. He leads me through to the sitting area and sits me down on the chair. He folds the small fleece blanket around me as if I was a child and he was tucking me. He then kisses me softly and I can see he's a little uncertain, it's written all over his face.

"So what do you want to know about London?" He asks pouring himself a brandy and me a glass of water.

"Everything." I reply and he nods gingerly, I hate that he feels so uncomfortable talking to me.

"Ok." He nods slipping into the armchair opposite me. "After Taylor woke that night we agreed on calling the police. They came and went quickly but as they were leaving they spotted Marcus and gave chase. He was apprehended quickly and placed under arrest for harassment just to buy the police time to put together a case of breaking and entering. On his arrest he'd thrown his bag and Taylor and the police went through it together…" Christian goes pale and my stomach somersaults.

"What was in the bag Christian?" I ask my voice shaking but he shakes his head. "Please Christian!" I half yell at him. His eyes meet mine and he nods and takes a deep breath.

"There was bondage rope, four pairs of silver handcuffs, pictures of you, lots of pictures of you out and about in Seattle and here in London, a ball gag, black sensory deprivation mask, heavy duty nipple clamps, silicon dildo, vibrator…"

"It was a BDSM kit." I say shakily.

"A heavy duty torture kit for someone like you Ana." He says looking like he's about to be sick.

"You think he was going to use them on me?" I ask my voice quiet and uncertain.

"We know he was. There was a diary of sorts in the bag with details of exactly how he wanted to use the items Ana. It made Taylor physically sick."

"Oh my God." Now I know why Christian acted the way he did, I would have too.

"He was arrested for breaking and entering and attempted kidnap, the police were horrified, they barely held themselves from being sick but Taylor had to walk away and vomit his guts out Ana he described in detail what he wanted to do to you."

I feel myself shaking and try to wrap the blanket tighter around me. I feel sick and I have no idea what this diary of his said.

"The police recommended getting you out of London because Marcus could easily get bailed and so I did what I had to do. I went too far and I know I hurt your feelings but even Taylor and Sawyer agreed you didn't need to worry about what could have happened."

"Where is he now?" I ask shaking.

"Being held in London. Ana they have fingerprints that Marcus was in your bedroom in the house. They can't say whether he came in while we were sleeping or while you were out to stalk the place but he was there."

"I'm gonna be sick." I jump from the seat and make it to the bathroom in time to empty my stomach contents. I hold the side of the porcelain bowl and the images of what could have happened loop through my mind. I cry and Christian pulls me into his arms and wipes my mouth with some tissue.

"I'm sorry." I tell him. "If I'd known I would have come home with you. I wouldn't have argued against you I'm sorry Christian." I sob as he holds me tight to his chest.

"I know Ana, I should have told you sooner, I realise that now but I read that diary Ana and it killed me knowing what could have happened to you had we not been there."

He cradles me in his arms as he stands and I hold tight onto him. I can't believe that this has happened! I was the one who thought Marcus was probably harmless! I'm quite glad Christian did what he did now, though it wasn't the right thing to do it was definitely better than being attacked. Christian lowers me onto the bed and tucks me in before climbing in beside me. He holds me tight as I cry quietly eventually crying myself to sleep.


	188. Chapter 188

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Sorry for the delay! I've been reading and I'm unwell seems like I have the flu so I'm heading to bed as soon as this is uploaded then I'll try and get more done tomorrow!**

**Saturday 10th February**

I sneak out of the bed careful not to wake Christian who's sleeping peacefully. I've been avoiding tossing and turning for over an hour but I can't lie beside him acting like everything is going to be alright when I don't feel like it is. I pull on the silk floor length robe that I pack and head out on deck. We're moving slowly across the water and I spot Mac sitting in the 'captain's chair'. He waves and smiles and I quickly return it before making my way to the bow. I have so much things going through my mind right now. Christian's revelation has shocked and scared me.

_I need to know what that diary contained_. It must be bad for it to sicken Taylor, he knows what Christian's lifestyle was like before and I can see now why he reacted the way he did in not stopping Christian carrying me against my will from the house to the jet. However I can't help but wonder if it was really that bad would I have need to have been taken against my will or would it have been enough to have me begging Christian to bring me home? It's a tough call when I still don't have all the details.

Christian however won't tell me what was in the diary. He says I don't need images like that in my head and that curiosity won't harm Jellybean but knowing will. It's horrible to think right now because my mind conjures up some crazy possibilities. _They must be foul for them to have made Taylor sick_. That's all I can seem to think about right now. If only he'd told me in London how bad things were. I think we could avoided everything then.

However I do understand now. I understand why he did what he did. Or at least I think I do. If they're that bad then it sounds like he acted like a more rational husband. Not giving anyone the chance to harm me. I'm so conflicted. I'll need to see Doctor Flynn after this and make sure that what I'm feeling is rational. I know he wants to talk about Jellybean but now I've had time I've not only come to terms with our little intruder but I'm also excited to enjoy the next six months and the birth and all the excitement that comes with being a parent.

"Shit!" I jump when two arms wrap around my waist. "Christian!" I scold.

"I woke up and you were gone, if we weren't on a boat I'd have panicked." He says quietly in my ear.

"Sorry, I couldn't sleep anymore." I reply with a shrug.

"What are you doing here? It's cold." He says quietly.

"Thinking." I reply. "It's a good place to think." I explain as I watch the sun begin to rise on the horizon.

"It is but I wouldn't want for you to catch a cold." He says wrapping a blanket around my shoulders that I didn't even realise that he had. "So what were you thinking about?" He asks curiously though I wish he didn't ask.

"The diary." I reply quietly. "What was in it Christian? Please I need to know."

"No baby you don't want that sick shit in your head." He replies rubbing his nose into the crook of my neck.

"It's making me sick not knowing Christian." I whisper wishing he could understand. "If it was about me I deserve to know."

"Please Ana, I don't even want to think about what I read. It had me in tears in front of Taylor and Sawyer. I don't want to have to repeat any of it." He explains making bile rise in my throat. I swallow it back and pull away from Christian's hold. "Ana?"

"If you'd told me everything in London I would have come home quietly and we could have skipped the shit that followed." I tell him angrily. "After thinking about it properly I know I would have, given the truth the whole truth and nothing but I would have been on that flight without a problem."

"I know but I couldn't tell you." He replies calmly.

"You couldn't tell me." I whisper angrily as I swipe away the tears threatening to spill from my eyes. "You should have. I am your wife Christian. An equal partner in this relationship, in this marriage. Do I need to ask Taylor about this? Or Luke?"

"Ana they won't tell you." He replies rubbing his chin in frustration.

"Because you told them not too!" I snap, I'm so frustrated.

"Yes! They agree that you don't need to know!"

"I do!" I yell not caring that Mac can hear everything. "I need to know Christian so I can really understand why you reacted the way you did! Why you didn't tell me in London!"

"I can't Ana." He says his voice breaking.

"You can! It's not that difficult to open your mouth and talk you do it enough when you're barking orders at people me included!"

"I…" His voice breaks off. "You really feel like you need to know?" He asks and I nod.

"Please Christian?" I plead with him.

"Come and sit down inside then, in the warmth." He says extending for my hand.

I let him lead me inside and sit me in front of the electric fire which he must have switched on before coming out.

"I won't tell you everything because I don't know everything myself to be able to but I'll summaries." He explains taking the seat opposite me. I nod because it's better than nothing. "He went into detail about how he would … how he would rape you." He says and I close my eyes and inhale a sharp breath. "How he would use each of the toys, how you would plead with him, how you'd scream. Then he said how he would cut you and he knew for someone so petite and thin you'd have a lot of blood and he'd enjoy watching each and every drop poor out of you slowly and he'd hold you while you cried and bled…"

"Ok enough." I say quickly. "I get it please that's enough." I reply and he's quick to rush over to me and wrap me up in his arms. "I get it. I'm sorry."

"I know if I'd told you this when I knew it Ana that you would have come home but reading that scared the shit out of me. It's also why I reacted the way I did on Sunday, when you went out and why Taylor and Luke reacted the way they did too. We were all terrified and after reading what we did… Taylor read a little further than I or Luke could manage and when he went sick I knew I couldn't even bear to read any more of it. The police took the diary and the contents of the bag for evidence."

"Oh Christian." I sob wrapping my arms around him. I realise one hundred percent why he did what he did to me because had the roles been reversed I'm sure I would have done something that drastic too. He was just trying to protect me. And now I know how bad it was …

"We're going to be ok from this Ana." He says quietly as I hold around him.

"I know." He reply hiccupping. "I need you Christian, take me to bed?"

"With pleasure Ana." He replies picking me up in his arms, I know he needs me too.


	189. Chapter 189

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**So I can't sleep anymore so here you go! Thanks for all your get well wishes! Much appreciated! xxx **

**Saturday 10th February**

After a long love making session and breakfast Christian and I talked a lot about our coming appointment with Doctor Greene.

"I don't think my body quite accepts the depo injection." I say as Christian and I walk slowly around the deck of The Grace hand in hand.

"What do you mean?" He asks oblivious, men can be so dumb sometimes.

"This is the second injection to have failed on me Christian. We'll need to think of a different form of contraception once this baby is born." I explain and he nods softly in agreement.

"The Depo is supposed to work ninety nine percent of the time."

"And I've fallen into the one percent twice. As much as I can't wait for Jellybean here to come I don't want to be thinking of having any more babies for a while." I reply and he smiles mischievously. "What?"

"I was thinking we could have more."

"Can't we get this one out of the way first? Be parents for a while, adjust our lives. Everything changes now Christian, everything." I reply and he nods in complete agreement, at least he's got that down.

"You know you're showing." He says looking at my small bump that actually to me looks like I'm constantly bloated.

"I show much more when my bladder or stomach is full." I quip making him laugh.

"You're so beautiful Ana." He says pulling my to sit on the bench near the bow. "I can't believe we're going to be parents in just a few months."

"Well I had to fill out some paper work for Doctor Greene and Swedish and from it I could estimate my due date." I tell him and his eyes widen in a smile.

"How did you do that?"

"Well I worked out when I should have gotten my period. Then figured out when my last period would have been if I'm as far along as Doctor Greene thought to work out when my period would have been before I got pregnant and then went from there online." I reply with a smile.

"So when are we due Mrs Grey?" He asks pulling me on his lap and resting his hands on the small swell of my belly.

"Around the fourteenth of September." I smile. "The next time we see Doctor Greene which is Wednesday it'll be a dating Scan so she'll be able to give us a more exact date though so we'll see."

"Ok." He beams. "That's really close to your birthday." He adds as an afterthought.

"I know. Wouldn't it be cute if he or she came on my birthday?"

"As long as it wasn't too late or too early I think Jellybean coming on your birthday would be amazing."

"The perfect birthday gift." I reply with a beaming smile, that's a cute idea.

"Yup." He smiles giving me a small but tender squeeze. "I can't wait to meet him or her Ana." He says as he rubs small circles on my belly.

"Neither can I, but I'm going to try enjoy being pregnant first. See if it's something I could even consider doing a second time."

"Are you going to those baby classes this week?"

"Yup I can't wait, it will be so nice to meet other Mom's to be you know?" I tell him though he doesn't look so sure.

"You're to take security."

"I know, they can't be in the room though Christian but they can be in the building." I tell him, we have to compromise on this.

"Fine." He says though he looks like he was about to object. "Am I invited to the one Daddy is allowed to come to?"

"Of course but if you're busy… it's during the work week not like evenings and stuff." I explain and he smiles and nods.

"I'm going to be there Ana. I may not be able to carry our child for forty weeks but I can definitely come to every appointment and help you in every other way I can."

I smile. This is how we should have been from the moment we found out but with everything that happened in London and since. I'm just glad we could come out of this one top, the last thing I need is for us to be at each other's throats when I'm pregnant, it's emotional and exhausting without the additional stress.

"I love you Christian." I say turning my head a little so I can look at him. He looks down on me with his charming smile.

"I love you too Ana." He says rubbing his nose against mine. I turn as much as I can and wrap my arms around him before kissing him. He opens his mouth to accommodate my mouth and for once lets me be in control. It doesn't feel so natural somehow, it feel strange, good but not as good as when Christian kisses me and his lips and tongue dominate me.

"Keep it G-rated!" We hear from the distance, we both pull away to see Mac waving at us. Christian gives him an awkward salute of sorts while I just giggle.

"We need a weekend." I tell him.

"Huh?"

"A weekend, you need to cash in a weekend from your Christmas gift."

"I do do I?" He asks teasing my ear lobe with his mouth.

"Uh-huh. TPE." I say quietly.

"Really?"

"Yes." I smile, I think I need this.

"Do you think you can trust me to blindfold you and tie you up?" He asks and I know he's referring to London.

"Yes." I reply as he sucks my earlobe into his mouth. "I know you'll never do that again without talking to me first."

"Thank God for that." He replies picking me up. "Let's go play."

"Now?"

"Yeah, get ready for next weekend." He smirks before heading indoors.


	190. Chapter 190

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Louisvuittonfreak – Have to say that I love you, your reviews give me a real giggle and I don't disagree with you! xx**

**Sunday 10th February**

Arriving back on shore I'm a little disappointed. Christian and I had our bubble back even if it was only for a couple of hours but then again I am a little excited about the rest of the family bar my Mom and Ray finding out about Baby Grey. Of course, Elliot and Grace know and I wouldn't be surprised if they'd told Kate and Carrick, I mean they're not the type of couples to have secrets but then again we'll see. I don't doubt that Elliot would avoid telling Kate because she'd go one and on about it nonstop if she did know and drive him mad.

We arrive back at Escala and I can't help but feel a little down at seeing most of our things packed up in boxes. I guess Gail worked a little over the weekend. I can't wait for Christian and I to move to the big house tomorrow. It's going to be amazing but then leaving Escala is a scary concept. I love Escala though it never felt like mine. At lease I have Friday night to look forward to when we come back here to set up for our TPE weekend, I think Christian's more nervous about it than me but I will just have to constantly tell him this week that it's what I want and I'm excited for it, maybe then he'll relax a little.

Christian and I take a shower separately knowing if we took one together we'd be delayed. I make a plan as the water cascades onto my skin to make sure that I call Flynn tomorrow and talk through what I learned off Christian. If not for me then for Jellybean, the last thing I want is my mental health to compromise a healthy pregnancy. It's bad enough that I spent a lot of my pregnancy drinking alcohol and a lot at that especially in Greece. I know I've looked up Foetal Alcohol Syndrome but I can't help but wonder if Christian has too. I mean if he has he has to at least be a little worried right? The stats on Foetal Alcohol Syndrome are higher than what most people think but not high enough that I'm worried sick. If my baby has Foetal Alcohol Syndrome then I will deal with it when the time comes but for now I'm going to just try and enjoy being a working pregnant business woman.

"Were you baptised?" I ask as we both change in the closet. Christian turns to me, surprised at my sudden question.

"No." He replies. "Unless Ella baptised me and I don't know." He frowns. "Why are you asking?"

"I was baptised." I reply and he smiles still wanting me to answer his question. "I want to baptise our child."

"Ok." He nods. "Why?"

"Because as well as a religious ceremony it's a coming together of loved ones to celebrate the birth of a child. It would be a great way for all our friends and family to come together to celebrate the birth of our child with us."

"Hmm." He says rubbing his chin thoughtfully. "I never thought of it like that."

"So?" I ask and he smiles.

"Our child can be baptised if that's what you want. What are you baptised into?"

"Huh?"

"Which Church? Religion?" He explains.

"Oh Catholic." I reply with a frown. "Not that I've exactly followed the faith or anything." I add with a shrug.

"Would you like our child baptised as a Catholic?" He asks as he pulls on his tie.

"I don't know." I shrug. "I just know that I want our child to be baptised."

"How about the Church where Luke is getting married?" Christian suggests, it's a beautiful and huge church and I've only seen the pictures. "Then either to my parents' house or the Fairmont for afterwards?" I love that he's on board with this, I thought he would have had some reservations but no, not Christian, full of surprises as always.

"I'd like that." I smile. "I think your Mom would love it if we went to Bellevue afterwards too." I add as an afterthought.

"Ok well we'll ask her at dinner." He smiles as I adjust his tie for him.

"It would give her a surprise too, seeing as she already knows about Jellybean." I reply walking over to my ever growing shoe collection. "I'm going to need new flats soon." I muse knowing that in actual fact I only own my converse and one pair of sneakers now since I've been in heels all the time I decided to get rid of my flats.

"We'll go shopping when we need to." Christian smiles putting a grey cashmere cardigan over my shoulders, I guess he wants me to be warm to go to his parents.

"We?"

"I'd like to take you maternity shopping." He replies and I can't suppress a smile, he really wants to be involved in every aspect of this pregnancy and it's damn adorable.

"Hmm, I don't know when that will be." I shrug as I pull on a simple pair of black Jimmy Choos. "Hopefully not for a while." I reply running my hand down my abdomen, to Christian and I my bump is now quite obvious. To anyone else I'm bloated or on my period or have over eaten, my swell can just about be concealed under most of my clothes.

"Well whenever you need to, I'm going to be there with you." He smiles. "I love shopping with you."

"You do?"

"Yeah especially in New York. Maybe that's where we'll go. Hop the jet for a weekend, stay one night at the apartment." He suggests and I smile, I do love New York.

"I may need to go there for some business soon anyway." I reply and his eyes light up.

"You're going to put an offer on Manhattan Publishing House?"

"Yes, use the money from the book to do it. I mean they're looking for one point five million, it's not unreasonable to offer a little more I mean everyone else is offering less I suspect hence why it's still owned by the same people." I explain as I tease my hair into place.

"Ok, offer one point six." He suggests and I nod, it was the amount I had in mine.

"I mean Portland is doing well, much better than I expected and so the expansion of GP Seattle underway it just makes sense to expand further especially seeing as I have Wendy and I'm going to need something to focus on when I finish the books."

"Have you finished Kate?"

"Near enough." I reply giving up on my hair. "That will do."

"You look amazing." Christian replies putting his hands on my shoulder and kissing the top of my head. "You're just amazing."

"Christian…"

"I have something for you, come on." He takes my hand and guides me back into our bedroom. I'm nervous as he sits me on the edge of our bed. He always has a way of putting me in a state of anticipation both bad and good. He heads out of the bedroom leaving me sitting there wondering what the hell is going on. When he comes back he has a very large gift bag and I eye him suspiciously.

"Here. Open this first." He says handing me an envelope. I open it carefully and slip out the card inside. It's a picture of him and I Christmas morning lips locked, one of us thanking the other for a gift but I can't see which one. 'We're having a baby!' is in gold calligraphy along the bottom. I smile and open the card to a paragraph of Christian's beautiful handwriting.

Anastasia,

Thank you so much for being the most wonderful wife alive, and soon to be the most wonderful mother. I am ecstatic that we're going to be parents, bringing a child into the world that's part you and part me will complete our little world. While you've been in London I've been spending time shopping for you. It's apparently customary for a husband to by a wife a gift when they're pregnant. I hope you like what I've got you. You deserve the world and more but I think these gifts are sufficient. I look forward to going through the ups and the downs of pregnancy by your side until we welcome our little angel into this world.

Love you always

Christian

I wipe the tears away from my cheeks as he passes me the gift bag. He looks a little sheepish as I lean over to put the card on my bed side table.

"Here." He says passing me the gift bag. "It was supposed to be for when you came home from London but now is as good as time as any." He says nervously.

I take the gift bag between my legs, it sits on the floor and reaches my knees! I take out the first item. It's a pregnancy pillow, I've heard of these, they're supposed to help Mommy sleep especially in the third trimester when it's a little more uncomfortable to lie in bed. I gently place it on the bed and reach in to the bag again. I can see Christian has gone a little over the top but when doesn't he? I take out the next gift which is wrapped up. I find a beautiful baby pink, baby blue, mint, lilac and lemon patchwork book with 'My first pregnancy' emblazoned on it in gold. I open the book up to find another inscription from Christian.

Anastasia,

To keep hold of every moment of our pregnancy so we will have something to look back on.

Christian

I wipe my tears from my cheeks.

"Open the next page." He says and I nod and do as he says.

'Our first picture of baby' I embossed on the page and bellow it is a picture of our Jellybean. Then beneath it in Christian's scrawl are details about the baby.

Week – Nine

Size – Fifteen to Sixteen Millimetres.

Nickname – Jellybean

I laugh softly and wipe away more tears from my cheek, there's room for more details but ones we don't have such as the size of my abdomen and so on.

"Christian…"

"Shh, there's more." He says stopping me from thanking him as he slips the book from between my fingers and placing it beside me on the bed. I reach into the bag and pull out a cream coloured box with a black inscription that reads 'Babes with babies London' on that has me near giggling. I open the box and am stunned to find a beautiful gold necklace with a bauble type pendant. I carefully read the inscription around it 'being a mother is to have your heart forever walk around the outside of your body' it brings tears to my eyes as Christian takes it from climbs behind me and pulls off my Tiffany keys necklace and puts the necklace on me. It's so beautiful.

"Christian…"

"Shh you're not done." He scolds playfully as he climbs off the bed with a smile.

The next gift I pick up is a wrapped box.

"This may be more for my use than yours." He says as I begin to unwrap it. Inside I find a brand new hand held camcorder. "There's near unlimited storage, takes the best quality pictures and videos. You can carry it around and make small blogs and take random pictures when I'm not with you so I don't miss out on anything and we'll have them to show Jellybean when he or she is older." He explains as tears fall continuously down my cheeks. Is there anything he hasn't thought of? "We can print off the pictures and glue them in the book." He adds making me smile. "There's a couple more." He adds nudging the bag. I swipe away my tears and put the camera beside me before reaching into the bag one more.

I pull out a lilac thick throw that's soft to the touch.

"It's lamb's wool." Christian says. "I thought it could be useful for you when you're home sitting on the couch or whatever." He shrugs like it's no big deal but he's been so thoughtful. "There's one more." He adds making me reach into the bag again. I pull out the last box and open it slowly. A card slips out and I pick it up to see Christian's handwriting once again.

Ana,

Anytime you need or want my hands are ready.

Christian.

I look into the box to find a home massaging kit for pregnant women with everything from anti-stretchmark lotion to just scented moisturiser and scented candles.

"Christian. Thank you so much." I say wrapping my arms around him and pulling him to me. "Everything is perfect, you thought of everything. Thank you." I say as tears flood down my face.

"No thank you Ana. For carrying our child for nine months." He says rubbing my stomach. "I'm not going to miss a minute of this." He adds and I realise just how much he wants this. "There's one thing I'd like to ask, I'm sorry if it comes across selfish but I have to ask."

"Ok." I say bracing myself.

"Tomorrow, before we go to the big house can we stop by at a store, any store, to buy our child's first stuffed animal. I know that as soon as the family know they're going to be exploding with gifts for you and the baby but I want us to buy the first toy, the one hopefully our child will be most attached too."

"Oh Christian." I latch my lips onto his, Jeez when did he get so sentimental?! "Of course we can!" I hadn't thought of it but I'm glad Christian did, that's something so special.

"Ok. Now let's get your face washed and head over to my parents house."

After washing my face Christian and I head off. As he drives my car I contemplate everything that we're about to go through together. I don't know much about pregnancy, I'm doing the research bit by bit so not to overload my mind, what's the point worrying about week forty when I could go to labour in week thirty? I don't see the point in making myself sick with worry when I'm only in week eleven approximately. I can't wait to see Doctor Greene on Tuesday and find out the due date for certain. A part of me wishes it would be my birthday but another part of me wishes it would hold off just a few more days so that I can have one last birthday before I become a Mom.

At Bellevue Grace opens the door excitedly. She hugs both of us enthusiastically and ushers us into the living room to greet everyone else. She passes us both drinks and leans into me softly.

"Sparkling cider." She whispers as if it's one big conspiracy. I smile and nod at her and take a small sip as Christian enjoys his wine. Somehow I don't miss the alcohol, I guess foetal alcohol syndrome has scared me enough that I won't touch a drop now until I am given the clear to.

Carrick joins us and we happily talk about the coming wedding of Kate and Elliot. They've set a definite date of December eleventh and I am relieved in knowing I will at least have given birth by then as Kate and Mia begin discussing bridesmaid dresses with me. I wonder how much of my figure I'll have back by then.

We all head into the dining room and sit down around the table. Gretchen serves us a beautiful starter of pear and walnut salad which we all eat happily discussing everything but the secret that four of us know. I look over at Elliot who gives me a small wink across the table. I like that he's in on the secret. When the starter is cleared away Christian clears his throat and slips his hand in mine before tugging me gently to standing. I give Grace a smile as she tries to hide the obvious smile that's playing on her lips.

"Anastasia and I have some news we'd like to share with you and we'd like you all to be the first to know." Christian says.

"You're getting a divorce?" Kate chirps in, she's still obviously mad with Christian about what happened in London.

"Uh no." Christian frowns giving me an inquisitive look, oh no this is going to be an argument and I know it. "When we did the pregnancy test in New York, it turned out to be a false negative. Ana and I are having a baby." He says breaking out in a huge smile.

Mia squeals, Kate's mouth falls open in complete shock, Elliot beams, Ethan looks mildly shocked, Carrick gives a small thin lipped smile and Grace smiles ecstatically.

"We believe but aren't sure that we're around ten to eleven weeks along." He says as he holds around me, standing slightly behind me so he can put his hand on my stomach.

"I'm going to be an aunt!" Mia says excitedly making Christian and I laugh uncomfortably.

"Christian and Ana and baby Grey." Carrick says getting to his feet and lifting his wine glass.

Everyone follows sounding a little more enthusiastically than what they looked a few minutes ago before hugs are exchanged all around. We eat the rest of the meal discussing the next sonogram, cravings, and I get to tell the family all about Christian's thoughtful gifts. After dinner we all retreat to the living room, Christian being ushered into the study by his father for what I suspect is a lesson in fatherhood while Kate drags me into the backroom.

"Are you ok?" She asks wrapping me up in a hug.

"I'm fine." I reply a little unsure of her reaction.

"You're not just with him now because of the baby right?" She asks looking into my eyes, she knows I was here last week.

"No. I knew I was pregnant when I left." I reply taking her hand in my own. "Kate the man who was stalking me was in my house in London and Christian and Taylor found a diary in his belongings detailing what he would do to me… it included cutting me open to watch me bleed and holding me while I cried." I'm near tears by the end and Kate wraps me up in a tight hug.

"Ana." She breaths.

"It was stupid of him, of Christian, but I get it now why he did it Kate. I think I would have done something similar had the roles been reversed."

"I can imagine."

"It doesn't excuse him. If he'd have told me everything in London then I would have come home quietly but it's Christian, he was panicking and stuff so I understand." I explain just as Grace comes in to the room.

"I get it Ana I do." Kate smiles letting go of me and slipping out, I guess Grace must have given her a look.

"Ana." She smiles coming over and wrapping me in a hug. "Come and sit down." She says as Gretchen comes in with a tray of tea. Grace and I sit side by side on the small couch as Gretchen serves us up some tea and leaves quickly. I take my tea onto my lap, already nervous about what Grace is going to want to know.

"I'm glad to see you and Christian are alright." She says quietly.

"Me too. He finally talked to me Grace, it's all he needed to do all along." I say and she gives me a small and understanding smile. "Thank you for everything…"

"Shh Ana." She says. "I know, I'm grateful that you let me be there for you. Christian's too stubborn to let me be there for him and I'm glad I could be there for one of my children." Her words bring tears to my eyes. "Anyway that is not why I wanted to talk to you." She says brushing it off like it's yesterday's news which in Christian and my life it technically is. "Have you spoken to your Mom or Dad yet about the baby?"

"No Christian and I are driving to see my Dad on Tuesday and then we're going to my Mom's on the weekend." I explain, Christian has organised everything while I relaxed on The Grace.

"That's good." She smiles. "You know motherhood, is an extremely special gift." She says and I realise Grace is giving me the lecture Carrick is giving Christian. "You'll make mistakes with your child. I'm sure Carrick and I made plenty with our three but as long as you love him or her more than life itself you'll be an amazing parent." She says giving my hand a small squeeze, I can sense she's not done so I sip my tea carefully and listen to her talk. "I know that this wasn't what you wanted right now." She says carefully and I swallow hard. "But you've taken it in your stride Ana and I knw you're going to be a wonderful Mother."

"Thank you." I say quietly.

"You know a friend of mine once told me, if your children don't say they hate you at least once you've done something wrong. It sounds ridiculous but Elliot said it me when he was five. Then Christian did it when he was ten and Mia when she was just four. The words hurt Ana, it was like someone had shot me in the heart but then I know they didn't mean the words, they never meant that they hated me. I could give you the long and boring stories that go with each occasion that the kids said they hated me, there were numerous times especially with Mia, I think we spoiled her a bit too much when she was a baby but she never once meant the words and if I reminded her of them now I think she'd feel particularly guilty hence why I won't tell her. I wouldn't want her to feel guilty about some words spat in a childish tantrum. But one thing I want you to remember Ana, in your marriage and in motherhood is don't hate the player, hate the game." She says quietly.

As she wraps and arm around me I relax into her hold and rest my head on her shoulder.

"Thank you." I say once more.

"You're very welcome. You're about to make me a grandmother for the first time Anastasia, I don't think you realise how happy that makes me. Of course you need to go and tell my parents with Christian before the media release the truth. It wouldn't be good for my health or hearing if my Mother found out from her magazines." She says as she gets to her feet. "Take a moment." She says before kissing the top of my head and slinking off.

I sit back and take a small sip of tea. She's definitely one of the closest mother figures I have other than my real Mom, there's Gail too of course but she's often blocked by the fact she works for Christian and I whereas there is no barrier like that between Grace and I. What she said rings in my ears, I can't imagine hearing my child saying they hate me in a fit of a tantrum but the more I think about it the more I remember those words directed at my Mom and Ray in the fit of an argument about their divorce. I do feel guilty. I could never hate either of them.

"Ana." Christian pokes his head around the door and I give him a warm smile which has him slipping the door closed and relaxing some, I guess he wasn't sure how I'd be.

"Are you ok?" I ask as he slips beside me on the couch.

"Yeah." He nods rubbing his hand down his face. "At least I think I am."

"What do you mean?"

"There isn't a time in the world that I ever thought I'd be having that lecture from my Dad." He says with a small chuckle.

"I had it from your Mom." I reply which surprises him.

"What did she say?" He asks as I sit back into the couch. "That we need to go see your Grandparents and tell them before we release it to the media." I say, he doesn't need to know the rest of it.

"Ok." He nods. "We'll go after your Mom knows."

"Ok." I smile. "So your Dad? What did he have to say?" I ask carefully, I won't mind if he doesn't want to tell me.

"Just that having a child is a blessing and one that should be cherished because as I know he and Grace couldn't have their own and instead he was blessed with me, Elliot and Mia. Then stuff about being a father."

"Anything enlightening?" I ask too intrigued to accept his brush off.

"It was all enlightening." He says. "But none of it made me think twice about having this baby Ana."

"Good." I smile leaning more into him. "Because this baby is on its way and there is nothing we can do about it." I add making him chuckle as I yawn.

"You're tired."

"Exhausted." I reply, I didn't exactly get as much sleep as needed last night.

"Lets get you home, are you awake enough to drive because I've had four glasses of wine and two shots of brandy."

"Yeah I can drive." I reply and he smiles pulling the keys from his pocket.

The goodbyes are as long as always with Mia talking about a shopping trip soon and Kate making me promise to email her as soon as I know the due date and Grace reminding me to call if there's anything I need and Carrick telling me to take care of myself and let Christian do all the worrying. I think the goodbyes are longer than the hellos and I'm relieved when we get out of there to head for home where I can fall into bed with my husband and dream of our future child.


	191. Chapter 191

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Monday 11th February**

I'm beyond excited. Christian and I are getting ready to move to the big house and I am ecstatic. Due to the fact I'm pregnant I have been ordered to the couch with a cup of tea and Gail for company while Taylor, Christian, Luke and the rest of the security team help the movers get everything that's going to the van. I love seeing Christian chipping in. He looks Goddamned sexy with his shirt sleeves rolled up, top three buttons undone and it loose from his pants. It seems I'm not the only one admiring her man as Gail ogles Taylor every time he walks into the room also looking much more casual with his tie open, buttons undone and again tucked out of his trousers. Gail and I are being treated to quite the show.

When they're done Christian breezes into the room hands Gail a pair of keys which I instantly recognise as my Saab ones. I guess that everyone is chipping in with taking a car over when he passes me my Yaris ones.

"Who's driving the TTS?" I ask not liking the idea of one of the security guards I'm not familiar with driving one of my cars.

"Luke, Taylor's taking the big SUV, Gary taking the second and Ryan is taking the smaller one and then Oreon has gone over with the movers and I'll take the R8." He explains, I guess he had it planned all along.

"Oreon?" I ask cocking an eyebrow.

"Yes, he's your new security. He has a lot of experience with children, he's a bodyguard who is also a nanny."

"Excuse me?" I say in shock.

"We need someone with experience with kids in the security fleet." He shrugs as Gail discreetly heads out.

"It's something I should have been in on Christian, what if I don't like him or he makes me feel uncomfortable."

"Then we'll fire him and find someone else."

"It's always that easy for you isn't it?" I sigh rubbing my small belly. "Whatever." I can't be bothered arguing with him and my Mother's words echo in my ear.

"I'm sorry Ana I just wanted it done quickly." He sighs coming behind me and wrapping his arms around my waist and resting his chin on my shoulder.

"Why? We still have a few months till Bean makes an appearance. Why did it need to be done so quickly?" I ask him dejectedly.

"I know but it would be good for you to get a rapport going with him, he's going to be living in the big house till Jellybean sleeps all night then he'll be moving in near Sawyer once an apartment becomes available and I can buy it." Christian explains still holding on to me. I don't argue with him, I can't be bothered arguing with him.

"Right come on Ana, let's get going. You follow me because we're not going straight to the house." He says and I just nod, I know we're going to buy Jellybean's first toy. Christian can be so sentimental sometimes, I hope it's something I taught him because I don't remember him being like this before only at Christmas with the non-expensive gifts.

We head out to the cars Christian jumping into the R8 and me into the Yaris. I wait for him to reverse out and head for the exit before I follow him out slowly. He drives just under the speed limit and I know he's constantly checking to make sure I'm behind him. When he hit the I-5 and speed up I can't help but wonder where we're going. I knock the speed dial for Christian knowing he hates it when I'm on the phone and driving.

"What is it Ana?" He asks as he answers.

"Where are we going?" I ask him as we've been driving a good ten minutes and we're going passed all the places I'd go to shop.

"Tacoma." He replies.

"Why?" I'm definitely surprised.

"To Build-a-Bear, there isn't one in Seattle." He replies. "See you in a little while." He sounds like he's smiling as he hangs up on me.

I can't believe we're going all the way to Tacoma to build-a-bear for our child's first cuddly toy, what's the point?

We park side by side when we arrive Tacoma. It's quiet funny when I step back and look at the sleek R8 in comparison to my very comfortable Yaris. The contrast between the two cars is just funny. Christian takes my hand and we walk together into the build a bear factory. I've never been in one before and from my guess neither has Christian as he looks around looking just a little lost. He enlists the help of a spotty looking teenager named Michael.

"Do you want a bear?" He asks as we begin trying to choose which bear to get for our child.

"Are you asking because you want a bear?" I tease him making him laugh heartily.

"We could get a family of bears." He says with a shrug and a boyish smile. I nod excitedly, all my childhood cuddly toys are in Ray's house and I used to love having a cuddle with one or two when I was really poorly even as a teenager.

We eventually select three bears, a brown one for Jellybean, Christian chooses a black one for himself and I choose a white fluffy arctic bear for myself.

"This is hard when you don't know what you're having." Christian says to me as we agree on the Strawberry scent for all three toys as it's the nicest of the choices.

"I know. Hey where are kid is older we can bring him or her here to choose the clothes and stuff, it could be a nice outing." I say and he grins and nods enthusiastically.

We move on to the clothing and as I begin picking things out I get excited about buying baby clothes for Jellybean. I can't help but imagine buying little dresses for a girl or jeans or dungarees for boys with copper hair and grey eyes. I eventually choose a pink bathrobe and pink satin panties for my bear which has Christian laughing heartily making me smile broadly. Christian goes for a Sketchers outfit that looks quite bad boy, it makes me smile and I want to hold this moment for ever as he's so carefree. He also gets his bear some sunglasses and Sketchers trainers while I add pink bootie slippers to mine.

"Christian." I grab his hand and drag him towards what seems to be the baby section. There's a blanket I saw through the corner of my eye and I drag him to get a closer look.

It's called cute as a button blanket and would do for either sex. Around the edge of the blanket is touchy feely areas and I grab it now unsure if things like this will be here in the future. At the checkout everything is packed up into a bag and when we leave hand in hand I'm even more excited about our little baby.

When we arrive at the cars Christian's phone rings and I roll my eyes (luckily he didn't see me) I mean we don't get a moments peace.

"What is it?" He asks as I lean against the trunk of the Yaris watching it. "Yeah, ok." He hangs up and runs his hand through his hair.

"Well?" I ask him.

"We were spotted." He explains and I sigh. "Tmz and Nooz have already updated pictures onto their webpage."

"It's none of their business Christian." I sigh. "We just have to get used to it."

"I know Ana, I know it was just never this bad for me before. I like my privacy." He explains and I know that means it's worse since Fifty Shades, I didn't ask for any of this I didn't ask for the success for the book it just happened but I'm not going to fight about this now.

"I know Christian but it happens ok? Can we just forget about it and go to our new home?" I ask leaning into him and giving him my best puppy dog eyes.

"Sure." He smiles before wrapping an arm around me and kissing me. "We've got a lot to do tomorrow so it will be nice to just relax oh and we're going to visit my Grandparents tonight Mia won't be able to hold off her mouth too long."

He's right we do have a lot to do tomorrow. We're seeing Doctor Greene in the morning first thing then we're going to see Ray. I can't wait to find out what he thinks about his future grandchild! I'm a little apprehensive about going to see Mr and Mrs Trevelyan though, I know they like me but they can be a bit much sometimes.

As we head home I get a chance to really reflect. I'm enjoying this pregnancy now and I can't wait to find out if I'm having a little boy or girl, choose names with Christian and prepare the nursery and go clothes shopping and stuff. It's really an exciting time for us.

As we pull up outside the big house and the big white gates are opened I am beyond excited. This is going to be the home we bring our child too when we're released from the hospital. This is where he or she will grow up playing in the meadow. I'm feeling very sentimental right now and it's bringing tears to my eyes.

I park my car beside Christian's in the driveway and he comes to meet me by my door and help me up. Right now I don't need any help getting up but I know the time is coming where I will. We take the bag inside and we stop to take a good look around the entrance hall we've just walked into.

There's already a big bright bouquet of flowers on the large circular table in front of us. They complement the two toned walls of light brown at the top and dark brown at the bottom. The wooden flooring is polished to perfection to the point I can see some of my own reflection rather than just a shadow. There's a runner on the stairs in both light and dark brown and cream with a gold surround, I'm glad to see it's stapled down or I'd be worried about slipping on it.

"I need the bathroom." I say having the sudden urge to pee. It's not how it used to be before I was pregnant, now the urge comes stronger and I'm worried I'll pee my panties if I don't get to the toilet fast.

Christian who knows the layout of the house a little more than me guides me to the downstairs bathroom quickly. I think he's seen me rush to the toilet enough now to know when I gotta go I gotta go.

"I'll go and see where Gail is with Lunch." He says giving me a kiss on the head before letting me go in through the large wooden door.

The modernity hits me first but I don't get a chance to really admire my surroundings because I've got to empty my bladder. As I park myself on the toilet I cast a look around. It's a beautiful room, the walls are white painted on the top half and the lower half is a very dark brown rectangular tile. The sink beside the toilet is long and oval and really shallow, possibly not able to hold more than about four millimetres of water without it spilling over. There's no bath but there is a shower cubicle that is all brown rectangle tile, it's a large square shower head that would probably soak three people comfortably. Around the frosted window is painted a lime green and it goes well with the brown tile, there's some fake flowers and wooden things both brown and green in a square vase fitting in perfectly with the room. As I wash my hands I admire the mirror with three small lights embedded with small green bulbs on either side, Gia really thought of everything. The floor is tile too, brown like the wall but there is a rug around the toilet and by the door of the shower both of them lime green with large white lilies on them. On the wall above the toilet are three canvasses when side by side make one chocolate brown, white and green flowery picture.

As I step out I wonder which way to go. It's such a big house I know it would be easy to get lost in. As the smell of Gail's cooking hits my nostrils I decide to be a dog and follow my nose. My sense of smell has dramatically increased lately which can be both good and bad, in this sense it's good as my belly rumbles. I tap my stomach gently telling Jellybean in my head that I'll feed him or her soon.

"Hey there you are." Christian says making me jump.

"I'm trying to get to the kitchen." I explain as my belly gives another rumble.

"Ok, this way, I just took the bag to our room." He explains taking my hand. He guides me past the side of the stairs and through the door at the end. I've stepped into another very modern room. Gail smiles happily, I think she likes the kitchen. Everything is red, white and silver sort of a modern version of an old diner which was my idea, it's something I've always liked and after mentioning it to Christian we worked something out with Gia. She once again has thought of everything even the red clock fits the room perfectly.

Christian guides me to the large breakfast island and sits me on a red stool similar to the ones in my office. He sits beside me and smiles, he's so relaxed right now it's wonderful. Gail serves us up some chicken pasta salad and I happily dig in, moaning as the first taste hits my tongue making Christian smile wider and flash me a wink.

We eat in relative silence. I think Christian's just happy to see me stuffing my face and even having a second portion. I am going to have to seriously diet and work out after this baby gets here just because of all the additional food I'm eating. When Gail presents me with a custard donut when I'm done I think I'm going to kiss her but I manage to hold back to just a thank you instead.

After lunch I decide to have a nap. It's not that I need one it's just I know by the time we leave Christian's grandparents place I will regret not having one. He takes me up the stairs into the continued brown and beige-ish hallway and down to the master suite. It's beautiful. Perfect. I manage not to gasp as I look at the green walls, the canopy bed with white drapes around it and perfect crisp white sheets. The large white balcony French doors are open blowing the white drapes into the room softly. I shiver and Christian moves to close them. There are five white doors in the green walls. One we've just walked through, two on the left wall and one almost opposite the bed and of course the French doors to the balcony.

"Your closet, my closet, and the bathroom." Christian points to each door in turn. I'd completely forgotten about the separate walk in closets that Gia and Elliot put into the house. Gosh they've done so much.

Christian sits me on the edge of the bed while I admire the dark wood furniture, a chest of drawers and two bedside cabinets. It's not much but they're already holding some of our personal things such as my jewellery box from Grace and Carrick for Christmas and the box that holds Christian's tie pins and cufflinks. Christian kneels in front of me and peels off my shoes before tugging me gently to standing. He undoes my jeans and slips them off with my help and then removes my cardigan and tank top. He then disappears into my closet and returns with a thigh length silk nightgown which he pulls over my head.

"There." He says kissing the top of my head. "You get some rest. I'm going to work in my study for a while." He says as he pulls back the duvet. I climb under it and rest my head on the white pillow. He leans down and kisses my lips just as I close my eyes forcing my body into much needed rest. I hear Christian slip out of the room but that's all I remember as sleep takes me under.

I don't know how much time has passed when Christian wakes me up. I feel much better having gotten some sleep but as it dawns on me that we're going to his grandparents' house I begin to wonder what on earth I should wear. I slip into the open closet door while Christian goes into his own. I am floored at the view before me. It's not just a closet but it's a dressing room too! There's one wall that's just got my clothes hanging up. One rail up high with my long dresses, another one holding my shorter dresses and from what I can see they've been colour coded, I wonder if that was Gail or someone else. Then there's a part of the wall that comes out and there's a wall light mounted on it and the other side of it are my trousers and skirts on the lower rail and my tops, sweaters and cardigans on the higher rail.

"Ana." Christian comes in already half undressed for a shower. "Are you ok?" He asks.

I nod and look at the wall right opposite me. It's split in two again by a part of the wall that comes out with a wall light. One side has my shoes, again colour coded from floor to ceiling and the other side has my purses. That side isn't as full which is no surprise as I'm not really a purse person. Then the wall opposite my clothes has a large vanity, a sink, floor to ceiling mirror, a smaller mirror. It's like any young girl's dream closet.

"Is it ok? We can have it changed if you don't like it." Christian says coming behind me and resting his hands on my shoulders.

"Christian I love it." I say leaning into his touch. "It's just so much to take in." I explain.

"Hmm." He says, he's never understood why I just can't accept the wealth that comes with him. There's a large chest of drawers in cream matching the vanity and I suspect that's where my underwear and nightwear are. "Just pick out what you want to wear to my grandparents' place and then you can admire the closet later." He says, I guess we're running behind.

"I don't know what to wear." I tell him awkwardly.

"Would you like me to choose?" He asks and I smile and nod, grateful for his help and fashion sense. "Go and put on the shower then." He says nudging me out of his way playfully.

I roll my eyes which he doesn't see again and head towards the bathroom. Once more I'm stunned but I quickly go to the shower which is obviously built for two and turn it on. This bathroom is purple, cream and black. The whole room is built for two with a super large obviously Jacuzzi style bath, large shower cubicle, and two individual sinks and mirrors. I can see that mine and Christian's stuff have already been put on the shelves and around the sink how they would be in Escala. Gail obviously has an eye for detail and she did this, no one else but her ever goes into Christian and my bathroom unless absolutely necessary. I manage to find how to turn the water on and change the heat setting. Christian comes in and peels off his clothes as he walks allowing them to cause a trail from the door to the cubicle. It's so annoying when there's a basket for dirty laundry. I peel my own clothes off and pick up Christian's while he climbs amused into the shower. I quickly join him though being unable to resist showering with him.

"We're going to have so much fun christening this house." He says as he begins to massage shampoo into my hair, I know we don't have time for sex right now but that doesn't mean I'm not extremely turned on.

"Hmm." I sigh contently.

After we're washed and dried we both change in our respected closets. Christian chose a pencil grey dress that falls to my knees with a navy suit jacket and my red pumps. I slip them all on quickly and style my hair into loose waves with a hot iron. Christian comes in already dress in his suit except for his jacket. I like how he doesn't knock, I mean I could have been butt naked not that he hasn't seen it all before. I turn from the mirror to look at him and he has the damn video camera pointed at me.

"Christian." I sort of murmur through the hair pin that in my mouth.

"Look Jellybean, it's your Mommy getting ready to tell your great-grandmother and great-grandfather all about you." He says in a put on childlike voice. It makes me laugh to see him so happy and carefree.

"We're going to be late." I tell him as I sweep the front two pieces of my hair back and clip them up out of my face.

"Look Jellybean…" He says as I stand. "You're so small you can barely see that you're in there." He says poking my belly lightly.

"Christian!" I squeal.

"One day Mommy or me will have the great pleasure of trying to explain how you got in there but not today…"

"Christian this is not turning into a birds and the bees episode." I say pushing him towards the door. "Now I'm going to finish getting ready, can you please dig out my necklace from the jewellery box."

"The Mommy one or Tiffany's?" He calls as I walk slowly back to my vanity.

"Mommy one!" I call back hoping he's put the video camera on.

It's shocking for me to know that with Little Blip it wouldn't have happened like this. Christian's obviously been thinking about what he would have liked to have done with Blip had he survived and made damn sure that he's doing it with Jellybean. I walk back into the bedroom to find him taking pictures of the bears which are now sitting on our bed.

"We're going to be late."

"It doesn't matter, my Grandparents aren't exactly great time keepers themselves." He shrugs.

"I'm going to pee before we go, please finish getting ready." I say swiping up my necklace as I walk pass the dresser.

"Yes Ma'am!" He calls after me.

When I re-emerge from the bathroom he's pulling on his suit jacket and the video camera is nowhere in sight to which I'm grateful for, I know I'm going to be sick of the sight of it by the end of this pregnancy but then I can't wait to capture every moment of Jellybean's life.

"Ready to go?" I ask and Christian nods and extends his hand to me which I gladly take.

Mr and Mrs Trevelyan live in West Bellevue in an average looking house with orange tiled roof and yellow panelled walls. As we pull up outside the light comes on automatically and Taylor is quick to open the door for us. We don't even make it to the door before Mrs Trevelyan opens the door with a beaming smile quickly ushering us inside. Christian kisses her cheek chastely while I'm pulled into a large bear hug. It's a modest house, decorated I suspect years ago. Pictures of a very young looking Doctor Grace Trevelyan stand proudly on the walls of the hallway from her graduation and earlier school days.

We're lead into the living room where we're greeted by Mr Trevelyan, he's so happy to see us and I know Christian barely comes to visit them here at the house. More pictures cover the warm, well lit room. Some of Christian and his siblings early in their life and some of Grace and Carrick too, including their wedding photograph. There's also Mr and Mrs Trevelyan's black and white wedding photo which stand's proudly on the mantle. I hope Christian and I will be happily married as long as these two have.

"Maria is just finish up dinner now would you like something to drink? Some wine?" Mrs Trevelyan asks as we sit around the glowing fire.

"We'll both just have some water thank you Grandmother." Christian replies, I'm convinced he's just not giving the game away yet as to why we're here.

"Still or sparkling?" Mr Trevelyan asks.

"Sparkling please." Christian replies politely. I feel oddly uncomfortable at the moment.

"I'll get it." Mrs Trevelyan smiles before hurrying out of the room.

"So how is business Christian?" Mr Trevelyan asks and the two jump into a conversation about mergers and acquisitions while I continue to gaze at my surroundings. Mrs Trevelyan returns and hands us each a glass of sparkling water with a slice of lime and ice. I take a grateful sip as she slips into an arm chair beside the fire.

"So what brings you two here?" She asks when Christian and Mr Trevelyan's conversation comes to a slow end. "I mean you've been married for months and you've not been here." She says pouting a little.

"Come on now, the two have been working hard, Anastasia's been out of the country, and doing things with that bestselling book of hers." Mr Trevelyan defends giving Christian and I an apologetic look.

"I just mean it would be nice to see the two of you more often." She explains ignoring her husband.

"Well we have some news, we wanted you to find out from us rather from Mia or the press."

"News?" Mrs Trevelyan suddenly sits a little straighter as I suspect she has some idea what we're talking about.

"Yes, Ana and I are expecting a child." Christian says happily.

"Oh a great-grandbaby on the way!" Mrs Trevelyan jumps to her feet, her small rounded body moving surprisingly quick. "Oh that's wonderful!" She beams wrapping me up in a tight hug before doing the same to Christian, I see him stiffen but he returns the embrace warmly while Mr Trevelyan hugs me and then taps his Grandson on the back. "It's about time, you know most people thought Ana was pregnant when you married."

I swallow awkwardly, a lot did think that but I didn't need to be reminded of it either. I manage to just smile politely.

"So how far along are you dear?" Mrs Trevelyan asks sitting beside me and clasping my hand in her own.

"Around eleven weeks." I reply uncomfortably.

"And you only tell us now?" She peers around me at Christian.

"We've not long found out Grandmother, Anastasia was on the depo." He replies uncomfortably.

"Failed injection?" She asks me and I nod awkwardly, this isn't the conversation I expected to be having. "This is wonderful, hey I'll have to get my crochet stuff together, all the Grey children had a blanket made, do you remember yours Christian?" She looks over my head towards Christian.

"It's still at my Mother's and Father's house." He says with a small smile, I guess he liked his blanket then.

"Do you know what colours you're going to do the nursery yet?"

"Uh no we've not had much chance to think about it." I reply, she's so forward I love her but she also makes me feel uncomfortably.

"Don't fret I'll make it cream so it matches anything and everything. I'll also have to get the knitting needles out. They all had cardigans and jumpers off me every Christmas, do you remember Christian."

"Yes Grandmother." He replies.

We're all luckily called in to dinner and go through to the dining room. It's not that big, the table seats six comfortably and we all sit around together while the dinner is served.

"I'm so excited, when did you tell your Mother Christian?"

"Ana told her after an incident that caused cramps." Christian says. "When was it Ana?"

"Uh last Monday?" I think, I can't remember quickly.

"And she managed to keep it from me! That woman is unbelievable."

"She kept it from everyone, even Dad until we told them yesterday." Christian replies and she nods.

"So Ana how are you feeling?" Mr Trevelyan draws me into conversation while Christian continues to fill his Grandmother in on the details.

"I'm well thank you." I reply.

"I remember when we were expecting Grace, Mrs Trevelyan was very sick, it was a difficult pregnancy." He says shuddering a little at the memory.

"I think I've had it easy so far." I reply with a soft smile. "I've had no morning sickness whatsoever."

"You've been very lucky then." He notes with a smile. It's an awkward conversation to be having with him but it's better than being in awkward silence.

"So have you discussed names and sex yet?" Mrs Trevelyan asks.

"Not really." Christian replies. "We've only just moved house Grandmother and Anastasia was in London before that. We've been busy."

"Don't neglect your wife for your work while she's pregnant Christian, she's going to need you now more than she ever has. Her whole world is changing and she can do nothing to stop or slow it down." I can't help but smile, she's brilliant!

"We went shopping today." Christian says and I think he's trying to make a point. "We bought our baby's first bear."

"What made you do that?" Mrs Trevelyan is not yet impressed.

"Well as more people find out they'll begin buying the baby gifts and we wanted to buy our child's first ever gift so we drove to Tacoma to build a bear and made our child's first toy." He says happily, more of carefree Christian shows and I love it, even Mrs Trevelyan seems impressed now.

"That's thoughtful, did you buy Ana a gift when you found out?" She asks. "Remember, you bought me that beautiful bracelet." She says turning to her husband. "I'll show it to you after Anastasia." She says and I nod awkwardly.

"Of course I bought her a gift, it's traditional for a man to buy his woman a gift when they find out she's expecting." He says, I guess he found that out in his research. I think it's cute that he's trying to do everything a first time Dad should do, if only all men were this amazing.

"Well? What did you get her?" Mrs Trevelyan asks impatiently.

"Well a book to follow her pregnancy, then a necklace, and we got a video camera to follow the pregnancy and a pregnancy pillow and a blanket and a home massaging kit." He says as I smile, all his gifts were so thoughtful and perfect.

"I hope you're ready to give her foot rubs at the drop of a hat son." Mr Trevelyan teases.

"More than ready." Christian replies with a grin.

After dinner is cleared away Mrs Trevelyan has me go upstairs with her. I find it a little awkward when she takes me into her bedroom but she sits me down on the bed and disappears into the closet. When she comes out she has a crocheted blanket that's obviously very old and used and a small box.

"This was Grace's blanket." She explains as I finger the wool. "Of course wool is much better quality these days. Then this is the bracelet that Christian's Grandfather brought me when I found out Grace was on the way."

She opens the box to reveal a silver bracelet with a Mom pendant. It's so pretty.

"We were both ecstatic when we found out, we'd been trying for so long and we weren't sure if we'd ever be able to have children then poof Grace was in our lives." She says dramatically. I give her a smile, it's wonderful to see her so happy in her memories. "Having a child come into your life is the scariest yet happiest experience you'll ever go through Anastasia." She says as she takes the blanket and box back into the closes the door. "It's a magnificent moment though when you hold your child in your arms for the first time."

"I'm sure it is." I reply with a smile, I can't wait to hold Jellybean in my arms for the first time.

"Www I'm so happy you and Christian are making me a great-grandmother, I was worried it would never happen with Christian living in that too big apartment all on his own showing no interest in women at all and his brother well Elliot is a ladies man but of course he has Katherine now and Mia is too carefree to be saddled down with anyone yet." She seems a bit down but then the smile comes back onto her face. "You really did change Christian, Grace always used to speak about how he couldn't be touched and then you came along and he's more carefree and more his age than he's ever been." She says with a big smile. "You really changed him into a better man Anastasia and we're all so grateful, especially Grace." She says clutching my hand tight. "And it makes me happy to see my daughter happy so I have you to thank for that too." She says as tears prickle my eyes. "Hormones." She says wiping them away gently. "And even if it's not the case you have that excuse until the baby is at least three months." She says with a wink making me laugh softly. She's such a character. "Come on before our husbands send out a search party."

Back downstairs we enjoy a last drink before we head for home. I curl into Christian's side and close my eyes as Taylor drives us. I'm blissfully happy at the moment and I can't help but hope that telling Ray and my Mom will be just as nice and relaxing. I don't want anyone to be unhappy about this pregnancy, not like with Little Blip where everyone silently agreed that the miscarriage was a blessing in disguise. I'm so happy to have been given another chance at pregnancy and motherhood.


	192. Chapter 192

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Messed up the dates on the last 3 or 4 chapters oopsies! Sorry It's rectified in this! **

**Tuesday 14th February**

Waking up in the new bedroom wrapped up in Christian's arms was perfect but now on the road to Doctor Greene's I'm a barrel of nerves. We finished off the paperwork over breakfast, Christian and I having worked hard deciding everything down to the last detail from the Midwife to the Paediatrician who wouldn't really be involved in our lives till after Jellybean's birth.

The only thing we haven't really agreed on is the birth itself. I want a natural birth, no painkillers well no epidural anyway. I want gas and air only because the thought of biting down on the mouth piece to stifle a scream somehow appeals to me but I don't want an epidural at all and have made sure to sign that I don't consent to it unless I'm rushed in to an emergency caesarean. Christian doesn't like that. I think the idea of seeing me in an unbelievable amount of pain scares him to no end. Shocking right?

In the waiting room I happily flick through a magazine while Christian bounces his knee and looks around. I can't fail to notice he isn't the only agitated man with women in varying stages of pregnancy. It's comforting to me to know that there's a chance Christian will be nervous till the end, because I'm nervous I'm just disguising it better. That's a first.

"Ana Grey." The receptionist calls which has Christian jumping to his feet. He helps me up though I don't need his help. Hand in hand we walk down to Doctor Greene's office and she greets us with a warm smile.

"Anastasia." She says happily. "Mr Grey." A little dryly.

"Doctor Greene." He replies just as dry, what is it with these two?

"Ok Ana have you filled out all the paperwork?"

"Yup." I say handing the file over.

"Ah you're going with Swedish." She says spinning on her chair and rolling to her computer while Christian and I take a seat beside her desk. "Good choice, if anything happens, like an emergency and you go there they'll call me directly." She adds, I knew that it's in the file. "Ok then so how has the nausea been?"

"Manageable, I haven't been sick at all actually I just feel sick." I reply as Christian sits quietly holding my hand.

"Ok I want to draw some blood and do a hormone count, it may be that you have a hormone imbalance, it's nothing we can't rectify with some pills." She says grabbing a blood pressure cuff. "First though let's see your blood pressure."

I slip off my cardigan and give her my arm while looking at Christian. He looks more nervous than me as Doctor Greene takes my blood pressure.

"That's brilliant." She says marking it on the clipboard before putting the apparatus away. "Ok I want to draw some blood now." She says snapping on some gloves. I leave her to it looking at Christian the whole time. I'm not exactly a fan of needles. I hiss as the needle penetrates my skin and Christian gives my hand a small squeeze of encouragement.

"All done." She smiles as she labels the vile of blood. "Right then let's see this baby. Hop on the couch and roll up your top to your breasts."

I awkwardly do as I'm told Christian staying quiet just slipping into the seat beside me taking my hand again.

"Ok this will be a little cold." She says with a small smile. I tense just as the gel hits my stomach, it's so cold and makes me shiver. "We should be able to get a more exact approximation and give you a due date."

As the Doppler makes contact with my skin I take a deep breath in through the nose. I'm dying for a pee, as Doctor Greene requested I drank plenty of liquids in order to get a clearer picture of our child.

I gasp as we get a clear image on screen. Doctor Greene smiles down at me before she begins to take stills.

"Look Christian." I say giving his hand a squeeze. "It's our baby." I look to my husband to see he has tears in his eyes. He smiles at me momentarily before his eyes go back to the screen.

"Ok Ana, that is your twelve week foetus." She says. "I am absolutely certain that you're twelve weeks along now."

"Twelve weeks?" I squeak.

"Only a week left of your first trimester." She teases playfully, I give her a happy smile. "As you can see this is the baby's head, this is his behind." She outlines the very clear picture. "There's a leg."

"Is that the nose?" Christian asks and Doctor Greene gives him a surprising warm smile as she nods. "Ana look." He says as I'm too busy looking at him to be looking at the screen.

"How many pictures would you like? I'm sure you have family you'd like to give them too."

"Just six please." I reply, Christian and I already decided who should get a picture of our baby.

"I'll print those out for you now, would you like an estimated due date?" She asks and I nod excitedly.

"You're looking at around September second."

"Hey I wasn't far off." I say to Christian who nods and smiles.

"What did you guess?"

"September fourteenth." I reply and Doctor Greene nods, I guess it wasn't a bad estimation at all.

As the pictures print Doctor Greene does a few more clicking on the monitor before it goes off and she hands me some blue roll.

"Ok so your midwife will be in touch either tomorrow or the day after. She'll definitely try to see you this week to measure you and weigh you and she'll pass those details on to me." Doctor Greene explains as she fills some stuff in on the chart.

"Ok." I nod.

"Then I won't see you now until your twentieth week, if you want a three dimensional scan done you'll need to let me know in advance and rather than do the ultrasound here we'll meet at Swedish, their technology is far more advance." She explains. "Have you decided whether to join the classes on offer?"

"Oh yeah I've got baby your body tomorrow and then fit4baby on Friday." I reply.

"Good, take full advantage of the class, believe me the women who didn't do them the first time who did the second time say it makes the world of difference when it comes to the labour." Doctor Greene smiles. "Ok so if you have any problems you know to call if it's an emergency get to Swedish and they'll call me just make sure you carry your Swedish package along with you everywhere and that has a duplicate of the file I'm about to send them which will make it easier for them to find everything they need to help you ok."

"Thank you Doctor Greene." I reply as we're dismissed. She gives me a brief hug than shakes Christian's hand before we head out. The pictures are in small yellow envelopes and we both have one open admiring our now very obvious baby.

"This makes it more real doesn't it?" Christian asks. "I mean look at that nose!"

"I know." I say running my finger along the sepia baby. It's scarier now too but I won't mention that.

"Right ready to hit the road, we should skip rush hour and make it to Montesano in two hours." Christian smiles walking to the SUV.

"Sure. Uh can we stop on the way for something to eat?" I ask Christian who cocks an eyebrow towards me. "Hey I'm pregnant and hungry, don't mess with me." I tease and he grins excitedly and nods.

"We'll get a drive through so we don't cut off time from our journey ok?"

"Fine by me." I reply climbing into the car to be followed by Christian. Taylor and Luke are both in the front, I don't know why we need an entourage just to visit my dad but I'm not even going to waste my energy asking, instead I cuddle up into Christian's side while we both look at our baby.

"I can't believe it's two and half inches now." I say.

"How do you know that?" Christian frowns.

I turn around the envelope and show him Doctor Greene's scribbles. He turns his own to see it blank and I shrug, I guess she just did it on one so that we had the details.

"That's double in size to two weeks ago." Christian notes and I nod, the baby really is growing fast no wonder I look bloated all the time now.

We pull up into McDonalds Drive through and Taylor orders his and Sawyer's regular stuff first. Christian goes for a mug of coffee and an apple slice while I'm still deciding.

"Come on Ana." Christian nudges me playfully.

"I'm hungry Christian and I'm trying to decide shut up."

"Order everything you fancy and you can just eat what you want." Christian suggests.

"Fine. I'll have a McChicken Sandwich and a Big Mac no relish with large fries and a large chocolate shake." I say earning a smirk from Christian and causing both Taylor and Sawyer to look around their seats with a smile. "Shut. Up." I warn both of them making the three men in the car laugh as we move on to pay.

Once we've got our food we're on the road again. I feel like maybe I should have only chosen one burger but eat both happily and share the fries with Christian. We're three quarters of the way there when I'm done with my milkshake.

"Christian." I whisper awkwardly.

"What is it baby?" He asks.

"I need to pee." I tell him trying to hide my giggle. "Like now." I add.

"Taylor can you find the nearest restroom please." He calls and Taylor's eyes meet Christian's in the mirror and I can see the smile there.

"It's not funny I'd like to see all of you carry a child." I say moodily, the next six months are going to be hell.

We arrive at a restroom pretty quickly and I stumble out of the car before anyone else has even unbuckled. If I'm like this at twelve weeks I am dreading for this pregnancy to continue. I sit on the toilet exhaling with relief as my body empties itself, I forgot to go after Doctor Greene's appointment so I'm actually quite surprised I held on this long.

"Ok?" Christian asks as I step out the door.

"You didn't have to meet me." I tell him. "You know I know the way back to the car."

"I just wanted to make sure you're ok." He replies taking my hand.

"I am, I just had to pee." I shrug, I'm far more vocal and impolite about needing the bathroom since I've known I'm pregnant, it's quite strange but comes out of my mouth without a second thought, can I blame that on the baby?

Once back on the road I begin to surf the net on my cell about being twelve weeks pregnant. One site offers a link of things to buy at twelve weeks. I have another twenty eight weeks supposed to be before this baby gets here yet they recommend starting to buy now. It's something I probably need to do before I'm too big to want to leave the house.

"You know, you're really starting to show." Christian says as he rests his hand on my now exposed stomach, he's rolled my top up and is caressing my skin gently with his fingertips.

"Shut up no I'm not." I reply though I am, over the past two weeks my small belly has turned into a noticeable pouch that looks a little more than bloating but I don't want to admit that yet.

"Ok." Christian decides to say. "You know." He leans into my ear. "Your breasts are getting big quick too."

I had noticed this too, my bras now need to be worn on the last hook and are still slightly uncomfortable. It's an excuse for me to go lingerie shopping soon though I don't want to. I wonder if Victoria Secret has a maternity range? Ha!

"Well you may enjoy those Mr Grey but I certainly won't." I reply.

"Oh really?" He asks slipping his hand up my top to grasp my breast. I hiss, they're so much more sensitive now.

"Pack it in." I say tugging on his hand but his fingers have already slipped beneath the lace and too my nipple. "Now." I growl, that was slightly uncomfortable to have him pinching them.

"Ok." Christian slips his hand from there.

"It's going to take a while to get used to the new sensations I'm sorry Christian." I reply sensing he's hurt that I've rejected him.

"I know." He kisses my head softly. "It's ok."

"Thank you." I reply just as we turn into my Dad's street.

I'm so excited to see him again that as soon as we've stopped I'm jumping out of the car. I dig my keys out of my handbag and hurry to the door knowing better than to knock and wait for Ray to answer. As soon as I've got the key in lock Christian is by my side looking quite amused at my excitement.

"Dad?" I call as soon as I've got the door open.

"Annie?" He calls from the living room. I drag Christian inside with me and walk in to find Ray rising from his armchair. "Hey." He smiles as I pounce on him, wrapping him up in my arms tight, it's been too long since I last saw him.

"I missed you." I say holding him tight.

"I missed you too Annie." He smiles just as I step back. "Christian."

"Ray." The two men shake hands as I head through to the kitchen, it's good to be home again.

I make us all a hot drink, coffee for Ray and Christian and no surprise for me that Ray has bought my tea in anticipation of my visit. I head through to the living room with a tray not surprised to find Christian and Ray deep in discussion about fishing. Ray sounds very enthusiastic in thanking Christian for the personalised fishing set and how wonderful they work. I hand everyone's drinks out and sink into the couch beside Christian.

"You know Annie you've put weight on, you look fantastic." Ray says not realising he's giving Christian and I the opening we need.

"Well actually Daddy it's why we're here." I say going into my purse and pulling out one of the yellow envelopes. I pass one over to him and grasp Christian's hand nervous about the reaction Ray's going to give.

"You're pregnant?" He asks his eyes not leaving the small sepia baby.

"Yes. Twelve weeks." I reply and his eyes snap to meet mine. "We've not long found out." I add hoping he isn't mad we waited this long to tell him.

"I'm going to be a Grandpa?" He asks and I beam and nod as I see tears gathering in his eyes. "My baby's having a baby." He says looking back at the picture.

"Oh Daddy!" I gush rushing over to him and hugging him tight.

"I can't believe you're having a baby. I mean I should have known it was only a matter of time after the miscarriage but Annie… this is such a shock."

"A good shock or a bad shock?" I ask parking myself on his good knee carefully as I cling around his neck.

"A good shock." He smiles looking up at me. "A very good shock." He smiles as I squeeze him tight. It's nice to see Ray the usually taciturn man so emotional about this. It's really nice.

"That's why we came to see you Daddy, to tell you about the baby." I explain and he beams.

"I should have guessed really, I mean I expected the next time I saw you to be me coming to Seattle because you both work so hard." He says glancing over at Christian who still looks quite nervous, I guess he wasn't as relaxed about this as he was about asking Ray if he could marry me. "Congratulations Annie and you Christian, you're both going to be wonderful parents." I look at Christian to see his boyish smile has made an appearance, his momentary nerves having vanished and his relaxation appeared.

"Thank you Daddy." I say climbing from his knee.

"We should go out to celebrate."

"Uh Dad…" I say awkwardly. "Could you wait till after the weekend to tell anyone? Mom doesn't know yet and the last thing I want is for her to find out from the press." I know Ray would love to tell all his friends in work and at the pub that he's going to be a Grandfather, they were all happy for him when he announced I was getting married and by then it had already been leaked by The Nooz.

"You haven't told your Mother?" He asks.

"It's not something you tell on the phone Dad and the earliest we can visit is this weekend." I explain.

"Ok." He nods. "I understand and I won't tell a soul till Monday, once your Mom knows."

"Thank you." I smile hugging him once more before I go sit beside Christian.

"We should still go out, Margery would love to see you again Annie."

"Does she still do her famous chocolate covered chocolate pancakes?" I ask perking up at the mere thought of food.

"Of course she does."

"Margery owns the diner down the road, you up for it?" I ask Christian.

"Anything you want to do." Christian replies.

"iii!" I squeal wrapping my arms around Christian's neck, yup being home has gone to my head.

"I'll just go find my shoes." Ray says, that's when I notice he's dressed in his best jeans and sweater rather than his usual sweat pants and vest that he wears to lounge in the house.

"I'll sort out the car." Christian says pulling his Blackberry out of his pocket.

Half an hour later we're inside the diner, seated and ready to order.

"Ray how are you dear?" Margery asks as she comes to our table, her salt and pepper hair scooped into a chignon on top of her head with a pencil hanging out of it, her red apron around her neck in a bow at her waist and a pen and notebook in her hand.

"I'm good Marge my girl wanted some food and who am I to deny her?" Ray replies teasing more like flirting with Margery.

"Annie?" Margery turns to me. "Little Annie Steele?"

"The very same but it's Grey now I'm married." I reply with a smile, I haven't seen Margery since before I went to college only coming home for flying visits when I was a student.

"Yes your father did say, wow look at that rock and you must be the husband?" She smiles politely at Christian.

"Yes Christian Grey pleasure." He replies shaking her hand.

"Annie your Dad gave me a copy of your book, it was brilliant!" I blush scarlet, please say Ray did as I asked and didn't read it! "I can see why you didn't want your old man to read it but he said someone should read the one he bought." She explains.

"Thank you."

"So what are you three having then?" She asks. "Are you going to have my pancakes again Annie? Remember when you were seven…"

"No please don't!" I say knowing exactly what she was going to say.

"Please carry on." Christian tells her giving me a smirk.

"No…"

"You remember, it was your birthday and I made you my pancakes, three lots of them and I said you could take them home and reheat them later on but you insisted you could finish them all and you were sick all over my linoleum…"

"Lalala not listening." I put my fingers in my ears teasing back earning a mocking glare from Margery.

"I could tell this husband of yours more stories than that Annie and you know it."

"Please don't?" I plead embarrassed at the mere thought.

"We'll see how well you eat first." She winks. "You're just skin and bone Annie, you need meat."

I chuckle as my eyes link with Christian, yup definitely no need to worry about my food consumption right now. Ray orders Margery's special burger and Christian and I go for the same with a smile.

"Double the fries Annie?" She winks and somehow I know she knows.

"Uh no I ate on the trip up, I'll be sick if I eat too much." I reply with a smile. "Thank you though."

She disappears into the back and with our orders while Ray decides to quiz us about the baby.

"So when will you know what the baby is?" He asks, it's sad that Ray doesn't have any children of his own other than me, he hasn't ever experienced a pregnancy so I hope I can involve him in mine.

"Twenty weeks." Christian replies. "Only if we can get a clear picture." He adds with a smile at me, he really has done his research.

"That's good. So have you moved into the new house yet?"

"Yesterday, you'll have to come up soon." I tell him.

"My family is coming over for dinner tomorrow night, if you want to come Ray we can organise a driver if need be." Christian smiles, I forgot he'd asked his family including the grandparents, Gail and Taylor and Luke and Hannah all for dinner and organised caterers to do all the work so Gail didn't have too.

"That would be wonderful, anything to spend time with my Annie." He smiles broadly and I'm so happy that he agrees to come. Our drinks are brought over by one of the younger waitresses who I don't recognise and she hands me a paper note. Christian frowns at me as my eyes meet his but I open the paper anyway.

_Didn't think I'd be seeing you around here again Mrs Grey. _

_Francesca xxx_

"Oh my God." I gasp looking around the room, that's when my eyes meet the beautiful dark eyes of Francesca Torres. "Oh my God." I jump to my feet ignoring Christian's confusion and hurry over to my childhood best friend.

"Ana!" She squeals wrapping me up in a hug. "Oh my God look at you!"

"Look at you Fran you're blonde!" I gasp, I guess she decided to have a change.

"Yeah well… look at you!" She says excitedly before hugging me again. "I never thought I'd see you in here again."

"Same, last I heard you were in Spain taking a sabbatical." I reply.

"I ended up going to school out there. I'm just back for a week, I read your book, very kinky." She says putting on a voice, this girl hasn't changed a bit. "Oh hello Mr Grey." I spin around to see Christian behind me looking a little pissed.

"Sorry for ditching you like that Christian, this is Francesca Torres my best friend from school." I explain. "Franny my husband Christian Grey."

"Pleasure to meet you." She says still grabbing my hand. "You fuck off for nearly four years and you the next time I see you you're married! My God Ana!" She says excitedly. "I got your wedding invite by the way, three months later, Mom didn't bother forwarding the mail and you know what I'm like."

"Let me guess you pinned it on your little corkboard and every time you've looked at it you've thought hey I should call her than completely forgotten." I say laughing. "I know you Fran. So what's going on with you?"

"Eh Spain, I can't wait to go back. I hate it here. We were lucky to get out. Hey remember Christopher Robertson?"

"Yes?"

"He's engaged to Roberta Trump."

"The music teacher?" I gasp while Francesca nods. "No she's like really old!"

"Apparently she's not as old as we thought she was but she's pregnant with his kid."

"Eww no! That's so gross!" I have missed Fran so much!

"Hey Fran!" She spins around.

"Shit I got to go, here's my number, call me ok? I have got to catch up with you soon." She says hugging me tight. "Bye Ana."

"Bye Fran." I reply as she heads for the door.

Christian and I head back to the table Christian looking a little pissed.

"Sorry Christian, I haven't seen Fran in three years and we were close as kids you know?"

"That was Francesca?" Ray asks and I nod. "Goodness me she's all grown up, that girl and Ana were inseparable until they went to high school then Fran fell in with the wrong crowd."

"Daaad." I groan, Christian doesn't need to know that.

"She was doing drugs, smoking, ended up pregnant and had an abortion."

"No that wasn't Fran who had the abortion that was Michaela the girl who Fran became BFF's with in tenth grade." I reply. "And I don't think Christian wants to know." I add as Marge brings our food to the table, double fries on mine no surprise.

"I'd love to know more about young Ana." Christian teases. "I mean you know so much more about my childhood than I know about yours."

"No I don't."

"Yes you do." Christian snorts. "Come on Ray, what else has Ana hidden from me?" He teases and playful Christian is back in the building.

Ray fills Christian in with different moments of my childhood, some I'm not surprised to hear him share others I want to shake him for mentioning. Christian takes it all in his stride though giving me small winks and smiles across the table as he listens happily to Ray. By the time we order dessert and I get my double chocolate pancakes the day has flown by.

When we leave Christian and my Dad sort out details for him to be picked up to come to our place and then we head off. When we turn off the Olympic Highway my eyes snap to Christian.

"Where are we going?" I ask him quietly.

"Elma Municipal Airport." He replies.

"Are we flying back to Seattle?" I ask with a frown, what would be the point in that?

"No we're flying to Savannah." He smirks.

"I thought we weren't going till the weekend."

"The longer we wait Anastasia the more chance there is of the press finding out and leaking the story, the sooner you tell your Mother the better. She's expecting us." He replies happily.

"Ok." I nod, I think I'm still in surprise but happy, I can't wait to see my Mom.

Once on the tarmac we head onto Christian's plane. I get a real good look around and see it doesn't look that much bigger than mine, maybe a little more spacious and different décor but of course he has two bedrooms and a huge bathroom on this jet which mine doesn't have. We buckle up in our seats and I curl up in Christian's side exhausted. The day has been long and as we begin taxiing down the runway I am even more excited to be pregnant and get to enjoy this pregnancy to the fullest.


	193. Chapter 193

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Yes I forgot it was Valentine's Day in the last chapter. I've never celebrated it always opting to celebrate my country's Patron Saint of Love on January 25****th**** instead. So sorry but I will make up for it!**

**Wednesday 15th February**

Waking up in the hotel with Christian I am really excited to see my Mom. We're not staying long with her as we have to head back to Seattle and need to be there by tonight but just seeing her for a couple of hours alone is special. I know that she's going to be happy for me. At least I think she is. Christian reminded me of what we're up to this weekend when he was balls deep inside of me last night too so I'm not surprised that he brought us up sooner, even if it does mean less time with my Mother. Apparently he has a plan for this weekend in Escala that I'm going to love. We'll see.

With yesterday being Valentine's Day, which neither Christian or I really remembered we spent it together in the bedroom of his jet having lots of sex. It was perfect, I've never really liked Valentine's Day seeing it as a holiday ran by Hallmark but Christian has said we'll go away at the end of the month for a weekend for a late Valentine's Day and I'll get him something to give him when we get there. With the pregnancy and everything it had completely slipped my mind but with the way the diner was decorated in red and pink hearts everywhere yesterday

After getting washed I pull out my favourite red jeans that Taylor or someone packed for me and tug them on with my white vest top and grey cardigan I realise that I can't close them easily. I lay back on the bed and still they won't close.

"Christian!" I shout through my tears. I hear him running as fast as he can to the bedroom. He stumbles in looking worried sick.

"What is it?" He asks as I lay on the bed my hands tugging on each side of my favourite red jeans.

"They won't close." I hiccup.

Christian's face breaks out in a grin that really pisses me off.

"It's not funny!" I yell at him.

"Oh baby I know it's not. I shouldn't have laughed." He says coming over to me. "Maybe it's time for some new clothes Ana, you're only going to get bigger."

"I'm going to be huge." I sob turning into him as he sits beside me and wraps his arms around me tight.

"No baby you're going to be wonderfully beautiful carrying our child."

"I don't even look pregnant! I just look fat!" I complain as he continues to holding me.

"No you don't baby, you look amazing." Christian replies.

"I don't even know why I'm crying." I sob hysterically into Christian's shoulder.

"It's called hormones baby." He replies gently, I think someone's given him a lot of advice on what to do with insane pregnant wives because he's handling this situation perfectly. "Now let's get your face washed and I'll send Taylor to the nearest store to get some bigger jeans ok?"

"Fine." I sniff wiping my cheeks angrily.

He leads me into the bathroom as he shoots off a text to Taylor. I bet he's not happy having to rush over Savannah this time in the morning looking for a pair of jeans for me but it can't be helped. I can't believe that my favourite red jeans won't close. I'll have to look for some in Neiman Marcus when we get back to Seattle, I love wearing red jeans they're like making a statement and I know Christian likes them too. I refuse to wear maternity clothes till I have no other choice.

Christian washes my face gently for me before hugging me tight, he knows I'm a little upset over the jeans. I mean it's stupid right? To get so upset over a pair of trousers but I can't help it! I didn't want to be this bothered by it I just started to cry. I guess there are some down sides to pregnancy other than an overbearing husband.

I sit on the bed when there's a knock on our hotel suite door. Christian answers it and Taylor walks in behind Christian.

"Here." He smiles kindly passing the bag over to me. "I got two sizes just in case." He adds awkwardly.

"Thank you." I say wiping at the tears gathering in my eyes again.

"Ana go change so we can go." Christian says.

"Ok." I reply heading into the bathroom. I open the bag surprised to see two pairs of red jeans. I guess Taylor knew that I was more upset over the fact that my favourite jeans no longer fit than any old jeans. I pull on the smallest size first, just one size up from my others and I find they fit perfectly. The others can wait then until I put on some more weight. I can't help but notice that they still don't fit the same around my calves and lower thighs but then they fit my behind perfectly, I guess I'm putting on some weight there because of my custard donut habit.

When I come out of the bathroom Taylor's gone and Christian is waiting to leave.

"Better?" He asks with a soft smile and I nod and smile back. "Good, Taylor and Sawyer have a car ready and I've called your Mother she's expecting us."

"Ok." I reply grabbing my purse off the bed and tucking my hair behind my ear. "Let's go then."

On the drive over to my Mom's house I'm nervous again. I think she'll be happy but I don't know how happy as I know she was young having me and she'll think it will stop me some in life, that will never happen with this Oreon person that Christian has hired who is a nanny and a bodyguard. I guess it's better than hiring two people but I thought we'd hire a female nanny who I liked and would only be around to help when I was working and other than that Christian and I would be bringing up our child. I mean I want to do the night feeds and change our child not someone else. I just want someone who can come away with me for work and take care of my child just for those few hours I'm working and other than that I'm the one doing everything or if I'm only going away for a short amount of time they'd stay with Christian. I guess I really haven't thought any of this through.

Arriving outside my Mom's house we're not even out of the car when Bob opens the door. This shocks me a bit as I wonder where the hell my Mom is. He gives a weak smile at us as we walk up the path.

"Hey Bob where's my Mom?" I ask him as he embraces me hello.

"In bed, she's not well." He says looking really awkward.

"What?" I hurry into the house and almost sprint up the stairs. I knock on her bedroom door but don't wait for a reply before going inside.

What I see shocks me. My Mom is sitting up in bed reading a magazine while a nurse is sat beside her. There's a drip attached to her arm.

"Oh Ana!" Mom gasps.

"Mom?" I ask my mouth dry.

"Hey uh, you weren't supposed to find out like this." She says uncomfortably. "Natalie can you give us a moment."

Natalie nods and leaves the room while my Mom beckons me over. A million different things wiz around my head as I look at her, take her image in. I already know she's not got a cold or the flu.

"Uh does what you have … is it catching?" I ask uncomfortably, I mean I have to think of Jellybean here.

"No baby." She chuckles her hand still outstretched for mine. I walk to her and take her hand before sitting in the spot where that Natalie woman was just sitting.

"What's wrong Mom?" I ask already close to tears. "What's all this?"

"I'm having chemotherapy." She explains. "I've had enough treatment at the hospital and now they can do it at home."

"Chemo?" I choke on the word.

"I have cancer Ana." She says.

"What?"

"I found a lump in my breast just before Christmas, I was then diagnosed with a lymphoma of the breast, after more tests they diagnosed me with non-hodgkins lymphoma." My heart pounds a hundred times per minute as I grip tight to my Mother's hand.

"Cancer?" I choke. "How bad?"

She rolls her lips uncomfortably. Bad. She doesn't need to say it.

"Are you dying?" I ask tears pouring down my cheeks.

"Not yet." She says weakly. "But I am further along than they first thought."

"Have they said how long?" I ask choking on my words again.

"A year, maybe more, maybe less, the chemo is supposed to help make me live longer." She explains, I guess she's already dealt with the concept of dying.

"Before Christmas you found the lump. Did you know last time I saw you that you were really sick?" I ask her slowly noticing her bandana covered head hiding what I know is very little hair if any and her very white face and sickly dry skin and inverted features.

"I knew I had cancer, just not how bad and they said then I could only need an operation and I'd be fine. I didn't want to worry you." She explains. "That's why when you said you were coming down I knew now was the time to tell you."

I lean in to hug her and sob. My Mom's dying.

"I'm sorry Ana. I should have told you sooner." She says running her fingers through my hair. "I'm so sorry."

A knock on the door has me pulling away and trying to wipe my tears as Natalie comes in.

"Sorry this round should be almost done."

"Ana, why don't you go downstairs get a cup of tea I'll be down in a little while." She says softly.

"Ok." I nod going downstairs, I don't think it's really hit me yet how serious this is.

I walk into the living room to see a grave look on Christian's face. I guess Bob told him. I rush into his arms and he holds me tight while I cry. Harsh sobs wrack from my body, tears leave my eyes and snot dribble from my nose all over Christian's jacket but he doesn't release his grip on me at all. He doesn't try to shush me or whisper any words of comfort to me. He just holds me while I sob hysterically.

They turn to dry hiccups just in time for Natalie and my Mom to come to the room.

"Well I'll be off and I'll see you again in three weeks Bob." Natalie says shaking Bob's hand. "Ana." She says turning to me. I'm surprised at her use of my nickname but I guess my Mom's talked about me. "Can I talk to you outside?"

"Sure." I reply pulling away from Christian.

"See you in three weeks Carla, don't forget to take the steroid pills ok?"

"I won't." My Mom replies.

"I'll make sure." Bob replies as my Mom sinks into the couch. I see the blisters around her mouth and I know my Mom is really sick, it's staring me right in the face and I guess she knew she wouldn't be able to hide it from me any longer. I follow the blonde haired blue eyed nurse outside and she gives me a kind and friendly smile.

"I'm sorry you had to find out like this." She says rubbing my back.

"How sick is she?" I ask my voice shaking and unnatural.

"Very sick Ana." She replies honestly. "But your Mom's a fighter and she's not giving up so don't you either."

"Ok."

"Here's my card, I know it will take a while for you to get over the initial shock of what you've found out but as soon as you have any questions you can call or text or email and I'll get back to you as soon as I can."

"Thank you."

"And if what your Mom thinks is true then you really need to take care of yourself too."

"What my Mom thinks is true?" I ask my head snapping up from the business card to look into the caring eyes of my Mom's chemo nurse.

"She thinks you're here to tell her you're pregnant." She says with a kind smile.

"I am."

"Congratulations." She smiles. "How far along?"

"Twelve weeks." I reply my hand automatically resting on my small bump.

"You have to worry about yourself and the baby Ana, let Bob and I take care of your Mom ok?"

"Thank you." I say emotionally. She pulls me into a hug and I hug her back tight, this woman knows my Mom, she's been giving her chemo and obviously sitting around and talking to her a lot, hence why she knows enough about me.

"Go on, get in there and give your Mother something to smile about." She says as we separate.

"I will, thank you." I smile again.

"You're welcome, go on."

I head off inside after one last smile to see everyone sitting in uncomfortable silence. I slip onto the couch beside Christian as Bob comes in with mugs of coffee and a cup of tea for me.

"So Ana, to what do we owe this flying visit?" My Mom asks.

"According to Natalie you've already guessed." I say with a small smile, though I know it doesn't reach my eyes.

"Am I right?" She asks looking excited, her eyes glittering.

"Uh-huh." I nod reaching into my purse for the yellow envelope while my Mom squeals. "Here." I walk to her and hand her the sonogram while she pulls me into a tight hug. I hold onto her a little tighter than normal, needing to feel her beneath my fingertips. I feel how much weight she's lost underneath my fingers. I let her go and she sits back down curling her legs beneath her to look at the picture. Bob I guess also knew my Mother's suspicions as I turn around to see him shaking Christian's hand.

"Look Bob!" My Mother says excitedly passing him the scan. "I'm going to be a grandma!" She says excitedly. I swallow hard, will she even live to see my child grow up?

After having tea and talking a little it's time for Christian and I to leave for Seattle. I don't want to go. I want to be here to look after my Mom especially as I see her struggling to stay awake while we're here.

"The chemo tires her out." Bob says.

"Are you getting enough rest Bob?" I ask as he walks us out to the SUV.

"Of course I am." He replies kindly though I know that he's trying to brush it off.

"I'll call." I tell him.

"You do that Ana, but don't you worry about a thing just look after yourself and that baby."

"I will." I reply tears filling in my eyes. I don't want to break down in front of Bob again so I scramble into the SUV while Christian and Bob shake hands. Taylor's eyes meet mine briefly in the mirror but I just close my eyes as the tears escape freely. Christian climbs in beside me and pulls me into his arms before we hit the road again.

"She can't die." I hiccup grabbing Christian's lapels tight. "She can't."

"I know baby." Christian says softly.

"We have to do something."

"I know."

"Mom's on Bob's insurance no way is it covering all of the costs and we have to make sure he has the best doctors and nurses to deal with this." I add. I'm just trying to make light of a really dark situation.

"I know Ana, just wait till we're in Seattle and we'll do everything we can ok?"

"Do you think she'd agree to come to Seattle?"

"I doubt it Ana." He replies which I know is true.

"What if she doesn't live Christian? What if she doesn't make it to see Jellybean born?" I ask, I know I shouldn't be thinking of myself right now but I want my Mom there to see my child born, I want her to see my child.

"I know, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it." Christian says as we arrive at the airport.

Once on the plane I curl into his side and sob again, I never thought this could ever happen. I cry myself to sleep in the end.

Arriving at Sea-Tac Christian wakes me and I wipe my face with some baby wipes before exciting the plane. Once back in the house my phone alarm goes to remind me I have baby your body in an hour. I'd completely forgotten under everything.

Christian comes into my closet as I change into my Mrs Grey sweat suit, only because I can't find any other and I really don't care about people knowing my name right now.

"Ana? What are you doing?"

"Getting ready for baby your body what else?" I ask him making him blanch at my stern tone.

"But dinner…"

"I'll be here later Christian, it isn't until six right? The class finishes at six so I'll be home by half past, you can all eat without me I'll get something later." I reply pulling my hair into a high pony tail, it's gotten so long.

"No we'll wait." He says. "I just didn't think you'd be in the mood for exercise now since…"

"What since I found out my Mom was dying?" I ask him bitterly. "I have a baby to think about." I say trying to hold back my tears.

"Take Sawyer."

"I will but he won't be allowed inside Christian."

"Just have him wait in the car."

"Yes Sir." I say walking over to him. I kiss him lightly before heading out knowing Sawyer went to pick up a yoga mat for me already.

I head out and meet Sawyer outside the front door. He follows me to the TTS which are the keys I grabbed on the way out. He doesn't say anything to me, I guess he doesn't know what to say. I wouldn't if the situation was reversed. We drive over to the medical centre. The whole way over I see the image of my mother in my mind. She looked so frail, so ill. I have to do something. Christian and I have all the money in the world and if I can't use it to help my mother than what is the point in it? I want her to live. I want her to see my baby grow up.

Arriving at the centre I give Sawyer my keys before getting my bag out of the car and heading inside. I'm nervous when I walk inside, I don't know why but I feel really uncertain. I'm not normally like this. I'll blame it on the hormones.

"Hi I'm here for the baby your body." I say.

"Have you got your ID card?"

"Uh no it's not come yet." I say awkwardly, I have applied for one.

"Ok just give me a second. Full name?"

"Anastasia Rose Grey." I reply as she types quickly on her computer."

"Oh here you are, yeah we have your picture your ID should be with you in a couple of day, just go down that hallway and it's the double doors on your left."

"Thank you very much." I give her a friendly smile before heading on down to the room.

There's about ten other women in the room, all in various stages of pregnancy. I put my bag down on one of the benches and sit down unsure what to do while everyone else is mingling.

"Hi." I turn at the sound of the voice to find a small woman with a brunette bob and large bump sitting down beside me.

"Hi."

"First time?" She asks and I nod awkwardly. "Don't worry they're a friendly bunch." She signals to a group of chatting women. "I'm Casey Andrews, seven and a half months." She strokes her belly.

"Ana Grey, twelve weeks." I reply my thumb just hitting my small belly.

"Ah just coming out of the first trimester, it's all down from there." She teases just as another woman joins us who is as flat as a pancake luckily she introduces herself as one of the midwives.

"Tabitha Rolland" She smiles offering me her hand. I shake it politely. "Have you filled in all your paperwork?" I nod. "Who have you decided as a midwife?"

"Sally Jenkins." I reply, she was the best, Christian and I did enough research and ordered background checks to make sure we had the best.

"Ah she's not here today, one of her ladies has gone into labour."

"Right." I nod I don't want to think about labour right now.

"We'll get started now if you want to lay out your mat." She smiles.

An hour and a half later and I'm disgustingly sweaty and ready for a hot shower and bed. However knowing I have to go home and see all my family makes me realise that rest isn't going to come soon. Sawyer meets me at the door and takes my bag from me.

"Oh if only all our husbands were like that." A girl called Holly smiles as she pulls a little wheelie case behind her. "Would save me dragging this everywhere with me."

"Oh he's not my husband." I say awkwardly.

"Oh. Sorry I just presumed."

"No my husband is at home entertaining family, we've just moved into a new house." I explain with a shrug.

"And I bet you are dreading going home to that." Holly teases, I guess she can read that on my face.

"Yup, I'd much rather go home to bed but…" I just shrug.

"Get as much rest as you can, third trimester's a bitch." She teases. "I'll see you again Ana."

"Bye Holly." I smile as I head to the car, I like all the women in the group, they're all so lovely and welcoming, I guess they were all in my position once.

Luke places my bag in the car and goes to pass me the car keys. I shake my head and walk around to the passenger side, too tired with too many things on my mind to even think about driving us safely back to the house.

He kindly puts on some music so we don't have to talk and drives me home. I am dreading having to entertain family when I'm this tired and this upset. I can't even begin to contemplate everything right now having been hit with the news that my Mother is dying. My Mom is going to die. Not old and grey when I have grandchildren of my own but soon, she will die soon possibly before she meets her grandchild maybe not long after but with the prognosis of a year the likeliness of her seeing my child's first birthday don't sound too good. I just have to hope and pray that she'll let me help somehow.

I walk into the house and run straight upstairs. The last thing I want is to see everyone while I look like this. I walk into the closet and pick up the dress I laid out earlier before heading into the bathroom, I can have a quick shower as long as I keep my hair dry.

"Ana?"

"In here!" I call back to Christian from the bathroom.

"What are you doing?" He asks coming in as I strip out of my tracksuit.

"I need a shower Christian I've just spent the last hour and a half doing exercise." I reply switching on the water. "I told you, eat without me and I'll get some later."

"No one wants to eat without you."

"I won't be long then if you want to wait but if everyone's hungry then eat Christian ok? I'm sorry but sitting down to dinner is the last thing on my fucking mind right now!" I snap. I see his shoulders sag and I feel guilty but it's true. I can't focus on family dinner and entertaining when I just want to curl up in a ball and sob.

"Ana, baby." He says wrapping his hands on my shoulders and kissing my bare neck.

"I'm sorry Christian I just…" I furiously blink back my tears.

"I know."

"No you don't." I reply shaking my head. "This is nothing you know Christian. My Mom is dying. I'm not four years old and she isn't dying suddenly, she is dying slowly and probably in pain and uncomfortable and there's fuck all I can do about it and it's killing me Christian. It hurts my heart so much." I reply my voice shaking with a mixture of emotions, mainly frustration but sadness and anger too.

"I know." He says quietly. "Well I don't I mean I know it's different to the crack whore." He says quietly.

"I don't know what to do." I reply just as quietly.

"Neither do I."

"I do, I need to shower and come and be with our family. Go on, I'll be down in ten minutes." I say gathering my thoughts and trying to focus.

He kisses my neck one more time before leaving me be, letting me take a deep breath and count to ten before getting under the water to wash.

As I told Christian it takes me only ten minutes to wash, dry and slip into my dress. I smile when I realise my bump is pretty noticeable in this figure hugging navy square neck dress with a small red belt beneath my breasts. I sink into my red pumps before heading downstairs.

"Hey here she is." Christian smiles when I sink into the room.

"Sorry." I say to the room as Christian passes me a glass of apple cider.

"Ready to eat?" He asks, I murmur and nod uncomfortably.

"Hey Annie." Ray smiles wrapping me up in a hug while everyone slowly makes their way to the dining room. "Christian told me about your Mom." He says and I bite down on my bottom lip to stop myself from crying, Ray looks as broken about this as I feel.

"I'll do everything I can to save her Daddy." I say quietly.

"I know Annie." He replies running his hand over my head and down my cheek. "I know."

"We'll talk about it later." I say shaking my head and blinking roughly to stop my tears from falling. "Right now the baby is hungry."

"The baby huh?" Dad teases as I nudge him towards the dining room.

We sit down and the caterers Christian hired begin to serve the three course meal we agreed on. We have a Vietnamese prawn salad to start, it's gorgeous and it seems everyone agrees. The discussion around the table is light mainly Mia and Kate trying to plan my baby shower with the help of Gail and Mrs Trevelyan and when the starters are cleared away Christian clears his throat and stands up, his CEO personality on display for everyone. He takes my hand in his own while I just sit beside him.

"So, I just want to say thank you all for coming to celebrate with us, our new home and our pregnancy." He says, I smile when he says 'our pregnancy'. "This house is mine and Ana's home, where our child will grow up, where we'll hopefully spend the rest of our lives and we look forward to sharing it with each and every one of you. To the future." He lifts his glass up and everyone follows.

"To the future." Echoes around the room but the lump penetrating my throat and the tears in my eyes makes it impossible for me to say anything. I grip Christian's hand as I think of the person who's missing from the table who will probably be missing from my life in a few months. Christian sits back down and I squeeze his hand as I try to hold back a sob.

"Ana?" He asks quietly.

"I can't." I pull my serviette from my lap and jump to my feet before rushing out of the room. I don't care that I'm causing a spectacle but I can't sit in there thinking about a future with my husband and child and family when my Mom's future hangs in the balance. I sprint up the stairs ignoring Christian calling after me.

I dive into the bedroom and make it into the bed before my sobs becomes wracking out of my body. I muffle out my hysterical sobs with my face buried in my pillow. My heart genuinely feels like it's shattering in my chest. I never imagined anything like this. I always thought my parents would die peacefully grey and old, how moronic was I?

"Ana?" I lift my head to see Grace Trevelyan-Grey peeking around the door unsure whether she's welcome or not.

"Grace… I'm sorry." I sniff wiping my nose with the back of my hand pushing myself up to sitting.

"Oh don't apologise." She says rushing in and wrapping me up in her arms while another wave of sobs overtakes my body. "I can't imagine how painful this is for you Ana but it's ok to cry and kick and scream. You do that as much as you want ok sweetheart."

I don't think she realises that her being this motherly with me is making me worse right now rather than better. I hiccup into her neck as she rocks me gently, just stroking her hand up and down my bare arm. It takes a while but eventually my sobs seize and my body just hiccups dryly. Grace leans over me and grabs the box of tissues from the bedside table and mops my face up slowly.

"There." She says quietly. "Ok?"

"Yeah." I sniff, I guess I really needed another cry.

"Good, so you want me to bring you something up?"

"No I think I'll come down." I say wiping beneath my eyes on the back of my hand, I feel a little rude considering we have a houseful of guests.

"You don't have to come down on the family's account Ana, Christian just told them you were a little out of sorts with the baby of course Ray and I knew differently." She explains.

"I need to eat." I say rubbing my small bump. "If not for me than for the baby." I explain and she gives me a small smile and a nod of encouragement.

"Then we'll go down together." She says giving my hand a squeeze.

We head downstairs and I'm a little embarrassed to walk back into the dining room, holding my breath as I step through the door. No one acts like anything happened to which I'm grateful for, I guess the Steele/Grey/Kavanagh/Trevelyan family are just special of course there's Luke and Hannah and Gail and Taylor too who are wonderful, Luke and Taylor know what's going on and I wouldn't be surprised if their significant others knew too.

"Ok?" Christian asks leaning in to kiss my temple as I take my seat.

"Yeah." I reply giving him a weak smile as one of the caterers brings Grace and my food in.

I tuck into my beef roast dinner though I feel like I want to do anything but eat. I smile and try to join in with the conversation blowing around the table easily. The conversation once again ends up on baby shower talk and I find I relax a little more with each passing second.

"You know guys, don't people have the baby shower in the third trimester? We've got a while yet." I say.

"So half the fun is in the planning Ana!" Mia gleefully announces. "And anyway, you don't get to know all the details."

"Why discuss it then Mia?" Christian asks amused at his little sister's enthusiasm.

"Because we'll need some of her involvement about who to invite, hey didn't you go to some baby class tonight and meet other Mom's to be?" Mia asks and that's the opening to have people talk about my evening.

"Yeah they were all wonderful." I smile. "They were really welcoming actually and everyone had their own little bits of advice to share."

"What class was it?" Mrs Trevelyan asks.

"Baby your body." I reply with a small chuckle. "Just to help your body adapt and change to pregnancy."

"We never had anything like that in my day when I was expecting Grace." She says quite sternly making everyone look around nervously.

"Well times have changed Mother." Grace says I think she's ready to chastise her Mom if she has too.

"I'm not saying that it hasn't Grace I'm just saying in my day you were pregnant, you dealt with every change as they came and then in the end it was pop the baby out, limited drugs…"

"Ana has opted for a natural birth." Christian interjects.

The whole table goes quiet while I turn scarlet, not the best topic for dinner in my opinion.

"What?!" Mia shrieks. "Oh Ana no epidural?"

"No." I reply awkwardly. "

"But you'll feel everything." She says dramatically.

"That's sort of the point." I chuckle awkwardly.

"But the pain!" Kate joins in.

"Guys knock it off." Grace says. "I think it's a lovely idea."

"Thank you Grace." I smile, glad someone is in my corner.

"You might not be saying that when the time comes Ana." Jason says teasing. "My ex had an epidural with our Sophie and she was still screaming like a banshee."

"I don't scream." I say pointedly then everyone around the table laughs and I feel myself letting go of all the tension that's built during the day and I get a glimpse of what it would be like if my Mom did die, I still have a very wonderful and loving family around me, and though I know I'll miss her more than anything I'm still a very lucky young woman.

"We'll see." Jason says as the laughing dies down.

"Well me I'm opting for an elective caesarean they can say I'm too posh to push I don't care." Mia says making everyone laugh again. I expected someone to be uncomfortable about this topic but everyone seems relaxed even Ray.

"What and have a long scar marring your perfect belly?" Kate teases.

"I never thought about it like that. If it's elective I could have a plastic surgeon on hand to stich me up again." She shrugs, Mia Grey, I love her sometimes.

"Could you consider that Ana?" Christian asks.

"No thank you." I reply earning a cheeky smile off him.

"I've always loved the idea of a pool birth." Kate says almost dreamily.

"Oh Kate you should see the pools at Swedish they're amazing! There's also Jacuzzis for the Mom to relax after birth, I hope I'll get the chance to try it out."

"So you've decided to go with Swedish?" Grace asks.

"It's the best." I reply with a shrug. "If anything were to go south, our chances are higher with Swedish."

"Who's your midwife?" Grace continues as the caterers come in to clear the table.

"Sally Jenkins." I smile.

"Oh that's good, and the paediatrician?" She asks and I swallow, I guess she expected us to put her down.

"For now we've gone with Craig Dawson, he's licensed to practise at Swedish and he's the one we've chosen to be present for the birth." Christian says saving me causing his Mom disappointment.

"Oh he's good." She says giving us a warm smile. "I've worked with him, he'll take care of both of you Ana." She says reassuringly.

"I hope so."

"We've already begun paying to have the centre's security updated. Ana and I decided that we needed to do something and donated a sum specifically to have ankle monitoring on babies."

"They don't have that?" Grace asks flabbergasted.

"No, they pride themselves on saving lives but their security is old and out dated." Christian explains. "But we've fixed that in order to make sure our baby has the best care." He smiles at me and I give him a smile back seeing as it was my idea to help Swedish with their security.

"So have you decided when you'll be telling the press yet?" Mr Trevelyan intercedes, I guess he wants to have a say in the conversation.

"We're doing a photoshoot and selling the story and then splitting the money between Swedish and Seattle Grace Paeds." Christian replies. "We'd rather the news come out on our terms."

"The paper has been speculating for a couple of weeks now though." Carrick points out.

"They can speculate all they want. The truth is that we're pregnant, we're almost out of the first trimester and we're excited and we'd like it revealed to the world on our terms." Christian replies.

"But the papers will get wind of the story before the magazine is out." Elliot gives his own input.

"Yes they will but they won't have an exclusive first hand interview, the first either of us have given to any rag mag." Christian interjects with a smile. "We're being paid a hefty sum for it too and two charities will benefit profusely, so we all win."

"Here, here." Mrs Trevelyan smiles as dessert is served and everyone's drinks topped up.

Were served a beautiful dessert of vanilla cheesecake slice and salted caramel chocolate pots, and I'm so relaxed I tuck straight in and am the first to finish.

"Would you like some more Ma'am?" One of the caterers ask as she goes around topping up the drinks again, I suspect Christian asked for them to keep the drink flowing.

"If there is please." I smile and she nods.

"Hungry?" Christian asks with a smirk.

"I guess my sweet tooth is to do with the pregnancy." I shrug, it was like this in New York and though I don't crave anything but custard donuts if I'm giving something sweet I definitely enjoy it. I'm served another slice of cheesecake, a piece twice the size of the last and I get another pot. While everyone else talks and finishes up I enjoy my cake and chocolate quietly, just basking in the glow of my family while Christian strokes my leg softly.

The party slowly comes to a close and I'm relieved when it's only Christian, Ray, Gail and Taylor and Luke and Hannah left. I feel much more relaxed as I lay back on the couch with Christian giving my feet a massage while we all talk quietly. The electric fire is on full and the lamps are on rather than the large overhead light. I love the sitting room. It's beautifully decorated in bold blue and cream. The fire is my favourite item in the room. The old fashioned surround that had once been here having been sanded, cleaned and painted before the gas fire was inserted, it suits the ambience of the room while keeping in touch with the old house.

We sit together for a while until I'm almost falling asleep. Ray dismisses himself to bed and Luke and Taylor go and lock up and do the security system while Gail and Hannah get ready to go. Of course Gail and Taylor only have to go outside and to their separate side entry to their apartment above the garage. Hannah and Luke have a little drive back to the city.

Once in the safety of the bedroom Christian helps change me, once I'm only in my panties and bra he sits me at the edge of the bed and leans forward kissing my bump gently.

"Christian." I giggle, his lips and breath tickling me.

"Our baby is in there Ana." He points out the obvious.

"Yes Christian about this big." I make a guess with my thumb and forefinger and he laughs.

"I can't wait till he or she can hear sound and I can tell him or her how much I love them." He says before kissing my bump again. "Tell them how much I can't wait to hold them and be with them."

He brings tears of absolute joy to my eyes.

"Wait there." He rushes into his closet and comes out with the video camera.

"No baby!" I say covering my face.

"Just let me take a side on photo of your bump to put in the book." He says with puppy dog eyes flashing towards me.

"Fine." I groan standing up.

Thankfully he doesn't mess around and takes a quick photo of me in my underwear cupping the small bump before he puts the camera away and returns to help me put my nightie on.

"I have a few phone calls to make. You sleep."

"Who could you need to call at eleven at night Christian?" I yawn as he pulls back the duvet for me to climb in.

"People on different time zones. I won't be long."

"Fine." I groan.

"Night baby." He leans down and kisses my lips softly but I'm already have way to cuckoo land.


	194. Chapter 194

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Thursday 16th February**

I wake up to Christian gently peppering kisses along my neck. I feel groggy, like I haven't actually slept at all. It didn't help that my dreams had been filled with images of my mother in a coffin and in other ways dead. I smile weakly when I turned on my side to look at my husband.

"What time did you come to bed?" I ask him knowing he'd gone to work in his study last night.

"Not long after you, I just had one phone call to make." He explains gently. "I have some news for you."

"Good news? Because I don't think I could handle any more bad news." I admit, my heart is broken enough as it is.

"It may be good news depending on how you look at it." He replies and I wait patiently for him to continue. "I called Fredrick Raphael last night."

"And am I supposed to know what that is?" I ask with a small hint of a laugh.

"No, shut up and let me finish." He teases. "He's a world renowned oncologist, he's normally based in England but from Spain originally."

"An oncologist?" I ask knowing this will have something to do with my Mom. "And?"

"He's willing to look at her scans and he has a conference in New York on Wednesday but he's willing to fly to Savannah and meet with your Mom on Monday."

"Really?" I gasp, I'm sure this man has hundreds of other things he'd rather be doing.

"Yup, he was reluctant until he realised that it was the mother of the woman who helped pay for the scanner in Seattle Grace Paediatrics and then he was singing a different tune." He smiles and my eyes widen, I guess some good deeds actually go unpunished.

"That's amazing." I reply.

"He's the best in the world Ana, he usually does Cancer Research now more than anything but he has saved thousands of lives that other doctors had said were dying." Christian explains. "So as long as your Mom is willing then he'll see her, we'll need to arrange for her to get the scans sent to him so that he can look at them before he meets her and then with your mother's consent he'll fly out to Seattle after meeting with her and give us the prognosis."

For the first time since seeing my Mom I feel hopeful, my Mom may actually live! I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders and it's all thanks to Christian. I lean in and kiss him softly.

"Thank you." I whisper with tears in my eyes, for now though they're happy tears.

"You're welcome." He smiles before kissing me again. "Now I have to get ready for work what are your plans for the day."

"I'm going to work from home, I'm in no mood to go to Ana's Palace." I reply rolling onto my back as Christian climbs out of bed.

"Ok well, you've not been in your study yet have you?" Christian asks and I shake my head. "Do you remember where it is?" He teases.

"Of course I do." I frown, it's the one room I have committed to memory. "Now go shower." I poke my tongue at him and he mimics biting before going into the bathroom leaving me to sit and reflect for a moment. I'm so grateful to Christian. I am almost certain that he's paying a small fortune to the doctor to come and see my Mom and then come and see us but I'm more than grateful, I'd go bankrupt to help my Mom it's just something you'd do for family.

I climb out of bed and pull on my robe before going down to breakfast. Ray is sitting at the island reading the paper and eating while Mrs Jones cooks.

"Morning Ana."

"Morning Gail." I reply slipping onto the stool beside Ray.

"Hey Annie." He smiles folding up the paper.

"Morning Daddy, did you sleep well?"

"Like a log." He replies with a smile.

"Ana what would you like for breakfast?"

"Have you any custard donuts?" I ask awkwardly, my craving is back full force this morning.

"You need a healthy breakfast Annie." My Dad says playfully.

"Well what baby wants baby gets right now." I reply as Gail puts two donuts one a plate.

"Tea?" She asks putting the plate in front of me with a smile.

"Have you we got any chocolate shake?" I ask and she looks upward showing that she's thinking.

"We don't but I have some chocolate ice cream I could make you a shake no problem and then I'll get some shake syrup or powder when I go shopping later."

"Thank you." I smile as she gets out the blender, I have an urge for Chocolate Shake right now that I think it would disrupt my mood if we didn't have any.

Christian comes down just as Gail slips me the shake in a tall sundae glass with a straw, he eyes me playfully as Gail hands him his usual egg white omelette.

"Good Morning Christian." Ray smiles.

"Morning Ray, have you any plans for today?" Christian asks.

"I thought I'd just hang with my baby girl before heading for home." He replies, Ray has already planned on going home after lunch and this Oreon person that I still haven't met will be taking him.

"Sounds like a good idea to me." Christian beams, he's so in CEO and charming mode this morning. "Wish I could stay and play to but I have a meeting first thing this morning with the President of our Chinese shipment company." A dark look crosses Christian's face just momentarily that has me wondering if everything is as hunky dory as he makes his company out to be.

"That doesn't sound like much fun." Ray teases.

"No it's not." Christian laughs heartily.

We eat breakfast together before Christian has to go, I've managed to get Gail to slip me a third donut before I head upstairs to wash and change leaving Dad with the TV, I'm sure he'll make use of the packages Christian pays for, he even has the fishing channel (which I doubt either of us will ever watch!).

As I decide what to wear and realise I'm going to need to go through my clothes and put things that don't fit off to one side I call Hannah at the office.

"Hey Ana everything ok?" She asks, I know Luke told her about my Mom.

"Yeah, uh I'm not going to come in this morning, I've got some things I would like to get done from here and my Dad isn't going till lunch time would you be able to get what you need from Wendy and Sophia and then come over to the house?"

"Sure, an hour good with you?"

"An hour's fine. See you then." I hang up phone and grab my clothes before going for a shower.

An hour later, just as the doorbell rings and I hear Gail greeting Hannah I am washed and dressed in a simple pair of black beach pants, a black tank top and a cream full length sleeves, knee high unbuttoned cashmere cardigan. I've realised that large loose cardigan's hide my bump which is only really obvious side on whereas straight ahead it's not obvious at all.

"Hey Ana." Hannah smiles as I walk into the living room where Ray is watching sports.

"Hey, I need my schedule for the rest of the week." I tell her slipping into one of the armchairs while Gail brings in a pot of tea and two mugs of coffee. "Thanks Gail." I smile, she doesn't get enough thanks from us sometimes.

"Ok." Hannah says logging into her iPad and pulling up the schedule. "Today you're blocked in for a video call with R J Wilks at three pm then you have an appointment with Doctor Flynn with Christian at five…" My phone ringing interrupts Hannah, I look at the screen and realise that it's no one I know and knock answer.

"Ana Grey."

"Hello Mrs Grey?"

"Yes." I reply uncomfortably at the very warm feminine voice on the other side of the phone. "Who is this please?"

"It's Sally Jenkins your midwife."

"Oh hello." I relax at once knowing who's on the phone.

"Sorry I haven't called sooner, it seems everyone has decided to go into labour at the same time!" She chuckles and I already like her a little. "Listen I'm up near your address this morning with one of my ladies would you be free for a house visit around eleven?"

"Hold on one moment please." I tell her before pulling the phone from my ear. "It's my midwife, she wants to come over at eleven, think we can make it to the office for the conference call with Wilks?"

"Absolutely." Hannah says.

"Hey are you still there?"

"Yes."

"Eleven's absolutely fine."

"Oh good, we'll just run through the paperwork you filled and then we'll take some measurements and we might even be able to hear the baby's heart beat ok?"

"That sounds great, thank you."

"Ok Mrs Grey I'll see you at Eleven."

"See you then, bye." I hang up and quickly log into my email, I know Christian will want to know.

**From: **Anastasia Grey

**Subject:** Midwife

**To:** Christian Grey

**Date:** 9:13am 16th Feb 2012

Hey Christian,

I just received a call from the midwife, she'll be here at the house at eleven. I don't know if you're going to be able to make it to the appointment but I thought I'd let you know and decide for yourself. It's nothing major just talking through the paperwork and then weighed and measured and we might be able to hear the baby's heartbeat. Let me know if I'm to expect you.

Ana Grey

_CEO, Anastasia Grey, Inc. _

I put my phone to one side and give my attention back to Hannah with a small nod.

"Ok so Flynn tonight at five with Christian, then tomorrow you have a video call with Tamara Riley the Director of the Blackberry commercial you're filming next week at eleven and then you have fit for baby at seven. Then you've blocked out the entire evening and the whole weekend with just Escala but I have no idea…"

"Oh that's ok I know what that is." I say quickly, TPE weekend and she doesn't need to know that.

"Ok so that's it." Hannah smiles.

"Did Wendy give you anything to give to me?" I ask and she reaches into her beach wicker purse and pulls out a plastic folder. "All this?"

"Yeah, she says they have to have your signature on and not hers, she's also asking can she see you next week and have a meeting to discuss your want to buy Manhattan Publishing House."

"Ok but I don't see why my buying MPH has much to do with her." I say flicking through the papers she's given me.

"Maybe she wants to have her input?" Hannah suggests as she sips on her coffee, I love that Hannah can be relaxed around me unlike some.

"Maybe. The only thing she needs to know is when I've bought it I'll be taking the lead with it until it's up running and stable." I explain earning a glance and a smile from Ray.

"I love seeing you work Annie." He says making me smile. "I guess I could only imagine what you used to do before. I mean I saw you on TV but that wasn't the same…"

"Oh that reminds me…" Hannah says quickly going into her bag and pulling out a small pink book.

"Kate?!" I gasp.

"Yeah, they're all finished and will be on sale Monday. The rumour at GP Seattle is that you'll be up for an award when the series finish." Hannah beams as I flick through the picture and story quickly.

"I'll need you to swipe up another copy of this for me." I tell her. "And have they got the large covers for my office at Ana's Palace?"

"Yeah they're being put up as we speak and GP is ready for number three."

"Elliot, yeah that will be finished by the end of next week." I reply happily, I love these little books.

"Well they've already designed the elephant itself wearing slippers."

"That's brilliant." I laugh handing the book to Ray who seems interested in our conversation. My phone beeps signalling an email and it's quite funny how Hannah recognises the tone and shuts up for me to answer it.

**From: **Christian Grey

**Subject:** Apologies

**To:** Anastasia Grey

**Date:** 9:36am 16th Feb 2012

Babe I'm so sorry I won't be able to make it home for the midwife, I'm still in with the Chinese at the moment. Let me know how it goes please. Can you remember to call the security office, Oreon is working there today and just let him know that the midwife will be coming.

Christian Grey

_CEO, Grey's Enterprises Holdings, Inc. _

I frown feeling a little disappointed but I understand Christian has to work, I guess if he would have known in advance then he would have made sure he could be here but it can't be helped.

**From: **Anastasia Grey

**Subject:** Don't worry about it

**To:** Christian Grey

**Date:** 9:13am 16th Feb 2012

It's not a big deal just first meeting with the midwife, hope everything goes well with the Chinese will let you know how it goes.

I love you.

Ana Grey

_CEO, Anastasia Grey, Inc. _

I head into the foyer where I know the telephone is located and press number five for the security office. Oreon answers after just three rings, his voice gruff and unwelcoming.

"Hey Oreon it's Ana Grey, the midwife will be here at eleven, her name is Sally Jenkins can you make sure she can get in through the gate please?"

"Of course Mrs Grey."

"Thanks." I hang up and sigh, that's the man who is supposed to help not only protect but take care of my child? I don't like it.


	195. Chapter 195

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Thursday 16th February**

At eleven o'clock exactly Luke shows Sally Jenkins into the living room where Ray, Hannah and I are sitting.

"I'll get out of your way." Ray says jumping to his feet.

"No Dad." I say quickly as I spot a look between Luke and Hannah that doesn't seem pleasant at all. "You can stay, if you want to I mean you don't…"

"It's ok Annie, I'll stay." He smiles sitting back down.

"Ms Jenkins pleasure to meet you." I smile greeting the midwife who's setting down her large bag.

"Oh please call me Sally Mrs Grey."

"Ana." I reply as I shake her hand.

"Ok then we'll get this done quickly." She smiles sitting beside Hannah on the couch who's working on something on the iPad.

Gail comes in with a smile and asks everyone what they want to drink, and when I ask if there's more ice cream for milkshake she says she'll be heading shopping after we're done and that she'll get some proper milkshake stuff and treat me to the works. I think the midwife looks at us disapprovingly but I don't care, I'm pregnant and everyone in the house is playing what Baby wants (or Ana let's be realistic) Baby gets which I'm very grateful for even if it is unnecessary.

Sally and I chat through the paperwork, the birthing plan and everything down to the last detail. Gail brings in tea, coffee and cakes including custard donuts to go with my milkshake.

"Oh Gail you're a Godsend." I say through a mouthful of donut as she says she's going shopping.

"So Anastasia any cravings?"

"Custard donuts since early on and then chocolate milkshake this morning." I reply to the midwife as Hannah sits and types away on the iPad and my Dad listens intently to our conversation.

"So nothing non-edible?"

"Nope." I reply popping word out of my mouth having read up on people who like to eat all sorts of various things while they're pregnant that aren't even safe to eat.

"That's good, ok then if you'd like to take off your shoes and cardigan and we'll weigh you now." She smiles opening her big bag. I do as she asks quickly while she sets up an electronic scale. "Pop on." She smiles as she picks up her clipboard and pen. "What was your weight approximately before you got pregnant?"

"Uh about one hundred and eighteen pounds." I reply, that's what I was when I last weighed myself anyway.

"Ok and how tall are you?"

"Five six." I reply.

"Ok so slightly underweight, you should put on about thirty to forty pounds during the pregnancy, the closer to forty the happier I'll be." She says with a smile, I really like this woman I feel so comfortable around her which is good seeing as she's going to be helping to deliver my child.

"Ok you're now one hundred and twenty exactly, that's ok I wish it was a little more." She says marking it down. "You should have gained a pound a month in the first trimester approximately, so you should be at one twenty one now. Now you're going into your second trimester you should be putting on about a pound a week."

"A pound a week?" I ask shocked.

"Don't worry a lot of that is baby, water, placenta, blood, it won't all be you putting on the weight." She says with a chuckle. "Ok hop off." She says and I do as she asks. "Now roll your top up under your breasts for me."

Again I follow her orders while she pulls a roll of measuring tape from her tunic's pocket while I shiver a little. She measures around my waist and then from beneath my breasts over my belly button down to just where my pants sit.

"Good." She says scribbling again on her notebook. "Ok so it may be a little early but I'd like to try and hear the baby's heartbeat." She says pulling a machine out of her bag. "Have you got a towel nearby."

"I'll fetch one."

"I'll go Ana, are there any in the downstairs bathroom."

"Yeah in the white long cabinet in the corner by the shower." I reply knowing from being in there before. "Thanks Hannah." I add as she slips out of the room.

"Ok then why don't you get on the couch?" She smiles and I nod in reply before doing as she asks. "This will be a little cold." She says just before squirting jelly on my stomach. I tense a little and she smiles while Ray just watches interested in what's going on but obviously uncomfortable too. Hannah comes back just as the midwife presses down on my stomach with her gloved hands before taking the small looking Doppler to me. I watch her intently as she moves it around my stomach listening to the small white box in her hand. "Ah here we go." She smiles turning the volume up a little. "That's your little ones heartbeat, nice and strong."

I look at Ray who's beaming toward me as he listens to the heartbeat, it brings a sting of tears into my eyes but I blink them back before looking at Hannah who also has a wide smile on her face, her earlier mood obviously disintegrating.

"That is your little lady or fella right there." Sally smiles.

"Can I record it on my phone?" I ask thinking it would be nice to have it to play to Christian.

"Of course." Sally smiles, I guess I'm not the first or last to ask.

Hannah hands me my phone and I quickly find the voice recorder and knock it on. We record it for about thirty seconds before my eyes meet Sally's and she knocks off the machine as I save the recording.

"Christian will love it." I smile making it into an MMS message for him, I think it would be a nice surprise.

Jellybean's heartbeat is nice and strong Daddy Grey!

"Ok now, I have a prescription for you for a drug called Prometrium, when Doctor Greene took your blood sample you had significantly low progesterone levels so this will help bring it up for you. Just take one a day every morning and then when you see Doctor Greene again she will take a blood sample again. Now me I will see you again in two weeks unless I see you sooner at one of the classes. You have my cell phone number, call me directly if you have any questions ok Ana?"

"Thank you." I smile gratefully, I like her a lot which is good but I do feel a little worried about the low progesterone level I mean what the hell is that anyway?

"You're welcome." She smiles packing up her things. "I'll call you next week to set up an appointment to see you the week after. Again any concerns please call me ok?"

"I will, thank you Sally it was lovely to meet you."

"You too Ana, I'll show myself out. Keep your stress levels down to if you can, get all these people to pull their weight." She winks as she signals Hannah and Ray before heading out. I quickly put on the recording of my baby's heartbeat and smile as I clean up my stomach with a towel. It's such a beautiful sound.

"Right some lunch before we head to Ana's Palace I think." I say to Hannah. "You hungry Dad?"

"How about we go out for lunch?" He suggests. "My treat."

"My treat." I correct, I can't have my Dad wasting money on food.

"Ok but nothing fancy Ana I don't think my stomach can handle it." He teases, he's used to awful takeaway that's why I think but I don't voice that.

"McDonalds?" I suggest and he smiles, that's more his thing and I really fancy a McDonalds chocolate shake.


	196. Chapter 196

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Thursday 16th February**

It was really sad seeing my Dad leaving but a part of me is glad he's gone too because now I can throw all my energy into work and forget about everything else. I work hard preparing for the video call with R J Wilks until it's time for the call and then afterwards, after securing his confirmation that his book will be done by the end of the week I get to just relax with some paperwork and starting Elliot.

At five thirty my phone rings and I smile when I see it's Christian.

"Hey baby." I smile when I answer, I miss him when we're apart even if it's just for a few hours.

"Hey, you haven't forgotten that we're seeing Flynn tonight have you?" He asks sounding quite tired.

"No I haven't. I'll meet you there?"

"Sure." He sounds a little relaxed which is good, I don't want to have to be worrying about his stress levels as well as my own.

"Ok then, did you get my text?" I ask seeing as he didn't reply.

"I did but I haven't read it because it was an MMS message I knocked to download it but then got stuck doing other things. So how was the midwife?"

"She's lovely Christian, I really like her."

"That's good, I would have insisted we find someone else had you said that she wasn't very nice." He chuckles lightly. "Everything ok with you and Jellybean?"

"Yeah, she gave me a prescription for some pills because something is too low I've already filled the prescription and I'll remember to take them."

"What do you mean something is too low Ana?" He sounds really panicked.

"Just one of hundreds of hormones that are running rampage through my body is a little lower than it should be, it's nothing to worry about Christian I swear." I tell him, the last thing I need is overbearing Christian making an appearance right now.

"Are you sure Ana?" He asks.

"I'm one hundred percent sure Christian, the pills will bring the levels up. Don't you remember that Doctor Greene suspected that my hormone count would be down because I'd not had any morning sickness? Well she was right, I just hope I don't get morning sickness now."

"There was us thinking you'd just been lucky. Listen babe I've got to go, I'll see you at Flynn's."

"Ok, just listen to that MMS I sent you please!" I tell him.

"I will, I love you both."

"We love you too." I smile before he goes off the phone. I love that he said he loves us both, that he is referring to not only me but the little being that's growing inside of me too. It's just beyond adorable that he said it. I work for another fifteen minutes before making my way out to meet Luke and drive over to Flynn's office.

Christian's already in the waiting room when I arrive looking his usual enigmatic self, he makes my insides tremble at just a look and it is amazing.

"Hey baby." He smiles as I sink into the seat beside him, he kisses the top of my head. "I got your message."

"Did you like it?" I ask turning my head so I can look in his eye.

"Love it baby, it's now my message tone." He says making me smile wider. "I liked the message with it too."

"What Daddy Grey?"

"Yeah I think I can get used to that." He laughs softly.

"Ana and Christian." Flynn calls from his door. We give him a smile as we rise to our feet, Christian insisting on helping me even though I don't need it, it's adorable anyhow so I don't berate him for it even though I want to because I don't need his help.

Once in the office we sit on the couch me almost against Christian, it shows how comfortable we are not only in Flynn's office but with each other this week in comparison to last week.

"Ana you're looking good." Flynn smiles. "Everything ok with Grey junior?"

"Perfect." I smile. "Saw the midwife earlier she's happy with everything and so is Doctor Greene, we're due on the second of September."

"That's brilliant." Flynn smiles. "You both seem happier."

"We are." Christian says with a shrug.

"So what have you both been doing since I last saw you other than seeing the midwife and the Doctor?" Flynn asks relaxing back in his seat with his notebook.

"It's been a busy week, uh we went to the boat on the weekend." I say and Christian nods.

"Then we went to see your Dad and your Mom and tell them about the baby." Christian adds.

"Ana?" Flynn asks.

"Yes?" I reply.

"Why did a look cross your face when Christian mentioned your parent?" He asks and I frown, I thought I'd hidden my reaction damn John Flynn, he's good when he wants to be.

"Uh my Mom, she's got cancer, she told me while she was there, she's been given a year to live." I say my voice shaking and tears filling my eyes.

"I'm sorry to hear that Ana." John says as Christian passes me a tissue from the box.

"Thanks." I say in reply to both of them.

"That's some big news how have you both been dealing with it?" John asks looking from Christian to me and back again.

"I've been keeping busy and trying to support Ana, she needs me to be there for her." Christian says rubbing his cheek against my head softly as I sniff back my tears.

"And Ana?"

"I wouldn't say I had dealt with it in anyway John, just the thought has me in tears." I try to laugh it off as I wipe the tears that are threatening to spill from the corners of my eyes.

"Maybe that's something we need to work on, give you the skills to cope with this as well as your pregnancy." John says sympathetically while I nod gently and try to hold back my tears, Christian gives me a light kiss on the head and strokes down my arm almost as if he's reminding me that he's there. "So tell me about being on the boat." John says looking more to Christian which gives me some time to compose myself.

"We just went out on The Grace, we talked, we enjoyed each other's company. It was nice to just forget about everything and everyone but us for a couple of days you know?" Christian explains.

"What did you talk about?" Flynn continues.

"I told Ana the truth about why I kidnapped her from London."

"The whole truth?" Flynn asks his face paling some which makes me wonder how much he actually knows.

"Everything but most the content of the journal, she doesn't need that in her head." He says running his fingers down my arm once again.

"How did you take it Ana? I can't imagine it was easy to hear." Flynn looks at me.

"It wasn't." I say chuckling lightly. "I mean I understand now why Christian did what he did because I would have done the same had the situations been reversed, it was hard to hear that someone I thought had been harmless had been in my house, in my bedroom, it freaks me out a little." I admit knowing that I can't hide anything from Flynn.

"Have you been interested about what is in the journal?"

"My mind has been conjuring enough images and at least with those I can brush them off and say it's my imagination that's getting the better of me, to actually know would make them more real and I don't want that so I'd rather not know, what he has told me is more than enough." I explain. "Not that I've thought much about it in a while though with everything else going on."

"That's understandable Ana." Flynn smiles reassuringly. "So after you got off the boat what did you do?"

"We went to my parents' house and told the rest of the family about our baby." Christian smiles.

"So everyone knows now?"

"Everyone of importance." Christian replies firmly. "We've got an interview and a photo shoot next week which will let the world know."

"That's good, you've thought ahead. So how was dinner? Did everyone seem happy about this as you two are?" Flynn asks.

"Everyone was ecstatic, even my father." Christian replies.

"How did your family take the news Ana?" Flynn asks.

"Mom and Ray are both happy." I smile weakly, I don't want to think about my Mom right now.

"That's good. So did anything arise this week that caused either of you difficulty other than Ana's Mom?" Flynn asks, I guess we're in a much better place now if Flynn is digging to find something to psychoanalyze.

"Not that I can think it's been a hell of a week John we moved house…"

"Of course, how did the move go?"

"Perfect, we're both so happy with our new home." Christian smiles while looking at me.

"It's better than I could have possibly imagined and perfect to start our family." I add for good measure.

"You'll have to come over John, bring Rhian and the boys, they would love the meadow."

"Thank you for the invite." John smiles appreciatively. "So how have you both been in yourselves during this week? Ana?"

"You know it's been a great week all things considered, Christian's amazing with everything and everyone else too. I'm happier than I've been in a while."

"That's fantastic. Christian?"

"Same as Ana, it's been a heck of a week but mostly good, we've been busy but when are we not." Christian replies with a shrug.

"Ok well that's it for now, I don't think you'll need to come in together next week right now but of course if something comes up then call. Ana you haven't seen me on your own this week, if you want an appointment all you have to do is make one."

"John are you hinting that I need one?" I ask mocking him a little.

"I am, we haven't discussed the pregnancy it can take its toll emotionally on women and of course now there's your Mom's health."

"I'll call John, see if I have some space next week to make time."

"Good." John says as we all stand to say our goodbyes. "You both know where I am if you need me."


	197. Chapter 197

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Friday 17th February**

When I wake up I instantly know something's missing. My hand stretches out to the other side of the bed and I realise there's no Christian. I roll to look at the clock and realise there's no way I slept through the alarm as it's not even seven yet, where the hell is my husband?

I crawl out of bed just as I hear the front door slamming shut, that's not a good sign. I hope someone can tell me where Christian is and at least a hint of what he's doing and why or I'm going to spend the day worrying.

After using the bathroom and pulling on a fluffy bathrobe (it's warmer than the silk and if Christian's not here he won't be able to comment) I slip downstairs already being able to hear Gail busy in the kitchen.

"Good morning Ana." She smiles as I slip onto a stool.

"Morning Gail, Christian gone already?" I ask though I already know the answer.

"He told me to say sorry he couldn't have breakfast with you, he has an early morning meeting of great importance but he will be home in enough time for dinner and to take you to Fit For Baby." She says sympathetically, I know Taylor is with him too and it's why she's in the kitchen before seven thirty.

"Oh ok." I reply feeling a little twinge of disappointment though I understand, he's a business man and in all honesty we've both been spending too much time doing everything and anything but work lately.

"So what do you fancy for breakfast?"

"Did you get chocolate milkshake?" I ask hopefully and Gail grins and nods.

"I'll make you the works." She says excitedly, I guess she's going to have as much fun making this as I am going to have drinking it.

"Sounds good, I'll go shower and I'll have a donut with it Gail.2 I smile hoping off the stool.

"I'll have it ready for when you come down." She smiles already getting to work. I leave her to it.

Upstairs in the shower I can't help but think of Christian. He sounded really edgy about this thing with the Chinese and his breakfast meetings normally don't have him jumping out of the house this early. On top of that there's the fact he didn't come to bed till three this morning accidentally waking me as he kissed me goodnight, I didn't let him know I was awake and slipped straight back to sleep so I wasn't bothered but I can't help shift the fact that there may be a problem at Grey's House because something has him rattled at work.

After getting showered I go into my closet and spend time picking outfits. Each one I try on at first are constricted and tight because of my growing bump, some trousers just don't close at all and that means I have to go shopping for a couple of things until Christian can come with me like he wants too.

I eventually settle on a pair of white beach pants with drawstring on them, an exact match to the black ones I wore yesterday, with a white top and a blue cashmere V-neck sweater. My bump is becoming fairly obvious and I am pleased that Christian and I have the photoshoot and interview next week to tell the world, then I can stop hiding it completely.

When I get downstairs my eyes instantly hook on the large sundae glass with chocolate shake, squirty cream, chocolate sprinkles, chocolate sauce and a straw flake with two straws, wow Gail really meant the works!

"Gail this looks amazing!" I say in complete awe as I sit down on the stool.

"Thank you, I'm sure it tastes good too." She winks as I latch my lips onto the straw and take a long sip, enjoying the taste completely.

"Wow so good." I almost moan.

"Glad you like it, I'll have to teach you how to make it that good." She winks playfully, I adore this woman so much!

After I eat my breakfast I meet Luke out front and we take the Yaris into the office. I'm going to drag Hannah along with Luke and I shopping this afternoon so that I can have a woman's opinion on the clothes I'm choosing so it's why I need the four seater rather than one of the two seaters like the Saab and TTS.

At the office the first thing I see is a memo from Sophia who was called by Christian first thing this morning reminding me to call my Mom, I should get this done now so I can clear my head this afternoon.

"Hey Mom."

"Ana!" She sounds good, that can only be good right?

"Hey Mom how are you feeling?"

"Good, now I've stopped being sick, the chemo really takes a kick at me but I'm good now." She sounds like it's no big deal, I mean I want to scream at her!

"Listen the reason I'm calling is Christian has spoken to the best oncologist in the world, he's going to be in America next week and he's willing to come and see you on Monday in Savannah."

"Oh Hannah, don't be silly…"

"Mom please." I whimper.

"Anastasia." She groans. "I've had the prognosis, I'm doing the treatment, you and Christian don't need to waste money…"

"It's not a waste of money Mom!" I snap. "This man is the best doctor to deal with this, he has saved lives that other doctors though were impossible to save, it's not a waste of money for me to get to see you live."

"Ana I know this is hard…"

"No you don't! Mom I am pregnant! I want you to see my child grow up, I don't want to have to take him or her to visit your grave before they can even understand what death is! I'm just asking for you to meet him, send him your scans and hear what he has to say. Not for me Mom for my child." Ok so I'm probably blackmailing her a little and hitting her where it's going to hurt the most but I know my Mom and I know it will work, and I honestly do want to see her live to see my child.

"Ok! Ok Ana I will." She says gently while I wipe my snot on the back of my hand.

"Thank you. I'll email you all the details Mom, I just want you to get better."

"I know baby." She sighs. "But sometimes we can't always get what we want now can we?" I sigh deeply, she's right and I know that but I'm being selfish, for once I'm being more selfish than I can possibly imagine because I will do anything I can to make sure my Mom lives.

"Listen the week before my next round of Chemo is a good week for me, why don't I fly up there and come stay with you for a week, I'll leave Bob behind so it'll just be me and you, I'll come with you to work and we can go shopping for baby stuff…"

"That sounds perfect Mom, you just say when and I'll have the jet there to pick you up ok?"

"That would be lovely Ana, I'll talk with Bob and see what date is best for me to come down. I have to ask though, your housekeeper, does she use all antibacterial stuff?"

"I think so I'll have to check." I reply confused.

"I just don't want to get an infection or an illness of any kind right now, it could be bad…"

"I understand Mom, I'll talk to Gail ok?"

"Thanks baby girl."

"I'll email you everything now Mom, just do as you need to do, see this bloke for me."

"I will ok? But I can't promise that it will be good news Ana, a year was optimistic according to Doctor Daniels my oncologist but he thought I had enough fight in me to make it to a year. He honestly thought maybe nine months would be all my body could handle before the cancer took over completely."

"Ok Mom, I understand I can't expect a miracle but I can hope and pray."

"Yes you can and I would expect nothing less." She teases. "You get back to work now Ana and email me those things."

"Ok bye Mom I love you."

"I love you too." She replies before I hang up the phone taking the time to break out in more wracked sobs.


	198. Chapter 198

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Friday 17th February**

After the emotional time after talking to my Mom and sending her the email I recruit Hannah and Luke for a shopping trip. We drive into town but I can feel tension between the couple with me and it's driving me mad, something's obviously happened but Hannah is still wearing her ring so I guess they're still together.

It's probably something to do with the wedding and that's what they're fighting about but I hope they figure it out soon the tension is driving me up the wall when I want two of my closest friends to be making me happy and laugh.

We arrive Neiman Marcus and Luke makes himself hover behind Hannah and me while we shop. I don't bother with a personal shopper this time, they're worse than anything and the only person ever allowed to shop for me is Caroline Acton as she always gets it right.

"What do you think of this?" I ask Hannah as I pick up a loose knee length jumper dress, I think I'll be able to wear over my bump for a while.

"It's a nice colour." She replies softly, she's brooding after Luke I wish I had the guts to ask her what the hell was going on but it's not my place to.

After about an hour I've picked up enough to last me a week and a half before heading off dragging my friends for lunch with me. I've decided that I have to say something to them because they're driving me up the wall and I can't be doing with it.

Once seated at Christian's Mile High Club and our drinks are served I look from Luke to Hannah and back again hoping one of them is going to say something but they're both looking in opposite directions and definitely not at me.

"Ok, spill." I say deciding enough is enough. Both of them slowly turn to look at me as if I've said something completely alien. "Come on you've both been funny for ages with each other, what's going on?"

"Hannah wants to move the wedding back." Luke eventually says.

"Ok, why?" I ask looking at Hannah. She bites her bottom lip nervously as if she isn't sure what to say. "Luke?"

"Because… she thinks you would prefer it." He says awkwardly.

"What? Why would I prefer it?"

"Because you'll be showing more in April, I thought maybe you'd like to not be pregnant when you're wearing your bridesmaid dress." She explains quietly while I burst out laughing.

"Oh my God both of you this is ridiculous. Hannah, this is your wedding, I don't care if I've got a big bump beneath my dress if you don't." I tell her gently.

"Are you sure? I don't want you to be uncomfortable." She says looking at me.

"Hannah this is your wedding, unless you don't want me to be pregnant wearing a dress then it doesn't bother me. Unless you're using it as an excuse for something else."

"Of course not." She snaps. "I just want everyone to be happy on my wedding day Ana, that means you too."

"I'll be happy as long as you two are." I say grabbing her hand. "This is ridiculous you two arguing over this, your wedding is planned Hannah, your colours are chosen, the church is booked, the hotel is booked don't go changing it now unless you really want too."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course." I laugh, I can't believe this.

"Thank you." Luke growls. "I told you Ana would say that Hannah, sometimes you have to realise I do know her."

"Ok Luke I get it." Hannah snaps.

"Ok you guys, kiss and make up while I go the restroom because I want to enjoy lunch and not have you two squabbling like elementary school kids, honestly." I say as I get up.

In the bathroom I purposely take my time. I think it's nice that Hannah felt the need to consider my state with her wedding planning but I would never want her to change a thing, this is her wedding and I don't mind the idea of having a basketball beneath my dress, actually I think it would be nice to show off my bump in such a way.

When I get back to the table the two are smiling again and I get to relax knowing they're happy.


	199. Chapter 199

**Of course as you know I do not own I am just merely borrowing the characters to use and abuse as I please!**

**Ok so the next chapter is the big 200! It will be uploaded at 23:00 GMT That's in around 24 hours to me uploading this so it gives me enough time hopefully to get it finished! :D**

**Friday 17th February**

As I pull into the driveway I spot Christian climbing out of the SVU. At first I smile, glad we're getting home at the same time but when I see the stressed grim look on his face I begin to worry. I climb quickly out of the car and hurry over to him.

"Hey baby." He smiles weakly, he looks exhausted.

"Are you ok?" I ask as he wraps an arm around me, his hand resting on my lower back as we head indoors.

"Huh yeah, long day." He shrugs.

"Christian." I sigh. "What's wrong?"

"There's some problems in China, that's all." He replies.

"Big bad problems?"

"Yeah I guess you could put it that way." He half laughs as we head into the kitchen where Gail instantly puts a coffee in front of Christian and a milkshake in front of me, that woman is a Godsend.

"How big and bad?"

"Bad enough that if what I think will happen does I will lose a lot of money."

"Jeez Christian." I say quietly. "How bad really?"

"Bad Ana." He sighs and I can see he looks defeated.

"What can you do?" I ask, I like that he's talking to me about his problems so I'm not ready to close this conversation.

"Other than fly to China? I don't know." He admits, is he sick?

"Why don't you go to China?"

"And leave my pregnant wife?" He asks scoffing in the process. "Get real Ana."

"Come on Christian, it's not like there's any chance of you missing the birth if you go out to China."

"I'm not leaving you here alone for a week Ana and I know there's no chance of you coming out there with me." He spits, ok I didn't mean to make him angry.

"No there's no chance of me going to China right now but what if I wasn't alone?" I ask him.

"What do you meant?" He replies taking a sudden interest in what I have to say.

"Well my Mom is thinking of coming down for a week at the end of the month, you could go to China then."

"Your Mom has cancer Ana, she'll be no good if something happens." Christian sighs his sudden interest diminishing before my eyes.

"She's coming down in the third week of her treatment, she plans on taking me shopping, coming to work with me, spending all her time with me because it's a good week for her when she's not sick and weak. I think it would be good if you went to China and dealt with what you needed to while I stay here and spend time with my Mom." I explain and he sighs weakly, his eyes closing as he thinks.

"Do you want rid of me for a week?"

"Not really but this is your company Christian, your business, if there's a problem and you're needed out there then it can't be helped." I tell him glancing over at Gail who's cooking dinner and acting like she's deaf.

"I'll think about it, see what I can do from here till then and if when your Mom comes to visit I'm still needed then I'll fly out to China."

"Good." I smile leaning in and kissing him gently. "See how good we are together when we communicate Christian?"

"Hmm." I grunts. "I'm going to change."

"Are you still coming to Fit For Baby class with me?" I ask as he hops off his stool. "Because if you've got work to do or are too tired you don't have to."

"I'm coming Ana, I told you I won't miss anything if it can be helped." He says before slinking off upstairs.

"Ugh men!" I groan as Gail smirks at me, I love how she pretends not to be listening even though Christian and I know she's hearing every single word.

"Tell me about it." She winks. "Dinner should be done in about fifteen minutes Ana."

"I'm going to change before." I smile hopping off my stool milkshake in hand. "Thanks for this Gail, it's amazing."

"No problem, it's a good way of getting lots of calcium into you which you need when you're pregnant more than when you're not."

"Fair point." I smile realising she was taking care of me when she was giving me milkshakes like this, that's so kind of her but of course that's Gail Taylor all over.

After dinner Christian and I both head to Swedish together. He seems a little nervous, I guess he never thought he'd be doing this at all.

"So when we're done here we're going straight over to Escala." He tells me as he drives.

"Ok." I say a little nervously, I don't know what he has in store for me this weekend but I know I'm looking forward to it.

"No cell phones, no computers, no security, no Mrs Taylor." He says with a smug smile, he's loving this.

"Ok." I reply again, I like that we're going to have the weekend absolutely to ourselves, no one else to disrupt us or disturb us.

At Fit4Baby we go inside and I instantly see Holly and Casey giggling away and I drag Christian off to meet them.

"Hey Ana." Holly smiles giving me an awkward hug over her bump followed by Casey.

"Hey you guys. Christian this is Holly and Casey, Holly's five months with identical twins and Casey is seven and a half months, guys this is Christian my husband." I say with a smile.

"Nice to meet you." He says politely shaking each woman's hand.

"Our husbands are over there, come on we'll introduce you Christian." They say and we all head over to meet the men.

By the time the class has started Holly, Casey and I are giggling away about celebrity baby names while the boys are talking golf, by the time we begin working out Christian and I are both relaxed and happy.

The class lasts an hour and a half and I can barely stand by the end of it. It was definitely a cardio work out because my heart is pounding hard in my chest as I sip away at a bottle of water.

"Jeez I didn't expect that." Christian says after drinking half his water in one go.

"What that it was actually an exercise class?" I ask playfully making him laugh.

"It was fun though, we'll have to come again." He says with a smile.

"Absolutely."

"Right are you ready to go to Escala?"

"Oh yes." I say excitedly making Christian laugh as he picks up both our bags.

"Let's go then." He smirks.


	200. Chapter 200

**Saturday 18th February**

"Go away." I moan as Christian's erection nudges into me, it's way too early to be thinking about sex in my mind.

"Anastasia." He growls making my eyes shoot wide open. "Are you forgetting that for the next forty eight hours you are mine to do with as I please?"

Oh shit. I had forgotten, this is me and Christian TPE. I am his slave for the next forty eight hours, I'm not allowed to even speak without his consent.

"Answer me."

"Yes Sir I had forgotten." I reply rolling over to face him.

"Did I say you could look at me?" He asks.

"No Sir." I reply quickly bowing my head and down casting my eyes my heart rate spiking as I begin to wake up and acknowledge what this day is really going to be like or at least what I think it's going to be like. At least for the moment I've forgotten everything else going on in our lives.

"It's barely eight am and you've already made two infractions. I am going to punish you for each one Anastasia."

I swallow hard, this is already fun. Like a complicated game with loads of rules that I can't remember and I'm going to be punished every time I break one. I wonder how many punishments I'll receive in forty eight hours.

"I'm going to spank you first Anastasia, a real punishment spanking with my hand. That is for you forgetting about our play date and then for looking at me without permission I am going to insert the two plug and you will wear it until I say otherwise do you understand?"

"Yes Sir." I say quietly, Jesus I've barely woken up yet and he has this game going.

"Then come over here so I can spank you."

I jump out of the bed and walk around to him, my tiny podgy belly really obvious in the silk nightgown this early in the morning. He pulls me carefully to his lap, his legs slightly parted so he's not putting any weight on my stomach. He rolls my nighty up my back exposing my naked backside. His hand instantly goes to stroking me and kneading me. It's exhilarating.

"You will count each one Anastasia and say I won't forget Master's orders after each too."

Jesus, he's really enjoying this and dare I say it that he's adding a little bit of humiliation into the mix though it's just me and him.

"Yes Sir." I say though I don't like it, I think it's stupid but it's a punishment, I guess I'm not supposed to like it.

He pulls his hand back and it lands on me firmly and it's damn painful, he hasn't hit me this hard in a long time and the shock that fills me momentarily is indescribable.

"One." I gasp at first contact. "I will not forget Master's orders." I add as he holds his hand to my ringing behind.

He begins to knead the skin again and I bite my bottom lip in anticipation of the next spank. When it hits I can't help but yelp in pain.

"Two." I splutter. "I won't forget Master's orders."

He hits me fifteen times and I finally think he's going to stop when he begins a series of smaller hits that are just as sharp, I don't count these out loud and he hasn't said anything so I suspect I don't have to. After thirty my ass is on fire and he begins moulding the skin again before bringing his hand away and hitting me once more.

"Sixteen!" I yell, Jesus Christ that hurt more than anything. "I won't forget Master's orders." I manage to say through gritted teeth.

He spanks me another fifteen times.

"Thirty!" I almost scream. "I won't forget Master's orders." I whimper as he reaches into the bedside cabinet.

"Good girl Anastasia." He breathes. "Now part your legs."

I do as he says without hesitation and his finger finds my wet slit. I moan deeply in pleasure as he strokes his finger through my folds to my clitoris then back again, spreading my juices over my perineum to the opening of my behind. I know he's preparing me for his black sick and twisted toy that he wanted me to wear to his parents' house before we went to Greece. I feel the two ends breech each hole and try to relax my body as much as possible. The thickest part which enters through my folds slips in easily while Christian takes care pushing the thinner end in while it vibrates in a low hum. Once it's firmly in place I catch a sight of the scary looking contraption that is a chastity belt. I let him move me around to get it in place and padlock me in, maybe I should have asked if I could go to the bathroom before he put this on. It's heavy and uncomfortable already and I'm pleading in my head that Christian doesn't make me wear this too long. I couldn't stand having it weighing down so heavily on my hips for an extended period of time.

The belt keeps the toy firmly in place as I stand. It slips a little adjusting to the changing position of my body. I feel the deep hum of the anal plug hitting against the dildo causing a vibration there too. It's more than a little uncomfortable but so arousing and I can't help the moan that passes my lips.

"Feel good?" Christian asks wrapping his arms around me.

"Hmm." I manage to mumble.

"You're going to come Ana." He says kissing me roughly.

"What?" I gasp, he's manage to shock me yet again.

"The vibrator is on strong enough that it's going to make you come, then come again and again."

My mouth falls open. Death by orgasm is a serious possibility right now and the thought terrifies me. Will I be able to do this without shouting the safe word?

"Breakfast I think." He says as if there's nothing strange about this.

"What would Sir like?" I ask panting as I climb slowly towards a climax.

"Pancakes."

"Ok." I reply trying to hurry out of the bedroom causing both edges to massage me deeply.

I barely make it into the kitchen before my first orgasm rips through me. I grasp the breakfast island and bite down on my bottom lip to supress the moan that would normally accompany my climax. Christian enters looking highly amused and it takes all my energy to continue playing and catch my breath before moving over to the fridge.

I manage to complete the pancakes and put them on the plate before I can't hold back the second orgasm any longer. Christian just smiles as I grip tight to the breakfast island and moan deeply. It's not too bad but I know it's going to be excruciating. Right now it's the embarrassment that's worst. Christian may have seen me come hundreds of times in the past but having it happen without any control and without anyone touching me it's seriously humiliating but I have to admit to myself that knowing that Christian is enjoying the show is bringing a small smile to my face.

I don't sit down to eat knowing it will push the plugs deeper instead eating while standing as Christian watches happily. After I'm done I load the dishwasher and close it before I come for the third time. This one slightly painful but I don't let it show to Christian, I'm going to push myself as far as I possibly can in hope that Christian will see when it's too much so we can continue playing.

"I want you to put one of your teddy's on, the blue ones without a bra."

"Yes Sir." I moan the words as the plug continues to massage me.

"Then meet me up in the playroom."

I smile and hurry off hopefully he won't kill me in the playroom but since we've been living at the big house and improvising I've been dying to get into there. Once in my bedroom I locate the two blue teddies and choose the prettier light blue one rather than the sexy one. I pull it on without a bra and hurry off up to the playroom. As I kneel the two prongs inside me hit their deepest and knocking me into a fourth orgasm. It takes my breath away as Christian enters and I'm still shouting and convulsing. I know he's happy, I'm sure he fucking is but I don't think I can handle a work out after this torture.

"We're going to play a game Anastasia." He says kneeling behind me and braiding my hair. "If you want to have dinner without wearing that … lovely piece of contraption inside you you're going to have to earn it."

Oh fuck here we go, is all I can think.

"For everything you do in the playroom you will earn points. You will need to reach two hundred and fifty points by six pm when I go and order us in some food if you want to enjoy the meal without the vibrator and chastity belt." He says sliding a file in front of me. "I'll keep a tally on your score throughout the day, letting you know at regular intervals how much you've scored. Do you understand?"

"Yes Sir." I say my voice husky and laced with an approaching orgasm.

"Good. Read the score sheet in there and you can decide what we begin with." He smiles.

I open the file and struggle to read as the toy inside me keeps me aroused and stimulated.

_Bottom Spanking – 1pt (Per stroke)_

_Breast Spanking – 2pt (Per stroke)_

_Anal Sex – 25pt _

_Breast Sex – 20pt_

_Vaginal Sex – 15pt_

_Blow job – 10pt_

_Wanking – 5pt_

_Swallowing semen – 5pt_

_Orgasm – 1pt_

_Bondage – 5pt_

_Toys – 1pt (Per item)_

_Total needed 250pts_

"So what do you think?" Christian asks stroking up and down my back just as my fifth orgasm hits. I scream and thrash and Christian's arm wraps around my waist keeping me from collapsing on my face. "Well?" He asks as I lay against him panting.

"Ok Sir." I reply timidly, I actually think this could be a lot of fun.

"Ok well we'll say thirty for your spanking this morning and five orgasms plus one toy plus one bondage that is thirty plus five plus one plus five that's forty one points you're starting off on." He says seductively. "I'm going to take this belt off now Ana, then I'm going to fuck that delicious pink ass."

"Yes Sir." I reply as he unlocks the chastity belt. As soon as the toy slips out of me I feel freer, I know I have to earn those two hundred and fifty points or I think death by orgasm will be more than just a possibility.

"To the couch." He says gruffly.

I do as he says as he walks in the opposite direction towards the museum chest. I know this is fun, making the whole point thing means we're going to do a variety of things in order to earn points but I also know that how much I please Christian will determine whether he makes it easy or difficult to earn those points.

He comes back with a bottle of lube in his hand with a wide smile on his face. I'd like to know what made him come up with the game for today but I won't ask him now otherwise he'll punish me and I don't know if punishment's actually count as points or if he just gave me the ones for this morning because he felt like giving me a head start on something he may have made impossible.

"Knees on the couch, bend over and grab the back, ass to me." He says gruffly as he pulls his erect shaft from his jeans. I do as he says while he begins adding lubricant to himself. He then begins to tease my hole, his wet, slimy finger just prodding while I try to be relaxed. I enjoy the sensitive feel of his finger but all too soon it disappears and he slams hard into me. He begins up a punishing tempo, each thrust hard, his balls slapping against my thighs as he goes as deep as he possibly can before withdrawing. I feel his orgasm edging nearer and he avoids touching anywhere other than my hair and hips, he wraps his hand around my braid and pulls my head up as he begins to twitch. He spurts off inside me, groaning with each additional thrust before he stills completely.

"Twenty five points already Anastasia." He purrs running his fingers down my teddy clad back. "Very good. Now let's get you naked."

He peels the teddy from my skin and takes the time to look at my body. His eyes stop at the small pouch that is my baby bump, to most invisible but to Christian, who knows my body better than me, completely obvious before he pulls me to him and kisses me deeply.

"Now Anastasia, you choose what you want to do next, it can be anything you want within reason." He says meaning I give him what I want to do to earn points and he devises everything else.

Understanding that Christian fucked me from behind because he liked how red my ass was from his assault earlier this morning I know exactly how to earn a few more points.

"Please Sir." I say quietly, I feel ridiculous and shy. "Will you spank my breasts?"

His eyebrow shoots up, I don't know if he knows what I'm thinking.

"There may be quicker ways to earn points than putting yourself through a spanking Anastasia." He says and I nod in reply. Maybe there is but when my breasts are pink I know he'll want to fuck those too and that will earn me points quicker plus it avoids an orgasm which I think another one right now will kill me. "Well if that's what you want please go to the cross."

I do as he asks and hurry over to the cross excitedly while he goes in search of something else in the room. I catch him tucking himself back inside his trousers and depositing the bottle of lube in his pocket which just makes me even happier. I guess he's decided to have it on hand just in case.

He returns to me with my favourite brown plaited riding crop in his hand, it instantly increases my nerves and anxiety but also my good apprehension. I can't suppress the smile on my face as I know what he's going to be doing with it. He puts me on the cross so I'm facing him. _Bondage, five points_, I can't help but think.

Once up on the cross he kisses me heavily, his tongue invading my mouth sending calls to my groin. I need an orgasm after this. As he kisses me he kneads my breasts, warming them up for the coming assault spiking my anticipation. Once he's satisfied he steps away looking as composed as ever as I catch my breath. The first hit of the ridding crop shocks me, I must have been in my own little world. He doesn't direct me to count which is good in some ways but I'm mentally keeping counts anyway, each hit of that riding crop against my bare breast is two points. Damn I'm competitive.

After ten hits he suckles my left nipple into his mouth and rolls the right between his thumb and forefinger. I moan deeply and buck against my restraints but he just pulls away and takes the riding crop in his grip once again. Ten more hits and he stops and undoes me from the shackles.

"Well done Ana." He smiles appreciatively. "Another forty six points. You're now already at one hundred and twelve."

Of course he's keeping count. I shouldn't have thought otherwise. I look down at my slightly pregnant swollen mounds and see they're most definitely pink. He grins and takes the lube out of his pocket and I know I was right, he does want to fuck them now.

"On the bed, on your knees." He says and I don't spend a second hesitating. He comes over to me, his member already being massaged in his hand covered in a little lubricant. His left hand holds the bottle of lube above my breasts allowing some to trickle down onto my skin. I shiver as the liquid jello hit's my heated skin. He lets go of himself and begins to rub the lube between the valley of my breasts before he gives me a nod and I grasp the sides of my breasts ready to grip him.

He plants his hard member between the valley of my breasts and places his hand above mine. I allow him complete control of the pressure, letting him use me completely for his own pleasure. Watching how is thick and engorged shaft rubs up and down against my breast is erotic, I know if he was to slide a finger between my legs he'd find me more soaking than just wet, I feel my own juices running down my thigh as his assault continues. I see him tense a little in front of me and the head of his member twitches. I open my mouth just in time for his semen to begin spurting from the tip, some missing me completely, some landing in my mouth, the rest going across my chin and neck. Christian's face show's how satisfied he is as I collect his ejaculation from my body and insert it into my mouth. I somehow just know he's calculating the points up in his head. This game is fun.

"Time for some rope play." He says nodding his head over to the library chair that was here before. I know what it means and automatically sit in it while he gathers the ropes. He ties me up just as he did before, around my breasts, wrists, thighs and ankles making it impossible for me to move.

"You're so wet Ana." He says inhaling my scent. I watch in awe as his tongue begins to clean up the liquid that ran down my thighs earlier. "I think you're going to get to two hundred and fifty points no problem." He says before latching his mouth around my swollen clit. I whimper at once, I'm still extremely sensitive after my multiple orgasms this morning and I know it won't take long for him to have me over the cliff again.

"One hundred and thirty seven and counting." He says pulling back to insert a finger into me making my hips buck as much as they possibly can within their restraints. He attaches his mouth back to me and continues his assault. I tumble over the cliff but he doesn't stop.

"No, no, no, no, no, god please don't stop, no." I say thrashing my head about. I'm so sensitive but he will not even dare stop. I want him to and I don't, it's a mixed feeling as I'm so sensitive post that orgasm that it hurts to have his mouth eating away at me but then it's soothing in a strange way too. I reach a second orgasm and he rides me through it before pulling away. I pant, exhausted, covered in sweat knowing that this day is far from over as he undoes my restraints allowing me to come down.

"I'm going to fuck you now Ana." He says picking me up and depositing me on the bed. He climbs on top of me and plunges deep inside me making me scream out. He thrusts hard and fast, relentlessly pushing us both to a climax. I'm almost relieved when I feel him coming undone and I'm not very close. This has to be a first as normally, even when I don't have permission to come, it's impossible when Christian is going at me. "You're fucking amazing." He says collapsing beside me just as tired.

"I want you to climb on top of me and suck me, so your ass is in my direction Ana." He says.

Yet again I don't hesitate. Almost straddling his face I lean over and begin to suck his limp shaft, slowly bringing it back to life. He moans and withers a little as I bring him to complete attention, tasting my own juices coating his beautiful skin. As I enjoy taking him to the root and pulling back slowly, letting my tongue glide along the base I feel his mouth attach once more to my clitoris. I moan as I pull away from the base with him still in my mouth, it makes him twitch. Christian's hips begin to rock to meet my mouth while my hips gyrate against his face. I feel his hands on my behind, parting the cheeks slightly but I think it's a unconscious movement till I feel him poking there… with his tongue. I freeze for a moment, it's a new feeling considering how long ago it's been since I popped my anal cherry so to speak. He licks languid from my clit to my rosebud and around before going back again. It feels amazing and I take my mouth back to his shaft to finish bringing him off. I begin to quicken as my own orgasm draws nearer. He comes into my mouth, his hot salty liquid flowing freely down my throat as he makes me come gloriously too. He continues licking me as I continue sucking him, both of us bringing ourselves through our orgasms.

I fall to the side so that my head is by his feet and I can't help but take his toe into my mouth, scraping my tongue along the base. He shoots up hissing but then he meets my eye and I see his smile.

"You are insatiable Ana Grey." He murmurs as I let his toe go with a pop. "How about some lunch?"

"Hmm sounds good Sir." I smile knowing that he's too spent to do anymore.

"Then afterwards you can try and earn the last eighty five points that you need." He says. "Now get to work wench."

"Please sir, can I have my teddy?" I ask not knowing where he's thrown that piece of cloth.

"Oh no Ana, there's no one here to see you but me." He smiles wickedly and I hold my chin up high and slip out of the playroom to go to the kitchen acting like walking around Escala naked is what I do.

In the kitchen I make subs for Christian and I trying to ignore the irony. I pour him a glass of wine and myself an orange juice before heading to the bathroom, the morning of activities has made going difficult but the orgasms more intense, he wasn't lying when he said that on our honeymoon. I tally up the points in my head, I have one hundred and sixty five points so far and need to get the net eighty five in the space of about three hours after we're done with lunch. Is that even going to be possible?

I slip back into the kitchen to find Christian still in his jeans and topless looking hot as always. He's looking at the covered sandwiches with a cocked head, I suspect he thinks I've chosen them to drive home a point but when he turns to look at me, his eyes glazed over and roamed across every square inch of my body.

"Are you hungry Sir?" I ask far more seductive than I wanted to sound.

"Hmm, yes, hungry." He nods trying to look disinterested in me. I walk around and serve the subs up on the plate while he takes a long gulp of his wine. I want a glass of wine but due to Christian who has super sperm that can defy the depo twice I can't.

I sit down and attempt to cross my legs but Christian's hand on me knee stops me. I raise an eyebrow at him but say nothing as he parts my legs and begin to fondle me with one hand. As we eat he strokes me softly avoiding my clitoris at all costs. This is so unfair. I can't even enjoy my food because I'm aware of his tender fingers working me like an instrument.

When I'm done, which I'm done quickly Christian hurries to finish his own before gulping down his wine and falling to his knees in front of me. His tongue begins to tend to my clit as his fingers thrust inside me. I grip hard to the edge of the island with one hand and the stool with the other as Christian assaults my body, forcing it to an orgasm. As it hits I call out loudly and vibrate around him. He works me through my climax before stepping up and kissing me hard, making me taste my own arousal on his mouth.

"Another point Mrs Grey." He smiles seductively. "Playroom, now, wait for me." He growls.

I hop to it literally. As I hurry for the stairs I catch him gathering the dishes and loading up the dishwasher. Hmm, domesticated Christian, I like it.

In the playroom I kneel down and part my legs as always. Christian comes in just a few seconds after me and I relax a little knowing he didn't leave me waiting too long. He instantly gets to work in the room and I know he's setting up a scene. I wonder what he has in mind and what it's going to do to my points table. Somehow I hope it's me pleasing him because I'm exhausted from the orgasms I've had today already, I guess my pregnancy is making me more tired than I first thought too.

"Come here." He orders as he stands by the swing. I hurry over to him already excited for the next session, I don't know what's gotten into me. I guess it could be all the stress and emotional stuff having weighed me down making me want to forget and what better way to forget than with a mind blowing orgasms?

He is standing by the swing and without a word he puts me on it face first. One strap lays just above my breasts while the other one just beneath my bump. He takes my arms and handcuffs them behind my back leaving me completely helpless and suspended.

"This is for my pleasure Ana, don't come." He says sternly.

"Yes Sir." I reply as I feel something cold and wet at the sphincter of my behind.

I focus on relaxing as Christian penetrates me first with his finger, I can't supress a moan, I love it when we do anal play because it feels so forbidden, so bad but then so good. He withdraws his finger and then I feel something poking at my core. It's vibrating and I moan again, how does he expect me not to come? He inserts the vibrator and I can tell it's a bullet as it doesn't quite hit anything deep. That's when I feel Christian's lubricated shaft poking at my behind, slowly penetrating inch by inch.

By the time he's balls deep inside of me it's impossible to hold back a moan of pleasure. I hear Christian's chuckle as he begins to rock the swing back and forth which makes him slide in and out of me comfortably.

As my orgasm draws near I fend it off by trying to calculating the points for this session. Five for Bondage, one for toy and twenty five for anal which is thirty one point's add the one from lunch is thirty two and add that to the one six five it's one nine seven, only fifty two to go … just as I feel like I won't be able to hold back anymore Christian grunts and releases inside of me before withdrawing himself and the bullet.

"Well done Ana." He says kissing the bottom of my back. "So good." I can't hold back a smile as he runs his fingers up and down my spine, it feels so good. "Stand."

He has to help me up but it takes seconds for my feet to be planted on the ground and my eyes to be linked with Christian's.

"You're amazing you know that." He asks holding me tight, I can't resist rubbing my cheek into his shoulder, breathe him in. "I just want to make love to you now."

"Then make love to me Sir." I say quietly as even though it's only ten points I really like the idea of plain old vanilla.

"Maybe we can spice it up a bit." He smirks. "Go stand by the bed, look at it and imagine what I could do to you on it."

I smile and hurry over to stand beside the bed while he goes over to the museum chest on a mission to make making love more fun and kinky. While I gaze on the bed my mind kind of slips from the playroom and to my real life outside of the walls of Escala. Everything that has happened in the last few weeks is on my mind, weighing me down figuratively speaking and I know that having this moment to think is not a good thing.

"Hey?" Christian's hands on my shoulders and his voice in my ear makes me jump out of my skin. "You ok?"

"Yes Sir."

"No really Ana." He says quietly. I look at him to see he looks concerned.

"I'm ok Christian." I smile. "I was just imagine all sorts of kinky things you could do to me on this bed."

"Oh really?" He asks while I nod and smirk letting my mind forget everything once more. "Well hop on Ana and let me see if I can live up to that crazy imagination of yours."

I manage to hold back a squeal as I climb onto the bed laying right in the middle my arms up and legs spread without Christian having to tell me. I watch him as he buckles me up, making me completely spread eagle, open to him and only him. I still love the idea that no one has ever seen me like this before and if I have anything to do with it no one but Christian ever will get to see me like this. I can't wait till my child is old enough to know about sex, if it's a girl I'm sure I'll be able to tell her how I saved myself for her father how I am get to feel like I'm completely his and his alone and hopefully that they would do the same and wait for that special person, I mean I know I'm one in a million and not many people wait till twenty two to lose their virginity with that special guy. Even when I gave myself to Christian I had no idea we would end up married and pregnant, I mean he wanted a submissive at first and not a wife and the idea of children in his life completely repulsed him yet this time he wanted Jellybean more than I did, until now, I think we both want this baby just as much as each other now.

"Time to say goodbye Ana." Christian smirks putting the blindfold over my eyes, plunging me into complete darkness. I tremble as I feel him begin to touch me. At first I think it's his fingers just lightly dancing along my skin but then I realise it isn't and that it's an actual feather brushing softly against me. I squirm a little, I find that it tickles in a totally erotic kind of way. I try to focus on the feel of the feather rather than anything else. When the feather disappears I feel the weight of the bed change and Christian straddling my hips. I then feel his warm breath blowing on my nipples bringing them to nimble points even though I don't think they've done anything but stand to attention all morning. When he sucks on them my back arches up in a spasm, pushing my breasts further towards him. I yelp when he bites down on the nipple before soothing it gently with his tongue. He then moves on to the second and repeats the process while his thumb and forefinger roll around the other. He works on them for a couple of minutes before I feel the bite of a nipple clamp being attached. I gasp at the pain but I don't call out. At the second bite I moan and gasp simultaneously, the pinch exactly the same yet somehow different.

All coherent thought goes out of my mind when I feel Christian's lips attach to my clit, He sucks and licks then bites making me yelp once more before he soothes away the pain but then I feel a bit similar to that on my nipples on my clitoris and I call out.

"Yellow." I manage to mumble.

"Are you ok Ana?" Christian asks picking up the blindfold I know Yellow doesn't mean stop that's why I said it rather than red.

"Did you just put on genital clamps?" I ask him uncertainly.

"Not exactly, do you want me to take it off?" Christian asks hurriedly, I know he doesn't want to stop playing but wants to make sure I'm ok to carry on.

"What do you mean not exactly?" I ask him and he smirks.

"Clothing peg."

"Oh."

"Do you want me to take it off?" He asks as I wiggle my hips, the bite is quite harsh yet somehow soothing in its own way.

"No its ok, carry on." I say and he smirks at me before putting the blindfold down and securing it in place. I feel his tongue back on my clitoris again, soothing away the sting of the peg.

Then his fingers are at my entrance, teasing and taunting me with just the tips, I moan lightly feeling the need for more throbbing inside of me, more pressure, more entrance, it just doesn't go away no matter what. Then his fingers are gone and replaced with his shaft, he prods and pokes as if he's completely missing the right spot and I almost hear his chuckle when I moan in frustration. He then, in one easy push slips inside of me. I gasp at the feeling, it's so different with the peg yet the same too, it's Christian, the only man in which my body is familiar.

He takes his time penetrating deep and slow letting me feel everything as I climb towards an orgasm. I'm exhausted, my mind and body but it still climbs higher, rocking weakly against Christian as he drives us both further.

When I begin to shake, my orgasm just beginning Christian does each peg one at a time, first my right nipple then the left, they both feel like every nipple clamp he's used on me, the rush of blood back to the tip feels amazing then he takes the one off my clit and I'm sure that body part actually sings gloriously, as my orgasm continues Christian comes undone inside of me too, the feel of his seed filling me up somehow makes me feel whole, complete. He rolls to the side of me and scoops me up in his arms, cradling me to his hard, warm chest. He sucks softly at my ear lobe, nipping it softly, waking me once again till the throbbing in my core signals arousal. Shouldn't I have collapsed by now?

"How was that for you?" Christian asks nibbling lightly on my ear.

"Amazing." I sigh contentedly.

"Yeah? I'm glad you said yellow, I should have talked to you about it first…"

"No Christian, if you'd have asked me I would have said no but because you'd done it and I got to feel it then you can do that to me again."

"You liked it?" He asks and I know this is specifically about the peg on my clitoris.

"It felt good." I smile. "Now how many points do I have?" I ask with a playful smirk.

"Are you sure you don't want to just give in and wear the plug?"

"Hell no! Come on Sir hop to it." I nudge him playfully and he leans in and kisses me while he does the math in his head.

"How would you like to earn the remaining twenty nine points?" He asks me, his voice gruff, deep, sensual.

"Hmm." I say quietly, I mean I don't think my body could handle another orgasm in all honesty. "I think I've been a very naughty girl and am in need of a serious spanking Sir." I say finding my voice flirty and fun.

"Really?" He asks, an eyebrow cocked, his head to one side.

"Yes Sir."

"To the bench then Mrs Grey." He says.

"Uh you'll need to undo me first." I say pulling on my restraints making Christian chuckle as he straddles me once more and leans over to unbuckle me, I reach my head up and kiss his chest, the hair tickling me a little but the taste of him and his sweat making me want to drag my tongue up slowly to his mouth.

"Bench." He growls once I'm completely free.

Christian goes in the opposite direction and I climb onto the spanking bench ready to earn the last twenty nine points. When he comes back I see he has multiple implements and struggle not to groan in excitement. First he has a rope in which he ties around my ankles before bringing it through the crack of my behind and to my wrists tying them to my back. Then he slips on the blindfold again and gets to work creasing my behind.

"So there's five more for bondage, one for the toy I'm about to use that means Mrs Grey you'll be spanked twenty three times." He says still caressing me sensually.

"Yes Sir." I reply just before he pulls away.

The bite is harsh but not too harsh, I know for a fact that I have been hit harder in the past so I don't do nothing to stop it, instead I enjoy the sharp sting and the heat that comes from it. Christian kisses the spot he hit before pulling away and hit again. He does this as promised twenty three times, each blow earning a kiss before the net blow. When I'm done and he removes the blindfold he picks me up and carries me to the couch, that's when I realise that the way he's tied me up allows my legs to be opened form the hip but keeps my ankles locked. Gently, he puts me down on the couch and drops down to his knees in front of me.

"Well done Mrs Grey, all two hundred and fifty points are yours." He says while stroking from my knees along the inside of my thighs to my hips making all coherent thought vanish from my mind. "Now I'm going to give you your prize." He says before burrowing his head between my thighs and getting to work.

I scream when I come undone. I mean literally scream, my whole body singing already over sensitized before this grand finale. Christian is quick to untie me and massage feeling back into my joints while my body comes down slowly from it's high. When done he scoops me up in his arms allowing me to feel comfortable and happy snuggling up into his chest while he takes me from the playroom. I'm happy in knowing Christian allowed me to win the game, I don't think I would have been able to survive with that device in me once again, it was deathly uncomfortable and I can't imagine having it forcing me to anymore orgasms, I think one more today would be the death of me in all honesty, I'm truly spent.

Christian lays me down on the couch in the TV room before grabbing the blanket off the back and wrapping it around me. I'm so exhausted I can barely even begin to open my eyes.

"I'll order us some food, Jellybean in the mood for anything in particular?" He asks stroking my cheek softly, his fingers just dancing along my skin in a feather light touch.

"Hmm." Is all I can muster as a reply.

"Yes or no?"

"Hmm."

"Chinese good with you?"

"Hmm."

"I'll take that as a yes."

"Hmm."

"I'll go order, you nap, that's an order Mrs Grey."

"Hmm." I say once more already halfway to cuckoo land.

I wake up to Christian shaking me and the strong smell of Chinese hitting my nose. My belly rumbles quite loudly and I decide that Jellybean is to blame and not the fact that I'm really hungry.

"I got a little bit of everything and two plates, some soda, chocolate milkshake and for dessert I got lots of candy, popcorn, and donuts of course and I thought we could have a movie night." He says as I slowly wake up properly and push myself to sitting.

"Sounds good to me." I yawn, I don't know how long I slept for but I know it wasn't long enough and I will probably eat and fall straight back to sleep.

"So what movie should we put on first?" Christian asks switching on the TV and going into the digital storage system that has every movie ever created I suspect stored on it.

"You choose, I don't think I'll stay awake to see the end of it." I chuckle weakly.

"Well if you are awake to see the end of it I'll give you a nice long massage with that set I bought you, I packed it to bring with me." He smirks.

"Hmm that's definitely an incentive to stay awake." I giggle making Christian beam happily.

"Well we barely ever watch movies so what type of movies do you like?" Christian asks as I begin loading some food onto my plate, I can't even remember the last time I had a Chinese takeout.

"I don't like action movies." I tell him and he nods and flicks the next button, I can see him going through the genres list.

"Adventure?"

"Depending, many adventure movies have action in them, I don't like gun and explosion movies and I don't like movies like need for speed with cars and stuff they're stupid and I find most comedy movies lame too, they're not funny they're childish." I explain as I sit back against him already digging in.

"Well here's the remote, flick through the Adventure movies while I make a plate." He smiles, I like that he's relaxed now, I guess we both are after our wild day, I don't think either one of us woke up with a day like we had in mind, as much as it's been exhausting it was highly pleasurable and I wouldn't think twice in doing it again either.

"Christian I've never heard of half these movies!" I state as I continue down the long list of over 3,000 Adventure movies, it's ridiculous I can guarantee Christian will never ever watch them all, I doubt he'd ever even watch half!

"I know Ana, I didn't add them they get added automatically every month it like refreshes itself adds new movies but if you want to delete ones you'll never watch or have watched and won't watch again you have to do it manually and it takes forever." He explains as he cuddles up beside me again, I only just realise that I'm still nude beneath the blanket and he's dressed in jeans.

"Can I go and put some clothes on?" I ask him carefully.

"Only a robe." He says with a smirk. "I forbid you to wear anything more for the rest of the weekend.

"Yes Sir." I reply with a smirk of my own before hoping off the couch giving him the remote control, I need to put something on and a robe is better than nothing. Just before leaving the TV room I let the blanket fall so Christian gets a nice view of my behind as I leave.

It doesn't take me long to locate a robe, pull it on and skip back to the TV room, Christian is just sat back eating his food nonchalantly when I walk in and grab the blanket, he acts like I did nothing before leaving.

"Have you ever seen Jumanji?" Christian asks.

"Uh I think so, years ago probably." I reply.

"Elliot and I loved it." He says typing it into the search bar. "I was going through movies I liked when I was younger and I remembered that one, haven't seen it in years either."

"Who's in it?" I ask tucking back into the chow mein on my plate.

"Uh Robin Williams, Kirsten Dunst and Robyn Driscoll." He replies as he locates the movie. "Ok with you?"

"Absolutely fine." I reply as he presses the play button.

We sit back and eat our dinner as the movie begins, the further into the movie we get the more I remember how it plays out. I've always liked Robin Williams as an actor, he's great doesn't matter what the role and I have always believed he has one of those faces that kids like too, you know the friendly neighbour type of face, luckily for children everywhere he's not a paedophile!

By the end of the movie I've eaten two large helpings of Chinese food, five custard donuts, a handful of sugary candy and drank two chocolate milkshakes, Christian has been dozing from about half way through almost as if he's fighting sleep.

"Baby do you want to go to bed?" I ask him as he picks up the remote control.

"Nope, not yet it's too early." He smirks. "I want to watch another movie and give you a foot rub and then maybe we can talk some."

"Talk?" I ask picking up the bowl of popcorn from the floor and placing it my lap as Christian picks up my feet and places them on his lap.

"Yeah." He smiles. "We're good when we talk."

"Talk about what exactly?" I ask.

"The baby. I think there's a lot we need to start thinking about like the nursery, names, shopping." He replies with a smile as he begins to rub my feet.

"I was thinking we should choose which room together then we could shop around decide whether we're going to go gender neutral or wait till we know what we're having then give Gia a call." I tell him, it's something that I've been thinking about a lot.

"That's a good idea, maybe if we go with gender neutral we can start sooner rather than later, the last thing I want is for us to get into the third trimester with you worrying about things like the nursery." Christian smiles towards me, it warms my heart completely to hear him talk like this, this man who completely lost it when I got pregnant the first time around.

"Yeah that could work, I think cherry red wood and white." I tell him with a smile. "You know like a modern old fashioned nursery and anyhow wouldn't the baby be in our room for the first few weeks in a Moses basket rather than a big crib?" I ask as I relax at the work of his hands on my feet.

"I guess so, I mean I don't know Ana I've never done this before." He smirks and I laugh softly, neither one of us have done this before. "But I like the idea that she or he will be with us for a little while before going into a room on their own and if you're breastfeeding then it would make things even easier."

"That's something we need to talk about." I say quietly.

"What do you mean?" Christian asks.

"I've never really considered breastfeeding before." I say quietly, I'm not sure how Christian is going to take this.

"What do you mean? It's completely natural Ana, your body produces the milk for the child and it's full of antibodies and stuff for the baby." He says and I sigh softly. "Weren't you breastfed as a child?"

"No." I reply simply, my Mom told me years ago that breastfeeding never appealed to her and even though it would have saved a fortune she couldn't bring herself to do it.

"Do you not want to breastfeed?"

"Not really." I reply and Christian looks at me quite surprised.

"Maybe we could have a look at those breastfeeding classes at Swedish, then you can make an informed decision." He says in CEO mode, at least he isn't completely shooting me down for not being interested in breastfeeding.

"Ok." I nod, _compromise Ana! _I tell myself. At least if I listen to him then maybe I'll change my mind and if not Christian can't say I didn't try to be interested.

"Then there's names." He says.

"Should we wait until we know what we're having?" I ask not really able to even begin thinking of what to name our child when I don't know if it's going to be a boy or a girl.

"We don't have to, it might be fun trying out both boys and girls names but it's not something we have to do right now." He says sensing my hesitation.

"Ok." I smile. "My Mom mentioned wanting to take me shopping for the baby." I say quietly, I don't want to distrupt our weekend with talks of my Mom but I'm saying it so Christian can have a say too.

"How about before your Mom comes you and I go shopping for one of everything then at least we can say we bought the first things together?" Christian asks.

"Sounds good to me." I smile, Christian is being so thoughtful about all of this and it absolutely melts my heart.

"Ok, we'll go next week, clear out an afternoon. I mean the whole world will know by Wednesday that we're having a baby." He smirks, I think a part of him is really excited that we won't have to hide anything at all from next week.

"I thought the magazine didn't come out until Friday."

"But there will be a leak by Tuesday evening and it will be in all the papers on Wednesday, then come Friday the magazine will be out confirming. From the horse's mouth if you will."

"Are we going to have to deal with the press?" I ask him seriously, it's not just me that has to be considered now, there's Jellybean too.

"Probably, they'll be outside the front gate of the house when we leave to work on Wednesday and outside our offices but we'll just have to grin and bear it Ana as always." He replies giving my leg a small comforting rub before he goes back to my feet. "So maybe we can go shopping Wednesday afternoon? Give the press something good to print?" He smirks as I giggle. "I mean if they're going to follow us around might as well give them something we don't mind them printing and what could we mind less than them printing pictures of us shopping for our child?"

"We'll have to draw up a list, from pushchair to car seat to hundreds of diapers and bottles and pacifiers." I tell him seriously, it's actually quite hard to imagine everything we're going to need before this little baby comes into the world.

"Ok. We'll do that Tuesday over dinner?" He suggests and I nod before yawning.

"Someone's exhausted." Christian smirks.

"Because someone put me through my paces today." I reply and Christian gives me a boyish smile.

"I plan on doing it again tomorrow Mrs Grey." He says seductively and I feel the effect of his words deep inside me, rippling through me.

"I look forward to it Mr Grey." I reply and he beams. "Ready for bed?"

"I think so." I nod feeling my heavy eyelids drooping uncomfortably.

Christian takes his time to put my feet down before lifting me up in his arms, he tenderly kisses the top of my head making me feel warm and fuzzy inside. If only we could be like this all the time, no cares, no worries, it would be heaven on earth but truth is we know that's never going to happen and I've faced the fact that life as a Grey, as Ana Grey author, Mrs Grey wife of billionaire CEO will never be normal but it is perfect just because I have Christian, and that is my final thought as he gently places me on the bed and kisses me goodnight as I fall straight into a deep, sleep.

**Sunday 19th February**

Somehow I wake before Christian this morning and I quickly climb from bed as not to wake him. Slipping quietly into the kitchen I get to work on breakfast wondering what he could have in store for me today. I have slight ache in between my legs, I guess it's over use as one Katherine Kavanagh would say, not that I'll mention it to Christian, he'll seize all play if he thinks there's a chance of him hurting me and just the memories of what he did to me yesterday has me wet again.

I wonder if he'll have another game or challenge in mind, I don't know why but I think the game really made yesterday that little bit more exciting, I mean sex is great full stop and kinky fuckery with Christian is always amazing and makes me happy but the game made things I suspect even more exciting for the two of us. Maybe next time we should have a score board and see which one of us can gather the most points a separate list for Christian to me.

"Uhm." A cough from the side has me spinning on my heels, frying pan in hand to face my beautiful half-awake husband.

"Good morning." He smiles cheekily.

"Good Morning Mr Grey." I reply with a tiny amount of seduction in my voice that I didn't expect.

"Are you looking forward to today Mrs Grey?" He asks coming over to me where I've begun cooking once again.

"Depends what Sir has in mind." I reply with a smirk making Christian laugh heartily.

"Oh Ana." He wraps his arms around me making me feel loved and cared for as always, I feel safe in Christian's arms, like nothing or no one could ever hurt me emotionally or physically though in reality Christian is the one that could hurt me emotionally more than anyone else alive. "I'm going to make you come on every surface in this damn apartment today." He whispers seductively in my ear, his voice and words making my insides clench hungrily.

"Hmm well I think breakfast first then I accept your challenge Mr Grey." I reply with just as my seduction as I can muster making Christian chuckle.

"I think we'll start with the kitchen worktop." He says picking me up and placing me on the counter. I watch as he quickly turns the gas off on the stove and come over to me. He undoes my robe to reveal my pale white skin beneath, my Greek tan having faded to nothing now. "So beautiful." He says running his fingers down my stomach. "This, is perfect." He says stopping at the obvious bump that holds Jellybean safe and warm. I watch with a happy smile as he leans down and kisses my bump softly, his lips just caressing my skin gently but as always Christian gets right on track and takes his lips lower and lets his tongue out, dragging it through my folds making me grip the counter tightly and gasp in pure unadulterated pleasure.

"Mmm the best breakfast." He says making me giggle, that was so cheesy. He gets straight back to work, his lips latching around my clitoris and sucking lightly, his tongue flicking over the nub repeatedly. I feel rather than see his finger enter me. A slow pumping rhythm that matches the flicks of his tongue. The combination of feeling soon has me on the brink of an orgasm and a second finger has me tumbling over the edge, Christian never wavering once.

"Couldn't have done this easily when Mrs Taylor was here." He chuckles closing my robe and helping me down. "That, Mrs Grey, is only a taste of what you can expect today." He smirks switching the cooker back on. "Get to work wench." He winks before going to sit on the stool to watch me cook.

I make us both pancakes and bacon with coffee for Christian and Milkshake for me, it was a good idea for us to bring things with us to cook but I hope we can order out again later because I have a real craving for Pizza with ham, pepperoni, salami, chicken… yeah you get the picture I have a real craving for a very meaty pizza.

We eat together quietly, I think Christian is trying to build up the anticipation of what he's got in store for me and if that's the case then it's working because I can feel the excitement and anxiety coursing its way through my body making me feel a little giddy.

When we're done I take the dishes and load the dishwasher, completely conscious that Christian is watching my every movement, when I'm done I turn to him and keep my eyes downcast already playing his game.

"Come here." He orders and I am quick to obey hurrying around the island to his side where her turns to meet me. I see his slipped down his pyjama bottoms just to his thighs and that his erection is already full and ready. "Hop aboard Mrs Grey." He winks making me laugh, Christian has had an overdose of cheese this morning I'm sure of it. I hold his shoulder and lift myself onto the edge of the stool, there are bars around the four legs which makes this manoeuvre much easier.

I straddle his thighs and as he undoes my robe once again I take him in my hand and run my fingers up and down a couple of times before lowering myself onto him. I hear Christian's breath hitch in his throat and his hands grip tightly on my hips, his nails just barely not breaking my skin, the pinch however is welcoming.

"Oh Ana." He breaths as I settle myself fully impaled on him, adjusting to the feel as always. I run my nose up the side of his face before I begin to move, slowly pushing myself up to the top of my tip toes and then lowering myself slowly, taking my time to enjoy this. Christian just revels in the feel, holding me but not guiding my movements at all. My hands grip his shoulders using them as extra leverage for my movements, I revel in the feel of him filling me and then emptying me slowly, the feelings is incomparable.

The only sound around is mine and Christian's heavy, arousal filled breaths. His eyes, his beautiful grey eyes are hooked on mine as I move. Like we're almost having a conversation about our love for each other without a single sound passing my lips. I want to speed up, move harder and faster as I edge closer to my own orgasm but somehow I hold back and just keep the same even tempo.

His grip tightens on me just in time for me to tip over the edge, my orgasm completely taking over my body, possessing me completely. Christian's hot seed fills me as he jerks almost uncomfortably beneath me. With him still implanted inside of me I drop my head onto his shoulder and catch my breath, slowly coming down from on high. His hand runs through my hair, the other up and down my back slowly.

"We should have a bath." Christian says after his breath has evened out considerably.

"Hmm, that would be nice." I reply feeling the soreness in between my legs far more prominent now than it was earlier.

"Hop off then." He says tapping my butt playfully. I quickly swing one leg around and pull myself off Christian both of us groaning as he slips out from inside of me.

He walks me into the bathroom hand in hand, my robe still open leaving my front bare, the wind causing it to flit behind me like a weak cape of some kind. He sits me down on the small drawers once filled with lotions and potions now bear beside the sink while he goes over to the bath and begins to run the water. He finds some left behind bubble bath and soap and does what he needs to do with them, all the while casting small smirks and glances over towards me.

When the water's run he just nods his head towards it and I drop my robe and climb inside. He momentarily disappears leaving me to soak in the water. I sigh contently, the warmth flooding through me. I like the water unbearably hot normally as does Christian but due to Jellybean it's no longer possible and Christian's remembered that. I can't help but smile at the thought of Jellybean. I have just six months to get used to the fact that I'm going to be a Mom. It's not something I've planned for any time soon, it's not something I'd even considered happening any time soon but it is and in all honesty I am extremely anxious about it.

It's not that I don't want to be a Mom. It was the case. When I first found out about Jellybean I was terrified and I was scared and I definitely wasn't happy that there was a tiny human being beginning to grow inside of me but now at twelve weeks pregnant just barely three weeks after finding out I'm beyond happy to be having a child. Part me and part Christian. I can't help but imagine a little boy with copper hair and grey eyes running around the meadow by the big house with Christian or a little girl with long copper hair and grey eyes wearing beautiful dresses and getting covered in muck like I would as a child. I won't be able to wait till the birth to find out what the sex is, I know that much already and I hope Christian feels the same. I want to know before our little child is born what the sex will be and what we'll name him or her, it seems important to me to personalise him or her before he or she gets here.

"Ana?"

"Huh?" I pick my head up from my knees to see a naked Christian stood beside the bath.

"You ok?" He asks.

"I was just thinking." I reply with a shrug.

"Well scoot up so I can get in and then you can tell me what you were thinking about." He smiles.

I quickly scoot forward a little so he can climb in behind me. Once he's seated I relax back into his chest as his fingers begin to massage my shoulders, it feels so good.

"So what were you thinking about?"

"Jellybean." I reply with a happy sigh. "I can't wait to know what we're having and choose a name." I explain and I feel rather than see his smile behind me.

"Neither can I." Christian replies which makes me smile, I'm so happy that Christian is happy about this. I know deep inside of me my pregnancy with Little Blip wouldn't be anything like this and Christian would have been more doubtful of himself and his abilities. I actually know somehow deep inside that becoming a parent is something that he and John Flynn have been working on even before she became pregnant, a part of his goal-orientated therapy, he wanted to be a good parent someday and Flynn has obviously helped to elevate his fears about being a bad parent and probably had helped him and will continue help him prepare for the birth of their child.

"Do you know what you would prefer?" I ask as we snuggle in the water, our wet naked bodies attached to the point it would be impossible to see where one of us began and the other ended, our legs are wrapped around each other comfortably.

"I don't know." He admits. "Either in all honesty, just a healthy baby that we can make happy and watch grow, help them become someone or something." He says obviously deep in thought.

"So you don't mind either way."

"I would love a little girl with her Mommy's eyes and hair." I can hear the smile in his voice.

"So you'd be disappointed if we had a little boy that was a double of his daddy's?" I ask and he chuckles lightly.

"No baby I wouldn't be disappointed." He replies his hands coming to rest on my baby bump. "It would just give me more of an incentive to impregnate you again." He chuckles.

"Let's get this one out of the way first ok?" I laugh, I don't even want to think about doing this again when I don't know what to expect for the next six months.

"Annabelle as a middle name." Christian says stroking his fingers up and down my bump softly.

"No way."

"Why not?"

"Another Ana." I reply.

"I like Ana." He says petulantly.

"How about Christian for a boy?"

"No way."

"There you go then." I say. "No Christian no Annabelle."

"Fine." He growls.

"Africa."

"We're not naming our child after a place."

"May."

"Or a month." He laughs softly.

"You're hard to please." I say dryly and he laughs softly.

"No baby I just don't want us to be one of those couples who cruelly name our child. Remember everyone is going to discuss our child's name in the press."

"Fair point." I laugh, he's completely right. "Though May is a really common and pretty name."

"I don't want common either."

"You really are hard to please."

"What about Chelsea?" He suggested, I don't know where that name came from but I frown at him.

"Chelsea is a place to Christian." I reply and he shrugs.

"It's also a very nice girl's name." He says and I shrugs and laugh, only he could find a place name that he likes. "It's not exactly uncommon either, I mean how many young girls are actually called Africa in comparison to Chelsea?"

"I like Chelsea." I agree.

"Good, I like Chelsea Annabelle." He says and I shake my head, I am not calling my daughter Annabelle end of story.

"What about Chelsea Isabelle?" I suggest, I mean they're similar.

"No." He says and I leave it at that.

"Well we have time." I reply. "And all those are girls names, we need some boys names too."

"Wouldn't you like to name her after your mother? I mean with … everything." I know he means with my Mom having cancer and probably won't see my daughter grow up, I also like how he doesn't come up with a boy's name, has he got his heart set on having a little girl?

"Chelsea Carla?" I ask. "No I don't think so and then it wouldn't be fair on your Mother."

"I don't think my Mom would mind, I think she would understand." Christian shrugs, he's such a kind heart sometimes and he thinks his heart is damaged beyond repair.

"How about we let my Mom choose the middle name? Carla doesn't quite go with Chelsea but maybe we could honour her and let her pick a nice middle name that goes well with Chelsea Grey or whatever we choose as a boy's name? If we have one name for each sex on the table then ask your Mom to choose the middle names?"

"That's a fantastic idea, within reason, she's not naming our child something stupid." He warns.

"What like Anastasia?" I tease, I've never really liked my full name preferring Ana any day.

"I like Anastasia, it's a name of a princess." He replies with smile. "You're my princess." He can be so darn cute sometimes!

"Thank you baby." I reply leaning in and kissing him. "We'll talk to my Mom when she comes up."

"I'm glad she's finally accepted our help." Christian says softly running his fingers through my hair, I told him how reluctant my Mom was to meet with the oncologist.

"Me too." I smile. "I understand her point though, that money won't cure her but she's my Mom Christian and I have to do everything I can to help… even if it's just making her more comfortable."

"Yeah, and I was thinking maybe we could have her move up this way with Bob, I've looked into his background and I could offer him a job with more money and more benefits."

"Why would you do that?" I ask him softly.

"Because I know that you would want your Mom up here for as long as she's with us." He replies softly. "If she's going to get worse she'll want to be close too for when our baby is born."

"You're amazing Christian Grey do you know that?" I ask turning to look at him in the water.

"I try to be." He shrugs though he looks a little proud mixed with what appears to be sadness, is he sad for me? For my Mom? I wish I could read him better.

"I don't know if Bob will want to move." I say after a pregnant silence.

"Well it's worth asking, if he wants to stay on with my company afterwards he can but we can house them Ana, buy a house near ours a comfortable one that's not too big but not too small for them and then Bob can do what he likes with it after."

"Can we change the topic? I don't want to think about my Mom dying until I know what the oncologist says." I say a little too sharply.

"So boys names?" Christian says doing as I ask quickly as I suspect he senses my mood change and if it goes down any further I won't be in the mood to play after.

"Is there anyone you'd like to name a son after?" I ask him as he goes to massage my shoulders

"My grandfather and my Dad though I don't see myself ever calling a son of mine Carrick somehow." He says sounding a little distant and thoughtful again.

"Your Grandfather Ted?" I ask.

"Theodore." He replies and I grimace, not what I'd choose personally. "What about you? Your Dad?"

"Ray?"

"No your birth father."

"I never knew him Christian, Ray is my father, he's always been there." I reply dryly, I know it's wrong but I have never considered my biological father as my Dad, it's not his fault he died but Ray is my Dad.

"Ok Ray then." He replies not taking note of my previous tone.

"Raymond Grey?"

"Maybe not." Christian chuckles.

"What names go nice with Chelsea if you were to think of brother and sister?" I suggest and again I feel rather than see Christian's smile, I guess he likes the fact that I'm consider more than one child.

"Chelsea and…" He says thinking hard, dragging the 'and' out. "Aaron?"

"Aaron Grey." I say considering it. "I like it." I reply.

"Chelsea and Callum?"

"Ugh." I grimace making Christian chuckle.

"Chelsea and Thomas?"

"Hmm." I say, nice combination but not the best.

"So are we definitely going with Chelsea if it's a girl?"

"Yes unless you don't like it." I say because the more I think of a copper haired grey eyed little girl I like the name Chelsea even more.

"No Chelsea it is. Chelsea and Oliver?"

"Oliver?" I ask in disbelief. "Tyler."

"Tyler? Where did that come from?"

"It's similar to Taylor, Jason Taylor."

"You want to name a child after Jason Taylor?" He asks sounding a little annoyed by that.

"He's your security, our security and he's like family." I say with a shrug. "He's also a friend but it was just a thought you can say no I mean it was just an idea…"

"A very nice idea Ana, I think Taylor would be happy to hear you considered naming our child after him and the name Tyler is very nice too especially with Chelsea."

"Tyler Grey." I smile. "It has a nice ring to it."

"Chelsea and Tyler Grey. Now we have to have more than one child." He says laughing.

"Oh really?" I ask laughing.

"Yes, now come on, out of the bath it's getting cold and the day is wasting away with us here." He says and I quickly realise just how chilled I've gotten in the water.

After getting out and dried Christian comes into the bathroom with the second blue teddy and helps put it on me and I know I won't be wearing anything else with it all day.

"I think we should start right here in the bathroom Mrs Grey." He smiles and I struggle to stifle my own smile. "On the ottoman I think, we've not had sex on that before." He nods towards the leather covered ottoman awkwardly off to one side. I never really looked inside it before and I can't help but wonder what it actually holds.

"Spare towels." Christian says as we walk towards it, that uncanny ability of his to read my mind shinning at the most random of moments. "Sit right on the edge, straddling it then lie back." He says removing his own towel from around his waist.

We make slow love on the ottoman, kissing slowly and just moving with each other almost like one.

"Hmm, I wonder how many more places I can get you to come on before it's time to head home." He says as he slips out of me.

In total he manages to get me to come on eight surface before I admit defeat, my body is aching specifically between my legs and Christian knows I'll be out of bounds for a couple of days now, I hope it was worth it for him though.

I'm making a cup of tea in the kitchen when I hear a familiar cough coming from the doorway.

"Fucking hell!" I yelp in shock, my arms coming to cover my thin teddy covered chest as I turn to face Jason Taylor.

"I'm sorry Ma'am." He says uncomfortably as he turns around.

"What is it Taylor?" I snap, both irritated at the disruption and the fact he's caught me near naked, it's just lucky that the breakfast island hides everything lower than my waist.

"There's been an accident, no one could get through to Mr Grey."

"What do you mean accident?" I ask my mouth going completely dry and my heart pounding.

"It's Mr Trevelyan…"

"I'll fetch Christian… and change." I say awkwardly before hurrying out.

Christian's lying on our bed reading when I walk in looking as white as a ghost.

"Ana what is it?" He asks lowering his book, his eyes hooking on mine.

"Taylor's here…"

"And he saw you dressed like that? I thought I said I wasn't to be disturbed…"

"Christian there's been an accident!" I shout over his rising temper.

"What kind of accident?"

"Your grandfather."

"I'll see you to Taylor, get changed Ana." He says calmly but I know right now that beneath the surface there's a storm of worry and anger brewing and I hope I don't become the victim of his breakout.

I head into the closet and see that most of the clothes I left behind aren't ones I wear most often and with the fact I'm now pregnant I doubt most of them will fit. Eventually I decide on a business style in a light red with a square neck and t-shirt sleeves that falls to just above my knees with a thin white belt that thankfully rests comfortably just above my bump. I find a pair of plain black rounded pumps, I'm glad I left one pair behind now as I have so many, these are Christian Louboutin and very comfortable.

"We need to hurry." Christian says coming back into the room looking grave.

"I'm ready." I reply as Christian pulls out a pair of boxer shorts and grabs a skin tight navy t-shirt on before digging out a pair of jeans and sneakers.

"Let's go." He says grabbing my hand.

We jump together into his R8 and he floors it out of Escala, it's late in the day so our play hadn't really been interrupted if anything it had come to an end anyhow.

Christian doesn't say a word the entire drive. His knuckles are white showing his grip on the steering wheel, his mouth in a thin line and his jaw locked. I decide not ask what he knows knowing he's like a ticking bomb ready to explode, probably angry with himself for having his phone off and being unreachable when something had happened.

We pull up outside Mercy West Hospital and we quickly exit the car. Christian goes into the trunk and pulls out our coats, his small leather bad-boy jacket and my white dress coat that I can't remember when the last time I wore it. I pull it on quickly, the evening air cold against my bear arms.

Christian takes my hand in his own, clutching it quite tightly, but not tight enough for it to be painful as Taylor pulls the SUV up beside us. We follow him quietly inside Christian's hand actually sweating in my grip but when I look up at him there's no sign of nerves there, just worry and frustration marring his perfect brow.

I don't look at the signs as we walk, just silently support Christian hoping he knows he's not alone right now. Taylor signals a room and then steps back to allow us to enter. Christian barely breathes as he opens the door and we walk inside.

The energy in the room alone is sombre without having to look around. Grace is sat in between Carrick and Mrs Trevelyan holding their hands tightly as she sobs. Mrs Trevelyan has her head bowed but her shaking shoulders gives away that she's crying. I turn my head to see Elliot being held by Kate, his head buried in her shoulders and then there's Mia being comforted by Ethan. In my heart of hearts I already know what's happened.

"Mom." Christian says, his voice is dry and hoarse, and everyone turns to look at us.

"Oh Christian." Grace jumps up from her seat and bolts into his arms causing him to stumble back a little. She wraps her arms around him tight and buries her dace in his chest. I try to release his hand so he can comfort her but he squeezes my hand and doesn't let go as his other arm surrounds his Mother as she sobs.

"Mom." He croaks and I look up to see his eyes full of unshed tears, somehow I know he won't cry here, not in front of everyone because that's just the way he is.

"He's gone Christian." She hiccups looking up at him and cupping his face in her hands. "Heart attack. He's gone." She says before dissolving into more tears.

I give Christian's hand a small squeeze and he just grips me tighter, I'm not going anywhere for the minute and neither is Christian.

"Excuse me."

We all turn at the unfamiliar voice coming from the door, we see a nurse in a tunic looking more than uncomfortable.

"You can view the body now before the undertakers take him." She says awkwardly.

"Thank you." Christian says to her before looking down at his Mom. "Take Grandmother." He says softly to her, almost talking to her as if she was a child.

She nods and goes to retrieve Mrs Trevelyan while Carrick takes Mia from Ethan. Elliot stands and takes Kate's hand in his own pulling her behind him. Christian and I watch as everyone but Ethan leaves but then sensing our need for privacy he slips out too.

Christian barely makes it to the seat before he drops his head to my shoulder and shakes with tears. I turn as much as I can to hold him not caring about the tears wetting the breasts of my dress. My own tears tumble down my cheeks slowly. Christian hiccups sobs, his cries breaking through whatever restraint he tries to have on himself.

"Shh." I soothe him as if he was a child the best I can through my own tears, I never thought I'd see Christian like this and it breaks my heart completely. "Would you like to go and see him?" I ask as he buries the palms of his hand in his eyes and inhale deeply through his nose.

"Yes." He says quietly.

"Ok I'll go and find out where we need to go." I say getting to my feet. I lean over and kiss his head softly, I can't even imagine the pain he's going through right now.

I slip out of the door to find Taylor standing guard at the door.

"Mrs Grey?" He asks as I close my eyes and take a well needed deep breath.

"Mr Grey would like to see the body I need…" My voice breaks softly and I choke on a sob.

"I'll go and find a nurse." He says resting his hand softly on my arm.

"Thank you." I reply weakly and I watch as he walks away, it gives me a small moment to try and regain my composure.

"Ana?"

I turn to see a very lost looking Ethan Kavanagh sat awkwardly on the window ledge.

"Hey." I say awkwardly wiping beneath my nose on the back of my hand.

"Mia was at my place when it happened." He says uncomfortably. "Are you ok?" He walks over to me and wraps me up in an awkward hug.

"I'm good." I say quietly though in all honesty I want to lock myself in a bathroom and have a real good cry.

I see Taylor returning with a nurse and turn away from Ethan awkwardly.

"Mrs Grey?" She asks me softly, her voice caring and unhurried.

"Yes."

"Mr Taylor said you and your husband would like to see the body?"

"Yes." I say choking on my words. "I'll get Christian."

I walk into the waiting room again to see Christian hasn't moved a muscle. He barely lifts his head to look at me and all I manage to do is give a small nod letting him come to me when he's ready. He stands uncomfortably, his normal straight back head up posture now slumped over and down trodden. I take his hand and give it a gentle squeeze before leading him out of the room to the waiting nurse.

"Just this way." She says kindly and we follow her down the corridor, I glance back to see Taylor following us at a respectable distance while still making sure we're safe and I respect him for that.

We walk down to the back of the hospital and to a quiet and secluded area of the hospital. The feel of the place is like death and I suspect this is where they bring all the bodies when they're ready to be viewed.

Just as we arrive our family comes from a side room. Grace's eyes meet mine and she gives me a weak nod as they walk by. Christian grips my hand tighter as the nurse signals the curtains. Taylor steps away and Christian takes a minute to gather up his strength before he gives my hand another squeeze and steps forward.

Behind the curtain another nurse stands with the blue blanket covered body. I swallow hard, I've never seen a dead body before and I can honestly never even thought about having to see one until now. Christian looks at the blue blanket for a few awkward seconds; I can't even begin to anticipate how he's going to react when the blanket is pulled back. He looks up at the nurse and gives her a small nod and she folds the blanket down revealing Mr Trevelyan's face and neck. If it wasn't for the fact I knew he was dead I would think he was sleeping and a little sick. His skin is pale, his lips are dry and there's the lack of breathing but still he looks peaceful and I guess that's important.

"Could you give me a moment Anastasia?" He asks as the nurse discreetly slips out through the opposite curtain to the one we came through.

"Of course." I reply quietly.

My hand slips out from his and I step back through the curtain. I walk to the opposite wall and rest my head against it, taking in the coolness against my scorching hot skin, a headache slowly coming over.

A hand on my back makes me jump and I turn to see a sombre looking Jason Taylor.

"Are you ok Ana?" He asks gently.

I turn and I can't help but wrap my arms around his neck, burying my face in the crook and finally crying. Bless his soul he doesn't hesitate in putting his arms awkwardly around me and letting me cry, his arms engulf my body completely.

"Sorry." I hiccup pulling away, he hands me a hanky and I take it gratefully as I give him back his personal space.

Christian comes out from behind the curtain his eyes red, his nose running, obviously having cried some more.

"I'd like to go home now." He says to Taylor.

"I've called Luke and Ryan to come and pick up the R8 Sir." He says as Christian hands him the keys.

"Thank you Taylor." He replies taking my hand and leaning in to kiss my temple softly. "We should go and see my Mother and find out what everyone else is doing." He says.

"Excuse me Mr and Mrs Grey?" The nurse who led us down comes towards us, her movement gentle and uncertain.

"Yes." Christian replies.

"Your family have gone back to the waiting room, they asked me to take you back there." She explains.

"Thank you." Christian replies and she nods and leads us away.

Back in the waiting room Grace stands to meet us. She hugs Christian once more and then hugs me. I really feel for her right now, her father has just passed away and I can't even begin to imagine her pain. I can't and won't think about how I would feel if it was Ray.

"We're all going back to our house, the undertakers have been called and Dad's lawyer is going to meet us there, Dad had everything arranged." She says, her voice shaking.

"Ok." Christian says awkwardly. "I should have Ana taken home."

"Christian." Grace says, she obviously doesn't agree.

"The baby Mom."

"Christian I'm fine." I tell him quietly.

"Are you sure?" He asks and for the first time he looks so uncertain, torn between having me safe at home and having me nearby as a comfort.

"Hundred percent." I reply giving his hand a small squeeze.

"Ok, we'll meet you at the house." Christian says to her and she gives a weak smile and a nod.

We wait while Grace and Carrick escort an inconsolable Mrs Trevelyan out and Kate, Mia and Elliot follow behind. Once the door shuts Christian engulfs me in a hug and I hold him as tight as I possibly can.

"I can't believe he's gone." Christian whispers. "I …"

"Shh you don't have to talk right now unless you want to Christian." I say gently as his voice cracks, I know we're trying the whole communication thing but I know at the moment Christian will be struggling to come to grips with his feelings and I don't want to rush him.

He nods against my shoulder and then lifts up taking my hand again. I nod in encouragement and we head out.

Back in Bellevue everyone gathers around the dining room table, Gretchen rushing to give everyone their drinks. I'm extremely surprised when she puts a Gail style chocolate milkshake in front of me and she gives me a small shrug when my eyes meet hers, I guess someone told her at some point for some reason, I don't think now is the right time to question it.

An awkward older man sits at the head of the table, a briefcase open and everyone who isn't looking down is looking at him expectedly. My eyes hook with Kate's she looks as awkward as I feel. It's not that I'm awkward, that's probably the wrong way to describe it but it sort of feels like I'm intruding on the family, I feel out of place and maybe I should have gone home but Christian's death grip on my hand tells me I'm right where I should be.

"Ok so Mr Trevelyan left quiet specific instructions." The man says, I know now that he's the Lawyer. "I will now read out those instructions." He says opening a manila folder while everyone else just sips at their drinks quietly. "Upon my death, I, Mr Theodore George Trevelyan will be buried at the spot chosen for me at my family's plot. This will be alone should my wife Elizabeth Mary Trevelyan still be living, if she has passed then my resting ground will be with her at the same said plot. As a former Marine O-8 Major General receiving an honourable discharge I am eligible for a Full Honour Military Funeral, the United States Army Military of Washington will need to be contacted upon my death to arrange the finer details of the service. Any other details are to be made by my family." The man closes the folder and put it down carefully. "Are there any questions?"

"Will you be contacting the MDW as his Lawyer?" Grace asks her voice surprisingly strong.

"No, yourself or your Mother will have to do that." He replies and Grace nods.

"Thank you." She replies.

"You will need this, his DD Form 214, it proves his eligibility for the funeral." He says retrieving a form and handing it to Grace.

"Is that everything? I'd like to go to bed." Mrs Trevelyan says quietly, if it wasn't for the silence of the room no one would have heard her, her voice barely a whisper.

"Of course Mrs Trevelyan if there is anything else…"

"I'll call." She says getting to her feet. "I'll see you at the reading of the will Tony, goodnight." She says before slipping out of the room, my heart breaks for her, if it was Christian… I can't think like this or it will kill me.

"I think it's time we all retired." Grace says quietly. "Good night." She says before hurrying after her Mother.

"Come on Ana, we should head home." Christian says pulling me to standing as he himself stands. I can only just nod, I've never been in a situation like this before and I have no idea what to do or say.

The ride home is in silence, Christian stares out the window and runs his thumb across my knuckle. When we get home we're met by Gail who has obviously been told of the news.

"I'm going up." Christian says not looking at anyone. I watch him go, my feet unmoving.

"Come have a cup of tea Ana." Gail says her arm wrapping around my shoulders, it pulls my eyes from the top of the stairs where Christian has disappeared, he could do with some time alone I suspect.

I allow Gail to lead me into the kitchen and sit me down on a stool. I still feel a little lost and I don't know what to say or do. As Gail makes us some tea I think of Christian upstairs. I yearn to run up to him but I somehow instinctively know that's not what he wants right now, he wants some space and I'll give him that but I won't let him pull me away. Maybe I'll need to get hold of Flynn at some point make sure Christian goes to see him.

"Come to the living room, I put on the fire." Gail says as she puts the tea on a tray. I follow her through feeling really grateful to her right now, she's an absolute superstar in every way possible.

I slump down on the couch in the living room and look at the electric fire, the pretend flames flickering happily. The room is warm almost too warm and it's stifling.

"Let's get this coat off you Ana." Gail says softly. I barely acknowledge she's said anything on letting her slip my coat off my shoulders. I think I'm in shock or something. We only saw Mr Trevelyan on Wednesday and now he's gone just like that.

Gail puts my coat down on the arm chair and sits beside me gently. I naturally lean into her and rest my head on her shoulder and there's no hesitation or awkwardness from her when she scoots closer and wraps her arms around me holding me close and tight.

"You know Ana, it's ok for you to grieve too." Gail says softly as she rubs my back, her words make me realise she knows I'm trying not to cry and trying to be strong. Tears build in my eyes but I do nothing to blink them back, letting them slowly seep from the corners and down my cheeks.

"I don't know what to do." I whisper hoarsely, my throat almost sore from trying not to sob. "I've never seen Christian like this."

"I know sweetie." She says gently. "I think you're right in giving him a little space, I'm sure he's as confused and lost as you are right now."

"And Christian, confused and lost together in the same sentence is a recipe for disaster." I manage to say making Gail chuckle lightly.

"Yes it is." She agrees.

"I can't believe he's gone Gail, just like that, no warning just bam and he's gone." I tell her what's going through my mind because she's here right now.

"It's a scary concept." She agrees still holding onto me, comforting me.

"I don't know what to say to Christian, I don't know how to comfort him." I just say what's in my head because it's easier.

"I think Christian will come to you when he needs comforting Ana, right now I don't think he wants to be comforted I think he wants to be angry and he's probably appreciating that you're out of the way so you don't bash heads." Gail says, I love how much she knows my husband having worked for him for so long.

"You're right I just feel…"

"Helpless?" She asks I nod against her shoulder. "You should take this time to grieve yourself Ana so when Christian does need you you'll be able to be there for him, if you let this sadness build up inside of you it will all come tumbling out at some point."

"When did you become a shrink?" I ask chuckling lightly.

"I have a degree in psychology that I've never put to use." She shrugs, that I am surprised to hear.

"How come?"

"Never wanted to use it after doing it, wasn't interested in using it I just did it to please my parents." She explains and I don't question her anymore as I don't feel it's my place.

As I begin to shake with cries Gail relaxes back into the corner of the couch pulling me with her. I don't realise why until I see I'm almost lying at her side, my back at the couch my arm draped around her waist and I get to actually cry into her making it easier for her to comfort me, which I suspect she wants to do not feel obligated into doing.

After I'm all cried out Gail continues to stroke my back as I lie by her side, my head on her shoulder. It makes me miss my Mom, this is how we'd cuddle up on the couch to watch TV and I really miss her right now. If anything losing Mr Trevelyan so suddenly has made me fearful about losing my Mom in a similar manner, I mean I know she has cancer but she could just die at any moment.

"Ana?"

I look up from Gail to see red rimmed eyes peering at me.

"Christian." I say sitting up off Gail allowing her to stand.

"Mr Grey can I get you anything?" She asks getting to her feet.

"Some coffee please Gail." He says gently and she nods before hurrying out.

Christian comes into the room and sits beside me awkwardly.

"Are you ok?" I ask, stupid question really but I don't know what else to say.

"I am now." He smiles weakly yet somehow reassuringly at me. "I've been on the phone with my Father, my Mom is already working on the funeral, she's gotten hold of the church and burial site and double checked all his wishes, she's made an announcement with Kate's help in tomorrow's Seattle Times and she's gotten hold of the MDW who are already in the process of getting everything organised, the man my Mom spoke to apparently knew my Grandfather so that sped things up. I think Mom is trying to keep herself busy in all honesty." He says as I rub his back softly, he looks a little lost and it's strange to see.

Gail comes in with coffee and puts it down in front of Christian, he takes her hand before she turns and she looks at him uncertainly.

"Thank you for looking after Ana." He says and Gail rubs his hand affectionately.

"It's absolutely no problem Christian, give me a shout if you need anything." She says before giving him his hand back and hurrying out.

"The funeral will be on Tuesday." Christian says.

"So soon?"

"Yes, it seems everyone is helping to get it done quickly." Christian says. "I have to go to work in the morning, smooth some things over with Ros but then we'll go to Bellevue in the afternoon. I need you to make me a promise though Ana."

"What?" I ask not saying at once I'll promise anything.

"I need you to look after yourself while all this is going on, look after yourself and Jellybean."

"I will, I promise." I say quietly knowing that he means he's not going to be able to right now and he needs to know I'm ok while he's grieving.

"I've never felt like this before." He says frowning a little as he lifts up his coffee. I take my tea from the tray and sip it not caring that it's only just warm now. "My Dad's parents died in a house fire when I was just six so I don't really remember them or it." He says, I stay quiet letting him talk about whatever he wants. "I feel partly grateful that he went quickly." Christian continues. "That he didn't suffer." I swallow when he says that but try to keep my thoughts from drifting to my Mom right now. "Come on, let's go to bed." He says putting down his barely touched coffee. "I just want to hold you tight Ana."

"Ok." I say putting down my tea.

He takes my hand and leads me upstairs, his grip is tighter than normal but it doesn't hurt so I leave him to it, take whatever comfort he needs. In the bedroom he quickly strips out of his clothes and I do the same with my dress and we climb under the covers in our underwear. He spoons me from behind wrapping my up tight and we just lay there in the dark and silence, neither of us sleeping but neither of us talking.

**I can start with saying I know for a FACT none of you expected that! Sorry if you hated it but I had this planned for so long! I had planned on writing more kinky fuckery on the Sunday but seriously writing sex scenes gets boring real quick! **

**Now I want to say THANK YOU – to every reader, reviewer, follower, favourite, guests, friends, everyone. Those two words doesn't seem like enough to express my gratitude to all of you from those who started this journey way back on Chapter one to those who have only just joined the road. I am immensely grateful to all of you. **

**It's been a bumpy ride not only for the characters but for me too but I wouldn't change a thing about it as it's been so much fun, a rollercoaster ride I am not ready to get off yet or any time soon. **

**I have the next few weeks of this story mapped out, to speed things along not each day of the story will be a full chapter, sometimes one chapter will have three days narrowed down to just a few paragraphs because otherwise we're never going to see Ana give birth and seeing as I've already written that scene (or some of it at least) I would like to get there this year. **

**There are many more ups and downs to come in this story and I hope to see you all right there along with me. I appreciate every single one of you more than you could possibly know. **

**Thank you and love always**

**Steffie xx**


	201. Chapter 201

**Monday 20th February**

"Ana!" Christian's yell has me bolting upright, I had decided not to go into work today so I ignored the alarm but Christian yelling is a very effective wake up tool.

"What?" I ask groggily as I rub my sleepy eyes.

"We have that fucking interview today." Christian says coming into the bedroom.

"You're not going to cancel?" I ask not thinking it's a good idea to do it right now.

"No, I'm going into the office quickly. I won't be long. They'll be here at ten to do your hair and makeup and I'll be back for eleven, choose something pretty to wear that shows off your bump. I'll see you later." He walks to me and kisses my lips and before I even blink he's gone. I guess Christian copes best by being as normal as possible, keep to a routine and everything.

I lay back on the pillow and gather my thoughts before getting up and starting my day.

As Christian said at ten am three women and two men arrive at the house shown in by Luke.

"Mrs Grey, a pleasure. I'm Karen Ward the journalist, this is Karl Young the photographer and his assistant Mark White, these are Katya and Lorraine they'll do your hair and makeup and help choose an outfit." She says, I don't tell her that I chose the dress I'm wearing but we'll see what the girls do.

"Lovely to meet you all, Mr Grey will be home within the hour he had to go into the office this morning." I explain.

"Of course, and we've all seen the papers, we're very sorry for your loss Mrs Grey."

"Thank you." I reply though I don't know what's in the papers as I haven't seen them this morning I can guess. "We'll go into the kitchen."

As we walk Karen Ward stands by my side and talks.

"Mrs Grey, Karl and Mark would like to see the house in order to choose where to take the photos if that's possible, they'll also need to set everything up."

"Of course I'll have Luke so you both around." I say looking over to Luke who gives me a small nod in confirmation.

"Morning Ana." Gail smiles as we step into the kitchen.

"Morning Gail." I say quietly spotting the pile of morning papers which have distracted me, Karen introduces herself to Gail and everyone else too while I look at the top most paper. The death of Christian's father is on page five. I don't bother reading the story, what's the point?

"Ok Ana we'd like to get started if you're ready." Karen says politely, though her fiery red curls make me think that this woman is more fiery than her current attitude.

"Of course, Luke?" I call and he comes straight away. "Could you give Mr Young and Mr White a tour of the grounds and the rooms they can use for the photo shoot please?"

"Of course Ana, right this way gentlemen." He says politely and I see he's going outside first.

"Ok now what?" I ask Karen awkwardly.

"Hair and makeup and clothes." Karen says.

"Of course upstairs." I say signalling the way.

The three woman follow me through the hallway and up the stairs. I can almost sense them looking around and judging my beautiful home, I don't care what their opinion of it is though because I love it the way it is.

In the master bedroom I point them through to my giant closet slash dressing room and inside I hear two small gasps coming from the makeup artist and the hairdresser.

"Ok let's get this show on the road." Karen smiles nodding her head towards the stool in front of the vanity.

I sit down and let the ladies do their thing.

By the time they're done I feel amazing. They've really take care in getting me ready and I feel fabulous, it's the only way to describe it. They've kept my make up quite natural, both women commenting on how beautiful my hair and skin are, I hope that's not the pregnancy hormones but it probably is.

I was surprised when the girls asked if they could see my lingerie but apparently we might be doing some tasteful topless shots of my bump, I'd like to see them get that through Christian but I won't argue it for now because I want this day to go as smoothly as possible. Over the lingerie I'm currently wearing my red jeans and a black tank top with my cream cashmere cardigan but they have two dresses for me to change to.

When we head downstairs Christian arrives home and Karen has the girls whisk him off to, if I didn't see his face beforehand I'd have been worried. When they return downstairs less than an hour later Christian's been transformed from the CEO into the gorgeous male model with a grey sweater over his fully buttoned up white shirt with no tie and his jeans and black high tops.

Karen leads us outside to where the photographer and his assistant have set up on the dock.

"Ok we'll get the pictures done first then the interview ok? We'll be as quick as we can." Karen smiles and Christian I both nod, I think we both feel quite out of our depths here.

We spend an hour just on the dock with the photographer and journalist calling out instructions having us in different poses. The light wind and the sun working against them. There are hundreds of picture I'm sure of it. Ones with Christian holding around me his hands on my bump, others of us face to face, some with him on his knees in front of me and a couple of him holding my up beneath my arms in the air and us looking at each other smiling. It for now makes us both forget our grief.

After getting changed into a grey cashmere wrap dress with the ladies pinning in in the back to make the wrap be above my bump and Christian changing into a navy blue suit we're taken to the living room where lights have been set up to make it look like a studio.

We're posed all over the couch in a variety of ways with Karen saying things to get us to smile more comfortably as we both feel so awkward and uncomfortable. Then to finish we head upstairs to one of the spare bedrooms.

"Ok Ana, take your top off and put on the blue jeans." Karen says. I look fearfully towards Christian who looks uncertain. "I promise it will all be I good taste." Karen says seeing my hesitation. Christian sighs and shrugs, I don't think he's in the mood to argue. "Mr Grey the same, strip and put the jeans on." She says and Christian suddenly looks lost, I know it's the scars marring his beautiful chest.

"Actually Karen I think it would look better if Mr Grey was in a skin tight white tee." One of the other girls says.

"You think?" Karen asks cocking her head as if she's trying to picture it. "Ok, that could work we'll try it." She says and I see Christian look a little relieved.

We change quickly in the bathroom and I hesitate in going out of the room, there's five people in there who I would prefer not to see me in my bra.

"Ana you ok?" Christian asks quietly so that no one else would hear him.

"I just feel uncomfortable."

"Karen sent me some example pictures, I wouldn't let them take pictures like this of you if I didn't know exactly what they were doing, they'll look amazing." He says quietly and I sigh and nod before pulling on a robe just to go out into the room.

Once I've dropped my robe and gotten into the first directed position I begin to relax a little again. They have us in simple and natural poses and kindly don't have me standing around too long before they leave Christian and I to change while the photographer and assistant gather the stuff with the other two ladies and Karen goes to set up the interview.

"Thank God that's done." Christian says as he tugs his T-Shirt on back over his head, I'm glad he took it off, I think the pictures will look amazing but we'll see.

"Hmm, I still think we should have cancelled." I say quietly.

"Really?" He asks freezing and looking horrified. "Do you think I disrespected my Grandfather carrying on with this?"

"No baby." I rush to cup his fearful looking face in my hand. "I don't think that, I think your Grandfather would be happy to see everyone not moping around just grieving I just wasn't comfortable with the whole thing and would have been happier sending a press release from Ana's Palace that's all." I explain quickly.

"Maybe we should have done that." He says drooping his shoulders.

"But this is far more personal and two amazing places are benefiting from the money, so it's good for that and we'll have some amazing pictures that we can keep forever and show to our little boy or girl when she or he gets here." I reply and Christian manages a weak and forced smile.

"You're right, come on let's get this interview done." He says tugging on his jeans.

Downstairs in the living room Mrs Taylor has set out refreshments and I can't hide my smile when I see chocolate milkshake and custard donuts for me, I think Gail needs a really big bonus.

"Ok then so we'll get this done as quickly as we can ok?" Karen smiles setting down her tea to pick up some questions, I don't fail to see the Dictaphone already recording.

I sit beside Christian on the couch and grab the chocolate milkshake in my hands, the long sip I take does nothing to curve the craving I have for them so I happily take some more while waiting for Karen to start her questions.

"So how far along are you?" She asks.

"This is week thirteen." Christian replies dryly, I guess she's getting her facts straight before getting to the heart of the interview.

"Ok any interest in finding out what you're going to have?" She asks looking from me to Christian.

"I think we've agreed we will right baby?" I ask Christian who looks a little unsure.

"Yeah." He smiles towards me.

"So the Grey Heir, have you a preference?"

"Healthy." We both reply, jeez I hope she has some better questions than that.

"So how did you find out Ana?"

"Uh…" I look at Christian awkwardly, how can I say pissed in a pot and Doc put a stick in it in a polite way.

"I mean where were you, when was it, that sort of thing."

"Oh it was back at our home in Escala, my Doctor came out to do a regular check-up for me before I flew to London." I explain with a shrug, no need to say it was for the injection.

"You expressed on TV that you weren't planning on getting pregnant any time soon, what changed?" She asks.

"It was an accident, a very good accident but an accident nevertheless." Christian shrugs.

"So you're both happy to be pregnant?"

"Yes."

"So how about when you first found out, what went through your minds?" She asks looking expectantly from Christian to me.

"I was ecstatic." Christian replied with a happy silly smile on his face that surprises me. "It was an absolute joy to find out that we were going to be having a baby."

"Ana?"

"Yeah, it was a shock, took a while for me to get over that shock but once I did, happy, beyond happy." I smile, no need for her to know about my fear either.

"It came out in New York that you were once pregnant before, how has that impacted on this pregnancy?" She asks carefully gaging our reactions.

"We've taken a few more precautions of course it's completely natural but other than that nothing much." I reply and Christian sighs.

"We're scared, if that's what you're really digging for." He snaps. "We have worried that this pregnancy would go the other way but Ana's OB explained that it was trauma that was the cause of our first pregnancy to end and that there was nothing we could do differently this time around."

Maybe not get kidnapped by a psycho comes to mind but that's another thing I don't voice.

"Have you got any plans for the birth Ana?"

"A drug free birth we hope." I smile. "We're just hoping everything goes to plan and our baby is born healthy, that's all we can really ask for." I explain giving Christian's hand a small squeeze, I knew it wasn't the right time to do this, with Mr Trevelyan's passing he's emotional and he's not the same guarded private Christian and I silently admit to myself that I'm worried about what he could say.

"Have you started planning the nursery?" She asks even more so.

"In my head." I chuckle. "Now we're safely out of the first trimester I think it's safe to say we'll be getting to work on that soon."

"You won't be." Christian snarls. "You pick everything and leave all heavy lifting and painting." It's a definite warning but I nod and laugh it off.

"How has the pregnancy impacted your lives?"

"Well I'd kill for a glass of wine." I joke making Karen laugh lightly. "Other than that there's only so much you can do, hundreds of thousands of women have babies every week and I won't be the first or the last, we go to fit for baby classes and baby your body and we'll go to some seminars that our clinic offers first time parents and we'll get ready for the baby to come and change our lives but for now we're just living as we were." I say and Christian nods his head weakly in agreement.

"Will you be taking an active role in parenting and the pregnancy Mr Grey?"

"Of course, this is as much my child as it is Anastasia's." He replies dryly, I am quite shocked that question was even asked.

"Nanny or Day care or stay at home Mom?" She asks turning to me.

"We're edging towards Nanny but we have some time to decide that."

"As a business woman will you work from home for a while?"

"A couple of months at the lease I suspect." I reply. "But I'm not quitting my business or writing." I say making it clear not only to the journalist but Christian to before he gets some ideas.

"Ok then, that's everything I need if I have any more questions I'll give you an email Mr Grey."

"Thank you." He replies just to be polite though I know he's feeling nothing but frustration towards the journalist, I wonder if she's actually got enough to do her article, she obviously thinks she has so I guess we'll see.

After Karen and her team leave Christian disappears into his study to sort some more things out with China. I take the time to go through my emails and write some more on Elliot until dinner time.

"What's for dinner?" I ask walking into the kitchen, the smell of food hitting my nostrils all the way in my study slash library (it isn't the houses library but it still looks like one!)

"Shepherd's pie with runner beans and cauliflower."

"Sounds yummy, is it nearly ready?"

"Yes it is." Gail smiles at me.

"I'll go fetch Christian." I return her smile before making my way out of the room and up towards Christian's study.

I don't knock on the partly open door when I hear Christian's voice clearly shouting. I stand for a moment listening to what he's saying.

"I don't make mistakes Ros, so fix this! I don't want to leave my pregnant wife to go to China because some incompetent buffoon decided to play with fucking fire! I'll see you Wednesday and you better have a plan in action by then." He says before I know he's hung up.

I knock on the door uncomfortably and he luckily looks up to see me slowly pushing the door open before yelling, I hate it when he yells.

"Uh dinner's ready." I say uncomfortably.

"I'll be down in a little while, ask Gail to keep some warm for me." He says and I know he's brushing me off quickly.

"Of course." I reply before heading out, it's rare for Christian and I not to eat dinner together and I know for a fact he didn't have any lunch because I didn't have anything till just gone two pm and he hadn't been down before me as Gail told me.

I end up eating all my food alone, Christian not making an appearance like I hoped he would. I know he's grieving for his grandfather right now and I know that his feelings being out of his control is also frustrating him but whatever is going on in China is serious too so I guess I should go easy on him when I do eventually see him.

After working in my study for a couple of hours I decide that it's time for bed. I'm getting dressed when Christian comes in looking exhausted.

"Hey you ok?" I ask as he slips his arms around my waist and rests his chin on my shoulder, I love it when he does that, I feel so loved when he spontaneously holds me out of the blue.

"Yeah, I just want to get into bed and hold my wife." He says quietly.

"Your wish is my command." I say turning my head just enough to kiss his stubbly cheek.

I lead him over to the bed and pull the covers back, he watches me as he climbs in and I walk around the other side. His arms wrap around me tightly as soon as I'm lying down and we don't talk, there's no need for us to talk right now, just feel. His breath slowly evens out and knowing he's fast asleep I too fall asleep in the comfort of my husband's arms knowing that tomorrow is going to be an emotional day for everyone in our family.


	202. Chapter 202

**I believe a Kleenex may be in order for this chapter. **

**Tuesday 21st February**

From the moment I wake up I know this is going to be a very sad day. Christian walks around the house like a zombie and I'm not surprised because I know he didn't come back to bed last night and I suspect he just waited for me to fall asleep before he tiptoed down the stairs to play the piano.

The whole house feels like it's grieving. Taylor is dressed in his black suit and tie getting on with the morning routine ready to drive us up to Bellevue in a little while whereas Gail is making herself busy having made our breakfast then made herself scarce to get on with the rest of her duties.

After eating Christian and I wash and change in silence. Both of us needing the silence I suspect and there's nothing much we can really say to each other that's going to make the other feel better. Out of my few black dresses only one actually fits. Christian does the zipper up for me without me even having to ask, him just instinctively knowing that I couldn't do it warms me up a little on a day that internally I feel so cold. He wraps his arms around my waist and rests his hand on my stomach. I place my hands on top of his and close my eyes for a moment, just trying to enjoy the feeling of having Christian by my side right now.

Losing Mr Trevelyan so suddenly has made me really realise how short life is. It's hard also knowing that in the near future I'll be getting ready for my Mother's funeral after she dies from cancer. I know that I wouldn't have any hope in hell of doing that if it wasn't for Christian, his love and support I know will be my light in that darkness and I can only hope I'm giving him a fraction of that in what I know is his darkness.

He's trying to appear ok, acting nonchalantly but I suspect one of the reasons he's not talking is because he doesn't trust his voice, I know I don't trust mine. He comes into my wardrobe with my pearls in their box from his safe and helps me put them on. I return the favour with a pair of his cufflinks before straightening out his tie.

"We need to go." Christian says as I slip into my black patent Christian Louboutin pumps.

"Yeah." I reply as he passes me over my black cape coat. "Thanks." I say as he leans in to brush his lips against mine.

"I've been trying to imagine what dealing with this without you would be like." He says pulling me into his chest.

"Don't do that to yourself Christian because I'm here." I tell him running my fingers up cheek softly, reassuring him that I'm there for him.

"I don't want to cry." He says standing upright again. "But I really think I might."

"That just makes you human." I tell him gently. "No one is going to think any less of you if you cry today."

"Really?"

"Really." I say giving his hand a small squeeze. "Your grandfather just passed away Christian, a man you respected and loved."

"Yeah you're right." He says giving my hand a small squeeze. "I just guess crying in front of people will be another first for me." He chuckles weakly, it's a good thing he's trying to joke about something but it doesn't have much effect on either one of us.

A knock on the closet door has both of us spinning around.

"Taylor?"

"I thought you'd want to know that there is press gathered outside the main gate here and at Bellevue."

"Fucking vultures, outside my parents' house… there's nothing we can do?" He asks Taylor.

"I'll call Grey's house and Ana's palace and try and have them call to get the press off, asking nicely never hurt anyone."

"Good idea thank you Taylor." I say before Christian can chastise him as I know he would by the look on his face.

"Asking nicely never works."

"It's better than nothing." I tell him as I fix his tie once again.

"You're right." He sighs.

When we leave our house and head for Bellevue we see exactly what Taylor meant a large group of photographers and reporters begin shouting and flashing towards us as soon as we drive out of the gate, this is the one reason I love blacked out windows, they can take as many pictures as they want but they're not going to get any ones of us.

The drive is in absolute silence. I know Christian's thinking hard but he keeps my hand in his and keeps his thumb running back and forth across my knuckles almost as if it's comforting him as much as it's comforting me.

When we arrive at Bellevue my heart thuds in my chest at seeing what will be the procession. There's horses attached to a contraption of some sort and another horse behind that then two black cars.

"The cars are for us, Taylor is driving one." He explains quietly. "The limbers and caisson on the back of the white horses are to carry the coffin." He adds I suspect he can read my intrigue even through our grief. I nod as we head inside.

Inside the house the grieving hits like a brick in the face. The tension is palpable and I feel my own sadness clouding further. I rub my stomach gently trying to appease my own tension a little and Christian even manages to smile down at me when he spots what I'm doing. In the living room everyone is sat in silence and on our entry everyone looks up, the sadness in their eyes breaks my heart further.

"He's in the other room, we've all been in." Grace says quietly, her eyes filled to the brim with tears.

Christian gives a small nod and then pulls me out of the room and we walk silently into Grace's back room, her formal living room. In there the large metal casket is wide open and six men in blue and white uniforms stand completely to attention.

When we walk in they do a turn and march out of the room giving us privacy. I cling to Christian as we walk closer to the body. Mr Trevelyan is dressed in his military uniform, he seems to have more colour in his skin now but I know it's make up of some sort or the embalming or something.

"Granddad." Christian says quietly, I wasn't sure at first if he'd spoken. "You are an amazing man." I look up at Christian just in time to catch a stray tear fall down his cheek. He gives my hand a small squeeze before carrying on. "Mom is an amazing woman, that's partly down to you so thank you." My heart cracks in my chest and my own tears flow down my cheeks and I can't wipe them away without Christian noticing. "I know you were happy when you found out we were having a baby and I'm so sorry you won't be here to meet him or her but what I will say Granddad is he or she will know about you and know you're watching over us and keeping us safe." I never expected this type of emotion from Christian ever, it's surprising and heart breaking all at the same time. "I know I gave you plenty of reason to dislike me in the past, I didn't show how much I loved and appreciated any of you and what you did for me but I did Granddad I really did and do, always. Rest in peace now." He says before pulling me into his arms and sobbing softly. I hold him tight and try to stem my own flow of tears.

"Thank you." I manage to whisper because I mean it and agree with Christian, he is partly to thank for Grace and how she saved Christian.

Once Christian has calmed down I take his handkerchief out of his pocket and wipe his cheeks before kissing him softly. He gives me a weak smile and a small nod before we leave the room allowing the soldiers back inside.

"It's time to go." Grace says tearfully as we re-join the family in the living room. Slowly everyone stands up and heads outside. We stand on the gravel just down the steps of the house as the Soldiers march slowly with the coffin on their shoulders. Christian gives my hand a small squeeze and I return it, I think we're pulling strength from each other.

"The riderless horse means to signify a fallen leader." Christian says quietly as we watch the coffin begin placed on the back of the limbers and caissons, the riderless horse is behind the horse drawn carriage, I think he's trying to focus on anything but what's really going on but I appreciate the titbit of information, I understand the significance of such a small detail in some way to the Marines and I suspect it would mean a great deal to Mr Trevelyan and his wife and daughter.

The honour guards then step to the side of the carriage and Christian steps behind the hearse to follow it on foot to the end of the road where we will climb into the family black cars.

I give Christian's hand a small squeeze as the horses begin to move and he returns the gesture softly before we begin to walk. Grace and Mrs Trevelyan walk first with Mia and Carrick only slightly behind and then Elliot, Christian and I behind again. Kate and Ethan will be meeting us at the church. I briefly wonder if Elliot minds but when he slips his hand into my free one I know he's really not thinking about that right now.

At the end of the driveway the horses come to a brief stop and we all climb into two separate cars, Mia, Elliot, Christian and I in the back of one with Taylor driving and Grace, Carrick and Mrs Trevelyan in the one in front together. I try not to look at the crumpled faces of my brother and sister in law by focusing on my husband but the darkness that surrounds us in the car is heart-breaking and I just have this feel to want to wrap them up in my arms tight and tell them everything will be alright.

"Hey don't you think Granddad would be calling us all names for crying like this?" Elliot half laughs through a sniff, I think he's trying not to burst out in sobs.

"Probably, he could come out with the vilest language." Christian replies making the other two smile.

"That's where your sweet mouth came from then?" Mia quips making us all laugh softly, Christian isn't known for having the cleanest of mouths.

"Hey it must be sweet Ana kisses this mouth." He says playfully making Mia poke her tongue out at him.

"You think Granddad would be happy with the arrangements?" Mia asks diming the mood again.

"I think it's exactly what he wanted." Christian replies, I don't know if this statement is true but what I do know is it makes Mia smile and that I'm happy to see that.

The drive to the church is slow behind the horses but when we make it we all climb out of the car to where many people are gathered, most quite old and some in the same uniform we saw Mr Trevelyan in.

Christian holds my hand as we stand with the family watching the large steel coffin draped in the American flag being pulled off the carriage. I have a permanent lump in my throat as the soldiers hold it tight on their shoulders before walking slowly towards the entry of the Church. We fall in behind it in the same order we were following the route from the house, once again Elliot takes my spare hand and holds it tight.

The Church is near full with people. We walk straight down to the front centre pew as the coffin is placed on a stand with a Marine picture of Mr Trevelyan is placed beside it. The drivers, including Taylor bring the flowers in, one with Dad another with Ted and a third with Granddad and the last one that Christian and I ordered in pale pink and pale blue letters with Great-Granddad. We all sit down in the front pew together, it's long enough to fit us all and I glance to the pew behind us to Ethan, Kate and Mr and Mrs Kavanagh. Kate gives me a small weak smile through her tears and I just manage to return it before the organ stops playing and the service begins.

I barely pay attention to the military chaplain as he conducts the ceremony, it isn't until everyone stands and the first few bars of All things bright and beautiful begins to play that I stop holding on to Christian so tight. I sing along with everyone else quietly, I can hear both Christian and Elliot beside me singing too just as weak and forced as my own. I look at the picture of Ted Trevelyan on the front of my order of service, it's such a sweet picture of him with a bright smile on his face more up to date than his marine photograph and inside is his and Mrs Trevelyan's wedding photograph, they both look so happy in it that it brings more tears to my eyes.

When we sit down Carrick gets up to speak. He talks about Ted Trevelyan and what type of man he was followed by what he means to each one in the family, he surprisingly even mentions me and Jellybean. When he's done I don't think there's a dry eye in the room, mine certainly aren't as my tears flow freely down my cheeks.

After the official ceremony is over we all head outside. The coffin leaves first and we follow it down the path towards the back of the graveyard.

The casket is placed on two wooden planks above the six foot hole in the ground. We then take the white seats beside the grave while everyone else closes around. Gail hands us all a blood red rose, me, Christian, Mia, Elliot, Mrs Trevelyan, Carrick and herself and then we sit back as the three-volley salute is performed. The gun shots make me want to put my hands over my ears but I manage not to cover them. Christian holds tighter to my hand with each shot and I look up at him to see that he's no longer supressing his tears and they're rolling freely down his cheeks.

More of the ceremony is conducted at the graveside. I play with the rose Grace gave me and stroke my thumb across Christian's hand as the chaplain speaks about honour, family and love. Then we all stand for the thirteen gun salute which if I remember correctly the number is decided by rank. After three cannon fire I hear a small cry piercing the air and I know it's Grace. My heart breaks for her, I can't imagine how she's feeling right now. After five shots Christian's arm wraps around my shaking shoulders and as I bury my face in his chest he buries his nose into my hair. The guns going off create a strange atmosphere, the smell from the cannons fill my nostrils and I don't know why but I can't help think of it as the smell of death. After thirteen there is absolute silence everywhere, it seems even the wind is silent for the moment.

Six men step up to the side of the coffin with one man saying orders in a respectful tone. The stars and stripes banner is slowly removed from the steel casket and carried over to the end of the grave. I watch, slightly awed as the folding begins and Amazing Grace is played from somewhere in the distance. Once the flag is completely folded and the three blank cartridges stored inside I watch one of the men walk to Mrs Trevelyan and kneel in front of her, offering her the flag. As she takes it more tears flood down my face, I can't even begin to understand the significance of everything going on but I do see the emotion around me and that's enough. Mrs Trevelyan is being quite strong, only a few tears slipping free from her eyes and down her cheeks. Grace is an absolute wreck with Carrick having to help keep her standing. Elliot and Mia are holding onto each other tightly and crying and then there's Christian, the one man I thought I'd never see cry in public with tears flowing freely down his cheeks and the pain written all over his face. It breaks my heart seeing the family like this.

After the man steps away from Mrs Trevelyan the six men who carried the coffin place long white rope beneath it while other people move the planks away. We step closer to the grave as the coffin is lowered into the hole and from the distance Taps is sung on a bugle. The tone resonates through me and my tears fall harder and faster as the coffin is slowly dropped into the earth. The sound of the lone bugle playing makes me shiver and Christian holds onto me tighter, his own emotions taking control of him for once.

After the taps ends and the ropes are removed from the coffin Carrick is the first to drop his rose onto the steel box. Mia and Elliot go second and I see them both whisper something though I don't hear what they say.

Christian pulls me gently with him and we both drop our own roses on top of the casket.

"Thank you Granddad." Christian says quietly before wrapping his arm over my shoulders and stepping back to our chairs. Grace and Mrs Trevelyan step up together and they take a little longer before dropping their own roses and turning back to their chairs for the ceremony to be closed.

"Are you ok?" I ask Christian as we begin to walk away from the graveside back to the car.

"That was much harder than I anticipated it to be." He murmurs. "I couldn't have done it without you Ana."

"This might be inappropriate to ask but do you know why Kate wasn't with the rest of the family?" I ask awkwardly.

"Because you're family, we are married and you're pregnant with Granddad's great grandchild, Kate and Elliot aren't married so technically she isn't family yet." He explains. "It was what Mom and Grandmother decided."

"Oh right." I reply, I was just intrigued so I don't ask any more.

"We're going to the Fairmont now, I've booked a private dining room for the family to have a cooked meal before joining in the wake, Mom thought it was a good idea." Christian says as we meet with Taylor at the car, we have to wait for Elliot and Mia anyhow so we just lean against the vehicle still clutching tight to each other's hands. "We won't stay to long, you're exhausted." Christian say as he wipes his cheeks with his handkerchief.

"I'm fine Christian." I reply gently even though he's right, I am exhausted. "Your family needs you right now."

"You and Jellybean are my family." He replies pulling me into him. "Just promise me you'll eat and if you're tired you'll let Taylor take you home, I can stay."

"Ok." I smile weakly before kissing his cheek and wrapping me up in his arms, I know right now he's grasping on for any control he can possibly muster.


	203. Chapter 203

**Just a filler and the next chapter will be series of small paragraphs for each day just so you know what they do but I'm trying to speed the day's along now!**

**Wednesday 22nd February**

It's strange how quickly everything has gone back to normal. After the funeral yesterday and the wake Christian and I came home and just cuddled up. This morning, it's back to work and back to normal. I've sat in my office all day barely breaking to get lunch as I've nearly finished Elliot and have started slowly planning the last fifty shades book. Christian's been quiet by email too, whatever is going on in China is really getting to him and I know for a fact that he'll have to fly out there, I guess that the only good thing is that my Mom will be coming to stay, which reminds me I need to call her.

"Hey Mom." I smile into the phone. I've been wanting to speak with her since her meeting with the oncologist but due to Theodore Trevelyan's passing it hasn't been possible.

"Hey baby how are you?" She sounds happy yet tired, I guess I should get used to hearing that tone in her voice.

"I'm really good mom." I say uncomfortably. "How are you?"

"Tired today, I had chemo yesterday so I'm just bleugh." She says trying to sound like it's no big deal but it hits me deep.

"Ok. How did everything go with the oncologist?" I ask and I hear her sigh and I guess she wasn't happy with him.

"He said a year is optimistic that even with chemo I'm looking at three to six months."

How I don't drop the phone I don't know but I feel like I've been punched in the gut. Three to six months? This guy is the best, he wouldn't say three to six months unless he meant it.

"Ana are you still there?" My Mom asks.

"Yeah I'm still here." I reply quietly. "Did he say what you should do?"

"He thinks this should be my last round of chemo, that I should enjoy the little time I have left." Her words resonate around me and I feel sick.

"And what did you say?"

"I asked him will the chemo prolong my life at all, he doesn't think it will."

"So are you stopping the chemo?" I ask my voice barely a whisper right now.

"Yes, this is my last round then no more."

"What are you going to do afterwards?" I ask my voice completely shaking as I struggle to hold back my tears.

"Bob and I have been talking, we're thinking of coming to live in Seattle."

"Live here?"

"I'd like to live the rest of my life close to you Anastasia." She replied softly.

"What about Bob's work? Your home?"

"Well we can't sell the house, Bob will be moving back after I die." She replies, she's really dealt with the fact she's going to die, saying it she sounds fine and it kills me.

"Ok." I reply.

"I was hoping you or Christian could help Bob find work." She says and I hear the hope in her voice.

"Bob works with accounting doesn't he?"

"Yes."

"Well I've started hiring people for accounting here, Bob could apply and I'm sure Christian could help find him a job if he doesn't want to work for one of our companies."

"I'll talk to him, see what he thinks."

"You could move into Escala, or our house, whatever you want Mom Christian and I can make it happen ok?" I say trying not to cry.

"Thank you, it won't be for a couple of weeks though the chemo kicks the crap out of me and Bob will have to give notice at his job and stuff."

"Just let me know what you want to do Mom and Christian and I can make it happen I swear." I tell her and I almost hear her smile.

"Thank you baby girl, I just want to be with you." She says and this time she sounds tearful. "But I don't want your life to be put on hold for me."

"Oh Mom." I say quietly. "I don't want you to die."

"I know baby, I do I don't really want to die either but all life comes to an end."

"How can you be ok with this?" I ask as my tears flood down my face.

"Because if I'm not ok with it I'm going to spend what's left of my life fighting it and I don't want to do that, I just want to enjoy it ok?"

"Mom is there anything you've always wanted to do that you haven't had the chance to?" I ask thinking I could make all her dreams come true.

"No baby, I only ever wanted to see you happy and successful and you've done that Ana, you're happy with Christian and your successful."

"Mom." I say my tears flooding down my face. "I love you so much."

"I love you too. I have to go, Bob's home, he only works half day first week after my chemo so I'll talk to you later ok?"

"Bye Mom." I say.

"Bye baby girl." She replies before hanging up on me. I place my phone on the desk and the floodgates open.

I cry myself dry then head home knowing that I'm not going to be of any use in the office any longer.

I wonder around at home wondering how I can make things easier for my Mom, they can move in with us or move to Escala and if they don't want to do that Christian and I can afford to rent a small condo for them that would suit them. A job for Bob isn't a problem either if he's willing to work for me or Christian, if he doesn't do that then Christian and I can pull some strings and ask for some favours to get Bob a job he will enjoy. I don't even think about the fact my Mom may only live for three months, I can't because if I dwell on that it will kill me.

When Christian strolls through the door at five thirty I see he's been on the fairways today. He's dressed in a sweater vest and trousers and looks particularly yummy.

"You're home." Christian smiles, I often don't leave the office until six and Christian knows that so I guess he's surprised to see me here before him.

"Yeah, uh we need to talk."

"No conversation that ever started with we need to talk ended well." He teases but I manage to smile enough to relax him and he follows me into the living room. "So what is it?"

"I spoke to my Mom today."

"And?"

"And the oncologist you had see her said a year was optimistic and she was looking at three to six months."

"Oh Ana, baby…"

"It's ok." I say knowing if he hugs me now I'll break down and cry and won't be able to stop. I fill him in quickly on my phone conversation with my Mom and I watch the changing emotions in his face.

"So they want to come live in Seattle and so Bob needs a job, we can sort that." Christian smiles. "Actually, while I was golfing today I was asked if I knew anyone with enough golfing skill to teach kids six times a week, it's a great paying job, you think Bob would be up for it?"

"I don't know, I guess we could ask."

"We'll hire movers to move anything they need to move but of course they're welcome to live here or at Escala." Christian says with a smile and I feel so grateful to him right now.

"I'm scared Christian." I admit finally being wrapped up in his arms.

"What are you scared of Ana?" He asks running his finger gently through my hair.

"That she won't live to see Jellybean born."

"All we can do is have hope Ana, just hope and pray."

"Ok." I reply sighing into him.

"It's dinner time." He states pushing me gently from his chest.

"I'm really not that hungry."

"You have to eat something."

"I have really bad heartburn." I reply which isn't a lie, it's been bothering me all afternoon, a combination of pregnancy and worry in my opinion.

"I'll call my Mom find out what you can take for it."

"No, don't disturb your Mom, call my midwife, her number's in my cell, Sally." I reply rubbing my chest, the more I think about it the more pronounced the discomfort is.

"Ok." He kisses my forehead as I hand him my cell and we walk into the kitchen for dinner.


	204. Chapter 204

**Thursday 23rd February**

Today I record the Blackberry commercial and I'm a little more than nervous, I mean I'm no actress. The staff are extremely nice and show me around the set happily letting me sit in the white chair in the stark white 'room' and try to get up fluidly like I'll have to for the commercial before I'm whisked off to hair and makeup.

They have me in rocker zip pocket jeans which are navy blue jeans with four gold zippers, two on either side like pockets with a golden belt, they've gone for a size bigger than I originally told them since they know I'm pregnant after I informed them, there have been no leaks from the magazine yet but I'm dreading that happening. With the jeans they have me in a Michael Kors cold shoulder sweater in gold, it has a loose neckline and three quarter sleeves and it's quite baggy which is how it's supposed to be and hides my little bump perfectly, looking in the mirror for the first time since finding out I'm pregnant I look like I'm not. My hair is curled loose like it was on Tyra and I have a pair of thin gold hoop earrings that are quite big in my ears. My makeup is also similar to how it was on Tyra, I guess people who saw that saw the look really worked for me.

"Ok Ana we'll rehearse it a few times till your comfortable ok. We'll walk through it first." The Director Cindy smiles brightly, her red hair bouncing around her shoulders. "So start on the chair, Melissa here will pretend to be finishing your hair off, there's a camera on the other side of this mirror right where this red dot is so look at your reflection and it will be like looking into the camera then look down at your phone and laugh or smile or something like you just got an email or text then when Melissa steps away turn the chair to this camera and start talking, hi I'm Ana Grey then stand…" I do as she says and follow her. "walk to this table and put the phone in the stand there lean on the table or whatever is more comfortable, look into that camera there and finish talking. Got it?"

"I think so." I reply nervously, I'm way out of my comfort zone here.

"Good, ok let's walk through it a few times and then and once you're comfortable we'll record."

"Ok." I reply and I sit in the chair while a blond called Melissa comes to play with my hair.

We walk through it more than ten times, I lost count after ten. The team are lovely and understanding though, they know I'm no actress and don't lose patience. When we start recording I get a little bit of a rush that I can't describe.

Melissa's eyes meet mine in the mirror and we smile before I turn to the camera. My smile still fixed on my face.

"Hi I'm Ana Grey author of Fifty Shades and CEO of Anastasia Grey Incorporated." I stand and walk over to the table trying not to fall in my gold heels. I place the phone carefully on the stand but it falls off.

"Cut!" Cindy calls laughing.

"Sorry." I cringe.

"It's ok, let's go again." She smiles.

Back to the beginning and Melissa and I go again, she must be so bored doing something over and over again that's so simple.

"Hi I'm Ana Grey author of Fifty Shades and CEO of Anastasia Grey Incorporated…" This time the phone goes right into place without a problem.

"Being as busy as I am I need my phone, email, text messages right at my fingertips with added extras such as travel details, weather and time zones. With the BlackBerry Pearl G300 I can have just that and so much more. Without BlackBerry life would be a mess."

"Cut! That's a wrap!" Cindy calls and I suddenly breathe far easier. "That was fantastic Ana."

"Thank you." I smile uncomfortably.

"So this is yours." She says handing me a gift bag.

"Oh jeez uh thank you." I hadn't expected anything.

"And this is for the baby." She smiles handing me a second gift bag.

"Thank you very much." I reply receiving a hug from Cindy.

"You're welcome. The commercial will air in about two weeks it will air the first time day before the release of the phone so keep your eye out for it." Not likely I think because Christian and I barely watch TV. "But I'll email you the finished video so you can know you'll see it."

"Ok." I reply.

"The clothes are yours too keep so you don't have to change if you don't want to but I have to run I have a meeting this afternoon, it was lovely to meet you Ana and take care."

"You too." I manage to reply before she hurries off.

Luke comes with me to gather my stuff and taking all the additional baggage from me. I feel happy it's done and I also realise that working keeps me from thinking too much which means I don't think about my Mom or the Baby and I know Christian and I are going to have a long discussion about my work limits while I'm pregnant, the more I work the better I feel. In the back of the car I have a look through the two gift bags. I'm shocked when I find the new BlackBerry Pearl G300 in a pearl purple, it's so pretty and I'll have to spend some time trying to figure out how to transfer everything or ask Christian to do it for me. In the baby bag I find a teething toy in the shape of a BlackBerry with a handle and everything, very creative!

**Friday 24th February**

Bob has accepted the job interview at Christian's golf course and is flying down this weekend alone to have it. If he gets it Christian has manage to swing it that he won't have to start immediately because of the conditions with my Mom. They have also agreed to allow us to rent them a small apartment. They don't want to live with us thinking we all could do with the space but Escala is too big and clinical for both of their liking. We've found a two bedroom apartment not far from our house that we're sorting the paperwork out to rent it. Bob wants to pay the rent but Christian and I have said that we'll cover it, Bob will only be working two evenings and every weekend so he won't really be making much, especially not enough to cover the rent for the new apartment though we haven't told him that.

Ray is planning on coming to visit for one weekend soon too, he says all he really sees of me these days is repeats of me on TV and on the sleazy celebrity news channel that he's become attached too, I actually think he's looking for an excuse to come see my Mom, they may not be married anymore and haven't been for years but I know Dad still loves her and holds a candle to her and he would like to see her before she dies.

I've finally told Kate about my Mom. She's heartbroken and cried more than me on the phone I think, probably because I've come to terms with it a little more. I don't think I'll ever come to terms with the fact my Mom is dying, I have this odd feeling that somehow I'll be living my life and then suddenly she's gone and I'll break but I'm trying not to think like that, at least I'm seeing Flynn this afternoon before fit for baby class.

At Flynn's office I'm really nervous. I've been avoiding him for some time now knowing he wants to talk about how I didn't accept my pregnancy so easily to start with and how I feel about it now, I haven't wanted him digging into that in case he says something that makes me not want Jellybean again when in all honesty I can't wait to see his or her little face and want this pregnancy to go faster already.

"Ana you can go through now." His receptionist smiles. I give her a small smile back as I get to my feet, my hand resting on Jellybean's cocoon.

"Hey Ana." John smiles as soon as I walk into the room.

"Hi John." I reply slipping onto the couch and crossing my legs tugging awkwardly on my cardigan, I know John is analysing every movement I make.

"So you want to start with what's brought you here today? I had the sense that you were avoiding me when you didn't make any individual appointments." John says it with a smile but I can almost sense he's hurt. I hate to add to that but I won't lie to him.

"I have been avoiding you." I say bluntly and his eyebrows shoot up and a small smile plays on his lips.

"And why have you been doing that?" He asks the intrigue suddenly over riding any other emotion on his face.

"I don't want to talk about the baby." I reply with a shrug. "That's not why I'm here and I hope it's a topic we can stay off of."

"Why would you want to stay off the topic of the most life changing thing that's going to happen to you?"

"Because right now John it isn't the most life changing thing that's going to happen to me." I reply with a sigh, rubbing my forehead trying to stave off any headache or tears that I know will come eventually.

"There's something even more life changing than having a baby?"

"My Mom's dying of cancer."

"She's dying of cancer or she has cancer?" John asks, I think he thinks that I have the two terms confused, like I'm dumb enough to think everyone who has cancer dies. I'm not that naive.

"Dying of cancer, in approximately three to six months." I reply trying to act nonchalant but I know Flynn well enough to know he sees right through my act.

"I'm sorry to hear that Ana." He says softly.

"Thanks."

We're both silent for a minute. It's an awkward silent where I know he's trying to figure out what to ask or say next and I'm apprehensive about what will come out of his mouth, I'm sure almost every therapy has this sort of awkwardness in them.

"How have you been since finding out?" John finally goes with, seriously couldn't he have come up with something better than that?

"I don't know." I shrug. "How am I supposed to be after finding out that my Mom may not be around to see my child born, that the Christmas that has just been was her last, that she may not see my next birthday or even my first anniversary?"

"I would say you're pretty angry about it." Flynn says, I'm not surprised he picked up on that tone in my voice.

"Shouldn't I be angry?" I ask and I can sense his frustration, I guess he'd like me to make statements of facts rather than ask him questions but right now I want to see where he's going with this.

"Who are you angry at?" He asks. That questions stomps me, I mean I expected some answer that it was ok for me to be angry but asking me who I'm angry at isn't what I had expected or anticipated and in all honesty I have no answer for him so I just shrug. "Are you angry at your Mom?"

"I'm angry that she hid it from me for so long, but no I'm not angry with her specifically." I reply and John nods and thinks for a second.

"Why do you think she hid it from you?"

"I don't know." I answer my tone filled with my frustration.

"Did she give you a reason?"

"I can't really remember." I reply with a shrug.

"Ok when did you find out?"

"When Christian and I went to Savannah to tell her about the baby, she was having chemotherapy at the time we were there." I explain and he nods and thinks again, I guess this is something John Flynn hasn't been faced with before.

"Do you think she would have told you if you hadn't gone to see her then?"

"I don't know, she would have had to eventually I mean she's my Mom and I would have gone to visit her and she has no hair and she's so tiny I think I could wrap my arm around her completely and there would still be some room, she wouldn't have been able to hide it from me for ever." I explain and he nods again to show he caught everything I said.

"So when you were in Savannah, how did it play out?"

"She told me she had a year to live, that she was having chemo and that she was happy about the baby she guessed that's why we were visiting. Christian then had some top oncologist visit her and it turned out that she was much further along and that a year was optimistic and that she was actually looking at three to six months and if she wanted to enjoy that then she should come off the chemo."

"And has she stopped the chemo?"

"She had her last dosage last week, she and Bob are moving to Seattle next week." I reply with a shrug.

"What scares you the most about losing your Mom Ana?" He asks his voice taking on a softer tone making me eye him suspiciously.

"I think losing her is what scares me, I don't want to lose her she's my Mom." I reply tears filling my eyes no matter how hard I try to fend them off. "Since being pregnant I've started to appreciate my Mom all the more, I've understood more about her, she was so young pregnant with me and my Dad was away working all the time, I have Christian and I'm still struggling with everything and Christian is an absolute Godsend anything I need from a foot rub to getting to a bathroom quickly he makes it happen as quick as he possibly can but she was all alone. I love my child more than I thought ever possible, just knowing that a part of me and a part of Christian is growing inside of me is so special it's indescribable and I've been understanding what my Mom means when she says 'I love you Anastasia more than you can possible know or understand' because now I do understand, now I do know and if my child loves me half as much as I love my Mom I know I'll be happy. What more can I say other than I love her John, I love her and it scares me that she's going to die especially when I need her the most."

John looks at me as I wipe away my tears and I know he has about a million questions surrounding my short monologue and he's trying to figure out which one to ask and which one will get him more answers.

"Why do you need your Mom the most now?" John asks after a few seconds have ticked by.

"Because I'm scared of becoming a Mom and who could I want more by my side when that happens than my own Mom, the woman who gave me life and brought me up."

"But you lived with Ray for a while without your Mom, why can't he be by your side?"

"Because it's different! He's my Dad, not biologically I was a toddler before he and my Mom even married! I need my Mom with me to hold my hand through this, I need her to be there when I have questions and to tell me what it's going to be like but she's not! She could die before my child even makes it into this earth John and it kills me." I say more tears just flowing freely out of my eyes.

"I know this is hard but if your Mom has died before you give birth do you think it's going to take something away from that big change in your life?"

"I think it's going to make giving birth emotionally harder, I wanted her in the room with me and Christian but I can't have that now even if she were still alive because she has to make sure she doesn't have any infections or gets close to any sort of bacteria and that hurts John it really hurts to know I can't have that."

"What about Grace Trevelyan? She's been as much of a mother role in your life since Christian and you married."

"She's not my Mom." I say firmly. "I love Grace, she's an amazing woman and human being but she's not the woman that gave birth to me and brought me up, it's an awful thing to say but she didn't even give birth to her three children how could she possibly know what I'm feeling and going through right now? She knows all the facts and the science stuff from being a doctor but she doesn't understand the emotional stuff that I'm feeling right now."

"Do you not think maybe she went through those same feelings while going through the adoption process with Elliot? Remember she knew he was coming to her even though she had to wait a little while."

"It's not the same."

"Isn't it?"

I think for a moment but eventually shake my head. I can't imagine it being the same, similar maybe yes but the same no. I am carrying my child, knowing it's growing inside of me every day and knowing that I'm going to give birth to it eventually and I'll get to name it but before all of that I've got to get fat and go through a lot of pain eventually to have my baby in my arms. I'm scared of all the things that could go wrong during the pregnancy and of all the things that could go wrong during childbirth and it's not the fear of whether or not I'll be a good parent once the child is here, I think that worry will come at a later date.

"Ok, that's your decision to make but if you want my advice Ana make the most of the time you have left with your Mom, ask her all the questions you have about pregnancy and childbirth and parenting while you still can, it won't make it any easier when she goes but at least you'll have some of the answers you didn't think you would have before."

"Ok. Thanks." I say getting to my feet."

"Ana we still have twenty minutes." John points out.

"But now that we're done talking about my Mom you're going to spin it around on the pregnancy and I don't want to talk about that." I explain looking down at him where he's remained seated.

"Don't you think though you don't want to talk about it may be good to talk about it? Maybe settle some fears, give you some tools to work through your fears?"

"Nope, women get pregnant all the time and they don't go into therapy to deal with it, thanks for the offer though."

"But what about your self-esteem stuff? You don't think that would be involved in the pregnancy?" Damn, John really doesn't want to let this go. I sit back down and take a deep breath.

"I'm not the only person in the world to have low self-esteem, there's one person who makes me feel like I'm the most beautiful woman on the planet and makes me feel so confident in my own skin that I could talk in front of a million people as long as he was by my side."

"Christian." He points out the obvious.

"Yes, Christian. Now as long as he stays by my side I don't have any self-esteem issues to work through and I don't need to deal with my past, like you said about him, you can analyse the why and the what until you're blue in the face but what does that do? Nothing. I've proved everyone who called me names and picked on me wrong, I've written a book that's still top of the best seller list, that's what nine weeks in a row now? I stopped counting because I don't really care. I'm writing a series of children's book that is raising money for Seattle Grace, yesterday I recorded a commercial for BlackBerry and when I looked into that mirror before the camera's started rolling I actually thought I looked good, my bump was hidden yet I felt I was glowing. I don't have much self-esteem issues anymore John. I'm a confident author and business woman and yes I do thank you for that because through your advice in the past it's made me see that but those issues are in the past." I explain. "Oh look at that, ten minutes left no point starting something new now, I'll call if I need to see you again." I say jumping to my feet, John laughs softly as he stands too.

"You're a different Ana to the one I met many moons ago Anastasia." He smiles shaking my hand.

"Not different just… reformed." I say before we both laugh.

"Reformed Ana is a wonderful woman, don't forget that Ana." He says.

"I'll try not to, thanks John."

"I'll see you again Ana." He says as I walk to the door.

"See you soon." I say knowing that I will eventually need to see him about something, sometimes it's nice to just have someone to listen that isn't Christian or family who wouldn't look at it like John from an outsiders point of view.


	205. Chapter 205

**These coming chapters will be a little short and jumpy unless there's more than one day in each, just trying to move the story along to the juicy bits!**

**Saturday 25th February**

I wake up my body dripping in sweat. The dream I had has my insides clenching almost painfully, wetness dripping in between my legs and an ache in my core. It's not a good idea to go to bed horny! Christian and I haven't had sex since our TPE weekend five days ago and I think this has been the longest I have ever gone witout some form of orgasm, I mean even when we're away webcam and phones have been of some use to us. I think I'm sexually frustrated and these damn pregnancy hormones are making it worse. If my core doesn't get some attention soon I think I'm genuinely going to explode. I look over to Christian but he's sleeping so peacefully, I don't have the heart to wake him to ask for sex so there's only one other possibility.

My hand slowly snakes down the front of my body. My skin is soft and almost silky feeling beneath my fingers, I'm so glad I fell asleep in a tank top and panties. My hand makes it's way into my panties and as soon as my fingers graze my core I can feel how wet I am. I drag my fingers through my folds slowly, enjoying in the feel of finally getting some contact down there. I slip my middle finger inside of me and slowly begin to work myself, stroking and pumping gently. I moan softly and bite down on my bottom lip, I don't want to wake Christian. I edge closer to an orgasm when a hand on my wrist makes me jump.

"Ana?"

"Yes?" I squeak, busted.

"Are you masturbating?" Christian's gravely sleep filled voice asks.

"Maybe." I reply nervously, oh fuck what have I done?

"Why on earth would you want to masturbate when you have a very willing husband right beside you?"

"You were sleeping and I was desperate." I reply trying to pull my hand away from inside my panties but Christian has a hell of a grip on me.

"So it seems second trimester hormones have made you horny Ana." He chuckles playfully. "I would be more than willing to be woken up to deal with that." He says his fingers cupping over mine, one of his fingers slipping inside me right where my middle finger still sits unmoving. "Where you aroused before we went to sleep?" He asks slowly stroking my inner wall.

"Yes." I moan, feeling even more aroused having Christian touching me.

"Why didn't you say something?"

"I thought you weren't interested." I replied feeling a little frustrated at his slow leisurely pace, it's three in the morning I just want to come and go back to sleep!

"Ana Grey when am I ever not interested in pleasuring my wife?" He asks, I wasn't sure that maybe your libido had taken a downward spiral this second trimester, it happens you know." He explains why he hasn't touched me, damn we need to get our wires straightened out here. "You'll have to let me know, just a hint Ana and I'll be all over you." He suddenly withdraws his finger allowing me to pull my hand free as he kicks off his boxers. He then quickly peels my panties off and settles in between my legs. "All you have to do is say when Ana and you have me."

"Now Christian, please now!" I plead and even in the darkness I see his sadistic smile before he plunges into me making my hips rocket off the bed.

No more words are spoken between us as Christian rocks his shaft in and out of me, pleasuring me completely. I come undone at his work, my orgasm rendering me completely spent and Christian comes soon after. He quickly rolls off of me, kisses my head and pulls me into his chest.

"Good night Ana." He says sweetly.

I just lay there as Christian's breath evens out, damn how does he do that? Eventually, while pondering the answer to that question I fall asleep too.

Later on I'm sat on the dock my feet in the water with Luke only a few feet away. Christian is working hard on this China thing hoping he doesn't have to fly out there but the more he works on it the more it looks like he will have to go. I know it's awful to think but a week without him with my Mom sounds near perfect. I'll miss him of course but it will be nice to have my Mom to myself for the week with Bob having already promised my Mom to make himself scares. She's going to come and stay at the house with me if Christian goes away, it's too big and scary to be here on my own even if Taylor and Gail are only above the Garage, they're barely attached to the house itself and there isn't a direct door from one building to the other only through the garage so technically I'd be alone in this very big house.

I've got some catalogues out, my laptop (the mac really does work anywhere!) and a sketchpad. Christian and I have finally decided on the bedroom opposite ours for the nursery, it's about ten steps from our door to the other one with the stairs in between but it's the room I want and according to Christian with the nursery what I want I get, he just wants me to like it. A big part of me however would like his input.

I emailed Gia, she's ecstatic to hear we're pregnant and has told me to send her links to websites with things I like and she'll come to Ana's Palace next week to begin putting together a nursery, apparently she knew it would happen to us some day and has some ideas of her own if I want to hear them, of course I do, I may not like how she looks at my husband but what she's done with the interior of our house is genius, combining the old and the new, the modern and the vintage just how Christian and I wanted it, or how I wanted it and Christian just went with it. The only room he really designed was the games room in the basement where he's hoping to have some boy time with Elliot.

Christian and I want the nursery completed before we know the sex, so that means we have to go for a nursery that works with both girl and boy. I've always loved the idea of white and cherry wood furniture for a nursery. It's sweet and clean and pure like babies… well ok maybe not so clean with the vomit and poop but whatever.

Grace gave Christian some advice on shopping for the perfect stroller when he last spoke with her. Apparently we can go to some good stores and try them out beforehand even though according to my Mom it's bad luck for a pregnant woman to push an empty stroller, that's an old wives tale according to Gail. We both think that would be a good idea because he wants one of those joggers strollers so he can take baby Grey out for a run with him in the mornings apparently so I can have a lie in but I've always loved the idea of one of those proper prams that's like a basinet with a big long bar to push it and a sun umbrella attached, of course Christian's answer is we can have as many pushchairs as we like, one for every situation.

I eventually fall in love with a crib on Brattdecore dot com. It is this beautiful sleigh crib in an espresso colour with the most beautiful carving on each side, like something out of the Victorian era. I email it at once to Gia and to Christian who's locked in his study. I don't expect a reply so when one comes I am genuinely surprised.

**From:** Christian Grey

**Date:** 2-25-2012, 11:14am

**Subject:** Crib

**To:** Anastasia Grey

It's beautiful Ana, you'll need to have a look if it comes in a set, if not we'll get someone to make a perfect changer and dresser to go with it. Also don't forget to look for a bassinet for our room where baby Grey will be for a few weeks.

Love

Christian Grey

_CEO, Grey's Enterprises Holdings, Inc. _

His email makes me smile, I like seeing him taking an interest in this because some men wouldn't bother just telling the wife to do it all and that they'd make sure they could cover the cost, of course I think that's where Christian and I are extremely lucky as money isn't really an object and so it's one thing I doubt we'll ever argue over.

I find that the crib comes with a set and quickly mail the photo to Christian, he doesn't reply this time but I don't mind and get on with looking for a bassinet.


	206. Chapter 206

**Sunday 26th February**

After managing to keep it hidden for this long the story of my pregnancy has officially broken. That means all security is up while the vultures that are the press hang out by our front gate. Standing in one of the spare front bedrooms looking out they all look like Ants, every now and then taking a photograph I guess if they think they see movement.

"Why are you in here?" Christian asks coming towards me and wrapping his arms around my waist.

"I was watching the vultures." I reply enjoying the warmth of his chest on my back.

"We knew this was going to happen." He says quietly and I sigh and nod in agreement, we did know hence why we decided to go with an interview to break the story.

"Will we still be able to go to your Mom and Dad's for dinner?" I ask, I had been looking forward to having a sit down with Grace to just talk about things I can't really talk to Christian about.

"Yeah, don't worry Ana it won't be a problem."

"And going to work tomorrow?" I ask turning around in his arms to face him just in time to see him scowl.

"You can work from home."

"I have things to do before my Mom comes down Christian."

"Like what?"

"Finalize the details for Elliot the Elephant, sit with Hannah and organise the job applications for everyone from my other businesses who want to move to Ana's Palace to get ready for the big move."

"Of course you have all those empty office buildings now." He chuckles, he's taken all his staff with him to the new Grey's House leaving my very big building very empty.

"Exactly, I also have all the new applicants who need to be put through a background check, have their referees called, it's going to take hours."

"You're not doing it alone are you?"

"No Hannah and I are doing it." I reply.

"You know you have two big HR departments with Grey's Publishing Seattle and Portland, use them Ana."

"I don't want people from the HR department in publishing to hire people who are going to work in Ana's Palace. Wendy and Sophia are working on hiring some people too so I'm not doing it all alone but Ana's Palace is the hub of Christasia and Grey's Publishing and I need to know the ins and outs of who is doing what. Let me do that Christian?"

"I guess so, did you put a bid in on Manhattan Publishing House?"

"Of course I did." I smile broadly.

"And?"

"And I should hear from them this week, I've also found an old salon up for sale over in Manhattan about fifteen minutes' walk away from MPH that I'm tempted to buy with the money from the selling of the bombed land."

"And what do you know about this building other than the fact that it's an old salon?" I think sometimes Christian doubts my business abilities.

"Well they're asking for a little over half a million dollars, it's a hair salon with seventeen stations, they used to gross around one point three million per annum, the second floor which comes in the price is office space but it could easily be converted into a massage parlour and it would be easy to change seventeen hair stations to ten hair seven nails."

"You've really thought it through."

"Yes I have." I smile, he does doubt me but I've just given him a reason not too.

"Are you going to make the offer?"

"Not until I know for certain that I have MPH, there would be no point getting it if I don't get the publishing house."

"And why the heavens not?" He asks still holding me gently.

"I …" Words fail me, there isn't really a reason. "I guess I should just put the offer on."

"Do that now Ana."

"Yes Sir." I smirk as he lets me go, it earns me a spank as I walk past.

Later that evening we leave for Grace and Carrick's. As soon as the white orient gates begin to open the men and women of the press are focused on the car. Luke and Ryan walk us through safely while I just look at the floor, they scare me when they flash their cameras and scream questions at us even though they can't see or hear us.

"The whole thing will be confirmed in the magazine tomorrow Ana and they'll back off."

"I know." I reply giving Christian a small smile.

"And they dare harass you I'll be threatening law suits, you don't need the stress."

"I'm fine Christian."

He looks slightly annoyed at my reply and I know he just cares but sometimes he can care too much, I'm fine and so is Jellybean.

"So did you put an offer on the salon?"

"Yes."

"For how much?"

"The exact amount five hundred and twenty five thousand."

"Do you think you'll get it?"

"It's been on the market for six months already, I suspect I have a high chance." I reply with a shrug, my mind really isn't on business right now.

"Will you need to go out there and deal with it all yourself?" He asks and I look at him to see his anxiety written on his face.

"I suspect so but I could always spend a little money for convenience and fly prospective employees out here over a period of two days, pay for a hotel or something and fly them back out." I reply and I see his brain working slowly.

"I guess that would work, it would be better."

"Because you don't want me to fly to New York." I reply turning to look out the window.

"Anastasia." He says tugging gently on my face making me look at him. "It's not that I don't want you to go to New York. I know you've fallen in love with that place but you're pregnant now, my need to protect you has doubled and I don't think I could handle you being in New York right now. I would never interfere in your career unless you asked me too, you've proven yourself to be an enigma in the business world and a very talented writer putting any and all doubts I had about you working to an end, I know you get that buzz that I do when you do something successfully and I want you to get that buzz over and over again, you can call me selfish but I couldn't bare you going to New York pregnant unless I could come with you and right now that's just not possible."

I have tears in my eyes, who knew Christian could figure the right thing to say at exactly the right time.

"Ok, I won't go to New York." I reply quietly.

"Thank you." He leans in and kisses my forehead before letting me go back to peering out the window, just catching Taylor's eyes crinkled in a smile in the rear-view.

Arriving at Grace and Carrick's I feel slightly apprehensive. I haven't seen or spoken to Grace since the funeral and I can't even begin to imagine how she's feeling right now, I'm scared of saying or doing the wrong thing but when she answers the door with her usual happy smile I relax.

"Mom where's Grandmother?" Christian asks as soon as we were seated in the living room with our drinks, wine for Christian and chocolate milkshake for me (Proof that people are talking about me and my pregnancy without my knowledge).

"She's insisted on living at home." Grace replies with a sigh, I suspect she would prefer other arrangements be made but I know Mrs Trevelyan is the most stubborn woman alive.

"But will she be happy there on her own?" Christian asks and I can see that he really cares, hell if it would make soon to be great-grandma Trevelyan happy she can live with us because I know Christian wouldn't mind and I definitely wouldn't, with all the work Christian's been doing for this China thing lately the company would be nice.

"I don't know but she's called everyday just to ask how everyone is, I offered her to come over tonight but there was something on the Television she wanted to watch instead." Grace smiles softly, I guess Mrs Trevelyan is going to be just fine after she's grieved a little more; she's a strong willed stubborn woman. "Anyway, enough about my Mother, how are you and my Grandbaby Ana?"

"We're doing great." I smile confidently. "Heartburn is probably the most of my worries right now."

"Give Doctor Greene a call, you should be ok to take Tums or something similar but check with her or your midwife first just to be on the safe side." Grace says caringly.

"I didn't think of that, I've just been trying to drink more water during the day and plenty of milk which is ok seeing as I crave milkshake." I joke making Grace and Carrick smile.

"So have you decided yet if you're going to find out what the sex is?" Carrick asks, I'm pleasantly surprised that he is taking an interest in the pregnancy, I thought he would have been one of those like my Father who's interest will peak when my child is walking and talking teaching rude words behind mine and Christian's back and giving treats just before meal times.

"I think we're going to." Christian replies looking at me and I nod in agreement.

"Have you thought of names?"

"We have a few in mind." Christian replies will I sip at my milkshake quite happily. "We were actually thinking of asking Carla if she would mind choosing a middle name that went with our choices rather than naming the child after her." And there's the uncomfortable topic, the elephant in the room.

"I think that's a very lovely honour for you both to give her." Grace says and by her smile alone I believe her, she's one of those women I think if she didn't like it she would make it quite obvious. "How is your Mother doing Ana?"

"Ok I think, we've not talked much this past week as she was having her chemo and she's pretty bad afterwards but it's her last chemo so we'll see."

"Of course, she's moving up this way right?"

"Yeah, I can't wait to have her closer." I say with a smile even though inside my heart is breaking knowing that I only have a few months with her before she'll be gone.

"I'm sure it will be good for both of you." She says, this time her smile is tighter and I know that something is bothering her but I don't ask, it would be rude of me to ask. "Excuse me while I check on dinner." She leaves the room and I feel my heart drop a little, there are multiple reasons why she reacted the way she did, some good some not so good and I struggle not to analyse it to death as Carrick and Christian talk about some sport stats, I think Christian keeps up to date with things like that online so he can discuss them with potential clients who have a keen sport interest I mean he won Ray over with fishing talk!

After a few minutes has passed and Grace hasn't returned I decide to go and find her. I slip out of the room, neither Christian nor Carrick noticing, and head to the kitchen. I don't find Grace in there and decide to really look for her. I eventually find her in her formal sitting room sat on the couch with a photo frame in her hand. She looks up as I try to leave the room unnoticed.

"Sorry." I say quietly but she shakes her head and smiles weakly.

"Come sit." She says tapping the couch beside her.

I walk into the room unsure of what this is going to be about, I hope I didn't upset her, I would hate doing anything to upset the woman who really takes good care of me and Christian all the time, having probably helped us save our marriage.

I sit beside her and look at the picture she's holding. It's from a charity gala or something and it's of her in between Mr and Mrs Trevelyan.

"It's the last picture that was taken of all three of us." She sighs softly. "It will always be a precious memory of mine." I don't say anything just listen to her as it seems right now that's all she wants, someone to listen. "I'm sorry." She half laughs while wiping away a tear. "The last thing you want to be doing right now is listen to an old lady like me ramble." She stands before I can say anything and places the picture back above the mantle. "I didn't mean to get upset earlier Ana."

"Grace…"

"It's just that I know that in a few months you're going to go through something so terrible and there's nothing I can do to stop it or help it any way." She says sounding bitter. "And it hurts Ana, it really hurts me knowing that you're going to go through something so heart breaking as losing a parent especially as young as you are."

A tear falls from my eye and I quickly flick it away not wanting to cry right now, I want to comfort Grace so I walk over to her and wrap my arms tightly around her. There are similarities and differences in our situations. Mr Trevelyan was much older than my Mom, he also died very suddenly whereas my Mom knows she's dying, then there's the age gap between Grace and I and the different life situations we're in. I don't of course think that either of these make much difference at all to the feelings we're both going through, she's grieving for her father and I think I'm already starting to grieve for my Mother.

"I wish there was some way I could stop you from having to go through this Ana." She says still holding onto me tightly. "But the only thing I can do is be here for you, to support you, cry with you, hold you, listen to you." If I thought I could get through this conversation without really crying I was wrong. Grace guides me back to the couch before wrapping me up tight in her arms again, I'm officially renaming this woman Saving Grace or Saint Grace because that is exactly what she is.

I feel her crying right along with me, her body shaking in my arms, her tears wetting my shoulder. I honestly can say I can't imagine the pain she's going through right now which frightens me because I know all too soon I'll know exactly how she's feeling.


	207. Chapter 207

**Monday 27th February**

I only just made it into the office alive this morning. The whole of Ana's Palace is surrounded by press wanting to ask questions about the interview even though the magazine came out this morning.

Christian and I were fortunate enough not only to receive the magazine but some of the pictures not in the magazine. They're amazing and the work they've done on them such as changing the lightening/shade and so on have made them even better. My favourite picture is of Christian and I both in our underwear sat cross legged on the white sheets in the guest room with him holding around me, his hands splayed on my bump and his chin on my shoulder. I'm sort of looking at him, my eyes slightly down cast whereas he is looking at my bump. Christian's favourite is of us outside just off the dock in the overgrown grass me lying on my back, my head thrown back in laughter while his nose tickles my stomach, a laugh playing on his lips too. The interview is word for word what we said with a few researched details thrown in. My favourite aspect is right at the end after the overlarge square full stop, there's a message in italics which says: _The money from this exclusive is being shared by two of the Grey's chosen charities, Seattle Grace Paediatrics Unit and First Hill Swedish Medical Centre._ In a way it tells the world that we didn't do it for the money, even though a part of me did, not the money for us obviously but for the two units who are receiving the money.

Together Hannah and I get through most of the work by three pm then she drags me out dress shopping. She is on a budget and so has decided not to go too extravagant on the bridesmaid dresses. I call Wendy and have her let Sophia go for the rest of the day (well a little white lie saying I could really use her help did the trick as Wendy didn't need to know we were all skipping out early for shopping … I'm the boss anyway not her!).

"Hi Ladies, I'm Michelle. So what are we looking for?" The newest personal shopper at Neiman Marcus asks as soon as we step towards the dresses.

"Bridesmaid dresses." Hannah smiles.

"Ah who's the bride?"

"That would be me."

"So bridesmaids?" She points a harlot red nail from Sophia to me.

"Yes." We both reply while Luke keeps his distance, he isn't supposed to see the dresses but he has to take care of me especially with the press hanging around outside.

"Ok then, I'll get the champagne compliments of Neiman Marcus while you begin to shop."

"Uh have you got something non-alcoholic?" Hannah asks, in all honesty I don't mind.

"Of course, would that be for all of you?" I catch her glimpsing down at my stomach and I give her a tight smile, I guess she hasn't read this morning's papers and seen that Christian and I grace almost every one of them with our news and we're on the front page of the magazine we sold our story too.

"No just me unless they're not drinking either."

"We're fine with whatever." Hannah shrugs and Sophia nods in agreement.

"Ok I'll be right back ladies." Hannah watches as the woman walks away and then turns to us.

"Let's get as much choices out before she comes back."

The three of us begin hunting with a copy of the colour scheme in hand, there are two possible colours here for dresses, either fuchsia or dusty rose pink both of which will be combined with white and gold to make Hannah's finished colour scheme.

By the time Michelle returns with two glasses of champagne and one of apple cider Hannah has whittled the many pink dresses down to three choices. Michelle has Sophia and I try them on, Hannah ever conscious that my bump will grow.

"Hannah, I'll get it altered, I'll pay it's no big deal ok?" I try to tell her but I can still see it's worrying her. "How about you and I go straight from here to see Ms Acton? She'll know exactly what to do."

"Will she be able to get the dress to fit you perfectly?"

"Yes."

"Ok I trust you but I'll pay for it."

"No you won't, I will." I reply in my version of the CEO voice that Christian does, it proves I mean business and Hannah sighs but relents and I win.

Getting to the till Hannah is very surprised but pleased when she spent six hundred dollars less than her budget. I must pay her well or Luke because the dresses are one thousand two hundred each, I wonder then how much she's spending on her own dress.

"So when are you getting your dress?" Sophia asks as we head out of the store with our purchases.

"I've already got it." Hannah says quietly. "It was in the moment you know? I was just out shopping and I saw it and I had to have it, my Mom paid for half and I paid the other half."

"That's lucky, I had my dress custom made and it was a nightmare, wish I could have done like you." I tell her and she smiles brightly.

"Do we get to see it before hand or do we like everyone else have to wait until the wedding?" Sophia asks.

"If Ana gets her dress altered then about a week before the wedding we'll have a practise hair and make up session and you'll get to see it then."

"Ok." Sophia seems happy about that.

"Sophia we're going to have to talk bridal shower and bachelorette party soon." I tell her, I want to make it perfect for Hannah.

"I actually wanted to talk to you about that, can it be about a week before the wedding so I can fully recover?" Hannah asks and I nod and giggle, I think she's planning on seeing out her life as a single woman out in style.

"It will be perfect just trust me ok? And if you haven't already chosen a hairdresser and makeup artist for the wedding, I can have a couple from Christasia come and do them and mani pedi's all free of charge…"

"Ana…"

"Call it my wedding gift to you." I say.

"But Christian's already given Luke a check towards the reception as a gift." That stuns me because I didn't know that.

"Well that's off Christian."

"The check had both your names on." She states blankly, obviously he used the joint account.

"Doesn't matter, there's none of my money in that account." Small white lie. "Please? It's a gift Hannah, you can save your money to go over the top on flowers and table decor."

"Ok fine!" She relents again! "Thank you, I appreciate it."

"You're welcome, just give me the dates and I'll figure the rest out."


	208. Chapter 208

**Tuesday 28th February**

It's all systems go now to get my Mom and Bob to Seattle, with Bob having gotten the job at the golf course they want to move sooner rather than later. We've had the keys to their house earlier this morning and a team is in Savannah helping with the packing. Mom and Bob will fly out tomorrow.

I can't wait to see her though I'm worried. We weren't in Savannah very long last time so I still think of my Mom and see her in my mind's eye as the beautiful woman with luscious long brown hair and curves not the skinny bald headed woman she has become, not that it matters, it just scares me knowing how she's looking now that she looks like a woman with cancer but anyhow it doesn't make a difference she's still beautiful.

Elliot the Elephant is already in the works as we want to have the whole series out before Fifty More Shades comes out on the thirtieth of March, it's quite exciting. I'm working on Carla the Cat next rather than Mia the Mouse that I had planned originally on going with I want her to see it before she dies and I'd rather not wait.

Christian is here when my Midwife arrives. He asks questions while I'm weighed and measured, my bump far more prominent in my fourteenth week even though I'm not gaining enough weight according to Sally.

"So what can she do to gain more weight?" Christian asks taking on a paler complexion, he's worrying too much right?

"Well even though we say two pounds a week eight a months is satisfactory even if it is one pound this week and three pounds next week." Sally says awkwardly, she's been badgered by Christian about everything from heartburn to the frequency I urinate, I know he wants everything to go right and be comfortable with how the pregnancy is progressing but sometimes there are some questions he should leave me to ask. "I wouldn't worry too much, if the weight gain is still too low when I see you in week sixteen then we'll worry about it, for now just keep doing what you're doing, I know you're going to the classes fit for baby and baby your body just keep going they will help with labour if nothing else."

"Ok."

"Right how about we hear baby's heart beat?"

"Let me get the video camera." Christian grins before hurrying out, I know he hated having to miss it last time hence why he's made absolutely sure he's here now even if he has to go straight into the office later, I have Hannah coming over for a couple of hours but I'm focusing on writing the Animal Hospital series.

I lay back on the couch and let Sally get me ready to hear Jellybeans heartbeat. Christian comes down just as Sally begins moving the Doppler around my stomach.

"Look Jellybean it's your Mommy." He says pointing the camera right in my face.

"Christian, the baby is down there." I say nudging the camera and laughing.

"Ah here we go." Sally slips the headphones from her ears and knocks a switch on the handheld contraption of hers which fills our living room with the sound of Jellybean's heartbeat.

"That is our baby's heartbeat." Christian says, his voice soft, his face full of wonder.

"That's our baby's heartbeat." I reply as he comes to sit on the edge of the couch.

"A very happy and healthy heartbeat." Sally smiles while Christian looks at me with wonder.

"That's amazing." He finally says as Sally scribbles something down on the chart, I don't want her to switch it off but she does.

"That's really good." She says as I trace the veins beginning to appear on my stomach with my nail. "Now I will see you again in two weeks, I'll email you the appointment ok?"

"Sure." I smile wiping my stomach down with a towel.

"I'll show you out." Christian says as Sally finished packing up her things while I tidy myself up.

"See you soon Ana and remember any problems call or email it's not a problem."

"Thank you." I smile as I begin to tidy myself up.

When Christian comes back in he has the biggest grin on his face ever.

"I can't believe how amazing that sounds here in the room." He says. "I mean the phone recording was a nice supplement but I'm so happy I got to hear it up close and personal." I can see how happy he is about it, his face is set in a wide beautiful boyish smile and his eyes are just shining.

"I'm glad you were here to hear it." I say as he wraps me up in a hug.

"Me too but now I have to go and work on the China shit."

"And I'm going online to start looking at Car seats and pushchairs."

"We'll need minimum of three cars seats so you can either go for three the same or separate."

"Christian why on earth would we need three car seats?" I ask completely shocked, that's not normal right?"

"One for your car, one for my car and one for one of the SUV's." He explains counting them off while I giggle. "What has you laughing?" He asks playfully.

"For now one carry seat is enough Christian." I chuckle.

"Not in case of an emergency, get three."

"Yes Sir, now get to work." I scold and he kisses me lightly before hurrying off.


	209. Chapter 209

**Wednesday 29th February**

I shouldn't eavesdrop but I can't help it, Grace just 'popping' by in the middle of the week just before breakfast couldn't possibly be a good thing and the way her eyes flittered nervously in my direction when she asked to speak with Christian gave me the impression it was about me. Christian took his Mom to the living room while I excused myself to get ready for work; of course I've barely moved an inch only to extend my head to hopefully hear something.

"Mom Anastasia is pregnant, she doesn't need additional stress."

"What could be less stressful than a holiday with her family?" Grace replies. "Elliot and Kate think it's a great idea, Ethan thinks he can swing some time from school and Mia … well Mia and a holiday we'll leave it there. Even Carrick is trying to pawn his clients off on other people so that this can happen."

"Have you spoken to Carla? Bob's starting a new job soon and I don't know how Ray would feel." Christian continues, I really wish I'd heard the beginning of this conversation.

"Just talk to Ana about it Christian, let her have a say." Grace suggests, good idea if you'd ask me.

"Can Carla even travel?"

"Yes now she's stopped Chemo, memories are important Christian and it's all I have left of your grandfather now, give Anastasia some lasting memories with Carla before she dies."

Oh. So that's what this is about.

"I don't know if it's such a good idea." Christian sounds nervous and that doesn't happen.

"Think about it. We don't even have to leave the country Christian but just think about it ok?" Grace sighs.

"Fine, I'll talk to Ana, see what she thinks…"

And that's my cue to hurry off to the kitchen before I get busted. As I slip into the kitchen Taylor smirks at me.

"You know it's considered rude by many to listen to people's private conversations." He says playfully.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I say nonchalantly but I can't disguise the smirk playing on my lips.

"Of course you don't." He winks. "Just remember…" He hands me the newspaper he was reading before hopping off the stool. "The hallways and foyer all have cameras." And on that note he leaves letting me know if Christian looks at those tapes I'm busted.

It's later that evening when Christian and I are eating Gail's wonderful homemade broth and bread when Christian brings up his and Grace's early morning conversation.

"My Mother thinks we should go on a family holiday." He says just out of the blue, I look at him expecting him to continue but he doesn't say anything which I suspect means he would like to hear what I have to say.

"Family as in everyone?" I ask carefully, he doesn't need to know I was listening to them.

"Yeah, everyone from Ethan and Katherine Kavanagh to your Mom, Bob and Ray." He replies.

"I think it's a wonderful idea." In actual fact I've been thinking about it all day and have a few places in mind I'd love to take my Mom before she dies.

"Ok." He says. "You think everyone else will think it's such a wonderful idea?" He asks and I smile and nod.

"My Mom hasn't left mainland USA since before I was born, I think she'd love to see some more of the world." I don't say before she dies because I don't want this conversation to make me feel sad.

"Ok, it would have to be after I'm done with this China thing."

"Are you going out there?"

"I fly out on Sunday." He grumbles, I knew he didn't want to have to go but it's business I understand so I hope he doesn't think I begrudge him going.

"Ok." I shrug. "And do you know when you'll be flying back?"

"Friday." He replies and I just nod, I hate that he has to go, I'm worried something serious is going to happen either to him or to me or someone in our family when there's such a distance between us, I know I'm being dramatic but I can't help it.

"So holiday?" I ask.

"Yeah, I was thinking we should go somewhere warm." He says. "Cuba is usually nice this time of year, or Canary Islands or Lanzarote."

"Sounds wonderful."

"Would you want to go somewhere like that?" He asks eyeing me carefully.

"I think it would be great just our family Christian." I reply thinking it would be right where Grace said, making memories.

"I'll have a look for villas then, unless you'd prefer a hotel."

"I really don't mind Christian." I tell him softly. "It will be just nice to have some time in a bubble with our family."

"We can leave security behind." He says with a small smile.

"Even better!" I announce joking, Gail and Taylor Are as much our family.

"Ok how does early March sound? Before the world of Fifty Shades takes over again."

"I'll still look good in a bikini." I say thinking out loud.

"You'll always look good in a bikini."

"Hmm tell me that when I have cankles and stretch marks." I reply with a wink making him laugh softly.

"Your Mom and Bob's flight will arrive in a few hours. I'm going to get some work done in my study before we have to leave." He says before kissing me on the head. I watch him leave with a smile on my face, he's done everything to help get my Mom and Bob to Seattle and it has made me love him a little more if that is even possible.

I surrender myself to my study for a couple of hours to work on Carla the Cat, it's about a cat with cancer who has to have chemotherapy and loses all its fur, the subject really hits close to home and though I don't specify type or location of cancer an operation and some chemo and the cat is better. I'm going to ask Grace to proof it for me, just a quick read so she can tell me if it would be suitable for the kids because Christian the Croc just has the flu, Kate the Koala has a broken leg and Elliot the Elephant has appendicitis, they were far easier to write than a book about a bald cat.

I love my study. The contrast to my office at Ana's Palace is dramatic. Where that room is dark with the slate grey and bright with the red this room is homier. The walls are a light beige, there is a large windowsill with scatter cushions in different shades of pink and light chiffon baby pink drapes that hang low, the view of the water is stunning especially as the sun is beginning to set like it is now. My desk is a very big built in cabinet. It has four cupboards high up on the left that open by pulling the door open and upward, there's two more on the right. My Mac sits happily right in the centre while to the right slightly lower my Mac sits on a stand with pictures on the shelf beneath it and a paper drawer lower down again. My printer is on the left shelf which is parallel with my Mac, it has one cupboard and four drawers beneath it, the cupboards holds my box files perfectly on two shelves while the drawers hold pens, papers, important stuff I need on hand. Above my head, connecting the two cupboards is an iPod dock with speakers, the wire hangs down so I can connect it to the iPad or my iPod and I have a remote control to adjust everything else. Behind me and to the right of the door is a corner couch in white leather covered in scatter cushions in cream and different shades of pink. I don't know why I went for pink, I guess it was the girl in me really coming out and knowing we weren't having pink in any other place, it's not even my favourite colour but I like how it's turned out.

I manage to complete the first draft of Carla the cat before there's a knock on my office door. I have tears in my eyes and snot dribbling out of my nose as writing the ending was tough, knowing my Mother will have a different ending proving life isn't a story book was horrible.

"Come in." I call after digging out a tissue to blow my nose.

"Ana are you ready to go?" Christian asks coming in carrying my white knee high dress coat.

"Just need to save this." I say turning back to the computer in my high white leather desk chair.

"Sure." He says coming over. "Have you been crying?" He asks and I sigh, he's always so concerned.

"I just got a little upset is all." I say quietly, I know he cares but I don't want to talk about it again even though I know with Fifty there is no avoiding it.

"About what?"

"My Mom Christian, I'm going to get upset a lot over the coming weeks about it, I know it's hard for you to see but you have to just let me be upset." I tell him quietly as I shut down the computer.

"Ok." He nods looking a little lost.

"Sometimes there's just no stopping people from being upset, it doesn't bother me that you can't stop me being upset Christian because it's not your fault I'm upset in the first place." He still looks lost, I don't think he quite grasps the concept but he nods anyway. I pull on my coat and give him a tender kiss and a small smile before we head out.

Christian and I travel down in my Yaris with me driving. Christian wasn't too happy but the Yaris is the only five seater not counting the SUV and with the luggage Mom and Bob will have on the jet alone means we need two cars and Christian having only driven this once has decided it's not comfortable to drive though personally I love it! Taylor and Luke are travelling behind us in the SUV to take the luggage and the boxes they've brought with them from Savannah on the plane, everything else will arrive tomorrow sometime just in time to move into the house, Mom and Bob will stay with us tonight.

Arriving at Sea-Tac I'm nervous. They're travelling on AG's Jet so we hang in the car listening to music while waiting for the jet to land. I'm nervous, that sounds really stupid even in my head but I am. I'm nervous when I see my Mom again it will be more real to me that we only have a few months together.

"Your father called me today." Christian says suddenly, my head turns to him so quickly I'm worried I've given myself some whiplash.

"Ray?" I ask to clarify, he grins and nods softly. "Why?" I choke, the only reason Ray and Christian have ever spoken on the phone is when Christian asked for his blessing to marry me, so this must be big.

"He invited me fishing."

I'm catching flies with my mouth. I know Christian and my Dad both like to fish but I thought the only way I could get them to do it is if I forced them into it by getting Ray to fly out to Aspen with us or something.

"And what did you say?"

"I wasn't going to turn down a spot of fishing with my father-in-law, as that would be rude seeing as he begrudgingly allowed me to marry you." He smirks but I can see that there's more to this. Ray is one of those men who is happy going fishing alone, preferring the solitude of the activity.

"What else did he say?" I ask softly hoping to get something more out of Christian.

"He said he had some things he wanted to talk to me about and that he didn't want to do it on the phone and what better way than a manly heart to heart over fishing?"

My brain goes into over-drive, what the hell could Ray want to talk to Christian about that's so pressing I don't even get invited?

"Did he say what it was about?"

"He said it wasn't anything to worry about but it was something he felt we should discuss sooner rather than later, Ana don't worry he probably just wants to check in and see how you are without you making light of everything, remember when you were unconscious after Hyde got to you that Ray and I talked a lot and he's my father-in-law, wouldn't you go and meet my Dad if he asked you too?" Putting it like that I see he's right, I would go and meet Carrick if he asked me too, I probably wouldn't even tell Christian.

"So when are you going fishing?"

"I'm going down there Friday, the China thing should be ready to arrive in China by then so I'll have some time. Is that ok with you?"

"It's fine." I reply with a shrug.

"Ok." He smiles. "Oh there's the jet." He says pointing to the large aircraft slowly coming to the ground, it's amazing to watch it come down before it disappears behind the airport.

"Drive around to the back gate." He points the way and I put the car into drive.

We pull onto the tarmac just as the door opens. I put the car into park and dive out of the car, Christian only just noticing that I didn't put my seatbelt back on to drive from the parking lot, I'll be lectured about that later.

"Ana!" Mom waves wildly from the doorway. I wave back with a wide smile on my face as she begins to descend from the jet, Bob right behind her.

By the time she's reached the bottom I'm right there meeting her in a tight hug. The first thing I notice as I hold her tight and close my eyes his how thin she's gotten. I can feel her bones even through her leather jacket and it disturbs me deeply, though I don't stop smiling, the tears from my eyes happy ones that she's here with me now.

"Baby come out the way so Luke and Taylor can get to work on bringing the luggage down." Christian says laughing.

We hurry out of the way just for me to wrap Mom in a hug once again. She kisses my cheek softly and runs her fingers through my hair before pulling away just to press her hand to my stomach, through my coat it's completely hidden, not quite big enough to be showing through a dress coat.

"You look wonderful Ana." She smiles. "You're glowing."

"Thanks Mom." I smile. "You're looking good." I say, she looks better in real life than she has been in my scary day dreams but she still looks sick. She has a bandana on her head hiding the fact she bald but the lack of eyebrows and eyelashes a dead giveaway to how sick she is.

"If only." She chuckles. "Hi Christian." She smiles before wrapping up my husband in a tight embrace too. He looks momentarily surprised towards me but then carefully wraps his arms around her as I move on to give Bob a hug.

"Thank you." I whisper into his ear softly.

"What for?" He half grunts, I think he's tired or was sleeping on the plane.

"For doing this, moving to Seattle with her, you'll never know how much it means to me." I say tears stinging my eyes as if I've just chopped an onion.

"Ana, it means everything to her too." He says gently with a small smile of his own. "Thanks to you and Christian we've been able to make it happen, we couldn't have done it without either of you."

I give him a small nod before turning back to my Mom who has a happy smile on her face.

"Right have you guys eaten?" I ask.

"We had something a few hours ago on the flight." My Mom says.

"Well a few hours ago isn't good enough." I scold. "Bob are you hungry?"

"Always." He winks making us all laugh.

"How does junk food sound?" Christian asks, as we've eaten dinner I doubt he'll have anything but a drink but Jellybean is hungry.

"I'm craving McDonalds."

"I think you're using the baby as an excuse for really bad junk food." Christian teases as he takes my hand.

"Does it matter if I am?" I ask him as we begin to walk towards the car.

"Nope, if it's McDonalds you want then it's McDonalds you can have." He smiles before kissing my head playfully.

"Ana can we make it a drive thru?" Mom asks looking a little uncomfortable.

"Sure, tired?"

"Something like that." She shrugs still walking whereas Christian and I have stopped. "Why are you stopping?" She asks.

"The car." I point to the Yaris.

"Another one Ana?" She says in disbelief.

"Christian confiscated my car keys after an argument." I explain with a smirk.

"You two have more money than sense." Bob says making Christian and I laugh, I have said that about him so many times and he knows it.

"Ok so McDonalds drive thru?" Christian says and we all jump into the car.


	210. Chapter 210

**Kleenex may be necessary!**

**Thursday 1st March**

"Christian Grey!" I yell from the bottom of the stairs, I have no idea where he is in the house and I know it's going to be a long day. With that said I have no energy running around looking at him.

"Where's the fire?" He grins as he reaches the top of the stairs.

"Would you like to explain to me why there's a speed boat tied to our dock?" I ask him my eyebrows raised questioningly. He grins his boyish smile and as always melts my heart but I'm still waiting for an answer.

"Mac drove it up first thing, a beauty isn't she?"

"She?" I ask, I think Christian has a new toy for me to be jealous of.

"Anastasia."

"Yes?"

"No that's the name of the speed boat." He smiles.

"You names a boat after me?" I'm flattered.

"I sure did. I've been having that made since we bought this house, today is going to be the first time taking her out on the water." He beams, jeez I can see he's really excited about this.

"And what happened to moving my Mom and Bob to their new home?" I ask tapping my foot pretending to be annoyed with him, I'm not of course, how could I be when he looks like it's Christmas.

"Ah but Ana baby we are." He says finally walking down the stairs.

"Are we going to have time to play with your new toy and move them?"

"We're going to do both at once."

"Excuse me?"

"Your Mom and Bob's new home is accessible from our house by boat." He says as if it's supposed to be so damn obvious.

"It is?"

"Yup, actually it's the fastest way to get from here to there, on the road with the traffic it would take about twenty minutes by boat you're talking half that by speed boat about half it again."

"You're serious?" I am gobsmacked.

"Yup." He's still got that stupid smile on his face.

"So we're going to my Mom's new place by boat?" I ask just to clarify.

"Absolutely."

It sounds so ridiculous. My Mom's house is easiest to get to from our house by boat, I never thought it possible.

"I'm going to have a cover built off the dock so we can have the boat here at all times." He states.

"And do I have no say in this?" I ask him though I don't mind what he does, if he wants to build a shelter for the damn boat then he can.

"Can I please build a cover off the dock for our boat?" He pouts and bats his eyelashes at me like a cartoon character and even if I didn't want to let him I'd relent, he just looks so damn adorable.

"Fine." I say faking exasperation. "You can build a cover."

"I don't have too…"

"It's fine Christian, actually I think it's a damn good idea and you'll have to teach me how to drive the boat…"

"Huh we'll see about that madam." He says firmly and I grin and laugh, I have no interest in driving the boat but sometimes I know exactly which buttons to press when it comes to my husband.

We head on through to the kitchen together where Mom and Bob are eating breakfast, they slept in a little later than Christian and I this morning.

"So Mom are you excited to move into your new place?" I ask settling on the stool beside her while Gail gives me my chocolate milkshake (I'm really starting to think I'll either turn into one of them or kill for one by the ninth month!).

"I can't wait Ana, Christian said it was really close by." She grins happily, this is how I want to remember her, happy.

"There's already a team moving your things in Carla, by the time we get there it should be finished."

"I can't even begin to thank you Christian."

"Then don't, anything to make Ana happy." He smiles his charming smile that has my Mom swooning, _come on Mom jeez he's married you know!_ I want to scream but I say nothing I know my Mom may fancy Christian but that's as far as it goes, he's her son in law after all!

"That you do." Mom smiles and I can't help but shake my head with a smile of my own gracing my lips.

"Right then I'm going to finish getting changed." I say hoping off the bar stool. "I'm really glad you're here Mom." I say leaning in to give her a hug.

"Me too baby girl." She replies giving me a soft kiss, her lips feel uncomfortably dry against my temple but I smile nonetheless, it means so much to me that she's going to be so close for the little time we have left.

Two hours later and we're setting up to head over to my Mom's new place. Christian straps me into a life jacket, my Mom opting to wear one too whereas Bob scoffs at Christian's offer, _men!_

It's lovely leaving our home on the boat, such a wonderful view, the air feeling fresh and clean, yet cold with it only nearly just spring. The trees are already beginning to bloom, the sun just peeking through the puffy white clouds, the air cold, my favourite time of year. Maybe our holiday can be nearby rather than abroad, I love spring and I don't want to miss it!

As Christian said seven minutes later and the boat comes to a slow stop. Christian hops out and ties her up before helping me and Mom out.

"This is it?" My Mom's mouth is wide agape and Christian grins and nods, I guess he likes that reaction.

"Come on Carla, let me give you the grand tour." Christian charms her into giving her hand to him.

Bob just chuckles and shakes his head offering me his arm with his nose in the air. I laugh and happily slip my arm into his to follow my husband up to the house.

From the dock we enter through a black iron gate onto the property. Christian pulls a set of keys from his pocket and gives them to Carla with a smile.

"You won't need to use them right now because the house is unlocked with the movers but they're the keys to your new home." He says, I smile watching them, I think this smile will be stuck on my face for a good few hours.

We step up onto the decking and then Christian guides us around the back garden or side garden depending on how you look at it. It's a stone garden, no grass to take care of but there are a few trees of different kinds all around the house, one tree surrounded by what looks like an old stone fireplace.

Christian leads us all to a side door, two wooden doors with three square panes of glass in each that opens outwards. We follow him and my Mom into the hallway. From here I can see the front door and another door that I suspect leads into a room and an archway. The walls are cream, with a small circular table holding a stunning flower arrangement. Christian leads us up three steps and through the archway and we find ourselves in a very modern and large kitchen.

My Mom gasps loudly, one hand flying to her mouth and I'm not surprised. The kitchen is beautiful all wooden cupboards all around in beach with glass panes in almost every one. A silver fridge freezer, a silver dishwasher, oven, kettle… everything you need in a kitchen. There's a breakfast island with cupboards above it and lights that come from them shining on the black marble countertops. Behind the breakfast bar a small dining room table, seems pointless but fills the space perfectly. Around the corner another smaller breakfast bar with cupboards which I soon notice to be a bar, my Mom has a bar in her kitchen! There's a door which Christian guides us through.

We step into another room, this time a more beige room with four large windows that meet on a corner, a view of the water. In the centre of the room another dining room table seating six, made of glass with very comfortable looking lounge chairs for dining chairs.

We step out and Christian guides us back into the hallway and through the other door. We step into the living room. A chocolate and beige U shaped couch fills the centre of the room. One wall completely made of wood with a huge TV mounted on it, beneath the TV a large modern electric fireplace. Four huge windows cover one wall and Christian soon shows us that one sildes open like a door and we exit onto a beautiful balcony, it isn't obvious that the house is actually raised until this point.

"A pool?!" My Mom practically yells.

"Yeah, that ok?" Christian asks.

"Ok? It's amazing, I just hope I get to enjoy it!"

My heart plummets. Bob gives my arm a gentle squeeze and I know her comment has hit him hard too, she doesn't even know if she'll be here for the summer and that hurts. I sniff back my tears and paste on a smile just in time for my Mom to turn around.

"Isn't this amazing Ana?" She asks.

"It is." I reply completely agreeing, this house is beautiful.

"There's a basement room that's a sort of gym fully equipped, three bedrooms all completely furnished, the master bedroom has a jaquizzi in the bathroom as well as a walk in steam shower, bathtub, double sink, it also has a walk in closet, the second bedroom is slightly elongated also en suite, there's a vanity section and also a separate walk in. Then the smaller bedroom has its own half bathroom. That's off to the side which would also be the guest bathroom if you ever have anyone over." Christian explains.

"It's amazing."

"I think Ana and I will leave you to explore, there will be a house keeper coming around five times a week to give you a helping hand with staying on top of the place, I didn't think you'd want anyone live in, she won't cook because I know you enjoy that but if you ever want her to just ask because it is in her job description."

"You didn't…"

"It was my pleasure Carla." Christian says sincerely and my Mom hugs him once again.

"I think she's happy." Bob whispers in my ear.

"I think so too." I reply with a small smile, my mood has been dampened a little but it doesn't stop me being happy for her.

"How about tonight I cook for us all?" Mom asks excitedly, I know she just wants to try out her new kitchen and show off a little which she is completely allowed to of course.

"Sure, we can do that." Christian smiles at me and I nod in agreement. "You'll find the kitchen completely stocked with everything you might need." He adds.

"Oh I can't wait!" She squeals. "Say five thirty?"

"Sure, we can be back then." Christian smiles. "Come on Ana, let's leave your Mom and Bob to settle in."

"Bye Mom see you later." I give her a quick hug before hurrying out with Christian, I need to cry and I don't want to do it in front of my Mom.

On the boat ride back Christian wisely says nothing to me. I don't want to be comforted, I don't want to hear how everything is going to be just fine I just want to cry. I sit close to the front of the boat, Christian having to be at the back to control it, the wind whips at my hair and disguises the sound of my sobs well to me at least. When we pull up outside our home Christian helps me out of the life vest before I hurry off, he doesn't call me back letting me go.

I find myself in my study where I wrap myself up on the windowsill overlooking the meadow and the water, I clutch one of the scatter cushions to my face to muffle out the sound of hysterical crying which I know would cause someone from security or Gail to come and investigate, they'd probably think I was in danger or something but I can't help it, I need to just cry.

I don't know how long I've been sat here, my tears having slowed but not stopped, my cushion now on my knees, my head resting there looking out over the vast landscape that surrounds out home. There's a knock on the door which means it isn't Christian, he'd walk right in. I don't even bother to see who it and when the door clicks open I suspect they're not going to take my ignoring them as a hint I don't want to see anyone.

"Ana?"

"Grace?" My head pops up, how the hell long have I been here?

"Hey." She smiles and shuts the door softly before walking over to me. I stay silent as she sits opposite me on the windowsill.

When she doesn't say anything and begins looking out the window I drop my head down, my temple on my knees so I can look again outside.

"How are you doing?" She eventually asks, I guess she was hoping for me to open up the conversation.

"Did Christian call you?" I ask ignoring her question in favour of my own.

"No your Mother did." She replies softly.

"My Mom?" I'm surprised, I didn't think my Mom even had Grace's number!

"Yeah, she saw that you couldn't wait to leave she was worried she'd upset you somehow and she didn't know what to do about it." Grace explains reaching over and running her hand over my head and down my cheek, this woman can bring me so much comfort, I can see how much of an amazing mother she is to Christian and his siblings.

"She didn't upset me." I say quietly averting my eyes back outside.

"The tear tracks on your cheeks would say something upset me."

"The fact that she's dying upsets me Grace, that's not her fault." I snap, I don't mean too but I'm angry at the world right now, Grace luckily doesn't seem to take it to heart as she smiles softly.

"Come here." She says opening her arms.

I look at her a moment and see she's not going to give up and I shuffle forward and fall into her embrace, my floodgates opening wide once again.

"It's not fair!" I hiccup not caring if I sound like a spoilt brat right now, I'm hurting and it's ok for me to be mad and sad and frustrated, I'm pregnant too the hormones don't bloody help.

"I know darling." Grace replies gently as she comforts me, holds me tight, runs her hand over my head repeatedly as I cling to her cardigan.

"Why does she have to die?" I sob. "I don't want her to die."

"I know darling." Grace repeats, I know she understands that I'm just voicing what's been going around in my head that I don't mean anything by them, I'm not expecting an answer to my question and I'm not expecting anyone to give me some magic cure to give her. "You cry and scream all you want ok?" She says and I think I hear crying in her voice too as she continues to hold me tightly to her making it impossible for me to pull away which is good because I don't want to anyway.

I think somehow I've held all this in with Christian because I know he won't understand or be able to cope with these conflicting emotions and questions that he can't answer. Grace understands, not just because she recently lost her father but because she's seen grief, in her work she's seen parents lose their children all too often so she understands the need to cry and scream.

After a few minutes I pull away and Grace pulls a hanky from her pocket and wipes my cheeks and nose for me softly.

"There." She gives me a gentle smile.

"Thanks." I reply awkwardly. "I'm sorry I…"

"Don't apologise darling, it's ok to be hurting." She says gently, I can see why Grace was the perfect name for this woman.

"I just didn't think it would be like this." I say turning my eyes back to the window. "All she did was say that she hoped she'd get to enjoy the pool at the new house and I felt like I'd been hit." Grace says nothing just let me talk. "I just want to be happy Grace, I want to enjoy this pregnancy with everyone but I can't knowing that there's a chance my Mom won't even get to meet it." I say more tears filling my eyes.

"Ana, if there's anything I believe in that if the worst comes to worst and your Mom passes away before this little one is born, she'll be watching over all of you." Grace says with a gentle smile. "It might not be as good as having her to dote on the little on and spoil it rotten but it's better than nothing at all."

I wipe away more of tears and hug her again, resting my cheek on her shoulder, breathing in her warm musky scent.

"There there darling." She says gently, just comforting me because I need to be comforted.


	211. Chapter 211

**Friday 2nd March**

Sitting at the breakfast island I reflect back over last night. My Mom hadn't called Grace specifically because she was worried about me, which is a good thing, she'd called to invite her and Carrick over to dinner. It was a lovely affair, my Mom having gone all out with a three course meal and everything was edible which was an added bonus! However she tired easily and we didn't stay long after dinner.

My Mom and I are going shopping for maternity clothes today. I don't fit into anything but my yoga pants and leggings by this morning which means a shopping trip is absolutely necessary. Grace told me about a store up in the university district called Village Maternity and we're going there to fill my wardrobe. I've pulled on a pair of black leggings with a cashmere dress top in baby blue with a pair of cream heels, I'm trying to wear as much of heels as I can before it will be impossible for me to wear them! My ankles aren't swelling yet but I know it's just time!

With Christian gone off very early this morning to Montesano I have the whole house to myself sort of, security everywhere makes that impossible but it feels like I'm alone, almost like a practise before he flies to China on Sunday.

I have Luke drive us in the SUV so I can give all my attention to my Mom, we're going out to eat afterwards and I just want to try and enjoy this day with her.

As soon as we arrive outside the store I can see why Grace recommended it. From the window alone I can see that this store can make pregnant women keep some sense of style. I mean I've seen some pregnant women always in track pants and baggy tees and they look so uncomfortable and they have no style, I don't want to have to lose that.

No one approaches us when we enter so Mom and I happily begin to browse the shelves. From my wardrobe alone my Mom knows what my style is so she instantly begins picking out things she'll think I like and I nod or shake my head and she either returns it or places it in the basket.

"You know, you're bigger than I was at fourteen weeks, you've rounded and everything, it's like you have a thin cushion up your top."

"Thanks Mom." I reply sarcastically, I had wondered if I was big for fourteen weeks too but the midwife isn't concerned with my rounding belly so I'm not going to be either.

"I mean I still fit into most of my regular clothes, it was at sixteen weeks that I seemed to start putting on all the weight, it was like I went to sleep then woke up not fitting into any of my clothes anymore." Mum explains as she goes from item to item.

The first thing I notice is that maternity wear isn't cheap. Not that it matters but some of the cost is ridiculous. I'd love to meet the person who named some of these labels, fit2bmom Baby on Board Apparel or BOBA they make me and mom laugh like hyenas. I get some gorgeous tank tops and dress tops, yoga pants and a gorgeous little black dress with one long sleeve and one thin strap, it's beautiful and hopefully I'll have somewhere to wear it!

"Mom I don't need a new outfit for every day of this pregnancy!" I giggle seeing she's going a little over the top.

"Ok." She pouts before laughing. "Is there anything you need? I could find it while you choose between red or blue instead of say 'hey I'm a millionaire I can have both!'." She smiles sweetly making me laugh again and shake my head.

"Why don't you go and have a look around at everything else?" I suggest. "See anything you like then come and show it too me."

"Fine!" She grumbles jokingly before moving on.

I eventually get on to the more summery items, with most of the third trimester occurring in the summer I want to be cool and not hot so I find a few summer dresses and skirts that I think are nice before moving on to the jeans.

Then thinking about the possible holiday coming up I get some swimsuits too, an excuse to use my Mom's pool! Even more exciting I manage to get maternity office wear! I was thinking I'd have to go to work in un-professional attire and seeing as now all my businesses are expected to dress appropriately I wouldn't exactly be setting a good example if I didn't.

I also manage to get myself some new bras and panties and pyjamas and nightgowns, they're not Christian's preferred silk nighties but they're starting to feel uncomfortable against my skin now!

By the time Mom and I are done we've filled three baskets. I can't imagine me needing anything else before this baby comes maternity clothes wise so that's good and I have enough outfits that if I were ever pregnant a second time there would be some I still hadn't worn!

Of course this store doesn't just sell maternity clothes and my Mom gets super excited about everything for baby. I let her choose something to buy, simply because she wants to buy something for her grandchild and who am I to deny her that?

She eventually chooses a Wubbinub pacifier, the name alone had me giggling but when I saw the monkey with a pacifier attached I fell in love with it. I guess it's for newborns lying on their back and the monkey goes on the chest and the pacifier in the mouth, at least that's what I think.

After we pay the whooping bill of five figures which has my Mom near fainting and me giggling as I sign the receipt a couple of the ladies from the store help us take the bags outside where Luke rushes to load them into the car, I guess between me being pregnant and my Mom obviously sick they wanted to help us with the large filled shopping bags.

"Ok so it's only eleven thirty what do you want to do?" I ask my Mom as Luke finishes loading everything up.

Mom looks around and her eyes fall on the Barnes and Nobel next door, I haven't been in a book store since my last Fifty Shades signing so when I smile she nods her head excitedly.

"Can we have lunch in Starbucks?" Mom asks nodding to the other side of the maternity store where a big Starbucks sits.

"We can if that's what you want." I reply, I haven't had lunch in Starbucks since I was in University and it was a rare occasion even then.

"Yup." She says taking my arm and dragging me towards Barnes and Nobel.

I must admit it looks very different to when I did my signing here. My first ever signing was nerve wracking, more so than the consecutive ones and being here again brings all those feelings of inadequacy and disbelief back to the forefront of my mind.

"Ana you ok?" Mom asks.

"Yeah, I just remembered my first book signing, it was here." I explain and she beams at me.

"Come on I need some new books."

"Mom you have a kindle!" I laugh, she can download anything she wants on that.

"I know but sometimes you can't beat the turning of a real page, now books." She drags me straight towards the kids section and I know that she's going to buy books for baby Grey.


	212. Chapter 212

**Saturday 3rd March**

"Ana." I hear my name but want to ignore it. "Ana, baby wake up."

"Go away, Saturday don't have too." I say petulantly, I have no intentions of getting up yet.

"It's nearly ten am come on Ana." Christian nudges me, his own voice childlike.

I groan and roll over to be met by his beautiful smile.

"You were home late."

"Your Dad and I went out for a meal." He smiles.

"Very romantic, should I be worried?" I tease, I sort of like that Christian and Ray are getting along, it can only be good right?

"No I don't think he's quite my type in all honesty Ana." Christian chuckles. "You were snoring when I came in."

"I do not snore."

"I know you normally don't but you were last night." Christian says a darker look of worry forming over his face. "You don't think you could be sick?"

"I doubt it, my nose feels a little stuffy this morning but otherwise I feel ok." I reply rubbing my nose gently with my finger sniffing hard.

"I'm going to call my Mom."

"Call Sally, she's less likely to worry." I reply as he hops off the bed.

"As much as I like Sally I prefer my Mom's advice." He shrugs before slinking through the door and heading out the room.

As he calls his Mom I change into a pair of maternity jeans and a baby pink maternity camisole with a white cardigan and the white full toe flip-flops I bought. My bump is fairly obvious now in the maternity wear, there's no denying a baby is growing inside me and is making me fat.

When I reach the bottom of the stairs I'm surprised to see Taylor looking at me like a disappointed father.

"Could I have a word Ana?" He asks.

"Sure uh, we'll use my study." I say quietly, I'm quite nervous wondering what the hell Taylor looks so disappointed about. I guide him through to my study.

At first when he enters the disappointed look vanishes into amusement at all the pink but then as I settle myself on the couch the disappointment returns and I feel like a child about to be disciplined.

"Excuse me for what I'm about to say Anastasia, I may be speaking out of term but I think you'll appreciate me bringing this to you and not to Mr Grey." He explains pulling something from his inside jacket pocket. I see a brown envelope, very official looking from the stamp. "I was asked to pick up any post from Escala yesterday and this was at the top of the pile." He hands the envelope to me and I look at the front and back, it's just an envelope.

"You know what this is?" I ask with confusion.

"Yes. Don't you?"

"No." I reply flicking it over and opening it slowly using my nail.

I pull out the letter and quickly scan it hopefully giving nothing away.

"How did you know what this was from the envelope?"

"I've had a few of those in my time Ana." He says finally taking a seat on the other side of the couch.

"It's no big deal." I shrug.

"I would tend to agree but Luke and I would need to know the details and somehow I doubt Christian would see it as 'no big deal'." He sounds like a caring father suddenly even though he makes quotation marks with his fingers which I struggle not to laugh at. "Where's the gun being kept?"

"Excuse me?" I gasp.

"I need to know where you're keeping a weapon in this house Ana." Taylor says quietly, I know he feels awful speaking out of term but I don't care, he's family.

"There isn't a gun in the house." I reply handing the letter to him. "I'm now licensed to own and carry a concealed weapon."

"You haven't got one?"

"No."

"But I thought…" He reads the letter and I see the relief flood through him. "I'm sorry Ana, I thought it was a license for a specific gun."

"No, I would need to register a weapon if I bought one which I haven't, but now I can, but I won't."

"Why did you get this?"

"It was a long time ago I'd forgotten about it." I shrug, details aren't important but they obviously are to Taylor.

"It is important Ana, for me it is." He says, I know his views on guns differ to Christian with him being strapped all the time.

"A couple of weeks after the whole Jack Hyde thing." I reply with a shrug. "I was scared and vulnerable at the time Jason I'd just lost my child…" Tears fill my eyes and I can see he feels guilty for upsetting me. My hand rests on my abdomen, squeezing slightly reminding myself that this child is still there, fighting fit. "It was stupid I shouldn't have done it."

"I don't agree that it's stupid, it may not be a bad idea for you to have a gun in all honesty Ana. You know maybe after the baby's born we can take a trip up to the range, you me and Luke?"

"I'd like that." I reply, I haven't shot since Jack Hyde and in all honesty I would like more good memories of shooting a gun like the ones I have of Ray.

"Ok, then we'll say no more about that but if you do buy a gun just let me know what it is and where you're keeping it."

"Thanks Taylor." I know he understands I'm thanking him for not telling Christian.

"No problem." He replies walking out.

I take the letter to the wall safe hidden behind one of the cupboard doors. Christian knows the combination but he wouldn't have any reason to go in here, it just has the deeds to my work buildings, licenses, important insurance papers and things that I would prefer to keep under lock and key. Once that's done I hunt my husband down for breakfast.

"My Mom thinks that you just have nasal congestion, Gail's going into town later and she's going to pick up a couple of humidifiers for the bedroom." He says about his phone call about my snoring.

"Well it's better than me getting a cold." I smile though he doesn't see the funny side.

"She says it's the increase in estrogen that causes it along with some other hormone." He explains as he puts scrambled egg and bacon on two plates, I love seeing domestic Christian, it's so out of character and I'm one of very few who get to enjoy him like this. "You know those clothes look amazing on you."

"I look huge." I reply, I feel like a swollen puffer fish.

"You're not huge, you're beautiful and very sexy baby."

"Keep talking like that Mr Grey and it's going to get you laid." I tease as he puts the food in front of me and goes to the fridge to get the chocolate milkshake that Gail has pre-prepared for the weekend and kept for me.

"I hope so." He replies making me giggle.

After we eat Christian and I take the speed boat to my Mom and Bob's house where they're expecting us. With Christian flying out tomorrow evening we're spending this afternoon with my Mom as Bob's working his new job and this evening with everyone else which will include Mom and Bob at Grace and Carrick's for a family meal.

The wind whips at my face and Christian wraps an arm around my shoulder as he guides the boat towards my Mom's house. I'm not sure I even know how to get to it by road preferring to memories places I go when being driven which is impossible seeing as Christian's taking the water.

When we arrive my Mom's on the dock and I instantly can see she looks distraught. My heart begins to hammer in my chest and not listening to Christian who would prefer me to wait till the boat is tied up before getting off I jump before it's even completely still.

"Mom? What is it?" I ask my anxiety spiking.

"Have you seen today's papers?" She ask hiccupping sobs.

"No." I reply, I don't bother reading them any more just glance at the front pages, I look at Christian who shakes his head, I guess he doesn't know what's going on either.

He helps me out of my life jacket and then we take my Mom indoors. While I sit her down in the large living room Christian goes to make us all a drink in the kitchen. I pick up the pile of newspapers from the coffee table and begin flicking through them. The first paper is Seattle Express and I instantly see what has her so upset when I reach the gossip column.

_**Ana Grey's Cancer Mom!**_

The headline screams in my face and I have to grit my teeth and take a deep breath before looking again. The picture beneath the headline is of me on my own stepping out of Village Maternity with a bag in my hand. I have a smile on my face and I'm looking forward, not at the camera but just off to the side, I can't believe I didn't see the press hanging around.

_Yesterday, fourteen weeks pregnant Ana Grey twenty-two year old bestselling author and CEO was spotted shopping at Village Maternity in University District. The stylish Mom to be was spotted with her own Mother who has rumoured to have recently moved to Seattle with her husband to be closer to her daughter. Ana was said to have been happy as she shopped for maternity clothes over her now visible bump. Our source told us that her Mom however didn't look so good. Below you can see pictures of Anastasia with her Mom just yesterday in comparison to when they visited an art gallery in Portland in November. Our research led us to find that Ana's Mom Carla Wilks age forty two is a terminally ill cancer patient details of which are unknown._

The article ends and I look at the pictures. It's very obvious the change in my Mom but one thing that's exactly the same is the smile on my Mom's face and the happiness in her eyes. I'm beyond angry that the papers printed this and I will have to get a statement out from AG but for now I have to somehow calm my Mom down.

"I'm so sorry Mom." I say putting the paper down. "I should have told you there was a chance of this happening."

"It's not your fault." She shrugs. "And I was more upset about what this would do to you than me baby girl, I'm a grown woman it's not like they're saying I'm fat and ugly now is it?" She chuckles and wipes her eyes. "I'm sorry that you have to go through all of this." She signals the papers and I want to slap her for being so ridiculous.

"Mom it doesn't matter, ignore the press, I know it's hard but just don't read the papers ok?"

"Ok." She smiles and pulls me into a hug.

"Now how about we enjoy these few hours the three of us have?" I suggest as Christian brings the drinks through.

Mom and I talk about the possible holiday Christian is planning while he looks through the papers. I know them well enough to know they'll all say similar things but Christian reads them all whereas I only read one.

After we've drank our drinks we head out to lunch at the mile high club, Christian having had Taylor come pick us up with the SUV. It's nice just to spend some quality time with my mom and husband. My Mom talks about Bob's new job and how much he's enjoying it whereas Christian talks to my Mom a little about China, the food, the culture, we'll have to go one day just for a holiday, I'd love to see China and Japan and I suspect it would be amazing things for our child to see and experience too.


	213. Chapter 213

**Sunday 4th March**

Dinner last night was perfect, everyone was so relaxed and happy and even though Grace and I talked a little about the papers I didn't feel the weight that is my Mom's pending death hanging on my shoulders.

This morning Christian surprised me with breakfast in bed followed by a very intense love making session. I think I'm going to need the week he's away just to heal but then he has things he has to get ready for China and has retreated into his office. I don't know what's going on, he hasn't and won't give me the details but he has to fly out to China and fix something or it could have a detrimental effect on his business as a whole and I know it worries him, I can see the fear in his eyes every time he mentions it.

But at least him being in his study gives me time to be in mine. I work on Carla the Cat and once it's finished I print it out and seal it in an envelope for Grace who's coming around alone for dinner with me and Mom this evening, some girl time according to her though when I asked if we should invite Mia and Kate she shook her head so I suspect it's girl time for Mom without the loud overbearingness of Mia and Kate.

I'm disheartened when I see Christian's large suitcase in the hallway ready to be taken to the car. I'm really going to miss him when he's gone though I'm partly grateful he won't be around while I spend the week with Mom, and Grace seeing as Mom has invited her to most things we're doing though I don't know why, I thought she wanted to just spend time with me but ah well I love Grace like a second Mom so I don't mind one bit, I'm just glad Mia and Kate won't be with us, I don't think I could handle them two right now.

When Christian finally retreats from his office for lunch I can feel that the time for him to leave is getting closer. Not only are the security loading the car and discussing the plans for the next week with each other but Christian's shoulders are slumped over and the twinkle he had in his eye all morning has vanished.

"I'm going to be just fine Christian you know that right?" I ask him because he looks worried and usually he worries about me.

"I know baby I'm just worried that if something does happen either to you or the baby to anyone else I'm just so far away." He explains weakly, I hate this shade of Christian, he looks so defeated.

"But you'll be there five days, you'll be home in seven and when you are home we'll have to make up for lost time." I wink and I'm relieved when a dangerous smile appears on Christian's face.

"Oh I plan to make it impossible for you to walk when I get home Mrs Grey." He warns and I feel a clenching in the pit of my stomach.

"You've aroused me." I tell him quietly.

"Hmm I think I'll have to do something about that then." He stands and scoops me up over his shoulder easily, the extra pounds I've gained making no difference as he carries my up the stairs past our security who laugh teasingly while I groan. Christian manages to drop me gently on the bed and quickly get to work on my maternity jeans which take him a little longer than ordinary jeans but once those are clear he tears my panties off and nuzzles his face between my legs, lined up with my wet core.

"You're just going to take me now?" I ask him and he grins up at me.

"Oh Ana we aim to please." He smirks. "I can see how wet you are for me, are you telling me you could go a whole seven days without me if I left without seeing to this?"

"No." I reply squirming, he's still fully dressed, my top is just over my belly where he had to get to my jeans.

He doesn't say anything else instead his tongue gets to work on my core. I moan and whither, Jesus how am I going to go seven days without this?!

He brings me to orgasm with his tongue alone and as I pant beneath him he undoes his trousers just enough to get his firm shaft out, I barely notice what he's doing until he thrusts into me.

"Christian!" I call out in reaction as he fills me but that's all I get a chance to say, he's in a hurry and he's going to make sure we both come before he departs.

"What the fuck am I going to do for a week without you?" He grunts as he continues his relentless thrusting.

"Use your hand?" I gasp feeling my core tightening edging into what I know will be a powerful orgasm.

"Oh that smart mouth." He pants before devouring my so called smart mouth with his own.

We come apart together, calling each other's names out in ecstasy and as soon as he's left my body we're both pulling our clothes back on knowing time is up.

"I'll miss you." I say pulling him to me by his tie, he looks just mildly amused but drops his forehead against mine and sighs.

"I'm going to miss you too." He says before wrapping me up in his arms.

Tears prickle at my eyes, once I viciously blink back knowing Christian can't see them because he's still in two minds about going in case something happens. I'm normally not this bad when one of us has to go away but then again I'm hormonal right now so I'm allowed to be a mess.

"Walk me down?" He asks, I'm not taking him to the airport as Grace and my Mom are coming straight over once he's gone.

"Sure." I reply before he kisses me lightly and takes my hand.

When we reach the top of the stairs we see Gail wrapped up in Taylor's arms. She looks so tiny when she's engulfed by her husband it's sort of sweet and they don't separate till we reach the bottom of the stairs which shows the difference in comfort level between us all now in comparison to what it was.

"Let me know when you've landed." I say to Christian as he kisses the top of my head.

"I will." He smiles. "Be safe, email me." He replies.

"Of course." I reply before kissing his lips softly. "Now get going or you'll be late."

"My jet." He shrugs before giving me a small kiss and following Taylor out the door. I sigh as the door shuts, I feel like a small piece of me has gone and I know it will continue to feel like that until he's back.

"Milkshake Ana?" Gail asks looking as down as I feel.

"Please." I reply before I turn from the door and follow her into the kitchen. "It's going to be a long week."

"Yup." She agrees as she gets to work making me a milkshake and herself a cup of tea, it's like as soon as Christian goes so does the employee/employer relationship which is good, I couldn't stand it if Gail didn't talk to me like a normal people I think I'd feel more alone than ever.

"What time will your Mom and Grace be here?" She asks as she works.

"In about an hour." I reply with a shrug, in all honesty I wish I could cancel and curl up in bed, I'm really not in the mood to put on a happy face right now.

"I'm leaving for my sisters around then for dinner so you won't be on your own."

"I'm a big girl Gail." I reply with an effort filled smile, she returns one sympathetically.

"I know Ana but we all worry not just Christian." She says placing a chocolate milkshake in front of me while she refreshes the stock in the fridge.

When Mom and Grace arrive they both seemed to be in an over-the-top happy mood which is a complete contrast to me who feels down in the dumps. I want nothing more than to curl up with a book and close in on myself but my Mother and Mother-in-law aren't about to let that happen.

"Right then Ana, what are you in the mood for?" Grace asks as my Mom sits me on the stool, they're going to cook go figure.

"Whatever." I shrug. "I have some things I need to do in the study you guys so everything is everywhere." I say before slumping off, I really don't want to be playing happy families right now.

"I'll go." I hear Grace's voice before I've even made it to the study door.

I barely make it to sit on my cushion adorned windowsill before Grace knocks on the door and comes in.

"Hey you ok?" She asks and I turn and give her a small nod before looking back out the window, I really wish I hadn't agreed to have them over now. "Missing him already?" She asks coming closer, I don't even look at her this time and just give a nod. "It's just a week Ana, you've been apart this long before."

"I know." I reply. "Things were different then I didn't even know I was pregnant my Mom wasn't dying…" I can only sigh I sound ridiculous and I know it.

"You're right things are very different but right now Ana your Mom is out there and she wants to cook for you and put a smile on your face, I'm not saying you should humour her but I know you're feeling awful but so is she."

I sigh and look at Grace, what did I ever do to deserve this woman in my life? She's an absolute blessing, a saint, and she doesn't even know it.

"I have something I'd like you to look at." I say hoping off the window ledge and heading over to the desk. I pick up the A4 envelope and see Grace looks intrigued. "It's my next children's book in the hospital series, I don't know if it would work I was hoping you wouldn't mind having a look at it and letting me know what you think." I explain awkwardly, I should have asked her ages ago if she would mind proof reading for me this book, just a scan of it to make sure it would work.

"Sure I'll have a look." She takes the envelope from me and before I can even say it doesn't have to be now she walks over to the couch peeling it open.

I perch awkwardly on the edge of my desk, I'm sure my behind is getting bigger, and watch her. She looks intrigued at the title page but she doesn't peel the stapled pages open like I expect her too, instead she flicks to the back and reads the last couple of pages instead.

"What worries you about it?" She asks once she's shut the pages.

"The other books have been illnesses you don't often die from, this book is about a cat with cancer."

"I think that what I've read is good, the cat still being beautiful even though she has no hair." Grace points out. "I think it will relate to many kids with cancer."

"Ok." I smile weakly.

"But I think that you're wondering about the ending, can you kill the cat off or would that not be suitable for children?"

"That's not it at all." I reply bitterly turning away from her to put the manuscript in the safe.

"It's an alternate ending." Grace continues. "That's the ending you want to the real life story that's unfolding in your life and it's just not possible, you wonder if you're being true to yourself by writing that the cat survives."

"Is it wrong that I want my Mom to live?" I snap angrily, Grace has managed to really get under my skin something only small few can manage, I'm a person who prefers to avoid confrontation if I can but with family, loved ones, sometimes biting back is all that can be done.

"It's not wrong Ana." Grace says quietly as I turn away. "But you have to accept that she is going to die, I know it's horrible and frightening but it's a fact and you need to accept that in order to be able to enjoy what's left of your Mom's life with her."

"You don't know that." I point out. "You don't know how I feel, you don't know whether or not I've accepted it because whether I like it or not I have to accept it, and I have, my Mom is going to die I can't say it any clearer than that but it doesn't stop me wishing every night that some miracle cure will pop up or that by chance she hasn't even got cancer or she wasn't as far along as they think she is or that she might just live to see my child born." I'm angry, beyond angry I'm furious but not actually at Grace I'm just taking it out on her. I'm angry at the whole damn universe whatever God or being that decided that my Mom had to die. "But I also know that when the time does come I'm not going to be ready for it, I'm not going to expect it, I'm going to hurt so much and that scares me too."

"I know sweetheart." Grace says stepping cautiously towards me. "But maybe for now, you can put that beautiful smile of yours on and make this evening one thing you can remember back to when the time does come and that will help you grieve."

"Yeah." I wipe at a stray leaking tear and let Grace pull me into a hug. "I'm sorry Grace." I say quietly, I feel ashamed of myself for getting angry at her.

"It's ok Ana, we'll blame the hormones ok?" She chuckles. "Now let's go back out there smiling and make this dinner enjoyable for us all?"

"Ok." I reply before she kisses my cheek and takes my hand giving me no choice but to follow her.

In the kitchen my Mom has lots of ingredients out on the counter and seeing Grace and I smiling she smiles too.

"Ok what are we making?" I ask going to the sink to wash my hands.

Together we cook a three course meal starting with a fresh tomato and herb soup followed by stake and fries and then a fruit salad. We eat together in the kitchen with music on laughing and joking as if nothing was going on anywhere else in the world, like a break from reality and I love it what more could I as for than to have these two amazing women here with me now?

I clear away while my Mom and Grace disappears, I don't know what they're doing but I know they're up to something or other when I hear them giggling, yes giggling, down the hall way.

Once I've done loading the dishwasher and wiping the counter down I go looking for them, intrigued at what they were laughing about. I almost fall on my face in surprise when I walk into the living room.

"Da-da!" My Mom shouts enthusiastically while Grace's head pops out of a huge fort in the middle of my living room.

"Mom?" I ask looking around in shock, I don't know how they done it but the fort is amazing, it's even covering so that the electric fire is on and underneath the bed sheets.

"We used to make forts when you were little and cuddle up underneath them with books and cookies." My Mom explains. "I thought we could do it again."

I give her a smile. I remember the forts that we used to build when I was younger, I would often fall asleep in one then wake up in my bedroom where Ray would have carried me.

"Ok." I say with a smile and Grace goes back inside and my Mom nods for me to go next. I lower myself on the ground and crawl under the opening to find myself in a cushion filled fort. There's a pile of books and a jug of milkshake with three glasses too. The fort is lit up by the light of the electric fire that warms the surrounding space completely. I sit down and Grace gives my leg a small squeeze before my Mom joins us.

"Choose a book Ana." Mom says pointing to the pile on the floor while Grace puts the cookies in the middle and pours half glasses of chocolate Milkshake, we're sitting on the cream sheep skin rug and we both know that chocolate milkshake would stain.

I choose Wuthering Heights and hand it to my Mom before Grace passes around the drinks. I curl up into my Mom's side just how I would when I was little, she sits back against a pile of cushions her knees up where she rests the book, I curl into her side and rest my head just beneath her shoulder just above her breast.

"I have just returned from a visit to my landlord…"


	214. Chapter 214

**Monday 5th March**

When I wake up it takes a few moments to remember where I am who I am with. My head is still on my Mom's chest, she's snoring softly, Grace is curled up like a cat just beyond my feet. Oh my God! I can't believe we fell asleep in the damn fort. I shake my Mom softly and she groans.

"Go away Bob."

"Mom it's Ana wake up!" I snap at her, not angrily but firmly enough that she'll wake up.

"Ana?" She opens her eyes, looks at me then looks around. "Oh we fell asleep." She giggles as Grace begins to stir. This is beyond funny.

"Morning." Grace yawns, we all fell asleep full dressed and we all look a mess, it's quite funny, my Mom's bandana is hanging off her head, Grace's hair is sticking up in every direction and without a mirror I still know I look worse for wear. "I should phone Carrick he's going to be worried sick." Grace says quickly crawling out of the fort.

"Ana?" Luke's voice from the living room has me crawling out behind Grace. "Good night?" He teases as I push myself to standing.

"Funny." I deadpan. "What time is it?"

"Quarter to nine, I was wondering if you were going to the office today that's all."

"Yes, I'm going to get washed and dressed we'll leave in about an hour."

"Breakfast."

"You're worse than Christian." I say dryly making him smile widely, I know he's got his orders from Taylor and Christian and he's just following them. "Let Gail know we have an extra two?" I ask before heading out.

Upstairs I strip and get into the shower. The cool water cascading onto my skin is heaven. I can't believe we fell asleep in the damn fort, I'm too pregnant and too old to be doing daft things like that, I ache today and I can't imagine Mom or Grace feeling much better than me.

After showering I head into my closet and find my maternity office wear. I'm still as pleased as punch that I managed to get some and I go with a grey square necked short sleeved pencil dress with a black suit jacket with white lining. Looking in the mirror I like how I look, the open jacket covering my bump almost completely, the button closed just above my bump shows the world I'm pregnant, I decide to go with the closed button. I pull on my Jimmy Choo black pumps grateful that I can still wear them, I know a shoe shopping trip is necessary but I am going to hate having to stop wearing heels, I love how they make my legs look and so does Christian.

On the way down to breakfast I scan my emails happy to see one off my darling husband.

**To:**Anastasia Grey

**Subject:** China

**From:**Christian Grey

Have arrived safely, missing you already.

Love you

Christian Grey

_CEO, Grey's Enterprises Holdings, Inc._

I smile and quickly email him back just saying I miss him and love him too, I need to check the time difference for us so I know when's I'm most likely to get an email back or maybe even a phone call if it's possible, I just want to hear his voice.

"Good Morning." Gail smiles as soon as I step into the kitchen. Mom and Grace seem to have tidied themselves up and are enjoying a hot drink together. It makes me smile to see them talking like this, it means my Mom has some friends in Seattle other than Christian and me. "Breakfast?"

"Cust…"

"Custard donuts and Milkshake." Gail finishes for me, I give her a nod and a smile before sinking onto the stool behind my Mom.

"Hey Ana." Mom smiles.

"Morning." I say with a smile of my own.

"You going to work?" Grace asks, she looks almost disappointed.

"I have a couple of things I need to do." I reply. "Starting with a trip to Grey's publishing Seattle to see how Fifty More Shades is coming along followed by a trip to Ana's Palace to sign some papers."

"How does Lunch sound Ana? Grace has taken the week off work so we're good to go."

"Lunch is good and I'll try and clear my schedule for this afternoon." I reply and Grace gives me a firm smile that almost feels like a warning to clear my schedule this afternoon or else.

"Think you can swing us some appointments in your Salon Ana? I want to get my nails done." Mom says with a cheeky smile, I love her so much.

"I'll give them a call see what the schedule's like for this afternoon." I reply even though in my mind I'll be telling them to fiddle the appointments so Mom, Grace and I can be there.

"Sound good Grace?" Mom asks and she nods, I think she wouldn't care what we did as long as we did it together.

"Ok, I'm going to grab what I need from the study and head off." I say after wiping the sugar from my mouth and finishing my milkshake. "I'll see you both this afternoon."

"One o'clock?" Mom asks.

"Yup." I usually take lunch around twelve but an extra hour could be valuable especially with me hoping to hear from Manhattan Publishing House today.

Once at Grey's Publishing I drop the newest children's book off at the Children's Literature department with Trevor Thomas, he's personally seen to all of my books as his son was taken care of at Seattle Grace Paeds a few years back, the treatment he got saved his life and Trevor has put in a lot of hours extra without pay to get my books out knowing every cent has gone to the hospital. I then call in to see Hope Hewitt who is working around the clock to get Fifty More Shades ready for publishing.

"Hey Ana." She beams when I walk through the door. "Wow look at you, you're really showing."

"That's a polite way of saying I look fat." I joke and she laughs knowing I'm teasing.

"Don't be silly there's not an ounce of fat on you that's all baby." She says, I smile though I don't agree.

"So where are we with the book?" I ask settling into the chair opposite her desk.

"Here is the first print." She says going into a locked drawer and pulling it out.

I take it with shaking hands, it's thicker than the first book, that's something I notice straight away, the cover the same red but this time with the back of two people's heads rather than one, Richard and Maggie together.

"It's amazing." I smile handing her the book back.

"I have to ask with you being pregnant how are you about doing a New York tour?" Hope asks, I know she and my agent are constantly in touch with the upcoming book.

"Uh I would prefer not to have to do it." I admit because I know Christian won't like it and with everything with my Mom I really don't want to have to be too far away.

"That's really not an option Ana, this book has already been pre-ordered by millions of people, you have to do some publicity of some sort for it."

"I know." I say shyly. "Is there any way New York can come to me?" I ask.

"Hmm." Hope thinks and I can almost hear her brain working inside of her head. "I'll see what I can do."

"Thanks. Give me a call or email if there's something you need."

"There's one last thing." She says stopping me from getting up. "Head shots."

"Oh no."

"Oh yes." Hope smirks. "We didn't get any on the first book so it's an absolute must for the second."

"Too many people recognise me walking down the street as it is." I point out and she laughs.

"Barnes and Nobel are hoping you'll do another signing there, they want a head shot for the window to advertise, this is free publicity Ana you know as a business woman you can't turn that down." Hope presses all the right button, damn her she's good at her job.

"Fine. Call Jose Rodriguez, I want him to do the photos." I say scribbling down Jose's number, I'd be far more comfortable with him even though I don't know what Christian will think.

"Sure, that I can do."

"And add a thousand dollars on top of what we normally pay." I say and her eyes widen in surprise. "He's a friend and a student and I know he needs the money." I explain and she gives me a friendly smile and a nod, a thousand dollars for someone like me isn't much but for someone like Jose I know it's a welcome bonus.

"Ok well that's everything." Hope says. "I'll give Jose a ring and see what he says and set something up."

"Sounds good to me. I'll see you sometime soon." I smile before heading out and upstairs to Roach's office.

"Ana Grey." He smiles when his assistant shows me into the room.

"I just want a quick recap of the past few weeks, I've been so concerned with Grey's Publishing Portland that I haven't really been taking much interest here."

"It's going well, the move of some PR to Ana's Palace has made a difference for sure, it seems Fifty Shades has started a trend of erotic romance so I wanted to discuss with you about setting up a team specifically for that department."

"That's not a bad idea." I muse, has Fifty Shades done that? I'm surprised.

"Many publishers are turning some of the more erotic books away, we have a lot of good ones Ana and I really think there's a demand out there for these books but we can't keep on top of them as they go to the romance team alone, they have series of books they're already trying to bring out." He explains, I like that he's talking to me like I'm a real person, not everyone does that these days.

"Do it." I say firmly. "But on the condition that Hope Hewitt gets the creative head job for the department, she's the one that made Fifty Shades happen." I explain and he gives me a smile and a nod.

"I would say you made Fifty Shades happen Ana but I see your point." He says and I give him a tight smile, I'm not going to go into a disagreement about this."

"I want Hope to know I recommended her for the position and if she doesn't want it but is interested in another position it's hers as long as it's within her ability, even if she just wants to be one of the commissioning editors of that department that's fine with me but she did everything right with Fifty shades and she's doing everything right with Fifty More Shades."

"Ok. You have my word that Hope Hewitt get's the position she wants and in all honesty I don't think she'll turn down the creative head job, she applied for it in the romance department a couple of years ago but she wasn't qualified then."

"You agree she is now?" I ask and he nods, I have my answer and I'm happy. "Well you know what you're doing Roach so get the department up and running as soon as you can."

"Yes Ma'am." He mock salutes while I make my way to the door.

After leaving Grey's Publishing with a great feeling about its future I make my way to Ana's Palace. It's great to see the place finally beginning to fill with my staff as Christian's leaving left the place empty. Sandra and Tommy are the two receptionists on the front desk, they look like siblings and it's quite amusing to watch them flirt with each other.

"Morning Mrs Grey." They both say at once when they see me. At least the stood slowly and didn't hop to attention like Olivia and Andrea would for Christian.

"Good Morning got anything for me?" I ask, sometimes the messages don't make it to Hannah.

"Yes the HR department want to know if you're making any intern places at any of your businesses if so they need to meet with you and discuss how many you're taking on how many of those are going to be paid places how many aren't apparently they've had a lot of interest already." Tommy explains handing over a small package of papers.

"What's this?"

"Everything HR told us to pass on to Hannah but we've not seen her today." That peaks my interest, Hannah is always here unless I have her working specifically with me on something so I'm actually quite concerned, I spot Luke by the couches and signal him over to me.

"Hey you ok?" He asks.

"They said they haven't seen Hannah today, is she ok?"

"Yeah she's here, she was early this morning wanted to get some things done for your next book." Luke explains with a smile, I roll my eyes, Hannah sometimes doesn't know when too much is too much.

"Thanks Luke, I'll be in my office if anyone needs me." I say to Tommy before heading for the elevator pulling my access card for my office from my pocket.

As Luke said Hannah is upstairs when I get there. She quickly gives me a run through of everything I need to know and I hand her the package and ask her to read it and let me know what I need to know and to pass on to HR that I want ten intern places available, five paid five unpaid just here at Ana's Palace and it's up to the President's everywhere else if they're opening any internships.

I then quickly run through all the forms I've had off Wendy. I may not like her very much sometimes and avoid speaking with her at all cost because it's obvious she knows more about business than me and I'm scared she will see how inadequate I am but she's a damn good person to have around this place.

Once that's done I get to my emails. Christian hasn't replied but we both knew with everything he would have to deal with in China we'd be lucky to be able to share sporadic emails with each other let alone hold a conversation. I find the email I've been waiting for and nervously open it up with my heart thumping wildly in my chest. I scan it with my eyes and then again and then again, it's almost with disbelief that I jump to my feet.

"Yes!" I am so happy.

"Ana?"

"I won the bid on Manhattan's Publishing House!" I explain excitedly. "Oh my God I can't believe this!"

"Grey's Publishing Manhattan?"

"It will be soon, this is amazing! The paperwork will be here in a few days, let Wendy know they come straight to me, they don't concern her at all yet and I have to be the ones to sign them anyhow. Oh my God I can't believe this." I am tempted to happy dance but manage not to as Hannah gives me a congratulatory hug. "Can you also call the Manhattan Salon and get a rush on me buying it please, then call Christasia Seattle and tell them I need three nail appointments freed at the same time this afternoon and I don't care how they do it."

"Mani Pedi's?"

"Yes Please."

"That everything."

"Yes thank you." I smile and Hannah nods and gets to work, I never thought I'd get used to having a PA but I definitely have now. I couldn't do half the things I do in a day if I didn't have Hannah running around for me, it makes everything easier.

Back at my desk I reply to the email and then I can relax knowing that Manhattan Publishing House will soon be Grey's Publishing Manhattan. The further on in my emails I get the quicker the time seems to fly by. The email that doesn't upset me but does surprise me is the email saying I'm no longer number one on the NYTBS but then I have an email confirming I've been on top of the Britain Best Selling List for weeks which I didn't even know about so I guess all is good, I'm still number two but a murder mystery has taken the top spot this week, I don't mind, hopefully Fifty More Shades will take the number one spot soon.

By twelve thirty I have done everything I needed to do and more with me having received the information about everyone who works at Manhattan Publishing House for me to send to Grey's House to Barney, I need my own Barney!

When Luke finally comes to get me because I'm taking too long I shut down the computer and grab the files I need. I have so many manuscripts that need my approval before they go into the final stages of publishing and I have let them slip behind a little which I shouldn't do, I mean I wouldn't be surprised if some people would call it tactics on my behalf even though it is in no way tactics I've just been caught up with everything else.

"I'll take those."

"I can carry my own files Luke." I say taking those that won't fit in my briefcase in my arms.

"Ok." He puts his hands up in surrender and gives me a small smile as I head for the elevator.

We meet my Mom and Grace at Christian's Mile High Club. It makes me miss him all the more and I hope I hear from him soon, I know I'm worrying unnecessarily I mean Taylor would never let anything happen to Christian but I'm a pregnant wife of course I'm going to worry.

"So how's everything at the office Ana?" Mom asks as our starters of chicken and onion soup is served with a basket of fresh bread and a bottle of apple cider.

"You don't want to hear about my work." I say but Grace even looks interested and Mom's hurt look means she really does want to hear.

"Carrick was saying you finally put a bid on Manhattan Publishing House."

"Uh I found out today I won the bid." I say trying to hide how ecstatic I am about that.

"Really?" Grace gasps.

"What does that mean? You won to buy the place?"

"Yup, Manhattan Publishing House will soon be Grey's Publishing Manhattan." I beam, it's impossible to hide how happy I am about this.

"Congratulation's Ana Grey on a role for Business woman of the year." Grace smiles raising her glass, I return the gesture and notice she has a twinkle in her eye, she really does care about what we all do with our lives, even me.

"I'm hoping to find out if I'm buying the salon this week down there hopefully we'll have a Christasia in Manhattan too."

"That's amazing, you going to spread further on that side of the country?"

"I think I'm going to stick to New York for now. I had a look over the profit margin for each company this morning and if it continues how it is I should be able to either afford a refurbishment on Christasia Seattle or think about opening a salon in one of the other boroughs in New York." I explain, I feel comfortable talking about work, it's a mundane topic normally and so there's no emotion playing on every sentence.

"My baby girl a successful business woman I'm so proud of you Anastasia." Mom says with a smile.

"Thanks Mom." I smile, at least I've done that, what more could I ask for than a Mother who's proud of what I've achieved.

"Why would you refurbish the Seattle Salon?" Grace asks not realising she's opening a topic that I'd much rather avoid.

"I uh I haven't done anything to it since I bought it." I explain, no need to say her name.

"Oh." Grace says and leaves it at that, even my Mom excepts what I said as a reasonable answer which is nice, I guess she can sense my hesitation tor discomfort.

"So what would you do with it?" Mom asks bringing up a much more enjoyable topic, decorating.

"Well at the moment it feels too clinical to be relaxing in my opinion all purple and black and white, I want it to be warm, so I'm thinking pastels." I reply though in all honesty I haven't thought much about it, I think I'd talk to Melissa the manager and see what she thinks rather than jumping in with my opinion, she should be able to help me.

"That's a great idea, are you thinking of expanding at all?" Grace asks, Mom just listening attentively.

"I don't know. I'll have to speak with Elliot but there's some land behind the salon that's mine, at the moment it's the break space with a couple of chairs beneath a brolly for the smokers but I'll talk to him see if we can expand out and up and get a couple more hair areas and nails on the ground floor then a couple more wax and massage spaces on the second floor and have maybe a balcony on the third for a break space."

"That's a good idea, see what Elliot says, business is slow for him at the moment. He was saying just this weekend that he isn't really booked up until the end of spring where more people want their properties done up while they're away on holidays in the summer."

"Ok." I smile, I wouldn't have anyone but Elliot touch my properties with him not only being family but someone I trust to make sure the job is done right.

After we're done with lunch we go over to the Salon. Mom's impressed and happily let's Katie on of the nail techs take her to sit down and get her hands and feet soaked with Grace. I head over to Melissa knowing I have to check on things while I'm here.

"How much is it costing me having you fiddle things around?" I ask leaning on the counter while she gives me all her attention.

"Nothing."

"We weren't booked?" I ask surprised, we've been nearly fully booked every day since we've opened.

"Oh we were." Melissa smirks and I wait for her to continue. "Mrs Carlisle really needed her nails done so Katie and Alice said they'd stay late to do it together tonight so a couple of the other staff said they'd stay too if need be so we've taken a couple of extra hair bookings and massages last minute which will not only cover everyone's extra hour wages but also make a profit."

"So me having you clear up a couple of hours for me and my family has made us make money rather than lose it?"

"Yup." Melissa smiled. "Actually I wanted to talk to you, we're getting more and more phone calls about people asking if we're opened late any night of the week. I've spoken to the staff and they're all willing to work till nine two days a week."

"Will it be worth it?" I ask Melissa, that's three hours more two nights a week that I don't want to do unless I know it's going to make me a profit and not lose me money.

"Not in the short term." Melissa admits. "Until word gets out or you spend on some advertising but in the long run I think two nights a week we're going to be just as busy, it's working women who work till six who would probably like to go out for something to eat before getting their hair or nails done you know?"

"Ok, uh I'm happy to sign off on it that would mean an afternoon break of fifteen minutes for the staff to keep in with regulations but I'm more than happy if you are." I reply, I actually think it's a brilliant idea if it's going to work.

"I'll talk to the staff, now go get your nails done with your family and relax." She says with a friendly shove on the shoulder.

"Ok I'm going!" I laugh before making my way over to Mom and Grace who are already in the process of getting my nails done.

"Good afternoon Mrs Grey what can we do for you?" Tamzin asks as I sit down in the seat beside my Mom.

"Just trim shape and colour." I reply resting.

"Any colour?"

"Let's go for something dark I think, I'll leave the specifics to you." I smirk and she nods and gets to work.

This time the conversation is Baby Grey and shopping, from the way Mom and Grace talk I think I'll have everything I need for Baby Grey regardless of the sex by the end of the week, they're insatiable!

"I want to go up to Toys'r'Us to the baby'r'us section to buy a pushchair, we can do that tomorrow." I suggest knowing they're not going to give me a say if I don't interject.

"That's a great idea, you can have a look for car seats while you're there." Grace points out and I smile and nod in agreement, I need three car seats to satisfy Christian so it's a definite that I can have a look for them tomorrow. I mean how long does a car seat last before a baby is too big for it? And isn't one enough as I'm sure baby Grey like most babies will be transported from car to building in the car seat which can then be transported to other cars? Maybe if we have three car seats it will be different because money really isn't an object.

After our nails and toenails are done and dried we head for home, Grace to Bellevue and Mom and me to the big house, as much as I love Grace I am looking forward to some time alone with my Mom.

Gail cooks us a beautiful ham broth for dinner with some homemade bread and Mom and I eat second helpings too. Afterwards we cuddle up in the TV room or home cinema in the basement with a couple of our favourite rom coms until bed.


	215. Chapter 215

**Tuesday 5th March**

Having briefly spoken to Christian I'm in a good mood. Things in China are looking up and he's hoping to fly out of there in twenty four hours. I hope so I don't think I can go much longer without seeing him.

Grace arrives while Mom and I are eating breakfast, she's in a good mood too so I can only suspect today is going to be a really good day. After we've finished Luke loads us into the SUV and we head for Tukwila.

Twenty minutes later we're outside the Toys'R'Us store and I am beyond excited to be buying my baby's pushchair. Grace seeks out a helpful shop assistant to guide us in the right direction but also makes clear to dismiss him when we get to where we want to be, this is our time and she like me doesn't want someone disrupting it.

What I already love is that all the pushchairs are available to be pushed around the store. Mom and Grace are instantly pushing a way while I look for one like I have imagined in my head that I can push down the street or around the garden.

I want a stroller where the baby is facing me and not the other way, at least until the baby can sit up on his or her own. I just have that image of my baby smiling up at me while we walk along the street and I can't even fathom not having what I want now even though Mom and Grace have loads of their own selections for me to look at.

"What's wrong Ana?" Mom asks when I can no longer mask my disappointment.

"They're all strollers." I say feeling defeated.

"Yes." Mom nods.

"I want a pushchair, one that's like the old fashioned style with the baby lying down, remember the blue one I had with the dolls?"

"Yes, it was like a Moses basket which you put in the frame." Mom replies and I nod and she makes an 'I got it' ohh sound.

"I want one like that."

"You're not going to get one here Ana." Mom sighs, she and Grace have been up and down the aisles a few times.

"Well let's start looking at car seats then." I smile.

There are so many car seats I am floored. In the back of my head Christian screams 'safety features' at me which has me knowing I'll have to look carefully at them, the slightest doubt on Christian's side and our kid won't be going anywhere near it!

"This one's pretty." Mom says picking up a car seat I can't help but laugh.

"It's also pink! We don't know what it is yet." I point out and Mom makes another 'ohh' sound and moves on.

Sometimes the saying 'you pay for what you get is so untrue. The more expensive car seats have little details on the safety while some of the ones under a hundred bucks have all the details to put all first time parents at ease.

The first car seat I deem perfect is the Graco snug ride click connect 40 infant car seat. Not only is it available from new born to two years it also has been crash tested to exceed US safety standards. It's quite plain in dark grey but sometimes safety has to come first and I decide I want it, not sure how much it weighs I'm conscious about picking it up and as I look for a store assistant Mom just does it for me, for someone so tiny she's still strong.

The second car seat I choose is for my car, it's brown with teddies on it and it's from Graco too with the same safety promise, can't go wrong there I suspect. I wonder briefly if I should let Christian come and choose his own but remembering him telling me to get three I shrug it off and choose a third one. With Christian's R8 in mind I buy the Graco snug DLX car seat that I could just see being in the passenger side of Christian's car. It's not girly or really manly and would definitely work for both sexes.

Once they're chosen I manage to drag Mom and Grace to the checkout, though they'd like for us to spend more on baby bouncy chairs and some toys but that's something I would like to do with Christian, after all this is his child too and just remembering the excitement in his eyes when we bought our baby's first bear and it makes me want to have that over and over again.

After we're done I drag Mom and Grace to the local McDonald's. Grace looks surprised at my choice in restaurant but I want a McDonald's Milkshake and nothing or no one is going to stop me from getting one.

"So you have three car seats, where are you going to find a pushchair like the one you want?" Grace asks as soon as we're sat down with our junk food and I have two large chocolate milkshakes in front of me.

"No idea." I shrug a little disappointed that there wasn't one I liked at Toys'R'Us. "I'll look online and then go to the store I guess."

"How about we do some baby clothes shopping? There's a Baby on Board store just down the road." Mom spotted it on the way to Toys'R'Us. A part of me wants to say no because that again is something I want to do with Christian but I guess we could go shopping for clothes for either sex and then Christian and I can go all out once we know what we're having.

"Sure why not." I reply with a smile which is returned by my Mother.

After we've eaten we head to the Baby on Board store to shop for clothes. There are strollers here too but no pushchairs like the one I want. I may have to just try for a stroller with an attached car seat, it's the next best thing to having the style I want I suspect.

Mom and Grace have fun picking out onesies in white, lemon and mint, they're adorable! I choose a couple of brown teddy bear ones that could be for either sex and then we move on to bibs. We get most in plain white that just clip around the neck, they're so small! Finally we get some teddy bear socks that are just too cute to leave behind! I manage to drag them out before they persuade me to buy some boy and girl things and then give away everything I don't need when we find out the sex.


	216. Chapter 216

**Wednesday 6th March**

After being on the phone late with Christian I have no plans of leaving bed until lunch time. Of course as always Mom and Grace have other ideas when they come in and wake me up.

"Go away!" I moan pulling the duvet over my head because someone's opened the thick bedroom drapes letting in the light.

"Time to wake up sleepyhead." My mum calls as she bounces onto my side of the bed, Christian's not here so I'm on his side with my nose buried in his pillow.

"Too early!" I reply in a long drawn out groan, my voice still thick with sleep.

"It's gone eleven Ana and we're going swimming!" Mom announces.

"I'll get up at twelve."

"Are you sick sweetie?" Grace asks pulling the duvet back and finding my forehead with her hand.

"No I was up late talking to Christian. Time differences suck." I reply making both women laugh.

"Well it's time to get up, you can sleep later." Mom announces and I know that they're not leaving until I'm halfway to the bathroom.

"Ok I'm up." I groan pushing myself to sitting.

"As soon as we're out of this bedroom you're going to lie straight back down aren't you?" Grace chuckles and with my eyes still closed I give her an impish smile. "Exactly. Now choose bath or shower or bucket of water over your head?"

"Shower." I reply.

"I'll go switch it on, your Mom can go grab you clothes and then while you wash and change we'll get your breakfast before we head off." Grace announces walking into my closet rather than the bathroom before coming out with her eyes wide. "That's your closet?"

"Yeah and that one's Christian's." I point to the second door.

"You have separate closets?" Grace asks still surprised, I know she understands Christian's wealth and how he likes to indulge but seeing her surprised is quite comical.

"Gia's idea." I shrug and she nods before pointing to the third door. "Bathroom?" She asks and I nod.

"So Ana where in the closer are your maternity clothes?"

"That would be everything on the hangers, all my other clothes have been folded up and put away." I sigh, it's quite depressing knowing there will be some time before I fit into any of those again.

"Anything you'd prefer to wear today?"

"Jeans." I smile and she nods before going into my closet letting me get up out of bed.

I enter the bathroom to find Grace putting two towels on the heating rack. I see the shower is on and just lightly steaming ready for me to get in.

"I'll leave you to it." Grace smiles before giving me a small kiss on the temple, the two women are making me feel like a little girl all over again and right now I don't mind it.

I use the toilet and strip of my clothes before jumping into the shower. The water on my skin wakes me up a little more and I feel like I could actually do something now. After I'm out of the shower I do a Christian and brush my teeth beforehand. It's a pretty normal thing until I spit out the paste and see blood, that's never happened to me before. I look at my teeth in the mirror, the blood is seeping slowly through the gaps in my teeth and I spit again hoping to get rid of the metallic taste mixed with mint toothpaste.

I quickly rinse my mouth out and the sink and pull on a robe, my mind is in overdrive right now I mean could bleeding gums be a sign that there's something wrong with the baby.

"Ana you're not dressed." Mom points out as I walk into the kitchen naked apart from my robe.

"No uh Grace you got a minute?" I ask awkwardly.

"Sure, everything ok?" She asks but I don't want to worry my Mom and manage to nod. "Ana what is it?" She asks as soon as we're out of my Mother's ear shot.

"My gums are bleeding." I explain.

"Never happened before?"

"Nope."

"It's more than likely gingivitis, it's quite common for pregnant women to get it."

"Gingivitis?" I ask not knowing the word.

"Gum disease, all you can do really is use a special toothpaste and mouthwash, we can pick some up in town. Let me see your teeth."

I show her my teeth awkwardly while she holds my chin to turn my head into the light.

"There's no blood now so you're good, we'll get the toothpaste and mouthwash, use as normal and it should be all good if it continues to worry you though we'll have to get you to a dentist but I'm sure if you call Sally she'll tell you the same thing that I am."

"Ok." I nod uncomfortably, loads of people have gum disease and I know your teeth only fall out if you don't get it treated for years.

"Now go dress!" She laughs.

Once I'm dressed and I've eaten breakfast we head off. I feel awkward going swimming with my Mom and Grace but if that's what they want to do then I'm more than happy to join them.

We arrive at the public pool and all change quickly. I feel quite uncomfortable to be heading into the pool with my belly completely on show but so far I haven't got a single stretch mark and I'm considering myself lucky though I know that I've also got a long way to go.

"Oh look at you!" Mom squeals as I put everything in a locker. I give her a tight smile and she giggles. "You have the cutest bump ever Ana!"

I feel mildly uncomfortable in a peach two piece the bottom half a pair of shorts with a fold over skirt area that's all ruffled and a halter neck top half which is like one strap also ruffled completely covering my breasts with the halter neck just there to sort of hold it up, there's a support section inside but it's completely hidden.

"Oh Ana." Grace smiles coming out in a blue one piece, at the moment I feel even more uncomfortable I mean I've seen my Mom in a bikini hundreds of time but this is the first time I've seen Grace wearing so little! "Look how adorable your bump is… may I?" She asks her hand half way to my bump.

I nod and give her a reassuring smile, I've always been a little excited for family wanting to touch my bump and friends, I cross the line at strangers though, that's too far.

"Oh our grandbaby is in there Carla!" Grace says excitedly and my Mom can no longer resist coming to have a feel too.

Once they're done stroking my bump we head into the showers for a quick spray before we go into the water. It's not that busy, lots of Moms with toddlers and babies which makes me smile, I can't wait to teach my child to swim.

Mom and Grace waste no time in getting into the water and I'm quick to follow, we go into the small shallow pool where many parents usually sit on the weekend to watch their elementary school children playing in the children's pool with the octopus slide and every hour on the hour weekend waves.

"I love the water." Grace smiles as she sits up against the Jacuzzi style wall pipe. I do the same on the opposite side, loving the flow of water against my lower back which has started to ache a little, not much that it's a bother but enough that I know it's there.

"I'm not even half way through this pregnancy yet." I muse rubbing my tummy gently, it's nice to feel my skin like this when normally the only time I get to do it is in the shower, bath or bed.

"Soon the baby will be here Ana and you'll be missing this time." Mom smiles softly. "Enjoy it while it lasts."

"I am." I reply with a smile, it's true I am loving being pregnant.

"Remember all the times we used to go swimming when you were younger Ana?" Mom asks as she sloshes small circles with a flat palm on the top of the water, I have a feeling I know what she's about to do.

"Yes." I reply my own flat palm on the surface now, my eyes meeting my Mom's a smile spreading on my face as she gives me a wide grin.

Both at once we drag our hands upwards causing surfer style waves in each other's direction, I'm sure I hear Grace squeal as she gets caught in the crossfire but Mom and I are at war now.

We create the waves over and over again until we're just splashing and Grace joins in chucking water in our direction till we all slump in the water giggling and exhausted.

We don't stay in the pool much longer, it's too cold and there's not much really to do as grown adults. After we're out, showered and changed we head to the café upstairs for lunch. I'm beyond happy when I find they serve chocolate milkshakes and order one of those with a club sandwich while Mom and Grace both go for tea and a chicken salad. We sit by the window overlooking the outdoor pool and playground and happily enjoy our food.

"While I remember Ana I have something for you." Mom says going into her bag. "It's not to be opened now but I'll forget you know what I'm like." She laughs but I can see the laugh is empty as she pulls out a pink envelope with my name on it in her beautiful handwriting. I stare at it for a moment wishing I knew what it contained but eventually I slip it into my purse wondering what it is. "You'll know when you need to open it." She says quietly.

We all eat in silence after this, all lost in our own thoughts, mine of course firmly on the envelope in my purse and what it could possibly contain.

"So what are we doing next?" Grace asks as we finish up our drinks.

"I'd like to go to the playground." Mom says with a mischievous smile.

"The playground?" I ask, it's not exactly warm outside.

"Yup, when you were a little girl you used to go on the swing and lean right back so you could only see the sky and say it was like you were flying in the clouds." Mom say with a huge smile. "I want to fly in the clouds."

The lump penetrating my throat makes it impossible for me to give a verbal response but I manage to give her a nod and a small smile while avoiding Grace's eyes. We head off and give Luke our bags who spent the whole time on the swimming pool balcony where he could watch us and then we go to play in the playground. Grace takes to the bench while Mom and I run like children to the swings. She climbs up to stand while I sit carefully, Christian would freak if I did anything too stupid putting me and Jellybean at risk.

We swing for a while and then Mom manages to sit herself down without stopping the swing before she leans back and straightens her legs, I remember doing it as a child, I remember how it looked and how it would feel and eventually I lay back with her. I don't know how long we sit like this but eventually the throbbing headache that started at lunch gets too much for me to bear and I stand up, Mom following suit.

"You ok?" She asks as I rub my forehead.

"Headache, real bad headache." I reply as Mom wraps an arm around me.

"Too much fun." She teases. "Come one we'll get you home." She adds before she begins coughing quite nastily.

I'm in shock, I haven't heard her cough much but this was an awful chesty phlegm filled cough that really concerns me but Grace the doctor doesn't even bat an eyelid instead guides me to the car.

Once back at the house Grace and Mom put me to bed. They shut the curtains and put only the dim light on before putting cool packs on the back of my neck and head. They talk for a while but when I begin fighting sleep Grace tells me some rest might be good and they leave.

I wake to the sound of a voice outside my bedroom door and startled at first I listen attentively.

"Christian you just need to come home now." I hear Grace say. "No Ana is fine, hormones and too much stress have given her a headache but she's resting its Carla, she's much worse than she's been making out to be Christian…" I gasp, what does she mean? "Yes the cancer will kill her in three to six months if she keeps herself healthy otherwise but she hasn't been Christian, I think she has a chest infection and if she has and she isn't treating it then it will turn into pneumonia and if that happens she hasn't got very long Christian and I need you here for Ana right now."

Tears pool in my eyes and spill like a waterfall down my cheeks, my hand still firmly clasped to my mouth blocks any noise from coming through but my heart is absolutely breaking in my chest. My Mom is dying and from what Grace says she's dying much faster than I thought.

"Just do what you have to do Christian to get home to your wife. She needs you. I love you son, bye."

I lay quickly back down in the bed and wipe my cheeks, Grace doesn't need to know yet that I know, I need to figure it all out in my own head first. I settle down just in time for the bedroom door to slip open and I keep my eyes closed and pretend to sleep.

"I'm sorry sweet girl." She whispers before I feel her lips on my temple, it takes a heck of a lot of effort on my part not to grab her and sob but I wait till she's left the room before I let the tears come once more.


	217. Chapter 217

**Thursday 7th March**

I managed to avoid leaving my room for the rest of yesterday. Faking that the headache was still there was easy seeing as it was there and Gail brought me dinner in bed while Mom and Grace had dinner downstairs, I then 'slept' the evening and night away.

Of course I didn't, truth it I don't think I slept much at all as I was tossing and turning trying to make head or tail of what's going on but it's impossible.

I finally get up at around four am and make my way downstairs. I see a light on in the living room and manage to avoid it while going to my study. Once the door is shut behind me I let out a long sigh of relief. I am so conflicted right now that I don't know how I'm going to react to people, Grace is just as guilty as my Mother about keeping it from me right now and that bothers me a lot.

In my office I find my purse and I pull out the envelope that my mother gave me at the swimming pool. I take it over to my desk and sit down still staring at the envelope. I don't know what my Mom meant when she said I'd know when to open it but what I do know is that what is inside it is important, Mom wouldn't have given it to me if it wasn't. I want to just open it but somehow deep inside I know it's not the right time, I'm conflicted but I don't open it and instead take it over to the safe and put it inside, I'll always know where it is when I decide I am ready to find out what it contains.

I sit back down at my desk and try to distract myself with some work but that doesn't seem to help. My mind is in complete overdrive about what I overheard Grace telling Christian on the phone. I can't believe she even called him but worst of all I don't know why they're hiding this from me. How sick is my Mom? How long is she going to live? These are questions I can have at least an approximate answer to if I ask for them but do I want them? Do I really want to know if my Mom will live to see baby Grey or not? Do I want to know how sick she is? Conflicted is the only way I can feel right now.

The more I think the angrier I am getting and that isn't good. I want to be able to scream, shout and stomp my feet like a petulant child until I get some answers, maybe it's the only way I will get some answers but then a part of me wants to do what I've been doing for the last twelve hours and that is hide away and pretend none of this is happening. Question is though, how long can this continue? How long can they keep me in the dark? How long can I pretend I have no idea about what I heard? How can I be anything but conflicted?

My anger becomes the overriding emotion and the files that are piled up on my desk end up scattered over the floor, a cry of complete anguish is released from my throat as they tumble down to the ground. I drop my head into my hands and I cry, no I don't, I sob, hysterically. Echoing calls from my chest exit through my mouth while a rapid river of tears spills violently down my cheeks.

I don't even hear the office door open. I don't realise there's anyone in the room until I feel a pair of arms wrap around me and a soft pair of lips brush my temple. I recognise the touch to be Grace's without seeing the woman's face. I turn my chair around one eighty and collapse against her chest, into her welcoming arms, allowing her to soothe me. I barely register Gail and Luke gathering up the mess I've made over the floor as I cling to my Mother-in-law tight.

"There there Ana, shh baby." She coos softly as she rocks me back and forth. I hiccup angrily as I try and fail to calm myself down, I think I would have cried myself out by now but apparently not as fresher tears douse the stains of the first few and more sobs pass through my lips.

I continue to cry even when Grace steps back and Luke picks me up in his arms. I cling tightly to him, burying my head into the crook of his neck as he carries me out of the room. I don't think about where he's taking me or anything, too swamped in grief to really give a shit. I just want everything to be back the way it was, I want Christian here and I want my Mom to be in Savannah normally and happily living her life with her husband. It's selfish but I don't care anymore I just want her to live!

Luke puts me down on my bed and Grace somehow ends up beside me. I don't see her dismissing Luke but I hear the door shut and feel myself wrapped up in Grace's warm embrace once more, her musky sweet smell engulfing me, warming me up and calming me down just enough.

"I know it's hard Ana but you need to calm down a little ok, Carrick is on the way with my kit but if you're blood pressure is too high I'm going to have you admitted into Swedish." She says but of course this doesn't calm me down at all instead I begin to panic, does me being upset over my Mom's pending death cause harm to my baby? What type of Mother am I when I can't control myself enough to look after my own child? "It's ok sweetie I have you." Grace coos still rocking me but I can't seem to stop crying, I want to but I can't, my throat is sore, my cries are hoarse but the tears keep on coming and the noise just comes with all effort to stop making me cry harder.

A knock on the bedroom door barely fazes me but when Grace's arms leave my body I miss her touch at once and turn to self-soothing, wrapping my arms tightly around myself and trying to rock myself from side to side. I barely register the conversation between Grace and her husband but they both come back into the room with Luke who scoops me up into his arms before he sits on the bed holding me to his chest while Grace attaches a blood pressure cuff to my arm.

"Shit." I hear Grace say, if I wasn't too busy being hysterical I think I'd find a curse word passing Grace Trevelyan's lips quite funny.

"What is it?" Luke and Carrick ask at the exact same time.

"Her BP's over one sixty systolic, we need to get to a hospital now." Grace says quietly like she's hoping I won't hear her but I do and I become more worked up, what's happening?!

"Ambulance?" Carrick asks.

"No, Luke get her to the car and get ready to drive like a mad man, Carrick call Swedish Medical Centre and give them the notice that we're on the way, Luke do you know where Ana's maternity file is?"

"It's in the study, third drawer down." He replies as he stands up with me still firmly in his arms.

"Ana, sweetie, I need you to try and calm down take really deep breaths for me ok?" Grace says her eyes firmly on mine, I manage a shaky nod and she gives me a reassuring smile before it vanishes and panicked eyes go up to Luke.

I'm then hurried from the room in Luke's arms and to the car while Grace I suspect goes to get my maternity file. I'm so scared, terrified even. Is my baby in trouble?!

Luke puts me in the back of the SUV before climbing in the front. When Grace arrives she jumps into the back and pulls me into her arms before we're off. Luke does drive like a mad man, I can feel the speed of the car running like adrenaline through my veins. I'm scared, terrified of what's going on wishing Grace would be straight with me and tell me if there's something wrong with Jellybean. I want my husband with me, he knows how to keep me calm most of the time, his presence is often calming.

"Christian." I croak.

"Carry is phoning him Ana, he'll be with you soon." Grace replies as she strokes my hair from my sweat filled brow. "But you need to calm down for me, take deep breaths you're too panicked, can you try and breathe with me?" I nod and she signals to take a breath in and I manage it but not as much as she does because a sob escapes again. "It's ok, just try again ok?"

We make it to Swedish in under ten minutes, good thing for when I go into labour I suspect but that's not what's on my mind when Luke picks me up out of the car and deposits me on a trolley and I'm whisked away. I can hear Grace talking to the doctors but voices are blending into each other making no sense to me as I'm rolled into the building. I see the lights flashing above me as an oxygen mask is placed on my face and I'm trying to focus on taking deep calm breaths just like Grace said because I instinctively know that it will help.

"Ok on my count, one two three." I'm transported from the trolley onto a bed and then a doctor is in my face with a light.

"Hey sweetie, Ana, I'm Michelle O'Ryan, we met at Baby your body do you remember?" She asks and I manage a nod. "Ok I've called Sally she's on her way but until then you're stuck with me." She has a friendly smile. "Do you know where you are?"

"Swedish." I gasp out and she smiles and nods.

"Ok darling I need you to try your very best to calm down, there's nothing to worry about right now ok? The most important thing is that you calm down can you do that?"

"I don't know." I say as I begin to panic again.

"Ok, ok, don't worry we're going to help you, do you want your Mom in here?" I somehow know she's talking about Grace and I nod. "Ok I'll get her now ok?"

Grace suddenly materialises by my side and grips tight to my hand. She gives me a small warm smile and though I can see the worry and fear in her eyes I manage to give her hand a small squeeze.

Around me a team is working quickly, they inject me in multiple places, arm and hand, they strap things to me, it would freak me out more if it wasn't for the fact that I knew they were doing this to save my baby, somehow I know that's what this is all for.

"You're ok Ana." Grace reassures. "You're ok."

I give her a small nod and keep my eyes on her as I try to focus on taking deep breaths, she breathes with me, giving me encouraging smiles and nods which all seem to somehow help me.

"Ana?" Sally's voice catches my ear and suddenly my midwife is beside me, her elbow resting by my head and her face inches from mine, a calming presence in what's just been a scary storm in my life. "How are you feeling honey?" She asks as people continue to work around her.

"I'm scared." I rasp out from beneath the oxygen mask.

"I know, this is really scary but we're going to look after the two of you ok? I promise you Ana I'll do everything I can." She goes to move away but I grab her arm quickly, it doesn't startle her and she comes right back close so she can hear me.

"What's happening Sally?" I ask her and she takes a deep breath and looks at Grace before looking back at me.

"Your blood pressure is severely high on our scale, it could cause pre-eclampsia, eclampsia or even a placental abruption all of which is dangerous to both you and the baby. The most important job for you to do right now is to breathe as evenly as you can and try and be calm, don't worry because you chose this place to look after you because it's the best and I'm going to do everything I can to prove that ok?"

"Ok." I nod trying not to worry, she didn't say it will or has caused just it could and if being calm is what it's going to take for me to help then that's what I'm going to try and do.

"Can we start labetolol stat please and get her set up for an ultrasound now!" Sally's voice commands the room. "If you're not doing anything wait in the corridor until you're needed there are too many people in this room!"

I continue to just hold Grace's hand and look at her as she continues to breathe with me. I am praying inside that everything is ok, I know I won't survive losing this baby too and I know there are more risks than those Sally said, she was just giving me the most likely ones but somehow I know that this could be killing my baby.

"Ana, honey, have you still been craving chocolate milkshakes?" Sally asks. Frowning at her I nod and she gives me a smile. "Calcium naturally helps prevent hypertension and I think the reason you're still not unconscious is because of the calcium doing its work. I want to talk to you about sedation, would you be comfortable if we sedated you?"

I grip Grace tight and she gently pulls my chin so I'm looking at her.

"It will be just like being asleep Ana, it will let your mind rest, it won't cause any risk to the baby but it will help the doctors because you'll be completely calm. I think you should do it."

I look at Sally and nod and she smiles before hurrying off. When she comes back she has a needle which she pokes into the line that has been placed in my hand. I look at Grace and she kisses me softly while I give into the drug induced sleep.


	218. Chapter 218

**Still the same day as last chapter - Thursday 7th March**

I wake to the noise of multiple machines around me. I have no idea how long I've been asleep or what time it is but by the light coming in through my window I know it's been a few hours, it was around five am when I was admitted.

I'm alone in my room and I sort of appreciate it because it gives me time to reflect at what happened earlier. I notice there are wires and straps attached to my stomach that is hooked up to the machine beside my heart monitor, it's my only clue that my baby is alive inside of me.

I turn my head just in time to see Grace entering the room looking a little worse for wear, when she sees I'm awake she hurries to my side with a small smile on her face.

"Hey how are you feeling sweetheart?" She asks.

"Ok." I reply my mouth dry like I've eaten cotton balls. "What happened Grace?" I ask her.

"You had a severe panic attack which caused your blood pressure to sky rocket to dangerous levels, you're ok now though, everything with the baby looks fine Ana and she's beautiful."

"She?"

"Ah." Grace looks embarrassed.

"It's a girl?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry I wasn't supposed to say I knew, they did a 3D scan just to check everything over and it was plainly obvious." She explains as tears fill my eyes. "Oh I'm sorry I shouldn't have said anything!" She looks horrified but I shake my head.

"A girl?" I ask again and Grace sees that I'm happy about the news and relaxes as she nods.

"98% Accurate at fifteen weeks Ana." She says and I smile and rest my hand on a tiny bit of my bump around the machines.

"And she's ok?" I ask and Grace nods.

"You're on mandatory bedrest, you'll be stuck here for a few days and then when you go home Sally will come by every day until your BP has been stable long enough but you're going to have to take it easy now, I know it's tough with everything going on but for that gorgeous little girl growing inside of you." I nod at her words and smile, a little girl, I can't believe it! "There's very little protein in your urine so as long as that stays where it is we're not worried about pre-eclampsia either, everything's looking good, that machine is monitoring her heartbeat and it's perfect Ana, she's prefect." I feel sort of jealous that Grace has seen a 3D ultrasound before me but I don't mind either, she's telling me that baby girl Grey is healthy and that's what matters.

"Where's Christian?"

"He's on his way." Grace smiles. "He's about five hours out I'd say now."

"What time is it?" I frown.

"Just gone midday." Grace replies softly.

"My Mom?"

Grace sighs and I know that this isn't good.

"You're not allowed to worry."

"I know." I agree, I have to face facts now that I have to stop worrying about my Mom and focus on me and my daughter, it's selfish but it's also what she would want.

"She's not allowed on the ward, her chest is really bad Ana, I've told her to get some antibiotics but she's refused."

"She wants to die?" I ask feeling the tears in my eyes.

"I think she's accepted that she's going to die and would rather go on her own terms." Grace admits and I sigh, in some weird way I understand that, it's typical my Mom.

"Be straight with me Grace, if she doesn't get her chest seen too how long?" I ask and Grace sighs again, I know she doesn't want me to worry but I just want to know, it was the not knowing that was bothering me more than knowing.

"Two maybe three weeks if she's lucky. She's already signed all necessary paperwork, she's ready to go Ana, I know it's hard but…"

"It's ok." I reply stopping her. "I know, she's going to die whatever she does and if she wants to go like this then it's her choice, I wish she'd fight Grace, fight to see her granddaughter but I also understand that she can't fight anymore, we can all only fight for so long before we tire."

Grace gives me small smile and a nod.

"I'll always be here for you Ana." She says quietly and I nod and smile.

"I know." I reply. "Thank you."

"Doctor Flynn is outside." She says her tone changing to being more Doctor like. "Christian called him before he boarded and asked him to come and see what caused the panic attack, would you like to talk to him?"

"Do I have to?"

"No but it might help." Grace replies.

"Maybe in a little while, not now." I reply feeling overwhelmingly tired again.

"Ok, you get some more rest sweetheart and I'll be right here, I'm going nowhere."

"You need to rest too."

"I'll rest when all my children are healthy." She says with a small smile as I let my eyes fall shut.

The next time I wake up Grace is in the room with Carrick, he gives me a soft smile which I return as soon as I my brain wakes up.

"How are you feeling Ana?" He asks as I sit up again, Grace quickly standing to adjust my pillows.

"Thanks." I say to her. "I'm ok Carrick, I'm sorry I scared everyone."

"It wasn't your fault Ana, these things happen." He says with a reassuring smile as he holds around his wife.

"I think I might see Doctor Flynn now if I can." I say to Grace and she beams and nods, I guess she agrees with Christian that it's a good idea. As she leaves Carrick stands and takes my hand.

"Your Father is on his way up."

"He is?" I ask almost excitedly.

"He was scared, we all were." He explains.

"I'm…"

"Don't, it wasn't your fault." He reassures.

"I feel like it was." I say quietly turning my head away and taking slow purposeful breaths, I know they've all probably been told not to get me worked up so Carrick says nothing more for the moment. "Have you spoken to my Mom?"

"Yes, she sends you her love and she says call her if you need to talk to her." Carrick replies giving me a sympathetic smile.

"Ok." I nod just as Grace comes in with Flynn and a McDonald's Chocolate shake.

"That for me?" I tease and she beams and hands it over. "I sent Luke for one as soon as you fell back asleep and the nurses put it in the fridge." She smiles.

"Thank you. Grace you should go and get some rest, you've done so much already."

"I told you, I'll rest once I'm happy with everything. You just focus on you and that baby ok?" She winks and I smile, I know she's not told Carrick or Flynn the sex of the baby, in saying that she wasn't supposed to tell me either. "We're going to get something to eat while you talk, want me to bring you back a donut?" She asks and I nod gratefully as John takes one of the seats beside my bed. "Come on Carrick, let's leave Ana to talk."

Once they're gone I suddenly miss their presence and feel mildly uncomfortable. I don't know where to begin or what to say but luckily for me John begins the talking.

"How are you feeling Ana?"

I think that sentence is international shrink talk. "How are you feeling?" Like it opens up the door to everything else that could be wrong.

"I'm ok now." I reply sitting up a little and guiding my legs around the wires so I can cross them beneath me.

"That's good. Do you want to talk about what happened earlier this morning?" He asks and I sigh and rub my forehead with my free hand.

"I overheard Grace on the phone last night." I explain. "She was talking to Christian telling him he needed to come home because my Mom was worse than she was letting on."

"Did you know your Mom was sicker than she was letting on?" John asks interrupting my flow, not that I mind.

"When we were in the park earlier yesterday I got a really bad headache and Mom was helping me off the swing in the playground and she coughed, it was awful like a chesty cough that hurts when it happens but when Grace didn't bat an eyelid I pushed it to the back of my mind." I explain with a shrug. "It fazed me for a moment, I knew it wasn't good but then when Grace didn't react I thought nothing of it."

"Ok, is that because Grace is a doctor?"

"Yes." I reply fumbling with the edge of the blanket that's over my cross legged. I see Doctor Flynn looking at my heart monitor and it unnerves me a little, I don't even know if he knows how to read it but I suspect he's been warned not to get me to upset too.

"Ok so what happened after you heard Grace on the phone?" He asks.

"I cried." I shrug. "I was shocked and hurt and I just kept thinking lots of things then this morning I went to my study and I was sitting there and the more I was thinking the more upset and angry I got." I explain weakly, I feel like an idiot trying to explain like this but it's the only way I know how to say.

"What were you thinking about?" John asks not batting an eyelid at my frustration.

"Just questions." I shrug. "Questions about everything and I just I was angry, so angry." I explain feeling that anger again coursing through me.

"You're angry now?" John asks his eyes on my clenched fists, my knuckles having turned white.

"I guess." I shrug.

"What are you angry about?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Don't you think I should be the judge of that?" Flynn asks and I sigh, I feel a little silly now, I was angry because I was being selfish how do I tell him that?

"Maybe. I just have a lot of questions, ones I can't get the answers to John. I'm angry and I'm hurting and my questions are selfish it doesn't matter what they are." I reply to him.

"Ask me some of your questions."

"You can't answer them." I reply pointedly and he shrugs which means he isn't taking that as an acceptable answer.

"Ask them anyway."

"They're stupid."

"Doesn't matter."

It's clear he's not going to give up but neither am I, I can be stubborn too.

"You're not talking to me now?" He asks after a few minutes of me picking at imaginary fluff on the thin sheet they call a duvet.

"I've nothing more to say." I shrug and he sighs softly.

"Ana this needs to come out so it doesn't happen again, the panic attack you had caused your blood pressure to go so high it could have killed you." Flynn says gently. "If your placenta would have ruptured you'd have bled out in seconds and there would be nothing you could have done about it, nothing anyone could have done about it."

I begin to shake as the realisation of just how serious this could have been. I lay back down and turn away from John, I just need to somehow keep calm and I can't do that when he's badgering me.

"Get some rest Ana, we'll talk later." He says softly but I don't acknowledge him, just wait for the door of my room to shut.

I want Christian so bad right now. I want him to hold me and let me know everything is going to be alright but I know he's not here to do that right now. When the door opens I spin over in hope it's Christian and I fail to hide my disappointment when I see it's Grace.

"He's on his way Ana." She replies understanding what I'm disappointed about without me having to tell her.

"I'm sorry." I say and she just sighs as she comes around and checks all the monitors attached to me.

"You should try and get some rest before Christian gets here, you're blood pressure is a little higher since you spoke to Flynn and you really have to keep it down ok?"

"Ok." I reply trying to get comfortable in the bed as Grace slips into the chair beside me.

"If you keep your blood pressure down Mia and Kate can visit with you later as long as they don't get you worked up." Grace says bringing a small smile to my face, at least I'm allowed some visitors.

I manage a small nod before I close my eyes willing sleep to come quick.

When I wake I recognise two voices, one which has my eyes bursting open in excitement.

"Christian." I whisper and he spins around and rushes to my side.

"Hey baby." He smiles taking my hand. "Are you ok?"

I can hear the worry, fear and anxiety in his voice as well as see it written on his brow. I can't imagine how horrible his flight back had been with no communication between himself and anyone down here.

"I'm ok." I smile squeezing his hand. "We're both ok."

"That's good, Jesus Ana I was scared." He says dropping his forehead to mine, the feel of his breath on my face the confirmation that he really is here and I'm not dreaming. "I knew something would happen." He growls but I don't think it's directed at me.

"Christian." Grace's voice sounds like a warning and he sighs before kissing my lips gently.

"When can she go home?" He asks looking over his shoulder to his Mom.

"Tomorrow if she keeps her blood pressure down." Grace replies coming to our side. "If it goes up again too high for our liking she'll stay in a few more days. If anything happens she needs to be in a hospital Christian, it could kill her."

I feel him shaking but he doesn't say anything just nods silently before looking over at me, I can't imagine what's going through his mind right now but I what I can do is know what's going through my own and I'm scared, terrified.

"I heard you went shopping." Christian says settling down in the seat beside the bed, the topic of conversation has Grace retreating outside, I guess she knows Christian isn't going to rise my blood pressure too much.

"Yeah, got the car seats." I reply and he smiles. "Did your Mom tell you she knows what we're having?"

"No. you know?" He looks surprised.

"Your Mom accidentally told me." I reply.

"I want to know." He says quietly leaning in to me.

"Are you sure?" I tease and he smiles.

"Yes!"

"A girl." I say quietly and his eyes widen and a smile play's on his lips.

"We're having a girl? Are you sure?"

"Your Mom says it's only ninety eight percent accurate but she saw it and she's sure." I explain and he smiles brightly.

"We're having a girl." He rests his hand on my still wire covered stomach and I place mine on top of his as he kisses me gently. "I'm so happy."

"Me too." I reply, for a moment all our fear has melted away leaving us just happy.

"Chelsea Grey." He says and I nod and smile.

"Mom's chosen two names to go with it." I tell him and he looks at me surprised.

"Two?"

"She wrote them down and they fit." I explain and he looks at me waiting for me to tell him, I lean into him and whisper them in his ear, I'd like to keep our daughter's full name to just us for a while.

"That's perfect." He smiles as I lay back down.

"Chelsea Grey. We'll have to go shopping once you're home, buy everything for our little girl."

"I'll be on bed rest for a while."

"Then we can have Gia come around and set up the nursery and then once you're off bed rest we can go shopping for strollers, clothes, toys and everything else we could possibly need, I'll have Andrea find out all the baby specialist stores in Seattle and we can look online first then once you're off bed rest we'll go ok?"

I love how excited he is about this, I think we're going to have one very spoilt little girl on our hands if I don't rein daddy in first. He has this wide smile on his face and I know his brain is going through everything he can do with his daughter, I love that he's happy about it, from the way he was talking when we first found out I was convinced he wanted a boy even if he didn't say that when I asked.

"Let's just focus on making sure our baby's going to get here healthy first." I say giving his hand a squeeze.

"Yes." He says dryly and my heart plummets, does he think it's my fault?

"I'm sorry Christian." I say turning away from him so he won't see my tears.

"What are you sorry for Anastasia?" Damn full name, now I'm in trouble.

"Everything, for landing up here…"

"Hey, Mom explained what happened it wasn't your fault baby." He says giving my hand a small squeeze.

"You're not angry?"

"With no one but myself." He admits. "I should never have gone to China."

"But you had to because of work, did you do what you needed to out there?"

"Yeah, everything is sorted thank God." He replies, I don't think I'll ever find out what was so important in China but Christian says it's fine and he looks fine when talking about it so I believe that he isn't hiding anything from me because I have to stay calm.

"Christian, I'm really hungry." I say quietly, I've not eaten anything since I've been here and the clock on my wall says it's heading for six pm.

"I'll see what you're allowed, anything you want in particular?"

"No. Just food." I reply and he kisses me gently.

"I'll go sort it now."


	219. Chapter 219

**Still the same day as last 2 chapters - Thursday 7th March**

While Christian is getting me food I'm ecstatic when Grace shows Ray to my room. He looks like he's aged a heck of a lot in the past few hours as he comes to my bedside and wraps me up in a hug. It takes a few minutes but then I realise he's crying on my shoulder, the shaking of his body the only give away.

"Dad?" I ask cautiously, the usually taciturn man showing every emotion on his face.

"I'm sorry Annie." He sniffs taking a tissue from the bedside table.

"What's wrong?" I ask as he settles himself into the chair beside my bed.

"Between you and your mother… you're going to give me a heart attack one of these days." He means it as a joke but my gasp has him muttering apologies under his breath.

"You've seen Mom?"

"Grace thought it was a good idea for you and Christian to give each other a few minutes alone." He shrugs and I nod.

"Is Mom ok?"

"She'd be better if she'd get that chest seen too." He barks and I guess he's not happy with her either. "She's putting all this weight on your shoulders Annie and you don't need it you have to think about that little baby and yourself."

"It's not her fault." I say quietly.

"Isn't it?" Ray asks, he's never been bitter toward smy Mother before but I can see that all of this deeply upsets him and anger is his easiest way of showing some feeling. "You could have died! You and that baby."

"That wasn't Mom's fault." I say calmly, I know I'm not to get worked but it's a real challenge not to.

"Hmm." Is all Ray replied so I suspect he disagrees. "So how are you and that grandchild of mine doing Annie?"

"We're ok Dad." I smile reaching over to take his hand.

"You're getting so big."

"Nice way of saying I'm getting fat." I tease but he laughs with me so it's all good

When Christian returns Ray doesn't leave instead talks with Christian while I enjoy a hospitals version of a pasta salad. It's not Gail's food but I'm so hungry I eat it all no problem. I'm disappointed when Dad has to leave even though he's going back to our place for the night rather than travelling straight back which means I'll get to see him tomorrow.

After Grey leaves Christian wants me to rest but I've slept most of the day and I'm quite wired now! He dejectedly allows Kate and Mia to visit under the supervision of his Mother while he goes home with Taylor to get my overnight bag. It's one thing I have on standby in case something happens that wasn't brought, maybe I should just keep the maternity file with it then that way I won't forget.

"So Grace might have dropped a hint that you know whether we're having a Niece of Nephew." Kate said as she sat on the end of Ana's bed with Mia occupying the chair.

"Gender scan isn't until next week." I reply, I don't think I want to tell anyone yet.

"Oh come on Steele don't hold out on me!" Kate groans. "I need to know whether to go all out pink princess shopping or trucks, dinosaurs and blue."

"Whether or not I know you like everyone else can wait until next week!" I chuckle, I know Kate and Mia will both be ecstatic with a girl, the opportunity to go all out pink not going to come around too often.

"You're no fun." Kate petulantly pokes out her tongue making me and Mia giggle.

"Do we get to know what you're having next week then?" Mia asks and I smile and nod. "I thought you'd make us wait until the baby is born!"

"Christian and I will be shopping for a specific gender, big chances are we'll get busted with something obviously for one sex or the other by the press who seem to have taken stalking to the next new level." I explain, nothing can stay a secret too long with the press.

"Fair point." Mia sighs. "Though I can't help think that a surprise would be nice." Mia says quietly, she's beginning to muse a lightly which is quite the sight.

"Hey Mia could you give me and Ana a few moments?" Kate asks and Mia looks slightly surprised before she gives a smile and a nod and skips out, I know as soon as the door closes behind her that this conversation is about to take on a more serious tone. "So how are you really doing Steele?" Kate asks and that's all that was needed for the flood gates too open.

She quickly jumps off the bed, comes around to me and climbs back on to wrap me up in a tight hug. I hold onto her tight. I'm not panicking but I'm crying because I'm sad, I hope it doesn't have an effect on my blood pressure but sometimes you have to let it all out.

"That bad huh?" Kate asks grabbing a tissue from the bedside table and wiping my eyes for me.

"Kate it's awful." I say taking the tissue from her to wipe my nose. "I'm so scared and I don't know what to think anymore."

"What are you so scared about Ana?" She asks making no move to leave my side.

"My Mom dying, having this baby, everything is changing so fast Kate and I have no control over any of it, I feel like I'm on a giant rollercoaster with no way off."

"Oh Ana." She says giving me a gentle squeeze. "You know me, I won't bullshit you and I won't say I understand or anything but you know I'm here for you don't you? I can't imagine how scary all of this is, it sounds petrifying but I also think because you're surrounded by so much love that you'll get through it all and wonder what the hell you were so scared about."

"Thanks Kate." I say giving her a small squeeze.

"You know I love you Steele." She chuckles settling her head on my shoulder.

"I don't want her to die Kate but I've accepted it now. It hurts so much to know she won't be here to see my baby born or grow up but I don't blame her, I'm not mad with her for not fighting."

"That's good, when you go home and can see her again you should tell her." Kate says softly.

"Why?" I ask confused, I mean what child would ever tell their parent they accept their death.

"So she doesn't die thinking you're mad at her."

When Christian returns it's time for Kate to leave. I hug her for a little bit longer than necessary, a thousand words passing between us in just an embrace but with a small smile she leaves leaving me and my husband alone.

"Feeling better now?" He asks and I give him a smile and a nod. "Good, what did you and Kate talk about?"

"Just me." I shrug.

"Ok. You're ok right Ana?" His voice turns emotional and I reach out to him, he doesn't hesitate in taking my hand and letting me pull him into a hug.

"I'm ok." I whisper in his ear while he holds me.

"It would kill me if anything happened to either of you." He says quietly. "I was on that plane Ana wishing if something had happened to you that I wouldn't make it back to Seattle."

"Christian don't." I say my voice thick with tears, I'm dealing with a lot, Christian's suicidal thoughts is not something I ever want to think about.

"I shouldn't have gone, I knew something would happen." He's blaming himself, typical Christian.

"It's not your fault, I told you to go, Christian whatever it was going on out there was important."

"You're right." He sighs settling on the edge of my bed. "I'd have lost twenty five percent of my company had I not gone, which would have eventually led to me losing much more, investors would have started pulling out, the few stocks I have would have plummeted, eventually I could have lost everything."

"Everything?"

"Well GEH, AG would be fine they're under different names but I don't know what happened out there Ana but I was seeing everything I'd ever worked for plummeting and I was scared that I would lose it but not half as scared as I was when I got the phone call about you, it wasn't worth it to feel that."

"Christian we're fine. Did you manage to sort it all out?"

"Yeah." He gives me a small smile. "Took firing a few dickheads but it's ok now, everything's on the up again even in this recession so it's all good."

I can't imagine what Christian would do if he lost his business, my guess is take everything he lost and everything he still has and start again, he's too good at business to just sit back and retire.

"Now madam, it's getting late, try and get some rest."

"Lie with me?"

"I wouldn't be anywhere else." He says kicking off his shoes.

As soon as he's squished onto the bed with me I curl up in his side and allow sleep to take over, feeling happier and safer than I have since he left for China.


	220. Chapter 220

**Friday 8th March**

Christian and I have finally been allowed to see the 3D scan of our child. It's amazing! The button nose, eyes everything is so visible and I'm in complete awe! They can't confirm or deny if my child is a girl or not because it's only ninety eight percent accurate but they show the bottom half and show that there is no sign of a penis however I'll be told for certain at my end of sixteenth week scan this time next week.

I'm also allowed to go home. There's no protein in my urine and my blood pressure has been normal for more than twelve hours. I'm not on complete bed rest but more rest than normal but of course Christian will have me in bed until Sally insists I get out more and so be it, I understand how worried he is. I'll also have a urine test every day for the next week and have to take low dose aspirin for the foreseeable future to help my blood pressure to but according to Grace my blood was good, my platelet count, liver enzyme count and every other test they did on me has them confident that I am not suffering with pre-eclampsia though I'm now officially high risk and in my third trimester mainly they will be monitoring me carefully but other than that I'm good to go.

Arriving back at the house Christian insists on carrying me upstairs even though I'm allowed to walk. I let him just so I can snuggle up in his arms tight while Taylor and Sawyer unload my overnight bag.

Once tucked up in bed Christian cuddles in beside me. He hasn't slept much so I know he'll shortly be out like a light but me, I've slept way too much while being in hospital and I need to do some stuff. I wait until his breath is even before I send a text to Luke to have him bring up my Mac. He sneaks in quietly and says nothing accepting my nod in thanks.

I get some work before the alarm Christian set on his phone for dinner time rings and I quickly put my laptop away and settle down so Christian thinks I've slept.

"You know, work can be deemed stress Ana." Christian says as he turns off the alarm. "You're not supposed to be doing anything stressful."

"Stress would be leaving all of this. I've got to sort out the final details for the take over and renaming of Manhattan Publishing House, I'm still waiting to hear on the Manhattan salon, I'm working on contacting your brother for a refurb of Christasia Seattle, I have my books to attend to and their publicity to do." I explain pushing myself upright, busted.

"I know but you shouldn't be thinking about them Ana." He says wrapping me up in a hug.

"Doing them is less stressful than leaving the emails to pile up Christian, work is the least stressful thing in my life at the moment, doing it keeps me calm."

"You're not leaving this house for a week Ana, you're supposed to be on your feet only for a few hours at a time."

"I know, I won't go into the office but I can work from the study while you're at Grey's House doing some work." I reply and he sighs heavily.

"I can take a week off."

"No you can't, whatever you had going on in China still needs to be tended to from here, go do it Christian, have Sawyer call you if I even attempt to leave the property."

"Fine but we can worry about that on Monday, its dinner time Mrs Grey and Gail's made mac and cheese." He smirks, I know he asked her for it specifically.

We have dinner with Ray before he travels back, he's working on getting some time from work, maybe a week or so that he can come and stay with us before my Mom passes, now she's sicker than we first suspected the big family holiday is out of the question.

After dinner and Ray's departure Christian and I go back to the bedroom, we've been told that we shouldn't have sex for a few days as sex raises the blood pressure so when he puts on some music and lights some candles in the bathroom I'm slightly suspicious.

"Bath time Mrs Grey." He says picking me up off the bed, I'm starting to think that Christian feels like I've got a broken leg not high blood pressure.

Once he has me naked and in the bath he strips down and joins me. It's a little disappointing having him only touch me in a placid manner but it's also in some way nice that this doesn't always mean sex for us.

After he washes me and my hair and himself, he climbs out leaving me to soak for a few minutes. When he comes back he's already in his pyjama bottoms, my mouth waters at the sight of him and he knows it, the smug grin on his face a dead give-away.

"You know, you look amazing, your body has changed again since I went away." He says as he helps me out of the bath wrapping me up in a towel.

"I've put on two pounds since I last saw the midwife, the chocolate shake and donuts doing their job." I chuckle.

"No I mean you have a glow about you Ana and your boobs are bigger."

"Of course you'd notice those." I chuckle as he sits on the bench beside the sinks with me on his lap.

"Obviously." He says with a smile as he begins to dry my body and hair. Once he's satisfied he takes me into the bedroom which is now bathed in candle light. He takes the towel from me and gently lays me in the centre of the bed.

I notice he's taken out the massage kit he bought me and is about to make use of some of the oil. The stretch mark moisturiser in the kit has been used twice daily but the rest of the kit is being used for the first time.

He starts at my right foot, his hands wet with lubricant. I sigh in pleasure as he works his fingers into the tender muscles of my toes and heel before switching over to the next foot. It's so nice but I won't deny that there's a slight throb in my core that I recognise to be me wanting him though I know tonight that's not going to happen. After finishing with my feet he washes his hands then comes back and tends to my shoulders. His fingers work into every kink and groove and completely relax me. When he massages some of the stretch mark lotion into my stomach I fall into an easy sleep.


	221. Chapter 221

**Sorry about the wait, between work training and getting sick I've not had much time, energy or inspiration to write, this isn't the best I've written but I hope you enjoy it anyway!**

**Saturday 9th March**

"Rise and shine baby." I hear Christian call as I wake. I open my eyes to find him already fully dressed and stood in the doorway of our room.

"What time is it?"

"Ten am." He smiles. "Taylor and I went out and we got some catalogues from some local baby boutiques and I thought we could start shopping for ideas for Chelsea." He smiles.

Just the use of our daughter's name has me grinning. If it didn't feel real before it definitely does now. I can't believe that we're having a little girl, a little girl we've named Chelsea but that's our secret for now though I am excited to share everything with our family.

"Hmm, I don't want to get up." I reply feeling quite warm and comfortable in bed.

"Well you don't have to get up but you need to be awake, Gail's bringing breakfast up for you." He smiles.

"Breakfast in bed? I can walk to the kitchen." I reply pushing myself to sitting as he comes over to kiss me.

"I know." He replies when his lips leave mine. "But better safe than sorry you're not leaving this bed only for the bathroom for the rest of the weekend."

"Yes Sir." I reply making him groan.

"Don't Ana, we're not allowed sex please…"

"I'm not allowed sex Mr Grey however…" I pull him to the bed and climb to straddle him. "You can." I kiss him softly as I begin working on his shirt, I can see he wants to object but he doesn't which satisfies me, I don't like the idea of him having to go without while I can definitely give.

I go down on him and suck on him till he comes, it's not sex but I enjoy giving oral to him as much as he enjoys it. He cuddles up with me once his pants are back in place and we stay like that until Gail comes up with breakfast for me. While I eat Christian gathers up all the catalogues he and Taylor went to fetch and we begin to shop.

"That's the pushchair I want, it's the only one I've seen like it." I say pointing one out to Christian in one of the catalogues.

"I'll have someone go pick it up today, what colour would you like?"

"Hmm… the … uh … wheat one." They don't have it in pink so I'm going for the nicest of the lot.

"Wheat it is." Christian writes it down and I can't hide how excited I am to have it now. "So that's your pushchair chosen, I'm going for an Orbit jogger's stroller." He says marking out one and writing pink on his notepad, I can't wait to see Christian pushing that around! It's going to be so adorable.

"Ok so we have pushchairs and car seats, do you want a baby carrier?" He asks flicking over to where the things that remind me of haversacks are where you place your kid in.

"Yes." I nod, I can have the baby on me while I sit at my desk working, that will be fun.

"Ok, here they are." He shows me the pages and we both spend time picking one out

"I wanted to talk to you about something." I say when he turns the page.

"Ok?" He questions closing the catalogue and looking at me so I have all his attention.

"It's about breastfeeding." I explain and he nods for me to continue. "I don't want to do it."

"Ok." He nods going deep into thought. "Can I ask why?"

"My Mom never breastfed me and it never did me any harm and I've never really liked the idea, you know growing up I just always thought I'd formula feed my kids."

"It's your choice Ana though they say breastfeeding is healthier."

"It is but not by much these days, there's a lot more nutrients in formula then there used to be." I reply and he gives me a smile and a nod.

"It's your choice, it's your body, I will admit I thought automatically that you would breastfeed but you don't have to if you don't want to."

"Ok." I smile. "Now what else do we need."

I feel relieved getting that conversation out of the way, it had been something on my mind for a while but when I spotted the breastfeeding equipment in the catalogue I knew I had to say something and soon and in all honesty I expected an argument about 'our baby's health' but it didn't happen and I am so relieved about that.

We peer over the catalogues for a little while longer and Christian eventually finishes the list and takes it to Taylor, a part of me doesn't like that we won't be going to get them ourselves but then I'm also glad they'll be here and I won't have to worry about them.

We both cuddle up in bed with our Macs both getting some work done. I'm glad Christian hasn't stopped me from doing this because I just have so much to do and would be far more stressed if I didn't work than if I would.

When Sally arrives Luke shows her up to the room and we go through everything from blood being drawn to a urine sample and she says she'll call with the result, it's quite annoying but I know if they find something that they're not happy about it will be good. My blood pressure is still normal and Sally insists to Christian that I don't need to stay on bed rest and that a walk out in the open air would do me some good, I've also been cleared to have sex and resume daily activities just stick away from stress inducing situations which is a subtle suggestion that I stay away from my Mom, sorry that isn't going to happen.

After Sally leaves Christian and I have lunch on the patio. It's a nice day, the weather is slightly warmer and the spring is definitely coming in.

"Anything you want to do this afternoon?" Christian asks as we finish up our meal.

"I'd like to go and see my Mom." I say avoiding his eyes, I don't want to see the look in his eyes at that suggestion.

"Do you think that's wise?" He asks, his voice taking on that gruff CEO growl that has me almost cowering in fear but instead I look up at him, determination running rampant through my veins.

"She's my Mother Christian, I will go and see her, with or without your blessing but preferably with as I'd like you to come with me." I say my voice taking on my CEO persona, which rarely ever comes to light even in work, it's just not necessary for me.

"Ok." He sighs rubbing his chin thoughtfully. "We'll go but you have to promise me not to get worked up, to talk openly and honestly so you don't end up bottling everything up inside."

"I promise." I smile tentatively, I am really relieved he's going with this, she's my Mom and I know she doesn't have too much longer left and as much as I know I have to take care of myself I have to let her know that I love her, and I know how much she loves me too, I understand how that unconditional love has bonded since before my birth and I have to do it before she dies.

After lunch is cleared away and we're washed and dressed we head over to my Mom's without security, Christian driving his R8 for a change. We pull up outside and I see him frown.

"What is it?" I ask looking in the same direction as him.

"That's my Mother's car." He says nodding his head towards the blue Citroen Picasso across the road.

"Are you sure? I mean it could just be…"

"I recognise the plate." He interrupts knowing exactly what I'm going to say.

"Well your Mom was hanging out with us while you were away, I sensed she and my Mom had become friends." I shrug, I don't think there's anything unusual about Grace being here.

"Come on then." He says with a small reassuring smile, I guess he senses my apprehension.

Bob opens the door with a severely worried look in his eyes. My heart begins to pound hard inside my chest and I have to remind myself to breathe and calm down as he ushers us inside.

"What is it Bob?" I ask my voice sounding so small, Christian looks down at me, I know he is worrying about my blood pressure right now but I'm not, I'm worrying about my Mom.

"She's not good Ana, Grace is upstairs with her." I don't let him say anymore, I tug my hand from Christian's and almost sprint upstairs ignoring him calling my name in frustration.

I burst into the master suite to find Grace sat on the stool from the vanity holding my Mom's hand, she looks so white, and vulnerable, she looks sick.

"Ana." Grace says when she spots me, my Mom's eyes are closed and her breathing even showing she's sleeping.

"What's wrong?" I ask walking slowly to the bed, I'm almost scared to hear what she has to say.

"She has fluid on the lungs." Grace says after clearing her throat.

"Is that bad?" I ask uncomfortably, I can see my Mom is really sick, sicker than I have ever seen her.

"If she doesn't go to the hospital it's fatal, it's already pneumonia and if the infection doesn't kill her then the fluid will eventually drown her." Grace says quietly as she reaches and takes my hand.

"Then why isn't she in a hospital?!" I yell angrily, I see my Mom jump and regain full consciousness but I look at Grace and wait for an answer impatiently.

"She's said no hospitals." Grace says quietly. "I tired Ana I'm so sorry." She whispers tears in her eyes.

"How long?" I ask my voice non-existent but Grace hears me.

"Few hours." She admits. "It's a waiting game Ana."

"Why didn't you call me?" I whisper, my voice failing due to the penetrating lump in my throat.

"I asked her not to." Mom croaks from the bed. "Didn't want you to see me dying." She continues.

"Mom." I manage to whisper in a high pitched moan sort of way.

"Come here." She pats on the bed by her hip and I walk to her letting my hand slip from Grace's.

I sit down beside her and she takes my hand in her own. My heart beaks inside my chest and I force myself to take deep even breaths knowing I need to keep my blood pressure down.

"I'm sorry." She says quietly. "But I can't fight anymore, I'm too tired to fight Anastasia."

"But what about me?" I sigh frustrated, I know it's unfair and selfish of me but I don't care.

"Oh baby, I'm thinking of you." She says tugging me down to lie beside her so she can hold me. "You and that baby of yours, sooner I'm gone, the sooner you can move on and focus on the two of you."

"No Mom…"

"Ana, if I fought, it would just delay the inevitable making it harder on all of you." She says squeezing me a little as I cry. "If I had more fight in me, it would still lead to a lot of difficult obstacles which would stress you out and bring more harm to you than good, at least this way we both get the difficult part out of the way."

"I don't care!" I cry into her side. "I don't care about it being hard I just want you to live to meet Chelsea, your granddaughter Mom, you have to meet her."

"Oh baby." Mom hiccups. "I will be watching over the both of you, I promise you that I know she'll be loved and just as beautiful as her Mother."

"I love you Mom, so much. I know now too how much you love me, from the moment you knew about me, even through the fear. I get that now Mom." I sob into her side.

"I know you do darling, and that makes me so happy. I would hate to go without you knowing that I love you so much."

"This is goodbye isn't it?" I'm near hysterical.

"Ana, darling you need to calm down, why don't we get a cup of tea and take time to process this news." Grace says coming to my side and helping me sit up, Mom doesn't answer my question, her eyes are closed and there are soft tear tracks on her cheeks. I know she's still there, the soft rising and falling of her chest that sign but I guess she doesn't want to answer me.

"Go on, I'll still be here when you get back." Mom smiles her eyes still closed.

"I love you." I whisper leaning in to her ear. "So much, please know that."

"I do." She says before I kiss her lips gently, I don't remember the last time I kissed her lips always opting for her cheek or head but it feels as normal as anything else.

Grace guides me from the bedroom and as soon as the bedroom door shuts she holds me tight in her arms.

"I understand she's ready to go." I say quietly. "Even though I don't want to be, I have to be to right?"

"I'm afraid so darling, it's really just a matter of time now. I've called the doctor, he's on standby to come and officially pronounce time of death." Grace admits and I nod, I really am not emotionally ready for this moment but I know it's going to come, any time now.


	222. Chapter 222

**I think you ALL know what's coming in this so I'd recommend some Kleenex, even I needed some for this one. **

**Sunday 10th March**

It's a waiting game now.

Mom's doctor has been here for the past couple of hours and has confirmed what Grace has said, she's slowly slipping away, it could take hours, it could take minutes, it all depends on her mind and body.

It's only just gone midnight but everyone is here now. Christian had one of his pilots fly Charlie Tango to pick up Ray. Kate and Elliot arrived first as Christian had texted the news to his brother, Mia and Ethan arrived shortly afterwards and Carrick came when Grace phoned him. This is her family. Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like to have a brother or a sister but know I genuinely do know what that is like. I have Mia, Ethan, Elliot and Kate, they're my siblings, not genetically obviously but I believe in nurture over nature any day and nurture made us into a family somehow.

I have to leave Mom's side every hour on the hour for Grace to check my blood pressure. The few times it's been high I haven't been allowed back to my Mom's side until it's come down again. It's been hard, the fear that she will go when I'm not by my side.

Christian would like me to get some sleep, but we all know that isn't going to happen. None of us in this room will really sleep tonight, not for a long time but Mom's sleeping peacefully. That's important, a part of me hopes while she sleeps her body will fight off the infection on it's own even though Mom's doctor explained to me that a tumour on her spleen has made it completely impossible for her to fight off any infection. He wanted to get her to a hospital too, give her a chest drain and antibiotics but he also explained that it had no guarantees of making her survive and understood when she signed a DNR (do not resuscitate) form. It broke my heart, like she was signing away her last chance at some life but at the same time I understand it.

"How are you doing darling?" Grace asks as I sit with my feet in the heated pool that Mom never got the chance to use.

"I'm ok." I reply tracing the outline of the mug with my fingers. "Is she still asleep?"

"Yes." Grace nods and I sigh.

"Will she even wake up?"

"I don't know."

"A part of me hopes she won't." I say quietly as Grace slips off her own shoes and comes to sit beside me. "I don't want her to suffer any more than she has done already."

"That's ok to feel like that Ana." She says taking my hand in her own as she swishes her feet through the water.

"I've said everything I needed to." I continue. "And I think she's said everything too." Grace just gives my hand a gentle squeeze.

"And everyone else has said their goodbyes Ana." Grace adds and I nod, she's said her goodbyes and she's ready to go and it kills me inside.

"I'm just scared Grace." I sigh resting my head on her shoulder and looking up into the night sky. "I mean everything changes now." I say quietly and she nods gently.

"I know sweet girl but you know, they don't change for the worse or for the better. There will be occasions where you miss her more and other times you'll be so busy your mind isn't on her or her passing." Grace says and I'm reminded that Grace has not long gone through this herself.

"Do you think about your Dad often?" I ask carefully, I know it's none of my business but I've bonded with Grace especially over this so I feel it's ok to ask.

"Every day, even if it's just a moment when I'm washing my hands or chopping vegetables, sometimes it makes me sad or melancholy other times it makes me smile as I remember a memory of some kind." She replies. "It was all that was on my mind when it happened, I was angry at the world Ana for taking him away but then I knew it was going to happen someday whether now or ten years from now and slowly I stopped being angry and I was sad, really sad that he was gone and there would be no new memories and then the sadness passed and I just remembered."

I just hold her tighter at this. I hate that she had to go through that pain so much but as I've realised lately, we don't get to choose who dies when, it just happens and there is nothing we can do to change that.

"Go and be with her a while Ana." Grace says. "She'll know you're there even if she's not awake."

After leaving Grace I head inside and up to my Mom's room, I feel eyes on me as I walk though no one says a word to me. I'm not surprised, I wouldn't say a word to me right now either. Christian seems at a lost, he doesn't know what to do preferring to wrap me up in bubble wrap and if it wasn't for Grace I think we could have a had a huge fight about my blood pressure which would have caused it to rise higher.

I slip into my Mom's room and find Bob sitting beside her holding her hand.

"Hey Ana." He gives me a weak smile as I go around to the other side of the bed and climb in beside my Mom, curling up into her side as if I was six years old again. Bob gets up to leave but I sit upright and shake my head, I want us both there for her, I know he loves her and she him and when the time does finally come I think she'd like it if we were both there. Bob lay's his head down beside my Mom's hip and closes his eyes. The fatigue I'm feeling slowly starts to win over and I kiss my Mom's cheek.

"I love you." I mutter quietly into her ear. "You can go whenever you're ready to." I add wanting to somehow give her my approval, as if that would make this whole situation better on all of us.

"Ana's right." I hear Bob say. "We're here for you and we're not going anywhere, you let go when you're ready to." He says his voice thick with tears. "I love you Carla." He adds.

We both fall quiet and eventually asleep. I dream of my childhood, almost seeing my life with Mom flashing through my mind in my dreams and it continues right up into this moment when suddenly I burst awake feeling nauseous.

Bob is startled by my jerking on the bed. He rubs his sleepy eyes for a moment then we both turn to my Mom. I bite back the tears when I see that her chest is no longer moving. My eyes slowly meet Bob's and the tears fall down his face too. I wrap my arm back around my Mom and bury my head into the crook of her neck while Bob holds her hand to his cheek. I squeeze my eyes shut and allow myself to begin grieving. She's gone.

As I cry an old song I love comes to mind. It's one I love for its message is clear.

_You taught me everything and everything you've given me_

_I always keep it inside_

_You're the driving force in my life._

I weep with complete sorrow for the woman that's gone. She was my everything before Ray came into our lives and she'll always have an important and special place in my life and in my heart. That will never change, no one can replace her.

_There isn't anything or anyone that I can be_

_And it just wouldn't feel right_

_If I didn't have you by my side._

It's really sad to think that for someone as shy as I was all my confidence came from this woman. When I was growing up she always reminded me there wasn't anything that I couldn't do if I set my mind and heart to it. It's what I always remember.

_You were there for me, to love and care for me_

_When the skies were grey_

_Whenever I was down, you were always there to comfort me_

_No one else can be, what you have been to me_

_You'll always, you will always be the girl in my life for all time._

It's so hard to think about life now. How things are going to be now she's gone. The most important thing for me though is knowing she's no longer suffering. I hated seeing her so thin and frail even before this infection. I can't take my mind from the way she looked when we went swimming, seeing her in a two piece with her ribs showing clearly, her face gaunt. It hurt to know she was in pain even though she hid it so well.

_Mama, Mama, you know I love you_

_Oh you know I love you_

_Mama, Mama you're the queen of my heart_

_Your love is like tears from the stars_

_Mama I just want you to know_

_Loving you is like food to my soul._

I count myself lucky that the last thing I got to say to her was that I loved her. That's important to me and makes me realise how horrible it must have been for Grace and Mrs Trevelyan who didn't even get to say goodbye like Bob and I.

The door to the bedroom opens and I lift my head to see Grace and the doctor. Her eyes meet mine and I just give a small nod. Her shoulders fall and they both come in quietly. I don't move as the doctor checks Mom's pulse and quietly turns to Grace.

"Time of death, three thirteen am."

Grace gives a nod and the doctor leaves, I know he's given the time of death as of the moment he confirmed it, even though I know she's been dead a little while, she's no longer warm but not cold either. I kiss my Mom's cheek once more and lean into her ear.

"I love you Mom, that will never change." I whisper before climbing off the bed. I know the Doctor has gone to call for a coroner and it won't be long before her body's moved. I allow Grace to take my hand and lead me out of the room giving Bob some privacy. "I need to tell everyone." I say quietly and she gives a nod, I'm glad she can see I'd prefer to do it than have anyone else do it and so she follows me quietly down the stairs.

I slip into the living room and all eyes turn to me. I look at Grace and she gives me a small smile.

"She's gone." Is all I can say, my voice barely a whisper but a whisper nonetheless and everyone hears me.

Christian and Ray both stand but I shake my head, right now I don't want to be comforted, I want to be alone to reflect on my life with Mom before the coroners come and I really have to face the fact that she isn't coming back.

I head out onto the patio and slide the door shut behind me. I greedily suck in the cool night air, grateful for how it fills my lungs as inside the temperature was stifling, the air thick and unappealing.

I look up to the stars. The night clear allowing me to see them twinkling. Inside I hope and pray that her soul is up there now and she is watching over us as she promised. My hand rests on my bump and I feel a tear fall down my cheeks. I'm heading into my sixteenth week and I am so scared even more so now that I don't have my Mom to turn to, I can't ask her anything more about pregnancy or motherhood. I didn't really get the chance to ask her the questions I already had but that doesn't matter anymore. What matters is that I got the chance to say goodbye.

"Ana." I turn to see a tearful Grace coming outside. "It's cold out here, come in to the warmth sweetie." She says kindly and I nod and follow her indoors just as two men come in with a trolley and a black bag.

"I don't want to see this." I say quietly.

"Ok, come on let me make you some tea." Grace says and I follow her through to the kitchen trying hard not to think about the men in my Mom's room placing her body in a bag.

Grace takes me over to the cream couch Mom put in the kitchen and gives me my warm tea, I snuggle up into her side, taking comfort from the fact that she's been here and understands as well as some of the maternal way she behaves towards me, I guess I should have a word with Flynn about this though, make sure I'm not unintentionally trying to replace what I've lost or something similarly unhealthy. I mean Grace and I have always been emotional with each other, from the moment she thanked me for 'saving' Christian and giving her son back to her I knew she was an emotional woman and I could be as emotional back especially in areas Christian would have no idea how to handle it being a still developing adolescent at times.

Footsteps behind us have Grace and I sitting upright to see who it is. I see Ray who has tear stains down his cheeks and my heart breaks for him, I'm glad he's here now.

"They've gone." He says and I stand and walk around to him just to be wrapped up in his arms, he's my only parent now Mom's gone. "I've got you Annie." He whispers in my ear as I sob on his shoulders. "Christian has called back to your house and he's having the guest rooms quickly set up and some drinks made for everyone." He looks over my shoulder to Grace. "We're all planning on going back there."

"Of course." I hear Grace say.

"Bob too?" I ask, I am really worried for him right now, he shouldn't be left alone.

"Bob too." He gives me a small smile like he's thankful to see me thinking of others.

I let him lead me inside with Grace right behind us. I feel so heavy and it has nothing to do with my baby bump. I feel like I have so much weight pressing down on my shoulders making it difficult to stand and walk like normal. Christian comes off his phone when we enter the room and I easily leave Ray's arms to be wrapped up in his. I saw his tears, I don't know if he's managed to hide them from everyone else but I can see he's close to crying too though I don't understand why, it's something we'll have to talk about just not right now.

"Take me home Christian?" I ask and he gives me a small smile.

"Luke, Taylor, Oreon and Ryan are on the way with two SVU's to help get everyone to our place, one of them will bring the SVU around." He explains and I nod quietly.

I leave the comfort of his arms when the door is knocked on lightly, I guess our security has arrived. I find Bob sitting on the stairs clutching tight to the pillow off their bed. Without thinking I sit beside him and wrap an arm around his shoulders, he doesn't think twice in resting his head on my shoulder, he knows we're both grieving now.

After a few minutes Christian comes to get us and along with Ray we travel home. I can't wait to be in my own house now, the death of my Mother making me want to be anywhere but in her house, it was never really her home.

"I'll be in my study." I say quietly as soon as we're through the door.

"Ana?"

"I'm fine Christian I just want to be alone ok?" I say and he nods uncomfortably, I sort of know I won't be left on my own too long, the risk to my blood pressure far to great for anyone to take that risk but just some alone time will be nice.

I hear everyone else arriving as I curl up on the cushioned windowsill and look out onto the night sky. The stars are just that much brighter from this house. I switch off the lights in the room and grab the throw blanket from the back of the couch to keep warm.

A knock on the door has me groaning, I just want a little alone time.

"Sorry Ana, I just wanted to check if you wanted something to eat or drink." Gail spots me even in the pitch black room.

"A tea would be nice." I say quietly.

"Ok."

"Thank you." I add as she heads out, I don't know how much Gail may or may not appreciate being thanked but it's my way of appreciating her and letting her know that.

It's hard to think that everything my Mom might have had to say has been lost, anything she wanted to do will stay undone. It's a horrible feeling right in my chest, in my heart. I can't cry at the moment, even though I want to. My mind replaying bits of my life like on autoplay. That's when I get a flash pack of a pink envelope with my name scrawled in her writing. At first I think it's a birthday card or something from my past but then I remember water and red two piece swimsuit.

Mom gave me a letter. She gave me a letter and told me that I would know when the right time was to open it. I jump from the window seat and hurry over to my desk knocking the lamp light on quickly. Gail comes in with my tea as tap out the code for my safe before it beeps open. She looks at me concerned but I give her a small smile before I start rooting through the contents of my large fireproof floodproof safe.

"Everything ok Ana?" Grace asks popping her head around the door as Gail exits.

"Yeah fine." I say brushing her off while moving my first ever manuscript of Fifty Shades pre-editing and finding the pink envelope.

I take it out of the safe and push it shut, it beeps and clicks locking up again while I walk to my desk my eyes not leaving the baby pink envelope in my hand even as I sit down. I thought Grace had left but when I feel her hand on my shoulder I realise she hadn't.

"It's ok to not be ok." She says quietly.

"I'm fine." I shrug as I place the envelope on the desk but making no move to open it. "She said I'd know when to open it."

"Do you think now's the time?" She asks perching on the edge of my desk so she can look at me but I don't even try to make eye contact with her.

"I don't know." I shrug. "I don't know if I'll ever feel it right to open it but I always thought I'd open it before she died. Do you know what's in this Grace?" I remember he being there when she gave it to me so it's a small hope that she can guide me.

"I have no idea sorry Ana." She replies sadly. "You don't have to open it now, why don't you leave it until the morning and try and get some sleep."

"I'm not tired, I slept for a little bit earlier." I shrug. "You go and get some sleep though Grace you haven't and you look exhausted."

"I'd rather be here for you."

"I'm ok." I say giving her hand a small squeeze. "I don't think it's really hit me yet."

"I'd rather be around when it does." Grace admits and I give her a small smile, she's becoming my saving Grace.

"Thank you." I smile before taking the letter and going over to the couch with Grace following me.

Gail comes in with a plate of sandwiches and puts it on the coffee table. I give her a smile and shake my head.

"Get some sleep Gail." I tell her quietly.

"Doesn't look like anyone will be sleeping soon Ana, I'd rather be of some help." She says quietly before slipping out not giving me a chance to say anymore.

My cell phone rings and it's an unknown number, I'm always wary to answer calls that I don't know who's on the other end.

"Ana Grey?" I answer wearily because it's only four am, who the hell is up at four am?

"Mrs Grey my name is Gail Thorn from Seattle Independent Times…"

I hang up and thrown my phone away in anger. I can't believe the audacity!

"Ana?" Grace questions.

"It was the press." I say quietly. "I guess they know now. I'm going to let the security know." I stand but Grace does too.

"I'll go, you try eat something." She says nodding to the sandwiches.

I nod in agreement, my belly rumbling softly, it's been a while since I ate anything and when I had dinner I barely managed any of it.

I pick up a quarter of a cheese sandwich and sit back on the couch to eat it, well, more like nibble at it. As I eat it my eyes lie on the pink envelope. I need to open it but I'm scared to read what it says. When Grace comes in I realise now isn't the time to open it. I'll open it when I'm ready to and when I'm alone in privacy.

"Ok?" Grace asks as she sits beside me.

"Yeah, where's Christian?"

"He's working with the security getting ready to go out and see the press and ask for some privacy."

"I'll do it." I say standing up.

"Ana maybe that's not a good idea."

"They may leave us alone if I go, she's my Mom." I say grabbing the letter and shoving it into my pocket not caring about it getting wrinkled.

I find Christian and the security standing in his office, they all give me sympathetic glances when I walk in but I'm done being the weak little girl who's just lost her mother, I'm done crying … at least for now.

"Ana, baby you should get some rest." Christian says quietly, I know he's at a lost right now so I don't blame him for saying something that seems so ludicrous.

"I'll talk to the press." I say quietly. "I should do it."

"Are you sure? I can handle it."

"No." I say shaking my head. "I will do it." I say firmly and Christian somehow sense that he's not to mess with me on this. "I'm going for a shower." I say letting Christian work out having me out there to face the press later on while I try and wash away the past twenty ish hours.

In the shower I let my tears fall quietly. Here I can hide for a few minutes and grieve. I know everyone is expecting me to be a mess and being unable to hold it together but right now I feel like I need to hold it together, I can cry later, at the funeral, whenever but not while there are arrangements to be made.

Thinking of her funeral I will need to ask Bob if she had made any arrangements or had any preferences so I can adhere to them. I want everything to be perfect, I think horse drawn glass carriage rather than a hearse, lots and lots of flowers… Mom loves … loved flowers.

I can see the wreaths I want made for her in my mind and I know I'll have to get on to the florist soon, I know I don't have to think of money issues so it will be a case of spare no expense. I know her favourite music, a couple of hymns she mentioned liking in passing so I know I can really give her a great final farewell.

After I've been stood in the shower long after I'm cried out and washed all over I climb out. When I step into the bedroom I find Christian sat awkwardly at the end of the bed.

"Stupid question but how are you feeling?" He asks uncomfortably.

"I'm ok." I reply and he gives me a look that says he doesn't believe a word of it. "I really am ok Christian." I say giving him a weak and forced smile.

"You know, I know it's not the same but when my Grandfather passed away it hurt Ana, it felt like someone had taken something from me, something so special that I knew I could never get back and I couldn't stop wishing I'd told him more how much I loved and appreciated him over the years."

"If I think like that Christian I'm going to be a mess and it's not good for me or Chelsea." I tell him rubbing my belly with the hand not holding up the towel.

"But if you hold it in it's going to eat you up Ana."

"I'm not holding anything in Christian." I sigh in frustration. "Right now there is so much I have to think about, so much that needs to be done, I can grieve later."

"Ok." He sighs guessing he's losing this one. "Just don't hide it away from me Ana, I want to hold you when you cry and be there when you need to talk ok?" He says walking to me.

"Ok." I reply with a soft smile, he's so special to me I couldn't bare it if I lost him.

"Ok." He repeats before giving me a soft smile. "We should get changed, you don't have to do this if you don't want to…"

"Christian I want to." I say before kissing him again. "Ok?"

"Ok."

We head into our separate closets to change, I enjoy the solidarity for a while as I find one of the black dresses in my maternity wear. I'm very lucky I decided that black would be an ok colour to wear to work when pregnant as it's a colour I generally avoid.

After drying myself off and pulling my hair back into a ponytail I change quickly and find a pair of black sling backs. I pull a black jacket onto my shoulders and button it up just above my bump. My mind drifts to the press statement I'm about to give. I wonder if maybe I should write something down rather than speak off the top of my head but when Christian comes in dressed in his black suit with black tie I know that there really isn't time to write anything out.

Arriving downstairs I meet the rest of the family in the living room. Everyone's washed and changed and I guess we'll all be going outside. I give Christian's hand a small squeeze, I couldn't hold it together if it wasn't for him and the people surrounding me right now.

Taylor clearing his throat in the door way grabs all of our attention and we follow him out. The security all meets us at the front door and as one whole unit we walk down to the front gate. I can see the camera flashes as we walk, the early morning spring sun just peeking through the trees, the slight breeze bitterly cold against my still damp cheeks.

We hold back while Taylor, Luke, Oreon and Ryan open the gates and make sure that the press stand at a reasonable distance. Christian wraps an arm around my shoulder as we finally walk through the gates. We stand close, the whole family. I feel hands on my back and shoulders as I take a deep breath.

"At three thirteen am, my Mother, Carla Wilks passed away. She had been diagnosed with cancer which caused an infection which sadly killed her, she was just forty three years old." I hiccup a sob but I have no tears, I don't know where I'm getting this strength from but my voice is strong and determined. "We, as a family would like to thank you all for your support however we would ask that you respect our wishes and allow us some privacy during this time to grieve. Thank you." As I finish Christian wraps my up in his arms and I bury my face in his chest.

"As I'm sure you can imagine this is a terrible time for our family." His voice resonates through me, even though I hear his 'CEO' voice there's also a sorrow there that I don't think I've ever heard before. "Especially for my wife, I'm sure you can understand our need and want for some peace to grieve for Carla and we hope you'll all find it in your hearts to respect our wishes. Like Ana said, we are very grateful to you all for your support. Thank you."

He gives me a small tug and we turn and head for the house. I'm surprised that there are no cameras flashing or questions being fired at us. I spot a small amount of flowers that have gathered at the gate and frown, who put those there?

"I'll have the team bring the flowers to the house." Christian whispers in my ear.

"Ok." I nod, I am just so lost right now that I don't really know how to react or what to say.

When we arrive back in the house the sombre mood engulfs me. I feel like I'm drowning in a pool of sorrow and I'm struggling to catch my breath. I close my eyes and breathe deeply, Christian gives my hand a small squeeze knowing I'm trying not to panic and keep calm for Chelsea.

"Gail?" I lift my head and open my eyes to see Gail looking slightly unsure of herself.

"I've made breakfast Sir, if anyone is hungry."

"I think we should all try and eat something." I say bringing a lot of attention to myself. "Mom wouldn't want us starving ourselves." I say pulling out of Christian's hold and walking towards the dining room. The only reason I'm being like this is because I need to eat for Chelsea and would prefer it if everyone ate.


	223. Chapter 223

**Trying something new in this now, even though Ana will be asleep and won't actually know what's going on I'm still going to write it, please tell me what you think, if it works or not. Thanks!**

**Alsoooo – I would really like genuine opinions on this, I haven't quite decided what I'm doing next and your reviews MAY influence it, depending on what you say because I have a feeling like the pregnancy it will be fifty fifty letting me choose anyway! ;)**

**I'd also like to dedicate this chapter –**

**To Rhian, my darling big sister, my best friend – I thank the Lord every day that you survived cancer. I can't imagine having to be the big sister, you do such a good job of it and you've blessed my life with a beautiful nephew too. I will always be your only little sister!**

**To Maggie, my aunt, you beat breast cancer! You're one of the strongest women I know, I have so much to be thankful to you for and for surviving is just one small drop in the large ocean. I love you.**

**To Karen, I wish you were still with us every day, you'll always be in my heart and thoughts. **

**To Alex, you were taken way before your time, I'm thankful you are no longer suffering but know that we all miss you so much, will never forget our first kiss ;) **

**STILL! - Sunday 10th March**

I'm completely spent. I sit in my office sorting out everything I can for Mom's funeral while everyone else is somewhere else in the house. Christian is beyond frustrated, I think he's expecting me to scream and shout and completely breakdown but I can't, I'm too numb to consider breaking down.

Considering it's a Sunday I've managed to organise a great deal. The service will be on Wednesday at the Catholic Church where Luke and Hannah will be getting married. It's a beautiful Church and I know Mom would like it even though she lived far from a Catholic life. I've also managed to organise a horse and carriage and the family cars, chosen the music, hymns and readings, and started writing my own speech.

When Christian comes in for what feels like the hundredth time I'm ready to lose my temper with him but I keep my anger in check as I wait for him to talk.

"Hannah has come by." He says. "With her Mom."

"I'll be right through." I say quietly turning back to my computer.

In all honesty the door hasn't stopped all day. We've had numerous deliveries of flowers, cards and other gifts from people offering their condolences, mainly from GEH and AG companies and their staff but also from fans of my books, families and patients at Seattle Grace Paeds and people at Swedish Medical Centre. It brings a small smile to my face to know so many people are thinking of me and my family during what is really a difficult time.

I shut my computer off and head out to Hannah and her Mom Lois, I've only briefly met her once before but she knows I'm Hannah's maid of honour and that I was christened Catholic so apparently that means she likes me.

"Ana, I'm so sorry." Hannah says giving me a hug.

"Thank you." I reply hugging her back, she's just as much as a best friend as she is my PA.

"If there's anything that you need help in doing don't hesitate in asking." She adds as she pulls away.

"I think I have it covered for now, but thanks." I say politely.

"I'm sorry for your loss Anastasia." Lois says taking my hand and giving it a small squeeze.

"Thank you, please you should come and sit and have something to drink."

"No, no, this is family time." Lois says. "We just wanted to come and offer you our condolences and drop off the flowers."

"Thank you." I say as Luke steps forward to show them out.

"You look after her Luke." Lois says almost threateningly.

"Of course Lois." He replies with a smile. "Come on I'll show you out."

I watch as Hannah and Lois walk with Luke and my heart completely shatters in my chest when Hannah takes her Mom's hand. I know that it's to do with the fact that I'll never hold my Mom's hand again.

I fall heavily to my knees as finally the dam breaks. Christian, Grace and Ray hurry to my side and they all wrap me up in their arms as I scream, the emotional pain feeling physical, in my chest, where my heart should be.

"Mom, this isn't good." I hear Christian say to Grace.

"I know." She replies. "I have a sedative in my bag, can you get her to bed?"

I cling to Christian as he lifts me up in his arms. I hold onto him so tight and I have no plans of letting him go. He takes me to our room and Ray pulls back the cover for Christian to lay me down. I can't stop crying, a headache slowly forming, my throat hoarse and my chest heaving makes no difference.

Christian puts me down but I don't let go meaning he has to climb in beside me. I hold tight onto him, missing the look that passes between Christian and the only father I've ever known. My husband's hand runs through my hair, trying to relax me as I hiccup uncontrollably. I should have known that it was only a matter of time before I finally broke.

When Grace comes back she doesn't say anything to any of us, just reaches for my arm and wipes an antiseptic wipe across the inner crook of my elbow. When she stabs a needle into me I don't even flinch and I cry until I eventually fall asleep.

"There, that should keep her blood pressure down for a while." Grace says quietly as she looks over my now resting body.

"I knew this would happen." Christian whispers still holding onto my limp body tight.

"You've just got to remind her just because her Mom's gone she's far from alone, give her time to grieve Christian. I know it's hard because of the baby and we'll watch her blood pressure closely, I'll send your Father home to get me some clothes and stay here for a week or so to keep an eye on her."

"She's not going to let herself grieve Mom, I guarantee you she'll fight to go to work tomorrow."

"Well you can't stop her." Grace sighs.

"I know." Christian replies. "I don't know what would be better for her. Let her do what she wants or try and stop her … I just feel helpless."

"You're far from helpless Christian, just keep reminding her that you love her." Grace replies gently. "But I recommend calling Flynn, have him come and give her a psych consult, see what the chances are of her having a real breakdown and he may be able to prescribe some anti-anxieties that she can take while pregnant, I don't have anything that I know about or can prescribe suitable for her but I think she needs something."

"Have Taylor call Flynn and see if he can come over today, as soon as possible." Christian says and Grace gives us both a tender kiss on the head before she leaves.

I sleep for near four hours, the sedative wasn't a strong one to which I'm grateful I would have been really pissed if I'd slept the day away. Christian wants me to stay in bed when I wake but my snort of disbelief has him letting me shower and change and go downstairs.

When I see John Flynn sitting in the living room with my family I don't know what to do but when he gives me a soft smile I can be certain in knowing he was called her to see me. I quickly turn on my heels and away from the family. I can't do this right now, I don't want to do this right now and I march to my study and slump off to the place that's become my safe haven, the windowsill.

The spring sun is high up in the sky now, late afternoon shining brightly around the meadow. It's comforting in some way to see proof that life goes on and that I can't dwell on what's happened even if I want to.

A knock on the study door has me groaning. I just can't be bothered with anyone. I turn to face the door just as it opens and John Flynn gives me an apologetic look as he crosses the threshold into my pink haven.

"Why can't I just be left alone?" I sigh turning back to look out over the meadow as I hug my knees, my bump still small enough that this is possible.

John grabs the pink fleece throw blanket from the back of the couch and drapes it over my shoulders as he arrives by my side. I gratefully wrap it tight around myself while Flynn climbs on to the opposite end of the windowsill, I see now its big enough to seat two quiet comfortably.

"Do you want to be alone?" John asks after a moment's silence, I don't even acknowledge he's said anything as I continue to look over the meadow.

"I want to be with my Mom but that isn't possible is it?" I eventually reply sarcastically.

"Ask a stupid question you'll get a stupid answer." John replies making me cringe inwardly.

"Mom used to say that." I say quietly and I hear John sigh gently, he's really not bringing me any comfort being here right now.

"It's a good saying." He eventually says.

"I always thought not, why waste your energy on a stupid question knowing you'll get a stupid answer?" I ask finally looking him in the eye, my face is deathly serious but I see a trace of humour on his.

"Touché." He smiles as I turn back to the view. "This may be another stupid question Ana but how are you feeling?"

"Always the shrink." I murmur making him laugh softly.

"Always." He replies. "So?"

"I'm hurting so much I think she's the lucky one here." I say quietly not thinking clearly about the implications of what I'm saying. "She's not suffering anymore but the rest of us are… I am." My voice breaks at the end. "Everything hurts right now and I can't see a light at the end of this tunnel because doesn't matter what happens she's still gone." John says nothing but I can sense him watching me and taking in my words. "She didn't deserve this, she did nothing to deserve such a cruel fate." I continue, most would expect me to be crying but it's taking all my energy just to whisper my thoughts let alone sob like I know I need too. "It's so fucking unfair!" I snap making John jump slightly. "I didn't realise it was so serious when I first found out! I knew she said it was terminal but I thought years not weeks! I feel like I was lied to all this time whether intentionally or not and I'm angry with her, with everyone! I don't want to be around any of them yet at the same time I want to be close to all of them and I'm scared they'll see that I can't handle this and I'd rather be dead than trying to deal with this and I can't do it! I can't put on a façade and act like I don't care but I can't let them see just how much I'm hurting… how much I want to stop hurting and end this." I break down into sobs and John gently places an arm around my shoulders as I shake with hysterical cries.

I hiccup and sob for a while, till I finally manage to get myself under control and I angrily wipe at my cheeks furious that I let my walls down yet again. I already know I've said too much to Flynn, things I should never have told anyone just came tumbling uncontrollably out of my mouth.

"I hate her for not going to the hospital sooner when she found the lump, she waited too long and now because of it we're all suffering." I spit. "I just want her back, I'd do anything to either have her back or be with her John, anything." I whisper trying to hold on to the tears building in my eyes again. "I'm exhausted." I say resting my head on my knees.

"You need to get some sleep, bring your blood pressure back down. I can proscribe an anti-anxiety for you I'll discuss it with Christian and Grace if that's ok?"

"Whatever." I shrug as I climb off the windowsill. "I really don't care anymore." I add as I head for the door.

I climb upstairs quickly avoiding my family. I curse at myself for being so loose tongued with Flynn, he's definitely going to think I'm a whack job now.

I sleep for a while but when I wake neither my body nor my mind feel like they've rested at all. I quickly climb out of bed and pull on my robe before heading out into the hallway. I don't even know what I'm doing. I want to talk to Christian but I don't want to see anyone else. As I try to decide what to do voices coming from Christian's study where the door is slightly open catches my attention. I walk slowly towards it not wanting to be seen or heard and I catch some of the conversation.

"You really need to think this through Christian, this is not just for Ana, this is your child too." Grace says softly, her voice ever so caring and gentle.

"This is my wife, the last thing I want to do is make her feel like she's being abandoned when she needs me the most." Christian growls though I can hear he's been crying too.

"Look Christian I've explained the best I can, Ana has suffered from depression and suicidal thoughts before, she's already been hospitalised for high blood pressure with this pregnancy. She's really in danger of herself right now, she's not only grieving but she's depressed too and she from what I can tell was depressed before the grief kicked in on top of that she's not going through the normal grieving process, she's bouncing all over the map which proves to me she's not stable and all that in with the pregnancy hormones is really dangerous, Ana is dangerous right now."

My chest constricts in my chest. I'm dangerous? How? I could never hurt anyone! I listen as Grace's voice catches my ear once more.

"Think about this carefully Christian, it's not like money is an object. Stop thinking of Ana for a moment and think of your daughter, she's innocent in this but she's going to suffer if Ana can't get a hold of herself…"

A sob catches in my throat as my hand lands on the swell of my stomach. What are they going on about? I'm panicking now, really panicking, do they think I'd intentionally hurt Chelsea?!

"What would Ana think of me if I put her in a facility? Even for a few days?" Christian snaps.

My heart is pounding so hard it completely engulfs me, I feel it even in my ears as I strain to listen more.

"At first she'll hate you, be angry at you, blame you but as she begins to heal she'll be thankful to you Christian, for helping her when she couldn't help herself."

The sob I've been desperately trying to hold back escapes as I my whole world begins to close in on me. I can't breathe for panicking and as Christian's study door flies open I'm suddenly in his arms as he cries. I struggle to breathe even though I desperately try… for Chelsea and Christian I try to take calm even breaths but all too soon my world goes black.


	224. Chapter 224

**Mixed ideas in the review so I'm going with my Mamma's idea!**

**STILL! - Sunday 10th March**

When I wake I'm really groggy and I know at once I was drugged again. Seriously I need to be having words with Grace about this because it makes me feel worse not better.

"Ana?"

My eyes aren't even open but Christian's voice brings me to full consciousness.

"Christian?" I ask opening my eyes slowly and his beautiful grey eyes are instantly in my line of vision. "What happened?"

"You had another panic attack, you're ok though, your blood pressure wasn't too high… this time."

Suddenly everything comes back, the eavesdropping, Christian, Grace and John…

"No facility." I say my mouth going dry. "Please Christian? No facility."

"Ana…"

"No!" I begin to panic, he can't really be considering this can he?! "No Christian please?!" I grip him tight as he comes to sit beside me. He wraps his arms around me as my tears flood down my cheeks, he can't really do this can he?

"It's for your own good Ana." He says quietly.

"No!" I battle against him, punching his chest repeatedly but he doesn't let me go. "No this isn't for me Christian, you can't! Please don't do this, please don't…" I sob as I give into fighting him, his grip around me just too strong.

"Listen to me Anastasia." He says firmly as I lay limp in his arms wanting to ignore him completely. "You're really sick baby, sicker than you were after we lost little blip and if we don't get you better we'll lose Chelsea too, is that what you want?"

Guilt tripping, damn he's good hitting the one place he'll know will hurt.

"I can't…" I croak clinging to him tight suddenly.

He kisses me lightly as I cling to him and I don't see him fire off a text on his phone. I just think he's going to hold me and not let go until John and Grace come into the room with Ray. I swallow hard when I look at them, they're staging an intervention and there's nothing I can do about it.

"Can we talk?" Grace asks me sitting softly on the edge on the bed.

"Alone." I say quietly, I'll talk to Grace about this but no one else.

"Ok sweetie." She smiles gently and takes me from Christian's embrace into her own as everyone else leaves quickly and quietly, even no arguments from Christian which surprises me. "Now will you listen to everything I have to say before saying anything?" She asks gently putting me back against my pillows and tucking the duvet around me.

"Ok." I say quietly though somehow I know that I'm not going to like what she has to say.

"You're really getting sick Ana and if you don't get some real help soon you're just going to get worse and I know you never really care about your own health which is fair enough, that's your choice but what about your baby girl? Huh? She's suffering too and she will continue to suffer and it could kill you both. I know you're hurting and you feel like you're all alone in this but you're not. If we had any other way Ana do you think we'd even consider having to put you in a hospital?" She breaks and looks at me as tears fill my eyes, I manage to shake my head as I begin to slowly realise where they're coming from. "This will be much easier for all of us if you understand and are on board with this, we'll do what we can to make this as quick and as painless as possible but you need help Ana, a few days a break from your own reality could be really beneficial."

"Ok." I manage in a hoarse whisper. "I'm scared Grace."

"I know darling. Now can John come in to explain properly?"

"Sure." I reply and she gives my head a small kiss and runs her hand down my face before rushing to the door to get John.

The two of them come in with reassuring looks on their faces, I take a deep breath because I have a lot of questions before I agree to this and if they dare try and put me there against my will I'll go, I'll get the jet and go to London and from there organise a way to hide in a different country, one I've never been to, one they would never think of looking for me.

"Ok you ready to listen?" John asks taking the seat that's beside the bed. I nod weakly as Grace sits by my knees and takes my hand. "Ok, you have what many would call complicated grief mixed in with what looks to me like a nervous breakdown." I swallow hard as his words resonate in my ears. "You may think grieving only began when your Mom died but it didn't, it started as soon as you realised how serious this was and since then has only gotten worse." I give a small nod, just so he knows I'm listening. "Fairfax hospital is a behavioural hospital in Kirkland, it's a beautiful place Ana and we can have you there first thing tomorrow morning if you agree to go."

"What about Mom's funeral?" I ask quietly, my voice barely coming through.

"We'll organise that you leave the hospital early Tuesday morning and return Tuesday evening."

"How long will I have to be there?" I ask quietly, I'm really scared about this.

"It all depends, could be as little as few days."

"And as long as?"

"Everyone is different Ana." He replies which does nothing to reassure me.

"What about my work? My book comes out on the 30th, I have deals to make, the final signing on Manhattan Publishing House…"

"Christian and Wendy can do that."

"It's my deal!" I snap. "I worked hard to get this and I'm not going to watch someone else do it for me."

"We can figure out that you have your own computer there, you'll have some free time between therapy sessions, you can work then." Flynn reassures and I give him a small nod.

"What about my scan with Doctor Greene to confirm the sex? My appointments with Sally? I'm busy I have so much I need to do here in Seattle…"

"Ana, darling if you carry on like this you're just going to stop functioning, take a break, we can get you to your appointment, we'll see if Sally can come visit you up in Kirkland. We'll figure all this out I promise."

"And what about you, Christian and Ray?" I ask fearfully.

"We'll be able to visit you." Grace says. "We'll be by every day you try stop us." She smiles and I nod, I'm still unsure but it looks like the decision has been made for me.

"I'd like to be alone now." I say quietly but when I hear a sigh my head snaps up. "What?"

"You don't need to be alone Ana." Flynn says quietly.

"Well I can do what I want." I reply angrily pulling my hand roughly from Grace's hand and rolling awkwardly off the bed.

When I exit the room Christian and Ray turn to me, I glare from one to the other before marching past them and down the stairs. I suspect the rest of the family have gone home when I see the empty living room as I march past. I make it into my office and quickly get my desk chair to barricade myself in. Damn I need a lock on this door.

I go to wear my jacket is draped loosely over the couch and take the pink envelope from the pocket. For some reason I don't feel like it's time to open it yet but I want it close to me. I drag myself to the windowsill and wrap myself in the fleece that was left here earlier. I feel so lost and alone right now, I'm such a burden to my family they'd rather put me in a facility than just hold me and try and help me through this, even Christian! His mind has been poisoned that's the only explanation or he trusts John Flynn more than me, his own wife. I fall asleep with these thoughts going around in my mind.

"Ana open this door before I break it down!" Christian's voice in the distance drags me from my slumber. I see the door awkwardly opened, the chair doing a good job of stopping anyone from coming in.

"Go away!" I call trying to hold back my tears.

"Ana you need to eat something, come on." Christian says calmly but obvious frustration etched in his voice.

"Just leave me alone!" I yell angrily, I just want to be on my own.

"No!" He calls kicking the door weakly. "Seriously Ana, I have Taylor and Luke here with me and our combined weight against this door will have it open in no time."

"Ok I'm coming." I sigh reluctant to move as I drag myself to move the chair from Christian's way.

I shut the door and move the chair before opening it. Relief floods over Christian's face as he takes me in his arms holding me tight.

"Don't scare me like that Ana." He whispers.

"What?" I pull away roughly. "How does me want to lock myself away for a few hours scare you?" I ask confused.

"I just…" He has the decency to look uncomfortable as Taylor and Luke begin scouring my study.

"What are they doing?" I ask frustrated. "Christian they're important documents they're rooting through!"

I look at the two men as they go through my drawers and cupboards and that's when I spot Luke putting a pair of scissors in his pocket.

"You thought I'd kill myself?" I ask in disbelief.

"You told Flynn…"

"He had no right telling you that!" I yell frustrated. "No right!"

"You said he could…"

"No!" I shake my head, I didn't say he could tell Christian I was suicidal because I'm not, yes I wish I was dead and not my Mom that doesn't mean I'm going to go out and kill myself!

I drop to the floor and huddle up with my back against the wall, my arms wrapped around my legs trying to protect myself from all this hurt I'm feeling. Christian kneels down in front of me but when he reaches for me I flinch, I don't want him to touch me right now, I lose all sense of reality when he touches me.

"You need to get something to eat and then we should get into bed, tomorrow will be a long day." He says softly and I eventually crawl into his arms and let him lift me up.

"I don't want to go." I say quietly.

"I don't want you to go Ana but for Chelsea." His voice cracks.

"I know." I reply snuggling my head into the crook of his neck, if it wasn't for Chelsea I wouldn't do this, there would be no way.


	225. Chapter 225

**My Mom is to blame for the direction of this story, I promise that things will begin to look up soon but I'm an angst whore, have you not noticed that I upload far quicker when there's a lot of drama? ;)**

**Plus – I haven't really made it clear how sick Ana is I'm trying in this chapter though, but believe me what my Mom and I have planned for future chapters may just give you a bit of a giggle, we need some laughs during all this angst. **

**I would also like to add that if you've not suffered from any mental health issues directly yourself please do not make judgements, even if you have close family with a MHI/D you cannot understand what really goes on in that persons mind and what it is like for them to live with it. Thank you.**

**There will be moments during the next few chapters you're going to hate/be frustrated by MANY of the characters but not to spoil the story everything will make sense eventually (Don't they always in my stories?) also there will be moments in the next few chapters that will take you back right to the beginning of this story and you're going to go "now I get it!" or at least I hope!**

**AND TO MAKE IT VERY CLEAR – ANA WILL NOT LOSE THE BABY! I think that would send her off even worse**

**Still- Sunday 10th March**

After Dinner I track down John Flynn in Christian's study. He beckons me into the room and I sit down in front of the desk leaning my elbows on the desk looking straight at him.

"I feel… worse than I did when I lost little blip." I say slowly and I know he's just going to listen while I talk. "I remember feeling so lost in my own head that I was scared of my own feelings… does that make sense?" John nods and I nod back before continuing. "Right now I don't know what to do, I don't want to have to go to a treatment centre, or mental health facility or hospital or whatever but I am scared that if I don't I'm not going to get any better this time."

John considers me for a moment, I allow him to process what I have said before I continue.

"I won't be pushed into doing anything I don't want to do, not by you, by Christian or Grace." I feel powerful now, like I'm making a business deal or at a signing for my book, where the power is completely in my hands. "I want to understand really why it's worse this time before I agree to anything and I swear John anyone dares try and commit me somewhere against my will I will leave and take Chelsea with me and Christian or anyone else will never see us again."

"Ok." John nods. "Ok just relax Ana, you're getting a little worked up ok? I will explain everything to you as best as I can."

"Thank you." I say letting the fight leave me so I can listen.

"When you were depressed last time you were overcoming an ordeal that was Jack Hyde, we started to deal with it but we never really fought it, we got lost in other things. I take my share of the blame in this Ana ok because none of this is your fault."

"Just get on with it John." I sigh frustrated, I just need all the information so I can make a rational decision.

"You've just experienced something more traumatic than most people can even begin to imagine. You've lost your Mom, the woman who gave birth to you, who clearly loved you unconditionally…" I don't want to cry now but I have tears in my eyes as he talks. "On top of that, you were already becoming engulfed in trying to deal with her illness and that in turn had severe effects on your body and was dangerous to you and to your unborn child. You've heard of the five stages of grief?"

"Yes."

"Ok, well yours started before your Mom died, denial, at first when you found out she was ill you didn't think it was that bad but now she's gone you're bouncing from one to the other, this isn't normal grieving yet the five stages of grief are universal, they're the same symptoms affecting everyone differently. Are you still with me?" I just nod prompting him to continue. "You're going from one stage to another than back again so fast Ana that it worries me."

"Ok." I whisper, I am beginning to slowly understand now but that doesn't mean I agree with anything yet.

"That along with the depression that's clearly back with a vengeance is doing you a world of harm, it stops you from being able to think rationally and in the process it harms you and your child." He explains. "I would love to be able to keep you here with Christian Ana, but I'm not equipped to handle this situation, I don't think anyone in Seattle is. This is far more complicated than a typical nervous breakdown because of the grief and the pregnancy, you have hormones running rampage through your body and sometimes you won't even know if it's your hormones or the depression and I definitely won't but people in Fairfax will, they're amazing Ana."

I give a small nod of acknowledgement to him as I stand but when I turn away I take a deep breath and turn back.

"If I don't go?" I ask not bothering to sit back.

"I honestly don't know." He says quietly. "All I do know is that it could get worse… much worse."

"Who's idea was it?"

"Mine." He says firmly. "I take full responsibility for bringing up Fairfax.

"If I say yes when do we go?"

"We'll leave about nine thirty." He replies and I nod before turning away to head to the door when suddenly another thought comes into my head which has me turning back to Flynn.

"I don't know what to do." I whisper my voice shaking as my eyes fill with tears.

"It has to be your decision Ana, and yours alone but that doesn't mean you can't talk to your family." He says and I give him a nod before this time actually leaving.

I find Ray in his guest room, he gives me a limp smile when he opens the door to find me behind it. He lets me in before I hug him tight, breathing in his scent.

"What's wrong Annie?"

"Have you spoken to Grace or Christian?" I ask running my fingers along the room's fireplace, I don't want to look at Ray afraid of what I might see.

"No, haven't really had the chance, been with Bob." He explains and I give a small nod.

"John Flynn, the shrink… remember when I lost the baby?"

"Of course." He says and I see him shudder at the memory.

"I was really sick after Dad, I was so depressed I didn't want to live anymore." I say still not looking at him, I don't want to see the look in his eye learning that once upon a time I really was suicidal.

"Annie?"

"I never really recovered from the depression, life got ahead of me you know?"

"Annie…"

"I'm sick again Dad, losing Mom and being pregnant has just made it so much worse." I explain finally turning to him to see tears shining in his eyes. "John thinks I should go to a treatment centre upstate who are more equipped to handle my … situation."

"Like a hospital?" He asks, I really don't know what he thinks of this, he's giving nothing away so I nod. "What do you think?"

"I don't know." I shrug.

"Do you want to die Annie?" He asks his voice shaking.

"No." I shake my head. "I have way too much to live for." I add. "But it doesn't mean that I don't… that I don't feel like maybe dying would be easier than living in this darkness that's in my head." I turn away unable to bear the hurt in his eyes.

"Do you think this treatment centre could help?" He asks coming to me and resting his hand on my shoulder.

"I don't know Dad… I don't know anything anymore." I whisper tears filling my eyes.

"I think you know what you need to do Annie." He says before pulling me into a hug. "I wish your Mom was here now Annie, she'd know what was best."

"I know." I sob as I hold him tight. "I hate that she left me when I needed her Dad, so much."

"I know Annie." He replies running his fingers through my hair as he continues to hold me, I think this is the most Ray has held me since I turned double figures!

After I've calmed down I kiss Ray goodnight and leave him. I hate that I've just put all that on his shoulders but he's the most objective person here right now … and there's one other person, one person I have been able to open up to before someone I know I can actually trust to not betray my confidence.

I find Carrick alone in the music room. I know Grace is somewhere with Christian right now so I'm hoping they don't come looking for us any time soon.

"Ana, how are you doing my girl?" He asks as I walk into the room.

"I'm doing …" I just shrug and he nods and signals to the corner couch.

I sit on one side and he takes the other, I guess he could tell I wanted to talk to him and came looking for him.

"I know losing your parent is hard." He says and I know he's talking from experience, or at least I think I mean I've never heard anyone refer to Mr or Mrs Grey except Grace the first time I ever met her.

"Do you remember when we were in Aspen?" I ask and after he regains from the shock of my question he nods prompting me to carry on. "I was suffering really bad with depression then…" He knows this of course, he was there when I blacked out from a panic attack. "What if I am worse this time?" His eyebrows raised in surprise. "I've blacked out from panic attacks more than once recently and this time it's dangerous to the baby and not just to me… what do I do Carrick?"

He looks surprised that I am asking his opinion but I trust him, I trust him more than Grace to be unbiased right now anyhow.

"I think… I think that you're grieving, so you're in a dark place and if that dark place is clouded with the fog of depression too I think you're unable to make complete rational decisions and that sometimes you need to listen to other people because they might really know what's best for you and whatever you decide can be revisited when you're in a more rational state of mind." He says and I give him a small smile, I like his direct honesty, total lawyer. "Why are you asking my sweet girl?" He asks.

"John… and Grace… and … and maybe even Christian thinks I should go to a hospital upstate… I don't know what to do I guess I just … I don't want to go obviously but if I just stomp my feet and say no and refuse to help myself… I guess I know the decision will eventually be taken out of my hands because apparently… apparently I'm not going to get any better and I have to Carrick for my child I have to get better…" He kneels in front of me as my panic becomes obvious, he takes my hands in his own.

"Breathe Ana, slowly there girl." He says in such a calm and caring manner. "There." He smiles as I relax. "Now what are the other options if you don't go to a treatment centre?"

"I don't know." I shrug. "John says he isn't equipped to handle this and if I don't get help soon then it's just going to get worse."

"I think you've already made up your mind and you're just looking for more answers before you make it clear." He says and I nod, he's completely right.


	226. Chapter 226

**It's not a crazy hospital or mental institution it's a behavioural hospital. Come on guys have a little respect, the stigma attached to mental illness disturbs me! **

**Monday 11th March**

I cling tight to Christian as we walk into Fairfax Hospital. It's just gone ten am, the thirty minute drive from Seattle having done nothing to relax me even with Christian's constant reassurances. What I do know now is that if he had his way I wouldn't be here. He would much rather have me home where he can take care of me but Grace and John have made him realise, like they have me, that sometimes we have to go to extremes to help ourselves and this is the extreme for me.

I know this is necessary even if I hate it. I have to get better for me though, Chelsea too obviously but I somehow understand that I have to get better because I want to not because anyone else wants me too and I do want to. I hate this constant feeling that I can never be happy again and this was happening even before Mom died, I know this is more than grief.

Once in through the door John walks to the reception desk while I bury myself in Christian's side wanting to be as small as possible. It isn't long before a small rounded lady with short blond hair and piercing yet calming blue eyes walks towards us with a friendly and warm smile.

"John." She says shaking Flynn's hand. "And you must be Anastasia, I'm Doctor Sandra Lee." Her voice becomes soft, almost as if she was speaking to a child when she speaks to me. I manage a small nod but suddenly feel really shy and not my usual best-selling author business woman self. "It's great to meet you." She says when I clearly am not going to say a word. "Ok we need to give your bag to the RN and then we'll go and do your assessment before you say goodbye to your family." She says still speaking to me as if I was a kid, I'll have to tell her otherwise once we're alone.

Ray hands my bag over to the matchstick thin brunette in a tunic that has stepped forward and I know it's to make sure everything I have is allowed. John sat down and explained everything to Christian and I last night so I know they shouldn't find anything I'm not supposed to have.

"Right Anastasia you and I will go this way and you'll get to see everyone in a little while ok?" She again patronises me and I want to stomp my feet and make a fuss but instead peel myself from Christian's side and follow her through the double doors I know I won't exit through till the day I'm discharged, I don't even glance back at my family, it will break my heart.

I follow the Doctor through to a therapy room. The walls are beige, the carpet brown, fake potted plants surround the room, filing cabinets line one wall a desk sits opposite them and then in the middle is a black leather couch and a black leather arm chair opposite, somehow my imagination takes me to the couch and arm chair in this position in the playroom… oh the possibilities! But I quickly snap myself out of those thoughts, I have other things to think about.

"Take a seat on the couch." Doctor Lee says and I nod and do as she says while she goes over to the desk.

When she finally sits in the armchair opposite me she has a notebook and pen and a booklet.

"You'll need to read this." She says handing me the booklet. "We'll fill in the details on the front later though ok?"

"Sure." I nod tucking it beside me, I know she doesn't mean for me to read it now.

"Ok, now just a quick few questions and then we'll take you to your room and get you settled in before you see your family at visiting time is that ok?" I just nod hating the way she's speaking to me, I'm not five years old I'm a damn successful grown woman! "Ok, I need to ask you about what you said to Doctor Flynn yesterday, about wanting to be dead."

"I don't want to kill myself." I say knowing where she's going. "I have no intention of taking my own life."

"Ok, want to summaries what you did mean?" She asks and I sigh.

"I was just sad and angry, my Mom has just died and I felt alone and lost and I just thought being dead would be easier than living in this pain, doesn't mean that I have an intention of finding out if that's true." I state hoping she'll stop patronising me before I have to tell her to.

"Ok, you locked yourself in the study yesterday too…"

"When did you and John speak?" I ask.

"It was very late last night, he said you'd agreed…" I stop her and just nod for her to go on, John obviously called her and filled her in after I told them I'd come here. "Ok so in the study, why did you lock yourself in?"

"I just wanted to get away from everyone." I shrug. "They were causing me more pain."

"Why?"

"They wanted to put me in here."

"Are you here of your own choice?" Doctor Lee asks.

"Yes." I reply shakily. "I realised I needed to be here."

"Ok." She smiles reassuringly if not still a little patronisingly. "Doctor Flynn faxed me your file, I've had a read through but not in detail but we'll go through all that some other time ok?"

"Doctor Lee..."

"Please Anastasia call me Sandra."

"It's Ana." I say. "I don't want to get off on the wrong foot with you but I'd really appreciate it if you spoke to me like I was a twenty two year old business woman and not a five year old. I really didn't come here to be patronised and made to feel worse."

"I'm sorry." She says giving a small nod. "Some patients react better to a soothing voice."

"Yeah well not me." I say and she nods, I feel just a tiny bit better having taken the power into my own hands, I feel just a little bit more like me now too.

A knock on the door has me freezing almost in panic, I hate that I'm somewhere strange and don't know what to expect at any one time.

"Come in." Sandra calls. "Ana this is Carrie Thompson she's going to be your Charge Nurse."

"Hi Ana." She smiles a warm friendly smile, she has short curly grey hair and green eyes that are almost emerald in colour. She seems friendly as she smiles at me.

"Hi." I say my voice small, almost non-existent.

"Carrie will take you to your room now and we'll meet up again later ok?"

"Ok." I nod standing the same time as Sandra.

"You're gonna be ok Ana." Sandra says with a caring smile.

"I know." I reply as confidently as I can manage, in all honesty if I didn't believe that I couldn't have left my family and come here.

I follow Carrie down the hall and onto a unit called Hudson. We walk through a large open space with linoleum floor and beige walls before going through a set of double doors onto a corridor lined with open doors.

"You're going to be in room five with a girl called Tanya, she's the same age as you." Carrie says before turning into a room. It's obvious someone else sleeps here even though she's not here right now. My suitcase is already on a made up bed. I stand awkwardly unsure what to do with myself.

"You wanna unpack while we talk?" Carrie asks signalling my suitcase. I just nod uncomfortably, I feel really out of my depth.

Carrie opens up my suitcase and one of the chest of drawers and I stand beside her as she begins taking out my clothes. I grab the picture frame and pink envelope from the top and sit down on the bed. The photo is from my wedding, me, Christian, Mom, Ray, Grace, Carrick, Mia, Elliot and Kate. It was far easier to bring this photograph than find ones of everyone. I sigh heavily. This was my decision to come here in the end, they wouldn't have been able to force me to come but I am slowly wondering if I did the right thing…

What am I doing?! I know this is the depression that's making me so uncertain of myself but damn I need to snap out of is. I swipe at my tears as the drip silently onto my cheeks. I don't want to think about not getting better even though it's so prominent in my mind right now, darkening every other thought I get.

I reach into the suitcase and take out the three teddy bears from inside. Mine, Christian's and Chelsea's from build-a-bear. It was Christian's idea for me to bring all three, I asked if I could just bring his but he thought it would remind me that we can be a family, just the three of us.

I pick up Christian's and bury my nose into it, his scent strong it making me wish I could bury my nose in his chest. I don't even see Carrie watching me until she moves the suitcase out of the way and sits beside me, wrapping an arm around my shoulders letting me bury my face in her shoulder.

"You let it all out sweetie." She says rubbing her hand up and down my arm. "It's ok." She continues.

I feel so confused and lost. One minute I know I've made the right decision, I need to get better but then on the same note I'm wondering if I really need something this drastic.

"Sorry." I say pulling my head away from Carrie to angrily swipe at my tears, I hate that I'm so weak right now.

"Don't apologise, sometimes there's nothing better than a really good cry." She says kindly, she sort of reminds me of a combination of Grace and Gail.

"That's true." I laugh weakly and she gives me a small squeeze.

"Now then, it's nearly twelve you ready to see your family?" She asks. I manage a nod, visiting times are twelve till one and five thirty till seven Christian wants to come up for every one I've told him to only come in the evenings, so he can focus on work and I also have other people who want to visit who can come in the day time such as Hannah and Kate.

"As you've only just arrived you're a unit restriction patient which means you're not allowed to leave the unit yet ok?"

"Ok." I nod frowning a little, I don't even know where the unit completely is!

"Your family will visit you in the games room and then your meals will be brought up here for you." Carrie explains as we walk.

She guides me to the games room which looks like a really old fashioned library, books covering one wall, chess board with two chairs, board games littering the tables. My family is all sat around one table and I manage to pull myself together to appear confident even if I'm anything but.

"I'll be sat right there." Carrie says. "You just enjoy this time ok?"

"Thank you." I say sincerely and she gives me a small smile before hurrying off while I go over to meet my family.

"Everything ok?" Christian asks wrapping me up in his arms.

"Yup." I say popping the word playfully, I want them to know I'm going to be just ok.

"If you don't want to be here say the words Ana and I'll take you home." Christian says and I smile knowing he doesn't want me to be here.

"I need to do this Christian." I say quietly, I realised that last night and I'm at least going to give this ago.

I hug Ray tightly next, he holds me close like he doesn't want to let me go, I can't even imagine what this is like for him because he loved Mom and she just died and now it must feel like he's losing me too, even if it's short term.

"You're going to be ok Annie." He says. "I'm staying up here for a while so I'll be able to visit ok?"

"Thanks Dad." I smile. "I'm gonna be ok you know." I tell him and he smiles and kisses my head.

"I know." He replies.

I sit down beside Christian and tuck my hand into his to talk, I have an hour before I have to say goodbye.

"So how is everything so far?" Grace asks kindly.

"It's ok." I reply with a tight smile. "I've met my charge nurse and she's lovely." I say glancing over to where Carrie is thumbing a magazine.

"You'll soon be settled." Flynn says kindly.

"I know."

"Hey I'll be around often I'm your Discharge Planner." John explains and I give him a smile and a nod, that makes me feel a little better because I know that means he's going to be involved in my treatment.

We talk about really pointless things for the hour and then Carrie comes to collect me. I say goodbye to everyone quickly but Christian. He kisses me and I don't want to let him go. I cling tight to him and bury my nose in his chest while I cry, this is going to be so hard, being away from him and it's not the same as China or London, this is worse in some way.

"Christian." John says as Carrie wraps an arm around my shoulder. "Come on let her go."

Christian's holding on to me as tight as I'm holding onto him.

"No." I panic as he begins to remove his arms.

"I'll see you later Ana, five thirty I promise." He says in my ear before kissing my cheek and prying my arms from around his waist. Carrie takes my arms to my side as everyone leaves, my heart completely shatters in my chest.

Carrie holds around me while she takes me back into my room. I barely notice the other girl in my room as I curl up on my bed with the three teddy bears wanting to be home with my family. Carrie sits on the side of my bed and rubs her hand up and down my arm as I sob, I knew this was going to happen, it's a part of what I want but it doesn't mean it hurts any less having to say goodbye even to Gail, Taylor and Luke, it was horrible, heart-wrenching. I eventually cry myself into a light sleep.

"Shit."

I jump awake at the sound of the voice that I don't recognise. My heart pounds in my chest as I take a moment to remember where I am and see the girl stood looking really apologetic in front of me.

"Sorry I didn't mean to wake you." She says.

"'s okay." I say rubbing my sleepy eyes.

"Hi." She says with a small laugh. "I'm Tanya your room mate." She says kindly and I instantly like her, there's just something friendly about her.

"Ana." I smile as I kick my legs over the bed. "What time is it?"

"About two." She shrugs. "I was just going to a therapy session when I woke you, so I should go but we can talk later?"

"Sure." I reply before she heads out.

I sigh and look around my teddies are now on the bedside table with my photo frame that has no glass in it for obvious reasons.

"Knock knock." I turn to the door to see Carrie and I relax and smile, she seems to have a good effect on me just being here my anxiety comes down. "Ready to come meet your team?"

"Ok." I nod uncertainty rampage through my veins. I see my shoes next to the bed and thrust my feet into them before following Carrie out the door and down the corridor.

I walk behind Carrie into the room and spot John Flynn and Sandra Lee and I relax a little bit, I wonder how much I'll see John while I'm here, at least he'll be able to let me know how Christian's doing because I must admit I am worried about how he's going to handle this.

"Ana, come sit." Sandra smiles nodding her head towards two empty chairs in the circle. I take one, Carrie takes the other and I look at the people in the circle. "Ok so we've already met, I'm Sandra and I'm your psychiatrist for the duration of your stay, you know John Flynn and he's your Discharge Planner which just means he'll be getting ready to take over your care when you leave here ok?" I just nod and that prompts her to continue. "Now this is Clare White she's going to be your Clinical Therapist, she'll be guiding you through all your therapy activities."

"Hi Ana." She smiles, she seems nice and I give her a small shy smile.

"Hi." I manage before looking back to Sandra who continues.

"Then that there is Ashton Trey, he's your Certified Therapeutic Recreation Specialist he'll work directly with you and with Clare. Then we have Rebecca Stone…" I look at the confident looking woman in a business suit and lab coat with long brown hair and red lips, she gives me a confident smile which I return, she looks more like someone I'd be sat doing a business deal with than anything else. "She's your Programme Specialist. Then there are the RN's or registered nurses there are four on your ward as well as two nurse managers who you'll meet around. Are you ok? I know its information overload."

"Yeah I'm ok." I nod trying to be more confident than I actually am.

"Ok, so we're going to work with you today to try and create the best plan for you."

An hour and a half later and I'm completely overwhelmed but we have a plan in place, all my therapy sessions organised, my whole life while I'm here completely timetabled. Some of it seems a bit pointless but John was good in reassuring me that it was necessary and we'd review weekly.

There's also my leaving for Mom's funeral on Wednesday. I have to have an escort which will be Carrie but she will be with Flynn just there if necessary, I'm not pleased about that and made it very clear that I'll be discussing it with Christian, the press will be there and I don't need an escort and Flynn will be there.

They manage to get me to eat a sandwich seeing as I slept through lunch even though I really am not hungry. Of course John Flynn's thick file on me has all the details I admitted about me being unable to eat when I'm stressed which has brought up some concern and they'll be monitoring me closely and will decide in time if it's necessary for me to have a consultation with a dietician.

The unit I'm on specifies in depression, a small part of me is relieved as I guess every one of the patients are in the same boat. Group therapy is the last session before dinner. There are two group therapy sessions a day, one in the morning and one in the evening and they include all the Clinical Therapists and a couple of the psychiatrists hanging around. From what Sandra said I'm not expected to say anything tonight or tomorrow, just listen and get to know the other patients, it's about building trust and confidence to talk.

I'm also on fifteen minute observation for the next twenty four hours at the least. That means I won't be left alone for more than fifteen minutes at the time including through the night. I also have to have my blood pressure taken hourly and my urine tested for protein twice a day just to make sure Chelsea is ok. I also get to go to my scan on Friday as long as Carrie is with me which sucks but I'll be making sure she doesn't come into the room with Christian and I, that's going to be something special for us.

After group therapy it's dinner time. I sit in my room to eat rather than join the others who aren't allowed to leave the room. Tanya has café privileges so she doesn't have to stay on the unit so that gives me some privacy for a while. I use the fifteen minutes alone time between Carrie's visits to reflect on the last twenty four hours. Being here, I feel more at peace with what's been happening. I know that I was starting to feel a little out of sorts before my Mom's death and I just thought it was because she was dying but I know now I was wrong. I was wrong but the situation just made my downfall slightly more obvious. I blamed my coming down emotionally on my Mother's illness when in actual fact it wasn't anything to do with it, not really.

"Hey you done?" Carrie asks seeing my tray next to my bed.

"Yup, thanks." I smile as she picks it up.

"Everything ok?"

"Hmm." I nod.

"You know, you've barely said a sentence since you've been here."

"What am I supposed to say?" I ask with a shrug.

"You know, you can talk to me about anything right? That's what I'm here for." She says sitting down by knees on the bed.

"I was just reflecting." I shrug. "I thought I was depressed because my Mom was dying but now I realise I was depressed anyway."

"You know, it's forward you need to look Ana, not backwards."

"I know I was just trying to pinpoint what was going on in my head." I reply with a shrug. "I know I've made the right decision coming here, I want to be better."

"That's really good Ana." She smiles giving my leg a small squeeze. "You'll be home in no time."

"I hope so." I smile just as an RN comes to the room.

"Hey it's visiting time, your husband and father are here." She tells me. I smile looking forward to seeing Christian again already.

"Come on, that husband of yours is a very nice man to look at." Carrie winks.

"And don't I know it." I reply with a smile.

Carrie shows me through to the games room once again, there's some other's visiting here this time but I don't waste my time with them instead going over to hug my husband and my Dad.

"Hey you settling in?" Christian asks when I take the seat beside him so he can continue to hold me some.

"Yeah." I reply. "It's alright so far but I guess I'll know more tomorrow." I shrug.

"That's great Annie, Christian's been working out a visiting schedule so you'll always have someone coming to see you ok?"

"Really?" I look at my husband.

"They don't like it when too many people visit at once so John recommended just two or three at a time, so Gail and Luke will come tomorrow lunch time, then I'll come with Taylor and Ray tomorrow night." He says and I nod and smile. "Then Kate and Elliot will come on Thursday and my Mom and Dad too." Of course I'll see them all on Wednesday. "But I'll be coming every day." He promises as I snuggle into his side.

"So what have you done here so far?"

"Well I met my 'team'." I make inverted comma's with my fingers making Christian smirk. "Worked out a therapy plan, I'm gonna get better Christian."

"I know baby." He replies.

"I know that being here will be better in the long run though." I reply and he sighs.

"I want you at home. We should be getting ready for our baby together." He explains, he looks lost again.

"Christian." I sigh climbing onto his lap and taking his hand and pressing it to my bump. "I can't enjoy this pregnancy when I'm so unhappy."

"I'd do anything to make you happy." He says quietly.

"I know." I smile. "But a right now lot of intense therapy is exactly what I need."

"I trust your decision here Ana, I just hate thinking that my Mom and Flynn forced you into this."

"Do you really think I'd be here if I didn't want to be?" I ask smoothing my hand over his cheek. "I can stomp my feet and be a stubborn cow Christian but I know that this time I need help real help to get this sorted once and for all, remember after little blip? I never really recovered then Christian and it will only get worse if I don't sort it now."

"I love you, you're stronger than you give yourself credit for sometimes." Christian smiles before he kisses me lightly.

"So what have you got planned while you're in Seattle Dad?" I ask and just like that we get onto normal conversation.

When the bell rings to signal the end of visiting time I hug both Dad and Christian tight and walk off quickly, I don't want either of them to see my tears fall and hurry off to my bed to cuddle with Christian's teddy.

"Ana." I wipe my cheeks and turn around to see Carrie with my mac. "You want to do some work?"

"Yeah." I reply wiping my eyes.

"You know saying goodbye gets easier." She says putting the laptop on my bed.

"I know." I reply though I don't believe that, I don't think anything will really be ok till I get home to him.

"Lights out at ten so do some work and then get ready for bed." She says even though she'll be in here every fifteen minutes to check on me and to take my blood pressure every hour. "One of the RN's will be in to do the urine sample."

"Ok." I reply already logging into my emails.

There are loads of unread emails from people offering their condolences but the top few are important work ones that I quickly get onto.

From: Hannah Lloyd

Subject: Manhattan Publishing House

To: Ana Grey

Hey Ana,

Luke filled me in, also told me you can do some work. The invoice from Manhattan Publishing House has arrived, you're the very proud owner now! I got a phone call from the president asking what you want to do and I know you don't want Wendy or Christian involved so what do you want me to do?

Hannah Lloyd

Personal Assistant to Ana Grey at Anastasia Grey Incorporated

I quickly type a reply knowing I can't use a phone till tomorrow and seeing as I only get ten minutes at a time it would be pointless to try and discuss this anyway.

From: Ana Grey

Subject: Manhattan Publishing House

To: Hannah Lloyd

Hi Hannah,

The file from Grey's Publishing Portland is in the office, find the implement changes list from when it was first acquired and fax that through, get the background checks done and forwarded to me as soon as and I may have you go out to New York next week I need to know everything that's going on there. I want the history department closed, I don't want to waste time or money on non-fiction we don't have that department in either Grey's Publishing and the profits we've been bringing in are more than expected each month.

Forward me the details of the erotic romance department details for GP Seattle and let Hope know I'll do press release interviews via email for Fifty More Shades for the time being.

Send me the February files for every businesses too I need to check the profit margins and decide what to do next, I hate leaving the money there just accumulating. Also call Elliot Grey and have him see to the possible expansion of Christasia Seattle so we can get it done and start paying taxes on a large building. I think the expansion will really be worth it in the long run.

Ana Grey

CEO Anastasia Grey Inc

After sending it I get a reply after just ten minutes with all the files I need. Carrie pokes her head in through the door and I barely acknowledge her as I work on adding the figures into spread sheets and sending them where they need to go. When Tanya begins getting ready for bed I write one last email before shutting off the computer.

From: Ana Grey

Subject: :D

To: Christian Grey

Going to get ready for bed. Just remember I love you and so does Chelsea and we'll be home soon.

Love you more than I thought I'd ever love anyone

Ana Grey

CEO Anastasia Grey Inc


	227. Chapter 227

**Tuesday 12th March**

After a restless night I'm sat for my session with Sandra. She's friendly and happy this morning while I want to curl up in bed and close myself off from the world.

"So tell me Ana, when was the last time you were carefree?"

That's an easy one, it's not often that I really get to be carefree.

"When Christian and I took our friends to Greece." I reply. "End of January."

"And what did you do in Greece?"

"Just hung out by the pool, I finished my second novel which comes out on the thirtieth of this month, drank a lot…"

"You were pregnant then?"

"I didn't know it." I reply with a look of shame on my face. "I haven't had alcohol since I found out."

"That's good." She smiles. "So how come you haven't felt so carefree since Greece?"

"I'm a Best Selling Author, a CEO, I found out I was pregnant, I'm married to Seattle's Billionaire where the hell do you think carefree comes into that?" I snap, I don't mean too but ask a stupid question…

"Ok." She nods not reacting to my anger. "Would you say there's a reason you haven't been carefree since then?"

"Work." I shrug. "I work and I don't stop, if it's not signing a new deal or business or sorting out finances it's writing my novel or my children's book series and when that's not around it's something charity or something breaks in the paper…"

"The press, you're obviously a very popular person with them, how do you handle it?"

"By not reading it."

"Making yourself oblivious?"

"Not exactly, I know what they contain through word of mouth but what's the point me sitting down and reading what is mostly lies, Christian went to London on a business trip and the press reports our marriage is on the rocks because I didn't go, nothing to do with the fact I'd only just taken over Grey's Publishing Seattle and had to run my own company."

"Was your marriage rocky?"

"No." I reply shaking my head. "Christian and I have had our fair share of problems, even with each other."

"I read about the incident where your husband kidnapped you in your file from Flynn."

"It was for my own safety." I shrug. "Drastic I admit but … even then I wasn't myself, I didn't handle that situation very well preferring to isolate myself than deal with it properly."

"It's great that you're seeing a pattern of your illness Ana." Sandra smiles. "It will go a long way in helping you get better and stop this regression happening again."

I have to agree with her. In all honesty lying in bed and not sleeping I saw lots more of myself regressing into a depression than just when we lost Little Blip but because I never really got help for it I didn't see it in the way I do now, this was a serious problem long before now and if I didn't get help now it would consider being a big problem.

"Tell me about what happened in New York."

Of course she'd bring that up. I was depressed then too, being in New York with everything that happened with Perez Hilton and Ryan Seacrest would put a downer on anyone but it was worse than that, sometimes everything was closing me in and I struggled to come up for breath, the sadness engulfing me like nothing else I have ever experienced.

"You know what I remember?" I start. "I remember knowing that I should have been loving every single second of that experience. I was on some of the most popular chat shows in the country with people I admired having reached my dream of being a best-selling author with a book that is still being described as controversial. But I hated every single second of it. I was doubted my abilities, I felt so sad and even alone though Christian came out to me. I put on a face as much as I could but I even know Christian saw through it a lot, he flew Flynn out and somehow I know that he knew more was going on than what I was really admitting. I was in an awful place without the help of Ryan Seacrest and Perez Hilton, they just gave me a reason to feel the way I was even though the truth was I would have felt like it anyway."

"So you think the depression was there then?"

"Now?" I ask and she nods. "Now I know it was there, even though I didn't then. In all honesty even when John diagnosed me with depression after I lost the baby I don't think I accepted it, I just thought I was sad I had a right to be sad my child had died but now I know I was depressed and I needed help but refused to accept it."

"You know in twenty four hours you've been here you've done amazing Ana, I can really see you're here because you want to get better and that you plan on doing everything you can to get better."

"I just want to be happy again." I reply and Sandra gives me a reassuring smile and a nod.

"We'll get you there." She says. "Now we need to talk medication."

"I've thought about it and as long as it has no effect on my baby then I'll try it." I admit sadly, I really didn't want to have to depend on medication but if it's what's going to get me better I'll do anything.

"That's fantastic, I'll discuss it with John and with Clare and Ashton, we'll decide together what course of medication will be best for you and then we'll get you on it ok?"

"Sounds good to me." I shrug nervously, I am worried about medication that's going to affect my brain, I don't know whether in the long term it will be a bad thing.

"Ok. You should go and get your blood pressure taken from Carrie and then she'll take you to Ashton for some outdoor time."

"Thanks." I smile getting up, outdoor time is a small balcony attached to the ward that has a cage according to Tanya, I won't be allowed on the ground until I reach the goals I'll be making with Clare, it seems a little stupid seeing as I haven't been classified a self-harm risk but it's just how things work around her.

"Hey Honey how did it go?" Carrie asks as I meet her at the nurses' station for her to take my blood pressure.

"Good." I smile. "You know I did the right thing coming here." I say. "Last night I realised this was a far bigger problem than I would have liked to admit."

"That's great." She smiles as she begins to take my blood pressure. "I mean great that you're happy that you came here."

"I didn't say I was happy." I admit wryly making her laugh, I smile my first genuine smile since I've been here and that makes Carrie smile wider.

"Well your blood pressure is good and I can tell you still no protein in your urine."

"Lovely." I say cringing a little making Carrie laugh again.

"Well that means baby is good and healthy and we'd like to keep it that way."

"Of course." I agree rubbing my bump through my cashmere cardigan. "I can't wait to meet her Carrie."

"I bet. I think she's going to have sparkling blue eyes like her Momma."

"You think?" I ask with a smile, it's one topic that always makes me smile, Chelsea.

"Yeah I do, but maybe Daddy's hair?"

"I don't know. I thought brown was a dominant gene."

"Huh you know your science." Carrie laughs as I roll down my sleeve.

"I just remember dominant recessive genes really." I shrug and she nods with a smile.

"Well there's a one in four chance she'll have Daddy's hair."

"I don't like those odds." I admit and she laughs again. "Who knows, just because there's a one in four in comparison to three in four of having Momma's hair you just never know."

"I'd love her to have Christian's hair."

"Me too." Carrie teases making me giggle, it feels nice to be relaxed and laugh again. "Now come on, Ashton is waiting outside for you."

On the balcony Ashton sits on one of the two plastic chairs and Carrie heads back inside. I sit beside him enjoying the cool wind. The view is nice, it's not the meadow or the sound but it's nice, the trees surrounds us except for the hospital ground which has tennis field and basketball area and some grass.

"So Ana." Ashton says making me turn to him. He looks really young to be a doctor, but according to his lab coat he's an MD, he has brown hair that looks like a crow's nest and dark brown eyes. "Do you like being outside?"

"I don't mind it." I reply with a shrug turning back to the view. "I wouldn't say I'm an outdoors person but I like the outdoors."

"What do you do when you get to go outdoors?"

"Go on my husband's boat." I say thinking of not only the Grace but the speed boat too.

"Very nice." Ashton says and I look at him to see he looks very impressed, I guess he likes boats. "Anything else?"

"We have a huge meadow for a back garden, with water and a dock. I like to go and sit on the dock to think."

"What do you think about down there?"

"Anything and everything."

"Do you try to clear your mind? Just relax?"

I snort, I don't think I've truly relaxed in a very long time.

"I'll take that as a no." He gives me a smile which I return. "Try and relax now, think of nothing."

"That's impossible." I reply dryly and he chuckles a little like Christian does when he really doesn't want to laugh but can't help it.

"It's not. Try to look around, admire what you see while taking deep breaths."

I sigh but do as he says anyway, he is the Therapeutic Recreation Specialist so I guess he knows what he's doing. His job is to use anything I enjoy recreationally and help show how it can be therapeutic and so he knows what he's doing.

An hour goes by where we sit in silence enjoying the view. It isn't until Carrie comes to collect me that I realise an hour has been past.

"That went by quickly." I point out and Ashton gives me a smirk, damn it was relaxing. I give him a smile and shake my head as I follow Carrie out, it's visiting time now and I am looking forward to seeing someone or other.

In the library Gail is sat with Luke. I hurry over to them and hug them both tight, one arm around Luke and one around Gail.

"So good to see you." I say not wanting to let go.

"You too Ana." Gail replies rubbing my back, I hear that she's close to crying and pull away to see a smile on her face.

"I'm ok you know."

"I see that." She laughs. "Christian isn't being very open with how you are with anyone and I was really worried about you." She explains. "All I was told was that you were coming here."

"I'm sorry Gail, someone should have really filled you in, I'm fine… well not fine I wouldn't be here if I was but I'm doing ok." I explain as we all sit down, Luke takes my hand in his own.

"Hannah says she's given you enough work to keep you busy for a month." He says moving the conversation along.

"She obviously doesn't know how quick I work I got most of it done last night."

"Well lucky she gave me this then, you need to sign these."

He hands me the documents and a pen and I notice Carrie watching us closely, guess special permission was given for this to be allowed.

All the forms are from Wendy but not trusting her or Christian I scan them carefully making sure there are no catches. Luckily most of them concern the expansion of Christasia Seattle and the decision whether or not to continue having it open later on a trial period depending on profit margin. I sign away quickly before handing them back to Luke.

"You should stop worrying about work Ana, let Christian handle it." Gail chastises me sort of playful but I know she's serious.

"I can't." I admit with a shrug. "AG means too much to me right now and it's one of those things that still manage to bring a smile to my face."

"That's good." Luke says and I nod in agreement.

"So how's the food in here?" Gail asks making me laugh.

"Nowhere near as good as yours but better than typical hospital food."

"Hmm I tried to bring you some chocolate milkshake and custard donuts but apparently we're not allowed."

"Damn." I giggle. "I have wanted chocolate shake all morning."

"I'll have a word with John Flynn tell him not to mess with a pregnant woman's cravings." She laughs making me smile, I'm so glad I came to see them feeling relaxed because it means I get to be relaxed around them.

When it's time for them to leave I hug them both tight and they promise to be by soon. I don't get upset this time, I know being apart from all of my loved ones will be worth it for when I can go home to them a better person all together.

After Carrie takes my blood pressure she brings lunch to my room and stays with me while I eat to talk.

"You know you could get to know some of the other patients, it might do you some good." Carrie says as I nibble on the chicken salad sub.

"I know, Tanya seems nice but she has privileges that I don't so it's hard and I was never really good at making friends." I reply and Carrie nods in understanding.

"Why don't you take your computer into the games room this evening, you might get the chance to talk to someone then." She suggests but I shrug.

"I have work to do."

"You should be relaxing Ana." She chastises but again I shrug.

"Work is relaxing." I reply and she sighs and shakes her head. "I don't have to work if I don't want to Carrie, my book sold millions worldwide and my husband is Christian Grey who would be more than happy for me to become a trophy wife but I enjoy working, I've always worked, I helped my Dad when I was growing up and then I worked through college and straight from college into an internship before I became acting editor then editor then president then CEO of a small publishing company then I bought the salons and I incorporated them all and now I run one big company and write books."

"You've done very well for yourself." Carrie smiles.

"I couldn't have done it without Christian, his faith in me made me believe I could do anything." I smile back, oh Christian, I can't imagine my life without him.

"Well you remember he has faith in you to get better too." She says taking my tray as I finish my lunch.

"You're right." I say as dark thoughts come into my head. She gives me a small smile and as soon as she's out of the room I grab his teddy and curl up on my side.

I can't believe I didn't think of this before! I know Christian wants me to get better but what if he doesn't want me anymore? What if all this is too much for him? I can't stop these thoughts coming into my head, penetrating me so completely that I begin to hyperventilate. Why would Christian Grey want to be saddled with a wife he can't even make happy? My tears continue to fall down my cheeks like a waterfall at the end of a rapid river where only the bravest of canoeist would dare take a ride. I bury nose deep into Christian's teddy, he has to still want me right? Probably not, he didn't even want me to come here, he didn't want me to be in a hospital. I mean what type of man would want to be tied down to a woman who has depression… I continue to struggle to breathe as these thoughts wrap around my brain, I just want them to stop, I know Christian loves me, my subconscious screams at me to calm down and get a grip because Christian would never leave me but the other thoughts are far more dominating.

"Ana… come on sweetie calm down." Carrie says shaking me gently but I can't calm down.

"He… he… he… isn't…" I hiccup trying to get the words out but with the lack of oxygen it's just impossible to form the words.

"Ana, your blood pressure is going to sky rocket try taking deep breaths for me."

"I can't…" I manage to croak in between gasps of air.

"Ok Ana, if you don't calm down now we're going to have to sedate you, please breathe for me." She pleads with me but it doesn't do anything to help and eventually she calls for help. "I need some help in here!"

I continue to grip tight to her as I try to calm down I don't want to be sedated but an RN comes in with Sandra Lee who gives me the injection in the crook of my elbow and I drop off to a medicated sleep.

I groan, waking up from a medication forced sleep makes me really groggy, more than waking up from natural real sleep.

"Ana?" I open my eyes and find Christian sitting beside me.

"Christian." I reach for him and pull him down to me, he doesn't hesitate in holding me tight. "Don't leave me." I whisper.

"I won't go until you want me too."

"No I mean…" I hold him tight. "Don't leave me, don't divorce me."

"What?" He pulls away to look at me in the eye. "You think I want to divorce you?"

"I don't know." I reply tears spilling uncontrollably from my eyes.

"Never Ana, never." He says pulling me into his lap and holding me tight. "Why would you think I want a divorce?"

"You don't need a wife who's damaged."

"You're not damaged you're sick. I'm damaged Ana and you don't want to divorce me right?"

"No of course not." He replies squeezing me softly. "I need to go and tell Sandra and John you're awake, will you be ok?"

"Uh-huh." I nod climbing out of his arms and crawling to the corner between the two walls making myself as small as possible, I feel so lost, so vulnerable and I know this isn't me not really but I can't even begin to try and explain what happened.

Christian comes in with Sandra and Flynn, it feels like a bit of an intervention.

"Ana." Sandra smiles. "Can I sit?" She asks nodding her head to my bed. I give a small nod feeling extremely nervous. "John, Christian can you give us a minute?"

Christian's eyes meet mine, he's looking for a reason to refuse but it seems he doesn't find one and reluctantly follows John out into the hall.

"So want to tell me what happened?" Sandra asks as I try to squeeze myself smaller into the corner.

"I… I don't know." I say quietly, my voice as small as I'm trying to make myself.

"Ok, tell me what happened with Carrie before you had the panic attack." Sandra says obviously being very patient with me, I'd be frustrated if the situations were reversed, at least I know I'd be a really bad shrink.

"We were talking."

"What about?" She doesn't wait in asking that question.

"Me… Christian." I reply shrugging a little as I cling to Christian's bear.

"Ok after the conversation, Carrie said you seemed fine when you were finished with lunch and she took your tray."

"I just … started thinking and I couldn't stop." I explain beginning to shake with fear as the thoughts begin to penetrate my mind again.

"Oh… ok Ana just breathe, nothing is going to happen to you here ok? You're safe." Sandra says her hand on my knees as I bury my nose deep into the bear again. "It's ok, you can tell me." She says and this time the fact she is talking to me like I'm a vulnerable child soothes me more than it does anger me. I reach out and grasp her hand and she runs her thumb over my knuckles like Christian often does and I let out a small content sigh as I begin to relax.

"I started thinking about what if Christian didn't want me anymore because I'm sick, Carrie said that Christian had faith in me to get better… what if I don't get better or regress again… will Christian leave me? Will he find someone who's completely sane…"

"Calm Ana." Sandra says as I begin to get worked up again. I take deep inhale before blowing out the breath trying to relax myself again.

"A part of me was yelling at me not to be so stupid Christian loves me, he's not interested in anyone else he tells me all the time there will only ever be me but then… then another part, a stronger more dominating part of me just kept going on and on about the possibility that Christian wouldn't want me anymore, he didn't want me to come here and I thought maybe it was because it would mean I really am sick and he doesn't want that, Christian Grey can't have a mentally ill wife." I choke on the last sentence and Sandra sighs softly as the tears pool out of my eyes.

"Deep breaths Ana, deep breaths." Sandra says and I nod and inhale and exhale counting in my head each time. "Good girl. Good girl. I'm going to get Christian to come in here while I talk to John ok?" I nod and she gives my hand a small squeeze before she hurries out. I drop my head against my knees and hold the teddy to my nose.

"Ana." Christian sits where Sandra was and he reaches for me. "I'm not going anywhere. It hurts me that I can't help you, that I can't fix you like you fixed me but I won't ever abandon you, ever do you hear me?" I look at him and give a small nod. "I don't know why you'd think I would."

"Neither do I." I admit quietly and he gives me a small smile.

"This place can do what I can't, they can help you right?"

"I think so." I reply climbing into his lap.

"I hate being this helpless Ana, John is trying to tell me that you being here is best but… but I feel so out of control."

"I'm sorry." I say tears pooling in my eyes.

"Oh baby it isn't your fault, I'm not telling you so you can blame yourself. This situation is hard on both of us but I'm just trying to be open with you, prove to you that my whole heart is with you, I don't know what I'd do if I lost you Ana."

"I'm not the woman you married." I say quietly feeling an ache in my chest.

"No you're not." He smiles. "You're so much more, you're still the same old Ana but with more life experience, a bigger heart, a deeper history but always the woman who found my heart and showed me I could love."

I hold Christian tight as John and Sandra come in. They both sit on Tanya's bed and I climb from Christian's lap to sit beside him.

"Feeling better?" John asks and I nod in reply feeling a little embarrassed that he saw me like that. "Good, ok we think what's best is that we start family therapy right away twice weekly, would you both be open to that?"

I nod and then look at Christian who also nods, I feel relieved, if he's willing to do that then he's not leaving me, he wants me to get better and get home.

"Good, ok Christian ten minutes then time to go." John says and he and Sandra leave me and Christian alone.

"You know, you don't have to visit tonight now right?" I ask and he sighs and takes my hand.

"I want to."

"I don't."

"Why?" He asks sounding really hurt.

"Because it really hurts to say goodbye to you and I would like to see other people too." I say hoping he will understand.

"Ok, I'll call Mom and Dad, I know they want to see you." Christian says. "And Taylor too."

"Could he bring Hannah up to see me sometime? I have so much I need to talk to her about."

"Ana you should be resting not working."

"I gotta do something, it helps."

"Ok. Just not too much ok?" He says knocking his shoulder into mine.

"I'll be able to call you tonight."

"Oh yeah I got you some change." He pulls a coin bag from his inside pocket that's full of quarters. "There's twenty five dollars in that, should last you, I heard there was a vending machine on the unit."

"Yeah, I'll stuff my face with chocolate." I tease nudging him back.

"When do you want me to visit then?" He asks and I sigh.

"I don't know."

"Well I'll see you tomorrow, why don't we just wait till Thursday and you can decide then?"

"Sure." I smile before I turn to him. "I love you so much."

"I know. I love you too." He says before latching his lips onto mine. I kiss him back with every ounce of passion and desperation that I have. He wraps his arms around me, his hands going into my hair holding my mouth to his as his tongue invades. All too soon he pulls apart to breathe but he keeps his forehead against mine.

"This is killing me." He says quietly. "I feel like it's all my fault that you're here."

"No Christian, no it isn't, it's nobody's fault, the trauma of losing little blip may not have even caused the depression Christian it sometimes just happens without a real reason. Please don't blame yourself…" I hiccup and he wraps me up in a warm embrace.

"I'm sorry. I know it's no one's fault." He says running his hand through my hair. "Is there anything you'd like Mom and Dad to bring you?"

"Can you pack my yoga pants and a couple more of my cardigans?"

"Sure." He says. "Anything else?"

"I don't think I'm allowed anything else." I chuckle. "Go on, get out of here, I'll see you tomorrow."

"Ok." He smiles and kisses me gently. "I love you Ana ok?"

"I love you too Christian."

I watch him leave and sigh deeply. I hate that he's stuck in a horrible place because of me. Sandra comes back into the room as I relax back against my pillows sitting comfortably with my hands on my baby bump.

"Feeling better now?"

"Yeah, thank you." I smile and I know she knows it's for getting Christian here.

"You know, when these thoughts begin to happen you need to come talk to someone, whether it's me or Carrie or anyone else in your team, someone is always around, we can help if you let us Ana." She says as she picks up Christian's bear. "Build-a-bear?"

I tell her the story of the three build-a-bears and she smiles and laughs before setting Christian's on my bedside cabinet with the other two, completing the family. I know that Christian and I will be together again soon and that my baby will be born and we'll be happy again, or somewhat happy, mine and Christian's life is never going to be drama free and I get that now and accept that but it doesn't cure my depression.

"How do you feel?"

"Exhausted." I admit as Carrie comes in with the blood pressure cuff.

"Take a nap, sedation isn't sleep and panic attacks are tiring." Sandra says. "I'll see you in group after visiting."

"Ok." I nod and she gives me a small smile before she leaves.

"Feeling better?"

"Much, thank you." I tell her sincerely and Carrie smiles and nods her head as she takes my blood pressure. "She's right, you should take a nap, I'll wake you for dinner."

"Ok." I watch her go before I curl up above the duvet to get some sleep.

After dinner Carrie takes me to the games room and I spot Grace and Carrick at once I hurry over to them and Grace quickly wraps me up in a motherly embrace.

"How are you my dear girl?" She asks still holding onto me.

"I'm ok." I smile as I pull away so I can hug Carrick before we all sit down. "Thank you for coming up here."

"No bother." Carrick says brushing it off at once. "Are they looking after you?"

"Yeah everyone's great." I reply as Grace still holds my hand in her own. "It's been much better than I thought it would be anyway." I say as if I'm at some holiday camp and not a hospital.

"That's good." Grace smiles encouragingly. "We brought you the clothes you asked Christian for and my Mom finished making you a blanket, she says you're a Grey you should have one too." She says handing a bag over that I know was thoroughly searched before it was allowed on the unit.

"Thank you." I smile gratefully. "I do too much sitting down to be comfortable in jeans." I say, it's actually quite hard to find anything to talk about when we're advised not to talk about therapy and treatment.

"Anything else you need just give us a call." Carrick says and I nod thankful to have such an amazing support system in place, I know having everyone involved will speed up my recovery in comparison to those without.

"So have you made any friends?" Grace asks.

"Not really, I mean my roommate is nice, but she's been here a long time and has privileges to leave the unit so I rarely see her in all honesty." I explain. "But I'm not really here to make friends." I add laughing slightly, I don't want this to be all serious.

"Well as long as you have someone to talk to who understands…"

"There's Carrie, she's my nurse." I say. "She actually reminds me of you a little."

"Oh really?" Grace asks playfully while Carrick just observes us.

"Yeah, she's very motherly too." I explain and Grace smiles happily, I guess she likes that comparison.

"Well if she's looking after you Ana my dear I can't fault her." Grace says her hand stroking my face and cupping my cheek lightly. "You're looking better." She admits.

"I feel better." I shrug and she smiles. "I know it's going to take time, there isn't an instant cure but I have faith that in time I'll get better and that makes me feel a little better… I'm not making any sense am I."

"Plenty." Carrick laughs and I smile, I'm so glad they came up to visit. "Thank you Carrick, for making me realise I couldn't do it on my own anymore."

"I didn't make you realise a thing." He says taking my free hand in his own. "You already knew, what I said wouldn't have changed your mind either way. Are you happy here?"

"Happy… maybe the wrong word choice, I'm… content in knowing I'm in the right place right now."

"That's all we could wish for."

"How's Christian?" I ask knowing I have to ask.

"He's ok."

"Would you say that to me even if he wasn't?" I ask turning to look at my mother-in-law.

"Probably." She nods. "He's fine, John is doing a mighty fine job making sure his head is in the right place that he understands what's going on, Taylor and Gail are taking good care of him and he has your Father and Bob at the house for company, he's really ok."

"Ok." I relax just that tiny bit more knowing that.

When visiting time is up I hug my in-laws goodbye and head off back to my room. I change straight into my pyjamas and pull on my slippers. When I come out of the bathroom Tanya is sat on her bed reading.

"You had any visitors?" She asks. Her red hair hangs in loose waves around her face, her face completely bare from makeup. Her eyes are hazel in colour, almost gold in the bedroom light.

"Yeah my Mother and Father in law." I reply unpacking the bag they bought me.

"What they bring you?" She asks.

"Just some yoga pants and a blanket my husband's grandmother made." I explain pulling the pink blanket out of my bag, it's beautiful and really big, I guess she's been working nonstop on making this.

"Nice." Tanya smiles.

"Did you have any visitors?"

"Nah." She says brushing it off. "My husband left me when I was diagnosed and filed for divorce and Mom and Dad are Jehovah's Witness' and I turned my back on the faith in order to get sane." She says though she sounds full of humour I see the sadness in her eyes. "You know, sorry for being rude but I've seen you somewhere before I'm sure of it." My heart pounds in my chest, I should have known this would happen. But it's ok, people aren't allowed to talk about other patients without it causing law suits so it's ok. "Where do I know you from?" I shrug, I don't want to tell her. "Are you like famous?"

"Ah you could say that." I reply nervously. "I wrote a book, it sold a lot." I explain shrugging.

"Ana Grey, you wrote fifty shades."

"Yeah." I reply.

"Damn I love that book, when's the next one out?"

"Thirtieth of March."

"I saw you on Ellen." She says and I give her a small smile. "You looked really different then."

"Well I wasn't sixteen weeks pregnant for a start." I giggle as I climb into bed, I have no energy doing any work tonight so I'm not even going to go on the hunt for my laptop. I'll go phone Christian in a little while.

"Yeah and you had full bangs." She says, my bangs are brushed to the side now too long to be in place.

"Yeah." I reply sitting on my bed.

"Hell of a book you wrote." She chuckles.

"Thanks I think." I laugh. "I like to write."

"Have you written a novel?"

"Three." She laughs. "They're all about a rookie cop in Detroit."

"I'd love to read them, have you ever tried to get them published?"

"No." She shrugs. "I wouldn't know how."

"Send them to Grey's Publishing Seattle, never hurt to try right? They have an amazing crime unit there, they publish a few hundred a year. Large department too."

"Ok." She nods, I guess she knows the connection of the place to me. "Just send it?"

"Yup, they'll read some of it, contact you if they like it."

"Ok, I will."

"I'm going to phone my husband." I say climbing out of bed, I'm so tired a quick phone call and then bed.


	228. Chapter 228

**I don't own any of the songs mentioned in this fic or this chapter, song one – Sarah McLachlan I will remember you, Song two – Chris Tomlin Here I am to worship and Song three - Goodbye's the saddest word, Celine Dion**

**I also do not own the prayers or religious passages or the poem.**

**Also, in funerals many pastors/vicars/reverends in the Christian faith refer to all as Brother or Sister, you'll see this in the chapter don't be mistaken that I mean actual sister.**

**Wednesday 13th March**

Today is already turning out to be the worst day of my life so far. After waking I was hit with the realisation that it's the day I say my final goodbye to my Mom and it's killing me. I wash and dress quickly, barely touch my breakfast my anxiety sky high even with the anti-anxiety pills Sandra had me take.

"So what are you most anxious about today?" Sandra asks, I still have to have a session with her before I leave and it's hard.

"I don't know." I reply with a shrug. "Everything I guess."

"It's going to be a really tough day for you Ana, I just need you to remember to breathe when things get too much, find John or Carrie let them help you."

"Ok." I nod even though I think the only people I'll want anywhere near me today our my family.

"Get going then." She gives me a small smile that I can't return.

Carrie meets me right outside the office door and we head out to the foyer. Christian and Taylor meet us there and without a word we go to the waiting SUV.

"I didn't think you'd want to wear any of your work maternity dresses so I had Caroline Acton find you one." Christian says as we sit side by side in the car, I'm in the middle with Carrie on one side and Christian on the other.

"Thank you, I didn't really think." I say quietly.

"It's ok." He says holding my hand tight. "Mia and Kate will give you a hand to get ready." He adds, he's already in his black suit.

"Is there much press hanging around?" I ask and I see his face turn dark.

"A few. Though I had Ryan and Oreon try and get them to leave they were having none of it." He says and I sigh, the last thing I want today.

"Are we going to the Fairmount after?"

"Yes if that's ok, Mom offered to do it at Bellevue or our place…"

"No, the Fairmount is fine." I reply, it's what I wanted. "Have the press got wind of me being at Fairfax?"

"No." He replies.

"Not yet." I say quietly.

"I'm doing what I can Ana but it's not something I can control."

"I know." I reply sensing his distress. "When it comes out, it comes out Christian we'll deal with it when it happens."

"I just don't want you to go through that."

"It doesn't bother me, what's the worse that could happen?" I reply with a shrug. "I mean people who like my companies won't stop using them, people who like my writing won't stop reading and if push comes to shove I'll sell and exclusive and donate the money again."

"You're so strong sometimes you know that." He says turning to look at me.

"I have to be." I reply. "Or I'd stop functioning."

When we pull up outside I see the press going wild, I bet they're intrigued to know why Christian left this morning. I spot Carrie gawping at the house and it manages to bring a small smile to my face.

"When we get outside the house, Luke will have a blanket to cover us all to go in, the press don't need to see us."

"Ok." I reply understanding without complaint.

At the end of the driveway Ryan opens the door and Luke covers us to get into the house. Once in through the door I don't wait around to see anyone and hurry up to my room.

"I'll go make sure she's ok." I hear Carrie say as I hit the top of the stairs, I know Christian gives her the directions to our room.

I find my dress hanging up in the closet, a pair of my black heels picked out and the head piece with my dress coat all ready for me. I instantly go to the vanity and sit down ignoring Carrie who's called my name. She finds me as I begin to comb my hair trying to pull it into some semblance of style.

"You ok?"

"I just want to get ready." I reply as she comes into the closet.

"That's ok, do you want me to leave you alone."

"Are you allowed to?" I ask sarcastically. "I'm sorry, it's just this is my Mom's funeral and I'm not happy that you're here."

"I know." She replies. "That's ok."

"Ana?"

"In the closet!" I reply to Kate's voice. "There you are Steele." She says trying to sound enthusiastic as she rushes over to hug me tight from behind. "You ok?"

"I'm ok." I reply, why people ask I don't know, stupid question really.

"I'll be downstairs Ana." Carrie says slipping out as Mia comes in.

"Who was that?" Mia asks as Kate starts to get my makeup out.

"Carrie she's my nurse at the hospital." I explain and Mia gives a small nod. "Escort."

"Oh." She says and I laugh softly and shake my head, this is so stupid.

"You ok there?" Kate asks as she begins putting makeup on me, it momentarily makes me forget what today is letting me relax.

"It's ok." I shrug.

"Elliot and I are coming to see you tomorrow, Flynn said we shouldn't all visit at once." Kate explains why she hasn't been yet.

"I know, I was told." I reply. "But you don't have to I mean I know you have a busy life."

"Shut up Steele." She warns. "Elliot and I will be up tomorrow."

"Ok." I decide not to argue further.

After my makeup is done the two help me change, the dress Christian has chosen (well Caroline Acton) is actually really nice, it fits my body perfectly even around my hips beneath my bump. It falls to my knees and has a circular neckline in chiffon, maybe that's why it fits so well because it's loose and flowy around my legs rather than tight like what I'd normally go for.

"Ana." Christian comes into the closet and Mia and Kate discreetly yet quickly exit. "It's almost time to go." He says. He's wearing a long black overcoat over his black suit and I nod and grab my own coat, Christian comes over and helps me put it on. He kisses the top of my head gently and holds me a moment longer than needed but I don't complain, his touch relaxes me more than anything.

"I don't think I can do this." I say quietly and Christian turns me to face him.

"You can, I'll be right there with you the entire time." He promises and I lean in and kiss his lips, needing the physical contact from him. "Come on."

I head downstairs with Christian's hand locked in my own. My family is all waiting in the entrance hall as we walk down the stairs but I'm thankful that they don't stare up at me. Ray takes my second hand as Taylor and Luke open the door and we step out onto the driveway two at a time. There are five funeral cars for us but we all take a moment to acknowledge the large black wood and glass carriage carrying Mom's white coffin.

I let go of Christian's hand and walk over to the carriage. On the right hand side where I stand is the large wreath that spells 'Mom' in red and white roses. I press the back of one hand on my mouth as I hiccup back a sob. The tears have started and I know they won't stop, my second hand I press to the glass as I bow my head, this is more pain than I have ever felt in my life, it makes childbirth sound easy.

I feel an arm wrap around my shoulders and I look up to see Ray's tear filled eyes. I look back at the white box in the glass case and I feel sick, this is it, Mom's final journey.

I let Ray pull me away and lead me to the first car. Taylor opens the door for Christian, Ray, Bob and I to climb inside. I cling to Ray needing his comfort more than Christian's right now because Ray's my Dad, he's lost my Mom too even if they weren't married anymore he still loved her, he's in more pain than Christian is even though I can see the internal struggle Christian has to keep his own tears locked inside.

Once the others have climbed into their cars I hear the call for the horses to begin to move and we jerk before falling into a slow pace behind them. I close my eyes as memories of my childhood penetrate my mind. I can't help but remember Christmases and Birthdays with Mom and Ray. I squeeze Ray's hand as I remember being small enough to be carried on his shoulder while Mom chased us around the playground, I must have only been about five at that time.

My tears continue to flow like an unstoppable river but I don't cry out. I'm quiet as I hold onto Ray, I feel so awful that I left him and Bob to deal with the final funeral arrangements, I know I got a lot of it done on Sunday but I also know there was a lot that I didn't do. When it's less painful I'll talk to them, find out what was needed to be done, how they got it done because I genuinely couldn't.

It takes us nearly forty minutes to drive the usual ten minutes from the house to Saint James Cathedral. We come to a slow stop and the driver opens the door for us. Christian and Bob get out first but I'm scared to move, I don't want to move knowing that this is it.

"It's ok Annie." Ray says holding my head gently to his shoulder as I sniff back my cries. "It's ok."

"I don't want to say goodbye to her Dad." I hiccup. "I'm not ready."

"Neither am I Annie." He replies his own cries audible in his voice. "But I'm afraid we don't get much of a choice." He sighs.

"It hurts so much." I whisper clinging to him tight.

"I know baby girl, but this is the first step in moving on, feeling better." He says hiccupping a sob of his own. "I know it's hard."

"Ok, let's do this." I say sitting up and wiping my tears.

We both climb out of the car and Grace reaches for me as Christian, Ray, Bob, Elliot, Luke and Taylor go to take the coffin from the carriage. I wonder briefly whose idea it was for them to be the men carrying the coffin because I know you can have people who work at the funeral home to be pallbearers if there isn't enough men in the family. I pull my hand from Grace's as Mom's coffin is lifted onto their shoulders. I don't want Grace's help or anyone else's for that matter to walk inside.

We walk in silence behind the coffin up the stone steps. I can hear the noise of the organ behind the door and the sound of chatter, I briefly think of the people inside, who they are and why they're here just as the song I chose to play on Mom's entrance hit's my ears and the chatter dies down as the doors open.

_I will remember you_

_Will you remember me?_

_Don't let your life pass you by_

_Weep not for the memories_

I walk on my own behind the coffin. I owe that much to my Mom, to be strong enough to give her this. I don't know why I feel like that, I don't know why I feel like she'd want me to do this but I do. I notice the cathedral is filled. I recognise a few faces from Savannah, others from Montesano but a lot of people are people who work for me, I even see Andrea and Ros who work for Christian which surprises me but in all honesty I don't have the time or energy to think about things like that right now.

_Remember the good times that we had?_

_We let them slip away for us when things got bad._

_How clearly I first saw you smilin' in the sun._

_Wanna feel your warmth upon me I wanna be the one._

Mom's coffin is placed right in the middle. I see the choir that will lead the hymns as the driver's bring in the flowers, the Mom wreath, the Carla Wreath, the large arrangements of flowers from the close family that was in the carriage with her.

Once the coffin is in place the men step back. Christian and Ray both come to my side and I close my eyes while I hold their hands and listen to the music while sending up a small prayer.

_I will remember you_

_Will you remember me?_

_Don't let your life pass you by_

_Weep not for the memories_

I hiccup a sob as Christian and Ray lead me into the pews reserved for us. Everyone is on their feet as Grace passes us all the order of service, Mom's picture on the front with a wide smile on her face. I open the book and look at the lyrics of the hymns, the prayer's and the liturgy of the word. I turn the page and a loud cry echoes uncontrollably from my lips as I see a picture of Mom and me when I graduated high school, we both look so happy, I remember how ecstatic Mom was and how she and Ray were there to see me get my diploma, it was Ray who took the photograph. After more hymn lyrics there's Mom and Bob's wedding photo. I need to thank whoever put this together and as I look around at the people surrounding us I see they all have one in their hands.

_I'm so tired but I can't sleep_

_Standing on the edge of something much to deep_

_It's funny how we feel so much, but we cannot say a word_

_We are screaming inside but we can't be heard._

We all stay standing as the song continues to play. I bury my head in Christian's side as I continue to think of my childhood with Mom. I remember silly little things like when she's wear tinsel in her hair at Christmas either like a headband or wrapped around her ponytail every single day of December, I think there was more tinsel in her hair than there was on our tree sometimes.

_I will remember you_

_Will you remember me?_

_Don't let your life pass you by_

_Weep not for the memories_

It's silly, how things that seemed so unimportant back then are now going to be the memories I hold dear to my heart for the rest of my life, they will be the stories I share with Chelsea about her so that she somehow has some knowledge of her grandmother who she'll never get to meet. That thought alone has me crying out again and Christian wrapping me up tight beneath his arm, I know this is hard for him, he hates seeing me hurting but there is absolutely nothing that he can do to take away this pain, to make me feel better.

_So afraid to love you more afraid to lose_

_Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose_

_Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night_

_You gave me everything you had, oh, you gave me light_

I see the pastor of the Cathedral step forward ready to start the service, the final farewell to the wonderful and creative woman my Mom was. I tap my pocket where my speech lies and the envelope she gave me lies, I haven't opened it yet, it still doesn't feel right to open it and so I haven't I think she was right in saying I would know when it was time for me to open it and that I would open it then.

_And I will remember you_

_Will you remember me?_

_Don't let your life pass you by_

_Weep not for the memories_

_I will remember you_

_Will you remember me?_

_Don't let your life pass you by_

_Weep not for the memories_

The song dims out and the whole Cathedral is quiet except for the sounds of my weeping which echoes around the large space.

"Please be seated." The pastor says and there's a loud shuffle as everyone takes their seat. I continue to cling to Christian as if he's my lifeline while holding Ray's hand tight. "We have gathered here in the celebration of life of Carla Wilks, a loved mother, wife and friend. It was Jesus who said "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die." As we say our goodbye to our sister Carla we can delight in knowing that she has everlasting life. We will start by singing the first hymn or in this case worship song, Here I am to Worship, please stand."

We all stand again as the music begins, I'm glad we have an instrumental version and not an organ, the version Mom loved was upbeat and happy and she always said she wanted the song at her funeral because it was the final announcement of faith, telling the Lord that you had come to bow at his feet and proclaim to all that you were in heaven.

"Light of the world, you step down into darkness, open my eyes let me see." I don't even need to look at the booklet, I haven't forgotten the words though I haven't really heard it in years. "Beauty that makes this heart adore you, hope of a life spent with you."

The voices of the children's choir cover everyone else, they sound so beautiful, so melodic and I feel some warmth from the words and their singing that my tears flow slower for the time being.

"So here I am to worship, here I am to bow down, here I am to say that you're my God, you're all together lovely, all together worthy, all together wonderful to me." I hope my Mom's faith is right, that if we believe that Jesus Christ died on the cross for us we live forever, the fear I have that everything just ends only makes me feel worse about my Mom's death and not better.

"King of all days, oh so highly exalted, glorious all heaven above." I hear Christian's voice in my ear which brings some calm to my beating heart, he is my everything and I can remember the fear I had when I thought I'd lost him, how I prayed hard for him to survive, for him to come home to me. That made my faith stronger but then the fact Mom's life was cut so short has me doubting my faith in God and in Jesus. "Humbly you came to the earth you created all for love sake became poor. So here I am to worship here I am to bow down, here I am to say that you're my God. You're all together lovely, all together worthy, all together wonderful to me."

I can't sing anymore. My throat too constricted by the sobs I'm trying desperately not to let through. As I hiccup a loud wail Christian sits me down afraid that my legs won't hold me up anymore. He sits beside me and hols me tight, the song continuing on in the background behind my cries. He rocks me softly and kisses my head every so often until the song comes to an end and the congregation takes their seats once more.

"Let us pray." The priest calls and heads bow across the vast room. "God our Father, Your power brings us to birth, Your providence guides our lives, and by Your command we return to dust. Lord those who die still live in Your presence, their lives changed but do not end. I pray in hope for the family, friends and relatives, and for all the dead known to You alone. In company with Christ, who died and now lives, may they rejoice in Your kingdom, where all our tears are wiped away. Unite us together again in one family, to sing Your praise forever and ever. Amen."

"Amen." I say quietly before I lift my head to look at the priest who will continue the service.

It passes in a near blur. I barely take in any of the words the priest says, my entire focus is on the white closed casket in front of me and my thoughts filled with hope that it is just her body and that her soul rests in heaven.

It's sad to think that people like myself are only really religious when it comes to death and possible death. Many would say that they are atheists but in actual fact they do have some faith because if their parent, loved one, child was lying in a hospital they would pray to a God that they be saved, that they don't suffer even those who say that people who have religion are delusional would still pray and hope that God doesn't make them or their loved one suffer.

"I would now like to invite Carla's daughter Anastasia to say a few words."

My name completely catches my attention and as Christian gives me a small encouraging squeeze I peel myself from my coat which has gotten quite attached to my skin in this heat and I find my speech wrapped around Mom's letter in my pocket. Ray and Christian both help me shakily to my feet and I take my time to walk to the podium.

There's a microphone set up so everyone can hear every breath I take as well as the unfolding of the paper that I typed my speech up on.

"I'd like to start by saying thank you everyone so much for coming, for the flowers that have been sent to us, the messages of love and support it has brought us all some comfort during what is a difficult time." I manage to get all that out before my voice completely shakes. I cough a little to try and clear my throat but I have a lump penetrating there making it difficult to even breathe let alone speak. "This is probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Saying goodbye to my Mom when I still like to think that this is a really horrible nightmare. Of course if it was I'd get to tell Mom all about it and she'd be able to give me her theories on what it meant and they would make no sense at all." I manage a weak sadness filled laugh. "Carla… Mom… she was an amazingly creative woman. Anyone who ever knew her has probably some homemade gift or other, origami, papier-mâché, candles, beads… I have a lot of things she made me around someplace or other, each with its own unique story, it's hard to think that something that once took unnecessary space in my room, something I would have considered absolutely worthless is something that now all the money in the world wouldn't have me depart with it, now those small treasures are absolutely priceless."

I close my eyes trying to hold back the tears, I want to get through this without breaking down, say what I have to say before it's too late.

"I'm sure everyone who ever came across Mom will remember her as a delightfully happy person though we know inside she had her own daemons. The small solace I have from her premature death is knowing she's been reunited with her first love, my birth father, knowing they're together again gives me some comfort when it feels like I'll never have real comfort again." I have to wipe away at my tears, they're blurring my vision making it hard to read the paper in front of me. "It wasn't until I found out I was pregnant that I really realised how unconditional a mother's love is…" My voice is breaking completely and I have to stop and take a deep breath, try to keep calm and focused. "… it really is true when they say you don't know how much your Mom loved you until you're a Mom yourself and I'm so thankful I had the chance to tell her that I understood because … because I'll never have the chance to tell her again or show her…" I have to try and relax, my whole body is tense and my breathing almost erratic. "I'd like each and every one of you to remember to go home tonight and tell your loved ones what they mean to you, sometimes those three little words I love you are said without thought, I said them to Mom all the time, to Ray my Dad and to Christian but it's until you've said it for the last time you realise how significant they are. Don't take the love of your Mom or your Dad for granted. I know Mom will always love me in the same way I will always love her but I'll never … I'll never hear her say it again only in here." I tap at my skull with my nail. "Hug them, kiss them, caress them, let them know the true depth of your feelings towards them in case it's the last time you get to tell them. Forgive them easily for any wrong doing they've caused you in the past, don't hold grudges."

I squeeze my eyes shut as I think of the last few years, things Mom did that bothered me, things I argued with her about.

"I want to say sorry Mom, for every time I was a bad daughter… for every time I did something that was going against your wishes, the arguments, for every time I said I hate you because I could never ever hate you…" I turn away from the microphone as I feel my knees tremble and a loud sob comes free from my throat. No one needed me to be facing the microphone for them to hear it. "I count myself very lucky that I got to say goodbye before she left us, now I search my mind for the fondest of memories as they're all I have to hold onto now. I suggest you do the same, if you knew Mom remember her the way she was before she got sick, before she had cancer, because that's how she would want to be remembered."

I have to compose myself again before continuing.

"As a writer what I did the other night could be considered embarrassing. I couldn't put together this speech so I searched online for something to help me write it, but I fell on this one and though it's not one I wrote it says everything I want to say." I unfold the second piece of paper and unfold it carefully, my hands shaking completely given away to everyone paying attention. "It's by Frances and Kathleen Cohelo and it's called God saw you getting tired…

God saw you getting tired,  
When a cure was not to be.  
So He wrapped his arms around you,  
and whispered, "come to me."

You didn't deserve what you went through,  
So He gave you rest.  
God's garden must be beautiful,  
He only takes the best

And when I saw you sleeping,  
So peaceful and free from pain  
I could not wish you back  
To suffer that again."

Christian comes up to meet me as I finish, struggling to stand so I definitely know I can't walk. He wraps his arms around me tight as I bury my face in his chest wanting to forget everything that's happened over the past four days. Taylor hurries to meet him when he realises Christian won't be able to move me on his own and together they help me back to my seat.

"Carla's son-in-law Christian and her husband Bob put together this photo montage for Carla and Ana." The pastor says just as four quite large TV sets are rolled in on trolleys and placed around the coffin. They all come on at the same time, I can see two clearly from where I am sitting and I know it was Christian who sorted this out even if Bob helped him put it together. The picture changes and my Mom's face smiling warms my heart, the date of her birth and the date of her death beneath it breaks it again in one beat.

_Mamma, you gave life to me_

_Turned a baby into a lady. _

The lyrics resonate in me and I cling tight to Christian and Taylor who I didn't let go of when he brought me back to my seat, luckily we're on pews and there was enough room for him to squidgy in between Ray and I who has a hold of my arm over Taylor's lap. The picture of my Mom holding me in the hospital has me hiccupping a sob into Christian's shoulder before it changes.

_Mamma, all you had to offer _

_Was the promise of a lifetime of love_

_Now I know_

_There is no other, love like a mother's_

_Love for her child_

_And I know, _

_A love so complete_

_Someday must leave_

_Must say goodbye_

Pictures of Mom and I pre-Ray go from one to another on the screen as I listen to the words of the song, the truth in them making it that much harder to not break down in complete wracked sobs which is what I know I'll do behind closed doors.

_Goodbye's the saddest word I'll ever here_

_Goodbye's the last time I will hold you near_

_Someday you'll say those words and I will cry_

_It will break my heart to see you say goodbye_

As the chorus ends the pictures of Mom and I with Ray come up, ones that I remember each memory with them unlike the earlier ones where I'd just heard the stories attached from Mom.

_Mamma, you gave love to me_

_Turned a young one, into a woman_

_And Mamma, all I ever needed_

_Was a guarantee, of you loving me_

I can't help but think of the child growing in my womb, how someday this song would mean something to her in the way it does to me now. I hope I can be half the mother my Mom was to me to Chelsea.

_Cause I know, _

_There is no other _

_love like a mother's _

_love for her child_

_and it hurts so_

_That something so strong _

_will someday be gone_

_must say goodbye_

I notice as I get older there is more of a gap between the ages of me in the pictures, especially when it comes to a couple of Mom and I in Vegas with Steven, that's when we argued most, it was then I told her I hated her for leaving Ray and dragging me with her away from everything and everyone I knew.

_Goodbye's the saddest word I'll ever here_

_Goodbye's the last time I will hold you near_

_Someday you'll say those words and I will cry_

_It will break my heart to see you say goodbye_

_But the love you give will always live_

_You've always been there every time I call_

_You offered me the greatest love of all_

_You take my weakness and you make me strong_

_And I will love you till forever comes_

As the time comes between Bob and Steven in the pictures I can't help but remember how unhappy we both were. I was living happily with Ray, still angry with her for choosing Steven over me, how she would have done anything to have me stay with her in Vegas even though I was so unhappy. I'm torn now knowing I would do anything to make sure Chelsea is always happy and at the same time wanting to do anything to make my Mom happy. This guilt is eating me up making me sob harder as the montage continues.

_And when you need me_

_I'll be there for you all the way_

_I'll be there all life through_

_I'll be there this I guarantee_

_Mamma, I'll be_

_I'll be there through the darkest nights_

_I'll be the wings that guide your broken flight_

_I'll be the shelter through the raging storm_

_And I will love you till for ever comes_

I don't see the last few pictures of Mom married to Bob because I can't even open my eyes for crying. The combination of strong emotions running rampage through my body has me completely hysterical and I can't calm down even though I really am trying to.

_Goodbye's the saddest word I'll ever hear_

_Goodbye's the last time I will hold you near_

_Someday you'll say that word and I will cry_

_It'll break my heart to hear you say goodbye_

_Till we meet again_

_Until then _

_Goodbye…_

"Mom!" I scream, I didn't even realise I was doing it out loud until Carrie and Flynn end up in front of me.

"We need to get her outside." Carrie whispers to Christian.

Between Christian and Taylor they manage to get me to my feet. I'm to consumed by guilt, anger, sorrow to do anything but let them guide me back up the aisle and out of the Church.


	229. Chapter 229

**Just a short one but with a new job I am exhausted and I didn't want to not update so this is better than nothing!**

**Wednesday 13th March**

I don't go back into the service though I can hear it all from the steps where Christian and Taylor continue to hold me, I have a tight grip on both of them and John and Carrie managed to get me to calm down enough that my blood pressure doesn't spike. When it comes close to the end Taylor and Christian have to leave to get the coffin and Carrie takes me into her embrace as I refuse to go back inside the suffocating building.

I fall in behind the coffin until it's safely back inside its glass container to move to the burial spot which I find out is for family only to come. It takes nearly fifteen minutes for us to drive from the Church to what I learn is a plot of land Christian has bought which will eventually hold our bodies as well as Ray's and Bob's too and the rest of our family if they want to.

It's a beautiful patch of land with trees and early spring flowers and a small river that runs through it. A six foot hole has already been dug and as we walk over to it I manage to calm myself a little more.

We don't have the pastor here. Mom is just laid to rest without service just how she mentioned once she wanted; she always said that a who-ha by the grave was silly. Once she's lowered into the hole we all throw a rose onto the casket before we leave for her grave to be covered.

At the Fairmount all the congregation are already in the full swing of a wake. The sombre atmosphere is highlighted by everyone wearing black, the low melodic music and the quiet talking. Drinks are passed around but I tear myself away from everyone and go and sit over on one of the empty couches, I don't really want to talk to anyone.

Gail eventually comes over with a chocolate milkshake. I manage a weak laugh as she places it in front of me. I see she's been crying, I wonder what upset her was it my Mom or me? I know that she and I are friends I wouldn't be surprised if she got upset seeing me so broken, I would be the same if it were the other way around.

"Thank you." I say quietly as I take a small sip of the drink I've been craving yet denied for the past couple of days.

"No problem." She smiles sinking into the chair opposite me and looking out over the guests. "Are you going to try and eat something?" She asks signalling the large buffet table.

"I don't think I could handle any food right now." I admit quietly. "In all honesty I just want to go back to Fairfax and forget this day ever happened."

"You're never going to forget it."

"I know." I reply with a shake of my head. "I just want to get better, I know I have to grieve properly and stuff but that takes time I want to get better now Gail and be a good Mom to my baby." Tears sting at my eyes and Gail shifts over to sit beside me and pulls me into her embrace.

She just holds me without a word as I cry, I don't even acknowledge Taylor who comes to sit opposite.

"She wants to go back to the hospital." I hear Gail say.

"Now?" I suspect she nods because she doesn't say a word. "I'll see Christian."

A few short minutes pass before Christian pulls me gently into his arms. He strokes my hair out of my face and wipes away my tears even though they just keep falling.

"You want to go back?"

"Yes, I'm exhausted Christian, today has really worn me out." I explain even though it's barely lunch time I can barely keep my eyes open.

"Ok, I'll fetch Carrie, we'll go now." He says before kissing me on the head and handing me to Taylor while he goes to find my Charge Nurse.

I don't waste time in saying goodbye to anyone when Christian and Carrie come back. They just guide me to the car while Taylor gets the keys to drive us. I hold tight to my husband as I drop off to sleep.

Christian wakes me when we arrive and I'm almost relieved when I see Sandra waiting for our arrival, I know someone must have contacted her but right now I know she's exactly who I want to see. Christian helps me out of the car and I kiss him lightly on the lips before taking Carrie's offered arm to go inside. I know in my heart that Christian understands right now as much as I love him I need to speak to Sandra and get some sleep and try to get my head together, I also know he knew that kiss was me saying 'I love you'.

"Let's get you inside." Sandra smiles wrapping an arm around me. I don't turn back, I couldn't bear to see the looks in Taylor and Christian's eyes because somehow I know they feel sympathetic and I don't want sympathy, I want to get better and be me again.

Sandra and Carrie lead me straight to the consultation room and sit me down. I kick off my shoes and curl up in the corner wanting to be as small as possible. Sandra makes me a cup of water and places it in front of me, her eyes somehow never leaving me the entire time.

"It's been a tough day." Sandra comments, I actually snort in reply, no shit Sherlock. "You want to talk a little about what you were thinking about today?" She asks not showing any offence at my blatant attitude.

"I was a really shit daughter."

"I doubt that's true." She doesn't miss a beat in replying. "What sticks out as making you a shit daughter in your mind?"

"When Mom and Steven got married I went with them to Vegas and I left Ray, I hated it there, I hated Vegas, I hated Steven and I hated Mom and I made sure she knew about it." I swipe angrily at my tears. "I fought her hard until eventually she and Ray agreed I could go home to Montesano."

"If I remember rightly from your file wasn't Steven the man who emotionally abused you behind your Mother's back?" She asks and I shrug, is that what they call petty name calling these days? "Were you happy in Vegas?"

"No." I reply. "I told you I hated it."

"Were you happy when you got back to Ray in Montesano?"

"Ecstatic." I reply remembering how he held me tight while I sobbed out of pure joy. "But I left her, I left Mom with Steven and I know he was doing to her what he did to me. He ruined her self-esteem, it took months after she left him to get herself together."

"Did you ever talk about it with her?"

"No. Steven was husband number three and completely off limits, I never brought him up and neither did she." I reply feeling a little less emotional talking about this than I thought I would be, I guess with how emotional earlier in the day was I just don't have the energy anymore.

"Then how do you not know that she wasn't happy that you got away when you did?"

"I don't."

"Exactly." She smiles reassuringly. "Ana your Mom knows you weren't happy, you told her and as much as it probably hurt her she let you go back to Ray, she did right for you and that's what Mom's do."

"But I keep thinking I would do anything to go back, if I'd have stayed Mom would have been happier but if it was my child in my situation then I'd do anything to make her happy even if that meant letting her go, it's so conflicting!" I groan in frustration as I cup my bump with my arms, I never want to have to be in that situation where I let my daughter go.

"Of course it is, a Mom's relationship with her child especially a daughter is always conflicting and complicated, you'd do anything to go back and make your Mom happy but do you think she really would have been happy seeing you so sad all the time? Think of your child, if you saw your child unhappy every day how would that make you feel?"

I think carefully and sigh before shaking my head, of course Mom wouldn't have been happy, she wasn't while I was there because I was always so sad and angry and it made her sad and angry.

"I guess you're right." I sigh rubbing my bump gently. "I would hate to see Chelsea sad because I was being selfish, I would do anything to make Chelsea happy."

"Chelsea?"

"Oh uh, that's what Christian and I are naming her, we had a sneak preview of the sex when I was admitted to Swedish with high blood pressure." I explain blushing, she must have thought I had really lost it.

"Pretty name." Sandra smiles. "Now anything else you want to talk about right now?"

"No." I smile feeling a lot of weight having lifted off my shoulders. "Not right now."

"Go get some rest, relax as much as you can for the rest of today and I'll see you tomorrow morning for a daily session ok? And don't forget Carrie will bring your meds at dinner time."

"Ok." I smile getting to my feet. "Thanks Sandra."


	230. Chapter 230

**With new job making me tired updates have to be split in 2 I can't write a 4,000 word chapter after the long shifts I pull that my body isn't used too then teach a dance class and then get the necessary amount of sleep. I'm going to bed. Night guys! x**

**Thursday 14th March – Part 1**

"How are you feeling this morning Ana?" Sandra asks as I sit in front of her for my morning daily session. I didn't have to join in any of the therapy sessions yesterday and was just able to ponder in my room, I really got to talk to Carrie and Tanya and they really helped me somehow.

"Optimistic, hopeful, those ok words to use?" I ask sounding just a little more like my old self.

"Absolutely." Sandra beams, I guess it's a good thing that I'm feeling like this with that reaction. "You want to tell me why?"

"I guess I… well I talked to Carrie a lot yesterday and after talking with you and you putting that one incident into perspective I was able to do the same with all the others, I don't feel like such a bad daughter anymore, I have that much more love for my Mom now and as much as I feel so sad that she's gone and angry that she's gone I also feel optimistic that I'm going to get better, I'm going to be able to do right by my own daughter… I just feel like that… not much, it's just a small part of me that feels like that but it's enough for me right now, enough for me to not feel so … so lost I guess." Sandra gives me her full attention as I talk, her face giving away that whatever I'm saying is good, I'm just talking to her what I'm thinking and not thinking before I talk, I guess it's the best thing to do for me right now.

"I'm so happy you're feeling like that Ana, it's a great step, you know some days are going to better than others and I know you know that but that you're here now telling me you feel hopeful makes me know that you're going to get better sooner rather than later." I beam at her feeling really pleased that she thinks so because I still have that doubt there too. "I want to talk to you right now about something Carrie heard you and Christian discussing when you left here yesterday." I frown. "Can you think what that is?" I rack my brain but shake my head as I come up short, everything yesterday was just so much to deal with that I can't remember specifics. "About it coming out in the press that you're here."

"Oh." I say to show I remember, not exactly but I know we talked about it.

"Are you worried about it coming out in the press that you're here?" She asks and I shrug, am I? I don't know, I don't think I really know how I would feel about it unless it happens so I can't worry about it, I have too much else to worry about.

"I think I'm more worried about how it would affect Christian if it came out." I reply after a few minutes of silence. "If it comes out for me it comes out, like I said yesterday what is the worst that could happen to me? People won't buy my book? People will stop using the salons and the publishing company? It wouldn't do my reputation any good especially as I've worked hard to build it up since the speculation about Christian and I having a rocky marriage a few months ago but I do worry about what it would mean to Christian and his company."

"Do you think it's your place to worry about it?"

"Not exactly but Christian's my husband I worry about him and his affairs." I reply with a shrug.

"That's fair enough but you have enough of your own affairs to worry about." Sandra points out but I just shrug, I am always going to worry about Christian and I guess she senses that as she sighs softly and changes the subject. "Ok well, today I'm going to be meeting with your team at lunch and we'll decide if you're ready to step up in your treatment."

"What does that mean?" I ask worried but Sandra's smile tells me to relax.

"It means you'll have café privileges so long as Carrie is with you then you can go to the café any time during the day up until bed at ten pm and you're allowed to wonder around a little more. Just a little more freedom."

"It's not freedom if Carrie's with me." I say bluntly but Sandra just laughs softly.

"No but it's more than you're getting now and if I'm right they sell some beautiful chocolate milkshakes up there too." Sandra says laughing when my face lights up at the mere thought of a chocolate milkshake. "We'll all see you later together and really discuss in depth what it means and how you've progressed ok?"

"Sure." I smile though I've barely been here a week I mean I haven't spent time with anyone of my team except Sandra, Carrie and one meeting with Ashton and of course I saw Clare at group therapy.

"Go on get out of here." She says playfully and I head out to meet Carrie.

"You have a very nice smile." Carrie comments as we walk arm in arm down the corridor.

"Thanks." I blush.

"It's nice to see you smile Ana." She adds and I beam wider at her.

"I'm just feeling… better." I won't say happy because I don't want to jinx it. "Come on I'm sure Ashton is waiting for me." I pull her gently.

Today Ashton and I are going to be writing, or more I'm going to be writing with a pen (with supervison) some poetry or something for therapeutic reasons, it's using an activity I enjoy and making it therapy, sounds straight forward right? Wrong. They will then take my writing and analyse it to death and determine my sanity from it. That actually gives me a real inside my head giggle.

"Hey Ana!" Ashton greets me over enthusiastically as Carrie let's go of my arm so I can enter the games room, she doesn't have to be here for this because I'm being supervised by someone else. "So you ready to try and make this work?"

"Sure." I nod not very enthusiastic but trying more for Ashton's sake than my own.

"Ok then so have you thought of any ideas?" He asks as he pulls out a chair for me at a table where pen and paper lie out.

"Nope." I reply, I have fair play had other things on my mind.

"Ok no worries, we'll go with something really easy to start, you're a business woman so I'm sure you're familiar with bubble charts."

"Of course." I reply snorting, does he think I'm an idiot? His over-enthusiasm is actually starting to rub off on me though so it can't be too bad right?

"Ok then, here." He takes a black felt pen and writes the word feelings and bubbles it. "Expand on that."

"Happiness." I say and he smiles and draws a line and writes the word. "Sadness." Again he repeats the process and I wonder if he's analysing any of what I say because these are just empty words. "Uh Fearful, frightful, empathetic…"

"Empathetic is a characteristic, I thought you'd know that Mrs New York Times Bestseller." He says teasingly and I pretend punch him in the arm.

"It just came into my head." I reply tapping my skull with my finger. "And actually Empathy is also an emotion, you feel empathetic whereas the characteristic would more likely be empathic, that's why I'm a NYTBS author and you're not." I tease back earning myself a poked out tongue which I don't hesitate in returning. "Joyful." I add as I giggle. "Ecstatic!"

"These are very positive emotions."

"Do you want negative ones?" I ask and he shakes his head and grins, he still looks like a shaggy dog but he's cute in the looks like a kid kind of way.

"Any emotions or feelings for now." He replies.

"Ok how about…" I dramatically put my finger next to my lip and roll my eyes to the ceiling as I think making it clear I am thinking and not just ignoring him. "Uh… angry, depressed, numb?"

Ashton scribbles them all down and I hear a tiny sigh pass his lips. Why is he sighing? Am I reading too much into this? I probably am.

We work on another couple of bubble charts before our session is up and we'll use the charts to make a poem on Saturday as I am going to see Doctor Greene tomorrow. When Carrie comes in she smiles brightly at me and I don't hesitate in saying goodbye to Ashton and hurrying over to my nurse.

"You have visitors." She smiles.

"Kate and Elliot?" I ask knowing that she said that they would visit today.

"No Ray Steele and Jason Taylor." She replies I smile wider knowing I get to see my Dad, as much as I love Kate I do miss my Dad more.

"Where are we going?" I ask knowing normally visitors meet in the games room.

"You have café privileges, we're going there and I hear there's a chocolate milkshake and custard donut with your name on it." She winks, this day is just getting better and better.

I run over to Ray as soon as I see him, I don't care about the other people or my surroundings just the two men sat around the circular diner table.

"Hey Annie." Ray says quietly as he catches me tightly in his arms.

"Hey Daddy." I reply rubbing my nose into the crook of his neck, inhaling his scent deeply. Tears prickle at my eyes and I try desperately to stop them as they force their way out.

"Are you crying?"

"I just miss you." I reply stepping back and wiping my tears, I guess my sniffles were just a giveaway.

"Hey Ana." Taylor smiles when I finally acknowledge him.

"Hi Taylor." I reply giving him a tight hug too. "How's Christian?"

"Working a lot." He shrugs and I nod, I know if anything was wrong with Christian he wouldn't tell me anyway but I know Christian's just missing me like I'm missing him.

"And Gail?"

"Missing you." He smiles as we sit down.

"They're yours." Ray says pushing a blue tray under my nose with a milkshake in a plastic cup and two donuts.

"Wow! I didn't think I'd last much longer without these two!" I joke, the simple pleasures in life look far more special when they're taken from you.

"How are you doing Annie?" Ray asks holding my left hand as I eat and drink with my right.

"Much better today than yesterday but not as good as tomorrow." I reply with a sad smile, I know he means about Mom but I don't know really how I feel, numb maybe?

"That's good then?" I hear the question and give him a confident nod so he knows I mean it though I'm still uncertain, is this feeling a blip or what? I wish I knew.

All too soon I have to say goodbye to Ray and Taylor, they both hug me for longer than normally before I'm 'collected' by Carrie. Back on the ward I'm allowed to lay down for a bit but I've barely closed my eyes when Clare comes into the room.


	231. Chapter 231

**Thursday 14th March – Part 2**

"Hey Ana you ok for a quick chat?" Clare asks in a bright bubbly friendly manner.

"Sure." I reply pushing myself to sitting with Mrs Trevelyan's blanket still wrapped over my legs and Christian's bear under my arm.

"So I was told you're feeling pretty good today." She smiles sitting down on Tanya's bed, I can tell this isn't going to be a 'quick' chat.

"I am." I reply with a thin smile, not so much since Ray and Taylor left but there we go.

"Good." She smiles. "I just want to talk to you a little about what you did with Ashton earlier."

It takes every ounce of willpower for me not to roll my eyes, I saw this coming. I give a small nod and wait to see where she goes with this.

"Would you say the emotions you wrote down were your own?"

"They were just words." I say blankly, this woman won't get a rise out of me but I'm already feeling pretty pissed with her.

"Ok." She nods.

"You know, this is the first time I've actually spoken to you one on one, what exactly is your job?" I ask in a manner that some would consider hostile.

"I'm a clinical therapist."

"Yeah I caught that before but what is it you do?" I reply this time rolling my eyes sarcastically and wishing that Christian was here to chastise me.

"I keep an eye more from a distance, see how different forms of therapy work for you of course the difference here with you is that you want out and so you're not giving the therapy a real chance."

"I chose to come here." I spit, she's really winding me up, I don't know what it is about Clare that I don't like.

"I'm not saying you didn't Ana." She replies gently but I'm wound up and so gentle isn't exactly what I'm going to respond to.

"Then what are you saying?" I reply like a stroppy teen.

"How about you and me go and talk with Sandra?" She suggests.

"No thank you, I had a session with Sandra this morning." I reply pulling my blanket up and clutching Christian's bear tighter. I don't know why I feel like this but I actually feel threatened. It's scary actually.

"Ok but Ana one last piece of advice… we're trained to see through everything." And she leaves me on that.

I lay on my side and wonder what she means. I mean the fact I feel a bit better makes them suspicious? The fact that I'm not grieving loudly and out in the open? I don't know what they think I'm hiding but I'm not hiding anything, I just talk about what they want, is that not what they want?

"Ana?" I don't know how long has passed since I've been lying here but I know I haven't slept but sometimes a minute feels like an hour and other times an hour feels like a minute.

"What?" I growl at my nurse, I love Carrie but I don't want company and I'm not in the mood, she can keep on observing me every fifteen minutes as she has to but I don't need someone to talk to.

"Christian is here with John and Sandra." Well that's got my attention.

"Why?" I ask as I push myself to sitting, my hand on my bump as I rise.

"I don't know sweetheart, why don't you come find out?" She asks kindly but I'm really not in the mood to play nice.

"I…" My voice breaks. "I was fine this morning!" I cry frustration echoing in my voice.

"What do you mean Ana?" Carrie asks coming to sit beside me on the bed and wrapping me up in a motherly embrace.

"Everything started so good, I was talking with Sandra then had the session with Ashton… what went wrong?" I ask trying not to let my cries sound in my voice.

"Who says anything went wrong?" Carrie asks rubbing my back, soothing me softly.

"Clare came in and she was talking to me and she said they were trained to see through everything! I'm not hiding anything Carrie!" I explain desperate for someone to understand.

"I know darling, come on, come see that hunk of a husband you have." She says tugging me slightly.

I let her help me to standing and cling to her as we got to Sandra's office. She nods her head towards the door and lets me go. I don't know why I feel nervous, is it to see Christian? Or something else that is giving me this small uneasy feeling in my stomach.

I take a deep breath and knock on the door waiting for Sandra's clear come in before I go inside and as soon as I walk everyone's on their feet and looking at me. I swallow hard. I don't know why I feel like something's wrong but it just does and I walk slowly to Christian before falling into his open arms burying my face in his chest.

"Hey baby what's wrong?" He asks stepping back just enough that he can use one hand to tilt my chin up to meet his gaze.

"Nothing." I reply forcing my face back into his chest.

"Ana Christian's here for a joint session, I'm hoping he'll point out things that we can address as a group that we haven't thought about."

"Ok." I nod the uneasy feeling still there just not as strong because I know why my husband is here, I didn't think this was happening today though.

"Ok Christian why don't you start, can you think of anything you think maybe Ana needs to address while she's here?"

What is this? An intervention?!

"There's one that sticks to mind." Christian says quietly and I look up at him to see him gazing down at me.

"And what's that exactly?" I ask pulling away from him, the close contact isn't doing me much good right now.

"The little girl who died, the one who called you Anya." He says his eyes still on me though I'm not looking at him I can feel his gaze.

"Rachael." I say quietly closing my eyes, it still sting to think about her and he's right I never really addressed it.

"Who's Rachael?" Sandra asks.

"A terminally ill little girl Ana befriended, she died quiet suddenly."

"I thought she was terminal." Sandra replies to Flynn who nods slowly.

"She was, Ana and Rachael only met the previous day but Ana's heart was captured." John explains quietly, he can see the topic upsets me.

"She did capture my heart, but I barely knew her." I shrug. "Rachael isn't an issue."

"I would disagree, tell me about her Ana." Sandra replies and I sigh and roll my eyes again not caring how rude it is right now.

"She was a little girl whose favourite movie was Anastasia, we cuddled up and watched it together and she called me Anya after the Anastasia in the movie."

"You bought her a tiara." Christian adds.

"Yes well I never got to give it to her." I reply dryly.

"What about this tiara?" Sandra asks, she wants to get as much information as she can to work out whether or not Rachael is yet another thing we need to address before I leave here which is looking further and further away right now.

"I bought it for her because I wanted her to have a crown like the princess in the movie." I sigh. "It was just a cheap piece of metal." I shrug, it wasn't like it was expensive to me.

"Ok." Sandra nods. "Where's the tiara now?"

"In the safe." Christian replies, how the hell does he know? "Her safe."

"I just didn't want to throw it away." I reply with another shrug. "It's just a piece of junk."

"You'd throw away piece of junk." Sandra points out bluntly, jeez what is this gang up on Ana day?

"Ok it's not a piece of junk but it's worthless."

"Is it? To be kept in a locked safe?" Sandra questions.

"It can go in the bin, to someone else, I don't care." I want to yell but manage to keep my tone down and my voice still threatening.

"Ok." Christian says. "I'll get rid of it when I get home, donate it to goodwill or something." He says.

"No!" I panic. "Don't ok?"

"What is it about the tiara?"

"I wanted to give it to her so much." I say quietly turning away from them to hide my tears. "Put one more smile on her face before she died."

"How do you feel when you think about the fact you didn't get to give her the tiara Ana?" Sandra asks in her softly-softly voice that I normally hate.

"Shitty." I shrug. "I just wanted to make her smile." I say barely whispering.

"Don't you think maybe some other little girl would like the tiara? Be a princess for a while?" Sandra asks.

"Maybe." I shrug, I haven't really thought about it in all honesty. "I just… it was for Rachael, but I guess another little girl would like it."

"Then tomorrow after seeing the doctor you should take that tiara to another child." Sandra tells me. I manage a small nod as I wipe away my tears. "I want you to think about the smile that this little girl is going to have when she gets the tiara."

"Ok." I nod uneasily.

"Ok." Sandra smiles. "Now maybe we can say we've made some progress now." She says.

"I thought we were making progress this morning." I reply bitterly.

"We were but sometimes we need another set of eyes and ears to guide us in the right direction and Christian's proving to be that." Sandra smiles. "Now John how about a coffee?"

The two shrinks scuffle out leaving Christian and I together. It's an awkward silence surrounding us, both of us with so much to say yet somehow saying the words is proving to be difficult.

"Are you ok here Ana?" Christian asks quietly.

"What do you mean by that?" I ask him frowning, he seems to be very uncomfortable right now.

"I mean do you think being here is for the best for you? Is it helping you at all?" He explains becoming more business like in front of my eyes.

"Why?" I ask him.

"Because I miss you." He says honestly and I see the vulnerable side of him poking his head.

"I miss you too Christian, so much." I reply but he sighs. "Right now is a hell of a time for me and not just because I lost my Mom, the grief hasn't gone anywhere but it doesn't need addressing right now, everything else does. I would love to be home with you but what type of wife would I be if I felt so shitty I didn't leave my bed? And don't make some dirty joke about that Christian because I wouldn't have a libido either." I reply and he pulls me into a tight embrace.

"How have you been today?" He asks. "I mean honestly?"

"I've been numb." I shrug. "It's easier to act alright if you're numb." I add quietly as I take in Christian's scent.

"You do what you have to do here Ana ok? No worrying about nothing but getting better."

"I know baby." I say hugging him tight. "I have to get better if I'm going to be a good wife and Mom."

"Oh Ana, you're going to be amazing at both, as soon as you're better and we can fight to get back to normal." He says kissing my head.

"I know." I give him a smile, I really do know.


	232. Chapter 232

**Friday 15th March – Part 1**

Taylor and Christian pick me up the next morning quite early to go and visit Doctor Greene. I am so excited to have the confirmation that Jellybean is a girl but I can't help but be bogged down by something I want to bring up with Christian. He seems in a similar mood too. I can see the excitement on his face about the baby but there's also this slight distance about him that I can only tie in with what's been going on with me. I love him so much and I wish he would just talk to me.

"Christian what's wrong?" I ask him carefully.

"Nothing." He replies sighing, at least he didn't snap at me.

"Please? Talk to me." I say quietly trying to hide the fact that he lies to my face makes me feel upset.

"Later."

"No now." I say giving his hand a squeeze. "I want to try and enjoy today, seeing our baby in three d again."

"I want you home." He says not looking at me. "I'll do anything to have you home." He adds turning to me. "I miss you and I'm missing seeing you growing as you carry our child Ana."

It hits me that I've been selfish. I didn't think of Christian and Jellybean when I decided to go to Fairfax, just me and the baby. In all honesty what's been on my mind is that I want to go home too.

"I thought you wanted me to get better." I say quietly.

"Oh Ana I do!" He quickly turns to me and puts one hand on my cheek, "that's why I didn't want to tell you, I know you want to get better and I want you better to baby but I just miss you and feel like I'm missing out on so much."

"I want to come home." I say as tears spill down my cheeks. "I thought you wanted me in Fairfax too." I add.

"No baby, I would do everything to have you home with me. We can figure it out, get someone to come to the house, get a nurse in for you if that's what you want Ana we'll get you better without having you in a hospital."

"Can we do that?" I ask for the first time feeling hopeful.

"Yes!" He replies exasperated. "Oh Ana! I would have done it from the start if it was what you wanted."

I swallow hard, I didn't think about it before, I didn't think it was possible I just was so lost in my own darkness that I saw no light and now Christian has handed me the torch and I can see a little again.

"Ok." I nod and he pulls me from my seat into his lap and holds me tight. He drops kisses all over my face and head as he rocks me gently, we're both relieved.

"I'll have Luke go and fetch your belongings from Fairfax, once we're done with Doctor Greene I'll get to work. I can get you anyone Ana, any nurse, any doctors." He says determination mixed with the relief in his voice, it makes me happy to see his sparkle back.

"Ok… can you get Carrie?"

"I shouldn't see why not." He smiles before kissing me, his soft lips on mine letting me relax fully for the first time all week.

When we arrive at Swedish to meet with Doctor Greene Christian and I are both more excited than any other emotion. He's told me about his meetings with Gia who has designed a boy and a girl's bedroom for us, both sexes so she wouldn't accidentally tell Elliot, our family doesn't get to know the sex until dinner at the Grey's on Sunday.

"Hello Ana, Mr Grey." Doctor Greene greets us as soon as we're through the door. "Right you know how it works Ana hop on the table." She smiles.

It takes less than five minutes for me to be sat on the table with jelly on my belly and a picture of my nearly seventeen week baby on the screen.

"Do you want confirmation of the sex?" Doctor Green asks as she avoids the area where we would be able to tell the difference between our baby being a boy or a girl.

"Yes." Christian and I say together, I feel so relaxed right now seeing my perfect little baby up on the screen.

"Ok." Doctor Greene show us our baby's privates and just like when I saw last there is no penis, we're having a girl. "Definitely a little girl." She smiles.

While I clean myself up Christian waits for Doctor Greene to write down all the details about me and the baby so he can add it to the book. I can't wait for the book to be finished so we can look back over it together and when the baby is older we'll be able to show her.

We leave hand in hand and as I'm tired Christian takes me straight home to our house. It's nice to walk in and be in familiar surroundings again, I didn't think it was possible to miss a property like I've missed this one. Once tucked up in bed Christian leaves to work in his study on getting me supported while we're at home. I know I'm not better yet and it's going to take time but I'll get there. I just have to.

I don't sleep a wink. Instead I lay in bed with my hands on my swelling tummy thinking about a future Christian and I can have with Chelsea, maybe there will be more children, maybe there won't be what I do know is we can be happy … I know that much alone.

After an hour I wonder down to the kitchen in hunt of a milkshake and custard donuts. At least I'm going to be able to get what I want to eat on demand now and not have whatever they're serving, I hated that and having been used to Mrs Taylor's exquisite culinary skills.

"Hey Ana." Gail beams as I walk into her space. She rushes round and gives me a tight hug that almost brings me to tears. "I'm sorry." She says chuckling as she steps back.

"It's ok." I brush off her apology, Gail's a friend too not just a member of staff.

"You're looking good." She smiles.

"Thanks. I feel … ok." I know better than anyone it's not a good idea to lie about how I'm feeling even to friends it's better being honest.

"That's an improvement." She says softly. "Now sit, what can I get you?"

"Milkshake and donut?" I ask and she beams and quickly gets to work while I sit and watch. I am just happy to be home and in company of family and friends. A part of me wonders how long before I'm bogged down by depression again though as I know this 'I'm happy to be home' will only last so long. I know Christian will work everything out. Right now I know I'm going to be completely dependent on the family support system and I can't help but wonder how that will affect us all.

"Here." Gail smiles placing the milkshake and donut in front of me as she's about to walk away I realise I don't want to be here alone right now.

"Gail?" I ask quickly.

"Yes Ana?" She replies turning back to me with her typical warm and friendly smile.

"Would you… would you stay … here… for…" I splutter, it's probably ridiculous but right now I don't trust myself, not that I would EVER do anything stupid, it's just that in Fairfax I was never alone more than fifteen minutes at a time and I don't think I want to be alone at all at the moment.

"I'll stay, I think it's time for a coffee anyhow." She smiles coming back into the kitchen. I am comfortably watching her work, making herself a coffee before she comes to sit and engage in some probably meaningless yet to me priceless conversations.


	233. Chapter 233

**Sorry for the lack of updates and smaller chapters, my new job is amazing so far but being ill on top of long days isn't doing me much good and writing isn't as easy as normally, I'm off for a few days now though so hopefully will get a lot done during that time to make up for it. Steff xx**

**Friday 15th March – Part 2**

Christian hasn't appeared for a few hours, not that I mind. Gail and I have chatted for a while and when she announced it was time for her to start dinner I manage to persuade her to let me help. It's nice cooking with Gail and we're just cleaning when the doorbell rings. I look at Gail and I know by the look in her eye that she had no idea who it is either. Anyone coming to the house has to be pre-approved and other than our family Hannah and Sophia, John Flynn and a few selected others. Anyone arriving outside the gate who isn't on the approved list and not planned and pre-warned to the security by Christian and I would cause a phone call to the house, more than likely to the phone in the front door which would mean I would have heard it and I didn't.

"I know this is an awful thing to say but I hope it's not one of the Grey's or Kate." I say to Gail and she barely manages to stifle a giggle.

I open the kitchen door wanting to find out who it is when Christian's voice hits my ears.

"Thank you so much for doing this." I hear him say but I don't hear an answer from whoever it is. "I'll have Taylor take your bags up, you should come with me."

I hurry back to Gail's side when I hear the footsteps heading in our direction. She gives me a reassuring smile but I don't like the idea of an unannounced guest… well unannounced to me… and Gail apparently.

"Ana?"

"In here!" I call hearing him right outside the door. I am quick to help Gail put away the dried dishes acting oblivious to the other person with my husband until they both walk through the door.

"Carrie." I gasp, I can't believe she's here.

"Hey Ana." She smiles brightly as I gather my bearings and hurry around to give her a huge hug, my arms flying around her neck pulling her tightly to me. I'm nearly in tears at the relief that has found it's way through my body just at having Carrie here.

"How…? When…? I mean…"

"When you were laying down I made some calls, Carrie's going to stay with us for a while… you ok with that?" Christian replies and it's his turn to have my arms thrown around his neck.

"Thank you." I reply burying my head in his neck, right now I know I need some stability and Carrie gave me that at Fairfax.

"Hmm well this isn't all." He says and I lift my head to look at him. "Sandra and Ashton are going to continue to work with you, they'll both visit the house twice a day."

"Really?" I ask in shock, just having Carrie seemed like enough.

"Well John already said he didn't know how to handle this himself and Sandra and you have already started working together on some of your issues, it's better for you than getting yet another shrink to come and see you. Ashton volunteered when he called me said he felt like the two of you were making progress together and he wanted to continue watching that and helping that. Is that ok with you?"

"More than ok!" I smile feeling relieved to know that I will continue to heal.

"Good." He smiles before kissing me lightly. "So what are you making for dinner?" He asks looking from me to Gail.

"Lamb stew." I reply and he nods before kissing me again.

"How about we go cuddle up in the living room till it's ready letting Carrie get settled in?"

"Sounds good to me." I reply before reaching up to kiss Christian again.

An hour and a half later Gail calls us all for dinner and Carrie, Christian and I settle to eat together. It's definitely nice to be home, and having Carrie here is just an added bonus. We discuss how this is all going to work and we agree that basically Carrie will be taking care of me when Christian is at work and I'm there if and when I need her. That seems reasonable to me and I don't feel like an errant child who needs a nanny or anything which can only be good.

After dinner Christian has to do some more work in his study and I disappear into mine taking Carrie with me so she can get used to some of the rooms I use most in the house.

"I don't think work qualifies as resting." Carrie points out as I log into my finally returned Mac.

"Who says writing is working?" I reply making Carrie chuckle as she stands at the window overlooking the sound.

"Fair point well made." Carrie chuckles making me smile. "What?"

"Christian says that a lot." I explain as I log into my emails.

"Emails is working."

"Not really, I have personal emails coming in as well as work ones."

"Could you really avoid the works ones?" She asks just as I click on an email from Hannah.

"Nope." I laugh. "The joy of being a business woman."

"Ok." She nods coming over to me as I open a second email from the woman from Blackberry. I see at once she's sent me the video and I'm quick to download it while grabbing the phone. Each room in the house has its own number for the internal phones, of course all the phones connect to the outside world if nine is pressed before the number is dialled. I knock twenty one and it beings to ring.

"Christian." He answers gruffly, that was my idea, having us answer with our first names if it's an internal phone call just so we didn't get confused as to who was on the line.

"Christian I've just had the video for the Blackberry commercial." I tell him excitedly as the video continues to download.

"Really?"

"Uh-huh!" I giggle, I don't know why I'm so excited.

"Want me to come down and watch it with you?"

"No I'll email it up to you." I reply, I don't want to see what Christian thinks of the commercial in case he hates it.

"Ok baby, I'll be waiting." He says before hanging up.

It takes seconds for me to forward the email to my husband before I can finally open the video on my browser. Carrie comes over, the intrigue in her face completely obvious as I press the play button and wait for it to load.

When my face comes on screen I gasp, I must admit I look really good and confident which are neither of the things I felt on the day. The commercial plays out in front of me, my voice hitting my ears, the words unimportant though. When it finishes I knock play again making Carrie laugh but I just can't believe it! This is so exciting, this commercial is going to be on the TV!

When it finishes the second time I just gawp at the computer, Carrie's voice breaks my revere.

"Very nice Ana, when did you do that?" She asks leaning against the desk so she can look at me.

"Few weeks ago." I reply. "They wanted me they got me." I shrug, I won't ever admit that I did the commercial because I wanted to try my hand at acting, that's a secret I think I'll take to my grave. I can't resist knocking the play button again. I love how my name appears on the right hand corner with my title beneath it as CEO & Best Selling Author, it's just unreal to think that really is me, it's not someone else I've spotted on the TV but me.

I read the email attached to the video to find out they loved it and would love to keep in touch with the possibility of another commercial for a different BlackBerry product soon, there's also the date in which it will first air on TV, March thirtieth, the same day as my book comes out. I think that date is always going to have a special place in my heart now!

After I finally reply to the BlackBerry email and save the video somewhere I'll always be able to find it, I dig through the rest of my email. I see Carrie watching me work, hammering out replies to Sophia, Wendy, Hope, Hannah and a few more.

"You know all these people?" She asks as I begin replying to Roach about the erotic romance department that's finally beginning to work.

"Yup, they either work for me or with me." I reply. "Actually they all work for me technically."

"Ok?" She frowns.

"Hannah is also a close friend, hence the email of her just asking how I am, she's marrying Luke Sawyer my security and I've been asked to be the maid of honour at their wedding." I beam excitedly, I really am looking forward to that day.

"It's nice that you have friends you work with." Carrie smiles, it's a statement not a question so I just nod, though I won't explain that they actually don't work with me but for me. "It's also getting late, you need to sleep."

"I know." I reply beginning to shut everything down on my computer, the rest can wait until tomorrow.


	234. Chapter 234

**The disease mentioned in this chapter, Exostoses, is hereditary and is in the genes in my family, my father and uncle both suffer with it gravely, my youngest brother has it so bad he has two metal plates in his ankles and has to wear a splint on his leg and the other has an insole in his shoe, he will have to have multiple surgeries throughout his life having already been under the knife twice at eleven years old. My sister and other brother and I have very mild forms of the disease and our children are also at risk of having it too. My nephew so far seems to be ok but in normal circumstances it isn't noticeable until the child is age five, my nephew isn't yet three. Any questions please don't hesitate to ask. Thanks. Steff xx**

**Saturday 16th March **

"Ana?" I hear my name being almost whispered into my ear and groan. "Ana time to wake up." Christian says rubbing his nose against my cheek.

My eyes battle open and I groan, it's too bright and too early in my eyes.

"Come on, we have things to do today." He says jumping off the bed, he's already up and dressed and I wonder why.

"Things to do?" I ask trying to push myself to sitting while holding my now in the way bump.

"Yup." He smiles coming out of my wardrobe with an outfit for me, I actually don't mind him choosing clothes for me which is surprising, I'm sure many women would find that the ultimate control that they would hate.

"What are we doing?" I ask as he disappears into the bathroom with my clothes and I hear the shower turn on, I guess I'm having a shower this morning then.

"We're going out." He says coming back into the bedroom.

"Well that's not really an answer." I point out to my husband who looks dashing in a pair of jeans, high tops and a sweater.

"Ok we're going to do what Sandra suggested and take that tiara to another little girl." He explains.

"Christian…"

"Trust me?" He asks coming over and clutching my hands.

"Always." I reply. "But…"

"No buts, I was talking to my Mom and there's this little girl, she's six and she loves everything princess and she would love it."

"Is she dying?" I ask my biggest fear right now is to be faced with more death.

"No, she has a disease called Multiple Hereditary Exostoses. A disease which causes extra bones to grow in the body, she's having an operation to have what's called eight plates placed in her ankles to help her feet grow in the right direction. Mom says she's a beautiful little girl, full of life and she doesn't let her disease get the better of her even ran the New York children's half marathon last year with her sister."

I nod, that's a lot for a young girl to take on but she sounds like she doesn't let her disease get her down at all.

"Mom also says she's a huge fan of your hospital book series and would love to meet you." He adds as he helps me to my feet.

"Really?"

"Yeah, she has them all." He replies with a smile. "This is going to make her day Ana." He adds with his own childlike smile, I guess he likes the idea of meeting this little girl too.

"Your Mom's gonna be there?" I ask as I shuffle to the bathroom.

"No, she isn't that's why I thought we'd go today, I mentioned it to one of the nurses who has secured us to be able to meet her. Now hurry up and shower so we can have breakfast and go." He chuckles as I begin to strip, he leaves me alone to get ready while I reply what he's told me in my mind.

I think it's a good thing that I won't be meeting a terminal child, I don't think I'm in the right frame of mind to even contemplate meeting anyone who's close to death however I do think I can manage to see a child who isn't dying, who has their whole life ahead of them. I just hope she isn't really sick, as in looks very poorly, I don't think I could handle it. I think of the child growing inside of me and I pray that she will be healthy and happy, it's not much to ask for is it?

After getting washed and change I meet Christian and Carrie in the kitchen where they're both ready to eat breakfast but obviously waiting for me. I can tell they've been talking about me but they both give me warm smiles when I walk in and I decide not to question it, somehow I know whatever they discuss is for my own good.

"Milkshake and donut Ana?" Gail asks as she serves Christian and Carrie both egg and bacon.

"Please." I reply sliding onto a stool beside my husband with a bit of a struggle, I think maybe that sitting on these stools as I get bigger is going to develop into a problem.

"So Carrie's not going to come with us today Ana, are you ok with that?" Christian asks as Gail passes me my breakfast.

"Of course." I smile, I want to add why wouldn't I be but I decide against it, I like this happiness and warmth that's surrounding me and I don't want to spoil that at all.

"Ok." Christian smiles. "We'll leave after we've eaten, Taylor will drive us." He says, I don't know why he feels the need to explain everything to me, he didn't used to but I suspect it has all to do with my 'fragile' state.

After breakfast Christian and I leave with Taylor. I have a mix of emotions running through me, I don't know what to expect when I get there so the anticipation is electrifying. What I do know is that I'm nervous and the plan I have to stay calm and breathe doesn't really work. On arrival at Seattle Grace I can feel myself shaking a little. Christian keeps a hold of my hand even as I slid across the seats to climb out on his side.

Inside we're met by the little girl's nurse, Maia, she's pretty and really young but also friendly as she talks to us about Ruby's operation.

"Ruby?" Maia asks entering a small side room.

"Yes?" Ruby replies lifting her brown haired head from what I see is Christian the crocodile.

"I have someone here to see you." She explains before beckoning Christian and me inside.

"Ana?!" The little girl gasps, I smile and wave at her. "Oh my God am I dreaming?" This girl is supposed to be six right? I ask myself but smile anyway.

"Ana, meet Ruby, she's a huge fan of your books." Maia smiles. "I'll leave you all to it, give me a shout if you need me."

"Hi Ruby." I smile walking towards the chair beside the bed. "What you reading?" I ask already knowing but asking anyway.

"Christian." She says shyly as she lifts the book up to show me.

"That book was written about me." Christian smiles widely as he comes to perch on the wooden arm of the chair I've taken.

"Really?" She asks, her brown eyes going as wide as saucers.

"Well my name is Christian like the crocodile." He says shrugging and Ruby grins, she's so beautiful.

It's however impossible to miss the extra bones in her tiny body. She's wearing a simple spaghetti strap top, with her arms over the bed cover, her wrists, shoulders and elbows are particularly obvious with bones that seem to be out of place or swollen.

"Are all the animals' real people?" Ruby asks innocently.

"Yeah, Elliot is Christian's brother and Carla is… is my Mom." I say keeping the smile on my face though my heart begins to pound in my chest and a lump appears in my throat. Christian rubs my shoulder gently.

"That's so cool!" She says excitedly, she's just adorable and she takes my mind off my Mom quickly.

"A little birdy told me that you like princesses." I tell her gently and she nods. "Well I got you a present." I say going into my bag, I wasn't sure I'd be able to part with the tiara but now having met Ruby I somehow know I can.

"Really?" She asks her eyes widening as I lift up the box.

"Uh-huh." I nod passing it over. "I think you're a bit of a princess." I wink handing her the box.

I watch her carefully as she opens the box with tiny hands. The gasp that leaves her lips echoes around the room and it brings a smile to my face. She's almost trembling when she was pulling the tiara out of the box.

"Well do you like it?" I ask even though I'm pretty sure she does, I haven't seen the tiara since John Flynn looked at it but now seeing it perched in Ruby's hands it sends a warmth through my entire body.

"I love it! Thank you so much!" She says excitedly.

"You're more than welcome, every princess needs a crown." I reply with a smile of my own.

"It's a tiara not a crown." Ruby says dramatically making both Christian and I laugh.

"Tiara, I'm sorry." I say stifling my own laughter, she's just too cute for words.

"Hey Ruby, ready to get prepped?"

"Does that mean Ana and Christian have to go?" Ruby asks looking disappointed at Maia.

" 'Fraid so sweetie." Maia replies.

"We'll try to come again ok Ruby?" Christian asks and she nods.

"Thanks for my tiara." She says placing the crown on her head, I know they'll have to take it off before her surgery, I wonder if that will be a fight.

"You're welcome." I reply as we get up to leave letting Maia come in to do her work.


	235. Chapter 235

**Saturday 17th March**

Arriving back at home I am feeling a little light and happy. Not my usual self but still I feel better, somehow, as lame as it sounds, I feel like I have really closed the door on everything with Rachael and her death, that it's done with and dealt with and I can look back at it with a smile knowing that I managed to make Rachael smile in those last few hours more than look back with sadness that I didn't get to give her a cheap twenty dollar piece of metal.

I don't however get to reminisce as I would like. As Gail is making lunch (even though it's her day off, I'm sure that woman never rests!) which we will eat with Carrie and then Sandra will be here for a session with me. I don't know how Christian managed to persuade her to come here to do this for us but I don't care either, I'm just glad she's going to be here for me and to help me.

Christian makes his excuses to go to the study before lunch leaving me and Carrie to talk, I think he may have even done it on purpose but I don't mind, I know everything he has been doing lately has been done with me in mind and so it's all good.

"So was everything ok?" Carrie asks as she and I make up the table for lunch, we're going to use the dining room as it's far more comfortable than the breakfast bar in the kitchen.

"Yeah, she was so beautiful Carrie, even though she had all these lumps and bumps obvious in her skin she had these captivating brown eyes and she stole my heart, I swear though she did not act like a ten year old." I giggle at her reaction when she found out who I was.

"Ah that's so precious." Carrie smiles.

"Yup, you know I really feel better now, I mean not completely just about the history that was surrounding this visit today. It's like I've finally closed the door on it now."

"That's good right?" Carrie asks, I know she isn't a shrink so she can't really know.

"I think so." I smile. "I think I'm going to have to slowly just fight each area one by one, like the bombings especially the one at the old Grey's House. I never really dealt with any of it preferring to run away than actually deal with any of it. After the bombing Christian and I flew out to New York and acted like nothing even happened, it was surreal in some ways." I explain, Carrie just lets me talk and nods or murmurs where appropriate.

After we've eaten which was a nice affair of just small talk being made, Christian excuses himself for his study and Carrie makes her excuses when Sandra arrives. I've decided to use the study for our sessions, it's the only place in the house that is completely mine and I think that holds some significant. I'm in there working on some emails when the door opens and Luke announces Sandra is with him.

"Thanks Luke, could you ask Gail if she could make us some drinks please?" I ask him as Sandra steps inside.

"Of course Ana." He nods his head before slipping out.

"Wow this room looks like an explosion in a pink factory." Sandra says as she takes in my pink and white room. "This is the study?" She asks.

"My study, Christian's is upstairs." I explain, in all honesty if I worked it out right Christian's study is right above mine with the same view overlooking the sound.

"Ah didn't think Mr Grey would like to work surrounded by all this pink." Sandra laughs softly as she takes a seat on the white leather couch.

"No, I think this is the room he least likes to visit." I chuckle, I can't help but think of his thoughts when I mentioned I wanted this room all pink, it was not long after the miscarriage that happened.

A knock on the door drags both of our attention away from each other, I think Sandra was studying me, anticipating how I was since being at home.

"Come in." I call and Gail opens the door bringing in a tray with hot water, coffee, tea, sugar and cream as well as my milkshake as well as some cakes including custard donuts.

"I didn't know what you'd prefer." She explains placing the tray on the coffee table.

"Thank you Gail." I smile, she's so thoughtful sometimes.

"No problem, give me a shout if you need anything." She says before nodding her head towards me and leaving, it seems all the staff as well as myself and Christian appear more formal when we have guests around, it's like putting up a face, making an appearance rather than just being ourselves.

"So." Sandra says as she begins making her drink, I bring my desk chair over preferring to sit right in front of Sandra than on a ninety degree angle as the corner couch would make us.

"So." I reply picking up my own drink, I begin to play with the straw instantly giving away my discomfort.

"How have you been since you decided to be home?" Sandra instantly steps on the elephant in the room, my leaving Fairfax.

"Better I think." I shrug. "I mean I didn't realise how just being in my own home would impact how I felt emotionally before but now I do."

"So what made you decide to be at home instead of Fairfax, did we not help you?" She looks a little hurt at the thought.

"It's not that, I just wanted to be home with Christian, I didn't belong at Fairfax."

"You're the one who signed in." Sandra points out.

"I thought I needed to get away to deal with everything, I was so sad, the combination of losing my Mom on top of everything else was just too much for me to handle and I broke and… and I guess being in Fairfax made me realise that I was just where I needed to be before I went there, at home with my husband." I sigh and rub at my forehead. "I came to Fairfax thinking I needed it to get better to be better for my unborn child but then I realised I was wrong, what I needed was to be home, dealing with everything but at home."

"And you feel better dealing with it here?"

"Much." I smile, I really do, I think I've improved drastically just by being here in the last few hours.

"Ok." Sandra smiles. "Now last time we talked we discussed Rachael, now have you been thinking much about that?"

"We took the tiara to another little girl earlier, Ruby, she has a bone disease, it's not terminal but she's six and she was having an operation." I explain with a smile, Ruby really touched my heart today.

"That's great. How did you feel giving the tiara to someone else?"

"Surprisingly it felt good, I feel now that I've really dealt with what happened to Rachael and moved on."

"That's really good Ana." Sandra smiles encouragingly. "So I've looked through your file again before coming here, there are a lot of things we need to deal with one by one, lots of stuff I think were swept up under the carpet and forgotten about, we need to peel back that carpet now and look at each particle, does that make sense?"

"Yes." I nod, it really does.

"You dealt with your miscarriage, I commend you and Doc Flynn for that." She says and I smile, I know I did, Christian and I dealt with that together and it was perfect, I've really moved on from that and yes I think of little blip often but no longer do I wonder if it would have been a boy or a girl or what they would have looked like. "But what I know you didn't deal with was the car crash that you and your husband were involved in."

"That wasn't just a car crash someone tried to kill me and almost succeeded in killing Christian." I spit, Elena may be in prison for eternity but I do hate to think of her, she tried to kill us multiple times.

"I see it's a sensitive topic but it needs to be dealt with Ana."

"I know." I sigh. "I just hate thinking about it you know."

"What do you remember?"

"I remember that I wasn't paying attention, I was looking out of the window when I heard a crash and my head smacked against the window. I remember the smell of burning and fuel, I remember the panic I felt seeing Christian slumped over and I remember being so scared." I reply the whole ordeal coming rushing back to me with a force that has me shaking in my chair.

"Ok." Sandra nods gently; I know she can see I've become upset by discussing this and is trying to figure out where to take it next. "Did you ever try to deal with it? Discuss the impact of how it affected you with anyone? Christian maybe?"

"No." I reply. "You know I remember seeing Christian slumped over the airbag and he wasn't even conscious, I thought he was dead…" My voice cracks. "I was so scared, at that moment I wanted to die, if he was dead then I wanted to be too." I explain as tears pool in my eyes, I blink them back not wanting to cry.

"But he isn't dead Ana…"

"I know. I just kept myself busy in the hospital, dealt with it by not dealing with it."

"Which you seem to make a habit of." Sandra points out making me smile weakly, she's so right, every time I have issues I deal with it by being busy which is actually not dealing with it at all, I know that now.

"You know I don't think of the car crash anymore." I say quietly.

"You don't?" She seems surprised by this confession.

"Too much has happened since then that it never crosses my mind anymore, I had nightmares at first, thinking Christian was actually dead, I'd wake up sweating in fear but then I'd see him lying beside me, sleeping and I'd relax and sleep peacefully for the rest of the night. I don't think it really si that much of an issue."

"Really?"

"Well I guess threatening Elena in the hospital was me dealing with it. I served her with a restraining order and I gave her my word that if she ever tried to hurt Christian again I'd kill her, I think that was me dealing with it, taking control of the situation if you will." I explain as Sandra smiles, I will never forget grabbing Elena's jaw in my hand and how powerful it made me feel to see Elena Lincoln the Bitch Troll looking scared.

"Ok, I think we'll leave it there for now, it's clear to me that you've not got any issues really with what happened back then but it may play on your mind tonight and it will tire you so I recommend you get some rest especially after we've talked. I'll see you tomorrow." She says getting to her feet.

"Thanks Sandra… for doing this…"

"Ana I care about you, you're not damaged… you're a young woman who still had her whole life ahead of you and if I can help you enjoy that life then coming here every day isn't an issue ok?" She says pulling me into a gentle hug. "Get some rest." She says gently.

Luke happens to come over as we leave the study and as she walks away with him I realise she's right. My mind instantly goes back to the accident, I hear the horn blaring in my ears and feel the panic like I did just then but closing my eyes tight I remember being in Elena's hospital room and how scared and vulnerable she looked when I grab her and my breathing becomes deeper and I know I'm ok. I decide Sandra was definitely right about me feeling tired after our chats, I feel exhausted and know I need a nap so head upstairs, I know Christian will come and wake me up at dinner time.


	236. Chapter 236

**Sunday 18th March **

I wake up with a silent scream. My heart beat pounds in my chest and my ears ring. I feel like I've just been dragged through my worst nightmare… actually I have just in this case it really was just a nightmare. I see my husband sleeping peacefully beside me and begin to calm down a little. My dream was that I walked in on Christian in the playroom with a sub and that sub wasn't me. It broke my heart. As I replay the dream in my head I realise what really woke me was the overwhelming urge to pee, damn I shouldn't have had that last milkshake before bed.

I hurry to the bathroom and make it just before I feel like I would have peed my panties, I mean that would have been embarrassing to wake Christian up for!

"Ana?" I hear his voice before he walks into the dimly lit bathroom, I didn't switch on the main light but the small mirror lights have been left on every night as Christian's worried about me not switching the light on and falling in a rush to get to the bathroom while pregnant, he really does think ahead. "You ok?"

"Christian get out I'm peeing!" I reply disgusted, there are some things a girl would like to do in panic.

"You ran, I was worried."

"I just needed to pee!" I retort frustration etched into my voice.

I finish my business as Christian heads back to bed, when I join him he wraps his arms around me and I breathe in his scent reminding myself that my dream was just a dream but of course Christian has a sixth sense to my emotions sometimes.

"What's wrong?" He asks snuggling his nose into the crook of my neck.

"Nightmare." I mutter wishing he would leave it at that but of course it's Christian, he needs to know everything sometimes.

"What was it about?"

"You." I say shivering. "With a sub at Escala."

"Oh Ana." He squeezes me, you know it's around seventeen weeks that women have really funny dreams in pregnancy.

"This wasn't funny." I retort and he laughs.

"I know baby, you know according to one of the books I read for men with pregnant spouses a dream about a cheating spouse is insecurities so I'll tell you know, I love you, you're perfect in every way and you're mine. I don't want anyone else, just you, you're beautiful." He kisses me softly as I relax, his words reminding me I have no reason to be insecure. "I love you so much, now go to sleep."

"Yes Sir." I reply playfully as I move in to deepen our kiss.

"Uh Ana…" He mutters through the kiss, God it's been too long since I kissed him like this. "Baby…"

"Yeah?" I ask only leaving his lips to mutter the word.

"Are you sure?" He asks hesitantly.

"Yes!" I groan, I mean I know he thinks I'm fragile but I want him and I want him now.

His hands begin to roam over my body and I moan in delight, I didn't think I'd be up for this for a while but my libido seems back with a vengeance.

"Seems like we're the wrong way around." He mumbles just before flipping us over so I'm beneath him. "Let's rid you of these restraints Mrs Grey." He says seductively as he begins pulling my night shirt up.

"I thought you liked me in restraints Mr Grey." I quip as he sits me up to pull the top over my head.

"Well none that stops me from getting to your body." He retorts before latching his lips to my neck.

I moan and wither beneath him as he takes a slow and torturous path from my neck, across my shoulders and to my aching breasts, they're definitely more sensitive and I'm not sure I actually like how sensitive they are, it feels unnatural and not really all that pleasurable but I want Christian so much right now that I don't want to spoil it, but I think I may have to discuss the fondling of my breasts and sucking of my nipples during my pregnancy with him, I don't like it.

It seems Christian senses my discomfort because he spends a lot less time worshiping my bigger breasts and works his way down my growing stomach to my trouser line. He peels them off way to slow for my liking and he seems happy that I decided to forgo underwear to bed.

He leans back and fights with his own pyjama bottoms before parting my legs and settling himself between them. I feel the head of him just teasing my soaking entrance as he looks into my eyes making sure it's really what I want. I just part my legs a little wider, inviting him in.

At once he takes my invitation, slowly pushing his hips and guiding himself inside me. I take all of him, every sweet inch until I feel him fully, it's such an intense feeling, a connection between me and the love my life that is achieved and felt like nothing else, it's so special to have him like this, the only woman who's ever had him in this way, vanilla.

He rubs his nose along mine as he begins to thrust slowly and deeply, taking his time, allowing me to feel all of him rubbing against my inner walls. I rock to meet him, my slick entrance making it so easy to take him completely. As I edge closer to my nirvana I notice he's reaching his, I've never really noticed it before but I feel his cock just twitching inside of me and his face contorting a little in a grunt in the most adorable way.

I keep my eyes on him as I begin to vibrate, my climax just hitting and taking over. Christian thrusts harder, pushing me to my limit just in time for him to spurt off his seed, I even feel that, has it been that long since we made love that I notice all these for the first time? Or is it just that I'm more attuned to how he feels inside of me? Or maybe it's the fact that I'm pregnant that makes me feel everything more intense.

He rolls off me, I hate that. I wish he could lay on top of me like he did before I was pregnant but I guess some things just can't happen right now. He does keep our connection though by snuggling up to me, spooning me from behind that his now deflating shaft rests in the gap between my butt cheeks. He kisses my neck as my eyes close, sleep calling to me once more. I know now that the dream won't return tonight, anything I dream now will be sweet and happy.

When I wake I know at once I'm in bed alone. One glance at the bright red numbered clock and I see it's gone nine am, much too late for Christian to still be in bed. I love it when he's beside me when I wake but I also appreciate that he lets me sleep when he wakes.

I crawl out of bed and quickly make my way into the bathroom to wash and change, hoping that Christian and can have breakfast together. I have to hope though, that he has let Gail be free this morning, I love to cook for Christian and I like that Gail and Jason get some time to themselves too, their marriage won't work if they don't make some real time for each other.

After getting showered and changed into a pair of jeans and a long dress top that I believe amplifies my growing bump I make my way downstairs. I hear Christian and Carrie laughing before I even step into the room, they both smile at me as I walk in.

"Morning baby." Christian smiles coming straight over to kiss me, a little deeply considering we have guest.

"Good morning." I smile my eyes looking straight into his.

"I made breakfast, French toast… Gail taught me." He adds as I look surprised.

"French toast sounds perfect." It doesn't actually but seeing as Christian made it I don't want to hurt his feelings.

He makes me a milkshake… well just pours some from the jug that Gail keeps in the fridge before he hands me a plate of French toast, I smell the cinnamon before I lift a slice from my plate and I wonder if he followed Gail's recipe and lessons to the letter because I've never noticed the smell so strong when she's made it… I guess it could be down to the fact I haven't had Gail's French toast since I've been pregnant and I know I have supersonic sense of smell right now.

It's actually quite nice and as I eat Christian fills me in on the fact we should go to The Grace with Carrie before we have to come back to get ready to go to his Mom's for dinner.

I'm really dreading dinner at the Grey's. I don't fancy talking to anyone about my decision to leave Fairfax or anything else for that matter and I know that it will come up with someone, either Kate and Mia or Grace and Carrick. I am however, excited to tell them that the first Grey baby will be a girl. We've agreed to keep the name a secret even though Grace knows it already. I am actually in the mood to discuss other name options with Christian because I hate that Grace already knows… maybe I'll bring it up on the boat with him.

After we all help with the clearing up we get ready to go to the Grace. As I choose a coat Christian sits on the edge of our bed watching me with a smile.

"I was thinking." I say deciding to bring up our daughter's name now rather than later.

"That doesn't sound good." Christian teases making me poke a tongue at him, which as always, he pretends to bite.

"I don't want to name our daughter Chelsea anymore." I say quickly, I know we agreed on the name but it doesn't matter.

"Why not?"

"Because I've gone off it."

"Ok… is that all?"

"I don't like the fact your Mom already knows it." I say quietly but he smiles.

"That's fine, we can think of more names."

"But it has to go with the middle name my Mom chose." I say quickly.

"I understand." He smiles and I know he really does.

"Did you know that the name she chose means Grace?" I ask him and he turns to me quickly looking surprised. "Yeah, my Mom wants us to name our daughter after your Mom."

"Wow."

"I guess my Mom really likes your Mom." I laugh.

"Maybe it's because she knows Grace will continue to be there for you now that she can't?" Christian says quietly and I find myself nodding in agreement.

"I think it was also Mom's way of having a part of herself and Grace in our first daughter." I add and Christian agrees with a smile and a nod, I think he likes that too.

"Ok so you ready?" He asks and I nod, I am excited to have a day with him on the boat, even if Carrie is with us.

When we arrive the boat Mac greets us all happily.

"Wow Ana, you're looking good!" He comments at my bump.

"Thank you." I beam, I love being complimented on Jellybean's growth and how I look because of her.

"Not long now eh?" He winks.

"Twenty three weeks to go Mac, not even half way yet." Christian laughs as he holds around me. "Can we introduce you to our friend Carrie?"

"Lovely to meet you Ma'am." Mac smiles shaking her hand. I'm just pleased Christian referred to her as a friend and not nurse, that means a little to me in a good way, I mean I like Mac but he doesn't need to know about our private lives.

"So how is she?" Christian asks and I know he means the boat, I'm not that dumb anymore.

"As good as ever, weather's good for us too." Mac replies.

"Good, then I'll come give you a hand. Ana why don't you show Carrie around and then we'll head off." I'm quite surprised he hasn't yet forced a life jacket on me, maybe he's realised I don't really need one on this boat and now he knows I'm quite a strong swimmer he understands I'd be ok if I did go overboard which chances of that happening are slim.

I quickly show Carrie around, she seems impressed overall but as we step into the master bedroom I have sweet memories of Christian and I making love out at sea.

"This is quite the boat, Christian likes sailing?"

"Loves it." I reply. "Our honeymoon was spent on a boat in Europe." I smile, I'd love to do that again.

"Wow." Carrie replies as I lead her back to the deck.

"Yeah, we went to London first, then France, it was amazing, two and a half weeks in a bubble." I reply with what I know to be a very cheesy smile on my face.

"Sounds romantic."

"It was." I reply with a waggle of my eyebrows that has Carrie laughing. "Come on let's go hunt down that husband of mine."

By the time we get to the deck Christian's sat on the bench and Mac has the boat started, I guess Christian will be pulling out the red room of pain coloured sail then which means I get to just relax and enjoy myself without having to do anything.

When we leave the boat I can tell Carrie has really enjoyed herself. We enjoy lunch together at the place we visited the first time he brought me to the boat before heading for home in time for Sandra's visit. In all honesty I'm dreading her visit today, I know I'm going to need a nap after it and I just hope I can have one before we have to head for Bellevue.

As planned on arrival back at the big house Carrie takes my blood pressure and the result makes her particularly happy, I guess it's lower than it has been in a long time but still in a good range which makes everything seem particularly happy for me. She hasn't been as stringent as she was at Fairfax, she doesn't observe me every fifteen minutes and take my blood pressure every hour on the hour which is nice, I don't worry so much about it now which I guess means she's getting more accurate results.

When Sandra arrives we head straight through to the study with drinks I've prepared not wanting to disturb Gail. Of course Sandra wastes no time with pleasantries deciding to jump straight in there with the questions.

"So how were you after our chat yesterday?"

"Tired but other than that fine." I reply. "I did reminisce a little but not in a bad way, it didn't feel like a painful memory, in all honesty it makes me feel powerful to remember how I acted, took control of everything I could including grabbing Elena."

"That's really good Ana, I have to admit I was worried that you would worry about it or replay it in a not so good manner, I'm proud to hear it makes you feel empowered." She smiles before sipping at her coffee. "So today I want to discuss the aeroplane crash that killed three people."

"Ok." I nod, this isn't really a difficult topic I don't think.

"So tell me what happened." Sandra prompts and I give her a nod before closing my eyes and casting my mind back.

"Christian and I were at Seattle Grace Charity Gala, I had just won the Alain Thompson award." I say remembering the happier beginning to the night. "We were on the dance floor I think when Taylor came to us and said there was a problem, that's when we found out about the jet crash and that three were dead. We left immediately, I went to see if any of the families were around to talk to while Christian went off to do something else."

"Did you find any families?"

"Yes." I take a deep breath remembering the beautiful little boy and his Mom. "Stephan's son and his wife were there."

"Did you talk to them?"

"Yes." I nod. "I held Tyler in my arms and used my dress as a blanket so he could sleep, he fell asleep in my arms." I remember clearly how adorable he was.

"Have you seen him since then?"

"Only at the funeral." I reply. "But no."

"So you're no longer in touch with the family?"

"Nope, I mean we pay Tyler's schooling still but that's all I know." I explain.

"Would you like to see them again?"

"No." I reply. "This is something I think was dealt with, the funerals happened and we moved on from it, honestly."

"I believe you." She smiles, I guess she knows that and just wanted to be sure. "Do you want to carry on or do you think we should wait until tomorrow?" I guess she wants to take one topic at a time.

"I think we're good until tomorrow, we're going to my in-law's tonight and I'd rather not be exhausted in all honesty." I explain and she smiles and nods.

"Ok, if tomorrow you feel like you've been thinking about what happened with the jet more and more we can discuss what you've been thinking about ok?"

"Sure." I reply, I like that Sandra is basically letting me dictate the conversations.

"I'll see myself out." She says getting to her feet. I jump to mine but just to watch her go, of course it's no surprise that I have started thinking straight about little Tyler, I haven't seen him since the funeral, I wonder how he's doing, I wonder if Christian knows how he is or has heard anything?

I wonder from the study and find my husband in our bedroom getting ready to go to his Mom's house.

"Everything ok?" He asks as I wander in looking at him.

"Yeah." I smile. "Uh have you heard anything about Tyler Holland?" I ask trying to make it sound casual.

"You mean Stephan's son?" He looks surprised.

"Yeah we were discussing the aeroplane crash, me and Sandra and well I just wondered if you knew how he was doing?"

"Well I know they moved to Portland, Mrs Holland called me just after Christmas to discuss his schooling seeing as we're going to continue to pay for that till the boy is eighteen unless of course we go bankrupt or something." He sniggers, I guess he doesn't believe that could happen.

"Ok." I sigh. "Do you know where in Portland they are?"

"Not off the top of my head but I know it's in the records at Grey's House. Why?"

"I was just thinking maybe we could pay them a visit, see how they were doing?" I say trying to act like it's not a big deal.

"I would rather not." He says quietly. "But if you want to…"

"I could take Sawyer?" I ask perking up, maybe this is something I need to do without Christian.

"Yeah and Carrie." He replies. "Maybe on Monday when I'm at work."

"Won't Tyler be in school?"

"Ok…"

"So next Saturday?" I suggest, he still doesn't have to come with me but it's the best time to go.

"I'll get you her contact details so you can find out a suitable time to go down, I'd prefer you to fly down…"

"Of course." I smile before wrapping him up in my arms. "I love you."

"I love you too." He smiles before kissing my lips softly. "You sure you ok to do that?"

"Yeah, I mean it's closing the door on it all, I don't want to wonder forever if they're ok, I'd like to see for myself." I explain and he nods before kissing me again.

"But what about tonight? You ok in telling everyone and having dinner at my parents."

"I guess I have to be." I reply with a shrug.

"We could cancel."

"No." I reply quickly. "No, I just… I guess I'm just nervous, it's silly, I'll be ok once we're there." I kiss him quickly. "I'm going to choose what to wear and get ready."

"Ok." He nods kisses me again before he lets me go.


	237. Chapter 237

**Sunday 18th March **

In my closet I quickly switch on some music, putting my iPod on shuffle rather than bothering with hunting for a song. I get to work looking for a nice outfit, I know there's no need to dress up but I know in comparison to Mia and Kate at the moment I'm always going to look so frumpy because I'm a few pounds heavier and look like I have a couch cushion up my top, though I wouldn't change that for anything.

I can't help but begin thinking of new names seeing as Christian's in agreement with me that Chelsea may not be the perfect name for our Jellybean, it's true that I have gone off it and one of those reasons is that Grace knows the name and I don't want her too, I want it to be a secret between Christian and I.

"Ana?" He says coming into the dressing room.

"Yeah?"

"Come with me a second?" He asks extending his hand towards me, I quickly slip mine into his and let him tug me out of the bedroom. "I was going to wait until whenever to show you this." He says coming to a stop outside the room that will be the nursery.

"It's not done is it?" I ask really hoping that's not the case, I want to have a lot of say in our baby's nursery.

"No." He chuckles. "Just go in."

I walk in to find that the guest bed and stuff have all been moved out of the room and now what sits there is two pushchairs, one that I chose and one that Christian chose, along with the car seats, baby bounce chair and high chair.

"Christian already?" I ask, I knew he asked Taylor to go pick them up but I didn't think it would be so soon.

"Yeah, I went with Taylor when you were in Fairfax." He explains blushing a little.

I walk to the pushchair I chose which has already been set up. It's a baby carriage just how I wanted in a light brown, or wheat like the catalogue said.

"Christian." I say softly as I clutch the long bar handle, it's exactly what I wanted.

"It's easy to change it into the facing you car seat and then buggy when the baby begins to grow." He says and I smile.

"I love it." I rush to him and hug him. "Thank you!"

"You're welcome." He says before kissing me. "We'll need to meet with Gia this week, she has a few ideas and we need to discuss them with her and then she can get to work, hopefully we'll have the perfect nursery with plenty of time to spare."

"Yeah, I'd like it done before trimester number three!" I laugh as does Christian, I'm so happy right now just thinking about Jellybean. "We need a name though."

"Yeah, just write a list of the ones you like, I'll do the same and then we can switch them and cross out the ones we don't like on the other's list and then see what we have."

"Where did you get that from?"

"Baby book." He laughs uncomfortably, in all honesty I think he's done far more reading than I have on this. "Now come on, we need to get ready at this rate we're going to be late."

"Ok!" I salute teasingly before heading back to my closet.

As I walk in the song Robot by Miley Cyrus is on, I don't even know why it's on my iPod I wouldn't exactly call myself a Cyrus Fan but when the lyrics of the bridge hit my ears I find myself stopping to listen.

_I would scream_

_But I'm just this hollow shell_

_Waiting here_

_Begging please_

_God set me free so I can feel_

Couldn't describe the way I've been feeling lately any more accurate. It's mad to think how I can relate to this song, I should actually get a copy of the whole lyrics and see what Miley is actually singing about, if I'm right all her song has some proper meaning to them, like I said before I wouldn't exactly call myself her fan but I like some of her songs.

I change the song not wanting to depress myself any further, putting on an old favourite of mine, Misfit by Amy Studt. I mean that song's a classic but it also always puts me in a very good mood too. I can't help but smile remembering me listening to it in Escala while making Christian breakfast.

As it plays I pretend I can dance while I choose an outfit and begin to change. It's quite easy to decide on a black and white short sleeve baby doll maternity dress with my black Jimmy Choo pumps, I think they've officially become my most worn heels!

I can't help but think I'm quite big for seventeen weeks even though Doctor Greene says I'm not. I mean I searched online and saw bumps much smaller than mine at this far along. I wonder if I'll continue to get bigger. I also wonder if I'm carrying a lot of water and that's why I'm big because I'd cry if this was all baby!

"Ana are you ready?" Christian asks as he walks into the room, I'm just tidying up my makeup and give him a small smile.

"Do I look ok?" I ask.

"Perfect." He smiles walking up to me and putting his hand on my bump. "I can't wait to meet our daughter."

"Neither can I, only twenty three weeks to go." I smile.

"That's so long!"

"It will fly by."

"I hope so!" He beams, I love that he's excited about this, I don't think I'll ever get enough of his excitement.

We head out and meet Taylor outside the front door. I'm particularly nervous, the last think I want to do is face the Katherine Kavanagh inquisition or the Mia Grey Reconnaissance.

"You ok?" Christian asks clutching my hand in both of his.

"Yeah I'm just nervous." I admit, I know I can open up to Christian about anything.

"There's no need to be Ana."

"I just don't want to talk about me going to Fairfax with them." I say quietly.

"And you don't have to, I wouldn't be surprised if Mom has already warned them."

"Yeah and your Mom can always persuade Mia and Kate." I reply sarcastically with a roll of my eyes.

"Did you just roll your eyes Mrs Grey?" He whispers leaning into me.

"I may have." I reply just as seductively as I bite my bottom lip.

"Don't bite your lip Ana." He says even though we both know that I did it knowing his reaction. "God I want you." He says, his thumb tugging my lip from between my teeth.

"I want you too." I reply leaning into him.

"Well we're going to have to wait, I don't think today will be a good day to try and disappear into the boat house." He looks as disappointed as I feel about this.

"Then we're just going to have to wait till we get home." I reply leaning and kissing him, just deeply enough to elicit a groan from him.

"Ana…" he moans childishly while I smirk at him.

"Am I being a bad girl Mr Grey?" I ask so quietly that Taylor doesn't hear us.

"You're asking to be put over my knee Mrs Grey." He warns.

"Yes, finally you get there." I reply giggling.

"Oh you're incorrigible." He says pulling me in for a kiss.

"Duh!" Is all I can manage before I realise we're slowing down as we're on the Grey's driveway. "But you're going to have to wait now till we get home."

"I could have Taylor turn around right now…"

"No you can't your Mom is in the doorway already." I say pointing and Christian groans, I know he has to adjust himself now to hide his erection.

We step out of the car and Grace hugs both of tightly, I'm sure she was squeezing the air out of my lungs but I don't say anything to her on that.

"Oh Ana you're looking good." She smiles her hand rubbing my bump, as long as strangers don't start doing that without permission I don't mind.

"Thank you."

"Now come in out of the cold." She says ushering us inside.

The warmth and familiarity of the Grey's house hits as soon as the door is closed behind us. We step into the living room where the rest of the family is gathered and my nerves seem to leave me as Carrick passes me a glass of apple cider. I hug everyone in greeting before Christian and I sit side by side. It seems like Carrick has a big case going on and that's the discussion that we interrupted. I listen and watch my family communicate and feel glad to be here, happy that I have such a large family now through my husband who gives me a smile when my eyes met his.

"So come on!" Kate announces when Carrick is done talking. "We want to know the news." She says grabbing my hand tight in her own.

"Well." I look up at Christian who smiles and nods encouraging me to go on. "Baby Grey is going to be a girl."

"Yeah!" Both Kate and Mia squeal forcing me to put my fingers in my ears and laugh. I guess they're both happy about that.

"Oh no Dad, looks like we're about to be even with the girls now." Elliot groans, I guess he was hoping for a nephew.

"Looks like it Son." Carrick laughs. "Congratulations Ana and Christian." He says raising his glass towards us, everyone else follows suit and I lean into Christian who wraps an arm around my shoulders in an embrace.

Grace announces dinner and we all head through to the dining room. The atmosphere is nice and relaxed and I love that, I don't really know what I was worried about now. Grace and Greta have made a beautiful salad to start with pear and cashews followed by ham for main and a chocolate fudge cake for dessert. I feel Christian watching me eat though he has nothing to worry about, I'm eating for two people and it shows as I eat everything and even accept some more cake when Grace offers it.

When we're done with food we all make our way back to the living room for tea. Kate and Mia are discussing the baby shower, I think both of them are perfectly ecstatic with the fact I'm having a girl, more so than anyone else.

"So how are you Ana?" Grace asks taking the empty spot on the couch beside me, Christian, Elliot and Carrick have gone somewhere leaving me vulnerable to Grace.

"I'm well thank you Grace." I reply, it doesn't pass either of us that I've replied in a very formal manner which I rarely do, only with clients at work.

"Good, better being home?"

"Yeah." I smile dryly, I won't lie and say that I'm annoyed with Grace, one of the people who persuaded me that Fairfax would be better for me. "Much better actually."

"That's good." She smiles though I can see she senses my reservation.

When Christian comes back in he gives me a small smile which I return though I think he can see that I just want to leave now.

"You look exhausted Ana." He says coming over to me. "Let me take you home?"

"Yeah please. Thank you for dinner Grace it was lovely as always." I say as I stand, she stands too and I hug her lightly.

"You're welcome, anytime you know that." Grace says, I think I've hurt her feelings but right now I don't care I just want to go home to my bed with my husband.

We say goodbye quickly and Christian thankfully get's me out of there and to the car. He doesn't comment about my attitude towards his mother, in all honesty I think he was being a little dry with her himself too so I guess he understands. I mean I don't mean to be horrible towards Grace but right now I feel so messed up and I partly blame her for it, maybe it's something I need to bring up with Sandra in the long run.

"Ok?" Christian asks as soon as we're out of the gates of his parents Bellevue home.

"Yeah, I just want to get home." I reply giving his hand a small squeeze before turning my head back to looking out the window, I guess he senses I just want quite right now as he gives my hand a small squeeze before looking out of his own window letting me think.


	238. Chapter 238

**Please note that I did write the poem in this chapter and it was copyrighted to me on the 12****th**** of November 2012, if you use, please credit. Thank you. **

**Monday 19th March **

With Christian working today I am practically alone, even though Carrie's here keeping a very close eye on me. I don't feel like I have the energy to do anything today so I retreat to my study to read a couple of manuscripts and try and relax though it's not that easy.

I'm mad at myself at how I was with Grace at dinner. All she's ever been to me is kind and caring yet yesterday I put up a barrier between her and me and acted like a bit of a brat. I know I'm blaming her for my going into Fairfax but at the end of the day it was my decision and I could have refused so I don't know why I'm taking out on Grace.

It probably sounds really stupid but I think I'm being a bitch to Grace because I miss my Mom. Grace has been motherly to me since before my Mom's death but now Mom's gone I don't want anyone else in that role, my Mom's dead and no one can replace her… not even Grace.

I sit on the windowsill and look out over the sound. My head is such a mess right now. All past issues and present issues circling like vultures after their pray and I can't handle it. Sometimes I feel like I'm screaming as loud as I possibly can but no one is paying attention but then I make myself as small and stay as quiet as I can and everyone is around wanting to bring me out, I can't seem to win.

Going over to my desk I find a mirror in the drawer. This is probably the most stupid thing I have ever done but I look at my reflection and ask myself 'who am I?' Grabbing my notebook and a pen I open a blank page and write it as a heading before beginning to make a list.

_Who am I? By Ana Grey_

_I am the wife of a corporate billionaire_

_I am the daughter from a romantic affair_

_I am a writer or an author of books_

_I am the friend of the security and cook_

_I am a business woman, powerful and strong_

_I am the woman who won't admit when I'm wrong_

_I'm a soon to be mother who is all hormonal_

_I am the girl who's still often emotional_

_I am the lady who puts on an act_

_To show the world I'm fine and that's a fact_

_Inside I find that I'm often screaming_

_Though silence surrounds me when I am dreaming_

_As I look back on these words I have written_

_I see who I am and that can't be unwritten. _

I look back over what I've written and I really want to punch myself in the face. I'm so stupid! I'm not Ana Steele anymore but that doesn't matter! I'm not just Christian Grey's wife either. I'm my own person, I control my own life (well to some degree but let's not rain on my parade now!). Looking over the words of my poem I realise that I am somebody and I'm an important somebody to some people. I guess this was really something I had to figure out on my own and it took time but I got there.

I know it doesn't mean I'm cured. Depression isn't just cured but I know that I'm a few steps closer to being better and just because I have depression that doesn't take away my identity. I am Ana Grey and I have a damn good reason to be me right now. People depend on me! Everyone who works at my business depend on me for their livelihood, Christian depends on me to love him unconditionally, Grace and Carrick depend on me to be a good wife to their son, Ray depends on me to be there for him (even though he would never admit that) and most important of all (maybe) is that my daughter is going to depend on me for absolutely everything for the next twenty one ish years.

Quickly I run to the computer the words in my head from a song I heard Mom playing years ago. I find myself on YouTube and type into the search engine with my heart beating faster than it has in ages and this time it's not because I'm stressed or my blood pressure has risen but because I'm happy! Happier and freer than I have in a long time!

I manage to find the wire that connects my iPod docking station to the speakers so I can connect the speakers to my laptop and crank up the volume on those. I put the music on full blast not caring about who in the house that will hear it as I begin to type my poem out.

_Don't tell me not to live just sit and putter_

_Life's candy and the sun's a ball of butter_

_Don't bring around a cloud to rain on my parade_

_Don't tell me not to fly, I've simply got to_

_If someone takes a spill it's me and not you_

_Who told you you're allowed to rain on my parade_

For the outsider looking in it probably looks really daft that I'm sat in my desk chair typing as fast as I can while dancing and singing along very badly and very loudly along to the song playing. Someone could walk in here right now and I wouldn't even pay any attention to them, I doubt I'd even notice them in all honesty with my mind absorbing everything I've worked out for myself.

Also I realise I need to get back into work. I don't know how Christian's going to take this news when I tell him but tomorrow I am going to AG inc and I am going to sort out my companies before I lose them. I want to visit them all as soon as possible after going over the files seeing what implemented changes have already worked and which ones have yet to be implemented or failing. I am the only one who can do that for my companies… well maybe not but right now I like feeling like I'm all powerful, whatever it is I've done to myself in the last hour I need to keep doing it.

_I'll march my band out_

_I'll beat my drum_

_And if I'm fanned out_

_Your turn at bat sir_

_At least I didn't fake it_

_Hat sir_

_I guess I didn't make it_

As I place a pretty picture of myself that I like and find on the hard-drive of my Mac onto the document I begin dancing a little more. When I press print I leave my chair and start dancing around the room as much as I can with a baby bump.

_But whether I'm the rose of sheer perfection_

_Or the freckle on the nose of life's complexion _

_A cinder or the shiny apple of his eye_

_I gotta fly once_

_I got try once_

_Only can die once, right sir_

_Who life is juicy, juicy and you see_

_I gotta have my bite sir_

I take the document from the printer and fold it up before placing it in an envelope. No one else need ever see it but I want it somewhere where I can always pick it up and remind myself who I am. I felt so insignificant these past few weeks, like my existence wasn't of any importance but now… now I feel like I have a reason to be alive. It's stupid really in many ways but I don't care, I'm sure Sandra won't either because anything that has happened to make me feel good is good. Right?

_Get ready for me love cause I'm a comer_

_I simply gotta march my hearts a drummer_

_Don't bring around a cloud to rain on my parade_

I print off a second version of the poem and laminate it before putting it in an A4 watertight envelope. Again it's not for someone else to read but there is someone I would have liked to have been able to see it.

I knock the volume down on the song and grab the internal phone knocking seven for the security office.

"Hey do you know where Luke is? … send him to my study please, thank you." I say before hanging up. I quickly begin shutting things down around the room and as Luke walks in he looks at me gently, he's been nothing but supportive these past few weeks and I feel like I owe him a lot.

"Fancy a road trip?" I ask.

"I'll need to know where to and how long, Mr Grey has asked to be informed of your leaving the premises." He says trying to act professional.

"Mr Grey can kiss my ass, listen look I'm being nice in offering you to come with me but I don't need an escort and can drive myself." I say before pushing by him, Luke has done this in the past. He's defied me in order to follow Christian's orders and I hate that, do I get absolutely no control at all? Not even over my own security?

"Ana…" He groans hurrying after me.

"I'm going to get my shoes and a coat if you want to come meet me by the Yaris, if not…" I don't say anymore as I hop up the stairs two at a time.

As I grab my red Coach coat and my flat flip flops I wonder what Luke is doing. I hope he isn't staging some sort of intervention but I wouldn't be surprised.

I'm quick to locate my car keys and hurry downstairs with my envelope in my handbag.

"Ana wait." Taylor hurries from the kitchen towards the door.

"What?" I ask turning around, I know I sound like a stroppy teenager but I don't care.

"We just want to know where you're going and how long you're going to be gone."

"How come you aren't with my husband?" I ask ignoring what he's asking me in favour of my own question.

"He took Oreon with him."

"So you could babysit me." I point out and I notice he has the decency to look ashamed. "I'll see you in a bit." I say opening the door but he's quick to stop me by jumping in my path.

"Ana…"

"What you think I'm going to drive my Yaris off the I90 or something?" I laugh but then Taylor's face has me stopping quickly. "That's exactly what he thinks." I say quietly. "Does he really think I've lost it?" Tears build quickly in my eyes, my good mood diminishing quickly. "Oh my God." I whisper before turning on my heels and running upstairs ignoring Taylor calling after me.

I run into mine and Christian's bedroom slamming the door shut behind me as a warning to anyone who's daft enough to follow me in here. I drop my purse onto the floor before dragging myself towards the bed, pulling my coat off as I move. I don't bother stripping out of my jeans and t-shirt, just kick off my flip flops and pull back the duvet before climbing into the bed.

At first I reach for Christian's pillow but then I realise it's him I'm angry at and throw it away from me before burying my nose in my own. I clutch at my bump as sobs engulf me and I realise I wasn't out of this rut at all. How could I be out of it when other people seem to want to keep me in it? I'm mad right now, so mad. At Christian, at Taylor and at Luke.

All I wanted to do was go to my Mother's graveside and leave the poem there. It would have taken me an hour maybe an hour and a half depending on traffic and how long I decided to stay.

"Ana?" I hear the door opening and the voice of my nurse gently calling to me.

"Go away." I say though it's muffled by my pillow I don't know if she hears me.

I feel her sitting on the bed beside me, her hand on my back through the duvet but I shrug her off, or try too.

"Ana what's wrong? What happened?"

"Just go away!" I plead. "Go away!" I yell a little louder as she stand up. "Get out!" I yell even louder as I pull my head from the pillow, I just want to be on my own, I don't want to be comforted, I don't want someone to try and understand I just want to be on my own with my grief. I hear the door click and I know she's answered my wishes and left me alone.

I eventually cry myself to sleep, just to be woken some time later by knocking on the door.

"Who is it?" I ask knowing it won't be Christian, he'd just barge in here.

"Ana it's Sandra." I hear as the door opens again.

"Go away." I say quietly as I close my eyes pulling the duvet up higher.

"Do you want to talk about what happened earlier?" She asks staying by the door.

"No, they shouldn't have called you, go away." I say and I hear her sigh all the way across the room.

"They didn't call me Ana, I just came for our session to be told you hadn't moved from your room since about eleven am."

I can work out by that statement that it's somewhere around three pm which saves me lifting my head to look at the time.

"I just want to be alone, go away." I whisper, pleading with my voice.

"Ok." She says quietly. "I'm going to stay awhile, have some coffee with Carrie if you want to talk ok?"

"I don't just get out!" I lose it and I hear her leave before I get to drop my head back to my pillow and let the tears come over me once again.

I guess I must have fallen asleep again because the next time I wake it's to a pair of arms engulfing me and kisses being peppered along my neck. At first I sigh contently and relax into the kisses until my brain kicks into gear and my anger returns.

"Christian don't." I whisper tugging myself away from him.

"Ana…" He says quietly.

"Don't… don't touch me… I don't want you anywhere near me right now please." I am begging and he knows it. He climbs from the bed before walking around to my side and kneeling so he catches my eyes. I see his grey ones, sparkling in the slowly diminishing sunlight, I know it's about five pm, maybe six.

"Talk to me."

"You know what happened." I say quietly.

"I do, but I don't know why it's upset you so much."

Jeez! Did Sandra coach him before he came up here?

"Then you're really not as clever as I thought." I reply before rolling over but that doesn't stop him as he quickly hurries to the other side of the bed so he can catch my eyes again, Sandra definitely coached him, Christian would have probably got frustrated or upset or both and stormed out of here by now.

"Talk to me." He begs reaching over to brush a piece of hair from my face but I pull away from him, I can't have him touching me right now. "Please baby talk to me."

"If you can't figure it out for yourself Christian…" I sigh pushing myself to sitting trying to ignore the headache I have from crying so much. "Then you're not going to be able to make sure it doesn't happen again." I add as I flick my legs over the side of the bed. "Now I'm going to my study and I'd appreciate it if you left me alone."

He doesn't say anything more as I walk out of the room and for that I'm thankful because with him looking into my eyes, calling me baby… I'd give in, I know I would and I need him to realise how much he hurt me this morning.

In my study I go into the safe where the poem lies and pull it out. I read it over and over and over again trying to remind myself why I was in such a good mood this morning. It works a little and I tuck it away once more before heading over to the couch where I curl up with the comforter from the back, allowing myself to fall asleep once again.


	239. Chapter 239

**Yeah seeing as I'm working the next three days the chapters are going to be in parts again so I can skip over the boring bits for the good bits. Bit of a happier one here so I hope it gives you all a smile.**

**Ps. My name is CLEARLY spelt Steffie - See the E on the end? Some of my friends call me Steffie with an E as I always say that. It's just rude to misspell someone's name or username when you're messaging them or something when it takes a second to look up to copy it and it really annoys me when people spell my name Steffi or Stephy or any other form I've seen! Thank you!**

**Tuesday 20th March – Part 1**

Someone carried me to bed. Holy hell it's morning! I must have really needed sleep. I wake feeling a bit better than I did yesterday but still not me again.

"Ana?" I turn to see Christian beside me. I surprisingly don't know what to say to him but he saves me the bother. "I'm sorry, I was supposed to talk to the security about letting you out sooner."

"What I was on house arrest?" I retort making Christian laugh but I'm not laughing, I'm deathly serious.

"No, don't be an idiot Ana." He growl nudging me softly.

"Then what Christian? You make me feel like I've done something wrong." I say quietly.

"You can do what you want… on the condition you take Sawyer with you. I just want you safe, this depression has me caught to Ana, please understand that." He looks desperate though he's speaking in his CEO voice.

"I would talk Sawyer anyway." I reply rolling my eyes, he's lifted my mood already.

"Did you just roll your eyes at me Ana?" He asks, his voice husky my favourite sparkle in his eyes.

"No!" I giggle hiding my nose under the blanket.

"I do believe my palm is twitching." He says grabbing me and pulling me on top of him.

"I do believe you need to do something about that then Mr Grey." I reply running my hands down his chest.

"Maybe not now, right now though I would love something to be done about this." He rubs his groin against my panty clad core, that's when I realised he must have stripped me when I was brought to bed.

"Hmm." I pretend to think even though I'm aroused as hell already.

"Ana." He whines rocking his hips into me.

"I guess that job is being left up to me then." I giggle leaning in for a kiss.

"You look better." He says brushing a strand of hair from my face.

"Really?" I ask, if anyone would point it out and be honest it would be Christian. "You're always my Ana, but you look more like my Ana right now." He says momentarily forgetting about his erection.

"I felt more like me yesterday." I say leaning my head on his chest. "Until…"

"I know. I'm sorry baby just remember everything I do I do it for you."

"That's so cheesy." I giggle knowing he's quoting a song.

"Cheesy but true." He smiles kissing my nose. "How are you feeling Ana?"

"Better, now." I reply. "Just talking to you makes me feel better Christian."

"You know, before your Mom got really sick we planned on going away, why don't we do that? You and me and Taylor and Gail? We'll have to take Taylor just for security but we could just get away."

"I don't know if that's wise Christian." I say quietly.

"Why?" He looks hurt, shit, that's not what I meant.

"Because Sandra says that all I've ever done since we married was run away from the problems and that's why they built up like this."

"How about we set up a way for you and Sandra to Skype, so you're still dealing with the problems and we get our bubble?" He suggests, I guess he really wants to do this.

"Ok." I smile, I like the idea of me and Christian getting some alone time. "But where?"

"Somewhere really hot?" He asks and I think a moment before nodding, some heat would be nice. "Well leave it with me, I'll see if I can pull in some favours then we'll get away. But now this really needs dealing with." He rubs his erection against me again having me moaning at the friction.

"Let me deal with that Mr Grey." I purr already moving down to tug off his pyjama bottoms, I love it that he's gone without boxers to bed as I watch his erection freed.

Once his pants are gone he rolls me over and peels his t-shirt from my skin and get's rid of my panties.

My growing belly seems to be a bit of a problem. I think maybe Christian and I will have to switch when he suddenly bends my legs, pulls them together and onto his shoulder some. I eye him, half laughing at him working out how best to do this but the laughing soon changes into a deep moan when he fills me up. This is exactly what I've needed.


	240. Chapter 240

**Tuesday 20th March – Part 2**

"Hey you get any work done there?" Christian asks walking into my study. I've been here all day trying to get some more work done, with Gail bringing me food and Carrie coming for a fifteen minute chat ever couple of hours distracting me.

"Some." I sigh. "Not as much as I'd like but I don't think I'm quite ready to go over to Ana's Palace right now." I admit, I've made it a silent vow to stop keeping this from Christian, especially how I'm feeling within myself.

"Ok, well make sure you get everything important done before we go to bed tonight." He says with an already twinkle in his eyes. I stare at my husband waiting for him to elaborate but he doesn't without prompting.

"Why?" I ask giving him the necessary prompt as I begin to get excited… or nervous, I'm not sure which.

"How does seven days and nights in Dubai sound?" He asks.

"Dubai?!" My eyes almost fall out of my head.

"Yeah, you're going to see some of the better riches of the world baby, I've got us a villa just you and me, Taylor and Gail...and Carrie."

"Dubai?" I ask again, my brain is still trying to process it.

"Yes baby Dubai." He beams walking around the desk towards me.

"You've been there before?" I ask, just a random thought seeing as we're going.

"Nope, so thought it would be a nice first for both of us." He explains.

"Dubai?" I ask again as he turns my chair to face him.

"Dubai. You and me, and Gail and Taylor and Carrie. Seven days and seven nights, in a villa in Dubai." He smiles, I guess Carrie is coming too, not that I mind.

"Oh my God I'm going to Dubai." I say still in shock making Christian nod. I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him deeply, we're going to Dubai! I'm already so happy to be going away that I've forgotten Sandra is on her way. That is until Gail knocks on the door.

"Sandra has arrived."

"Of course, thank you Gail… Gail… Dubai!" I say visibly excited.

"I know." She giggles back not minding that Christian still has his arms around me. "I'll bring in some drinks."

"Thanks. Hmm, so we need to pack for Dubai." I say to my husband.

"Yes, later, for now you talk to Sandra then we'll have some dinner." He says before kissing the tip of my nose. "I love you Ana." He says quietly.

"I love you too Christian." I reply before kissing his lips but letting go before things can be deepened as Sandra walks in.

"I'll be in my study, I'll see you at dinner." He says back in CEO mode as he heads for the door.

I quickly lock things up on my computer and take my chair over for Sandra, she prefers it and me on the couch as if it were her office but I don't mind. Gail walks in with our drinks and settles them down giving me a small wink which means 'Dubai!' before leaving us.

Sandra is watching me carefully as I relax back and take my Milkshake with me. I sip at it slowly trying to wonder if I'll be able to have chocolate shake in Dubai more than I am anything.

"So your husband called." She says. "We're going to be having these little chats over skype for the next week, are you ok with that?" I nod, I am still thinking 'Dubai' to really pay that much attention. "Good, do I get to know why?"

"We're going to Dubai for a week." I beam excitedly. "Just Christian, Gail, Taylor, Carrie and I."

"Dubai? You seem excited."

"Who doesn't want to see the world? I do, I've never been to Dubai." I explain.

"You don't feel like you're just running away again?" Sandra asks, I can see she's just concerned for me and I know that but I shake my head rapidly.

"Of course not, hence why we're going to talk on Skype, it's just a getaway hoping Christian and I can find our marriage out there again."

"Things are rough between you?"

"Things have always been rough between us." I reply, I mean come on look at our life especially since the wonder that is Fifty shades there is just no privacy to be had, we're in the paper for something or other every day and it does put a strain on a marriage like ours. "But we've never stopped loving each other and that's why we need to get away, love really can't conquer all Sandra, it needs to be worked on and sometimes it takes disappearing to the United Arab Emirates for a week." I shrug but Sandra has a small smile and is bobbing her head in agreement.

"Ok, so why don't we pick up where we left off. After the funerals of the people on the jet you had a lot of issues with the press debating whether you and Christian's marriage was in trouble." I snort as she finishes, is there anything about my history with Christian not in the file John Flynn passed to Sandra. "What?" She asks not getting why I'm laughing.

"You know, even now, there are stories in the paper about my marriage and it doesn't at all bother me. The press can say what they think but I know different, my marriage is fine." I shrug, I am more than used to having the papers debate the state of my marriage. "At the moment they think I've ran off with someone and other's think I've gone on a lone holiday because my marriage is rocky, it's just the price that comes with the fame Christian and I have managed to build between us, it's worse right now because of the upcoming second book in the trilogy but it is what it is, I'd rather than debate the state of my marriage than find out I went to Fairfax."

"Have you thought about what you would do if it came out that you were in the hospital?" Sandra asks and I know she's genuinely intrigued.

"I'll cross that bridge if we ever get to it, no point worrying about what might happen when I have enough to worry about what has happened." I reply and Sandra nods softly.

"Ok so, then you bought the salons. Can you tell me a bit about that?"

"It was an impulsive buy, one that could have really blown up in my face but luckily it didn't. Christian was away, the opportunity was there and I took it, got them for a percentage of what they were worth and have made more than what I paid for them since then. What else is there to say?"

"You're not known for being in the salon industry, or weren't known."

"I know." I shrug. "They were Elena's, the one who almost killed Christian and I in Aspen, she got into financial difficulties and sold the properties to the bank and I bought them from there."

"So it was payback."

"Absolutely." I won't deny it.

"So do you think it hurt her?" Sandra inquires, I don't know what she means by this so I shrug. I mean, I think Elena would have been hurt but either way I don't care I bought the salons and turned them around to a now very popular business, the hours are longer there now, the expansion of Christasia Seattle is going ahead, I'm still waiting to hear about the property in Manhattan and need to send Hannah out there to deal with Manhattan publishing house. "Do you even care if it did?"

"Nope. It was a business move."

"That could have been costly to you and your husband."

"That's the risk." I shrug. It's really not a big deal so I don't know why it's being made out to be one.

"It was impulsive."

"Yes." Why on earth would I deny that?

"Stupid?"

"Probably." I agree. "But so was buying every place I have, the other salons two of which were blown up and then of course there's the two publishing houses Manhattan and Portland."

"But you don't care."

"It's not like Christian and I don't have the financial means to be able to take big stupid risks. If the business fail you break it up and sell it on. That's just how it works."

"You're obviously a confident business woman."

"I learned from the best." I smile, everything I know is from watching and learning from Christian and no one would deny him being anything other than the best, he's one of the richest men in America so forget Seattle.

"Do read Cosmo Ana?" Sandra asks pulling what I suspect is this month's copy from her bag.

"Nope, don't have time." I shrug, I've never really been interested in the likes.

"Well over the past few editions they've been naming the most popular and most powerful women in random cities in the country." Sandra says as she flicks through her copy. "This came out yesterday and it's Seattle."

Finding the page she hands the paper over to me. I see a photo of myself straight away, it's one from my time in New York, I look to be casually walking down the street in it. I'm happy, there's a sparkle in my eye and it's obvious that I'm unaware of the pap snapping my photo as I'm looking to someone or something off to the side and there's a black SUV behind me so I wouldn't be surprised if it's on the way to or from a taping but off the top of my head I can't work out which taping.

I read both lists, my eyes registering the surprise on my face when I catch my name. I've been named the second most popular woman in Seattle and beneath my name is a small paragraph that I have to read.

_Most would expect those who nominated and voted for Ana Grey, CEO and Best Selling author to have voted her because of her book Fifty Shades. The Erotic romance novel that sparked controversy around the world on its release stayed in the number one spot on the New York Times Bestsellers list for thirteen weeks but has remained on the list for over twenty weeks. However, it seems that it isn't her book or her businesses that have garnered people's attention. It's the work she has been seen and heard to have been doing with Seattle Grace Paediatrics'. A children's ward has been named in her honour, a series of her children's books are sold across the country with every penny going towards the hospital._

I don't look at Sandra as I scan down the list recognising a few names before I move on to the most powerful women in Seattle bit. I'm even more surprised and fail to hide a gasp when I see myself at number two.

_Ana Grey started off in the world as the wife of hot shot CEO Christian Grey, she was the nobody he'd fallen in love with and married in what seemed to be a whirlwind romance but after he bought her her first company she went from strength to strength. Now a CEO of Anastasia Grey Inc, owner of Christasia Salon chain and Grey's Publishing not only in Seattle but also Portland and many have rumoured her latest purchase to be in New York. Not only that but the popularity of her book Fifty Shades, the first in a trilogy of erotic romance between a politician and a young librarian who practise a dominant and submissive relationship has the whole nation buying whips, floggers and vibrators. She's used her writing to garner the power she holds and we at Cosmo hopes she continues!_

I'm speechless as I close the magazine. I'm not powerful, I am the nobody who married Christian Grey and I would sometimes like to think I remained that way even though I haven't.

"Interesting read." I say handing the magazine back. "What about it?"

"I just find myself wondering often if you realise who you are."

"I know who I am." I reply sternly. "I'm a wife, I'm a daughter, I'm gonna be a Mom, I'm a friend…"

"No I mean to the people who voted for you? To the people who buy your books and uses your businesses?"

"What difference does it make?"

"Only you can answer that." She replies making me sigh and roll my eyes, come on is she for real?

"I think I've had enough for today." I say before she has the chance to say something else.

"Ok, I'll call Christian and arrange what time is best to call you while you're in Dubai."

"Thank you." I smile weakly, I know she just wants to help but she really has given me something to think about with what she asked me.

"It's my pleasure Ana, I'll see myself out." She says kindly before hurrying out of the door not giving me a chance to get up and show her out at all.

I ponder everything she said but only for a minute as Christian shows up in my room. He smiles and comes over to sit beside me, letting me snuggle my head into his chest as he wraps my arms around me tight. I inhale his scent deeply, reminding myself that as long as I have him I'm safe and loved and that's all that should really matter. He presses one hand to my belly and rubs my bump gently, showing his love to our child in one way he knows how.

"You know," I say quietly bringing Christian's attention to me completely. "Our baby is supposed to be able to hear us now."

"Really?" Christian asks.

"You didn't pick that up in all your reading?" I ask and he chuckles.

"I don't remember everything." He admits. "Come here." He spins me around and lays me down on the couch before lifting my top up and lowering the elastic of my maternity jeans. He kisses my bump gently and I get a feeling almost like butterflies.

"Christian." I say quietly and he looks up at me. "I think she's moving."

"Really?" His eyes light up in complete surprise. "What does it feel like?"

"Almost a little like having butterflies, like… like a flutter." I say. "It might not be though…"

"Ana, if you think our baby moved, she moved." He says with a smile. "I can't wait till I can feel her too." He says sounding just a little disappointed that he can't at the moment.

"Neither can I." I admit.

He presses his lips to my belly once again while his hands rub over me softly.

"Hi baby girl Grey." He says quietly, his breath tickling my stomach. "I'm your Daddy." His eyes meet mine and I know I have tears glistening, this is just beyond beautiful. "Your Mommy and me, we can't wait to meet you." He says his eyes falling back to my bump. "And hold you, and love you and give you everything that you deserve." I have to sniff as my tears are falling so fast. "Beautiful dreamer, wake unto me. Starlight and dew drops are waiting for me." He sings quietly, the song we both sang together at the piano. One of his hands find mine and he places it on my bump, keeping his on top of it. "Sing with me Ana." He prompts.

"Sounds of the rude world, heard in the day. Lull'd by a moonlight have all pass'd away." I sing with him my own voice thick with the happy cries I'm holding in.

We sing together while rubbing my belly, reminding ourselves of the child we created and already love. It makes me want my Mom, to hold me, to tell me how much she loves me so I can say I understand.

"Christian." I say quietly after we finish, he adjusts pants and top before helping me up to sitting.

"What is it?" He asks.

"I'd like to go to my Mom's grave." I say quietly. "I'd like to go alone." I add and I hear him sigh and think for a moment, I feel like a teenager asking my Dad for permission to stay out for an hour passed curfew.

"Ok." He says eventually. "You can go alone, just call me when you're on your way back just to appease the anxiety I'm going to be feeling the whole time you're away from me?"

"Of course." I smile before trying and failing to leap into an embrace, it's more like a shuffle than a step and more like a bounce instead of a leap, not at all graceful but he catches me in a hug anyway so I don't care.

"Ok, be back before it gets dark, we'll have a late dinner. I'll help Grace with the packing for Dubai, make sure everything is ready for us." He says kissing me cheek gently.

"I won't be gone long." I promise before kissing his lips and quickly leaving.

I find my purse with the envelope still in it and pull on a coat before hurrying out to my Yaris. In the driver's seat it takes a while to adjust the seatbelt beneath my bump so it's comfortable and requires some adjusting of the chair on my behalf before I can finally head off.

As I drive I realise how much of a monumental step this is for Christian. It was only a couple of days ago when he didn't want me leaving the house at all to now him letting me leave alone. I understand why he wants me to call when I'm leaving. It should take no more than about thirty minutes for me in the rush hour traffic to get home and so if I call when I reach the car to say I'm leaving he knows when to expect me and if I'm even a minute after that I know his worry would spike. I guess I'd be the same if it was our daughter going out.

As I pull out the gate flashing a wave to Ryan who's in the small office by it I knock the radio on before pulling out onto the road. The song that comes on is Perfect by Pink and it's hard not to think that it's the perfect song for me right now.

_Made a wrong turn once or twice_

_Dug my way out blood and fire_

_Bad decisions that's alright_

_Welcome to my silly life._

Well ain't that the truth! My subconscious snarks, damn it she's been dormant for so long I'd start to think she's laid everything to rest with me but turns out that's not the case.

_Mistreated, Misplaced, Misunderstood_

_Miss no way it's no good_

_It didn't slow me down_

_Mistaken always second guessing_

_Underestimated _

_Look I'm still around_

Even though I know that's not the case thins song currently feels like it was written for me. Past and present. I mean I haven't been mistreated in a very long time but I have been in the past but I'm definitely Misunderstood, the only person who really understands me without question is Christian and even sometimes I doubt his ability to completely understand me. But I am still around, Elena, Jack, are just a couple of people who have tried to get in my way but I'm still here yet where are they? Rotting in a prison like they should be. And yeah I've been underestimated from the start from everyone other than my family and Christian. He had faith in me, Mom and Ray had faith in me and even Carrick and Grace did too but there were so many people who would have been convinced I would fail.

_Pretty pretty please_

_Don't you ever ever feel _

_Like you're less than_

_Less than perfect_

_Pretty Pretty please_

_If you ever ever feel_

_Like you're nothing_

_You are perfect to me_

Listening to the chorus I almost feel as if it's what Christian is telling me. He would love for me to have as much faith in myself as he has in me, which yes is hypocritical of him as he doesn't have as much faith in himself as he should do but in his eyes I'm perfect and he would love me to see that and even now I wish I could see me the way he sees me. Does that even make any sense or am I just rambling with myself?

_You're so mean when you talk_

_About yourself you were wrong_

_Change your voices in your head_

_Make them like you instead_

Christian would say that too, basically the second verse means that I'm too critical of myself and I need to change the voice in my head to be positive instead of so self-critical, maybe that's the goal I need to set for myself, stop being so self-critical and learn to like myself. Maybe that's just what I need.

_So complicated look_

_How we all make it _

_Filled with so much hatred _

_Such a tired game_

Pink speaks a lot of sense, especially with this song. I actually somehow feel connected to the whole song because of the words she sings. It has me really reflecting and that's what Sandra wants me to do right? Reflect and understand to be able to move on. I hope I can do it, if Pink is right, I should be able to as long as I change my outlook on myself. At least I think that's what this is telling me personally.

_It's enough_

_I've done all I can think of _

_Chased down all my daemons_

_I've seen you do the same_

The song continues for more of the drive and I relax and just listen to it with a smile, I understand now, more than I have ever before and maybe this is what I needed just some reflecting time and thanks to Pink I have been able to achieve that. I bloody hope so anyway, I'm ready in my heart to feel like me in my head again. I just can't wait to see if Dubai brings me that, I hope it somehow does but then I don't know, maybe going to Dubai isn't what is necessary or needed, maybe going to Dubai would be one step back rather than forward.

When I edge closer towards where Mom's buried I can't suppress a laugh when Avril Lavigne's What the hell comes on. Not because of what the song means but just the start of the chorus. I've always loved this song but after Pink it's a good way of summing up what I need at the moment.

All my life I've been good but now, I'm thinking what the hell

All I want is to mess around, and I don't really car about

The attitude I need to have is seriously what the hell. I keep saying I don't care what the press print and what they think of me then maybe I need to begin acting like that (within reason net's lot give Christian a heart attack prematurely!)

When I pull my car park just a little off where Mom's buried I take a moment to smile. My head feels clearer right now, like I've had a light bulb moment and every cloud has been lifted. I can see a happy future with my husband and daughter and I want it and I'm going to do whatever it takes for me to get it.

I head over to my Mom's grave. It's still covered in flowers. Some have been cleared up though and the cross which stands till the ground settles and we can put in a headstone is visible with my Mom's name on a gold plated plaque.

"Hey Mom." I say as I kneel down just in front of the cross but not trampling on any flowers. "I miss you so much." I say quietly. "I knew I would but it hurts sometimes Mom, hurts to think about you, to miss you." I have already decided to tell my Mom's grave everything I would tell her which is absolutely everything. "I'm sorry I haven't been here since the funeral. I mean I wanted to come but… but I wasn't in the state of mind to come. I feel better now though, surprisingly it was listening to some music on the way here that really made me feel better. I feel more like me than I have in weeks right now, since before you died. I feel genuinely good, not great but good. I just hope it lasts, I have to believe this will last or I'll end up back in the hospital before I turn around. Yeah, I was in the hospital, a behaviour one to deal with depression, it wasn't very nice but I stayed for five days before I had enough. I think I'd have stayed there longer if I thought there was a point but Christian and his bottomless bank account made it so I could have the same treatment from home. Ashton was one guy I was working with, he wanted me to use words to express myself but in poetry rather than in a story or novel. I wrote this poem about myself, trying to remind myself who I am and it helped a little but not much really I over reacted then on something with Christian when all he wants is to care for me. Maybe I'm just not used to it still, I mean you and Ray cared for me but not like Christian does, my safety and everything is so important to him it drives me a little up the wall sometimes though I know he means well. Anyway, I just wanted you to have a copy of the poem so here it is, I would have loved to hear what you thought about it, what you think it means, you'd have some crazy theories but… but I know you can't so. I love you Mom, and I'll come by when I'm home from Dubai… yeah Christian's taking me to Dubai, I really am getting to see the world. Bye." I hurry from there after saying all I can, not wanting to cry anymore, I'm done crying and it's time to be strong, get my act together and be strong.


	241. Chapter 241

**I haven't forgotten about the pink envelope! I know already when Ana is going to open it so you'll just have to wait because it's not going to happen for a while!**

**Wednesday 21st March – Part 1**

I'm in my study, just preparing some final details to send to Hannah about what I want done while I'm away. I know I'll be able to do some work if I want to or need to but I have no reason to want to so I'm going to do whatever I can to avoid it. Christian comes in to the room and smiles at me before going straight to the iPod dock with his iPod in hand.

I watch him with interest as he finds a song and plugs it in and switching it on. He picks up the remote before coming over to me and his hand held out to me. I raise my eyebrows and he smirks.

"May I have this dance?" He asks.

"Of course." I smile back giving him my hand and letting him slip the papers out of my other.

He leads me over to the open space in the centre of my office before he switches on the music. I recognise the song straight away as he takes me in his arms, I suspect this is his way to tell me what he wants me to know and the fact it's an Avril Lavigne song is just a coincidence and nothing to do with what happened in the car yesterday and my decision to say "what the hell" to everything.

_You're not alone_

_Together we stand_

_I'll be by your side_

_You know I'll take your hand_

_When it gets cold _

_And it feels like the end_

_There's no place to go_

_You know I won't give in_

_I won't give in. _

I have to smile, the lyrics are perfect and I feel it in my heart that he means them. I'm not on my own so why did I ever think I was, feel that I was? I'm never going to be if Christian has anything to do with it. I mean even if our marriage fell apart I think he'd still make sure I was as happy as he could possibly make me and make sure I was always safe and have a tracker on my cell phone and on my car!

_Keep holding on_

_Cause you know we'll make it through we'll make it through_

_Just stand strong_

_Cause you know I'm here for you here for you_

_Nothing you can say_

_Nothing you can do_

_There's no other way when it comes to the truth_

_So keep holding on_

_Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through. _

He holds me in his arms, my head on his shoulder, my chin feeling his heartbeat. Every now and again he shifts his nose against me, smelling my hair or he kisses my forehead and the top of my head. I feel so safe here, in his arms and I don't want to move a muscle. I want to stay here forever and grow old. It's the only wish I have that I always have Christian.

_So far away_

_I wish you were here_

_Before it's too late_

_This could all disappear_

_Before the door close_

_And it comes to an end_

_With you by my side_

_I will fight and defend_

_I'll fight and defend_

I reach up and kiss him softly, our dance on the floor coming to a stop. He still holds me and carefully guides me to the couch, his deep grey eyes looking into mine reading me, making sure I want this and I do want this, I want to know he's there, I want to feel him even more and there's only one way that can happen. We work at each other's clothes keeping eye contact. It probably sounds all romantic but of course there's a few struggles with him getting my maternity jeans off not understanding that there's no zipper when he's looking for one but we get each other naked eventually.

_Keep holding on_

_Cause you know we'll make it through we'll make it through_

_Just stand strong_

_Cause you know I'm here for you here for you_

_Nothing you can say_

_Nothing you can do_

_There's no other way when it comes to the truth_

_So keep holding on_

_Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through. _

We don't exchange any words but he takes it slowly, parting my legs and lining himself up. He's going to try regular military position though I know it will be a struggle. I think my first item of shopping when we get home from Dubai or even in Dubai if I can find one, is a copy of the Karmasutra. Or I'm just going to have to spend some time online looking for best positions to have sex while pregnant that's not only comfortable but can have some romance too.

When he penetrates me, slowly and fully, I moan deeply. This doesn't feel like just sex, but it never is with me and Christian I don't think it ever has been but this feels like there's a much deeper connection to it, maybe it's because of the song still playing in the background.

_Hear me when I say, when I say_

_I believe_

_Nothing's gonna change, gonna change_

_Destiny _

_Whatever's meant to be will work out_

_Perfectly_

_Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah_

_Keep holding on_

_Cause you know we'll make it through we'll make it through_

_Just stand strong_

_Cause you know I'm here for you here for you_

_Nothing you can say_

_Nothing you can do_

_There's no other way when it comes to the truth_

_So keep holding on_

_Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through. _

When we're done, so to speak, he lies awkwardly beside me, his head propped up on his hand, his elbow by my hand. He draws lazy circles over my oversensitive skin with his finger and kissing me randomly everywhere before looking into my eyes. Neither one of us speaks, it would ruin the moment and we both know that but after a while we have to get going, the jet is waiting on us to go to Dubai.


	242. Chapter 242

**This is for – Eirian, Kirsty, Michelle, Ellie, Nicole, Kayla, Caroline, Christie, Christine, Steph, Karen, Payge, Lisa, Maria, Danielle, Natalie, Diana, Karen, Amie, Ana Natasha, Genevia , Leeza, Nimfa, Lori, Candy, Emma, Lora, Lorna and everyone else who WANTS MORE! (Just like Ana did ;) ) **

**Friday 23rd March**

We've arrived in Dubai after a fourteen hour flight. It's already late afternoon with a twelve hour time difference between us and Seattle it's almost as if we've lost a day.

The house or mansion we're staying in is beautiful. It's also huge and it shows the riches of the person who owns it completely. However it's the garden I love. There's a small built in marque with two sun loungers and Christian has already hinted to making love in there which has my core throbbing, there's also a pool, a large rectangular pool that's quite deep. The floor inside the house and all around the outside is marble in different shades. It's just amazing. There's a lot of gold around too, something I hadn't expected but there is.

We all enjoy some snacks and drinks on the patio curtsey of the housekeeper who's told us to call her Summer. She's a wonderful and polite young woman though I don't think Gail likes her very much! I think Gail was planning on still doing all the housekeeping even though this is her holiday too!

After we've eaten we all retreat to our rooms to have a nap before dinner, after being stuck on a flight for fourteen hours we're all quite exhausted.

Our room is amazing! It's purple and cream and everything is in silk and thick expensive cotton. I am in awe of the beauty. There's a large leather head board on the bed that covers most of the wall. The bed is huge, could comfortably hold four or five people quite comfortably too. The en suite is the most amazing room I think I have ever stepped foot in. It's all gold and cream and somehow I know that the gold is real. There's a huge whirlpool, a bath that looks more like a swimming pool and there's a double headed shower with a cubicle big enough to hold an entire football team.

I quickly open one of my suitcases and my mouth falls open. Everything in it is brand new from my underwear which for maternity sizes are particularly sexy, to my pyjamas. There's even some soft slippers and a robe in there though I can feel the humidity and heat already and doubt I'll be keeping myself covered up.

"Christian?" I call from the closet which is double the size of mine at home.

"What is it Ana?" He asks coming in with his pyjamas in hand, bare chested and in his boxers ready for a nice bath with me before we rest.

"Everything in here is new." I say and he grins impishly.

"Well I thought you'd appreciate some light summer maternity clothing, these will do for you when it becomes summer in Seattle too." He explains.

"Where did you get the time?" I ask shocked, he's only been to the office and nowhere else, or at least that's what I thought.

"I called Mia and Kate and then Caroline Acton, between the three of them they managed to get everything I wanted them to. If there's anything missing that you need we'll go and get it, I'm sure we can find whatever we want or need here." He replies as I choose a thin night gown that I know will keep me cool in this heat.

"I'm sure there's everything I need and more." I reply and he smiles and extends his hand to me.

"Come, let's have a bath… or a swim." He smirks, obviously he agrees with me that the bath is as big as a pool.

I let him lead me into the bathroom and as he begins running the bath I strip off. I watch as he adds some of the lotions that are there into the water creating lots and lots of bubbles.

"Hmm my favourite sight." Christian smirks pulling my naked figure into his arms and begins to dance with me.

"I think you're slightly overdressed Mr Grey." I whisper seductively, I have an ache in my core that I'm hoping he will deal with right now.

"Hmm so do I." He agrees. "Get in the water wench." He whispers before sucking the lobe of my ear into his mouth.

I whimper but move to step into the water but not receiving a spank from my husband that has my insides clenching delightfully.

I slip into the water and rest against the circular wall while I get to watch the beautiful view of my husband slipping off his boxer revealing how much he wants me. I smirk as he climbs into the lukewarm water, there's no need for it to be any hotter and even with the air conditioning on the air is hot.

He moves through the water to me and takes me into his arms moving us to the middle of the vast pool. I wrap my legs around his waist as he sits down, his legs out straight behind me.

"You're so beautiful." He whispers into my ear as one of his hands supports my back, the other moves my hair all to one side. "So beautiful." He says once more before sucking the lobe of my ear into his mouth making me whimper softly with delightful pleasure.

"Christian." I moan wanting him now.

"Patience Ana." He says in a soft whisper as he begins to stroke his hands up and down my arms to my hips where he grips me. I feel him lift me just enough for him to sink his firm shaft into me causing me to call out in sheer pleasure.

He kisses, bites and sucks on the skin of my neck as I rock my hips backwards and forwards against him. My arms are wrapped tightly around his neck, my fingers in his hair, my cheek against his temple and my eyes closed in complete pleasure.

"Ana, oh Ana." He moans thrusting as much as he can against me in our current position.

"Christian." I moan dropping my head heavier against his while his hands roam over every inch of my skin.

I tighten around him and he comes gloriously inside of me to the tune of our cries. We both keep hold of each other for a few minutes, just holding onto each other tightly. This is probably the closest we've been to each other emotionally in a few weeks.

"Come, let me wash you and get you to bed." He says lifting me from his softening shaft.


	243. Chapter 243

**This is for – Eirian, Kirsty, Michelle, Ellie, Nicole, Kayla, Caroline, Christie, Christine, Steph, Karen, Payge, Lisa, Maria, Danielle, Natalie, Diana, Karen, Amie, Ana Natasha, Genevia , Leeza, Nimfa, Lori, Candy, Emma, Lora, Lorna and everyone else who WANTS MORE! (Just like Ana did ;) ) **

**Saturday 24th March **

After breakfast we all head off to Dubai Mall. The whole way there I'm too busy watching out the window at my surroundings to pay attention to much else. I can't believe how beautiful this country is! Everything around me captures me completely, it's wonderful to see somewhere so different, I've never been anywhere like this in all my life.

"After the mall I thought we could find somewhere to eat that overlooks the Dubai Fountains." Christian says quietly, Gail, Carrie and Taylor are deep in some conversation letting Christian and me have some us time sort of.

"Yeah sure." I smile. "Thank you for all of this Christian."

"What are you thanking me for?" He asks softly running his nose up and down the side of my face.

"You're just so wonderful. Bringing me here, giving me the life I have. You've made me a whole new person in such a good way."

"You were a good person anyway and you haven't change Ana." He replies quietly. "I told you I'd give you the world."

"I know, and you're doing just that." I reply before smooching him softly, he's so wonderful and he doesn't even know it.

We arrive at the mall and I'm stunned. There are people everywhere and I can just tell this is probably the biggest place I've ever been in my life. I can see the tallest building in the world from where I stand and a few feet from me the Dubai fountains are dancing to some beautiful Middle Eastern Music.

Christian takes my hand and gives it a squeeze. I think that's a small hint for me not to let go. It's so big here it would be so easy for us to all get lost! We walk inside and get to work shopping.

We go from store to store buying something in each of them from silly little tourist trinkets to expensive jewellery, no matter how many times I say no to Christian he doesn't listen. By the time we're done shopping we're all carrying loads of bags.

It takes a while for us to decide where to eat because there are so many British and American popular cafés and restaurants and I want to dine somewhere more exciting as do Gail and Carrie but both Taylor and Christian would prefer to stick to somewhere we know we'll like what's on offer.

Eventually we all agree on Cinnabon, the café which provides Seattle's best coffee. A little piece of home for all of us right here in Dubai which is quite exhilarating.

"So if we take everything back to the house, relax for a few hours then we'll come back here to a restaurant to eat and watch the fountains?" Christian asks as we all sit down with our food and coffees.

"Sounds good to me." I reply and everyone else murmurs their agreements. I think we're all tired from walking around the mall and are just relishing in being able to sit somewhere.

"Then I have the rest of this holiday planned down to the last detail." Christian tells me softly.

"Oh you do?" I ask intrigued. "Starting with?"

"Dolphin bay tomorrow." He smiles. "You'll need your swimsuit."

"Swimming with dolphins?" I ask my eyes wide.

"If you want to." He says, I think he's nervous about my reaction.

"Want to? Ohmigosh!" I squeal. "Christian I've dreamed of swimming with Dolphins since I was a kid!" His smile widens as I take his hand excitedly.

"Then I thought we could do the touristy thing on Monday and go sightseeing. Then on Tuesday we could go for a ride across the desert on a camel."

"Camel riding?" I ask my eyes wide.

"Yeah." He nods softly. "And… Dune buggy driving."

"What?" My mouth falls open in complete shock. "Is that not … dangerous?"

"Nope. I've done all the research possible and you're more likely to get injured being a passenger in a real car, most damage that could happen is sand in your eyes."

"Really?" I don't know why I'm asking that as Christian Grey would never let his pregnant wife go dune buggy driving unless it was completely safe and he gives me a look that says I should know that. "Ok." I smile but it's not as big as the one about the dolphins.

"Ok." He nods. "Right we should head for home and get rested for dinner." He says grabbing some of the bags. None of us disagree with him as I'm sure we could all do with a nap.

ILB

Back at the house I'm surprised when Christian walks in with the iPad ringing. It's one pm here meaning it's one am back home but when he passes me Sandra's name is lit up and I quickly head outside to the gazebo as I knock answer.

"Hey Ana."

"Hi Sandra." I smile as I walk, my flip flop covered feet slapping the hot marble as I walk.

"Are you settled in yet?" She asks just as I slip into the gazebo pulling the string on the net curtains before settling into a lounger.

"Yeah I think so. The house is amazing!" I reply enthusiastically.

"I think you've caught some sun on your face." Sandra notes.

"Oh my gosh Sandra it's so hot out here, I can't believe it!" I explain and she smiles broadly.

"Well I'm glad you're relaxing, you need to relax." She smiles. "But that's not what we need to talk about is it."

"Nope, so hit me, where are we going from today?" I ask, I honestly just want to get this over with, have a cool bath and a nap.

"Ok." Sandra laughs. "Someone's too enthusiastic, got better things to be doing?"

"Yes, sleeping, we were in Dubai Mall earlier the place was huge and Christian dragged us in and out of everywhere. I don't know how we did it in so little time!" I giggle.

"You seem… relaxed." Sandra muses quietly, as if she's thinking something serious.

"I am relaxed. Dubai is great." I reply worriedly.

"That's good." Sandra smiles. "Why don't you choose something to talk about, something in your past with Christian that you'd like to deal with?" Ok well that was unexpected. I have no idea what to talk about, I mean Christian and I haven't even been together a year yet but we've had a lot happen in the last year. "It doesn't have to be something tough, it could be a nice memory just talk about something you and Christian did together." It only takes me a few minutes to choose a nice memory.

"Putting up the Christmas tree." I say quietly with a small smile.

"Was that a big deal for you?"

"Yes." I nod. "For me Christmas was always just me and Ray with chicken and tiny fake tree but Christian and I had a huge real pine tree and we put it up together listening to music and being silly and then Grace came over and joined in and then she confided in me how uncertain Christian always was around Christmas and that she was thankful to me for giving him what I had. It was special to me to have us all just enjoying putting the tree up together and giving that experience to Grace."

"What about next Christmas, what do you think of when you think about the holiday?"

"I'm excited." I admit. "I'll be a Mom, we'll have a baby girl to share the magic we experienced together, another person to share it all with and spoil rotten."

"That's a really great way to look at it." Sandra smiles and it takes all of my strength not to roll my eyes. "Tell me something else, happy or sad just a memory."

"The drive back from Portland." I say not knowing why that comes to mind.

"In the snow?" Yup she does know my file by heart.

"Yeah. It was so cold." I say quietly.

"How do you feel these days about being cold?" Sandra asks.

"I can't be cold." I admit. "I'm scared of being cold."

"That's normal Ana, what you went through was really traumatic. Talk to me about what you remember."

"I just remember how cold it was. The car wouldn't start so Luke and I walked, I was in heels trekking through the damn snow and I was freezing. I knew I was getting weaker the further we walked. I sort of remember Luke carrying me but then I don't remember anything much till I woke up in Seattle Grace."

"Do you even want to remember?"

"No." I admit. "I never want to remember."

"Why?"

"Because all I remember feeling was cold and scared, terrified that was it you know? That we'd die there because I'd been stupid enough to drive from Portland to Seattle in the snow because I wanted to get home to Christian instead of having to risk waiting till morning where we might end up stuck in Portland for even longer."

"You wanted to get home to your husband, there's nothing wrong with that."

"Isn't there? I could have died out there, so could Luke, it was just stupid and selfish." I snap, my temper slowly rising.

"You blame yourself for what happened."

"It was my decision to leave Portland when we did." I explain answering her statement, she didn't phrase it as a question because she knew the answer already.

"You didn't make it snow, if I'm right you weren't even driving."

"It wasn't Luke's fault." I say with certainty.

"I didn't say it was." Sandra replies. "Do you blame him at all?"

"No." I reply firmly, "he was just doing as I asked, he wanted to stay in the car but it was my idea to walk."

"You would have definitely frozen to death if you'd stayed in the car." Sandra replies, she's not as daft as she makes herself out be then I think to myself.

"I know."

"Then you did what you had to do, there's nothing wrong with that." Sandra pushes, I know she wants me to believe her and I do.

"I should have stayed in Portland."

"Yes you should have." She agrees with a small smile. "But you didn't and the consequences were what happened but that's no one's fault. You do like everyone else and blame the weather as that's what caused the accident, not Luke, not you, just the weather. If it hadn't been snowing then you would have driven back and not stayed in Portland and you'd have made it back to Seattle without a problem."

She's right about that so I nod in agreement though I can still blame myself some.

"I'm sure Luke doesn't blame you." She's right there too.

"Of course he doesn't."

"Does he blame himself?"

"I don't think so. He saved my life." I reply, I would have died if Luke hadn't carried me and he could have ended up dead too.

"Then why do you blame you when no one else does."

"Christian was so mad with me." I say quietly.

"And I have my answer." Sandra replies and I look at her on my monitor wondering where she's going with this. "Do you remember what Christian said to you when you woke up?"

_Do I even want to? _I mean I know he yelled, or I'm sure he did at some point. I wrack my brain trying to remember what it was he said when I woke up. I remember Grace telling me that they'd flown me in from another hospital but I can't…

"I just remember he was angry." I reply. "What he said isn't important."

"Maybe you're right. How did you feel when you spoke to him?"

"I was so sorry, I didn't mean for what happened to but the ice on the road…" I cringe remembering how apologetic I was.

"There you see, you just said, the ice on the road, see now how it wasn't your fault?"

I think about it for a moment. She's right, the car wouldn't have skidded off the road if it wasn't for the ice and ok maybe I could have stayed in Portland but I had no way of knowing there would be black ice that caused us to drive into the embankment.

"Ok." I nod. "It wasn't my fault."

"There." She smiles. "I'm sure this isn't the only incident that you fret about and blame yourself that in actual fact is not your fault. We'll discuss those soon."

"Ok." I nod and smile. "Thanks Sandra."

"No problem Ana. What time would be best to call tomorrow?"

"I don't know, Christian's taking me to swim with dolphins." I smile.

"Wow that will be a great thing for you to experience, have you ever done it before?"

"Nope but I've always wanted too." I reply still smiling.

"You know a lot of people say that swimming with dolphins have given them some feeling of freedom and clarity that they've never experienced before."

"Really?" I ask thinking she might just be saying that.

"Really Ana, some people I know who have been in such a rut they've wanted nothing more than to take their own lives have swam with dolphins and seen things much clearer. You should keep that in mind but remember there are no such things as miracles."

"Ok. Thanks Sandra, we'll speak some time tomorrow."

"Bye Ana, have fun." She smiles before the call is ended.

With her gone I place the iPad on the table and reflect back on the whole conversation. She's right, I need to let go of the self-blame I feel about what happened before Christmas with the car. I was an idiot for suggesting we drive back but that doesn't make what happened my fault, it could have happened to anyone for any amounts of reason.

"Ana?" I hear Christian calling for me and sigh, I was enjoying this reflection.

"In the gazebo!" I call loudly, I'm too comfortable in my lounger to move.

He comes in with a smile which falters when he looks at me.

"Everything ok?" He asks sitting on the table in front of me.

"Yeah, just … reflecting."

"On what?"

"Sandra and I were talking about the accident on the way back from Portland when Luke and I ended up in the embankment." I explain.

"Oh." He looks surprised. "How come you were talking about that?"

"Because it was what five months ago? And I've been blaming myself since then about it."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because you got mad." I reply quietly. "You were so mad with me."

"Ana…"

"Just listen to me. I can't talk to you sometimes about some things because you get mad remembering. I know you blame me for the accident too so I can't exactly talk to you about how horrible and sad it makes me feel when I think about it, how guilty I feel for how I upset you and nearly killed myself and Luke."

"Ana it was an accident!" Christian snaps. "Damn it Ana it wasn't your fault, it wasn't Luke's fault ok?"

"But I don't know that you mean it Christian." I reply quietly, I don't want to fight with him but it seems to be heading in that direction so I'm ready to gear myself up for a fight.

"It wasn't your fault." He says leaning over and clutching my face in his hands so without closing my eyes I have to look at him. "It really wasn't. I was mad because I felt so out of control Ana, I'd lost control on you which I had no right to be in control over you anyhow, I had no control on the fact that you wouldn't wake up in the hospital, no control at all over anything and that's what made me mad and wrongly I took it out on you." He sighs and presses his forehead to mine. "It wasn't your fault, it was a freak accident." And for the first time in five months I believe that, I believe one hundred percent that the accident wasn't my fault.

"I love you." I say wrapping my arms around his neck.

"I love you too, I was so scared Ana, so scared, you were missing and I couldn't find you and when we did find you… Flynn and I have gone over and over and over what happened and it took me so long to accept it and move on from it, I had to deal with it too I just wish you'd dealt with it when it happened and then you wouldn't have been feeling like this for so long."

"I'm sorry." I whisper tears filling my eyes.

"No crying. No apologies." He says wiping my eyes. "It's been and gone Ana, it's in the past and we need to move on from it completely now. I don't blame you and you no longer blame yourself, that means we can forget about it and move on."

I sniff hard but nod in agreement, he's right, it's in the past and we don't need to dwell on it anymore.

"Now, come and have a nap with me before we go out to dinner." He says gently helping me to standing. I feel just a tiny bit of the heavy weight on my shoulders lifted and I now have more faith that I will be able to move on from this depression and get back to where I used to be.


	244. Chapter 244

**Sunday 25th March **

Waking up this morning I am completely alive with excitement. I mean, I have wanted to swim with dolphins for as long as I can remember and today I am getting the chance too!

After an amazing dinner while watching the fountains, which can apparently be seen from space, Christian and I came home and spent a lot of time making sweet vanilla love before we eventually fell asleep. I think it's a good thing that he tired me out because otherwise I think I was too excited to sleep!

It seems like everyone's looking forward to this though. Carrie and Gail are clucking like hens about it over breakfast and then afterwards they hate as much as I do that we're not leaving for another hour. I put my swim suit on under my clothes before pulling on a simple plain white maxi dress with flip-flops.

"Ready to go?" Christian asks, I nod enthusiastically my head screaming "finally!" I've wanted to just jump in the car since I woke up!

In the car it's obvious we're all looking forward to this, even Christian and Taylor thought their excitement is a lot less obvious than Gail's, Carrie's and mine.

"I've booked us in all morning." Christian says. "We're there till one then we'll eat in the café there."

"Sounds good to me." I reply, I'm beyond excited now.

As we pull up outside Dolphin Bay I feel the excitement in the pit of my stomach. We all jump out of the car and a guy in a wet suit tied around his middle revealing his bare chest to us comes walking over.

"Grey party of five?" He asks in a broad Australia accent, that wasn't what I was expecting and it makes me giggle, he smiles widely at me and I feel Christian grip my hand, possessive git.

"That's us. I'm Christian Grey, my wife Anastasia Grey, and our friends Carrie Owen and Gail and Jason Taylor."

"It's a pleasure to meet you all I'm Rich Ashleigh, now then let's get you some wet suits sorted and get you changed so we can get out on the water."

I squeeze Christian's hand excitedly as we head into the small hut and I see loads of wetsuits hung up around. It doesn't take long for Rich to locate us all a wet suit, especially me as they only have a handful of maternity sizes.

We all get a small room to change, Christian and I sharing a room and Gail and Taylor doing the same. We have to help each other into them, especially Christian helping me into mine. The damn things are so tight even damp already. It doesn't help that I'm really impatient because I just want to get out there already.

Rich meets us outside, the sun beating down on us while we all have kept our sunglasses on for now.

"Ok if you want to step into the water some, just up to the knees will be good." Rich says and I notice he has sun screen now on his nose, that's funny, Christian and I just pasted ourselves with sun screen before leaving the house and bring a bottle with us. "So we have a beautiful team of Dolphins here, there are eight in total and they're a real friendly bunch of course these aren't wild Dolphins they've been with us a long time but they're little attention seekers!" We all laugh. "So rule number one is to swim with the dolphins and not at them, they will swim around you almost as if they're getting to know you but they don't mind being touched or watched, they love it."

I can see the swimming dolphins not far from us and then one comes right between us in the shallow water and Rich just puts his hand in the water and strokes it. The dolphin's head pops up and I watch in complete awe as the Dolphin makes a noise almost as if he's trying to communicate with Rich.

"Guys this is Dolly, she's our youngest. Mrs Grey why don't you come step a little forward." I nervously let go of Christian's hand and step forward, I don't know why I'm nervous suddenly but I am. "Don't worry she doesn't bite, just touch her back with your hand."

Slowly my hand goes into the water and the tips of my fingers touch just briefly. Dolly spins in the water and I pull back.

"It's ok she just wants to see you." He says as Dolly now looks at me.

"Hey Dolly." I giggle nerviously.

"Just reach over her head and stroke her head." Rich encourages and I slowly do as he said. Dolly leans into my touch and my eyes widen this it just truly amazing. "Ok now who wants googles and who wants a snorkel? You don't need them really but…"

We all opt for some goggles but none of us bother with a snorkel for now.

"Get swimming." Rich eventually says. "It's absolutely safe to grab hold of their fins, they're more than used to being touched by surprise." I've stopped touching Dolly but she's swimming back and forth in front of me and it's just adorable. "Ana I think Dolly's taken a shine to you that means she's not going to leave you alone till you get out the water. Walk a little further in then as soon as you can clutch her fin from behind her and as she begins to pull grab hold with the other hand."

Everyone slowly ventures into the water and I do as Rich recommended. As soon as my fingers curl around the fin Dolly begins to pull. I get my second hand around her and she moves at a heck of a speed. I look over at everyone and wave, they all seem to becoming acquainted with other dolphins. Eventually I loose grip and Dolly and sink some into the water.

I swim back to Rich and get a snorkel before swimming slowly just on the surface of the water. Dolly comes right beneath me and kind of rolls over and I draw my hand across her belly being careful to breathe through my mouth and not laugh like I want to.

I see what Sandra meant now. I do see some clarity and I know what it is I want to do with this clarity. I want to do something big in Mom's memory, something that means someone will always remember. I want to help people who have been in my position, the person who can do nothing but sit back and pretend they understand, support the sufferer's decisions no matter how much they disagree with them.

Carla's Cancer Trust – helping the families of those suffering from cancer. In my mind's eye I can see the logo I'll have some guys over in Grey's Publishing help me design, two dolphins together making a love heart from nose to tail with the name in the middle. It wouldn't just support the family while the person suffering with cancer was alive or sick, the care we'd provide would continue to help the families after their loved ones are gone or even when they're healing. There are so many cancer research charities and so many that will support the person suffering but not enough supporting the family.

The first thing I need to is hire a couple of counsellors. It's not like I haven't got the bank account to do it from my own pocket for the time being. If I open an account and get the charity registered I can get some people on board and then begin working on fundraising events. This is what Sandra was talking about, it doesn't matter about the past at all it's about the future and not just mine though mine is all that's important to her.

After we leave and head to the café for lunch I decide to tell everyone what my plan is. Somehow I know they'll all be supportive and want to help.

"That was amazing." Carrie says, I know she wouldn't have had the opportunity to do anything like this if she hadn't come to work for us. I love her to pieces though, she's like an aunt I never had.

"I've decided to start a charity up in Mom's memory." I blurt out, not quite how I wanted to tell everyone but I do.

Everyone goes quiet and looks at me and I know I have to start explaining.

"Sandra said I'd feel some clarity swimming with the dolphins and I did. I want to provide services to people who were in my position and in my position now. I think sometimes the families don't get the support they need, counselling and stuff." Everyone's still watching me quietly. "I don't need anyone's blessing." I say quietly. "It's how I want to keep Mom's memory alive."

"I think it's a wonderful idea Ana." Carrie says leaning across the table and giving my hand a squeeze. "And I'm here if you need any help with any of it."

"Thanks Carrie." I smile gratefully.

"Me too." Gail smiles. "I think you're doing something really productive that many people will someday appreciate."

"I'm right behind you Ana. I'd like to be one of the financial contributors. Grey's Enterprises Holdings will be more than happy to support you." He says leaning and kissing my head.

"Thank you Christian." I smile, there's no one's support I wanted more than Christian's.

"I think it's a great idea Ana. Not enough people get the support they need when their loved one is suffering." Taylor says, I think he just wanted the table to know he agreed but I honestly don't think he knew what to say on the matter.

"Thanks Taylor." I smile at him and he gives me a small nod of his head.

We all go back to our meals and eat quietly. My mind is completely focused on everything that would need to be done in order to get the charity up and running. I'll need to speak to Grace, she set up Coping Together so she'll be able to help me with some of the finer details and she'd be able to get me involved with some of the families at Seattle Grace, we're going to have to start somewhere.

I also want to be able to hopefully provide some memories for the families. Mom went back through my childhood and we did a few things that we had done when I was younger, maybe if the family had a holiday or something that they remembered we'd be able to send them abroad and do that. They could use AG jet and be given real five star treatment on board and I'm sure we could provide them with a certain amount of spending money. I'm going to need more financial contributors of course but I need to start small first and that means hiring a couple of counsellors that could support the families.

Of course I need to set up a charity board. Christian being a financial contributor automatically puts him on the board and then there's me and then the rest will be other people who put money in and maybe the counsellors if they want to be. I still have a few empty floors in Ana's Palace so one floor will become the home of Carla's Cancer Trust.


	245. Chapter 245

**If you didn't know I've started a new Fifty Shades Fan Fic called We'll Always Survive. There's no cheating in it so if you want to check it out and let me know what you think I'd love to hear from you guys! Loves! Steff xx**

**Sunday 25th March – Part 2**

Back at the house I'm happy when Sandra calls. I disappear up to the bedroom with the iPad before answering.

"Do you never sleep?" I ask sitting back against the headboard.

"Why do you ask?"

"It's like two thirty am there." I point out.

"Well I wanted to call you and Christian emailed and told me which times were best." She replies and I laugh, I love that Christian cares about me speaking with Sandra. "So how was swimming with dolphins?"

"Oh it was amazing!" I says dramatically. "I know what you mean by clarity. I've decided to set up a charity supporting the families of people with cancer."

"In memory of your Mom?"

"Yup." I nod and she smiles.

"That's great Ana."

"I think so." I agree. "So does everyone else with us so that's all the support I need."

"Yeah. Ok, that's really great, so you up for talking some more about the past?"

"Yeah." I nod, I'm more enthusiastic now to dealing with it all so I can move on past it.

"Ok." Sandra smiles at my enthusiasm. "I want to talk about the blowing up of the salons today." She says and I feel a small pang in my chest, it hurts to know the salons I'd hoped to have up and running by now destroyed.

"Ok." I say a little quieter.

"Tell me what happened." Sandra encourages, I know she's seen my mood darken and is going to push me to talk regardless.

"We were in Savannah visiting my Mom and her husband when it happened. It was a shock but I'm just relieved still that no one was hurt. When we got back to Seattle Christian put me to bed and went to work in his study but then I was woken up by my security, I had to drive to my parents in laws house but we were being followed. I had to go one way and then lose them and I was so furious with Christian for putting e through that."

"You blame Christian?"

"Not for the explosions, for fucking off and leaving Sawyer to wake me and take me to Bellevue. It was him supposed to tell me what was going on, we'd agreed no secrets but he didn't talk to me. I was so angry." I remember clearly hitting Christian repeatedly and being hysterical and furious.

"You agreed on having no secrets?"

"When we put everything with the miscarriage to bed, we agreed to have no more secrets but we've never really stuck to that, we both have our secrets and it's ok as long as it doesn't get in the way of our relationship." I reply, I don't really have secrets from Christian but I know he has some from me.

"Ok." She nods. "Do you hold onto any of that anger now?"

"No." I reply with a shake of my head. "There's no point, if I did I wouldn't have the marriage I have now and Elena's in prison as are the other bombers so justice was done, it was time to just move on from it after then."

"Ok so you see that those to blame have been punished and that means you can move on from it?"

"Absolutely, there's no need to dwell on it at all." I reply and she gives me a thin smile and I know that this conversation isn't over.

"Ok so what about when Christian's building was blown up? What do you remember most about that?"

I swallow hard. It's one part of my past with Christian I hope and pray I'll never have to relive. I remember everything, every last detail of what was going on around me and what was going through my mind in the few hours I had to wait to find out about my husband.

"The smell." I reply. "It was awful."

"You remember the smell?" She asks and I just nod weakly, a lump in my throat just at the memory of what happened in Grey's House that horrible day just before Christmas.

"There was smoke, so much smoke all around us. The smell of burning was vile, it burned my nose and my throat every time I took a breath." I explain as a lone tear escapes down my cheek.

"It's obviously a tough memory for you Ana." Sandra says sympathetically.

"I thought I'd lost him." I reply. "I just remember thinking that was it, that I'd lost him and he wouldn't ever know how much he means to me, how much I was sorry for being angry with him about the car chase and stuff."

"Did you feel guilty?"

"Yes." I nod. "I wasn't in a great mood before he left for work and had absolutely no libido and I refused to join him in the shower and I know it sounds crazy but at one point I thought I'd missed out on the last chance I could have had to make love to my husband."

"That's not crazy Ana." She reassures, she looks at me with so much sympathy as I wipe away my tears.

"It was only elevenish in the morning and the sky looked like dusk." I continue not wanting to hold back from Sandra as I know she's the only person who can really help me deal with this properly. "The smoke was so thick. Sometimes it felt like I was swallowing something disgusting instead of breathing and it burned my eyes."

"Other than the smoke?" Sandra pushes, she knows I'm opening up to her and is taking full advantage.

"The noise." I shiver remembering how all my senses tingled that day, alive at the most crucial moment in my marriage, when I thought it was all over. "There were sirens of the different emergency responders going on, so much shouting of the emergency services but also screaming of worried families and the people who'd already been evacuated. Then there was a moment of complete silence, another bomb went off and there was silence everywhere and it was like everything was happening in slow motion until I screamed. I screamed so loud."

"You were scared."

"Terrified, it was so horrible not knowing anything." I admit, I don't think I've ever admitted, not even to myself just how scared I was. "It still scares me."

"Does it scare you to the point you can't function?"

"No of course not." I reply with a frown.

"Then being scared is ok Ana. There's nothing wrong with being scared especially of losing someone we love doesn't matter what the situation was we've all been scared at one point. I may not be able to say I know what it feels like to have my one true love stuck in a building that had been bombed but I have been in a position where someone I loved dearly was being threatened and I was scared, so scared for them and for me. How would I go on if something happened to them? But everything turned out in the end just like it did for you and Christian."

Why didn't I meet Sandra when Christian and I began dating? I mean she can put my mind at ease about everything it's so strange. Not even my Mom could do that.

"Thanks Sandra." I say quietly as I wipe what's left of my tears from my cheeks.

"Feel a little better about it now?"

"I don't feel like it was wrong for me to be scared anymore. I understand that the fear I was feeling was rational if that's what you mean."

"It is. One last question. If you were in that position again would you do anything different?"

"No." I reply. "I'd still be a nervous, terrified wreck just praying that Christian would survive." I reply hoping that's ok.

"Ok." She smiles scribbling it in her notebook I think. "We'll talk tomorrow Ana, don't get too much sun and enjoy yourself."

"Thanks Sandra." I reply before ending the call.

I sit for a moment and take a really deep breath. I am never going to be able to forget what happened when the building was bombed. I'm never going to forget how scared I was but I know I can live with that fear, I have done really but I've never had to think about it the way Sandra has made me think about it. This is just one more thing that I get to put to rest some.

"Ana?" Christian asks poking his head around the door.

"Yeah." I smile.

"You've been crying." He says quietly coming over to the bed.

"Just reliving some painful memories." I say wiping my cheeks again.

"Which painful memories were those?" He asks sitting by knees and leaning over to push a strand of my hair behind my ear.

"The time GEH was bombed." I say quietly.

"Oh Ana." He pulls me into his arms and kisses my head. "Why didn't you deal with all of this when it happened?"

"I didn't know how to." I admit quietly. "John was great but I never felt I could really admit everything to him about what was going on in our life when he was trying to deal with things from our pasts."

"Ana baby." He breaths kissing my hair. "I wish you'd talked to me."

"So do I." I reply. "I just didn't know how to."

"What do you mean?" He asks pulling away so he can hold his grey eyes onto my blue ones.

"You were in that building Christian. I can't imagine what it was like for you." I explain quietly. "You went through that and I didn't want to whine about how hard it was for me outside when you didn't even know if you were going to live."

"Oh Ana, I just want you to talk to me." He leans in and kisses me softly. "Always talk to me. The only thing I cared about when I was in that building was living to make sure you were ok."

"That's not normal." I chuckle. "I just wanted to see you again."

"I was the same. We may have been on different ends of the situation but what we were going through in our minds was exactly the same." He's right, of course he's right and I'm an idiot.

"I love you Christian Grey."

"And I you Ana Grey, now come I have a surprise for you." He smirks mischeviously and I raise my eyebrows waiting for a hint but he shakes his head and pulls me from the bed.

He leads me from the bedroom and outside before I notice we're going into the gazebo where the net cover is down hiding the entrance.

Once inside I smile. There's a bottle of apple cider and strawberries dipped in chocolate on a plate.

"Got something in mind Mr Grey?" I ask seductively and he smirks.

"Sit." He points at the lounger that has scatter cushions on it and I do as he says, carefully dropping down holding onto my ever-growing bump as I do. "Now, forget everything you've talked about with Sandra and just be here with me." He says and it's not a request more of a demand, my controlling fifty and I love it. I just nod as he tugs his shirt over his head revealing his beautiful now slightly tanned chest.

He pours us both a flute of the cider and passes me one over. I watch as he makes sure the bottle is secure before sitting on the same lounger so he's facing me.

"Anastasia you're my world you know that right?"

I just nod, I'm his like he is mine.

"I'm so excited for our family to grow." He says quietly pressing one of his hands to my bump. "I can't wait to be a Dad and you gave me that Ana, you gave me the chance to not only be a Father but the hope and belief that I can be a good one. I owe you everything and you ask for nothing. I love you."

"I love you too." I reply as we clink glasses, my eyes are watering but I manage to blink them back.

"Now let me feed you." He says putting his glass down and picking up the bowl of strawberries.

I sit back against the back of the lounger while he picks a white chocolate covered strawberry. When he places it against my lips I open my mouth and bit into the fruit, the juice running down the side of my chin and by Christian's quick reaction it was what he wanted and expected. His tongue collects the juice up before dipping into my mouth quickly before he pulls away and he eats the rest of the strawberry before picking up the next.

We do this about four or five times before he pulls me up to standing. I say nothing when he tugs my dress up and over my head revealing my white swimsuit beneath it. He turns me around slowly, taking the time to dance his fingers along a lot of my skin. I revel in his touch, the feel of him touching me just a tiny bit sending all my synapses singing. He turns me around one and a half time till my back is to him.

"Bend over, put your hands on the lounger." He growls in my ear and I grin before doing as I ask having to shuffle back a little to accommodate my basketball belly. "I'm going to spank you Ana." He warns and I wiggle in anticipation, it feels like it's been forever since we last did anything like this.

His hand strokes along my bikini covered backside and I close my eyes just in time for his hand to pull back before raining down on my skin. I bite my lip and hop to my tip toes in reaction. The small sting sending the right signal to my core as it instantly begins to throb wanting penetration and attention.

He hits me five times before he tugs the strings on either side of my bikini letting it fall to the ground. He does the same with my bikini top so I'm standing there naked in my flip-flops. He strokes my behind again and I quiver in anticipation. The next spank is slight harder and I gasp and moan simultaneously, the sensation just perfect.

Another five hits with his hand before he tugs me to standing my hair. His hand travels up my body to my neck and gently yet forcefully he forces my head up and against his shoulder.

"That ass is gloriously pink." He murmurs. "Now did it have the desired affect Mrs Grey?"

"Yes Sir." I whimper, not in fear but need.

Still holding my neck one of his hands travel down between my breasts, over my bump and to my core. One finger slides between my soaking wet folds and I groan and wiggle against him need more.

"So wet Mrs Grey." He says holding around me, pulling me back so my backside is against his erection, it takes a lot of effort on my behalf not to make a comment about that. "Lie down on your back." He growl before nipping my earlobe with his teeth.

I quickly react but I wonder how this is going to work with my baby bump which is going to be in the way.

"Pull your knees up and put your feet on my chest, your toes at my shoulders." He says as he quickly undoes his pants pulling them off and his boxers quickly before leaning over me. I do as he told me and I feel him teasing my entrance, his chest pushing my knees further back. "Is it comfortable?"

"Yes." I moan in frustration just wanting him now.

"Ok if at any point it isn't there's a couple more positions I've found that should be comfortable or easier while pregnant ok?"

"Ok." I agree because if I don't he won't touch me.

He penetrates me and as he does his chest pushes against my feet again and I realise quickly that this is a very deep position, especially as my shoulders take most of the weight as my backside comes off the lounger.

This position is perfect, not only is he hitting everything but it's more intense. He looks into my eyes the whole time, the lust and love obvious. I rock to meet his every thrust and I take some charge of the speed as he's weary of hurting me.

It doesn't take long before we're both crashing over the cliff edge. It's a perfect way to bring to close a perfect day.


	246. Chapter 246

**I know you're all wondering about Carrie, I know you're not seeing much of an active role from her right now but she'll be more present in the story soon. I'm skipping the boring bits like morning and night so we miss where I would put Ana talking with her. **

**Also going to be speeding things along now, I want baby Grey here sooner rather than later and I have no big storylines planned till then either so it's going to be dull if I don't rush them along a little. **

**So short but I didn't want to make you guys wait till this time tomorrow!**

**Monday 26th March **

I am beyond excited when we arrive in the middle of nowhere in Dubai. A small hut is visible with camels outside and I can't believe how excited I am to be getting to ride a camel. Now it's not something I ever thought I'd want to do but ever since Christian mentioned it I have been beyond excited.

"Grey party of five." Christian says to the small Middle Eastern man in front of him.

"Ah of course, come, come." He says signalling towards the hut.

We all follow, me trudging carefully through the sand as the wind out here is quite strong though beautifully warm and it whips around my sari, flashing it in my face. It was Christian who thought I should wear along with Gail and Carrie, he and Taylor are also wearing Middle Eastern clothing, I think it's part of the experience in Christian's mind and he does look hot in a dress! _I know it's not a dress but come on, could pass for one right!_

We get set up on the camels. It takes a while to be explained exactly what we're doing but it isn't long before we're off across the desert. I grin over at my husband who flashes his million dollar smile back at me. Something tells me that this is something he's always wanted to experience as he looks in all his glory.

After stopping to give the camels some water and have a picnic ourselves we head back. All too soon we're back at the hut handing the camels over.

**Tuesday 27th March **

I'm super excited to go doom buggy driving today! After an amazing chat with Sandra and amazing sex with Christian I don't think this holiday can get any better but apparently it can. We go through all the safety stuff before Christian and I get in a car. Sadly being pregnant means I'm not allowed to drive the car but I am allowed to be passenger with Christian.

As soon as we're given the all clear we're moving. Up and down the sand embankments, slipping and sliding along. It's thrilling to be able to do this in the middle of the Dubai desert. Carrie has stayed behind with excuses about work to do, something tells me she just didn't want to do this but Gail was all up for it. She's the passenger in Taylor's car and finally after a lot of driving around the men decide to have a race.

It's exhilarating to just be here but the race is fun. I just laugh and enjoy it all as I know this is a once in a lifetime experience, even with all the money in the world the chances of us coming back here and doing this again is slim to none, in a few months there will be a baby girl in our lives and hopefully a couple of more kids afterwards which means we won't be coming places like this and doing things like this, not that I mind, I can't wait to be a Mom.

**Wednesday 28th March **

Comfortably in my eighteenth week now I am feeling great, my sex drive has come back with a vengeance and I think for once in our relationship it's Christian suffering and struggling to keep up with me.

My sessions with Sandra have gone well, we've covered a lot of ground and even cleared up some stuff I worked through with Flynn. There are very few topics left now before we face the biggest one of all and that's my Mom's death.

Of course I think of my Mom everyday but somehow I just know she's happy that I'm feeling better and enjoying life and even the simplest pleasures has me smiling right now.

**Thursday 29th March **

Today we leave for home. It's been an amazing holiday but I am missing Seattle. It's going to be strange getting back and I am not looking forward to a fourteen hour flight that's technically going back in time.

I get to sit back while Christian does all the packing. In all honesty I've got some bad back pain and it even has Christian uncomfortable. He doesn't want to fly back but I just want to get home and find out what I can take for this pain, be in my own bed. I don't want the holiday to end on a downer so I try to be cheery and sing to Christian as I rest in bed.

Then there's also the fact that baby Grey is moving inside of me. I just know she is. It's hard to explain really but it feels like a mixture of butterflies and a rumbly tummy! It doesn't happen too often but I do feel it just every now and again, it's like she's reminding me that she's there.

On top of all that Christian has given me his list of baby names. There's fifteen on there, so much for the agreed ten.

When we finally head for the airport I'm sad to be leaving the beautiful land that is Dubai but I make a promise to myself that we'll come back someday.


	247. Chapter 247

**Friday 30th March **

My mind and body are still on Dubai time. I'm sure we've lost a day somewhere along the way. It's quite crazy! Being home is wonderful though, so is kinky fuckery with Christian which we've indulged in since being home. I have managed to persuade him that a trip to Escala is on the menu and he's decided that he won't be able to wait any longer than tomorrow. I can't wait and I'm cashing in the Christmas present he gave me where I get to choose the scene!

Today apparently he has something to show me so we get in his R8 and he drives us. When we pull up not far from Christasia Seattle I'm extremely suspicious.

"Christian what's going on?" I ask as he tugs my hand in the direction of the salon.

"Nothing to worry about." He says looking nervous. "Now I need to put this on you." He adds coming to a stop just around the corner from Christasia.

I say nothing but trust him as he takes away my sight before resuming walking. I know by the turning we're headed in the direction of the salon but I have no idea if that's where we're actually going. When we come to a stop and I hear a door opening I try to guess if we are at the salon. There's no noise which bothers me, if it's the salon it should be alive with customers and staff.

"Ok, I'm going to take the blindfold off now Ana." Christian mutters stepping behind me, I'm aware of where he is around me even though he isn't touching me, I guess that's what removal of someone's sight will do to them when not tied up and naked!

The blindfold comes off and it takes me a minute to adjust to the light. I see the staff of Christasia Seattle stood around me in a semicircle and I guess that's where we are even though it looks nothing like it did last time I was here!

"Christian… oh my God." I say as the semicircle splits in half revealing more space, the expansion has been done. Everything around is charcoal grey, baby blue and Silver, just how I had planned on doing it once I was ready to do the refurbishment. The extension means there are more nail spaces and sinks, more hairdryers. "It's amazing."

"Don't thank me." Christian says just in time for two bodies to step from the middle of the crowed. It's Gia and Elliot smiling happily at me.

"You did this?" I ask them and they nod.

"With the help of my team, Gia's team and everyone here." Elliot says.

I hurry up to him and hug him tight, my brother-in-law!

"You're welcome Ana." He smiles as I thank him profusely. "Want to see the rest?"

"Yes!" I say excitedly.

Gia and Elliot both take my hand and lead me up the stairs which are now located at the back of the salon, where the expansion is and off to the side. Once upstairs I see it's completely changed, how they heck have they done all this while we were in Dubai.

"They started while you were in Fairfax." Christian whispers answering my unspoken question.

"Oh." I reply softly, I don't want to think about there right now.

There's more of everything and it's unbelievable! I love it! It's better than I ever imagined it and I cannot help but continuously thank everyone. The colours are exactly what I want, the baby blue is AG Inc colours and the charcoal grey has just become that too.

"There's more." Elliot announces after I've seen every room.

"More?" I ask in surprise, I've seen it all right?

"Yes but not here."

"Ok?" I reply looking up at Christian who shrugs, I guess he has no idea what it is either.

"It's for both of you and it's not really much from me but from Gia, Mom, Dad, Kate, Mia and Ethan and they should now be waiting for you back at the house.

Back at the house Elliot takes the lead. We follow him inside and I expect a yell from Kate or Mia who I haven't really seen since my Mom's funeral but nothing. Elliot guides us upstairs with Gia and I swallow hard when we stop outside the nursery door. I really wanted to be involved in decorating the nursery and I already know they've done it, there's just no hiding that.

Christian's hand slips into mine and I know he feels my disappointment. I know he wanted to be involved too.

Elliot opens the door and we both step into what was an empty room, now is my dream nursery. An audible gasp passes my lips as I walk into the space. There's cream carpet, the furniture is old fashioned yet modern in cherry wood and white just as I had wanted. There's empty shelves, a rocking chair, the walls are all cream with painted pink, purple and green huge flowers which I can tell have been painted each by hand. It's everything I wanted and more. The pushchairs are both set up near the closet which is cream and cherry wood too with amazing antique detailing on the door.

"Well?" I turn to see a nervous Grace in the doorway.

"It's amazing." I whisper going back to looking around. "It's… amazing."

"We didn't buy any clothes, or toys or decorative stuff thinking maybe you'd want to do that." Grace explains quietly as she comes into the room. I nod, I'm grateful to them all for that. I would like to go clothes shopping for my baby myself.

"Christian?" I ask looking up at him, he has a tear in his eyes and a wide smile on his face.

"It's our baby's room." He says pulling me to him and resting a hand on my belly.

"Yup." I reply leaning my back against his chest. "India."

"India?"

"I liked that name ages ago, you said we're not naming our child after a place and then you give me your list and all it has is place names for names for our daughter." I point out.

"I thought about it." He shrugs. "And Chelsea was a place name."

"India."

"India Grey." He smiles. "I love it."

"I love you."

"I love you too Ana." He says turning me enough so he can plant his lips on mine.

"Everyone's down stairs waiting for you." Grace says coming back into the room.

"Oh yeah." Christian chuckles. "Mom this is… amazing thank you."

"Well I didn't do it on my own come on." She smiles.

We both follow her downstairs and into the living room. Our family is there and they're smiling happily at us.

"Well?" Mia asks.

"It's amazing guys, thank you so much." Christian says tucking me under his arm. "It's perfect."

"Have you chosen a name yet?"

"Yes." I reply. "But you're going to have to wait until baby is born till you find out."

"That's so annoying." Kate replies and I chuckle, Kate speaking her mind.

"Yes." Christian replies. "It's something we'd like to keep to ourselves for now."

**Saturday 31st March **

Arriving at Escala I am beyond excited. We've decided not to stay the night but I have designed a scene and given it to Christian. In our bedroom I slip on one of the blue teddies then go to kneel in the playroom.

Christian comes in wearing his sexy jeans and my insides clench in reaction. It feels like too long since we've been here and my entire senses have just heightened dramatically.

"Anastasia." He growls. I avoid looking up, keeping my head bent, my braid tickling my bare back. "I think you've been an extremely naughty girl." I close my eyes and my insides clench again. "Look at me."

My head lifts up and my eyes meet intense grey ones. My husband's gone, but my Dominant is there in full force.

"I'm going to spank you Anastasia." He growls. "With this." He shows the soft paddle and I suppress a smile as my insides clench once again almost painfully this time.

"To the spanking bench Mrs Grey." He orders.

I do as I'm told quickly, already excited for this session that's going to play out.

Once bent over the spanking bench Christian wastes no time in picking my teddy up, revealing my bare behind. His hand gets quickly to work warming up the skin.

"I want you to count each hit Ana." He says, already sounding like he's struggling to keep in character. His hand leaves my body seconds before a paddle rains down on me.

"One." I gasp, the tingling sensation pleasurable.

Twenty hits later he pulls me into his arms and carries me over to the bed. I instantly go onto my front knowing that this is my scene. I hear his zip lowered and I can't resist wiggling my behind excitedly which earns me a spank on my sore backside.

"Patience Ana." He growls, his shaft teasing my wet entrance. His hand wraps around my braid and as he pulls my head up he penetrates me slowly.

My back is almost against his chest, his hand leaves my hair and goes to tease my breasts while his hips begin to rock.

**Sunday 1st April**

Today Christian's cashing in one of his Christmas presents. We head to Escala to get onto Charlie Tango and Christian flies us down to Portland. I've already called the manager of the Heathman Hotel who is awaiting me with the Elevator Security keys. I then had to write out the check. He was very surprised to hear from me, apparently he thought I'd changed my mind because it's been so long since I called him in December but I just explained that it had just been a hectic time and now was the time we had to go to Portland.

Arriving at the Heathman I am beyond excited. I've also booked the penthouse so it's going to be more of a game than anything else. I register us in while Christian sorts the bags with the bellboy, we've not really go any luggage but there's our overnight bag.

I'm wearing a mid-thigh strapless dress that's easy to hitch up. I'm wearing panties but just a thin string that will be easy for Christian to rip from my body. I accept the keys from the manager who has come out to meet me, who also reminds me about a dinner reservation. I glance over at Christian because I didn't make a reservation but he shrugs, I guess he did.

Once in the elevator, half way up between floor nine and ten I open the box and shove the key in and stop us from moving. Within seconds Christian has me pinned up against the wall and is kissing me like his life depends on it. I hear my panties rip and I grin tugging at his zipper. We're both impatient and this has been in both of our fantasies for so long now.

He's in me quickly, a relentless pounding as he holds one of my legs around his body. I come gloriously, and loudly considering a lot of people could hear us. He does too, calling my name out repeatedly.

Once he's pulled out of me we both tug our clothes back into place and I set the elevator moving again. My hair looks just fucked and my cheeks are pink as we step out of the elevator, I see Christian's hand moving in the pocket I know holds my torn panties.

The bellboy looks at us blushing for us. I can't help but smirk.

"Here, give these to your boss for us won't you?" I ask handing him the keys before strutting passed him into the penthouse.

"Thanks." Christian smirks passing over a fifty dollar tip before coming to join me. As soon as the door closes we both burst out laughing, our magnetic attraction tugging us into each other's arms.

"So was that worth however much it cost you Mrs Grey?" He whispers seductively into my ear.

"Every cent." I reply kissing his cheek.

"Dream come true." Christian smiles. "Now let's get ready for dinner, Jose is meeting us."

Well that's a shocking surprise!


	248. Chapter 248

**Yeah skipping a lot, trying to get to the birth now hahaha!**

**The important days will be longer such as – the party, the bridal shower, the wedding and so on!**

**Monday 2nd April**

Arriving home Christian notices my discomfort at once as we walk into the house, well he walks I more shuffle half waddle and it isn't the bump. I had an amazing time catching up with Jose last night, hearing how school was going and stuff for him, found out he's even managed to get an internship at a photography magazine right in Seattle which means I'll hopefully get to see more of him when school ends. It even surprised me when Christian offered him Escala till he could find somewhere to live, or help with a down payment on an apartment that he could otherwise afford, I guess Christian, as much as he doesn't like Jose understands that he is my friend and nothing is going to change that though I know my husband and friend won't be hanging out any time soon!

"Ana baby what is it?" He asks dropping the bags by the foyer table for Gail to deal with.

"My back hurts." I reply. "Really hurts and my eyes are dry." I moan rubbing my eyes again. He lifts my chin up and looks deep into my eyes. I see the concern in his as he looks at mine for injury or something.

"They look a little red." He murmurs. "I'll call Mom but first let's get you onto the couch."

I don't argue with him. The pain isn't that bad, it's more discomfort than anything else. Christian kisses me softly then walks out of the room just for Carrie to walk in seconds later.

"Hey Ana did you have a good night?" She smiles coming in with the blood pressure cuff.

"Of course I did." I smirk as I pass her my arm, I know it's just precaution and it doesn't bother me anymore that this gets done regularly, better safe than sorry and all that.

My cell phone rings and I groan, I really don't want to answer it but when I see it's Hope Hewitt I can't resist.

"Ana Grey." I say as Carrie finished up taking the cuff of me and marking it down in her notebook.

"Oh my Gosh Ana, you've done it! Top of the NYTBS!"

"Already?!" I gasp, shooting upright forgetting about the pain in my back.

"Yup already! People are going wild for Fifty More Shades!" She says as excitedly as me, of course she's the editor she will get a lot of recognition for this.

"That's amazing." I reply in disbelief, I hadn't even thought these past couple of days about Fifty More Shades being released, it just slipped my mind.

"Seattle Independent Radio want to throw a press release party for you, it's on Friday you have to do it Ana it's in your contract."

"Of course." I giggle, Hope put in a few clauses into a new contract that I signed just to make sure I didn't skimp out on the press stuff.

"It's at the Fairmount, nothing too big just dress nice."

"Ok Hope, mail Hannah the details she'll get them too me."

"This is amazing, congratulations Ana."

"Thank you Hope, couldn't have done it without you." I say with tears in my eyes.

"Bye." She says before hanging up. I swipe at my tears wondering why the heck I'm crying!

"Ana?" Christian asks coming into the room. "Baby what's wrong?"

"Nothing." I giggle through my tears.

"Then why are you crying?"

"I think they're happy tears." I laugh again as a small smile spreads on his lips.

"And what has you this happy?" He asks helping me lay back down, the quick burst upright has aggravated my back some more.

"Fifty More Shades has shot to the number one spot on the NYTBS list." I explain as his eyes widen and his mouth pops open. "Hope called, they're having a press release party on Friday at the Fairmount for me."

"Wow Ana!" He grins. "That's just amazing, well done baby."

"Thanks." I smile kissing him softly.

"Mom's on the way over and Gail's making you some hot water bottles to put on your back, we'll eat lunch in here." He says, I know he had planned to go into the office, I can't imagine the mess a last minute trip to Dubai has done to Christian's company, I know mine was in Wendy and Hannah's safe hands the entire time, even though Hannah was in New York till yesterday sorting out the fine details of my take over which is embargoed at the moment due to me being in Fairfax when I got it and then going to Dubai.

"Ok." I reply. "Least crying has stopped my eyes feeling as dry though they still feel itchy."

"Mom says pregnancy symptoms, she's bringing some drops for you." Christian says stroking hair out of my face. "How are you feeling?"

"Disappointed that I can't go into work to meet with Hannah and go over the Manhattan files but other than that I'm fine, great actually."

"Oh Ana, work can wait baby." He says softly.

"I just want to get back to normal now Christian, I'm better than I have been in a long time thanks to you and Sandra and Carrie."

"That's great."

"Yup, and normal means you going to do some hours at the office, I'm sure your emails haven't stopped all day."

"Ana…"

"No Christian, go to work." I giggle. "I'll be fine."

"Can I go after my Mom gets here?" He asks, I love that he's asking me for permission.

"Of course." I reply reaching for him and pulling him down to me for a sweet kiss. "I had the best weekend Mr Grey."

"Hmm so did I." He smirks happily before kissing me again. Just before we lose control a discreet cough from the door has us both turning. Grace is here and almost caught us in a compromising position making us both blush. "Go to work." I say hitting Christian lightly.

"You're kicking me out?" He asks, his hand on his chest feigning hurt.

"Yes!" I giggle as Grace comes in further. "Go Christian I'm fine."

"Ok. Love you baby, thanks for this Mom."

"No problem son, go to work I'm here now." She smiles and with one last look at me Christian leaves, I guess he saw no reason to stay which is fine by me, it just means getting rid of Grace before I can get into the study.

**Tuesday 3rd April**

My back is better, my eyes are better so today I get to go into the office. I spend the morning doing some work but by the afternoon I cannot fathom doing anymore as there are more exciting things going through my mind, like Christian and my first Easter together. This Friday is the start of Easter and I cannot wait! It's quite exciting!

I want to get him a really big Easter egg along with a decent gift, he's already been hinting about what he's getting me for Easter other than an egg so I'm trying to find something just as exciting.

After a while of browsing with Hannah I still have no idea what I want to get him so I drag her baby clothes shopping. I'm not going to do a lot right now, Christian and I have decided to wait until after the baby shower as a lot of people will be buying baby clothes for us and we both understand the baby won't be tiny forever and somehow we know that we should by clothes for three to six months and six to nine rather than zero to three months which everyone else will buy, it's not that money's an issue for us though, it's just common sense!

I browse until I find the most beautiful pink vest that has Daddy's little princess written on the front and I decide that maybe India can give her Daddy for Easter.

Then of course Hannah and I discuss the wedding which is on the twenty first of April, her Bridal Shower is on the fourteenth in the day time at Escala and then we're going to the Mile High Club for a meal before going on to a club before we're all going back to Escala for a slumber party. Hannah is so excited but Christian and Luke not so much. There's not going to be many of us, Myself, Hannah, Sophia, Clare, Wendy, Grace and Lois, Luke has no family though I still haven't found out why, I remember him saying that his sister was dead on the plane to New York before Christmas.

**Wednesday 4th April**

After putting together the final details of Hannah's Bridal Shower and sorting out the staff of Christasia to come and do the hair and make up a few days before I set up a pamper day for Hannah, Sophia, Lois and I for two days before the wedding.

With Hannah not knowing yet Christian and I have organised a week honeymoon for her and Luke I confide I Lois who puts money towards a honeymoon shopping trip, Sophia also chips in and I make up the rest so we can buy some swimsuits and outfits for the week for the couple so they get completely surprised, Hannah is probably annoyed with me that I have her running around half of Seattle today running errands for me that normally I'd do with her but I need her far enough away while Lois, Sophia and I spend the day making gift bags and games for the bridal shower. Lois knows that we're going out and I've even gone against Christian and Luke and hired a stripper, just one for one dance as I think Hannah deserves it.

With the money pouring into my account from the sale of Fifty More Shades I get to enjoy spending, I know money doesn't buy happiness, I think I may be living proof of that but it certainly has it's pointers!

**Thursday 5th April**

With the Easter long weekend starting tomorrow both Christian and I pull full days in the office. I can't wait for tomorrow night and have Franco and Melissa round at my office doing my hair and nails.

Franco cuts my hair into short layers starting just above my ears so that my now near waist length hair looks like extensions underneath shoulder length layers, it's new but I like it, I just hope Christian will because he's asked me not to cut my hair just taking an inch off feels like too much.

After getting my hair and nails done I take a trip up to Maternity Village up at the University Village to find a nice evening dress, it takes a while as there aren't much choices but the wonderful staff there help me find a short red dress with capped sleeves and a square neckline then accessories it with a silver belt that rests above my belt and a matching sequin lined headband which looks great over my new side sweeping bang.

Arriving home with Sawyer in my Saab with the top down and sunglasses off I feel like a new woman. I know between the drugs and the intense therapy technically I am a new woman, or the new old me. I must admit I love it and when I see Christian's car in the drive I hop and skip into the house to find him and get him to bed.

"Ana, wow you look amazing!" He smiles as I step into our bedroom.

"Thank you baby." I whisper huskily as he takes me into his arms.

"Hmm, you smell beautifully too. Like expensive hairspray."

"Blame Franco." I giggle as he tugs the length to get access to my neck and he happily gets to work.


	249. Chapter 249

**The book release WAS on the 30****th**** of March, it just took 2 or 3 days to go to number one on the NYTBS list, I just wanted to clear that up! Thanks for all your support guys! xx**

**Friday 6th April**

Christian and I took the Grace out and talked. I mean really talked about everything. He wanted to know that I was really ok, that I wasn't just putting on a face and I needed to know how he was, that he wasn't just being ok because I needed him to be.

Now we're back at the house preparing for the party tonight. I am excited, with the spring being extremely warm it's on the roof and top floor of Columbia Tower Club, I cannot wait!

"Anastasia."

"Yeah?" I ask as I hear Christian outside my dressing room, I'm still in my harlot red panties and bra with black lace around them, they're comfortable, and beautiful especially considering my breasts are spilling out of all my favourite undergarments and my others are too tight on my growing hips.

"Can I come in?"

"When do you ever ask, of course you can." I reply trying to get my headband into place.

Christian steps in and his breath hitches in his throat, I hear it and I can't resist a smirk. He places down the jewellery I asked him to get from the safe on the side of my vanity. I barely glance at them at first but then my eyes slowly wonder back to the velvet pouch sat on the top of them.

"Oh." I say quietly looking up to Christian, he looks so uncertain as a small smile spreads on my lips. "Yes please." I whisper, reassuring him while asking him to do this.

"Yes?"

"Uh-huh." I nod. "My shoes are over there can you pass them over?" I ask pointing over to the four inch silver sandals.

Christian's uncertainty vanishes and he strides over to get my shoes. I spin around on the stool and he gets on his knees in front of me. He puts my shoes on carefully, his thumb glides along my skin softly, then he lifts my leg up to plant a kiss just above my buckle before doing exactly the same to my other leg. I'm wet and wanting by the time he pulls me up to standing.

"Bend over, hands on the vanity." He says seductively before sucking my ear lobe into his mouth, I whimper and as soon as he lets my ear go with a pop I place my hands on the vanity table and wiggle my behind out, parting my legs without Christian asking me too.

I see him pick up the velvet pouch and I wait for him to ask me to open my mouth but it doesn't come. Instead I hear him sucking and catch him in the mirror with the balls in his own mouth, I smile at him as his finger works its way into my panties and his finger strokes through my folds.

"So ready as always." He says after tugging the balls out of his mouth, his finger pushes it's way inside of me and my back spasms in reaction, I want him so much! He pumps his finger a little before sliding it up to my clitoris. He circles it a few times, and I'm almost undone when he stops completely. I moan in frustration and he chuckles, I want to hit him as he begins slipping the balls inside of me.

"Laters baby." He murmurs into my ear before walking out to let me finish getting ready.

I pull on my dress aware of the balls moving with every step. Tonight Luke and Taylor will be escorting Christian and I, Christian has hired a limo which Taylor will be driving. It's great and I am excited seeing as this party is for me and for my book. For the first time in so long I appreciate all of this that comes with the book, the fame, the press, the fortune, I earned it through writing the books, this isn't because of Christian and I know that now, with this new me I feel confident and strong and like I deserve this. I can't resist smiling in the mirror.

"Ana… wow." Christian smiles as I step into the bedroom.

"Thank you." I blush.

"Don't blush, you look amazing, so beautiful and you're glowing." He says brushing his finger over my bangs.

"My skin is dry, my eyes are dry, my belly is huge…"

His finger on my lips stops me from saying anything more.

"You're perfect." He says removing his finger. "Stop putting yourself down, you and your dry skin and eyes and huge belly are perfect." He says leaning to me slowly.

His lips meet mine and we share a sensual kiss. I feel the tugging of the balls clench but all too soon Christian pulls away and hands me my silver clutch bag.

"Ready?"

"Yeah." I smile before giving his cheek a small peck.

Taylor and Luke meet us outside the front door both dressed like FBI agents. I know Grey's Publishing have organised the office security to be working tonight on the door and around the party but it's comforting these days to have our own, I think I've seen enough in this lifetime to not want anything else to possibly happen and I know the security doing their job can stop some things from happening, like crazed fans … I shiver at remembering London.

At the club we're taken up to the roof in the elevator. As soon as we step inside I'm brought over a glass of alcohol free wine while Christian gets normal proper wine that I miss terribly. Hope hurries over to us and gives me a friendly hug before shaking Christian's hand. She looks amazing with her pink streaky hair tied back with a large quiff and a black and gold dress.

As soon as we step further into the party I see the congratulations from Grey's Publishing banner and people stop and begin to clap. I blush scarlet as Grey's Publishing's photographer steps forward to get pictures to sell to the press, there are many people with Dictaphones and notebooks around though as Hope is given a mic.

"Well that exactly how I wanted this night to start." She giggles, I can tell she's only just relaxing having been working on this party all week and I know her well enough to know she's been checking and re-checking all the details since she got here before anyone else did. "I'd like to first of all say thank you so much for coming, I'm sure I'm not the only one happy to see you all here." She smiles and glances over at me and I raise my glass a little to her. "When I received the first Fifty Shades manuscript on my desk many months ago I was completely captivated, I couldn't put it down once I started. I contacted Mrs Grey as all I had was a name, Rose Trevelyan and believe me when I say I was going to do everything I could to find out who she was and give her the best deal Mrs Grey would sign off on. I didn't expect though to find out it was Mrs Grey herself who had written it.

I knew the book would be successful but I can honestly say the degree of success was a shock. Of course we all partly know it's to do with who she was already, not the selling but the attention it got from the press. The public would have bought it whatever and I hope you know that Ana." She looks at me and I smile and nod in agreement, she's right, people would have bought the book regardless, the press had a field day with the controversy of the first book and so the public would have bought it regardless, it's when it was revealed it was mine a few days after selling that it got more press attention however and I know that's because the Christian Grey's wife had written a controversial erotic romance.

"It's customary at Grey's Publishing to throw press release parties for our most successful authors. Of course we couldn't with the first book because we wanted to keep Ana's … Mrs Grey's identity a secret as long as we could but this time nothing stopped me, not even Mrs Grey herself. I'm privileged to have my name down on this book, I was shocked and honoured to find my name at the beginning along with Mr Grey's and Ana's Mother…" She breaks off but I give her a reassuring smile, I know it's because she just mentioned my Mom but it's ok with me. "Now I won't give you anymore babble and I am honoured to present you all to Mrs Grey herself."

Hope comes over and passes me the microphone and I nervously let go of Christian's hand to take it. Thankfully though he wraps his free arm around my waist.

"Well I think Hope has said most of what needs to be said. I am grateful to you all for coming, so thank you so much. Uh… when I wrote the first Fifty Shades book I submitted it under a pseudo-name mainly because I didn't want anyone at Grey's Publishing to just publish it because it was my name on the front, if it was rubbish it should go to the garbage pile with the rest of the disregarded manuscripts.

Normally I'm the one signing the checks for these parties, with the expenses going through myself or Roach but tonight I'm shocked to be stood here as a two time New York Times Best Seller. It's a privlaged and I am beyond thankful to everyone who's gone out and bought the book but nowhere near as thankful as I am to Hope Hewitt who got this book to where it is, Hannah my PA…" I look over at a smiling Hannah and nod my head at her. "Who kept me sane through the New York press trip, who was with me in London and has continued to stick with me through a lot of shit!" I giggle. "But of course there's my husband Christian Grey." I turn to him and smile. "Just thank you, for being you, for loving me, for giving me the confidence I needed to do it all."

I reach up and kiss him as his arm slips from my back he takes the microphone and I watch as he puts it up to his mouth.

"I'm so proud of you Ana, what you've done with Grey's Publishing and the books, you deserve it all and more. Now let's enjoy the party." He grins before passing the microphone to Hope to a round of applause to us all.

The music is cranked up and I mingle with Christian by my side. It's quite funny to find him being the uncertain one in most conversations as people want to talk to me and not him. Of course a few women come over to talk to me and their eyes roam Christian more than anything else. It does boil my blood but he makes a point of giving me a kiss just as they make to move on and it makes me giggle.

However being in sky high heels and on the roof top in Seattle even with Heaters around is doing nothing good to me. My back aches more which according to Grace is my centre of gravity finally shifting which is a good thing for both me and the baby but it's not the most comfortable experience of this pregnancy.

I take one last look around at the fake plants, the bar, the people and the fairy lights everywhere before I let Christian lead me away, this night will be imprinted in my mind for a long time to come.

As Luke opens the car door for me I go to step in.

"Ooh!" I say my hand flying to my bump.

"Ana?" Christian hurries round back to me, I quickly take his hand and place it where mine was just as I receive another swift kick. "Oh my God." He whispers. "That's the baby?"

"Yeah." I reply, at nearly twenty weeks I feel my baby kick me for the first time. "Ooft." I mutter again as I feel another, it's quite odd.

"That's her?" He asks with watery eyes.

"That's her." I reply with a smile. "I think she didn't like missing out on the party tonight." I mutter making Christian laugh. I turn my head catching Taylor wiping his eyes with a handkerchief, his eyes meet mine and I chuckle as he looks embarrassed. "Let's go home Christian." I ask as the kicking stops.

"Ok." He smiles kissing me. Before climbing into the car on my side.

Back at the house I go upstairs and change into a night gown and pull on my robe before removing all my jewellery and throwing my hair up. I can't stop smiling, tonight started perfectly and ended perfectly. I keep the balls inside of me hoping Christian and I will make use of them.

As I head out of the bedroom I see Christian's study door open and head towards it. I stop when I hear his voice.

"I felt it Mom, it was amazing our little girl kicking, letting us know she was there." He sniffs as my eyes water. I can't believe he called Grace to share the news! He's super excited and I can't stop happy tears from tumbling down my face. I decide not to disturb the phone call and head downstairs. I stop again when I hear Taylor talking to who I suspect is Gail.

"I wish you could have seen it, he had this look on his face and the only time I've ever seen it was when he and Ana married. I never thought I'd see it again Gail." He says." I actually cried, and Ana saw. They were both so happy." He gushes, I've never heard Taylor like that and more happy tears fall down my face. "Gail what's wrong?" I hear him ask and I frown and wipe my tears, why is she upset?

"It makes me wish I'd had children, I mean I have Ana and Christian and Sophie too but … I guess I'm feeling a little lost that I didn't have any." She says quietly.

"You're not too old." Taylor says. "We're not too old, we're not even fifty yet. If you want to have a baby we could do it."

"I don't think I want a baby." She sighs and I feel really guilty for eavesdropping. "I want a child, what about adopting a child?"

"You want to adopt a child?"

"Yes." She murmurs, I can imagine her not look at Taylor afraid of his reaction. "But could we? What would Ana and Christian think?"

"Ana would be all for it." Taylor says quietly. He's right, if they want to adopt a child I would back them up one hundred percent, they'd be amazing parents… they are amazing parent-like to Christian and I.

"But what about Christian?"

"I think… maybe we should look into it… decide properly what we'd like to do and then maybe sit Ana and Christian down and ask them. Part of me thinks Christian would be all for it as he was adopted as a child and Ana would talk him into it."

"You're right… ok we'll look into it." I hear her smile and I can't resist but smile until a hand grabs me and I yelp and turn around quickly.

Taylor and Gail come rushing out of the kitchen while I turn to see Christian stood there.

"You scared me!" I yell hitting him, I know I've been busted for eavesdropping now and I hope Gail and Taylor aren't mad.

"Sorry you were just stood there."

"Listening in on our conversation." Gail points out and I blush.

"I'm sorry, I just heard Jason talking about what happened when we got in the car, I thought it was sweet is all and I kind of started day dreaming, I didn't hear much else." I say quickly.

They both look at me as if unsure but I give them a reassuring smile.

"Come on then let's get some hot drinks before we go to bed." Christian says stopping anyone from saying anymore.

"Ok." I say following the Taylors through to the kitchen.

After we've had drinks Christian asks to talk to Christian leaving me and Gail alone. I feel really guilty, I didn't mean to overhear that she was feeling broody and wanted to adopt, I just felt happy that Taylor was happy for Christian and I and how excited he was about Christian's excitement.

"I'm really sorry Gail." I say quietly, she's been avoiding looking at me.

"It's ok Ana." She sighs. "I think Jason and I need to just remember to keep our private conversations to our apartment."

"Gail, I only stopped to listen when I heard how excited Taylor was about Christian's happiness, it meant a lot to me… means a lot to me."

"I know, you've made that man into what he is today Ana. There was a time Jason and I spent more time worrying about him than anything else, even Taylor and I are more carefree because of you. I wouldn't marry Jason because I was too busy worrying about Christian, you gave me and Jason what we have." She smiles as she places another tea in front of me. I'm drinking it because I plan on having my husband tonight and I remember what he said about a full bladder on our honeymoon.

"And if it means anything to you Gail, I'll support both of you and I'm sure Christian will too." I say quietly. "Because you'll be an amazing Mom… you already are to Christian and me." I say and she comes over and gives me a tight hug, until India kicks making Gail jump back in surprise.

"Was that?"

"Yeah!" I take her hand and press it to the spot where I feel a light kicking, I know it's going to get firmer and harder so I'm trying to enjoy it while it isn't at all painful or intense!

"Oh wow!" Gail giggles when India delivers another swift kick right where I'm pressing Gail's hand into my tummy. "That's amazing."

"Ana, you coming to bed?" Christian asks coming back into the kitchen. "our girl?" He asks seeing Gail's hand still pressed into my tummy by my hand.

"Yeah come feel." I say grabbing him with my free hand. Keeping hold of Gail's hand I press Christian's fingers in right next to hers just in time for India to deliver another swift kick, it makes me giggle as both fingers wiggle along my tummy.

As India quietens down I let the fingers go and hop off the stool letting my nightgown fall down, neither one of them batter and eyelid at the fact I was sat on the stool in just a pair of lacy panties.

"Time for bed Mrs Grey." Christian growls and I giggle and glance at Gail, I guess being in my panties did something to Christian, or the fact he knows I'm still wearing the silver balls.

Once upstairs I peel my nightgown over my head and assume the position. Christian comes in and I hear a feral growl from his throat.

"Oh Ana, come over my lap." He says sitting on the edge of the bed tugging off his tie. I quickly move to do as he says but he stops staring at my belly.

"I don't think you're going to see anything Christian, she's not even moving." I chuckle.

"No Ana… your belly button."

I look down and gasp, my inny is now an outty! When did that happen?

"It wasn't like that earlier." He says and I nod in agreement, I think I'd have noticed if it had!

"It will go back when the baby's born." I tell him nervously but then he presses his lips to it and I melt.

"Just further proof that you're really carrying around out baby girl in there." He smiles.

"Now Mr Grey, are you going to put me over your knee or am I wearing these balls inside of me for no apparent reason?"

"Now you're asking for it Mrs Grey."


	250. Chapter 250

**Saturday 7th April**

"Ok so what have we got so far?" I ask laying my head on Christian's lap. We're planning more and more things ready for India's arrival as we excitedly hit the halfway point today.

"Hire a Doula or in layman's a labour coach. Go to more fit for baby classes, baby clothes shopping." Christian reads from the list. "I want to take you on a babymoon."

"A babymoon?" I ask in surprise.

"A before baby arrives holiday."

"We've only just gotten back from Dubai." I point out. "We don't need another holiday."

"Just you and me, a weekend before the third trimester." He whispers in my ear.

"Hmm sounds nice."

"Babymoon it is." He says and I grumble, he totally caught me out there.

"I want to get my teeth cleansed."

"Is it safe when pregnant?" He asks carefully, I know he doesn't want an argument right now.

"Yes." I giggle. "Your Mom recommended it actually because I had the bleeding gums when you were in China."

"You had bleeding gums?" He asks horrified.

"Yeah but it's fine Christian, your Mom got me some mouthwash and toothpaste that helped."

"Ok, wish you'd told me though."

"You were in China and I didn't want to worry you. So tooth cleanse." I smile and he jots it down. "I want to get our baby's name in like letters to put on the white wall where the crib is."

"Ok baby name…" He mutters. "I want more videos and pictures."

"That's fine." I reply, he hasn't stopped since we've been home from Dubai and this morning he was even more excited seeing as India was kicking and my belly button had popped, Christian had fun adding it all into the book.

"Professional pregnant pictures and I want a cast of your bump."

"What exactly are you going to do with a cast of my bump?" I giggle.

"No idea." He shrugs. "Just a nice keepsake."

"Yeah I guess." I smile. Christian's more active in this pregnancy than I could have ever hoped for.

**Sunday 8th April**

Christian bought me a beautiful Easter egg charm for my bracelet to celebrate our first Easter, he also got me a HUGE chocolate egg in a basket with a bunny soft toy and lots of love heart chocolates. There was an icing inscription on the egg – _To Ana, Happy first Easter together, Love Christian X_

When I cried I was easily allowed to blame baby hormones. I had an egg made for Christian with a variety of chocolates inside it. His gift was a also made for him, a china Easter bunny with an inscription on the bottom that reads – _Christian, to our first Easter, Love always Ana xx_

He loved it and took it straight to his study.

At the Grey's that evening after a long discussion Christian and I have decided to tell the family what we're naming our daughter but we're not telling them her middle name. The reason for this is the press have finally found out the sex and so the whole of Seattle will know by tomorrow morning if it's not on TMZ already! We both agree that our family should know something everyone else doesn't, it's only fair.

We decide to announce it after a beautiful dinner and desert that had me asking for more, I really am eating for two now but I didn't fail to notice Grace had given us red meat and plenty of other nutrient filled food that a pregnant woman like me needs, does she think Gail only lets me eat donuts and chocolate shake?

"We know we originally told you all you'd have to wait till our daughter is born before you'd find out what we named her but as the press know the sex we'd like you all to be party to our secret." Christian says as he sits beside me. "We've chosen to name her India Grey."

"Aww!" Mia and Kate squeal, Elliot snorts (no surprise there) and Carrick and Grace beam at us.

"It isn't the first name we chose but it was one that was mentioned earlier on when we didn't know what we were having and it grew on me." Christian explains. "It's a beautiful name for what I am sure will be a beautiful little girl."

"So sweet! What about a middle name?" Mia asks.

"Uh my Mom chose it." I say awkwardly. "We'd like to keep it to ourselves for now." I add and there are murmurs of agreements around the table.

After leaving the Grey's and getting home I am more than happy. I decide though that I'm wrong in keeping what I overheard Gail and Taylor talking about in the kitchen from my husband.

"Gail wants to be a Mom." I blurt out as Christian climbs into our bed beside us.

"Isn't she a little old?"

"She's not even fifty yet Christian." I scold as he snuggles up beside me. "And she doesn't want a baby, she wants to adopt."

"How do you know this Ana?"

"I overheard her and Taylor, she knows I know."

"Ok." I says. "Gail would make a great Mom." He adds quietly.

"I think so too. They're looking into adoption Christian, I'd like them to know we support them, give them references and stuff."

"No."

"Why not?" I gasp turning over to face him.

"If they have a kid, they'll leave."

"Maybe." I agree. "But that's their decision to make but they may want to stay and work for us, live in the apartment just while being parents."

"We have our own child on the way Ana, we need Gail and Taylor and we need them on the ball."

"We've already agreed to getting a nanny for when I go back to work, why can't we get a nanny that would help with the Taylors kid too, it would be great to have a child round here, someone young and carefree."

"Yeah." Christian scoffs. "One with behavioural issues and …"

"Ok enough." I snap. "Just think about it for me Christian, I'd really like to give them our blessing when they get to the stage they want to talk to us about it."

"I'll think about it." He grumbles before turning over. I turn back to my S shaped pillow and close my eyes, willing for sleep to come.

"Gail and Taylor would make great parents." Christian mumbles. "I just don't want them to leave us."

"We'll talk to them when they're ready to talk to us, find out what they want to do." I say quietly and Christian turns over and pulls me into him, I smile as I fall asleep.

**Monday 9th April**

Everything today is perfect. I gave Christian his present from India this morning and he loved it and it has joined the other already bought baby clothes in India's closet. Then we went shopping and bought everything else we could possibly need for India agreeing that Kate and Mia should ask for donations to a charity possibly Carla's Cancer Foundation and any other gifts could be donated to Seattle Grace paeds and neonatal unit. Speaking of Carla's Cancer Foundation, thanks to Carrie we now have two counsellors on board and with the start-up money from GEH and the three families Grace had call us and the legal papers being signed and sealed we're officially up and running.

After lunch with Christian at the Mile High club I kiss him goodbye and track off toward Fairfax. This afternoon I'm meeting face to face with Sandra for the first time in a while, she thought I was more open on video chat so on arrival back from Dubai we continued to talk via video chat.

The reason we're meeting face to face today is because we've talked about everything since my relationship with Christian and she wants to evaluate if there's more in my past before Christian that should be addressed, including my low self-confidence and self-esteem. I've been honest with her so far especially about my reservations about continuing my treatment with John Flynn, he's a great man and he works some wonders with Christian but for me I don't think he really knows what to do and how to do it and keep it from Christian.

The drive up to Fairfax this time is relaxing. It's only a thirty minute drive and I switch some music on to relax me along the way. I can't help but giggle when Rihanna's Rude Boy begins blearing out of the speakers. I can't resist turning it up and singing along. When the radio DJ announces its girl's day on the channel I'm not surprised when Beyonce's who run the world begins to play and I sing along loudly.

By the time I pull up outside the hospital I'm happy and smiling, sometimes a bit of time alone with blaring music is all a person needs to put a smile on my face. I pull my belt off and receive a hefty kick from India in the process.

"Ouch, Mommy's singing isn't that bad India." I tease rubbing my belly but she just kicks me again. "Ok maybe it is sweet pea, I won't sing you lullabies, I'll leave that job to your Daddy." She kicks again and I take it as an agreement before reaching over to grab my purse from the backseat.

Heading inside Fairfax I can't help but smile. Coming back here I'm in a complete different state of mind to the first time I ever came here. I'm in such a good place that Christian didn't mind too much when I mentioned wanting to drive myself and leave Sawyer behind, of course there was conditions like texting him on arrival and on departure and no detours unless I let him know beforehand.

"Ana Grey to see Sandra Lee." I say to the nurse behind the reception desk.

"Mrs Grey! It's good to see you again." She smiles though I don't really recognise her. "You're looking good."

"Uh Thanks." I frown. "I'm sorry I… Have we met?"

"I was the nurse who sorted your luggage on arrival, you really weren't in the state of mind for a formal greeting." She chuckles lightly and I give her a tight smile, now I remember her, she didn't even say hi.

"Oh right of course." I say uncertain. "So Sandra?"

"oh yeah, she's in her office, if you'd just like to give me your purse and empty your pockets." She smiles, I know it's her job but I don't like the idea of leaving my purse my business files are in there including letters from mine and Christian's bank that I grabbed on the way out this morning that I've yet to look at. But not wanting to make a scene I drop my car keys in my purse and hand it over just to be given a visitor's badge and have to sign the log. "Go through, she's excepting you."

"Thank you." I reply before going through the double doors and towards Sandra's office.

The office door is open and I see Sandra sat at the desk with papers strewn around her. She looks stressed and I feel guilty now knowing I'm going to add to that. I knock lightly on the door and her head pops up from the paper work. It takes seconds for her to break out in a wide smile and signal for me to come in.

"Ana you look good." She beams, I guess I am looking a lot better than when I last saw her.

"Thank you, you seem stressed." I reply, just a passing observation I feel like I can do.

"Yeah, time of the month to balance the books, the CEO is on our backs for the details." She shrugs it off.

"You're not in any financial difficulty are you?" I ask, it's none of my business but if that's the case I'd like to help, right now I feel like Sandra gave me my life back.

"No, no nothing like that." She says shrugging it off. "Just have more patients than staff right now and the balance means we can't give all our patients the care they deserve."

"Oh." I reply not knowing what else to say.

"Never mind about all that, come sit down." She smiles signalling the black leather couch. "Tea?"

"Please." I smile, I could actually murder a cup of tea right now after having sparkling water (Which I don't even like!) with my lunch and milkshake all morning.

Once I have my tea and Sandra has her coffee and is sat down in front of me I know it's just time to talk and be honest. India seems to have quietened down now and I can relax a little more.

"So how have you been since we've started talking, since you've left here?"

"In all honesty?" I ask and she nods though it's rhetorical. "Better… much better surprisingly. I thought it was going to be months and months of feeling uncertain, of wanting to burst into tears one minute and then laugh the next but it's not been like that."

"That's good, so how do you feel going to Dubai affected you?"

"You know I was weary, I suggested to Christian it wasn't a good idea to go because we always run away when things get too much, Aspen, New York and now Dubai but he promised me that wasn't his intentions and I get that, I know he didn't want to just run away because the more we ran the longer it would take to deal with it all so that's why he set up the video chats and I'm grateful to you for that because it did wonders especially when I could finish talking with you then walk around the huge garden of the villa we were in or go and sit in the gazebo with the blinds drawn." I smile remembering, it really was nice to be able to finish talking with Sandra and then really reflect and not worry at all about having to get back to real life there and then.

"Ok, so Dubai was good?"

"Yeah, I reconnected with myself out there and with Christian. It was perfect." I smile broader, it's so true, Christian and I had more sex out in Dubai than we'd had in a long time and it was emotional every time, it was always making love.

"That's good, so you're working on your marriage as well as you." Sandra points out and I nod, she's right and I know that, Marriage doesn't just work , it always needs to be worked at.

"We're going away again in a few weeks, just for a weekend just the two of us, before the baby comes." I smile, I can't wait for the babymoon.

"That's a great idea." She smiles. "Do you know where you're going?"

"Nope, no idea." I shrug and laugh. "I think it's a surprise."

"Fair enough." Sandra nods. "Since we spoke on Friday I've done a lot of thinking. I think the only thing in your past that we've identified as an issue is your Mom's ex-husband Steven."

"Ok." I nod, I don't like talking about him or what happened.

"I don't think we need to go back over it, I would like to begin focusing on the future."

I smile, now that's an idea I like, no more looking back and reflecting, just looking forward to the future.

"Tell me about your pregnancy and how it's been going."

"She's kicking now." I say excitedly. "I had felt her moving but on Friday we were leaving a party from the publishing company for my book and just getting into the car when she kicked."

"That's amazing."

"Yeah, Christian got to feel and it was just, now it feels real, she's constantly reminding me she's there you know?" I explain rubbing my hand over my bulging stomach.

"Are you looking forward to being a Mom?"

"More than anything." I admit, I haven't been excited but then when I felt her kick I was, more than excited to meet her.

"What kind of Mom do you imagine yourself being?"

"Other than a good one?" I ask chuckling and Sandra grins and nods. "I see myself… reading bedtime stories, playing games, just trying to make my child happy and make sure she knows she's loved as often as I can."

"Will you have routines? Or be one of those Mom's where anything goes?"

"In my life routines are necessary, I'm going to be working from home for a while but I will be going back and I think Christian would be far more comfortable with strict routines."

"What type of Father do you think Christian will make?" She asks and I laugh softly, I can't help it.

"Christian is safety mad. The slight sniffle and out child will see a doctor, playgrounds? Not until Christian has had all the equipment safety checked, dating as a teenager? Out the fucking question!" I giggle, I can't help it.

"You're ok with that?" Sandra asks.

"I haven't really thought about it, our daughter isn't even here yet."

"Are you going to discuss it together? What type of parents you want to be?"

"What do you mean?" I frown.

"Well, my parents for example my Mom believed in spanking, I did something wrong then she wanted me to be spanked but my Father was against spanking at all cost. What about you and Christian?"

I frown. Spanking has only ever been kinky in my life. I can't imagine an actually punishment spanking for child but could Christian? Could he put out daughter over his knee, pull down her panties and spank her for something. I don't want that, I really don't want that for our child. I was never physically punished except when I was four and I bit my Mom and she bit me back… let's say I never bit anyone after that!

"I don't know." I shrug.

"I think, for the two of you, if you're going to go into routines it's something you need to discuss. Your health and stress levels are going to be all over the place just being a parent and I think for you to be able to stop the depression regressing again when you're a parent the best thing for you to do is to keep your stress levels down so I think before our next session you need to think carefully about this and speak to him. We need to set up steps to have you feeling happy and confident. You think you can do that?"

"Sure." I reply though I'm not sure at all. I want to be a great Mom and I know Christian wants to great Dad but I don't know what he will think about routines and spankings and so on. I would like our child to have as normal a childhood as possible even if they are out kids. It's bad enough when I notice that when our kid is in secondary school she could get picked on cause her Mom wrote an erotic novel… ok I need to calm down and breathe, that's years away I could be nobody by then! "Ok." I say.

"I'll Skype you tomorrow." I think Sandra can see something's worrying me but it's also something I need to think about and like she said, talk to Christian about.


	251. Chapter 251

**Tuesday 10th April**

Today Christian and I are meeting with Sally and a Doula at Swedish. After watching a video of a live natural birth on the internet Christian is a little less supportive of my decision to go at it without drugs. I've tried explaining to him, my body was designed to do this as was every woman's and what is a little pain when it is healthier for me and the baby but I just think Christian's worried about the amount of pain and the length of time I'm going to have to endure.

Sally and the Doula are going to work with us both on labour positions and pain reduction techniques that we can use when the time comes. We understand that the labour could be long or short and that we both want to be active participants in every moment of it. He is also on my side that other than Sally, Doctor Greene and the Doula, no one but the two of us should be in the room when the time comes.

We're in with Sally and my Doula Michaela for nearly three hours going through everything you could possibly imagine from birthing positions to the pain reduction to everything else. I feel much more relaxed now, Sally will be with me through the labour unless one of her other Mom's go into labour and she's required there, but she will still be back and forth as she only works for Swedish, the chances of her having to rush off to another hospital is slim to none.

Christian's even more calm too now. He's still not happy but he understands and I have said yes to the use of gas and air so it's not like I've said no pain relief at all. Of course he's taken in everything that was said and everything that we tried out and I know when the day comes he's going to remember it all when I can't.

Sally was most excited about the fact that India was kicking up a storm. I loved seeing her enthusiasm and I even let Michaela have a touch.

Leaving with Michaela was nice. The two of us are now heading for lunch without Christian to get to know each other and for the next twenty weeks she's going to be coming around two times a week to go over everything we did today just at a slower pace and Christian surprisingly suggested she should stay for dinner too, that way when it's time for India to come into this world Michaela will be a close friend and not just a Doula we're paying thousands of dollars to give us emotional support through the labour.

"So what made you choose a natural birth Ana?" Michaela asks as we sit down in the bistro around the corner from Ana's Palace.

"It's just something I always wanted to do, from the first time I thought I'd be a Mom and my best friend Kate and I watched this programme with a natural birth and it just appealed to me. You're more in control of what's happening, more aware of everything going on around you. I guess I like the thought of understanding and feeling everything I'm going through." I explain as best as I can.

"That's good. I promise by the time that baby wants to make an appearance you'll be ready for it all. We've gone through the possible complications and how we will handle them but you'll know the details completely so you don't panic if we get to that point." Michaela smiles brushing her short brown hair behind her ear.

"Thanks, that means a lot. I think Christian's more worried than me though!" I can't help but laugh.

"He'll be just as confident." Michaela promises, I hope that's true. The last thing I want if something does go wrong during the labour is Christian to be all panicked CEO.

**Wednesday 11th April**

This morning everything's turned on its head. A member of the press followed me from Seattle to Fairfax and caught a couple of pictures and after a bit of investigating it's come out that I was there for a few days.

I know I originally said that I wouldn't be bothered but I am. The press are camped outside the front gate and I've already had a phone call from Hannah warning me that they're outside Ana's Palace, Grey's Publishing and Christasia Seattle and it's barely seven am.

Christian's furious and has been in his study shouting with people for a long time. He's also angry with me for not taking security who could have lost the press on their tail as they would have noticed if I was being followed of course, he's not expressing that anger towards me at all but I know he's angry at me.

Gail has been super supportive all morning making me shake and donuts and making sure I actually eat them but I'm really frightened. The press are having a field day, from a nervous breakdown which is technically what I had though they don't call it that anymore, to a variety of mental illnesses from Bipolar to Schizophrenia.

My phone rings and I groan seeing Kate's name on the caller ID. I debate whether to answer it or not but reluctantly knock the green button.

"Kate." I say dryly, I know what this is about.

"Oh my God Ana, the press are outside mine and Elliot's and apparently they're outside Grace's too."

"Oh Kate I'm so sorry." I say biting my lip to try and hold back the sob that's threatening to explode.

"Ana it's not your fault!" Kate snaps. "We just wanted to know if you want us to ignore them or say something or if you'd like me to say something at work."

"For now ignore them Kate I need to talk to the PR team at Ana's Palace and Christian I'm sure will have a lot to say on this." I say quietly as Gail rubs my lower back, it's been hurting all morning but with my rising stress levels the pain has increased a little.

"Ok Steele, just call if you need anything ok?"

"Sure, thanks Kate." I reply before hanging up and throwing my phone onto the breakfast bar.

"Ok Ana?" Gail asks still rubbing her fists into my lower back lightly, it definitely is working the pain a little less, or less obvious because of her actions.

"Hmm, just wondering what the hell I'm going to do about this." I say blinking back tears. "I thought I'd be able to handle this but they're making me out to be a psychopath or something Gail."

"No one believes the tabloids."

"If that was the case no one would buy them." I point out. "And I have enough haters to know that this is going to go global in minutes." Two particular men come to mind and their random fans.

"Ignore them Ana, I'm sure thousands of people are defending you too right now. Just focus on you and that little girl." She says as I lean over the opposite stool giving Gail more access to my back.

"I thought it was done, when it didn't come out sooner I thought it was done… I was so stupid!" I grunt, the deep ache in my back not doing anything to help this situation but Gail is a big help even though I didn't ask her to do this she took over from Christian when the papers arrived and we found out I was on the front page of them all.

"Ana." Christian says as he comes into the room.

"What?" I grunt, I'm angry and frustrated and in a lot of discomfort, I'm not up for an argument right now.

"I think we should release a statement." He says not even looking at me.

"Saying what exactly?"

"The truth… some of it anyway."

"What that I've gone completely off the fucking rails?" I ask grabbing a paper and throwing it towards him.

"No Ana…"

"Fuck off, I'll decide what to do about it myself." I spit really not in the mood for him.

He looks lost but eventually walks away. If he does anything to mess this up I will kill him. I'm angry mainly but the physical pain in my back is making it harder for me to control my emotions. I just want to scream and shout as it feels like all the progress I've made with Sandra has just been thrown out the window.

Later that morning I'm sitting in my study still trying to write my press release statement when Sandra rings on the iPad. I knock on answer but without the camera, I don't want her to see my tear ridden face.

"Ana? Something wrong with the camera?"

"No. I'm working, no point putting it on for you to look at the ceiling." I growl, I'm still pissed at this coming out in the press and I know it's why Sandra is calling much earlier than usual.

"Ok, someone sounds angry." She says blowing out a breath, I'm really not in the mood for this.

"Look Sandra, I'm working what do you want?" I snap, I don't mean too, I really don't but I'm so stressed with everything and I'm honestly using the anger to hide my fear.

"Just wanted to check in with everything, I saw the news."

"Why doesn't that surprise me?" I reply under my breath with a roll of my eyes knowing that Sandra heard me completely.

"So what are you working on?" I know this tactic, she asks me something like that looking for an opening into a harder question and answering this one alone will give her an opening but I answer anyway.

"Working on a press release." I sigh as my fingers continue to dance over the keyboard. Apparently, according to Hannah I have got a typing speed of around ninety words per minute, I don't think that's bad somehow but it's not good, I know hers is at like a hundred and thirty words per minute but my fingers move from key to key quickly and the faster I type the harder my fingers hit the keyboard causing quite an annoying noise after a while.

"Press release about what was revealed in the papers?"

"Yes." I reply still not giving her my full attention. "Have you been contacted?"

"Not directly, the CEO is taking all calls."

"And?" I ask knowing the press will want to know everything.

"We have neither confirmed nor denied you were a short term resident here. It would be a breach of confidentiality and the NDA we all signed plus we'd be breaking the law if we said anything to the press Ana, don't worry about it."

"Half the fucking world think I've completely lost it Sandra and you expect me not to worry?" I hiss, she doesn't get it, she can't possibly get this at all.

"No, that's not what I meant. What are you planning on telling the press?"

"Half the truth."

"Which is?" She's seriously not going to let this go.

"That I suffered from depression since I miscarried back in August and that it went untreated until the death of my Mother made it impossible to continue to ignore. I went to Fairfax for five days respite before coming home and getting some intense therapy. Now the depression is managed successfully." I reply giving her the general gist of what I'll be telling the press when they meet outside Ana's Palace this afternoon.

"What does Christian think of this?"

"I don't know. I told him to let me handle it and that's what I'm doing." I reply, I'll have Christian there with me but he is trusting me to handle this on my own.

"Ok." She sighs. "Are you handling it?"

"Well duh. I'm writing a speech aren't I? I'm going to speak to the press…"

"That's not what I meant Ana and you know it." Sandra is struggling to keep her cool with me, I can tell by the intensity of her voice even though I'm not looking at her at all.

"I don't know." I sigh stopping what I'm doing and picking up the iPad knocking the camera on in the process. "I feel a mess, out of control, I want to cry and scream but I also just want to clear this up and sweep it under the carpet." I admit looking at my shrink while she looks at me. I guess her being able to see me helps her see exactly how I'm handling this.

"Well neither of those two are good ideas." Sandra says gently. "How are you actually handling it?"

"By taking control. By giving the press what they want and still keeping my dignity intact and then if need be I can cry about it later." I chuckle. "I'm not hiding away from it, I'm facing it full on, taking the bull by the horns if you will."

"And that's a good way to handle it. I'm very proud of you Ana." Sandra smiles.

"Thank you. Listen I really need to get this finished in the next hour or so." I say I don't want her to go off the phone but if she doesn't I'm never going to finish this.

"Ok, just call me afterwards when you get home? I'll be by the computer but I'd really like to talk to you about how the press release went, can you do that for me?"

"Sure." I reply only because I know I'll need to talk to her afterwards.

By the time I get to Ana's Palace I find out they've moved the press release into the large conference room on the third floor. Hannah informs me that a long table has been set up for me, Christian and her while Sawyer, Taylor, Ryan and Oreon are in the room ready if need be and then all the members of the press are seated like in a concert hall or something. Great!

"I'm right here Ana ok?" Christian reminds me and I give him a small nod before we both head inside. I'm so glad he decided to let go of my publicist, she'd have been and charge of this when I needed to be, between Christian, Hannah and me I know we can handle this as the team we've become.

I sit in the middle of the table with Hannah and Christian either side of me. There's water there for all of us and I feel a little self-conscious in my small grey dress and black one buttoned jacket, my hair pulled to one side over my shoulder with a clip behind it and a small beaded head band in my hair. The cameras went berserk for a while until we were seated comfortably but once I put the iPad with the speech on in front of me the press calmed down to let me speak. I momentarily eye up the microphones in front of me. The world media at its finest from Britain, to China to right here in Seattle, they all want to know what being in Fairfax was too me. I couldn't deny it as I was caught red handed. Could maybe say I was visiting but that would put all the patients there at risk. Honesty is the best policy right?

"On Monday the Eleventh of March, I, Anastasia Grey admitted myself into Fairfax Behavioural Hospital in Kirkland Washington State." I say before taking a tentative sip of water and scan the room full of the world's media who seem to be already hanging on my every word. "My Mother's death on the tenth of March had a detrimental effect on my emotional and mental health however, that wasn't the beginning of the plight that lead me to Fairfax Hospital." I squeeze Christian's hand but I don't look at him, I can't.

"The miscarriage I suffered in August of two thousand and eleven was where my depression began." I hate talking about this, telling the world, it's none of their business! "It was hard for Christian and I and I never really dealt with it. The whirlwind we'd already been on together was enough to knock anyone for six but losing our child like that… it really hit me hard."

I take another sip of water, everyone can see my hand shaking as I pick up the glass and press it to my lips and I feel every gaze on me, hear every small camera click.

"Finding out my Mom was a terminally ill cancer patient was like someone had just dropped a bomb in my life, and believe me having had bombs in my life I know that is exactly what it felt like." A few chuckles resonate around the room and I smile weakly. "It was hard, I'd not long found out I was pregnant again and I was already scared. We did what we could for Mom though but not even all the money in the world could have made her survive. She died on the tenth of March." I close my eyes and will my tears away, now is not the time to cry about this. "It was early in the morning, three thirteen am when she was pronounced dead. During the course of the day I blacked out multiple times from panic attacks and having already been admitted to Swedish Medical Centre after a panic attack and a blackout from high blood pressure it was extremely dangerous to both me and my unborn child."

One of my hands continue to hold Christian while the other strokes my bump where I feel India moving around happily.

"It was then I realised that something had to be done. I couldn't handle the thought that I was harming my child, I couldn't grieve properly because of the emotional state I was in and with the support of my husband and family I made the decision to admit myself into Fairfax Hospital." I make it clear that I admitted myself, I have to because I can't bear the thought that they may think I was forced there against my will. "It was exactly what I needed, a break from my own reality where there was an amazing team of people who could get my through what was probably the worse few hours of my life. Since leaving Fairfax, with the love and support of my family and friends I have grieved for my Mother, I have dealt with the miscarriage and everything that has happened in between. I'm stronger than I have ever been, I am happier than I have been in a long time." I grin up at Christian. "I'm not cured." I continue to look at him for a moment before looking directly at my 'audience'.

"Depression doesn't just go away but with love and support from the right places it can heal over time. I have been blessed enough to have that love and support to find myself where I am today. Thank you." I smile and hands shoot up and my name is called. Hannah looks at her own iPad where a list of names and what they report for are listed, I know she has to go for the international news the most, the big dogs, because at the end of the day this could have a very good effect on my public image as well as a very bad one.

"Ben Hope, Sky News." Hannah says and a small balding man stands quickly.

"Mrs Grey, you said you committed yourself into the behavioural hospital. How did you know what you were feeling wasn't just grief?"

"In all honesty I didn't know however the way I was, the emotional state I was in was hurting both me and my child. We could have both ended up dead with my blood pressure possibly causing a placenta abruption and I knew it wasn't a medical problem that was causing my blood pressure to be so high, it was an emotional one, going to Fairfax was needed in the same way as going to a medical hospital would have been if it was a physical reason my blood pressure was so high it was causing me to blackout." I explain and he nods and sits down.

"George Freeman ABC News." Hannah says loud enough for everyone in the room to hear her. A tall, grey haired man with a thick beard stands and I nod at him in acknowledgement.

"Mrs Grey, you said twice that you committed yourself into Fairfax hospital, do you stand by that statement."

"Of course. I'm a determined person Mr Freeman, believe me when I say had I not wanted to go I never would have." I smirk as Christian chuckles beside me, he knows I mean exactly what I said.

"Rebecca Ash CNN."

"My question is for Mr Grey." Rebecca says flicking her blond hair over her head as my husband sits up a little more. "Mr Grey how did it feel for you to witness your wife in that emotional state?"

"It was extremely painful but I stood by the decision she made. I understood why she went to the hospital." He gives my hand a small squeeze. "It was for her and our daughter, as painful as it was to be away from her I had to let her do it. Seeing her in that emotional state killed me inside. I've never been in that much emotional pain in my entire life." He says looking at me while he finishes not at Rebecca.

"Ok that's all we have to say." Hannah says bringing it to a close as she sees both me and Christian getting emotional. Right now I just want him to take me home and hold me.


	252. Chapter 252

**Thursday 12th April**

It's not all blown over yet but the press seem to have backed off. What more could I have really asked for than that. Today I spend making the last minute plans for Hannah's bridal shower slash bachelorette party. Sawyer has been harassing me all day for the details which he's not getting, the only security person involved is Taylor as obviously I can't have Luke with me. He knows everything and has agreed he won't carry back any of the tales. Luke's bachelor party is tomorrow night which means it doesn't cause any conflict seeing as its Taylor who's planned that as the best man.

**Friday 13th April**

Tonight Hannah and I are having us time seeing as Luke, Taylor and Christian are out for Luke's Bachelor party. Hannah agreed with me it was a good idea for her to be here especially if they come home wasted as I can't exactly do much about it.

Gail joins us for some homemade pampering with facemasks, nails, chick flicks, plenty of fizzy drinks, candy and popcorn.

The men arrive home at three am jarring us awake where we all slept in the living room.

"Shh, my wife's in bed." Christian giggles… he actually giggles, oh no he's as drunk as can be I'm sure of it.

"Sorry man, she's with my soon to be wife." Luke slurs.

"Come on fella's let's get you to bed." I hear Taylor say, I think he may be sober!

Hannah, Gail and I head out of the living room to see Taylor struggling with the two drunks and I can't help but laugh.

"Oh there's my sexy wife." Christian slurs. "Hey baby."

"You're drunk."

"Just a bit." He makes a small gap with his fingers.

"Hmm, more than a bit. Bed, now." I'm not angry, at all but I have a long day tomorrow.

"Yes ma'am." He says before heading unsteadily for his room.

"I'll give you a hand with him." Gail laughs going over to Luke and Taylor, Luke is half asleep on Taylor, it's quite funny to see.

Hannah and I giggle as we follow them up the stairs. Me quite nervously hoping Luke doesn't fall back or I'm in trouble.

Once safely in my room I see Christian on the bed in just his boxers, his cock to attention with him snoring lightly. I can't resist. I crawl onto the bed and take his stiff cock from the confides of his boxers, he doesn't move but as soon as my mouth is around him he grunts and shifts his hips up.

"Jesus Ana." He spits leaning up to watch me.

"Mmm." I hum pulling back before letting him go with a pop. "I want you." I say, I am completely turned on and really do want him.

"You on top baby." He says as I peel my night gown off and jump from the bed as quick as I can manage. I peel my panties off and quickly climb back on him, taking him inside of me completely.

I work till we both come apart and we fall asleep together naked. Perfect.

**Saturday 14th April**

Hannah and I leave quite early for Escala to get ready for our day. Sophia, Grace, Lois, Clare and Wendy meet us there excitedly. I crack open the champagne for everyone and the apple cider for myself. I am actually quite pleased that I can't drink because it means at least one of us will be completely sane. I notice Grace putting her glass to one side and making a glass of the apple cider too, I guess she'd rather not drink either.

We start off by giving Hannah her bridal shower/bachelorette party gifts. They include a tiara with veil, large L plates for her front and back, a blow up dildo which had us all bar Lois laughing and a necklace that has a shot glass on it.

Then we get pampered by the team I have come over to Escala, it's cost me a small fortune to have it here but in all honesty I think it works out the same amount as a few hours at a day spa would for all of us.

Afterwards we give Hannah her real presents which she loves. They're just things I guess all new brides should have like ornaments for her and Luke's place which they'll be moving into when they get back from the honeymoon.

Then after crappy pizza for lunch it's some Bridal Shower games, more subdued and Mom friendly compared to what tonight's games will be like such as a game of bingo with the word Bride instead of bingo and facts about Luke and Hannah instead of numbers, I had fun with that one! Then a scavenger hunt I had Taylor come and set up earlier in the day. Then a question game, I cornered Luke a few days ago and asked him loads of questions about his relationship with Hannah and then have her sit in the seat and ask her the same questions.

By the time we're eating cake it's time to go and get ready for the meal and the night out. We all get ready together, the women who have been drinking merry and Grace and I sober as judges but just as giggly without the alcohol.

It's then on to the Mile High Club for the meal in a private room. It goes without a hitch and then it's time to say goodbye to Grace and Lois and hit the club.

The night was perfect, even the stripper was brilliant and Hannah clearly loved it! When we get back to Escala it takes a while for Taylor and I to get everyone to their rooms but eventually we manage it, lastly Hannah and I collapsing in mine and Christian's bed.

"I'm getting married in a week!" Hannah sings as I try to get her out of her dress.

"Yes, a week to go." I amuse her just because I'm hyped up on soda.

"What's it like to be married Ana?" She asks softly, her eyes looking at me like she's just completely sobered up.

"Well." I say handing her nightgown over that she quickly pulls over her head. "It's hard work, but as long as you love each other, are in love with each other then you have a reason to put that hard work into it."

"Yeah." She smiles. "I hope I always love him."

"I think you will and he you. Now Hannah get into bed." I giggle.

"Yes Mrs Grey." She pouts climbing into what I would call my side of the bed, not that I mind, I prefer it actually.

I quickly slip into my nightgown, text Christian to let him know I love him and get to sleep.


	253. Chapter 253

**Sunday 15th April**

"Ana…" I hear whispered in my ear but somehow I know I'm dreaming, I'm sharing a bed with Hannah not Christian but it's voice I'm hearing. "Ana…"

Maybe I'm not dreaming. My eyes flash open and there blinking at me are a pair of grey eyes. My fifty really is here.

"Christian." I beam wrapping my arms around him.

"Shh, Hannah is still sleeping. Come have some breakfast." He says quietly.

"Ok." I reply letting him help me out of bed and into my robe. I'm so happy he's here.

In the kitchen I find Luke, Wendy, Sophia and Clare all sat around the breakfast bar talking quietly and eating. I guess they're letting Hannah sleep in some.

"How come you three don't look hungover? You were wasted last night." I say looking at the three women.

"We weren't wasted!" Wendy giggles, her blond bob bouncing around her ears as she does so. For an older woman in her early fifties she doesn't look it and definitely didn't act it last night, she was the worst one!

"Pft!" Is my only reply, I'm the one who struggled with Taylor, even in my pregnant state to bring them into the apartment.

"How much did Hannah drink?" Luke asks sipping at his coffee.

"Uh, I lost count but let's say she was drunk happy when I finally got her into bed." I laugh but then I see both Luke and Christian staring at me horrified. "What?"

"Did you have to carry her to bed?" Christian asks.

"No, more drag her." I giggle but then stop again when I see that Wendy and Clare both look horrified too. "What?" I snap, I don't like them staring at me like this.

"Ana, you're pregnant you're not supposed to lift anything heavy." Luke says quietly, I see guilt playing on his face.

"No, she one isn't that heavy and two, she walked just leaning on me for support."

"And what if she'd fallen and taken you down with her?" Christian yells, everyone flinches but me.

"She didn't Christian. She threw herself onto the bed, I helped her change and then got in beside her, I watched her for a little bit to make sure she wasn't going to be sick and once I knew she was sleeping heavily I fell asleep too, we were fine, Jellybean included." I say firmly, I know what could have happened, they all crossed my mind when I struggled with her but we made it without a problem!

"You shouldn't be putting yourself at risk like that Ana." He scolds.

"Sorry, I won't next time." I reply dryly, I wasn't really in that much risk was I? "So what are the plans for today?" I ask my husband as he makes me a hot cup of tea.

"Hmm, I thought we'd go home and just spend some time together." Christian says trying hard not to say anymore on the previous subject.

"Sounds good to me Mr Grey."

And that's exactly what he does. We spend the entire day in the bedroom just him and me and it was perfect.

**Monday 16th April**

Having given Hannah the week off I'm a little more than stuck at work. I don't want to take Sophia from Wendy as they've built up a great relationship but working without an assistant is annoying especially working from home when I need someone to fetch and carry for me.

"Ana you in here?" Christian asks coming into the study where I've been all day, the evidence of which in the form of a plate and mug beside my desk. I asked Gail not to disturb me and if I wanted anything I'd come and get it.

"Yup, right here." I say still typing, I'm working on the final instalment of the Fifty series.

"You going to stop working anytime soon?" He asks. "Gail says dinner's almost ready."

"Fine, just want to finish this block." I reply still not taking my eyes off the computer and my hands from the keyboard.

"Ana…" He groans.

"Ok two seconds…. There… and I'm done." I knock the save button and put the computer into shut down. "I'm all yours."

"Good." He smiles coming over to kiss me. "So what would you like to do this evening?"

"Go swimming." I reply and his eyebrows raise.

"Swimming?"

"Yes, I went to a couple of Mommy to be swimming classes." I explain. "I'd like to go swimming."

"Ok, I'll get Taylor to set up the pool."

"Pool?"

"Yes in the back part of the basement." Christian replies nonchalantly.

"We have a pool?"

"Yes, right next to the gym, through the door on the left. It's a part of the spa. I though you knew that."

"No I paid no attention to the basement." I shrug, I didn't even look through the plans on that in all honesty once I heard the word gym I zoned out.

"It's big, not as big as a public swimming pool but it's big enough to do lengths in if you wanted too." He explains but I'm still in shock.

"Did you say spa?" I grin and he laughs cheekily.

"I did say spa, there's a massage table, Jacuzzi, and a few other stuff I'm sure will get used at some point." He shrugs like it's no big deal to have an entire spa in your basement.

"Ok." I giggle. "Swimming it is. Maybe you can get all hot and sweaty in the gym for when I'm done." I tease giving him a wink.

"Now that is an idea I really like." He grins.

"It's a shame Hannah's using Escala this week, I really wouldn't mind a trip to the playroom." I add seductively as I wrap my arms around my husband, I've been quite aroused all day in honesty and it needs to be dealt with.

"I think we have enough toys here that we could improvise with Mrs Grey." He replies just as seductively, as if sex was dripping from every syllable. "But first I need you fed." He says pulling away and grasping my hand, _way to spoil the moment Mr Grey!_

After I'm thoroughly fed Christian and I go upstairs together. As soon as he's clicked the door shut behind him pulls me into him and begins to kiss me viciously. We're all tongues and teeth but as soon as I begin undoing his button's he pulls my hands down and tuts.

"What?" I groan, I'm hot and wanting seriously needing him and he's stopping me?

"You're going swimming and I'm going to the gym." He says before kissing the tip of my nose. "We'll save the rest till later."

He walks to his closet leaving me standing there mouth agape in shock. He wants to give me delayed gratification he can, but he has to remember two can play at that game.

I find one of my maternity swimwear items and change quickly. I don't bother with a robe. Poking my head around Christian's closet door I want to jump him. He's in a skin tight vest and a pair of cycling shorts. So hot! Every line of his sculpted body is visible under the thin fabric and I want to trace every groove with my finger till I reach my favourite part of his body.

"Enjoying the view Mrs Grey." Christian asks as my eyes travel northward to meet his.

"Very much so Mr Grey." I reply, he chuckles and I groan. I want him. Now.

"Come…"

"Yes please." I cock an eyebrow as he looks completely dumbfounded at me.

"Later, swim, now." He says grabbing my hand and whisking me away, I guess the gratification won't be as delayed as he first though, he just can't handle himself sometimes.

In the basement gym Christian un fogs the glass screen which then reveals the swimming pool and spa. I'm in shock. It's stunning with aqua, cream and gold miniature tiles surrounding the place in the most beautiful patterns.

"Have fun baby, towels should be in the large cream cupboard with the gold handles." He says against my temple before he kisses me and heads over to the punching bag. I want to watch him but I also want him to watch me which I know he will when he positions himself so he can see through the glass.

I walk through the door, the tiles surprisingly warm against my feet. I suspect Christian preferred this room to be warm unlike public pools which always seem so cold. I pick a large towel from the cupboard and a smaller one ready for my hair before going to the pool. It's a simple elongated four lane pool with steps on both sides and a short diving board on one. The pool has a slope inside so it's deeper at the diving end.

I step down the cream tilled steps, the water hitting my toes then my ankles then continues up until the last step and the water comes just up above my elbows. It's clearly not a pool for playing around in but one for swimming.

Suprisingly, I remember a lot of stuff from the pre-natal water aerobics class and get some well needed work out. I will be attending fit for baby classes this week but getting to work out in my own home is nice too, maybe I'll have to buy a yoga DVD and have Christian place a TV in the centre of the gym so I can work out too.

I swim a few lengths before I spot Christian standing just inside the door, his eyes on me. I smirk, I can't help but wonder how long he's been standing there.

"Everything ok Mr Grey?" I ask teasingly, I want him, now.

"Just fine Mrs Grey, just enjoying the view."

"Take me to bed Mr Grey?" I ask stepping out the pool, taking each step one at a time, my eyes not leaving his.

"I thought we should give the Jacuzzi a try." He says with a smirk.

Oh yes please!

**a/n: So from now on I'm going to be skipping to the important dates in the Grey's lives just to get passed all this nonsense, in all honesty I just want the baby born!**


	254. Chapter 254

**So here it is for the first of the jumps! I hope it works also hope it makes up for the lack of kinkiness in the last chapter!**

**Italics are memories**

**Wednesday 2nd May 2012**

I cannot believe it has been a year to the day since I met Christian. A whole damn year since I fell into his office making him think I was a natural born submissive just because I was shy. It's gone by so quickly but then looking back so much has happened. The most recent being the big bad argument Christian and I had about breastfeeding with each other and then with Sandra and Flynn.

_It all started about a week ago, a few days after Hannah's wedding Michaela my wonderful professional labour coach or Doula called to talk to me about breastfeeding classes at Swedish. I hadn't been and she knew that and I explained to her that I didn't want to breastfeed. After a long conversation with her about breastfeeding which I found highly uncomfortable I agreed to take the seminar and then make my mind up. _

_Christian came with me. It was great and not only did we learn a great deal I became a little bit more comfortable with the idea of breastfeeding and being a working Mom too. Christian had promised he didn't mind either way but he seemed to be into the idea of me breastfeeding our child more too and we left the seminar talking about the skin to skin bonding and other fun facts we'd learned. _

_However, my Skype chat with Sandra that evening left me in a little bit of a mess. The antidepressants I have been on since my admittance to Fairfax are advised not to be used when breastfeeding. I told Sandra that we'd have to change them but then she went on a long and winding explanation about how different drugs work for different people and that I had been lucky to take to the first drug I tried. Eventually after arguing with her further I hung up on her and went to find Christian. _

_His answer was simple, we don't breastfeed and go with the original plan of formula but I wasn't happy in the slightest. My earlier reservations about breastfeeding had gone out the window and I wanted nothing more than to breastfeed our daughter. My answer – come off the antidepressants. _

_Christian hit the roof. He knew that I wouldn't be in the place I am now if it wasn't for the combination of drugs and therapy and Sandra and I had already been discussing lowering the dosage when Jellybean is about six weeks old and then hopefully weaning me off them when I start back at work, when I have an established routine in my life with my child. _

_I point blank refused. After dinner when Gail handed me the pill pot with a chocolate shake I took the shake into my study leaving Christian at the dinner table with the drugs. I was surprised when Christian didn't follow me and I got absorbed in writing The Final Fifty Shades, he last book in my trilogy for about an hour before there was a mild knock on my office door. _

"_Come in." I called, expecting it to maybe be Gail. I was surprised when I spun my chair around to see John Flynn stood there. _

"_Hello Ana." He said in his calm and soothing voice, the one he used often when I was in Fairfax. _

"_Hi." I replied feeling a little self-conscious, I knew for a fact I looked flustered and I was mildly turned on from the hot kinky fuckery scene I was in the middle of writing. _

"_Can we talk?" He asked signalling to the couch and I knew I couldn't say no so nodded and put my computer into sleep mode before taking one side of the L shaped couch. _

"_Christian called you." It was a statement and not a fact. _

"_Yes he did. He said you were refusing your medication." John explained, I knew why, he didn't need to tell me. _

"_I want to breastfeed." I shrugged my hands automatically finding my now plainly obvious basketball bump. _

"_He said that too, can you explain to me why you decide now to want to breastfeed?"_

_Awkward. Being in a the seminar was easy because everyone was there to talk about breastfeeding but this intimate setting, my office with John Flynn wasn't at all comfortable. _

"_I just do, the skin to skin contact, the ability to feel your child suckling." I explained hoping he understood. _

"_Did they explain to you that you can have all that without having to breastfeed?" John asked and I shook my head no, how is it possible? "Rhian was on some medication with our second child and couldn't breastfeed, she was worried about missing out on the things you've mentioned and her midwife taught her how to hold the child against her bare chest and let our baby suckle on her little finger or thumb instead of a pacifier, Rhian got the same experience without putting our child at risk." John talked casually, like he wasn't throwing advice down my throat which made me feel a little more at ease._

"_Really?" I asked nervously, John just nodded. "Ok." I sighed rubbing my forehead. _

"_There are ways and means Ana, you're not the first person to be unable to breastfeed because of medication and neither will you be the last, also you should know that just stopping your medication abruptly could have a serious effect on you."_

"_Ok." I felt like a child being scolded. _

"_Good, now here." He took the pill pot from his pocket and I struggled not to make a comment before throwing them into my mouth and swallowing them dry. "Next time call me or Sandra, talk through your issues properly don't just have a meltdown ok?" He teased as he got to his feet, I could only give him a nod. _

But that was then and this is now. I've dressed as sexy as I can manage with my baby bump which in all honesty isn't very sexy at all. Oreon has been let in on my plan so he has my car keys ready for me when I arrive downstairs in a red dress and red bejewelled heels, I miss Sawyer so much but he'll be back to work on Monday when he and Hannah get back from Dubai, after the amazing time Christian and I had there it just seemed right to send them there for their honeymoon.

"Have fun." Oreon teases, I'm still not sure of him but the past twelve days with him as my security instead of Luke have been a nice way to get to know him and he's much softer than he looks when talking to him, maybe he really will be a great addition to the team for us when Jellybean arrives.

I drive over to Grey's house excitedly, this is really going to be fun and Christian has no idea. I actually wonder if he's realised it's a year since we've known each other. Sometimes it feels like much longer. I mean, come on! We're married with a kid on the way but this time last year I was a virgin! It's shocking to think it's only been a year.

I park beside Christian's car and Taylor meets me in the foyer looking surprised.

"Ana, where's Oreon?"

"Oh I told him I was coming here and that there was no need to accompany me." I say with a smirk. "I know it's not the same building but it was exactly a year ago I arrived to interview Christian."

"A year?" Taylor looks surprised and I giggle and nod.

"I just wanted to surprise him, don't let him know I'm here." I say and Taylor nods and heads back towards the security office allowing me to go to the elevator on my own.

It's surprising to see this Grey's House near a double of the old one, even though it's in a complete different place all together the inside is almost a spitting image of the first. On the top floor Andrea runs around to meet me looking flustered, I know it's because she had no idea I would turn up.

"Mr Grey in his office?"

"Yes, should I let him know you're here?"

"No it's a surprise. Thanks though Andrea." I smirk before walking confidently to Christian's office.

Remembering the first time I was here being told to go in without knocking that Mr Grey was expecting me I take a deep breath and open the door, I couldn't have gotten the timing any more perfect as I stumble purposely over my feet and land on my knees so I don't hit my bump at all.

"Jesus Ana!" Christian yelps hurrying over to me and helping me up.

"Mr Grey." I say flustered. "Hi I'm here to interview you for the school paper." I say extending my hand to him, he frowns but I raise my eyebrows expectantly and he smirks and shakes my hand.

"It's a pleasure to meet you." He murmurs just going with whatever I do, I know this isn't exactly how it played out but that's kind of the point.

"Are you gay Mr Grey?" I ask blinking my eyes innocently as soon as I'm sat opposite him.

"My wife wouldn't think so, especially seeing as she's carrying our child." He says amused at what I'm doing.

"Oh fuck it Mr Grey, I'm no submissive but I want you to do very dirty and kinky things to me." I say and he laughs a full bellied laugh as he comes over to me on the couch.

"Ana baby what was that about?" He asks hovering over me, we couldn't have sex in this position now because of the baby but I love seeing his grey eyes digging into my blue ones.

"It was a year today." I say quietly. "A year to the date that I stumbled into your office, asked if you were gay and made you think I could be trained as a submissive."

"The day I fell in love with you." He murmurs against my lip. "The best year of my life." He adds with a smile.

"Yup, I wasn't sure you remembered but I did, it's been on my mind a few days it's not exactly our anniversary but I thought we could do something to commemorate the date."

"How about we do exactly what I wanted to do with you when you announced you were leaving?" He asks and I giggle and nod, now this will be fun, I've often wondered what he would have done to me that day if he could, what fantasies were going through his head when I was sat there opposite him blushing and biting my lip every other sentence.

He helps me to my feet and kisses me deeply and roughly.

"Gay you asked Mrs Grey?" He whispers holding me flush against his body. "I'm going to prove to you I'm not gay and punish you for daring to ask such a question."

"Yes Sir." I reply already breathless.

He pulls me over to his desk chair, calls Andrea over the intercom that we're not to be disturbed as I stand beside his chair. He frowns as he looks at me and I frown back confused.

"I don't think I can put you over my lap anymore." He says quietly as he moulds my behind. "We'll have to improvise."

He has me standing by the side of the desk with my palms flat on the surface. I catch him pulling a Perspex ruler from the drawer and my insides clench excitedly.

"I'm going to spank you Mrs Grey, first with my hand then with this, then every time you sit down you'll remember that I proved I was far from gay." He explains as he lifts my dress up my back exposing the white thong panties I'm wearing especially for this moment.

He rubs my behind a little before the spanking begins. I enjoy every hit of his hand, moaning and arching my back getting a harder spank every time my hands leave the surface of the desk as a reminder to obey his rules. This game is better than I could have imagined.

Then he spanks me with the plastic ruler. Each one slightly more painful than his hand but he doesn't have me count, allowing me to just enjoy the sensations he's causing within me, I'm really glad India has gone to sleep because I couldn't focus if she was kicking me.

He tears my panties from my body and slams hard into my from behind. These are the times I'm grateful that he finds it appropriate to soundproof his office just like he did with mine in Ana's Palace. It allows us both to be as loud as we want or need and right now I'm loud, screaming in complete pleasure as he assaults me from behind, this position works very well with the baby bump too.

We both come apart gloriously but I know Christian's not done with me.

"I want you under the desk with me in your mouth." He says huskily into my ear. My insides clench excitedly as I quickly get under his desk. I tease him back to life but then take him into my mouth. I'm shocked and horrified when I hear him on the phone as I'm manipulating him with my mouth. His hand is on the back of my head, stroking me and helping me fuck him with my mouth. I suck, lick, bite, taking my time to savour him while he makes one phone call after another, his voice giving it away that he's not quite himself!

He's on the phone with someone when he comes apart. Hot liquid fills my mouth and I swallow quickly as Christian grunts and tries to be quiet. When I'm done I begin to tuck him back into his trousers as he apologises to the person on the other side of the phone, that was amazing I can't believe we did that!

"Oh no Ana, I'm not done with you yet." He says as I stand. I should be shocked he could even consider going again but honestly I'm not, he has me sit on his desk with my legs parted and he takes his turn to manipulate me with his mouth. I want to watch but am disappointed that my baby bump stops me from being able to see what his tongue is doing to me that has me coming apart quickly.

"That was the best surprise ever Ana." He says as I cuddle up on his lap.

"Hmm, I just wanted to do something to celebrate this year we've known each other, this time one year ago began everything that led us up to here." I explain and he nods in agreement, I'm right I know I am.

"I have work to do." He sighs when an alarm on his computer signals a meeting.

"It's ok, I have things to do to." I reply getting up. "Now was that everything you'd imagined that day I interviews you Mr Grey?" I ask sorting out his tie as he straightens out my dress.

"And more." He replies. "Come I'll walk you down."

"It's ok, you go work. I'll see you tonight." I lean up and kiss him softly before heading out making sure to add a sway to my hips as knowing my husband he's watching my backside as I walk.


	255. Chapter 255

**Monday 18th June 2012**

"Happy Birthday baby." I smile as Christian blinks his grey eyes up at me, he looks so adorable when he wakes.

"Morning." He grumbles turning onto his back.

"What's wrong?" I frown, I just want to give him his presents and have breakfast with him and maybe engage in some kinky fuckery before he has to go to work.

"Nothing, sorry baby hey." He smiles but I'm not convinced.

"Christian." I moan childishly, "what's wrong?"

"I forgot it was my birthday." He blushes.

"So? You've been busy with work, but I didn't, now I have presents do you want them now? Or do you want to wait till we go to your Mom's tonight?"

"Presents?" He grins excitedly that beautiful boyish smile that makes my heart pound faster.

"Yup." I smile.

"Now, don't make me wait Ana." He says excitedly and I jump off our bed and go into my closet. There are definite advantages to having separate closets. I bring them back into the room and place them on the bed. He looks surprised at the small pile of gifts I got him.

"Well open them then!" I say wanting to know what he thinks of them and he doesn't disappoint by quickly going for the top present.

"Read the label." I warn him and he rolls his eyes before picking up the label. His eyes lights up when he reads it.

_To Daddy, lots of love from India xx_

"You got me a present from India?" He asks.

"She chose it." I say and he frowns making me giggle. "I was looking for something from me when I saw it and I laughed and she kicked all excited so I couldn't resist." I explain and he nods before going to open it.

The smile on his face when he pulls the tee out of the wrapper makes my heart melt. It's a simple blue tee with Number one Dad written on it but he loves it I can see it on his face.

"I love it. Thank you India." He says speaking to my bump before he kisses it through my nightgown causing India to kick hard.

"Ouch, Christian don't get her so excited this time in the morning!" I scold playfully making him laugh. "Now open the rest."

His next gift is off me and he opens it to find a photo frame. I hold my breath hoping he isn't going to freak out, I think he might as he gapes at the photo inside the silver frame that says "Mommy and me." On it.

"Ana."

"I'm sorry, it seemed a good idea at the time, the photographer was a woman and she was really nice and doing these types of photos were her speciality." I say quickly not wanting a fight today of all days.

"I love it." He says pulling me into an embrace and I breathe easily again.

_Walking from Christasia I have Christian's birthday on my mind. I have no idea what to get him, the same problem all the time what the hell do you get the man who has everything. Last year I gave him me but I can't do that again. I don't even look where I'm going when suddenly I crash into someone. _

"_Jeez I'm so sorry." I say bending down to help the woman in front of me gather up her files. _

"_It's ok, these are just first drafts." She mutters as I notice pictures of nude women. I look more at them and I'm surprised to see all the women in the pictures are pregnant. _

"_These are really good." I mutter more to myself. _

"_Uh thanks." I blush as does the woman in front of me. "Thinking of getting some done?" She asks as I pass the files over. _

"_I don't think so." I shake my head blushing deeper. _

"_It's what I do, as gifts from Mom's to be to their husbands or for a keepsake for the Mom's, it's not expensive and as you've seen they're always tasteful. Take my card, think about it."_

_As soon as I got back to Ana's Palace I had a background check done on the women and was lucky enough to find loads of her work, it truly was beautiful she captured the glow of the Mom's to be and there were some sexy and some just happy, some clothed and some nude and I knew then I had to do it. _

The picture Christian's got in the frame is of me lying on my side. One arm holding up my head, the other placed strategically over my breasts and the photo is from my belly up hiding my modesty completely.

"Ana you look amazing." He says kissing me softly.

"There are a few more but if you hated them I was going to get rid of them." I giggle uncomfortably. "But now I know you like them …"

I hop off the bed and fetch the small file of twenty pictures and give them to him, for someone as self-conscious as I can often be I really had fun doing this photoshoot in comparison to the one Hope sent me on for a magazine doing a huge spread on Fifty Shades. The photographer, Maria, was great, she made sure I was uncomfortable and once I was relaxed being nude we had a lot of fun with the pictures.

"Ana these are amazing. Thank you." He kisses me again and I smile.

All in all I got him a new silver tie, some nice aftershave that I just happened to like the smell of when I walked into a department store in town and a miniature version of the Grace that I had made for him, it works with a remote control and I know Christian's already excited to get to try it out.

"Thank you for my presents." He smiles holding me tight.

"You're welcome, now breakfast." I giggle.

Later that evening we head over to Bellevue. I can't help but remember his birthday last year, when we announced our engagement and Elena almost spoiled the evening. I'm desperately hoping for nothing like that this year. But we're only having family and a few friends around for a sit down meal as next year he turns thirty and we'll make it special for him.

Inside the house Christian is happy to see John and Rhian, Luke and Hannah, Gail and Taylor and Ros and Gwen along with his family. We all sit down and Christian gets to open all his presents, he's like a child and it's quite amusing to watch his reaction to all the presents and to watch him thank everyone too.

Then we sit down for dinner. Grace and I are ok again, after I explained to her my deepest fear after I discussed it with Sandra. It was a really hard conversation to have with her but I know it had to happen because I know she was getting upset with me because I was keeping her at arm's length.

"_Grace can we talk?" I ask, it's nice having the family around for dinner but I know Grace isn't happy here at the moment and I know it's my fault. _

"_Sure Ana." She says awkwardly. I take her outside and sit down with her. I don't even know where to begin but this conversation has to happen tonight, before I ruin our relationship for good. _

"_I'm so sorry for the way I've been behaving towards you lately Grace." I say quietly. "I didn't mean to hurt you or disrespect you like that." Tears prickle my eyes especially as Grace scoots closer and takes my hand. "I spoke to Sandra, told her how I'd been with you and why and she thought I needed to tell you."_

"_It's ok Ana." She reassures rubbing my arm. _

"_I'm scared Grace. Losing my Mom was the most painful experience I have ever been through and I love you with all my heart just like I loved her and I'm scared that if… if something was to happen to you…" I break off as tears sting my eyes and a lump burns in my throat. _

"_Oh Ana." She says pulling me into her arms in a strong embrace. "Oh my dear girl, you should have come to me sooner."_

"_I know. I'm really sorry Grace." I say holding to her tightly, I want this moment to last, I want her to know how sorry I really am. _

"_No, don't be sorry Ana, just know I have no plans of going anywhere anytime soon ok? I know you hurt when you lost your Mom but we take the risk of pain for love, it happens and I love you too my dear, as much as Christian, Elliot and Mia, you're my second daughter and I treasure you. It would be extremely painful for me if anything were to happen to you, it's been painful seeing you holding me away, not letting me in like you used too." She says quietly while still holding me tight. _

"_I won't anymore. Sandra and I have been working on it." I explain and I feel her smiling. _

"_You're a good girl Ana." She kisses my cheek gently. "You're ok."_


	256. Chapter 256

**I couldn't choose between the songs so the two in this are**

**I cross my heart – George Straight**

**I do – 98 Degrees **

**Monday 30th July 2012**

I wake up with a smile. This time one year ago I was getting ready to marry the absolute love of my life, now one year later I am heavily pregnant with our child.

"Good morning baby." He smiles walking into the room with a tray.

"Breakfast in bed?" I ask surprised and he nods, there's even a vase with a red rose in it.

He places the tray down on my lap and I uncover the silver lid to find enough to feed both me and Christian on one plate. There are eggs, bacon and sausages and I know for a fact Gail helped him with this but I won't rain on his parade by pointing that out to him.

"Mmm thank you baby." I smile as he climbs onto the bed beside me and picks up the only fork. He feeds us both, taking the time to give some to me then to feed himself, it feels so natural for him to be this hearts and flowers guy now, when a year ago it was just starting to happen to him.

"So what are the plans for today?" I ask knowing that Christian isn't working and has a whole day of activities planned for us.

"Well it's going to start with us getting very dirty while getting clean." He says shifting the now empty tray over to the bed side cabinet.

"Hmm I like that idea Mr Grey." I smile and he laughs carefree Christian is clearly here today.

It takes less than ten minutes for us to get into the shower together where we're quick to get very dirty. I love how his soap covered hands glide along every inch of my body, awaking every fibre of me till I'm desperate for him.

We make love, fast and hard against the wall of the shower. It isn't as deep as we'd like, the bump containing our daughter in the way for anything to exciting when standing now but the friction is perfect as always and we both come apart loudly and gloriously.

After we're done we both dress and I'm so happy when we head out just to arrive at the marina. Mac takes us out to sea where we christen the bedroom once again.

Christian has me in a spreader bar, in quite an uncomfortable way, on my front with my knees bent underneath me. It would have been fine if it wasn't for the baby bump in the way but we make it work and we come three times each before we have to head back to the marina to go onto part four of this day.

We go to Escala though Christian makes it very obvious we're not going to be going to the playroom. I am shocked and very happy when I see Gail in the kitchen and then am lead to the dining room which is covered in flowers and candles and laid out for the two of us.

We share a perfectly romantic meal of beef goulash followed by an anniversary fruit cake which is a double of the top layer of our wedding cake without the happy couple on the top instead in icing it says "Happy first Anniversary" it's so beautiful it makes me cry.

"Hey Ana, baby what's wrong?"

"Nothing!" I giggle through my tears. "My hormones, this is perfect Christian."

After we've eaten it's time to exchange gifts. I happily give him mine and he gives me his at the same time. I excitedly open the paper surprised to find a jewellery box inside. I take the time to look at the small box and let my eyes drift to Christian's who's watching me carefully. I know by his eyes that he's apprehensive and he's not even looking at his gift. I take a deep breath while opening the box and it hitches in my throat when I see the most beautiful ring cushioned inside.

"It's a pink cushion cut diamond, the two other stones are diamonds too. The casing is gold but the ring is platinum." He says quietly as I still stare at the beautiful piece of jewellery inside the box. "Say something Ana."

"It's stunning Christian." I manage as I pull the ring from the box seeing the word GRAFF engraved on the inside and knowing them to be known for being one of the most expensive and best jewellers in the world.

"It's your eternity ring, it goes on the same finger as your wedding and engagement one." He explains and I slip the ring on not surprised at all to find it a perfect fit. "Mom said it was when she got her eternity ring, I don't know if you're supposed to buy it for the first anniversary or what I…" I shut him up by kissing him hard, the ring is beautiful and I didn't even think of maybe getting an eternity ring from him ever really.

"I love it Christian, it's perfect, it's beautiful. Now will you open yours?" I laugh as he looks at me dumbfounded.

He nods and peels back the paper to find a long box inside. I hold my breath as he opens it, praying he likes what's inside. I watch as he pulls out the bracelet and catch a sight of the inscription.

"On our first anniversary, my love, my life." He reads as he breaks out in a smile. I can't help but smile when he puts it straight on, again it's a perfect fit luckily because I had to make a guess when I was at the jewellers. "Thank you baby I love it." He says pulling me in for a steamy kiss.

After we're done at Escala Christian takes me to Bellevue. I know we're joining his parents for dinner later but I am surprised when he leads me around the back and straight to the boathouse. Just as it was when he proposed there are flowers everywhere. On top of that, different to last time, there's an iPod docking station and a blow up mattress. I pray that Grace had nothing to do with this, or Carrick! That would be so embarrassing but Christian gives me no time to think.

He goes over to the iPod and puts on some music, I begin to cry again as I recognise the song that comes on.

_I do, I do, I do, I do, _

_Hmm_

_All I am_

_All I'll be_

_Everything in this world_

_All I'll ever need_

_Is in your eyes shining at me_

_When you smile I can feel_

_All my passion unfolding_

_Your hand brushes mine_

_And the thousand sensations seduce me cause I_

He takes me into his arms, holding me close he looks deep into my eyes. I can see the love there like I could the last time we danced to this song, on our wedding day. This was the one we danced too but of course there was also the song I walked down the aisle too.

_I do, Cherish you_

_For the rest of my life_

_You don't have to think twice_

_I do, love you still_

_From the depths of my soul_

_It's beyond my control_

_I've waited so long_

_To say this to you_

_If you're asking if I love you this much_

_I do_

He whispers the song into my ears as we sway to the music. I grip his shoulders and smile as I sing back, this has got to be the most romantic moment since our wedding but it's perfect. Absolutely perfect, especially when he places one hand on my bump for a moment and rubs it.

_In my world, before you_

_Lived outside my emotions_

_Didn't know where I was going_

_Till that day_

_I found you_

_How you opened my life_

_To a new paradise_

_In a world torn by change_

_Still with all my heart _

'_Til my dying day_

I cry silent happy tears. He is my everything and the words of the song is probably more suited to us now than it was when we were married, everything has changed but in such a good way.

_I do, Cherish you_

_For the rest of my life_

_You don't have to think twice_

_I will, love you still_

_From the depths of my soul_

_It's beyond my control_

_I've waited so long_

_To say this to you_

_If you're asking if I love you this much_

_Yes I do_

Christian kisses me gently before going back to singing in my ear. I just smile and cry happy tears while trying to sing along too. It's more whispering from both of us than singing but here in the boat house where he proposed properly, down on one knee with the ring, it was just magical and I remember how happy I was, how perfect everything was, before Jack Hyde of course but all of the bad don't outweigh the good.

_I do, I do, _

_If you're asking if I love you this much _

_Baby I do_

_Cherish you_

_For the rest of my life_

_You don't have to think twice_

_I do, love you still_

_From the depths of my soul_

_It's beyond my control_

_I've waited so long_

_To say this to you_

_If you're asking if I love you this much_

_Well baby I do_

_I do_

We continue to sway when the music comes to an end but I'm not surprised when another song starts up. It's the song I walked down the aisle too. He takes me over to the bed and sits me down on the edge of it. He sings as he begins to take off my clothes slowly.

_Our love is unconditional_

_We knew it from the start_

_I see it in your eyes_

_You can feel it from my heart_

_From here on after_

_Let's stay the way we are right now_

_And share all the love and laughter_

_That our lifetime will allow_

I chose this song, it was one Ray had listened to a few times and as soon as I knew I could choose my own song to walk down the aisle too I chose this one, it's the first one that came to my mind and I couldn't have chosen any other and I'm surprised that Christian knows it.

_I cross my heart_

_And promise to_

_Give all I've got to give_

_To make all your dreams come true_

_In all the world_

_You'll never find_

_A love as true as mine_

I undress him too, he doesn't stop me, just watches me with all the love he has for me shining in his eyes. I can feel it from him and it causes more happy tears. I think Christian knows this time though as he says nothing just wipes them away with his thumb before kissing my cheeks softly.

_You will always be the miracle_

_That makes my life complete_

_And as long as there's a breath in me_

_I'll make yours just as sweet_

_As we look into the future_

_It's as far as we can see_

_So let's make each tomorrow_

_The best that it can be_

Once we're both naked Christian climbs over me and enters me swiftly. His eyes never leave me the entire time. I move with him the best as I can but this position isn't the most comfortable with my growing bump but I don't care. I am smiling and so is he. We move slowly to the beat of the music, just enjoying the love we feel for each other.

_I cross my heart_

_And promise to_

_Give all I've got to give_

_To make all your dreams come true_

_In all the world_

_You'll never find_

_A love as true as mine_

We come together, at the exact same time. That's never happened before and it couldn't have happened at a more beautiful moment. I lay in his arms as he coddles, kisses and caresses me and my bump that's cocooning our child as the song continues to play softly in the background.

_And if along the way _

_We find a day it starts to storm_

_You've got to promise of my love _

_To keep you warm_

_I cross my heart_

_And promise to_

_Give all I've got to give_

_To make all your dreams come true_

_In all the world_

_You'll never find_

_A love as true as mine_

"A love as true as mine." I finish with the song. Christian just smiles and kisses me.

"You know, if I could marry you all over again I would." He mumbles.

"Why?" I ask turning to look at him, he has so much happiness in his eyes right now and I want nothing more than to capture it on film though I don't have a camera with me.

"Because I could tell you over and over again everything I promise you in front of all our family and friends." He says, it's so romantic it brings more tears into my eyes.

"I love you Christian." I say snuggling my cheek against him.

"I love you too Anastasia, so much it hurts." He replies and I know that's the truth, my love for him hurts sometimes. Of course the moment has to be 'ruined' by a daughter missing out on the fun. She kicks me so hard, my belly against Christian's chest causes him to feel it too so she makes us both jump.

"I love you too India." He says close to my belly between kisses. Damn my hormones as I start to blubber like a baby. "We both do." He adds.

After another love making session we get ready again and head over to the house. Grace is all over us as soon as we're inside, hugging and kissing us both in greeting congratulating us on our first year married. In the living room Kate, Elliot, Mia and Ethan are there along with Gail and Taylor. I guess they will be sharing our celebrations with us too which I love, they're like family.

"Oh the door." Carrick says hurrying to get it while Christian and I get drinks and sit down.

Kate and Mia instantly begin to talk about the baby shower that is until I hear a very familiar voice coming from the hallway.

"Daddy." I say as soon as I see him in the door of the living room.

I bounce from my seat and jump over to him and he catches me picking me up off the floor in the embrace.

"Hey Annie." He smiles as I become a weeping mess once more. "Don't cry." He laughs playfully.

"Baby hormones." I chuckle trying to rub them away. "I can't believe you're here."

"You didn't think I'd miss out on my baby's first anniversary celebration do you?" He asks and I feel a small pang in my chest knowing that would be what Mom would have said had she been able to be here. "I know Annie." Ray says hugging me again, I guess he could tell what I was thinking.

"Come on and sit down and have a drink, it's time for the old married couple to have their gifts."

"Hey enough of the old Mom!" Christian mockingly scolds Grace who laughs.

Christian and I sit together and accept our gift off Grace and Carrick. We open it together carefully and find inside a boxed up china plate. It has both out names in gold inscription and one year and the date on the bottom bit with a beautiful pattern in the middle that looks like origami which makes me think of Mom again. My tears fall freely but I try to make them look like they're from joy and it's the hormones.

"Thank you Grace it's beautiful." I smile.

"First wedding anniversary is paper." She explains not questioning my crying but I look at Christian to see concern in his eyes and I know he can tell the difference between crying crying and happy crying now.

"It's lovely Mom, we'll have to put it in the china cabinet in the living room." Christian smiles putting it back in the gift bag out of the way.

"This is from Ethan and me." Mia says passing us a gift bag. I didn't expect anything off anyone but when I look around at the family I see everyone has a gift of some kind to give us.

Christian and I open it together to find a wedding picture of us that neither one of us knew existed. You can barely tell it's us but Christian and I can. We're holding hands and we're far away from the camera facing each other. The picture is in black and white and mine and Christian's figures have been almost completely blacked out. It's so romantic.

"Mia, Ethan thank you." I smile as Christian fingers the 'happy anniversary' inscription at the bottom of the a4 frame.

"No problem Ana." Mia smiles as I open the card from them which says.

'To my brother and sister-in-law on their anniversary' on the front.

I open it and giggle as soon as I've read it.

"What is it?" Elliot asks excitedly.

"Don't know how you put up with Christian for a year but I glad you did Ana, love you sis." I read smiling happily.

"It's true!" Mia giggles as everyone laughs at her playfulness.

"Us next." Kate says handing us a wrapped gift of herself and Elliot. Again we open it together and I smile when I find a personalised spoof newspaper article, I guess Kate knew about the paper first anniversary thing.

"Christian and Anastasia named couple of the year." Christian reads while I giggle. "Thank you Katherine." He adds sincerely which surprises us both.

"No problem." She smiles as I hug her tight.

"It's my turn." Dad says handing us over a gift bag. "It's nothing much." He adds blushing a little, I think he's seen my surprise that he's gotten us a gift.

I cry again when I see what it is, a slate hanging door plaque with Mr and Mrs Grey in beautiful scrawl and then beneath it Established July 2011 in block. I laugh a little but I love it, it's brilliant and I hug Ray tight.

"Thanks Dad, it's beautiful."

"I'm glad you like it." He says before I sit down and Christian and him shake hands, words pass between their eyes and my intrigue peaks. I remember that they met with each other and went fishing but I never found out what they talked about, maybe I'll ask Christian tonight or maybe not, maybe I don't really want to know and trust that my Dad and Christian are friends is all.

"Just us left." Gail says handing over her gift as soon as Christian has sat down.

I cannot help but laugh when I find two personalised mugs, one with Ana and Christian and the other with Christian and Ana.

"That way neither one of you can fight about whose name goes first." Taylor says and I giggle knowing it was his idea.

"There's one each for you so you don't argue about who uses it too." Gail laughs hitting Taylor's arm as we all laugh.

After all the thank you's we go through for dinner. We eat happily and I can't help but be happy. As the men retire to the front room for drinks and Mia and Kate go off to continue planning the baby shower I slip outside onto the back deck and slip onto the bench swing. The sun is only just setting over the sound and it's so beautiful to see it from here just like it is from home.

"Ana?" Grace's head pops out around the door.

"Hey." I smile as she steps out with two mugs of tea.

"May I?" She signals to one side of the bench swing after she hands me my tea.

"Sure." I go to move my feet but she stops me by taking them into her lap. "I can't believe it's been a year."

"Neither can I." Grace laughs softly. "It's gone by so fast but…"

"So much has happened." I finish for her and she nods.

"It's been one hell of a year." She laughs softly.

"Yup, but the best and worst of my life." I sigh, I know she understands what I mean, it's the best because of Christian but the worst because of losing my Mom. "I wouldn't change any of it."

"I know sweetie." She replies putting her mug down before she begins massaging my feet, if I hadn't been in heels all day and needed a massage I would stop her but it feels so good. "I know." And I know she does.


	257. Chapter 257

**Tuesday 4th September 2012**

It's my due date. At last. I feel like a beached whale and look like one too and today Jellybean should be making her appearance into the world. However, it doesn't seem like she's ready to make her appearance just yet.

Sally has just arrived and Christian shows her through to our bedroom. She's giving me what the call a sweep, which is basically Sally putting her fingers inside of me and trying to loosen up the mucus plug to encourage labour.

We've agreed and booked for me to be induced on September sixteenth if I haven't gone into labour naturally by that date, which is horrible another twelve days! It's killing me already that she's not here I just want to meet her.

"Right Mrs Grey what would you like to do today?" He asks.

"You Mr Grey are going to work, I don't want you here until I need you here." He looks hurt and I can't help chuckling.

"Christian I'm going to need you to take time off when the baby is here, she's not coming today Sally said that so go to the office and do some work, I'm going to work in the study."

"You're supposed to be on maternity leave." He frowns, I haven't taken any maternity leave really having been working from home for the last six weeks, it's my company and I can do what I want and this way when India gets here she'll have all my attention as I'll have worked up until she got here.

"I won't over do it. Go to work baby."

"Fine." He grumbles.

"She might not come until the sixteenth Christian, just go to work please and then when she's here we can have all you attention for a bit." I smile and he relaxes some.

"The slightest sign she's coming Ana and you're to call me ok?"

"I know. I love you, we both do." I say as he presses his hand to my bump where India's kicking up a storm, we caught a beautiful photo a couple of days ago, she pressed her foot so hard against me we could see it completely and Christian took a picture of it before he tickled her toe and she pulled away before doing it again, it turned into the most precious game until she fell asleep on us.

We've also been spending the evenings just listening to her heartbeat with the machine Christian bought. It's so precious having us cuddled in bed just listening to her, knowing she's there the entire time getting ready to be born and come into out lives.

My baby shower happened six weeks ago, the day before I started my 'maternity' leave. Mia and Kate completely outdid themselves but of course the paps got wind of it which sort of spoilt it a little but not enough that it stopped us. We had it at the Fairmont, the entire room was decorated pink and we played so many games and ate and drank. I have one of every decoration in the box where the pregnancy book will eventually go, it's so nice to be able to have all these so we can show India when she's older, she can know all about the nine plus months she spent inside of me before she was born and Christian and I have already bought a baby book to keep a track of her first year.

The press and public sent a lot of gifts to the baby shower, a lot of donations to Carla's Cancer Foundation which is now up and running completely, we work with numerous families in different situations, from children to adults to the elderly. The money we raised has been amazing and I have already decided to run the New York City Marathon in 2013 to raise money and some recognition of the charity. I've already been introduced to a trainer by Claude and we begin six weeks after I give birth meaning we have plenty of time to build me up slowly and we won't just be running to train, swimming, kick boxing and all sorts of stuff are planned to get me in perfect shape to run this race. We're also talking about doing the London Marathon as a practise, that one is a few months before New York so I probably won't be able to run it all but it would be nice to have a practise before running in New York where I'm going to be more known and more represented by the media. Also running in London will be to raise money for a British Charity, Cancer Research UK and MacMillan Cancer Trust. The reason for this is because that if they find a cure for cancer they're not going to keep it to themselves, so it would help the states in the long run but they also support families of cancer patients which is what Carla's Cancer Foundation does.

"Everything ok Ana?" Gail asks as waddle into the kitchen.

"I am so bored." I reply. "She's taking her damn sweet time in making an appearance." I add chuckling as I rub my belly.

"I heard that most first babies are late." Gail says as she makes me a cup of warm tea.

"Hmm, hopefully I won't have to be induced, I don't like that idea very much." I reply shivering at the thought.

"Well you never know, maybe you'll be lucky."

"Knowing my luck she's going to make an appearance at the most awkward of time, I'm going to be in labour for hours in agony giving in to an epidural and then there's going to be even more complications where they have to shove things inside me to help her along." Yeah being pregnant has really had an effect on what I say in public.

"You're being dramatic." Gail giggles.

"I know." I reply as the front door opens.

"Ana!"

"Kitchen!" I reply happy to hear the sound of my Mother-in-laws voice.

"Hey how are you?"

"Fat?" I reply making her laugh. "Nothing yet."

"Oh that's a shame, what did Sally say?" She asks taking a seat as Gail makes her coffee.

"That it doesn't look like today's the day." I reply sadly, I just want her to come now.

"You know, they say to induce labour sex and curry." Grace says so matter of factly I am startled before I burst out laughing. "I'm serious!" She says playfully hitting my shoulder.

"Curry for dinner tonight Ana?"

"Yes please!" I giggle, I can't help it, sex and curry now I wish I hadn't sent Christian off to work.

When Christian arrives home I'm just about ready to jump him. I drag him into the kitchen while he looks on amused. Gail has already made the curry and she just starts lifting it onto plates when we walk into the room.

"Curry?" He asks intrigued, it's not something we have often.

"Your Mom told Ana that sex and curry could induce labour." Gail announces making me blush crimson.

"Did she now?" He says with a smirk as he looks at me, I just shrug and smile mischievously. "Sounds like a great idea." He adds with a wink as I punch his arm playfully.

"You're getting laid tonight Mr Grey." I whisper provocatively into his ear.

"Hmm, I like the sound of that Mrs Grey." He teases sitting down. "So I guess nothing."

"Not even a damn twinge." I whine, I'm really fed up of being pregnant now sadly.

Christian teases me throughout dinner, either not caring or not remembering that Mrs Taylor is in the room with us. By the time we're done I'm near coming apart right there.

"Bed Mrs Grey?" Christian asks helping me from my chair, yeah I can't even stand on my own right now!

"Yes please." I reply almost desperately making Christian chuckle.

Upstairs in our bedroom we waste no time in getting rid of our clothes. He has me on the bed on all fours which we found to be the most comfortable and enjoyable position as my bump grew.

"God don't stop." I moan as he tugs harshly at my hair with one hand while the other holds my hips. It's primal our actions, desperate and needy. I think we're both hoping it will just break my waters but when we both collapse onto the bed after coming twice we're sadly mistaken.


	258. Chapter 258

**Monday 10th September 2012**

She's still not here. There's no sign at all. Sally has been round every day and I'm not even in slow labour. I just want her to come now, I'm desperate to meet her.

As it's my birthday Grace and Carrick wanted to throw me the typical Grey bash but Christian and I agreed that going to Bellevue wasn't a good idea, it would put us another twenty minutes away from Swedish and neither one of us is comfortable with that.

"Hey baby." Christian smiles coming into the kitchen where I've been hanging out most these past few days.

"Hi." I smile, he's been working all day, I sent him again, he would have preferred to stay at home but I wasn't having it at all, he doesn't need to be here yet.

"Happy Birthday." He says taking me in his arms.

"No more sex." I say not caring that Gail and Carrie are both in the room.

"Did I even give you a hint I wanted sex Mrs Grey?" He asks in a cheeky manner.

"Yes. You always want sex Mr Grey, you're insatiable."

"Fair point." He laughs. "Anyway Mrs Grey my parents are going to be here soon along with the rest of our family and I really don't want my parents walking in on us ever again."

"Fair point." I giggle. "So what to do to waste time till your parents get here?" I ask.

"Hot bath and change." He says taking my hand and I giggle hurrying off with him while Carrie and Gail continue to work on the food.

Carrie is so happy to be staying on with us. Her background check revealed that she once used to be a nurse on a paediatric ward before she went into the line of psychiatry. Christian and I discussed my getting better for ages and the fact we no longer needed Carrie as my nurse and then after talking even more we decided to offer Carrie the chance to stay on to be our Nanny, she was excited and accepted without much of a second thought, she was already like family and her leaving would have been hard on us all.

After a hot bath with my husband I change into the long black maternity maxi dress and put on my jewellery. Christian hasn't given me his presents yet, he wants to wait till everyone have gotten here so I have no idea what he's getting me. All I know is just the fact I still have him is a present enough. Everyone loved my eternity ring especially Kate who hinted towards Elliot, they're not getting married for another three months and she's hinting for a ring like mine. Of course Elliot openly announced he knew how much my ring had cost and that even if he saved every penny from his business he wouldn't be able to afford it for about five years. This worried me, I don't like the idea of wearing such an expensive piece of jewellery, something suggested it was even more expensive than my wedding and engagement ring.

When the family arrive, including my Dad I'm sat down in the living room and it's time for gifts Christian comes in with a pile of badly wrapped packages and I know he wrapped each one himself which makes me smile, somehow it makes it seem more special that he took the time to wrap the gifts himself.

"Start with Christian's Ana." Kate says after everyone else has added their gifts making quite a substantial pile.

"Ok, here." Christian passes me one of his and I can guess what it is within reason just from holding it. I unwrap it carefully and I gasp when the CD hits my lap. "Well?"

"Christian this doesn't come out for another four days." I say quietly.

"Yeah well." He shrugs, I've had this P!nk CD on pre-order for a few weeks now, I've become a huge fan of P!nk in the past few months especially and her CD The Truth About Love is due for release on September fourteenth.

"Thank you Christian." I say kissing his cheek.

"Ok Ana, seriously if you're going to kiss him after each gift we're going to be here forever!" Mia giggles while I blush profusely. "Keep it to the end and open another present!"

I open Mia's next, she's a little excited about it which worries me. It's a very large box and when I unwrap the paper I have to open the box to see what's inside.

"I didn't want to buy a set because most of the time half the colours in there don't work for the person they're bought for." Mia explains as I look through the box in shock.

"Mia thank you." I say extremely shocked at everything in the box.

It's my own very big set of Estee Lauder and Lancome Paris make up set. I know from what Mia said and the contents of the box that Mia chose each and every one of these products to make sure it would match my skin tone.

"Another." Christian says handing me a present. I read the label to see it says Ethan but I wonder how much he actually had to do with it.

That thought is reaffirmed when I find a huge makeup box with lights and mirrors everywhere.

"Ethan thank you it's beautiful." I smile and he looks mildly uncomfortable and I flash a wink to Mia who grins and claps her hands, I know she chose it but I don't care, it's beautiful and will look great on my vanity, or beside it, I'm afraid it might fill the entire surface of my vanity on its own.

Then it was another present off Christian. My fingers are near trembling when I open it to find another box from GRAFF the same jeweller that made my eternity ring.

"Christian…"

"Just open it." He says softly but firmly and I smile at him before popping the box open.

Inside I find a watch. The most expensive and beautiful watch I have ever laid eyes on I'm certain of it. Mia, Kate and Grace all gasp at the same time as my eyes water. It's just stunning covered and I mean covered in diamonds and sapphires. My birthstone.

"Christian…"

"It should fit perfectly, I used your wedding watch to get the measurements of your wrist." He says coming closer and opening the small platinum clasp at the back before slipping on the watch.

It's just amazing and surprisingly light for a watch that's all diamonds and sapphires! It twinkles every time I move my wrist and I kiss Christian softly as he continues to kneel in front of me.

"It's beautiful Christian."

"I wanted something with your birthstone and spotted this when I was getting your ring." He explains as his thumb strokes the inside of my wrist gently.

"It's amazing." I say quietly until Carrick coughs reminding us that there are other people in the room, breaking the trance we'd found ourselves in.

"Open mine next." Kate says handing her gift over to me as I sniff back my tears from Christian's gift.

I open the thick yet soft package to find three pairs of skinny jeans and three jumper dresses in various colours, they're all in my size before I was pregnant.

"Call them inspiration." Kate says with a smirk as I giggle, does she think I'll ever be able to go down to my pre-baby weight? Because I don't!

"Thank you they're beautiful." I smile as Grace places them on the side of the chair as Christian passes me the gift from Grace and Carrick.

"Maybe Ana should keep that one till the end." Grace says looking nervous.

"What? Why? Don't be silly Mom." Christian says handing the gift over.

I look at Grace and she gives me a weak reassuring smile and a nod but I can see the nervousness on her face before I begin to open it. I find a wooden box and use my nail to snap it open.

Inside the box is a bracelet. I pick up the linked Italian Charm bracelet carefully as my eyes wander over each of the charms. There's a heart, a butterfly, a handbag and many more, each one crystallised and by the certificate of authenticity saw in the box I know each one is a Swarovski crystal but that's not what really catches my eyes. On the front it says My Daughter on one charm My Joy on the other in a delicate scrawl, as I eye each of the charms I end up at the back where two charms are engraved with 'We were never so blessed as the day you came to us'.

I have my head bowed enough that when I squeeze my eyes shut I don't think anyone sees but still holding the bracelet as my hands begin to shake gives it all away.

"Ana." Christian says as he wraps his hands around mine.

"I'm sorry." I whisper. "Thank you Grace, Carrick it's beautiful." I say trying to hold back the rest of my tears but I can see Grace is wishing she hadn't bought it now. I pull away from Christian and head over to her. She looks really unsure but I wrap her up in a tight hug and kiss her cheek.

It's not that I don't like it. The gift is beautiful and what it means is truly special but I can't help but wish my own Mom was here, she was the same with sentimental gifts and keepsakes and I could imagine her getting something similar costing a lot less and it just made me think of her and it hurt.

"I didn't mean to upset you Ana." Grace says as she rubs my back.

"Maybe we should leave the rest of the presents till after." Carrick says as I continue to cry with Grace, I am an emotional wreck right now and I don't know how long it will take to calm down and Grace just holds me which is nice and needed.

"Ok?" Grace asks as I begin to pull away.

"Yeah I'm sorry."

"Hey don't apologise, I should have thought I just wanted you to know how much you mean to Carrick and I." She explains as I fumble to put the bracelet on.

"I love it and I love you both too I just…"

"It's ok." She interrupts, I guess she understands some.

We decide to have dinner and continue with the presents later. It took a while for me to reassure to Christian that I was fine but he seemed happy when he saw I was wearing the bracelet from Grace and Carrick, it reaffirms to them all that I like it and I do, I think it's one of the most special gifts I have ever had.

We eat and the mood is lifted and after dinner I get to finish opening the gifts which were all amazing and made me teary from happiness. When everyone leaves Christian and I cuddle up in bed and while I'm a whole year older there's a little girl kicking my ribs who soon should be starting off her first year.


	259. Chapter 259

**Wednesday 12th September 2012**

"Luke!" I call from the study, I know he's around somewhere.

"You called?" He chuckles coming into the room, married life seems to suit him he's just that much happier since he came back from his honeymoon and it's a pleasure to see.

"I need to pop over to AG could you drive me?" I ask sweetly but he frowns quickly.

"Ana you're eight days overdue on your pregnancy, you could go into labour at any moment and you want me to drive you to work?"

"I just need to find a file, I don't like anyone, not even Hannah rooting through those drawers. Please." I bat my eyelids and see him softening. "Sally even said the chances are I'll need to be induced so can we please go, I'm fine, labour not started, come on…"

"Ok, fine. I'm going to give Taylor a call…"

"Don't! Christian will overreact I've been stuck in this house for three weeks and I'm going mad Luke!" I reply desperately, it's true, I've not even gone into the meadow much.

"Ok, come on sooner we go sooner we can get back." He replies sighing.

"Yes." I say happily throwing him my TTS keys, he loves driving it on the few occasions he does so I feel like I owe him this.

Once at AG I get stopped by everyone who wants to know if I'm even in slow labour. It's kind of nice but also stopping me from getting to my office which Luke wants me to do quickly so he can get me home before Christian and Taylor find out that I left the house, I think they'd both blow a gasket if they found out.

In the elevator I stretch my back out, I have a dull ache in the lower part of my back, the same type of feeling that I had when my centre of gravity shifted. Luke looks concerned but I shrug him off, I just need one file.

In my office I begin to dig for the file. It's got to be here because it's definitely not at home in the study like I thought it was. I need to go to the bathroom too and fast. I spin around to look at Luke just as it feels like my bladder bursts and water gushes from me and hits the floor.

"Ana?" Luke looks panicked.

"I'm sorry." I say squeezing my teeth together.

"It's ok, it was an accident." Luke says gently, I think he can see my embarrassment.

"Luke, I've not pissed myself, my water just broke." I say and he suddenly does panic.

It's quite funny to see his face go from normal to pale in a millisecond. I'm in no pain so I'm not panicking, well not outwardly showing that I'm panicking.

"My labour bag is in the car. My phone, call Sally." I say not moving in fear of what will happen if I do.

"Ok." Luke nods, his voice dry but he snaps into action and hurries over to the desk where I drop my cell when I came in.

I watch as he finds the number and knocks the call button and he passes the phone straight to me.

"In my bottom drawer there's a pair of maternity jeans and a top and some underwear can you get them for me please." I say quietly as I listen to the phone ringing.

"Ok." He nods gently just as Sally answers.

"Ana everything ok?" I guess she checked her caller ID.

"Sally my water just broke." I say knowing she can hear my panic.

"Ok you're at home right?"

"No!" I yell frustrated. "I'm at Ana's Palace I only came to get a file." I feel tears burning the back of my eyelids and Sally cooing gently.

"Ok have you had a contraction yet?"

"No. I've had a dull ache in my back all morning though." I reply as Luke places the clothes on the desk. 'Get Hannah' I mouth, I'm going to need someone's help to change and she's a good friend and helped me in New York under slightly different circumstances.

"Ok, it's your choice what you do now Ana, you can either go home or you can come to Swedish. It could be a few hours before anything happens but with your waters breaking already you're at risk of infection."

"I don't know." I say panic really beginning to set in now.

"Ok, shh Ana it's ok just take a deep breath for me sweetie and calm down ok?"

"Ok." I reply before taking a deep breath trying to stay calm remember what could happen if I don't.

"Good girl now, it's up to you, you may be more comfortable at home and I can have Michaela there within the hour."

"Ok." I nod though she can't see me.

"You're ok Ana, head straight home, can you have someone drive you?"

"Luke, my security, he drove me here." I explain trying to sound calm when I'm anything but inside.

"Good, call me as soon as the contractions start ok?"

"I will."

"Michaela will know when it's time to come in to the centre."

"Alright." I reply before saying goodbye.

"Luke's waiting outside." Hannah says gently as she comes in. "Come on I'll help you change."

Hannah helps me out of the wet dress and into the clean clothes, it was lucky that I was so scared of wetting myself that I carried a spare outfit with me to leave here in the later part of my pregnancy, it would have been a nightmare if I'd had to travel home in these wet clothes.

Once done Hannah helps me down to the TTS and jumps in her own car to follow me home. We're just turning into the gate when the first contraction hits like a wave over me. I feel everything, my entire midriff tightening and loosening causing a sharp long lasting pain to run through me.

When I open my eyes I see Luke having counted my contraction, bless him, I wonder who's idea it was to get him to read up about it.

"Well?"

"Twenty seconds." He replies putting the car into drive again to go up the garden drive.

We're not in the house five minutes when Christian comes bursting in. He's as white a ghost and seeing as I haven't had another contraction yet I'm feeling fine.

"Ok?" He asks clutching my face.

"Yup." I say popping my p. "I'm ok, we're ok, Michaela's on the way."

"We need to get to the hospital." He's panicking. I can see the fear in his eyes.

"I called Sally, we don't need to go just yet." I reply just before I grab his hand and another contraction sweeps over my body.

As soon as it passes I look up at Luke to see he was counting.

"Eighteen seconds and it was nine minutes after the first." He says.

"Ok this labour is going faster than we could have predicted." Michaela says as she slips into the room which does nothing to calm Christian or me down.

"So what does that mean?" I ask.

"We should get you ready to go to Swedish now and as soon as we know what the third contraction is doing we'll have a better idea of what to do."

"My wife will give birth at Swedish, not at home." Christian snaps, I don't think he realises there's probably still a few hours to go.

"I know Christian." Michaela replies. "Just keep calm and let me do the worrying ok?"

"Fine." He grumbles coming back to stroke my hair.

Luke, Taylor and Michaela get everything into the SUV and come into the room just as the contraction hits I grunt in pain and hold tight to Christian, gritting my teeth and squeezing my eye shut in the process.

"Well?" I ask opening my eyes as the pain passes.

"Eighteen seconds, nine minutes." Luke replies, no changes.

"Should we get to the hospital?" Christian asks.

"Not yet." Michaela replies calmly. "Ana how about having a warm bath and getting dressed in something more comfortable?"

"Ok." I nod already beginning to sweat and nothing's really happened yet!

Christian and Michaela help me up the stairs slowly, the biggest worry being that I'd have a contraction on the stairs and fall down them. Once in the bedroom Christian helps strip me down while Michaela runs the bath and puts on the Jacuzzi jet to help with the back ache.

Once the water is right Michaela and Christian help me into it and surprisingly I am not at all bothered by my nakedness.

Once in the water Christian washes me down while Michaela calls Sally who is on standby for us at the hospital. I am so scared right now but so is Christian though we're both doing what we can to reassure each other and ourselves. I'm in the water when the next contraction hits and I open my eyes in time to see worry engraved on Christian's face.

"Ok?" He asks sponging me down again.

"I'm fine, don't worry yet." I laugh and he kisses me softly.

Once I'm out of the bath Christian and Michaela help into a tank top and pyjama bottoms before getting me onto the bed. There's no need to worry just yet. When the next contraction hits I see Christian checking his watch, I guess he monitored from the last and when it ends I look at him and he sighs.

"Seven minutes and thirty seconds." He replies and now I begin to worry they're coming far quicker than what any of us expected.

"I want to go to Swedish. Now." I say pushing myself off the bed.

"Ok, ok let's get going." Christian looks relieved at my decision.

We all head downstairs and I receive warm hugs from Carrie and Gail before Christian and Luke help me towards the SUV. Once in the confines of the car I begin to relax just knowing we're going to the hospital and that's where I'll be till the baby is born.

Sally meets us by the car with a wheelchair, I could walk but I don't mind the rest in all honesty.

"How are you doing Ana?" She asks as she wheels me inside, Christian clinging to my hand tightly.

"I'm scared." I admit and she chuckles lightly.

"I'd be more worried if you said anything else sweetheart, now we'll take you to your room then Michaela will stay with you while Christian helps me register that you're here." Just as she finish another contraction hits and I cry out in pain, if I knew it was going to be this painful I may have just opted for drugs because I know it's going to get worse from here.

Michaela helps me from the wheelchair into the bed and helps me get out of my pyjamas into a nightgown ready for the first internal examination, first of what I expect to be many.

"How's your back?" Michaela asks as soon as I'm in a cotton nightgown and stood by the bed.

"It hurts." I admit and she doesn't waste any time in taking her fists and rolling them into my lower back just like she taught Christian to do in our meetings.

"Ana how are you doing?" Sally smiles as she and Christian come back into the room, him quickly taking over from Michaela.

"I'm ok." I wince just as another contraction comes, it's more painful this time, much stronger and lasts longer.

"Ok, I want to check you over then I want to attach you to a contraction monitor just for half an hour or so, I know you're doing things naturally so we won't keep you wired up too long ok?"

"Fine." I say letting out the breath I held while I was contracting.

Christian helps me onto the bed and Sally gives me an internal examination. The pain has gone nowhere, it's just weaker around my midriff now.

"Ok you're three centimetres dilated now Ana, things are just beginning, you'll be in the first stages of labour as soon as you hit four ok?"

"Fine." I reply as she drops my nightgown and letting my legs close. Sally then attaches me up to the machine and she and Michaela sit and watch the paper coming out.

"Have you ever seen anything like this?" Michaela's voice hits my ear but then I block it all out as the pain overtakes my body making me rigid.

"Ana, your contractions are coming every thirty seconds, lasting about ten and then stronger and then weaker. Are you sure you don't want an epidural?" I hear Sally ask but I shake my head hard.

"No epidural." I snap firmly, we agreed no drugs.

"Ok, we're going to do a three D scan, I want to see where the baby is at ok?"

"Fine." I spit, just anything to find out what's going on.

Christian strokes my hand as I grip his tight, I can't help it, this is painful. When Sally comes back in she rolls my nightgown up and proceeds with the scan. I'm in too much pain to give her my attention, to busy trying to focus on breathing.

"Ok Ana, Christian, the baby has wide shoulders and is struggling to come down, I want to monitor this closely and if you don't start to dilate some more we'll have to talk about a C-section."

No! I can't have a caesarean, I want to do this naturally, I've been planning this for so long now, no C-section.


	260. Chapter 260

**Wednesday 12th September 2012**

**Christian's POV**

I'm sitting in the office when the phone rings. I see Luke's name and my heart instantly begins to pound hard in my chest. I've been waiting for this moment for eight days actually even longer with me understanding sometimes people go into early labour.

"Sawyer?" I ask as soon as I've answered.

"Ana's in labour. Her water's broke." He says sounding a little worried.

"What about contractions?"

"None yet, I'm taking her home now."

"Home? What do you mean? Where are you?" I ask my voice raising with each question.

"Ana's Palace, she wanted to collect a file." He says and I know he's worrying about my reaction but Ana's in labour, I can't feel anything but worry and fear.

"I'm on my way, I'll meet you at the house." I reply before slamming the phone down. I grab everything quickly and sprint out of my office. Taylor has also been on standby, hanging around my office rather than anywhere else in the building ready for this moment.

"Sir?" He asks jumping to his feet.

"Ana's in labour." I say unable to hide a small smile, even through all the worry I can't help but be excited to meet my daughter at long last.

The drive home is tense. I jumped into the front beside Taylor which is a first but he doesn't say anything as he drives like a bat out of hell to get me home. I see Ana's cars and the SUV are all outside so I know she's home which relaxes me a tiny amount.

I hurry into the house, bursting through the door and straight into the living room. I take two strides over to my wife and hold her cheeks in my hands checking to see if she's ok. I can see how scared she is.

"Michaela is on the way." She says, her voice soft hiding all panic well.

That relaxes me, if anyone is going to be of great support to us in the next few hours it's going to be Michaela.

"We need to go to the hospital." I tell her, I'll be calmer there when I know there are equipment there that can help us if anything goes wrong.

"I called Sally, we don't need to go just yet." She replies trying to show me she's calm when I know that she's anything but calm, her eyes are wide and fear filled.

Suddenly she grabs my hand tightly and her eyes screw shut, her teeth gritting inside her mouth. The pain must be unbearable, I can see it everywhere on her, from her face to her body, how she's stiffened and is holding her breath in her chest.

"Eighteen seconds, nine minutes after the first." Luke says, I'm grateful someone was counting, I had Luke and Taylor learn how to count the contractions in case Ana went into labour when I wasn't there.

"Ok this labour is going faster than we could have predicted." Michaela says as she enters the room, I know Taylor was waiting for her to arrive and show her straight in.

That doesn't calm me down, that worries me and Ana too her eyes widen just a little more, pools of blue looking at me terrified.

"So what does that mean?" I ask as I would question one of my employees.

"We should get you ready to go to Swedish now and as soon as we know what the third contraction is doing we'll have a better idea of what to do." Michaela replies calmly, how can she be so calm?

"My wife will give birth at Swedish, not at home." I say sternly, a lot of things could go wrong and I'll be a little calmer at Swedish with Doctors and Nurses and Sally who has been Ana's lifeline throughout this pregnancy.

"I know Christian." Michaela replies. "Just keep calm and let me do the worrying ok?"

She's not even fazed by my reaction like most would be, that's good, it shows her priority is Ana and not tiptoeing around me.

"Fine." I reply before turning back to Ana and stroking her hair, she's rigid, like she's in continuous pain but isn't voicing it, she doesn't need to be strong here, she can scream and shout all she wants right now.

Luke takes Michaela and starts getting everything ready to go to Swedish, Ana just takes small breaths and I can't help but doing it with her while stroking her hair and kissing her hand that's got a tight grip on mine it's almost painful.

Her grip tightens just as Luke and Taylor come into the room and I see Luke consulting his watch again. She's making a small noise like a cat's mewling as she tries to breathe through the pain just like Michaela taught us weeks ago.

"Well?" Ana spits through gritted teeth, I guess the contraction's passed but she's still in pain, I can tell.

"Eighteen seconds and nine minutes." Luke says, there's been no change since the first and both Ana and I look up at Michaela expectantly.

"Should we go to the hospital?" I ask, I just want her to be safe and as pain free as we can manage.

"Not yet." Michaela smiles at me reassuringly, she knows what she's talking about and she does reassure me some. "Ana how about a warm bath and changing into something more comfortable?"

"Ok." Ana's meek reply surprises me, I've never heard her sound so weak.

Together, Michaela and I help Ana upstairs. Her breathing is shallow, like she continuously gritting herself in pain. I feel how tight she is not just from how she grips my hand but how each step seems to cause her pain.

I help Ana sit on the bed as Michaela goes straight through to the bathroom. I continuously stroke any piece of Ana that I can. Slowly I begin to undress her, her rigidness making the process a little bit difficult. Michaela comes in and helps me and even though I am not happy about Ana being paraded naked around the room in front of another person but Ana doesn't at all seem bothered, if anything her grip on Michaela is as tight as it is on me.

We get Ana into the bath and I'm so thankful right now that it's big enough to sit any way. Ana sits with her back against one of the Jacuzzi sprays so it's powerful spray pushes into where I suspect most of her pain is centred.

I wash her down softly with a cloth, just wetting her skin which is covered in a thin sheen of sweat. She's doing a great job of hiding her pain but a part of me wishes she would just scream and shout, I would probably be better at reassuring her if she did that.

"Ahh!" Ana grips me arm tight and her face contorts in pain as another contraction washes over her, I consult my watch knowing it's important to keep count for Sally.

"Ok?" I ask because it's the only thing I can think of to ask.

"I'm fine, don't worry yet." She says softly, she's trying her best to keep me calm which just shows how amazing Ana is.

I help her out of the bath and wrap her up in a big towel. She looks so small suddenly, so frail, doesn't matter about the big bump that contains our daughter right now. Michaela helps change Ana into a tank top and a pair of pyjama bottoms.

As soon as we have her rested against the pillows she grips me tight once more and I watch as yet another contraction washes over her.

"Seven minutes and thirty seconds." I tell her and I see her face paling just a little more.

"I want to go to Swedish." She says, her voice small. "Now." She's scared, so scared and I want to take away that fear from her.

"Ok let's get going." I say glancing at Michaela, wisely she says nothing to me about us going too soon and I suspect she's worried too about how quickly these contractions are developing.

Together we head downstairs and Gail and Carrie meet us at the door. They hug Ana and she hugs them back firmly. I'm surprised as Michaela walks Ana to the waiting SUV that I'm pulled into a tight hug from Gail.

"We'll be at the hospital later." She says and I hug her back and smile, this woman really is amazing.

"Ana would like that." I say as I pull away, not only would Ana like it I would too. "Could you call my family, at least my Mom?"

"Sure will Christian, now go on, your daughter is on the way." She smiles hitting my shoulder gently. I give them both a nod and a smile before hurrying off to the SUV, ready to get this show on the road.

When we arrive at Swedish Sally is outside with a wheelchair to greet us. She helps me get Ana out of the car and into the wheelchair as she grits her teeth in pain. I hold tight to my wife's hand as we're taken to her room but then I have to leave her, I hate having to leave her but Sally's encouragement has me following her through to the front desk.

It doesn't take long for us to register that Ana's here and I explain to Sally about Ana's continuous pain, a flash of worry crosses Sally's face just for a second but I saw it and I begin to worry more.

Back in Ana's room she's changed into a nightgown and Michaela massages her back, I take over quickly, as Ana pants.

"I'm ok." She grunts as another contraction takes over her body. I can tell that it's longer even though I'm too busy massaging her back to keep count, I know Michaela or Sally is doing it.

"Ok Ana, I just want to check you over, then I want to attach you to a contraction monitor just for half an hour or so, I know you're doing things naturally so we won't keep you wired up too long ok?" Sally says and I know this has something to do with what I told her, a natural birth was meant to be no wires, not unless necessary so this must be necessary.

"Fine." She replies exhaling as her contraction ends.

I help her onto the bed and hold her hand as Sally begins examining her. Ana's eyes are shut and she's panting again, I know that she's in pain a lot of pain.

""Ok you're three centimetres dilated now Ana, things are just beginning, you'll be in the first stages of labour as soon as you hit four ok?" She tells us, I'm shocked not even in the first stages of labour? But her water's broken!

"Fine." Ana replies letting her legs close and I see her shifting in discomfort as Sally begins attaching the wires to her bump. I can't do anything but stroke Ana's hand and kiss her knuckles, I feel so helpless.

"Have you ever seen anything like this?" Michaela asks as she holds the paper coming out of the machine that's attached to Ana. My heart rate picks up as I begin to panic.

"A few times, but not that much. Ana, your contractions are coming every thirty seconds, lasting about ten and then stronger and then weaker. Are you sure you don't want an epidural?"

"No epidural." She grunts.

"Ok, we're going to do a three D scan, I want to see where the baby is at ok?"

"Fine." Ana spits, she's in a lot of pain and it's killing me.

When they do the scan I see my baby upside down and ready to be born, it's just amazing to see but I look at Sally who looks like she's doing some mental calculations.

"Ok Ana, Christian, the baby has wide shoulders and is struggling to come down, I want to monitor this closely and if you don't start to dilate some more we'll have to talk about a C-section." I see the panic in Ana's face but I just nod, anything to make sure they're both ok.


	261. Chapter 261

**Wednesday 12th September 2012 – Part 2**

It's been a few hours since we arrived her now, well let's be a little more specific and say nine hours and ten minutes. I'm eight centimetres dilated and my contractions are even stronger but still coming every thirty seconds or so. I am exhausted.

The whole family is here. They have been here since about an hour or so after we arrived at Swedish and they've all been inside the room to give me their love.

The urge to push is strong and all I can do is breathe in slow pants. Christian hasn't left my side at all, not to even eat which is annoying because he looks like he could do with some rest of some kind. I can tell he feels hopeless.

"I hate you right now." I tell him drowsily even though I'm laughing.

"Oh yeah, I was warned you'd begin blaming me." He laughs gently though I see the stress still engraved on his face.

"Ana how are we doing?" Sally asks coming into the room while putting on some gloves.

"I want to push." I tell her as a contraction rips through me, they're so much stronger now.

"I know sweetheart, I want to see where we're at ok?"

"Ok." I nod parting my legs automatically for her.

"Nine centimetres, we're going to get ready to start pushing Ana ok?"

"Ok." I cry through another contraction.

Christian and Sally help into a more upright sitting position, I am scared now, more terrified than I thought I could have been.

"Christian." I cry as he takes his seat beside me on the bed.

"What is it Ana?" He asks holding around my shoulders but holding both my hands.

"I want my Mom." I hiccup resting my forehead in the crook of his neck.

"I know baby, I'm so sorry." Christian whispers before kissing the top of my head.

"Ok and we're at ten." Sally announces as Michaela sits beside me on to other side.

"I'm not ready." I say to Christian gripping his hand tightly.

"I know baby but it's time."

"Is your Mom still here?" I ask, I need someone wiser, someone motherly beside me right now.

"Yeah."

"I want her here." I tell him as Sally rubs my legs trying to relax me.

"Michaela could you get my mother please?" Christian ask and she nods and hops off the bed as Doctor Greene comes in.

"Right Ana are you ready to meet your baby girl?"

"No." I say already crying.

"Ok, Ana you need to relax as much as you can ok? We don't want your little girl to get distressed now." Doctor Greene says sternly, she's trying what she knows to get me to calm down but I'm so scared. "On the next contraction you're going to push for me, two deep breaths as the contraction starts and push down just like Michaela and Sally taught you ok?"

"Ok." I reply gripping tight to Christian's hand as the contraction starts.

I take two deep breaths and then a third before I begin to push with all my might. I hear the door open but pay no attention until Grace has my hand in her own and she sits beside me on the bed so I'm sandwiches between her and Christian.

When the contraction ends I collapse back against the pillows and catch my breath but I don't get to breath for long as I'd like as another contraction starts. I use Christian and Grace to lift myself up from the cushions as I breathe and Christian and Grace both say encouragements as I begin to push, Sally counting down while Michaela rubs my bump.

"Good girl, Ana, good girl." Sally encourages as I collapse back in a heap. "How are we doing Doctor Greene?"

"Not crowning yet." She replies softly. "Ok Ana, get ready."

As the next contraction comes I yell as I push with all my might, my mind and body are exhausted but I understand that this has to be done.

"That's it baby, come on." Christian encourages beside me before I collapse back into the pillows.

"How are you doing Ana?" Michaela asks.

"I'm uncomfortable." I mumble.

"Do you want to try any of the other positions we went through, you don't have to lie like this if you don't want to."

"No I'm ok." The thought of moving from this position makes me feel nauseous.

I whine through the next contraction, I guess they don't want me to push on this one.

"Ok Christian, if you want to help take Ana's night gown off and put the cardigan on her so that we can get skin to skin contact as soon as she's here."

Christian and Grace both help me out of the night gown and into one of my flimsy cardigans. I'm cold but I don't care, I just want to meet my daughter, hold her too me.

"Next contraction Ana ok?" Doctor Greene calls as soon as I'm relaxed back against the pillows.

This continues for up to an hour. The pushing is exhausting, it takes my breath away and it hurts like hell. I see Christian's in mental pain, he wants to take away my pain but he can't. I drop against Grace's chest, wanting her physical comfort more than Christian's at the moment.

"Well done Ana, you're almost there sweet girl, almost there." Grace coos into my ear as she strokes my arms.

"Ok she's crowning now Ana, small pants for me now ok?" Doctor Greene says.

"Ok." I nod, my voice almost non-existent.

"Come on Ana." Grace encourages panting in my ear, helping me be able to do it.

"Slowly Ana, slowly does it." Grace encourages.

"Ah! Ouch!" I cry out.

"Ok we have a tear can I have stitches on standby please." Doctor Greene announces, just great that is all I needed in addition to giving birth. "We have the head, Ana, one slow push for me now, just slowly does it ok?"

"Ok." I nod leaning my head into Grace's shoulder as I grip to Christian's hand.

I push slowly yet firmly, feeling my daughter slowly edging her way out from my body until she's free.

"That's it. And it's definitely a girl." Doctor Greene announces bringing her up to my bare chest quickly as I'm over run with emotions, she's crying and it's the most beautiful noise I have ever heard. "Is Daddy going to cut the cord?"

I let go of Christian's hand as he goes to cut the cord. I sob as I hold our girl on my chest not aware of the stab of a needle into my leg.

"Ok we're going to deliver the placenta now Ana ok?" Doctor Greene says. "Just as we did with the baby, long gentle push."

I do as she asks as Christian strokes our daughter's head with his finger. My eyes meet his and he smiles at me, tears streaming down his face.

"You did amazingly Ana." He says before kissing my head being careful of the small naked bundle on my bare chest.

Once the placenta is free Grace and Christian continue to hold me and stroke me and the baby as I'm stitched up. I have some anaesthetic so I don't feel anything at all.

"There we're done." Doctor Greene says and I see her removing all the padding from the bed. "Congratulations Ana, she's beautiful." She adds sincerely.

"She's perfect." I say looking down at the bundle on my chest.

"That she is." Doctor Greene smiles.

"Ok Ana, we need to get her weighed and measured while you get cleaned up ok?" Sally says stepping forward, I hate having to hand her over but I know I'll have her back in my arms in a moment.

Christian and Grace help me change into a night gown while Michaela lays down some fresh padding on the mattress of the bed, I know that's for the waste that will leave my body over the next few hours.

Grace washes my face for me while Christian brushes my hair, it surprisingly makes me feel loved and cherished and I'm so happy when Sally comes in with my little girl in the tiny little pink onesie and hat we'd packed and wrapped up in the blanket that Mrs Trevelyan has made for her.

"Here she is." Sally says placing her back in my arms. "She's a tiny five pound four ounces but as healthy as can be. We're not concerned about her weight at all."

"I expected bigger." Grace says as my daughter wraps her hand around her grandmother's finger.

"We all did." Sally admits. "but nope, she's a petite girl. So Ana, Christian do we have a name?"

I see she's holding a tag in her hand and I look at my husband and nod.

"India Annalise Grey." He says looking at our little girl.

"India Annalise, that's beautiful." Sally smiles scribbling the name on the tag before handing it to Christian to put on. "Born at twenty three forty five on the twelfth of September weighing five pounds and four ounces."

"Annalise, how did you choose that?" Grace asks stroking her thumb over India's knuckles.

"My Mom did." I say looking at her. "It mean's Grace."

Tears pool in Grace's eyes and I give her a small smile as Michaela comes in with a tiny bottle of formula.

"Is Mommy ready to give her little one her first bottle?" She asks in a baby voice that makes me laugh.

"Yeah." I grin happily taking the bottle.

Michaela helps me tease the nipple into my daughter's mouth who doesn't hesitate in suckling. It brings even more tears into my eyes.

"We should let everyone know she's here." Grace says peeling her finger from India's grip and standing up.

"I should come and do it." Christian says but he makes no move to leave the chair beside me where he's stroking our daughter's foot.

"I think you should. Come on."

"Ana?"

"Go Christian, we'll still be here when you get back." I smile at him before turning back to my daughter, I don't want to take my eyes off her.


	262. Chapter 262

**Thursday 13th September 2012 **

**Christian's POV**

Once outside of Ana's room Mom pulls me into a tight hug. I know she's crying and so am I. It's a very emotional moment. I hold tight to my Mom feeling a tiny bit sorry that she never got to experience what Ana and I just did. Seeing my daughter born like that was just amazing, and I think Ana would agree it was worth all the hours she was in pain even though I would have done everything I possibly could to have been in pain instead of her.

I take my Mom's hand and we go to the waiting room where are entire family is waiting. They all stand when we walk in and I can't help but smiling through my exhaustion.

"Well?" Mia asks impatiently.

"They're both doing great." I smile. "Ana and our daughter, they're both amazing." I say as tears pool in my eyes again, I feel like a sap but I have never felt this overwhelming rollover of emotions in my life.

"Well come on what's her name?"

"India Annalise Grey, she's five pounds and four ounces she was born at quarter to midnight." I tell them.

The congratulations begin and I'm hugged by everyone from Kate to Gail and even Taylor and Sawyer give me a manly hug. Mom tells them all that Ana will need to rest and they should all go home tonight much to Mia and Kate's disappointment I have to agree with her. Ana will need to sleep now.

"You should head home too Mom, get some sleep." I tell her.

"Yes, you're right. Thank you for letting me be there Christian." She says getting teary again.

"It was Ana who wanted you there." I tell her quietly. "She wanted a Mom there."

"Her Mom." Grace replies and I know she's feeling Ana's pain.

"Yes, but she doesn't see you as second best Mom, she sees you as a second chance at having a relationship with a Mother figure, Carla wasn't ever there for her the way you have been. Remember it was Ray who bought her up."

"Of course." Mom smiles. "Ray is staying with us tonight, he'll be by with us in the morning."

"Thanks Mom." I hug her again, I just need to hug her right now.

"Go be with your wife and daughter Christian." She says before kissing my cheek. She doesn't need to tell me twice.

I go back to Ana's room. She looks at me and even through the exhaustion she's feeling she smiles brightly. Our daughter is asleep in her arms, our beautiful little girl who I already know has blue eyes and a small mop of dark hair. I also am not stupid enough to believe they'll stay like that, they could change but I don't want them to.

"Sit with me." Ana says tapping on the space beside her. I nod and go over to her, kicking my shoes off before climbing on the bed beside her. As soon as I'm comfortable I run my finger down India's cheek and watch as her nose screws up in reaction, it makes me smile.

"She looks like you." I tell her and she giggles.

"I think she looks like you." She replies. "Here, you should hold her." She sits up and carefully places her on my chest. I'm scared rigid, my daughter, my innocent baby girl is now on my chest, her cheek against me.

"She's so perfect." I whisper stroking the dark tuft of hair on her head.

"Yeah she is." Ana replies as I wrap one arm around her shoulders and she snuggles her cheek on my chest beside our daughter.

I stroke both my girls' hair as they sleep. I don't want to move a muscle, scared to wake either of them up as they need to rest. I don't sleep though, I'm too scared to sleep right now even though I know Oreon and Ryan are stationed outside the main door and Luke and Jason will be here to stand guard in the morning.

As India begins to whine Ana's eyes pop open and she's instantly turning to the bedside cabinet where the formula bottles are. I just watch her, she takes India from my arms and settles her into her own arms before teasing the bottle into her mouth.

As our daughter suckles Ana relaxes back into my arms and I kiss the top of her head. She's already an amazing Mom, I can see that from how she reacted when India began to fuss.

Once India stops feeding, around half way through the bottle Ana pops her up to a sitting position where she's leaning forward and Ana places her hand under her chin.

"Pass me the bib from there." She nods her head to the cabinet beside me and like she said there's a small pink bib there. I give it to Ana and she places it on her hand before beginning to rub our daughter back to wind her.

I just watch, completely mesmerised. India looks up at me, her eyes scrunches up awkwardly as Ana rubs her back gently and hums twinkle twinkle little star softly.

After she's done winding out baby Ana rolls her legs over the side of the bed. I hurry off and round to her, worried about her walking with our daughter in her arms when she's so exhausted.

"What are you doing?" I ask her.

"Changing her, then putting her in the crib." Ana says.

"Let me help you."

"I'm fine Christian." She snaps.

"Ana, you gave birth less than four hours ago, let me help you." I say sternly, this is no time for her to be Miss Independent.

She wants to fight against me but I can see she's too exhausted and in a small amount of pain down below where her stiches are to fight me. She carefully passes India and watches as I carefully lay her in my arms. It makes her cry, seeing me like this, seeing me happy to be a Dad.

"Ok?" I ask as Ana stands, having to hold the bed to walk.

"I can't…" She say as the pain becomes stronger, I can see it in her face.

"Get back in bed, I'll do it." I tell her, we're both in this together and she needs to see that.

"Do you even know what you're doing?" She asks and I blanch as I realise I don't. "Lay her on the bed, I'll help you." She smiles

"Ok." I reply looking embarrassed.

Once Ana's on the bed I lay India down in front of her before fetching everything, I'm not that stupid that I don't know what is needed to change a diaper, I just haven't done it before.

When I get back to Ana she's stripped our daughter's lower half. She obviously knows what she's doing and I have to watch carefully.

"See these tabs here?" She asks pulling at two thin pieces of the diapers.

"Yeah?"

"Just undo them." She says and I hear them come from the diaper.

"Ok." I nod.

"Then peel this bit down." She takes the front of the diaper down and I blanch when I see the contents.

"There's blood."

"Sally said it was to be expected this early after delivery, now pass me the wipes." Ana isn't fazed as I pass her the baby wipes and watch her as she takes two out and wipe our daughter clean. She then takes the dirty diaper and leaves the wipes in it before rolling it up and closing the tabs.

"Clean diaper." I say handing it to her.

She unfolds it and slides one half beneath our daughter with one hand while the other hand holds our daughter's ankles up.

"How do you know which bit's the front?" I ask feeling stupid for having to ask.

"The front has the picture on, and the back has the tabs on the inside." She says as she folds the front over and holds it in one place. She then takes the tabs with both hands and folds them over the front to close it.

"See?" She asks.

"Yeah, it's really as easy as it looks?"

"Yup." She replies closing the under vest before putting the onesie back in place.

"Ok, should I put her in the crib now?" I ask seeing the exhaustion on my wife's face.

"Please." Ana replies and I gently lift our daughter up. I know how to hold her, that's one thing I did a lot of research on and what Ana doesn't know is I also attended a first time Dad class and dragged Jason along with me so I could learn how to hold my daughter when she was born, I know how to support her head in various positions which is great.

Once she's in the crib I stroke my finger down her cheek a few times, she's a mini Ana, there's no denying it at all.

I turn back to my wife to see her already fast asleep, her breathing even, her face restful. I can't help but smile, she's perfect. They both are.


	263. Chapter 263

**Thursday 13th September 2012 **

I feel like I've been hit over with a steam roller. India was awake every three hours on the dot and even though Christian did a couple of the feedings I couldn't sleep till I knew she was and even then when I was asleep I'd wake before India not wanting to let her cry before her feed.

"Good morning Ana, Christian." Sally smiles as she enters the room, she looks like she had a great night sleep, nice on some.

"Morning." We both reply.

"So how are we doing this morning?" She asks as I look down at the bundle in my arms, India's sleeping but I don't want to put her down at all.

"We're ok." I manage to smile.

"Good, so Doctor Greene will come in and examine you later but hopefully you'll be able to go home either this afternoon or tomorrow morning." Sally says happily, how she can be so chirpy so early in the morning I don't know.

"Ok." I reply.

"Now then we need to check India over, give her a hearing test and stuff so while we do that why don't you have a hot bath or get some more sleep then when she comes back you can have something to eat." Sally says taking India from Christian's arms, he's as reluctant as I am to put her down at the moment.

"What do you mean check her hearing?" Christian looks panicked.

"They're tests we perform on all babies Christian, we pricked her heel yesterday for a small blood sample to check for some inherited diseases and now we want to check her breathing, her heart and her hearing. It shouldn't take more than a couple of hours." Sally is definitely reassuring, I'm too exhausted to fight her on anything but the thought of her going through a battery of tests have me worried.

"Who'll be performing these tests?" Christian demands to know.

"Me and Doctor Greene." Sally says which I know is good, Christian knows them and they both have extended background checks.

"Ok." He reluctantly agrees, it wasn't like he was being given a choice.

Sally brings India over to me and I kiss her head softly before she's whisked away. It actually terrifies me that she's not in the room with me anymore.

"Right Ana, would you like a hot bath?" Christian asks and I nod, a hot bath sounds perfect right now. "Ok baby I'll go run it for you." Christian smiles before kissing my temple.

I hear the bath running through the open door but I make no attempts to move. I'm sore, especially between my legs where my stiches are but in all honesty, it's all worth it. India is perfect, she's everything I imagined and more. I've already noticed how her brow crinkles and one eyebrow comes completely down just before she begins to wail, and how her tongue flicks against the nipple of the bottle with ever suckle.

"Ana." Christian leans against the doorframe between the room and the bathroom. "Ready?"

"Yeah." I give him a limp smile as I move to get off the bed but wince in pain, the stiches are really pulling.

"Hold up don't move." He says sauntering over to me quickly.

He pulls me up into his arms and I nuzzle my face in the crook of his neck inhaling him deeply. I love the way he holds me as if I were valuable and kisses me gently. In the bathroom he puts me down on one of the chairs and begins to strip me from my clothes. I try to cover up as much as I can making Christian frown but he doesn't comment, instead he gets me naked before picking me up and putting me gently in the water.

"Ok?" He asks as I pull my knees up to my chin and wrap my arms around myself, I just don't want him looking at me when I feel so icky.

"I'm ok." I reply.

"I'm just going to get your bag and then I'll help you ok?"

"I can do it myself Christian." I reply quietly and I see him wince through the corner of my eye.

"I just want to help Ana, you don't have to do it yourself." He says clearly hurt.

"Ok." I reply just because I don't want to hurt him further.

"Good, now you just relax baby." He kisses my head and hurries out leaving me alone for the moment.

Being in labour I didn't give a crap what I looked like but now I do. I look a mess. My hair is matted from the sweat, I probably smell badly and my entire aching body looks nothing like I've ever seen it before.

"Ok then." Christian says as he comes into the room. "Let's get you washed and dressed."

I don't move at all while Christian washes my back but when he wants to do my front I really don't want him too.

"Ana, baby what's wrong?" He asks.

"I don't want you to see me like this." I say feeling awkward.

"What do you mean?" He frowns, oh no, I don't want an argument right now.

"Please, I can wash myself." I plead and he sighs heavily.

"Ana, you've just had a baby, if you're worried about how you look. You're beautiful, you're glowing still you're not going to pop out a newborn and suddenly look like you've never been pregnant, that takes time." He says frustrated at my behaviour.

I slowly drop my legs down and my arms and sit back in the bath letting Christian resume washing me. It's not that I hate how I look because in all honesty I don't know because I've not looked but it's Christian's reaction to me. Normally, me being naked would have his breath hitching in his throat, his pulse racing but he's not affected by me at all, he's not turned on by me in the slightest and ok it doesn't mean he's repulsed by me either but it does make me think he'll no longer be attracted to me now I'm the mother of his child.

"Ok, Ana, what is it?" He asks as he continues washing me, I don't make any move to stop him but I want him to stop.

"Nothing."

"Ana, you've probably started to get the baby blues, that happens and lasts a few days but please don't shut me out." He says quietly, I know this frustrates him, this is the first time we've ever been in this situation and we're both clueless.

"You're not attracted to me anymore." I say looking at the water instead of at Christian.

"What makes you think that?" He asks still watching me as if he's unfazed by what I've just said.

"The way you're acting around me right now."

"You think it's because I've made no move to touch you?"

"That might be one of the signs." I admit blushing, I don't actually want to be touched by him in that way right now.

"Ana you've just given birth, you have stitches, you can't be touched like that right now." He sighs, yeah I knew that too but Christian would have made a comment at the least right? "And I didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable, here, give me your hand…" I don't make any move to give him my hand unsure what he's going to do with it. "Ana." He says obviously frustrated. I sigh and give him my hand and he instantly takes it to his crotch.

There it is, the most obvious sign of his arousal. His very hard member.

"You think I'm not attracted to you? Ana, I'm always fucking like this around you." He says as I squeeze my hand and run it along his shaft, I might not want any sexual attention right now and it's the last thing on my mind but he's obviously wanting and I want to please him.

"Don't Ana, I'm going to come in my pants." He says stopping my hand.

"But you're…"

"Ana." He says firmly. "No, not for a minimum of six weeks." He says firmly.

"I can't be touched for six weeks but that doesn't stop me touching you Christian."

"Ana, you had a baby not even twelve hours ago." He says frustrated with me. "Now let's wash your hair and get you out of this bath."

I let Christian finish washing me and help me out of the bath. He dries me thoroughly being careful to let me dry between my legs wary of the stiches. Afterwards he helps dress me in a pair of light pyjamas and my robe before taking me back to the bed where I find the sheets have been changed completely.

I feel mildly uncomfortable having to wear a thick sanitary towel having been used to tampons for so long but I already know to expect heavy bleeding for some time. Once in bed Christian uses the bathroom and washes up and changes out of his suit into a pair of jeans and a sweater. I'm so glad that my maternity bag included a set of clothes for him too.

"How are you baby?" Christian asks coming back into the room.

"Exhausted." I giggle.

"Get some sleep, the family will be here in a little while."

"Don't remind me." I chuckle, it's going to be nice but also uncomfortable to have the whole family here just hours after I've given birth.

"You need some rest, sleep." He says.

"Lay with me?" I ask and he smiles and saunters over to me, my darling husband.

I wake up to the sound of daughter's cries and surprisingly it brings a wide smile to my face. I open my eyes to be met with my husband shushing her as he jiggles her gently in his arms walking up and down the room.

"Everything ok there?" I ask and he looks at me relieved I'm awake.

"I'd hoped you'd get a little longer before she woke you." He admits. "But I've tried everything, she was fed just before Sally brought her back and I changed her diaper but she won't stop crying."

"Bring her here." I say encouragingly, I understand that at these times we're going to feel like inadequate parents.

As soon as she's snuggled into my arms she silences.

"I think she just wanted her Mommy." I say with a smile but look up to see Christian looking hurt. "Baby come sit." I say tapping the space beside me on the bed, he doesn't hesitate. "Remember I carried her for nine months, and when she was born she went straight into my arms and for the past couple of hours she's been in a strange place with strange people and just wanted her Mommy, she'll be the same with you soon, you'll see her cry and pick her up just for her to quiet because she's in her Daddy's arms." I know to reassure him, most of the reading about being parents that I did was concerning the father and the child, how they can feel inadequate in comparison to the mother, it hit a deep chord inside of me when I read it the first time and I did some research concerning how to be reassuring.

"You're sure?" He's so uncertain, like my lost little boy.

"One hundred percent." I smile.

It's nearly ten o'clock when Doctor Greene comes in. Christian happily takes a sleeping India from my arms and walks around the room with her while I'm checked over.

"Ok the stiches are healing up just nicely Ana." Doctor Greene smiles as she peels off her gloves letting me get comfortable again. "As a friend I should let you know the news has broken, it's in every paper and on a few TV channels."

"Oh great." I roll my eyes daring to cast a glance at Christian who smirks, I smirk back, he won't be spanking me for six weeks at the minimum.

"Mr Grey could you give Ana and I a moment?" Doctor Greene asks, I look surprised but Christian just nods and brings India over to me.

"I'll go sort out breakfast and a press release." He says as I take my daughter into my arms. He kisses my lips gently before heading out and I look at Doctor Greene expectantly.

"Now then, how are you feeling?" She asks and I raise my eyebrows in surprise. "Some women won't admit it in front of the husbands so it's easier to get rid of them."

"I'm ok." I smile at my baby girl. "I'm tired but ok."

"I want to keep you in tonight, but Christian won't be able to stay, we'll take India and put her in the nursery and you can get a full night sleep." I go to argue but she stops me. "Ana it may be the last one you have, India will be safe, you and your husband paid for an amazing security system here so there is no chance of anything happening to her I wouldn't take any chances here."

"Ok." I nod, a full night's sleep sounds perfect in all honesty.

"Good, then tomorrow morning we'll get you and that beautiful little girl home." She smiles getting off the side of the bed where she was sat beside me. "Any questions or if you need anything ring the bell ok?"

"Thank you." I say and she smiles, she knows I mean it, thank you for supporting me through the pregnancy, thank you for bringing my daughter safely into this world.


	264. Chapter 264

**Sorry about the lack of updates, I accidentally saved over this chapter with the next and with work and everything it was hard to get a chance to re-write it so I added the written chapter to the end of this one to make it longer to make up for the wait. Hopefully will write a good handful of chapters on Sunday, my day off, before work resumes on Monday and I'll be able to upload at least one per day. **

**I'm also starting to wonder if this story should come to an end soon. It's up to you guys. If you want it to keep going I'm sure I can keep writing but I have another 50 story I have started but not uploaded as well as We'll Always Survive to keep you all fixed up. If you do want this to continue just let me know. **

**Thursday 13th September 2012 **

After I've eaten my breakfast Sally comes in to let us know that our family has arrived. I really don't want to see everyone at once but I know the quicker we see them all the quicker they'll leave and I can get some sleep. Christian goes to get everyone while I snuggle in bed holding a sleeping India. That's all she does, sleep and right now I'm grateful for it.

When Christian comes back in he's followed by only Grace, Carrick and Ray. I must admit I'm slightly disappointed.

"Everyone's going to come and see you in small groups." Christian explains as they all come in.

"There she is, our beautiful daughter and granddaughter." Grace beams coming straight over to me and kissing my temple heavily.

"So who wants to hold her?" Christian asks looking like the proud Daddy. "Ray?"

"Please." He nods enthusiastically.

Christian takes India from my arms and passes her to Ray who holds her like she's the most fragile object in the world. He sits beside the bed gently while Carrick ties a balloon to the end of my bed with 'Number 1 Granddaughter' written on it in bright pink lettering. It makes me smile.

"How are you feeling my darling?" Grace asks as she strokes my hair, I'm just so tired it makes me sleepier.

"Exhausted." I chuckle.

"I'm not surprised. She's perfect Ana, you did so amazingly well." Grace reassures. "You both did." She chances up a glance at Christian who gives her a hundred megawatt smile.

"She's so beautiful." Ray gushes, it's so shocking to see him like this. "You look like your Mommy." He coos in a baby voice to a half asleep India, I love watching her nose shift and scrunch up like she's about to sneeze.

Carrick has his turn to hold India next, Grace seems content in just holding me. I'm half asleep in her arms, trying to stay awake to enjoy my family meeting my daughter but I'm just so tired. Doctor Greene's idea of having the room to myself, no Christian and no India seems much more appealing right now.

"So did Doctor Greene say when you could go home?" Grace asks still stroking my hair.

"Tomorrow morning, she wants me to stay in here overnight alone with India in the nursery so I can get a full night's sleep." I say sleepily not really thinking, Christian doesn't know this yet.

"You're not staying here alone and India isn't staying in the nursery." Christian growls coming over closer to the bed.

"Ana needs the night to recover from the labour Christian, if India would have been born earlier in the day it's what would have happened last night." Grace points out, I'm too tired to argue.

"India is not going to the nursery and that's final."

"Christian, the security here is top notch thanks to you and Ana, you have your own security but you need to think about Ana here, she needs a full night's sleep before going home." Grace replies and I look up at my husband to see an inner battle happening.

He knows if India stays in the room I'm going to be awake every three hours to feed and change her meaning there won't be a full night's sleep but then if India goes into the nursery I will however he doesn't want to take any risk and he doesn't realise India will be perfectly safe in the nursery with all the other little babies.

"Taylor will stay the night outside the nursery with India, and Luke will have to stay outside this room." I suppress the urge to roll my sleepy eyes towards him. "I mean it Anastasia."

"Ok." I reply meekly, I'm too tired to pick a fight with him about it.

After Grace, Carrick and Ray leave I use the restroom and return to find my 'siblings' Kate, Ethan, Elliot and Mia all stood around India's crib cooing. I just lean against the doorframe and smile, happy to see them all engrossed in my daughter to notice me. I spot Christian smiling at me from beside the bed and I can't help but smile back, this is my family and I love them all so dearly.

I make my way to the bed and am quickly ambushed by Kate and Mia. They climb either side of me, sandwiching me between them.

"So come on Steele we want all the gruesome details." Kate announces.

"No you don't." I snort, how could she even think things like that, I mean common sense says giving birth is not like the movies, India wasn't clean and pink when she was deposited on my chest, if anything she was purplish blue and a little fury covered in goop!

"Yes put us off having babies for life even though India is gorgeous." Mia replies and I look to Christian who's gently helping Elliot hold India.

"Well I was in the first stage of labour for about eleven hours then second part for just under an hour."

"What's the difference between the first part and the second part?" Kate asks enthusiastically.

"Well the first part is when your waters break and all the contractions, the second part is after you've dilated ten centimetres and start pushing."

"You were pushing for an hour?" Mia asks her mouth agape at this revelation.

"Yup." I pop my P and smile over at my husband. "The longest hour of my life."

"But was it worth it?"

"Absolutely, I wouldn't change a second of it." I smile, I really wouldn't, I mean seeing India, holding her for the first time was amazing.

"So have you got piles now?"

"Kate!" I admonish, I cannot believe she asked me that.

"What?"

"You can't ask things like that."

"Well did you tear then?"

"Yeah, fifteen stiches." I reply grimacing, if it wasn't for the pain medication I don't think I'd be very comfortable right now.

"Ugh, I don't even want to think about having babies ever if it means piles and stiches!" Mia gasps, I can't help but giggle.

"But wouldn't you do it for a beautiful little bundle like your niece over there?" I ask pointing over to Elliot who's talking animatedly to a sleeping India.

"What a baby that just sleeps, cries, poops and eats?" Mia asks.

"A beautiful human being you get to call your own, who will grow up depending on you for everything but will also love you unconditionally." I reply with a smile, my eyes glued on the tiny pink bundle in Christian's arms.

"Well when you put it like that…" Mia laughs.

Mia, Kate and Elliot leave after they've all had hugs with India and I fall exhausted against the pillow. I haven't stopped smiling, especially since the family have begun coming in but I'm tired still I barely slept six hours after the birth and that was with waking up once in between to feed and change India.

Gail and Taylor come in next. I'm so happy that we're seeing everyone separately because I couldn't handle being with everyone at once.

"Ana how are you my darling?" Gail asks coming for a hug from me as Taylor goes over to Christian who's now holding tight to India.

"I'm ok." I smile hugging her tight, she's bringing me comfort I wish my Mom was here to bring me.

"You're exhausted sweetheart. Lay down, you can see everyone later." She becomes protective quickly and I know better than to argue with her, lowering myself in the bed and letting her tuck me in. "Sleep darling." She kisses the top of my head and I drop off.

When I wake Taylor and Gail are still in the room and Gail is giving India her bottle.

"You should have woken me to do that." I say rubbing my sleep deprived eyes.

"What when you were finally sleeping?" Christian asks, I don't think he's going to cope with me having little to no sleep until India begins sleeping all night.

"It's no problem Ana, relax sweetheart." Gail smiles softly as Taylor comes over to my bedside with a pink bunny rabbit in his hand.

"This one is for you. Gail saw the family of bears you and Christian got and we thought we'd add to the collection." He looks at me the way I've seen him look at Sophie when she's been round on the weekends. I can't stifle a smile. "Look it has your name on the tag." He shows me the tag on the ribbon around the rabbits neck and I see it has Ana embroidered onto it.

"Thank you." I smile as he tucks the rabbit into the bed beside me. I smirk at this, he's treating me like a sick child and not a twenty three year old woman who has just had a child. "How long was I asleep?" I ask looking up at my husband.

"Barely an hour." He sighs, I know he wishes I would have gotten longer but I just can't settle, my mind on high alert for India.

I watch as Gail winds India before handing her to Christian, I know that it's time for them to leave and let the next lot of people inside but I don't want them to go, this is like having a small piece of home right here in my hospital room.

"I'll see you when you get home tomorrow Ana." Gail smiles before kissing the top of my head heavily. "She's your double." She adds with a wink making me smile before she heads for the door.

"I'll be stood by your door all night with Luke Ana, anything you need you just give me a shout." Taylor smiles, I look at Christian I guess him going home means a fleet of security guards standing around me and the nursery where India will be.

"Thanks both of you." I smile as they head out.

Hannah and Luke come next and I receive huge hugs from both of them, a long one from Luke which seems to annoy Christian but he doesn't hesitate in handing over our daughter and sliding onto the bed beside me. He coddles and kisses me while Luke and Hannah meet India, almost marking his territory to my security guard who is happily married and his wife is in the room, my possessive fifty.

"Oh Ana she's just perfect!" Hannah gushes, I think if people continue to tell us this we won't be able to see our daughter as anything else, saying that, I don't think I would be able to see her as anything but perfect anyway.

After Luke and Hannah leave, Hannah adding to the balloon at the end of my bed with "It's a girl!" written on it I expect to begin falling asleep again but as soon as the door opens I'm on high alert. It's John and Rhian. I glance at Christian beside me as he coddles our daughter but he just smiles reassuringly.

"I don't need a shrink right now John." I say dryly but he just chuckles.

"Ana, I'm just here as a friend to meet this little girl, that's all." He says as Rhian is straight by my husband's side clucking like a chicken over my precious little princess.

"I think we have a mini Ana here." John says as soon as India's nestled in his arms. I love how content she is at being passed from arm to arm, I expected her to put up a fuss but I suspect she likes the attention.

"I know right." Christian beams.

"Her eyes and hair could still change." I say sleepily, I'm just so tired.

"You're right there, our youngest came out looking a double of John but now I'm telling you John could deny his paternity and no one would doubt him." Rhian giggles making me smile.

"I would have no reason to ever do such a thing though." John replies dryly and I can't help but smile, I remember him telling me about Rhian having similar self-esteem issues like me.

"Oh I was teasing you John!" She says rolling her eyes.

"Well Ana here is your little beauty, we promised the others we wouldn't stay long so that they could come and visit." John says handing India back into my arms. "She is beautiful but don't forget to get some rest, you look exhausted."

"Thank you John." I reply, to busy looking at my blue-eyed baby to even take much note of his words.

"Take care of the two of them Christian." John says as they shake hands.

"I wouldn't do anything else." Christian replies but when I look up to him I see a smile and not a scowl like I expected.

When John leaves I expected that to be the end of the visitors but I am sadly mistaken as Sandra and Carrie both come bouncing into the room.

"Ana." Carrie beams coming over quickly as Sandra and Christian shakes hands. "Oh she's just so precious, may I?" She's the first person to ask if she can hold India and not presume to be allowed, which is funny considering Carrie will be partly responsible for the upbringing of India Annalise Grey for the foreseeable future.

"Of course you can. Look India, this is your Nanny Carrie." I smile as I hand over my precious baby over to the woman who helped me get to the place I am today.

"Hi India, oh aren't you just the most beautiful baby I have ever laid eyes on?" Carrie coos as she settles into the chair beside the bed.

Sandra walks round to me and gives me a tight hug. I also have this woman to thank for getting me to where I am today, we keep up to date regularly and I have an intense one to one session with her on a face to face monthly basis.

"How are you Ana?" She asks, I know she's asking partly as a shrink but I decide maybe it would be a good thing not to hold back, just like I haven't in months.

"I'm exhausted." I reply with a tired smile. "I didn't know pushing out a five pound watermelon would actually tire me out this much." I add giggling.

"She's a very beautiful watermelon." Sandra chimes in making me laugh more. "You look well."

"I feel it right now though I did have a moment this morning, Christian thinks it's just baby blues kicking in." I reply with a sad smile, I hate how I reacted to Christian this morning in the bath.

"That's ok Ana, I was hoping maybe in a week or so that we could meet, I would come to your place just to see if the baby blues are shifting and not becoming post-natal depression."

"That sounds like a good idea." I reply, I know it is, being depressed like I was when I went to Fairfax was awful and I don't want ever to repeat that so will do whatever Sandra recommends to avoid it.

"Good, you need to make sure you get plenty of rest, sleep when India sleeps let Gail and Carrie do all the work around the house for you especially for the next few days and with you formula feeding maybe you and Christian can split the night feeds."

"We will be." Christian smiles stepping up to me and taking my hand while Carrie continues to fuss over India.

"I think we'll be fine Sandra, honestly I do." I smile up at my husband.


	265. Chapter 265

**So it seems about 90% of readers want this story to continue so continue it will. **

**Friday 14th September 2012 **

I had the best night sleep. After giving India Annalise her last bottle of the night and put her to sleep in the nursery I was forced to bed and was told to stay there till morning. As soon as my head hit the pillow I was out.

"Good morning Mommy." I hear Christian's voice and slowly open my eyes to see him dressed in a pair of T-shirt and Jeans and cleanly shaven.

"What time is it?"

"Nine thirty, I would have let you sleep longer but Sally explained that Doctor Greene is doing her discharge rounds at ten and if you want to be fed and bathed before we go it needs to be done now." Christian explains as he begins pulling things out of my Maternity bag, I've not even sat up yet!

"What time did you get here?" I ask suspiciously.

"Seven." He smirks and I can't help but smile. "I was with India in the nursery I gave her bottle to her and the nurse on duty helped me change her diaper and change her, she's now dressed in a onesie because I know you want to change her into her going home outfit."

"What the ridiculously expensive one that the press are going to get pictures of?" I ask snidely, shopping for baby clothes was a nightmare, I mean seventy dollars for one onesie just because it was Versace!

"We're going out the back door Ana, no press baby ok?" He reassures stroking my cheek. "Now I have breakfast from Gail of fruit, Greek yoghurt and granola and while you eat I'm going to run you a bath." He says picking up one of the bags he's brought with him.

"Ok." I nod determined to enjoy this breakfast.

After I'm fed, bathed and dressed in my Mrs Grey tracksuit (the elastic waist perfect for my new unknown size) Sally brings an awake and near alert India to our room.

"You excited to be going home?" She asks as I take my baby carefully into my arms.

"I can't wait." I admit with a smile. "I really can't."

"It's nice that your Mother in law is coming to stay with you for the first week, it will be a huge help." My face falls as the words leave Sally's mouth and I turn to look at my husband.

"I hadn't gotten round to telling you, they advise it in all the baby books and Mom thought she could help with the night feeds and stuff so we both can get enough sleep." Christian explains, not wanting to argue I pull a reluctant smile out of the hat and proceed to lay my daughter on the changer to get her dressed.

She's not even forty eight hours old yet but she's already a designer baby even her all in one vest is designer! She's wearing a beautiful floral baby grow that looks like a dress top and pale pink leggings. I've also added socks on top of them not wanting her to be cold and then added the faux fur pink coat that Mia bought. It's a little big on her but she'll grow into it. To finish off her look I've added an Armani Junior beanie hat in dusty pink to keep her warm. She is now really just one big pink bundle.

"She won't get too hot will she?" I ask Sally as she helps me or guides me on how to swaddle India in her blanket.

"No, baby's loose heat quite quickly especially at this age and she's going outdoors for the first time when she's been in here and the nursery which is kept at slightly higher than body temperature at all times." Sally replies as Christian brings the brown teddy bear car seat onto the bed for me to strap our daughter in.

Once she's firmly in her seat Doctor Greene enters and quickly examines me. Once she's happy Taylor comes in to take the bags into the car while Luke passes Christian two big bouquets of flowers one of which he gives to Sally and one to Doctor Greene. Then he reveals a box from his pocket and hands it to me.

Inside the box is a name plaque in the shape of a leaf. I know what it is and smile at my husband. Swedish Medical Centre honour the babies born at Swedish if the parents donate just two hundred and fifty dollars and the parents get to add it to the large family tree opposite the reception desk.

"I thought we could add India's on before we leave." He explains with a smile, sentimental fifty, love this side of him as I love all his other sides!

"Good idea." I smile. "Right then I'm ready." Christian takes India's car seat from me and I hug Doctor Greene and Sally and receive reminders about keeping my stiches clean and not to worry about calling them for anything.

Once in the reception I see all the press outside and Ryan and Oreon stopping them with some of the hospitals security. A few could possibly get a picture of us if they tried hard enough but I don't mind.

"Well Ana, on it goes."

India Annalise Grey with two footprints beside it on a golden plaque is placed firmly into one of the slots on the family tree. I step back and smile before looking down at my beautiful baby girl who's fast asleep with a pink pacifier in her mouth. Apparently, according to Doctor Greene, Pacifiers reduce the risk of cot death so I didn't think twice in giving one to India, though that may be an old wives tale.

We head out around the back and Taylor and Christian places India's car seat properly inside and I sit in the middle so I can be close if need be. Christian's arm instantly goes around me and I snuggle into him as we head for home.

Inside I am relieved to find out that it's only Grace here. I was afraid of the whole family being here but as much as I have had a good night's sleep I also just want some me time with my husband and daughter.

As soon as we're inside it's time for India's feed so I settle on the couch to feed her after divesting her of her coat and swaddle and putting on an ivory silk bib (yes they were Christian's purchase not mine!) She feeds greedily and then I wind her before rocking her to sleep in my arms all the while with Christian watching me quietly.

"You're already an amazing Mom." He says quietly. I snort but smile too.

"You're an amazing Dad." I reply and he beams his billion-dollar smile at me.

"Ana why don't you take little India to her nursery and have some lunch?" Grace suggests poking her head around the door, I'm not ready to part with her yet, not after being away from her all night.

"There's a Moses basket in the kitchen, she can lay down in there." Christian tells me seeing the worry without me having to say a word.

"Ok." I smile slowly getting to my feet.

My walk is slow because I'm too busy looking at the sleeping bundle in my arms and smiling. She's just perfect.

"Ana what's the red mark just above her nose and over her left eye?" Christian asks, it's been there since she was born and I'm surprised it's taken him this long to find out.

"Another birth mark, it will go soon." I tell him, well at least I think it will, Sally told me a while ago that all babies were born with multiple birthmarks that went away of course most keep the one. However all babies near enough have a red mark on their face from the birth and it takes a while for it to go but it usually does.

"Ok." He says as we step into the kitchen. Gail beams at me and I can't help but smile beck before placing India in the white Moses basket.

"Christian where have the additional Moses baskets come from? I noticed one in the living room too." I ask.

"Ah they were gifts." He says awkwardly rubbing the back of his head as I turn to face him.

"What do you mean gifts?"

"Uh well… your fans, and employees and mine have been sending gifts since they found out you were in labour, there's two guest rooms upstairs full of them."

"Can you remember who these are off?"

"Everything I've touched their names have been written down and their employment or whatever." He replies.

"Good, they'll need to be sent cards but don't touch anymore of them Christian they'll need sorting." I tell him sternly, he nods in agreement though I don't think he understands. "I'll have Hannah and Sophia around one day and we can go through them all, a lot of things can be donated or sold on or auctioned to raise money for different Charities." I explain and he frowns at me. "What?"

"You're on maternity leave, the only visiting Hannah and Sophia will be doing will be as friends for coffee and chit-chat and to dote all over India." He says sternly. I avoid rolling my eyes at him and instead park my behind at the breakfast bar and give Gail a warm smile.

"What's for lunch?"


	266. Chapter 266

**Saturday 15th September 2012 **

Everyone has been here all day. Well when I say everyone I mean the immediate family, Ray, Carrick, Kate, Elliot, Mia and Ethan and of course Grace. I don't mind some but it's just too much, India's been passed from arm to arm which means she isn't settling into her crib or Moses basket because she's falling asleep in people's arms and Sally advised putting India down before she slept so she'd get used to falling asleep in her crib or basket.

Call me selfish but I just want my baby girl all to myself… well and Christian too obviously but I've not been home long and I'm already exhausted because it doesn't matter who did the night feeds me, Christian or Grace I couldn't settle back to sleep until I knew that India was sleeping peacefully and still I was getting up every hour to go and make sure she was still breathing which disturbed Christian. In the end it was tempting to curl up in the rocking chair and just watch her but every time I sat down Christian would come and get me.

I hate this. She was supposed to spend her first few weeks in our bedroom but Grace doesn't think it's such a good idea because the sooner we all get into a routine the better and of course she can't exactly come into our room to feed India quietly now can she.

"Why don't you go lay down for a little while?" Christian suggests as I try and fail to stifle yet another yawn.

"Hmm I'll take India up with me." I say pulling from his arms.

"Ana leave her here and get some sleep."

"She's sleeping too, spend some time with your family, some loud time while we rest." I say trying to hint that I don't just want to lay my head down I want five minutes alone with my precious girl before I go to lie down.

"Ana…"

"She's due a feed in a moment Christian." I say trying my hardest not to snap with him but it's getting more and more difficult with every second that passes and every word out of his lips.

"I can do that, or Mom…"

"I would like to feed my own daughter for once Christian." I snap and everyone in the room falls quiet to look at us. Damn I didn't want to cause a fight or draw attention to us.

I take India from Kate and offer her a small smile before getting out of the room as quickly as I can trying to suppress my tears till I'm on my own.

"Mommy has around two minutes of you all to herself and she's going to enjoy every second of it Indie." I say quietly as I head up the stairs. I can't believe my baby's two days old and I've already given her a nickname. Indie, I wonder if it'll stick.

"Come on Princess, time for a bottle." I say getting one from the cabinet, I love these little newborn already prepared formula bottles that just need to be kept at room temperature. It makes far easier feeding than having to prepare them all of course when she's a little older and will be having more then the preparing comes in.

"You know everything will soon become normal India I promise, you've been born into an amazing family, they're all so supportive and loving and kind but sometimes they don't know when to back off, when alone time is needed. I love them all so much and so will you but there will be days when you want to scream and shout and swear at them to leave you alone but you'll bite your tongue because you won't want to hurt them." I'm losing it, I must be because I know India doesn't understand a word I'm saying, she just blinks her baby blue doe eyes up at me and sucks contently at the bottle I'm feeding her, her pink lips holding tight to the nipple as if she was afraid I'd snatch it from her.

"Ana?" I want to cry just at the sound of his voice.

"I'm in the nursery." I call just loud enough for him to hear but not to startle India, I don't want her to choke on me.

"Everything ok?"

"Yeah, India's just having her bottle then I'll change her and put her down." I reply as he strides into the room.

"What happened downstairs baby?" He asks kneeling in front of me so he can catch my eyes. I sigh, I don't want to have to explain myself, I shouldn't have to.

"I just wanted some alone time with my child, I haven't held her for more than two minutes since we've been home between your Mother telling me not to coddle her too much and you and her doing the feeds and then the family being here today. I just want to hold her, spend time getting to know her. I don't want her to forget who I am in the midst of all these people." I explain remembering that Sandra told me not to hold back from Christian even if it hurt to admit my own pain and also hurt knowing it would cause him pain.

"I'm sorry you feel like that baby, but she would never forget you, haven't you noticed how every time you've spoken her head turns towards you as if she's trying to find you?" Christian asks stroking his hand down India's head gently. I shake my head, I hadn't noticed. "Well she does, and when you leave the room she becomes a little agitated, like she knows you're not there."

"I'm sorry Christian." I say shaking my head.

"Don't apologise, it's just baby blues, you'll feel better soon." He smiles reassuringly, I need to find out who gave Christian the manual on 'how to handle first time mom's after birth' because they need a medal Christian's saying all the right things, keeping his cool and not going off on one like I would expect him too.

I wind our daughter and Christian helps me change her diaper. It's nice to be able to do this with Christian, the two of us bonding further over our daughter as well as with her. When she yawns her whole face scrunches up and her hands ball into tiny fists. It's the most adorable moment ever and both Christian and I smile widely at the action and wish we had a camera to capture it with.

Once she's almost asleep I lay her down in the crib and pull the homemade blanket that great-grandmother Trevelyan made before slipping out of the room with the monitor.

"Let me take that, you get a few hours."

"I'll nap but I'd rather wake with her next feed because if I begin sleeping too much during the day I won't sleep at night." I reply nervously, I don't want to fall out with him.

"How about after she's had her next feed I come and wake you and then we'll have dinner with the family before sending them on their way and you, India and I can have some cuddles in the living room before starting the bedtime routine?"

"I'd like to give India her first bath this evening." I tell him.

"Can we do it together?"

"Of course!" I beam, I wouldn't want him missing out on that.

"Good I'll make sure the cameras are all charge up, I wonder if we have a water baby or not." He smirks before taking the baby monitor and heading towards the stairs.

"I love you Christian." I call after him with a smile.

"And I you Ana, get some sleep." He replies not even turning to look at me, not that I mind. I really need to sleep.

When I do wake I glance at the clock and notice I've slept exactly three hours. That's quite a shock but I guess something in the back of my mind was telling me when I would need to wake to feed India.

Unlike women who breastfeed I don't have that tell when it's feeding time. I've even been told by Sally that there's a chance I won't leak at all because we didn't try to latch India on at all because of the anti-depressants and so there's a slim chance my milk won't fully come in at all which normally takes a few days after the first latching on. Of course she also said it's different for all women and I could suffer with very leaky nipples for the foreseeable future and may have to pump the breast milk and throw it away.

I head out of my room and peak into the nursery and what I see brings a smile to my face but what I hear has tears pooling quickly.

"You're always going to be spoilt India. Mommy and I have agreed that we will teach you the value of everything so you don't ever become a spoilt little rich kid but what I mean is love, you'll always be spoilt with love because you have your Mommy and me and then all our big family and our friends. Once upon a time I had no idea what love was, I didn't think I could feel it and definitely didn't think I could give it but then I met your Mommy and it all changed for good, she loved me and I found out I loved her too and now I love you also, the one little addition I thought I would never have, never be able to have and your Mommy has already proved that I can. I won't promise that I will make everything perfect for you, I guarantee at some point I'll fuck up but… but I'll do my best by you always, just know that."

I don't want him to know I heard so I quickly slip out of the nursery and head downstairs to find my family all still sat in the living room talking.

"Ana did you get some sleep?"

"Yes thank you but it seemed that my brain knew it was time to wake up for India's feed." I chuckle making the other's smile.

"Christian's feeding her in the nursery then he's going to bring her down for Gail to serve dinner." Grace smiles, I give her a nod before dropping on the couch beside Kate and cuddling up to her side.

"Ok Steele?" She asks stroking her hand through my hair gently.

"Hmm." I reply relaxing into her touch, God I've missed her lately, I've barely had time to breathe over these past few months so seeing her was a limited time thing.

"Good, you know between you and Mr Mogul you've made a very beautiful baby who's going to grow up breaking hearts all over the shop."

"She won't get the chance to break hearts, Christian will have her in a nunnery before she's sixteen!" I tease laughing as does the rest of the family who had been listening intently to our conversation.

"What was that about a nunnery?" Christian asks entering the room with India in his arms.

"Nothing." Kate and I chime at once, we don't need to give him the idea now do we! He looks at us confused as we giggle but then shrugs it off and passes India over to me.

"Hey Mommy's girl." I smile at her. "Did you change her diaper?" I ask as I settle her in my arms.

"Yes, she left Daddy a very smelly gift." He says wrinkling her nose as Kate begins laughing hysterically.

"Kate? What is it?"

"I would love to see that Christian Grey CEO changing a poopy diaper." She says through her laughter which sets both Christian and I off to.

We all head through for dinner putting India in the baby bouncy chair with Christian and I on either side of her. She sleeps through the meal but I can't stop looking down to make sure she's ok but the same goes for Christian, he's checking her every couple of seconds too.

After dinner everyone heads for home leaving Christian and I to get ready to give India her first bath. I don't know about Christian but I'm nervous even with Grace hovering.

"I'd do it in the living room with the fire on so she doesn't get cold rather than the nursery." She says as I get the baby bath from the cupboard under the changer.

"That's where we are doing it Grace." I reply trying not to sound too dry as I go and collect India's towel from the en suite.

"Ok and hang the towel up so it's warm when she's done."

"I know Grace." I reply still holding my tongue, it's like she doesn't trust me or Christian with looking after India.

Once I have everything I head downstairs and Christian meets me at the door.

"Hey Mom, this is something Ana and I would like to do alone." He says awkwardly I walk past him not bothered to look at Grace's hurt face, I can imagine it well enough.

"OK sweetheart if you're sure. I'll be in the kitchen with Gail if you need any help." She says sounding confident though I know she's hurt that we're not involving her in this but India is our daughter and it's something that we'd like to do ourselves.

Once the bath is ready I strip India down and holding her carefully I put her in the bath as Christian snaps pictures, he's set the video camera up to so that we'll always be able to look back at this moment. I as expected a scream passes my daughter's lips, her face screwing up and turning red. I guess India doesn't like the bath.

I quickly wash her and pull her out feeling so cruel for making her scream like that. Once she's swaddled in the towel I pull her to my chest and hold her tight.

"Shh, all done baby girl, all done. I'm so sorry baby." I coo to her as I rock her gently.

"Here." Christian passes me her pacifier and I put it in her mouth letting it silence her. "I guess we don't have a water baby." Christian chuckles.

"No we don't." I giggle, I can't help it. "I should get her dressed before she gets cold." I say rubbing my hands over her body to dry her.

Together Christian and I put some baby talc on India and rub it all in before putting her in a diaper and then dress her in a long sleeved vest and Ralph Lauren teddy print baby grow. It's ridiculous how much money we've spent on baby clothes, some she'll probably outgrow before she gets to wear them. Once we've put her pink socks on and wrapped her in a swaddle I take her upstairs to have her feed before she's put down to sleep. I can't help but smile down at her, she's just perfect.


	267. Chapter 267

**Sunday 16th September 2012 **

"I was thinking maybe we could go for a walk." Christian says as he struts into the living room where I've been napping for the past couple of hours.

"A walk?" I ask sitting up a little to look at him.

"Just around the house with India in her pushchair, it will do us all some good to get some air." He explains coming to sit beside me, allowing me to cuddle up into his side.

"Hmm, what does Grace think?"

"What does it matter what my Mom thinks?" He asks frowning.

"Uh… nothing it doesn't matter." I reply snuggling up to him. "Just wait for Miss Grey to wake then we'll wrap her up and take her around the grounds." I smile, my question about Grace was Christian seems to check in everything with her but I wouldn't be surprised if this was her idea, her recommendation. "What about the press?"

"The most they'll get are pictures of us pushing the pushchair from the gate." Christian replies, I guess he thought of that.

"Ok."

An hour later we have India wrapped up in her thick snowsuit with mittens and a hat and laying down in her pram.

Christian and Taylor carry the pram out the door and down the front steps while I stand there holding my breath. My red Coach coat fits me again, not how it used to but it does go on and with the glove, hat and scarf that Sophia bought for me last Christmas.

"Do you want to push the pram?" I ask as I step beside my husband.

"Can I?" His eyes light up and I smile and nod and once his hands are firmly on the handles I wrap my hands around his arm and lean my head on him. "Oh now I see why you didn't want to push the pram." He laughs softly.

"Well I like snuggling with my husband." I reply with a smile as we head down the drive towards the gate. "Christian where are we going?"

"Just close enough to wave at the press, the hood is up, they won't get a photo of India." He replies with a smirk, I see he's a tease in more ways than one.

We get about half way down the drive and we stop to wave at the press for a moment giving the time to get some photographs before turning off and going onto the path through the meadow.

"I still can't believe she's here." Christian says looking down at our sleeping beauty."

"Neither can I. I keep putting my hand on my belly just to remember she's not there anymore." I giggle but in all honesty I miss my bump, I miss feeling her moving inside of me.

We only stay out for about twenty minutes before going back inside. We leave India in the pram to sleep until her next feed and take the time to cuddle up on the couch.

"Look we're on TMZ already." Christian says showing me the webpage on his phone.

"Hmm, press, they don't have anything better to do." I reply too busy enjoying being cuddled up to Christian without anyone else around.

"We need to start thinking about getting ready to go to my Grandmother's house." Christian says, oh I forgot that we were going there today, I really don't want to leave the house but I understand that Mrs Trevelyan hasn't been leaving the house much and traveling to us is a bit of a stretch from her place in Bellevue.

"I'll go get India fed then we'll change then change India then we'll be ready to go."

"Ok." Christian kisses the top of my head gently before we begin to get ourselves ready.

Once I'm dressed in a pair of leggings and a blue dress top I head into the nursery to dress India. I go through all her clothes carefully checking the sizes knowing that not all of them will fit and eventually I choose a red corduroy smocked dress with a little white blouse with red flowers on the collar to go underneath, it was Kate who bought this little two piece outfit. I style it with a pair of ivory tights and red glitter pre-walker shoes with a red flower on the toe of each. It's now I realise how many shoes my daughter has, come on! When will she ever really wear them?! I blame Mia for the shoes and Kate, they bought most of them!

"Ready to go Mommy's girl?" I ask as I snap her into the car seat, it's far easier to put her into it first and then put it in the car apparently, not that' I've tried either way yet.

"Daddy's ladies ready?" Christian asks poking his head through the door.

"All ready." I smile tucking the blanket around India's tiny body, I still can't believe how small she is.

The drive over to Mrs Trevelyan's house is in quiet… well quiet between me and Christian as Grace does all the talking about what Mrs Trevelyan has been up to since the death of her husband.

She meets us at the door with a big smile on her face, I guess she's been excited to meet her great-grandchild.

"Oh look at you, where's that baby weight just vanished too?" She asks giving me the once over.

"It's just hiding beneath the clothes." I assure her, I feel obese because there's no baby in there anymore to claim all the fat.

"Nonsense you've shrunk down so much." She says before moving on to hug Christian and Grace.

Once sat in the living room we're all given a glass of wine and I almost die at the first sip.

"Your first one since she's been born?" Mrs Trevelyan asks.

"Oh yes." I say with a smile. "I was starting to forget what wine tasted like!" I chuckle.

"I'm not surprised! So I have this for you, well technically for India and a beautiful name Ana." She smiles as she hands over a gift bag and I open it and pull out the contents.

"Oh Mrs Trevelyan these are beautiful." I beam as I look at all the cardigans for India.

"There are some bigger than the others for when she grows too." Mrs Trevelyan smiles. "And stop calling me Mrs Trevelyan and call me Nan everyone else does."

"Do you want to hold her Grandma?" Christian asks as he unbuckles India from her car seat.

"Oh can I?" Her face lights up like Time Square at Christmas.

"Of course." Christian smiles handing her over without a problem.

We stay with Nan (short for Nancy!) for about an hour before heading for home. I can't let this smile I have leave my face seeing India with her great-grandmother, I hope I live to see some Great-Grandkids but who really knows with these things. After getting in I feed India and Christian and I together dress her in a baby grow for bed.

I rock her in my arms in the rocking chair until she's almost asleep and then gently place her in the big white crib. After tucking the blanket around her and making sure none of the stuffed animals will fall and suffocate her I exit the room with the monitor.

Entering my bedroom I find Christian in the bathroom having run a hot bath for me.

"Join me?" I ask as Christian helps strip me down.

"Not tonight baby, I don't think I could go without touching you." He whispers against the skin of my shoulder before he kisses it. I feel a pang of hurt but I also understand, I don't think I could stand being in the bath with him and not have him touch me, it would be more painful in the long run.

I enjoy the bath, relishing in the peace and quiet, no Grace, no Christian, no India just for one hour. When I finally get out and change I enter the bedroom to find Christian sitting reading another boring looking business type book in his pyjamas.

"Ok?" He asks as I walk over to him.

"Yeah, India will be up in a couple of hours for a feed." I say as he puts away the book to pull back the duvet.

"I'll do it, you sleep." He says with a smile, I know he doesn't mean too and neither does Grace but it does feel like they're forcing me to sleep like I can't handle getting up every three hours to feed my daughter. There are single mothers out there who do it every damn day! If they can do it then so can I when I have a housekeeper who cooks my food and clean the house and anyone to help at my beck and call.

"I can do it." I reply as we climb into bed. I hear and feel Christian's sigh resonating within me but say nothing as he switches the light off and cuddles up to me, instead I just enjoy being in his arms as always.

At exactly midnight the baby monitor comes alive with India's cries. I roll out of bed, grab the monitor and make my way down the hall before Christian even registers that our baby is calling.

I slip into the nursery pick my baby up and get one of the bottles before settling back into the rocking chair to feed her, still half asleep mind you. Once done I wind my daughter, wipe up any spittle and get her back to the brink of sleep wither pacifier before laying her back down.

When I step out of the nursery and pull the door behind me I'm surprised to see Grace and Christian looking particularly guilty, I guess they were talking too.

"She's asleep." I say before walking back to my bedroom and climbing into bed, almost in la la land when I register Christian back beside me with his arms around me.

Three hours later and I awake to the sound of my daughter's cries again. It takes just a little longer for me to wake enough to climb out of bed only to find Christian halfway to the door.

"Go back to sleep baby I've got it." He says as I step out beside him. I then notice Grace outside the nursery door.

"Both of you off to bed, I can do this one." Grace says brushing us away.

"I can do it Mom." Christian says stomping his foot like a petulant child.

"Christian, you can have the six o'clock feed if you want, go on both of you back to bed."

I don't answer and push past and into the nursery to feed my child.

"Ana there was no need for that." Christian says when he steps in behind me.

"While you and your Mother were arguing about who was going to do the feed OUR daughter was sobbing her heart out in here Christian, I wasn't going to stand around and listen to you two while my baby was crying for her feed." I reply dryly as I settle into the rocking chair. "Now if you and your Mother don't mind I'd like some alone time for some skin to skin." I say determined to have him go away and know that he wouldn't be able to stand seeing me topless very long without getting a very annoying hard on.

He sighs and walks out leaving India and I alone. I peel my tank top off carefully as not to jostle India while I'm trying to feed her and then I'm thankful I didn't bother with a bra for bed. Once India's fed and winded I curl her up on my chest and hold her precariously as I rock us gently, humming twinkle twinkle little star to her until I know she's fallen asleep.

Once I have India back in the crib I pull my tank back off and meet Christian in the bedroom.

"There was no need to be like that Ana…"

"Christian…"

"But." He doesn't let me interrupt him. "I understand, India has to come first. I'll take the six o'clock feed and you have a lie in ok?"

"Fine." I relent, at least it's not Grace dictating what's going on, I love her but she's taking 'Overbearing' mother in law to a whole new level.

"Ok baby, now let's get some sleep before our precious little angel wakes again." He says as I cuddle in beside him. I don't say anything just fall asleep at last.


	268. Chapter 268

**If you're on facebook please join us over on FSOG Fanfiction page!**

**Going back to writing 2 or 3 chapters for each day so they'll be shorter but with work I'm afraid I don't have as much time to write anymore. Working 11 hours a day is tiring. Sorry that it's been a couple of days since the last update, I know you're all used to multiple updates a day from me. Love Steff xx**

**Monday 17th September 2012 **

I slept straight through until eleven am. I am impressed. I guess knowing for a fact Christian would be up with India at six was enough to let my mind completely rest and rest it has. After showering and changing I head downstairs where I find my husband walking around the kitchen rocking India on his bare chest as he talks to Gail and Grace.

When he spots me he smiles widely and comes over a kiss, once his lips meet mine I kiss my daughter's forehead and let my hand run over her hair. She shifts a little but doesn't wake. Hmm, I guess that's what they mean by _Sleep like a baby._

"Sleep well?" He asks as I slide onto a stool by the breakfast bar to enjoy the steaming cup of tea Gail has made me.

"I did, thanks baby." I smile, he knows I wouldn't have slept so good if he wasn't one hundred percent getting up with India.

"Ok, after you've eaten I was hoping we could talk."

"No conversation beginning with that ever turned out good Christian Grey." I say feeling fear in my stomach.

"It's nothing bad baby I promise." He smiles leaning into me and kissing my head while still holding our baby girl to his chest. "Now sit down and eat something, then meet me in the living room, I'll put India down in the Moses basket and hopefully we'll be able to talk before she wakes for her next feed." He says before walking off, Christian Grey the parent, I must admit it's hot.

After I've eaten I meet Christian in the living room where he's sat reading a newspaper. We're still making headlines especially as someone found out the name of our daughter. I guess it was easy for them with a plaque hanging up in Swedish.

"Ready to talk?" I ask standing awkwardly. Normally I would sit next to him but I don't know if this situation warrants that. Luckily he makes the decision for me by coming to me and taking my hands to pull me to the couch beside him, I actually think he sensed my trepidation.

"Grace is going home this evening after Carrick joins us for dinner."

"Why?" I ask seeing as she made it quite clear that she's here for the week.

"Well she was talking at breakfast this morning and she said she'd become something she never wanted to be."

I look at him questioningly and he smirks widely.

"An interfering Mother in Law. She says Carrick's Mother was the same when they first adopted Elliot and it drove her up the wall." He chuckles.

"I hope it's not me that made her leave Christian, I just wanted some time with you and India." I say feeling incredibly guilty.

"I know baby, and so does my Mother, she's leaving tonight because she can see we have everything under control. Such as from now on, I'm doing the six o'clock feed every morning so you can have a lie in and you can have the three am feed if that's what you want." I can't help but smile at my husband, I think having India has made him grow up some more.

"I'd like that." I smile before kissing him gently.

We stay cuddled up with each other on the couch until India's cry echoes around the room. I don't hesitate in moving and Christian is just a second behind me. I pick India up from the crib and set her in my arms while Christian fetches her bottle. Within a few seconds we have India quiet and sucking on the nipple of the bottle.

"Also, I've had more emails from Grey's House. We really need to do a press appearance if we have any hope of getting rid of some of the vultures down there." Christian says stroking my hair away from my shoulder so he can kiss the little skin on show.

"Oh yeah? And how do you suggest we do that?" I ask trying to contain the sarcasm.

"By taking a walk down to the front gate and letting them ask a few questions with a team of security stopping them coming within a foot of the pushchair, we can take her out if you want and let them have a little look or let them just capture the pushchair. It's just that the press are beginning to make things up."

"Such as?" I ask quietly.

"That India is actually a boy, others saying she's disabled and we're ashamed of her, it's madness in the press because they have nothing real and we cannot keep our lives private with your fame."

"My fame?" I ask him with a snort. "And what are you just my husband? You were somebody before we even met!" I am trying with everything I have inside me not to snap at him."

"I was somebody before we met, of course I was but your book made you somebody everybody is interested in and not just because of the amount of money in your bank account, they're still playing parts of your blackberry commercial online, have you even checked your emails since you've been home?" I shake my head, why would I have, work no better than to contact me. "You have offers to give a magazine spread on becoming a Mom, others want to watch you get in shape, TV offers for a reality TV show where they stalk you all day and you talk to the cameras, modelling opportunities before and after you get in shape. Ana the whole fucking world wants a piece of you and I've realised I have to let them, I have to push you to let them have a piece of you and trust you'll be giving me all of you every time. You think it's easy for me to sit here pretending I am ok with the fact we need to talk a walk to the front gate and give a statement? I'm never ok with it, I hate seeing your face plastered in newspapers good or bad because I know they're showing the world a piece of you but that's the price that's coming with what you've decided to do with your life, in what you've done in writing Fifty Shades but I don't want to lose that either because it's a part of you, just one part of the whole that I have in my life."

I am in tears. Fucking hormones. I can see every emotion flickering on his beautiful face as he talks, it's all from the heart, not some prepared speech and I know he's also right. The world wants a piece of me but he has all of me, when the fuck did he realise this? Why has it taken him so long to fucking tell me?

"Don't cry baby please." He wipes away one of my tears looking a little embarrassed at his outburst and if I wasn't holding out daughter I'd wrap him up in my arms and kiss him heavily, letting him know without words how much what he's just said means to me.

"We'll take a walk after I've dressed and made myself presentable." I reply with a small smile.

"I'll have Gail make lunch for when we're done." He says kissing my head softly, I think I've just fallen in love with him all over again.

Once dressed I stand in the full length mirror located on the inside door of my walk in closet. I can't help but notice that I've put weight on in my face, my cheeks are fuller than they've ever been before but not fat either, I don't think I'm fat but in all honesty I also cannot wait to start getting into shape. Hannah and I have already decided to run the New York Marathon in 2013 to raise money for Carla's Cancer Trust. It's going to be amazing when we do it but of course there's a heck of a lot of training going to be involved, starting with me getting into shape and shedding the baby weight.


	269. Chapter 269

**Changed my mind A LOT about this chapter, but finally here it is!**

**Monday 17th September 2012 – Part 2**

I look down at India who's sleeping peacefully in her pushchair all wrapped up nice and warm in her blanket from great-grandma Trevelyan, and her cute as a button blanket from the time Christian and I went to build a bear in Tacoma, the bear itself is at the bottom of the pushchair by her feet. I had tried to persuade Christian that we leave her with Grace and Carrie and take an empty pushchair down with us but we decided against it thinking the fresh air may be good for our little one.

We're going to be completely secure. Taylor has bought in every member of security that works for us including our regulars who are going to be walking with us, like a box around us almost. We're doing this to be polite and thankful seeing as the press have brought flowers and gifts with them it's a chance to say thank you.

Of course, they know we're coming. The security have already gotten them eight feet away from the gate so that we can get outside of the confides for five minutes or so with our baby girl.

I feel good. Christian helped me style my hair into loose waves and I've put on some make up. I've also managed to squeeze into the bigger size red skinny jeans that were bought by Taylor for me in Savannah. I have had to squeeze into them and I won't be keeping them on too long but I am glad I will be able to go out to greet the press looking quite decent. With it I have my baby blue Ralph Lauren coat and my black Jimmy Choo pumps.

"Christian." I say as something comes to mind.

"What is it baby?" He asks I know he's as nervous as me about facing the press.

"Bob, is he still living in the house here?" I ask a little uncomfortably.

"I believe so, I mean I bought the house and the housekeeper is still going there and she hasn't reported that he's no longer there." He replies. "Why?"

"I would like to take India over to visit him later today, he hasn't seen her and I'd like him too. I mean he was my Mom's husband and I'd like him to still be a part of our family…"

"Ana, baby that's fine, you don't have to explain anything. Would you like me to come with you?" He asks sweeping a piece of my hair behind my ear.

"You don't have to." I reply, I don't mind either way.

"Well I have got calls to make. Why don't you take Luke with you at the least, he doesn't have to come in but I would feel better about you having security even if it is just ten minutes down the road."

"Ok." I smile, at least he isn't making me take a whole team with me and he hasn't mentioned anything about me driving which means I can take India for a drive with Mommy behind the wheel.

"Right ready to do this?" He asks and I nod before Taylor opens the door.

Once we have the pushchair firmly on four wheels on the ground we begin walking slowly down the driveway. It's quite a walk, one you don't really notice when you're in the car. Taylor is on Christian's side and Luke is on mine, Oreon is in front of us and then Ryan is behind us with Gary.

We walk slowly to enjoy the air as well as I think slightly put a hold on speaking with the press. I am surprised that as soon as we're within the right distance the press take notice and begin taking photos of us. Two security from Grey's House who have come to help out with this open the gates up for us and Christian and I step out while Oreon steps slightly to the side. The rest of the security don't move a muscle.

"We've come out to just say thank you for all the gifts and messages of kindness that you all have sent to us, press and public. It's been quite a shock to me and my wife how much support and love you all have shown over the past couple of weeks. Our daughter, India Annalise Grey was born at quarter to midnight on September Twelfth weighing five pounds and four ounces. She's now five days old happy and healthy." Christian speaks eloquently, his CEO voice and persona coming out in full force as the press listen with rapt attention, some taking notes others recording his voice. "We're willing to answer some questions." He adds. Loads of people make it clear they want to ask questions and Christian picks one person out at a time.

"How long were you in labour for Mrs Grey?" One shouts.

"Just over ten hours." I reply with a small smile, it was definitely worth it and I feel that as I glance down at my baby lying in her pushchair.

"What is her hair and eye colour?"

"At the moment she has blue eyes, dark hair and looks just like her Mommy." Christian replies with a huge smile on his face, he loves that our daughter is currently a mini me.

"But that could change." I point out and some reporters murmur agreements.

We answer a few more questions before heading back to the house. The security surrounding us and holding the press back worried about some of them trying to come too close to the pushchair but they don't make a single move towards us.

Back at the house I don't waste too much time in organising going to visit Bob. Christian has phoned the golf club and found out he's not there and the housekeeper who confirms that Bob was at the house when she was there this morning. I can see the apprehension building in my husband as I prepare the diaper bag to take India and I know he's rethinking everything so to appease him I ask if I can take Taylor instead of Luke and maybe Oreon following behind us. Christian, thankfully agrees.

Of course, then comes the issue about driving. Christian is adamant that he doesn't want me driving our child around but this is not an argument I'm about to let him win.

"Christian women with wrecks for cars drive their kids around and no harm comes to them. India is going to be in one of the safest car seats made to man in a very safe and reliable car!" I yell frustrated at him, he's got to let this one go, this is my daughter and I cannot have him dictating what I can and can't do when it comes to her care.

"I know Ana but you didn't even give birth a week ago! You're hormonal, what if India starts crying and you can't deal with her because you're driving?" He yells back, I feel tears stinging my eyes, he's damn straight I'm hormonal but it doesn't stop me from being able to drive a damn car.

"Sir if I may?" Taylor steps forward.

"What?" Christian snarls, he really isn't happy about this.

"I am more than willing to sit in the back with Miss Grey… May I speak freely?" He looks uncomfortable.

"Jason you're a family friend, please don't ask to do so." Christian surprises both of us in saying.

"Well ok, Ana needs some of her freedom back, you're both worrying about post-natal depression right, I'm no shrink but keeping her cooped up with no freedom to do some of the things she pleases isn't exactly going to avoid it…"

"First of all she is still in the room." I growl looking from my husband to our security. "Secondly, will you all stop it with this post-natal stuff, I am fine! The baby blues are lifting I just want to drive my car which I couldn't do properly for the last few weeks of my pregnancy because I was too fat, I want to take my daughter to visit one of her grand-fathers, the only connection she will ever have to my Mother other than me post Ray."

Christian and Taylor both look at each other guiltily, they know they've overstepped their marks here.

"Will you please just drive carefully?" Christian's sigh shows his defeat.

"Would I do anything else with our daughter in the car?" I ask angry that he'd think anything else.

"No of course not." He says, somehow I know he wants to continue arguing this but he's holding back. His eyes are narrow and dark almost as if aroused but I see the pulsing vein in his neck which I know shows he's holding back a darker emotion, his anger.

"We shouldn't be too long and you can get on with some work." I smile leaning up to kiss him. He doesn't pull away from me so I deepen the kiss just enough before pulling away and hurrying out the door to get India into her car seat.

When I take India out to the car with Taylor Christian comes too and after I've buckled the car seat in place which takes a few minutes not only Taylor but Christian check it too. I just haven't got around to securing the teddy bear car seat into my car and leaving it there as I haven't decided yet which car I want to be using and it would mean having to have the front passenger airbag disabled in said car especially if it was the TTS or Saab as they're both only two seaters.

"I'll see you when you get back." Christian says opening the driver door for me as Taylor climbs in beside India. I can still see he's stressed about this but I'm glad he's holding back, something tells me he's going to need an intense therapy session with Flynn soon.

"You know, one day India is going to be driving on her own and there won't be a thing you can do about it Christian. The least you can do is trust me to drive with her in the car for the time being."

"Please let's not talk about our daughter sixteen years from now, I can't bare it." He laughs weakly.

"I'm sorry."

"And I do trust you Ana, it's everyone else I don't trust." He replies as I buckle myself into my seat. I give him a tense smile before he shuts the door on me. I know what he means, the risk of someone ploughing into the side of the car is high even accidental and I know he worries about threats that people give but never carry out.

I drive over to Bob's house without any problems. My eyes meet Taylor's in the mirror a couple of times at traffic lights but he gives me a reassuring smile and I am grateful to him for convincing Christian, somehow I don't think we'd be in this boat or car like this if it wasn't for him.

I pull into the driveway and park before taking a deep breath. I've had very little contact with Bob since my Mom died and I don't know who's fault that is. It may be mine and that I didn't make the effort and maybe Bob thinks I don't want him in my life anymore.

"Everything ok Ana?" Taylor asks still sitting in the back seat.

"Yeah, come on." I say finally unbuckling myself and climbing out.

Taylor grabs the diaper bag while I take India's car seat out of the car with her still securely inside. I see the SUV in the distance and give a small wave, I know that having them with us relaxes Christian just that tiny bit more so I don't mind at all. Soon he will trust me and if not I'll just have to defy him because my child will have as normal an upbringing as we can manage and that includes sometimes driving my daughter to and from school.

I ring the bell and wait patiently for the door to be answered. When it finally swings open I'm completely shocked at what I see.

"Ana." Bob's visibly surprised to see me. "I wasn't expecting anyone." He says apologetically as he signals to his vest and sweats.

"It's ok, can we come in?" I ask signalling to myself and India. Taylor is hanging by the car till I'm safely inside.

"Of course." Bob opens the door wider and I step inside. The place is spotless, the made obviously doing a good job but the smell is shocking. Stale cigarettes burn my nose and throat and I guess Bob has started smoking.

"Sit down, I'll put the kettle on and open the back door, let some air in." He says gruffly, his voice is huskier like he's definitely smoked too many cigarettes.

I take a seat on the chair and place India's car seat down in front of me before unbuckling her. When Bob comes back he's pulled on a sweater and he has a cup of hot water with a tea bag beside it and a mug of coffee for himself.

"So Ana what brings you here?" He asks after placing the cup down on the coffee table, my hands are too full to take it at the moment.

I can't help look at Bob. Really look at him. His eyes are dark and withdrawn, big black bags obvious beneath them. He's not shaved in a while, a full beard growing on what I know is a pretty handsome face, my Mom always loved his face and his circular jaw.

"I thought you'd like to meet your step-granddaughter." I say quietly.

"Really?" There's a small sparkle that comes to his eyes at my words and it brings a smile to my face.

"Hmm." I nod. "Bob, I don't want you to disappear from my life, I want you to be a part of India's too."

His eyes come alive a little bit more and I can't help but smile as I rise from my seat and go over to him. Slowly he places his mug on the coffee table and allows me to hand India over to him. Normally Bob doesn't seem gentle but as I watch him take India into the crook of his arms he's holding her as if she's the most fragile thing on earth, so delicate.

"She looks like you." He says quietly and I nod and smile. "And your Mom." He adds and I hear the lump that's now penetrating his throat.

"Yeah." I say trying to hold back my own tears.

"Have you read that letter yet?" He asks his eyes snapping up to meet mine.

"No." I admit bashfully.

"She said you'd know when to read it." He says before looking back at the pink bundle sleeping peacefully in his arms.

I head back to my own seat leaving Bob to rest back against the couch watching India.

"Do you know what's in the letter?" I ask as I quickly make my tea.

"No." He replies too quickly to be lying. "She just told me that you'd know when to read it if you ever asked about it."

"Ok." I'm happy with that answer, I will read it, when I feel the time is right to read it. "So Bob, what are you going to be to my daughter?"

"Huh?" His head snaps up, his eyes meeting mine.

"Well Ray is Grandpa Ray, Carrick is Grandpa Cary, are you going to be just Bob? Grandpa Bob? Granddad?"

"Granddad?" He asks his eyes welling up with tears.

"You are my Mom's last husband, you're her widow." I say quietly. "I want you to be in India's and my lives."

"I'd like that." He smiles. "Granddad."

"Ok." I smile relieved, I would have hated for him to reject us now.

"I didn't think you'd want me around with your Mom gone." He admits and I sigh, I'm not surprised.

"Of course I do Bob, you've been there for me and for her." I smile at him. "Are you planning on staying in Seattle?"

"Yes. There's nothing for me in Savannah anymore but you've just given me a reason to stay right here." He smiles down at my baby girl.

"I'd like that." I smile, I really would, I can't explain why but I do know I want him to be a part of India's life just as much as he would have been had Mom been alive but knowing he's going to be here in Seattle somehow means he's going to be there more than had he and Mom been living in Savannah still.

"There's something I need to ask you though." He says looking a little ashamed or embarrassed.

"Go on." I say reassuringly, whatever it is I will help him with or support him as long as it's not illegal.

"I need… I've been drinking…" Somehow I manage not to show my surprise and horror. "Not all day everyday but when I finish work and Maria comes in to cook my dinner it's after she goes. I've been drinking quite heavily…"

"Bob…" I say quietly, I can feel his pain, the pain of losing my Mom.

"I want to be there to see this little one grow up, make your Mother proud of me…" He explains not letting me say anything. "But I can't do that unless… unless I get some help."

I don't think he realises how strong he is just being able to admit that. Not many people would but I guess I've given him a reason to want to get help, want to stop drinking.

"What do you want me to do Bob?" I encourage.

"I think I need to go into rehab." He states firmly looking straight at me, I guess he's been thinking about this before but I also suspect he didn't have a reason to want to go before, he just drowned his sorrows in a bottle every night. "But the thing is… my insurance in work won't cover it."

"I'll pay it." I reply quickly. "We'll get you into the best rehab in the state if it's what you want Bob."

Tears pool in his eyes. This is the most emotion I remember ever seeing from this man and it's so hard it brings tears into my eyes too.

"Thank you, I just… losing your Mom I didn't have anything left to live for. If drink killed me then it killed me but you and India… you're worth it. You're the closest I've ever had to a daughter Ana and I do love you even if I never made that clear before."

My tears spill from my eyes and I quickly scramble from my chair and give him a hug. I always knew, growing up, that Bob would have been there for me if I didn't have Ray. The thing is I did have Ray and my Mom and I didn't need anyone else but now I do, I need Bob in my life as much as I need Ray in my life, not to fill the void left by my Mom but to be that connection to her for India Annalise and just for me, to be that connection for me. I adore Bob, I always have he's loved my Mom and stood by her through a heck of a lot. He helped put her back together again after Stephen.

"We'll get you help Bob ok?" I tell him as he cries softly, I remember him crying at Mom's funeral but I was too caught up in my own grief to be there for him then.

"Thank you Ana." He replies through his tears.

"No thank you Bob, for admitting this now and letting me help you."

"I would have done it on my own, I looked into cheap rehab facilities and started saving but it would have taken months and I didn't have a reason to even try…"

"It's ok… why don't you come stay with me and Christian till we can get you somewhere?" I suggest, I really want to be there for him now, I should have been there for him more after Mom died but I wasn't and I feels o guilty.

"No, you have a new baby to take care of Ana, I couldn't possibly come and stay with you." He says and I guess he's right, the last thing I really need is to be trying to make sure he isn't drinking away in my home while my daughter sleeps.

"Ok. I'll get on to a friend of mine when I get in and see what they think ok?" I reply stroking my hand through his thick hair, he really needs a shave on there too.

"Ok." He replies gently.

I don't want to leave Bob but after giving him a lot of the details about the birth, letting him know how Christian and Ray are it's getting close to India's feed and I'd like to be at home to do it. I also see Bob playing with his cigarette box and I guess he doesn't want to have to step outside to smoke but also won't smoke with us in the room.

I bid him farewell letting him know I'll call tomorrow with whatever I find out and I'll be by sometime in the week again with India so he can see her. As I head to the car I make a silent vow to get him the help and include him as much as I would Ray in my family life now. I can see it's as important to him as it is for me.


	270. Chapter 270

**Tuesday 18th September 2012 **

After a long talk with Christian last night he understands everything with Bob. He doesn't at all have a problem with India having three Grandfather's and is also going to help me get Bob into rehab. I also spoke with Sandra last night who is currently finding out if there is space for him up in Fairfax. I hope there is because knowing that he would be somewhere I know would somehow make it easier for me, though this isn't about me it's about him.

Of course with India needing to be fed every three hours it makes it hard to get much done. Kate wants to go and get my dress fitted even though I have guaranteed her I will have lost a lot more weight by December. Also there's the need to find India a dress. Kate wanted to wait to see what colour hair India would have before deciding as having copper hair like Christian would douse a lot of the dresses quickly.

Then there's the issue that needs to be addressed before Christian and I have another argument. Exactly how are we going to bring India up? I want her to have as normal a childhood as she can with Christian and I for parents. Though she'll want for nothing there is nothing more important for me than for her to understand the value of her belongings, how lucky she is to have them. I also want her to be well mannered and respectful, grateful, and these things will not come to a spoiled brat. And even if she is only a few days old I want to know how everything is going to work when she's older. How are we going to punish her when she misbehaves? Time-outs? Confiscation of belongings? I put my foot down at spanking as I cannot see it as anything but kinky anymore and the mere thought of my daughter being spanked sickness me to the core.

All these thoughts are going through my head as I sip at my tea. India is sleeping peacefully in her Moses basket not long since had a feed. I wonder if she sleeps too much? I'll have to bring that up with Sally when she comes by with Tiffany who will be my health visitor.

My phone rings from the table and I quickly answer it, cringing as I gaze over at India who begins fussing the noise having startled her.

"Ana Grey." I answer tucking my phone between my ear and shoulder as I go to pick up my now crying baby girl.

"Annie!" Ray exclaims in my ear.

"Hey Dad… shh there, there baby girl, I'm sorry."

"Oh is that India crying?" He asks putting on a baby voice making me chuckle.

"Yeah my phone was on loud and it woke her, it's ok." I say as I rock her gently in one arm while holding the phone in the other.

"Oh I'm sorry Annie…"

"Not your fault Dad, anyway what can I do for you?" I ask settling myself on the couch and getting a pacifier quickly from the table where the sterilised ones have been put for when we need one quickly.

"Well I was thinking of visiting on the weekend, wanted to know if you had any plans." He says as if it's something he always does, he barely ever asks to come down more like I have to ask him to.

"Of course you should come down, you're always welcome here and of course I have no plans, India would love to see her Grandpa Ray." I add a baby voice looking at my daughter as I do so making Ray chuckle on the other side of the phone. "You always have a room here Dad whenever you want it."

"Actually…" He says awkwardly.

"Actually…?" I press for him to continue, this isn't like Ray at all, he sounds nothing like himself on the phone and I knew that from the get-go but now I'm very intrigued.

"We were thinking of staying at a hotel."

"We?" I ask in shock, we? I am flabbergasted, who makes my Dad a we?

"Uh a friend of mine who wants to visit Seattle." He says too quickly for my liking.

"Oh Dad don't be silly we have plenty of rooms here." I say brushing it off.

"No Annie really…" He sounds awkward and uncomfortable.

"Dad this wouldn't by any chance be a … a lady friend would it?" I ask trying to stifle my giggles, I think my Dad has a girlfriend.

He doesn't reply, I can just about hear him breathing and trying to come up with an excuse on the other end of the line.

"Dad you can both stay here, it's not a problem." I tell him with a smile, I know he can hear it but I'm just glad he's found someone, as long as she doesn't hurt him she has my blessing already.

"Uh well I'll have to discuss that with her." He says quietly. "But I'd like that." He adds as an afterthought. I smile, I can't help but smile at this news.

"Ok, do I get her name?" I ask playfully, almost teasing him in a way.

"Margery." He replies and I somehow manage not to gasp, I know who she is!

"Margery from the diner Margery?" I ask knowing it has to be her.

"Yeah. After you came to visit she came over to see how you were doing and we started meeting for drinks and stuff." He says and I can hear his embarrassment, I know he's blushing on the other side.

"Well you and Margery can both stay here if you want, it's no problem. We'll put you in the furthest guest room from India's room so she doesn't disturb you when she wakes at three." I look at my now sleeping daughter with a smile, India's just an excuse I just don't want them to not stay with us out of the fear they can't have sex, as long as I don't hear them…

"Ok, well I'll ask her, see what she thinks but she's dying to meet India." He adds sounding more joyful than he has in a long time.

"That's great Dad, you're both welcome here anyhow so just let me know as soon as you can."

"Ok Annie, I should go, gotta get back to work." He says and I smile, I love hearing him this happy.

"Bye Dad and say Hi to Margery for me."

"Will do Annie."

"Love you." I add quickly.

"You too." I hear his smile again before he hangs up the phone.

I put the phone down beside me on the couch and chuckle, now that is beyond funny. My Dad has a girlfriend, a woman I have known almost all my life! I like Margery and she is kind and funny and I know she will take care of Ray better than many women would.

My phone rings again and startles India awake again. I want to cry when her poor tiny body jolts in my arms but I shush her as I reach for the phone and knock answer.

"Ana Grey." I say between shushes with earns me a small chuckle off the female on the other side.

"Bad time?"

"Oh Sandra! Hey no, I keep forgetting to knock the ringer off my phone and it wakes India." I reply glad to hear the voice of my shrink and now friend.

"Oh! How is the little Miss Grey doing?" Sandra asks her voice full of that feminine excitement.

"She's doing good! Or at least I think she is."

"What do you mean?" Sandra asks concerned, I don't know if she'd be able to help me but it's worth a try.

"She's sleeping all the time. I know babies don't do too much but can there be such thing as sleeping too much?" I ask as I watch India dropping back to sleep in my arms.

"How much does she sleep?"

"Well she feeds every three hours, I change her after every feed and once she's settled after changing she sleeps and wakes about fifteen minutes before her next feed is due." I reply. "Then she'll stay awake for a bath when she gets one."

"Hmm sounds about right to me but call your midwife if you're worried she's more likely to know." Sandra replies kindly, well at least some advice is better than none right? "Anyhow I was calling about your step-dad."

"Oh Bob, yeah well?" I ask the hope and worry coming out clearly in my voice, I can't help it, I'm still so hormonal that hiding my emotions is just impossible.

"We have a bed here for him Ana, we can get him into treatment as soon as you can persuade him to come in." Sandra replies and I feel the relief rush through me.

"Thank you." I reply knowing she can hear that same relief.

"You're welcome Ana, it's no problem, we have an excellent alcohol dependency unit here, he'll not just get sober but he'll get therapy too." Sandra explains.

"I know, he wants to do this you know so I'm hoping that increases the chance of success."

"Of course it does, forcing someone to rehab rarely works in the long term but like you said yesterday he wants to get better for his grandbaby and we can help him do that, we can set him goals like we did with you but in a different manner, he'll have his own team just like you did."

"And I got better."

"Yes you did." She smiles as she talks, I can hear it in her voice.

"Thank you Sandra, really."

"It's no problem Ana, I'll be down tomorrow to see you and I think we should talk about what happened with your Step-dad and see if that's affecting you in anyway."

"Of course." I reply, I've been thinking about it a lot and I know it's something I really need to talk to Sandra about so I don't argue against her.

"Good, I cannot wait to see that little one again!" She adds excitedly.

"Of course you can't, she's adorable." I chuckle as does Sandra, this is why I can also call her a friend.

"Well I should go, call me as soon as you know." Sandra replies.

"Ok, Thanks again Sandra, bye now."

"Bye."

I hang up and quickly turn my phone's ringer off, I don't want India startled awake again. Quickly I get to my feet making sure India is stable in my arms, I must admit I am terrified of dropping her when I move about the house with her and should get into the habit of using the contraption Christian bought to hold her in while moving around.

I find Christian in his study. He's going back to work on Monday just from nine until two every day to start but I doubt it will only be that long for about a week or so.

"Hey there's my two beautiful girls." He smiles as I walk through the door. "Everything ok?"

"I need to go and see Bob, Sandra called and there's room for him at Fairfax."

"Ok?" He says questioningly.

"I don't want to take India with me this time. I need to go alone, will you be ok with that?" I ask carefully.

"Of course. Carrie's here to help me should I need it but some Daddy daughter time is well and truly needed." He smiles, of course he wouldn't mind I don't know why I was so tense.

"Ok, I'll go after lunch."

"You can't drive straight after taking your pain pills." Christian points out.

"Then I won't take them." I shrug.

"Ana, you're in pain by lunch time, how are you going to manage to be with Bob when your stitches are causing you agony?" He asks bewildered at my choice of action.

"This is something I have to do, my Mom would be so disappointed with me Christian don't you get that?" I ask him desperate for him to understand.

"Why would she be disappointed in you?" He asks looking lost and confused at me as I pass him India, I'm shaking a little and don't want to hold her when I'm not completely steady.

"Because Bob was her husband, he love, and I forgot about him, lived my own life and focused so much on you me and India that I let him sit at home and drink, become unkempt, he's a walking disaster and an alcoholic Christian and if I'd have made the effort to let him know he was still welcome in our lives, to be a part of India's life maybe he'd have made some more effort not to get caught up wallowing in his grief."

"Doesn't make it your fault Anastasia." Christian replies as he places India in the bouncer beside his desk, yes we've both got one for when we want to work and have India nearby, the family's gifts are being put to use because they're from family and we don't want to disappoint them and give them away.

"I know that, but I could have made a difference." I reply with a shrug. "So I'm going to help him get better, I'll take my pills as soon as I get back."

"You can't take them on an empty stomach." Christian growls, he really needs to let me be a grown up sometimes and not chastise me like a child.

"I know that, I'll eat as soon as I get back a banana or something."

The subject is dropped as Christian sees I'm not willing to back down. After India's feed I get ready before sitting down to lunch with Christian, it's a quiet one, neither one of us with anything much to talk about.

"Ok so don't forget, three o'clock then change her diaper and put her down to sleep, make sure she's down before she's actually asleep we've got to get out of the habit of letting her sleep in our arms or she's going to become a pain as she gets older."

"I know." Christian replies hating that I'm reminding him what to do but I have to admit I'm a little insecure about leaving India for the first time even if it is just to go ten minutes down the road.

"Her bottle is in the kitchen cupboard ready, it's room temperature don't forget so it doesn't need to be heated, remember to wind her half way through and make sure you're covering your clothing or don't get mad when she pukes on you."

"We'll be fine Ana, just go already." Christian laughs, I guess he understands my apprehension some.

"Remember to give her pacifier before she lies down."

"Yes Ma'am, now go Bob's expecting you."

I leave after I kiss both my husband and my daughter. I don't know why I feel this apprehension and I need to bring it up with Sandra which means I can file the emotion away and the questioning until I see her on Wednesday. I think I need a notebook or a Dictaphone because I'm never going to remember to ask the right people the right questions at this rate.

The drive over to Bob's house is horrible. I hope he hasn't changed his mind about this or I'm going to be furious. Christian and I have agreed that he isn't going to get any access to India without both of us supervising until we know he's sober which means until Sandra says he can. She's agreed to be his therapist because I asked her too, I trust her judgement and she won't let him out of Fairfax unless he's ready to be let out.

At the house I use my own key to go in, no need to knock when he's expecting me is there? I find Bob sat on the couch with a cigarette in his hand. The whole house is smoky and I'm glad I don't have India with me.

"Hey Bob." I say softly as I slip into the living room.

"Hello Ana." He replies sounding as defeated as he looks.

"So without beating around the bush I spoke with a friend of mine, she's a psychiatrist at a behavioural hospital …"

"That place you went?" He asks not caring about my discomfort.

"Uh yeah." I reply.

"But you had depression not alcoholism."

"I know, but they have a brilliant alcohol dependency unit there." I say taking a seat on the chair closest to him.

"Ok." He says expecting me to continue.

"They have a bed there Bob, give me the word and I can have you in there as soon as you want."

"Could we go now?" He asks his eyes meeting mine for the first time, he looks so defeated that it hurts, I've never seen him looking this weak.

"I don't know, I'll give Sandra a call and find out. Would you like to go now?"

"Sooner I get there the sooner I can begin to get better." He replies.

"Ok, I'll call Sandra." I give him a reassuring smile before quickly stepping out into the hallway.

Five minutes later and Sandra and I have agreed to get him there now. She's already in the process of getting everything he needs set up and ready while I pack his belongings. I hate going through his personal stuff but I know he won't do it, he's not in the state of mind to do much of anything.

I find a picture beside the unmade bed of me, Mom and Bob in Savannah my first summer home from University. It's great to see it but it also hurts to think of Mom. I quickly remove the glass from the frame and drop it into the bag before doing the same with Mom and Bob's wedding photo.

Lastly I find one of the many pictures of India that have already been printed that I had brought with me for Bob from my purse and add it to the bag. I think he has everything he will need and if not I can bring things to him, I'm planning on going to visit him and taking India with me as soon as we can, I know the visiting rules are a little different with the alcohol dependency unit, Sandra told me that much.

"Ready to go?" I ask seeing Bob sitting in his coat with his shoes shoved on his feet, the laces untied.

"Yeah." He says before stumping out his cigarette. "Thank you Ana." He says quietly.

"It's nothing Bob, thank you for asking me for help, that means a lot to me." I admit.

I call Christian and quickly tell him of the plans. He's not happy that I'm driving Bob to Fairfax alone but he also reluctantly agrees and tries to understand. I text Sandra to let her know we'll be with her in about thirty minutes before getting Bob into the car.

The drive is in silence, but I expected as much. As soon as we arrive outside Fairfax Bob lights up a cigarette and we walk slowly across the parking lot. I can feel the tension radiating from him, I know he's scared and as we stop outside for him to finish off his cigarette I cannot for the life of me get rid of the horrible memory of my arrival here.

It was so scary. The unknown of what was going to happen to me when I stepped through the doors was more than enough to make me want to turn back. The difference was however, I had Christian by my side keeping me strong. I know Bob would be able to do this if Mom was here but in saying that he wouldn't need to do this if she was alive, it's her death and his grief that has caused this mess.

Once I see his cigarette is stumped out I take him inside. He's been here before of course, when I was admitted he came with us, Ray staying with him and keeping him together for a little while after my Mom's death but of course we couldn't do it for long.

"Sandra Lee is expecting us." I tell the receptionist.

"Of course I'll call for her now."

We barely wait two minutes before Sandra steps through the doors. She greets me in a hug and I relax knowing Bob is going to be in safe hands.

"Wow Ana you do not look like you had a baby less than a week ago!" She comments.

"Thank you! I managed to squeeze into my three month bump jeans so I'm loving it." I chuckle. "So Sandra this is my Step-Dad Bob, Bob this is the shrink I was telling you about Sandra."

"Hey Bob it's a pleasure to meet you." Sandra is polite as ever and she doesn't quite baby him like she did me when I was here with her.

"Likewise." He replies politely even though Sandra and I both know that's untrue.

"So Ana if you hand the bag over I think I've got everything from here." Sandra says as a nurse steps forward. I hand Bob's bag over before I turn to him and wrap him up in a hug.

"I'll come visit as soon as Sandra says it's ok, I'll bring India ok?"

"Ok." He says quietly.

"And you call me if you need anything, day or night." I add as tears fill my eyes, I know have a small inkling of what Christian felt when he had to leave me here.

"Ok." He says again.

"I'll see you soon." I kiss the top of his head before giving a nod to Sandra. I quickly hurry out not wanting Bob to see me upset over this.

Once I breathe in the cool air I wipe my tears and take a deep calming breath before heading home to my daughter and husband.


	271. Chapter 271

**Wednesday 19th September 2012 **

My baby girl is a week old today! Technically only six days though seeing as she wasn't born until quarter to midnight. However, seven days ago I was in agony in labour and today Sally is coming to visit me with my health visitor. On top of that I have my own meeting with Sandra today, she had originally planned to come down but because Bob's there and in her care I'm going up there with India and security and Carrie and after my session I'll get to visit with Bob before heading home.

I'm apprehensive for everything, this is the beginning of getting back to normal or getting to normality with a baby. It's scary. Christian goes back to the office on Monday and even if it's only for three quarters of the day it's still scary. I won't exactly be on my own with Gail, Carrie, Luke and Oreon here at all times with me but it's almost like being left alone with India for the first time.

"Ana." I turn to see Christian in the door, he looks flustered and frustrated and I know it's either sexual frustration or work related, it's the only two possibilities.

"Yeah?" I ask as I finish tiding up her pink tights and adjusting the tiny dark pink dress with flowers on the shoulder, I'm getting bored of all the tiny newborn sized rompers and baby grows but there are very limited choices in newborn sized clothing. Roll on seeing her fitting into three month old stuff, there are far more choices.

"Sally and Tiffany are here." He explains, I guess someone else is answering the door.

"Of course." I reply glancing at the clock, they're ten minutes early.

I place India carefully in her bouncing chair making sure that she's secure by double checking the snap closure. Christian's the same, double and triple checking that our daughter is actually strapped in before taking our eyes off her. She's awake for now and I decide against giving her the pacifier, there's only a need for it when it's needed there's no need for it when she isn't going to sleep in her Moses basket or in her crib as the only reason we're giving them to her is because they say it decreases the risk of SIDS and cot death, though no one showed us any scientific proof of this I'll take no chances with my baby girl.

As I tuck her crotched blanket around her she watches me carefully. Christian and I have done some reading on baby interactions so I hold her gaze and smile making my eyes slight wider as I make some strange "ah" noises. I don't know what this is supposed to do but I keep doing it until my baby girl clearly loses interest and I don't force her to re-engage with me just as it says in the books.

"Hey Ana."

"Hi Sally." I smile pushing myself from the floor to greet her.

"This is Tiffany your health visitor."

"Hi pleasure to meet you." I smile shaking her hand.

"So how is little India Annalise doing?" Sally asks in a baby voice taking my place on the floor in front of India.

"She's doing ok I think." I reply scratching my nail across my eyebrow.

"Why don't we talk, Sally will watch India for us for a minute?" Tiffany suggests as Christian comes to join us.

"Sure."

I sit down on the couch and Gail comes in with the tea tray. We all help ourselves to the drink and sit back while I see Sally talking animatedly to India in a high pitch voice about my daughters clothing and pretty blue eyes, it's quite comical.

"So tell me how this first week has gone." Tiffany says taking out her notebook and a pen and resting it on her knees while she holds her coffee in one hand.

"Well I think it's gone pretty good right baby?" I ask turning to look at Christian who's sitting behind me with one arm around me the other hand holding onto his coffee.

"Yeah."

"Have you got a routine down?" Tiffany asks.

"She feeds every three hours without fail, six, nine, twelve, three." I reply which is true, if she hasn't got a bottle in her mouth as the hallway clock chimes a third hour she cries so we're trying to get in the habit of being with a bottle towards her mouth one minute before except once in a while Christian and I like to wait just to hear her voice as cruel as it may sound just hearing her cry brings a smile to our faces.

"Ok so after her feed what happens?" Tiffany asks scribbling down what we've already told her.

"We wind her obviously then change her, whether she's soiled or not." I inform her. "Then we lay her down and she sleeps up until around half hour before her next feed or maybe fifteen minutes before. Actually is she sleeping too much?" I ask as it's been something on my mind for days.

"Nope, most babies at this age sleep between sixteen and twenty hours a day mostly only awake for feeds and some babies feed while half asleep. Now have you been communicating with her? Trying to grasp her attention?"

"Yeah, she seems to recognise our voices." Christian says with a smile. "If someone else is holding her and one of us talks we find she turns her head towards us." That's true, it's like we watch her for it because it warms us up and brings a smile onto our faces.

"That's really good, she's definitely hearing you of course she was with you both for nine months completely hearing everything that was going on so she will be more attuned to your voices than anyone else. Now we'd like to weight her and measure her."

"I'll get the baby book." Christian smiles.

"Ok what do you need me to do?" I ask awkwardly, I don't know how this is supposed to work.

"Well while Sally and I set up the scales can you strip India down?" Tiffany asks.

Once India is down to her nappy she is placed on a scale while she cries, I feel cruel watching her cry and not being able to do anything about it and I know Christian does too as he holds onto my shoulders tight while watching.

"I know baby girl, I know." Tiffany says as she reads the scale. "There does Mommy want to lift India up?" She asks turning to me.

I quickly pick her up and Christian helps wrap her up in the blanket while I shush her gently.

"Five pounds and two ounces."

"That's less than when she was born." Christian sounds horrified.

"And it's normal, by this time next week she should be back to her birth weight maybe a little more and then she'll begin to gain weight, when we weighed her when she was born she was full of birthing fluids which her body has no expelled." Tiffany explains calmly, I guess she's used to dealing with worried parents. "Now can we check Miss Grey over?" She asks as Sally begins to put away the scale.

They check everything, they look for marks or something on her body, listen to her breathing, takes her blood pressure. It's terrifying to watch, worried they may find something and burst the bubble that has been there since we came home.

Once we're done Christian dresses our baby back up while Tiffany, Sally and I fill out India's red file. They've measured everything from the circumference of her head to the soft bit at the top. It's beyond scary in all honestly and even when they start packing up all their equipment I'm expecting them to say something that will make this nice reality turn sour.

"So we'll have to discuss her vaccinations and stuff at the next visit, how do you feel about me coming the same time next week?" Tiffany asks picking up her appointment book.

"Baby you'll be back at work, what time's best for you?" I ask making it clear I'd like him here when it happens.

"Same time is fine." He smiles as India begins to snooze in his arms.

"Ok we'll do a hearing test then too but it sounds to me like there's no problem with her hearing."

"Ok." I nod.

"Right now it's time to check Mommy over." Sally says coming back from taking the scale and stuff to the car. "Where would you prefer to do this?"

"We'll use the bedroom I think." I say feeling uncertain again.

"I'll get ready for the next feed." Christian says kissing my head before walking out with India, he knows there's no need for him to be around for this and I think he's scared about seeing me with stitches down there.

Once in the confides of my bedroom I use the bathroom to remove my bottom half and wrap myself in a robe. In the bedroom a towel has been placed on the bed and I lay back trying to hide my nerves.

"So how have the stitches been feeling?" Sally asks as she pokes and prods down there.

"They pull a little and they really hurt if I don't take the pills." I admit.

"Why would you take the pills?" She asks sounding concerned at once.

"I needed to drive so I couldn't take them, they make me woozy."

"Anastasia, you have people who can drive you, what was so important that you had to skip your pills?" Sally sounds scolding and my eyes meet Tiffany's uncomfortably.

"My step-father is now in Fairfax." I say sitting up as she comes from between my legs and removes her gloves. "I wanted to sort it out myself not have the staff do it."

"Ok, and do you have the right emotional support to deal with this? You've just had a baby Ana." Sally says sitting beside me.

"I'm ok, he's in the best place. I know Fairfax, I know they can help him." I say wiping my tears, damn hormones!

"Ok. Anytime you want to talk Ana you can call either of us any time even if it's not to do with India because we're here for you too."

"Ok." I nod receiving a smile and a hug from her.

"Ok, well your stitches look good, healing nicely at the moment. You're seeing Doctor Greene in three weeks and she'll be able to advise you further."

They leave after a string of questions about how I'm feeling and a further examination of my stomach. Everything is perfectly how it should be according to both of them so that relaxes me but I cannot wait till six weeks is up not only to have sex with Christian but also to start working out and getting back into shape, also training for the marathon with Hannah, it's going to be amazing.

As I get dressed I can't help but think I need to get some new clothes. I don't fit into any of my old stuff yet and there's only so much of my tracksuits and leggings that I can wear before I'm sick of the sight of them. I decide to go tomorrow and take India with me, of course I'll have to straighten this out with Christian and let Luke and Oreon know but they'll be good to keep their distance, wait outside. I mean the press aren't hanging around out front and unless there's some big news they only photograph from a distance anyway, even in New York, never do they disrupt us unless like I mentioned previously, there's a huge story and they start hanging around firing questions.

When I get back downstairs I find India sitting in her bouncer with Christian working on his laptop, I spot the pacifier in her mouth and it brings tears to my eyes.

"Where was that?" I ask pointing.

"What?"

"The pacifier."

"In her bedroom, in the third drawer of the changer. Why?"

"My Mom bought that." I smile at the monkey lying on my baby girls chest.

"I didn't know."

"It's ok, it's called a Wubbinub pacifier, we got it when we went maternity shopping. I just forgot about it." I explain seeing the guilty look on Christian's face. "It's fine Christian, Mom bought it to be used. Oh by the way India and I are going out tomorrow."

"Where?" He asks almost growling.

"Neiman Marcus, I need clothes I don't fit into any of my old stuff and I'm not wearing any of my maternity stuff." I explain as I go over to pick up my daughter.

"You take security."

"Luke and Oreon." I reply, they're our security, mine and India's so it's just common sense.

"Ok." He grits his teeth, he wants to fight me but he isn't which is surprising.

"Ok." I smile, one to Ana thank heavens. "Well I'm going up to Fairfax, do you want to come?"

"No I'll get some more work done while you're not here."

"Fine." I nod, this is really awkward, neither of us know what the other expects at the moment so we're unsure of each other which is not a first, we've been unsure of each other before but of course India's here now, everything's new.

India, Carrie and I sit in the back of the SUV me in the middle with Carrie to my right and India snoozing in her car seat on the left while Luke drives and Oreon sits shotgun. I guess Christian had something for Taylor to do as I offered to take him too. Maybe he's working on trust, hopefully he's spoken with Flynn and John has managed to get him to see my point of view on this. I wouldn't be surprised, I know from how I turn to Sandra for help that Christian does the same with Flynn.

As we drive I begin thinking of having India baptised. Christian agreed to it when I bought it up before and we agreed on doing it at the Church which Luke and Hannah married, it's also the place where Mom's funeral was held which gives it a little more meaning now. I also can't help but think of visiting my Mother's grave and taking India. She's too young to even remember me taking her and won' ask any awkward or uncomfortable questions and as she grows older I'm going to explain everything to her about her amazing Grandma Carla or Nana as Mom self-proclaimed herself.

Arriving at Fairfax Carrie, the security and India are taken into a side room for privacy while I meet with Sandra. She greets me with a wide smile and a hug that I strangely find comfort in. I sit down and she offers me a milkshake which I take even though I don't crave the stuff anymore.

"So Ana, how has this first week at home been?"

"Good I think." I smile. "We met with the health visitor and my midwife today and they're happy so that can only be good."

"And are you happy?"

"Absolutely, I love being at home and being a Mom, India's a good baby too she sleeps and doesn't cry much."

"That's wonderful, she was a little small and that could be down to many factors." I frown, I know that my blood pressure was probably cause for India's low birth weight, I was warned but there was nothing I can do about it. "I just need to make sure you're not blaming yourself."

"I…" I shut up, I am blaming myself.

"There's nothing to worry about Ana, she's a little small but some babies just are." Sandra says reassuringly. "And she wasn't too small, there are no specific health risks that come to mind with her weight, you were overdue too and many say that the baby shrinks after the due date."

"Really?" I'm surprised as no one mentioned this to me.

"Yup. I don't know if it's true I'm a shrink but it's what I heard." She reassures.

"You don't have any kids do you."

"No." It wasn't a question so I smile at her answer. "It's that obvious?"

"Yup." She chuckles at my reply.

"Now about your Step-Dad, Bob. How have you been handling that?"

"I think I'd worry more if he wasn't here. He's in the best place, he wants to get better. I trust he will with time and the right support."

"He's lucky to have you Ana, he made it very clear that he wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you and India and he's completely in love with that little girl, his eyes light up whenever he mentions her and he carries around the picture of her in his pocket."

"Really?" This surprises me, but I knew he wanted to be involved in her life, he made that clear and I won't deny him that.

"Yeah, you and India are his best chances at getting better." She reassures me completely.

"That's good." I smile.

"So you ready to see him?"

After collecting India from Carrie, Sandra shows us through to a visiting room that I've not been too before. I guess it's to do with the Alcohol Dependency Unit which is on the top floor whereas I was on the first floor with the others with depression.

He greets us with a smile and I hug him, mindful of the baby girl in between our bodies.

"Do you want to hold her?" I ask as he sits down, he holds out his hands which are shaking a little and looks concerned. I scan the room for Sandra and spot her sitting just a few tables away watching us. With my hand I signal her over and she comes quickly.

"Is it ok for him to hold her?" I ask as he shows her his shaking hands.

"It should be ok if he sits back and cradles her close to his chest just for a little while." Sandra replies. Kindly, she stays and helps me place India into his arms and he holds her steady, his shaking like it's stopped completely and with a smile and a nod Sandra leaves us alone again.

"Thank you." He replies his eyes not leaving India.

"It's ok, so how are you settling in?"

"Perfectly, they're really good here Ana, thank you so much." I can see his gratitude on his face and I just give him a small smile and a nod, he doesn't need to thank me verbally, getting better would be thanks enough. "So how's that husband of yours?"

"Ok, I think being at home is beginning to stress him out and I wouldn't be surprised if he's popped into the office while I'm here." I chuckle, with the drive, my therapy session and the visit with Bob we'll be gone near three hours if not more, plenty of time for him to make an appearance at Grey's House.

"Other than being on holiday or business this is probably the most he's been away from work." Bob replies.

"Absolutely, he's going back on Monday for three quarters of the day but I think he'll be back full time before the end of the week." I chuckle, it doesn't bother me, I'm hoping to take India with me to the Study and begin working on Mia the mouse, the next in the animal hospital series.

"You're ok with that?"

"Yeah, India's a good baby and I have a Nanny and a security guard who is also trained as a Nanny as well as my own security guard and the housekeeper, we'll be just fine while Daddy works." I reply chuckling.

We talk about India mainly, and me and life at home before the forty five minutes is up. I take India from Bob who leans down and kisses her head softly before he kisses my temple. He looks a little upset at us leaving but I promise to visit him before the week is out and he knows, somehow he just knows I mean it.


	272. Chapter 272

**With a new baby life is pretty mundane and near normal for Ana and Christian, however while they're adjusting to life with a newborn everyone else's lives are also changing, Bob, Ray, Gail and Taylor, we'll be seeing more of their lives through Ana's eyes in coming chapters, no point adding some big twist to Ana and Christian's lives right now I think it would ruin this normality of adjusting to having a baby.**

**Thursday 20th September 2012 **

So its official, Dad and his girlfriend will arrive tomorrow and stay with us till Monday morning. Christian has already done a full background check on Margery though there was no need, I've known her what feels like all my life and she's amazing.

Today I've dressed in a pair of black leggings with a navy and white striped dress top. It's not the latest fashion but it's comfortable and decent for my shopping trip. With it I'm wearing a pair of navy Louboutin three inch pumps. It feels great being back in heels again.

I meet Christian and India in the kitchen. She's still in her baby grow after her Daddy gave her six o'clock feed and I her nine o'clock before going to dress. Now I get to dress her and I'm determined to put her in clothes and not just a baby grow.

"You look very nice Mrs Grey." Christian purrs as I bend over to lift our baby from the bouncer.

"Hopefully I'll look a lot nicer when I have some clothes that actually fit." I reply with a smirk, I love being complemented by Christian.

"Not too nice I hope, I can't touch you for another five weeks and you have no idea how frustrating that is." He says, his voice dripping with his arousal.

"You don't think it's frustrating for me too?" I ask him as I cradle my baby girl to my chest, my hand resting on her head holding her carefully, aware of her hand fondling the skin of my breast that's showing, minor skin to skin contact is better than none.

"Oh I don't doubt that it is baby." He chuckles before kissing my head then India. "Enjoy yourself and spend on the joint…"

"Christian…"

"Split the bill then, let me pay for some of your new clothes… please?" He bats his eye lashes and pouts teasingly making me laugh.

"Ok I'll split the bill between us two." I reply, I'll use the joint card then as I have been depositing money into it too.

"Good, will you be back in time for Miss Grey's next feed?" He asks as I look at the clock.

"I don't think so, I'll go to the café upstairs for lunch and India can have her bottle then." I reply as it's nine thirty already, it doesn't give me much time.

"Why don't you take Carrie for company?" He asks. "Or she can meet you for lunch?"

"Sure, if she wants too. Now I'm going to get this madam dressed before I leave." I give him a small peck before making my way upstairs to India's room.

Upstairs I find a lilac tunic with long sleeves and a flower pattern on the chest with a pair of flowery leggings by Kissy Kissy, another gift from Mia according to the tag. It's cute and not a baby grow so I dress my little princess in it after giving her a wipe down with some baby wipes, I'll have to give her a baby massage after her bath tonight I think then some skin to skin cuddling with Mommy before bed.

I also put on her frilled socks and the tiny Ralph Lauren white satin pumps with the ribbons on just to complete the look, she actually looks like a real life doll! One done I reluctantly wrap her up in her blanket, I'll loosen it once she's inside her pram in Neiman Marcus but until then she's got to be kept nice and warm.

Luke drives, Oreon sits shotgun with India and I in the back. I don't mind having a security detail with me but I do hope to one day be able to take my daughter shopping, drive us in my car and just enjoy myself with her. I want to talk to her right now but feel uncomfortable doing so with Oreon and Luke in the car so I resist and just stroke my thumb across her knuckles while she snoozes.

Outside Neiman Marcus I'm ordered to stay in the car while the security put up the pushchair. It's not that difficult to do but takes the a few minutes, something tells me checking, double and triple checking to make sure it was secure before letting India and I out of the car.

Once in her buggy I readjust her blanket and pull the hood of the basket up before heading inside. Luke and Oreon make to follow but I stop and turn to them.

"I think I have it from here." I say firmly, almost begging the not to fight me.

"But Mr Grey said…" Oreon begins.

"But Mr Grey is not here, I am able enough to take myself and India shopping without an escort. I will call when I'm done, Carrie will be meeting me for lunch upstairs, we should be done by around one thirty unless we do some more shopping." I say in my 'no nonsense I'm a CEO' voice.

Luke gently hits Oreon's arm and gives me a reassuring nod, of course, Luke works for me and answers to me, Oreon will soon learn.

I step through the grand glass doors of Neiman Marcus and barely walk ten paces before one of the personal shoppers swoop down to greet me.

"Mrs Grey, it's wonderful to see you again." The blond woman in front of me smiles her Hollywood white teeth at me, I can't recall her name. "Melissa, I helped when your friend was getting married." She explains, oh I guess she knows who I am now because she didn't then.

"Of course." I nod and give her a smile back, my confident I'm a CEO and Multimillionaire smile that I learned from Christian.

"Is this the baby making national news?" She asks peeking into the carriage containing my most precious possession, her finger on the hood, just pushing it back a tiny bit.

"This is India, yes." I reply, I've seen the headlines, it was nice to see the press reporting something good and positive about me and Christian for a change.

"Oh isn't she just a beauty. You must be so proud." She gushes, I just want to wipe that smirk off of her face.

"Absolutely." I say dryly, I just want to shop!

"Would you be requiring any assistance today?" She asks stepping away from the carriage. "We have quite the expansive baby wear range."

"Oh no, I just want to browse as it happens and for me not India, we've got more than enough clothes for newborn that a new outfit every day until she grows out of them and we'll still have some unworn." I reply with a chuckle.

"Of course, well I could help carry a basket if you would prefer." She says and I realise now that there's nowhere on this pushchair that I could place a basket, the handles of this being a simple bar across rather than two separate handles I've seen many shopping Mom's carrying their wire mesh baskets.

"Uh…" I realise I'm going to have to have someone's help. "That would be wonderful, thank you." I reply.

"And of course if she needs changing or a feed, there's a baby changing unit on this floor and one upstairs with the café." She adds. "I'll just get a wheelie basket."

I watch as she goes back to the doors of the store and collect one of those pull behind baskets that are low down and on wheels.

"So you're not looking for anything specific?" She asks as I walk beside her pushing India's pushchair.

"No just some outfits to tie me over before I can start working my way back to my pre-pregnancy size." I reply with an awkward smile, this girl beside me is matchstick thin and I feel huge and frumpy beside her.

"You don't look like you've put on any weight Mrs Grey, I've seen pictures of you and Mr Grey from before your pregnancy and I watched some of your interviews about your book on YouTube." She beams kindly, well she didn't call me fat or frumpy and her statement sounds honest.

"Thank you but honestly I wish every day that I'd pop out a kid and slim down to my old clothes." I chuckle as does she, an honest belly laugh, she's not as fake as I first thought.

"Hey styles have changed in nine months too." She shrugs making me laugh, I like her now.

We start looking at some pants. I don't want just jeans so I browse carefully. I finally pick up a pair of black drawstring beach pants and Melissa scrunches her nose and shakes her head.

"Why?" I ask looking mildly offensive.

"They can make you look bigger, if your conscious of your post-pregnancy size you want to get the cropped pants which is what all the celebs are wearing in Now! Magazine." She says, I guess she is paid to know what she's talking about. "Like these!" She picks up a pair of pants that look like they'd be too short.

"Do they do them in a longer leg?"

She laughs, actually laughs which makes me smile and raise my eyebrows.

"They're cropped, they're supposed to be a little short." She explains kindly, she isn't laughing at me that much I can tell.

"Ok, we'll take them." I smile as she places them in the basket.

Next Melissa picks up a pair of strange green coloured cropped pants and I scrunch my nose up at once.

"I couldn't wear that colour!" I say mildly offended that she's even suggesting it.

"Honestly, I think you'd look amazing in these Iguana coloured pants with that top you're wearing." She says signalling my navy and white sailor striped top. "Or a white top with a navy and white jacket."

"Really?" I ask in disbelief.

"Yup, and I think you Mrs Grey have the confidence to pull these off, not many people have the guts too unless someone else is dressing them."

"Ok." I sigh. "Go on why not." I add laughing and she nods and places them in the basket.

I also go for a pair of block blue cropped pants which I am informed by the tentative Melissa would go with a nice top also in a block colour such as yellow, red or orange, apparently that's what's in style September 2012, note to self – check all magazines and internet for celebrities pulling off this look.

By the time India begins fussing in her pram we have gathered eight pants, five pairs of jeans, too many tops to count, a few dresses and multiple different jackets. The outfits can all be mixed and matched too and Melissa promises me when the press capture me in this I'm going to make it on the hot list of them all. I'm not surprised, there's already talk of my post-pregnancy body and clothing in some of the magazines and everyone's apprehensive for more.

On her persuasion I change into the blue block cropped pants and the nude heels I couldn't resist buying, and an Alice and Olivia chiffon blouse with V neck in orange finishing the look with a white mesh weave jacket. I look in the mirror and I see myself pre-pregnancy looking back at myself and I can't help but smile. The weight gain isn't obvious, the top being loose hiding all the flab that I will soon tighten up.

"Wow Mrs Grey you look fabulous!" Melissa beams as I step out of the changing room.

"Really?"

"Yup! I guarantee you, any press outside are going to get you on the top of tomorrow's express hot or not page! You look fabulous!"

"Thanks." I smile but when India begins to cry I glance at the time on the wall and notice it's feeding time.

"Why don't I ring these up for you while you sort her out."

"I'm going to feed her upstairs and have some lunch." I say uncomfortably.

"No problem, I'll ring them up and bag them and you'll be good to go." She smiles as I hand over the joint black Amex.

"Thanks for all your help Melissa, I'll be sure to spread your name."

"Thank you for being an amazing customer, you're so easy to shop for." She giggles before walking away with my purchases.

"Ok baby girl let's get you fed." I say lifting her from her pushchair and snuggling her into one arm as I head for the elevator.

Arriving the café I don't see Carrie but Gail and Taylor occupying one of the tables. Gail's eyes meet mine and she waves and signals me over.

"Carrie was meeting her sisters in town today so I said I'd meet you." Gail explains, I look to Taylor who gives me a smile but otherwise gives nothing away, something tells me there's more to this.

"That's ok." I smile sitting down and getting a bottle out of the bag. "So is everything ok?"

"Shall we order first?" Gail asks looking suddenly apprehensive, oh please don't say they want to quit their jobs! I want to scream but this is just what I think, it could be hundreds of different things.

"Ok." I nod as Taylor slips a menu beneath my nose, my hands too busy feeding my baby girl.

I order the tomato and basil soup as I don't want anything to heavy right now and a hot cup of tea, sadly they don't have Twinning's breakfast but the waitress assured they would get some in for my next visit (my guess is she knew who I was and wanted to please).

"So what's all this about?" I ask as I begin to wind India, the food isn't here yet but from the looks that keep passing between Taylor and Gail I know it's something serious.

"We heard back from the adoption agency." Gail says looking apprehensive but a little happier.

"And?" I ask excited for the couple.

"Well so far they think we both make very suitable parents, apparently there was no way they could fault our references however…" Gail looks to Taylor who gives a small nod and continues on her behalf.

"They want to interview us obviously, and they would like to interview you and Christian."

"Oh." I say slightly shocked, I'm not sure why I mean I should have known this may have been a possibility.

"Our addresses are the same, technically we all live in one big property which means that if we adopt a child they would be living with you and Christian too."

"Of course." I nod, I understand that, I mean I would love to see Gail and Taylor parenting full time, it would be amazing. They're already so wonderful with Sophie who will be coming back to visit regularly in a couple of weeks, Taylor's idea for India and I to settle back in at home before the little girl came to stay.

"The home study would also include yours and Christian's house too." Gail says looking very uncomfortable.

"Gail, it's not a problem I can assure you." I reply as I settle India into my arms. "Christian is as happy as I am that you've pursued your want to be parents together."

"Are you sure? It's unfair that you'll be judged based on our want to be parents."

"I have one question." I say quietly as a dark thought comes to mind, I don't get the chance to answer though as our food arrives and we have to wait for the waitress to serve us before leaving us to talk again.

"Ask us anything Ana." Taylor encourages to which I give him a slight smile.

"How does this affect India?" I have to ask, I mean the last thing I want is to have the Child Protection Agency digging into how Christian and I are bringing up our daughter.

"In all honesty Ana I think they'll be interested in your parenting. This is why we needed to talk, you can say no and we'd understand." Taylor says as Gail looks into her lap, I guess she can't look at me right now.

"Could they take India from me?" I ask my heart rate spiking with my fear.

"Ana you're an amazing mother already and Christian is a wonderful father, you're doing everything right with her, they'd only take her away if they saw neglect and abuse which I can assure you is not happening." Gail says suddenly looking me in the eye. "Do you think we'd dare do anything to risk that little girl's happiness?"

"No of course not." I say quickly feeling a little shitty for even suggesting it. "I guess it just scares me that there will be CPS probing into my life, look at my background and look at Christians, we may be rich and successful now but he came from a crack whore in Detroit and I came from a broken home…"

"They're not going to probe like that Ana, they just want to make sure that we will be providing a child with a happy, healthy and safe environment, in all honesty where better than with the four of us?" Taylor asks chuckling towards the end.

"You're right, I mean I don't think there's a house in Seattle as safe as ours so that's one issue off the list." I chuckle, Christian has already baby proofed most of the house, there are gates ready to go up on the stairs and on certain room doors, every single plug socket has a safety plug and there are now catch locks on all the cupboards that house medicines and cleaning stuff. On top of all the security that is around for our initial safety.

After our lunch I'm happy that Christian and I will be able to help Gail and Taylor get into adopting a child. It's quite exciting when I think about them having a child running around the property, it will be a few years before India is anywhere near able to explore and play in the meadow and I can't help but smile at the thought of someone getting to enjoy it.

I collect my purchases and credit card before Taylor and Gail, Luke and Oreon help me with the shopping to the car. While they load up the trunk I happily place India back in her car seat, looking forward to telling Christian all about India's first shopping trip and Gail and Taylor's revelation.


	273. Chapter 273

**I'd like to dedicate this chapter to Lucy King, apparently – according to her best friend Charlotte Leech she is my "Biggest and Best-est fan". I hope this chapter is up to standard for you Lucy and please don't let your exams and coursework suffer because you're too busy reading this. Remember the chapters will still be there after your exams!**

**Love, Steffie xx**

**Friday 21st September 2012 **

"Don't look at me like that." I warn my husband as I catch him looking at me in the mirror's reflection.

"What do you mean?" He murmurs his gaze not even wavering.

"That, you're looking at me like you want to jump me Christian." I scowl, it's quite awkward as I can't pounce on him while he's holding our daughter to his chest just watching me.

"I do want to jump you though Ana." He whines, yeah yeah tough shit.

"Well I wouldn't say no but I think the stitches would protest as would Doctor Greene and Sally." I chuckle as I look back at myself trying to work out if this outfit actually works.

I'm wearing the green cropped pants, the white top and the blue jacket with white lining and even though I loved it in the store I'm not so sure now I'm home. With me going to the bus stop with Christian and India to pick up my father and the chances of press catching us (I made the papers today about yesterday's shopping trip, apparently if they hadn't seen me pregnant they'd never have said I had a baby just over a week ago!) I want to look good.

I've styled my hair with a wide hot iron creating thick loose wave that tumble down my shoulders. My hair is so long now the ends easily brushing against my hip bones, I need a good trim cutting it back down to my waist or a little less without mentioning it to Christian he would never agree to it.

When Doctor Greene or Sally says it's ok I think I'm going to book myself a day at Christasia and get the works, head to toe, maybe I'll feel less like I've gone downhill since giving birth, not that I mind, it's all worth it for the beautiful bundle that is India Annalise.

"You look amazing." Christian smiles as I turn away from the mirror.

"Really? The green pants not too much?" I ask slipping my feet into my new Rockstud Studded-Heel Napa Pump by Valentino, they're different to all my other black pumps as the end of them are triangular where I usually prefer a rounded toe but needed these ones according to Melissa.

"Not too much, I saw the online stuff you were looking at and it's in fashion and you do look amazing in cropped pants." He says appreciatively as I reach for my daughter.

"Ok, I trust you." I smile leaning in for a soft kiss. "And love you Mr Grey.

"Hmm, I love you too. God I can't wait for the next five weeks." He says fondling my ass as I tuck India into my arm.

"Neither can I, now I'm going to go and get India dressed, we should be ready to leave within the hour."

"Ok." He smiles before kissing me again.

In India's nursery I quickly pick up the outfit I decided yesterday she'd wear today. It's a simple checked pleated dress in pink by Burberry which I style with some grey wool tights and the matching Burberry checked sandals, it was Christian and I who bought these for her and I love them so much, it doesn't matter that this outfit alone cost nearly four hundred dollars it's too adorable to care about the cost!

"Ready to go pick up Grandpa Ray India?" I ask as I add one of the white hand knitted cardigan's that Nan Trevelyan made for her, she just looks too cute for words and I can't resist taking a photograph of her and setting it as my desktop background. "Right let's go."

I meet Christian in the living room and he tucks India into the car seat. I can't help but smile seeing my chosen brown teddy bear one, we could have done with only one car seat as this is the only one that's been used so far.

"So how are we getting there and so on?" I ask as I watch my husband tuck a blanket around our daughter's waist as gentle as possible.

"I thought we'd take the Yaris and Taylor can follow with the SUV, I'll travel back with Taylor and you can drive your Dad and his girlfriend?" He looks uncertain, this isn't the enigmatic CEO that I'm used to but in saying that over the past year Christian and I have both done a lot of growing up emotionally.

"Ok, will India be coming with me or with you?" I ask checking my hair and makeup in the mirror placed above the fireplace.

"What would be best?" Christian asks, I like that he's trying not to make a decision for me, or including me in the decision making.

"She should come with you and Taylor, Dad, Margery and I can talk that way without having to worry about who sits in the back with Indie." I reply and he gives a nod and a smile, I guess that was his thinking too.

"Right come on then baby we should head off before we're late I wish your father would have just let us send Taylor for him."

"I think he wanted to bring Margery in the old fashioned sense of the word bring Christian, we'll insist he lets us take him back."

"Baby I'm going back to work on Monday." He says uncertainty hanging on every word.

"Then I'll take him." I shrug.

"And leave India with Carrie?"

"No I'll take her with me of course." I reply wondering what he's going to say next.

"And what about when you drive back, just you and India? What if she starts to cry?"

"There are plenty of places to stop, even if I have to stop in an emergency bay to soothe her I will, if we leave just after a feed we should get there just before the next feed and I can feed her before heading back." I reply with a shrug but Mr CEO doesn't look happy in the slightest. "Please let me be a normal mother." I whisper.

"Ana…" He sighs pulling me to him so our chests are almost touching, his eyes bearing into mine.

"Christian…" My voice is pleading, I just want to be a normal Mom or as close to normal as I'll ever get to be, do normal things. Am I asking for too much?

"I'll have the front seat airbag disabled tomorrow but it will mean you have to inform anyone who drives shotgun in the car that there is no airbag and offer them the back seat, or just leave the car seat there and whenever you use the Yaris any passengers will just have to sit in the back." He replies reluctantly, I can see the fight in his eyes but he's not going to fight me, he's giving me this and I won't fight anything he says about it.

"Ok, if I'm not going to be carrying India in the car I could just use one of the other two cars I own." I murmur with playfulness in my voice as Christian chuckles.

"Yes I forgot about that option." He says before kissing my hair. "Now come on, let's head off." He says swiping my car keys while I pick up India, I guess he's driving.

I buckle India in and somehow Christian manages not to check my work though I've checked it myself three times I mean come on, this is my daughter in the back of the car.

"Maybe I should get in the back." I say quietly, I'm not sure if I want to leave India alone.

"You should get in the front." Christian says and my eyes widen showing my surprise. "If you're going to drive from Montesano just you and India you need to practise not keeping your eyes on her and on the road." He explains and I sigh and nod in agreement, this is us playing give and take, he's letting me drive to Montesano so far but he wants me to prove that I can keep focused even if my daughter begins to cry so I walk around and get into the passenger seat while he takes the drivers' side.

Once we're buckled in we're on the road and as much as I want to glance over my shoulder to check on India I resist and keep my eyes on the road as if I was driving. It's slightly awkward, a forced glare at the cars in front and one the route we're taking but I'm determined to prove to Christian that I can do this.

"So did you tell Gail and Taylor that I said it was ok for us to meet with CPS?" Christian asks eventually.

"Not yet." I reply. "I'll talk to Gail when I get the chance."

"I'm really not happy about it Ana, they'll probe into our lives."

"Let them, Christian you're a multi-billionaire successful CEO, you keep your tracks hidden when you need to but you don't do anything illegal, you're a self-made man please see it like that." I ask, I don't want to re-hash the argument last night about him fearing that CPS would find out about the subs and stuff.

"Fine." He sighs. "But it's you that's going to show them how amazing you are as a mother, you know that right?"

I swallow, ok maybe I've managed to persuade Christian this is a good idea and I've already agreed to it but then I'm fearful about them judging me as a Mother, saying I'm not good enough for India.

"Anastasia." Christian growls.

"We're good parents Christian." I say quietly. "That's all they'll see."

"Good." He smiles. "And hopefully they'll know if anything happens to Gail or Taylor we'll always be around for the child."

My heart constricts, my breath hitches in my throat. Did my husband really just say that? Did Christian really just say that should anything happen to Gail and Taylor we'll take care of their adopted child?

"You have such a big heart." I tell him quietly.

"No baby I don't."

"You do Christian, not many people would give a child a home like you're doing and offer should anything happen to the adoptive parents they'll continue to support the child." I say quietly.

"I'm just doing what Gail and Taylor would do for India should anything ever happen to us." He says quietly.

"Oh that reminds me, India's baptism." I say quickly.

"Oh yes of course, have you decided when?"

"I thought maybe when she's six weeks old?" I reply making it a question so he can come with a rebuttal.

"We can do it much sooner than that Ana, Mom's already got everything planned to the last detail she just needs a date, how about next Sunday?"

"As in nine days from now?" I ask my voice squeaking, I don't think I'm ever going to get used to getting things sooner rather than later.

"Yup." He smiles.

"Ok, have you decided who you would like to be God-parents?" I ask, we've already agreed to go outside the family, there's no point in Aunts and Uncles being God-Parents when they're related already.

"Well if it's ok with you I'd like to ask Gail and Taylor?" He asks and I smile, they were my first choice too.

"Definitely ok." I smile broadly.

"Then it can either be John and Rhian, Ros and Gwen or Hannah and Luke." He says and I know he wants it to be another couple like we are and someone we trust explicitly.

"Hmm hard choice." I murmur, it really is they all have their good points, they're all faithful to Christian and I well sort of. "John and Rhian maybe? I mean they have children of their own and John has been there for both of through some tough shit."

"Yeah well he's also paid to be there." Christian retorts with a chuckle.

"Technically so is Hannah, Luke and Ros." I reply with a smile of my own, but it is all technical because they're family friends, I was Hannah's maid of honour for crying out loud.

"We do most with Luke and Hannah outside of being professional."

"They're also trying for a baby of their own at the moment Christian whereas John and Rhian's children are slightly more grown up and Rhian confided that John had the snip, they're not having any more children." I reply, it's really a case of making pro's and con's of all the couples.

"Ros and Gwen, would the Catholic church recognise a gay couple as God-Parents?" Christian asks after a moment.

"I don't know." I reply with a shrug. "I mean some churches do some don't I think it depends on the Minister and congregation."

"Ros doesn't want kids anyhow." Christian adds quietly. "So maybe her and Gwen aren't the best choices."

"Ok so it still leaves us with Luke and Hannah and Gail and Taylor." I sigh, it's really hard to choose.

"Couldn't we have all of them?" Christian asks after mulling over the two choices for a few minutes.

"It wouldn't exactly be traditional." I reply. "But maybe we could ask the Dean when we speak with him."

"Yeah, but I'd rather ask them sooner rather than later." Christian sighs, we cannot win this situation.

"John and Rhian, they're older, they're experienced with children, they have kids of their own already who are slightly older. If anything were to happen to us I'd want our child to be able to be happy and feel like a part of a family and I think out of the two couples that it's John and Rhian who would provide better stability and family life to India." I say just making a decision.

"John and Rhian it is. I'll call and invite them to dinner tomorrow?"

"Sure, I'll ask Gail and Taylor to join us too and we can ask them together." I smile, that's sorted now as long as neither couple says no.

When we arrive at the bus stop Christian and I climb out of the car and I go around to the back door where India's car seat is. The bus should be arriving any minute so I unbuckle my daughter and pull her into my chest. I hear Christian growl and turn to see what he's looking at. I spot the paparazzi photographer and sigh, can't go anywhere!

"Ignore them, as long as they don't approach we're ok Christian." I say sweetly before kissing him just underneath his ear in hopes of calming him.

"If he approaches I'll make sure he doesn't have a job when I'm done." He scowls as the Pap steps forward a little more his camera tilting this way then that.

"Ok." I say quietly, I can't stop him so I won't try to.

As the coach pulls up I hug India closer to me, the noise is quite loud and I don't want her become upset though she's reacting to the noise, shifting in my arms.

"Hey baby girl Grandpa Ray is here now." I say in a mock baby voice. I read online that babies react better to a high pitched voice so I guess that's where the whole baby voice comes from.

Christian wraps his arm around my waist as the coach's engine dies and the doors open. A good few people depart the bus and get their belongings from the trunk and that's when I spot Ray and Margery stepping down.

His eyes find mine and he waves with a huge smile spread on his face and I can't resist smiling and waving, careful of the bundle in my arms.

We have to wait patiently as they collect their bags from the underneath storage of the bus but it isn't too long before they come over to us.

Ray wraps me up in a hug, mindful of baby India as he does so, Christian greets Margery with a smile and a hand shake, always so formal!

"Ana chicken you look wonderful." Margery smiles as she moves to embrace me as Christian and Ray shake hands and exchange a few words.

"Thank you." I smile as I step back.

"Oh is this India?" She asks peeking into the blanket.

"This is India." I beam as Christian wraps an arm around my shoulder.

"Do I get our daughter now?" He asks with a chuckle.

"Of course. We'll see you back at the house." I say noticing that Taylor has arrived with the black SVU and has loaded the luggage into the trunk of my Yaris.

Christian takes India from me and I kiss them both while he gives me the car keys. Once I see them headed to the SUV I take Ray and Margery to the car to head home.

"So what's it like having a new baby in the house?" Margery asks, she never had kids of her own either.

"Oh it's amazing but so tiring, Christian's good though, I do the three am feed he does the six am and the nine am until he goes back to work then I'll have to get up to do the nine." I reply chuckling, oh that wake up call is going to be an interesting experience.

"Well at least he's pulling his weight!" Margery chuckles.

The drive home begins and I cannot resist asking the question that's been burning on my mind since my father called me and brought up his 'friend'.

"So how did the two of you get together?" I ask glancing at my father through the rear view mirror.

"Well funny story, after you visited Montesano I made sure to visit your father more often to keep up with you, I didn't want to just read what was in those rag-mags and the papers when I could get it from close to the horse's mouth, then we just started spending even more and more time together and it just happened."

I know she means having sex just happened and I don't want to hear any more about that thank you very much! I think it's sweet though so I smile and cop Ray visibly relaxing behind me which makes me smile even wider.

"Well Christian managed to get the loft of the boat house finished, it was decorated but unfurnished but he completed it yesterday so you can have more privacy almost as if you were at a hotel, it's not a long walk up to the house either." I tell them, it was Christian's idea and when he mentioned over hearing them having sex it disturbed me enough that I didn't fight his idea at all even though we were going to leave the loft of the boathouse and see what else it could be used for other than a guest room.

"You didn't need to do that Annie." Ray says but his smile is appreciative so I just shrug.

When I pull up outside the house I see Christian getting out of the car with India in his arms and her wail hits my ears. I dive out the car, my daughter's piercing cry making my heart scream in reply.

"What's wrong?" I ask running over to them.

"We ran over a bit, it's time for her feed."

"There's a bottle in the diaper bag." I reply thinking he could have just given it in the car as he passes me India.

"I left it in your car." He growls.

"Ok Indie baby, let's get you inside and fill up that tummy of yours." I say ignoring his anger in favour of caring for my daughter.

Gail meets me at the door with a bottle ready in hand.

"Taylor called me to let me know you were on your way, heard her screaming." She explains my questioning gaze.

"Do you want Grandpa Ray to feed you?" I ask as Ray and Margery follow me into the living room.

Dad's eyes light up as he sits in the arm chair and I pass him a screaming India before getting the bottle into her mouth.

"Half way through she'll need to be winded." I say kicking off my heels and falling onto the couch, trying to stay calm while my baby screams takes a lot of energy I've just realised.

"From now on everyone carries a damn spare bottle!" Christian growl to who I think is Taylor from the hallway, I roll my eyes, this is going to be a fight and I know it.

"Excuse me." I mutter through gritted teeth as I head out to calm my husband, or try at least. "Christian!" I snap as soon as my eyes fall on him. He stops his rant to look at me.

"What?" He snaps.

"Enough. India is fine, going five/ten minutes without a bottle isn't a big deal." I keep my voice firm and even toned, trying to show him I'm not messing.

"She was hungry!" He yells, of course I didn't think of the personal aspect of that.

"Not starving Christian." I reply my heart suddenly breaking as the realisation dawns on me. "She's fine ok? Just five minutes later with her food, it's like having a rumbling belly but having to wait five minutes for the food to finish cooking, you're hungry but there's nothing you can do but wait. India's just not old enough to tell us yet that she's hungry and understand us when we say just five minutes."

"I don't want her to ever be hungry." He says looking like my lost little boy.

My eyes meet Taylor's and I nod him in dismissal to which I receive a small nod back. Once he's gone and I no longer hear his footsteps I gently step to him and let my hand reach to touch his cheek.

"India will never know hunger like you have." I tell him quietly. "She'll always be fed, clothed, warm and loved. Always."

He looks at me like he's desperate to believe me.

"Sometimes, there will be times when we can't help situations, just like the one that's just happened. It hurts me Christian, to hear her crying like that. However, there was nothing I could do but stay calm and get her bottle as soon as I could. I wouldn't be surprised if India was more worked up because she could feel your mood, your tension and anxiety."

"It's my fault she was screaming." He says withdrawing even more.

"No baby, not at all that's not what I mean. What you need to do is just keep calm, don't let her see or sense how you're feeling. Keep your voice down, speak to her in a calming way. It might not stop her crying but as she gets older she'll begin to recognise that voice even before she recognises the words."

"Really?"

"I think so." I smile seeing him slowly coming back to me. "Just remember that she'll never starve Christian, she'll never be deprived of anything if we can help it."

"Ok." He nods and I lean in to kiss him. "I'm sorry I got angry."

"It's ok, I won't pretend I understand because I have never felt hunger like that either but I do know India was just letting us know it was time for food and she was acting like a spoiled brat demanding it then and there. I wouldn't be surprised if letting her cry for a few minutes actually did us all some good, maybe next time if we're a few minutes late with her feed she won't scream straight away, giving us some leeway, we've been good so far at getting her fed every three hours like clockwork not giving her a chance to wait for her food."

He smiles and nods, I guess he agrees and that makes me smile. I kiss him once more before we head back to the living room to where I find India just coming to the end of her bottle in Ray's arms.

"She's grown already." Ray comments as he moves to wind her.

"Length wise yes, but she's not put on any weight yet." Christian says, I roll my eyes again, it's just something that's said about babies right? They've grown because that's all they do is grow. "I saw that." He whispers making me clench hungrily inside though I know this is one hunger that I'll be feeling for a while.

After India's laying back down in the Moses basket Gail calls us for lunch and rather than disturb my sleeping beauty I grab the baby monitor and turn it on in the living room so my daughter can sleep peacefully. It's a whole three hours till the next feed.

Gail has prepared a beautiful pasta salad which we eat in the dining room. As we enjoy our meals and make small talk I can't help but notice the looks Ray and Margery share. I've seen those looks before, in pictures and in real life. The way Ray looks at Margery is the way Christian often looks at me and not when he wants to jump me, often after post-coital. The looks Margery is giving Ray are ones I've mostly seen in pictures, ones of Christian and I and it's the doe eyed 'I'm completely in love' look I wore in all my wedding pictures.

After we're done Margery and I begin taking the dishes through to the kitchen where Gail scowls at us, I know she would have done it but Margery isn't used to having staff waiting on her, she's even more surprised when Gail stops her from doing the dishes.

"For a start you're a guest here plus this is what Ana and Christian pay me for." Gail explains as she hands Margery a towel.

"Ana?" I spin to see Ray who looks a little uncomfortable, a rareness from the usually taciturn man. "Can we take a walk in the grounds?"

"Sure, I'll just take the baby monitor to Christian." I say pulling it from the end of my pants, the clip there is useful for not having to hold it in my hand all the time.

"I'll watch India for you." Margery says softly.

"Ok, she's not due for a feed for another hour or so, we'll be back by then." I know we're not even leaving the grounds so it's not a problem for me to hand Margery the baby monitor before leading Ray outside.

For a little while we walk in silence through the meadow. From the tension between us it feels like Ray wants to tell me something but it's almost as if he's trying to figure out the words, I've never been this uncomfortable around Ray before.

"So what do you think of Margery?" He asks eventually, I can hear the awkwardness in his voice and it's hard to stifle a giggle.

"Does she make you happy?" I ask, I hate answering questions with questions but this has to be asked.

"More than I have been in a long time." He admits.

"Then she's ok with me." I smile as his eyes meet mine.

"I wanted to talk to you about something." He says, I guess it's not my opinion of Margery he wanted to ask.

"You can ask me anything Dad." I tell him reassuringly.

"How would you feel about me asking Margery to marry me?"

I would have choked on my food or on a drink if this had happened over a meal but as it hasn't I just freeze in shock.

"Well?" He asks looking at me, hoping for an answer.

"Isn't it a bit soon?"

"Can you really talk Ana?" He replies and I can't help but let out a small laugh, no I can't I know I can't Christian and I weren't with each other long before we married.

"Are you sure you want to marry her?"

"I want to spend the rest of my life with her." He replies and I smile widely.

"She loves you, you love her, I don't know what the problem is." I shrug and he smiles.

"How do you know she loves me?" He asks frowning some, I giggle again.

"Dad she looks at you the way I look at Christian, that's love!" I link my arms in him. "When are you going to ask her?"

"Will you help me make it perfect?"

"I can do if you want."

"Then tomorrow." He says and I just gawp, ok we have around twenty four hours to plan the prefect proposal, I can do that… I hope.


	274. Chapter 274

**Saturday 22nd September 2012**

Ok so after a lot of thinking and discussing with Christian I have what I hope will be the perfect proposal for Dad to give Margery. With Christian I have managed to get Mac to take them on the grace for the day while Christian and I prepare.

If course as soon as I mention the boat to Ray he's up and ready to go. Together Gail and I prepare a picnic for them to have rather than have them having to prepare stuff on board. As soon as they're out the door Christian and I put the next part of the plan into action.

"Hi this is Ana Grey speaking and I would like you to make a delivery of twelve dozen red roses twelve dozen white and twelve dozen pink to the mile high club in downtown Seattle please." I glance over at Christian who has the mile high on hold ready for the delivery details from me. "That would be perfect thank you. No name or card either. Perfect!" I hang up feeling pretty pleased with myself at how this is going so far.

"What time?" Christian asks still on the phone with someone over at the mile high.

"They should be delivered by two pm." I inform him as I scribble it in my notebook.

"So the flowers should arrive at two. I want them placed in the private dining room and then book me a table for two for seven as well as the private dining room. That is all." As always Christian ends his call abruptly without so much of a thank you and I can't resist shaking my head at him to which I earn a grin.

"What's the second table for?" I ask not with the slightest idea why he would need to book it.

"For us of course." He replies like I should have just known that.

"What about India?" I know for a fact other diners wouldn't want their evening disrupted by a child.

"Carrie is going to take care of her." Another answer he makes out I should have already known the answer too.

"Christian I'm not sure I'm ready to go out and leave India for long periods of time." I admit bashfully.

"Then India can come with us." He shrugs.

"Christian it's not a place for kids and I'm sure a lot of he people will be on a night out away from the kids and not want to have a newborn screaming across the place." I can see by his face that he doesn't like my response.

"I just thought you'd like to be close by to Ray tonight and that you and I could enjoy some quality time together."

I hadn't thought of it that way and I feel like shit that I didn't. I mean it's so thoughtful and also romantic that Christian wants some alone time with me.

"I'm sure I can be apart from her long enough to spend some well needed alone time with you Christian." I say earning myself a beaming smile.

"I know you can Gail, Carrie, Taylor and Oreon will be here she will be just fine." He promises.

"I know, I'm just anxious that's all." I think I have every right to be anxious about leaving my daughter behind while I go for a meal with my husband.

"Come on lets have some lunch before we head off to get the room ready for tonight." Christian smiles.

After Christian and I eat and we dress and feed India we're on our way to the Mile High Club to get the room ready for tonight for Ray. I'm so excited for him right now it's unreal. I really believe in my heart that she will say yes and that Ray can get the happily ever after I know he wants and deserves.

At the club Christian gets to work with male staff while I entertain the female staff by letting them dote all over India. Even though at this age babies don't do too much I know that India loves all this attention. A good thing considering she's mine and Christian's daughter as she's always going to be getting some sort of attention.

"Sorry ladies but I'd like to steal back my wife and daughter." Christian says coming up behind me and resting his hands on my shoulders. This request is met by disappointed "awws" which makes me chuckle.

"Don't worry I'm sure we'll call by again with India." I say while chuckling before I follow my husband through to the private dining room.

"So I'm hoping this is what you wanted but if not we have time we can change it." Christian says showing the slightest bit of uncertainty.

He opens the door and allows me to step inside. The most beautiful sight greets me.

The bouquets of roses are all mixed up into one giant bouquet at the corner of the table surrounded by white silk. The place settings are on a ninety degree angle which I can see gives a far more intimate atmosphere than facing one another.

"They'll have champagne and oysters and some classic music that I'm sure will cater to Ray's taste." Christian says as I continue to admire the table. "Say something.' He pushes I guess he needs some reassurance.

"Christian its better than I imagined. It's perfect thank you." I kiss him as with India swaddled in my arms I can't leap to hug him.

We head home to be there before Ray and Margery arrive back so that Margery wont suspect anything except that we've been at home all day. I'm still unsure about leaving India but I'm going to do it because one, the sooner I get used to leaving her the easier it will be in the long run and two, Christian wants us to spend some time together tonight and I want to give him that even though sadly there won't be any playing or kinky fuckery afterwards. Actually, in all honesty, it will be nice to enjoy some time in a date without kinky sex games or maybe not...

"We're back!" Ray calls as he and Margery step through the door.

"Hey did you have a good time?" I ask as the two step into the kitchen where I'm feeding India.

"The best, that's a very nice boat you have there Ana. Thank you for letting us have an afternoon on it." Margery sounds like a giddy teenager as she speaks its quite funny.

"You're welcome Margery I'm glad you had fun." I smile sincerely as Ray flashes a wink from behind. "We're all going out to Dinner tonight. Christian has booked us a table each at his club." I say giving nothing away.

"Sounds wonderful." Margery smiles. "I think a shower is well and truly needed for that then."

"You go on up I just need a moment with Ana." Ray replies making me smile he makes it sound like I'm in trouble which is quiet funny I've rarely been in trouble with Ray and I also know for certain that in his case I'm not.

"Well?" He asks nervously as soon as he's sure Margery is out of hearing range.

"It's amazing! She's going to love it." I smile being able to see the nervousness in his face.

"Do you really think she's going to say yes?"

"She loves you Dad. I really think she's going to say yes." I smile encouraging him hopefully giving him some confidence that he seems to be lacking right now. "Go on go and get ready everything is going to be fine you'll see." With a final nervous smile he's off leaving me to hope that I'm right about this. I don't think Ray could handle the heartbreak if she were to say no. I have to believe that won't happen otherwise I'd call this dinner off right now.

"You're nervous." Christian says as I enter the bedroom to start getting ready.

"Of course I am." I admit with a shrug. I couldn't be anything less right now.

"What are you nervous for?" Christian asks making me frown. "Leaving India or your Dad proposing?" Oh now I get it.

"Both." I can't lie to him, he'd know if I did.

"India will be just fine but we can call to check if that would make you feel better." He says wrapping me up in a hug.

"I'd like that." I admit. It may be just what will calm some of my anxiety about leaving her.

After we're dressed and ready to go the four of us head out in separate cars. Christian and I with Luke in one SUV and Ray and Margery in another with Ryan driving as Taylor and Oreon are on babysitting duties with Gail and Carrie.

The closer we get towards the restaurant the more I miss India and the more nervous I get for Ray. It's silly in a way but there's a barrage of emotions running rampage through my body and I have no control over any of them. I just want to be certain that this night is going to be perfect for them while still wanting to be at home with my Daughter.

"Relax. Everything's going to be fine." Christian says as he runs his thumb across my knuckles. It calms me some and he knows it as he smiles smugly. How can he have this detrimental effect upon me?

Arriving at the restaurant the four of us hand our coats over and Christian wave goodbye to a very surprised Margery and a nervous looking Ray.

"I should check on India." I say as soon as we're seated.

"She's asleep Ana. She's not due for a feed for at least another hour and a half, call then ok?" Christian says trying and failing to not look annoyed with me.

"Fine." I groan unhappily, I just want to know she's ok and I know it's silly because in all honesty I know she's fine with Carrie and Gail.

Christian and I have the soup special to start and a bottle of wine. Neither of us want to have oysters with it being an aphrodisiac right now with us being unable to do anything about it and Christian has already made it very clear he doesn't want me to touch him until he can touch me back so I can't even play a game with him.

I often glance nervously towards the door of the private dining room. I can't help but wonder if he's asked her yet, if there are tears. All I do know is that there's an order of champagne for them as long as she says yes which somehow I don't doubt that she will.

"Go on, call." Christian sighs as I check the time on my phone once again. It has to be the hundredth time I've done it today already.

"Thank you." I say sincerely before knocking the speed dial button.

"Hello?"

"Hey Gail it's Ana, is everything ok?"

"Everything is just fine. Carrie's feeding India as we speak. Would you like me to put you on speaker for her?"

"No." I say quickly. "I don't want to disturb her if she's ok. Alright, we'll see you when we get back."

"Enjoy yourself Ana, bye."

"Bye." I hang up and give Christian an apologetic smile, I couldn't help but worry about India and I just hope he understood that.

"She ok?" He asks and I nod.

"She was being fed." I explain and he just gives a nod as our main courses are served.

I almost leap out of my chair when I spot the large bottle of champagne being carried over the threshold of the private dining room. She said yes!

"Oh my God Christian." I say grabbing him and pointing.

"Wow, I guess Ray's getting married." He says sounding very impressed, I think he may just find Margery to be a suitable suitor for Ray and a wonderful addition to the family.


	275. Chapter 275

**Sunday 23rd September 2012**

So Ray is engaged. It's amazing and he's on cloud nine, it's an honour to be able to see it. He and Margery are both so happy and so am I. I can't believe after all these years Ray is going to re-marry. I hope they'll both have a very long happy and loving life together, that's all I can wish for as a daughter.

Today, Ray and I are going to visit Bob in Fairfax. Ray said he wanted too as soon as I told him where Bob was but we agreed to wait until today and go just the two of us.

I hope he's looking better. I would hate for Ray to see him so broken the way I saw him when I first went to visit him before he went to Fairfax.

We leave after breakfast, Christian standing with India in his arms at the door making her wave which is a picture perfect moment, if only I had a camera to capture it with. Ray has quietened since breakfast began, I guess he's nervous for seeing Bob, someone who was once so strong who loved and looked after my Mom who Ray also loved, now vulnerable and in a behavioural hospital.

"He's ok you know." I tell him as I head for the evergreen point floating bridge.

"I just hate to think of him in that place Ana. I hated seeing you there." He admits quietly. I can't help but wonder what happened to the taciturn man that I grew up with.

"I know but it's the best place for him and he wants to be there." I explain wanting Ray to understand that I'm talking not only about Bob but me too. Fairfax was the best place for me for those few days and I wanted to be there, I wanted to get better.

"If you say so." He sighs.

We finish the journey in silence. My P!nk CD just humming in the background as we head closer and closer towards Fairfax.

I can't help but think that Ray and Bob's friendship is a strange one. I mean I remember them tolerating each other for Mom and my sake growing up but now I honestly believe they're friends. That they care for one another. I don't know if they bonded over my Mom's illness or what but I do know that they will always be friends now, especially with me going the extra mile to make sure that Bob is a Granddad to India, she needs him in her life just as much as she needs Ray and Carrick, he's the last connection to a Grandmother who loved her even though they never got to meet.

As I think of Mom I cast my mind to the unopened envelope. I'll have to open it soon though I don't even want to think about what it may contain. It scares me to know that when she gave it to me she'd already made up her mind about dying, that she was ready to go.

"We're here." I say to Ray as I pull up into the parking lot. He barely glances up from the window ton look at the building which houses some of Washington's psychiatric patients.

There are actually two buildings. One on the left and one on the right. I've never really been to the one on the right even though it is normally where the outpatient appointments are. As Sandra Lee's office is in the building where the patients are housed she and I are both far more comfortable there.

"This way." I say to Ray who still seems lost in his own thoughts, it's quite unnerving to witness him like this.

We stay silent, Ray letting me talk to the nurse who takes our belongings before showing us through to the visiting room.

I feel a flood of relief rush through my when I see Bob looking much better. He's cleanly shaven, his hair has been trimmed and he looks like he has more colour in his cheeks.

"Hey Bob." I smile as he stands to greet us. He hugs me a little tighter than he's ever hugged me before and after I step to the side he shakes Ray's hand before we sit down.

"So how is everything going Bob?" I ask as soon as we're sat around the small rounded table.

"Everything's ok Ana, they're really helping me here I can see why you chose it." He says sincerely and I give him a small smile.

"Is there anything you need me to get you?" I ask.

"More pictures of India. I don't want to miss her starting to grow." He says and I can't help but beam at him.

"That I can do." I say promising to take a thousand pictures if it will help get Ray better.

"So how's life been keeping you Ray?" Bob asks and I see Ray shift in discomfort, I don't think he knows quite what to say.

"Ray's getting married." I say breaking the awkward tension. "He proposed last night."

"Married?" Bob asks in disbelief. Ray just nods and shifts again as if there's something on his seat making him uncomfortable. "You wasted no time."

"Excuse me?" I ask for Ray, Bob looks furious.

"He never re-married while your Mother was alive Anastasia, now she's dead and he's moved on…"

"Bob…"

"What was it, finally realised that there was no chance of you getting her back."

"Bob that's enough."

"No Ana it's not. Ray was waiting around for your Mom all these years. He looked after you hoping she would go back to him eventually but she died before he got her…"

"Ok that is enough!" I snap which brings Sandra's attention to us. I'd barely noticed her sitting in the distance.

"Everything ok?" She asks as she comes over looking concerned.

"Fine." Bob growls.

"I didn't move on before because I never found anyone Bob. I loved Carla, I also love Marge…"

"Oh so I even get her name."

"Ok I think we should leave." I say getting to my feet. I don't want to leave Bob on bad terms though. "I'll be up in the week with India and maybe you can re-think what you've just said by then."

He doesn't say anything as Ray and I go and I feel tears stinging in my eyes. I had a dream that Bob and Ray would always be in mine and India's life in a friendly way but now I'm not sure. I just hope that the shock wears off and that Bob realises what he said. He should be happy that Ray has managed to move on and maybe find some hope that someday he will too, that he won't always pine after my Mother.


	276. Chapter 276

**Skipping a week here you guys just to move the story along. **

**Friday 28th September 2012**

With Christian now back at work full time, Gail doing all the cooking and cleaning and Carrie to help me with India who is a perfectly well behaved child I am bored. Beyond bored.

It's because of this I have Hannah coming around with the latest developments of all my wonderful businesses and the final plans for the release of fifty shades forever. I have to work. I'm not allowed to workout right now as I'm still physically healing but I am going out of my mind with boredom.

Of course India does provide some form of entertainment. She now likes to shove her fists or fingers into her mouth which is just adorable. She sucks her podgy little fists until she falls asleep, of course we have been told not to discourage her so we don't even with Christian worrying about teeth she doesn't even have yet. Now when I look at her all I feel is undying love for my little princess. She's just so beautiful, I've never even seen anything that is so perfect in all my life. She now weighs 5lb 6 ounces and she is getting bigger each and every day. A lot of her birth marks are now fading and she looks more like those pink and perfect newborns you see on TV. Christian is just amazing with her too always doing the six am feed and the three am every other night with me so I'm not always the one getting up with her so I don't feel too tired.

Every morning I wake at five to nine ready for the nine am feed which India likes to be at her lips before she screams blue murder. She then sleeps while I eat and flick through the days papers. Then she wakes around half eleven wanting to play and I have the joy of being given her attention for a whole half hour before little Miss demanding starts fussing for a bottle. Then from about half twelve India goes back to sleep and I watch some really bad day time TV until I fall asleep to which I enjoy a nap of about an hour before I have my lunch and then before I even realise it it's time for India's next feed and it's after that feed that I find myself bored with nothing to do. I have began to go through the back spare rooms where the gifts that fans sent us have been kept and they're being bagged up to be sent to Seattle Grace Neonatal unit or Swedish Centre also there's also a very few things that will be kept especially those few personalised items that cannot be passed on to others.

It's unbelievable how much some people have spent on gifts for a baby they will probably never meet in person. I need to do some form of public thank you through my website and twitter, they should know that I appreciate all the gifts that have been sent.

"Mrs Sawyer here for you Mrs Grey." Oreon says as he pokes his head through the living room door.

"Thank you Oreon, could you show her through to my study and have the bouncer set up in there please." I say as I wind my precious princess.

"Yes Ma'am." He says before exiting the room. Oreon is someone I really don't mind calling me Ma'am. I actually like the professional air from him as he is in charge of India's safety and in all honesty I now realise why Christian was so touchy about me getting friendly with the staff even though I think now he does in fact consider Jason Taylor his best friend even if he doesn't admit it out loud.

"Hey Hannah." I beam as I walk into the study. "Hey Ana. Aww look how big she's getting." Hannah replies. "May I?" She asks already reaching for India who lies in my arms.

"Of course." I laugh letting Hannah take India into her own arms. "At the same time you can fill me in on what I need to know about Grey's Publishing Manhattan." I smirk making Hannah laugh.

"Ok so they have implemented the first ten changes that we came up with, the paper work is there for you to see how the changes have affected efficiency and profit sales and according to Wendy you should be very happy with the results."

"But you are the one who saw through the changes right?" I ask simply because I didn't want Wendy's paws anywhere near my baby project and everything Hannah did went through me hence why for the past three weeks nothing has been done at Grey's Publishing Manhattan and now I'm ready to get back to work.

"The only involvement Wendy has had is a copy of the figures to look over. There's not even a fingerprint of hers is on the place Ana I swear." I have no reason to doubt her.

In all honesty I'd like to get rid of Wendy when I get back to work as I don't think she realises that Anastasia Grey Inc is mine. She's gotten far too comfortable behind her chrome desk on the nineteenth floor of Ana's palace since I have been on Maternity leave. She's just gotten too big for her boots for my liking but Christian likes her and Christian trusts her and in all honesty with the last instalment of Fifty Shades out in the last week of November and also the last books in the Animal Hospital series. Fifty Shades means another tour and that all is going to be hard enough with a baby in tour

"Oh by the way I have recently have been contacted by the team of one Operah Winfrey."

"You've what?" I ask almost choking as I hold the file in my hand.

"Yeah she wants to have you on her new show."

"Hannah..."

"I know. No traveling until India is three months old but you won't be travelling. Operah wants to come here and do an all exclusive interview with you." Hannah says unable to mask the joy she's feeling because of this.

"Operah wants to come here to your house and meet you and Christian if he's up for it." I am still so shocked about this. Operah. Operah wants to come here and interview me, an all exclusive interview.

"What would it entail? I ask shocked to the core.

"I think she wants to really dig into you going into Fairfax, the pregnancy, losing your Mom. You know all the really painful stuff." Hannah explains looking a little apologetic. "It's what your fans want and your fans will tune into her show if she's interviewing her so that's what she wants out of this. Of course she'll want to know about the books and the commercial and whatever is next for you."

"What do you think I should do. In your honest opinion Han'." I trust Hannah's judgement on this.

"Honestly Ana I think you should do it." Hannah says without missing a beat.

"Why?" I reply.

"It's your turn to tell the public your side. The truth about everything and if there's something you don't want to talk about you can get it vetoed out and Operah can't ask about it on camera. It's then her decision whether she still wants to interview you. "I think for a moment. Operah is one way to really get my side of the story out there and that's something I have wanted all along but you can't just go to the press with things like this or press and public are going to think is that you're doing it for the money.

"Ok tell Operah's people I'm thinking about it."

"Good. Oh I almost forgot they're at the moment offering two point five million for this."

"Two point five million?" I splutter.

"Yeah. Could go towards a new salon or publishing house." Hannah says as the money from the week in New York easily paid for Manhattan publishing house and Christasia Manhattan.

"Yeah or it could pay for a couple more councillors for Carla's Cancer trust." I say preferring this sort of money going to charity rather on making more money.

"Either way Ana your story revealed on your terms for two point five Million. You can't go wrong." Hannah says and she's right. It can't. Though I will have to talk to Christian about it as if he doesn't want me to do it then there's no way I will be able to change his mind.

Hannah and I work on some papers until it's three o'clock and India starts getting fussy for her feed and Gail comes in with the tea and coffee for Hannah and I. While we drink and Hannah happily gives India her feed I get on with signing some papers feeling pretty good with myself for doing some work. I am happy again even just doing some paperwork. Christian however is not going to like this when hr finds out I plan on working now every afternoon unless I have something else I would need to do .

When its time for Hannah to leave I find I don't want her to go as it's been nice to have some company other thab the staff who are paid to be here. Technically Hannah is too but Hannah and I can gossip like teenagers with each other.

Christian arrives home at exactly twenty past five looking exhausted but happy to be home. After kissing me he goes over to India and seeing her asleep strokes his finger down her face, it doesn't half make me smile seeing hi greeting her.

"So how was your day?" He asks loosening his tie as Gail brings us both a glass if white wine to wait on dinner.

"Shouldn't it be me asking you that?" I giggle as I lean in for another kiss.

"Hmm world of m&a as boring as ever." He chuckles as we both cuddle up on the couch.

"Well I had Hannah over and I signed some papers reviewed some things on GP Manhattan and she also Operah wants to come here and film an exclusive interview with us." I say everything quickly hoping to get it all out before he snaps

"Operah?" he asks and I'm surprised, I expected an outburst about my working just over two weeks after giving birth.

"Yeah apparently so. Operah would come here and spend the day filming and asking questions and so on." I explain hopeful with his tone alone.

"You sound like you want to do it." He murmurs.

"I do want to. It would be my chance to open up about the pregnancy, losing my Mom and Fairfax." I say quietly knowing that the last topic isn't something either one of us broach too often.

"If you want to do it then I'm behind you Ana. I've decided that I'm not going to interrupt in your career unless it gets in the way of your safety and for that reason if you want to do Operah's interview you can count me in." He says and I turn to him with a smile as there's a knock on the door. "Enter." Christian calls gruffly.

"Dinner is ready Mr and Mrs Grey." Gail smiles, she always refers to us both as Mr and Mrs but when she's referring to only one of us its by first name. 'We'll be through in one moment Gail, could you please put India in the Moses basket for us?" he asks.

"Of course." She smiles not wasting a beat in collecting India to take to the kitchen.

"Now I can feel comfortable in kissing my wife properly." he whispers as Gail exits with our daughter.

"Keeping things PG with our infant in the room Mr Grey?" I ask before leaning in and locking my lips tightly to his.

"Oh yes Mrs Grey." He laughs. "Now though I'm hungry so come on. Food."


	277. Chapter 277

**So I'd like to apologise for the obvious misspelling in the last chapter I knew I'd misspelled Oprah before I'd uploaded the chapter, the last chapter was written on my phone on my lunch breaks as with it being just before Christmas my hours have been longer and I just haven't wanted to do anything but sleep when I get home. Also Oprah isn't one of the popular TV shows in the UK I couldn't tell you if it even airs in this country and I only know about her really from YouTube. LOL!**

**Also, this baptism service is actually the Church of Wales baptism service as I couldn't find the Catholic one online and with my coming Christening I had a copy of this one in my possession.**

**Sunday 30th September 2012**

I can't believe it's the day of India's baptism. Christian and Grace did most of the planning while I worked with Kate's Mom on the gown that India will be wearing. With so little time we couldn't get a completely custom made for her dress but it was Kate's Mom who made the dress and tweaked it a little for India.

The whole family will be in attendance as well as a few friends and after the service we'll be attending a party at Bellevue in India's honour. It's so exciting to be having a party all for India, it's a chance for us to celebrate her coming into this world. Of course, she won't remember any of this when she's older which is a shame but we'll have all the pictures the professional photographer we've hired will take for us as well as Jose who has said he's bringing his camera… as well as his new girlfriend who I cannot wait to meet and be the sister who decides whether she's good enough for my brother! Ha!

Caroline Acton has also done a wonderful job with finding me the perfect dress for this. Let's be honest here, I'm not exactly happy with my post baby body and cannot wait to start working out and getting back to a size two but Caroline's choice in dress is just perfect for my post-pregnancy body hiding all the lumps and bumps that I'm not completely happy with. Christian of course says I shouldn't think about the shape of my body that I'm just perfect but I can't agree with him on this one.

Dressed in a hot pink wrap dress with long sleeves and a v neck I giggle when Christian enters wearing a tie matching my dress, it was Mia's idea and we have had a hot pink ribbon sown into the lowest hem of India's dress too so that we all match.

"Pink is definitely not my colour then Mrs Grey?" Christian asks with an amused smirk. I shake my head still giggling. "Well I'm sure India will appreciate the effort when she's all grown up."

"I'm sure she will Mr Grey." I smirk as I tug his tie into the right place just for an excuse to touch him, God I'm sexually frustrated and cannot wait another three weeks for the all clear just to have sex with Christian.

"Time to get your shoes on and get ready to go." He says before leaning in for a lingering kiss that does nothing to appease the pressure between my legs.

I slip on a pair of nude pointed toe two inch heels and finish off my look with the Mommy necklace that Christian bought me when I was pregnant and then I'm ready to go. India looks amazing in her dress and it was nice getting her into it after her feed, I just hope the service is done well before her next feed or it could become a problem, we have a bottle at the ready though, just in case.

Arriving at the Church I'm very nervous but Christian has his hand on my back as I cradle our daughter for the walk inside. We quickly are greeted by the minister before the organ begins to play and the service begins.

Christian and I sit at the front pulpit with John, Rhian, Gail and Taylor on the other side of us ready for their part in this service to begin. Our family are only just behind us, even Bob with his nurse who looks dapper in the suit I had sent up to him.

"We have gathered here today to celebrate the life of India Annalise Grey, to welcome her into the faith and to bless her birth and future." The Minister's voice is soothing, gentle and almost sing-song as he welcomes everyone into the vast church. I smile down at the sleeping bundle in my arms feeling blessed just to have her in this world with us. "In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit."

"Amen." Echoes around me and slips from my mouth simultaneously, here we begin the service completely.

"Grace and peace be with you."

"And keep you in the love of Christ." The order of service in everyone's hands with a picture of India moments after she was born on the front guides everyone through the service as well as me, I don't know again who put this booklet together but I'm grateful to them.

"Our Lord Jesus Christ commanded 'go and make disciples of all nations, baptising them in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit."

"Thanks be to God."

"Would Mr and Mrs Grey please join me with their daughter?" He asks and Christian and I rise slowly and walk five steps forward before the Minister continues. "What do you ask of the Church of God?"

"We ask that our child is baptised." Christian and I had to memorise a lot of lines for this, it's a surprise we remember them and our cue, his voice strong, persuasive his typical CEO self, mine far more timid and nervous but with a smile on my face.

"What name have you given the child?"

"India Annalise Grey." We speak in unison the name we've given our tiny bundle.

"The baptism of new members is an occasion of great joy for the Church. By water and by spirit, we are reborn as God's Children, and are made followers of Christ, members of his body, the Church, and inheritors of the kingdom of heaven. Will you accept these things for India?"

"We will." Christian's voice has softened now, he looks down at India with a proud smile on his face and a tear in his eyes as my eyes look at him.

"In asking for India to be Baptised, you are accepting the responsibility of bringing her up in the faith. In caring for her will you help her to keep God's commandments by loving God and neighbour as Christ has taught us? Will you pray for her and draw her by your own example into the community of faith?"

"With the help of God we will." We reply both of us feeling beyond proud as we look from our girl to the minister to answer his questions. He looks just as proud in a complete different way of course, he's bringing another child into his faith and he would be proud of that, far less people are baptised now in comparison to years ago.

"Would India's Godparent's please join us." He asks.

At my side Gail and Jason stand with beaming smiles on their faces and at Christian's John and Rhian, it didn't make a difference to us but when we spoke with the minister he wanted us to have a pair on each side and this was our decision as Christian is far closer to John and Rhian than I.

"Will you help and support India's parents Anastasia and Christian in doing these things?" He asks looking from couple to couple.

"With God's help we will." They four reply in perfect unison as my eyes meet Christian's in a beaming smile.

"And the congregation. Will you welcome India and do your best to uphold her in her life in Christ?"

"With God's help we will." Echoes around from every mouth in the Church, the words of course written in the order of service each was given on their arrival.

The minister reads Deuteronomy 30 verses 15 to 20 out while we continue to stand, listening to his words while looking at each other and at the still sleeping bundle in my arms.

"This is the word of the Lord."

"Thanks be to God." Everyone replies.

We then listen to Galatian's 5 verses 16 to 25, the new testament reading.

"This is the word of the Lord."

"Thanks be to God."

"Listen to the gospel of Christ according to the Saint Mathew."

"Glory to you oh Lord."

The gospel is read as India wakes in my arms and begins to look around the room, her eyes meet mine and I smile down at her wishing she was old enough to smile back at me though having her attention is enough for now, Christian's finger strokes along her cheek and I have to shift her in my arms so she can look at him, frustration obvious on my daughter's face when she can't see him.

"This is the gospel of the lord."

"Praise to you oh Christ." We reply, India's eyes searching out the strong male voice that is the ministers, it's kind of cute!

"You have declared your wish for India to be baptised. We therefor invite you to answer Christ's call. Do you turn to Christ?" This question is not only directed at Christian and I but at India's Godparents too.

"I turn to Christ." We all reply while India continues to look around at all the voices her eyes meeting John's and Rhian's then Gail's and Taylor's.

"Do you repent of your sins?"

"I repent of my sins."

"Do you renounce all evils?"

"I renounce all evils."

"Almighty Father, you sent your son into the world to destroy all darkness. Hear our prayer for these children, deliver them from evil, give them light and joy, and fill them with your holy spirit, through Jesus Christ our Lord."

"Amen."

I know what happens next as the Priest takes India from my arms just to sign a small cross on her head with his thumb.

"By his cross and precious blood, our Lord Jesus Christ has redeemed the world. He has told us that, if any want to become followers, they must deny themselves, take up their cross and follow him day by day."

We step to the side with India and the minister takes her from my arms into his own allowing my hand to find Christian's. With India in one arm and Christian holding his breath beside me the Priest draws the cross on our daughter's forehead.

Of course hope isn't always given to those who will. India's blood curdling cry echoes around the Church while many awe and coo in wonder at the ear piercing noise.

"India, I sign you with the sign of the cross and claim you for our saviour Jesus Christ." The minister struggles to be heard over India's wails and I want to reach out and soothe her but don't knowing this is just her having a meltdown because of the stranger's thumb marking her forehead. "Never be ashamed to confess the faith of Christ crucified."

"Fight valiantly against sin, the world and the devil, and remain faithful to Christ to the end of your life. Amen." Everyone around us prays as India is returned to my arms to be calmed. I rock her gently and coo grateful when she falls quiet against my shoulder letting me rest her back in the crook of my arm while Christian's finger is trapped in her hand. I didn't want to give her a pacifier and so far I didn't need to.

"We now invite you to profess the Faith." The Minister addresses Christian and I and India's God parents. "Do you believe in God the Father, the Creator of all?"

"I do believe and trust in the Father."

"Do you believe in his Son Jesus Christ the saviour of the world?"

"I do believe and trust in God the Son."

"Do you believe in the Holy Spirit, the Lord, Giver of life?"

"I do believe and trust in God the Holy Spirit."

The minister then looks to the congregation, opens his arms wide as if welcoming everyone into an embrace.

"This is the faith of the Church."

"This is our faith, we believe and trust in one God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit."

"We give thanks to you O'God." The minister says and I see him standing over the holy water now, blessing it.

"We bless your Holy Name." The congregation renounces.

"Through the power of that same Spirit, sanctify this water that your children who are washed in it may be united with Christ in his death and resurrection. Cleanse and deliver them from all sin; bring them to new birth in the family of your Church and make them inheritors of your kingdom: through Jesus Christ our Lord whom, by the power of the Spirit, you raised to live with you for ever and ever."

"Amen."

Again we hand India over to the minister, she's still wide awake and looking around and I know this is going to be another fit as we don't have a water baby and she's about to be baptised.

"India," He drops water on her forehead as he holds her carefully with practised hands, of course my breath hitches expecting a scream but none comes. "I baptise you in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit."

"Amen."

"May God, who has received you by baptism into his Church, pour upon you the riches of his grace. As Christ was anointed priest, prophet and king, may you daily be conformed to his image."

"Amen."

"Anastasia." A gentleman passes me a white lighted candle which I remember would be given to India if she could hold it. "You have received the light of Christ on India's behalf for she is to walk in this light all the days of her life."

"Shine as a light in the world to the glory of God the father." I reply my eyes hooked on that of my baby girl now resting peacefully in the crook of the minister's arms.

"The peace of the Lord be with you." The congregation is addressed.

"And also with you."

"… Who ascended to his heavenly throne at your right hand and through whom you pour out the Holy Spirit upon your people: the Spirit of wisdom and understanding, the Spirit of counsel and might, the Spirit of knowledge and true godliness and of the fear of the Lord. … Who, through his death and resurrection has made us children of the light. In baptism we share the promise of his glory, and are filled with a joy that never ends. … You sent him to be the Saviour of the world, and he sends us to proclaim the good news and to make known the way of truth."

It's now time for communion so India is given back to me for Communion to take place. The six of us at the front are given it first, even Christian takes it though he has no recollection of ever been baptised and definitely not confirmed, it doesn't matter, even Ministers are persuaded by money as Christian and I are giving a large donation to the Church for baptising our daughter, even though we do suspect the Church of leaking this occasion to the press.

"As our Saviour taught us, we boldly pray:"

"Our Father who art in heaven,

hallowed be thy name,

thy kingdom come,

thy will be done,

on earth as it is in heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.

And forgive us our trespasses

as we forgive those

who trespass against us.

And lead us not into temptation,

but deliver us from evil.

For thine is the kingdom,

the power and the glory,

for ever and ever.

Amen." The congregation chants the words together as one as we slowly bring this service to a close. I'm still smiling proudly at my daughter who's sleeping now peacefully back in her Mommy's arms.

"Heavenly Father, your Son shared with the Blessed Virgin

Mary and Saint Joseph the life of an earthly home at

Nazareth. Pour out your blessing on the homes of these

your children. May they grow in your love, learn to serve

you and care for those in need, following in the footsteps

of your Son, Jesus Christ our Lord."

"Amen."

"God of grace and life, in your love you have given us a place among your people; keep us faithful to our baptism, and prepare us for that glorious day when the whole creation will be made perfect in your Son our Saviour Jesus Christ."

"Amen."

"In baptism we are buried with Christ and raised to new life in him. May you all know his joy in lives of service and praise."

"Amen."

"Go in peace to love and serve the Lord. In the name of Christ."

"Amen."

As the organ begins to play we all get up to leave the Church as the minister will be joining us at Bellevue for the celebration we'll talk to him and thank him then. It's been a brilliant morning even with India's momentary lap with her ear splitting screams but I don't care. This was a perfect way to welcome our daughter completely into the world and as we head on over to Bellevue I know the afternoon will be just as perfect.


	278. Chapter 278

**Guest Julie: Ia Cymraes ydwi, byw yng Ngogledd Cymru Ym Mhangor. xx**

**Sorry it's been a while. With the holidays and all my work hours I have had no time to do anything really! I hope this longer than normal chapter makes up for it. Hope you all had a great Christmas!**

**Monday 1st October 2012**

Today Christian and I are meeting with a representative or a social worker from the Child Protection Unit today. Of course, firstly they will be taking a look around our home, judging it for a child who to our knowledge may not even spend that much time inside the house. Of course, it all depends on how Taylor and Gail decide to bring their adopted child up. The child may spend a lot of time in our house but we'll see.

"Are you nervous?" Christian asks as I snuggle with India.

"Yes." I reply nodding. "Are you?"

"Yes." He says before smirking. "I think the last time I was this nervous was the day we married."

"You were nervous then?" I ask my eyes meeting the pools of grey digging into me.

"More nervous than you could ever imagine. I was scared you'd get cold feet and not show up." He laughs softly as he squeezes my knee.

"Mr and Mrs Grey?" We turn to see Gail stood by the entrance of the room wiping her hands nervously on her apron as I've often see her do before.

"Yes Gail?" Christian asks sensing her nerves too.

"Tanya Ford for CPS has arrived, Luke is waiting her at the door."

"Thank you." Christian replies.

"Would you like drinks served now?" Gail asks trying to relax but failing miserably.

"Please." Christian nods as I give her a reassuring smile.

Gail brings the tray into the living room just as the front door opens, she quickly makes her exit to the kitchen leaving Christian and I to stand and greet the woman Luke brings through the door.

"Mr and Mrs Grey, Tanya Ford." He says as the raven haired woman steps forward, her harlot red lips turned up in a beaming smile as she takes her cue to shake our hands.

"Mr and Mrs Grey a pleasure to meet you." She says kindly however her voice is very sharp and formal.

"And you Ms Ford, please take a seat." Christian signals to the overstuffed cream armchair as I sit back down with India who is now fussing in my arms. "Please tea or coffee?" Christian asks, this isn't how we'd normally do things, Gail would normally do the serving but with this being personal to her I can understand why she isn't in the room right now.

"I'll have a coffee thank you." She replies politely as Christian makes two coffee's and my tea without a hesitation.

"Thanks honey." I reply as he hands it to me in my free hand carefully, honey I don't think I've ever called him that before but somehow I feel like we're putting on an act for this woman and it slipped out without a thought. Christian's twinkling eyes suggests he's enjoyed my use of the word too.

"So how does this work?" Christian asks as soon as he's sat down beside me.

"I thought we'd start off with the interview then I'd like a tour of the house and grounds so I can make my report for the Taylor's." She says professionally. I feel so nervous it's like I have a million acrobats doing summersaults in my stomach.

"Of course." Christian replies coolly as he wraps an arm around my waist giving us both some comfort. "Go right ahead."

"Ok, so you employ both the Taylor's, Mr Taylor as your Head of Security and Mrs Taylor as your Housekeeper but that isn't what this interview is about. As the Taylor's share an address with yourselves you too will have to go through the same process as if you were adopting the child yourself."

"Yes we understand that." Christian says sounding annoyed at being talked down too.

"Good then we have no problems then do we." She smiles, this wasn't a question and as she smirks at my husband I want to bite at her and remind her she is a guest in our home but I don't think that would go down well with her and could cause problems with Gail and Taylor's adoption process.

"Ok so let's jump straight in there." She says after a long sip of her coffee. "How do you think the Taylor's having a child coming into your home would affect your lives?" She asks reading from her clipboard.

"What do you mean by affect our lives? I mean you're being particularly vague." I reply knowing Christian would be feeling the same.

"Well you're both upstanding members of your community, you both do a lot of work with charity and run your own businesses, you travel a lot and have just had your own child. How would Jason and Gail have a child affect all of this?"

"Well we'd probably have to take different security away with us rather than Jason of course." Christian begins, I think I'll let him do the talking because I'm too nervous to screw it all up. "Then if need be we'd hire someone to give Gail a help with the housework so she could be home more especially if this child is of school age then Gail may want to be home to greet the child and not here cooking our dinner. I don't think it would affect our work or charity work in anyway in all honesty."

"And Mrs Grey? What about…" She flicks a few pages on her clipboard and scans it with her page before looking at me. "What about India?"

"What about India?"

"Well any child of the Taylor's would be introduced to India, how do you think that would work?"

"Well Taylor… Jason has Sophie and we've been very much looking forward to her meeting our daughter. I think it would be nice for India not to be the only child around even if the Taylor's adopted child is older." I reply nervously. "As India grows it may be nice to have someone to play in the meadow with."

"Ok." She nods and scribbles down on the clipboard as I look at Christian, he just shrugs so he's as clueless as I am about how this is going. "If there was a problem with the child that required the Taylor's to have some significant time off, how would that affect you all?"

"We'd have to work through it but Luke Sawyer is deputy head of security and I think he'd manage just fine and then I'm sure we can manage the housework until we'd find someone able to help, with the Nanny to help look after India I don't think it would be too much trouble." Christian replies with another shrug.

"Good." She says stiffly. I really don't think it's going all that well, she doesn't seem to give anything away. "And if anything were to happen to the Taylor's , maybe they end up in hospital on a short term basis. Would you be willing to take care of the child?"

"More than willing. Our house is the Taylor's home and will be home to that child too." I say firmly before Christian can have a chance. "The Taylor's are our daughter's God-Parent's and we hope that the Taylor's trust us enough with their child as we do them with ours that should anything happen then there would be no issues with the child being in our care."

Christian gives my side a small squeeze and I sense he's pleased with my firm answer. I don't give room for Miss Tanya to argue with me.

"That's good to know." She notes scribbling once again, it makes me nervous to wonder what it is that she's scribbling down on the piece of paper. "What would happen here if a fire broke out?"

I look at Christian, I know we have an evacuation plan for every situation but it's impossible to memorise them all.

"We have a working fire and smoke alarm in every room, should one be trigged so would they all. Of course with a house as big as this we have a fire evacuation plan for each floor which includes how to safely exit without say having to use the front door or stairs."

"If you would Mr Grey I would like a copy of those plans."

"Of course." Christian nods. "I'll have my PA email them through to you this afternoon." He adds smugly.

"Do you have any firearms on the property?" She says moving on to the next question.

"The only time there are firearms on the property are when the security is present and it is kept on their person at all times." Christian replies at once, I suspect he knew more about what was coming than me as I had no idea they would ask us about guns.

"The Taylor's explained you had an indoor pool, how do you keep this safe if the child couldn't swim?"

"The door would be locked, the child may use the facilities supervised though of course just like the Taylor's can use it whenever they please." Christian replies again, I didn't know that Gail and Taylor could just use the pool though it doesn't surprise me, they're more like family now than they have ever been.

"And the water front?"

"The water front currently is open but there are two life rings down there and a life raft for if someone were to drift too far and get into some difficulties, then of course we are going to be getting a temporary fence placed for when they Taylor's adopt if the child cannot swim which will probably stay up until India can swim." Christian explains, he really has thought of everything.

"Good, now then, as you will be playing a large role in the Taylor's adoptive child's life I am now going to ask more personal questions. Are you both ok with this?"

I nod softly, Christian gives one firm nod but stiffens, I suspect he knows what's coming now.

"Ok good, I'd like to begin by asking you about your childhoods, Mrs Grey why don't you begin?"

"What do you want to know?"

"Just what your parents were like, what growing up in your household was like." She replies, I stiffen now, I don't want to be at fault for Gail and Taylor not getting a child.

"Well my Father died the day I was born so I never really met him. My Mom from what I remember of my early childhood was low on income but did what she could, I didn't go without anything I needed then she remarried and Ray who is like my Dad has been there for me since. With their combined income my childhood was settled, just a typical working class family in America I suspect. I'm an only child though so no siblings. Mom and Ray divorced and Mom and I lived with her third husband briefly but I missed home and left Mom to live with Ray. Mom remarried again to Bob and then I continued to grow up going back and forth between Mom and Ray. I wouldn't say I was unsettled though. It was my choice as I was old enough to make the decision. I didn't want to leave either parent but understood that they lived separate lives."

"Ok, and so who is your support system now for your daughter?"

"Well Ray of course and there's Bob he's … unwell at the moment but he'll be back on his feet soon but then I have a large family through Christian who I am very close too."

"Your Mom?"

"Passed away." I reply feeling a pang of hurt deep in my chest as soon as the words leave my mouth.

"I'm very sorry to hear that Mrs Grey." Tanya replies softly, I guess she can see that it hurts. "Mr Grey? Your childhood?"

"It's no secret that I was adopted myself. My Mother, biological Mother died young and I was adopted by my parents, I have two siblings who are all grown up now. Growing up with the Grey's I was in some trouble especially in my early teenage years but then I sorted myself out." Christian explains his voice gruff and powerful, the enigmatic CEO in full force beside me. "I wanted for nothing with the Grey's especially not their love, they loved me like I was born to them." He adds softer.

"Ok." Tanya nods as she scribbles, her hand moving fast across the paper on her lap. "So your support system?"

"My Parents and my siblings." He replies. "Elliot and Mia." He adds softly.

"Ok now your Education Mrs Grey?" Tanya doesn't even lift her head from the paper to ask the question.

"I have a degree in English Literature from Washington State University."

"And Mr Grey?"

"I dropped out of Harvard." He says sounding quite smug I suspect at how he made himself even without a degree. "Your employment status?"

It's so obvious that she's just reading the question's as she goes as she already knows who we are.

"We're both self-employed CEO's, Mrs Grey is also an Author contracted to Grey's Publishing." Christian's answer sounds as if he's bored.

"Of course." Tanya looks up and blushes. "Have you any plans to further your education or careers?" She looks at us, blushing as she asks.

"Well I believe Mrs Grey is going to finish her books and maybe she'll write some more and acquire more companies as I will myself but I have no plans on furthering my education. Mrs Grey?" He smirks at me as my eyes meet him in a tight and uncomfortable smile.

"I hope to do some college courses in the beauty industry before expanding my salons anymore but it's a case of 'we'll see' as I have a child to think of now too." I explain awkwardly, I still have the gift off Christian that I haven't touched from last Christmas.

"Ok…" She says as she continues to write. "Now how about your history as a couple?" She asks with a smile, I think she's as interested in this as the press and public. "I want to know everything about how you met and what led to today."

I look at Christian and he nods for me to begin, I like that he's allowing me the pleasure of telling this story while the product of our love and relationship lies sleeping in my arms.

"It was in May when we met, last year. I was interviewing Christian on behalf of the school newspaper…" I tell her everything, from the fall into his office to the fear that caused his proposal to the hearts and flowers proposal to the wedding. Ok, maybe not everything. I leave you the part about his wanting a sexual submissive and the beating I took with a belt but I tell her a few of the bad things that made us stronger as a couple including our miscarriage. She's speechless by the end and I smile up at my adorable husband with more love in my eyes than ever. He grins down at me, his boyish charming smile that I love so much.

"That's a wonderful tale, I can see how much you love each other by just how you both looked during that tale but of course, love isn't everything." She bursts our little bubble. "Talk to me about your daily lives, your routines and how you communicate and solve problems now."

"Christian?" I prompt him to talk, quite annoyed at Tanya for breaking the spell.

"We'll start with a typical weekday Mr Grey." Tanya says in some vague attempt at reassurance.

"Ok well before we had India it was both of us too work for nine unless we had a breakfast meeting. Then we'd try and be home at five every evening unless we had a late meeting but never did we work past six thirty." He says, it's true that we've always so far made it home in time to have a late dinner together. "Then we'd eat, talk about our days, then we'd maybe go off and do some work for the next day before settling down together to read or watch TV." Somehow I know by 'watch TV Christian means go to bed and fuck like rabbits.

"And a weekend?"

"Usually we do something together." Christian says unable to hide the smirk, yes most weekends especially in the last trimester was a lot of sex. "Go shopping, on the boat, fly somewhere. You know just together, but Sunday's are for family. We often go to my parents' house for dinner."

"What are your childcare plans for India?"

"Well I'm already slowly doing some work from home, I plan to stay out of the office completely until India's about three months old but I do have the last instalment of Fifty Shades coming out and my team believe it's going to be bigger than the others which will mean a tour at least of New York, maybe I'll have to fly to London too so it's going to be more on the road than in the office." I know I sound sad when I say this, it's not sad that I have this amazing opportunity it's just the thought of having to spend some time away from Christian and possible from India too. I think it will be the hardest book tour I'll do in my entire career. "We have a Nanny, she's amazing and she'll be taking on most of the childcare duties during the day time until it's time to enrol India in Pre-school."

"Of course the Taylor's have already expressed a wish of having our Nanny help them a little for a very small fee. I refused the money but granted that their child will be cared for by our Nanny too." Christian adds back in CEO mode again, I can actually see he's upset about something, no doubt my plans for a New York tour before Christmas.

"So far, how do you see yourselves parenting India?"

"What do you mean?" I ask before Christian gets the chance.

"Well your plans for discipline and other issues."

"India's too young for us to have thought that far ahead, and seeing as it's the Taylor's who will be disciplining their child it's a moot point." Christian almost barks but I snigger at his use of 'moot'.

"Ok, I'd like to look around if I may?"

"Mr Sawyer is just outside the door. He'll be your guide." Christian says in a dismissive tone. Tanya mutters her thank you before going off, clipboard in hand.

I don't know how this just went down but I hope for Gail and Taylor, that we haven't caused any issues for them in the process of adopting a child. I want Gail to have the gift of a child to call her own just like I have gotten with India. It's amazing to hold a child and love her so completely that you know you'd do absolutely anything even bargain with Lucifer himself to make sure no harm will ever come to them.


	279. Chapter 279

**There's a big twist planned for this story for all you drama fanatics but it's not going to come for a while yet sorry. So for now I am continuing to just jump to the good bits so keep an eye on the dates!**

**HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL OF YOU, HOPE 2013 BRINGS YOU EVERYTHING YOU WANT AND DERSERVE!**

**Wednesday 3rd October 2012 – Part 1**

"Belissima Ana!" Franco beams as he holds a mirror to the back of my head so I can see it.

"Thank you Franco it looks fabulous." I smile, I didn't want anything that looked like I spent hours getting it done but something that was tidy for when Oprah arrives today.

"Oprah is going to love you and your hair!" Franco gushes as he tugs on the pieces over my shoulders.

I decided to have my thick bangs cut in again so it's like New York and we've gone for short layers and a little more than a trim so that my hair now only reaches the bottom of my rib cage. I don't know whether Christian will like that I've taken so much off the length but the longer my hair the harder it is too manage and I find it was getting in the way with India unless I wore it up all the time.

"I have to hope she'll love a little more than my hair." I snort as I continue to keep still for Melissa who is finishing doing the gel nails for me, towards the end of my pregnancy my nails were really weak and snagged on everything now they're out of shape and Melissa decided some gel nails with white glitter tips were perfect for me so I left her too it.

Of course, the brief from Oprah's team was quite simple. She'd arrive at ten am and spend the day with us. The large crew however have been here since seven setting up some additional lighting and equipment. It's going to be weird being around all the filming equipment that I got used to by the end of my New York tour right here in my own home.

Christian has gone to work, he'll join us around five and Oprah will continue her interview. Apparently not everything will be shown on TV just the best bits of the interviews, the tour of the house, they probably won't show us eating and stuff which is going to be completely weird, Oprah Winfrey is going to be having dinner here with us, awkward!

After Franco and Melissa leave and I dress into a pair of zipper cuff super skinny jeans and a red embroidered tunic with my black rock studded Valentino's with the gold heel, I get little India all dressed up in a Roberto Cavalli dress that looks like a white polo shirt and a leopard print skirt with white leggings and white ribbon shoes and a white knit cardigan made by Nan Trevelyan. She looks just adorable as always and a part of me can't wait to show her off a little.

I take India into the living room to have her feed. I don't want to be too far away when Oprah arrive. They've asked specifically for me to open the door as they will be filming at once. It's going to be weird because I've never met Oprah but will have to greet her like a friend.

I'm just finishing burping India when the doorbell rings. Everything inside of me clenches in a nervous manner as I get up, still holding my daughter to my shoulder with the dishtowel in place to catch any spit up.

Not wanting to keep Oprah waiting I don't bother putting her down or removing the towel and just glance at my appearance as I pass the mirror in the foyer on the way to the door. With one last deep breath I swing it open and smile.

"Ana!" Oprah beams opening her arms for an embrace. She looks amazing in a tasteful purple v-neck sweater and jeans with some small heels.

"Oprah." I reply hoping I sound as excited and as enthusiastic as the Goddess of day time television.

I receive a gentle hug, she's mindful of the gurgling baby on my shoulder.

"Please come in." I smile allowing her to enter.

As soon as she's in there's a camera in front of me and one I know behind Oprah. Automatically I go through to the living room and take to the couch, Oprah comfortable in taking the armchair without any direction, I like that about her at once.

"Sorry we're just finishing up a feed." I explain as I bring India down from my shoulder and wipe her mouth with the bib.

"Oh it's fine. She's just adorable." Oprah beams. "May I?" She signals for a hold and I smile as I pass my daughter over completely ignoring the cameras moving around us to capture the best angle. "Hello little Miss Grey." Oprah smiles as I remove the dishcloth from my shoulder and fold it up. "Oh you're the double of your Mommy, yes you are." She coos, I can't help but smile. Oprah is in my living room talking to my daughter in a baby voice, who'd have thought it.

"Would you like something to drink?" I ask as I get up from the couch.

"Some coffee would be lovely." Oprah barely glances at me as her attention is firmly on India who's wide awake for a change.

I use the intercom system rather than hunt down Gail, she was ready and waiting for my call anyhow so it doesn't make that much of a difference.

When Gail comes in with the coffee the cameras move to get a shot of her. I can see her discomfort a mile off but when her eyes meet mine I give her a mixture of a reassuring and apologetic smile. Once she leaves I see India is falling asleep in Oprah's arms and I smile widely.

"I'll put her down." I say standing to take her.

Oprah looks disappointed but doesn't say anything as I take India from her and move over to the Moses basket. Hopefully Oprah will have more time to meet with India over the course of the day.

Suddenly I see the cameras are down and the men have retreated out of the room towards the guest room Christian and I set up as a base for them.

"So are you ok for me to tell you how I hope today will play?" Oprah asks as she picks up her coffee and adds cream and sugar. I nod nervously, with the cameras gone it's just me and her, no front at all and it's very nerve wracking. "Well the crew have decided where each aspect of the interview will take place, your background a small part of it will be done in a voice over."

"Ok." I nod.

"Good. Are you uncomfortable?"

"Just nervous." I admit, this is the first reveal all interview for me and for Christian, we agreed that if anyone was going to get it then it would be Oprah because she will make it tasteful, she wouldn't make stuff up just show what we gave her."

"Don't be, it's just you and me."

"And a couple of million viewers." I snort and Oprah laughs right along with me.

"I understand some of this will be difficult for you Ana. Your assistant has given us some insight into what you're willing to open up about. Please don't worry because we can cut any time."

"Ok." I nod feeling a shiver run through me.

"We want to focus the beginning of the interview in your study. Are you ok with that?"

"Sure." I smile, my safe haven in one way. I'll feel more relaxed there I hope.

"Should we go now?"

"Sure." I say as I smile. "Let me just get Carrie."

"Carrie?"

"The nanny."

"Oh your assistant did say." I think Oprah is disappointed that India isn't going to be coming through to the study.

It takes about fifteen minutes for us to get set up in the study. Both Oprah and I sit on my window together and Gail has set up some more tea and coffee for us.

"Ok we all now know how your relationship with Christian started. You were interviewing him for a school paper and fell into his office and he fell in love with you and chased you." Oprah says simply, her voice is so relaxed and soothing and she looks directly at me when she speaks, I feel calm with her.

"Yeah." I say softly with a smile.

"It was love at first sight."

"For both of us." I agree.

"I want the details that haven't been given." She says with a small smile.

"Well, when the interview was finished we left the office and he escorted me to the elevator. He put my coat on and his fingertips brushed the back of my neck…" I close my eyes and smile at the memory. "There was a spark, it felt like electricity. His touch set my skin on fire in a way I didn't even know was possible." I giggle.

"And you at the time were a virgin."

"I was." I say my eyes widening a little in remembrance, if only Oprah knew how experienced Christian had made me. Oprah smiles at my reaction.

"Hard to believe now?"

"Uhuh." I chuckle.

"So how long were you together before you realised how serious it was?"

"Not long." I sigh and try and think back, we weren't together long before we were married either. "We met on May second, we were engaged June eighteenth and married thirtieth of July."

"A whirlwind romance." Oprah says, I can't gauge any emotion from her. "You have been pretty open about a lot of things that occurred during those few months before you marriage, it's your life after your marriage that is sketchy. Your professional life first, we know that, we know how you were gifted the publishing company and bought the salons and wrote your books. What I think we all do want to know more about is your first pregnancy."

I feel my stomach drop and look at the ground. Complete honesty, Christian and I agreed that we would open up because we knew it worked at keeping the rumours away and the press away, letting the press get pictures of us with India in the pushchair got them to leave.

"We called the baby blip." I say looking up into Oprah's soft and kind face.

"Blip?"

"Yeah, when I had the scan the baby was just a small blip on the screen. My father had been in an accident and I was just leaving the hospital when my OBGYN ran after me and told me I had missed a couple of appointments." I chuckle but I know Oprah can see the sadness that I feel at the thought of that first baby.

"And you found out you were pregnant."

"I did. My little blip." I say feeling disheartened in remembering.

Slowly I get up from the windowsill and make my way over to the safe. I sense Oprah hasn't moved from the spot in which she was sitting but I know one of the cameras has turned towards me as I put the code in.

I rummage for a moment or two but find the silver frame that holds the only picture of my never-born child. I look at the blip for a moment and stroke my finger along the frame before heading back to Oprah.

"Little Blip." I tell her handing the frame over.

"Your scan. I see what you mean by blip." Oprah says looking at the picture. The camera just off to her side comes in closer and looks over Oprah's shoulder, it's unnerving to know I'm sharing something so private with the entire world, this interview will be on YouTube, available for anyone to get a hold of if they want it. "What happened to Little Blip?" She asks handing me back the frame.

"I was being blackmailed. My old employer at Seattle Independent Publishing had kidnapped my sister-in-law and he wanted money. I went after him with the money, followed his instructions but it wasn't enough for Jack." I shiver as I say his name.

"Jack Hyde." Oprah obviously has done her research.

"Yes." I nod shivering again. "Jack had Mia and I had to save her. It cost me Blip." I say feeling tears pool in my eyes. "I'm sorry."

"It's ok." Oprah says quietly, she's so sympathetic as she rubs my arm gently.

"He kicked me repeatedly in the stomach and that's what caused the miscarriage, I ended up in a coma but Mia was unharmed." I say sniffing back my cries. "In a small way I see losing Blip as a blessing in disguise."

"A blessing in disguise?"

"God it hurt Oprah, to lose my child like that. I was already in love with him or her but I think of what I've accomplished in the last year and none of it would have happened if I'd of gone through with having Blip. Everything began when I won the Alain Thompson award and I donated a lot of money to them while I was grieving, while I was still lost in the black hole I was in after losing the baby." I explain feeling a little guilty in admitting it.

"It's rumoured you were depressed after losing your child."

"I was." I nod. "Not as depressed as I first thought though." I say casting a glance down at my picture. "But it was the beginning in what was a long downward spiral."

"Did you do anything to commemorate your child?" Oprah asks.

"We planted an apple tree. It's outside the house." I tell her and she gives a thin smile, I know she'll want to see it when we go out later on.

"You know where this interview is going don't you?" She asks and I nod, I know she's heading towards the death of my Mother and my trip into Fairfax.

"So you say that losing your first baby was the beginning of a downward spiral. I want to talk about the blowing up of your husband's office building. Tell me about that." Oprah encourages.

I swallow hard, I know Oprah is going to dig for the emotion and I know that it's going to be hard.

"It was the most… horrifying moment of my life." I admit tensing up and sighing.

"Where were you when you found out?"

"I was at home in our apartment in Escala." I say my mind going back, almost like a flashback in movie. "My assistant Hannah had left the building to bring me the final copy of Fifty Shades. The first printed version and the TV was on and it was a newsflash."

"So you found out from the TV?" Oprah looks shocked and I nod and shiver at the memory.

"It was like my entire world stopped turning." I say quietly.

"You went to Grey's House." Oprah says nudging me vocally to continue. I nod again and swallow the lump in my throat as I try and pick up the story.

"Luke Sawyer, my security guard was in the room when I found out. He tried to persuade me to stay in the apartment but I wasn't having it. My husband… my world was in that building and I didn't know if he was dead or alive and it was like… like something inside of me snapped, I needed to be near him I needed to be as close to him as humanly possible. So I went to Grey's House."

"You were seen arriving in on the news in track pants and a coat."

"I had my pyjamas on still underneath." I laugh awkwardly. "I just pulled them on over my pyjamas."

"You looked like your heart had been in that building."

"It was."

There's a few moments of silence as Oprah carefully works her next question.

"How did you feel? Standing there not knowing if Christian was dead or alive?"

"I was ready to die." I say shivering with a sigh. "At that moment, when it crossed my mind that he may have been dead I was ready to be dead too."

"Would you have killed yourself?"

"Yes." There's no hesitation in my answer and I can see it surprises Oprah. "He is my life, he is my world. He is … everything or was, there's India now too but then, at that moment, everything that mattered to me was gone and … and I knew that I couldn't have survived. If I didn't kill myself intentionally I would have died because I wouldn't have taken care of myself, I wouldn't have had a reason to get up in the morning and eat… I would have died anyhow."

More silence passes and I look at the floor feeling a little embarrassed to have admitted that if Christian hadn't survived the explosion then I wouldn't have either.

"What went through your mind when you found out he was alive still?"

"The relief was… unimaginable." I hope she understands. "I felt… this fear leave my body and my heart mended itself."

Oprah smiles softly and makes a small noise of understanding which allows me to relax enough to let my eyes meet hers.

"Then you went to New York."

"We were told we were under threat and had to get away. The world new Christian was alive and we had to escape so we went to New York."

"People have said…" She says slowly and I brace myself. "That you both in New York acted like nothing had happened. What do you remember of those couple of days?"

"The fear was there at first. We'd run away from everything and everyone and our lives were at risk. It was frightening but I think… I think that both Christian and I were putting on a front for each other, we went shopping and it came out that I wrote Fifty Shades… It was a whirlwind…"

"Your life with Christian so far has been a whirlwind."

"Never a dull moment." I chuckle weakly.

"How did you feel when you found out you weren't at risk anymore?"

"Relieved, looking forward to getting home for Christmas." I smile, there are some memories that are happy and it's nice to share those with Oprah.

"Christmas… you were seen shopping at a supermarket on Christmas Eve."

"Yeah, I wanted a normal Christmas… or as normal as you can get when you're married to a Multi-Billionaire." I chuckle and Oprah smiles and pulls a picture out of the file that's been sat on her lap. "Oh that's so sweet." I smile seeing a picture of Christian pushing the shopping cart and me clinging onto his arm, I'm looking up into his eyes and he's looking down at me and we're both smiling, I saw these pictures on TMZ but it's nice to hold a copy in my hand.

"You can see how happy you both are."

"Yeah." I sigh sadly, I was still in the early stages of my depression when this photo was taken.

"What did Christian get you for Christmas?" Oprah asks with a playful tone.

"A house in London." I smile.

"A house?"

"Yeah, he knew that I'd need to travel to London a lot with my book and he knows that I love the city and so he bought me a house."

"And what did you get him?"

"An elevator." I laugh and Oprah looks confused which just makes me laugh harder. "You don't want to know."

"Ok." She smiles. "What was Christmas day like with Christian?"

"It was… amazing." I breathe. "He woke me up super early and he was so excited, like a child." I smile remembering. "He was so excited to get his gifts and he had been up for a good hour setting up the video recorders and had put on the fire."

"Your husband is providing us with that footage." She says stepping out of the interview for a moment and I know that it won't be shown on TV as I nod.

"I want to go into detail about what happened between you and Perez Hilton and Ryan Seacrest as no one really has before." Oprah says and I sigh and nod, I knew she would dig into everything so I don't know why my reluctance to talk about it has come up but I will be open.

"How did it feel, to have two celebrities gang up on you like that?"

"I tried to make it out that it didn't matter." I start hoping I can hold it together for this. "But it did." Oprah makes a small noise to but I can't look at her when I'm talking about it. "At first it was a knock and I could pick myself up and get over it but it just got worse and worse."

"What was it that really knocked you over because at first you took it in your hands to ignore it and when asked about it you brushed off the interviewers getting them to take the questions elsewhere. You seemed like it didn't bother you but you say it did."

"Of course it did. I mean look at some of the things they said? I think it hit me how much hatred there was when one of them said it was a shame I wasn't in one of my salons when it was blown up."

"They wished you dead." Oprah says quietly and I just nod and make a small noise of agreement.

"In so many words yeah they did and it hurt. I was in the New York apartment when I had that message, with my assistant Hannah and after I tried retaliating and failed I threw my phone against the wall. I was … devastated, not that someone didn't like me or didn't like my book but that they were going out of their way to hurt me."

"Do you think they were jealous?" She asks looking into my eyes. I sigh and shrug.

"Who knows." I say. "I mean I can't answer over them. I can't know what they were thinking."

"But it hurt."

"Yeah." My voice is so quiet.

"Why did Christian go to you to New York, everyone knew you'd gone without him and then suddenly he's there with you and no one asked why, no one questioned it."

"He surprised me, I went to curl up in bed and I cried myself to sleep and when I woke he was there telling me to get up and too eat something." I say with a smile. "It was like all the pain just vanished when he was there with me."

"Were you depressed then? When you were in New York?"

"I didn't know it then but yes I was." I say quietly. "I never really recovered from losing Blip, I got… caught up in life and didn't deal with the depression then and I didn't deal with it in New York."

"We'll come back to that." Oprah says, I know she's keeping it till the interview gets to Fairfax.

"Then came London. You went there to do more promoting for your book but you weren't there long…"

"No. There was a threat, someone broke into the London house and I was in danger and Christian brought me home."

"Now I need to ask something about what you just said." She says quickly before I get the chance to say anything more. "You said Christian brought me home, what do you mean by that, it sounds to me like you didn't have a choice."

"I didn't." I say it without thought and suddenly I realise I have to be very careful. "Christian is very protective of me whereas I don't realise when I'm in danger and take silly risks. I was pregnant at the time and Christian was worried."

"Did it cause a fall out?"

"I left him." I admit. "I couldn't handle it anymore, I didn't know there was a threat, he just gave me no choice in leaving London so I left him. Only Christian, me and the staff knew I was pregnant but after an argument I got cramps… I was so scared that I was losing my child so I called my mother-in-law and she came and I went to stay with her and her husband."

"You left him?"

"Hardest thing I've ever done but I had to think of my baby." I say with tears filling my eyes uncontrollably.

"How long were you apart?"

"Four days? I think… I can't remember."

"Were you depressed then?"

"Very." I admit. "I didn't know how much I was but I was."

"Ok…we'll take a break now because it's getting close to India's feed and then we'll go outside with India and talk some more."

I nod as Oprah turns to the camera and I stay completely quiet holding my breath.

"After the break Ana and I are going to go into detail about her Mother's Illness, her pregnancy and her depression. We'll be right back."

"And we're out!" One of the camera guys calls and I breathe easier suddenly.

"You ok?"

"I think so." I chuckle.


	280. Chapter 280

**This is turning into a 3 maybe 4 part segment guys. Sorry, I thought it would be shorter but I'm realer trying to stay true to Oprah which is not easy, it takes a lot of time having to watch hundreds of interviews to study her and her questions and behaviour. **

**I will say a possible KLEENEX ALERT here… I cried writing it which is rare but I was really digging into Ana's psych to write this and have her open up completely about her dark times more than I did when I actually wrote some of the chapters before. **

**Wednesday 3rd October 2012 – Part 2**

After India is fed and put back down Oprah and I sit down to lunch. It's really awkward because she doesn't want to ask many questions that will ruin the interview. She sticks to the professional side of me. After lunch is eaten it's time to go outside with Oprah and India, we only have a couple of hours before Christian is home and it's where we sit down together in the living room.

We step out of the front door with India in her pushchair and head around the house. The first thing Oprah wants to see is Little Blip's tree. It's hard for me to go there with her, I stop by it every now and again but I no longer dwell on it, I don't dwell on Little Blip's passing anymore.

"This is the tree?" Oprah asks when I come to a stop. I just nod as Oprah's camera pans around us and I guess zooms into the plaque.

"In memory of Little Blip, Love Mom and Dad." Oprah reads as a silent tear falls down my cheeks, I'm aware of the camera that's on my face as I turn to look at my daughter. "It's a beautiful way to commemorate what you both lost."

"You can't have a funeral for an unborn child." I say quietly. "This was our way of saying goodbye and getting ready to move on."

Oprah just nods and steps away but it's me who turns on my heels first and begin to head down the path.

"So after you left London and you and Christian were back together you moved to this beautiful house and I must say this place is truly beautiful." Oprah says as we walk.

"Yeah. It's our home." I smile as we stroll slowly down the gravel path towards the back of the house.

"So how long after your moving into this house did you find out that your Mom was sick?" Oprah asks just as we turn the corner to end up right in the back of the house.

"A few days." I say heading towards the dock, there is a path there that Christian had put in from the house straight to the boat house so it's easy for me to take the pushchair down with us. "I went to Savannah to tell her that I was pregnant, when I was there I found her in bed having Chemo."

"That must have been a shock." Oprah says softly and all I can do is sigh awkwardly.

"It was horrifying. She looked so frail and sick." I slow my walk as I blink my eyes slowly hoping to hide the tears. "I didn't know, she'd known since around Christmas that she had cancer and she never told me."

Oprah gives my hand a squeeze on the pushchair handle and I take a deep breath before continuing, this is still raw, this is still painful to some degree.

"When she said she had about a year to live it was like someone snatched my breath from my body. I was there to tell her that she was going to be a grandmother and she knew she wouldn't see her grandchild grow up. That was a bitter pill to swallow." I explain trying not to let my talking be affected by my emotions.

"But she didn't live a year, she barely lived a couple of months from what I understand…"

"Christian and I organised for a world renowned oncologist to meet with her and she agreed, he said a year had been optimistic and in fact she was looking at three to six months and that she should stop the chemotherapy and enjoy what was left of her life." Oprah makes a small noise of acknowledgement as we step up onto the dock.

"Your Mom and you were photographed shopping for baby stuff or something. What was that like, to see the papers reporting about your Mom's illness?"

"Christian and I took the speedboat from here to Mom's house and she was crying. Then she showed me the paper. It hurt, to see that these vultures were turning on my Mom, they can say what they want about me, they can take as many pictures and report lies but to compare pictures of my Mom side by side was so … sickening. It angered me but she wasn't bothered by it, her biggest worry was how it affected me and so that kind of melted the anger away, I just wanted her to be ok so it was a case of us worrying about each other."

"While your Mom was sick it's rumoured that you ended up in hospital with high blood pressure. Is that true?" Oprah kindly says that it was a rumour, she's asking me to confirm or deny which I will do, it's time to put old rumours to bed.

"Yes." I sigh parking the pushchair a few feet away from the edge of the dock so I can rest against the side. "Christian was in China, there was some issues with his business that I didn't understand, Mom and Grace Trevelyan…"

"Your Mother-in-law."

"My mother in law, yes, we were spending the week together. I wasn't feeling great, had a headache and went to bed. I woke up and… and I heard Grace on the phone with Christian."

"What was she saying?" Oprah asks guessing already that I overheard the conversation.

"She was telling him to come home, that I needed him because my Mom wasn't good. I just started panicking. I hid away then, made an excuse of a headache to hide away from my Mom and from Christian's Mom and I guess I was trying to come to the reality that my Mom wasn't going to see my baby born, that she wasn't going to be there for much longer."

"I thought you said she had three to six months…"

"She did but she needed to look after herself, she got a chest infection and that was the start of her downward spiral if you will… if she'd have treated it she would have lived longer possibly, but she also could have had another infection on another infection and she would have spent those three to six months just sick and dying."

"Ok. So what happened for you to end up in hospital?" Oprah continues.

"I was in the study, my study… I kept thinking and over-thinking and I got so angry… so so angry…"

"At who?"

"I don't know I just was angry, at the world I suspect." I understand Oprah's question even though I cannot for the life of me answer it. "Then after I got angry I got sad again. I cried and cried and Grace got her husband, my father in law, to bring her medical kit and that's when she found how high my blood pressure was… it was about four am when I was rushed from the house to Swedish medical centre."

"What happened in Swedish?"

"It was terrifying, I remember that…" I feel awkward sharing this, it's so private but I will because it is time for it all to be laid to rest now. "Everyone just kept telling me to calm down and take deep breaths but they were scaring me and I couldn't. So eventually when my Midwife turned up I agreed to be sedated because it would be easier on my body and for the baby…" I look at India and smile. "I wouldn't change any of what I did then…"

Oprah gives my hand another small squeeze and smiles reassuringly, she has a look in her eye, one that says she doesn't understand my pain yet understands pain, it's unnerving yet reassuring.

"I was in Swedish a couple of days, my blood pressure was brought down with the help of aspirin and Christian came home which made… a huge different to how I was emotionally. And it was in hospital, by my Mother in law that I found out I was having a baby girl." I smile as I look at India, one huge part of my whole world.

"How far along were you then?"

"Only just fifteen weeks I think… I remember being told it was only ninety eight percent accurate and the doctors wouldn't confirm it and said I had to wait until I saw my OBGYN at the end of the sixteenth week. It was then though, within minutes of finding out that my precious little child would be a girl I found out that… Mom would be lucky to have two to three weeks…" I turn away to look over the water as I choke back a sob.

Oprah turns with me and rubs my back as I try to compose myself. It's hard to realise that all the memories of my baby girl is basically tainted with the death of my Mother. I know someday I won't see it the way I do right now but it's hard to smile remembering how happy I was to know India would be a girl and remembering in the same conversation Grace telling me Mom wouldn't see her born.

"Mom wasn't allowed into my hospital room because she was so sick… that was horrible… I wanted her with me when Christian wasn't but she couldn't be so I had to rely heavily on my in-laws to be my support network until Christian arrived to be with me."

"How hard was it when Christian was flying back to you?"

"It was hard… I just wanted him by my side… he has this way of making me feel so safe and secure, he can calm me when I'm anxious and I needed that… I needed my husband, my love to be with me but circumstances had us an ocean apart and with him flying … I couldn't even talk to him…" I turn back to lean against the edge of the dock and look at India, letting her beautiful sleeping face relax me before I continue. "Everything was better when he got back. Until three days later…"

I choke on a sob and turn away again even though it doesn't make a difference, the camera side on to me is catching everything as I try to calm down enough to be able to talk about this.

"Three days later your Mom died." Oprah says softly and I nod and wipe at my cheeks to get rid of the tears that have escaped. "Tell me about that day Ana." She says giving me the push I need to wipe my tears and continue.

"Christian woken me up that morning, we talked about pushchairs and breastfeeding like any normal first time parents. Discussing what we'd prefer, what we'd like to do with our child. After lunch we went to my Mother's house, Christian spotted his mother's car as he pulled up outside which was strange but it wasn't either, Mom and Grace had become friends and so I thought nothing much of it in all honesty." I take a moment to swallow the lump in my throat and look at India, she calms me, relaxes me enough to continue.

"I knew as soon as Bob, my Mom's husband opened the door, that there was something wrong. He looked worried and pale and he was shaking and I just knew. When I went upstairs Grace was sat on the stool beside my Mom's bed, she was lying there and…" My voice cracks as I get an image in my mind that I rather hadn't. "She was sleeping, her chest was rising and falling but it was so shallow… Grace told me she had fluid on the lungs and explained if Mom didn't go to hospital to get the fluid drained she would drown. I was furious and I yelled and woke Mom up and Grace told me Mom had refused… she said no hospitals."

"Grace was crying." Oprah listens intently, a small frown on her brow which is just there as she processes everything I'm telling her, so she can gather a question. "She only had a few hours and Grace told me that, she looked as hurt as I was feeling at least a percentage of what I was feeling. When I asked Grace why she didn't call me Mom said that it was her choice because she didn't want me to see her dying." I am struggling to hold myself together so I grab India's pushchair and head away from the water, hoping that the walk will help me. Oprah walks beside me quiet for a moment before a question pops into her mind.

"Why do you think she didn't want to see her dying?"

"I don't know." I shrug as we walk slowly across the gravel path. "It may have been because she didn't want me to remember her like that or because of my blood pressure, she didn't want me to worry and get sick…"

"Did you talk to her?"

"Yeah, I sat with her on the bed and she apologised to me and told me… told me that she couldn't fight anymore, she was tired of fighting. I asked her what about me? It was selfish, I know it was selfish for me to be thinking about myself at that moment but I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to react to the fact that my Mom, my strong and independent Mom was lying there telling me she was giving up."

"Do you think she was selfish?" Oprah asks and I feel her eyes on me as we walk slowly.

"No." I say shaking my head. "Well not anymore, at the time I don't know what I was thinking. She told me she was thinking about me, of me and of my baby. She told me that if she was gone then I could focus on me and the baby, that I could stop making myself sick because I was too busy worrying about her."

"Were you making yourself sick worrying about her?"

"I ended up in Swedish didn't I?" I reply stopping to look at Oprah. "I don't know Oprah, I don't know how things would have played out if my Mom would have lived. I can only tell you what happened and the feelings surrounding that." She nods and we continue to walk. "I was so angry with her at that moment. I curled up into her side and I cried and I yelled and I got angry but I also took that moment to tell her that I understood how much she loved me, that I understood that she would do anything for me because I was a Mother too, in every way that matters and if she loved me half as much as I loved India at that moment… I should have understood she was doing it for me and for India."

"So you understood? You understood at that moment?"

"No." I shake my head fiercely. "I was too consumed by grief at that moment to understand it."

"What happened next?" Oprah asks, I look at her and see her emotions on her face betraying her calm demeanour, it's not often a viewer gets to see this side of Oprah and a part of me is glad to have brought it out.

"I realised then it was goodbye and became hysterical and Grace had to get me out of the room to check my blood pressure. Mom promised me she'd still be there when I got back… she kept that promise." I smile and look up at the near clear sky, believing she's looking down at me. "Hours passed, the family came to the house, Christian sent the helicopter to pick up my Dad and everyone just … waited… it was horrible we were all just there waiting for her to die… I stayed away from everyone, sat in the back with my feet in the pool that Mom didn't even get to use though she had been so excited when she found out the house had a pool…" I snort at the ridiculousness of my train of thought and Oprah smiles a little.

"So everyone was there?"

"Everyone who mattered was in the living room being supplied with tea, coffee and snacks while we waited. I was back and forth from Mom's room so Grace could keep an eye on my blood pressure and if it was a little high I did what Mom would have wanted me to do and stayed away and had something to drink before going back… I just knew I had to look after myself and my child even though I was dying inside…"

"It was about one am when I joined Bob and Mom in their bedroom. Bob was sat beside her on her stool and I lay beside her, curled up into her side and held her. I kissed her and told her that I was there and when she was ready I'd still be there and that she could let go. Bob did the same, he told her he loved her and that when she was ready she could go… he lay his head down beside hers and we just lay there together, we held Mom together and somehow… for some reason we fell asleep…" I have to take a moment again as we arrive at the steps to the decking. I park the buggy and pick India up out of the pushchair and settle her in my arms, she gives me what I need to continue and I sit down on the steps and Oprah joins me, not caring if there's dust or dirt on the step.

"She was gone when we woke up." I say looking straight into Oprah's eyes. "She was gone."

I look away and down at India and hope she never has to experience what I did, I hope that she doesn't have to suffer the way I did when Mom died.

"Bob and I stayed with her while we cried but eventually Grace came in and I didn't say anything I just nodded to her and she got the doctor. Everything after that is very… blurry."

"Blurry?"

"Grief consumed me." I say quietly. "I felt like I was plunged into darkness, like in a well or something and I could barely hold a coherent thought. I know we went home and I know a lot happened in the following thirty odd hours."

"Thirty odd hours?"

"Thirty odd hours later I arrived at Fairfax Behavioural Hospital." I explain and she nods softly.

I look down at India and remind myself why I did it. Why I went to the hospital, why I had to go there.

"So you don't remember those thirty odd hours?"

"I remember … pieces… it's like a jigsaw puzzle that I can't put together." I explain and she smiles reassuringly.

"Tell me some of the pieces you do remember. I mean, I know they're hard but if you can tell me." She encourages.

"First we should go inside. I don't want India getting cold."

Oprah smiles and nods and they stop rolling the cameras so we can get India inside. The director and Oprah kindly take the pushchair up the steps until Oprah takes it to push it to the glass door while I carry India.

Inside Gail has hot drinks ready for us and I place India in the Moses basket in the kitchen and we take to the breakfast bar as the cameras get rolling again.

"There was a lot of talking." I begin, it's hard to remember something you don't want to remember, that's what I realise as I try to open to Oprah. "I started planning the funeral and spent some time on my own in my office but I was just going through the motions a lot you know? I remember talking to the press… there were so many flowers that people had brought to the house, some were delivered and I had to say thank you to them."

"People bought flowers?"

"Yeah and teddy bears and cards… so many people who I didn't even know were supporting us… me… It was when my assistant and her mother were over that it hit me… well as they were leaving… they held hands and it just… it was like a bomb going off inside my heart and head…"

"Why? Why was seeing them, your assistant and her Mom, why was seeing them what made it hit you?"

"I don't know… I remember them holding hands and I … I fell, my knees just gave way underneath me and I lost it… completely lost it… Grace… she sedated me because I was just that… that gone… the grief had consumed me so completely that I was incoherent and I suspect it was dangerous for me and for India and so they did what they could to help me."

Gail who has been stood off to the side cooking slips a hanky under my nose and I smile at her gratefully before wiping the tears I hadn't even noticed were falling.

"I spoke with a psychiatrist that I have seen before… I told him a lot and opened up to him maybe too much… There was so much talking going on during that time but as soon as I heard that they may want me to go to a hospital I was having none of it… none of it but then I realised that I had to do it, I had to get away."

"Were you running away?"

"Possibly. But going to Fairfax was the best thing that I could have done." I tell her firmly.

"Let's talk about Fairfax because there's been no confirmation until today that you were even there." Oprah says going into her interviewer mode. "How long were you there?"

"Five days… barely…" I reply with a thin lipped smile.

"Tell me about it." Oprah encourages and I give a small nod before taking a deep breath.

"I arrived on the Monday morning, the day after my Mom died. Met with my psychiatrist and nurse and got settled in, it was so fast, making a plan about how I would hopefully progress, how I would grow and stuff… we knew already that I had depression, I had been diagnosed when we lost Little Blip but not dealing with it properly back then was the greatest mistake that I could have made. They got me on drugs and I began therapy and I got better."

"You don't want to talk about it do you."

"No." I reply shaking my head. "It was a hard time, I was away from my family and friends, just lost my Mom consumed by grief and severely depressed and pregnant… it was a very dark time for me." I admit, I thought I'd be able to do this but I no longer think that.

"I have one question about that time before we leave it, you've confirmed you were there and why but I want to ask… did you ever…" Oprah actually looks nervous and it doesn't do anything to relax me. "Did you ever contemplate taking your own life?"

It's at that moment I know I have to be honest not just with Oprah and the viewers but myself too.

"Yes." I say quietly before burying my head in my hands for a moment trying to compose myself. "At that time… I didn't want to live anymore… I didn't know _how_ to live anymore."


	281. Chapter 281

**Wednesday 3rd October 2012 – Part 3**

It surprises me when Oprah wipes a stray tear with a piece of tissue. I take her hand and give it a small squeeze and a weak smile.

"Was it Fairfax that helped you? Helped you to stop feeling like that?" She asks once she's composed herself.

"To some respect yes, but I think it was more Christian and India. I was pregnant with our child and he did nothing but remind me that I was loved and that I could be happy again."

"While you were in Fairfax did your Mother's funeral take place?"

"Yes and I was there, it was in the media that I was there." I say quietly, this is harder to talk about than anything else, it's still almost raw.

"What do you remember of that day?"

"Everything. I wish I didn't but I remember every small detail of that day." I take a deep breath knowing she wants me to tell her about it. "I had my nurse from Fairfax with me and we left Fairfax and came here where I got dressed. For a while it felt unreal, I was detached from what was going on around me. Mia and Kate, my sister in law and my best friend helped me get ready, reassured me that everything was going to be ok."

"We have pictures of the funeral procession." Oprah says. "Your Mom's carriage was filled with beautiful flowers."

"Mom loved flowers. So on the day she died after getting back here it was one of the first things I organised." I explain glad Oprah isn't pushing me like she could. "We had a lot of flowers and Christian and I always make sure there are a lot of flowers at her grave even if I can't visit too often." Oprah gives me a small smile.

"We left here to go to the Church, it was about a twenty minute ride but felt so much longer in some ways then in other ways shorter, I didn't want to have to face what I did when I exited the car, I would have rather been anywhere but where I was at that moment. Of course, I had Christian by my side the entire time. He held me close, kept touching me to reassure me and I know I wouldn't have gotten through it had it not been for Christian…

…It was so hard. There were so many people there, some who knew Mom and some who didn't, friends and business associates of Christian I… a part of me was grateful for their support while a part of me was angered at the fact that they were witnessing what should have been so private. The entire time that's how I was… conflicted about everything that was going on…"

"Was Fairfax involved in getting you to stop being so conflicted?" Oprah asks, I know she is going to press for some information from Fairfax, it's the most unknown facts about me since I've been in the public eye.

"Yes. Fairfax helped put me together when I was broken." I reply with a sad smile. "Even after I left after just five days there the people at Fairfax gave me everything I need to build myself up, the nurse is now my child's Nanny or Au Pair, the psychiatrist and I still meet occasionally and I often talk to one of the Clinical Therapists who was on my team as well as my discharge practitioner."

"So how did you get better? How did you move on from your mother's passing?" Oprah asks and I sigh and rub a finger uncomfortably over my brow.

"I think… you don't move on from a death like that. It always hurts but it just hurts less. You remember just as much but with a smile rather than in sadness, I don't think I'll ever get over my Mom's death but hopefully when I talk to India about her when she is older then I'll be able to do it happily and with a smile rather than with sadness. Getting better on the other hand was a long process, it require a lot of therapy, a lot of tears and drugs."

"Are you still on drugs?"

"I'm on anti-depressants and a mild anti-anxiety." I admit, it's the truth the whole truth and nothing but. "Although I have discussed the weaning off process with my psychiatrist and hope to begin that when India's about six months old and I've been back at work full time."

"So you're planning on going back to work full time?" Oprah asks surprised, I know we weren't planning on talking business but we're now waiting on Christian to come home so that we can discuss India's birth and the future.

"Yes, when India's about twelve weeks I'm going back to the office on a part time basis until hopefully around sixteen months. The last book of the trilogy is coming out the end of November and we're anticipating a book tour around then, of course the final details need to be sketched out but we're hoping to visit all the country's states before Christmas then international after the holidays. It's going to be a very hectic time for both Christian and I and we're going to have to figure a lot out with India and we know it's going to be very tough for both of us having to be apart and spend time away from our child but we're doing it now with her so young she won't remember it and then when that's done I'm not planning on starting a new book at all as of yet, I want to finish the children's series and focus on my charity." This is such an easy topic for me, work is comfortable whereas everything else is uncomfortable and I think Oprah has picked up on that as she smiles.

"The Charity which of course you set up in memory of your mother."

"Yes, the Carla Cancer Trust we support families of cancer patients, we give them councelling to help with the grieving, help arrange time for them to spend together if the patient is terminal. It's all in memory of Mom and what she did for me in the final weeks of her death. We've got a team of councillors now and of course AG Inc and Grey's Enterprises Holdings are huge contributors. I'm currently in the process of setting up the first charity gala for the charity with Grace Trevelyan's help. She's amazing and of course has her own charity Coping Together which was set up to support families of drug addicts."

"That's just wonderful." Oprah replies just as the front door opens.

"Baby I'm home!" Christian calls and I can't help but laugh.

"Kitchen!" I call back as India's already whimpering in her Moses basket.

"Hey." He smiles then frowns when he spots the cameras and Oprah. "I forgot."

"It's ok." I smile as I take India into my arms. "Welcome home."

"Glad to be home." He says before kissing me softly and dropping one onto India's head.

"Here, she missed you too." I say passing India to him, it's shocking to see her instantly relax.

"That's Daddy's girl." He laughs as Gail comes in to the room.

"Maybe we'll pick this up in a little while?" Oprah suggests and I nod as Christian has Gail open a bottle of wine up.

I'm so calm now he's here. All the nerves about the interview have just gone and I somehow just know that it's going to go smoothly from here on out.

Carrie collects India after Christian has had his hugs and him, Oprah and I gather with a glass of wine in the living room to finish off the interview. Christian seems apprehensive and when we sit down he instantly has an arm around me and pulls me close, I can feel his breathing against my side.


	282. Chapter 282

**Wednesday 3rd October 2012 – Part 4**

Christian, Oprah and I are gathered in the living room while Carrie has taken India so we can have some peace. It's hard to be sat here wondering what Oprah will ask and how Christian will react to the questions but I am also a little more relaxed having him here by my side. I hope he sticks to the deal of having No Secrets.

"Ok so when Ana and I finished talking we'd just spoken about the passing of her Mother, I'd now like to ask you both some questions about the pregnancy and India's birth." Oprah states, she's not asking our permission she is telling us straight up what she wants to know about, that's fine by me and I can tell by how Christian's grip on me relaxes that he is happy about this line of questioning too.

"So I would like to know about when where and how you found out India was on the way. All the details." Oprah says with a smile and I nudge Christian prompting him to talk as I think I've done enough talking for the two of us.

"It was January Twenty Ninth, we were at our home in Escala, not long having return from our Greek holiday."

"You went to Greece? That's not public knowledge." Oprah points out as I nod gently.

"We needed the getaway didn't we babe?" I say looking at Christian who's eyebrows shoot up at my nickname. It just slipped out and I'm going to blame it on the manuscript I was reading the previous evening where the girlfriend called her man 'babe' and nothing else throughout.

"Yeah, it was a last minute decision, a business associate of mine has three holiday homes out there and they're all within a compound so he happily let me have them for a week and we took friends of ours out there with us, it was like a bunch of adults on a grad style holiday." Christian snorts at his last sentiment but it's true, we were like grad students on holiday but it was fun and even though I spent a lot of it drinking not knowing I was carrying my daughter I wouldn't have changed it for the world.

"Ok so you went to Greece with friends. Why a getaway though?" Oprah seems to be far more on the ball in Christian's presence, I wonder if it's because she knows he's good at deflecting or maybe she thinks he needs more prompting that I did.

"It was just a break, we were both stressed and we needed to get away from the world." I say with a smile, it's how I remember it anyhow.

"Ok then." Oprah beams. "So back to finding out about India, you were in your Escala apartment, was it a home kit?"

"No, Ana was due to fly out to London but was also due for her birth control shot and we pay a small fortune for the OBGYN to make unscheduled visits to the us when necessary." Christian explains with a smile, yeah let's not forget the first visit with Doctor Greene in Escala or the second at the hotel… "You should tell her what happens next Ana because I wasn't there." Christian prompts.

"Ok well it was a regular visit and I told the doctor that I had done a pregnancy test in New York and that it had been negative but she insisted those things could be wrong and that she wanted me to do another test. Of course that one wasn't negative."

"How did you find out Christian?" Oprah asks with a gentle smile on her face, I guess she's relaxed talking about the happier stuff too even though she's just as inquisitive.

"Ana came out from the bedroom and she looked pale, sick almost and she wasn't relaxed. I tried to cheer her up in my own way but she wasn't having any of it so I made us a drink and I was barely in the kitchen when she demanded she wanted to talk…"

"I didn't demand!" I laugh hitting his leg with my hand.

"Yes you did baby you asked to talk and I told you I'd be a minute and your reply was 'no now' I thought you were about to say something had gone wrong with Doctor Greene."

"In my eyes something had gone wrong." I remind him forgetting about the cameras and Oprah.

"Still think that?" He asks.

"No." I smile and he kisses my temple softly. I turn to Oprah and can't help but share in the warm smile she's giving us, it's quite nice that she's let us drift off into our own conversation.

"Anyway, I went over, sat down opposite her and asked what was up and she just said 'Christian I'm pregnant' happiest moment of my life except for when she agreed to marry me." He says proudly, of course by the inquisitive look I'm getting from Oprah I know she's read me like a book.

"Not so happy for you Ana?" She asks and I sigh and shake my head.

"Christian and I had been discussing trying for another child and had agreed to wait. I was flying out to London the next day and my career was just taking off. At the time I thought having a baby would get in the way of everything I was doing career wise. I wasn't as happy as Christian to find out India was on her way."

"You liked the idea after, when we began discussing everything." Christian says and I know again my face betrays me and he sees the guilt. "You weren't happy?"

"I was… there was nothing I could do short of killing our child that would change our circumstances… I wasn't happy but India was there and then you were all excited and I didn't want to rain on your parade." I explain feeling like shit for mentioning it but Christian kisses my head softly.

"When did your opinion change Ana?" Oprah asks.

"The next morning when I got the sonogram." I smile at the memory.

"Did you find out how far along you were then?"

"Yup I was ten weeks pregnant and the New York test was a false negative." I reply while Oprah gawps, I think I may have just shocked her.

"Ten weeks? Wouldn't you have had obvious symptoms like morning sickness?"

"No I didn't get any morning sickness, after a blood test I found out that one of the hormones was a little low and that's why I didn't get morning sickness, though I did crave custard donuts all the time." I laugh and so does Christian, my unique craving.

"So your first pregnancy, the child had a nickname, did this one?" I don't think Oprah realises that she's just made me like her even more, she referred to blip as a child, not a foetus or the first pregnancy but a child. I appreciate that.

"Jellybean." Christian announces and I smile.

"Why Jellybean?"

"Well the first baby looked like a Blip this one looked like a little Jellybean." Christian explains and I smile again at the memory of him announcing that our baby looked like a Jellybean while I lay on the table in Doctor Greene's office.

"It was amazing we got to hear the heartbeat and found out how long she was." I remember blissfully.

"Then you went to London."

"Yup." I smile. "I almost didn't go. "Christian didn't want me to go and I was unsure myself but I wanted to prove to myself also that I could still work and be a Mom, that being pregnant didn't stop me from doing anything that I wanted to."

"How did you feel about that Christian? Your pregnant wife jumping on a jet and leaving the country?"

"I hated it. I wanted her to stay at home but I also knew I couldn't stop her, firstly Ana is stubborn and if I'd have stopped her she'd have found a way to go any way or we would have had an explosive argument and I didn't want that I just had to trust her." I know that was hard for Christian, I knew even then if he had it in his power and heart to stop me then he would have but I think his heart told him he had to let me do this, to go to London and work even though I was carrying our child.

"Ok so the few interviews you did in London, you were pregnant and knew it and no one else did?"

"Absolutely." I smile.

"I don't want to dwell on this but why did you leave London abruptly?"

"There was a threat and it compromised my safety, with Jellybean there was no need to take any risks." I reply, even though I've told her about the split of me and Christian she doesn't need to know the details of how he got me to leave London, some things are still too private.

"Ok, and it was when you got back from London that you split right?"

"Yeah, we fought and I started to cramp and in the situation we were in separating for those five days were the best thing we could have done."

"Christian?"

"I hated being away from her, did everything I could to apologise because I figured it was all my fault and I'm just lucky Ana forgave me at all. I dread to think what would have happened if she hadn't."

"There was never a chance of that happening." I smile to him and he kisses my head gently.

"Ok, how did you tell the family?"

"We had a meal at my parents' house after the rumours began to circulate and Ana and I were photographed at Swedish to tell my parents well Dad as Mom knew already and then my siblings and their partners. Then we went for dinner at my grandparents' house to tell them the next evening. The day after we drove down to see Ana's father and then flew down the same day to see Ana's mother."

"Everyone was happy for you?"

"Yeah I think so." Christian replies, I don't think there was any animosity from anyone in the family. Christian and I were married and living together I don't see why or how anyone could have had any animosity about us being pregnant.

"How was it for you when it came out in the press that the Grey-Heir was on the way?"

"Well it didn't come out so to speak, we sold the story." Christian points out.

"For how much?"

"Five hundred thousand. We split the money between Seattle Grace and Swedish medical centre because it's not like we need it." Christian smiles, I think he's proud of how we announced to the world India was on the way, I know I am. It was on our terms.

"But of course it was a field day for the press when they got wind of it!" I snort, it's shocking to remember how the press was as they were worse than when we got engaged, that's probably to do with my fame now, I'm not just Christian Grey's wife anymore. I'm Ana Grey.

"They were around us until it the magazine was released and then some." Christian adds with a small grimace showing what he thought of the press hanging around us like that.

"Ok, so let's jump ahead to the birth." Oprah prompts, I guess she knows enough about my Mom's death and Fairfax to know how the months of my pregnancy played out. "Where were you when you went into labour?"

"I was at Ana's Palace." I say grimacing at the memory. "My waters broke, I'd only gone there to get a file but I was nearly two weeks overdue."

"Where were you Christian?"

"Grey's house. Ana and I had agreed that I would work right to the very end so after India arrived we'd be able to just be together as a family for a while." Christian explains. "I will never forget how scared I was when Luke Sawyer called and said Ana was in labour."

"We hurried home, I was almost there when the first contraction hit. Once in the house and comfortable Christian was there before the second one hit."

"It was awful seeing Ana in so much pain, all she did was tense up but her face gave away how much it was really hurting her."

"Then Michaela our Doula arrived and took charge of the situation."

"She had to or I think I'd have had a break down, I was so scared I just wanted to get Ana to a hospital and so Doctors could tell us that everything was fine but Michaela insisted we didn't need to go yet and instead we had Ana upstairs and got her into the bath and turned on the Jacuzzi streams so that she could have the pressure on her lower back. It was an agonising weight."

"It wasn't until I began to panic and said I wanted to go to the hospital that we moved."

"I was so relieved when she said that." Christian laughs softly. "I was worried that the baby was coming and that she would end up giving birth on our bed and not in a hospital with Doctors and Nurses present."

"How long were you in labour for?" Oprah asks gazing softly at us, I think she's just witnessed the rapport Christian and I have together for the first time and I think she likes it.

"It was nearly twelve hours wasn't it?" I ask Christian, I'm not sure, in all honesty I wasn't counting the hours.

"Give or take yes." Christian nods. "Ana was in pain the entire time, the contractions weren't just burst of pain but continuous changing from extreme to mild but it was continuous and it was hard to watch her going through that but she insisted on a natural birth, no epidural and that's what she got."

"Would you do it that way again?"

"Absolutely." I smile. "I felt everything, each movement India made throughout the labour until she was in my arms I felt it and it's indescribable how that felt even through the pain. It made the pain worth it."

"So the birth itself?"

"I was terrified, I wanted my Mom with me and as soon as I hit ten centimetres dilated I began to panic."

"She told me she hated me." Christian chuckles at the memory. "Then demanded that I go and get my Mom."

"I didn't demand!" I say elbowing him.

"Ooft, no you didn't but you wouldn't push without her with you." He laughs.

"Then we began to push. I was so scared I was in tears, I was sandwiched in between Christian and Grace using their strength because I don't think at that moment I had any left."

"All I could do was encourage her that she was doing well, I felt useless as I watched her do all the work."

"You weren't useless, you held my hand let me almost break yours." I smile looking into the adoring face of my husband.

"It was the longest hour of my life." Christian murmurs his eyes closing slowly then opening at the memory.

"Hour?"

"We pushed for an hour before she began to crown, I was exhausted and had no energy left in me, I was wet from sweating, it was disgusting." I wrinkle my nose at the mere thought of how bad I looked.

"It wasn't disgusting Ana you looked beautiful." I just wrinkle my nose at my husband's reply while Oprah smiles gently at us, letting us lead the conversation some for now.

"Then came the tear. We were getting to the delivery and I could barely keep myself sitting upright and when I tore I thought someone had stabbed me down there." I grimace, the memory is a powerful thing as I feel a sharp pain down below even though I know nothing is happening down there now.

"I was still at this point just sat there holding her hand like a useless piece of furniture." Christian says making me giggle softly, I remember giving Grace more of my attention than Christian because I needed her motherly touch more than his.

"I will never forget feeling the actual delivery. It was like it happened in slow motion, I was pushing and then there she was on my chest, Christian jumped to cut the cord while the placenta was delivered and Christian, Grace and I had a few moments with India while I was stitched up. I looked at her and I knew through the exhaustion and pain that she was perfect."

"It was surreal to just be there in the hospital with India on Ana's bare chest, she was so small and discoloured and it surprised me in one way that she didn't come out perfect and pink." Christian sniggers. "Then they had to take India away so Mom and I helped Ana get comfortable."

"I felt so treasured at that moment, having Christian and Grace help me wash my face and change and get comfortable. I was so exhausted and I wouldn't have been able to do it on my own but by the time India was returned to me I was happy and looking forward to holding her again."

"She was tiny, five pounds and four ounces in a little pink onesie and hat." Christian smiles. "They weren't concerned about her weight which was good even though we'd all expected bigger as Ana had been quite big through her pregnancy."

"India Annalise Grey was born at quarter to midnight on the twelfth of September." I say smiling as I glance at the picture of India, Christian and I that was taken at the hospital the next day by someone in the family.


	283. Chapter 283

**Trying to jump things along! Love, Steffie x**

**Saturday 6th October 2012 **

Christian and I sit nervously in the living room. Today we're meeting a child that Gail and Taylor have staying with them for the weekend as a sort of get to know you while they consider whether this is a child they'd like to adopt. All we know about the kid is that his name is Zachary and he's seven years old.

India's resting on Christian's shoulder as we wait patiently, we're looking forward to meeting this child but I think Christian is nervous, from what we understand this child has been in care for only two months, is still quite malnourished and deprived of love, I can't imagine what is going through my husband's mind but I can sense that he needs to have comfort from our daughter.

When the front door opens both Christian and I stand nervously, our breaths hitching as the door of the living room swings open slowly. Gail comes in first and gives me a small nervous smile before she steps in and I get to see a tiny dark hand in hers before I get my first view of Zachary before I see his hand in Jason's.

"Zachary this is Mr and Mrs Grey."

"Hello Zachary, nice to meet you." I say kneeling down to his height out of instinct. "I extend my hand to him and nervously he let's go of Jason and slowly extends his hand to mine. I shake it softly while smiling reassuringly at him, his dark eyes showing his fear.

"Nice to meet you too Mrs Grey." He says, his voice husky and quiet.

"Hello there Zachary." Christian doesn't kneel like me and extends his hand as he would to a business associate.

Zachary takes longer extending to Christian than he did to me but he eventually does it and Christian manages a smile.

"Is that India?" Zachary asks Gail who smiles and nods. "She's so small."

"Yes, she's a very little baby." Gail explains and he gives a terse nod.

"Would you like to hold her?" I ask, I see Christian blanch through the corner of my eyes but ignore him because Zachary's eyes light up and he smiles his first real smile towards us. "Why don't you sit down and I'll show you how."

Taylor helps the small boy onto the arm chair and helps scoot him so he's sitting against the back rather than supporting his weight. I take India from Christian trying to reassure him without a word that this is ok but he barely acknowledges it and instead runs his now free hands through his hair.

I take India over to Zachary as Gail shows him how to place his arms to support India's head and Taylor sits on the arm of the chair so he's close enough to react if anything were to happen.

India looks huge in the arms of the tiny boy and the white of her clothing is a stark contrast to the darkness of his skin but the smile that appears on his face when he looks down at India melts my heart.

"May I?" Gail asks wiggling the camera she removed from her bag. I nod and think I'll have to have a copy of the pictures she snaps of my daughter with her god-parents possible son.

"She's so pretty." Zachary says as he peers down at her. India gazes back at him, her blue eyes fixed on him and it's just cute to see. When India begins to gurgle back his eyes snap up to meet mine and I give him a reassuring smile, she's only just started doing these noises and I love it but I can see it worries Zachary.

"She's trying to talk to you." I explain as Christian just watches silently from behind me, I know he's still worried about this boy holding our daughter but I know both Gail and I are happy seeing his face lit up like the fourth of July.

"Talk to her Zachary." Jason encourages, I've seen this side of him with Sophie a few times so it's not new but it's always a joy to witness. Something tells me that this couple are already in love with this little boy as if he were their own son.

"Hello India." He says and I smile wide when she gurgles back. "My name is Zachary and I'm seven years old."

I grip Christian tight as I see my daughter's reaction. A part of me swells with a love but a part of me feels horrified that someone other than I earned India's first smile.

"Did she just smile?" Christian asks.

"It could be just wind." Taylor says and I know it's because he doesn't know how Christian will react.

"No that was a smile. India's first real smile." I say smiling, I am a little disappointed that I wasn't the one awarded the first smile but as she turns to me and smiles again tears come to my eyes.

"See that Zachary, I think India likes you." Gail says as soon as she's snapped a photo, she has our baby's smile on film and I am very grateful for that.

"India smiled." Christian says pulling me into his side.

"I think she was giving the Taylor's her approval of Zachary." I whisper and when I feel him nod against me I know he approves of Zachary too.

As India begins to drop off to sleep we put her down and Gail and I take Zachary to start on lunch leaving Jason and Christian to talk. I hope Christian tells Jason that so far he likes Zachary, that's important for him I'm sure.

"Right Zach come wash your hands." I say as Gail begins getting the ingredients out, they both stop and look at me and I frown.

"What?"

"No one ever called me Zach before." Zachary says awkwardly.

"Oh I'm sorry Zachary, it just slipped out." I say crouching down so he can see my apology on my face.

"I likeded it." He says smiling shyly.

I look up at Gail and she smiles and nods.

"Likeded isn't a word Zachary, just Liked is fine."

"I liked it?" He tries and I give him a nod and a smile.

"I liked it too." I tell him making him giggle and earning a wide smile from Gail, I think she's realising like me that Zachary is here to stay.

After lunch is eaten and Christian and Taylor have cleared away they both come in looking like business is about to go down which makes me very nervous.

"Zachary have you ever been on a boat before?" Taylor asks crouching down in front of Zachary like I've been doing, I don't know why I did it but seeing Taylor doing it I guess it must be some sort of natural thing to do with kids. Zachary shakes his head making his little afro wobble. "Would you like to take a trip on Mr Grey's boat?"

"A real boat?" He asks, his little eyes lighting up as he looks at Christian.

"I thought you might like that." Christian says amused, gosh he's really taken to this little boy and I think it would break my husband's heart if things didn't work out between Zachary and the Taylor's.

"Would India come too?" He asks looking over to the Moses basket, the little boy has really taken to my daughter, that can't be a bad thing right?

"Yes, I thought we could all go." Christian says this time looking at me, I'm not so sure, India's barely four weeks old and I don't like the idea of her on the boat. "But India would have to stay inside a lot."

"That's ok." Zachary smiles as do I, I mean granted I'd like to have India on deck some but it wouldn't be enjoyable having her out there the entire time and I don't really like the idea of her being in the cold too long.

"Ok, well we should go to the apartment to get your coat and boots. I'll also get the cars ready Christian." Taylor says and he and Christian share a friendly smile, goodness could this day get any weirder.

It doesn't take long to get India dressed suitable for the boat, although, I think Christian wanted to throttle me when I dressed her in the tiny little blue and white Sailor dress and cap with a red anchor on the front that Mia bought for her, I think it's perfect for her first outing on Daddy's yacht.

Of course her dress is covered by a long coat after I've snapped plenty of pictures of her on my phone forwarding one to her Aunt Mia.

Once we arrive at the dock Zachary eagerly holds onto the side of India's pushchair but hides when a Paparazzi jumps out and snaps our picture.

"Don't move Zach." I say as Gail steps closer to my side holding Zachary prisoner between me, her and the pushchair as Christian and Taylor walk to talk to the photographer.

It takes ten minutes before my husband comes back looking unsure.

"What is it Christian?"

"He's an independent photographer and he's asked kindly could he have a group photograph, he's promised to send a check with half his earnings for the photograph to Carla's Cancer Trust and has given Taylor all of his details in order for us to chase him up if he doesn't comply, he says that just half what he'd get for the photo would secure his children's education for the next year." I can see he's sympathising with the pap, what has having a child done to my husband?

"Gail?" I ask, it's her decision, she is… or will be Zachary's mother.

"I don't mind Ana." She says with a terse smile.

"Ok, one photo and we get a copy as does the Taylor's." I say and Christian nods before going back to the photographer. They talk a little more and then Taylor and Christian join us for the photo. I'm nervous when Christian takes India out of the pushchair as this will be her first Pap'd photo.

We all smile and the photographer takes the photograph before thanking us profusely before going on his way letting us head towards the boat.

"This is it?" Zachary asks looking up at The Grace with wide eyes.

"This is it little man." Christian says as Mac comes to help with India's Pushchair.

Taylor takes hold of Zachary and we all get onto the boat quickly.

The weather is cool but not too cold considering its October and there's no rain so according to Mac it's the perfect day for sailing. I'm not so sure but I am smiling seeing how excited Zachary is as Taylor straps him into a life jacket.

Christian takes India inside and sets up the baby monitor before letting her sleep, she can come up on deck when it's time for her feed as not to get too cold. I check my phone to see a message from Mia.

***Cutest Grey in the world!***

I can't help but smile, Mia is brilliant and I know she's going to adore making India into her little play thing, I just hope India will be girly enough to enjoy it otherwise Mia's going to be sorely disappointed.

We're soon on our way and while Zachary runs around playing, Gail and I sip at our glasses of wine watching our husbands talking with Mac while he controls the boat.

I can't help but smile at Zachary's enthusiasm, any time he has a question he voices it and Gail does her very best to answer it every time she has a smile on his face.

"So what happens with the process now?"

"Well if come Sunday evening we don't want him to leave, he'll stay with us as the paperwork gets underway."

"That's amazing." I smile, at least he doesn't have to go back to the home while the paperwork takes it's time.

"We've already decided that he's ours Ana, we just wanted to see how he reacted around you and Christian and baby India." Gail says quietly. I'm surprised but also somehow I'm not, little Zachary will be around us all the time so he would have to be comfortable with us and also India so it makes senses really, he adores India already and I can see him being like a big brother to her in the long run.

"What about Sophie?" I ask uncertain that it's my place too.

"They've met briefly and spoken on the phone, Sophie's excited to have a brother and she likes Zachary and Zachary likes Sophie." She smiles, I guess that's another approval she and Taylor had to have before they started the process.

We dine on the boat with Gail and I preparing dinner with Zachary napping having exhausted himself running around the boat al afternoon. By the time we get back home we're all worn out except Zachary, his brief little nap having given him a big dose of energy.

"Can I play with India tomorrow?" Zachary asks as Taylor gives him a piggy back towards the house, they'll be going to their apartment shortly but he and Christian have something to talk about and Zachary has displayed an interest in saying goodnight to India.

"I thought we were going to the zoo tomorrow." Taylor says, I guess they have their day planned.

"Can India come too?" He asks innocently.

"You'll have to ask Mrs Grey about that." Taylor flashes me a wink as I smile.

"Mrs Grey can India come to the zoo with us tomorrow?"

"Only India?" I ask feigning hurt at the lack of invite.

"No you and Mr Grey too!" He says excitedly.

"You'll have to ask if we're welcome to first."

"Jason?" He asks clinging tightly to Jason's shoulders.

"I think they can if they want too."

"Then I think we will." I smile winking at Jason, a day out at the zoo with our family, what could possibly go wrong?

After getting India changed into her onesie with Gail and Zachary's help we sit Zachary in the rocking chair and let him feed India with our supervision. I love the way he scrunches his nose when we help him wind her and she has some spit up, he's just too cute.

Once she's fed Zachary kisses her cheek and it brings tears to mine and Gail's eyes. He's just the perfect little boy and he fits right in here with us.

"Nighty night India, sleep tight don't let bed bugs bite." He says quietly stroking her cheek with his finger, she's half asleep and barely acknowledge him but I am smiling as I lay her down in her crib.

Gail shows Zachary how to wind up the mobile and he beams as it begins to sing and is disappointed when it's time to leave India sleep.

We meet Christian and Jason at the bottom of the stairs and it's time to bid them goodnight. I'm shocked when I receive a hug from Zachary even more so when Christian not only receives one but gives one back.

"Night champ, we'll see you tomorrow to go to the zoo ok?"

"Ok Mr Grey, goodnight." He says yawning.

I just smile as Taylor lifts him into his arms and nods his farewell to us before heading out with Gail behind him.

"What did you and Jason talk about?" I ask as we make our way to the kitchen for a glass of wine and some one on one time before bed.

"Zachary's schooling as with Sophie we'll be paying it and other stuff, I just wanted Taylor to know that."

"And?"

"They love him Ana, as much as we love India."

"You love that little boy too." I say and he shrugs.

"You definitely do."

"He's beautiful and so well-mannered and how he was with India… how could I not love him?"

"I guess we're both happy that Monday morning Gail and Jason will be getting the paperwork underway then." He says handing me a glass of wine over.

"Absolutely."

"Also he'll be here with you Gail and Carrie until we can get him into a school, Jason and Gail are going to pick one out."

"Ok." I smile, I don't mind that one bit.

"Good, then come on Mrs Grey, drink up your wine so we can go to bed, we'll need the energy to keep up with him at the zoo tomorrow."

"Christian?"

"Yes?"

"Do you think it would be ok if we told Zachary to call us Christian and Ana instead of Mr and Mrs Grey?"

He smiles and nods.

"Of course that will be ok Ana, I'm the one who told Jason to go with the formal titles because if they decided Zachary wasn't for them then we wouldn't be too attached."

"Wouldn't be too attached? Christian I already love that little boy as do you, we would have probably fought to adopt him ourselves if Jason and Gail decided he wasn't for them." I say laughing.

"You're right, we would have." He smiles, even though we've never spoken of adoption before seeing as we have India we both know we definitely would have wanted to adopt Zachary after today but I'm glad Jason and Gail are adopting him, he'll have two wonderful parents.


	284. Chapter 284

**I know some of you think there is some missing info but I promise you it's coming, I haven't forgotten about Oprah, that section isn't tied up and of course you're going to get to know Zachary before finding out his story, I think the connection you'll feel to him when his story does come will make for more emotion on both our parts as reader and writer. Hope this is ok with y'all x**

**Sunday 7th October 2012 **

Gail, Taylor and Zachary join us for breakfast at the house. Even though it's Gail's day off she and I prepare breakfast together while Christian feeds India and Zachary watches us. He's so enthusiastic about everything and it's such a wonder to watch him so fascinated by what we're doing.

We all sit down for breakfast in the formal dining room as there isn't enough room for everyone at the breakfast bar and it's far easier for Zachary to reach the table. He scoffs down two waffles but then seems too excited to eat. I glance nervously at Christian who I think is biting back a retort about how little the boy has eaten and he gives me a scowl which I believe has to do with how little I'm putting away.

"Zachary, we're not going to the zoo if you don't eat some more breakfast please, you'll need the energy to walk around all day." Gail says, I don't know if she's read the situation or if she's also unhappy with the amount the boy has eaten.

"Then can we go?"

"Once you've eaten yes we can go." Jason smiles at him and receives a warm smile back before the boy begins digging into the pancakes Christian added to his plate.

It's nearly an hour later before we're packed into two cars and on the way to Woodland Park Zoo. Carrie has joined us on this little adventure too so that Zachary may get to know her.

"Maybe we should hire a second stroller in case for Zach." I hear Gail mumble as Christian settles the bill not allowing Jason to chip in even though he argued for it.

"We could leave this one in the car and get a double." I say unsure whether it was wrong of me to suggest seeing as Gail wasn't talking to me.

"Might be an idea." Jason says quietly. "What would you prefer Ana?"

"I don't mind either way, as long as India's sun brolly can be attached there shouldn't be a problem in getting a double." I say giving the decision to the Taylor's as I'm a little conscious about treading on their toes, Zachary is their child not mine."

"I'll take the pushchair to the car then if you want to sort out getting a double buggy." He passes his wallet to Gail and helps me take India out of the pushchair.

It takes nearly half an hour from when we arrive at the front gate to when we actually get in and poor little Zachary is fit to burst with excitement. Christian was unsure about using the double buggy feeling India was too small for it and unsure about the safety standards but the workers at the zoo assures us it is safe for someone of India's age and size and that they have the highest standard in safety. Of course they would, they'd get sued if anything happened to a child in their rented pushchairs. Christian finally gives and Zachary drags him and Jason off ahead to go and get maps.

"So how was Zachary's first night with you?" I ask Gail as she holds the empty side of the double buggy so we're walking side by side.

"It was good, he had a bath and Jason read to him and we discussed what colours and themes he would like in his room, we were thinking of contacting that Gia woman to come and do it for him."

"I'll get you the contact details." I smile knowing that's what she wanted without her having to ask.

"Thank you." She smiles sincerely. "He's perfect Ana and even though he wet the bed and had nightmares it was just perfect having him with us."

"So he's here to stay?"

"Absolutely. I hope you don't mind having him around until we get him into school."

"Of course not, I'm sure between the three of us in the house we can keep him entertained and out of trouble." I chuckle, I mean how much work could a little seven year old be?

"I'm sure we can." Gail agrees tapping my hand which is sharing a handle with her.

We find our men and Zachary at the penguins, the little boy has his nose pressed up against the glass as he looks into the crystal water for the animals.

"I see one!" He says excitedly as both Christian and Taylor snap photographs of him with their individual Nikons.

"Ok little man what would you like to see next, lemurs or gorillas?" Christian asks looking at the map, like there would be competition.

"What's a lemur?" He asks surprising me, I expected him to jump for joy at the thought of seeing the gorillas.

"Why don't we go find out Champ?" Taylor asks rubbing his hand over the untamed afro on top of Zachary's head.

"Ok!" He says pumping his tiny fist in the air.

It's hard to keep up with the little boy who holds both Christian and Jason's hand and tugs them in the direction Christian has pointed out. Gail and I slip behind having to keep control of the pushchair, luckily it's quiet and so we don't have to worry about getting separated by crowds of people even if we've been blessed with a cool and cloudy day.

We don't spend long at the lemurs, they don't seem to interest the little boy at all and we follow Christian slowly towards the flamingos with him explaining to the boy on Jason's shoulders that they should work in a certain direction rather than backtrack on ourselves just to see a particular animal, he promises the boy we'll see everything, I hope that's a promise that he can keep.

India is quite awake and alert, looking around and gurgling happily in her seat, I am dreading how it will be when it's time for her feed but I'm sure we can figure something out so that Zachary doesn't end up having to sit around and wait, it would drive him crazy I'm sure.

From the flamingos to the red pandas to the African crane we're moving at quite a good speed so far but probably because we're not at the animals that interest Zachary most yet, I'm sure we're going to hit a point in our day where it's going to be a struggle to get the little man moving to the next exhibit.

We work our way through the wetlands area quite quickly with Zachary showing very little interest in the birds we see along the way though he does listen with interest as Christian and Taylor both depart with some of their knowledge and reads out the boards and signs.

Of course, Zachary loves the interactive boards and we do spend a good five minutes at each one but it's all a part of the fun, I don't think I've ever enjoyed a trip to the zoo like this, though in all honesty I can't remember the last time I ever visited a zoo though I know I did as a child.

When Christian announces we're on our way to Bug World Zachary gets really excited whereas I look at Gail in horror, she smiles so I guess she has no problem with creepy crawlies, me on the other hand… ugh!

Bug World is located inside a hut and I peek inside the door while holding onto India's pushchair tight. Christian's slowed down and is watching me closely and I know he's seen that I'm not too sure about this exhibit.

"You ok Ana?"

"I think maybe I should wait out here for you guys." I say awkwardly.

"No Mrs Grey please come in with us!" Zachary says looking disappointed at me, I hate the look on his face but I really don't think I can go in.

"I don't like bugs very much, they scare me Zach." I tell him hoping he'll understand.

"Please? You can hold my hand and that means you won't be scared no more." He says, how can I say no to that? I relinquish the buggy to Christian and take a hold of Zach's hand while he smiles at me widely. I really do hate bugs but for the smile I've just earned myself this is going to be worth it.

I let Zachary drag me from one container to the next looking at a vast array of creepy crawlies such as beetles, spiders and scorpions. I am relieved though when he gets bored and asks to move on and my relief is evident when I gasp a lungful of the cool air outside the stifling hot cabin.

"You ok Mrs Grey?" Zach asks.

"I'm fine, and you can call me Ana Zach." I say with a smile.

"You were brave." He says wrapping his arms around my waist. I smile and hug him back, he's just too cute for words.

"The family farm next?" Christian asks grasping Zach's attention and soon we're on our way once more.

"He really has taken a shine to you Ana." Taylor says as he falls in step behind me, Gail and Carrie have taken with India leaving my hands and attention free.

"I've taken to him too Taylor, he's a spectacular little boy and I can't imagine you adopting anyone else."

"He has a special type of charm doesn't he?" Taylor says sounding excited, I nod in agreement as we follow Zachary and Christian towards the next area. "Christian adores him too."

"Yes, I don't think I've ever seen Christian take to anyone so quickly." I say and Taylor nods in agreement.

"We couldn't bring a child into our home without Mr Grey accepting them, we thought it was going to take a while to find the right child." Taylor admits bashfully, I'm not surprised, they could have brought a string of different children through our home and it wouldn't have affected Christian the way Zach had. "I think it's the way Zach was with India." He adds.

"I think so too." I agree, it has to be a part of it at least.

We're so disappointed to find out the family farm is closed during this time of year, Zachary especially as he knew somehow that he would be allowed contact with the animals. Christian has words with the owner and I'm sure money changes hands but Christian and Zach soon disappear leaving us waiting.

When they return Zach is on Christian's back with a huge smile on his face.

"I go to touch goats and donkeys!" He says excitedly.

"You did?" Taylor asks in mock excitement and surprise.

"Uhuh!"

"Don't worry they gave us some antibacterial hand sanitizer when we were on our way out." He says to Gail and I.

"You made his day." I say as I kiss my husband's cheek. "How much did that cost you?"

"Not a penny, I would have offered but when I told them it was Zach's first visit to the zoo and that he was adopted recently they were more than willing to give him this experience."

I can't help but smile, Christian has just witnessed that some people are just as good and that they will do things without being bribed or paid. I glance at my watch and see it's nearly lunch time and I know that little Miss Grey is beginning to get fussy.

"Christian, maybe we should find somewhere to eat, India's getting fussy and it's been four hours since we ate."

"Ok, there's a place just around the corner according to this map. What does everyone think about eating now?" Christian calls to the group. After murmurs of agreement we follow the trail to where the dining place is on the map and find ourselves at the Zoo Store South where we can eat inside.

We find a table and Christian and Jason take charge in finding out what everyone wants to eat while Zachary goes over to the play area carefully watched by Gail as Carrie and I sit together to feed India her bottle. I'm surprised she's still awake, I guess the new surroundings are keeping her up and I hope she'll sleep after being changed.

We all order deli sandwiches and a deli kids meal for Zachary, it's nice to find out he has no known dietary requirements which helps Taylor in choosing what he should have. Of course, we all eat heartily even Zach who knows we won't continue the trip until he's eaten. When I see Christian answering his phone angrily I glance over at him worried.

"What? No, I want four security to join us if that's the case… this trip will not be ruined for the children… I don't care Luke get your ass down here with Oreon, Ryan and Gary within the next hour or your ass will be mine."

"Mr Grey swore." Zach whispers.

"Yes and he's naughty." I reply glaring angrily at my husband.

"What's going on Christian?" I hear Taylor ask.

"Someone here photographed us and sent it to the press, we're on TMZ and they're expecting our day to be interrupted any time soon so we'll have to have a team with us."

"We could always leave." Taylor suggests and I see Christian's glare soften.

"And disappoint Zach?" I see it's definitely not an option, safety may be slightly compromised but Christian will not allow for the little boy's first trip to the zoo be ruined.

"Why don't we go around the education centre in here until the security arrive?" I suggest looking at the map.

It doesn't take long for us all to be in agreement not to leave the building and enjoy the education centre while we wait on the team. Christian has also made it clear to Taylor that he isn't working and to enjoy the day as if he was on his day off still which I can imagine to be hard for Taylor.

Once the security arrive and Christian has been briefed we're on our way again, India is sound asleep in the buggy as we go to the African Savannah. The press are out in full force and follow us around capturing pictures which makes us all weary but we continue to enjoy Zachary's enthusiasm as he explores the African village before we head off to see the African animals.

Most of the African animals are sadly out of the way in the winter months but it doesn't stop Zach from being enthusiastic at what he does get to see with Christian and Taylor taking it in turns to lift him up while Gail and I have stolen the Nikons and snap plenty of photographs.

After seeing the African animals I notice we're back at the front entrance but this time we go in the opposite direction, I guess Taylor and Christian know what they're doing as we head towards the north of the park together.

When we arrive at the Historical Carousel Christian and Taylor are both unsure when Zachary wants to go on.

"I'll go with him." I say seeing as no one else has volunteered and before I turn around both Zach and I are sharing a horse on the carousel with Christian double checking the strap that probably would do nothing to break our fall.

At only two dollars per person per ride neither Taylor or Christian mind paying for a fourth turn for both Zach and I even though I'm getting dizzy, with each ride Zach gets a little more enthusiastic and by the end of the fourth is standing up making all of us nervous while I just hold onto him tight unable to tell the excited little boy to sit. Of course the answer is no when asking for a fifth go but his disappointment vanishes when Christian mentions the big brown bears up ahead.

We complete the Northern trail by three thirty and I begin to worry that we won't complete the park by five pm when they close in the winter months. Christian however mentions to Taylor that the front of the park the food court and the zoomazium doesn't close until eight in the evening so I suspect we'll finish the park by five and then head there.

By the time we're done with the Australian animals Zach begins to tire and happily climbs into the buggy beside India rather than walk though even from his seat he's enthusiastic.

It takes us the last hour to complete the Thai village and the last exhibition is the elephants which lull Zach asleep and as a big group we head towards the food court.

The press seem to guess our day is over and take their leave allowing the security to relax with us to eat at the giant food court.

As a group we all agree on eating from the Market Grill part of the court and the zoo staff are more than willing to put together one large table for us. Zach wakes before the food arrives and it takes a lot of convincing to stop his tears about missing out on exhibits, he saw everything before he fell asleep but he doesn't believe us until we show him the map and explain it to him.

After eating Taylor takes Zachary to the Zoomazium leaving the rest of us to have coffee and by seven pm we're all ready to head for home after a very wonderful day.


	285. Chapter 285

**I know some of you think there is some missing info but I promise you it's coming, I haven't forgotten about Oprah, that section isn't tied up and of course you're going to get to know Zachary before finding out his story, I think the connection you'll feel to him when his story does come will make for more emotion on both our parts as reader and writer. Hope this is ok with y'all x**

**Monday 8th October 2012 **

I'm sitting on the floor of the living room with India in her bouncer in front of me. The way I can get her attention now is amazing and she's lost a lot of her newborn quiver looking more like a pink baby you see on TV every day. I'm playing with her right now and I love how I have her attention and am winning her beautiful smiles even though they're hard to come by at the moment, she's still new to this reaction.

"Woo ee w ah ah ting tang walla walla bing bang, woo ee woo ah ah ting tang walla walla bing bang." I sing a recommended song on a website I've joined, it's a great way to get ideas.

I go from one ear to the other, watching how India turns her head towards me with each movement and it's just so cute. I'm interrupted however by a small timid knock on the living room door.

"Come in." I call looking at India pulling wide eyes and a smile while my voice is high pitched.

"Ana, what ya doin'?" Zachary asks poking his head around the door.

"I'm playing with India, yes I am, do you wanna play?" I ask him splitting the sentence between my daughter and the boy.

"Can I?"

"Sure, come over here." I encourage.

He happily comes to join me on the floor in front of my daughter and I give him an encouraging smile.

"What songs do you know?" I ask him and he thinks for a moment before he smiles.

"Itsy bitsy spider."

"Ah that's a good one." I tell him glad he came up with a nursery rhyme I know. "Ah itsy bitsy spider climbed up the water spout, down came the rain and washed the spider out, up came the sunshine and dried up all the rain and the itsy bitsy spider climbed up the spout again."

Zachary laughs when I tickle India and repeat the song before tickling him and before I even realise it the morning has passed us by with India ready for her feed and Zachary's stomach growling for lunch.

"Ana can we go out to play after lunch?" He asks as we head to the kitchen where our lunch is prepared.

"I don't know honey, I'll check with Gail and find out if she has any plans ok?" I say, both Christian and I talked last night and reminded each other that we need to remember to check everything with Gail and Taylor when it comes to Zach as he's their son as it's so easy to get caught up in his fun and want to give him everything.

"Hey you two." Gail smiles as we come in.

"There's three of us." Zach says signalling India.

"Oh my apologies, hello you three, ready for some lunch?" She asks enthusiastically, she's so happy with Zach and it's amazing to see.

Gail gives us both some salad and both Zach and I dig in while I feed India, this whole eating single handed thing is getting easier. Once done I manage to get Zachary out of the room for a moment to look for India's pacifier while I talk to Gail.

"What are your plans for this afternoon?" I ask her as she begins loading the dishwasher.

"I was going to finish cleaning down here." She says.

"Wanna bail for a day and come to the park?" I say wiggling my eyebrows.

"Would Mr Grey approve?"

"Pft who cares Mrs Grey thinks we should go to the park." I say with a shrug and Gail smiles.

"I don't see why not, I think Zachary would like that too."

"Then it's settled I'll get India dressed and have the pushchair in the car and we'll be ready to go." I say with a smile.

Of course my plans are thwarted by Luke and Oreon as soon as they realise I'm leaving the house.

"Where are you going?"

"To the park with Gail and Zachary." I inform them, not giving them an option to stop me.

"We have a list of preapproved play areas from Mr Grey." Oreon says and I roll my eyes and sigh.

"Of course you do."

"And we cannot let you go without security, especially after the press' reaction yesterday." Luke says gently, he understands my frustration.

"Fine but you keep your distance, let us enjoy this day and make it feel like you're not with us, take the SUV and follow behind because we're going in my car. Which park on the list is closer?"

"Discovery Park." Luke says at once, I guess he knows more than Oreon or expected that question to come up some day.

"Fine that's where we're headed." I reply dryly, I don't like this one bit but in all honesty one flash of remembering how we were followed by the press all yesterday afternoon has me realising we have to have security with us and I do need to talk to Gail about how she feels about this, I know she agreed to go to the park with India and I but is it fair to her and Zachary that they're shown all over the country and the world through the internet because of my families fame? My fame?

Thankfully we leave without many more distractions, India and I are in the front of the Yaris while Gail and Zachary sit in the back. He's so excited and his babbling has Gail and I grinning from ear to ear. He has some memory of going to a park which he tells us about enthusiastically but I am wondering about his past as he doesn't mention anyone being with him in the park, just the big big slide and the red roundabout.

We arrive at Discovery Park and Luke and Oreon take their stations where they can watch all activity while we enjoy ourselves at the park. Gail has made a hamper of drinks and snacks plus put India's bottle into the bag.

I use the baby carrier that has India sitting on my chest her face towards me while Gail and I walk around with Zachary. He's so happy going from one activity to the next but I'm not surprised when Luke lands at my side.

"Press?" I ask and he gives a small nod.

"Just keep them back Luke, I can't do anything about them photographing us but I can stop them from getting to close and scaring the children."

"Ok Ana." He says giving my arm a gentle squeeze and a little rub on India's head before he walks off leaving us to continue our day.

Of course with Zachary being seven years old he notices everything and it isn't long before he's tugging on my hand, bringing me down to his height while holding India precariously in my hands.

"Ana why those peoples taking photos of us?" He asks in a whisper as if it's some huge conspiracy or secret he has to hide from everyone. I nervously glance at Gail who I know has heard and she smiles reassuringly before coming down to us, rescuing me.

"Who's your favourite singer Zachary?" She asks quietly, continuing the charade of the secret.

"Justin Bieber." He says proudly, I don't think it could be worse than that and I hope it's influence from some girls in the home he was in and that his taste isn't really for Justin Bieber.

"Ok, well you know how Justin Bieber is loved by lots of people and his picture is all over the telly and the papers well it's the same for Ana."

"She's a singer too?" I snort while Gail smiles and shakes her head.

"No sweetheart Ana writes books. Very good books that people love and so people take her picture all the time and let people who love her know what she's doing." Gail explains as best she can, actually it's a pretty accurate summary in a way I guess though not all the press have something nice to say sadly.

"Isn't it Ana who writed Christian the crocodile that Jason readed me last night?" He asks and while Gail smiles again I look surprised, I'm very surprised and honoured that Jason Taylor chose to read his soon to be adopted son my book.

"Yes it was Ana who wrote Christian the Crocodile." Gail says. "And there are lots more like Kate the Koala and… Carla the cat and Mia the Mouse."

"Can we read those soon?" Zach asks making me smile wide, I love this boy's interest in my book.

"If you ask Ana nicely if you could borrow them from her."

"Ana can I?" His eyes actually resemble that of Puss in Boots from Shrek which melts my heart.

"Of course you can, I'll get them when we get back to the house and give them to Jason ok?"

"Ok!" He says excitedly.

"Now I think it's snack time." Gail says and it doesn't become a struggle to get Zachary to sit down and have his juice, banana and crackers.

We're just about done when two figures loom towards us. They're two figures both Gail and I recognise without having to see the faces and I don't know whether to be worried or not. A glance down at my watch I see it's barely gone three pm and that means the working day isn't done yet."

"Hey baby." Christian smiles greeting me with a wet kiss, I relax sensing he isn't at all mad as he drops a kiss onto India's head.

"Hey, how come you're here?"

"We saw online that the press was around and Taylor and I agreed we'd be more relaxed if we were here." Christian says without a trace of disdain on his beautiful face.

"Ok." I kiss him again, loving the feel of his lips on mine, we've not been doing enough of this lately. "So the pictures are online already?" I ask watching Taylor swinging Zachary around in circles, the young boy squealing like a stuck pig.

"Yeah, baby you don't know how much a photo of you and India is worth do you?"

"I don't think I want to." I say quietly watching as Gail runs off to join her husband and her son (I can say that, it feels right to say that already).

"Well this check arrived Grey's House this morning, it's for you." He says pulling an envelope from the inside pocket of his jacket.

I open the envelope addressed to Mrs Ana Grey slowly while Christian strokes India's hair with his finger, she's snoozing against my chest, her little hands gipping to my sweater.

I gasp when I see the amount on the check. It's for Carla's Cancer Trust and it's for seven hundred and fifty thousand dollars.

"That is half what the photographer got for the picture of us all heading to the Grace." He says quietly.

"He got one point five million dollars for that photo?" I say in complete shock.

"It was the first one of India's face. He would have gotten a lot more if he'd started a bidding war on the photograph but he settled for the first offer as he needed the money. He was made redundant a year ago and the money he had was running out, he could no longer afford to send his three kids to their school unless he came up with money fast and he decided to put his love of photography to good use." Christian explains, his stalking really knows no bounds. "Three quarters of a million dollars will keep him and his family comfortable for some time." He adds quietly, I know it's because we will never have those sorts of issues, he could lose GEH and I lose AG and we'd still be comfortable for the rest of our lives.

"I'm glad he and his family will be ok now, what's the harm in us giving him one photo if it helps him out?" I say musing a little myself.

"The problem with the paps is they get greedy Ana, they see the money they can make and become more intrusive." He replies.

"I know you want privacy Christian and in all honesty so do I but more than that I want to do normal things, I want to take my daughter to the park and go grocery shopping and take a walk, as long as I have security to keep the press at a respectable distance I can do that, even if it is reported on TMZ within twenty minutes where I am and who I'm with and what I'm doing." I explain my side of what has been going through my head these past couple of days.

"I don't want to deny you that Ana." He sighs. "But I worry."

"I know but maybe you could try to worry a little less."

"Never." He smirks, I know that's the truth too but he's trying to be less controlling about it and he may not know it but that means the world to me and I'm sure it will to India when she's older too. "However, when your book comes out Ana will be stalked by fans, they will come to places you're seen and so when that happens, you will have a team of security with you at all times and for the duration you will not be able to take India out in public places."

Compromising. That's what my darling fifty shades is doing. He's giving and taking at the same time and that's how it should be, that's how it always should be.

"I understand and agree. Though the book comes out in a few weeks Christian, the tour is outlined and we will need to talk about what we plan to do and how India plays in all of this, she has to come first for both of us while everything else comes second."

"Cancel the tour."

"No way, India comes first Christian but having a child doesn't mean I have to give up everything I want to do everything I've achieved, this is it, this is what Fifty Shades has been leading up to and you haven't once told me not to do this book tour, you've supported me, planned it with me, I'm touring the entire country and I am excited for it, for once I know I can do this I have faith in myself… if I don't do it all the hardwork will have been for nothing…"

"I'm sorry." He pulls me close being careful not to crush India as he holds my head to his shoulder. "I didn't mean it, of course I don't want you to cancel and we'll figure something out with India and how we both get to have a set amount of time with her even when we're apart and of course we have Carrie who knew what she was getting herself in for when we asked her to be our Nanny and of course there's Oreon. We can and will pull this off Ana, your tour will be successful, India will be happy and so will we."

His confidence gives me the confidence I need to agree with him. The fight I've had with my self-esteem, the depression the healing was for India but also it gave me the tools I needed to go ahead with the last in the Trilogy. I cannot wait for the tour, I really can't wait to see all my fans, sign millions of books and thank everyone for their love and support throughout the work and with Christian and India. My beautiful and perfect family, I know I can do this.


	286. Chapter 286

**This is it, this is the closing of the last 285 chapters and the storylines that happened in them, the next however many chapters will be like a sequel without starting a new story and stuff where this stuff won't be forgotten about but it will be left in the past while new dramas unfold for the Grey's!**

**Tuesday 9th October 2012 **

This is just too nerve-wracking for words. The whole family is here Grace, Carrick, Ray, Margery, Kate, Elliot, Mia, Ethan, Gail, Taylor, Luke, Hannah, John Flynn, Rhian and Sandra.

I hate Christian right now as this was his idea and I knew nothing about it till this morning. Today the Oprah interview airs and he thought it would be good for us all to watch it together. I don't think he gets how open I was in this interview, that I even confessed something to Oprah that I denied to Christian.

Somehow I understand he's proud of what we did with Oprah, giving her access to our most private lives but I hate how he thought we should have a damn party to celebrate. Carrie has the kids upstairs, she's really being the Nanny now while we all settle down for what will probably be the most humiliating morning of my life.

Of course, it's not even ten am yet and we're all sat around with glasses of wine and snacks, talking happily well I'm not doing much talking, I'm too damn nervous to listen to Kate talk about the upcoming wedding when my whole world is about to be turned upside down.

Sandra and Flynn are both watching me intently over their drinks. I'm not surprised either. I've already told Sandra and Flynn that they can meet with me in my study after lunch and we'll discuss the interview and that I won't hide anything from them. In all honesty I think I'm going to need them to support how I'm going to face my family when it's over because right now I want the ground to swallow me whole.

"Oh it's starting!" Mia says excitedly as Christian knocks the mute button off allowing us to be swallowed into the surround sound system.

I glance around the room quickly Mia, Kate, Ethan, Elliot, Christian and I are sitting on cushions on the floor while everyone else have squeezed onto the couches and arm chairs, luckily this room is big enough for us to have two couches one which holds two and one which holds three and two arm chairs which lets admit are big enough to comfortably seat two slim people like Grace and Carrick.

"Today, I get the insight into the life of Anastasia Rose Grey, Author and Business woman extraordinaire at her beautiful Seattle home." Oprah's voice is powerful while the screen shows a zooming out video of this beautiful house. "The house sits on the edge of Seattle's Puget Sound, surrounded by acres and acres of luscious green meadow this remodelled home houses Seattle's richest couple." More pictures of the house from different angles, the outside only so far. "I get to meet and greet with the wonderful Ana Grey, hug her beautiful three week old daughter and sit down with the mogul himself, Christian Grey." Silent pieces of the day's filming are shown in scenes as Oprah's disembodied voice continues. I cling tight to Christian's arm, desperate for comfort from him.

The opening credits roll as does my stomach and everyone seems to be captivated by what's going on the TV and when there's cheering in the studio and the camera pans in on Oprah there's polite applause in the living room too.

"Today I am going to open the doors into the life of Erotic Romance sensation Ana Grey. The business woman, wife and Mom opened her front door and welcomed me into her with openness that I had not expected. In all honesty I thought that Mrs Grey would be trained in avoiding the tough question when all she gave me was the cold hard truth. I must warn you that some of the topics we discuss are of a sensitive nature and may not be suitable for the younger viewers."

The scene changes and it's the view of my front door with Oprah knocking lightly. I smile remembering how she greeted me, how friendly she was and for now I relax to watch.

It's quite funny to see the room I'm sitting in now with my entire family on the TV. Oprah sitting in the armchair where Grace and Carrick are sitting now, she looks amazing does Oprah and I must admit, I like how I look to especially with India in my arms.

It shows Oprah holding India and my offer of drinks and my calling Gail and I see the woman herself cringe through the corner of my eye as her own voice fills the room and then see her relax when they don't show her bringing the beverages.

We're now in the study, just Oprah and I, ready for the interview to begin. Seeing my home on TV is strange, I see this place as cosy and homey but on TV it looks expensive and designer which it isn't, it's a stark contrast.

I can relax for the moment, the start of the interview is a more detailed account of mine and Christian's first meeting and I hear the women gush at my description of the electricity and Christian kisses my head lightly, I feel him smiling though I don't dare look at him.

Of course, the interview flies by to the mentioning of little blip and it's like the whole room is holding its breath. Christian tenses beside me and I snuggle into him more, needing his comfort and giving him some at the same time.

They skip me going to the safe but show the scan of little blip and I have to blink back some tears already. I hear a sniff somewhere in the room but the surround sound makes it impossible to figure out where it came from.

The whole room is silent as is the TV except for my sniffles as I took a minute to regain my composure, Oprah looks at me with such sympathy and she rubs my arm, I wasn't looking at her then in the interview so it's strange seeing it now but what's stranger is seeing me from her point of view and that of everyone else watching around the world.

I remember her asking me if I knew where the interview was heading but that bit is edited out, there is no sign of her checking to see if I know what's happening and the next question comes. The whole room around me is silent and I don't dare to cast a look around. I hate Christian for putting me in this position. I knew they'd see it, I knew the whole family had been talking about it but having them here while I see it for the first time is frightening, I don't know how any of them are going to react to it.

I feel the tension radiating from Christian as I discuss on TV everything I went through when Grey's House was blown up. It horrifying to see my emotions like this, it's different feeling them to seeing them before my very eyes, see my eyes glazed over, the lump visible in my throat, and how I struggle to get the words out while Oprah reassures me with gentle touches and vocal nudges.

When I admit I would have killed myself had Christian been dead his arm tightens around me and he kisses my head though I know his eyes haven't left the screen, he knows what I am feeling.

The interview in the study flows easily and when it's time for an add break I cringe as Oprah's voice gives a run up of what's to come while some of the footage Christian provided of our first Christmas is played.

"When we come back Ana opens up about Perez Hilton and Ryan Secrest…"

They show a three second clip of that section.

"… Her premature escape from London…"

"There was a threat…" My voice echoes around us giving me a chill, I hate remembering that.

"…And the split…"

"Hardest thing I've ever done…" My voice again before the commercials begin to play.

No one moves. I want to but daren't, I don't want to know what anyone thinks of this interview, not now, not ever even though I won't be able to not know forever I hope everyone will keep their opinions to themselves at least till the end or I won't watch it, I won't be able to sit here.

"Before the break you heard how Ana's first pregnancy and miscarriage caused a depression, how she wanted to die at the mere thought of losing her beloved husband and how they celebrated their first Christmas together. It's already proving to be a difficult interview for viewers with many in the studio including myself having to wipe at the tears…" I spot a white handkerchief in Oprah's hand and am surprised, she barely got teary in the actual interview, but I guess watching it back is different. "… Now we move on and the subject matter continues to get deeper."

They leave the studio and it's back to the study and I relax a little into Christian as I begin discussing Ryan and Perez, it doesn't bother me that this is being shown, they spread hurtful things about me and I'm glad I got to admit it hurt to see what they wrote but then the interview moves smoothly to London and the threat, of course this is breaking news, no one knew really about why I left London and most suspected it was the pregnancy but now the truth is out there. However the mood in the room and in the interview changes when it comes to mine and Christian's split.

He grips around me tight and I know he's worried about what I said. I didn't mean to but we promise to be open and that's what I was, and anyhow what doesn't kill you…

As soon as it's over it's time for another add break. The mood in the room is thick with apprehension and I feel the tension radiating around. I don't know what anyone is thinking still and I'm nervous to find out but a quick glance towards the one woman who will help me deal with this and I smirk when I see her with a pen and notebook, I guess she's taking notes.

"After the break we'll be back with Ana and India as we take a tour of the lovely garden and I get to see the memorial tree…" A picture of Blip's tree is shown briefly. "We talk about her Mom's illness…"

"She looked so frail and sick…" My disembodied voice carries around us.

"The rumoured hospital trip…"

"I was rushed from the house…"

"… and her Mother's passing."

"… She was gone…"

The add breaks play again and this time there's a little more movement in the room with people topping up their drinks and helping themselves to snacks but no one talks, not a word passes between anyone.

It comes back and yet again it's Oprah in the studio, sat down this time with a camera directly on her.

"As you've all just witnessed Ana took the interview by storm and held nothing back. The pure honesty that comes from her words and actions in the next piece will break you hearts but I am strong in the belief that there is a happy ending for this woman." She says before its back to the interview.

It's hard to watch myself talking about some of the darkest emotions. Confessing how ill Mom was hard and seeing myself near sobbing on TV makes me cringe but I don't cry this time. I'm done crying over all of this even though I feel hurt inside my chest, my heart is still healing from the agony of the last few months I also know Oprah was right in what she said before the break, there is a happy ending in this story, there just has to be.

This part of the interview is still outside and I talk to Oprah about Swedish, and my Mom's death before yet another add break.

"After the break Ana and I talk about the hours leading up to her admission into Fairfax Behavioural Hospital…"

"…it's like a jigsaw puzzle that I can't put together…" I actually think it's very clever how they show a tiny snippet of each section of the interview with my voice between Oprah's disembodied voice.

"…her depression…"

"…consumed by grief and severely depressed…"

"And suicide…" My breath hitches, she cannot reveal this now, I'm not ready!

"Did you ever contemplate taking your own life?" Oprah's body, her face, her voice then it switches to mine, eyes downcast, guilt written on my features but it cuts to the add before I say the word.

Christian strokes my arm and kisses my head as the three minute commercial break plays out and once again we're in Oprah's studio.

"What you've heard so far has been heart-breaking. The emotion Ana gives us is real, this isn't a movie but her life that she's opened up to us but we've not reached the end of this tale. In this next part we're going into the darkest part of Ana's world, where she herself admits coping didn't seem like an option."

Oprah's words resonate in my mind even though the interview has resumed. I'm too distracted to even consider listening but it's not like I don't remember talking about the lost thirty hours of my life and the admission into Fairfax. The fifteen odd minutes pass too quickly and I see everyone shifting uncomfortably when we skimp over the details of Fairfax.

"Did you ever contemplate taking your own life?"

I can't look at the TV or at anyone in the room and instead drop my head to my knees.

"Yes." My voice, clear as day resonates around the room. There are gasps and hitched breaths, I hear them all and tears fill my eyes but I bite them back, I will not let this win, I win, I am stronger than the depression that consumed me back then. "At that time… I didn't want to live anymore… I didn't know how to live anymore…"

I look up to see the camera fixed on my face as my hand brushes away a stray tear, it zooms out a little and shows a sympathetic Oprah looking at me and we're both silent, I don't remember the silence dragging out like that and then Oprah wipes her tears away, I do remember that.

"Was it Fairfax that helped you? Helped you stop feeling like that?"

"In some respect yes, but I think it was more Christian and India…" Christian's arm tightens around me and he breaths in my ear before kissing me. I lose myself in the feel of him, not wanting to listen to the TV anymore, I know what comes next.

Thankfully another add break and this time Oprah's voice sounds happier.

"After the break we'll be back with Ana, India and Christian…"

It shows Christian holding around me and India, smiles on our faces and a slight slo-mo of him kissing my head then India's.

"And we talk pregnancy and the heir to the Grey fortune."

I am relieved. The worst part of the interview is over even though I am yet to know what my family think. I don't actually want to know but bravely I cast a quick glance around the room to see many of my loved ones wiping tears away from their cheeks and sniffing. I hate that I've upset them and quickly turn back to put my head on my knees.

"I love you." Christian whispers in my ear. "Always."

I don't reply though I know he knows my reply will be that I also love him. I just don't want to move yet.

The last part of the interview has me in floods of silent tears but not sad ones. Happy ones. Christian, India and I look like the perfect family, the love we share for each other is so obvious and everyone in the room laughs along with the Christian and Ana on screen. It makes me happy and relieved that this how the episode will end, though I dread to think what will be in the papers tomorrow.

"So there you have it." Oprah's voice rings as we join her back in the studio. "Ana Grey's life has been anything but the fairytale that some of her fans would like to believe. She has shared with us her heartbreak, her sadness, the worst and darkest moments of her life since her marriage but through all of that we got to see that Ana Grey still had hope and love and because of that hope and that love Ana Grey hasn't let all that has happened to her taint her. I look forward, like many, to see what Ana does next, where her life goes both professionally and personally and I hope next time, if there is a next time, there will be more happiness to discuss when I see Ana next. Thank you all for watching and thank you to Ana and her family for opening the doors of their home to us. Goodbye."

As the closing theme begins to play no one moves in the room. I don't know what to do with myself and eventually manage to push myself from the floor and leave the room without looking at anyone. I don't even make it fie steps down the hallway before a hand clasps my shoulder.

"Ana…"

"I'm going to my study, let Sandra and John know they can join me when they're ready." I say unable to turn to look at my husband's who's voice gave away some of his emotions without me needing to.

"Ok…I'll have Gail start on lunch, we'll eat together unless you want to do something different…"

"Maybe we could go out to eat?"

"I'd rather stay here." Christian says, I guess he's not ready to go out with this having just aired across the country.

"Fine." I say before walking away, I don't need to hear anymore.

I can imagine there is some of the local press already camped outside the front gate and it won't be long before more and more arrive. There's nothing more to say but the evening papers today and tomorrow's morning ones are most definitely going to be reporting on my Oprah interview and I don't know quite what to make of it.

Was I naive in thinking that I could confess all of this without some backlash? Did I really believe honesty was the best policy? Whatever happens now that tape is out there, it will always be out there. Someday, India will be able to look at it, India will be able to find out how I felt during the time I was pregnant with her and there is nothing that I can do to stop that.

My head is a mess right now. In comparison to where I was when everything was going on to now I am in a much better place emotionally and mentally and I know that, other people know that… jeez now the entire country will know that … or will they? I don't know what to think, a part of me regrets that interview so much already but then remembering how good it felt getting the truth out, offloading it all and finally being honest stops me from being able to completely regret it.

I sink onto my cushioned windowsill and peer out over the Sound hoping I can answer the accumulating questions I have without having to have some sort of breakdown or argument or confrontation with the two shrinks who will be entering my study soon.

I know it's not possible to have all the answers, no one can have all the answers but I have never wished that I had them more than I am wishing now. I want to know what the family think without subjecting myself to the torture of having to listen to them talking about it. I need to know what they think because what I'm thinking right now isn't good. I wonder if Ray is humiliated at having a daughter confess on National TV something she would have outright lied about to his face or maybe Carrick is ashamed at having a daughter-in-law who admitted to wanting to take her own life. Maybe they think I'm not better and will try and force me back into Fairfax…

"Ana can we come in?" Sandra stands in the open doorway, waiting for my permission to enter my little safe haven and by 'we' I know she means herself and John. I don't speak because I don't know if my voice will betray any of my emotions but a single nod of my head is enough to having them walk in and shut the door behind them.

"Can we sit?" John asks signalling the L shaped couch, again I just nod but I make no attempt to move from the windowsill which doesn't really matter, one half of the L faces the window anyhow and they both elect to sit there and face me.

"So how are you doing? I'm sure you have a lot to talk about." Sandra says getting straight to the point, I just about manage a sigh before I turn away to look over the Sound once more, I don't want to see anything on their faces when I talk.

"I don't regret it." I say quietly, I'm actually unsure whether me saying that is me trying to justify it to myself or make it clear to them.

"That's good, you shouldn't." John says making my head snap towards him. "What you did, opening up to everything like that was brave Ana, it was very courageous and you should know your family is proud of you."

"They are?" I question, unsure whether or not I want to doubt him though naturally I do.

"Yes, extremely. We had a brief discussion with them before we came to see to you. Just to make sure no one else needed us too." Sandra replied, damn I'm being tag teamed here.

Proud? I can handle that. My family is proud of me. Though why they are proud I can't imagine all I know is that they are and that makes me happy. Very happy indeed though it doesn't quite extinguish the other emotions I'm feeling as pride can accompany a vast array of emotions to them too.

"Why don't you tell us what you're thinking Ana? What you were thinking watching that?" Sandra suggests.

"I don't know." I sigh looking out the window. "I… I guess seeing it like that put it all in a whole other prospective for me in a way. I'm starting now to try and see it from their point of view."

"Their? You're family?" Sandra asks and I just nod, my voice would be strained if I dared try to use it at the moment. "And what is it you're seeing from their point of view?"

"It was hard to see me like that, I've always seen myself as strong minded and strong willed but for the first time I saw my vulnerability, I saw my weaknesses and my flaws laid out before me the way they see them. I saw my pain and my anguish in front of my very eyes and I saw how broken I was." I reply, my voice shaking with every word and breath.

"I think Ana you just summed something very important up." John says in a manner that has me unable to resist looking at him. I hope to read something but as always he appears very stoic, giving nothing away whatsoever. "You said I saw how broken I was, past tense, do you still think you look like that now?"

"Now as in this minute?" I ask and he shrugs. "Right now this minute I feel broken again but I wasn't this morning, I wasn't over the weekend, I guess yes it's past tense. I'm not fixed completely if you will but I'm mending, I'm healing."

"Do you think your family see it that way Ana?" Flynn continues. "Do you think they see you as broken or as you see yourself as mending, healing?"

"I don't know." I shrug and shake my head, how am I supposed to answer over them, I haven't spoken to them or looked at them since that interview began.

"Would you like to know what we think? What that interview made us think?" Sandra asks trying a new tactic out for size.

Good question. Do I want to know what they think? They could tell me that the interview was good, that my honesty was the best policy but then they could tell me it was bad and that they think I'm in need of another stay at Fairfax.

"Ok." I say my voice so quite I'm unsure whether I actually spoke the words out loud or not.

"Ok." Sandra smiles, I guess she heard me, she nods over at Flynn, encouraging him to begin and I let my eyes fall on him, hoping his face will betray his words if he lies to me.

"Ok well for me I felt for the first time you were being completely honest with yourself while being honest with everyone else. You knew what you were doing, you kept control. I'm proud of you Ana just like your family is. You did appear vulnerable but I wouldn't have said weak, the word weak doesn't at all come to mind quite the opposite actually, strong. Your strength as well as your vulnerability appeared to us all and it was quite the cocktail. I don't think you should feel broken or embarrassed about what you did in admitting the hard truth, you should be proud and feel the strength you displayed." John says with his passion in his voice and on his face, he believes this, it's his honest opinion and I manage to give him a small smile.

"And I completely agree Ana. It may have been difficult for you to sit there watching it as it was for the rest of us but we needed it just like you did. Everything you've kept locked up inside you was revealed in that interview and it was the last step for you to complete before you could completely move on. You admitted more in that interview than you ever did with me and yes I admit I feel a little put out…" I hear the teasing in her voice and manage a small smile in her direction. "… but then as my patient, I'm glad you've been able to get it out there, to stop keeping it all locked up in side and having said the words out loud realised them for what they are. You can move on now completely Ana."

She's right. I can move on now, I've done everything she told me to do in being honesty not only honesty with Oprah and the whole world but also with myself, that's what I was doing when I was honest with Oprah, I was being honest with myself.

I leave the windowsill and hurry over to the safe. I don't say a word or look towards the two shrinks who I know are watching me with interest. After punching in the code I find what I need and slip it into the pocket.

"There's one last thing I need to do." I tell them and they look surprised at me but don't ask any questions. "I need to do this before I can really move on too."

"Ok, are you going to share with us what that is?" John asks and I smile and shake my head.

"Not at this very moment but I'm hoping you'll both be here when I get back?" I'm unsure whether I'm being presumptuous or not but I need them to be here when I get back from where I'm about to go.

"That we can do." Sandra smiles.

"Ok… I don't know how long I'll be but … I need to do this." I say with a small smile that's more real than any I've given in a long time.

"Go do what you need to do Ana and we'll be here when you get back." John encourages.

I hurry out of the study and I'm glad I don't see anyone on the way. I guess they're all held up talking somewhere or doing something and that leaves me to grab my car keys and slip through the door. Even from my vantage point I can see the accumulation of the press at the gates and I sigh, this is going to go on for a few days but there's nothing I can give them now, there is no other breaking news story because I gave them all to Oprah.

I slip into the driving seat of my TTS and I'm quickly on my way. The gates open without hesitation and the press go wild snapping photos and yelling questions as I pull out of the driveway. I chance a glance in my review and put my foot down when I see some of the press chasing me on foot.

As soon as I'm safely on the interstate I knock the radio on to drown out my thoughts and I'm sadly not surprised when my name comes up in the conversation between the two radio DJ's.

"So breaking news around the entire world is Ana Grey's interview with Oprah Winfrey where she confessed her darkest secrets."

"Yes." The other mumbles.

"Think it was a publicity stunt needing to get back up after having a baby?"

"No, the Grey's have always prided themselves on privacy I think this was more Ana saying F- you and showing everyone that yes she may have been through some tough stuff but she's also made of tougher stuff, no publicity stunt there Darius." The woman replies, I decide I like her but the man Darius maybe not so much.

"Yeah you're right, I think she was brave I mean not many people would admit at one point to wanting to kill themselves on National TV."

"And now that's making international headlines." The woman points out, maybe this Darius isn't so bad and is just a typical radio DJ trying to cover all his basis.

"Well I highly doubt it but if you're listening Ana Grey you've got our support in whatever life does to you next and this song is for you." Darius says and I smile, I am listening and I'm grateful.

I don't recognise the song that comes on but I sway anyway to the introduction it's nice.

_Now that you're out of my life I'm so much better_

_Thought that I'd be weak without you but I'm stronger_

_You thought that I'd be broke without but I'm richer_

_Thought I'd be sad without you I laugh harder_

_Thought that I wouldn't grow without you but I'm wiser_

_Thought that I'd be helpless without you but I'm smarter_

_You thought that I'd be stressed without you but I'm chillin'_

_You thought I wouldn't sell without you sold nine million_

Ok maybe I do know this song a little, and surprisingly it's quite fitting. I mean ok this is about a breakup but it could be associated with many other things for me, maybe the depression is the 'man'? I don't know but I like it and crank up the volume in time for the chorus to which I remember the words and sing loudly along.

"I'm a survivor, I'm not gon give up, I'm not gon stop I'm gon work harder, I'm a survivor, I'm gonna make it, I will survive, keep on surviving."

I carry on towards my destination with the song playing loudly around the car, it's perfect for me, the chorus anyhow. I am a survivor, I survived depression and suicide I heard is what they put on the autopsy report of those who died of depression.

I arrive at my destination and stay in the car to listen to the rest of the song as it's giving me what I need at this moment, it's reminding me that I am survivor completely.

Once the songs done I switch off the car and climb out, my hand wrapped around the object in my pocket as I knock the lock and walk the short distance to my final destination.

I smile when I arrive at my Mom's grave. It's covered in flowers and I know that Bob has had some delivered as well as Ray probably, I know I have a bouquet sent if I don't feel like coming up and I also know Christian is paying someone to remove the old flowers so the grave is always beautiful. I can't wait for the ground to settle enough that the small white cross can be removed and we can have a granite headstone put in. I didn't know till my Mom's passing that you had to wait a while but now I do it gives me time to get the perfect inscription chosen and placed on it. One that will make everyone think of Mom when they read it.

I kneel down in front of the grave and pull the pink envelope out of my pocket. It's quite cold right now but I barely feel it as my shaky hands open up the envelope that has been plaguing my mind for many weeks. It's going to be strange finally knowing what this letter says but this is it, the end of an era, the end of a chapter of my life as of today I'm moving on and it can only go up from here.

_My darling Anastasia Rose, _

_My baby girl. I will always remember the day you were born, I was so scared yet excited and when they finally announced you were a girl and placed you on my chest I just knew that you'd grow up to be an amazing human being and I was right, you have. _

_You are my world Anastasia though I didn't let you know that half as often as I should have done. After your Father died I was depressed, so much so that I contemplated giving you away though I couldn't be more thankful now that I didn't and that I got better. I wish you could have met him Ana, he was amazing and every time I look at you I see a part of him living along us inside of you. He loved you so much and would have been an amazing father, but of course, life doesn't always give us what we expect, I'm sure you're in the process of learning that now. _

_I'm writing this letter in the hope I get to tell you everything I would like to have told you while I was alive. I know you won't read this till I'm gone and probably am six foot underground but if not please don't mention to me that you've read this, it would hurt to know that you know the truth from this rather than from me. _

_I want to say I'm sorry that I gave up fighting. I know you would have wanted me to be strong but I couldn't do it anymore Ana. My entire life has been one fight after the next and I'm just done fighting, I'm done trying to win a war I have no hopes of winning._

_Also there's the case of that little girl growing inside of you. Yes, I know it's a girl without technology, call it Mother's instinct or Grandma's instinct. I just know that little girl is going to be your double and that she's going to be your entire world. I want to take this moment to explain her middle name to you. I know I told you it mean's Grace and that I wanted her to have a part of her and me to grow up with but look at it closer Annalise. She also has a part of you in her name, just how she should have, my Ana and your Anna. _

_I don't know what's prompted you to open this letter, at this moment, in this place. However whatever it is, wherever you are, remember there are people around you who love you so much, and they're there for you. Don't bottle up your emotions anymore Ana because it's not good for you. _

_I have only one more thing to say to you Ana. Move on with your life, stop living in the past because it's behind you. Hakkuna Matatta, Lion King was one of your favourite movies growing up do you remember that line "You've got to put your behind in your past…" "No, no Pumba, you've gotta put your past behind you." And that is what you have to do now Ana, you have to put your past behind you and look to the future. You're a Mom, a wife, a daughter, a business woman, a friend, an author, and an all-round inspiring and amazing person. Be that person every day, look in the mirror and remind yourself that you are amazing because you are and you have got to start believing it. _

_I love you so much Ana, so much and I will love you forever and always_

_Love, _

_Mom Xx_

I wipe the tears from my eyes and read the letter once more. My Mom is the one who's amazing. It's like she was the final note in me realising that I have got to move on and really move on from everything that's happened. It's like a chapter closing and the way she has written something similar to what I wrote in that poem shows just how alike we both think.

I smile at the headstone and send my love up to heaven before getting up and brushing the dirt off my knees. This really is what I needed, the final nail in the coffin but in a good way, now I can move on because I have Mom's permission, not that I needed it, it's just that it makes it feel more final.

Once back in the car I turn on the radio again and the two voices that were there before greet me.

"We're taking requests right now! Call us on…"

I grab my phone and punch in the number and I'm grateful when it begins to ring so I turn the radio down to be able to hear the phone answering.

"Hello caller what's your name and where are you from?" Darius' voice hits my ear.

"Hey Darius it's Ana Grey from Seattle."

"The Ana Grey?" He's shocked. "How do we know it's really you?"

"Want me to tell you something only I would know though you still wouldn't be true whether that was a truth or a lie anyhow?" I ask giggling.

"The giggle is enough, we've heard it a lot on talk shows but go on Ana and give us a fact about yourself that no one else knows."

"I wrote a poem called who am I? On a day I was feeling better when I was pregnant." I say with a smile, it's the first thing that pops into my head as if I'm right I don't think Christian has ever seen the poem.

"So Mrs Grey, where are you listening to us now?" The woman asks, I don't even know her name but smile at the phone when I reply.

"Just heading home in the car." I reply, no need to tell them where I'm coming from.

"Ok Ana what song would you like us to play and why?" Darius asks.

"Kelly Clarkson, Stronger, what doesn't kill you because I'm done living in the past, it's time to stand up brush the dirt off my knees and move on and I'm ready now." I say not caring that many listeners can hear me.

"Great song and a great reason so for you Ana Grey, Stronger, Kelly Clarkson. Enjoy."

"Thank you." I reply before hanging up and cranking the stereo up and heading for home.

_You know the bed feels warmer_

_Sleeping here alone_

_You know I dream in colour_

_And do the things I want_

_You think you got best of me_

_Think you've had the last laugh_

_Bet you think that everything good is gone_

_Think you left me broken down_

_Think that I'd come running back_

_Baby you don't know me cause your dead wrong_

Ok the lyrics as a whole don't work for me or my situation unless we say the apparent partner in this song is the depression that was winning and taking over my life, then it makes complete sense but the chorus…

_What doesn't kill you makes you stronger_

_Stand a little taller_

_Doesn't mean that I'm lonely when I'm alone_

_What doesn't kill you makes a fighter_

_Footsteps even lighter_

_Doesn't mean I'm over cause you're gone_

_What doesn't kill you make you stronger, stronger, Just me, myself and I_

_What doesn't kill you makes you stronger_

_Stand a little taller_

_Doesn't mean that I'm alone_

The traffic is a little worse as I head for home and as the song finishes I smile because I am stronger now. The next woman requests Lessons Learned by Carrie Underwood, it's not a song I'm familiar with but when I really listen to the lyrics I can see it's the theme song for me right now.

_There's some things that I regret_

_Some words I wish had gone unsaid_

_Some starts that had some bitter endings_

_Been some bad times I've been through_

_Damage I cannot undo_

_Some things I wish I could do all all over again_

_But it don't really matter_

_When life get's that much harder_

_It makes you that much stronger_

_Oh oh some pages turned_

_Some bridges burned _

_But there were lessons learned_

_And every tear that had to fall from my eyes_

_And every day I wondered how I'd get through the night_

_And every change life has thrown me_

_I'm thankful for every break in my heart_

_I'm grateful for every scar_

_Some pages turned_

_Some bridges burned_

_But there lessons learned_

I arrive home, speed through the gate pass the press but when I pull up outside the house I don't go in wanting to hear the rest of this song right now. I spot Christian come from the house but he silently climbs into the passenger seat and takes my hand to listen with me.

_There's mistakes that I have made_

_Some chances I just threw away_

_Some roads I never should have taken_

_Been some signs I didn't see_

_Hearts that I hurt so needlessly_

_Some wounds_

_That I wish I could have one more chance to mend_

_But it don't make no difference_

_The past can't be re-written_

_You get the life you're given_

_Oh oh some pages turned_

_Some bridges burned _

_But there were lessons learned_

_And every tear that had to fall from my eyes_

_And every day I wondered how I'd get through the night_

_And every change life has thrown me_

_I'm thankful for every break in my heart_

_I'm grateful for every scar_

_Some pages turned_

_Some bridges burned_

_But there lessons learned_

Christian holds me as I take off my belt and lean into his side. He kisses the top of my head, saying nothing I guess understanding that I'm listening to this song which resonates with every word within me. It's just perfect for me and I wish I'd heard it long before today as it would have given me the pick me up I really needed, unless hearing it today after realising that I'm ready to end the chapter of my life is important before I start a new one

_And all the things that break you_

_Are all the things that make you strong_

_You can't change the past cause it's gone_

_You just gotta move on_

_Because it's all lessons learned_

_And every tear that had to fall from my eyes_

_And every day I wondered how I'd get through the night_

_And every change life has thrown me_

_I'm thankful for every break in my heart_

_I'm grateful for every scar_

_Some pages turned_

_Some bridges burned_

_But there lessons learned_

When the song finished I take the key out of the ignition and silence the radio before I turn to Christian and kiss him. I kiss him like my life depends on it, he was my sole reason for surviving before India, he still is one of two and I need to let him know that I'm grateful to him, that I love him, that he means everything to me and I don't know how to do that with words, I doubt Christian would believe me if it was just words. He kisses me back just as vigorously, he holds me tenderly while he allows me to dominate the kiss.

"I love you." I say when the kiss finally breaks, resting my forehead on his, somehow I've climbed from my seat and am straddling him.

"I love you too Ana." He replies looking confused. "Is everything ok?"

"Everything is fine, perfect. It's done Christian, it's done."

"What's done baby?" He asks as I move my head to his shoulder and he wraps his arm around me.

"The past, it's done it's behind me now. I want to focus on the future, being your wife and India's Mom and getting the books out and expanding AG even further. I'm done grieving and I'm done with being depressed. I'm just done."

"Done?"

"Done. I'm ready to let it all go."

"What brought this on Ana?" He asks, his fingers stroking up and down my bicep gently.

"That interview Christian… that was me finally getting it all out there and letting it go and I didn't realise that at first but then I did, I got the letter my Mom wrote me and I went to her grave and I read it and I just knew I was ready now to move on, it's been it's happened and it's gone. So what the papers are going to report on it for a few days and it's splashed all over the world. I'm done with it all. I'm ready to move on."

"God I'm so proud of you." He says before kissing my temple. "You're the strongest person I've ever met you know that?" I shake my head, is he just saying that? "You've had one of the worst years of your life and you've come out of it on top Ana, no one is saying a bad word about you or what you said on Oprah, your twitter is flooded with messages of support, people are grateful to you because by confessing your darkness they've seen their own and are seeking help. You are an amazing, strong and beautiful human being."

"I think I'm starting to believe that." I reply with a smile as I look him in the eye.

"Good because it's true." He says just as my belly rumbles, kind of spoiling the moment making us both laugh. "Hungry?"

"Starving."

"Then come on. Your family is waiting on you for lunch." He says nudging me to get off his thigh.

As I head for the door I turn around to look at the press, they're all going wild with seeing Christian and I and I take his hand and smiling I wave to them, I don't know how much they'd capture of that picture with them being so far away but I don't care.

Stepping into the house I follow Christian into the living room still smiling. The entire clan is there and they stand to meet me, looking relieved when they see me smiling brightly, I can't wipe the smile off, I feel so light, lighter than I have in God knows how long.

Then the room comes alive, I greet my family and hug them all, Grace the tightest as she kisses my temple and strokes my back.

Then Carrie passes me India and I hold her tight and kiss her and she blesses me with a wide smile. This is just perfection for me. I feel on top of the world and I know the feeling won't last but I also know that I won't feel as heavy as I did when I woke this morning for a very long time.

Gail, Grace, Mia and Kate has prepared a wonderful lunch and we all sit in the dining room to eat together. The conversation flowing around the table without a problem and for the first time in God knows how long I join in, holding India in my arm and eating single handed I happily talk about the up-coming wedding with Kate and Elliot, trying for a baby with Hannah, retirement with Grace who wants to focus on volunteering more now she's older, the adoption process with Gail and Taylor and I feel like this is a dream, one I never want to wake up from.


	287. Chapter 287

**So because so many people were calling Ana selfish for doing the tour I decided to delete the chapters and start a sequel. In the sequel she still will have done the tour but instead of writing it out I'm skipping it. I like this Ana, she is strong and driven and that doesn't make her a bad Mother. How many famous parents are out there who leave their children for weeks at a time, Ana didn't leave India too long at all a few days at a time and yeah things would have become challenging between Christian and Ana the point of the whole segment was supposed to be Communication and Compromise can help support their Love and make their marriage work even though the most difficult of circumstances. **

**Each opinion to their own I don't mind people thinking Ana was selfish but I didn't and just because she's become famous – something she didn't ask for by the way – and successful, she deserves to have some good happen to her and the book tour was that. **

**So when you go to the sequel keep in mind I will be referring back a lot to the book tour because she has done it and if you don't want that then please don't follow the story. It was my bad writing (I was getting bored of the story) that made Ana come across selfish in so many words, it wasn't my intentions but ah well.**

**So let the sequel begin… I'm using the second storyline I had planned for Unwritten and going from there. Klcm already knows about it because I confided it to her when I got the brainwave, I probably wouldn't have gone with it if I didn't have her support on this.**

**I will post the sequel to this when it's written so that you can follow on from here. Thanks. **

**All my Love to those who didn't want me to end this story, and to the one who threatened to come picket outside my work that gave me a good giggle. **

**Steffie xx**


	288. Chapter 288

**Thank you for all the kind messages on the last chapter. So the sequel is ready for you all who want it. It's called Fifty Shades Written and I hope you're all ready for another rollercoaster soap opera!**

**fanfiction dot com /s/8917595/1/**

**Love Steffie xx**


	289. Chapter 289

**Hello everyone!**

No this isn't an update :(

**This is EVEN BETTER! (For me anyhow)**

I've been quite here on fan fic for a while now because MY NOVELLA IS PUBLISHED! WHOOO!

So if you want to read something sexy, erotic, kinky, full of sex, fantasy and Romance then head over to:

**Amazon (for kindle)**

**Smashwords (for PDF, RTF, ePub, Mobi and many others)  
**

**Kobo**

**WHSmiths**

Search Meeting My Master and VOILA Meeting My Master (BOOK I: A week with my Romanian) by Steffie Dawn should appear. It's currently selling at approx $1.55 (give or take a few cents or £1 other currencies will vary.

**I'd love for you guys to give it a try, our little slogan is "MAKES FIFTY SHADES LOOK LIKE THE BIBLE" I even said that and who was behind me? My Vicar... that was FUNNY.**

Also if you're bored head over to www dot steffiedawn dot co dot uk where you'll find links to all the sites I am on, that way you can keep up with me!

Thanks to you ALL for giving me the courage I needed to go ahead and do this!

Steff x


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